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1
00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:12,137
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪
2
00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:13,012
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
3
00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:15,724
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
4
00:00:15,724 --> 00:00:17,809
♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
5
00:00:17,809 --> 00:00:20,311
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
6
00:00:20,395 --> 00:00:22,230
♪ People spouting,
"howdy, neighbor!" ♪
7
00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:25,358
♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
8
00:00:25,442 --> 00:00:28,862
♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪
9
00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:32,449
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
10
00:00:41,666 --> 00:00:42,792
Dad!
Dad, there's this new place
11
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:43,960
and you can actually go
and shoot each other,
12
00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:45,628
only it's soft BBs
and they're biodegradable,
13
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:46,463
and the guns
are, like, totally real
14
00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:47,547
except you don't actually
get hurt,
15
00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:49,632
and it's like paintball
except for there's no mess,
16
00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:50,508
and the stuff
all looks totally real,
17
00:00:50,592 --> 00:00:52,218
and it's called Airsoft
and can I get one?
18
00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:53,470
Wha-- Wha-- What?
19
00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:55,096
There's an Airsoft field
where everybody plays on teams,
20
00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:56,681
and I promise I'll take
good care of the equipment,
21
00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:57,766
and if you think about it
it's a really great hobby
22
00:00:57,766 --> 00:00:59,642
for team building and learning
communication and --
23
00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:00,769
Whoa -- Whoa --
Whoa -- Whoa --
24
00:01:00,769 --> 00:01:01,853
I was just thinking
if you could come
25
00:01:01,853 --> 00:01:03,354
to the Airsoft store with me --
please, please, please,
26
00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:04,689
all my friends
already bought their stuff,
27
00:01:04,773 --> 00:01:05,565
and it's totally a way for us
to play outside
28
00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:06,608
like you always say --
come on, please,
29
00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:08,526
only we can't tell mom
cuz she won't understand,
30
00:01:08,610 --> 00:01:10,236
but it's totally safe
cuz you wear eye protection.
31
00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:12,822
Okay, okay, Kyle, breathe.
32
00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:16,659
Here it is!
Isn't this cool?!
33
00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:18,661
Airsoft Armory?
34
00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:20,163
Come on, Dad!
You gotta check it out!
35
00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:28,463
My God!
Is this stuff real?!
36
00:01:28,463 --> 00:01:30,590
No, Dad, it's Airsoft.
37
00:01:30,590 --> 00:01:32,634
It's like paintball,
only it's way cooler
38
00:01:32,634 --> 00:01:34,344
and it just looks totally real.
39
00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:37,847
I-I really don't think
your mom would approve, Kyle.
40
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:39,641
Dad... Please.
I'm not a baby anymore.
41
00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:40,558
The other guys --
they already got their stuff.
42
00:01:40,642 --> 00:01:42,727
We're playing today!
43
00:01:42,811 --> 00:01:46,231
Can I please just get, like,
an AK-47 and maybe a Glock?
44
00:01:46,231 --> 00:01:47,357
This stuff is expensive.
45
00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:49,692
Is this really how you want
to spend your allowance?
46
00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:51,528
Yeah, yeah!
It really is!
47
00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:54,113
These are all, like, legal,
right?
48
00:01:54,197 --> 00:01:55,782
Uh, yes, sir.
49
00:01:55,782 --> 00:01:58,535
You see you load these soft BBs
into the guns
50
00:01:58,535 --> 00:02:00,161
and they just kinda sting.
51
00:02:00,245 --> 00:02:03,498
And you can put the soft BBs
into grenades, rocket launchers,
52
00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:04,707
all kinds of stuff.
53
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:06,042
So it's all totally safe?
54
00:02:06,042 --> 00:02:11,047
Wul, I wouldn't particularly say that...
55
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,299
I mean --
all the stuff is safe,
56
00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:15,176
the guns and grenades
and things...but --
57
00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:19,931
but not necessarily the people
who mostly play Airsoft...
58
00:02:19,931 --> 00:02:22,225
What people mostly play Airsoft?
59
00:02:23,893 --> 00:02:26,187
Teenagers.
60
00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:29,691
Referee: Alright, Airsofters,
let's listen up.
61
00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:31,401
Before we let you onto
the field,
62
00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:33,695
we need to run through
our safety precautions.
63
00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:35,029
- Bruh...
- Bruh...
64
00:02:35,113 --> 00:02:38,491
Teenager:
We know all the safety stuff --
65
00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:42,203
First, your Airsoft guns
must all have a red tip --
66
00:02:42,287 --> 00:02:43,621
Bruh, we know...
67
00:02:43,705 --> 00:02:46,958
Second, there is no full auto
allowed on the field.
68
00:02:46,958 --> 00:02:48,084
Bruh...
69
00:02:48,084 --> 00:02:51,546
Third, there is a 500 fps limit
for your BBs.
70
00:02:51,546 --> 00:02:53,840
Bruh, can we play now?
71
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:57,010
If you're hit by a BB,
raise your hand, say "hit,"
72
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,511
and go back to respawn.
73
00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:00,096
Yes already, yes!
74
00:03:00,096 --> 00:03:02,849
Alright,
you guys are Team Rogue Wolf.
75
00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:07,353
You'll be playing against --
where is Team Floppy Wiener?
76
00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:08,438
Cartman: Right here!
77
00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:10,857
What?!
78
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:13,943
Bruh, no! We aren't playing
with little kids!
79
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,404
Yeah, it'll be too easy!
80
00:03:16,404 --> 00:03:17,280
Alright, fine!
81
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,949
Then we'll split the kids up
on two teams
82
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:22,785
and each one
will have a teenage partner.
83
00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:24,829
Bruh, seriously?
84
00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:28,082
Kid with the poof ball,
that's your teenager --
Bruh.
85
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:30,501
Green hat kid,
that's your teenager --
86
00:03:30,585 --> 00:03:31,628
Team B,
those are your two teenagers.
87
00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:34,130
Alright, sweet!
88
00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:37,675
Me and Kenny and our teenagers
are gonna smoke you guys!
89
00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:44,474
Teenager:
Go! Go, go, go, go, go!
90
00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:45,642
Come on! This way!
91
00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:49,312
Yes! Yes! Yes!
92
00:04:24,347 --> 00:04:24,722
I got you, Cartman!
93
00:04:24,806 --> 00:04:26,224
You didn't get me.
94
00:04:26,224 --> 00:04:29,602
I totally got you,
I heard it hit your jacket --
95
00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:31,062
Say hit
and go back to respawn!
96
00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:32,355
You didn't hit me,
Kyle!
97
00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:33,523
The BBs bounced off a leaf
or something, 'cause --
98
00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:35,483
Agh! Agh!
99
00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:37,193
Ok -- Ok hit!
100
00:04:37,193 --> 00:04:38,486
You got me.
That was sweet.
101
00:04:41,739 --> 00:04:44,242
I'm outta green gas,
you got green gas?!
102
00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:45,994
Yeah, I got some right here,
partner!
103
00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:51,666
Bruh! Keep shooting!
104
00:04:51,666 --> 00:04:52,250
Whoo-hoo!
105
00:05:00,216 --> 00:05:01,884
Oh, my God...
106
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:04,429
This is the greatest day
of my fucking life.
107
00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:09,767
Ow! Ow!
108
00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:11,185
Hit!
109
00:05:12,770 --> 00:05:15,231
Yes! Yes!
That was so awesome!
110
00:05:15,231 --> 00:05:17,066
You guys,
Airsoft fucking rules!
111
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,776
This is -- Ow!
Hit! Hit!
112
00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:19,235
This is sweet!
113
00:05:22,405 --> 00:05:25,450
- That was so cool!
- Mrphh rmhprh mrphmrhmrh!
- Best thing ever!
114
00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:28,202
Dude, I can't believe we tied!
That was epic.
115
00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:31,080
Yeah, well, Team Floppy Weiner
will get you guys next time!
116
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,666
That was seriously the best time
I've had in forever!
117
00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:34,959
Me too!
And you know what else is cool?
118
00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:37,587
We all have teenagers now!
119
00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:39,672
I know! My teenager said
he's gonna come over
120
00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:41,090
and show me
how to clean my gun!
121
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,925
Cartman, are you okay?
122
00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:46,929
I'm just really happy,
you guys...
123
00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:48,431
Airsoft is seriously, like,
124
00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:50,141
the greatest thing
in the whole world.
125
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:52,560
Well, here's my house.
126
00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:53,269
Thanks, you guys.
127
00:05:53,269 --> 00:05:55,438
For just a few,
brief hours...
128
00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:57,106
I forgot
how much everything sucks.
129
00:06:01,527 --> 00:06:04,113
Can we promise each other we'll
do Airsoft, like, all the time?
130
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:04,947
Hell yeah, dude.
131
00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:06,074
We just gotta keep
our teenagers happy
132
00:06:06,074 --> 00:06:08,993
and we can play Airsoft
all the time.
133
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:10,453
I love you guys.
134
00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:28,971
Hey, Kyle...
Uh, how did the Airsoft go?
135
00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:32,141
I took a BB right to the face
with a sniper rifle.
136
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:33,601
It was so great, Dad.
137
00:06:35,353 --> 00:06:37,814
Are you sure this isn't all
a little too much for you, son?
138
00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:38,981
I'm not a baby anymore,
Dad!
139
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:41,150
Ooh!
140
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:41,984
Oh, that's probably
my teenager!
141
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:44,153
See ya, Dad.
I love you!
142
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:45,113
I love you, too, Kyle.
143
00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:48,449
I got it!
144
00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:52,578
Gerald...why is Kyle wearing
my makeup on his face?
145
00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:54,956
He's just... Experimenting.
146
00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:02,004
Are you Kyle?
147
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:03,172
Yeah!
148
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:05,007
I'm here
to drop off Trevor.
149
00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:06,843
He said he's your teenager now.
150
00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:08,177
Yah, that's right!
151
00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:10,972
Okay!
Well, good luck.
152
00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:12,557
What time
are you picking me up?!
153
00:07:12,557 --> 00:07:15,017
Just gimme a call --
don't make it too soon, though,
154
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:17,603
because I am going to relax.
155
00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:18,688
Fine, go ahead, I'm glad!
156
00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:22,066
Go away, I don't wanna see
your stupid fucking face!
157
00:07:26,612 --> 00:07:30,158
Cool, dude, so, uh, you wanna,
like, clean our Airsoft guns?
158
00:07:30,158 --> 00:07:31,617
I'm fucking
starving to death.
159
00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:33,411
Can you make me
some fucking food?!
160
00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:35,621
Wul... Like what kind of food
do you want?
161
00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:37,623
Fucking leave me alone!
162
00:07:37,707 --> 00:07:38,958
Okay! Okay! Okay!
163
00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:46,883
Hello?
164
00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:49,302
Bruh, how do I make ramen?
165
00:07:51,637 --> 00:07:53,181
Excuse me?
166
00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:56,309
I'm starving, and the
instructions are all stupid.
167
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,686
Oh, is this my teenager?
168
00:07:58,686 --> 00:07:59,061
How's it going, dude?
169
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:00,563
It's not going!
170
00:08:00,563 --> 00:08:03,566
The ramen's all hard
and I can't eat it like that!
171
00:08:03,566 --> 00:08:06,444
Wul, you have to put the noodles
in boiling water.
172
00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:08,905
Where do I get water?
173
00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:12,200
You...
Do you have a sink?
174
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:13,868
Bruh.
175
00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:15,661
Bruh, what?
176
00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:18,414
I'm sorry
I'm not a five star chef!
177
00:08:18,414 --> 00:08:19,081
Hey, man, it's cool.
Lemme uh --
178
00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:20,750
Lemme slow it down for ya.
179
00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:32,678
Swamp Sniper:
That one right there!
Take him out!
180
00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:35,139
Dude, Swamp Sniper rules.
181
00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:43,940
Hello?
182
00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:45,775
What --
What are you doing, dude?
183
00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:48,236
I need a bathroom.
184
00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:50,404
Y-You need to use
my bathroom?
185
00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:52,448
I have to go to the bathroom --
brah, what?!
186
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:01,290
Dude, Kenny, the weirdest thing
just happened.
187
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:03,793
My teenager showed up
at my house,
188
00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:04,961
and he's acting really strange.
189
00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:07,129
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
190
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:09,006
Yours did too?
191
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:11,634
Why do I have all these
fucking zits on my face?!
192
00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:14,095
Mrph rmhmhm rm
mrph rmhmhm rm!
193
00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:15,137
You don't even
fucking care!
194
00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:17,848
You don't care because you don't
even fucking know me!
195
00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:23,562
What the hell
are these things?
196
00:09:32,947 --> 00:09:34,782
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
197
00:09:45,584 --> 00:09:47,336
Dude, that's my friend Kenny,
we gotta kill him!
198
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,839
I don't take orders
from you!
199
00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:52,383
Okay, okay, but if we kill Kenny
we get a point, right?
200
00:09:52,383 --> 00:09:53,509
Come on!
201
00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:58,556
Agh!
202
00:09:58,556 --> 00:09:59,640
Mrph mrph mrph mrph!
203
00:10:01,058 --> 00:10:03,019
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
204
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:04,186
No shooting
from less than 10 feet!
205
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,397
I wasn't less than 10 feet!
206
00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:07,565
It's okay, it's fine.
We're sorry.
207
00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:10,943
I'm not gonna play anymore.
This is stupid.
208
00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:12,987
Dude, it's ok,
it's just a gay rule.
209
00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:14,822
Come on,
let's beat these guys!
210
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:20,286
Hit!
211
00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:27,918
Dude, Kyle,
where are you?
212
00:10:28,002 --> 00:10:29,378
We started playing
like 20 minutes ago.
213
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:30,588
Yeah, I know!
214
00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:32,965
My teenager asked me to take him
shopping for hair gel.
215
00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:33,632
Hair gel?!
What the fuck, dude,
216
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:35,676
we're getting killed out here!
217
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,887
Just do your best,
I'll be there as fast as I can!
218
00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:43,434
Okay, here it is.
This is the health care aisle.
219
00:10:43,434 --> 00:10:45,353
Could you go
a little faster?
220
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:51,233
Okay, here's all
the hair product stuff,
221
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:53,110
which one do you like to use?
222
00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:54,570
I don't know.
223
00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:57,073
What?
224
00:10:54,653 --> 00:10:57,073
I don't know!
225
00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:58,115
Kyle?
What are you doing?
226
00:10:58,199 --> 00:11:00,242
Ugh, nothing, I'm...
227
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:01,869
I'm just shopping
with my teenager.
228
00:11:01,869 --> 00:11:03,496
Can we go now?
229
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:08,459
Okay, but you asked me if
I could buy you some hair gel.
230
00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:09,668
Shut up...
231
00:11:09,752 --> 00:11:12,505
Well...at least I'm not the
only one dealing with this crap.
232
00:11:15,966 --> 00:11:17,426
Your guy
wants hair gel, too?
233
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:20,429
No, my teenager
wants more lotion.
234
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,348
All this guy does
is hang out in the bathroom
235
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:23,265
and go through like two bottles
of lotion a day.
236
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:24,683
I swear
I don't know how soft
237
00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:26,394
you could possibly want
your hands to be.
238
00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:29,188
I just wanna get
to the Airsoft field,
239
00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:30,773
Stan says your team
is killing them!
240
00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:33,401
Damn right! Team Floppy Wiener
will destroy you guys!
241
00:11:33,401 --> 00:11:35,236
Yeah, we'll see
when I use my sniper rifle!
242
00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:36,487
You have to find me first!
243
00:11:36,487 --> 00:11:37,988
I gotta go
to the bathroom.
244
00:11:38,072 --> 00:11:39,657
Oh, you gotta be
fucking kidding me.
245
00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:40,491
There's one
over by the registers.
246
00:11:40,491 --> 00:11:43,244
No, you are not taking
the lotion.
247
00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:44,328
I fucking hate you!
248
00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:47,248
Okay,
I'm sorry you hate me.
249
00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:49,625
Just wanna fucking play Airsoft, buddy.
250
00:12:01,512 --> 00:12:04,473
Oh, my God,
you gotta be shitting me.
251
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:05,474
Yeah -- hello?
252
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:11,188
I'm not gay.
253
00:12:11,272 --> 00:12:13,274
Whu-- What?
254
00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:14,650
Why'd you call me gay?!
255
00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:16,527
Like,
what the hell do you know?!
256
00:12:16,527 --> 00:12:18,279
You don't even fucking know me.
257
00:12:18,279 --> 00:12:19,655
I-I didn't call you gay.
258
00:12:19,655 --> 00:12:22,950
They said I couldn't shoot a BB
within 10 feet,
259
00:12:22,950 --> 00:12:23,868
and I just had to say bang bang,
260
00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:26,662
and you got all salty
and said I was gay.
261
00:12:26,662 --> 00:12:28,289
I was saying the rule was gay.
262
00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:30,958
I wasn't talking anything
about sexual orientation.
263
00:12:30,958 --> 00:12:33,002
Brah.
264
00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:34,628
You're right,
I shouldn't have used that word!
265
00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:36,213
Look -- I was one of
the first people ever
266
00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:37,882
to say there was nothing wrong
with being gay.
267
00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:38,883
I had a dog that was gay!
268
00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:40,593
Oh, so I'm a fucking dog now?!
269
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:41,177
I'll fucking kill you!
270
00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:43,804
Okay, dude...
271
00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:45,723
What... Do you want me to do?
272
00:12:45,723 --> 00:12:48,017
I want you
to just leave me alone!
273
00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:51,187
Okay, but you called me...
274
00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:53,355
Hello? Hello?
275
00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:55,566
Teenager:
276
00:12:55,566 --> 00:12:56,609
What are you doing?
277
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,652
I'm holding my hand
over a lighter!
278
00:12:58,736 --> 00:13:00,863
It's burning the shit
out of my hand!
279
00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:02,531
Okay, don't hold your hand
over a lighter.
280
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:05,493
Bruh!
Bruh, this hurts so bad!
281
00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:06,702
Oh, dude,
it's fucking black.
282
00:13:06,702 --> 00:13:10,539
Is that what a third degree burn
looks like?!
283
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,708
Jesus fucking Christ.
284
00:13:12,708 --> 00:13:15,503
Dood, I just so lit
burned my hand.
285
00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:18,756
I need like --
I need like emergency services.
286
00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:20,299
Bruh, that was stoopid.
287
00:13:20,299 --> 00:13:21,258
Yeah, that was kinda stupid.
288
00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:25,095
I'm not fucking stupid!
289
00:13:27,973 --> 00:13:30,476
I seriously don't know
what to do...
290
00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:32,728
I've tried being nice,
I've tried being harsh...
291
00:13:32,728 --> 00:13:35,898
And I get nothing
from my teenager. Nothing.
292
00:13:35,898 --> 00:13:36,357
Mrph.
293
00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:38,275
Wul, you're lucky.
294
00:13:38,359 --> 00:13:40,736
At least your teenager
doesn't threaten to kill you.
295
00:13:40,736 --> 00:13:42,988
I'd love him to threaten
to do anything.
296
00:13:43,072 --> 00:13:44,698
I'd love him to do. Anything.
297
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:47,493
On the rare occasion that my
teenager isn't in the bathroom,
298
00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:48,744
all he does is talk about
his miserable life.
299
00:13:48,744 --> 00:13:51,872
I'm like -- okay, dude,
I've got problems too.
300
00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:54,583
But of course teenagers
don't care about your problems.
301
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:55,918
I'm like, "Look, buddy,
I live in a hot dog. Ok?
302
00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:59,463
Like, maybe let's stop bitching
and just play Airsoft."
303
00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:01,590
But you can't say that because
then they're just gonna --
304
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,259
- Want to kill themselves.
- Want to kill themselves.
- Want to kill themselves.
305
00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:05,803
Yes, yes.
306
00:14:03,342 --> 00:14:07,221
Mrph rmhmhm rm?
307
00:14:07,221 --> 00:14:09,098
No, we can't give up
on Airsoft --
308
00:14:09,098 --> 00:14:11,475
I'm like four hundred dollars
into this hobby.
309
00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:13,143
And we love it.
310
00:14:13,227 --> 00:14:14,770
Except for the part
about being around teenagers.
311
00:14:14,770 --> 00:14:16,063
Well, apparently,
a lot of people
312
00:14:16,063 --> 00:14:16,522
are in the same situation
we're in.
313
00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:18,941
What do you mean?
314
00:14:18,941 --> 00:14:21,151
I've been reading this book --
"Help, My Teenager Hates Me."
315
00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:22,111
Wow.
316
00:14:22,111 --> 00:14:23,988
Yeah...and...it has
some interesting ideas.
317
00:14:23,988 --> 00:14:27,283
It says we're basically just
dealing with an age difference
318
00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:28,617
and we need to try
and connect with them.
319
00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:28,617
Mrph?
320
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:32,580
It says
we should take them camping.
321
00:14:33,622 --> 00:14:35,457
Camping?
322
00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:38,794
Bruh...
323
00:14:38,794 --> 00:14:41,589
- Bruh...
- Bruh...
- Bruh...
324
00:14:41,589 --> 00:14:43,632
Alright, guys!
We got the tents all set up.
325
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:46,885
Yeah, check em out!
326
00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:48,512
Boy,
isn't it nice out here?
327
00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:49,930
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
328
00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:51,515
There's a lake over there
where we can rent kayaks!
329
00:14:51,599 --> 00:14:54,727
So what do you guys wanna do?
330
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:57,646
Go home.
331
00:14:57,730 --> 00:15:00,316
K, yeah, we can do that later,
but first maybe, um...
332
00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:03,152
let's bond a bit...
333
00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:06,905
Okay, looks like the tents
are set up --
334
00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:08,240
Can you come out now?
335
00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:12,036
Teenager:
I'm going to the bathroom!
336
00:15:12,036 --> 00:15:13,662
Okay, well,
you should probably finish up.
337
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:15,205
I know
you took the lotion in there.
338
00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:16,915
You really don't need soft hands
for camping.
339
00:15:16,999 --> 00:15:18,000
Leave me alone!
340
00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:23,213
Come on, dude.
341
00:15:23,297 --> 00:15:25,341
No shit in the world
takes that long.
342
00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:35,184
Hey, buddy, what's up?
343
00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:36,685
I thought you were gonna go out
and play Airsoft today?
344
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:39,063
No...
I don't think I'm gonna go...
345
00:15:39,063 --> 00:15:41,732
Oh.
346
00:15:41,732 --> 00:15:43,442
D-Did something happen?
347
00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:44,610
You wouldn't understand, Dad.
348
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:46,945
I just can't deal
with teenagers.
349
00:15:47,029 --> 00:15:50,366
Oh.
Well, you know, they say
350
00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:52,534
that the brain chemistry
of a teenager
351
00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:53,619
is the same
as that of a psychopath.
352
00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:55,871
The hormones and all that --
353
00:15:55,871 --> 00:16:00,209
it's been proven they're
literally criminally insane.
354
00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:01,210
You know, I just --
355
00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:04,755
I just wanted to have fun --
and shoot my friends.
356
00:16:04,755 --> 00:16:09,051
I-I just wanted
to shoot my friends, dad.
357
00:16:09,051 --> 00:16:11,303
Oh, buddy, well,
358
00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:13,472
maybe you could ask
the Airsoft field
359
00:16:13,472 --> 00:16:15,724
to let you play
without the teenagers.
360
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:17,893
We did! They said
they hate the teenagers
361
00:16:17,893 --> 00:16:19,895
just as much as anybody,
but they can't get rid of them.
362
00:16:19,895 --> 00:16:22,898
And we've got no one else
to partner with.
363
00:16:22,898 --> 00:16:28,278
Well...did you guys
ever consider your dads?
364
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:37,955
Come on in, boys.
365
00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:39,748
Jesus Christ...
366
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:42,751
How long
has this store been here?
367
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,503
What do you think?
368
00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:46,588
This one can shoot a thousand
BBs in like five seconds.
369
00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:47,923
Seems pretty dangerous.
370
00:16:47,923 --> 00:16:50,467
What if the police thought
that gun was real?
371
00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:52,928
No, it's safe. See?
372
00:16:52,928 --> 00:16:56,056
As long as your gun
has a red tip and you're white,
373
00:16:56,140 --> 00:16:57,391
police won't shoot you.
374
00:16:57,391 --> 00:16:58,183
Oh, that's good.
375
00:16:58,267 --> 00:17:00,978
How can I, uh...
help you gentlemen?
376
00:17:00,978 --> 00:17:02,104
We need some equipment.
377
00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:04,565
We're gonna try
and take out some teenagers.
378
00:17:04,565 --> 00:17:09,278
Huh... I think that's
a somewhat foolhardy plan.
379
00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:12,114
Have you seen the kind of
weaponry the teenagers buy?
380
00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:14,908
It's some of the biggest,
nastiest weapons we sell.
381
00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:18,620
Yeah, well,
I've got something bigger.
382
00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:22,541
American Express Platinum.
383
00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:25,252
Give me one
of everything you have.
384
00:17:25,252 --> 00:17:28,005
Yes, sir!
385
00:17:29,006 --> 00:17:32,301
We...have completely had it
up to here with you.
386
00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:33,802
Up to here!
387
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:35,929
Our friend Kyle
just wanted to play Airsoft.
388
00:17:36,013 --> 00:17:38,140
And now he's quit
because of your attitudes.
389
00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:40,184
What do you have to say
for yourselves?
390
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:42,978
Brah.
391
00:17:42,978 --> 00:17:45,314
Yeah, brah,
great, thank you.
392
00:17:45,314 --> 00:17:46,857
I can't...
I can't.
393
00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:48,901
Guys,
things have to improve.
394
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:50,152
They just have to.
395
00:17:50,152 --> 00:17:51,820
I've never seen anyone
so disrespectful.
396
00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:53,697
Mrph rmhmhm rm
mrph rmhmhm rm!
397
00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:56,283
Mrph rmhmhm rm mrph rmhmhm rm?
398
00:17:56,283 --> 00:17:58,160
Mrph rmhmhm rm
mrph rmhmhm rm!
399
00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:59,745
I have never seen Kenny
like this ever.
400
00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:01,663
Fine!
Then just leave!
401
00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:03,665
Cuz we don't want you here.
402
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:06,001
And we don't want you here!
403
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:07,878
We just wanna fucking play Airsoft
404
00:18:07,878 --> 00:18:09,963
without any of you
on our team!
405
00:18:10,047 --> 00:18:12,257
Fine, then why don't you just be
on your own team?
406
00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:13,509
That sounds totally fine!
407
00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:15,177
Us against you,
let's fucking go!
408
00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:18,013
Fine and if we win, you stay out
of our lives forever!
409
00:18:18,013 --> 00:18:20,682
Fine, and you too
when we beat all you!
410
00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:22,559
Yeah,
you and what army?
411
00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:24,228
Gerald: This army!
412
00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:32,694
Dad?
Mrph?
413
00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:35,531
Any of you pussy teenagers
wanna Airsoft
414
00:18:35,531 --> 00:18:37,324
against some drunk rednecks?
415
00:18:41,745 --> 00:18:43,831
We got new partners,
guys!
416
00:18:43,831 --> 00:18:46,208
That's awesome.
I wish I had a dad.
417
00:18:46,208 --> 00:18:48,627
And that I didn't live
in a hot dog.
418
00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:49,920
Oh, we got you a partner, too, Eric.
419
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,381
You might remember
Stan's Uncle Jimbo.
420
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:58,929
Did somebody say somethin' about
Airsoft against teenagers?!
421
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:06,436
♪ When they called me broken ♪
422
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,772
♪ I knew ♪
423
00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:10,941
♪ When they called me evil ♪
424
00:19:10,941 --> 00:19:12,401
Ow! Hit!
425
00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:14,153
Ow!
I said hit, you bitch!
426
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,571
That's it, son!
Light em up!
427
00:19:15,571 --> 00:19:17,573
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
428
00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:20,659
- Hit!
- Hit!
429
00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:21,785
Brah!
430
00:19:21,869 --> 00:19:24,746
Yee-haw!
431
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:29,501
But there's one teenager
I can't seem to find!
432
00:19:31,503 --> 00:19:32,880
I know where he is...
433
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:37,759
♪ When I begged forgiveness ♪
434
00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:39,928
♪ They knew ♪
435
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:41,597
I'm so sick of this crap...
436
00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:42,764
♪ When I begged for mercy ♪
437
00:19:42,848 --> 00:19:45,100
♪ They knew ♪
438
00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:46,143
Bruh!
What the hell are you doin'?!
439
00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:50,188
What you do to Jergens Lotion
isn't right.
440
00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:53,066
♪ I would always
find my way ♪
441
00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:53,609
Ow! Ow! Ow!
442
00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:55,819
Ow! Ow! Bruh!
443
00:19:55,903 --> 00:19:57,613
Aah, bruh!
444
00:19:57,613 --> 00:20:00,949
Aah!
445
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:04,244
Ow, my dick!
My dick! Aah!
446
00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:06,955
They're not coming out of cover!
I don't see them!
447
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:07,539
It's ok, I've got an idea.
448
00:20:11,418 --> 00:20:13,462
Cover me.
449
00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:28,143
Bruh...
450
00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:32,606
Dood...that's weed.
I smell weed.
451
00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:34,983
♪ My name is ruin ♪
452
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:36,485
♪ My name is vengeance ♪
453
00:20:36,485 --> 00:20:37,069
That smells dope!
454
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:38,904
♪ My name is no one ♪
455
00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:42,366
Dood, it's a whole lit jar
of weed!
456
00:20:42,366 --> 00:20:44,826
Dope!
That is so dope. Bruh!
457
00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:47,162
♪ I'll show you broken ♪
458
00:20:47,162 --> 00:20:48,497
♪ I'll show you shameless ♪
459
00:20:48,497 --> 00:20:49,873
Bruh!
460
00:20:49,957 --> 00:20:52,834
Teenager:
Ow! Aah! Yow!
461
00:20:52,918 --> 00:20:55,295
- Bruh! Bruh!
- Bruh! Bruh!
- Aah!
462
00:20:55,379 --> 00:20:57,297
Yeah!
463
00:20:57,381 --> 00:20:59,841
- That was so epic!
- Did you see how those teenagers ran?
464
00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:03,512
That was so sweet,
you guys!
465
00:21:03,512 --> 00:21:07,432
I bet the teenagers will never
go back to that place again!
466
00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:08,600
Of course they won't!
467
00:21:08,684 --> 00:21:10,852
I saw half of em'
break their guns in frustration.
468
00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:12,020
Hey, thanks, you guys.
469
00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:14,856
We couldn't have gotten rid
of the teenagers without you.
470
00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:17,192
Yeah, thanks, Dad.
Mrph rm!
471
00:21:17,192 --> 00:21:20,153
Hey, that's what
we're here for, right?
472
00:21:20,237 --> 00:21:22,531
We're just glad you wanted
to spend some time with us.
473
00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:23,615
Well, I'm hungry,
474
00:21:23,699 --> 00:21:24,866
is there any place around here
to get a hot dog?
475
00:21:24,950 --> 00:21:26,702
Yes...
Yes, I live in a hot dog.
476
00:21:26,702 --> 00:21:28,203
It's right over here!
477
00:21:28,203 --> 00:21:30,998
Come on, you guys,
help me get it all ready!
478
00:21:30,998 --> 00:21:33,542
Ok, let's go!
479
00:21:31,081 --> 00:21:33,542
Come on, guys!
480
00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:39,339
Should I take them out now?
481
00:21:39,423 --> 00:21:41,174
Not yet...
482
00:21:41,258 --> 00:21:44,052
We still have a few good years
before they turn into monsters.
483
00:21:44,136 --> 00:21:48,515
♪ When they called me broken ♪
34901
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