All language subtitles for Shameless.S07E05.720p.BluRay.x264-DEMAND

Look, I have Frank and
Monica as parents,

even I know how to show up
and turn on a fucking TV.

The fuck happened to you?

First of the month. Pony up.

Fiona's gonna kick me out
unless I can pull my weight.

Find husband.

- Where's Derek?
- You scared him.

He doesn't wanna have a baby.

I've had a hell of a day,
we haven't really spoken in weeks.

You're busy. No time for me and my shit.

Military school changed my life.

- Fiona, I wanna go to military school.
- You serious?

Svetlana's been going over our bills
and income from the bar.

Our yield on gross revenues are shit.

You know that the woman who owns
this place dropped out of high school,

and now she owns, like,
half the South Side?

- I'm packing, dummy.
- Fuck, you brought a gun in here?

No, I am a trans man.

So, you don't have a dick?

Tinder rocks. Free sex,
any time I want it, no strings attached.

Welcome, new Gallaghers.
Home sweet homeless shelter.

All in favor of preserving the shelter?

One local hero
has decided to take a stand.

- Uh, who're you?
- Dylan Oswald, your new boss.

You knew that you were
hooking me up with a shady business?

Is it a crime to rip people off
who're ripping other people off?

- Hey.
%GRoANs)

Hey.

Shit. What time is it?

Still early.

Sorry for crashing overnight.

It's all good.

I gotta jump in the shower
and get ready for work, though.

Should I wait or, you know,
I could join you or...

Everybody's gonna be up soon.

Better if you're not still here.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, okay.

I don't like a lot of casual guys
hanging around.

Confuses Lucas.

Yeah, no, I get that.

I'll see you at the diner later?

Yeah, after my intern gig.

It's the first day back
after the Feds busted us.

So, I have no idea
what I'm walking into.

Sounds fun.

What the hell?

Sugar, either I'm still high,
or we got company.

What're you doing there, amigo?

Checking the roof, pendejo.

Oh, God.

Are they throwing us out again?

- Mr. Gallagher?
- No. Maybe...

I'm Elena Torres from the Make A Nest
non-profit on Troy Street.

Your news coverage
has been making quite a stir

in the social services community.

Ithas?

We've got some good news
concerning your housing crisis.

You... Uh, here.

Oh, Jesus. Oh, come on!
Hey, hey, get a room, you two.

Sit, sit.

I'll stand.

- Yeah.
- Mr. Gallagher,

perhaps you've heard of Simon Epstein,
the real estate mogul?

The billionaire who got busted
emailing dick pics?

Mr. Epstein is actually
a philanthropist for the homeless.

After seeing you on the news,

he immediately contacted
our community service organization.

- You're kicking us out?
- No. No, Mr. Gallagher,

Simon Epstein purchased this house
for the South Side homeless.

A billionaire with a bleeding heart
and a big dick bought this place for me?

Uh, he bought it for all of you.

And he's asked our organization
to manage the property.

We're getting calls
from corporate interests

who would like to become sponsors.

Because of your commitment
to the homeless,

this is now public housing.

Mr. Epstein will drop by later today

for a quick photo opportunity
with you and your family.

I own this place.

No. Uh...

Notjust you,
but, yes, it is off the market,

and we are thrilled
to be part of your cause,

and we would love to participate
in any way we can.

Yes.

I may have broken a Tinder record for
how many places to hit it in one room.

So, uh, take the L or call an Uber?

Wow.

Okay. Down to business, huh?

No offense.
It's just, I'm running a business,

and I can't save chips
unless I'm working.

Oh, I get it.
Sex, and back to thinkin' money.

Just a little word of advice,

if you're really a business woman,
you'd stack chips, not save 'em.

What are you,
my financial consultant?

"Marketplace Consulting international"?

You mean, you're actually
a financial consultant?

Let me know when you wanna book
an investment consultation.

I'm just a swipe away.

Bye, Fiona.

- Shit.
- Uh-oh!

What was that noise?

I think it was the sound
of the washer dying.

Fiona broke it.

I gotta get some loads in
before I have to go to work.

Just call V. You can use her washer.

No V.

What's wrong with V?

I guess we're on the outs.

We got into it pretty bad
about me not being there for her

and her not giving a shit about me.

And we haven't spoken since.

Don't start the wash yet.
I need to throw in one of my shirts.

- Can't.
- Washer's broken.

What am I supposed to do
about my military school interview?

I can't go in there smelling
like one of Frank's homeless.

You're still going through with that?

Don't they check your GPA
for military school?

Dom's dad wrote me
a killer recommendation.

- Who died?
- Another appliance.

Oh, shit, the washing machine?

Yeah, it's the one
fucking Jimmy bought for us.

I should've known it would never last.

I guess you're gonna have to date
another shithead con artist

to replace it for us, huh?

Somebody has to call to get this fixed,
and it's not going to be me.

What am I supposed to do about my shirt?

Oh! Uh, there's such a thing as a sink.

Oh. Flintstones livin' up in here?

Yo, where's Debs?

I think she's avoiding me

'cause she doesn't have her portion
of the monthly utilities.

You are being kind of cunty about it.

Yeah, she really thinks
you're gonna kick her out.

Maybe you wanna set her straight?

Who says that I'm not?

Somebody drop Liam at daycare.
I gotta hit the laundromat.

Yeah, I'll take him.

Come on, bud. Go, go, go, go.

Straight caveman.

How're the books coming, Lana?

Uh, much better with reduced overhead.

Now, we just have to collect running
tabs from regulars who don't pay.

Come on, fist bumps, kids. Fist bumps.

- Mommy, Mommy and Daddy...
- Fist bumps.

...are making money!

Ha! Breaking even.
We are getting out of tax debt.

Can we claim each other's kids
on our tax returns?

We're married.

We got tax returns?

We can claim as dependents.
But we would have to do adoption.

Whose kids are we adopting?

She and I would adopt each other's
since we're married.

We would save money on write-offs
and become legitimate family.

Wait, wait, wait. So V adopts Yevgeny.

Svetlana adopts Amy and Gemma.
Where does that leave me?

That leaves you big, sexy man
in boxer shorts.

He either said, "I burned your
breakfast," or "I fucked up your eggs."

He said, "Good morning."

Fiona gone?

She knows you're avoiding her.

Don't feel like being harassed
about the bills.

I still got two days to pay up.

She's not really
gonna kick you out.

She just wants you to make an effort.

She's a bitch. My stuff will be
on the street in 48 hours.

I've got to find financial security
for me and Harry.

All right, well, I'll
loan you the money.

I get paid on Tuesday.

Hmm, yeah. $372?

You owe $372? What, is that baby formula
made out of caviar or something?

It's cool. I'll get the money.

I've got time. I can handle it.

She's not gonna kick you out.

Hot water, thank God!

Don't gotta clean my flaps
with disinfectant wipes no more.

Whoa!

Uh... Whoa!

My family, and un-bathed brethren,

we have won the first battle for
homeless dignity by staking our claim.

We demanded our 40 acres and a mule,
our three bedrooms and a toilet,

and yours truly has
delivered it upon you.

Thank you very much.

But, listen, now that we got
the hot water turned on,

we wanna make sure that it stays on,

and let's keep food
and illicit substances in our belly.

So, I'm sending you out in groups

to ply the most basic commerce
known to mankind,

begging. Okay?

You four, take the bodega.

You three, um, the dry cleaners.

You, sir, you look like
you could use a touch of grooming.

So, let's send you to the barbershop.

Okay, let's go.
Other people's money waits for no man.

Go out there, give 'em homeless. Yeah!

I don't understand
why you're not on board.

It's just the whole
lesbian wedding thing again.

You and Svetlana are a thing,
and I'm the third wheel.

It is just paperwork to secure
more money for Amy and Gemma.

What if something happens to us?

Svetlana will be able
to take care of 'em.

I thought you wanted
Fiona to take care of 'em

if something happened to us?

Fiona only cares about herself anymore.

Oh, would you please?
Fiona's your best friend.

We have the key to her house.

And I'm pretty sure that half our
clothes in our closet are hers.

Then I'll take 'em back.

Is this a permanent
thing between you two,

or is it until one of you
caves and apologizes?

Screw Fiona.

It's time for us to move on and
think about what's best for our family,

and that's Svetlana.
Adoption will give our kids stability.

Don't you want them to have more
than what we had growing up?

I still get to be called, "Daddy"
no matter what.

Or, "Big Poppa."

Oh!

Your choice, baby.

Chicks in uniform rule.

Not into dudes.
Especially the teenage kind.

Save your compliments.

Impressive letter of recommendation,
Mr. Gallagher.

I know some people.

You should definitely reapply next year.

We're at capacity this fall.

All 75 slots for this upcoming term
have been filled.

Wait, so that's it? No interview?

We'll definitely keep
your application on file.

Well, the brochure says that
incoming classes have 100 students.

The remaining slots
are reserved for students of color.

We try to strongly encourage
the under-represented groups to apply.

Native-Americans,
Pacific Islanders, Hispanic,

and, of course African-Americans.

I'm part Black.

Black Irish doesn't count.

We'll contact you
if anything becomes available.

Marco Nunez? You're up.

Go fuck yourself, Pancho.

Slow morning, Etta?

Change machine's out of quarters.

I brought quarters.

Some of your machines
are broken too, huh?

Oh, people keep using slugs
so they won't have to pay.

They get jammed in there tighter
than a string bikini in my ass.

I ain't fishin' 'em out.

My load's not done.
I need change for a dollar.

There's your change.

You gave her too much change.

I did?

You wouldn't have to deal with quarters
if you got swipe cards.

Tell that to the new owners.
Not that they'd care anyway.

You're sellin' the place?

Ah, those North Side suits,

they been poking around
trying to buy out my lease.

I think they're trying to rack up
the whole block.

I told 'em to get lost.

What do they want to do with it?

Turn it into a Starbucks
or a cheese and wine shop.

I can't handle this place
since Wendell died.

You know, we tripled customers
over at Patsy's when we updated.

I'm too old for that.

Worried about my babies, though.

Seriously? The cats?

Kitty's getting her thrills, huh?

The newbies around here
don't understand the South Side.

You and me, the lifers, we still get it.

Just rented
this new space yesterday,

and I need you to order 25 desks,
five printers, scanners,

make sure the Trinity gets the swivel
seats with the nice butt cushion.

Uh, need a new espresso machine,
the Breville 870XL,

and a treadmill desk for Joe.
You jotting this down?

Yeah, yeah. No, I got it.

All right.
Gotta pimp this place back out, man.

We lost a quarter of our staff,

so we need you to get
everyone back on the network.

Lost a quarter of our staff, huh?

Yep.

Your intern got scared off,

so you're gonna have to hire a new one
and fetch your own lunch.

Mine, too.

Yeah, Game Change is
back up and running.

Good, Candice, 50 bucks
is a great start.

But, we got to talk about technique
to increase our profits.

Oh, an out-of-work vet is worth at least
40 bucks an hour, Hector.

Try to triple this, all right?
And, please, just say no to pennies.

Frank, I need to speak with you.

Well, well, well.
The prodigal daughter returns.

How do I make some money? Fast.

No,no,no.
No free advice for Gallagher traitors.

Come on, Frank.
You've been hustling your entire life.

I need expertise.

I already have a Debbie to bestow
my gentle wisdom upon.

Yes, Daddy Frank?

You see? She knows who the real papa is.

Isn't that a boy?

Not to me.

Well, what about your granddaughter?
Don't you care what happens to her?

Oh, you mean that strange
mixed-race kid with the butch name?

What if I change her
name back to Franny?

Franny for life? No take-backs.

Fine.

Come here. Can I pick you up?

Oh, I've missed you! Yes, yes, yes.
How much cash are we talking about?

$372 in 48 hours.

Well, that's a fast turnaround.
I hope you're good at hand jobs.

Well, I don't know.

Shake a lot of snakes
to come up with that kinda dough.

Anything that doesn't involve
touching male anatomy?

Oh! Good sign, Morris.

- Yeah.
- Shouldn't that be "homeless"?

No, spelling deficiency
is good for the cause.

You know, you're really wasting
your best assets.

Young, white, mother, female.
You're a cash cow on the corner.

You want me to be a prostitute?

No, don't be ridiculous.
Competition is way too steep.

But stick a sign with you
and a baby in your arms,

and just watch
the middle class pity roll in. Go.

Begging?

Yep. He)'-

Hey. Got your text. What's up?

Hey. Grab a bag.

This for Frank's shelter?

Yeah, one of my teens
from the youth center is moving in.

- HeY-
- HeY-

Ian, this is Gia.

Hi. Appreciate it.
Not as strong as I look.

These shits are heavy.

Cute and got manners. Nice.

Gia got kicked out of the house.
We're lucky the shelter had some space.

Hey, Frank didn't give him too much shit
about moving in, did he?

Gia's a her, not a him.
Her proper pronoun is, "she."

Your dad's a local hero.

Well, Frank is a Frank, not a dad.
And his proper pronoun is, "it."

We, uh... We hanging tonight?

Hope so.

Jesus!

Sorry.

Uh, what are you doing here?

Uh, looking for Margo.
Is this still her office?

Uh, she's out for a deposition today.

What's the problem?

There's no problem.

I just came to report
that Patsy's is doing great.

We've been overcrowded
on our off-shifts,

and our nighttime crowds are so heavy
we have to take names for tables.

- Good work.
- Thanks.

I got a lot more ideas, but I'd like
to discuss me getting a reasonable cut.

Cut of what?

The profits.

Seeing as how I'm the reason
that they increased.

On what planet do diner managers
get a cut of the business profits?

I turned that place around.

Yeah, so we wouldn't close it down.

I worked 24/7, and got itjumping.

That's above and beyond manager.

I busted my ass on that shit diner,
and I'm not gettin' paid what I'm worth.

Join the club.

Nobody making a paycheck
is paid what they're worth.

Look, you have to own something
to make real money,

and Margo's the only owner around here.

Fine, what about
an additional 50 bucks a week?

You just got a raise. Not gonna happen.

So, who's married to whom?

- We're married.
- We're married.

To each other.

But we still have relationship
with all three of us.

I'm Big Poppa.

And who's adopting whom?

She adopting our daughters.

She's adopting son I had with jailbird.

And that's him?

No, this is Big Poppa.
He's a good daddy and a good husband.

Jailbird in jail. Not daddy anymore.
New daddy, Big Poppa.

Huh. Fascinating. And your triplets?

My son, their daughters.

So weird how we have to keep
explaining our situation to people.

It's like they'd never heard
of a menage é three.

This may be the most exciting
adoption case this firm has ever seen.

I mean, I'll be the face
of the modern family.

This is career changing.

So, we negotiate discount fee.
For a mutual benefit.

Let's get the paperwork started
to begin the application process.

You'll need to gather
all of your healthcare information

to build your case file.
And the same for the children.

All of their checkups,
immunizations, MMR vaccines.

Oh.

- MMR vaccine?
- Not now, Kev.

What do you want?

I didn't get into military school, sir.

You fail the drug test?

No. They said the only slots
left were for colored people.

People of color, son.
Don't say "colored people."

It's reverse racism.

So, what you call all the white slots?
Reverse-reverse racism?

Well, I told 'em I was part black.
They didn't believe me.

You've met my brother, Liam.

Somebody in my family's
been dipping in the chocolate.

Can you write me another letter,
tell 'em I qualify for a diversity slot?

You want me to vouch for your blackness?

If it wouldn't be too much trouble.

I don't know what you are, Gallagher.
Part black. Part white. Part dipshit.

Any asshole can claim black
by convenience.

It's not fair, sir.

White man's burden, son.

Until there's some genuine
racial balance out there,

you gotta take the short end
of the diversity stick.

Well, where am I supposed to learn
to be a real man?

Gonna be stuck in this hood forever.

Ugh! Two arson victims,
a 35-year-old heart attack,

and a projectile vomiting
three-year-old, and it's not even 5:00.

Yeah.

How's your stain coming?

Gonna need something stronger
than baby wipes.

That kid got you good.

Yeah, it's not my first time
wearing projectile vomit.

Usually there's cheap beer
and fists involved.

Oh, we're all hitting up the bar
after work. You wanna come?

Ah, no, I'm supposed to meet up
with a new friend later.

A new friend, huh?

Sounds like a rebound.

You gotta go slow.

My last rebound slashed the tires
of the rig I was working.

I had a patient in the back
with a Coke bottle shoved up his ass.

Not a rebound, all right?

Just a guy I met.

His name is Trevor.
He's a lot of fun to hang out with.

It's just platonic.

There's no such thing as platonic.

You're either boning
or you're waiting to bone.

See, that's why I only hang out
with my coworkers.

'Cause after a day on the rig
wearing everybody's piss and vomit,

-none of us are fuckable.
- What?

- No offense.
- Ah.

No, trust me,
this friend is just a friend.

Can't be any other way.

Is that your strictly friend
there texting?

Address to a yard party tonight.

Boning or waiting to bone, Gallagher.

Yo, we connected yet?

Uh, no, I need someone to login
to complete the network setup.

All right.

There. Create a temporary password
and get it done.

Once we're back on,
start tweeting from our account.

Folks need to know we're alive.

Hey, so, one second the offices
are getting raided by the Feds,

and the next we're here
like nothing happened.

How do you guys stay afloat?

Making a shit ton of money.

Think we don't budget
for that kind of crap?

It's part of the business plan.

Like the first time we were live,
14 months.

This time it was 20. Called progress.

Yeah, but won't you guys just end up
getting busted again?

No, there's no crime in fantasy sports
and processing credit cards.

The Feds can try to fight it
till they're blue in the face.

So, I was thinking, you know,
since we got less staff now, um,

any chance maybe I could get paid?

Sarah's Pomeranian needs to be
at the groomer before lunch.

Got it.

Since we're gonna be new parents,

we should probably
all have the same last name.

How about Kev's?

Great. We'll all be Balls.

Pregnant again, V? Congrats!

I'm not pregnant.
We're adopting each other's kids.

Adopting kids you already have?

You wanna take some of mine
while you're at it?

Did we get the kids the MMR shot?

Isn't that linked to autism?

In Russia, we don't do vaccines.

In winter, we send baby out
to nap in cold,

it gets immune to virus.

So, the doctors inject the babies
with a virus to prevent the virus?

But does that mean that they give 'em
a virus that they didn't already have?

The government did that
to black soldiers with penicillin.

Gave them syphilis. A lot of 'em died.

Government wants to
give our babies syphilis?

My sister gave her kid that shot,

now he just hides in a corner
and hums show tunes.

Vaccines are the greatest
medical invention of all time.

No polio, no smallpox, no measles.

You want your kids to end up
with scarlet fever?

Used to kill thousands.

- Sounds bad.
- Was bad.

It's not as safe as they say.

Better than polio.

So, we experiment.
Don't give vaccine to all babies.

Just some. See what happens.

- This is like my family.
- Yeah.

Just like a family.
Highs and lows, right, ladies?

- Lot of highs.
- Lot of lows.

You're a real people's champion,
Mr. Gallagher.

- Thank you.
- If there's more you need,

please, don't hesitate to let Elena
and the organization know.

Well, good sir, since you're so
generous, we could use a new television

to keep us distracted from the drugs.

And a microwave, new refrigerator,
some appliances.

Maybe a furniture upgrade?

- We'll send some things over.
- Thank you.

Now, which ones of these kids are yours?

Want to make sure they
get in the picture.

Oh! This is little Liam right here.

Hey, there.

Nice smile, son.
Okay, show 'em your pearly browns.

- Here's your check.
- Thank you.

- Hi.
-$15.83.

Take it off my tab. And I'll be back
with more so don't touch my things.

Gallagher,

been looking for you.

As much as an annoying and otherwise
rodent-like pest you've become

in my daughter's life,

I've grown to feel
a sense of responsibility for you.

Military school might be your best shot
to avoid being human scum.

You going to vouch for my blackness?

Still, no.

But you can take a DNA test
to prove your African ancestry.

All it takes
is an oral swab of your cheek.

They swab my ass cheeks?

Oral, Gallagher. That's the mouth.

Huh. Cool.

Pick you up at 10:00 a.m. sharp.

-- Debbie?

Hey, Tanya. What's up?

What are you doing out here?

Just raising money for Franny.

Job scarcity and nobody's hiring.
Crazy, right?

Got any spare change?

Do you need help or something?

Or, like, a babysitter?

No, we're fine.
Just doing whatever it takes.

If you talk to Derek,
tell him I said hi.

I'll see you later.

Hey, my corner, freckle face.

Excuse me?

Pack up your stuff and get lost.
Belongs to me and my baby.

I've still got 355 bucks to earn.
Find another fucking corner.

Oh. No, you know what,
I think I'll keep this one.

- What are you doing?
- Marking my territory.

- So am I, bitch!
- No,no!

Hey!

You're a terrible person!

- HeY-
- HeY-

You get a quote on the washer?

Uh, I didn't have time today.
Can't you handle it?

I was serious about
not taking this house shit on.

I'll pay my fair share
of whatever it costs to fix it.

But until then, I'll keep taking
my quarters to Etta's at the 'mat.

This DJ is wild! Whose place is this?

My friend Kali.
She's a legendary party promoter.

She even planned one for Prince
in Paisley Park.

It's been a while since I had someone
to party hop with.

I miss this shit.

Good to see you let your hair down, Red.

I turned around profits at the diner,
and I asked for a raise,

but how can I ensure my future?

Well, you might want
to consider a SEP-IRA

or a Roth-IRA to prepare
for the long term.

You know, I'm surprised
you messaged me again.

I know, my rule's one time,

but I could really use the tips,
and, you know, you're a great lay.

No problem.

You might also want to consider bonds.

Some low risk, high yield,
perhaps something more aggressive.

I can do all this stuff
on a manager's salary?

Investing and ownership is really the
only way to go from being poor to rich.

Ownership?

Yeah. Anybody who's really rich
owns something.

Or lots of something.

Next time, we can just
meet in my office.

- Mmm-hmm.
- Yeah.

$337 per pint of blood.

I can sell two pints
before my body goes into shock.

No, you're right.
That'd only last us a couple of months.

Ten dollars per square inch of skin.

Seems kind of low.

We still have time. I am not going
to let Fiona kick us to the curb.

How much for one cornea?

Had some of your things at my house,
so I thought I'd bring them by.

Oh, those fit you better
than they fit me anyway,

you can just keep 'em.

Not sure what you wanna do
with the spare key, but...

I can bring by your stuff later.

No need. Kev'll pick it up.

- Fine.
- Cool.

- Hey, V.
- Hey!

Sorry, Kev put that one
in with the colors.

Oh, it's okay. Thanks.

No problem.
That's what friends do for each other.

Jesus, any colder in here,
we're gonna need parkas.

What's with you and V?

Really couldn't go to the laundromat
just like everyone else?

Just 'cause you wanna ice everyone out
doesn't mean I have to.

What's up with you?

What's up with me?

I'm working around the clock,
I'm doing great.

What's up with you?

Jesus, how hard
can managing a fucking diner be

for you to stop giving a shit
about us and V?

Who says I don't give a shit?

I'm not gonna apologize
for getting my life together.

V will be fine once she realizes
that self-improvement is not a crime.

And so will all of you.

- Where's that go?
- Over here.

Guys, watch your backs.

You fucking seeing this?

Is that a new washer-dryer
getting delivered to Frank?

Even the homeless
get better stuff than us.

Okay, so which one of you little titans
is getting vaccinated first?

This one's first.
She gets the whole bundle.

None for her, and for the boy,
can we get, like, half of 'em?

- Oh!
_Hey!

- Yo, bro!
- Jesus!

- Just... Sorry to interrupt.
- What's up, dude?

- No, no, we're good here.
- Yeah?

So, catch you later?

Fuck off, Joaquin.

HEY-

Hey, you guys here to get the swab kit?

- That's right.
- For both of you?

Just for the kid.

All right.
Just so you know, we got a special promo

going on today if you're interested.

Get two DNA tests for half off.
So basically, you get one free.

Just for the kid, thanks.

What are my chances
of being from the Motherland?

As in Africa, or as in...

Africa.

It's pretty fair, actually.

You know, I had the test done
and it changed my life.

Found out my family was
from the Fulani tribe of Nigeria.

Been there twice now,
planning on moving there next year.

Even changed my name to Chuku.

What was your name before?

My slave name was Lin.

Hey, what if we were in the same tribe,
Mr. W? Wouldn't that be cool?

I don't think so, Gallagher.

How do you know we aren't?

We could find out. We'll let you know
when we get the results.

A two-for-one special's
kind of unbeatable.

If I find out any of your people
owned any of my people,

I'mma have to shoot you.

God.

- Whoa!
- Oh! Oh!

- I'm sorry.
- Need a ride?

Frank! Aren't you supposed to be
buried under some bulldozers?

Take more than that
to kill this cockroach.

Barmaids, whatever you have on tap
for the wife and me.

We getting married?

It's a figure of speech.

No more running bar tab
for sewer rat who never pays.

I assume you're referring to Kermit,

but I'm ready to reconcile my debt.
Give me the numbers.

$223.75.

How about just for the last 30 days?

$223.75.

It's gonna take real money, Frank.

- Kev's not here for you to confuse.
- Mmm-hmm.

What other kind of money is there?

What, you rob a bum there, Frank?

Or a lousy stripper?

Old-fashioned entrepreneurship,
my friends.

I create financial opportunities
for the homeless,

I get to keep a nest egg for myself.
The American way.

Careful spending all that in one place.

How're you gonna afford your drugs?

That's a good point.
It may be time to increase my profits.

$223...

And 75 cents.

Mmm!

You got me crazy, woman.

Properly boozed and debt-free.
What a way to live.

Uh, one second. Neil?

I took the bus.
I met a redheaded girl with big ta-tas.

Uh, you two know each other?

This is my brother. Excuse him.

He was in an accident
and says whatever he's thinking.

Neil, no ta-tas.

Oh. Sorry.

He seems sweet.
And Franny seems to really like him.

I'm hungFY-

I have to work,
but I'll bring you a burger, all right?

- Okay.
- I can sit with him.

You sure you don't mind?

Totally sure.

Okay. Uh, if he tries
to touch your tits or anything,

just swat his hands away.
It's involuntary.

Okay-

I'll bring you guys some Cokes.

Who is that weird, creepy guy
sitting with my sister?

Uh, my brain-damaged brother.
Debbie sitting with him cool?

Yeah, of course.

- Hey.
- Hey. Peppermint tea.

Sober-tonic before heading into work.

Good idea, thanks. Come on.

I had a blast hanging last night.

Yeah, the party was epic.

Might need to go light a few days
to recover.

Well, we can always hang out
at my place next time.

Watch a movie or fuck.

What?

Dude, come on.
You were all over me last night.

We were drunk.

Call it whatever you want. But,
you couldn't keep your tongue off of me.

You were in heat,
ready to hump anything that moves.

I get it if you're
too scared to admit

that you've got the
hots for a trans dude.

I'm not scared of anything.

I'm into cock.

What, afraid you'll get
your world rocked, Red?

You do have a vagina, right?

Like, technically, not philosophically?

I have a cock for packing.

I have several silicone
cocks for fucking.

I consider to have a cock
connected to my body.

The "vagina" is a non-factor.

It's cool. Okay?
There's no need to be freaked out.

We can just be friends.

Really hot friends who both have cocks.

Give me a shout
when you're free to hang, all right?

Sure, yeah.

See you later, friend.

So, workforce or college,
which one's the bigger scam?

Uh...

I don't know, maybe equal, I guess.

Look at all this fresh meat.

College's gotta have
an edge on that, right?

Yeah, higher concentration, maybe.

I don't know about an edge.

Not planning to come back?

Urn, I'm interning
for a bunch of rich college friends,

degrees bought and paid for
by trust funds or whatever.

I tutor douchebags like that
in Micro Engineering,

they all still end up with the jobs.
It sucks ass. But...

We could hack these fucks,

and they wouldn't know what hit 'em.

Wait, what?

Look, I'm already into their system
helping them reboot the company, right?

Easy access to reroute
credit card payments to our own account.

Is this what you came up here for?

You're the smartest lowlife I know.

So, you had an accident?

I rode my skateboard into a bus.

What does your hair smell like?

Uh... Shampoo, I think.

- Were you wearing a helmet?
- No.

Like, strawberry shampoo
or dandruff shampoo?

Closer to strawberry, I think.

Did you sue the bus company?

Yeah. We won a lot of money.
And disability.

And I like babies.
And I like yourjuicy booty.

Involuntary, right?

Uh, do you have your own place?

Yeah, with my sister. Is it soft?

My booty?

Uh, sort of, I guess.

Your nipples are hard
through your shirt.

Uh...

Who takes care of you?

Sierra when she's not busy.
But she's busy a lot.

Hmm.

So let me get this straight.

You have your own place, your own money,
and nobody to take care of you?

Neil, do you believe in fate?

- Hey.
- What's up?

You mind if I use the washer?
Some of Liam's stuff.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Just keep your mouth shut,

the babies are still sleeping.

Oh, man, they got their shots today,
well, some did.

Waiting to see on who gets sick.
These viruses, deadly stuff, man.

Oh, uh, Fiona left some shit for you.
It's V's, I guess.

- What, hooker boots and CD's?
- Yeah.

Did Fiona tell you
what's going on with those two?

I think I must've missed something.

Not really. She's just being weird
about the whole thing.

Must be what it's like for kids
whose folks are going through a divorce.

One minute they're
BFFs, the next minute

you're picking on who
you wanna live with.

It's stressing me out.
I mean, I'm picking V, obviously,

but it doesn't mean I don't miss Fiona.

Oh, they're both being stupid.

What's going on with you?

- Same ol' same ol'.
- Oh, dude, don't hold out on me.

I've been dealing with toddlers all day,
talking ABC's.

Telling them what sounds a cow makes.

It's "moo," motherfucker, it's "moo."

I'm thinking
about fucking one of my friends.

Sweet! Why you even think about it?
Just do it.

He's got a vagina. Kind of.

What, like, a real vagina?
Or he acts like a pussy?

No, no, like a real live vagina.

Except I'm not supposed to call it that

because the vagina is like
a fucking non-factor. I don't know.

So, is it imaginary?

No, I think it's more like a man cave.

I don't even know if we're still talking
about body parts.

Uh, you know, I really like the guy,

and he's hot.

I don't wanna mess
with the friendship part,

and I don't know
if I can suck silicone cock.

Right. Right. I'm still confused.
ls guy vag different from girl vag?

Don't worry about it.
I'll be back for Liam's clothes.

Oh, thanks for the adult convo, Kev.

Glad I could help, man.

Hey, Etta, those suit guys
hassling you again?

Whose suits?

From the North Side? The realtors?

Oh!

They offered me 100 grand for the lease,

but they said I couldn't live upstairs
with my cats no more.

They trying to kick you
out of your apartment?

I've lived in this place since the '50s.

Now, they're trying to buy out my lease
and take my apartment too.

You don't have to get run out
by these guys.

I bet if you offered a few perks,
offered free delivery, maybe,

you'd get a ton more people up in here.

Hell, I've been doing other people's
wash since I was in diapers.

We could split the profits. You
wouldn't even have to worry about it.

What's the use, honey?

Rich people always win.

Seventy-five bucks. Not bad, New Lip.

Not bad at all.
I'm gonna take 50% for the savings fund.

I thought it was 25%?

I'm contributing to home improvement.

Electric bills for flat screens
and washers don't pay themselves.

What do you say, troops?
Keep it or send it back?

Keep it! Keep it! Keep it! Keep it!

Don't forget who's looking after
your financial future.

Daddy Frank! Daddy Frank!
Daddy Frank! Daddy Frank!

Daddy Frank! Daddy Frank! Daddy Frank!

Hey, hey, hey. We can't hear the TV.

Tight-ass lady at table two says
she owns the place. Asked for you.

Mushroom turkey burger with
sweet potato fries is our most popular.

Chad said you stopped by today,
asking for a raise.

We're doing great. I think I earned it.

How are your prime costs?

Food cost is at 35%.

Lots of new items on this menu.

I removed 20 old items
that weren't selling,

and I saved 2% on meat costs by getting
rid of the triple beef burger.

- Labor costs'?
- Down to 28%.

I deserve that raise.

I authorized Chad to give you
25 extra bucks a week.

I asked for 50.

- We're negotiating now?
- Yeah. We are.

You got a city block for sale somewhere?

Or a rundown apartment building
in some up-and-coming neighborhood?

'Cause those are the only people
that I negotiate with.

I'm throwing you a bone. Take it.

And I will take
that mushroom turkey burger.

Okay. Adoption application
is ready for signature.

So I gotta admit, as much as I was
worried about this whole adoption thing,

I kinda like being Big Poppa.

On count of three,
we take shots and we sign.

To thrupple kids!

- Yo.
- What's up? We in the system?

Uh...

I hide a transfer beta
where they won't see it.

Now.

Screw you, Rocky.

Mr. Gallagher, we didn't find
any African lineage in your strand.

- Hmm.
- Wait. Really? Are you sure?

Mmm. But we did find 33.5%
Native American ancestry

traceable to the Apache tribe.

You mean I'm an Indian?

And, Mr. Winslow, your DNA test reveals
22% Irish traceable to the Puritans.

What... As in Pilgrims?

Mmm-hmm. That's right. You two are
the Pilgrims and the Indians.

Didn't your people kill my people?

Don't say another word.

Apache, bitch.
I'm going to military school!

Who is it?

Deb Gallagher at this address?

Debs!Foryou!

- Uh, yeah'?
- Debbie Gallagher?

I'm Tony Cases, from the Department
of Children and Family Services.

We want to inform you that
we're opening an investigation

to determine whether or not
your daughter, Francis Gallagher,

is the victim of child endangerment
and neglect.

What?

This is you, correct?

Babies look okay so far.

Don't see any smallpox or measles.

Oh!

Gemma sounds like she's getting a cold.
Did she vaccinated or no?

Yes. Wait, no.

Wait, shit, I forgot to write it down.

No. Yeah. I don't know.

English - SDH
BY [PR]