All language subtitles for Shameless.S07E02.720p.BluRay.x264-DEMAND

This is what happens when you
miss an episode of Shameless.

Your entire life goes
completely to shit.

Anyone try to find me when I was
in the ICU for the last month?

We were kind of
hoping you were dead.

- You good?
- I learned I'm not an alcoholic.

What about finishing college,
is that off the table?

I got a professor, he's gonna
help me find something.

A tech start-up. ltjust might be a
while before I get paid, you know?

This management thing is a pain in my ass.
I'm losing money.

Tell you what, pay yourself
an extra 50 cents an hour.

- Make up the difference.
- An extra buck an hour.

Done.

Nice stroller. Where'd you get it?

Well, I found it in the park.
I'm gonna sell it.

Dom won't go down on me
'cause I'm not circumcised.

It has all this extra skin and
it kind of freaks me out.

I can't feel a thing.

Don't
worry, you will soon.

I'm meeting an old high
school friend for dinner.

Old friend? Denise.

Please tell me she has a dick.

You have no balance sheet, no
income or cash flow forecasts.

Our yield on gross
revenues are shit.

Are we seriously not gonna have sex?
'Cause I kinda took a Viagra.

Oh, yeah, just walk right by.

Ignore your father that you
tried to drown in the river.

I was only telling the truth.

Come on, Frank!
Open the damn door.

Come on, Frank.

Open the door.

Hey, Hector? Hi, it's Fiona.
Shit. Hang on.

Hi, you still there?
Sorry. Uh...

Can you work today? Santos
called in sick again.

Yeah. I'm tired of his bullshit, too.

You can? Oh, that's great.
Okay, I'll see you at 10:00.

Thought you were
livin' at Caleb's.

Caleb's sleeping
with a chick.

He's bi?

No dude is bi, all right? Lick
dick, you're supposed to be gay.

30 YOU guys broke up?

Haven't decided yet. Probably. God, I
can't believe he's licking vag, too.

All right, can you guys please
stop talking about licking vag?

You're gonna give me a boner.

You sleep at all last night?

No. If I wake up with morning
wood, it'll pop my stitches.

You're 16. How you gonna
not get wood for 72 hours?

- Eyes on the prize, my brother.
- Yeah, which is?

A blowie. From Dominique.

The chick who made
you cut your dick?

Yeah, man, no girl's worth that.

She didn't make me. I wanted to. You
guys just don't understand true love.

Uh, you know, it's pretty cold out there.
You better put on a turtleneck.

Excuse you.

Well, you gotta forgive Carl. His
manners were in his foreskin.

Ugh! Stop it. It just
gives me the willies,

thinking about someone
near my junk with a knife.

Where is my vacuum cleaner?

Upstairs, probably.

Kev, grab our cleaning shit.

What's all that crap?

I'm helping Fiona with the
bills over at Patsy's.

Place is in a
financial shit storm.

Yeah, the Alibi, too.

Svetlana's getting things in order.
Which makes me the house husband.

I keep forgetting about
the weird situation

you got going on
with the two wives.

It's not weird. It's modern.

Yeah, you could draw me a Venn
diagram to explain how that works.

What's up with mopey?

Boy trouble.

Girl trouble.

I'll draw you a Venn diagram
to explain that, too.

Where's my vacuum?
What are you doing?

Uh, vacuum, hall closet. And I'm
getting rid of Frank's shit.

That fuckhead's
back in the house?

Yeah. Nailed the door
shut from the inside.

How's he getting in and out?

I don't know. Window?
Ladder?

Get a restraining
order on his ass.

That would mean that I cared.
And I don't anymore.

Aren't you angry with him
about destroying your future?

Did me a favor. Come on. Help
me bring his crap downstairs.

Good morning, my wasted sperms.

Frank! You're walking. In a
weird way, but you're walkin'.

Yeah, why don't
you go away, Frank?

Is that any way to greet
your soon-to-be-ex father?

"Ex-father"? We
would be so lucky.

Filling out the paperwork to disinherit
you abortion-should-have-beens.

"Disinherit"? Wow. So we
don't get that jelly jar?

Or the three pieces of silverware
you stole from the Ramada Inn?

Yeah, or the shame and
the embarrassment?

Go ahead. Joke all you like,

but once my parental
rights are terminated,

you can no longer use the
Gallagher family name.

Hallelujah. I'm just gonna be
like Cher and go by "Fiona."

Here's your shit. I'm
taking my room back.

And I'm padlocking the house.

Aw, you made me toast. Thanks.

Buh-bye. Gotta go to work.

You can't get rid
of me that easily.

Has she talked to anybody about
what happened at the wedding?

- Not to me.
- Me, neither.

Tumors are repressed
feelings, you know.

- Come on. Liam, let's go.
- What?

He's the only one who stands a fighting
chance to become a real Gallagher.

- No fucking way.
- Yeah, you can't just take him, Frank.

Yes, I can. I'm his father.

- And he is staying in the will.
- Aren't ya?

Do you think in his own way, Frank's
actually a pretty good dad?

- No.
- Jesus.

Well, look who it
is, Beauty and the Beast.

I'll leave it to you two
to figure out who's who.

Too bad you're walking
again, Frank.

I was praying for
permanent paralysis.

Where'd you get the
stroller, Debs?

The only thing Monica
and I could afford

to stroll you guys around in
was a Kroger shopping cart.

Hey! Give me that.
That's not yours.

Well, apparently, it's
not yours, either.

"Maureen Wilson."

Looks like you already cleaned out
the cash, Little Orphan Angry.

So, uh, I'll take the platinum.

You can't do that, Frank!

Should I call Ms. Wilson,
let her know you found it?

Fine, take it. Careful, Liam,

I used to think Frank would
be a real dad someday, too.

You and that little spic you sneezed out
of the cavern you called your uterus

better start looking
for a new last name.

I'm disinheriting both of you and
taking back the Gallagher name.

Gladly. And while I'm at it, Franny's
gonna go by her middle name from now on.

Harriet. Harry. So she has
no more connection to you.

"Harry!" Well, that's a perfect
name for the diesel dyke

she's gonna grow
up to be some day.

Come on, kid, we got work to do.

Hey, Carl. Hey. Bunch of us going
to the movies tonight. Wanna come?

I told you. I can't hang
out with you for 72 hours.

Thought that meant we just
couldn't fool around.

Even just being in your
vicinity gives me a boner.

- That's so sweet.
- Seriously, stop.

Hey, freak fuck! Heard you
got a tranny operation.

I only told a couple of people.

Got your penis chopped off.
Now you're a lady.

Not that you were that
far off to begin with.

See you around, Bruce Jenner.

Hey, Bruce Jenner was the dude, so fuck
you guys! Thanks for the compliment.

Don't listen to them. Okay, I think
you're manly for what you did.

And when the 72 hours
and one second is over,

I'm gonna loosen your belt.
Then take off your pants.

- No.
- Then your underwear.

- No, no, stop.
- Then suck your lollipop.

Seriously.

Oh, fuck!

Thought you said I just
couldn't go near you!

Where are you going?
We have class.

Doctor. Clinic. Now.

So, burger well-done with crispy
fries, and a Denver omelet, extra ham.

- Thank you very much. Yes, thank you.
- Let me get you a refill on these sodas.

Order up!

We'll get that cleared up
for you in just a sec.

You get my order on 14?

Oh, yeah, I did.
You're two hours late.

I called Melinda.
Said it wasn't busy.

So you figured you'd just come
in whenever you felt like it?

I had laundry to do.
Melinda was cool with it.

I'm glad you guys feel like you can just
change my schedule whenever you want.

What Sean always let us do?

In case you haven't noticed, Sean's
not here anymore. Excuse me.

And that's too bad.

Game
Change, please hold.

- Phillip. Tito. Senior intern.
- Hey. Nice to meet you.

All right, follow me.
I'll show you around.

Oh, you can start by getting
coffee for the Three Musketeers.

- Who?
- The owners, Phillip.

Two million! Whoo!

This is, uh, Sarah. Head
of sales and marketing.

- Yeah.
- Black coffee. Extra hot. Splash of 2%.

Jesse, I buy ad space on your
stupid network every Sunday.

Least you could do is cut
me a deal for the playoffs.

Joe. Brains behind
the operation.

And the VC guy. Raised the
money to start this place.

- He okay?
- Uh, new heated floors. He gets cold.

Green tea. Steeped for three minutes.
One Truvia.

Gene. Tech. Four double shots of espresso.
Before noon.

Wears a new pair of
socks every day.

Throws out the old ones.
You'll help him put them on.

- He doesn't like to take the goggles off.
- Copy that.

Uh, the sign is
self-explanatory.

Kitchen is yours, too. There's a
grocery list on the bulletin board.

Three million!

Hey... Listen, you, you get paid,
you know, being the senior intern?

No, but last senior intern just
got a job at Porsche Marketing.

100 grand a year.

- Fuck.
- Was only here eight months. So...

But you can get started with
the coffee and the tea. So...

Yeah.

All right? And, Phillip, um,
get me an iced soy latte.

Home and
Garden, line four.

Buenos dias. Frank Gallagher.

My son, Liam. Looking for some workers
to help with a home masonry project.

- Right here.
- Pick three guys

with a strong physique
and a dumb disposition.

You. You. You.

You make me
proud, my one and only son.

Very proud. Uh, the
supplies I need.

Shelby,
report to Hardware.

- Frank fucking Gallagher.

You got money for once, Frank?

Credit card. And could I get a
$400 cash advance on that card?

And keep $100 for yourself.

Whatever you say, "Mrs. Wilson."

Yo. How come you didn't come home
last night? Or answer my texts?

Busy.

Care to elaborate?

I don't know, ask Denise.

Is that what this is about?
My high school girlfriend?

Your high school
girlfriend who you fuck.

- Whoa! What are you talking about? I--
- I saw you with her last night.

You're spying on me?

Yeah, 'cause I knew you'd
been cheating on me.

I wasn't cheating.

So you didn't fuck Denise, then?

Cheating would be if I sucked
some guy's cock, all right?

So, you didn't sleep with her?

- I didn't say that.
- I'm confused.

How do you think I feel? You're
the one calling me a cheater.

You still haven't answered the question.
Did you or did you not fuck Denise?

Jesus. What's the big deal?

- What's the big deal?
- She's an old friend.

Who you fuck!

We've been sleeping together
since we were kids.

Don't make this into
somethin' more than it is.

You're taking your dick, you're
putting it into a vagina.

And you're telling me you've
never done that before?

No. I haven't. I'm gay.

So am I! Sticking my dick in a friend's
vagina doesn't make me not gay.

Are you
hearing this, Raul?

This is why I didn't
wanna tell you.

Because I didn't want you freaking
out the way you are right now.

Oh. Geez. Sorry. Hey, how should I react
when you say you've been screwing a woman?

I don't know. Maybe by
being more accepting

of your partner's normal,
sexually-fluid experiences.

Maybe by sharin'
some of your own.

I don't have anything to share.
I'm gay. All right? 100% gay.

No one's a 100% anything.

Yeah, well, I am. All right?

So now this inexperienced vagina
fucker has got to get to work.

- Uh, you Trisha?
- I am.

It's brand-new.

How much did you want, again?

Like I said in the ad, at the store it's
$2,500, but I can let it go for two.

How about $1,500?

You're haggling with me?

Isn't that what
Craigslist is all about?

It's also about people
advertising baby stuff,

and when the pregnant lady shows up,
they cut the baby out of her stomach.

- You doing all right?
- You're sewing up my penis, you tell me.

You don't have a lot of
undamaged skin left down here.

Yeah, because you
chopped it all off.

I warned you this
would be difficult.

It's harder than I thought to
not get an erection.

You can get through this, son.
Just put your mind to it.

I literally think about
sex 70,000 times a day.

Have to find other
things to focus on.

Like what?

Hairy balls can work. Or
your grandmother naked.

I've even had patients
suggest to me

that watching Ted
Cruz on C-SPAN is an

effective measure for
preventing an erection.

Okay, guys. Here's your Snappy.
Snap, snap, snap.

Here's- I don't know what this
is, but you guys like it.

And here's your tennis racquet.

All right, you guys play. Daddy's
gotta clean this place up. All right?

Yevgeny! Get that
out of your mouth!

What are you doin', man? You're gonna
light yourself up like a Christmas tree.

How'd you get my phone?
How'd you get my phone?

Come on, now. I gotta move all these
weights. I gotta clean this place up.

Okay. Let me just take a break here first.
Just a second.

You know what? I'm gonna
use you as my weights.

Don't worry, Gemma, I'll
use you in my next set.

- Whee!
- Whee! Whee!

Shit. You are heavy.

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday, dear Sherry
Happy birthday to you

Excuse me. I'm looking for Chad.
Is he around?

Chad!

Okay. Thank you.

Actually, sorry to bother you. I work
at Patsy's. I wanted to let Chad know-

Where?

Patsy's. Pies.

Oh, yeah. The dump on Franklin.

You know it. I've been
filling in as manager.

I'd like to quit. Go
back to waiting tables.

That's fine. Do
whatever you want.

Are you allowed to say that? I mean,
don't you have to run it by Chad first?

Red velvet. I know
it's not your favorite, boss,

but Sherry wanted it
for her birthday.

Oh.

- Hey.
- Hi.

Zoning board
is on my ass.

Where's that environmental impact
study for the redevelopment project?

- Which one?
- The west side.

I'll call Fitz. Tell
him we need it ASAP.

Oh, and this one. She works at
that shithole over on Franklin.

- Patsy's.
- Yeah, she wants to quit.

- You do?
-well, as manager.

I wanna go back to
waiting tables.

We should just shut it down.

- What?
- Uh, it's just not worth the aggravation.

-well, you can't close it.
- Why not?

- I depend upon it to feed my family.
- You just quit.

That's the problem
with havin' a family.

Well, I didn't think it would
lead to you closin' it.

Ah, it's on its
last legs, anyway.

We're planning on redeveloping
that whole block.

You sure? Remember what happened to
that chicken place over on LeSalle?

Homeless guy started that kitchen fire to
stay warm, burned half the building down.

If I stayed on as manager,
would you keep it open?

Fine. Just don't lose any money.

Well, the only way to do
that is to fire people.

I mean, the old manager
hired so many unreliable-

Did you hear what I said?
Just keep it afloat.

Okay-

Andale, gringos! Andale.

Ooh! Nice wheels.

Ah, thanks. ljacked it.

Or it's one of my boss's cars.
Sent me to get it detailed.

Looks pretty clean already.

Yeah, I was thinking aboutjust wiping
it down. Pocketing the 100 bucks.

I don't have a lot of time,
so I ordered for you.

Sweet. Thanks.

So, what's up? You
sounded pretty freaked.

I, uh, confronted Caleb
about that chick.

He's screwin' her.

I guess there's something to
be said for honesty, right?

Except he says
it's not cheating.

How'd he come up
with that reasoning?

Says if it were a guy,
then he'd be cheating.

Guess that kinda
sort of makes sense.

I'd rather have my girlfriend sleeping
with another chick than some dude.

- You ever fuck a guy before?
- Fuck,no.

-'Cause you're 100% straight, right?
- Absolutely.

Yeah, well, Caleb's trying to argue
that no one's 100% anything.

It's cheater's logic.

Ever think about experimenting?

With a dude? No.

Think it makes you less
worldly or some shit?

Why?

You thinking about
experimenting with a chick?

No.

I don't know. Maybe.

So what would you do, right?

You're with this chick, bombshell
chick, you're fooling around, you know.

You look down, you realize
a guy had joined.

He's suckin' your dick.

How far along am I?

So you're, like, 93% straight.

It's like 96% straight.

All right.

Help wanted?

Yeah, I gotta cover the mornings when
you need to do your laundry. Right?

Girl, you got a
target on your back.

You're the bitch who told me
to stay home this morning.

Let's make things a little
easier for us this time, Harry.

We'll steal the
stroller someone wants,

instead of finding someone who
wants the stroller we have.

And now, we wait and see
what happens, Harry.

Holy shit, Harry, we
got an e-mail already.

It's for the Bugaboo stroller.

Uh, hello, Melanie?

Hi. You contacted me
about the baby Bugaboo?

Yes, it's still here.

I mean, available.
Uh, just one sec.

Hi, sorry, um, where
are you coming from?

Great. I'm not too far from you.

Why don't we meet at the, uh,
Trader Joe's on Ontario?

Great. I'll see you
there in 30 minutes.

Excuse me?

I saw the "help wanted"
sign at the window.

Uh-huh.

Can I leave my résumé with you?

Uh-huh.

Thanks.

Uh-huh.

Oh, fuck.

Son of a bitch.

- Chuga-chuga-chuga-chuga-choo

Hully-gully-hull
y--gully-hully-gully-goo

Hully-gully-hully-gully--

Hey, Hully Gully, I just
cleaned that floor, man.

Man, what are you laughing at?
Again with my clean floor.

Here we go.

Oh!

No, you didn't.

No, you didn't.

Ah, screw this. Food fight.
Animal crackers. Fighting.

Work looks good, gentlemen.

Gracias.

Fiona's gonna be mad.

Well, tough titties.

Gallagher and son would like to
thank you for your efficiency.

Uno momento.

This is where
we Iowball the illegals.

They got nothing over us
after the work is done.

Here we go. As
promised, $50 each.

You said $100.

How about we make it $75, and
I won't have you deported?

How about we make it $100,

and we won't murder you and the
little brown boy in your sleep?

You've jogged my memory.

It was $100 each.

I was in a coma.

- I was in the hospital. I was in a coma.
- I get...

Lucky you caught me.
Was about to go home.

I don't feel
so lucky right now.

Can barely find any skin you
haven't torn to sew back together.

Jesus.

Did the best I could.

Put on your pants.

Carefully.

If it happens again, you're
gonna be in trouble.

May have no choice but to turn
that thing into a vagina.

Hairy balls, son. Hairy balls.

You got restaurant experience?

Been waiting tables
since I was 13.

- Any felony convictions?
- Nope.

Are you working right now?

Place I was at,
Pelloni's, closed down.

Uh, it's being turned
into an Urban Outfitters.

The owner here wanted to
close this place down, too.

But she's giving me a
shot to turn it around.

Sounds cool.

That is just the kind of
enthusiasm that I'm looking for.

When can you start?

Soon as you want me to.

That's great. It's minimum
wage plus shared tips.

See you tomorrow at noon for training.

Thank you so much,
Miss Gallagher.

- Hey, Olga?
- Yeah.

You're fired.

You can't fire me.

I'm the only woman of color.
And I will sue your ass.

Excuse me,
where's the manager?

Hi, I saw your "help
wanted" sign.

You're hired. Come back
tomorrow at noon for training.

Thank you.

DR. SACHS". Hairy balls, son.
Hairy balls.

You're making me so wet.

Here, feel.

Yeah, it's, you know, like a rainforest.
It's like a Slip 'N Slide.

Yeah.

Lick my pUSSY-

_ - Okay.

Mmm-hmm.

Oh, God. I could come right now.

But not yet. Come up here.

Come up here.

I wanna come with you inside me.

Whenever you're ready, okay?

Oh, okay. I'll do that.

Good morning.

God bless CPA C.

We're at the edge of a cliff.

- Liberty is under assault.
{DOOR CLOSES)

Why are you watching this crap?

To not get a boner.

Is it working?

So far.

Is your penis doing okay?

It's all right.

All right. I'm gonna go take a shower.

No, you're not.

- Huh?
- Go take a look for yourself.

- Frank?
- I assume so.

The other side, too?

Yep.

- Hey, V.
- Hey.

Hey. Can I get a
beer and a water?

Thank you.

Starting to remind me of him.

Lip.

Hey. Buddy, hey.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
- What's going on?

Don't be talking
to strangers, son.

Frank, Liam can't be in here.

Drinking age in my country is four.
And a half.

That half really
makes the difference.

Fine. He can stay.

But no booze. And we
charge the same for sodas.

- Uh, extra for sodas.
- Oh.

Don't be corrupting my son

with your interracial,
bisexual funny business.

- What do you want, Frank?
- Two Cokes.

Never thought I'd hear that
come out of your mouth.

Well, being a good role model for my
progeny is an important job, Kermit.

Unlike the bad influences
he's had up to this point.

Hey, buddy. Hey. You doing okay?

I'm having fun with Frank.

Well, of course you are.

Well, if you need anything,
you know how to call, yeah?

Mmm-hmm.

All right.

He'!-

Wanna have some
real fun tonight?

What do you say you and me get
some female company for tonight?

You can have your
pick of the litter.

Now, the important criteria
to look for is who's DTF,

who's holding weed or coke,

and who makes your
wee-wee tingle.

Now, go get the one you want.

Oh, tiny dude.

I've got a date.

A lovely choice.

- Hello.
- Hello.

Care to join us, doll face?

Sure.

Dude, it's
really not that bad.

How do you deal with it?

With the taste, and the
folds, and the slime.

Like a cheese dick and a throat
full of spooge, that's better?

Give me a beer.

Man, if I sucked
some guy's dick,

I wouldn't be half as dramatic
as you're being right now.

You're a better man than I.

You at least feel more worldly?

Not at all.

I think I had steam coming off of me.

Should I just get you
the Drano, then?

If I knew I could gargle with
it without dying, I'd say yes.

You're 100% gay.

I have PTSD.

What the hell happened here?

Did we get robbed?

- Kev?
- Wake up. Hey.

Hey, sexy. Hey, beautiful.

- What is going on?
- Uh, this place is a disaster.

You were supposed
to clean today.

Oh, I'm sorry. I know.
I got too busy.

But we had a great day.

Oh, my... Did you know Gemma can climb
up on the couch all by herself?

Your only job was
to clean today.

Really?

I thought I was supposed to
keep the kids alive, too.

We were at work all day
busting our butts.

Yeah, all we ask is to come
home to a clean house.

I was working all day, too.

Doing what? Having a food fight?

- Did you even shower?
- Make us dinner?

Oh, my God. I'm not a maid. Why
are you two riding my ass?

Because you sat on that ass
all day doing nothing.

Oh, that's exactly
what I did today.

Nothing.

I did a heaping shit pile
of absolutely nothing!

- Uh, $328.
- Please.

No, no, no. No, wait, no, no.

Come on. Not the front door.
We have a special entrance.

- Whoa!

You got a plan.

Yeah, of course there's a plan.

Shit. Let's just...

Okay.

- Ladies first.
- Okay. Oh, boy.

- I'll give you a boost.
- Okay.

Liam, come on.

- Okay.
- Just don't fall. Okay?

Are you sure this thing is safe?

- Well, we'll find out soon. Okay.
- Okay.

Liam, grab my ankles.

- Okay.
- In you 90-

Yeah. Thank you.

Jesus.

Holy shit.

I had no idea our
floor was so slanted.

It'd be nice to have a toothbrush
and a change of clothes.

Yeah, I need a shower.

My ass is numb from this chair.

This couch is pretty comfy.

You still not mad at Frank, huh?

I refuse to let him
have any of my energy.

Dibs on the kitchen bathroom.

Oh, shit, you--

Shit.

We gotta get upstairs.

Yeah, we can throw a stink bomb up
there if Liam weren't with him.

He put bars up on the window.

Do you guys think we can set
fire to the top floor of the house?

Hurry up in there.

I'm using the sink.

Holy shit.

Dude, that's
a mangled mess. Ugh!

Oh, my God. It's all
bloody and raw, man.

You shouldn't have gotten
that stupid circumcision, man.

All right, well, I did. And there's
nothing I can do about it now.

So, fuck you guys.

I already feel like
enough of a freak

being the only Gallagher
who's not circumcised.

Thanks for making me
feel worse about it.

What the hell?

Hey, kids. You see those
ladies over there?

They're gonna help
us clean the house

so we can spend more
time playing together.

Ah, what the hell.

Yeah.

Main's off. And the
outside spigot's open.

All right. Hand me the hack saw.

Thanks.

Let's see how long he lasts
up there without water.

This is so fun, Harry. We
have such a great life now.

Double stroller.

We could get a lot for that.

Pretty soon, we'll be able to
start saving up for college.

Oh, no, it's okay, you don't have to go
to college if you don't want to, Harry.

Shit.

That smell could knock a
buzzard off a gut wagon.

He'!-

Doll face, we gotta
hose you down.

You're riper than a fat
boy in a clown costume.

- Hey.
- Sorry.

Liam, coffee on the hot plate.

God damn it.

I think that it's
recently flushed.

Two raptors circling the nest.

Phew! Nest is secured.

What's in the box?

New uniforms.

Oh, those are so cute.

Oh, hell, no. I am not
exposing my legs.

Oh, come on, you'll
make more tips.

Nobody sees my spider veins

except my gyno and the
neighbor with the binoculars.

Don't have to work here anymore.

Fine.

Bunch of us are going to The
Melody Lounge after work.

- You should come.
- Is that a club?

It'll be fun.

I don't have a
change of clothes.

- Of course you do.
- Yeah, right.

Come on, you look fine.
Hey, bring Lip, too.

You know, the Feds showed
up at my internship today.

They took a couple of servers.

- What for?
- No idea.

Those nerds are
richer than balls.

I texted Caleb. Told him to
meet me at the loft after work.

- You gonna compare vagina stories?
- That's exactly what we're gonna do.

There's Carl.

Carl Gallagher, please
approach the ambulance.

Gonna need you to
speed up, Carl.

I'm coming.

You're gonna wake
up the damn babies.

You must be from the
topless maid company.

- You're quick. Can I come in?
- Yes.

Yes.

Let me show you around.

As you can see, the
place is a mess.

I'm gonna need you to do the
laundry, wash the dishes.

Clean the floors, vacuum
and dust the furniture.

Sound good? Okay.

Wow. Sorry.

This is happening.

Those are spectacular.

It's amazing how you
stuffed them in there.

And now they're out in all their glory.
Hallelujah.

What's happening to me?

Gave you a jumbo
dose of Thorazine.

My brain feels
like cotton candy.

And that's the way you're gonna
feel for the next 72 hours.

No way you get a
boner on that shit.

Don't have to think about
hairy balls anymore?

What?

You guys are the best.

Wendy, don't
get me wrong.

I like what's going on here,

but are you gonna be doing
any cleaning today?

Cleaning?

You didn't bring any Lysol, or
ammonia, or a mop or anything.

You thought a topless maid
service actually did cleaning?

Yes.

That's cute.

Here. My services are a la carte.
Pick what you like.

-"Mop and Glow."
- That's one of my specialties.

I'm sure it is.

-"Pipe Cleaning."
- Old dudes like that one.

"Brazilian Floorwax."

That one's not what
you think it is.

I have no idea what
I think that is.

"Sham Wow"?

Hey. Finally decided
to come home.

Did you trick me into
having sex with a woman?

What?

So that you wouldn't feel
bad about what you did?

Look, what are you
talking about?

You made me feel like a
freak 'cause I'm only gay.

How you feel is on you.

I slept with some random
chick 'cause of you.

I didn't force you
to do anything.

I can still taste her hairspray.
And her pubes, and her vagisitis.

You obviously picked
the wrong woman.

Don't turn this around on me. You're
the weirdo, all right? Not me.

Because I like to have sex
with women once in a while?

- It's not normal.
- It's very normal.

If you're gay, it's not.
It's disgusting.

Then don't do it anymore.

And it's a turn-off.

Me? I'm the turn-off?

If you sleep with women? Yeah.

Then why are we even going out?

I keep asking myself
the same thing.

- Judgmental much?
- Vagina-fucker much?

When did you become such a baby?

When did you become
such a bisexual?

So, that's it, then?

Yeah, I guess so.

- Have a nice life.
- Already am.

Kevin, what are you doing?

I got a great idea
for a business.

- Where are the babies?
- Sleeping.

- Monitor.
-ls the house clean?

That is a great question, which is
directly related to my new business plan.

- So,no?
- You are correct.

The topless maid that I hired
was more of an escort.

You hired a topless maid?

- Did you have sex with her?
- Of course not.

What else did you think a
topless maid service did, Kev?

I was focused on the maid part
and not the topless part.

Which gave me this idea.

-"Nooks and Fannies"?
- Yes.

We are gonna start a maid service
that is not only topless,

but also cleans. We'll
corner the market.

You expect me to clean
someone else's house?

Don't have to. That's
the genius part.

You two are the boobs
of the operation.

She's gonna do the cleaning.

I think these girls just
invited me so I'd bring you.

He'!-

- He's here, he's here. Oh, my God.
- Stop, stop, stop, stop.

- Hi, Lip.
- Hey. Hi.

Ah!

What are you drinking?

- Uh,been - Okay. You
want something, girl?

Uh, a change of clothes.
You guys look great.

Have a shot. It'll
make you feel sexier.

Uh, two Stellas, and three
shots of Jager. On my tab.

I saw you checking me out
during my interview.

It was that obvious?

But I liked it.

Oh.

Thanks.

Cheers, Boss.

Thanks.

Cheers.

Ugh!

- Let's dance.
- Yeah.

Just so you know,

I have a kid and a
stupid ex-boyfriend.

So, I'm not looking
for anything serious.

Okay, well, I just got expelled from
college, did 30 days in rehab, so...

So we're a perfect match.

- Hey.
- What's up?

Is that Ariel's boyfriend?

No. She just met him on Tinder.
Going to the bathroom to bang.

- Uh-uh.
- You on Tinder?

Hmm. Not into the
meaningless, random hook-up?

Uh, nah, I'm more of a one-dysfunctional-
relationship-into-another kinda girl.

- I'm taking a break.
- This is why you need Tinder.

Give me your phone.

You're a hot piece of ass. You
should be boning on the regs.

- Let's take a picture.
- I don't know.

They always seem to get attached.
Or maybe that's me.

You bragging about
your golden vagina?

No, more like my golden
ability to pick liars.

Then don't talk to them.
Just swipe, fuck, leave.

Ooh, you already
have three matches.

And Luke is at the bar across the street.
Ready to rumble.

- Mmm-hmm.
- Oh!

What the fuck.

YO, yo; yo:

- What's going on?
- That.

Oh!

Holy shit. Fuck.

Don't say Papa never
gave you a pet.

Hey. He)'-

V!

V! Where are you?

Oh, V! Hi.

What the hell are you doing?

Can V come out and play?

It's 2:00 a.m. My kids, and my
husband, and wife are sleeping.

You know that that
sounds weird, right?

You're drunk.

And fucked. I just
Tinder fucked.

This guy. His name is like a J.
Or an L.

Or some other letter.
I don't care.

Careless, mindless
sex has set me free.

- Tell me more about it tomorrow.
- This guy was doing...

What the fuck?

Did you just close
the door on my face?

- Found a pickaxe.
- What the hell are you doing?

- Looking for demolition tools.
- Fiona?

- There's a shovel in here.
- She's asleep.

It's me.

Hey, I brought you some coffee. I
figured you might be hungover.

I am. What time is it?

Not as early as you ringing
my door bell last night.

- Huh?
- Don't "huh" me.

- Yo, Fi.
- Hmm?

Pickaxe, sledgehammer?

Sledgehammer.

- I'll see you upstairs.
- Yeah, I'll be up in a minute.

We're getting
rid of Frank.

ow;

So, who is this random guy you
hooked up with last night?

Key word in that
sentence is "random."

I don't know.

Why you sleeping with
random dudes, anyway?

Why am I not hooking
up with random dudes?

Some sort of rebound thing from Sean?

I'd have to care for it to
be a Sean rebound thing.

Funny, you said the
same thing about Frank.

Ooh. Having a rebound
thing with Frank?

No, dummy. Caring.

You seriously think that I give
a fuck about Sean? Or Frank?

It's been weeks, and you
haven't talked at all

about what happened
on your wedding day.

'Cause there's nothing
to talk about.

So I'm not gonna talk about it.
Ever.

It's harder than I thought.

You're up.

What the fuck?

Five,
four, three, two, one.

Okay. Well, the 72 hours is up.

English-SDH
BY [PR]