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Upbeat theme playing...
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00:00:04,963 --> 00:00:08,926
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba,
ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
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00:00:09,019 --> 00:00:12,078
♪ Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da
da-da-da ♪
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00:00:12,162 --> 00:00:14,162
*HOW I MET YOUR FATHER*
Season 01 Episode 04
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00:00:14,246 --> 00:00:15,849
Episode Title: "Dirty Thirty"
Aired on: February 01, 2022.
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00:00:15,933 --> 00:00:18,309
Son, 30 is a funny age.
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00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:20,228
It looks different on everyone.
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00:00:20,312 --> 00:00:22,939
Some 30-year-olds
are the picture of maturity,
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00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:25,567
while others are way,
way, way less grown up.
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00:00:27,069 --> 00:00:28,778
I was more in the latter group.
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00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,864
What up, my bitches?
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00:00:33,116 --> 00:00:35,743
Honored to be
one of your bitches.
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00:00:35,827 --> 00:00:38,371
I'm not going to lie.
This dress is Nip Slip City,
14
00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:40,540
but I don't care. I had to level up
15
00:00:40,624 --> 00:00:42,417
because Drew is taking me
16
00:00:42,501 --> 00:00:45,462
to Bocca Partito tonight.
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00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:47,464
Bocca Partito!?
18
00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:50,884
Dang, Drew! That's like a "no prices
on the menu" restaurant.
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00:00:50,968 --> 00:00:52,385
Alright, I'm calling it now.
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00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:55,722
You are having the best
birthday weekend ever.
21
00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:58,475
You are snatched and sipping
on some fancy wine
22
00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,685
with Drew tonight
to close out your 20s.
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00:01:00,769 --> 00:01:03,021
And then tomorrow, you turn 30,
24
00:01:03,105 --> 00:01:05,815
and we will be drinking
so many 40s,
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00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:07,275
you'll be hung over to your 50s.
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00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:12,405
Speaking of,
how's my party going, party planner?
27
00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:14,240
I'm crushing it.
All you have to do
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00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:16,743
is show up to our apartment tomorrow
night, dressed as Christina Aguilera
29
00:01:16,827 --> 00:01:19,120
- from the Dirrty video.
- Mm! Mm!
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00:01:19,204 --> 00:01:20,079
Wait, why?
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00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:22,165
Wait, did you not open my evite?
32
00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:24,000
That's the theme of my party.
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00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:26,169
It's my favorite music video of all time.
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00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:28,338
It's so... dirty!
- Dirty!
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00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:31,883
Hey, Jess, this is going
to be our first party together
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00:01:31,967 --> 00:01:33,593
since my birthday at Chuck E. Cheese.
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00:01:33,677 --> 00:01:35,386
Oh yeah. You turned 5.
38
00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:37,430
Mom turned out to be boning Chuck.
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00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:40,225
Wait, your mum cheated on your dad
with a guy dressed as a mouse?
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00:01:40,309 --> 00:01:42,852
No, no, no. Just some random guy
from the neighborhood named Chuck.
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00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:45,105
No relation to Mr. E. Cheese.
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00:01:45,189 --> 00:01:46,439
And then she left our dad,
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00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:48,723
married him, and moved Ellen
halfway across the country.
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00:01:49,026 --> 00:01:51,736
But, tomorrow night,
we're going to make up for lost time.
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00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:52,946
Yes, yes, we are. In fact,
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00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:54,781
maybe we can even hit on
some girls together, you know?
47
00:01:54,865 --> 00:01:57,117
The Walker siblings on the prowl?
48
00:01:57,201 --> 00:01:58,868
Exactly!
49
00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:01,287
Except that's not my last name.
- What?
50
00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:03,623
I took Mom's last name
after the divorce, remember?
51
00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:06,835
Right! The Gilbert-hyphen-Walkers
on the prowl.
52
00:02:06,919 --> 00:02:10,505
Siblings and wing people.
One might call us wing sibs.
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00:02:10,589 --> 00:02:11,589
Ooh! Trademark!
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00:02:11,673 --> 00:02:13,550
You can't call trademark.
I just said it.
55
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:16,386
Yeah, and you
should also have said trademark.
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00:02:17,095 --> 00:02:18,221
Hey, Jasper.
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00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:21,474
How about a group shot
for Sophie?
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00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:23,726
And pour yourself one, too.
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00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:26,646
Like I said,
I was one kind of grown-up...
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00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:28,231
Shots! Shots! Shots!
61
00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:29,983
...but Drew was another.
62
00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:31,192
I was going to get a puppy,
63
00:02:31,276 --> 00:02:33,903
but there's so many senior dogs
who need homes.
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00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:36,823
You know, as soon as I saw
Rue McClanahan's big brown eyes,
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00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:38,366
I... I melted.
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00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:40,660
Wait, did you name your senior dog
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00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:42,162
after one of the Golden Girls?
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00:02:42,246 --> 00:02:44,998
Oh, not just one of them. The best.
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00:02:45,082 --> 00:02:47,751
Blanche hive, rise up.
70
00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:50,086
Uh, excuse me. Uh,
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00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:53,465
can we get a bottle of
the 2016 Montepulciano, please?
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00:02:56,218 --> 00:02:57,678
He was a real adult.
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00:02:58,554 --> 00:03:00,638
And I was real into it.
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00:03:03,392 --> 00:03:05,268
This should be a workout. Kegfit.
75
00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:07,354
- Trademark!
- Damn it!
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00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:11,191
What is that hideous ring?
Are you a youth group minister?
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00:03:11,275 --> 00:03:13,902
Man... No! This is my man-gagement ring.
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00:03:13,986 --> 00:03:16,362
Trademark! Ha! Got it!
79
00:03:16,446 --> 00:03:17,822
You can have it.
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00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:20,909
Whatever. Isn't this gorgeous
yet masculine?
81
00:03:20,993 --> 00:03:23,870
This is pewter with
real dinosaur bone inlay.
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00:03:23,954 --> 00:03:26,123
You're not getting any bone
or lay wearing that.
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00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:28,291
Hannah got that for you?
84
00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:30,418
No, she hates it.
85
00:03:30,502 --> 00:03:31,795
Sorry, I'm late.
86
00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:34,422
I still can't figure out
this dang MetroCard swipes,
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00:03:34,506 --> 00:03:36,341
so I walked here.
Twenty-six blocks.
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00:03:36,425 --> 00:03:37,926
Oh. Well look, the MetroCard
swipe is easy.
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00:03:38,010 --> 00:03:40,136
You just gotta do it with confidence.
Zing! Like that.
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00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:43,014
Uh, no! Don't listen to him.
You got to do it slow,
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00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:44,265
methodical like, uh!
92
00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:45,975
You sound so stupid right now.
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00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:48,061
Obviously, it's a zing! Not an, uh!
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00:03:48,145 --> 00:03:49,562
- The "uh" works, man.
- No.
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00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:52,482
Zing! Zing! Zing...
- Uh! Uh!
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00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:53,817
Shut the zing up!
97
00:03:56,153 --> 00:03:58,488
So, tomorrow's a big night for us.
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00:03:59,031 --> 00:04:00,990
Mum always says
a couple isn't a couple
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00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:03,160
until they attend a soirée arm-in-arm.
100
00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:06,454
I was wondering,
how should I refer to you at the party?
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00:04:06,538 --> 00:04:07,831
My boo?
102
00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:09,541
My girlfriend?
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00:04:09,625 --> 00:04:10,834
Ooh! My wonderwall.
104
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,628
Interesting.
105
00:04:13,712 --> 00:04:15,213
Look, Charlie,
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00:04:15,297 --> 00:04:16,464
things are going great between us,
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00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:18,383
but we haven't decided
to be, like...
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00:04:18,467 --> 00:04:19,718
together together.
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00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:22,303
No, I know.
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00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:25,223
I guess I thought we're
at least somewhat together.
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00:04:25,307 --> 00:04:27,934
You know. I did walk away
from generational wealth
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00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:29,811
and move across an ocean
to be with you.
113
00:04:29,895 --> 00:04:32,439
And that was so sweet of you.
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00:04:32,523 --> 00:04:35,024
We definitely are somewhat together,
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00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:37,610
but we're also young and fun
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00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:39,529
and spontaneous.
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00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,197
Do I go home with you tomorrow night?
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00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,908
Maybe. Do I go home with Jeff Goldblum
119
00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:45,994
and his hot yoga wife again?
120
00:04:46,078 --> 00:04:47,704
Maybe.
121
00:04:48,205 --> 00:04:49,456
Fine.
122
00:04:49,540 --> 00:04:52,250
So, I can just canoodle with whomever
I want, and you'll be fine with it.
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00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:55,712
Exactly. I'm so glad
you're on board. Mwah!
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00:04:57,506 --> 00:04:59,007
That's a no on girlfriend then.
125
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,889
- You live in Queens, right?
- Mm-hmm.
126
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:07,853
'Cause, you know,
the library in Astoria is...
127
00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:12,229
Yeah, you know I'm tipsy when
I start recommending libraries.
128
00:05:13,272 --> 00:05:14,397
One more drink,
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00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:16,274
I'm going to start listing
my favorite community gardens.
130
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:20,487
Um... Maybe we should call it a night.
131
00:05:20,571 --> 00:05:23,573
Really? Oh my god,
I feel like we just sat down.
132
00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,492
Me, too, but, um...
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00:05:25,576 --> 00:05:28,370
judging by their faces,
we've been here a while.
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00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,502
I had a great time tonight.
135
00:05:35,586 --> 00:05:36,920
Me, too.
136
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:43,343
A taxi guy, huh? Wow.
137
00:05:43,427 --> 00:05:45,095
Very retro of you.
138
00:05:45,429 --> 00:05:48,599
Well, there's something magical
about taxis in this city, you know?
139
00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:51,643
The way you can
just raise your arm and...
140
00:05:53,562 --> 00:05:54,562
Damn.
141
00:05:55,147 --> 00:05:56,731
This would've been so cool
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00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:58,984
if one showed up just right then.
143
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:01,569
When you tell this story
of this date in the future,
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00:06:01,653 --> 00:06:03,863
just promise me
you will change that part.
145
00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:05,616
Whoops!
146
00:06:06,116 --> 00:06:07,158
What makes you so sure
147
00:06:07,242 --> 00:06:09,453
I'm going to tell the story
of this date in the future?
148
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:13,414
Not sure. Just, um... hopeful.
149
00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:14,499
Mm.
150
00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:23,299
Now you show up?
151
00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:26,136
Right now. Hi.
152
00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:31,266
Hey, um, what are you
doing tomorrow night?
153
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:34,937
Tomorrow? As in 24 hours from now?
154
00:06:35,479 --> 00:06:37,272
Uh... Yeah, I know.
155
00:06:37,356 --> 00:06:39,774
You're not supposed to ask
a girl out two nights in a row,
156
00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:42,068
but, um, I like you, Sophie,
157
00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:44,321
and I want to see you again.
158
00:06:45,197 --> 00:06:46,865
But, if it's too soon...
159
00:06:46,949 --> 00:06:48,951
No, it's not too soon.
160
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:50,994
It's just...
161
00:06:51,537 --> 00:06:53,413
Tomorrow night's my birthday party.
162
00:06:53,497 --> 00:06:55,249
I'm turning 30.
163
00:06:56,792 --> 00:06:58,376
Do you want to stop by?
164
00:06:58,460 --> 00:06:59,711
I'd love to.
165
00:07:00,504 --> 00:07:01,713
What can I bring?
166
00:07:01,797 --> 00:07:03,882
I've got a bottle of Sancerre,
167
00:07:03,966 --> 00:07:05,675
or-or a nice Pouilly-Fuissé,
168
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:08,261
or, uh, maybe a Beaujolais Nouveau
169
00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:10,805
to celebrate the nouveau
decade of your life.
170
00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:12,766
And that's when I realized
171
00:07:12,850 --> 00:07:15,226
I had invited a classy-ass man
172
00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:16,895
to a trashy-ass rager.
173
00:07:16,979 --> 00:07:19,105
Go! Go! Go! Come on, Ellen!
174
00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:20,356
Hold up!
175
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,025
We're gonna need to 180 this party stat.
176
00:07:25,571 --> 00:07:28,573
Okay! I know bobbing for apples
in tequila is a little out there,
177
00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:30,825
and sure, if you open your eyes,
you can go blind.
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00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:33,119
- No, but what a way to go.
- I'm up next!
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00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:35,497
Stop! No tequila bobbing, okay?
180
00:07:35,581 --> 00:07:37,624
And we're going to need
to get real cups.
181
00:07:37,708 --> 00:07:39,709
Like, cups made of actual glass.
182
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,628
And we're going to need
to get some real food.
183
00:07:41,712 --> 00:07:43,630
Nothing flavored "nacho cheesier."
184
00:07:43,714 --> 00:07:46,132
Slow down! Did something
happen on your date?
185
00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:48,593
Did you get hit by another Citi Bike?
Are you concussed?
186
00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:51,012
No. No, my date was great.
187
00:07:51,096 --> 00:07:54,099
Drew is... is direct, and he's grown up.
188
00:07:54,183 --> 00:07:56,185
He signals for the check like this.
189
00:07:57,352 --> 00:07:59,187
But, I invited him to this party tomorrow,
190
00:07:59,271 --> 00:08:01,606
so we're going to need to pivot.
- Hold up!
191
00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:03,316
You were all about Dirty 30,
192
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,318
but then Drew signaled
for the check like my grandpa,
193
00:08:05,402 --> 00:08:07,612
and now, you want to change this
into some boring-ass,
194
00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:10,782
mature person party at
the last minute to impress him?
195
00:08:11,325 --> 00:08:12,826
- Correct.
- Okay...
196
00:08:12,910 --> 00:08:14,160
Great. I'm so glad you understand.
197
00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:16,830
I'm going to update
the invite right now.
198
00:08:16,914 --> 00:08:20,209
No more dirty dress code.
Okay, classy cocktail attire.
199
00:08:20,751 --> 00:08:22,335
Okay!
200
00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:24,629
Keg number two has arrived.
201
00:08:24,713 --> 00:08:26,423
Ooh, uh, don't hate me,
202
00:08:26,507 --> 00:08:29,050
but could we do cocktails
for the party instead?
203
00:08:29,134 --> 00:08:31,177
Ooh yes. I've been
noodling with absinthe...
204
00:08:39,895 --> 00:08:41,396
We're going to take that to the grave,
205
00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,148
I Know What You Did Last Summer style.
206
00:08:48,070 --> 00:08:51,448
Okay, we've got a raw bar ready to go.
207
00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:52,949
Candles are being lit.
208
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:55,368
Valentina,
how are the new books looking?
209
00:08:55,452 --> 00:08:56,703
Same as they looked at Goodwill
210
00:08:56,787 --> 00:08:58,547
a couple of hours ago
before you bought them.
211
00:08:58,956 --> 00:09:00,790
Why does a party need a book nook?
212
00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:02,417
So I look like a grown-up.
213
00:09:02,501 --> 00:09:06,045
Quit questioning my classy,
mature choices!
214
00:09:06,129 --> 00:09:07,589
Ladies?
215
00:09:07,673 --> 00:09:09,591
Care for this evening's
signature cocktail?
216
00:09:09,675 --> 00:09:11,760
The Sophisticated Sophie.
217
00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:13,511
Also, yes,
218
00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:16,265
I did polish my man-gagement ring
for its debut tonight.
219
00:09:17,015 --> 00:09:19,559
Hm, what did you
polish it with? Dork juice?
220
00:09:21,395 --> 00:09:22,645
Crap!
221
00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:25,566
Forgot to call to get
the heat pipe fixed! Mitt me.
222
00:09:28,986 --> 00:09:30,737
Be careful, Soph.
223
00:09:34,116 --> 00:09:35,533
Ah!
224
00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:38,578
I just made it angrier!
225
00:09:38,662 --> 00:09:40,580
Mm...
226
00:09:40,664 --> 00:09:41,664
Seriously?
227
00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:43,333
It's exactly 8:00 PM.
228
00:09:43,417 --> 00:09:46,420
What kind of a serial killer
shows up at the exact...
229
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:51,841
Hi. Uh, right on time. I love that.
230
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:53,343
Happy birthday.
231
00:09:53,427 --> 00:09:56,430
I was just doing a few,
uh, home improvements.
232
00:09:57,181 --> 00:09:58,556
Come in.
233
00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:00,642
Uh, we have a mixologist over there.
234
00:10:00,726 --> 00:10:01,893
Oh, you know Sid.
235
00:10:01,977 --> 00:10:04,146
And a raw bar over there.
236
00:10:04,688 --> 00:10:08,233
And the book nook is where
it's always been.
237
00:10:08,317 --> 00:10:11,152
Happy birthday, Soph.
What's going on? Hey...
238
00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:13,029
Was this a costume party?
239
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:15,323
No. Mm. No, it's just...
240
00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:18,827
fashion, you know.
The early aughts are back.
241
00:10:24,458 --> 00:10:26,876
Oh, Valentina. Hello.
242
00:10:29,004 --> 00:10:30,922
Uh, hi...
243
00:10:31,006 --> 00:10:33,883
You know you don't have
to act like we're strangers?
244
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,302
Oh, I'm not.
This is just how I treat people
245
00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:38,388
who I'm somewhat together with.
246
00:10:38,472 --> 00:10:39,473
Charlie...
247
00:10:39,890 --> 00:10:43,184
If you'll excuse me, I see somebody
that I may go home with.
248
00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:45,270
For sexual intercourse.
249
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:48,982
Hey. Sorry that took so long.
250
00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:51,609
Sid keeps trying to get girls
to notice that he's man-gaged.
251
00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:52,986
Here.
- Oh.
252
00:10:53,529 --> 00:10:55,029
I'm actually allergic to wine.
253
00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:57,366
- What?
- The sulfates make me really...
254
00:10:58,534 --> 00:10:59,826
pretty.
255
00:10:59,910 --> 00:11:01,369
Hey, she's cute.
256
00:11:01,453 --> 00:11:02,745
She's beautiful! Like...
257
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:04,247
Alright, this is perfect.
258
00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:06,583
It's time for the wing sibs
to take flight, okay?
259
00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:09,669
Follow me.
Hey, have you met Ellen?
260
00:11:09,753 --> 00:11:12,589
I'm Jesse, her big brother.
And you are...
261
00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:13,965
I'm Holly.
262
00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:16,217
Holly? Well, deck the halls!
263
00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:18,136
Ellen here just moved to the Big Apple
264
00:11:18,220 --> 00:11:20,514
from a dairy farm. Crazy, right?
265
00:11:23,308 --> 00:11:25,686
We're not related by blood.
266
00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:28,521
- Hey! How are you?
- Hey.
267
00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:31,441
I'm sorry it's so hot in here.
Do you want me to take your jacket?
268
00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:34,694
No. I've got pit stains
I'm not sure I can come back from.
269
00:11:34,778 --> 00:11:36,905
But, maybe we can open the window?
270
00:11:36,989 --> 00:11:39,532
It's stuck shut.
271
00:11:39,616 --> 00:11:41,326
Yeah, I've been meaning
to get that fixed.
272
00:11:41,410 --> 00:11:42,452
It's all good.
273
00:11:42,536 --> 00:11:44,829
Um, tell me about these books.
274
00:11:44,913 --> 00:11:47,165
Y-You highlighted a lot of this one.
- Yeah.
275
00:11:47,249 --> 00:11:49,918
Well, that's one of my faves.
Um, the...
276
00:11:50,002 --> 00:11:52,379
autobiography of Vanna White.
277
00:11:53,547 --> 00:11:55,298
Let's see, uh...
278
00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:56,925
The Joy of Gay Sex.
279
00:11:57,009 --> 00:11:58,301
Yeah.
280
00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:01,805
Just like to know what
everyone's up to... sexually. Hm.
281
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,934
I'm gonna refresh your drink.
I'll be right back.
282
00:12:08,604 --> 00:12:11,023
I told you to screen the Goodwill books.
283
00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:14,734
I did! This is a great read!
284
00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:27,664
Yes, I saw you looking at me,
285
00:12:27,748 --> 00:12:30,542
while I was talking to her.
- Maybe I was.
286
00:12:30,626 --> 00:12:33,461
And... how did it feel?
287
00:12:33,545 --> 00:12:36,840
It felt... extremely...
288
00:12:36,924 --> 00:12:37,925
hot.
289
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:40,927
How do I explain this?
290
00:12:41,011 --> 00:12:42,804
I could tell you weren't
actually into her,
291
00:12:42,888 --> 00:12:44,764
but she was super into you,
292
00:12:44,848 --> 00:12:47,559
and knowing that
she couldn't have you,
293
00:12:47,643 --> 00:12:49,519
but I could...
294
00:12:49,603 --> 00:12:50,604
Hot.
295
00:12:51,897 --> 00:12:54,483
Right. I am having a bit
of trouble keeping up here.
296
00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:56,776
I thought you wanted
to talk to other guys tonight.
297
00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:58,111
I did.
298
00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:00,822
But now, I'd rather
watch you talk to other girls.
299
00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:03,617
Valentina, you are completely insane.
300
00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:06,995
I'm very into it.
301
00:13:07,079 --> 00:13:08,496
Right.
302
00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:09,998
See that Christina over there?
303
00:13:10,082 --> 00:13:13,042
I'm going to get her genie
all hot and bothered,
304
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:14,962
and leave it in the bottle.
305
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:18,590
- Thanks.
- Mm-hmm.
306
00:13:18,674 --> 00:13:20,717
And I gotta say,
I love that ring you're wearing.
307
00:13:20,801 --> 00:13:21,801
Thank you. I just got it.
308
00:13:21,885 --> 00:13:25,430
I think it's awesome that you're
committed to your virginity. So brave.
309
00:13:26,849 --> 00:13:29,601
- Hm...
- Quick. Wine me.
310
00:13:33,063 --> 00:13:34,064
Mm...
311
00:13:36,108 --> 00:13:37,692
You're friends with Drew.
- Mm-hmm.
312
00:13:37,776 --> 00:13:39,360
Does it seem like
he's having a good time?
313
00:13:39,444 --> 00:13:41,946
Yeah. Sophie, chill. Drew wanted
to come to your birthday party
314
00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:44,282
after your first date.
That means he's super into you.
315
00:13:44,366 --> 00:13:46,701
No. That means
he was into me last night,
316
00:13:46,785 --> 00:13:48,787
before he came
to this hot mess of a party.
317
00:13:48,871 --> 00:13:50,288
Emphasis on hot.
318
00:13:51,707 --> 00:13:54,334
- At least the food looks sophisticated.
- Mm-hmm.
319
00:13:54,418 --> 00:13:57,337
Look at these adorable
little baby quiches I made!
320
00:13:57,421 --> 00:13:58,713
Aw.
321
00:13:58,797 --> 00:14:00,299
- No!
- Ew...
322
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:04,011
Okay.
323
00:14:05,179 --> 00:14:07,181
I mean, look
at the amazing raw bar.
324
00:14:09,892 --> 00:14:11,852
Uh...
325
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:13,728
There's something wrong
with those shrimp!
326
00:14:13,812 --> 00:14:15,438
Sophie, these are raw.
327
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:17,065
- Yeah, it's a raw bar.
- Uh-huh.
328
00:14:17,149 --> 00:14:19,317
The oysters are raw. The shrimp
in a raw bar are cooked.
329
00:14:19,401 --> 00:14:21,027
- Seriously?
- Mm-hmm.
330
00:14:21,111 --> 00:14:23,822
I bet that is a very common mistake.
331
00:14:23,906 --> 00:14:26,074
No, I don't think so.
332
00:14:27,451 --> 00:14:29,203
So, how's it going with Holly?
333
00:14:30,162 --> 00:14:32,330
That's how it's going.
334
00:14:32,414 --> 00:14:34,040
Oh...
335
00:14:34,124 --> 00:14:35,959
Well, maybe she's just
a big Christina fan.
336
00:14:36,043 --> 00:14:37,669
Look, you're an amazing girl.
Here's what we're gonna do.
337
00:14:37,753 --> 00:14:39,879
We're not going to do anything.
338
00:14:39,963 --> 00:14:41,603
I don't wanna talk to you about it, okay?
339
00:14:42,174 --> 00:14:44,676
We need apps. Now. Please.
340
00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:48,263
Anything fancy. Fancy chips,
fancy crackers, fancy nuts.
341
00:14:48,347 --> 00:14:49,764
Here's 10 bucks.
342
00:14:49,848 --> 00:14:52,851
I'm sorry, do you think
I'm going shopping in 1962?
343
00:14:54,269 --> 00:14:55,604
I'll go.
344
00:14:57,064 --> 00:14:58,356
Hey!
345
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:00,733
Ellen! Hey, wait up!
Look, look, look, look, look.
346
00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:02,277
I know you said you
didn't wanna talk about it,
347
00:15:02,361 --> 00:15:04,237
but I just want you to know
I totally get why you're upset.
348
00:15:04,321 --> 00:15:06,030
It sucks getting
blown off like that.
349
00:15:06,114 --> 00:15:07,991
I said I didn't want
to talk to you about it.
350
00:15:10,452 --> 00:15:11,495
Oh.
351
00:15:12,371 --> 00:15:14,205
How would you know
if I'm an amazing girl?
352
00:15:14,289 --> 00:15:15,623
You don't know anything about me.
353
00:15:15,707 --> 00:15:17,417
You don't know my last name
354
00:15:17,501 --> 00:15:19,627
or about my wine allergy.
355
00:15:19,711 --> 00:15:22,839
I own a produce farm, man, not dairy.
356
00:15:22,923 --> 00:15:25,717
Wai... So what, it's just,
like, a field of vegetables,
357
00:15:25,801 --> 00:15:27,135
and you watch them grow?
358
00:15:27,219 --> 00:15:29,263
Yes! That's what produce farms are!
359
00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:32,390
- Oh.
- Look.
360
00:15:32,474 --> 00:15:34,434
There was a time
I dreamed of having a big brother,
361
00:15:34,518 --> 00:15:36,686
like Matt on 7th Heaven,
362
00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:38,897
who would teach me
how to slide in baseball,
363
00:15:38,981 --> 00:15:41,691
or go to the church social
with me when my date drops out,
364
00:15:41,775 --> 00:15:43,735
or give me a talking to
when I start huffing...
365
00:15:43,819 --> 00:15:45,653
Wait, what? Y-you huffed paint?
366
00:15:45,737 --> 00:15:47,781
No! The kids on 7th Heaven did!
367
00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:50,283
Point is
368
00:15:50,367 --> 00:15:51,952
you were there when I was little...
369
00:15:53,078 --> 00:15:54,413
and then you just disappeared.
370
00:15:55,539 --> 00:15:57,832
So, I moved here,
thinking we could reconnect
371
00:15:57,916 --> 00:16:00,752
and pick up where we left off. But...
372
00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:04,005
Now, I don't know if we can.
373
00:16:04,089 --> 00:16:06,633
I think it might be a little
too late for the whole...
374
00:16:06,717 --> 00:16:07,884
sibs thing.
375
00:16:07,968 --> 00:16:09,511
You know?
376
00:16:09,595 --> 00:16:11,846
We're more like...
377
00:16:11,930 --> 00:16:13,348
wing strangers.
378
00:16:14,808 --> 00:16:16,226
Trademark.
379
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:24,150
You ever felt the eyes
of your partner on you,
380
00:16:24,234 --> 00:16:27,070
watching, wanting as you
chat someone else up?
381
00:16:27,154 --> 00:16:29,239
'Cause Val and I learned tonight
382
00:16:29,323 --> 00:16:32,033
that it is exhilarating... Oh!
383
00:16:32,117 --> 00:16:34,994
You and Drew simply must try it.
- Ah, yeah.
384
00:16:35,078 --> 00:16:37,622
Sounds great, but we're
playing our own fun game tonight
385
00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:40,333
where I try not to kill him
with uncooked shrimp.
386
00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:41,585
Right now, I'm losing.
387
00:16:45,881 --> 00:16:46,881
Drew!
388
00:16:47,758 --> 00:16:49,509
Watch out for that hot...
- Ow!
389
00:16:49,593 --> 00:16:53,096
I can still remember
the smell of burnt flesh and shrimp.
390
00:16:53,847 --> 00:16:55,349
Oh, that was a bad party.
391
00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:58,059
I'm so, so sorry.
392
00:16:58,143 --> 00:16:59,144
- Oh...
- I've been meaning
393
00:16:59,228 --> 00:17:01,396
to get that hot pipe fixed for a while.
394
00:17:05,567 --> 00:17:07,402
I've been meaning
to get that fixed, too.
395
00:17:08,445 --> 00:17:09,488
Hi...
396
00:17:13,367 --> 00:17:16,035
- This is so embarrassing, I'm so sorry.
- Oh, Sophie.
397
00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:18,580
No, it-it's fine, really.
- No, it's not.
398
00:17:18,664 --> 00:17:20,457
You know what? The truth is, Drew,
399
00:17:20,541 --> 00:17:23,334
we're the same age,
but we're not at the same stage.
400
00:17:23,418 --> 00:17:26,004
Now, I'm rhyming,
and I gotta get out of here.
401
00:17:26,088 --> 00:17:27,089
Soph...
402
00:17:28,340 --> 00:17:29,382
Hi.
403
00:17:29,466 --> 00:17:30,717
Uh, this is Charlie.
404
00:17:30,801 --> 00:17:32,135
Hi, I'm Drew.
405
00:17:32,219 --> 00:17:34,637
- We've heard such fabulous things.
- Thank you.
406
00:17:38,392 --> 00:17:41,472
You know, I remember the day that Mom
and Dad brought you home from Vietnam.
407
00:17:43,230 --> 00:17:45,523
I was 3, but I remember
408
00:17:45,607 --> 00:17:48,447
'cause it was like the most exciting
thing that had ever happened to me.
409
00:17:49,027 --> 00:17:50,612
I was totally obsessed with you.
410
00:17:51,321 --> 00:17:52,489
And you couldn't even do anything
411
00:17:52,573 --> 00:17:55,575
but poop and cry and look cute.
412
00:17:55,659 --> 00:17:57,661
Still great at all those things.
413
00:17:59,204 --> 00:18:01,582
Well, I also remember the day
that Mom and Dad split up.
414
00:18:02,457 --> 00:18:05,752
I was 9, and they told me
I could either stay in our house with Dad,
415
00:18:05,836 --> 00:18:08,755
or move with you and Mom
and her new boyfriend to Iowa.
416
00:18:09,548 --> 00:18:12,217
So, I chose to stay. I mean,
I didn't want Dad to be all alone.
417
00:18:13,343 --> 00:18:15,011
I know.
418
00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:16,095
I remember.
419
00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:18,765
I asked about you every day.
420
00:18:19,683 --> 00:18:21,935
"Can I call Ellen? Can we visit Ellen?"
421
00:18:23,061 --> 00:18:26,272
Anyway, I-I could tell it bugged Dad,
asking about you all the time.
422
00:18:26,356 --> 00:18:29,359
I think he thought I was
secretly asking about Mom or...
423
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:33,113
something, so eventually, I just stopped.
424
00:18:33,947 --> 00:18:35,240
But...
425
00:18:35,616 --> 00:18:37,909
Maybe I should have kept asking...
426
00:18:37,993 --> 00:18:39,244
because...
427
00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:43,207
I'm sorry I missed out
on being your big brother.
428
00:18:43,916 --> 00:18:45,041
Okay?
429
00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:47,920
I also really wanted
to be that for you.
430
00:18:50,339 --> 00:18:51,840
Were you really only 9?
431
00:18:52,758 --> 00:18:54,634
In my mind,
432
00:18:54,718 --> 00:18:56,345
you were so big.
433
00:18:57,346 --> 00:18:59,222
You were one of the grown-ups
434
00:18:59,306 --> 00:19:01,599
doing this bad thing to our family.
435
00:19:01,683 --> 00:19:03,685
Ellen, I was 9.
436
00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:06,771
I had a race car bed.
437
00:19:09,191 --> 00:19:10,442
You were 9.
438
00:19:14,863 --> 00:19:17,031
Okay, come with me.
439
00:19:17,115 --> 00:19:18,783
Come on.
440
00:19:20,369 --> 00:19:23,830
Okay, the key to a good
MetroCard swipe is confidence.
441
00:19:23,914 --> 00:19:25,915
You just have to do it fast
and with determination,
442
00:19:25,999 --> 00:19:27,792
like... like ripping off a wax strip.
443
00:19:27,876 --> 00:19:28,626
You wax?
444
00:19:28,710 --> 00:19:31,880
No, but I help Sid get beach ready
every summer. Okay, here we go.
445
00:19:31,964 --> 00:19:33,882
Now remember, swipe confident, okay?
446
00:19:33,966 --> 00:19:35,259
Zing!
447
00:19:36,343 --> 00:19:37,260
Zing!
448
00:19:37,344 --> 00:19:38,720
Okay, one more time.
449
00:19:38,804 --> 00:19:40,722
- Zing!
- You got it, you got it.
450
00:19:40,806 --> 00:19:42,098
Zing!
451
00:19:42,182 --> 00:19:43,892
See? The subway hates me.
452
00:19:43,976 --> 00:19:46,616
Oh, screw it. Let me just show you
how to jump confident.
453
00:19:47,437 --> 00:19:49,147
No, no...
454
00:19:49,231 --> 00:19:51,065
Yes, yes. You can do it.
Come on. Time to go.
455
00:19:51,149 --> 00:19:52,275
Time to move.
456
00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:53,526
- Ah!
- Woo!
457
00:19:53,610 --> 00:19:54,611
I did it! I did it!
458
00:19:54,695 --> 00:19:56,738
I jumped a turnstile!
- Okay, it's still illegal. We gotta move.
459
00:19:58,532 --> 00:20:00,158
Hey, you know what?
460
00:20:00,242 --> 00:20:02,577
You wanna go again and do the thing
you like with the loofah?
461
00:20:02,661 --> 00:20:04,454
No.
462
00:20:04,538 --> 00:20:07,416
I mean, yes, always. But...
463
00:20:08,709 --> 00:20:11,503
getting old and boring has always
scared the shit out of me.
464
00:20:12,004 --> 00:20:13,671
I mean, Sophie's book nook
465
00:20:13,755 --> 00:20:16,300
literally sent shivers
down my spine, and...
466
00:20:17,176 --> 00:20:20,220
I've always put monogamy in that category.
467
00:20:20,304 --> 00:20:23,849
But, with us, it's...
it's actually kind of...
468
00:20:25,976 --> 00:20:27,019
exciting.
469
00:20:28,729 --> 00:20:30,480
I agree.
470
00:20:30,564 --> 00:20:34,317
We just had sex in the lone
unlocked bathroom of a very crowded party.
471
00:20:39,698 --> 00:20:42,826
So, does this mean that you are
ready to be together together?
472
00:20:43,827 --> 00:20:45,203
You short,
473
00:20:45,287 --> 00:20:47,331
beautiful, maddening woman?
474
00:20:49,875 --> 00:20:51,709
Oh...
475
00:20:51,793 --> 00:20:53,504
fine!
476
00:21:03,931 --> 00:21:06,433
Wow. This view is amazing.
477
00:21:07,935 --> 00:21:09,853
Why didn't you have the party up here?
478
00:21:10,395 --> 00:21:12,648
My neighbor makes her own honey.
479
00:21:14,024 --> 00:21:16,026
Bees are very territorial.
480
00:21:17,319 --> 00:21:19,237
Although, everyone getting stung by bees
481
00:21:19,321 --> 00:21:21,573
probably would have been
less of a disaster.
482
00:21:22,157 --> 00:21:23,533
And that's when I decided
483
00:21:23,617 --> 00:21:25,702
I wanted to start things off with Drew
484
00:21:25,786 --> 00:21:27,996
by being completely honest.
485
00:21:28,830 --> 00:21:30,332
Okay. Truth.
486
00:21:31,291 --> 00:21:34,377
I went out and bought all of those books
this morning to impress you.
487
00:21:34,461 --> 00:21:36,379
Sophie,
you didn't need to do that.
488
00:21:36,463 --> 00:21:37,714
I know.
489
00:21:39,216 --> 00:21:42,427
It's just... you're so adult and...
490
00:21:43,345 --> 00:21:45,681
together and readery, and...
491
00:21:46,515 --> 00:21:48,183
it just makes me feel...
492
00:21:49,309 --> 00:21:50,519
kind of messy.
493
00:21:51,979 --> 00:21:53,229
- Can I tell you a secret?
- Drew,
494
00:21:53,313 --> 00:21:56,483
please don't do that thing where
you tell me your life's a mess, too.
495
00:21:56,567 --> 00:21:58,234
Oh no, I wasn't going to say that.
496
00:21:58,318 --> 00:22:01,029
I make Overnight Oats.
I'm an extremely together person.
497
00:22:03,073 --> 00:22:04,908
What I was gonna say is that
498
00:22:04,992 --> 00:22:08,369
this whole, like,
being super mature thing, it's, um...
499
00:22:08,453 --> 00:22:10,289
yeah, it's not all it's cracked up to be.
500
00:22:10,956 --> 00:22:13,082
And sometimes, I feel like I missed out.
501
00:22:13,166 --> 00:22:15,794
You know?
Having those ridiculous nights
502
00:22:15,878 --> 00:22:17,880
that you look back on when you're old.
503
00:22:19,381 --> 00:22:22,634
But I think tonight
is one of those nights.
504
00:22:23,385 --> 00:22:26,513
I mean, I got burned, I...
505
00:22:26,597 --> 00:22:28,014
I caught your roommate having shower sex.
506
00:22:29,558 --> 00:22:31,601
Oh, I saw a bunch of people
inexplicably dressed
507
00:22:31,685 --> 00:22:34,020
as Christina Aguilera
from the Dirrty video.
508
00:22:34,104 --> 00:22:36,773
Wait, y... You know Dirrty?
509
00:22:38,608 --> 00:22:41,110
♪ Gonna get my girls,
get your boys ♪
510
00:22:41,195 --> 00:22:43,280
♪ Gonna make some noise ♪
511
00:22:44,072 --> 00:22:46,032
♪ Gonna get rowdy ♪
512
00:22:46,116 --> 00:22:48,451
♪ Gonna get a little unruly ♪
513
00:22:48,535 --> 00:22:50,870
♪ Get fired up in a hurry ♪
514
00:22:50,954 --> 00:22:52,205
♪ Wanna get dirty ♪
515
00:22:52,289 --> 00:22:55,125
♪ It's about time I came
to start the party ♪
516
00:22:56,752 --> 00:22:58,503
My god! Wow, okay.
517
00:22:58,587 --> 00:23:00,839
I really wish I had known
this side of you sooner.
518
00:23:00,923 --> 00:23:02,757
Well, you know,
I usually save my renditions
519
00:23:02,841 --> 00:23:05,552
of TRL's greatest hits for the sixth date.
520
00:23:07,137 --> 00:23:08,888
So, there's going to be a sixth date?
521
00:23:08,972 --> 00:23:10,849
Oh, I hope so.
522
00:23:11,475 --> 00:23:13,017
Me, too.
523
00:23:16,104 --> 00:23:18,523
Son, I learned that night
524
00:23:18,607 --> 00:23:20,942
that 30 really is just a number.
525
00:23:21,026 --> 00:23:23,027
Mom, I never think about turning 30.
526
00:23:23,111 --> 00:23:25,989
That is, like, so old.
- Watch your mouth.
527
00:23:27,157 --> 00:23:28,616
Oh, wait!
528
00:23:28,700 --> 00:23:32,204
I-I forgot to tell you
how my party ended.
529
00:23:36,959 --> 00:23:38,626
Oh, these are the people we led on
530
00:23:38,710 --> 00:23:40,503
while we were getting
turned on by each other.
531
00:23:40,587 --> 00:23:42,505
They're probably hanging around,
hoping to hook up with us.
532
00:23:42,589 --> 00:23:45,634
God. We're just too damn desirable.
533
00:23:48,428 --> 00:23:49,971
Attention, please.
534
00:23:50,055 --> 00:23:52,390
Uh, you are all very sexy,
535
00:23:52,474 --> 00:23:55,352
but I am afraid I only have eyes
for this one here.
536
00:23:56,186 --> 00:23:58,062
Aw, babe! Right back at you.
537
00:23:58,146 --> 00:23:59,939
Sorry, dudes, no hard feelings.
538
00:24:00,357 --> 00:24:02,066
- So rude.
- The rudest.
539
00:24:02,150 --> 00:24:04,903
Why can't everyone in
a relationship just be honest?
540
00:24:04,987 --> 00:24:07,113
The bartender
with the man-gagement ring.
541
00:24:07,236 --> 00:24:09,603
Love that bartender.
He's so considerate.
542
00:24:09,688 --> 00:24:12,608
If every man were like him,
the world would be a better place.
543
00:24:15,873 --> 00:24:18,697
- Obviously, we can never tell Sid.
- Yeah, we'll take it to the grave.
39833
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