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1
00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:17,439
ENERGIA presents
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00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:31,519
A SAMULI TORSSONEN production
3
00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:45,916
A TIMO VUORENSOLA film
4
00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:41,989
I would like to suggest, Emperor,
that you reconsider your plan.
5
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:47,069
The scientists are comparing it to
Russian roulette.
6
00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:52,189
What theories we have on phenomena
like the maggot hole-
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00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:57,869
indicate a tendency for continually
increasing disturbances.
8
00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:03,909
So what else is new.
Can we pass through there?
9
00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:09,229
Our ships weren't designed for twist
pressures over one googol fluxoms.
10
00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:14,917
So in other words,
you don't have a clue.
11
00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:21,430
Why's everybody talk back all the
time? Try walking in my shoes!
12
00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:30,230
It's no cakewalk,
managin' the whole world by myself.
13
00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:37,349
Gotta admit, sometimes I think I've
gotten in too deep.
14
00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:39,840
This mess began 8 years ago. My ship
blew up and I was stuck in the past.
15
00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:43,549
This mess began 8 years ago. My ship
blew up and I was stuck in the past.
16
00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:47,038
My remaining crew and I went native-
17
00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:53,510
'cos otherwise, we'd have changed
the course of history.
18
00:03:54,560 --> 00:04:00,510
The only good thing in the life of
the man in the street was burgers.
19
00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:03,514
With extra cheddar.
20
00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:39,918
Hullo.
21
00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:58,559
I'm Captain Pirk, by the way.
-Oh.
22
00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:01,156
I'm from the future.
23
00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:08,954
Look, I've got a ray gun.
- Hey, I can see it's a water gun.
24
00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:14,309
What? It's a hand twinkler, stoopid!
- Right.
25
00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:22,510
I got a communicator, too. I'll call
Info. He can prove I'm who I say.
26
00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:26,116
Don't bother...
27
00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:38,117
This is a place for people to eat,
not for you to play with yer balls.
28
00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:40,236
Look where you're going, asshole.
29
00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:44,359
Keep away or I'll shoot!
- Look, a Super Soaker.
30
00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:49,429
It's a hand twinkler, you dumbass!
And I got a bag of whoopass for you!
31
00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:52,110
Ya gonna get your baggy ass whooped.
32
00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:57,189
The batteries are shot.
Oh Thursday, no!
33
00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:11,716
Bobby's Grill.
34
00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:17,238
Pirk to Dwarf.
-Captain! It's been a while.
35
00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:21,632
Yeah, well, Info's been going on
about messing with the timeline.
36
00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:25,952
Me, I can't wait to get away.
- Same here.
37
00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:32,110
Old Earth is much more boring than its
barbarous reputation would suggest.
38
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:36,190
Just a second, Sir.
39
00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:42,310
That's three hot dogs and a sausage
roll, to eat here? One minute...
40
00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:48,190
Sorry, Sir. These morons
won't let me have a moment's rest.
41
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:55,078
And don't throw up everywhere!
42
00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:00,474
We're closed!
43
00:07:01,280 --> 00:07:07,230
Listen, I'm tired of waiting.
We need to plan our next move.
44
00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:10,358
Meet me and Info at the usual place.
45
00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:12,556
Hot dogs! Hot dogs!
46
00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:18,790
Right. I'll call him just as soon as
I can rid these dimwits!
47
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:25,949
Lily-livered kids! I'll make
hot dogs of your intestines!
48
00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:41,997
The arrival of the Vulgars shoulda
been a new beginning for humanity.
49
00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:47,917
When they happened along, they ended
up with rock star Jeff Cochbrane.
50
00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:53,797
It was a mistake, leaving 'em in
the care of that drunkard idiot.
51
00:07:54,080 --> 00:08:00,030
Soon, the Vulgars could care less
about humanity or new beginnings.
52
00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:11,315
Good thing I had a backup plan.
53
00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:16,640
But I couldn't do it without
Dwarf and Info's help.
54
00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:25,318
I hope you have a good reason.
We may be endangering the timeline.
55
00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:30,669
Yes, in fact I do.
Take a look at this!
56
00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:34,276
''Lesbian housewives getting busy?''
57
00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:39,716
At this, I mean.
58
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:46,434
What an unexpected development.
59
00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:50,558
The entire space program cancelled!
60
00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:53,712
Not like the history we know.
61
00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:59,238
The antimaterial power breakthrough
should have been announced today.
62
00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:03,720
That's why we have to do something.
We'll make the P-Fleet happen!
63
00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:07,679
Your proposal is in direct violation
of the First Directive!
64
00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:10,314
If we don't, the timeline's history!
65
00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:16,790
We'll have to have peace, universal
language, tights for uniforms, -
66
00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:19,998
and a defense against the Korg!
67
00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:22,156
As the only Captain, I'm ordering -
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00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:26,960
that we'll ensure the founding of
the P-Fleet, by any means necessary!
69
00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:31,317
Future technology in the hands of
these people could spell disaster.
70
00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:36,918
That's why the world needs
a strong leader. Someone like... me!
71
00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:40,316
I'm gonna be Emperor.
72
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:44,439
One heavy cruiser should be enough
to conquer this world.
73
00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:48,832
Everyone would be at our mercy.
- Unfortunately we do not have one.
74
00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:54,672
And we cannot build one without
an antimaterial powerplant.
75
00:09:55,080 --> 00:10:00,029
But I know where we can get one.
Gimme that phone.
76
00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:09,000
Cochbrane.
Oh, it's you... hi.
77
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:12,959
Listen, where's the ship?
-What, the Vulgar rocket-ship?
78
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:17,039
We sold it to some Russian
scientist type for top dollar.
79
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:21,440
What? Who?
-Vladimir something, I forget.
80
00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:26,719
Where's this Vladimir live then?
-Chanistanya Nuclear Plant, I think.
81
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:32,109
Who the hell gave you permission
to sell the ship, you son of a bitch?
82
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:34,196
Well thanks the same, you...
83
00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:43,470
The junkie bastard sold the ship
to the Russians! Goddammit!
84
00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:54,430
Now what do we do?
-We're off to Russia, numbskull.
85
00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:56,756
Atomic Research Facility, Chanistanya
86
00:10:56,920 --> 00:11:00,879
Luckily the missing Vulgar ship was
surprisingly quickly located.
87
00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:05,949
It was the only thing on the planet
that could let me build my flagship.
88
00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:34,310
What's ze problem? What?
Bloody Western teknology!
89
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:40,758
Vladimir! Ze reaktor is overheating!
Ze kooling system is on ze fritz!
90
00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:45,829
Damnation! And ze kontrol system is
lokking up again. Sergey!
91
00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:51,194
Sergey! Where are you, Sergey?
-What?
92
00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:56,474
You used to work at a nuklear plant?
-Yeah, the Chernobyl facility. Why?
93
00:11:56,640 --> 00:12:00,599
Kooling system problems,
but zat's what you do best, right?
94
00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:05,117
Go check out ze reaktor chamber.
-Gee, thanks.
95
00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:13,190
Chernobyl. Why's zat sound familiar?
-Chernobyl...
96
00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:16,596
CHERNOBYL!
97
00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:19,508
Fukoooov!
98
00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:50,388
Piece of pie.
99
00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:59,112
Make damn sure you never touch
ze kooling system again, Sergey!
100
00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:03,000
Yeah!
-Yes, Sir, Captain.
101
00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:07,949
I thought it was the climate control
for my quarters. I was cold!
102
00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:27,070
You're now my prisoners! Do exactly
what I say, or it's whoopass time!
103
00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:33,069
Is it a revolution?
-Yeah, you could say that.
104
00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:37,472
At last! Ze Soviet Union will
be reborn!
105
00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:43,670
We will be free from
ze yoke of kapitalism! Hooray!
106
00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:48,152
What the hell?
Aren't they gonna put up a fight?
107
00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:51,357
Perhaps you should just play along.
108
00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:57,516
Okay: I'm Emperor Pirk, and we'll
build a new ship here in Tachanya -
109
00:13:57,640 --> 00:14:00,108
and with it, a brave new Empire!
110
00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:08,188
So that's how it got started.
111
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:13,549
The nearby village had the space and
the manpower to found the P-Fleet.
112
00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:21,470
Info got the flagship project to
lead, I had better things to do.
113
00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:28,790
I told 'em to be ready in 6 months,
but they wasted years of my time!
114
00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:38,630
I realized I had to be a charismatic
leader, so the flab had to go.
115
00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:46,918
It was hard work,
but my determination paid off.
116
00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:52,990
The ElectroForce ButtDoer!
Order Now, for only 5,999 roubles!
117
00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:57,838
Several months later
118
00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:37,508
Took your sweet time, didn't you?
119
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:45,070
The negotiations with the Russian
President had also gone well.
120
00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:50,669
My plan hinged on having
a powerful ally.
121
00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:24,470
Ah, what an entrance.
A pleasure to meet you at last!
122
00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:29,879
Sure... I've got our contract here.
123
00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:38,274
I'll just look this over...
124
00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:44,198
Everything seems to be as agreed...
125
00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:50,550
I can't be bothered to read it.
I'll just sign it. Igor, a pen!
126
00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:57,349
We will make this world
a better place!
127
00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:04,190
The alliance with Russia made it
possible to begin war preparations.
128
00:17:04,360 --> 00:17:10,310
Soon, we had lots of gear and troops
were being trained on schedule.
129
00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:13,834
Come on, come on! No pain, no gain!
130
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:18,430
You'll never make real soldiers!
131
00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:24,118
The moment of truth finally arrived.
132
00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:31,997
With our forces ready to rumble,
it was time to play our trump card:
133
00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:37,598
the flagship of the P-Fleet,
the CPP Kickstart.
134
00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:39,598
Emperor on deck!
135
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,796
Lookin' good!
136
00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:59,599
Tactical is still missing a chair!
137
00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:04,391
Now, we wouldn't want your
powerful thigh muscles to atrophy.
138
00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:14,516
Are we all set to go?
139
00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:20,237
Yes, Sir.
Power level at 96.3 percent.
140
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:27,551
Let's go and conquer the world.
Were there any questions?
141
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:31,558
So you're the famous Emperor Pirk?
142
00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:38,509
This is me, in all my glory.
143
00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:43,036
Right...
144
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:50,356
Let's move!
145
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:22,398
I don't think I'm in Moscow anymore.
146
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:26,118
Welcome aboard the CPP Kickstart.
147
00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:31,509
Perhaps Mr President would like to
witness the capabilities of my ship.
148
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:33,676
This is an honor!
149
00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:37,514
First we'll pay the Yanks a visit.
150
00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:47,515
Full twist, now!
151
00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:59,070
What is it this time?
Russian workmanship at its finest!
152
00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:06,270
Due to impure antimaterial gas,
we can only achieve Twist Factor Two.
153
00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:11,191
Dwarf, target that piece of junk.
We'll see if the weapons work!
154
00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:16,429
Nyet! One moment! What are you...?
- Fire twinklers and light balls!
155
00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:28,799
It wasn't built by Americans alone!
Billions of roubles went into it!
156
00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:33,869
Relax, Gramps.
We'll build a newer and better one.
157
00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:40,798
P- Fleet Propaganda Bureau Presents:
158
00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:45,118
VICTORYTO VICTORY
159
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:53,870
The beginning of the 3rd Millennium:
poverty, famine, disease.
160
00:21:57,080 --> 00:22:03,030
Leaders spoke of freedom, but sent
children to die in meaningless wars.
161
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:13,830
Mother Russia nurtured a new hero
from the ranks of the oppressed.
162
00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:21,070
Side by side, Emperor Pirk and
President Ulyanov led the way.
163
00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:31,790
The road was long, but working hard,
we proved that nothing is impossible.
164
00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:37,191
We were ready
for humanity's final battle.
165
00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:41,359
Our men sallied forth to liberate
our oppressed Northern brethren.
166
00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:43,152
TO ARMS, BROTHERS!
167
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:51,190
Together, the brave men of Russia
and the technology of tomorrow-
168
00:22:54,120 --> 00:22:57,078
shook the old world to the core.
169
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:04,950
Reactionaries were swept away
before the cunning of Emperor Pirk.
170
00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:16,150
Their leaders, faced with certain
defeat, deserted their cities.
171
00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:24,116
But Europe could no longer
offer them sanctuary.
172
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:30,200
Our victorious armies, headed for
a better world, shook our enemies-
173
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:33,158
with the marching of a million feet.
174
00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:45,990
Soon, the stakes were driven to
the heart of the Old Continent.
175
00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:51,200
With Europe liberated, the people of
the world turned their attention -
176
00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:56,149
to that old devil,
the United States of America.
177
00:23:56,560 --> 00:24:01,509
They filled the skies with death,
and were undone by it.
178
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:12,629
We taught that monster of old
the true meaning of freedom.
179
00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:19,669
The time was right for
a brave new empire:-
180
00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:21,756
the P-Fleet was born.
181
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:38,836
What? What is it?
182
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:44,836
Get your hands off!
I'm your President! Get off!
183
00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:51,710
You...you snake, you tyrant.
We had an agreement, you traitor!
184
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:57,918
No, no! Don't shoot! Nooo!
185
00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:15,789
That's how I became
Emperor of the world.
186
00:25:19,120 --> 00:25:25,070
A fleet of warships was built with
the combined resorts of the Earth.
187
00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:30,992
Gotta be ready if some slime-faces
from outer space come callin'!
188
00:25:31,120 --> 00:25:35,557
Really, I did all I could for
mankind, but did anybody thank me?
189
00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:41,870
No, they just whined about famine
and overpopulation and stuff.
190
00:25:57,000 --> 00:26:02,950
What's this racket? Get off my lawn
or I'll light-ball your asses!
191
00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:06,038
Down with Pirk! Down with Pirk!
192
00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:12,998
So I thought of a solution:
expand to other planets.
193
00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:18,188
Only our primitive ships
couldn't go very far, and -
194
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:20,754
closer planets weren't habitable.
195
00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:26,395
We did try one or two,
but without too much luck.
196
00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:42,358
The CPP Kalinka was a cheap bucket-
197
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:48,910
tasked to patrol the backwaters for
a few years or until it rusted out.
198
00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:55,238
The captain was just the man
for the job.
199
00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:12,271
Capt Sergey Fukov of the CPP Kalinka
to unidentified vessel:-
200
00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:18,390
I... identify yourselves!
-Third directive of Emperor Pirk:-
201
00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:24,470
All non-P-Fleet craft are
to be destroyed on sight.
202
00:27:30,360 --> 00:27:35,798
How odd...I scanned the ship
right before the explosion.
203
00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:38,918
It had one occupant... human.
204
00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:44,317
How did a one-man craft
get this far from Earth?
205
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:47,398
I dunno. Let's call the Emperor!
206
00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:58,919
Now what?
-We saw a ship in Epsilon Quadrant.
207
00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:02,880
Huh?
- Dunno who it was, we destroyed it!
208
00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:08,034
Are you shooting at our own guys?
See you in court martial!Oww, shit!
209
00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:13,993
Who the hell hired YOU, anyway?
-You did! But it wasn't one of ours!
210
00:28:14,120 --> 00:28:20,070
Go tell Info, I have soap in my eyes.
I could lose my sight, you know!
211
00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:23,948
And who left the soap on the floor?
212
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:55,834
Now what?!
-We had a meeting at two o'clock.
213
00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:59,839
Didn't it occur to you it might be
two PM, wiseguy?
214
00:28:59,960 --> 00:29:03,839
Your expression was ambiguous, Sir.
- Riight...
215
00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:10,150
It's about Captain Fukov's report.
-What about it?
216
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:15,750
Considering the possible vectors and
size of the ship they encountered,-
217
00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:20,510
the ship must have originated near
the other end of the maggot hole.
218
00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:22,596
Yeah, yeah, get to the point.
219
00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:28,198
There must be an unknown human
civilization that built the ship.
220
00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:33,269
Considering our tough situation...
-...We can take over their planets!
221
00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:38,634
I would have asked them for aid.
-Well it's not your decision.
222
00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:41,798
Prepare the fleet for battle!
223
00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:08,238
Capt...Captains of the P-Fleet.
You have been assembled for a reason.
224
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:17,150
Beyond this maggot hole,
there's a lot of very nice space.
225
00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:20,238
We'll take it, by force, if need be!
226
00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:26,672
You have your order papers.
- I don't have no papers!
227
00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:32,920
Fukov! Interrupt me again, and I'll
have you scrubbing bulkheads again!
228
00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:34,876
You're sitting on top of'em.
229
00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:43,270
All available ships will be used,
so there's no room for failure!
230
00:30:43,720 --> 00:30:47,679
That's why I'm leading
the mission myself.
231
00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:51,349
There goes our last hope
for victory...
232
00:30:51,480 --> 00:30:56,918
We're leaving tomorrow morning,
at six o'clock. Any questions?
233
00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:44,078
Meanwhile in a parallel universe...
234
00:32:17,000 --> 00:32:21,471
Ambassador Flush,
welcome aboard the Babel 13.
235
00:32:23,120 --> 00:32:24,075
Yes
236
00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:27,998
We weren't expecting you for...
-Yes
237
00:32:31,600 --> 00:32:35,275
May I ask?
-Yes
238
00:32:36,280 --> 00:32:38,236
It's nothing.
239
00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:46,870
Jonny! Sorry to interrupt.
I've got some bad news.
240
00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:52,989
This is our Chief of Security,
Mikhail Garybrandy.
241
00:32:57,160 --> 00:33:02,109
Look sharp, this is an important...
-What're you going on about?
242
00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:15,080
Lt Kefir took a Star Flurry
for a drunken joyride last night.
243
00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:20,996
What? Why didn't you stop him?
- I was so dru...dreadfully tired.
244
00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:25,998
Where's Kefir now?
245
00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:32,270
In the morning, I sent a patrol out.
This is all they found.
246
00:33:36,320 --> 00:33:40,279
Oh my God.
-What?
247
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:45,756
Aliens have crystallized Kefir!
248
00:33:49,720 --> 00:33:55,670
Jonny, this is a data crystal.
From Kefir's flight recorder.
249
00:34:01,480 --> 00:34:03,948
Crystallized Kefir...
250
00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:11,996
Scream my rank!
251
00:34:25,160 --> 00:34:31,110
Where did that ship come from?
- Dunno. But it sure is butt-ugly.
252
00:34:32,720 --> 00:34:35,678
Could it mean...
-What?
253
00:34:35,880 --> 00:34:39,839
The prophecies of the Minibar
are coming true.
254
00:34:39,960 --> 00:34:44,909
Agreat darkness will come,
and we're all going to die.
255
00:34:46,200 --> 00:34:48,350
Jonny, you're scaring me.
256
00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:52,919
''The One to rule them all and in the
darkness bind them'', I've read it.
257
00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:55,036
Now, let's get back to reality, huh?
258
00:34:57,040 --> 00:34:59,998
An itching nose must be scratched.
259
00:35:03,640 --> 00:35:05,596
There you have it, Mikhail!
260
00:35:05,800 --> 00:35:11,750
We have to trust the instincts
that served our ancestors so well.
261
00:35:14,800 --> 00:35:17,360
Ivanovitsa, we need reinforcements.
262
00:35:17,720 --> 00:35:22,669
Call in all ships in the vicinity.
-Yes, Sir.
263
00:35:25,320 --> 00:35:28,278
I have a bad feeling about this.
264
00:35:47,000 --> 00:35:49,040
This is where it happened.
265
00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:52,999
Let's get cracking.
Fukov, you go in first.
266
00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:57,119
We do not know if a starship can
survive entering that maggot hole.
267
00:35:57,400 --> 00:35:59,436
That's exactly why
Fukov is going first!
268
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:01,516
Oh yeah? Well thanks a lot!
269
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:27,756
Message from the Kalinka: all clear.
270
00:36:28,240 --> 00:36:33,189
Raise deflector plates and arm
weapons. We're going after'em!
271
00:36:57,040 --> 00:37:02,990
Dammit, it's like sailing thru Jello.
Info, condensate, do something!
272
00:37:03,800 --> 00:37:07,918
Compensating by angling Hindenburg
stabilizers across the ion field.
273
00:37:08,040 --> 00:37:12,989
The Quarton crystals should reach
the correct frequency right... now.
274
00:37:15,080 --> 00:37:17,036
Yeah. Whatever.
275
00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:24,269
Sir, unidentified craft detected!
-On the telly.
276
00:37:31,480 --> 00:37:37,032
They disappeared. But there ain't
no planets in all this red Jello.
277
00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:42,000
Apparently, the ships activated
some kind of local twist in space.
278
00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:46,437
We can duplicate the energy burst,
which should open a similar twist...
279
00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:49,199
Stop yammering and just do it.
280
00:37:49,400 --> 00:37:52,358
Helm, take us after them!
281
00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:33,829
That was the last of our
reinforcements. Now, we can...
282
00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:39,189
Hopgate opening,
craft coming through.
283
00:38:39,320 --> 00:38:44,269
How many?
- Forty.Type: unknown.
284
00:38:58,040 --> 00:39:03,990
Blast... If I'd only known when
I accepted command of this station...
285
00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:11,192
I'd have done so with all the more
zeal! We're here to keep the peace-
286
00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:17,270
and even if it meant killing every
sentient being in the galaxy, we...
287
00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:22,998
Captain, this is hardly the time.
-This is a question of principle.
288
00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:29,110
It is my right to make speeches, and
I swear that no-one will deny me it.
289
00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:35,754
Not an enemy fleet, and especially
not some embittered Commander-
290
00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:41,194
who likes to chew out garbage scow
captains docking in handicap spaces!
291
00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:48,038
Is that clear?
292
00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:14,350
Sir, we're being hailed.
-Oh...well, put it on the telly.
293
00:40:23,720 --> 00:40:29,670
This is Capt Sherrypie of the Babel 13.
Please identify yourselves.
294
00:40:29,880 --> 00:40:31,108
They look just like people!
295
00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:35,759
This is Emperor Pirk,
Supreme Commander of the P-Fleet.
296
00:40:35,840 --> 00:40:41,437
Info, that's a space station, right?
Is the planet habitable?
297
00:40:41,640 --> 00:40:45,599
Not according to the scanners, Sir.
- Shoulda known...
298
00:40:45,800 --> 00:40:49,759
We just came to say hello,
since we happened to be close...
299
00:40:49,880 --> 00:40:53,589
...us and the fleet.
Where are you guys from, anyway?
300
00:40:53,800 --> 00:40:59,113
This station is neutral territory.
We have visitors from Minibar,-
301
00:40:59,320 --> 00:41:04,838
Kentucky, Narc, and of course Earth.
- Huh? We haven't been here before?
302
00:41:06,640 --> 00:41:10,599
Emperor, I assume we have arrived in
a mirror dimension of our own world.
303
00:41:11,040 --> 00:41:14,999
Historical events may be different
here, but some similarities exist.
304
00:41:15,160 --> 00:41:17,116
So do you know where their Earth is?
305
00:41:17,240 --> 00:41:22,268
In theory, yes, assuming that
our star-charts have the same stars.
306
00:41:22,520 --> 00:41:24,670
Another Earth...
307
00:41:26,720 --> 00:41:28,870
We'll conquer that!
308
00:41:29,160 --> 00:41:34,678
We'll secure this end of the maggot
hole- that tube can't be too hard...
309
00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:39,749
Emperor! The line is still open.
- I knew that.
310
00:41:46,080 --> 00:41:51,029
The day Ijoined the military,
my father told me:
311
00:41:51,800 --> 00:41:57,750
''Son, you're none too bright, and
won't be marrying into money either.''
312
00:42:00,240 --> 00:42:05,189
''But you're human,
Earth to Earth and all that.''
313
00:42:09,720 --> 00:42:16,671
''So show some spine and come out and
stop being a shame on your old man.''
314
00:42:19,240 --> 00:42:21,834
Tell me, can we beat them?
315
00:42:21,960 --> 00:42:25,748
Given that we have deflector plates
and they do not, it is possible...
316
00:42:26,040 --> 00:42:28,998
Yes, or no?
-Yes.
317
00:42:29,960 --> 00:42:32,030
''...Mother Earth needs you today!''
318
00:42:32,720 --> 00:42:37,669
Bring us to light ball range and
contact the rest of the fleet.
319
00:42:37,880 --> 00:42:44,353
...so I came out and gave the blood
sample. Now, Earth needs me again...
320
00:42:45,960 --> 00:42:51,910
Open fire at maximum range. Everyone
pick targets and wait for my signal.
321
00:42:52,320 --> 00:42:59,271
...and I know every man, woman and
child on this station feels the same.
322
00:43:02,240 --> 00:43:08,190
The only way you can conquer Earth
is over our dead bodies!
323
00:43:09,640 --> 00:43:15,590
Know that you shall pay dearly for
every cubic inch of our space.
324
00:43:17,800 --> 00:43:23,750
We will fight you with sticks and
stones, or even with our bare hands.
325
00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:31,360
The forces of darkness shall move no
further! And if it took a thousand...
326
00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:31,598
The forces of darkness shall move no
further! And if it took a thousand...
327
00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:35,033
Have some light balls. Fire.
328
00:43:35,240 --> 00:43:37,595
...as a shining beacon in the night!
329
00:44:03,920 --> 00:44:08,118
...in the face of beatniks
from another dimension...
330
00:44:08,280 --> 00:44:13,229
What the hell! Close the blast doors!
Activate the defense grid!
331
00:44:15,480 --> 00:44:17,436
Nice speech, Sir.
332
00:44:37,080 --> 00:44:39,036
Message from the Backgammon:
333
00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:43,597
Amigo class destroyers have reached
optimal firing range.
334
00:44:46,880 --> 00:44:52,830
They're to attack the heavier ships.
That'll show them we mean business.
335
00:44:57,960 --> 00:44:59,678
Fire!
336
00:45:19,560 --> 00:45:23,519
Saucer section penetrated!
Serious damage to all decks!
337
00:45:23,720 --> 00:45:25,676
What's with my deflector plates?!
338
00:45:25,880 --> 00:45:31,830
Fascinating! It seems that our plates
are useless in this universe.
339
00:45:43,800 --> 00:45:49,750
Skipper, the hull's taen a paikin,
an the whisky barrels teuk a hit.
340
00:45:49,960 --> 00:45:55,910
Dinnae scart yer breeks, tho.
Gien some duct tape and twa oors...
341
00:45:56,040 --> 00:46:00,272
You got two minutes!
Fall back!
342
00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:08,758
All ships, cover me!
343
00:46:24,480 --> 00:46:30,430
Emperor, Ijust learned that we
only have three light balls left.
344
00:46:30,880 --> 00:46:36,830
I'm filing a formal complaint!
-Quit bitching and use twinklers.
345
00:47:13,040 --> 00:47:18,990
The Backgammon is being overpowered
...and we can't last long, either.
346
00:47:33,400 --> 00:47:36,597
Damn, this doesn't look good.
347
00:47:39,400 --> 00:47:45,350
I'm afraid we only have one recourse.
-You don't mean--
348
00:47:47,480 --> 00:47:50,438
Yes. We have to stall for time.
349
00:47:51,800 --> 00:47:57,750
I'm giving a speech!
Raise the enemy command ship!
350
00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:06,758
Wait...the station is hailing us.
351
00:48:10,480 --> 00:48:16,430
A recording of Sherrypie begging for
mercy would have propaganda value.
352
00:48:16,800 --> 00:48:21,749
Well receive it then
if it'll shut you up.
353
00:48:26,040 --> 00:48:31,990
Babel 13 surrenders. Don't shoot,
we have over 250,000 civilians here.
354
00:48:32,720 --> 00:48:35,678
What do I care about your civilians?
355
00:48:35,960 --> 00:48:40,909
And why would I be interested in a
chock-full hunk o'junk of a station?
356
00:48:41,040 --> 00:48:46,990
Why don't you bring your crew over
for some shore leave?
357
00:48:47,160 --> 00:48:51,836
You could also repair your fleet...
- Our ships are fine.
358
00:48:51,960 --> 00:48:55,919
And shore leave can wait until after
we've taken your Earth.
359
00:48:56,080 --> 00:49:01,518
Also, you could personally take
Ivanovitsa's virginity! -WHAT?
360
00:49:02,240 --> 00:49:08,031
Well... lemme consider this. Oh, and
throw all your guns out the airlock.
361
00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:10,956
It's an obvious trap!
362
00:49:11,080 --> 00:49:16,029
It'll be all right! We'll take along
a couple sledfuls of security guards.
363
00:49:16,240 --> 00:49:21,678
The crew must have some time off.
And these ships could use repairs.
364
00:49:22,320 --> 00:49:23,753
Figures.
365
00:49:23,880 --> 00:49:26,678
OK, Sherrypie. We accept your terms.
366
00:49:26,880 --> 00:49:32,830
Babel 13 is now officially part of
the P-Fleet, renamed...
367
00:49:33,080 --> 00:49:36,038
...the''Praise of Pirk's Greatness. ''
368
00:49:37,320 --> 00:49:42,269
And no tricks, or you're toast!
Pirk out.
369
00:49:44,880 --> 00:49:49,510
Dwarf, order all able security guys
to the sledbay.
370
00:49:49,720 --> 00:49:54,669
You, and Info will stay on
the Kickstart, just in case.
371
00:49:55,240 --> 00:50:00,280
If they try anything funny,
blast the crap outta 'em!
372
00:50:00,280 --> 00:50:02,191
But wait till I've gotten off.
373
00:50:16,720 --> 00:50:19,678
Emperor's blog, dunno what Moondate.
374
00:50:20,480 --> 00:50:26,430
The P-Fleet wiped the floor with
these Babel losers.
375
00:50:27,080 --> 00:50:33,030
We'll secure a base here and
then go on to conquer their Earth.
376
00:50:33,640 --> 00:50:36,598
The crew'll get some rest, and...
377
00:50:36,960 --> 00:50:39,918
...I figure I'll get some, too.
378
00:50:46,400 --> 00:50:48,834
Go get'em,Tiger!
379
00:51:02,720 --> 00:51:04,676
...Demanding landing clearance.
380
00:51:05,360 --> 00:51:10,309
Clearance granted in Hangar 1.
Welcome to your station!
381
00:51:11,400 --> 00:51:16,349
This is too goddamn easy.
-Tell me about it.
382
00:51:16,880 --> 00:51:20,440
Hey kid, is your insurance in order?
-Why?
383
00:51:20,440 --> 00:51:23,830
I feel it in my bones,
we won't be coming back.
384
00:51:23,960 --> 00:51:27,430
Nah, it can't be that bad.
- Oh yeah?
385
00:51:27,560 --> 00:51:32,270
Last time it was supposed to be a
cakewalk, my two buddies bought it.
386
00:51:32,480 --> 00:51:36,520
And that Japanese guy Kamikaze,
he's never gonna walk again!
387
00:51:36,520 --> 00:51:41,435
And then there was... -Shut up!
You're hurting the crew's moray!
388
00:51:52,640 --> 00:51:54,596
Is everything ready?
389
00:51:57,640 --> 00:52:00,598
What the hell are you smirking at?
390
00:52:04,040 --> 00:52:08,989
Sherrypie is so going to get it...
Let's move!
391
00:52:55,560 --> 00:52:57,198
Where's Sherrypie?
392
00:52:57,320 --> 00:53:01,598
He couldn't stand defeat. He shot
himself in the head, three times.
393
00:53:01,800 --> 00:53:05,759
If you wish to see the body...
-Well I don't.
394
00:53:05,880 --> 00:53:09,839
But you can show me around
the station. My station.
395
00:53:09,960 --> 00:53:12,428
Where would you like to start, Sir?
396
00:53:12,560 --> 00:53:17,509
How about your bedroom, you know,
Sherrypie promised me something...
397
00:53:18,320 --> 00:53:20,276
Yes, Sir.
398
00:53:22,160 --> 00:53:28,110
This is Emperor Pirk. One-half of
all crews can come aboard on leave.
399
00:53:29,480 --> 00:53:35,430
Oh, and nobody disturb me for the
next fift... hour! Right, let's go.
400
00:53:49,960 --> 00:53:51,160
VICTORY PARTY
401
00:53:51,160 --> 00:53:53,116
Let's get wasted!
402
00:54:51,080 --> 00:54:53,548
Am I your first?
403
00:55:02,880 --> 00:55:08,830
Naah...I've had lots of women,
after all, I am the Emperor...Yeah!
404
00:55:23,800 --> 00:55:28,590
Our scanners should now be correctly
calibrated to this dimension.
405
00:55:28,720 --> 00:55:34,670
Interesting... I'm picking up energy
readings from beyond the hopgate.
406
00:55:34,800 --> 00:55:36,870
I shall make some adjustments...
407
00:55:59,680 --> 00:56:04,629
Wait a minute...what's that?
- Nothing, just a screen saver.
408
00:56:04,760 --> 00:56:06,910
Sir, Sir!
409
00:56:15,040 --> 00:56:18,999
Goddammit, it's a trap!
-Very perceptive of you.
410
00:56:24,480 --> 00:56:28,439
The Excavator has arrived
with our reinforcements.
411
00:56:34,120 --> 00:56:38,160
Evening, commander.
- Festerbester...
412
00:56:38,160 --> 00:56:44,110
We were taking this new flagship for
a spin, and decided to lend a hand.
413
00:56:45,240 --> 00:56:47,196
Where's Captain Giddyup?
414
00:56:47,320 --> 00:56:52,269
He was feeling unwell, and had to
leave the ship under my command.
415
00:56:52,440 --> 00:56:57,389
I never thought I'd say this,
but it's good to see you.
416
00:56:58,480 --> 00:57:02,439
Let's kick those bastards
out of this galaxy!
417
00:57:12,800 --> 00:57:14,950
This is Captain Jonny K.Sherrypie.
418
00:57:15,160 --> 00:57:18,118
The rumors of my death
are greatly exaggerated.
419
00:57:18,240 --> 00:57:20,196
Aww, crap.
420
00:57:21,280 --> 00:57:26,229
Starting immediately, we're retaking
our station from these oppressors.
421
00:57:26,760 --> 00:57:32,710
Men of Babel, to arms!
Defend that which is ours by right!
422
00:57:33,240 --> 00:57:36,760
Brown sector! On the double!
To the Zicala!
423
00:57:36,760 --> 00:57:41,709
All P-Fleet personnel are
under arrest under Earth martial law.
424
00:57:41,920 --> 00:57:45,356
They are not to be allowed
to leave the station.
425
00:57:45,480 --> 00:57:48,916
Our reinforcements
will deal with their fleet.
426
00:57:49,160 --> 00:57:53,720
To all P-Fleet personnel
who surrender without resistance,-
427
00:57:53,720 --> 00:57:58,669
I promise a fair court-martial
and a swift execution.
428
00:58:02,560 --> 00:58:07,600
There is a ship, registration
ZEX-514, parked aft of the station -
429
00:58:07,600 --> 00:58:12,549
in a handicap space.
Will the owner move it A.S.A.P.
430
00:58:30,120 --> 00:58:34,079
Activate the defense grid
and open fire!
431
00:58:40,200 --> 00:58:46,150
The dishonorable traitors! I told
them it's a trap! Me kill you! Kill!
432
00:58:53,480 --> 00:58:58,320
Control yourself, apeman.The Emperor
and half our crews are still aboard.
433
00:58:58,320 --> 00:59:03,075
At least we'll destroy their ships.
Kickstart to fleet, aim light balls!
434
00:59:03,200 --> 00:59:05,156
I believe I was placed in command.
435
00:59:06,080 --> 00:59:09,914
Kickstart to fleet:
ignore the previous order.
436
00:59:10,040 --> 00:59:13,794
Aim light balls on attacking
enemy ships and fire on my mark.
437
00:59:13,960 --> 00:59:17,111
Fleet reporting: practically all
light balls expended.
438
00:59:17,280 --> 00:59:21,034
In that case, approach to
twinkler range at full shove power.
439
00:59:21,160 --> 00:59:25,119
Our losses should not
exceed 68.4 per cent.
440
00:59:25,240 --> 00:59:27,800
I guess it's a passable day to die.
441
00:59:50,680 --> 00:59:53,148
Blast it, I'll handle this!
442
00:59:53,680 --> 00:59:58,629
Lt Fubar! Don't go!
- It is my destiny.
443
01:00:11,760 --> 01:00:17,710
Hey, it's war.
People get killed, you know.
444
01:00:29,880 --> 01:00:33,720
Emperor Pirk! Order your men
to lay down their arms.
445
01:00:33,720 --> 01:00:37,560
I guarantee a fair court-martial
to all those who surrender.
446
01:00:37,560 --> 01:00:40,028
The P-Fleet will never surrender!
447
01:00:41,160 --> 01:00:43,515
And, I lost my communicator.
448
01:00:43,920 --> 01:00:48,869
Ivanovitsa, inform the enemy fleet
that we've captured their Emperor.
449
01:00:49,560 --> 01:00:53,633
Cannot comply, Sir.That last hit
disabled our communications systems.
450
01:00:53,760 --> 01:00:55,800
Darn.
451
01:00:55,800 --> 01:01:00,749
So.I'm no use to you anymore.
How about I'lljust scoot off?
452
01:01:10,240 --> 01:01:14,199
Weapons range attained!
- Fire at will.
453
01:01:26,840 --> 01:01:32,790
When Ijoined the military, I swore
to protect Earth against any enemy.
454
01:01:33,560 --> 01:01:39,510
I have faced starving Martian
insurgents and the fleets of Minibar.
455
01:01:41,400 --> 01:01:47,350
All this I have done to protect
the unified Earth, unified mankind...
456
01:01:49,640 --> 01:01:52,074
Enough with the speeches! Bastard!
457
01:01:52,960 --> 01:01:56,111
Very well, if you can't wait to die.
458
01:01:58,200 --> 01:02:04,150
Emperor Pirk, I sentence you to death
for your crimes against humanity.
459
01:02:07,640 --> 01:02:13,590
You will be executed immediately,
by five plasma pellets to the head.
460
01:02:13,720 --> 01:02:17,760
Don't take it like that!
Go ahead with your speech!
461
01:02:17,760 --> 01:02:20,228
Ready...aim...
462
01:02:24,400 --> 01:02:29,349
Zounds!Why weren't those
ceiling struts fastened properly?
463
01:02:51,920 --> 01:02:55,879
Zucker?
You shall be avenged!
464
01:02:56,040 --> 01:03:01,990
All worked up over some security guy
who died...
465
01:03:05,360 --> 01:03:07,316
Run, boys! I'll cover you!
466
01:04:02,960 --> 01:04:04,916
Let's roast them!
467
01:04:25,452 --> 01:04:27,408
My sled...
468
01:04:33,372 --> 01:04:35,840
Going somewhere, Emperor?
469
01:04:40,612 --> 01:04:40,892
Blast these struts!
470
01:04:40,892 --> 01:04:43,087
Blast these struts!
471
01:04:43,572 --> 01:04:48,043
This station is a piece of crap!
No turbolift, nothing!
472
01:04:51,652 --> 01:04:54,086
You can use the exercise!
473
01:04:54,652 --> 01:05:00,090
Why exercise when you can get
one of these delivered to your home?
474
01:05:07,572 --> 01:05:12,521
Stop hiding, you!
Now what's with this thing?
475
01:05:13,572 --> 01:05:16,006
Oh Jefferson!The batteries are out!
476
01:05:19,252 --> 01:05:24,201
Let's settle this like men -
one on one.
477
01:05:50,292 --> 01:05:53,250
Stop whining, you wuss! Get up!
478
01:06:00,972 --> 01:06:03,440
This is for Zucker!
479
01:06:11,132 --> 01:06:13,600
So, Emperor.The game's over.
480
01:06:17,732 --> 01:06:20,690
Understand this, Pirk.War is war.
481
01:06:22,132 --> 01:06:26,171
You and me, as soldiers,
know this better than anyone.
482
01:06:26,292 --> 01:06:31,241
But when you murdered my friend
in cold blood, this became personal.
483
01:06:34,452 --> 01:06:39,401
I'll see to it that you die slowly,
and have time to regret everything.
484
01:06:41,252 --> 01:06:45,723
Didn't anyone ever tell you
your bootlaces are too long?
485
01:06:48,532 --> 01:06:52,491
My contact lenses!
- Found 'em!
486
01:06:52,732 --> 01:06:57,203
Security guards to the hangar!
- Coward!
487
01:07:19,652 --> 01:07:23,172
Enemy target destroyed.
Moving on to next...
488
01:07:23,172 --> 01:07:24,932
Imperial Distress Call
489
01:07:24,932 --> 01:07:27,492
Pirk to Kickstart! Pirk to...
490
01:07:27,772 --> 01:07:30,047
Sir, we do hear you.
491
01:07:30,212 --> 01:07:36,162
Oh good. I'm in this sled.Come and
get me ASAP. Them cowards set me up!
492
01:07:36,572 --> 01:07:40,531
You don't say, Sir.
-They were no match for my cunning.
493
01:07:44,172 --> 01:07:46,640
Get over here and rescue me!
494
01:07:46,932 --> 01:07:50,932
Set a course for the Emperor's sled.
-I'lljust destroy this destroyer.
495
01:07:50,932 --> 01:07:54,891
Commander, it's an Imperial
Distress Call. We're moving out.
496
01:07:55,012 --> 01:07:57,480
I have him in my sights. One second!
497
01:07:57,772 --> 01:08:02,721
The P-Fleet is not the Planet of the
Apes.We obey a superior officer.
498
01:08:02,852 --> 01:08:05,320
I've had it with you, binary brains!
499
01:08:32,452 --> 01:08:37,012
Whatever you may think, the VCR
remote stop button doesn't harm me.
500
01:08:37,012 --> 01:08:41,483
Now, perhaps we can go
and help out the Emperor.
501
01:08:56,132 --> 01:09:02,082
Hayday to fleet.
Are your crews back from R&R yet?
502
01:09:02,732 --> 01:09:08,682
Curses! Outflank the enemy. I want
those heavy destroyers taken out now!
503
01:09:31,052 --> 01:09:33,486
Oh Thursday!
504
01:09:39,692 --> 01:09:43,651
Yeehaw!
-All clear, Sir!
505
01:10:16,452 --> 01:10:20,411
What kept you guys?
They almost got me!
506
01:10:20,532 --> 01:10:24,810
We came as soon as we could, limited
by the performance of Cmdr Dwarf.
507
01:10:25,012 --> 01:10:27,480
Wars aren't won by avoiding battles.
508
01:10:27,772 --> 01:10:32,721
Enough with your sorry
Plingon proverbs. Status report!
509
01:10:34,052 --> 01:10:38,125
We have lost 23 ships,
and have 14 operational ships left.
510
01:10:38,292 --> 01:10:41,921
Enemy reinforcements are putting up
a stifffight.
511
01:10:42,092 --> 01:10:46,132
Additionally, our twinkle beams
are powerless against their flagship.
512
01:10:46,132 --> 01:10:50,250
What the hell... are we armed with
twinklers or flashlights?
513
01:10:50,412 --> 01:10:55,770
Light balls seem to work better-
but the Kickstart only has nine left.
514
01:10:56,132 --> 01:10:58,566
I know: let's fire 'em all at once.
515
01:10:58,892 --> 01:11:02,851
And Dwarf, this is an important shot
so I'm taking over.
516
01:11:02,972 --> 01:11:05,440
Sir, I really wouldn't recommend it.
517
01:11:05,812 --> 01:11:10,283
Maybe the range is too much for you,
but for me it's a piece of pie.
518
01:11:10,532 --> 01:11:15,003
Computer,
manual override of weapon systems.
519
01:11:16,492 --> 01:11:18,960
This is child's play.
520
01:11:50,892 --> 01:11:52,848
Goddammit.
521
01:11:56,452 --> 01:11:58,408
Dork.
522
01:12:01,332 --> 01:12:03,766
I had it in my sights, didn't I?!
523
01:12:06,652 --> 01:12:10,327
Sir, have you ever heard of
leading the target?
524
01:12:10,452 --> 01:12:14,730
Lead? Can't these damn computers
calculate it for me?
525
01:12:14,932 --> 01:12:19,164
When the target's in the crosshairs,
the shots should hit!
526
01:12:21,612 --> 01:12:23,568
Child's play, indeed!
527
01:12:23,692 --> 01:12:28,561
You couldn't have hit it yourself.
You rotten...Take a shower, stinker!
528
01:12:28,772 --> 01:12:31,491
Plingon warriors do not take showers!
529
01:12:35,612 --> 01:12:40,049
Sir, a hit from that attack
would have caused serious damage.
530
01:12:40,172 --> 01:12:44,131
The enemy command ship
may be a grave threat.
531
01:12:45,292 --> 01:12:49,251
The best defense is a good offense.
Do something about them!
532
01:12:49,372 --> 01:12:53,331
...Target and lock on the Kickstart...
Ready the main gun...
533
01:13:00,772 --> 01:13:04,970
Heavy structural damage to starboard!
- Shut up and keep firing!
534
01:13:05,092 --> 01:13:09,483
Their main gun is locking on us.
-Well take evasionic action then.
535
01:13:10,172 --> 01:13:12,128
Evasionic action Pirk-7.
536
01:13:26,612 --> 01:13:29,046
Jefferson's jellies! Retreat, fast!
537
01:13:37,212 --> 01:13:40,170
Power will be back in 40 seconds.
538
01:13:41,052 --> 01:13:46,524
I'd like to know what whoever
designed this weapon was thinking.
539
01:13:53,812 --> 01:13:58,761
I estimate that the enemy flagship
can fire again in 17.3 seconds.
540
01:14:03,812 --> 01:14:09,284
Hey, let's hide behind the station.
They won't dare shoot at us there.
541
01:14:29,012 --> 01:14:33,961
Finally. And where is our friend
the Kickstart?
542
01:14:34,492 --> 01:14:38,644
Unknown, Sir.The blackout caused
the targeting computer to reboot, -
543
01:14:38,732 --> 01:14:44,682
so we lost lock-on. But I'll track
them down again in no time.
544
01:14:48,532 --> 01:14:54,482
Captain's blog: The Kalinka suffered
heavy damage to halludeck circuits, -
545
01:14:54,812 --> 01:15:00,762
and we retreated for repairs. Most
of the crew were on the halludeck-
546
01:15:00,972 --> 01:15:06,729
having a vodka party,
and now the door seems to be stuck.
547
01:15:06,972 --> 01:15:12,922
Lt. Makarov, how are the repairs?
- It'll be open in 10 minutes, Sir.
548
01:15:14,092 --> 01:15:19,041
No hurry. Looks like the battle
will go on for some time.
549
01:15:30,612 --> 01:15:32,568
This is cold.
550
01:15:34,292 --> 01:15:39,241
Ouch! Holy shit. Hey, guys.
551
01:15:40,372 --> 01:15:44,331
According to our scanners,
the Kalinka still has 20 light balls.
552
01:15:44,452 --> 01:15:48,492
That Russkie coward
been holding back again?
553
01:15:48,492 --> 01:15:53,441
If we ask Capt Fukov to deliver his
light balls to us, we can close in...
554
01:15:54,012 --> 01:15:58,961
And blast them to pieces! Only
I might do the targeting this time.
555
01:15:59,292 --> 01:16:02,250
Like hell you will!This is my show.
556
01:16:02,852 --> 01:16:07,289
Esteemed Emperor, it seems you tore
off your joy stick on that last try.
557
01:16:08,372 --> 01:16:14,322
OK.You shoot, but you'd better hit.
Open a channel to Fukov!
558
01:16:22,092 --> 01:16:23,571
Hi there.
559
01:16:23,692 --> 01:16:29,130
What've you done? Not one hit,
but your ship is in pieces.
560
01:16:31,292 --> 01:16:34,250
We had some technical problems.
561
01:16:35,612 --> 01:16:41,562
Get the Kalinka over here, load all
your light balls on a sled, and...
562
01:16:46,572 --> 01:16:52,522
...bring them to the Kickstart.
-Come again? You're breaking up.
563
01:16:54,652 --> 01:17:00,124
Send the whole case. And pack them
well or they'll warm up in transit.
564
01:17:08,372 --> 01:17:10,328
Hokay...
565
01:17:23,612 --> 01:17:28,561
The enemy is pressing on our fleet.
Should we withdraw to regroup?
566
01:17:29,452 --> 01:17:31,204
No.
567
01:17:36,372 --> 01:17:38,328
Have you located the Kickstart yet?
568
01:17:38,532 --> 01:17:42,491
Yes, Sir. It's sitting next to
the Babel-13. But our ships...
569
01:17:42,612 --> 01:17:47,049
...are able to look after themselves.
We shall destroy the Kickstart.
570
01:17:47,172 --> 01:17:52,610
I sense these spineless worms only
fight for fear of their Emperor.
571
01:17:52,972 --> 01:17:57,921
The loss of their flagship will crush
their spirit and secure our victory.
572
01:18:10,732 --> 01:18:13,690
The light ball loader is calling.
573
01:18:13,852 --> 01:18:17,652
Sir, the shipment from the Kalinka
just arrived from the sled bay.
574
01:18:17,652 --> 01:18:21,452
High time, too.
-What am I supposed to do with it?
575
01:18:21,452 --> 01:18:25,240
What do you think, pea brain?
Stuff'em in the light ball tubes!
576
01:18:25,372 --> 01:18:29,047
''This is the light ball loader,
what do I do with light balls?''
577
01:18:29,172 --> 01:18:31,606
''Hide 'em under my bed?''
578
01:18:32,292 --> 01:18:35,292
That's the last time I ever
recruit my crew from Russia.
579
01:18:35,292 --> 01:18:36,012
That's the last time I ever
recruit my crew from Russia.
580
01:18:36,012 --> 01:18:38,480
Ready to execute the plan, Sir.
581
01:18:39,012 --> 01:18:41,480
Get us into a firing position.
582
01:18:52,212 --> 01:18:58,162
Sir, the Kickstart left the side of
the Babel 13 and is heading at us.
583
01:19:04,052 --> 01:19:09,080
This is Emperor Pirk! Any last words
before we blast you to bits?
584
01:19:09,212 --> 01:19:11,680
Ah, the Emperor.We meet at last.
585
01:19:12,212 --> 01:19:16,763
I regret to say your pitiful attempt
only makes me feel sorry for you.
586
01:19:16,892 --> 01:19:19,452
We'll see who's sorry
after 20 light balls!
587
01:19:23,892 --> 01:19:26,042
Prepare the twist drive.
588
01:19:29,692 --> 01:19:35,642
They are making this too easy... but
never look a gift horse in the mouth.
589
01:19:36,452 --> 01:19:40,889
Captain, if you would, please.
- ... Prepare the main gun...
590
01:19:43,372 --> 01:19:46,205
Twist drive... Now!
591
01:19:54,692 --> 01:19:57,160
Pirk's cunning strikes again.
592
01:19:59,812 --> 01:20:04,249
Lightballs locked onto their bridge.
- Say Onara, suckers. Fire!
593
01:20:12,172 --> 01:20:14,128
The Corps is Momma and Granny.
594
01:20:19,212 --> 01:20:21,168
Direct hits on bridge!
595
01:20:21,292 --> 01:20:25,763
...With light balls loaded with
12-oz. beer bottles.
596
01:20:27,852 --> 01:20:31,811
Fukooooov!
-What?
597
01:20:35,052 --> 01:20:41,002
What...was...your big idea...
with these light balls?
598
01:20:45,332 --> 01:20:47,800
Light balls? What light balls?
599
01:20:48,812 --> 01:20:54,762
I told you to send over your light
balls you braindead Commie mutant!
600
01:20:56,452 --> 01:20:59,410
No, you asked for''light beer''.
601
01:21:02,012 --> 01:21:04,970
Enemy ship returning fire.
-Get outta the way!
602
01:21:05,092 --> 01:21:07,048
Too late.
603
01:21:12,732 --> 01:21:16,452
Massive damage taken!
-One twist drive destroyed!
604
01:21:16,452 --> 01:21:19,808
Lost connections for twinkle banks
605
01:21:19,932 --> 01:21:23,572
Computer helpdesk went bankrupt!
- Halludeck going offline!
606
01:21:23,572 --> 01:21:25,528
Coffee-o-Matic damaged beyond repair!
607
01:21:43,092 --> 01:21:46,482
Ne'er mind that, she's gaun tae blow!
608
01:21:46,612 --> 01:21:51,402
The twist core just breuk
an thare's antimaterial gas awgates.
609
01:21:51,612 --> 01:21:56,561
Well fix it! Return fire!
-Weapon systems are inoperable.
610
01:21:56,692 --> 01:22:01,641
Furthermore, our twist core
will split in 3.6 minutes.
611
01:22:05,932 --> 01:22:11,484
At least we'll take the bastard
with us! Set collision course!
612
01:22:16,932 --> 01:22:22,404
How pathetic. Our next shot
will take them out. Captain!
613
01:22:22,572 --> 01:22:25,040
...Ready the main gun...
614
01:22:29,692 --> 01:22:35,642
Sir, somehow the beer seems to have
corroded all control circuits.
615
01:22:35,932 --> 01:22:38,207
The main gun is out of action.
616
01:22:38,372 --> 01:22:45,323
Fine then.We'll do it the hard way.
Secondary guns, fire!
617
01:22:54,332 --> 01:22:57,290
Gimme all you got! You can't hurt me!
618
01:22:58,292 --> 01:23:02,444
You are a good sport, but
as you can see, you are finished.
619
01:23:02,572 --> 01:23:08,522
Well I have the last laugh. And it's
on you and your silly leather gloves.
620
01:23:09,332 --> 01:23:15,282
Arrogant insect. Full speed ahead!
We have the mass advantage!
621
01:23:36,452 --> 01:23:39,888
Okay, Fukov. Disengage the sucking
beam, and break to the right.
622
01:23:40,012 --> 01:23:41,968
Sure, Sir!
623
01:23:51,372 --> 01:23:56,969
Emperor, there's a slight problem...
-You stupid moron!
624
01:23:57,132 --> 01:24:01,091
26 seconds to impact.
- Fukooov!
625
01:24:03,332 --> 01:24:10,283
You're gonna get us all killed!
Waitaminit! What's this?
626
01:24:11,012 --> 01:24:14,971
It's... it's the spare stick!
-Spare stick?
627
01:24:15,092 --> 01:24:18,050
2.1 seconds to impact!
628
01:24:45,012 --> 01:24:47,970
See you in Reykjavik!
629
01:24:52,372 --> 01:24:53,805
Oh, crap.
630
01:25:40,212 --> 01:25:42,168
The situation looks bad, Sir.
631
01:25:42,372 --> 01:25:46,331
The fleet is decimated and the enemy
is setting up to attack the station.
632
01:25:46,452 --> 01:25:50,411
Erm, I take it that the defense grid
has been activated?
633
01:25:50,532 --> 01:25:54,491
It would be, if there was anything
left of it.
634
01:25:56,372 --> 01:25:59,330
Hi guys, how's it hangin'?
635
01:26:01,692 --> 01:26:05,651
Are you drunk?
- No.
636
01:26:08,372 --> 01:26:14,322
I'm absolutely wasted!
-So you fell off the wagon again.
637
01:26:16,092 --> 01:26:22,042
They don't call me Garybrandy
for nothin'.
638
01:26:25,092 --> 01:26:31,042
But hey, who cares.
We'll soon all be dead, anyway.
639
01:26:32,452 --> 01:26:34,886
There must be something we can do.
640
01:26:35,452 --> 01:26:41,402
Sure.
We can take them bastards with us.
641
01:26:44,932 --> 01:26:49,403
The fusion reactor's
warming up nicely.
642
01:26:49,612 --> 01:26:51,045
What?
643
01:26:52,932 --> 01:26:55,890
I disconnected the cooling system.
644
01:26:58,172 --> 01:27:01,130
The fireworks should start in about
645
01:27:01,292 --> 01:27:06,241
This is mutiny!
Reconnect the system immediately!
646
01:27:06,772 --> 01:27:11,243
Wait! Mike may be right.
What other options do we have?
647
01:27:11,612 --> 01:27:15,969
We will fight till the last!
-We have nothing left to fight with!
648
01:27:16,092 --> 01:27:22,042
No!We have men, PPB's, our fists!
When they come to take the station..
649
01:27:22,852 --> 01:27:27,801
My guess is that after the last time,
Pirk won't try toTAKE the station.
650
01:27:29,532 --> 01:27:35,482
So all we gotta do is keep 'em close
for a little while longer.
651
01:27:39,292 --> 01:27:44,241
Jonny, you need to relax a bit.
Wanna drink?
652
01:27:53,612 --> 01:27:56,570
Effin' traitors.You are SO toast.
653
01:27:58,532 --> 01:28:03,970
Babel 13 surrenders unconditionally.
- Dwarf, warm up the twinkle banks.
654
01:28:04,852 --> 01:28:10,802
But don't you think it'd be better
to shoot from a closer range?
655
01:28:11,012 --> 01:28:15,961
Beams traveling across all that
space would waste a lot of energy.
656
01:28:16,212 --> 01:28:21,650
Good idea!Tell the fleet to move
to point blank range and lock on.
657
01:28:22,212 --> 01:28:26,490
It seems the station's power plant
is approaching critical mass.
658
01:28:26,612 --> 01:28:30,161
What?They're trying to pull
a fast one again!
659
01:28:30,372 --> 01:28:32,852
Who would've thought.
660
01:28:32,852 --> 01:28:35,286
Gimme full twist!
661
01:28:38,532 --> 01:28:40,488
It's not working!
662
01:28:40,652 --> 01:28:46,602
Sir, we're losing antimaterial gas,
and can only use half shove power.
663
01:28:47,452 --> 01:28:51,411
It'll have to do.
All power to shove engines!
664
01:28:56,452 --> 01:29:02,402
Oh, and inform the rest of the fleet.
- Sure, Sir.
665
01:29:05,732 --> 01:29:07,688
Hello, Carlo's Sex Line.
666
01:29:08,292 --> 01:29:15,243
We need to hurry, things are so hot.
- Sounds exciting, what do I do?
667
01:29:16,452 --> 01:29:20,127
The Emperor says to pull out
before it pops!
668
01:29:20,292 --> 01:29:24,251
Fukov, what's taking so long?
Did you inform the fleet or what?
669
01:29:24,372 --> 01:29:28,331
Yeah, Captain Carlo answered.
-Who's Carlo?
670
01:29:28,492 --> 01:29:32,770
Critical mass in 38 seconds.
- Into the jello hole, and fast!
671
01:29:37,332 --> 01:29:40,290
Our fearless leader is running away.
672
01:29:40,492 --> 01:29:44,963
Message to the fleet:
All ships, follow the Emperor.
673
01:29:49,612 --> 01:29:52,080
The enemy fleet is withdrawing!
674
01:29:53,972 --> 01:29:59,922
We made it! Garybrandy,
shut down the reactor immediately!
675
01:30:00,052 --> 01:30:01,485
I'm almost there!
676
01:30:24,972 --> 01:30:29,921
EMERGENCY REACTOR SHUTDOWN
677
01:30:46,932 --> 01:30:48,411
Oh peanuts!
678
01:31:09,652 --> 01:31:14,851
Where the hell is the rest of my
fleet? Fukov, didn't you reach them?
679
01:31:22,452 --> 01:31:24,408
Hurry up!
680
01:32:05,732 --> 01:32:11,682
Alright.Great job.
-You can't win every time, Sir.
681
01:32:11,932 --> 01:32:17,882
And who asked you?
Info, where the hell are we, anyway?
682
01:32:18,252 --> 01:32:23,201
One moment. I'm recalibrating
our scanners for our dimension.
683
01:32:35,212 --> 01:32:37,442
What the hell?
684
01:32:37,572 --> 01:32:41,326
This end of the maggot hole
must have shifted in time-space.
685
01:32:41,492 --> 01:32:43,448
Avoid that planet!
686
01:32:44,452 --> 01:32:46,920
Insufficient energyfor shove power.
687
01:32:50,772 --> 01:32:53,206
Beam us onto the planet!
688
01:32:53,332 --> 01:32:57,291
There's only enough energy
to transfer three people.
689
01:32:57,492 --> 01:33:00,450
Info, Dwarf, get ready to beam down!
690
01:33:11,252 --> 01:33:14,210
Not to worry! It'll be all right.
691
01:34:25,932 --> 01:34:31,882
OK, Info. How about letting us know
where the hell we are?
692
01:34:32,172 --> 01:34:34,402
Hawaii, on Earth.
693
01:34:34,572 --> 01:34:38,531
So where are all the surfers and
hula hula dancers, smart guy?
694
01:34:38,692 --> 01:34:42,651
Some 11,000 years in the future.
-What?
695
01:34:42,732 --> 01:34:46,691
I assume the maggot hole put us
on Earth, during the Ice Age.
696
01:34:46,892 --> 01:34:49,850
The Ice Age? Now what're we gonna do?
697
01:34:53,572 --> 01:34:57,531
How about shooting ourselves
before the twinklers freeze?
698
01:34:59,332 --> 01:35:04,281
In a low-power mode, I believe I can
make it until the 21st century, -
699
01:35:04,532 --> 01:35:09,481
and prevent the fateful invasion
campaign from taking place.
700
01:35:11,292 --> 01:35:16,241
So that none of this ever happened?
Then I'll be saved!
701
01:35:16,852 --> 01:35:18,808
Hm. In a way.Yes.
702
01:36:16,212 --> 01:36:19,170
xvid ~ DigieraMandela (Pirate Bay)
subs ~ DigieraMandela (opensubtitles.org)
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