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1
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- Hey, babe.
- Hi.
2
00:00:04,920 --> 00:00:07,040
I am so glad it's Friday night.
3
00:00:07,120 --> 00:00:08,420
Ooh.
4
00:00:08,490 --> 00:00:10,250
Jake, look at you, looking all sexy
5
00:00:10,320 --> 00:00:13,490
in your "bidness" clothes.
6
00:00:13,510 --> 00:00:15,120
Claire, don't objectify me.
7
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- Let me objectify myself. Uh.
- Ooh.
8
00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:19,610
- Yes. Ooh, ooh.
- Shh.
9
00:00:19,740 --> 00:00:22,350
So sexy. Yes! Ooh, yes.
10
00:00:22,450 --> 00:00:24,480
- Slay, slay, slay, slay.
- Oh, slay, yes.
11
00:00:24,550 --> 00:00:25,580
Very Chicago.
12
00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:28,690
- Yes.
- Here we go.
13
00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:31,490
Sweatpants me, babe.
14
00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:34,030
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
15
00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:37,240
Ooh, they're on backwards.
16
00:00:37,300 --> 00:00:38,630
Don't care. It's the weekend.
17
00:00:38,700 --> 00:00:40,120
Right.
18
00:00:43,270 --> 00:00:45,640
Um... what...
19
00:00:45,710 --> 00:00:47,940
Babe, what-what's happening?
20
00:00:48,060 --> 00:00:51,460
So, you know how the best part
of eating some cheese puffs
21
00:00:51,470 --> 00:00:53,476
is licking all the dust off
your fingers at the end?
22
00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:57,100
Well, I crushed up an entire bag
23
00:00:57,170 --> 00:01:00,500
and now the whole thing is dust.
24
00:01:03,380 --> 00:01:05,810
Wait, you think I'm gross?
25
00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:08,110
No, I think you're a genius.
26
00:01:09,220 --> 00:01:11,860
If I get my entire hand wet...
27
00:01:11,980 --> 00:01:14,050
I can make a whole glove
28
00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:17,020
like Michael Jackson's,
except, you know, made of...
29
00:01:17,090 --> 00:01:18,490
cheese.
30
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♪ I got the cheese-ah ♪
31
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♪ I got the cheese on my finger-ah. ♪
32
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- Hi, guys.
- Hi.
33
00:01:26,830 --> 00:01:28,560
- Hey, man.
- Guess who you're looking at.
34
00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:31,870
As of today, the new face
of Calvin Klein underwear.
35
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- Hey.
- Oh.
36
00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:35,460
Underwear models, accountants,
37
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we both do our best work in briefs.
38
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Yeah, they're giving me a
lot of money for this.
39
00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:43,050
Are you sure I can't pay you guys rent
40
00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:44,080
for letting me crash here?
41
00:01:44,081 --> 00:01:46,680
No, just save us the underwear
that you wear in the shoot.
42
00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:50,150
- I'm sorry, what?
- And we'll put it on eBay
43
00:01:50,170 --> 00:01:51,376
and we can probably pay off the house.
44
00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:52,460
Oh, yeah.
45
00:01:52,470 --> 00:01:54,270
- Give me them drawers, man.
- Mm-hmm.
46
00:01:54,330 --> 00:01:55,680
Hey, well, this is great news, man.
47
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Come sit down and celebrate.
48
00:01:56,940 --> 00:01:58,096
Oh, I don't want to interrupt.
49
00:01:58,120 --> 00:02:00,260
You guys are obviously
having people over.
50
00:02:00,330 --> 00:02:01,400
What makes you say that?
51
00:02:01,470 --> 00:02:04,830
Well, that table full of snacks and...
52
00:02:04,900 --> 00:02:06,220
that second table full of snacks.
53
00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:10,440
- Oh, no, this is just for us.
- Yep.
54
00:02:10,510 --> 00:02:12,160
But I can see how it looks like
55
00:02:12,190 --> 00:02:14,640
we're feeding a peewee soccer team.
56
00:02:14,710 --> 00:02:16,690
It's so great to be around people
57
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:18,510
who aren't afraid to eat for pleasure.
58
00:02:18,580 --> 00:02:21,020
We just like to treat ourselves
at the end of a hard week
59
00:02:21,030 --> 00:02:22,250
to all our favorite foods.
60
00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:23,940
That's right. We work our asses off,
61
00:02:23,950 --> 00:02:25,640
so on Friday nights we like to kick back
62
00:02:25,660 --> 00:02:27,390
and get our weekend started
63
00:02:27,460 --> 00:02:29,230
- like pregame LeBron.
- Mm.
64
00:02:29,290 --> 00:02:31,220
- Ready, babe?
- Oh, yeah.
65
00:02:31,300 --> 00:02:32,300
Let's do this.
66
00:02:32,310 --> 00:02:33,560
And...
67
00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:35,230
Yeah!
68
00:02:41,410 --> 00:02:43,210
I should not have crushed up the puffs.
69
00:02:43,270 --> 00:02:45,310
No. I'll go get the vacuum.
70
00:02:45,380 --> 00:02:47,380
Mistakes were made.
71
00:03:01,500 --> 00:03:06,500
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
72
00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:13,860
Couldn't decide what I wanted
to make for breakfast, so, uh,
73
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- I made everything.
- Oh, wow. Hi.
74
00:03:17,100 --> 00:03:19,860
- This looks delicious.
- Oh, yeah.
75
00:03:19,940 --> 00:03:24,030
Um, but have our eating habits
gotten a bit out of control?
76
00:03:24,050 --> 00:03:26,070
What? No. This is breakfast...
77
00:03:26,140 --> 00:03:27,686
it's the most important meal of the day.
78
00:03:27,710 --> 00:03:30,010
Yeah, but, uh, you know,
Cooper's so healthy,
79
00:03:30,070 --> 00:03:31,410
and we pretty much eat like
80
00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:32,980
we're Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone.
81
00:03:35,310 --> 00:03:38,070
Which we can do because
we have memberships
82
00:03:38,100 --> 00:03:39,480
at that 24 Hour Fitness.
83
00:03:39,550 --> 00:03:42,220
Um, which we haven't been to
since the day we signed up.
84
00:03:42,290 --> 00:03:45,050
And, uh, I drove by the other day.
85
00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:48,320
- It's now a Sephora.
- Oh.
86
00:03:48,390 --> 00:03:49,719
So what? You know, like,
87
00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:51,259
I know you're too classy to admit it,
88
00:03:51,260 --> 00:03:52,580
but you've always been
one of those girls
89
00:03:52,590 --> 00:03:54,576
that can eat whatever she
wants without gaining weight.
90
00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:56,630
- Hmm.
- Boop. Now come over here
91
00:03:56,680 --> 00:03:59,000
and, uh, Lady and the
Tramp this maple bacon.
92
00:04:00,310 --> 00:04:02,040
Jake.
93
00:04:02,110 --> 00:04:04,236
I can't believe I have to say
this for the third day in a row,
94
00:04:04,260 --> 00:04:05,920
but you've got bacon
hanging out your mouth.
95
00:04:05,940 --> 00:04:08,520
And you can, too, my man.
96
00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:10,400
Boop.
97
00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:13,950
Claire, his, uh, bacon
hole's not working.
98
00:04:14,020 --> 00:04:15,220
Stop.
99
00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:17,719
I'm sorry, mate,
100
00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:19,160
but my trainer Antoine keeps me on
101
00:04:19,170 --> 00:04:21,520
this insane no-sugar, raw food diet.
102
00:04:21,590 --> 00:04:24,260
Well, eats like a rabbit,
talks like a koala.
103
00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:28,810
And I'd love to have breakfast
with you guys, but, um,
104
00:04:28,830 --> 00:04:31,200
the truth is I have to watch what I eat,
105
00:04:31,270 --> 00:04:32,980
'cause I used to be a
little bit overweight.
106
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:34,550
- What?
- What?!
107
00:04:34,580 --> 00:04:35,700
That's terrible.
108
00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:37,050
Oh, really?
109
00:04:38,210 --> 00:04:40,010
Wait, you-you guys are happy about this?
110
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:41,880
No. No.
111
00:04:41,950 --> 00:04:43,110
No.
112
00:04:43,180 --> 00:04:44,250
Maybe a little.
113
00:04:45,850 --> 00:04:47,290
I mean, it's kind of fun to find out
114
00:04:47,350 --> 00:04:49,940
that our hot pop star
roommate used to be a...
115
00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:51,890
chubby "wittle" wallaby.
116
00:04:53,140 --> 00:04:55,140
The Chunkstah from Down Undah.
117
00:04:56,170 --> 00:04:59,100
Oh, Huge Jackman.
118
00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:01,046
Yeah, I heard them all
during my fat Cooper days,
119
00:05:01,070 --> 00:05:02,510
which is why I burnt all the photos,
120
00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:04,720
except for the one that
Antoine makes me keep
121
00:05:04,740 --> 00:05:05,760
as a reminder to work out.
122
00:05:05,770 --> 00:05:08,050
Well, I'm sorry you had to
go through that, buddy.
123
00:05:08,070 --> 00:05:09,560
I never had to worry about weight,
124
00:05:09,620 --> 00:05:11,440
'cause I'm a college athlete.
125
00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:18,080
What's-what's funny? What...
126
00:05:18,150 --> 00:05:20,420
I'm sorry, babe, but we
have been out of college
127
00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:22,650
for over a decade.
128
00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:26,220
Uh, it's a lifetime title, Claire.
129
00:05:26,290 --> 00:05:29,020
Like "the pope" or, uh,
or "the grape lady."
130
00:05:29,060 --> 00:05:32,060
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
131
00:05:32,130 --> 00:05:35,420
I can't breathe. Stop the tape.
132
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:38,130
Chew on this, Coop-dawg.
133
00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:41,240
Wow.
134
00:05:41,270 --> 00:05:43,020
Man, that's so cool you
used to be able to dunk.
135
00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:44,240
What?
136
00:05:44,310 --> 00:05:45,430
You used to be able to dunk.
137
00:05:45,540 --> 00:05:48,840
No, I think you misunderstood
this, uh, Cooper Gooding, Jr.
138
00:05:48,900 --> 00:05:52,849
I... I still can dunk, okay?
139
00:05:52,850 --> 00:05:55,820
I just stopped because I got
tired of making grown men cry.
140
00:05:55,890 --> 00:05:59,470
Yeah, that's the sound of my dunks
141
00:05:59,500 --> 00:06:00,920
going through the net.
142
00:06:00,990 --> 00:06:02,090
Followed by...
143
00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:07,000
That's our neighbors crowding
around to cheer me on.
144
00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:10,640
Followed by "beep, beep, beep."
145
00:06:10,740 --> 00:06:13,800
That's the ambulance
backing into our driveway.
146
00:06:16,370 --> 00:06:18,070
Ooh, all right.
147
00:06:18,140 --> 00:06:19,880
Cooper, give me some drumroll.
148
00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:23,250
Claire, sexy fan scream.
149
00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:25,100
I love you, Dr. Dunk!
150
00:06:25,170 --> 00:06:27,330
Ha-ha, I love you, too, whoever you are.
151
00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:29,400
Ah. I have to admit
I'm a little nervous.
152
00:06:29,470 --> 00:06:32,520
- That you can't do it?
- No. That I'll burn up on reentry.
153
00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:51,520
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
154
00:06:54,900 --> 00:06:58,200
Okay, Jake, I want you to just relax
155
00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:00,220
and tell us exactly what happened.
156
00:07:00,260 --> 00:07:04,000
Right, um, so, something was
definitely off out there.
157
00:07:04,070 --> 00:07:05,770
You know? I mean, by my tenth dunk...
158
00:07:05,780 --> 00:07:07,570
Attempt.
159
00:07:08,740 --> 00:07:10,680
Thank you, Gerald.
160
00:07:10,750 --> 00:07:12,850
It was really scary, you know?
161
00:07:12,910 --> 00:07:15,660
I was sweating, my pulse was racing
162
00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:18,120
and I was, like, short of breath.
163
00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:22,560
Mom.
164
00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:24,710
What's wrong with him?
165
00:07:24,780 --> 00:07:26,980
Jake, in our expert opinion,
166
00:07:27,050 --> 00:07:29,310
we think you might have
experienced something
167
00:07:29,340 --> 00:07:33,380
we in the medical community
call exercising.
168
00:07:38,020 --> 00:07:41,420
What? No way. No-no-no way.
169
00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:43,520
I worked out all the
time back in college.
170
00:07:43,540 --> 00:07:45,060
I've never felt anything like this.
171
00:07:45,130 --> 00:07:47,999
Well, that's because your
body chemistry has changed.
172
00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:50,246
I mean, you still have the same
heart that you had back then,
173
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:51,459
except now it's trapped
174
00:07:51,460 --> 00:07:53,380
inside a bunch of cheese.
175
00:07:55,410 --> 00:07:58,940
Okay. Why don't you just
drink your morning margs
176
00:07:59,010 --> 00:08:00,819
and lay off Jake.
177
00:08:00,820 --> 00:08:02,609
Great. Then we can
178
00:08:02,610 --> 00:08:05,610
move on to you, Ms. Maternity Jeans.
179
00:08:07,750 --> 00:08:11,360
I am not wearing maternity jea...
180
00:08:11,660 --> 00:08:13,820
Okay, well, these ones
are maternity jeans.
181
00:08:13,890 --> 00:08:15,920
But I only bought them
182
00:08:15,940 --> 00:08:19,600
because I thought that
"stork-style" meant skinny legs.
183
00:08:19,660 --> 00:08:21,560
It makes sense.
184
00:08:21,630 --> 00:08:24,330
Look, it's nothing to be ashamed about.
185
00:08:24,340 --> 00:08:26,040
The fact is you're both over 30 now,
186
00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:27,940
and your metabolism is slowing down.
187
00:08:28,010 --> 00:08:29,520
Okay, you guys are overreacting.
188
00:08:29,540 --> 00:08:30,939
'Cause we're not fat.
189
00:08:30,940 --> 00:08:34,740
No. But you are pre-fat.
190
00:08:36,300 --> 00:08:38,340
As in, just about to pop.
191
00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:39,660
Just like the Nutty Professor
192
00:08:39,680 --> 00:08:41,900
right before his potion wears off.
193
00:08:41,970 --> 00:08:44,300
He's going along, thinks
he looks good, and...
194
00:08:46,970 --> 00:08:50,510
Get back in there, shoulder!
195
00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:53,810
- Whoa!
- Yeah.
196
00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:56,550
Oh, no! Oh!
197
00:08:56,620 --> 00:08:58,800
It's true, and you better
make some big changes soon,
198
00:08:58,820 --> 00:09:00,700
or you'll end up like
my poor cousin Tommy.
199
00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:02,280
Oh, cousin To... I love that guy.
200
00:09:02,300 --> 00:09:03,390
What happened to him?
201
00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:05,160
Oh, he's dead.
202
00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:08,660
And he was only 50, Jake.
203
00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:10,460
Oh, my God. That's horrible.
204
00:09:10,580 --> 00:09:12,010
Horrible and tragic.
205
00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:13,850
Like your dunk.
206
00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:16,500
Attempt.
207
00:09:20,420 --> 00:09:21,760
What?
208
00:09:21,830 --> 00:09:23,790
- Aw.
- Uh, Jake.
209
00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:25,330
Come on, it's past midnight.
210
00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:26,800
Can we please just go to sleep?
211
00:09:26,820 --> 00:09:28,019
Claire, cousin Tommy played
212
00:09:28,020 --> 00:09:30,019
college football and had a heart attack.
213
00:09:30,020 --> 00:09:31,759
I sit when I pee. I'm a goner.
214
00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:37,039
So we're not in peak
physical shape anymore.
215
00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:38,340
It's not that big a deal.
216
00:09:38,380 --> 00:09:40,700
Claire, I am 20 pounds heavier
217
00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:41,810
than I was in college.
218
00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:43,139
If we don't make serious changes,
219
00:09:43,140 --> 00:09:44,240
I may never dunk again,
220
00:09:44,260 --> 00:09:47,220
and you might never fit
in your old jeans.
221
00:09:47,290 --> 00:09:50,190
What? I can fit in my old jeans.
222
00:09:50,250 --> 00:09:51,460
Eh, sure you can.
223
00:09:53,660 --> 00:09:56,090
- Ooh.
- You'll probably die
224
00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:57,830
right after me.
225
00:09:57,850 --> 00:10:00,300
Which would be super sweet.
226
00:10:00,410 --> 00:10:02,410
Our last words will probably be,
227
00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:05,220
"Are you gonna finish that?"
228
00:10:07,990 --> 00:10:09,690
Baby?
229
00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:11,820
Babe, you okay in there?
230
00:10:11,890 --> 00:10:13,900
Sounds like you're flipping a tire.
231
00:10:15,330 --> 00:10:16,960
Ba-bam!
232
00:10:17,030 --> 00:10:18,730
Oh.
233
00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:20,030
You see?
234
00:10:20,100 --> 00:10:21,730
Yeah, those are nice.
235
00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:23,400
Now, uh, turn around.
236
00:10:25,180 --> 00:10:27,010
I really don't want to.
237
00:10:27,070 --> 00:10:28,540
Button popped off, didn't it?
238
00:10:28,610 --> 00:10:31,180
Yeh, I'm gonna need a sewing kit, um...
239
00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:34,000
- and a drywall patch.
- Oh.
240
00:10:38,420 --> 00:10:40,820
I am so glad you guys asked for my help.
241
00:10:40,830 --> 00:10:42,400
As my trainer Antoine
says, the first step
242
00:10:42,420 --> 00:10:43,820
to getting in shape is getting rid
243
00:10:43,890 --> 00:10:45,020
of all the junk food.
244
00:10:45,090 --> 00:10:47,790
Or, in your case, just food.
245
00:10:50,430 --> 00:10:54,320
Uh, only thing left in
there is, uh, some milk,
246
00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:56,240
a box of baking soda
247
00:10:56,300 --> 00:10:58,500
and the tops of some strawberries.
248
00:10:58,570 --> 00:11:00,200
- Ah...
- Yeah.
249
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:01,750
I had to cut them because the bottoms
250
00:11:01,780 --> 00:11:03,260
were all dipped in chocolate.
251
00:11:04,900 --> 00:11:08,210
Now, let's do your pantry.
252
00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:09,990
Toss all of this
253
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,620
in these boxes, and I
will throw it away.
254
00:11:11,690 --> 00:11:14,390
Antoine says junk food can
be as addictive as heroin.
255
00:11:14,460 --> 00:11:16,400
- Yeah, right.
- Okay, that's a little dramatic.
256
00:11:16,420 --> 00:11:18,360
Give me those back, you son of a bitch!
257
00:11:22,530 --> 00:11:24,800
Uh...
258
00:11:24,870 --> 00:11:27,770
I get it. You know, back when I
was Fat Cooper, I threw a tizzy
259
00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:31,000
when my parents pollywogged
my Tim Tams in the bin.
260
00:11:33,140 --> 00:11:35,040
I don't know what you just said, uh...
261
00:11:35,110 --> 00:11:37,740
But I did think of a
new Fat Cooper name.
262
00:11:37,810 --> 00:11:39,250
Meal Gibson.
263
00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:44,320
Or Olivia Fig Newton-John.
264
00:11:46,220 --> 00:11:47,360
Ha, ha. Ha.
265
00:11:47,380 --> 00:11:49,150
Great bullying, guys. Now get to work.
266
00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:52,090
All right.
267
00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:53,930
Well, Cap'n Crunch,
268
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:55,730
looks like it's Chips Ahoy.
269
00:11:57,830 --> 00:12:00,870
Silly rabbit, looks like
270
00:12:00,940 --> 00:12:03,300
Trix are for nobody now.
271
00:12:05,910 --> 00:12:08,340
Twizzlers.
272
00:12:08,410 --> 00:12:10,210
Now, who's ready for breakfast?
273
00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:11,520
- Oh, I am.
- Me!
274
00:12:12,500 --> 00:12:15,010
- Hey. There...
- Oh.
275
00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:19,290
Jake, what did he put in
our milkshake machine?
276
00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:24,260
I have no idea. Look at
the size of those grapes.
277
00:12:26,460 --> 00:12:28,760
Those are beets, Jake.
278
00:12:30,230 --> 00:12:32,580
Oh. Oh.
279
00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:34,080
Oh, you know what? This reminds me:
280
00:12:34,100 --> 00:12:35,816
we need to change the
filter in the aquarium.
281
00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:36,900
Oh.
282
00:12:38,140 --> 00:12:39,270
Uh...
283
00:12:39,340 --> 00:12:40,440
all right, now let's toast
284
00:12:40,510 --> 00:12:42,140
to a long and healthy future together.
285
00:12:42,210 --> 00:12:44,440
Come on. Come on.
286
00:12:44,510 --> 00:12:45,810
Cheers.
287
00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:47,910
Ooh.
288
00:12:52,190 --> 00:12:53,380
Wow. It's, uh...
289
00:13:01,100 --> 00:13:02,540
Nope.
290
00:13:07,780 --> 00:13:09,776
It's like one of those old
dollars in a vending machine.
291
00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:11,840
It just won't go down.
292
00:13:11,910 --> 00:13:14,840
Oh. I...
293
00:13:14,910 --> 00:13:16,740
Ugh.
294
00:13:16,810 --> 00:13:18,740
I think I just got a whole onion.
295
00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:24,420
You guys can do it, I promise.
296
00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:25,440
Bottoms up, come on.
297
00:13:25,460 --> 00:13:27,080
Go on. Come on.
298
00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:34,390
Ugh...
299
00:13:34,460 --> 00:13:37,800
My compliments to the goose
that pooped in this glass.
300
00:13:47,010 --> 00:13:48,740
It's only been three days and our bodies
301
00:13:48,810 --> 00:13:51,980
are already settling into
their sexy new shapes.
302
00:13:52,050 --> 00:13:54,910
Oh, my God, this is torture.
I'm starving!
303
00:13:56,480 --> 00:13:59,180
And all our old food is just downstairs,
304
00:13:59,250 --> 00:14:00,920
waiting for garbage day.
305
00:14:00,990 --> 00:14:03,890
- Baby Ruth.
- Mmm.
306
00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:06,790
- Little Debbie.
- Oh...
307
00:14:06,860 --> 00:14:09,290
The Sour Patch Kids.
308
00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:11,360
They're just children, Jake.
309
00:14:11,430 --> 00:14:13,370
- Not the babies.
- No!
310
00:14:13,430 --> 00:14:14,980
We should go check on them,
see how they're doing.
311
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,740
No, no, no. We have to
stop enabling each other.
312
00:14:19,510 --> 00:14:21,440
You're right. You're right.
313
00:14:21,510 --> 00:14:24,710
Let's just turn off the
lights, go to sleep.
314
00:14:24,780 --> 00:14:26,450
Yeah.
315
00:14:29,050 --> 00:14:30,680
- Whoa!
- What the hell?
316
00:14:40,820 --> 00:14:44,500
Guys, I think we'd better call Antoine.
317
00:14:48,070 --> 00:14:50,000
Fat Cooper's back.
318
00:14:58,740 --> 00:15:00,310
Hey, thanks for seeing us, Antoine.
319
00:15:00,380 --> 00:15:03,080
My shoot's in a week, and I
was literally eating garbage.
320
00:15:03,150 --> 00:15:06,800
Uh-huh. Well, Cooper, before I
got fit, I used to roll over
321
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:09,390
at 1:00 a.m. and text
Taco Bell, "You up?"
322
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,320
We're gonna get you back on track.
323
00:15:13,390 --> 00:15:16,290
Well, we are also ready to
start living healthier lives.
324
00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:18,160
- Yeah.
- And your gym is so cool.
325
00:15:18,230 --> 00:15:19,856
Oh, thank you. Yeah, it
was very important for me
326
00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:22,920
to maintain the vibe of the
building's rich, rich history.
327
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:24,146
What did this space used to be?
328
00:15:24,170 --> 00:15:25,860
A slaughterhouse.
329
00:15:25,980 --> 00:15:29,610
Now, the next seven
days will not be easy,
330
00:15:29,670 --> 00:15:31,070
but I promise they'll be worth it.
331
00:15:31,100 --> 00:15:32,370
All right? Claire,
332
00:15:32,380 --> 00:15:33,716
why don't you, uh, hit the heavy bag.
333
00:15:33,740 --> 00:15:35,760
Boys, let's start with some burpees.
334
00:15:35,820 --> 00:15:39,420
Burpees. Okay, uh...
335
00:15:41,490 --> 00:15:44,550
Should we, uh, be...
336
00:15:44,620 --> 00:15:46,180
Shouldn't we be easing into this stuff?
337
00:15:46,220 --> 00:15:47,699
Excellent point. If you're struggling,
338
00:15:47,700 --> 00:15:49,639
feel free to take things down a notch.
339
00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:51,530
- Try some lunges. Yeah.
- Oh, cool.
340
00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:53,190
That should provide plenty of time
341
00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:54,646
for another guy to move in on Claire.
342
00:15:54,670 --> 00:15:56,530
Sorry, what?
343
00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:58,940
I'm just talking about
all the beefcake dudes
344
00:15:58,980 --> 00:16:01,040
on her Facebook page, lurking,
345
00:16:01,110 --> 00:16:02,910
just waiting to take her to pound town
346
00:16:02,970 --> 00:16:04,340
after you die!
347
00:16:04,460 --> 00:16:07,240
What... what the hell?
348
00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:10,130
Oh, Cooper let me in on all
your weaknesses and fears
349
00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,030
to help me motivate you.
350
00:16:12,100 --> 00:16:14,430
Well, I respond better to
positive reinforcements.
351
00:16:14,500 --> 00:16:16,399
Okay. Well, I'm positive
352
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:18,080
that Jeff Killroy's gonna be the man
353
00:16:18,100 --> 00:16:19,820
that teaches your son how to ride a bike
354
00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:21,410
after you die!
355
00:16:22,910 --> 00:16:26,280
And Patrick Watson is a sexy surfer
356
00:16:26,350 --> 00:16:28,750
with a shark bite scar that's
gonna fornicate with Claire
357
00:16:28,820 --> 00:16:30,150
after you die!
358
00:16:31,450 --> 00:16:33,020
Take it easy on him, Antoine.
359
00:16:33,090 --> 00:16:36,090
Oh, okay.
360
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:39,530
Well, you know who's not gonna
take it easy on you, Claire?
361
00:16:39,590 --> 00:16:42,530
Society's physical
expectations of women over 30.
362
00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:45,770
Now, make like a widow
whose pension just ran out
363
00:16:45,830 --> 00:16:48,100
and get back to work! Punch!
364
00:16:48,170 --> 00:16:49,770
You can do this, Claire!
365
00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:52,370
Shut your trap, you bloated Bieber.
366
00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:53,760
Don't listen to him, Cooper.
367
00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:55,640
He's just using our fears against us.
368
00:16:55,710 --> 00:16:58,240
I know. Isn't he the best?
369
00:16:58,310 --> 00:16:59,480
Faster!
370
00:16:59,550 --> 00:17:02,320
Harder! Come on!
371
00:17:02,380 --> 00:17:03,580
Can I have some water?
372
00:17:03,650 --> 00:17:04,800
Yeah, I'll get you some water.
373
00:17:04,820 --> 00:17:07,120
After you die!
374
00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:12,180
Come on! Hup, hup, hup!
375
00:17:15,900 --> 00:17:19,100
Bad news, Claire.
376
00:17:19,170 --> 00:17:21,230
Dinner's ready.
377
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:25,860
Man, these last six days working out
378
00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:28,910
have left me sore as hell, but I...
379
00:17:29,010 --> 00:17:32,210
... have a surprise for you.
380
00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:34,050
Ba-bam.
381
00:17:34,110 --> 00:17:35,810
Ooh.
382
00:17:35,820 --> 00:17:38,320
Jeans buttoned and zipped.
383
00:17:38,380 --> 00:17:39,820
Mm-hmm.
384
00:17:39,890 --> 00:17:42,400
Daddy likes what he sees
385
00:17:42,410 --> 00:17:44,370
- and he sees what he likes.
- Ooh.
386
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,980
I mean, these pants are-are so
tight that I can barely breathe,
387
00:17:50,050 --> 00:17:52,139
but, uh, maybe Dr. Dunk wants to
388
00:17:52,140 --> 00:17:54,050
give me some mouth-to-mouth.
389
00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:55,560
Why don't you come down here
390
00:17:55,570 --> 00:17:58,350
so we can squish our bodies together?
391
00:17:58,420 --> 00:18:00,720
- Oh, your pants.
- Okay, here I come.
392
00:18:00,740 --> 00:18:01,740
Yeah.
393
00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:04,020
You better bring it
to me, little granny.
394
00:18:04,090 --> 00:18:06,160
Yeah, come here.
395
00:18:06,230 --> 00:18:09,260
Ow.
396
00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:12,860
Okay.
397
00:18:14,620 --> 00:18:18,540
Ah, yeah.
398
00:18:18,610 --> 00:18:20,560
Mmm. Wait.
399
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:21,740
Hold on, I think I have to sneeze.
400
00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:23,020
No, no, no, no, no. Don't do that.
401
00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:24,860
No, no, no, no, no. You're
too close, you'll make...
402
00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:26,220
Ow!
403
00:18:26,260 --> 00:18:28,550
- Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
- Ow, ow.
404
00:18:28,620 --> 00:18:29,840
- My muscles.
- Ow. Ooh.
405
00:18:29,850 --> 00:18:32,660
Hiya, guys, we're... Okay!
406
00:18:33,700 --> 00:18:35,160
That's how you guys have sex?
407
00:18:36,430 --> 00:18:38,130
Ugh.
408
00:18:38,190 --> 00:18:40,190
No, we're just too sore to move.
409
00:18:40,260 --> 00:18:41,719
Can you please just help us get up?
410
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:42,759
Yes, of course.
411
00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:44,429
- Ow.
- Please.
412
00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:48,170
Ooh.
413
00:18:49,570 --> 00:18:51,060
Thank you, Coops.
414
00:18:51,070 --> 00:18:52,310
How'd the photo shoot go?
415
00:18:52,380 --> 00:18:54,190
So amazing. And I'm really grateful
416
00:18:54,210 --> 00:18:56,280
to you guys for helping
me get back into shape.
417
00:18:56,300 --> 00:18:58,150
And, and because of that,
418
00:18:58,210 --> 00:19:01,480
I wanted to share something
special with you.
419
00:19:01,500 --> 00:19:03,220
- Oh.
- Good God.
420
00:19:03,290 --> 00:19:05,640
You look amazing.
421
00:19:06,060 --> 00:19:08,280
Wow, man. Is this the, uh, one,
422
00:19:08,300 --> 00:19:09,966
Calvin Klein's gonna
put on the billboards?
423
00:19:09,990 --> 00:19:11,260
What?
424
00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:15,060
No, that's Fat Cooper.
425
00:19:17,270 --> 00:19:20,500
- Are you kidding me?
- What the hell?
426
00:19:20,570 --> 00:19:22,300
I know. I barely even have a six-pack.
427
00:19:22,370 --> 00:19:25,010
Oh, my... Dude, you look the same.
428
00:19:25,070 --> 00:19:27,840
That's the meanest thing
anyone's ever said to me.
429
00:19:31,510 --> 00:19:32,700
Can you believe this kid?
430
00:19:32,850 --> 00:19:35,050
Ugh, I know. G...
431
00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:36,920
I just got to keep looking at this photo
432
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:40,320
to remind myself how mad I am.
433
00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:46,060
Stop.
434
00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:51,550
You know, honey, Cooper's
not the only reason
435
00:19:51,580 --> 00:19:53,300
I wanted to get into shape.
436
00:19:53,370 --> 00:19:55,440
I mean, my favorite thing in life
437
00:19:55,500 --> 00:19:57,400
is to spend Friday nights
with you on the couch,
438
00:19:57,420 --> 00:20:00,210
and I want to do that as long as I can.
439
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:02,340
Yeah, same.
440
00:20:02,410 --> 00:20:04,299
But I don't want to live forever
441
00:20:04,300 --> 00:20:06,300
if this is how it's gonna feel.
442
00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:10,050
I mean, one of the joys of marriage
443
00:20:10,120 --> 00:20:12,250
is being able to let yourself go.
444
00:20:12,270 --> 00:20:14,219
Yeah.
445
00:20:14,220 --> 00:20:15,560
I never realized that health
446
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:17,760
was the worst part of "in
sickness and in health."
447
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:24,300
Let's just try to live
healthier during the week,
448
00:20:24,370 --> 00:20:25,899
but then on weekends
449
00:20:25,900 --> 00:20:27,800
just be garbage people.
450
00:20:29,220 --> 00:20:30,539
Absolutely.
451
00:20:30,540 --> 00:20:32,780
And, uh, since we're
on the same page here,
452
00:20:32,820 --> 00:20:35,340
I feel like I can admit to you that I...
453
00:20:35,410 --> 00:20:36,910
never actually threw away our food.
454
00:20:36,980 --> 00:20:38,010
You didn't?
455
00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:46,440
- Our babies.
- Yes.
456
00:20:48,460 --> 00:20:51,590
Oh, Mommy and Daddy love you so much.
457
00:20:51,660 --> 00:20:53,000
Mmm.
31929
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