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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,480 --> 00:00:08,040 APPLAUSE 2 00:00:08,040 --> 00:00:11,880 GENTLE PIANO MUSIC 3 00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:22,600 Good evening and welcome to this festive edition of Play of the Week. 4 00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:25,320 I'm Chris Bean, the director. 5 00:00:26,520 --> 00:00:29,920 The BBC has recently refused to fund any more episodes of 6 00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:31,080 Play of the Week, 7 00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:33,240 but thanks to some additional sponsorship, 8 00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:34,920 we are gladly able to continue 9 00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:37,480 with tonight's production of The Nativity. 10 00:00:37,480 --> 00:00:41,120 I should also inform you that a fire alarm test was scheduled to 11 00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:42,560 happen in our studio tonight. 12 00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:45,760 I did email the BBC to try to have it moved, but they said they 13 00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:50,040 would rather disturb our broadcast than one of their empty studios. 14 00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:54,400 I called their bluff and, after a frank exchange, 15 00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:57,040 we will now be having two fire alarm tests tonight. 16 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:01,360 So, the actors are prepared. 17 00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:03,360 The stage is set. 18 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:07,640 Please enjoy The Nativity, sponsored by Brookshaw Corporate Finance. 19 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:24,240 Our story begins with Mary... 20 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:28,360 ..a young woman from the town of Nazareth, 21 00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:33,520 and her husband, Joseph, a humble carpenter. 22 00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:37,080 Oh! 23 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:41,480 Oh, Joseph. 24 00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:43,960 DRAMATIC BIBLICAL FILM MUSIC PLAYS 25 00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:49,680 Behold! I am the Archangel Gabriel. 26 00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:52,240 Witness the light of God. 27 00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:54,600 Kneel before the messenger of the Lor... 28 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:55,920 Not yet. 29 00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:04,560 Oh, Joseph. 30 00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:06,760 Nothing interesting ever happens in Nazareth. 31 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:09,080 But did you hear word of the census? 32 00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:13,040 Mary, we must travel to Bethlehem to be counted by the Romans. 33 00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:15,600 We shall have to buy a donkey to make that journey. 34 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:17,120 But we have not the money. 35 00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:21,280 I have not sold so much as a crude stool in two months. 36 00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:24,280 Fear not, my love, you are a master carpenter. 37 00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:28,920 Finished. 38 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:34,040 Money will come if we have faith. 39 00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:35,560 Faith is all we have. 40 00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:44,440 We must put our trust in God. 41 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:47,680 Or perhaps we should consider a small business loan allowing us 42 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:49,760 to expand our range of products. 43 00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:51,680 Would the interest not cripple us? 44 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:54,080 Not at the 3.4% variable APR offered 45 00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:57,120 exclusively by Brookshaw Corporate Finance. 46 00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:59,480 Now that's a miracle. 47 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:02,960 DRAMATIC BIBLICAL FILM MUSIC PLAYS 48 00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:06,520 Behold! 49 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:07,800 Argh! 50 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:09,520 CRASH! 51 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:15,000 Hello. 52 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:17,680 I am the Archangel Gabriel. 53 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:30,600 Kneel before the messenger of the Lord. 54 00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:33,680 But... But do not be afraid... 55 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:35,040 BANG! 56 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:35,040 ARGHH! 57 00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:39,040 ..for I bring great news. 58 00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:41,160 You will conceive a child. 59 00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:42,480 A child! 60 00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:45,200 # For unto us a child is bo... # 61 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:47,160 DIRECTOR: That's cut, Dennis. 62 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:51,680 But I can't have a child. 63 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:53,600 I'm a virgin. 64 00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:59,720 I've been sent to tell you that you have been impregnated remotely. 65 00:03:59,720 --> 00:04:02,000 Sorry, that came out very sinister. 66 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:03,560 It's a good thing. 67 00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:06,360 The babe is a gift from the Lord, and I have been sent to tell you, 68 00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:07,800 from on high... 69 00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:12,960 I've been sent to tell you, from on high... 70 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:18,280 I've been sent to tell you, from here, 71 00:04:18,280 --> 00:04:22,600 that this child shall be the Son of God. 72 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:23,880 DRAMATIC BIBLICAL MUSIC 73 00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:26,760 But why would the good Lord choose me to bear his child? 74 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:28,160 BANG! 75 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:28,160 ARGH! ARGHHHH! 76 00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:33,160 The Lord moves in mysterious ways. 77 00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:36,200 You are now with child. 78 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:37,880 ZAP! 79 00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:39,120 Wow! 80 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:44,600 Heed my words, for I am a prophet of the Lord. 81 00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:47,000 And everyone likes profits. 82 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:50,000 # Brookshaw Corporate Finance 83 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:52,840 # Even Jesus loves cash! # 84 00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:57,200 MARY: Urgh. 85 00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:58,960 Carry on, we need the money. 86 00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:01,840 And with that, the Angel spread his arms wide 87 00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:06,040 and, with great majesty, ascended into heaven. 88 00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:08,760 BIBLICAL FILM MUSIC PLAYS 89 00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:17,680 Er... Joyous day! 90 00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:19,040 How blessed we are! 91 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:20,240 But we must hasten 92 00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:23,280 if we are to travel to Bethlehem before the holy child is born. 93 00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:26,640 Aye, Mary, I shall purchase a donkey to make the journey. 94 00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:27,920 Oh, piss. 95 00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:43,720 These are also a gift from the Lord. 96 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,000 BANG! 97 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,000 ARGH! 98 00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:50,960 Mary and Joseph purchased a donkey, 99 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:53,960 loaded their few belongings onto its back 100 00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:55,840 and set off into the desert. 101 00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:58,400 MUSIC: Little Donkey 102 00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:06,560 Annie, Keep up. 103 00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:08,800 All right! I'll keep up. 104 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:11,560 It's just...it's not easy. 105 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:20,680 Mary, let me help you take the weight off your feet. 106 00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:23,000 No. No. No. 107 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:24,600 Oh, oh. No. 108 00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:27,240 Er, we'll walk. 109 00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:30,760 Farewell, good town of Nazareth. 110 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:33,160 MUSIC: Little Donkey 111 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:41,760 # Little donkey 112 00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:45,920 # Little donkey on the dusty road 113 00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:51,000 # Got to keep on plodding onwards 114 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:53,800 # With your precious load 115 00:06:55,280 --> 00:06:58,720 # Been a long time, little donkey 116 00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:01,240 # Through the winter's night 117 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:07,560 # Don't give up now, little donkey 118 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,800 # Bethlehem's in sight 119 00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:14,280 # Ring out those bells tonight 120 00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:18,240 # Bethlehem, Bethlehem 121 00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:23,480 # Follow that star tonight 122 00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:27,280 # Bethlehem, Bethlehem 123 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:30,240 # Follow that star tonight 124 00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:35,560 # Bethlehem, Bethlehem 125 00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:39,440 # Little donkey, little donkey 126 00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:43,400 # Had a heavy day 127 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:45,480 # Little donkey 128 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:51,520 # Carry Mary safely on her way. # 129 00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:55,040 Look, Joseph! Bethlehem! 130 00:07:57,080 --> 00:07:59,280 You're sagging. 131 00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:02,080 Next time, I'm being the head and you're being the arse. 132 00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:07,640 Meanwhile, in a field far outside Bethlehem, three shepherds 133 00:08:07,640 --> 00:08:09,760 watched their flocks by night. 134 00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:15,960 MUSIC: While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks by Tate and Brady 135 00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:29,640 Ay Barshabba. 136 00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:32,360 'Tis a mild winter's eve for... 137 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:33,960 ALARM BELL RINGS 138 00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:36,000 There it is. There it is. There's the fire alarm. 139 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:38,280 Everyone, stay calm. Just stay in your seats. 140 00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:39,800 Fire! There's a fire! Fire! 141 00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:41,360 No, it's a drill. It's a drill. 142 00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:44,120 OK, OK, OK. Everyone, stay calm, it won't be a moment. 143 00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:47,560 Studio patrons, it has become necessary to evacuate the venue... 144 00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:48,800 No, no, no. It's just a drill. 145 00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:50,720 ..all personal belongings and make... 146 00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:52,400 No! We don't need to evacuate. 147 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:53,680 I can't hear you, Chris. 148 00:08:53,680 --> 00:08:55,040 Studio patrons, please... 149 00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:57,080 No! GO BACKSTAGE! All right? 150 00:08:57,080 --> 00:08:59,280 You've changed! Why have you changed!? It's a fire. 151 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:01,520 If there's a fire you're not supposed to get changed, 152 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:04,000 you're supposed to get out. Yep, everyone out. No, no, no. 153 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:05,160 Keep moving. 154 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:06,480 Stand up, please. 155 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:08,480 Ah, ah, ah. 156 00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:10,040 Chris, not again! Not again. 157 00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:13,120 I repeat. There is a fire! There is a fire! 158 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:14,680 THERE'S NO FIRE... 159 00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:16,760 FIRE ALARM STOPS 160 00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:16,760 ..YOU MORON! 161 00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:20,680 Merry Christmas. 162 00:09:20,680 --> 00:09:21,960 Let's continue. 163 00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:23,640 DRILL WHIRS 164 00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:23,640 Here. 165 00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:24,680 Get off. 166 00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:33,840 Suddenly, in the sky above them, the shepherds saw a most majestic sight. 167 00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:38,880 GABRIEL GRUNTS 168 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:49,720 Behold! The light of God! 169 00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:51,120 CRACKLE 170 00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:52,160 Underwhelming. 171 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:54,960 Make a note - I need more fireworks for the final scene. 172 00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:57,400 I bring good tidings of great joy... 173 00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:58,680 Ah! 174 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:06,640 Halo. 175 00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:11,840 Halo. 176 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:13,200 Hello. 177 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:14,320 No. 178 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:17,560 Halo. 179 00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:20,760 ALL: Hello. No! 180 00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:22,320 Halo! 181 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:23,640 Over there! 182 00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:30,840 ALL: Hello. 183 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:32,080 No! On the floor! 184 00:10:36,560 --> 00:10:37,880 ALL: Hello! 185 00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:40,200 No! Halo! 186 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:41,840 Halo! 187 00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:43,760 Is it me you're looking for? 188 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:45,040 No! 189 00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:48,040 The round, sparkly hat! All right? 190 00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:50,320 Give me my round sparkly hat! 191 00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:51,680 Not my personal one! 192 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:55,480 The halo. Ah. 193 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:02,080 Higher! 194 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:03,320 ALL: Hiya! 195 00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:05,000 No, higher! 196 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:06,840 ALL IN HIGHโ€”PITCHED VOICE: Hiya! 197 00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:08,280 Forget the halo. 198 00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:10,800 Be not afraid. JESUS! 199 00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:13,160 No, he isn't born yet, 200 00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:16,200 although that brings me neatly onto my next point. 201 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,800 Jesus will be born and he shall be the King... 202 00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:20,480 ..OF KINGS. 203 00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:26,560 You shall find a babe wrapped in swaddling shawls in a manger. 204 00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:29,560 To find him, you must follow this star. 205 00:11:29,560 --> 00:11:32,000 BIBLICAL FILM MUSIC PLAYS 206 00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:44,040 I am a messenger... 207 00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:48,480 ..FROM THE LORD! AH, AH, AH. 208 00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:52,640 PANICKED: GLORY BE TO GOD IN THE HIGHEST! 209 00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:56,480 And so the shepherds set off into the night, 210 00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:58,680 following the guiding star. 211 00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:01,840 Just go off. Just go off. 212 00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:09,440 Meanwhile, in Herod's Palace, in Jerusalem... 213 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:15,400 No, no. No, no, no. Stop. Stop. 214 00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:17,240 Aaaaaaaah! 215 00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:19,880 ..King Herod had awoken from a troubled sleep. 216 00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:21,240 Argh! 217 00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:28,800 All hail King Herod! 218 00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:30,080 ALL: Hail! 219 00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:31,760 TRUMPET FANFARE PLAYS 220 00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:36,360 I slept fitfully. My dreams... 221 00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:44,400 TRUMPET FANFARE PLAYS 222 00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:49,840 I slept fitfully. My dreams 223 00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:49,840 were full of dark portents... 224 00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:51,680 ..and grim tidings. 225 00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:53,600 What saw you in these dreams, Sire? 226 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,920 Well, I saw a babe of great majesty. 227 00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:58,480 Yet...was wrapped in swaddling shawls. 228 00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:01,320 Oh, most troubling, Sire. 229 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:04,040 It seems an evil omen looms high, indeed. 230 00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:06,600 But I saw wise men drawing near. 231 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:08,320 I know they are close. 232 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,520 When sayest you these wise men come? 233 00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:12,080 IMMINENTLY! 234 00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:16,600 By your word, King, here come three wise men! 235 00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:20,080 STAGEHAND: Stand by, curtain. No, no, no, we're not ready. 236 00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:21,840 We haven't got our trousers! Cue curtain. 237 00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:23,320 No. No, no, no, no, no. 238 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:36,440 Argh, argh, argh! 239 00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:40,840 We've come to ask Herod for help to find the child. 240 00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:43,720 I am... I am Melchior, 241 00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:45,360 Wise Man Number One. 242 00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:49,640 I am Caspar, also Wise Man Number One. 243 00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:52,240 And I am a shepherd. 244 00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:53,760 You're a wise man. 245 00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:55,520 Chris said I was an idiot. 246 00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:56,960 You're both. 247 00:13:56,960 --> 00:14:00,880 I am an idiot who is also wise...and a shepherd. 248 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:05,760 You must approach King Herod. 249 00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:09,360 IT IS JUST LIKE MY DREADED DREAM SUGGESTS! GOOD WISE MEN! 250 00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:13,040 I CHARGE THEE, FIND THIS CHILD AND UPON HIS DISCOVERY GIVE ME WORD! 251 00:14:17,680 --> 00:14:20,240 Help, no! 252 00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:25,000 HEROD MOANS 253 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:32,640 Continue. 254 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:40,880 Our generous King shall furnish thee with gifts for the child. 255 00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:51,520 Gold. 256 00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:52,920 Ooh. 257 00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:57,040 Frankincense. 258 00:14:58,240 --> 00:14:59,400 Mm. 259 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:03,240 And myrrh. 260 00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:06,800 Ahh. Aaagh! 261 00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:10,400 That's also for smelling. 262 00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:11,800 Thank you, generous King. 263 00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:25,920 I charge thee - deceive them with your guile. 264 00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:29,440 I shall unto my chambers and rest awhile. 265 00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:48,200 And on their return... 266 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:52,200 Move! Come on! 267 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:57,960 On their return, I'll be his saboteur. 268 00:15:57,960 --> 00:15:59,920 SHE GASPS 269 00:15:57,960 --> 00:15:59,920 Oh! 270 00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:06,480 Arriving to be counted in the census, Mary and Joseph 271 00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:08,920 made their way through the streets... 272 00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:10,440 SCRAPING 273 00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:16,400 Er, Ma-Mary and Joseph made their... 274 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:17,680 AAAAAAAH! 275 00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:22,240 MARY and Joseph made their way through the streets, 276 00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:24,520 along with their trusty donkey... 277 00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:29,680 ..who had one head and one arse. 278 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:37,400 They needed a place to stay in the little town of Bethlehem. 279 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:41,440 MUSIC: O Little Town of Bethlehem 280 00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:54,560 # O little town of Bethlehem 281 00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:59,280 # How still we see thee lie 282 00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:04,120 # Above thy deep and dreamless sleep 283 00:17:04,120 --> 00:17:09,000 # The silent stars go by... # 284 00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:10,120 AAAAAAH! 285 00:17:10,120 --> 00:17:15,080 # Aaaaaand in thy dark streets shineth 286 00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:19,360 # The everlasting light 287 00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:27,000 TO TUNE OF FUNERAL MARCH: 288 00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:27,000 # The...hopes and fears of all 289 00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:27,000 the years 290 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:33,720 # Are met in thee to-oo-night 291 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:38,320 TO TUNE OF CAMPTOWN RACES: # For Christ is born of Mary and gathered all 292 00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:41,200 # Above while mortals sleep, the angels keep 293 00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:45,360 TO TUNE OF AULD LANG SYNE: # Their watch of wondering love 294 00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:53,360 # O morning stars together Proclaim the holy birth 295 00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:56,480 TO THE TUNE OF CAN-CAN: 296 00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:56,480 # And praises sing to God the King 297 00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:58,040 # And Peace to men on Earth 298 00:17:58,040 --> 00:18:01,400 # No ear may hear His coming but in this world of 299 00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:04,280 # Sin where meek souls will receive him still... 300 00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:08,800 BACK TO NORMAL TUNE: 301 00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:08,800 # The dear Christ enters in. # 302 00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:14,240 APPLAUSE 303 00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:22,920 CRIES OF PAIN 304 00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:22,920 Mary and Joseph went from door to 305 00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:22,920 door, looking for a room. 306 00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:28,680 Hello. I'm a stupid shepherd. 307 00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:29,960 Here's your myrrh. 308 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:33,840 May God be with you, my friend. 309 00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:37,760 Please, I'm with child, have you room at your inn? 310 00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:38,800 Yes. 311 00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:43,360 Yes? Yes. 312 00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:47,800 OK. 313 00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:50,520 No, no, no! Yes. No. 314 00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:51,800 There's no room here. 315 00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:53,320 There's room at the third one. 316 00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:57,280 Fear not, my beloved Mary. 317 00:18:57,280 --> 00:18:59,920 I am sure we will find somewhere to rest. 318 00:18:59,920 --> 00:19:02,440 The good Lord watches over us. 319 00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:09,480 Hello. I am a wise man, here's your myrrh. 320 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:14,600 MUFFLED CONVERSATION 321 00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:15,640 OK, OK! 322 00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:19,040 You're an innkeeper now. Switch on! 323 00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:22,440 Have you any room? 324 00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:25,920 Yes. 325 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:28,200 Ah! No, there's no room here. 326 00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:30,600 Innkeeper slams door in their faces. 327 00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:39,800 Oh, Mary! We have searched high and low and there is only one inn left. 328 00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:42,560 Let's hope this innkeeper has room. 329 00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:44,560 SCREECHING 330 00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:44,560 Aah! Hello. 331 00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:45,800 Who are you? 332 00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:49,040 That's...John the Baptist. 333 00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:52,720 Hello. I'm... 334 00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:56,040 I'm... 335 00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:57,520 WHISPERS: Jesus Christ. 336 00:19:57,520 --> 00:19:59,640 I'm Jesus Christ. 337 00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:01,480 The saviour is born! 338 00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:04,520 # For unto us a child is born! # 339 00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:06,320 No! That's cut. 340 00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:07,760 Right, sorry. Carry on. 341 00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:10,120 Yes. There's no room at the pub. 342 00:20:10,120 --> 00:20:11,400 Inn! OK. 343 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:12,640 No, out! 344 00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:14,280 There's no room at the out. 345 00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:15,840 Inn! All right. 346 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,120 No! Get out! 347 00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:19,320 Get out! Get out! 348 00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:21,360 No, not that! Not that! 349 00:20:21,360 --> 00:20:23,040 There's no room at the inn! 350 00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:25,840 Oh, yes, yes! There's no room at the inn. 351 00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:29,000 All we have is an old, lowly manager. 352 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:32,160 Manger! There's no manager. 353 00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:34,960 There's no manager? It's Christmas! 354 00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:37,640 I'll be the old, lowly manager. What do you want? 355 00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:39,520 They want a room. A broom? 356 00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:43,520 No. A room. Oh, a room! Sea view? 357 00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:47,200 Do you not even have a lowly stable where we could rest? 358 00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:48,360 I don't know, do we? 359 00:20:48,360 --> 00:20:51,200 No, we don't. No, we don't! Yes, we do! 360 00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:53,440 Do you work here, too? Get inside! 361 00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:56,440 Aaaah! 362 00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:02,440 You two go and have your baby in the sodding manager! 363 00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:05,160 Manger. Arghh! 364 00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:06,920 Get on the donkey! 365 00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:19,600 Move, just move. 366 00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:22,240 Next scene! 367 00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:23,280 Agh! 368 00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:29,520 Mary knew that soon her child would be born... 369 00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:31,920 Ow. Ow. Ow. 370 00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:36,720 ..as she entered the humble stable with animals all around. 371 00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:53,400 Oh, Joseph, I do hope these creatures will not begrudge us 372 00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:56,040 a little room in their stable for the night. 373 00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:01,200 Yum, yum, yum. 374 00:22:02,120 --> 00:22:04,600 We must rest now, my dearest Mary. 375 00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:08,000 Soon the son of God will be born. 376 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,840 Just then, there came a knock at the stable door... 377 00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:12,040 KNOCK 378 00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:13,840 ..and three wise men approached. 379 00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:16,120 MUSIC: We Three Kings 380 00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:20,320 We come bearing gifts. 381 00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:24,240 I offer you gold - 382 00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:27,760 standard accreditation for all your business loans. 383 00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:32,760 I offer you frank... 384 00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:36,600 'n' sensible advice on all your financial interests. 385 00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:41,760 And I offer you sustained 386 00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:44,360 low cost myrrh-gage rates. 387 00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:51,480 And look - three shepherds approach, also. 388 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,120 Oh, it's not shepherds. 389 00:22:57,120 --> 00:22:59,840 It's more wise men. 390 00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:06,240 Mary, Joseph, and the six wise men 391 00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:09,560 awaited the birth of the baby Jesus. 392 00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:14,640 The shepherds had decided to sit this one out. 393 00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:17,600 Unless they were on the tab on the other side? 394 00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:22,840 No. No shepherds. 395 00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:25,840 Just nine wise men. 396 00:23:27,360 --> 00:23:29,400 It's like Mensa in here. 397 00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:37,600 All was quiet and still. 398 00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:42,680 MUSIC: Silent Night 399 00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:51,440 # Silent night 400 00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:55,160 # Holy night... # 401 00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:56,720 ALARM RINGING 402 00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:57,800 The second one. 403 00:23:57,800 --> 00:23:58,880 # All is calm... # 404 00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:00,160 Don't worry. 405 00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:01,680 # All is bright... # 406 00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:04,040 Can we turn it off, please? 407 00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:05,320 # Round yon... # 408 00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:08,360 # Turn it off! Virgin... # 409 00:24:08,360 --> 00:24:10,920 Cut the wires! # ..And child... # 410 00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:14,360 Cut the wires! # Holy Infant... # 411 00:24:14,360 --> 00:24:15,880 Just sing over the top. 412 00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:18,360 # So tender and mild... # 413 00:24:18,360 --> 00:24:19,880 Louder! 414 00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:23,440 # SLEEP IN HEAVENLY... # 415 00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:27,560 Louder! # PEACE! # 416 00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:29,480 # SLEEP IN... 417 00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:31,120 ALARM STOPS 418 00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:31,120 QUIETLY: # Heavenly peace 419 00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:39,040 # Silent night 420 00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:41,560 # Holy night... # 421 00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:47,800 Fire! Hot fire! 422 00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:49,640 Fire alarm! We've cut the wires. 423 00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:51,840 Fire blanket. Fire blanket! 424 00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:59,720 # Glories stream from heaven afar 425 00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:02,520 # Heavenly hosts... # 426 00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:04,480 Out of the way. Out of the way! 427 00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:08,240 # Hallelujah 428 00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:09,480 # Christ... 429 00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:16,320 # ..the Saviour is born... # 430 00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:19,040 Heeyah! Heeyah! What are you doing?! 431 00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:20,720 Fighting fire with fire! 432 00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:22,760 Get off, you idiot! 433 00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:26,480 # Christ the Saviour is born 434 00:25:28,360 --> 00:25:36,360 # Christ the Saviour is born! # 435 00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:39,640 APPLAUSE 436 00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:43,840 And with that, the... 437 00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:45,880 ALARM RINGING 438 00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:45,880 Please! 439 00:25:45,880 --> 00:25:47,800 ALARM STOPS 440 00:25:50,120 --> 00:25:54,000 And with that, the...story continued. 441 00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:56,240 I hear a choir of angels. 442 00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:58,040 The delivery is upon us. 443 00:25:58,040 --> 00:26:01,880 And the light of the Angel Gabriel shone down upon them. 444 00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:07,440 WHIRRING, BEEPING 445 00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:16,320 Behold the light...of God. 446 00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:20,520 Aaaaah! 447 00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:21,560 CRASH! 448 00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:25,400 And at that sacred moment... 449 00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:26,720 Aaaah! 450 00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:28,200 FIREWORKS EXPLODE 451 00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:30,200 AND AT THAT SACRED MOMENT, 452 00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:32,480 THE HOLY SON OF THE LORD WAS BROUGHT 453 00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:34,160 FORTH INTO LIFE. 454 00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:36,080 Aaaaah! 455 00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:44,960 Now that was more like it! 456 00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:49,120 Camera seven, camera seven! Get down! Get down! 457 00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:58,560 And at that sacred moment, the holy Son of the Lord 458 00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:00,880 was brought forth into life. 459 00:27:03,360 --> 00:27:04,560 Aah! 460 00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:07,640 He's beautiful. 461 00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:09,040 Hang on. Wait, wait. 462 00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:11,880 Hello. 463 00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:15,040 We shall call him Jesus. 464 00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:17,600 The three wise men approached... 465 00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:28,200 ..and knelt to give their gifts to the Christ Child. 466 00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:34,040 Gold, frankincense and myrrh. 467 00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:39,200 Thank you, wise men, for these kind gifts. 468 00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:44,720 MUSIC: We Three Kings 469 00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:57,080 And on that holy night, 470 00:27:57,080 --> 00:28:00,480 everyone in the stable stood looking proudly 471 00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:03,240 at the beautiful newborn babe. 472 00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:06,120 The end. 473 00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:11,040 No, no! No, no, no! No! No! No, no, no! No! 474 00:28:15,360 --> 00:28:17,720 APPLAUSE47981

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