All language subtitles for L.Infermiera.Nella.Corsia.Dei.Militari.(1979).Z2-en

So ?

He sleeps like a baby now.

Say, he kissed you?

But no !
Stop saying bullshit.

Go to Napoleon, you.

Oh no. Napoleon, when he sees me,

he takes me for Jos�phine
and jump on me.

- You don't care, you're single.
- You're going to Rommel's, then.

Provided he hadn't seen
Holocaust on the TV!

Very well. I will go.

He kissed you, professor.
You have the mark.

It's an obsession!
Tomorrow I will examine you.

Because even the nurses
lose their minds here!

Gedeone, you go
always break my heart ...

- What is your name ?
- Couilleau.

Are you doing it on purpose, or what?

At your orders. Goodbye.
Come on, go.

But why did I land
in the military service?

It's a crazy story.

THE REGIMENT NURSE

Ottavio,

What are you doing ?

Shut up !

I am preparing a trap.

I will put stakes
and branches.

The jaguar will not see anything.
It happens, it falls and I take it.

But here, jaguars,
there are not any !

- Have mercy, Lord!
- It is true ?

Voil�, like that.

Not moving.

- It's really very beautiful.
- Ah yes ?

But I don't have a mustache.

He is right !

He is right.

A...

And two.

Oh yes, I have one.

But what are you doing ?
Are you training?

Sunday is
the heavyweight championship.

You are too chubby
for boxing.

- Can't you see him?
- But why not ?

Go on, try.

What happened?

Just a little drop in shape.

- Here it is! And ... bang!
- You didn't get it.

He escaped!
He escaped!

The mosquito ! Wait, don't move.

Not moving.
He escaped! Escaped!

He is there.

Stop! There it is!

Stop, don't move.

Peppino is always

the same mosquito?

Yes. He flew away.

I feel

that this mosquito is a male.

Yes. It is a male.

Oh wait!

Not moving !

I crushed it.

Thank you, my sister.

Come in !

My general,
a woman wants to see you.

- An Arab?
- I believe.

It must be the beautiful Solamina,
our agent.

- Let her in.
- Well sir.

Come in !

The beautiful Solamina.
Password...

You go away!

Yes sir.

There is news ?

Yes, my general.

The enemy threatens

your road near Sinai.
- Where exactly?

- Amman.
- Impossible.

Amman is already our hammam.

No. I did not speak
of the city of Amman.

Our manna is that the enemy
withdrew, but with landmines.

I will bomb them all!

Any other news?

Yes. The new drug,
come from Jerusalem, has finally arrived.

It will do good for your bones.

I am happy.
Today they hurt me.

It will probably rain.

The rain !

- What's this ?
- An injection. We did it ?

Let me see
your little golden face.

Stop, my general. Stop.

Ayatollah Khomeini does not want to.
Our religion forbids it.

Stop!

Has been 8 years old
it's the same story, shit!

Okay, general.

You have won.

Be nice,
and I give you a kiss.

Close your eyes.

- There.
- Yes.

It's his car.
He has arrived. Wait here.

Michele!

Shit !

The poor...

Despite his injury,
he crawled to the barn.

He left a message.

Let me see it.

"The paintings are at the clinic
psychiatric program of Prof. Larussa.

"The one who..."

- He hasn't finished his sentence?
- No, no. He is dead.

He was an amateur.
If he's dead, too bad for him!

Too bad for me ! I paid him
a deposit of 25 million.

- The whole guard outside!
- Everybody out !

Private Gedeone, you break me
ears, you know.

Hello, Madam Baroness.

Hello, professor.

My general,

how are the secret services?
Open the portal.

Tell me...

Are you telling me nothing?

But I am not crazy.
I am the keeper.

I am the keeper,

- not crazy.
- I get it.

It goes.
I am the teacher.

- And me, the guard.
- We're even then.

Is that good? I am the teacher
and him ... the keeper.

And I am going out.

Hi !

My darling of love,
tell me something sweet.

So ... Sugar,

caramel, nougat.

And your mother's melting chocolate.

Make up your own mind: inside or outside.
Because there, I'm sick of it.

But what, "inside or outside"?

I can't believe it!

I do not know. Inside Outside !

"Because here, I'm sick of it"!
I do not understand you.

My wife is not frigid,

it's a real fridge
surmounted by a freezer.

Look at me when I talk to you!

And Coubertin who said
that the important thing is to participate.

You never participate!

What do you want from me ?
I'm doing my duty, right?

It is true
that I'm a little cold ...

Cold? You even succeeded
To turn me into an ice cube!

- I have to escape.
- Go ahead, yell.

I need to run away.

How can you say that to a husband
who is in action?

I was building up the pressure
and you are stopping me.

Why it took
that I marry her?

- Why she ?
- For money.

The endowment of 300 million.

Exact. In the fire of ...

we forget the fundamental things.

- I'll take a shower.
- Well.

Tell me,

By the way, did you or did you not?

Hello.

- Hello.
- How are you?

What a night I spent!

Don't tell me about it.
Me too...

Yes, it can be seen in your eyes.
What did you do last night?

Stomach pain ...

It's what we say ! But I know
that you are a sacred rascal.

What?

With the beautiful woman you have.

- And here, how are you?
- Well.

- Shouldn't I?
- Yes.

It's good Parma ham, etc.
Isn't she from Parma?

- I dunno.
- We do not care. Ugolini, how are you?

Well.
But he refuses the tranquilizer,

because he wants
"inspect the troops".

Why are you laughing ?

If that's what he wants to do,
leave it.

I will be clearer.

Those who spend millions

can inspect
All they want. Including ?

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

Take it easy
with the trifle.

Watch out for the infarction.

That's it, go and show you.

Colonel, what are you doing in white?

I put on the summer uniform.

No white in the desert!
We are used to persimmon. All khaki.

Me, khaki. Them, khaki.
Why you, not khaki?

It is a hereditary problem.

Too bad for you.
I had called my adjutant,

because I wanted
inspect our panzer divisions.

Not possible, generally.

All our divisions
panzer and others are celebrating.

To have won us in El-Alamein.

Let's celebrate. It's late.

No. Water is for soldiers.

I have something else here.

Some wine ! Some wine !

Bombers!

Bombers!

I hear their engines.

I can't tell them apart.

Take the binoculars.

There!
They are bombers.

Colonel Larussa!

Colonel, we took refuge.
They are bombers.

- No. They have landed.
- It's dangerous ! Warning !

- Dangerous!
- It's just a growl.

- Below.
- Don't break me, you too ...

My head! It's not true !

Lower your head!

They left.

No. Now,
it is gas warfare.

Warning ! Put on the gas mask.

- Put that, please.
- I'm choking!

How awful !

Curfew.

- What's this ?
- The flamethrowers.

Let's go out. A�e! My noggin ...

Great Germany!
The enemies are kapput.

These English
have nothing in their heads.

- Lucky !
- Come.

We are going to drink
to the glorious Afrikakorps.

- Finally !
- After you.

- No, after you.
- You first.

Go!

I said drink first.

No ! What is that?

No need to get there,
my general.

- Drink!
- A pistol, it's not true!

- Wood !
- Okay. I drink.

It is not that...

In Germany,
when one drinks, the other burps?

- Can I see the gun?
- It's a fake.

It's a water gun.
A gift from my children.

- water?
- Yes.

And I, like a moron,
I poured the sedative into the glass!

I am a real moron.

Colonel!

Damn! What a pretty girl !

The painter found
the perfect person.

- Hello, my sister.
- Hello my daughter.

- I was called by ...
- I know.

Bedroom 22, 2nd floor.

- Thank you, my sister.
- You're welcome.

Come in !

Excuse me.
Are you the professor?

The employment agency sends me.

Do you have experience?

Yes, rather.

I have a year of experience,

day and night.

So, you are comfortable with the beds.

And how !
I had over 30 beds per night.

Oh dear !

How did you do ?

It was of course a bit tiring.

But my work fascinates me so much ...

Perfect ! It's going to be perfect.
Take off your clothes, come on!

- I want to paint your body.
- But why?

Help!

Help !

My beautiful asparagus!

- What happened?
- She doesn't want to undress.

She's right, dirty pig!

But my tender child,
you do not know

as models
have to undress?

So what ?
I am not a model.

I am the nurse
from the employment agency!

What a terrible misunderstanding!

What a beautiful girl ! Hello.

Thank you Madam.

The professor is visiting.
Sit down.

Please invite me to sit down.

But miss,
the teacher is me.

Very honored. Amedeo Larussa.

Nice to meet you. I am Grazia Mancini,

the nurse
of the employment agency.

You are all so small
in your family?

I'm joking. Dressed like that,
you might think I'm crazy.

- Sit down.
- Thank you.

It's not my fault.
It is that of Napoleon.

Napoleon?

Are you good at psychopathology?

Very little.

Well you will learn.

I will explain it to you briefly.

The human being, to escape the anguish
everyday, what does he do?

He identifies himself
To a famous character.

I think I understood.

There is a patient
who takes himself for Napoleon.

Exact. And it was a teacher
history of art.

A university professor.
Prof. Moretti.

All his life he had to be mistreated
by his wife and children.

So he identified himself
To someone who commands all.

It's extraordinary.

I don't know.
See what I have to do.

I must disguise myself as Jos�phine
to give Napoleon the shot.

She alone is allowed
To touch her butt.

Her butt!

Excuse me,
but this is a really funny case.

And it is not the only one.
There is also Moshe Dayan, Rommel ...

- I have three commanders here.
- Really ?

And there is one
who plays the trumpet.

He says he has made all the wars.

In short, I had to create
a military department.

It’s really amazing.
You are very nice.

Thank you. You too,
you are very ... and many ...

Gone? It's me.

Yes. Everything is fine.

They hired me.
I start right away.

But I have to make the nights.

If it suits you, so much the better.

Of course I will take advantage of it.

Don't worry. Hi.

All the guard outside!

Warning ! Prepare ... weapon!

But I sweep.

Lift it up.

All at the palace.

What do I look like !
At least give me a gun.

- Shall I help you down?
- It's useless.

Treachery!

Good evening, doctor.

Good evening. Are you?

Me, that's it.

I am not crazy.
I am the keeper.

Of course, I had forgotten. Hi.

So what ?
There is never anyone here!

This service is totally deserted.

"Psychiatric assistance.

"Outlook
and new techniques. "

Good evening.

- Good evening.
- I'm the new nurse.

- Are you Doctor Santarelli?
- Yes. Are you the one reading this?

I try.
Like I have to work here.

Well done. Usually your colleagues
are content with Scrooge.

What is that?
Were you at the trumpet player?

Yes.
He had to take his sleeping pill.

- Did you manage to give it to him?
- Yes.

Well done. Me, I never succeeded.

I told him
that it was salt tablets.

Like the ones the Marines take.

Oh ok. I am against
lying to patients.

- But if it worked ...
- Yes! He wanted to take 4.

What? You are crazy!
Before giving medicine,

you will first have to
ask a doctor.

I'm sorry.
I will not do it again.

Well. I go back to my room.

If you need me, call.
Good night.

Good night.

I just wanted to say
that is better

to ask the doctor.
But hey, at least

he won't bother us.

- Good night.
- Good night.

- Who is he?
- It's Peppino.

- It's you, then!
- Thank you.

It's not going to be home at this hour.
You woke me up, damn it!

Sorry. Tomorrow come with me.
We will go to the cinema.

- I can't go out.
- No ?

I am not crazy,
I am the keeper.

- Do not move !
- What?

- The mosquito.
- Where?

I see nothing.

He escaped.

There! I killed him the first time!

But go and show you ...

Hello, Fred!

Kiss me.

How are you?

Pissed off, and you ?

I found the title
for our show.

Fantastic ! Wonderful!

- Me, Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire.
- Fred Astaire!

In
Dance for two.

It's not true, that!

I told you she must always
have the straitjacket.

If she doesn't dance with you,
she swallows nothing.

I have something else to do!

- It's a check.
- His ?

2.8 million.

Okay, we have to repeat.
Tomorrow we have the Broadway premiere.

Okay.

Alright I have to dance
but still ...

Gustavo?
Come get Ginger Rogers.

The first has been postponed.

Excuse me.

You did well to come.

They don't have you
still mad?

I'm having a lot of fun

with Rommel, Napol�on and Dayan.

They are very nice.

And the doctors too
are nice?

There is one that is not bad.

And you tell me more?
Do you like doctors?

So tell me about the paintings.

Me, I'm just a singer.

I am not an expert in art.
It's hard.

For you it's just about
to recover my mother's paintings,

family tables.

Mom had so many.

And like a moron,
I had them stolen from me.

Remember they represent
a saint and a cardinal.

Two Caravaggio.
This represents a beautiful package.

Are you sure they're over there?

Certain.

I know that for sure.
The clinic is used to hide trafficking.

Just watch
and report back to me.

They can be anywhere.

In the cellar, in a cupboard ...
It's easy to recognize, isn't it?

I hope to get there.

Why don't you make me
enter your office?

It is full of smoke.
It's not good for the skin.

And since when
are you ashamed of your daughters?

She dresses.

How did you manage to replace me
in the show?

I managed.
Come back quickly, the public is clamoring for you.

I will get them back to you very quickly.

I'll be a perfect 007.
Don't worry.

But if you try to trick me
you are on the wrong track.

But no, what are you saying?

What are you saying, let's see?

We will go to America. And i will go up
a show just for you.

You know how to do it.

Why ? Not you ?

- Hi.
- Hi.

Okay...

Ottavio.

- Are you crazy or what?
- Are you making a hole for the jaguars?

What jaguars? Jaguars,
there isn't one here, let's see.

- And why...
- Hush!

- For the leopards.
- Of course!

- What a jerk I'm doing!
- Eh yes.

- How? 'Or' What ?
- "Of course", I say.

Dig, dig.

Professor, thank God!

Moretti's parents called.
They don't want to pay anymore!

Napoleon's parents?

- Yes.
- But why ?

They say Moretti is healed.

They are all crazy
in this family or what?

- You seem cured?
- In my opinion, no.

But they have to pay us.

How much do they owe us?

8 and a half million.

So he must be treated quickly.
Either it heals in 4 days,

either we use a treatment
mild psychotherapy:

we explain to him that life is good,
full of things to buy,

and if he doesn't pay, I twist him
neck and we don't talk about it anymore.

Huh? We'll see.
The new nurse has arrived?

She arrives at 8 p.m. Why ?

I thought...

Let me do it.

Teacher! You are still

taken by the feet!

And you, by the c ...
How tall is this tree!

Here is the new nurse.

- She is beautiful.
- Yes.

More beautiful
than Marie-Louise of Austria.

I am going to divorce Jos�phine

and marry him, her.

Marie-Louise is dead,
200 years ago.

I won't have to yet
explain everything to you?

- He's probably crazy.
- Listen.

I will show you what to do
an injection is child's play.

Just take a deep breath
and relax.

Miss, take off your panties.

Sorry ?

Here ? In front of them ?

Yes. Otherwise the experience
will not work.

We agreed.

Their life is in your hands.
Finally, between your buttocks.

Is it really necessary?

"Necessary"?
Take off your panties!

- Really...
- Come on, miss.

I understand your reluctance
But...

Yes, but I ...

This will only last a short time.

- You're welcome.
- Okay.

Women are always complicated.
Silk stockings,

garters, garters ...

Calm down!

Calms you.

I will show you that ...

give an injection
is child's play.

It is a trifle.

Simply...

Just rub with the co ...

on the thing and ...

You prefer to be
standing or lying down?

- Standing.
- It's better, it makes the gesture easier.

So...

Just close your eyes
and as Michelangelo said:

why do not you talk ?

You didn't smell anything, did you?

No. I didn't feel anything.

Me, on the contrary, I felt everything.

It is very easy. Cover yourself.

So who wants to start
To give an injection?

- Me !
- Me !

- Me !
- Don't start screaming!

Calm down!

Priority to Napoleon.

Miss, pull up your skirt.

But you didn't understand anything!

I thought you were
the most normal of the 3!

She's not the one you should sting.
I'm the one who must sting you.

I have enough !

What did I tell you?
He is crazy.

Am I talking into a vacuum or what?
You never understand anything!

Calms you. We relax.
We breathe deeply.

Didn't you see it?

She got down here.
She pulled up her skirt.

It's not that you have to ...

Gustavo! Gustavo!

- Yes ?
- The bite ...

Ready!

But this is completely insane.

And you, did you accept?

What could I say?
The teacher asked me.

He made the show
in front of these three.

I don't see anything wrong with that.

It was an experience.

You tell me that, like that?
You almost laugh at it!

Tell me why
you seem so happy.

It makes me happy to see
that you are worried about me.

It is very nice.

Don't talk nonsense!

I just care
of my patients.

This type of experience could well
even more unbalance them.

You are unconscious!

Don't talk to me like that!

What?

I have a duty to do so.
Good night.

Dirty redneck!

This is my whole life.

Tomorrow call me back
that I have to buy a pantyhose.

Buy what you want
as long as you let me have him.

My beautiful!

Tell me something on fire.

Match, gasoline and flame.

And the firefighters are banging your sister!

But what a nuisance you are!

The white brigades!

I did not do anything !

I see hell.

Forward, my braves!

Diver-cyclists, fusiliers
and bombers! Forward!

Where are you going?

We're going to free the girl.
The other madman keeps her prisoner.

This teacher
thinks he's a teacher.

- But he's nuts.
- Crazy?

I'll bomb him.

It wasn't me.

So what ? Who was it?

Sister Fulgenzia.
I recognize his timbre.

It's here. They are here!

I still can't see it.

Here it is! I recognize her.
It's her.

Sorry.

An unforgettable face!

We must break down the door.

In a row !

Let's keep calm.
Turn on the photoelectric.

Let's turn on the photoelectric.

There, veiled.

But there,

this is his photo sign.

She is therefore a prisoner.

This time, I have had enough.

The next time,
I won't let you in.

Here it is!

Oh no, my pretty!

Are you afraid of a mosquito?
You made him go!

I am not crazy.
I am the keeper.

If you slap me, you'll see
what kind of wood I warm myself!

We are not going to argue
for a mosquito!

It's still not a plane!

Are you nuts or what?

You haven't understood yet.
I am the keeper, me.

My God ! They are killing each other!

That's enough! Stop!

What is happening here ?

What are you doing here ?

This individual slapped
the emperor and myself.

And me.
He must be Arafat's spy.

It's wrong.
It's the mosquito's fault!

The mosquito !

Just try
and you take my fist.

He escaped.

Go back to your rooms!

Go!

Outside !

- Outside. Go.
- Go!

Outside. And get back to your beds.

And don't do it again!

- In bed !
- What happened?

It happens
let them walk at night,

because the nurse
is not at his post!

- I was in a room.
- This is it.

Sometimes it takes a long time.

How?

You were still
showing off your ass?

- What is it ?
- Nothing.

Returns. We had the mosquito.

Ah yes ? Thank you.

But no, he escaped.
Here it is !

Ottavio!

Who is it?

- Ah, professor. Hello.
- Is that a hole for jaguars?

There are no jaguars here!

For the leopards?

But no ! There are not any.
You've lost your mind.

Me ? Why are you digging?

I have located a necropolis
Trusco-Latin-Greco-Byzantine

which dates from 2138 BC.

- Or 2038?
- I don't know.

- How?
- Drop your shovel or I'll put one for you.

He's crazy! He's crazy!

- Stamped!
- Miss!

Stamped!

I'm crazy
And yes, and no

Stamped, yes

I have a question for you.

- Tell me.
- I don't know where to start.

It's scientific.
You may not respond.

I wanted to know...
In terms of sex, how are you?

How? 'Or' What ?

Yes. When you make love
what are you doing ?

- Do you put pearls on?
- Pearls ?

And you don't run away
wool either?

No.

Do you read thrillers?

No.

So when you make love
are you normal?

Are you frigid?

I think I am normal.

I need to know.
I want to solve this problem.

- Are you frigid?
- Not at all.

Thank you. You do not imagine
How much you relieved me.

Can we talk to each other? Thank you.
What are you doing tonight?

Nothing original. I am going to sleep.

If we could fix it together ...

- There will be plenty of opportunities.
- Grazia, come on.

- Excuse me.
- Go ahead.

You came to get Snow White.
The other six, where are they?

- Go to the gynecological department.
- Miserable!

- Anti-militarist!
- I'm going to kill you !

I do not allow you.

What a pain in the ass!

What is happening here ?
Soldier Gedeone, Soldier Ottavio!

We can say that you know
break them to me! Go up!

Two kids! Who started?

It's him. He gave me a chestnut.

And I punished him
in a military manner.

Yes, I hit him.
He pissed in my hole!

Me ?

It is not serious. He's going to clean it up.

But clean up what?

A trench cannot be cleaned.
In the trench, we fight.

I'm going to kill you !

It's not true ! Get down there!

Artillery battalion!

Left all!

Head right!

Present glasses!

Will make you see.

But it's an obsession ...

I hate them !

They are not on the walls.

He had to hide the canvases.

There is nothing in there either.

We are still looking.

Nothing.

And to think that it seemed harmless!

But where did they hide them?

Were you expecting me?

Yes, professor.

I wanted to talk to you.

Did you want to talk to me?

Are you undressing?

To create
a more intimate atmosphere.

Between
you and me ?

You remember
that in the garden,

have you asked me questions?
- Yes, but ... It was just ...

from a scientific point of view,

to know
if you were a frigid type.

But I don't think so.

Naturally.
But your tone was decided.

Sometimes,
you appeared preoccupied.

How do you say ?
Angry.

Sorry.
If I seemed angry to you,

I didn't want it.

- I have to call.
- No.

Stay here.

Your behavior is that
of a typical complex.

You suffer from frustration
towards the woman.

But I don't suffer from anything.

You return
totally the situation.

It's me
who asked you questions.

Exactly.

Maybe you should have
you ask them to yourself.

- Where are you going?
- It is still time.

Still time for what?

You're coming,
you undress ...

You make me a big deal ...

Blessed Virgin, Mary, mother of God!

I please you ?

Name of a bitch!

Sorry.
It is an Italian-English expression.

Look at me, professor.

What would you like to do?

How? What would I want ...

All !

Exact. That's what Jung says.

The complex is made of conflicts

but also of impulses.

I read it yesterday.

I have read
something from Oscar Wilde:

That a man
in such a situation

must show
that he's a man, a real one.

- Who is he?
- Have you seen Grazia?

Not completely.

- Did you see him or not?
- Yes,

if you hadn't arrived!
Why are you hitting?

Go to the garden.
I have work.

Bitch!

Are you getting dressed?
She left...

It would be better to put it back.

It was very interesting.

"Interesting"? I did not do anything.
We did the unfinished symphony.

Do you want to torture me?

You're welcome.

Get out first. Go for it.

Don't torture me.

Yes. But don't torture me.

- I'll stay here a bit.
- I go.

Yes, of course.

Go now.

- Excuse me ! Go, quickly.
- You see, you're torturing me.

A water gun!
Who would have imagined it?

Caress me.

Kiss Me.

Touch my hair.

- Sorry...
- Get out of the car.

Put on the lock and close the gate.

End of the first episode.

Do you read photo novels?

I caress you and you,
you read photo novels!

I will strangle you, kill you ...

You really take me for an asshole.

"Get out of the car
and put the lock on! "

I will put some on you
a brain lock.

I have tension at 400!

Let’s calm down.

- Let's start over.
- There.

Try to participate a little more.

- Tell me something exciting.
- Lobster, oyster, truffle.

And your fucking mother's peppers!

I'm going to shower.
I'll take 54 showers.

Don't hold me back, I'm going!

Anyway, this girl
did not advance an inch.

She had a lot to do.
Unfortunately, it is not easy.

- Please!
- Yes ?

Bring me a Fernet-Branca
and a cocktail.

- Without ice cubes.
- Yes.

You managed to know
who killed Michele?

He was one of his former associates.
They arrested him.

We won't be worried.

What an asshole!

Before he died he wrote

that the paintings were no longer
At Villa Paradis.

But he didn't have time
write down who took them.

Yep, I know.

Maybe you know
than the one who took them

has something to see
with the villa.

You're great.

It is a path to follow.

You better go.

If she suspects something
it’s the end of me.

Okay.

But don't forget
that I am jealous.

No bad tricks.

You do not trust me ?

As soon as I have the tables,
we flee together.

On mum's head.

Listen, with me,
mum's head doesn't work.

Goodbye.

Well done !

You have been wonderful!

Thanks, Johnny.

- She's cute, the blonde.
- She's an expert in art.

She will tell us if the paintings
are genuine.

As long as we find them.

You must try to discover
if someone at the clinic

is linked to Villa Paradis.
A villa inhabited by nobles.

Which report ?

Mum's paintings
Were there when they disappeared.

Ah yes ? Villa Paradis ...

What a beautiful name!

- Hi !
- Here's the mail.

- I see that.
- And a package for the professor.

Nothing for you.

Who would write to me? I am not crazy,
I am the keeper.

- Hi.
- Hi.

My sister! Sure Fulgenzia!

My dear teacher!

I wanted to ask you...

- You were a missionary?
- For 15 years, my son.

- Was it in China?
- Yes. And all over the place.

Can you read Chinese?

I speak little.
But I can read it well.

Read this. I want to know...

This new drug,
how it works

You have to take it
half an hour before.

You dirty pig!

Ah yes ? So keep going.
Do not worry. Read it all.

Also ?

Filthy indecent, repulsive,
wanton!

Rude rascal!

Go back to China, go!

Don't say anything or I'll give you one!

If every time you slap me
I will be disfigured.

Get off!

Very well ...

But why do you put it there,
this thing?

Look at what you did.

I just do a little cleaning,
professor.

- And why ?
- Because the cardinal is coming.

He called. It can happen
from one moment to the next.

Why is he coming?

He accepted your quote for
subsidies for the swimming pool.

Ah finally ! How much did we ask?

4,200 million.

- How much does the swimming pool cost?
- 24 million.

That makes us 400 million more.
Very well. So clean everything well.

- Well sir.
- Can't you put him somewhere else?

Oh god damn it!

I can't, I have to call.

Another time, Ginger.

We have to do the general repetition.
Tomorrow is the 1st.

Let's postpone until the day after tomorrow.

- What's this ?
- Money for the show.

- 6 million.
- This is little ?

No, this is very good.
So we do the first.

- Gustavo?
- Yes.

Come get Ginger.
She's broken in two.

- Understood.
- Give me my wife.

- Are you waiting?
- Yes. I wait.

Yes. Chinese medicine
that I was waiting for has finally arrived.

It's good. How happy I am!

- Will it be effective?
- It is written

that you have to take 2
half an hour before my arrival.

What do you have to do with that?

How?

Half an hour before meals,
it's just before my return.

Okay. I'll take them.

- I'll have them delivered to you.
- Hi.

Good evening, professor.

Good evening.

- What are you doing here?
- I'm waiting for the elevator.

I'm going to your place on the 5th floor.

So, go on foot!

- But it's been 5 floors!
- It will make you lose weight!

- Very well. As you wish.
- "As you wish"!

What is happening now?

Doorman!

Night porter!

We can no longer see anything!
Everything is blocked!

Hey shit!

- Who is he?
- The wine merchant.

Excuse me for the delay, ma'am,

but in the dark ...
I put them here?

I was waiting for you, my love.

Who ? Me ?

Michele! You bastard!

This is Professor Larussa.
I'm stuck!

Veronica had to take
exciting pills.

She must be totally on edge.

Veronica!

Answer! You hear me ?

Yes. I hear you.
You're wonderful.

I know.

He is your husband. I am stuck
In the elevator.

- Again !
- Yes.

- Again !
- Yes !

But leave me, because I have to
go to pee.

19 minutes. I die.

I die !

Veronica!

Yes !

My God !
The electricity came back on.

The professor will arrive!

My God !

This is a man!

We don't let someone
stuck in the elevator!

- Shit ! Are you still here?
- Yes.

Did my wife treat you well?

- How much she has ...
- 3.

3?

- Go ahead. What are you waiting for ?
- As you wish.

- Kiss my ass !
- I can't, I have to do.

You are there, my love.
That damn elevator!

28 minutes blocked.
I'm all sweaty.

I stiffened it
like an African penguin.

Let's take action!

Don't tell me anything more.

I am exhausted.
I'm going to bed.

What do you mean, are you exhausted?

You castrated bastard!

Fortunately he did not have
than 300 lire for tips.

Hi, Gedeone. What are you doing ?

Can't you see it?
I'm on duty.

- Why ?
- For everything.

If you need to, call me.
I am at your disposal.

- Yes. Excuse me.
- You're welcome.

Ugolini called me.

Come in !

Let me go!

What are you doing ?

Do you want to kill me?

I believed you my friend.

Yes ! No !

During the war,
I saw a lot of nurses.

Only ugly, vicious
and mothers!

- You are not a nurse.
- No.

You are
a handsome agent of the enemy.

How did you understand it?

Me, cunning. Me, desert fox.

I'll have you shot.

No. You are a good person.

No. Me, not good.
You, good.

Listen, here is what I propose to you:

I save your life if you give me
an hour of love.

No ! No.

This is impossible.

Nothing is impossible for
Feld Marshal Rommel.

How pretty he is.
I imagine it is water.

How did you guess?

- You offer it to me?
- Yes ! They will give me another one.

Thank you.

But let's get down to business.
Drop that gun.

I want you, I want you.
I can't resist anymore.

You will not escape the soldier,
to the marshal's stick!

No !

My general!

Traitor! I'll have you shot.

And I will make you stop.

You know who I am ?
I am Marshal Rommel!

Name of a pipe! 240.

Name of a bitch!
I blow everything up.

Damned neurovégétatif system.

A moment.

Come in.

- You called me?
- Yes thanks.

- Sit down.
- Thank you.

- Well.
- I imagine you want

talk about what happened
with Rommel.

Believe me, it's not my fault.

It happened like that. By chance.

We don't care about Ugolini.
Think of us.

They are sick people.
We are full of life.

And a beautiful girl
like you

must take the ravages
that she does.

Can we talk to each other?

Of course. Thank you.

You are very understanding.
You are good ...

Like good bread?

Like a father.

Thank you.

I wanted to continue the discussion

that we had to interrupt
Because of the other good sister ...

We would have said
my wife's car.

But it's her!

St Oronzo de Tours,
my wife is in the yard!

- How? 'Or' What ?
- Nothing.

He is the relative of a sick person,
Oronzo of Tours ...

I have an idea.

Have you seen this sun?
Let's go for a swim.

- I would like !
- So come down.

We meet at the beach.
The first waits for the other.

Gladly. But the others
won't say anything?

No. Who's in charge here?

Isn't that Fulgenzia?

Yes, exactly. So let's be discreet
or beware of the martinet!

- Hi.
- Hi !

My sweet mandolin

Forgive me, my sister.

The teacher ?

- Maybe he's there or over there.
- I do not understand.

I have made a vow of silence.
Goodbye.

Formerly there was
the door to the chapel here.

Come in !

Excuse me.

You are at work.

No. Sit down.

I don't want to be outside.
I am the teacher's wife.

Very honored, madam.

Peppino Carpet. You're welcome.

You are an artist.

- It's beautiful. Are they all from you?
- In all modesty, yes.

What are you painting?

It's a woman.
This is my favorite subject.

But I haven't given it to her yet�
his final face.

An idea!

- How about I make your face?
- Mine ? You are kidding.

If I were younger ...

What are you saying, lady?
You are very beautiful.

But to be honest, if you had
200 or 300 gr less.

It is true.

You would be thinner.

And I would save
a little paint. You're welcome.

Tell me yes.

Let me think about it.

- Did you say 200 or 300 gr?
- Yes.

I will prepare the canvas.

There, sit down.

Like that. Do not move.

Mrs.

Madam ... Madam ...

How to say ?

You are a little overdressed.

Is it better like that?

It's perfect.

Perfect !

Hello, professor.

Where can I change?

- Over there.
- Thank you.

Mandolin

When you escape me

Surprise!

- Take that!
- I have to dig here.

- What are you doing here ?
- How?

Give me that shovel,
I'm going to make a trench.

Why did you take
these two ectoplasms?

I thought that a little sun
would do them good.

They promised to be good to me.

Wise? But they are nuts!

It's mine !

No. It's mine !

Damn weirdos!

Stop!

That's enough! Looks like two dingoes!

Be wise ! I demand from you two

order, discipline and dignity!

Teacher!

But what are you doing?

We welcome your dislocation ...

You are a remedy for yourself.

With this dislocation,
you succeed in ...

What are you looking at ?
Have you never seen a soldier?

Miss.

If I had known that it would end like this,
I wouldn't have come.

No, professor. To take some fresh air
makes you feel good too.

Row! Row! One. Two ! One. Two !

Always stop breaking up
the monotony. Go to the beach.

I took him,
otherwise they argue.

Your rowing, Gedeone.

No. Me, I disembark.

I don't row!

You're an asshole, yes!

Goodbye. I go into the water.
Later.

- I do it in style.
- Hi.

- And the two of us, what do we do?
- Aren't you supposed to land?

Then go ! Row!

No. You know what ?

I thought about it again. I no longer land,
I don't row anymore.

Do you know what we're gonna do?
A beautiful little boy.

A little boy?

If we do 30, I could be
At the head of a real peloton.

- And you know what ?
- No.

Hi !

Peppino!

Since we have already done 30,

let's make 31, eh?

Really ? Okay !

Nice day, eh?

Yes, it's true.

But what are you doing?

I'm fooling around.

But no, it's not a trap
for idiots.

- It's a trap for turtles.
- Why did you come?

- Where is this turtle?
- There are plenty.

Up there is a nest.
Come to see. Come.

- You saw, they play.
- Yes, that's it.

I'm losing my shorts!

Get down there.

You see ?

This is a nest.
Watch as they move.

It is not me !

I was just holding the shovel.

What happened?

Are you crazy or what?
Who are you?

I'm going to kill him !

Give me the shovel.
Give me the shovel, my darling.

Let's go.

- Come on.
- Let's go.

Wait a minute.
Turtles, here, they are worth nothing!

You know what she tells you
The turtle ? Will die !

Teacher!

What are you doing here ?

Do you see me?

We used to talk to each other before. I would like
continue our conversation.

Are you kidding?

Get out immediately!

Don't get upset.

It's not worth it.

I am a teacher,
a good man, delicate. Shit !

Why then yesterday you were
all moustill�e, all hoopla?

I thought you wanted to do
a kind of...

gathering with me.

Yes. It is true.

I was looking for the paintings ...

I was looking for an experiment,

it was a personal matter.

And you experiment on me!

You took me for an old asshole
who could serve you as a guinea pig!

But you are not at all old.
Do not say that.

But asshole, yes.

You are a man
of great value, professor.

And your clinic is wonderful.

You should call her
the Villa Paradis.

I know.
But Villa Paradis already exists.

It is a very beautiful villa. A dream!

It is true ?

Do you know who used to live there?
Peppino, the mad painter.

He comes from a family
of noble monsters.

- Peppino ...
- What?

- he raised ...
- Me too, it lifts me up.

... an idea.

This one, you like it?

Yes a lot.

You have a lot of talent.

I'm glad you're here.

The last time you came
It stayed there.

You would be a perfect role model for me.

Tell me a little.

Did you paint them all?

Yes. But i don't paint
than on canvas.

I paint on wood, glass ...
I paint over everything.

All ! Look, I'll show you.

Yes, show me.

Here it is. These are two paintings
made in tempera.

- Guess what they're painted on?
- On wood, canvas ...

No ! These are old paintings
that I had.

Why ?
They were so hideous that?

He was a cardinal and a saint.

I don't care. Do you like them?

Enormously.
I would like to buy them.

Don't talk nonsense.
I offer them to you.

Look, I put them there.
Before you leave, you will take them.

Thanks, Peppino.
But I have to go now.

I'll be back.

I would like to paint your portrait.
Take off your clothes and lie down.

On the bed ? No, you are crazy.

If I'm crazy
you are good.

- No. Let me go!
- You are good !

You are crazy, I am good.
No, I'm good!

What is it ?

Peppino had
one of his usual attacks.

Miss!

Leave him alone, this little one.
Get out immediately.

Outside !

What are you getting into?

Be careful. I'm going...

This is what I'm doing to you.

7:30 p.m. My wife
took his pills well.

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

I called the elevator
to go to your home.

- But I can walk there.
- Thank you. I prefer to go up on foot.

Well. Thanks, professor.
As you wish.

- Professor!
- What?

Teacher!
Thank you to You, my God.

- Thank you.
- But what ?

Heaven sends you.
You come from heaven.

No, from the clinic.
I have to go.

My wife is not feeling well.
She is feeling bad.

Call your doctor.

- I was going out to get one.
- I can not.

And you have arrived.
Come see my wife.

But stop. I do not understand.
What is it ? She is dead ?

- No.
- Then call a hearse!

Name of a bitch!
You are wasting my time.

She will die.

- Come see her.
- How is your wife?

My treasure! It's you.

- My love !
- Again ?

But the professor will arrive!

No !

What are you doing ?
Someone could come in.

No.

Holy Virgin ! You know i dont
am not as healthy as that.

- Playboy.
- Playman!

5 drops, 3 times a day.
3 suppositories 4 times a day.

- How much do I owe you ?
- Nothing at all.

No. I can not accept.

I do not want anything.

Drops,
how should she take them?

Through the nose.

- What about the pills?
- By mouth.

- Professor!
- What?

What about suppositories?

You put them in her ass
2 times per day.

He's not a doctor.

He's a saint!

Veronica!

Where are you

Don't be modest.

We are going to take action!
But where are you?

Are you hiding?

Michele!

Haven't you seen my wife downstairs?

Ah, my love.

Where were you?
What happened?

- I'm tired, so tired.
- Did you take the remedy?

How many times ?

Three times is too much.

What is it ?

He's the other con delivery guy.
He doesn't have a sexual problem.

"As you wish"!
A castrated, yes.

Forward! Quick !

Let's not get too far away.
The horse will tire.

Who? Him ?

Know, faithful groom,
that after the passage

of the b�r�zina, this noble steed
walked 50 to 60 km

per day !
- Him. Not me !

From 50 to 60 km,
with me on his rump,

in the middle of a snowstorm.

Let me assess the situation.

The enemy could
To be posted around.

Let's go up this slope.

- Who?
- Slope ! Slope !

There they are!

- Who?
- The Austrians.

They attack from the side.

Forward the imperial guard!

How many are they ?

Stop!

Stop!

Napoleon! Stop!

Forward! Forward!

- Here ! Take that!
- Warning !

Stop! I'm not responsible !

What could I do?

The emperor began to gallop.
And he left me behind.

- I'm not a marathoner!
- No, you're a jerk!

- You should have slowed it down.
- Very well.

He fell asleep.
I gave him a sedative.

I also gave some to the shepherd.

Fortunately
that he is not German,

otherwise it would bite us all.
- She is good.

We have lots of problems
and you laugh!

Can't we joke anymore?

No. If this continues,
we will have to close.

For Moretti,
we could try a chemical shock.

I told you a hundred times
that term does not please me.

We use it
in psychiatric clinics.

Here there are no fools

but people walking around
and who pay well.

Listen, Napoleon. Uh, Gustavo!

If such an incident were to repeat itself,

call the hospital and have him put
the straitjacket.

- Anyway, he's not paying.
- Yes.

If Santarelli
was still getting in the way,

tell him that Professor Larussa
told you to take care of it. Including ?

Including.

You don't have to say "understood".

But what Professor Larussa told you
to take care of it. Including ?

Including.

We don't understand each other, there.
One of us must be crazy.

It's not me.

Even the head doctor!

Sorry sir.

Eminence, where did you come from?
My dear Eminence, I repeated

with Ginger Rogers
the show that ...

She's crazy.

And we should give 4,200 million?
By pity!

The 420 million,

you don't give them to me?
Nothing at all.

For 6 million, I lose 420!

- Hello Miss.
- Good evening. Thank you.

She is so pretty !

What traffic!

- Just out ?
- The new nurse.

But where did she go?

I don't know. I am not crazy,
I am the keeper.

It feels like being
in a lunatic asylum, here!

Hello, Napoleon.

Hi.

Are you a ventriloquist?

- And you, a cretin.
- Professor!

- What are you wearing ?
- Where are you taking her?

- It's not your onions. What's this ?
- Answer me first.

Who's in charge here?

Sister Fulgenzia.
That's why I hid it.

Who is it?

My model.

- She has a beautiful face.
- Yes ?

All smooth. It looks like
the face of a deputy.

Hello pretty.

I got the wrong face.

Hi !

She's cute. Say, Peppino.

I could also give
a brushstroke?

Tell me where you are taking him.

Confidence for confidence.
Excuse me.

I gave him a sedative shot.

I'm going to get into his bed.
And when the nurse comes by ...

A master stroke!

Good night, Sister Fulgenzia.

Gustavo, what are you still doing here?

Are you on call?

I have changed my turn with Grazia.
She was tired.

Dr Santarelli
hasn't arrived yet?

No. He studies for his exams.

I hope nothing happens here.

No, my mother.
Nothing can happen.

I put on sleeping pills
in everyone's water.

Like that, they are sleeping.
And they let me sleep!

You are not stupid!

Stupid Napoleon of my two!

I stiffened it
like a boar in heat!

What heat here!

I will refresh myself.

I really feel ...

She will do...

It's better.

We succeeded! Excuse me, my pretty.

But it is urgent.

Have you found the paintings?

Yes. I was lucky.

I followed the right lead.
And here they are!

Mum's paintings! Well done !

Mom's.

We will be able to leave for Broadway
and create my show.

Of course.
A promise is a promise !

Glad you're happy.

Your mom will be happy too.

By the way, how old is your mother?

- But...
- 200 years?

Which report ? She will want
thank you in person.

No. Because these paintings belong
� Peppino Carpet,

a crazy painter

which is at Pr Larussa's clinic,

and this for over a hundred years.

You are a liar, a crook

and a real bastard

who got me involved in trafficking
not very honest.

Shit ! She slaps me!

- But I'll ...
- Stop threatening her.

How dare you ?

But what do you want?

- I'll put one for you.
- Try a little!

- You understood ?
- It's a fad.

You dirty scoundrel!

No, please!

That's enough!

Let's run away!
The paintings are authentic.

What to do ? A little water !

My God !

Don't worry.
It's a water gun. Are you?

Roughly.

So let's go.

We have to follow them.

- These paintings are worth millions.
- What?

Come. Let's go.

Let's go.

What loaves!

What a mandolin!
Let me play it. Go!

But I am a prisoner.

Prisoner ! Assassins, miserable!

Open that door!

They are the English.
It's always them.

They have no words,
those liars!

I am the emperor.

Help!

Free me!

- I am the emperor.
- Gustavo!

Help !

Someone is screaming.
I woke up with a start.

It's Napoleon, my sister.

The sleeping pill
had no effect on him.

It's me, the emperor.

I have been taken prisoner.

And you are not going to see it, you?

No. I follow the orders
of the teacher,

I call the hospital.

Traitors, cowards, assassins!

I will kill you all.

You will shut up!

You've been screaming for 2 hours.
You scared the girl.

Who are you ? You are so small.
You came to assassinate me.

So my reign will end
in a bloodbath?

If this continues,
it will end up in deep shit.

- Shit !
- Asshole!

No, I say "shit".
But then, are you Cambronne?

- Yes.
- Cambronne!

My general faithful.

Yes, Cambronne!

You came to set me free.

The mosquito !

- Where is he?
- 2nd floor, bedroom 23.

I accompany you ?

No. If he sees anyone
that he knows, it will be worse.

- Okay.
- There is something that has not happened.

There is something that has not happened.

Grazia! Make me the "grazia".

Mandolins in the night!

Oh there! I have the jug full of it.

- Veronica?
- Yes.

- Are you changing my shirt?
- Yes my love.

Hello.
I am Professor Larussa.

Nice to meet you. Giovanni Agnelli.

Your sister, how are you?
Did you put me in a marinator?

What are you doing ? You put me
the straitjacket?

I was just sleeping!

I am Professor Larussa.

Stop looking at me
like I was crazy!

There they are!

- Where?
- They are the ones.

I told you
that they were going to the airport.

They had a great idea.

Thus camouflaged, the paintings
seemed worthless.

But now how
are we going to do with customs?

We will succeed
one way or another.

If you move, you're dead!

Doctor,
get the artillery.

Ah yes.

Go search the woman.

You permit ?

Sorry, but where you put it ...

There? Okay. Excuse me.

Its good.

Be careful.
You don't know anything about weapons.

No more than you, moron.

What are you doing ?

It is time for visits.
The parents are already there.

I'm sorry.

But the incident is closed,

I have nothing more to do here.

You want to go ?

You will not return
dance either?

I do not know...
Yes. I think so.

What else can I do?
This is what I know.

I like to travel, sing, dance.

We are very happy
to have you here.

As a nurse?

Exactly.

Promised, nobody
won't throw you out.

It is strange
let it be you who say so.

Yes. I know what you mean.

I behaved
a little harshly towards you.

- Believe me...
- You misunderstood.

I do not blame you.
I feel guilty.

I deceived you all.

But we don't care
of what happened.

You do not understand
that I love you.

I am madly in love.

You too.

No. Don't compare me to others.

Can't compare you.
You are the only handsome man here.

You're kidding ?

The others just want you,
they want you.

It drives me crazy with jealousy.

Are you really in love?

Won't you believe me?

You want me ?

Of course I want you.

- No, not here.
- Where then?

- No, not here.
- Where?

Grazia, where are you?

Here.
Sure Fulgenzia could happen.

But we don't care about her!
Let her come!

We wasted too much time.
We have to catch up.

You understand. I love you.

My beautiful nurse, mine!

You offer it to me?

- What are you going to do with it?
- A beautiful fountain.

It is not made of marble, come on!

It is not serious.
I will paint it white.

What are you giving me in exchange?

In exchange?
This beautiful gorilla that I captured.

By pity! Come and help me !

For stolen paintings,
you will just have to repeat to the judge

what we put in the minutes.
It will be a formality.

Okay. Sit down.

Thieves, they're cool.

I have learned,
for your head doctor.

Yes. After his attack
acute delusional psychosis,

the 3 electric shocks he suffered
annihilated it.

What does he actually have?

It is a case of total regression.

He flees his fears
by taking refuge in childhood.

Tell me, that little monster over there
wouldn't that be your stepson?

No. He is a genius.
Jos�phine's son.

Him, on the other hand,
he is Marie-Louise's son.

It is the king of Rome, the Eaglet.

- Give me the ball.
- Loose!

You suck, nanan�re! You're useless !

Adaptation: E. Asselin de Beauville
for VID�ODIO