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#
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- Tiffani: Come, come to me,
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mi hijo.
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#
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- Ernesto: Tiffani, you are crying.
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Why, my darling?
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- Tiffani: Oh, Ernesto,
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it's just I've been
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with so many men.
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- Ernesto: Have there been many?
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- Tiffani: No.
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- Ernesto: It will not matter
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if you have been
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with millions of men.
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- Tiffani: Well,
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you're getting warm.
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With other men it's just sex.
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Random trashy sex
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that goes on for days.
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But with you,
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I will finally make love.
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#
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Oh, Ernesto,
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I totally love you.
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- Ernesto: I want to make
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many children.
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- Tiffani: Yes, children.
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Put children in me now!
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Fuck me now!
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Harder, Ernesto, come on.
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Oh, yes, fuck me
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like a day laborer.
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Yeah, baby,
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take me from behind.
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Use me, treat me
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like a fuck machine.
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Rarrr, rarrr, rarrr!
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- Ernesto: In the butt?
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- Tiffani: Yes, in the butt, now.
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- Ernesto: Tiffani, we must stop.
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- Tiffani: If you stop
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I'll rip off your dick
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and shove it in there myself.
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- Ernesto: Tiffani,
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we're in a coffin.
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- Tiffani: Shut up,
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you're ruining my fantasy.
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- Ernesto: Tiffani.
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- Tiffani: Shit, my speech.
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#
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Gracias, Ernesto.
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#
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I love funerals.
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#
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- Helen: Kyle and Mark loved life,
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and that's why
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we're here today.
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My son was so proud
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of his homosexuality
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that he would want you all
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to know exactly how he died.
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My son rocketed off
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this mortal coil
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at 80 miles an hour
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down the Ronald Regan freeway
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while giving the man he loved
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a blowjob.
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According
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to the autopsy report,
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as Mark began to bust a nut,
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Celine Dion's tour bus appeared
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going in the wrong direction.
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Upon impact,
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my boys came together.
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And they died together,
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doing what they loved.
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Amen.
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[clapping]
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Kyle's best friend,
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Tiffani Vanderslut,
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has prepared a special tribute.
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- Tiffani: I wouldn't call us
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best friends exactly.
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This number goes out to you,
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Kyle and Mark.
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Kinda sucks they're dead, huh?
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I remember the time
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Kyle pretended to be straight
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for my ex boyfriend, Troy,
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who made him eat my pussy.
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And then everything went...
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Well, maybe that's not
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an appropriate memory.
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And Mark.
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Actually I hardly knew you
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but whatever,
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thanks for coming.
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[lauhging]
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Here's a little diddy
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I learned in Girl Scouts.
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I had to look up the lyrics
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online.
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# Cum-ba-ya, my lord, #
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# cum-by-ya. #
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# Cum-ba-ya, my lord, #
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# cum-by-ya. #
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# Cum-ba-ya, my lord, #
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# cum-by-ya. #
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# Oh lord, cum-by-ya. #
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# Someone's praying, my lord, #
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# cum-by-ya. #
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# Someone's praying, my lord, #
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# cum-by-ya. #
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# Someone's praying, my lord, #
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# cum-by-ya. #
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# Oh lord, cum-by-ya. #
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# Someone's praying, my lord, #
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# cum-by-ya. #
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# Someone's squirming, #
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# my lord, #
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# cum-by-ya. #
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# Someone's horny, my lord, #
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# cum-by-ya. #
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# Oh yes, my lord! #
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# Cum-by-ya. #
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Oh, God, it's so hard,
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I just need to...
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pray.
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#
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- everybody: Lord,
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hear our prayer.
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- Casey: I'm gonna love
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this town.
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#
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- Helen: It isn't much,
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but I can give you
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a good deal on the rent.
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- Casey: It's perfection.
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- Helen: You haven't seen it.
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- Casey: It's near my Aunt,
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what more could I want?
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- Helen: Well, it is furnished
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and it'll be nice
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to have family around.
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- Casey: Thank you, Aunt Helen.
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- Helen: I just wish you and Kyle
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could've spent
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more time together.
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Did he know you were a mo?
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- Casey: Uh...
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I didn't know I was a mo
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until like a year ago.
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- Helen: Color me, Britney.
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I always thought you were gayer
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than a midnight screening
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of Showgirls.
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- Casey: I was
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one of those clueless gays.
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Everyone knew but me.
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- Helen: So when did you finally
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get your man-cherry popped?
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- Casey: Aunt Helen!
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You don't wanna hear about that.
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- Helen: Of course I do.
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I wouldn't be a good aunt
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if I didn't.
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[phone ringing]
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- Casey: 696? Is that local?
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- Helen: Well, I gave your number
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to that slut
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from the funeral, Tiffani.
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- Casey: Oh, I love her.
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- Helen: Kyle adored her.
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And, well, I thought
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you might need some new friends,
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even if they are loser whores.
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- Casey: Hello?
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- Tiffani: Casey, Casey.
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- Casey: Hey, Tiffani.
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- Tiffani: How did you know
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it was me?
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- Casey: I remembered
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your sultry voice
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form the funeral.
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- Tiffani: Compliments
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will get you nowhere
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unless you're straight.
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And hung like Mr. T.
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- Casey: Damn and damn.
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- Tiffani: As I thought.
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Your aunt tells me
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you need a job,
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why don't you get
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your faggoty ass
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down to 4255 Hawthorne Lane.
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- Casey: You are such a stud.
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- Tiffani: I know.
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Fuff!
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Where have you been
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sticking these things?
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- Casey: Oh!
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- Helen: Go on,
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go get your tramp on.
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- Casey: Thank you, Aunt Helen.
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#
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- Helen: I am the coolest adult
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in the world.
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#
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[sighing]
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Oh, Kyle...
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My little queen.
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#
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- Tiffani: Nail Me, we do nails.
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With release!
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No, I'm kidding, I mean,
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unless you're a really hot guy.
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Are you?
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Well, I'm sorry you don't find
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my brand of humor...
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Well, I'm sorry I offended
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your Christian sensibility,
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but if you worship a guy
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who was hung on a cross,
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nails should be the last thing
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on your mind.
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Who needs customer
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like her anyway.
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- Tiffani: Let me introduce you
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to the girls.
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Pam, Candy.
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- Tiffani: They said they can't wait
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to get to know you.
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- Casey: Cool.
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Tell them I feel the same way.
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- Tiffani: Basically, you sweep up,
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take phone calls
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and do whatever we say.
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Can you handle that?
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- Casey: Is Madonna awesome?
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- Tiffani: Okay.
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Well the job's yours anyway,
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but there's one little catch.
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You have to come with me
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to this event thingy.
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- Casey: I love event thingies.
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- Tiffani: You try too hard.
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Come on.
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- Casey: Right now?
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What about work?
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- Tiffani: Fuck them.
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- Pam: Fuck you, too.
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#
253
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- Casey: What are we doing here?
254
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I don't like places like this.
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00:10:46,995 --> 00:10:47,964
- Tiffani: Me neither,
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00:10:47,998 --> 00:10:49,298
but they have this fundraiser
257
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where they auction off dates
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with shirtless beefcakes.
259
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Nudity and open bar.
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- Casey: You're taking me to that?!
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- Tiffani: No, it's in two weeks.
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And you're taking me.
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Kyle was going to,
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but, you know, he's dead.
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So you're going to volunteer
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and get us free tickets.
267
00:11:02,677 --> 00:11:03,980
- Casey: But I'm so not
268
00:11:04,014 --> 00:11:05,147
a hot shirtless man.
269
00:11:05,182 --> 00:11:06,480
- Tiffani: You're hardly a man,
270
00:11:06,514 --> 00:11:07,984
no one would pay for you,
271
00:11:08,018 --> 00:11:08,985
you'll help out
272
00:11:09,019 --> 00:11:09,985
behind the scenes.
273
00:11:10,019 --> 00:11:11,485
- Casey: Why would I do that?
274
00:11:11,519 --> 00:11:12,989
- Tiffani: I gave you that job
275
00:11:13,023 --> 00:11:14,322
and I can replace you
276
00:11:14,355 --> 00:11:15,657
with an immigrant, like that!
277
00:11:15,692 --> 00:11:16,658
- Casey: Okay, okay,
278
00:11:16,692 --> 00:11:17,994
it's just that I'm not
279
00:11:18,028 --> 00:11:19,326
into the whole gay scene.
280
00:11:19,363 --> 00:11:20,326
- Helen: Welcome
281
00:11:20,364 --> 00:11:21,663
to the whole gay scene.
282
00:11:21,697 --> 00:11:22,999
Are you kids here
283
00:11:23,033 --> 00:11:24,166
to volunteer?
284
00:11:24,201 --> 00:11:26,000
- Tiffani: I'm not but Casey is.
285
00:11:26,033 --> 00:11:27,600
- Helen: Fabulous.
286
00:11:27,634 --> 00:11:29,269
Darling, you're shaking
287
00:11:29,306 --> 00:11:31,273
like a little Chihuahua.
288
00:11:31,307 --> 00:11:33,109
Don't be nervous,
289
00:11:33,143 --> 00:11:35,043
I don't bite...much.
290
00:11:35,412 --> 00:11:36,879
[laughing]
291
00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:38,214
- Tiffani: He's never volunteered
292
00:11:38,248 --> 00:11:39,215
before.
293
00:11:39,249 --> 00:11:40,383
- Helen: Oh, a virgin.
294
00:11:40,417 --> 00:11:41,716
- Tiffani: If you don't count
295
00:11:41,750 --> 00:11:42,716
anal.
296
00:11:42,750 --> 00:11:43,884
- Helen: Well, either way,
297
00:11:43,918 --> 00:11:45,052
fill out this paperwork
298
00:11:45,086 --> 00:11:46,389
and then I'll have Zack,
299
00:11:46,423 --> 00:11:47,822
our volunteer coordinator,
300
00:11:47,855 --> 00:11:49,490
meet with you and figure out
301
00:11:49,524 --> 00:11:50,826
which position
302
00:11:50,860 --> 00:11:52,995
you'd be most comfortable in.
303
00:11:53,028 --> 00:11:54,995
So to speak.
304
00:11:55,532 --> 00:11:56,499
- Casey: That's why
305
00:11:56,533 --> 00:11:57,831
I don't like these places.
306
00:11:57,865 --> 00:11:59,000
They're full of these
307
00:11:59,033 --> 00:12:00,000
old horn dogs
308
00:12:00,037 --> 00:12:01,168
looking to get laid.
309
00:12:01,201 --> 00:12:02,171
- Tiffani: Jesus.
310
00:12:02,205 --> 00:12:03,504
Lay off the fox news.
311
00:12:03,538 --> 00:12:04,840
- Casey: Really, I always hear
312
00:12:04,874 --> 00:12:06,008
'the gay community' this,
313
00:12:06,043 --> 00:12:07,176
the 'gay community' that.
314
00:12:07,210 --> 00:12:08,677
But all I see are a bunch
315
00:12:08,711 --> 00:12:09,677
of drunk assholes
316
00:12:09,711 --> 00:12:10,677
looking for sex,
317
00:12:10,711 --> 00:12:11,846
who don't care anything
318
00:12:11,879 --> 00:12:12,846
about relationships.
319
00:12:12,879 --> 00:12:13,849
- Tiffani: Excuse me,
320
00:12:13,883 --> 00:12:15,017
Maria full of grace,
321
00:12:15,052 --> 00:12:16,182
but that doesn't sound
322
00:12:16,219 --> 00:12:17,350
any different
323
00:12:17,384 --> 00:12:18,687
than any straight bar.
324
00:12:18,721 --> 00:12:20,355
Drunk sweaty men.
325
00:12:20,389 --> 00:12:21,855
Drooling, groping,
326
00:12:21,889 --> 00:12:23,859
pressing their manhood
327
00:12:23,893 --> 00:12:25,192
all up against
328
00:12:25,225 --> 00:12:26,360
your supple ass
329
00:12:26,394 --> 00:12:27,696
on the dance floor.
330
00:12:27,730 --> 00:12:29,197
- Casey: God, you are gayer
331
00:12:29,230 --> 00:12:30,365
than I am.
332
00:12:30,399 --> 00:12:31,700
- Tiffani: Honey, I'm gayer
333
00:12:31,734 --> 00:12:33,033
than a Kevin Spacey
334
00:12:33,070 --> 00:12:34,201
Anderson Cooper chicken wrap,
335
00:12:34,235 --> 00:12:35,538
and what's wrong with that?
336
00:12:35,572 --> 00:12:37,038
- Casey: Nothing, it's just
337
00:12:37,072 --> 00:12:38,038
I'm disappointed
338
00:12:38,075 --> 00:12:39,206
at how sex-centric
339
00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:40,706
the gay community is.
340
00:12:40,743 --> 00:12:42,043
- Tiffani: It's called homosexual,
341
00:12:42,076 --> 00:12:43,379
not homo-hug-ual,
342
00:12:43,413 --> 00:12:44,547
what did you expect?
343
00:12:44,581 --> 00:12:45,714
- Casey: Romance?
344
00:12:45,748 --> 00:12:47,450
I want to travel the world
345
00:12:47,484 --> 00:12:48,783
on scooters, adopt children.
346
00:12:48,817 --> 00:12:49,783
- Tiffani: Children
347
00:12:49,817 --> 00:12:51,120
are just abortions that eat.
348
00:12:51,153 --> 00:12:52,288
- Casey: You know what?
349
00:12:52,322 --> 00:12:54,022
Forget it, I am not signing
350
00:12:54,057 --> 00:12:55,557
that stupid...
351
00:12:56,926 --> 00:12:58,894
Oh, my fuck.
352
00:12:59,096 --> 00:13:13,740
#
353
00:13:13,942 --> 00:13:15,244
- Zack: I see you got
354
00:13:15,278 --> 00:13:16,412
your paperwork.
355
00:13:16,446 --> 00:13:17,580
- Casey: Uh, yeah...
356
00:13:17,614 --> 00:13:18,913
just let me sign it.
357
00:13:20,615 --> 00:13:22,418
- Zack: Cool.
358
00:13:22,451 --> 00:13:23,586
Jonathan?
359
00:13:23,620 --> 00:13:24,951
- Casey: Uh, Casey.
360
00:13:24,988 --> 00:13:26,455
- Zack: Oh, I'm Zack.
361
00:13:26,490 --> 00:13:27,956
This is Tandy.
362
00:13:27,990 --> 00:13:29,291
- Tiffani: I'm his best friend.
363
00:13:29,326 --> 00:13:30,456
- Casey: That's so funny,
364
00:13:30,494 --> 00:13:32,128
I'm here with my best friend,
365
00:13:32,162 --> 00:13:33,293
Tiffani.
366
00:13:33,330 --> 00:13:34,796
- Tiffani: No, I'm more like
367
00:13:34,831 --> 00:13:35,964
your boss.
368
00:13:35,999 --> 00:13:37,133
- Zack: Wow, best friends
369
00:13:37,167 --> 00:13:38,298
with T names.
370
00:13:38,335 --> 00:13:39,801
- Casey: Yeah, we should like
371
00:13:39,836 --> 00:13:40,969
form a club.
372
00:13:41,004 --> 00:13:42,138
- Tiffani: Excuse me,
373
00:13:42,172 --> 00:13:44,471
I gotta go take a shit.
374
00:13:44,508 --> 00:13:46,206
- Tiffani: I'll come with.
375
00:13:48,076 --> 00:13:49,211
- Zack: So you're comfortable
376
00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:50,379
taking off your clothes?
377
00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:51,379
- Casey: What?
378
00:13:51,413 --> 00:13:52,714
- Zack: Oh, I just assumed
379
00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:53,715
you were volunteering
380
00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:55,048
to be one of the studs
381
00:13:55,081 --> 00:13:56,216
in the male sale.
382
00:13:56,253 --> 00:13:57,719
- Casey: I'm clearly not a...
383
00:13:57,754 --> 00:13:59,221
stud.
384
00:13:59,254 --> 00:14:01,221
Are you a...a stud?
385
00:14:01,258 --> 00:14:02,724
I mean in the male sale?
386
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:04,225
- Zack: Yes, I'm in the auction.
387
00:14:04,259 --> 00:14:05,561
But I sorta do
388
00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:07,229
everything around here.
389
00:14:07,264 --> 00:14:09,898
- Casey: So, wow, how'd you get
390
00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:11,399
into volunteering?
391
00:14:11,432 --> 00:14:12,899
- Zack: I'm running credit
392
00:14:12,932 --> 00:14:14,403
for this faggotry studies class
393
00:14:14,437 --> 00:14:15,735
and it's a good way
394
00:14:15,772 --> 00:14:16,903
to meet people.
395
00:14:16,937 --> 00:14:18,240
- Casey: Totally good way.
396
00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:19,408
- Tiffani: Well, they look
397
00:14:19,442 --> 00:14:20,576
like they're getting along.
398
00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:22,311
- Tiffani: I guess we have to pretend
399
00:14:22,345 --> 00:14:23,812
to like each other now.
400
00:14:23,846 --> 00:14:25,312
- Tiffani: Wow, you're really good
401
00:14:25,346 --> 00:14:26,480
at it.
402
00:14:26,514 --> 00:14:27,649
- Zack: What are some
403
00:14:27,682 --> 00:14:28,817
of your skills?
404
00:14:28,850 --> 00:14:29,817
- Casey: Huh?
405
00:14:29,850 --> 00:14:31,153
- Zack: Things you can do
406
00:14:31,187 --> 00:14:32,488
to help with the auction?
407
00:14:32,522 --> 00:14:33,822
Since we can't sell you.
408
00:14:33,855 --> 00:14:36,057
- Casey: Well...
409
00:14:36,091 --> 00:14:37,893
what are your skills?
410
00:14:37,927 --> 00:14:39,225
- Zack: Brochures, visual stuff,
411
00:14:39,259 --> 00:14:40,729
I'm an art major.
412
00:14:40,763 --> 00:14:42,062
I design all the posters here.
413
00:14:42,096 --> 00:14:43,399
- Casey: I can't even
414
00:14:43,432 --> 00:14:45,067
make a smiley on my cellphone.
415
00:14:45,100 --> 00:14:46,567
- Zack: Can you write?
416
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:47,735
- Casey: Does texting count?
417
00:14:47,769 --> 00:14:49,071
- Zack: Maybe you could write
418
00:14:49,105 --> 00:14:50,072
the copy
419
00:14:50,105 --> 00:14:51,407
for one of the flyers
420
00:14:51,441 --> 00:14:52,575
I'm designing.
421
00:14:52,609 --> 00:14:54,076
We could work on it together.
422
00:14:54,110 --> 00:14:55,408
- Casey: I'd love to.
423
00:14:55,445 --> 00:14:56,912
- Zack: Can I get your number?
424
00:14:56,946 --> 00:14:57,913
- Casey: Really?
425
00:14:57,947 --> 00:14:59,413
- Zack: Yeah, you didn't write it
426
00:14:59,447 --> 00:15:00,581
on your form.
427
00:15:00,615 --> 00:15:01,917
- Casey: Oh, yeah.
428
00:15:01,951 --> 00:15:03,250
- Zack: Do you know
429
00:15:03,283 --> 00:15:04,418
the Blue Dahlia Café?
430
00:15:04,451 --> 00:15:05,586
- Casey: Uh, yeah.
431
00:15:05,620 --> 00:15:06,922
- Zack: Let's meet there tomorrow
432
00:15:06,956 --> 00:15:07,923
at 4:00.
433
00:15:07,956 --> 00:15:09,258
We'll put you to work.
434
00:15:09,292 --> 00:15:10,426
- Casey: Okay, well, here's
435
00:15:10,460 --> 00:15:12,158
my number and you can have it
436
00:15:12,195 --> 00:15:13,495
too, if you want to...
437
00:15:13,528 --> 00:15:14,663
- Lionel: Zack!
438
00:15:14,864 --> 00:15:21,836
#
439
00:15:22,038 --> 00:15:23,739
Can we leave this dump already?
440
00:15:23,773 --> 00:15:25,072
I can feel the troll
441
00:15:25,105 --> 00:15:26,408
sucking our youth away.
442
00:15:26,442 --> 00:15:27,743
- Zack: Lionel.
443
00:15:27,777 --> 00:15:29,076
This is my boyfriend.
444
00:15:29,110 --> 00:15:30,745
- Casey: Oh, great.
445
00:15:30,778 --> 00:15:32,581
- Lionel: Me, you, talk in private.
446
00:15:32,615 --> 00:15:33,581
Now.
447
00:15:33,615 --> 00:15:34,750
- Zack: Excuse us.
448
00:15:34,783 --> 00:15:36,081
You didn't have to come
449
00:15:36,119 --> 00:15:37,418
if you're gonna be like this.
450
00:15:37,451 --> 00:15:38,754
- Lionel: You're the one complaining
451
00:15:38,788 --> 00:15:40,086
we never get to spend
452
00:15:40,123 --> 00:15:41,089
enough time together.
453
00:15:41,124 --> 00:15:42,258
Well, here I am.
454
00:15:42,292 --> 00:15:43,423
- Zack: With your friends.
455
00:15:43,460 --> 00:15:44,426
- Lionel: Hey.
456
00:15:44,461 --> 00:15:45,427
We're letting you
457
00:15:45,461 --> 00:15:47,162
auction us off for this dump.
458
00:15:47,196 --> 00:15:48,163
Be grateful.
459
00:15:48,197 --> 00:15:49,498
Let's get out of here.
460
00:15:49,532 --> 00:15:50,666
- Zack: I'm signed up
461
00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:51,667
for another hour.
462
00:15:51,701 --> 00:15:53,168
- Tiffani: I'll fucking cover for you.
463
00:15:53,201 --> 00:15:54,668
- Zack: You don't have to do that.
464
00:15:54,701 --> 00:15:56,171
- Tiffani: Oh, but I want to.
465
00:15:56,205 --> 00:15:57,504
Besides, fleabag here
466
00:15:57,538 --> 00:15:58,673
gives me a rash.
467
00:15:58,706 --> 00:16:00,008
- Lionel: But I wasn't anywhere
468
00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:01,009
near your pussy.
469
00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:02,344
- Tiffani: Get him the fuck
470
00:16:02,379 --> 00:16:04,076
out of here.
471
00:16:04,113 --> 00:16:06,081
- Zack: Thanks, Tandy.
472
00:16:06,115 --> 00:16:07,883
See you soon, buddy.
473
00:16:07,917 --> 00:16:09,985
- Casey: Yeah, sounds....
474
00:16:11,354 --> 00:16:12,821
Like that'll happen.
475
00:16:12,855 --> 00:16:14,322
He's sweet, nice, and hot.
476
00:16:14,355 --> 00:16:15,658
Of course he's taken.
477
00:16:15,692 --> 00:16:16,990
- Tiffani: Nah, he's just
478
00:16:17,024 --> 00:16:18,494
ass-pussy whipped.
479
00:16:18,528 --> 00:16:19,995
They won't last long.
480
00:16:20,028 --> 00:16:21,330
"Buddy."
481
00:16:21,528 --> 00:16:25,831
#
482
00:16:26,033 --> 00:16:27,168
- Lionel: Don't take it
483
00:16:27,201 --> 00:16:28,168
so personally.
484
00:16:28,201 --> 00:16:29,504
- Zack: Why are we together,
485
00:16:29,538 --> 00:16:30,672
we don't like doing
486
00:16:30,706 --> 00:16:31,673
the same things.
487
00:16:31,706 --> 00:16:33,008
- Lionel: We like doing the same.
488
00:16:33,043 --> 00:16:34,176
- Zack: Swallowing doesn't count.
489
00:16:34,210 --> 00:16:35,177
- Lionel: Swallowing counts.
490
00:16:35,211 --> 00:16:36,177
It's extra credit.
491
00:16:36,211 --> 00:16:37,509
- Zack: It's been six months
492
00:16:37,547 --> 00:16:38,513
and I still feel
493
00:16:38,548 --> 00:16:39,514
you're pulling away.
494
00:16:39,548 --> 00:16:40,514
- Lionel: Because you're always
495
00:16:40,548 --> 00:16:41,514
clinging on to me.
496
00:16:41,551 --> 00:16:42,682
- Zack: You won't even
497
00:16:42,716 --> 00:16:44,019
call us boyfriends in public.
498
00:16:44,052 --> 00:16:45,519
- Lionel: You know you want me
499
00:16:45,552 --> 00:16:47,187
inside you.
500
00:16:47,221 --> 00:16:48,523
- Zack: No. I'm mad,
501
00:16:48,557 --> 00:16:50,192
I'm not happy
502
00:16:50,225 --> 00:16:51,860
with how things are going.
503
00:16:51,894 --> 00:16:53,860
- Lionel: You're good at one thing.
504
00:16:55,730 --> 00:16:57,197
- Zack: Lionel.
505
00:16:57,230 --> 00:16:59,201
- Lionel: You're great at it.
506
00:16:59,235 --> 00:17:00,869
- Zack: Please, don't.
507
00:17:01,071 --> 00:17:07,539
#
508
00:17:07,740 --> 00:17:09,040
I can't believe
509
00:17:09,076 --> 00:17:10,545
I'm doing this.
510
00:17:10,576 --> 00:17:12,010
Please stop.
511
00:17:12,211 --> 00:17:19,188
[panting]
512
00:17:19,385 --> 00:17:21,190
I don't want to do this.
513
00:17:21,391 --> 00:17:27,363
[panting]
514
00:17:27,563 --> 00:17:29,028
I don't wanna....
515
00:17:30,230 --> 00:17:31,700
- Lionel: Oh...
516
00:17:31,730 --> 00:17:33,201
Oh, yeah.
517
00:17:33,236 --> 00:17:34,701
No one does it better
518
00:17:34,737 --> 00:17:36,038
than you.
519
00:17:36,239 --> 00:17:40,538
#
520
00:17:40,740 --> 00:17:42,211
You can cling on to that
521
00:17:42,241 --> 00:17:43,211
anytime you like,
522
00:17:43,246 --> 00:17:44,211
snuggle bear.
523
00:17:44,247 --> 00:17:45,547
- Zack: We're through, get out.
524
00:17:45,577 --> 00:17:46,882
- Lionel: Can I at least
525
00:17:46,913 --> 00:17:48,480
come first?
526
00:17:48,518 --> 00:17:49,981
- Zack: Get out!
527
00:17:50,019 --> 00:17:51,153
- Lionel: Come on.
528
00:17:51,183 --> 00:17:52,153
Are you ready
529
00:17:52,188 --> 00:17:53,489
to say goodbye to this?
530
00:17:53,519 --> 00:17:54,990
- Zack: I'll slam the door on it
531
00:17:55,025 --> 00:17:56,490
if you don't get the fuck out.
532
00:17:56,526 --> 00:17:57,990
- Lionel: Good luck trying to find
533
00:17:58,028 --> 00:17:59,491
someone as hot as me.
534
00:18:00,528 --> 00:18:01,826
[door slamming]
535
00:18:02,028 --> 00:18:03,332
I'm gonna come right here
536
00:18:03,365 --> 00:18:04,663
on your front door.
537
00:18:06,536 --> 00:18:08,000
Yeah, you know you wish
538
00:18:08,038 --> 00:18:09,836
you were sucking this.
539
00:18:09,872 --> 00:18:11,507
- Zack: What am I doing?
540
00:18:11,538 --> 00:18:14,509
- Lionel: Oh yeah.
541
00:18:14,544 --> 00:18:17,179
Oh, fuck yeah.
542
00:18:17,380 --> 00:18:25,019
[panting]
543
00:18:25,221 --> 00:18:26,188
You know what?
544
00:18:26,221 --> 00:18:27,189
Enjoy being alone,
545
00:18:27,221 --> 00:18:28,355
whack job.
546
00:18:33,563 --> 00:18:34,863
- Casey: Found him!
547
00:18:34,894 --> 00:18:36,198
- Tiffani: Wow, stalker much?
548
00:18:36,230 --> 00:18:37,529
- Casey: What should I say?
549
00:18:37,567 --> 00:18:38,865
- Tiffani: I'm a lonely psychopath
550
00:18:38,901 --> 00:18:40,035
that look you up
551
00:18:40,067 --> 00:18:41,537
within an hour of meeting you.
552
00:18:41,567 --> 00:18:42,871
- Casey: Yes, I should wait
553
00:18:42,903 --> 00:18:43,872
until morning.
554
00:18:43,903 --> 00:18:45,038
- Tiffani: Then he'll think
555
00:18:45,075 --> 00:18:46,208
you obsessed about him
556
00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:47,209
all night.
557
00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:48,375
Don't you know anything
558
00:18:48,411 --> 00:18:49,375
about the internet?
559
00:18:49,412 --> 00:18:50,711
You should make a fake profile.
560
00:18:50,746 --> 00:18:51,711
- Casey: What?
561
00:18:51,747 --> 00:18:52,881
- Tiffani: Pretend to be
562
00:18:52,913 --> 00:18:54,048
a total random stranger
563
00:18:54,084 --> 00:18:55,384
so you can find out
564
00:18:55,414 --> 00:18:56,548
all his personal details.
565
00:18:56,586 --> 00:18:57,719
People are honest
566
00:18:57,750 --> 00:18:58,720
with strangers.
567
00:18:58,750 --> 00:18:59,884
My fake name
568
00:18:59,922 --> 00:19:01,056
is Tittsy Montgomery.
569
00:19:01,087 --> 00:19:02,391
- Casey: I could find out
570
00:19:02,423 --> 00:19:03,392
if he wants
571
00:19:03,423 --> 00:19:04,393
a serious relationship.
572
00:19:04,423 --> 00:19:05,894
- Tiffani: I was thinking more
573
00:19:05,928 --> 00:19:08,564
like cock size but whatever.
574
00:19:08,596 --> 00:19:10,199
You need the perfect
575
00:19:10,230 --> 00:19:12,534
fake picture
576
00:19:12,567 --> 00:19:15,201
and I know the perfect person.
577
00:19:16,806 --> 00:19:18,269
- Casey: Holy rim job,
578
00:19:18,307 --> 00:19:19,605
who is that?
579
00:19:19,642 --> 00:19:21,106
- Tiffani: My incredibly hot ex BF,
580
00:19:21,144 --> 00:19:22,111
Ryan.
581
00:19:22,144 --> 00:19:23,112
He's a stripper.
582
00:19:23,144 --> 00:19:24,442
He was supposed to be
583
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:25,614
my rebound after Troy
584
00:19:25,644 --> 00:19:26,615
broke my heart
585
00:19:26,645 --> 00:19:27,949
but he has a good tongue,
586
00:19:27,980 --> 00:19:29,284
so I let him stay.
587
00:19:29,317 --> 00:19:30,615
- Casey: Why did you break up
588
00:19:30,653 --> 00:19:31,951
with that?
589
00:19:35,825 --> 00:19:37,125
- man: What if your boyfriend
590
00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:38,125
finds out?
591
00:19:38,161 --> 00:19:39,125
- Tiffani: We have
592
00:19:39,162 --> 00:19:40,125
an open relationship.
593
00:19:40,163 --> 00:19:41,461
- Ryan: Uhh, we do?
594
00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:45,298
- Tiffani: Ryan, this is not
595
00:19:45,335 --> 00:19:46,798
what it looks like.
596
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,634
#
597
00:19:49,836 --> 00:19:51,971
- Ryan: Neither is this.
598
00:19:53,673 --> 00:19:55,144
- Tiffani: We had commitment issues.
599
00:19:55,178 --> 00:19:56,644
Anyway, he moved to Tucson
600
00:19:56,679 --> 00:19:57,808
so it's totally safe
601
00:19:57,846 --> 00:19:58,980
to use his pictures.
602
00:19:59,015 --> 00:20:00,480
- Casey: Why would I want Zack
603
00:20:00,517 --> 00:20:01,650
to talk to someone
604
00:20:01,682 --> 00:20:02,980
way hotter than I am.
605
00:20:03,019 --> 00:20:04,317
- Tiffani: When's the last time
606
00:20:04,354 --> 00:20:05,317
you opened up
607
00:20:05,355 --> 00:20:06,488
to an ugly stranger?
608
00:20:06,519 --> 00:20:07,653
Besides, you find out
609
00:20:07,690 --> 00:20:08,990
what you need to know,
610
00:20:09,025 --> 00:20:10,159
then Ryan will disappear.
611
00:20:10,192 --> 00:20:11,326
A fake profile
612
00:20:11,361 --> 00:20:13,162
is the perfect wingman.
613
00:20:13,192 --> 00:20:14,996
- Casey: Okay.
614
00:20:15,028 --> 00:20:16,498
Okay, let's do this.
615
00:20:16,529 --> 00:20:17,832
What's my name?
616
00:20:17,865 --> 00:20:19,834
- Ryan: Ryan.
617
00:20:19,865 --> 00:20:22,500
- Casey: Ryan.
618
00:20:22,538 --> 00:20:24,005
Do you agree to the following
619
00:20:24,038 --> 00:20:25,173
terms and conditions.
620
00:20:25,208 --> 00:20:26,173
Number one,
621
00:20:26,209 --> 00:20:27,173
GaySpaceBook.com...
622
00:20:27,210 --> 00:20:28,509
- Tiffani: Agree, you nerd!
623
00:20:28,545 --> 00:20:29,678
- Casey: You should really
624
00:20:29,711 --> 00:20:30,845
read these things,
625
00:20:30,880 --> 00:20:32,009
you never know.
626
00:20:32,048 --> 00:20:33,515
- Tiffani: What are you, a pilgrim?
627
00:20:33,548 --> 00:20:34,846
I bet you avoid
628
00:20:34,884 --> 00:20:37,152
handicap spaces. And vote.
629
00:20:37,183 --> 00:20:38,884
- Casey: Favorite movie?
630
00:20:38,921 --> 00:20:41,557
Roman Holiday, of course.
631
00:20:41,587 --> 00:20:44,226
Straight acting or not?
632
00:20:44,259 --> 00:20:45,727
- Tiffani: Put, "I'm gay,
633
00:20:45,759 --> 00:20:47,229
"why should I act anything
634
00:20:47,259 --> 00:20:48,961
but what I am."
635
00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:50,461
- Casey: Oh, you are scary good,
636
00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:51,798
girl.
637
00:20:52,500 --> 00:20:55,804
- Zack: Come on, breakup sex.
638
00:20:55,836 --> 00:20:57,806
You are a hottie, let's hope
639
00:20:57,836 --> 00:20:59,471
you're next door
640
00:20:59,509 --> 00:21:01,173
cause I don't feel like driving.
641
00:21:01,375 --> 00:21:09,480
#
642
00:21:09,682 --> 00:21:15,653
blip-blip-blip-blip
643
00:21:16,025 --> 00:21:16,990
- Casey: Looking for?
644
00:21:17,026 --> 00:21:18,326
First I want to develop
645
00:21:18,361 --> 00:21:19,490
something special with you,
646
00:21:19,528 --> 00:21:20,826
then we fuck each other's
647
00:21:20,863 --> 00:21:21,826
brains out.
648
00:21:21,864 --> 00:21:22,827
Perfect combination
649
00:21:22,865 --> 00:21:24,163
of romantic and nasty, right?
650
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:25,163
- Tiffani: Whatever,
651
00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:26,335
no one reads those,
652
00:21:26,365 --> 00:21:27,500
just write them.
653
00:21:27,836 --> 00:21:31,673
- Zack: Oh yeah, oh...
654
00:21:31,874 --> 00:21:40,846
#
655
00:21:41,048 --> 00:21:44,352
- Zack: Yummy.
656
00:21:44,384 --> 00:21:45,854
- Casey: Oh, my God, it's him.
657
00:21:45,884 --> 00:21:47,188
What do I do?
658
00:21:47,221 --> 00:21:48,690
What do I write?
659
00:21:48,721 --> 00:21:50,191
- Tiffani: Write what you know.
660
00:21:50,221 --> 00:21:52,160
Well, in your case, don't.
661
00:21:52,192 --> 00:21:53,894
- Casey: You're not helping.
662
00:21:54,096 --> 00:22:01,067
#
663
00:22:01,269 --> 00:22:02,737
- Zack: Gotta play it cool.
664
00:22:02,939 --> 00:22:04,903
#
665
00:22:05,105 --> 00:22:06,240
- Tiffani: Hey.
666
00:22:06,275 --> 00:22:07,404
That's so romantic.
667
00:22:07,606 --> 00:22:12,246
#
668
00:22:12,448 --> 00:22:13,748
- Casey: Kindly help
669
00:22:13,779 --> 00:22:15,083
a broken hearted stranger
670
00:22:15,115 --> 00:22:16,585
with hours of meaningless sex!
671
00:22:16,615 --> 00:22:18,317
- Tiffani: Oh God, yes.
672
00:22:18,519 --> 00:22:27,496
#
673
00:22:27,693 --> 00:22:29,663
- Zack: So, get to know me.
674
00:22:29,699 --> 00:22:31,163
- Tiffani: Oh shit!
675
00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:32,333
Can he see us?
676
00:22:32,365 --> 00:22:33,500
- Casey: No.
677
00:22:33,536 --> 00:22:35,236
My camera's not on.
678
00:22:35,433 --> 00:22:37,238
#
679
00:22:37,471 --> 00:22:38,740
- Tiffani: Oh.
680
00:22:38,941 --> 00:22:45,046
#
681
00:22:45,278 --> 00:22:47,115
- Zack: Likely story.
682
00:22:47,145 --> 00:22:48,846
So, ask away.
683
00:22:51,683 --> 00:22:54,019
Thanks for starting off easy.
684
00:22:58,057 --> 00:22:59,861
I didn't want to put up
685
00:22:59,894 --> 00:23:00,862
with his shit anymore.
686
00:23:02,394 --> 00:23:04,028
You know how you tell yourself
687
00:23:04,066 --> 00:23:05,365
that it's gonna get better?
688
00:23:05,401 --> 00:23:06,535
You know it's not,
689
00:23:06,567 --> 00:23:07,701
but you hang on
690
00:23:07,737 --> 00:23:09,037
to any little good thing
691
00:23:09,067 --> 00:23:10,038
he does
692
00:23:10,068 --> 00:23:11,372
to prove that it might
693
00:23:11,403 --> 00:23:12,538
get better.
694
00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:16,545
Well, I guess
695
00:23:16,576 --> 00:23:17,711
there weren't any.
696
00:23:17,747 --> 00:23:19,047
Then it was just
697
00:23:19,077 --> 00:23:20,381
the really hot sex.
698
00:23:25,086 --> 00:23:26,555
Yeah.
699
00:23:26,756 --> 00:23:30,959
#
700
00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:32,289
How do you know
701
00:23:32,326 --> 00:23:33,795
what the little good things are?
702
00:23:33,996 --> 00:23:41,469
#
703
00:23:41,671 --> 00:23:43,371
Okay, try me.
704
00:23:45,403 --> 00:23:47,709
- Casey: You're an artist.
705
00:23:47,740 --> 00:23:49,711
I'd take you to a museum.
706
00:23:49,741 --> 00:23:51,211
You look like
707
00:23:51,246 --> 00:23:53,211
a basketball fan.
708
00:23:53,248 --> 00:23:55,212
Lakers tickets.
709
00:23:55,250 --> 00:23:59,220
Massage, good bottle of wine.
710
00:23:59,250 --> 00:24:00,721
And little things
711
00:24:00,756 --> 00:24:02,721
like bringing you
712
00:24:02,758 --> 00:24:04,392
something to drink
713
00:24:04,423 --> 00:24:06,057
without you having to ask.
714
00:24:06,259 --> 00:24:10,230
#
715
00:24:10,432 --> 00:24:11,900
- Tiffani: Well done, Ms. Cleo.
716
00:24:11,932 --> 00:24:13,230
- Zack: What can I do
717
00:24:13,268 --> 00:24:14,970
to get you to come over here
718
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:16,134
right now.
719
00:24:16,171 --> 00:24:17,635
- Tiffani: Oh, strip.
720
00:24:20,509 --> 00:24:21,643
- Zack: Date?
721
00:24:21,673 --> 00:24:22,807
You already know me
722
00:24:22,845 --> 00:24:23,808
inside and out,
723
00:24:23,846 --> 00:24:25,144
I think I'm in love.
724
00:24:25,180 --> 00:24:26,314
Wait, I know.
725
00:24:29,351 --> 00:24:31,653
If you don't come over...
726
00:24:31,683 --> 00:24:33,653
- Casey: He is not!
727
00:24:33,689 --> 00:24:35,153
- Zack: Here's
728
00:24:35,190 --> 00:24:37,125
what you'll be missing.
729
00:24:38,661 --> 00:24:40,125
- Tiffani: Get out of my way!
730
00:24:40,162 --> 00:24:41,894
Holy clit!
731
00:24:41,931 --> 00:24:43,632
- Casey: Oh, my God.
732
00:24:43,663 --> 00:24:45,133
- Zack: Oh shit.
733
00:24:45,163 --> 00:24:46,634
- Casey: I cannot believe...
734
00:24:46,669 --> 00:24:48,134
- Tiffani: You spilled
735
00:24:48,170 --> 00:24:50,471
your Sunny Delight.
736
00:24:50,506 --> 00:24:51,971
How could you?
737
00:24:52,008 --> 00:24:53,971
- Casey: You owe me a computer!
738
00:24:54,009 --> 00:24:55,875
And a boyfriend.
739
00:24:57,913 --> 00:24:59,144
- Tiffani: He's a fake.
740
00:24:59,181 --> 00:25:00,395
No one can be that hot
741
00:25:00,432 --> 00:25:01,400
and that nice,
742
00:25:01,432 --> 00:25:02,567
it's against the nature.
743
00:25:02,601 --> 00:25:03,902
- Zack: But he has tons
744
00:25:03,932 --> 00:25:04,903
of profile pictures,
745
00:25:04,933 --> 00:25:06,067
he must be real.
746
00:25:06,105 --> 00:25:07,239
- Tiffani: You still believe
747
00:25:07,269 --> 00:25:08,403
The Hills is real.
748
00:25:08,441 --> 00:25:09,740
- Zack: If he was a fake,
749
00:25:09,775 --> 00:25:11,076
he would've watched me jack off.
750
00:25:11,106 --> 00:25:12,411
- Tiffani: I just threw up
751
00:25:12,442 --> 00:25:14,076
a little bit in my pussy.
752
00:25:20,786 --> 00:25:22,086
- Tiffani: Maybe it's not
753
00:25:22,121 --> 00:25:24,423
a good idea for us to hang out?
754
00:25:24,457 --> 00:25:25,757
I don't believe you.
755
00:25:25,788 --> 00:25:27,092
- Casey: Zack's single now,
756
00:25:27,125 --> 00:25:28,423
so the reason we invented Ryan
757
00:25:28,461 --> 00:25:29,428
doesn't matter anymore.
758
00:25:29,461 --> 00:25:30,759
I mean, why keep up
759
00:25:30,796 --> 00:25:31,759
the charade?
760
00:25:31,797 --> 00:25:33,265
- Tiffani: Why email him at all?
761
00:25:33,298 --> 00:25:34,266
Just disappear.
762
00:25:34,298 --> 00:25:35,267
You're still
763
00:25:35,298 --> 00:25:36,432
pretending to be Ryan,
764
00:25:36,469 --> 00:25:37,769
even if it is just
765
00:25:37,803 --> 00:25:38,769
to dump him.
766
00:25:38,804 --> 00:25:40,105
- Casey: I'm just being polite.
767
00:25:40,135 --> 00:25:41,440
- Tiffani: You're just keeping him
768
00:25:41,471 --> 00:25:42,941
and his pretty dick hanging on,
769
00:25:42,971 --> 00:25:44,276
so you still have access
770
00:25:44,307 --> 00:25:45,442
to him
771
00:25:45,478 --> 00:25:46,778
in case he doesn't go
772
00:25:46,808 --> 00:25:47,942
for exhibit A.
773
00:25:47,980 --> 00:25:49,114
- Casey: You're right.
774
00:25:49,144 --> 00:25:50,615
If he normally gets prime rib
775
00:25:50,645 --> 00:25:51,779
like Ryan,
776
00:25:51,817 --> 00:25:53,451
why would he settle for...
777
00:25:55,317 --> 00:25:56,951
- Tiffani: Turkey burger?
778
00:25:57,153 --> 00:26:02,125
#
779
00:26:02,826 --> 00:26:04,125
- Zack: I blew it, Mr. Fake
780
00:26:04,163 --> 00:26:05,297
doesn't wanna meet me.
781
00:26:05,327 --> 00:26:06,631
- Tiffani: Because he's not real.
782
00:26:06,663 --> 00:26:07,962
- Zack: I came on too strong.
783
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:09,298
- Tiffani: Gay men hate guys
784
00:26:09,335 --> 00:26:10,298
who do that.
785
00:26:10,336 --> 00:26:11,470
- Zack: He was trying
786
00:26:11,500 --> 00:26:12,804
to get to know me
787
00:26:12,836 --> 00:26:14,135
but I went from zero
788
00:26:14,173 --> 00:26:15,140
to sixty-nine.
789
00:26:15,173 --> 00:26:16,471
- Tiffani: There are millions of men
790
00:26:16,509 --> 00:26:17,642
who can fuck first
791
00:26:17,673 --> 00:26:18,977
and then fall in love.
792
00:26:19,009 --> 00:26:20,479
- Zack: But I don't want other men,
793
00:26:20,509 --> 00:26:21,480
I want him.
794
00:26:21,510 --> 00:26:22,814
- Tiffani: My mom warned me
795
00:26:22,846 --> 00:26:24,816
I was turning into a fag hag.
796
00:26:24,846 --> 00:26:26,317
- Zack: You're not a fag hag.
797
00:26:26,352 --> 00:26:27,986
- Tiffani: I'm gonna be a fat spinster
798
00:26:28,019 --> 00:26:29,153
whose only sexual outlet
799
00:26:29,188 --> 00:26:30,489
is sucking off drunken homos.
800
00:26:30,519 --> 00:26:31,990
- Zack: You'd suck me off
801
00:26:32,020 --> 00:26:33,825
if I were drunk, right?
802
00:26:33,855 --> 00:26:35,490
- Tiffani: My fag hag days
803
00:26:35,528 --> 00:26:36,826
are over.
804
00:26:37,028 --> 00:26:40,999
#
805
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:42,163
- Tiffani: Now separate
806
00:26:42,201 --> 00:26:43,164
the finger nails
807
00:26:43,201 --> 00:26:44,336
from the toe nails.
808
00:26:44,366 --> 00:26:45,336
- Casey: Ew, what?
809
00:26:45,371 --> 00:26:46,336
- Tiffani: Busy work.
810
00:26:46,372 --> 00:26:47,336
You still have
811
00:26:47,373 --> 00:26:48,336
fifteen minutes left.
812
00:26:48,374 --> 00:26:49,673
- Casey: I must get ready
813
00:26:49,708 --> 00:26:50,673
for my date.
814
00:26:50,709 --> 00:26:52,009
- Tiffani: It's not a date,
815
00:26:52,044 --> 00:26:53,009
queef-cake.
816
00:26:53,045 --> 00:26:54,179
- Casey: It's a date,
817
00:26:54,211 --> 00:26:55,510
he just doesn't know it yet.
818
00:26:55,548 --> 00:26:57,015
- Tiffani: My, my, look who went
819
00:26:57,048 --> 00:26:58,346
and downloaded some balls.
820
00:26:58,384 --> 00:26:59,682
- Casey: He might've seen
821
00:26:59,718 --> 00:27:01,353
Ryan's picture online
822
00:27:01,384 --> 00:27:02,683
last night,
823
00:27:02,721 --> 00:27:04,189
but he was talking to me.
824
00:27:04,221 --> 00:27:05,690
We have a connection.
825
00:27:05,721 --> 00:27:07,192
At least we will
826
00:27:07,226 --> 00:27:09,027
by the end of the night.
827
00:27:09,228 --> 00:27:14,865
#
828
00:27:15,067 --> 00:27:16,365
- Tiffani: Fuck, I've got
829
00:27:16,402 --> 00:27:17,536
to see this.
830
00:27:23,075 --> 00:27:32,028
#
831
00:27:33,402 --> 00:27:34,535
- Zack: Sorry I'm late.
832
00:27:34,567 --> 00:27:35,701
- Casey: Oh, no problem,
833
00:27:35,738 --> 00:27:37,372
I had nothing else to do.
834
00:27:37,403 --> 00:27:38,538
Wait, that sounds bad.
835
00:27:38,574 --> 00:27:39,874
- Zack: No it doesn't,
836
00:27:39,904 --> 00:27:41,375
you just moved here.
837
00:27:41,410 --> 00:27:44,375
- Casey: I...I drafted up
838
00:27:44,413 --> 00:27:45,880
some ideas
839
00:27:45,913 --> 00:27:47,615
for the male sale flyers.
840
00:27:49,652 --> 00:27:51,615
I Google-imaged you.
841
00:27:51,653 --> 00:27:53,116
- Zack: Whoa, these are great.
842
00:27:53,153 --> 00:27:54,288
Thanks for giving me
843
00:27:54,323 --> 00:27:55,288
extra abs.
844
00:27:55,324 --> 00:27:56,457
- Casey: Those are yours
845
00:27:56,490 --> 00:27:57,625
and you know it.
846
00:27:57,660 --> 00:27:58,959
- Zack: Thanks for the ego boost,
847
00:27:58,990 --> 00:28:00,295
I could really use one
848
00:28:00,326 --> 00:28:01,461
right about now.
849
00:28:01,497 --> 00:28:02,797
- Casey: I'm sorry
850
00:28:02,827 --> 00:28:04,131
about your breakup.
851
00:28:04,163 --> 00:28:05,462
- Zack: How did you know?
852
00:28:05,500 --> 00:28:06,634
- Casey: Oh! I...
853
00:28:06,669 --> 00:28:07,634
- Zack: Lionel?
854
00:28:07,670 --> 00:28:08,969
He's a big fucking mouth.
855
00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:10,371
- Casey: That's one of the reasons
856
00:28:10,403 --> 00:28:11,872
I don't like the gay community.
857
00:28:11,903 --> 00:28:13,374
- Zack: I think the gay community
858
00:28:13,409 --> 00:28:14,538
is more diverse
859
00:28:14,576 --> 00:28:15,875
than you give it credit for.
860
00:28:15,911 --> 00:28:17,211
- Casey: Well, I think he's crazy
861
00:28:17,241 --> 00:28:18,546
for breaking up with you.
862
00:28:18,576 --> 00:28:20,047
- Zack: I broke up with him.
863
00:28:20,077 --> 00:28:21,211
- Casey: Sorry.
864
00:28:21,249 --> 00:28:22,548
- Zack: No big deal.
865
00:28:22,584 --> 00:28:24,048
He's not what's bothering me.
866
00:28:24,085 --> 00:28:25,384
I met this guy online
867
00:28:25,421 --> 00:28:27,221
last night, Ryan, oh, my God.
868
00:28:27,255 --> 00:28:28,556
You have never seen
869
00:28:28,586 --> 00:28:29,890
anything like him,
870
00:28:29,923 --> 00:28:31,557
and he was so totally into me
871
00:28:31,593 --> 00:28:32,893
until I blew it.
872
00:28:32,928 --> 00:28:34,394
- Casey: You think you blew it?
873
00:28:34,430 --> 00:28:35,730
- Zack: Yeah, I got too sexual.
874
00:28:35,760 --> 00:28:36,730
A fatal flaw.
875
00:28:36,765 --> 00:28:38,065
- Casey: Well, if he was just
876
00:28:38,096 --> 00:28:39,400
a hot body, those are...
877
00:28:39,432 --> 00:28:40,731
- Zack: It was more than that.
878
00:28:40,769 --> 00:28:42,403
This guy connected with me.
879
00:28:42,438 --> 00:28:43,903
He was smart and funny
880
00:28:43,939 --> 00:28:45,403
and he knew me.
881
00:28:45,441 --> 00:28:46,740
- Casey: He sounds too good
882
00:28:46,775 --> 00:28:48,075
to be true.
883
00:28:48,105 --> 00:28:49,240
- Zack: Yeah, he probably
884
00:28:49,277 --> 00:28:50,576
is fake.
885
00:28:50,612 --> 00:28:51,746
I can't believe
886
00:28:51,778 --> 00:28:53,076
I'm telling you all this.
887
00:28:53,114 --> 00:28:54,582
I normally don't talk to guys
888
00:28:54,615 --> 00:28:55,750
about my social life.
889
00:28:55,784 --> 00:28:56,750
- Casey: You seem
890
00:28:56,785 --> 00:28:57,750
pretty comfortable.
891
00:28:57,786 --> 00:28:59,086
- Zack: You make me feel
892
00:28:59,116 --> 00:29:00,586
comfortable, Casey.
893
00:29:00,622 --> 00:29:02,086
- Casey: Hey, maybe sometime
894
00:29:02,123 --> 00:29:03,587
you and I could...
895
00:29:04,625 --> 00:29:06,259
- Zack: Oh my God, that's him.
896
00:29:06,461 --> 00:29:09,096
#
897
00:29:09,297 --> 00:29:10,431
How do I look?
898
00:29:10,462 --> 00:29:11,432
- Casey: Huh?
899
00:29:11,467 --> 00:29:12,596
- Zack: How do I look?
900
00:29:12,634 --> 00:29:13,601
- Casey: Uh...gorgeous.
901
00:29:13,634 --> 00:29:14,602
Are you sure...
902
00:29:14,634 --> 00:29:15,769
- Zack: Wish me luck.
903
00:29:15,971 --> 00:29:17,938
#
904
00:29:18,135 --> 00:29:19,605
- Casey: Good fucking luck.
905
00:29:21,209 --> 00:29:23,173
- Zack: Hey, Ryan1989.
906
00:29:23,211 --> 00:29:25,179
- Ryan: Hey...you.
907
00:29:25,211 --> 00:29:26,681
- Zack: I was beginning to think
908
00:29:26,711 --> 00:29:27,846
you were imaginary like
909
00:29:27,883 --> 00:29:29,584
a smurf or something.
910
00:29:29,615 --> 00:29:32,086
- Ryan: Nope, I'm all real.
911
00:29:32,116 --> 00:29:34,086
- Zack: You can say that again.
912
00:29:34,122 --> 00:29:35,256
- Ryan: Mind if I don't?
913
00:29:35,457 --> 00:29:54,442
#
914
00:29:54,643 --> 00:29:55,777
- Zack: We're both here,
915
00:29:55,807 --> 00:29:57,111
you wanna give this a shot
916
00:29:57,144 --> 00:29:58,442
and go out some night?
917
00:29:58,480 --> 00:29:59,614
- Ryan: Uuh...
918
00:29:59,815 --> 00:30:01,278
#
919
00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:03,785
- Tiffani: Ryan, look who's back.
920
00:30:03,817 --> 00:30:05,787
Don't they have stripper poles
921
00:30:05,817 --> 00:30:07,121
in Tucson?
922
00:30:07,153 --> 00:30:08,623
- Ryan: Tiffany, did you get
923
00:30:08,653 --> 00:30:10,124
a boob job?
924
00:30:10,154 --> 00:30:11,625
- Tiffani: No, I'm still saving up.
925
00:30:11,660 --> 00:30:13,125
- Casey: What's going on?
926
00:30:13,161 --> 00:30:14,625
- Zack: Casey, this is Ryan
927
00:30:14,663 --> 00:30:15,961
from the Internet.
928
00:30:15,997 --> 00:30:17,298
You look so much better
929
00:30:17,332 --> 00:30:19,029
than your pictures, doesn't he?
930
00:30:19,067 --> 00:30:22,036
- Tiffani: Now, how would Casey
931
00:30:22,067 --> 00:30:24,038
have seen Ryan's cute
932
00:30:24,068 --> 00:30:26,373
little disco boy picture.
933
00:30:26,404 --> 00:30:28,375
- Ryan: Yeah, you mean
934
00:30:28,410 --> 00:30:29,875
my picture with the headband
935
00:30:29,912 --> 00:30:31,375
and yellow gym shorts.
936
00:30:31,413 --> 00:30:32,880
- Zack: Yellow mesh gym shorts.
937
00:30:32,913 --> 00:30:34,211
Rarrr.
938
00:30:34,249 --> 00:30:35,712
And then there's that one
939
00:30:35,750 --> 00:30:37,217
where you're on the beach
940
00:30:37,250 --> 00:30:38,553
with some blond chick
941
00:30:38,586 --> 00:30:39,720
and your bulge.
942
00:30:39,755 --> 00:30:42,385
- Tiffani: Yeah, Ryan loves
943
00:30:42,423 --> 00:30:43,721
nailing blonds.
944
00:30:43,759 --> 00:30:45,221
- Ryan: Yeah, but I love
945
00:30:45,259 --> 00:30:46,894
nailing brunettes, too.
946
00:30:46,929 --> 00:30:48,228
- Tiffani: Brunette women,
947
00:30:48,259 --> 00:30:49,394
Ryan's straight,
948
00:30:49,431 --> 00:30:50,565
we used to fuck.
949
00:30:50,596 --> 00:30:51,730
I took that picture.
950
00:30:51,767 --> 00:30:52,900
- Zack: He wasn't straight
951
00:30:52,932 --> 00:30:54,067
last night.
952
00:30:54,102 --> 00:30:55,231
- Ryan: Yeah, after
953
00:30:55,269 --> 00:30:56,403
fucking Tiffani
954
00:30:56,438 --> 00:30:57,903
I just gave up on women.
955
00:30:57,940 --> 00:30:59,903
It happens to you a lot, huh?
956
00:30:59,942 --> 00:31:01,240
- Tiffani: Oh, you little cum monkey.
957
00:31:01,276 --> 00:31:02,740
- Ryan: So, let's give this
958
00:31:02,778 --> 00:31:04,240
a shot.
959
00:31:04,278 --> 00:31:06,577
When do you want to hang out?
960
00:31:09,284 --> 00:31:10,585
- Casey: Ugh, this sucks.
961
00:31:10,615 --> 00:31:11,919
I just set up
962
00:31:11,951 --> 00:31:13,250
the hottest couple
963
00:31:13,288 --> 00:31:14,586
in the universe.
964
00:31:14,623 --> 00:31:15,923
When their hot muscled bodies
965
00:31:15,958 --> 00:31:17,087
come together,
966
00:31:17,125 --> 00:31:18,423
they'll probably form
967
00:31:18,460 --> 00:31:19,759
like Voltron or something.
968
00:31:19,795 --> 00:31:20,759
- Tiffani: He's lying.
969
00:31:20,796 --> 00:31:21,759
If Ryan's gay,
970
00:31:21,797 --> 00:31:23,096
I'll eat my own twat.
971
00:31:23,131 --> 00:31:24,596
- Casey: What kind of straight guy
972
00:31:24,633 --> 00:31:25,766
goes on a date
973
00:31:25,798 --> 00:31:26,767
with another man?
974
00:31:26,798 --> 00:31:28,102
- Tiffani: He was a stripper
975
00:31:28,134 --> 00:31:29,269
at a gay bar.
976
00:31:29,304 --> 00:31:30,605
He would clean a toilet
977
00:31:30,635 --> 00:31:32,105
with his dick for a dollar.
978
00:31:32,140 --> 00:31:33,105
He's just trying
979
00:31:33,141 --> 00:31:34,441
to get back at me.
980
00:31:34,476 --> 00:31:35,442
- Casey: Oh...
981
00:31:35,477 --> 00:31:36,777
Zack wanna talk to me
982
00:31:36,808 --> 00:31:38,112
about what they should do
983
00:31:38,144 --> 00:31:39,442
on their Barbie dream date
984
00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:40,778
because I make him feel
985
00:31:40,816 --> 00:31:42,413
comfortable.
986
00:31:42,450 --> 00:31:44,084
- Tiffani: No smiley.
987
00:31:44,115 --> 00:31:45,586
This is serious.
988
00:31:45,621 --> 00:31:47,586
My God, you're like
989
00:31:47,623 --> 00:31:51,258
his fag hag now.
990
00:31:51,288 --> 00:31:53,460
- Casey: I hate my life.
991
00:31:53,662 --> 00:32:09,490
#
992
00:32:09,692 --> 00:32:10,826
- Zack: Casey, great,
993
00:32:10,863 --> 00:32:12,797
you can do my back.
994
00:32:12,832 --> 00:32:14,962
Oh my God, are you ok?
995
00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:16,798
- Casey: Yeah, it's just
996
00:32:16,836 --> 00:32:18,803
a little ouchy, that's all.
997
00:32:18,836 --> 00:32:20,134
- Zack: Ouchy?
998
00:32:20,172 --> 00:32:21,806
- Casey: Never mind, it's fine.
999
00:32:21,837 --> 00:32:24,142
- Zack: Good. Squirt me.
1000
00:32:24,173 --> 00:32:26,477
- Casey: Okay.
1001
00:32:27,846 --> 00:32:29,144
- Zack: God, I'm as nervous
1002
00:32:29,181 --> 00:32:30,144
as Isaiah Washington's
1003
00:32:30,182 --> 00:32:31,145
hairdresser.
1004
00:32:31,182 --> 00:32:32,317
- Casey: About the date?
1005
00:32:32,351 --> 00:32:33,651
- Zack: Yes, about the date.
1006
00:32:33,682 --> 00:32:35,153
He was so hot and cold
1007
00:32:35,183 --> 00:32:36,153
at the café.
1008
00:32:36,188 --> 00:32:37,318
Isn't he cute?
1009
00:32:37,355 --> 00:32:38,653
- Casey: I'm not really
1010
00:32:38,690 --> 00:32:40,654
into guys that...hot.
1011
00:32:40,692 --> 00:32:41,990
- Zack: Really?
1012
00:32:42,027 --> 00:32:43,326
Okay, your turn.
1013
00:32:43,362 --> 00:32:44,662
- Casey: Oh, I'm not
1014
00:32:44,692 --> 00:32:46,394
a taking off my shirt in public
1015
00:32:46,431 --> 00:32:47,394
kind of guy.
1016
00:32:47,432 --> 00:32:48,900
- Zack: Don't tell me you have
1017
00:32:48,932 --> 00:32:49,901
body issues.
1018
00:32:49,932 --> 00:32:51,402
Take it off or I will.
1019
00:32:51,432 --> 00:32:52,567
- Casey: Okay, okay.
1020
00:32:52,604 --> 00:32:54,068
You know, when we, mere mortals,
1021
00:32:54,105 --> 00:32:55,403
are around gods like you,
1022
00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:56,574
how can we not...
1023
00:32:56,605 --> 00:32:57,740
- Zack: Please, you've got
1024
00:32:57,776 --> 00:32:58,910
a great body.
1025
00:32:58,942 --> 00:33:00,241
And, besides, some guys
1026
00:33:00,278 --> 00:33:01,913
like 'em not all exercised.
1027
00:33:01,943 --> 00:33:03,248
Here.
1028
00:33:03,278 --> 00:33:04,582
So what should I do
1029
00:33:04,615 --> 00:33:05,583
on my date?
1030
00:33:05,615 --> 00:33:06,914
- Casey: You mean besides sex?
1031
00:33:06,951 --> 00:33:08,750
- Zack: I don't want it to be
1032
00:33:08,787 --> 00:33:09,750
about sex.
1033
00:33:09,788 --> 00:33:10,922
When we chatted online
1034
00:33:10,952 --> 00:33:12,257
he had all these ideas
1035
00:33:12,288 --> 00:33:13,587
for great things to do
1036
00:33:13,625 --> 00:33:14,923
and I wanna come up
1037
00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:16,259
with some great idea, too.
1038
00:33:16,295 --> 00:33:17,759
- Casey: Ok, well what's your dream
1039
00:33:17,796 --> 00:33:18,759
first date?
1040
00:33:18,797 --> 00:33:20,265
- Zack: Wow, I guess I never
1041
00:33:20,298 --> 00:33:21,432
really thought about it.
1042
00:33:21,462 --> 00:33:22,596
- Casey: You've never fantasized
1043
00:33:22,634 --> 00:33:23,932
about the perfect first date?
1044
00:33:23,969 --> 00:33:25,269
- Zack: I was too busy
1045
00:33:25,304 --> 00:33:26,433
going on real dates.
1046
00:33:26,471 --> 00:33:27,605
- Casey: Asshole.
1047
00:33:27,635 --> 00:33:28,769
- Zack: Well, clearly
1048
00:33:28,807 --> 00:33:30,275
someone's thought about it.
1049
00:33:30,307 --> 00:33:31,605
Tell me yours, Romeo.
1050
00:33:31,643 --> 00:33:32,606
- Casey: Okay.
1051
00:33:32,644 --> 00:33:33,942
We're in Italy, well, Rome.
1052
00:33:33,979 --> 00:33:35,113
- Zack: Oh, my God,
1053
00:33:35,144 --> 00:33:36,114
are you serious?
1054
00:33:36,144 --> 00:33:37,278
I'm obsessed with Italy.
1055
00:33:37,316 --> 00:33:38,279
- Casey: You are?
1056
00:33:38,317 --> 00:33:39,615
- Zack: Yeah, I've been wanting
1057
00:33:39,651 --> 00:33:40,785
to go to Italy
1058
00:33:40,817 --> 00:33:42,116
since I was like three.
1059
00:33:42,153 --> 00:33:43,288
I'm going after graduation
1060
00:33:43,318 --> 00:33:44,788
if I can save enough cash.
1061
00:33:44,823 --> 00:33:46,124
I've got like $3,200 saved
1062
00:33:46,154 --> 00:33:47,288
so far.
1063
00:33:47,326 --> 00:33:48,789
- Casey: I can't wait to go.
1064
00:33:48,826 --> 00:33:49,794
Someday.
1065
00:33:49,826 --> 00:33:51,125
- Zack: Well, I can't exactly
1066
00:33:51,163 --> 00:33:52,461
take Ryan to Italy tonight.
1067
00:33:52,497 --> 00:33:54,132
So, do you got any dream dates
1068
00:33:54,163 --> 00:33:55,462
that are a little more
1069
00:33:55,500 --> 00:33:56,798
practical?
1070
00:33:56,835 --> 00:33:58,803
- Casey: Okay, well my dream date,
1071
00:33:58,836 --> 00:34:00,471
it's intimate.
1072
00:34:00,505 --> 00:34:02,471
Like I make him dinner
1073
00:34:02,507 --> 00:34:03,807
so it's personal.
1074
00:34:03,842 --> 00:34:05,143
- Zack: Yeah, something
1075
00:34:05,173 --> 00:34:06,307
at your place,
1076
00:34:06,345 --> 00:34:07,644
just the two of you,
1077
00:34:07,679 --> 00:34:08,813
no distractions.
1078
00:34:08,846 --> 00:34:10,315
- Casey: Yeah, and maybe I'd have
1079
00:34:10,346 --> 00:34:11,815
a fun theme for the meal.
1080
00:34:11,849 --> 00:34:12,983
- Zack: Italian.
1081
00:34:13,018 --> 00:34:14,152
- Casey: Perfetto.
1082
00:34:14,186 --> 00:34:15,652
- Zack: Pasta, pinot grigio,
1083
00:34:15,686 --> 00:34:17,155
some funky Italian music.
1084
00:34:17,188 --> 00:34:18,655
- Casey: That's all I'd need
1085
00:34:18,690 --> 00:34:20,657
because the best first dates
1086
00:34:20,692 --> 00:34:22,159
are the ones
1087
00:34:22,193 --> 00:34:23,661
where the conversation's
1088
00:34:23,695 --> 00:34:25,329
just really easy.
1089
00:34:25,364 --> 00:34:26,831
- Zack: And it flows cause
1090
00:34:26,864 --> 00:34:27,998
you're both listening
1091
00:34:28,032 --> 00:34:29,166
to each other
1092
00:34:29,201 --> 00:34:30,335
like you're focused.
1093
00:34:30,369 --> 00:34:31,668
- Casey: And there are
1094
00:34:31,702 --> 00:34:32,835
those moments
1095
00:34:32,871 --> 00:34:34,172
when you're looking
1096
00:34:34,206 --> 00:34:36,507
into each other's eyes,
1097
00:34:36,541 --> 00:34:38,342
wondering if maybe he's thinking
1098
00:34:38,376 --> 00:34:39,677
the same thing.
1099
00:34:39,710 --> 00:34:41,179
- Zack: That sometime tonight
1100
00:34:41,213 --> 00:34:42,512
we're gonna...
1101
00:34:42,547 --> 00:34:44,349
- Casey: Kiss.
1102
00:34:44,547 --> 00:35:00,530
#
1103
00:35:00,731 --> 00:35:02,032
- Zack: Exactly.
1104
00:35:02,067 --> 00:35:03,201
Kiss.
1105
00:35:03,235 --> 00:35:04,534
Oh my God!
1106
00:35:04,568 --> 00:35:05,702
- Casey: What?
1107
00:35:05,737 --> 00:35:07,038
- Zack: You totally inspired me,
1108
00:35:07,072 --> 00:35:08,373
I have the perfect date.
1109
00:35:08,407 --> 00:35:09,373
Scoot.
1110
00:35:09,407 --> 00:35:10,708
He's not gonna know
1111
00:35:10,742 --> 00:35:11,876
what hit him.
1112
00:35:11,909 --> 00:35:13,210
I can't thank you enough.
1113
00:35:13,411 --> 00:35:15,545
#
1114
00:35:15,746 --> 00:35:17,215
- Casey: Well, text me
1115
00:35:17,248 --> 00:35:18,715
if you need help!
1116
00:35:18,750 --> 00:35:20,217
Text me if you need help.
1117
00:35:20,418 --> 00:35:35,565
#
1118
00:35:35,766 --> 00:35:38,235
[phone ringing]
1119
00:35:39,603 --> 00:35:40,737
- Ryan: If you're trying
1120
00:35:40,771 --> 00:35:42,239
to stop me, it won't work.
1121
00:35:42,273 --> 00:35:43,407
- Tiffani: If you think
1122
00:35:43,442 --> 00:35:44,909
going on a fake gay date
1123
00:35:44,943 --> 00:35:46,077
will make me jealous,
1124
00:35:46,110 --> 00:35:47,077
you're dumber
1125
00:35:47,112 --> 00:35:48,413
than a flock of Palins.
1126
00:35:48,447 --> 00:35:49,746
- Ryan: I don't want that,
1127
00:35:49,780 --> 00:35:51,248
I just wanna piss you off.
1128
00:35:51,282 --> 00:35:52,416
- Tiffani: You cheated too!
1129
00:35:52,451 --> 00:35:53,751
- Ryan: It's not about that,
1130
00:35:53,784 --> 00:35:55,085
it's about you putting pubes
1131
00:35:55,119 --> 00:35:56,253
in my protein powder
1132
00:35:56,288 --> 00:35:57,255
the next day.
1133
00:35:57,289 --> 00:35:58,588
- Tiffani: They weren't even mine.
1134
00:35:58,623 --> 00:35:59,757
- Ryan: And poking holes
1135
00:35:59,791 --> 00:36:00,925
in my contact lenses,
1136
00:36:00,958 --> 00:36:02,927
Putting crabs in my drawer.
1137
00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:04,429
And using my toothbrush
1138
00:36:04,463 --> 00:36:05,596
to clean the...
1139
00:36:05,630 --> 00:36:07,731
- Tiffani: Ok, I'm a jealous woman.
1140
00:36:07,766 --> 00:36:09,733
But at least I feel something.
1141
00:36:09,768 --> 00:36:11,735
You're an emotionless stripper
1142
00:36:11,768 --> 00:36:13,070
who uses his body
1143
00:36:13,105 --> 00:36:14,237
as a bargaining chip.
1144
00:36:14,273 --> 00:36:15,405
And that's not gonna
1145
00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:16,574
get you anything
1146
00:36:16,608 --> 00:36:17,840
but a dirty dollar bill
1147
00:36:17,876 --> 00:36:19,342
shoved up your ass.
1148
00:36:19,378 --> 00:36:21,344
- Ryan: You're fat.
1149
00:36:21,380 --> 00:36:22,679
Have a good night.
1150
00:36:22,713 --> 00:36:24,681
I know I will.
1151
00:36:25,050 --> 00:36:31,355
#
1152
00:36:31,722 --> 00:36:33,690
[doorbell ringing]
1153
00:36:34,059 --> 00:36:39,197
#
1154
00:36:39,565 --> 00:36:41,199
- Zack: Ryan, right on time.
1155
00:36:41,233 --> 00:36:43,032
- Ryan: Hey, look,
1156
00:36:43,068 --> 00:36:44,302
I gotta talk to you
1157
00:36:44,335 --> 00:36:45,469
about this Internet thing.
1158
00:36:45,503 --> 00:36:46,737
- Zack: I know, me too,
1159
00:36:46,771 --> 00:36:49,407
come on in.
1160
00:36:49,440 --> 00:36:50,672
I saw on your profile
1161
00:36:50,708 --> 00:36:51,842
that Roman Holiday
1162
00:36:51,876 --> 00:36:53,010
is your favorite movie.
1163
00:36:53,043 --> 00:36:54,177
It's also mine.
1164
00:36:54,213 --> 00:36:55,346
So I've got
1165
00:36:55,380 --> 00:36:56,847
a special little tour for you,
1166
00:36:56,880 --> 00:36:58,014
come on.
1167
00:36:58,047 --> 00:36:59,181
As you know,
1168
00:36:59,217 --> 00:37:00,351
when Audrey Hepburn
1169
00:37:00,385 --> 00:37:01,619
sneaks out of the consulate,
1170
00:37:01,652 --> 00:37:02,786
Gregory Peck shows her
1171
00:37:02,820 --> 00:37:03,954
the sights of Rome.
1172
00:37:03,989 --> 00:37:05,123
So here we have
1173
00:37:05,157 --> 00:37:06,289
the Sistine Chapel,
1174
00:37:06,324 --> 00:37:08,291
painted by Michelangelo.
1175
00:37:08,327 --> 00:37:11,128
Italian wine.
1176
00:37:14,666 --> 00:37:17,300
Next we have an exact replica
1177
00:37:17,335 --> 00:37:19,969
of the Trevi Fountain.
1178
00:37:20,338 --> 00:37:23,141
[water running]
1179
00:37:23,509 --> 00:37:25,809
- Ryan: That's pretty cool.
1180
00:37:25,844 --> 00:37:27,311
- Zack: And our last stop
1181
00:37:27,346 --> 00:37:29,480
is the mouth of truth,
1182
00:37:29,514 --> 00:37:30,648
you know,
1183
00:37:30,681 --> 00:37:31,815
the most famous scene
1184
00:37:31,849 --> 00:37:32,983
in the movie.
1185
00:37:33,018 --> 00:37:34,152
- Ryan: Yeah.
1186
00:37:34,186 --> 00:37:35,418
- Zack: So put your hand
1187
00:37:35,454 --> 00:37:36,585
in its mouth
1188
00:37:36,621 --> 00:37:38,088
and if you're lying to me
1189
00:37:38,123 --> 00:37:39,822
it'll get bitten off.
1190
00:37:39,858 --> 00:37:41,324
And don't tell my landlord
1191
00:37:41,360 --> 00:37:44,327
about the hole.
1192
00:37:48,032 --> 00:37:49,166
- Zack: Rarrr!
1193
00:37:49,201 --> 00:37:50,434
- Ryan: You scared the shit
1194
00:37:50,469 --> 00:37:51,601
out of me!
1195
00:37:51,637 --> 00:37:52,869
- Zack: Your hand's still here.
1196
00:37:52,902 --> 00:37:56,206
I knew you wouldn't lie to me.
1197
00:37:56,239 --> 00:37:58,041
- Ryan: You're an amazing guy
1198
00:37:58,076 --> 00:38:00,378
and I don't deserve you.
1199
00:38:00,411 --> 00:38:02,380
I gotta go.
1200
00:38:06,083 --> 00:38:08,719
- Casey: Text me, text me,
1201
00:38:08,753 --> 00:38:10,554
text me, text me.
1202
00:38:10,922 --> 00:38:12,722
[phone beeping]
1203
00:38:14,759 --> 00:38:17,728
I love you, Zack!
1204
00:38:18,096 --> 00:38:21,398
#
1205
00:38:21,766 --> 00:38:23,501
- Zack: It's nice to have a friend
1206
00:38:23,534 --> 00:38:24,668
who will listen
1207
00:38:24,702 --> 00:38:25,835
to my romantic problems.
1208
00:38:25,869 --> 00:38:27,605
- Casey: I told you to text me
1209
00:38:27,639 --> 00:38:29,373
if you needed help and you did.
1210
00:38:29,407 --> 00:38:30,641
And I'm here to help.
1211
00:38:30,675 --> 00:38:31,909
- Zack: Can you help me
1212
00:38:31,943 --> 00:38:33,911
find a boyfriend?
1213
00:38:35,780 --> 00:38:36,914
- Casey: Oh my God,
1214
00:38:36,947 --> 00:38:40,083
is that the mouth of truth?
1215
00:38:40,117 --> 00:38:41,585
- Zack: Yeah, his profile said
1216
00:38:41,619 --> 00:38:42,753
his favorite movie
1217
00:38:42,786 --> 00:38:44,088
was Roman Holiday, so.
1218
00:38:44,121 --> 00:38:45,590
- Casey: You did that for him?
1219
00:38:45,623 --> 00:38:47,090
- Zack: It's stupid.
1220
00:38:47,125 --> 00:38:48,259
- Casey: It's the most
1221
00:38:48,293 --> 00:38:49,594
romantic thing
1222
00:38:49,628 --> 00:38:53,764
I've ever seen.
1223
00:38:53,797 --> 00:38:56,934
See, I'm telling the truth.
1224
00:38:56,967 --> 00:38:58,202
- Zack: Yeah, I actually had
1225
00:38:58,237 --> 00:39:00,204
this whole Roman Holiday tour.
1226
00:39:00,239 --> 00:39:02,373
There's the Colossum,
1227
00:39:02,407 --> 00:39:04,708
I ate half of it.
1228
00:39:04,742 --> 00:39:06,710
- Casey: Zack, there's something
1229
00:39:06,744 --> 00:39:09,380
I should tell you.
1230
00:39:09,414 --> 00:39:10,880
I haven't been honest with you.
1231
00:39:10,914 --> 00:39:12,215
I...
1232
00:39:12,583 --> 00:39:13,884
[doorbell ringing]
1233
00:39:14,253 --> 00:39:15,952
- Zack: Great, who's that?
1234
00:39:17,155 --> 00:39:18,289
Oh my God, Ryan?
1235
00:39:18,322 --> 00:39:19,556
- Ryan: Hey man, there's something
1236
00:39:19,590 --> 00:39:21,559
I gotta tell you.
1237
00:39:21,592 --> 00:39:24,228
Oh, did you tell him?
1238
00:39:24,262 --> 00:39:25,563
- Zack: Tell me what?
1239
00:39:25,597 --> 00:39:27,063
- Casey: I was just about to.
1240
00:39:27,097 --> 00:39:28,331
- Ryan: Of course you were.
1241
00:39:28,367 --> 00:39:29,500
That wasn't me
1242
00:39:29,534 --> 00:39:30,768
you were talking to online.
1243
00:39:30,802 --> 00:39:31,934
Him and Tiffani
1244
00:39:31,969 --> 00:39:33,103
made a fake profile
1245
00:39:33,137 --> 00:39:34,103
and used my picture.
1246
00:39:34,139 --> 00:39:35,273
- Zack: What?
1247
00:39:35,306 --> 00:39:36,440
- Ryan: I don't even
1248
00:39:36,474 --> 00:39:37,608
have a profile.
1249
00:39:37,643 --> 00:39:38,775
I'm not even gay.
1250
00:39:38,809 --> 00:39:39,777
- Casey: Zack,
1251
00:39:39,811 --> 00:39:41,277
it's not what it sounds like.
1252
00:39:41,313 --> 00:39:43,045
- Zack: Did you pretend to be him?
1253
00:39:43,081 --> 00:39:44,547
- Casey: Yes, but it was only
1254
00:39:44,583 --> 00:39:45,547
because I didn't want
1255
00:39:45,583 --> 00:39:46,817
to look like a stalker,
1256
00:39:46,851 --> 00:39:48,585
which I know I totally like now.
1257
00:39:48,619 --> 00:39:49,585
- Zack: My first
1258
00:39:49,621 --> 00:39:50,588
genuine conversation in years
1259
00:39:50,621 --> 00:39:51,855
was with a total fake.
1260
00:39:51,889 --> 00:39:52,856
And why?
1261
00:39:52,891 --> 00:39:54,123
So you can fuck me?
1262
00:39:54,159 --> 00:39:55,393
- Casey: No, I mean yes,
1263
00:39:55,427 --> 00:39:56,661
I mean more than that.
1264
00:39:56,695 --> 00:39:58,161
The things I said were true.
1265
00:39:58,195 --> 00:39:59,664
- Ryan: Dude, if you liked him,
1266
00:39:59,697 --> 00:40:01,164
why didn't you just tell him.
1267
00:40:01,199 --> 00:40:02,931
- Zack: And you let me take you
1268
00:40:02,967 --> 00:40:04,201
on that whole fucking tour
1269
00:40:04,235 --> 00:40:05,469
like some kind of idiot.
1270
00:40:05,503 --> 00:40:06,637
Get the fuck out!
1271
00:40:06,672 --> 00:40:07,804
Both of you.
1272
00:40:07,838 --> 00:40:09,539
- Casey: Zack, I'm sorry.
1273
00:40:09,574 --> 00:40:10,708
Is that...
1274
00:40:10,742 --> 00:40:12,876
- Zack: Get out!
1275
00:40:17,248 --> 00:40:18,715
- Casey: I was in the middle
1276
00:40:18,750 --> 00:40:19,983
of telling him, you know.
1277
00:40:20,018 --> 00:40:21,152
- Ryan: Sorry man,
1278
00:40:21,186 --> 00:40:22,418
it was a crappy thing
1279
00:40:22,452 --> 00:40:23,420
you guys did.
1280
00:40:23,454 --> 00:40:24,420
- Casey: I just wanted
1281
00:40:24,454 --> 00:40:25,422
to get his attention.
1282
00:40:25,456 --> 00:40:26,690
- Ryan: You coulda got it
1283
00:40:26,724 --> 00:40:27,690
without getting
1284
00:40:27,724 --> 00:40:28,692
all stalker-azzi on him.
1285
00:40:28,726 --> 00:40:29,960
- Casey: With guys like you
1286
00:40:29,994 --> 00:40:30,960
walking around?
1287
00:40:30,996 --> 00:40:32,460
- Ryan: Even if I was gay,
1288
00:40:32,496 --> 00:40:33,730
it wouldn't have worked out.
1289
00:40:33,764 --> 00:40:34,731
He was less
1290
00:40:34,766 --> 00:40:36,000
into what I looked like
1291
00:40:36,034 --> 00:40:37,501
and more into what you said.
1292
00:40:37,534 --> 00:40:38,501
Anyway, sorry.
1293
00:40:38,536 --> 00:40:40,838
- Casey: No, it's my own damn fault.
1294
00:40:44,208 --> 00:40:45,342
- Tiffani: This is Tandy,
1295
00:40:45,376 --> 00:40:46,510
impress me.
1296
00:40:46,543 --> 00:40:47,677
And if you're
1297
00:40:47,710 --> 00:40:48,945
one of my gay friends
1298
00:40:48,980 --> 00:40:50,447
and just had a bad date,
1299
00:40:50,481 --> 00:40:51,715
I'm not calling you back
1300
00:40:51,748 --> 00:40:52,882
for three days.
1301
00:40:52,918 --> 00:40:55,452
Because I'm not a fag hag!
1302
00:40:55,820 --> 00:41:04,295
#
1303
00:41:04,661 --> 00:41:06,297
- Helen: Casey, right?
1304
00:41:06,331 --> 00:41:07,630
- Casey: Yeah.
1305
00:41:07,664 --> 00:41:08,965
- Helen: I'm Harry.
1306
00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:10,300
That's my name,
1307
00:41:10,335 --> 00:41:13,304
not that I am hairy.
1308
00:41:14,338 --> 00:41:15,639
Honey, what's wrong?
1309
00:41:15,672 --> 00:41:16,806
You look like Liberace
1310
00:41:16,842 --> 00:41:18,809
after they put the seat back
1311
00:41:18,844 --> 00:41:20,811
on his piano stool.
1312
00:41:21,847 --> 00:41:22,980
Wrong generation.
1313
00:41:23,014 --> 00:41:24,981
Never mind.
1314
00:41:25,016 --> 00:41:26,483
You look like you could use
1315
00:41:26,516 --> 00:41:27,650
some company tonight.
1316
00:41:27,684 --> 00:41:28,985
- Casey: Oh, I'm not interested.
1317
00:41:29,018 --> 00:41:32,155
- Helen: On, no, darling.
1318
00:41:32,190 --> 00:41:33,489
You're adorable
1319
00:41:33,523 --> 00:41:35,326
but you're far too young for me.
1320
00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:36,592
Us in bed would be
1321
00:41:36,626 --> 00:41:37,760
like teaching calculus
1322
00:41:37,795 --> 00:41:39,596
to a preschooler.
1323
00:41:39,630 --> 00:41:40,597
No.
1324
00:41:40,630 --> 00:41:41,764
Sex with men
1325
00:41:41,797 --> 00:41:42,931
who have the maturity
1326
00:41:42,967 --> 00:41:44,768
of an experienced lover,
1327
00:41:44,802 --> 00:41:46,436
there's nothing quite like it.
1328
00:41:46,471 --> 00:41:47,603
- Casey: T.M.I.
1329
00:41:47,637 --> 00:41:48,771
- Helen: Pardon?
1330
00:41:48,806 --> 00:41:49,940
- Casey: Nothing.
1331
00:41:49,974 --> 00:41:51,108
- Helen: Let me guess.
1332
00:41:51,141 --> 00:41:52,608
Some strapping thing
1333
00:41:52,643 --> 00:41:54,443
has broken your heart.
1334
00:41:54,478 --> 00:41:55,710
- Casey: Is it that obvious?
1335
00:41:55,746 --> 00:41:57,213
- Helen: Either that or Miley Cyrus
1336
00:41:57,248 --> 00:41:58,382
died.
1337
00:41:58,416 --> 00:42:01,550
See, I'm not that dated.
1338
00:42:01,585 --> 00:42:04,221
- Casey: Yeah, it's a guy.
1339
00:42:04,255 --> 00:42:06,556
No, no, it's me.
1340
00:42:06,590 --> 00:42:08,556
I was a complete jerk.
1341
00:42:08,592 --> 00:42:09,726
And I knew it
1342
00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:10,893
while it was happening
1343
00:42:10,929 --> 00:42:12,161
but I did it anyway.
1344
00:42:12,197 --> 00:42:13,329
And now I'll never
1345
00:42:13,364 --> 00:42:14,498
get to show Zack
1346
00:42:14,532 --> 00:42:16,266
what a great boyfriend I can be.
1347
00:42:16,300 --> 00:42:17,534
Now I'll never even have
1348
00:42:17,568 --> 00:42:19,036
a boyfriend.
1349
00:42:19,070 --> 00:42:20,536
And I'll wind up alone
1350
00:42:20,570 --> 00:42:23,539
until I'm all old and...
1351
00:42:23,574 --> 00:42:25,041
Sorry.
1352
00:42:25,076 --> 00:42:26,543
- Helen: Oh dear heart,
1353
00:42:26,577 --> 00:42:27,878
there's worse things
1354
00:42:27,913 --> 00:42:30,014
than not having a boyfriend.
1355
00:42:30,047 --> 00:42:32,181
Like trudging bare foot uphill
1356
00:42:32,217 --> 00:42:33,681
through five miles of snow
1357
00:42:33,717 --> 00:42:35,018
just to find the nearest
1358
00:42:35,052 --> 00:42:37,853
homosexual saloon.
1359
00:42:37,889 --> 00:42:40,356
It was a joke.
1360
00:42:40,391 --> 00:42:41,858
I'm not that old.
1361
00:42:41,893 --> 00:42:43,027
- Casey: You're not?
1362
00:42:43,061 --> 00:42:44,193
- Helen: Well now,
1363
00:42:44,228 --> 00:42:45,695
that was just not pretty.
1364
00:42:45,730 --> 00:42:47,030
All I'm saying is,
1365
00:42:47,065 --> 00:42:48,864
as dark as it may seem,
1366
00:42:48,900 --> 00:42:50,199
I think your generation
1367
00:42:50,235 --> 00:42:51,367
has it pretty easy
1368
00:42:51,402 --> 00:42:52,635
when it comes to finding
1369
00:42:52,670 --> 00:42:56,472
all the other fish
1370
00:42:56,507 --> 00:42:58,474
in the sea.
1371
00:42:59,677 --> 00:43:00,978
I bet you're thinking
1372
00:43:01,012 --> 00:43:02,146
right now
1373
00:43:02,179 --> 00:43:03,313
that the obvious solution
1374
00:43:03,347 --> 00:43:05,648
is something that I used to do
1375
00:43:05,681 --> 00:43:06,817
when I was trying
1376
00:43:06,851 --> 00:43:08,652
to get over someone.
1377
00:43:08,686 --> 00:43:10,152
- Casey: What's that?
1378
00:43:10,188 --> 00:43:11,655
- Helen: Well I used to think
1379
00:43:11,688 --> 00:43:13,422
that a good roll in the hay
1380
00:43:13,458 --> 00:43:14,690
would be all I needed
1381
00:43:14,724 --> 00:43:16,860
but I was wrong.
1382
00:43:16,893 --> 00:43:18,862
Sleeping with someone
1383
00:43:18,896 --> 00:43:20,998
to get over someone else
1384
00:43:21,032 --> 00:43:23,666
never works.
1385
00:43:23,701 --> 00:43:24,835
- Lionel: Casey, right?
1386
00:43:24,869 --> 00:43:26,003
- Casey: Yeah.
1387
00:43:26,036 --> 00:43:27,838
- Helen: Trust me on this,
1388
00:43:27,871 --> 00:43:29,840
it never works.
1389
00:43:29,873 --> 00:43:31,342
- Lionel: You want to go somewhere
1390
00:43:31,376 --> 00:43:33,010
and talk?
1391
00:43:34,045 --> 00:43:36,347
- Helen: Never.
1392
00:43:36,380 --> 00:43:39,349
- Casey: Sure.
1393
00:43:42,887 --> 00:43:45,688
- Helen: Never learn.
1394
00:43:49,226 --> 00:43:51,027
- Casey: That drink was strong,
1395
00:43:51,061 --> 00:43:53,030
like drinking blood straight
1396
00:43:53,063 --> 00:43:54,530
from Amy Winehouse's wrist.
1397
00:43:54,565 --> 00:43:56,532
- Lionel: God, I'm glad I met you.
1398
00:43:56,567 --> 00:43:58,202
Last guy I dated, Zack,
1399
00:43:58,235 --> 00:43:59,936
such a fucking loser.
1400
00:43:59,971 --> 00:44:02,072
He was a good kisser.
1401
00:44:02,106 --> 00:44:04,239
- Casey: Kissing's overrated.
1402
00:44:04,275 --> 00:44:05,976
How good was he?
1403
00:44:06,010 --> 00:44:07,143
- Lionel: Incredible.
1404
00:44:07,177 --> 00:44:09,713
Always started off the same way.
1405
00:44:09,746 --> 00:44:11,547
Two pecks.
1406
00:44:13,418 --> 00:44:16,052
Then a deeper kiss.
1407
00:44:18,255 --> 00:44:19,389
Followed by a bite
1408
00:44:19,422 --> 00:44:22,559
to the lower lip.
1409
00:44:24,929 --> 00:44:26,896
And repeat.
1410
00:44:27,264 --> 00:44:33,237
#
1411
00:44:33,603 --> 00:44:36,572
- Lionel: Get back in.
1412
00:44:36,940 --> 00:44:45,748
#
1413
00:44:46,117 --> 00:44:47,251
We should fuck.
1414
00:44:47,284 --> 00:44:48,418
Is that your bed?
1415
00:44:48,452 --> 00:44:49,920
- Casey: I don't usually do that
1416
00:44:49,954 --> 00:44:51,088
on the first...
1417
00:44:51,121 --> 00:44:52,356
- Lionel: Yeah, neither do I.
1418
00:44:52,389 --> 00:44:54,358
Right behind you.
1419
00:44:54,724 --> 00:45:09,706
#
1420
00:45:10,074 --> 00:45:18,030
#
1421
00:45:20,233 --> 00:45:35,215
#
1422
00:45:35,583 --> 00:45:50,563
#
1423
00:45:50,931 --> 00:46:05,911
#
1424
00:46:06,280 --> 00:46:10,382
#
1425
00:46:10,751 --> 00:46:11,885
- Tiffani: Hi,
1426
00:46:11,918 --> 00:46:13,385
how can I hurt you today?
1427
00:46:13,420 --> 00:46:14,554
- Ryan: We gotta talk.
1428
00:46:14,588 --> 00:46:15,722
- Tiffani: We have nothing
1429
00:46:15,757 --> 00:46:16,889
to talk about.
1430
00:46:16,922 --> 00:46:18,056
- Ryan: Five minutes,
1431
00:46:18,092 --> 00:46:20,393
that's all I ask.
1432
00:46:24,766 --> 00:46:25,998
- Tiffani: You need to have
1433
00:46:26,032 --> 00:46:28,668
an appointment.
1434
00:46:28,702 --> 00:46:29,936
- Ryan: We gotta do something
1435
00:46:29,971 --> 00:46:31,271
about Zack and Casey.
1436
00:46:31,304 --> 00:46:32,538
- Tiffani: What do you mean,
1437
00:46:32,572 --> 00:46:34,306
I thought you were gay for Zack.
1438
00:46:34,340 --> 00:46:35,474
- Ryan: Come on,
1439
00:46:35,509 --> 00:46:37,610
you know I'm not gay.
1440
00:46:40,148 --> 00:46:41,614
- Ryan: You know I was just
1441
00:46:41,648 --> 00:46:42,882
trying to piss you off.
1442
00:46:42,916 --> 00:46:44,150
- Tiffani: Well, it didn't work,
1443
00:46:44,184 --> 00:46:46,152
clit monger.
1444
00:46:49,023 --> 00:46:50,757
Why would you want to help them.
1445
00:46:50,791 --> 00:46:52,025
- Ryan: They seem like they
1446
00:46:52,059 --> 00:46:53,193
actually belong together.
1447
00:46:53,226 --> 00:46:54,693
And I messed that up.
1448
00:46:54,728 --> 00:46:55,862
- Tiffani: My God,
1449
00:46:55,896 --> 00:46:57,030
you have feelings?
1450
00:46:57,063 --> 00:46:58,197
I thought your fortes
1451
00:46:58,231 --> 00:46:59,364
fortes was cheating
1452
00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:00,532
and home wrecking.
1453
00:47:00,567 --> 00:47:01,701
- Ryan: You cheated too.
1454
00:47:01,735 --> 00:47:03,202
- Tiffani: He wasn't inside me yet.
1455
00:47:03,237 --> 00:47:04,469
- Ryan: We both fucked up.
1456
00:47:04,505 --> 00:47:05,737
But this is our chance
1457
00:47:05,773 --> 00:47:07,739
to do something right.
1458
00:47:09,610 --> 00:47:11,577
- Tiffani: Aww.
1459
00:47:11,612 --> 00:47:13,746
Tyra moment.
1460
00:47:17,284 --> 00:47:18,751
How do we get them together?
1461
00:47:18,786 --> 00:47:20,018
Zack clearly prefers to be
1462
00:47:20,054 --> 00:47:21,188
with gorgeous people
1463
00:47:21,222 --> 00:47:22,355
like me and you.
1464
00:47:22,389 --> 00:47:23,856
- Ryan: It takes a lot more
1465
00:47:23,891 --> 00:47:25,025
than a gym
1466
00:47:25,059 --> 00:47:26,193
and some cucumbers
1467
00:47:26,226 --> 00:47:27,360
to make someone gorgeous.
1468
00:47:27,393 --> 00:47:28,628
- Tiffani: The point is Casey
1469
00:47:28,661 --> 00:47:29,896
isn't even on Zack's menu.
1470
00:47:29,931 --> 00:47:31,063
- Ryan: Exactly!
1471
00:47:31,097 --> 00:47:32,231
We're ordering
1472
00:47:32,266 --> 00:47:33,398
from the wrong menu.
1473
00:47:33,434 --> 00:47:34,567
We gotta go
1474
00:47:34,601 --> 00:47:35,735
to another restaurant
1475
00:47:35,768 --> 00:47:36,902
where Zack is
1476
00:47:36,938 --> 00:47:38,170
and order the hot dog.
1477
00:47:38,206 --> 00:47:39,338
Because we really
1478
00:47:39,373 --> 00:47:41,842
just want the bun.
1479
00:47:41,876 --> 00:47:44,010
- Tiffani: Or we could trick them
1480
00:47:44,045 --> 00:47:45,344
into a date.
1481
00:47:45,378 --> 00:47:47,914
- Ryan: That's what I just said.
1482
00:47:48,282 --> 00:47:56,755
#
1483
00:47:57,123 --> 00:47:58,422
- Tiffani: Hey there sausage,
1484
00:47:58,458 --> 00:47:59,925
why the long dick.
1485
00:47:59,960 --> 00:48:02,762
- Zack: Oh, it's you.
1486
00:48:02,795 --> 00:48:05,097
- Tiffani: Yes, it's me,
1487
00:48:05,132 --> 00:48:07,266
the slut with the heart of shit.
1488
00:48:07,300 --> 00:48:08,768
- Zack: No argument here.
1489
00:48:08,802 --> 00:48:10,103
- Tiffani: I know.
1490
00:48:10,137 --> 00:48:11,271
I'm sorry,
1491
00:48:11,304 --> 00:48:13,405
I owe you a cocktail,
1492
00:48:13,440 --> 00:48:14,907
or at least a hand job.
1493
00:48:14,942 --> 00:48:16,076
- Zack: You've done enough,
1494
00:48:16,110 --> 00:48:18,577
really.
1495
00:48:18,612 --> 00:48:19,746
Actually,
1496
00:48:19,780 --> 00:48:21,914
there is something you can do.
1497
00:48:21,949 --> 00:48:23,250
Find me an auctioneer
1498
00:48:23,284 --> 00:48:25,418
for the male sale.
1499
00:48:25,452 --> 00:48:26,585
- Tiffani: I'll do it.
1500
00:48:26,619 --> 00:48:28,088
I used to run the auction
1501
00:48:28,121 --> 00:48:29,356
at my stepfather's Jude Ranch.
1502
00:48:29,389 --> 00:48:30,523
- Zack: Really?
1503
00:48:30,556 --> 00:48:31,690
- Tiffani: Yeah.
1504
00:48:31,724 --> 00:48:32,858
There's a lot people
1505
00:48:32,893 --> 00:48:34,860
don't know about me.
1506
00:48:36,898 --> 00:48:38,530
Listen.
1507
00:48:38,565 --> 00:48:40,032
You need to know the truth
1508
00:48:40,067 --> 00:48:41,534
about what went down with Casey.
1509
00:48:41,568 --> 00:48:43,036
- Zack: Casey can suck my balls.
1510
00:48:43,070 --> 00:48:44,536
- Tiffani: Well, that's what he's been
1511
00:48:44,570 --> 00:48:45,804
trying to say all along.
1512
00:48:45,838 --> 00:48:47,306
- Zack: You know what I mean.
1513
00:48:47,340 --> 00:48:48,806
- Tiffani: I know.
1514
00:48:48,842 --> 00:48:50,309
Come on, let me buy you
1515
00:48:50,344 --> 00:48:51,643
a drink later.
1516
00:48:51,677 --> 00:48:52,978
You shouldn't be alone
1517
00:48:53,014 --> 00:48:54,480
during this delicate juncture.
1518
00:48:54,514 --> 00:48:57,317
Trust me, I've been there.
1519
00:48:58,684 --> 00:49:03,155
Where is your fag hag anyway?
1520
00:49:03,190 --> 00:49:04,324
Oh, come on,
1521
00:49:04,358 --> 00:49:06,326
I'll sub for her.
1522
00:49:06,360 --> 00:49:07,492
- Zack: You can't sub
1523
00:49:07,527 --> 00:49:08,661
for a best friend.
1524
00:49:08,695 --> 00:49:09,829
- Tiffani: You're gay
1525
00:49:09,862 --> 00:49:11,097
and I'm a straight girl
1526
00:49:11,132 --> 00:49:12,264
of big tits.
1527
00:49:12,300 --> 00:49:13,431
Evolution has
1528
00:49:13,467 --> 00:49:14,599
genetically programmed us
1529
00:49:14,635 --> 00:49:16,101
to be there for each other.
1530
00:49:16,137 --> 00:49:17,268
Like the clown fish
1531
00:49:17,304 --> 00:49:18,438
and the sea anemone.
1532
00:49:18,472 --> 00:49:20,440
Now, what'd you say?
1533
00:49:26,813 --> 00:49:27,947
- Ryan: Casey!
1534
00:49:27,981 --> 00:49:29,282
- Casey: Oh, hey.
1535
00:49:29,317 --> 00:49:30,449
- Ryan: You, me, drinks.
1536
00:49:30,483 --> 00:49:31,617
Tonight.
1537
00:49:31,652 --> 00:49:32,784
- Casey: No.
1538
00:49:32,820 --> 00:49:33,954
What's up with you
1539
00:49:33,987 --> 00:49:35,221
going out with gay guys.
1540
00:49:35,255 --> 00:49:36,722
- Ryan: I want to make up
1541
00:49:36,757 --> 00:49:37,989
for screwing up your game.
1542
00:49:38,025 --> 00:49:39,259
- Casey: Yeah, I don't think
1543
00:49:39,293 --> 00:49:41,027
a Blue Ribbon or whatever it is
1544
00:49:41,061 --> 00:49:42,195
straight guys drink
1545
00:49:42,228 --> 00:49:43,195
is gonna help.
1546
00:49:43,230 --> 00:49:44,965
- Ryan: I'll put an umbrella in it.
1547
00:49:44,998 --> 00:49:45,965
Awesome.
1548
00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:49,302
I'll pick you up at 6:00.
1549
00:49:49,335 --> 00:49:51,637
- Casey: Awesome.
1550
00:50:01,699 --> 00:50:02,998
- Tiffani: It's me.
1551
00:50:03,032 --> 00:50:04,333
- Ryan: We're set.
1552
00:50:04,367 --> 00:50:05,501
- Tiffani: Great!
1553
00:50:05,536 --> 00:50:07,003
Now be a good little stripper
1554
00:50:07,036 --> 00:50:08,271
and do whatever it takes
1555
00:50:08,306 --> 00:50:09,539
to get those boys all
1556
00:50:09,574 --> 00:50:11,039
horned up and ready to blow.
1557
00:50:11,074 --> 00:50:12,309
- Ryan: I think they care
1558
00:50:12,342 --> 00:50:13,476
about more than sex.
1559
00:50:13,510 --> 00:50:14,643
- Tiffani: Jesus, you sound
1560
00:50:14,679 --> 00:50:16,143
like a woman that isn't me.
1561
00:50:16,179 --> 00:50:18,481
Of course they care about sex.
1562
00:50:18,516 --> 00:50:19,648
If they don't,
1563
00:50:19,684 --> 00:50:20,916
that's what the alcohol's for.
1564
00:50:20,951 --> 00:50:22,418
- Ryan: Well, you just show up
1565
00:50:22,452 --> 00:50:23,753
when you're supposed to.
1566
00:50:23,786 --> 00:50:25,422
- Tiffani: Honey, I'm a as reliable
1567
00:50:25,456 --> 00:50:26,922
as birth control.
1568
00:50:26,956 --> 00:50:28,190
- Ryan: That's not a 100%.
1569
00:50:28,226 --> 00:50:30,760
- Tiffani: Take it or leave it.
1570
00:50:31,128 --> 00:50:35,097
#
1571
00:50:35,465 --> 00:50:36,766
- Zack: Tandy,
1572
00:50:36,800 --> 00:50:37,934
what's up dragon lady?
1573
00:50:37,967 --> 00:50:39,202
- Tiffani: I got your non-call,
1574
00:50:39,237 --> 00:50:40,704
leave a fucking V.M. next time.
1575
00:50:40,737 --> 00:50:41,704
- Zack: You said
1576
00:50:41,739 --> 00:50:42,972
you didn't want to hear
1577
00:50:43,005 --> 00:50:43,972
about gay problems.
1578
00:50:44,007 --> 00:50:44,974
- Tiffani: Good point,
1579
00:50:45,007 --> 00:50:46,141
thanks for sparing me
1580
00:50:46,175 --> 00:50:47,409
the Queer as Folk rerun.
1581
00:50:47,445 --> 00:50:48,411
Where are we going?
1582
00:50:48,445 --> 00:50:49,411
- Zack: To hang out
1583
00:50:49,447 --> 00:50:50,413
with my new friend,
1584
00:50:50,447 --> 00:50:51,414
remember that girl, Tiffani.
1585
00:50:51,449 --> 00:50:52,414
- Tiffani: The sluttier version
1586
00:50:52,449 --> 00:50:53,416
of Tara Reid?
1587
00:50:53,451 --> 00:50:54,684
You're hanging out with her?
1588
00:50:54,719 --> 00:50:55,952
- Zack: She wanted to hear
1589
00:50:55,985 --> 00:50:57,119
about my problems.
1590
00:50:57,152 --> 00:50:58,954
- Tiffani: I smell a rat
1591
00:50:58,989 --> 00:51:02,791
with fake tits.
1592
00:51:02,826 --> 00:51:04,561
- Tiffani: To all the boys I fucked
1593
00:51:04,594 --> 00:51:06,295
and never called back.
1594
00:51:06,329 --> 00:51:07,463
- Zack: That must be
1595
00:51:07,498 --> 00:51:08,632
like a hundred.
1596
00:51:08,666 --> 00:51:10,132
- Tiffani: Like ten years ago maybe.
1597
00:51:10,166 --> 00:51:13,469
- Z Here's to me catching up.
1598
00:51:17,840 --> 00:51:20,476
- Tiffani: So, this whole Internet...
1599
00:51:20,510 --> 00:51:21,811
- Zack: Lie.
1600
00:51:21,844 --> 00:51:23,146
- Tiffani: Performance
1601
00:51:23,179 --> 00:51:25,481
was totally 100% my idea.
1602
00:51:25,516 --> 00:51:27,317
Casey had nothing to do
1603
00:51:27,351 --> 00:51:28,652
with it.
1604
00:51:28,686 --> 00:51:29,918
- Zack: But he's the one
1605
00:51:29,952 --> 00:51:32,588
who chatted with me, right?
1606
00:51:32,623 --> 00:51:34,257
- Tiffani: Yes.
1607
00:51:34,291 --> 00:51:36,592
But I practically raped him
1608
00:51:36,626 --> 00:51:38,594
into it.
1609
00:51:38,628 --> 00:51:40,096
- Zack: So what he said,
1610
00:51:40,130 --> 00:51:42,666
how much of that was him?
1611
00:51:44,034 --> 00:51:47,170
- Tiffani: Just the good stuff.
1612
00:51:47,204 --> 00:51:49,172
- Zack: He's lucky to have you,
1613
00:51:49,206 --> 00:51:51,675
except for the raping part.
1614
00:51:51,708 --> 00:51:53,809
- Tiffani: To the raping part.
1615
00:51:53,844 --> 00:51:56,478
- Zack: To the raping part.
1616
00:51:56,847 --> 00:52:05,822
#
1617
00:52:06,190 --> 00:52:15,164
#
1618
00:52:15,532 --> 00:52:16,666
- Tiffani: Trust me,
1619
00:52:16,701 --> 00:52:17,934
this is so much better
1620
00:52:17,967 --> 00:52:19,101
than shaving.
1621
00:52:19,135 --> 00:52:22,938
- Zack: That feels really weird.
1622
00:52:22,972 --> 00:52:24,106
- Tiffani: Assholes
1623
00:52:24,141 --> 00:52:26,608
are like snowflakes.
1624
00:52:26,643 --> 00:52:28,610
Speaking of pretty assholes,
1625
00:52:28,646 --> 00:52:29,777
why were you dating
1626
00:52:29,813 --> 00:52:31,780
that Lionel guy?
1627
00:52:31,815 --> 00:52:32,949
- Zack: What?
1628
00:52:32,983 --> 00:52:34,282
You've never dated
1629
00:52:34,318 --> 00:52:35,952
an asshole before?
1630
00:52:35,985 --> 00:52:38,119
- Tiffani: Honey,
1631
00:52:38,155 --> 00:52:40,956
assholes are attracted to me
1632
00:52:40,989 --> 00:52:44,460
like shit to assholes.
1633
00:52:44,494 --> 00:52:45,960
- Zack: And why did you stay
1634
00:52:45,996 --> 00:52:47,128
with them?
1635
00:52:47,164 --> 00:52:48,297
- Tiffani: Sex.
1636
00:52:48,331 --> 00:52:49,465
- Zack: Exactly!
1637
00:52:49,500 --> 00:52:50,733
I have the same problem,
1638
00:52:50,768 --> 00:52:52,235
I can't say no to cock.
1639
00:52:52,268 --> 00:52:53,402
- Tiffani: Oh, you're fucking
1640
00:52:53,436 --> 00:52:54,570
to the choir.
1641
00:52:54,605 --> 00:52:57,907
Dick, it just like blinds me,
1642
00:52:57,940 --> 00:53:00,242
you know.
1643
00:53:00,277 --> 00:53:01,411
- Zack: You ripped out
1644
00:53:01,445 --> 00:53:03,413
my sphincter!
1645
00:53:04,782 --> 00:53:06,898
- Tiffani: My turn.
1646
00:53:06,934 --> 00:53:08,067
- Ryan: You know,
1647
00:53:08,101 --> 00:53:10,737
Zack is totally into you.
1648
00:53:10,771 --> 00:53:12,472
- Casey: No he's not.
1649
00:53:12,505 --> 00:53:13,739
I need to give up
1650
00:53:13,773 --> 00:53:15,574
and go for someone uglier.
1651
00:53:15,608 --> 00:53:18,411
Not like Michael Stipe ugly,
1652
00:53:18,445 --> 00:53:19,911
but at least
1653
00:53:19,947 --> 00:53:22,414
Rufus Wainwright ugly.
1654
00:53:22,449 --> 00:53:24,983
- Ryan: I don't watch that show.
1655
00:53:25,018 --> 00:53:26,318
But I've been watching
1656
00:53:26,353 --> 00:53:28,054
gay guys for years.
1657
00:53:28,088 --> 00:53:29,222
See, they don't think
1658
00:53:29,255 --> 00:53:30,556
the strippers can see back,
1659
00:53:30,590 --> 00:53:32,726
but we totally can.
1660
00:53:32,760 --> 00:53:34,226
You guys' problem is
1661
00:53:34,260 --> 00:53:35,393
you don't even talk
1662
00:53:35,429 --> 00:53:36,563
to each other,
1663
00:53:36,597 --> 00:53:37,731
you're always waiting
1664
00:53:37,764 --> 00:53:38,898
for someone else
1665
00:53:38,931 --> 00:53:40,567
to make the first move.
1666
00:53:40,601 --> 00:53:42,068
- Casey: I gave him my number,
1667
00:53:42,101 --> 00:53:44,070
I volunteered for the male sale,
1668
00:53:44,103 --> 00:53:45,905
I took off my shirt for him.
1669
00:53:45,938 --> 00:53:48,239
I stalked him on the Internet.
1670
00:53:48,275 --> 00:53:50,409
I made all the moves.
1671
00:53:50,443 --> 00:53:51,911
- Ryan: But when'd you tell him
1672
00:53:51,945 --> 00:53:54,914
you liked him.
1673
00:53:54,947 --> 00:53:56,081
- Tiffani: You know,
1674
00:53:56,114 --> 00:53:59,585
you could cheat on me,
1675
00:53:59,619 --> 00:54:00,920
steal all my money
1676
00:54:00,954 --> 00:54:02,655
and kill my mother
1677
00:54:02,690 --> 00:54:04,657
but if you're hot,
1678
00:54:04,692 --> 00:54:06,324
I'll make excuses for you
1679
00:54:06,360 --> 00:54:09,327
until the day you leave me.
1680
00:54:12,867 --> 00:54:14,833
Or turn gay.
1681
00:54:14,869 --> 00:54:17,003
Or both.
1682
00:54:18,371 --> 00:54:20,672
Oh, damn,
1683
00:54:20,708 --> 00:54:22,172
all out of liquor.
1684
00:54:22,208 --> 00:54:23,675
Let's get out of here.
1685
00:54:23,710 --> 00:54:25,010
You can have that one,
1686
00:54:25,045 --> 00:54:27,346
I got plenty at home.
1687
00:54:27,715 --> 00:54:33,686
#
1688
00:54:34,054 --> 00:54:35,186
- Ryan: That pizza
1689
00:54:35,222 --> 00:54:36,688
ought to be here any minute.
1690
00:54:36,724 --> 00:54:39,358
- Casey: Yum, pizza.
1691
00:54:39,393 --> 00:54:40,527
- Ryan: What if
1692
00:54:40,561 --> 00:54:41,693
your boyfriend Zack
1693
00:54:41,728 --> 00:54:43,195
was the delivery boy?
1694
00:54:43,230 --> 00:54:45,532
- Casey: You are such a stripper.
1695
00:54:45,565 --> 00:54:48,701
And he's not my boyfriend.
1696
00:54:48,735 --> 00:54:50,202
- Ryan: I gotta hit the head,
1697
00:54:50,237 --> 00:54:52,038
get the door if the pizza comes.
1698
00:54:52,072 --> 00:54:54,373
- Casey: Ok.
1699
00:54:54,742 --> 00:55:09,889
#
1700
00:55:10,257 --> 00:55:25,402
#
1701
00:55:25,773 --> 00:55:40,920
#
1702
00:55:41,288 --> 00:55:42,922
- Casey: You've been
1703
00:55:42,956 --> 00:55:45,592
a very bad boy.
1704
00:55:45,626 --> 00:55:46,925
You have the right
1705
00:55:46,960 --> 00:55:49,427
to remain sexy.
1706
00:55:49,463 --> 00:55:50,730
Anything you touch
1707
00:55:50,764 --> 00:55:52,231
will be held against you
1708
00:55:52,264 --> 00:55:54,233
in the court of my...
1709
00:55:54,601 --> 00:55:57,068
[doorbell ringing]
1710
00:55:59,106 --> 00:56:00,907
Hit me with that pepperoni!
1711
00:56:00,940 --> 00:56:04,911
- Zack: Casey?
1712
00:56:04,945 --> 00:56:06,077
- Tiffani: Gotta go,
1713
00:56:06,112 --> 00:56:09,414
you two work it out, bye.
1714
00:56:09,449 --> 00:56:10,583
- Zack: Damn it!
1715
00:56:10,617 --> 00:56:11,751
- Casey: Hey Zack.
1716
00:56:11,784 --> 00:56:13,753
- Zack: Nice hat.
1717
00:56:18,125 --> 00:56:19,425
- Tiffani: Are they fucking yet?
1718
00:56:19,458 --> 00:56:21,159
- Ryan: Not even close.
1719
00:56:21,193 --> 00:56:22,661
Is this gonna work?
1720
00:56:22,695 --> 00:56:23,996
- Tiffani: Trust me, it's science.
1721
00:56:24,030 --> 00:56:25,164
If you leave
1722
00:56:25,197 --> 00:56:26,331
two dicks together,
1723
00:56:26,364 --> 00:56:27,500
eventually one of them's
1724
00:56:27,534 --> 00:56:28,668
going to need sucking.
1725
00:56:28,702 --> 00:56:29,835
Like prison.
1726
00:56:29,869 --> 00:56:32,672
- Casey: I'm really sorry
1727
00:56:32,706 --> 00:56:35,007
about what I did.
1728
00:56:35,041 --> 00:56:37,342
- Zack: Who does stuff like that?
1729
00:56:37,376 --> 00:56:39,679
- Casey: People with no self-esteem?
1730
00:56:39,713 --> 00:56:41,014
- Zack: It's kinda mean.
1731
00:56:41,047 --> 00:56:42,181
- Casey: I'm sorry,
1732
00:56:42,215 --> 00:56:43,449
it got out of hand.
1733
00:56:43,483 --> 00:56:45,784
I just...I wanted to...
1734
00:56:45,818 --> 00:56:46,952
I don't know.
1735
00:56:46,987 --> 00:56:48,454
I wanted to meet you.
1736
00:56:48,487 --> 00:56:49,722
- Zack: You did meet me.
1737
00:56:49,757 --> 00:56:51,222
- Casey: I know,
1738
00:56:51,257 --> 00:56:55,393
I'm just an idiot.
1739
00:56:55,429 --> 00:56:56,896
- Zack: It's not a big deal,
1740
00:56:56,931 --> 00:56:58,898
it's over.
1741
00:57:01,101 --> 00:57:02,233
- Tiffani: Come on,
1742
00:57:02,268 --> 00:57:03,402
this is the part
1743
00:57:03,436 --> 00:57:04,570
where you fuck him.
1744
00:57:04,605 --> 00:57:05,737
- Ryan: Man,
1745
00:57:05,773 --> 00:57:07,005
he just looked at you.
1746
00:57:07,041 --> 00:57:08,507
Look back.
1747
00:57:08,541 --> 00:57:09,507
- Tiffani: The dick sucking
1748
00:57:09,543 --> 00:57:10,509
principle should take effect
1749
00:57:10,543 --> 00:57:11,510
any second.
1750
00:57:11,545 --> 00:57:12,777
- Ryan: Nah, I've seen guys
1751
00:57:12,813 --> 00:57:14,047
do this at the club.
1752
00:57:14,081 --> 00:57:15,313
They'll sit there for hours
1753
00:57:15,347 --> 00:57:16,583
and never say a word,
1754
00:57:16,617 --> 00:57:17,583
no matter how much
1755
00:57:17,617 --> 00:57:18,585
they like each other.
1756
00:57:18,619 --> 00:57:19,585
- Tiffani: Go do something.
1757
00:57:19,619 --> 00:57:21,420
- Ryan: There's nothing I can do.
1758
00:57:21,454 --> 00:57:23,422
Except...
1759
00:57:23,456 --> 00:57:24,590
- Tiffani: What?
1760
00:57:24,625 --> 00:57:25,858
- Ryan: Work my stripper magic.
1761
00:57:25,893 --> 00:57:27,025
- Tiffani: Stripper magic?
1762
00:57:27,061 --> 00:57:28,527
- Ryan: When I see two guys
1763
00:57:28,561 --> 00:57:29,795
doing this at the club,
1764
00:57:29,829 --> 00:57:30,963
I'll get between them
1765
00:57:30,998 --> 00:57:32,465
and make them put their hands
1766
00:57:32,498 --> 00:57:33,632
all over me.
1767
00:57:33,666 --> 00:57:35,400
Then, I'll get out of the way
1768
00:57:35,434 --> 00:57:36,668
and they're so worked up
1769
00:57:36,704 --> 00:57:37,670
that they're
1770
00:57:37,704 --> 00:57:38,670
all over each other.
1771
00:57:38,706 --> 00:57:39,938
- Tiffani: You're like a stripper
1772
00:57:39,974 --> 00:57:40,940
Harriett Tubman.
1773
00:57:40,974 --> 00:57:41,940
- Ryan: Exactly!
1774
00:57:41,976 --> 00:57:43,208
- Tiffani: Get to it Harriett,
1775
00:57:43,242 --> 00:57:45,228
the dogs are coming.
1776
00:57:45,594 --> 00:57:53,235
#
1777
00:57:53,603 --> 00:57:54,737
- Zack: Thank God,
1778
00:57:54,771 --> 00:57:55,905
can we leave now?
1779
00:57:55,938 --> 00:57:57,407
- Ryan: You boys sit right there,
1780
00:57:57,440 --> 00:57:58,574
this party's
1781
00:57:58,608 --> 00:58:00,576
just getting started.
1782
00:58:00,943 --> 00:58:03,079
#
1783
00:58:03,447 --> 00:58:04,579
Let me show you
1784
00:58:04,614 --> 00:58:06,916
some classic stripper moves.
1785
00:58:06,949 --> 00:58:08,083
- Casey: What the fuck
1786
00:58:08,117 --> 00:58:09,251
are you doing?
1787
00:58:09,286 --> 00:58:10,420
- Ryan: You guys
1788
00:58:10,454 --> 00:58:11,585
are at full attention,
1789
00:58:11,621 --> 00:58:12,755
and Sergeant Ryan's here
1790
00:58:12,789 --> 00:58:14,757
to release it.
1791
00:58:17,793 --> 00:58:20,762
Now, both of you
1792
00:58:20,797 --> 00:58:23,766
make a wish and pull.
1793
00:58:23,800 --> 00:58:24,934
- Casey: You've got
1794
00:58:24,967 --> 00:58:26,101
to be kidding me.
1795
00:58:26,135 --> 00:58:27,268
- Zack: Well it is
1796
00:58:27,304 --> 00:58:28,538
kind of an ugly shirt.
1797
00:58:28,572 --> 00:58:30,539
- Casey: Totally generic.
1798
00:58:32,076 --> 00:58:34,876
- Ryan: That's more like it.
1799
00:58:35,911 --> 00:58:37,213
Free.
1800
00:58:37,246 --> 00:58:38,880
Now, rip open
1801
00:58:38,914 --> 00:58:40,882
rigid Ryan's jeans.
1802
00:58:40,916 --> 00:58:42,217
- Casey: You're straight?
1803
00:58:42,251 --> 00:58:43,719
- Ryan: We're just three dudes
1804
00:58:43,753 --> 00:58:45,387
having some fun.
1805
00:58:45,422 --> 00:58:47,722
Now pull.
1806
00:58:50,260 --> 00:58:51,726
- Zack: Are you hard?
1807
00:58:51,760 --> 00:58:53,061
- Ryan: Maybe.
1808
00:58:53,097 --> 00:58:56,231
Are you?
1809
00:58:56,266 --> 00:58:59,235
Gotta get out of these pants.
1810
00:58:59,603 --> 00:59:04,739
#
1811
00:59:05,108 --> 00:59:06,409
There's never a sexy way
1812
00:59:06,443 --> 00:59:07,675
to get the jeans off.
1813
00:59:07,710 --> 00:59:08,844
- Casey: I don't know,
1814
00:59:08,878 --> 00:59:10,012
that's pretty...
1815
00:59:10,045 --> 00:59:11,012
- Zack: Sexy.
1816
00:59:11,047 --> 00:59:12,014
- Ryan: Your turn.
1817
00:59:12,047 --> 00:59:13,014
- Casey: For what?
1818
00:59:13,047 --> 00:59:14,282
- Ryan: For your free lesson
1819
00:59:14,318 --> 00:59:15,451
in exotic dancing,
1820
00:59:15,485 --> 00:59:16,952
it's an actual skill you know.
1821
00:59:16,987 --> 00:59:18,121
- Zack: I'm in.
1822
00:59:18,155 --> 00:59:19,288
- Casey: I'll watch.
1823
00:59:19,322 --> 00:59:20,556
- Ryan: No looky-loos, come on.
1824
00:59:20,590 --> 00:59:21,724
Undo your shirts.
1825
00:59:21,757 --> 00:59:23,056
With more confidence.
1826
00:59:23,092 --> 00:59:26,061
A slow reveal.
1827
00:59:28,431 --> 00:59:29,731
Good.
1828
00:59:29,766 --> 00:59:30,898
Now, when you get
1829
00:59:30,934 --> 00:59:32,067
to the last button,
1830
00:59:32,101 --> 00:59:33,568
take your shirt at the collar
1831
00:59:33,603 --> 00:59:35,902
and slowly peel it off.
1832
00:59:36,940 --> 00:59:38,072
Good, that's hot.
1833
00:59:38,108 --> 00:59:39,407
- Casey: Yeah.
1834
00:59:39,443 --> 00:59:41,076
- Ryan: Now, pull your pants off
1835
00:59:41,110 --> 00:59:42,244
like I did,
1836
00:59:42,277 --> 00:59:43,411
and lead forward,
1837
00:59:43,447 --> 00:59:45,414
like this.
1838
00:59:45,782 --> 00:59:48,751
#
1839
00:59:49,119 --> 00:59:50,585
Come on, we're in underwear.
1840
00:59:50,621 --> 00:59:53,588
Zack, come here, take a side.
1841
00:59:56,626 --> 00:59:57,925
- Casey: Well,
1842
00:59:57,960 --> 01:00:00,762
that was certainly fun.
1843
01:00:00,797 --> 01:00:03,766
- Ryan: Now give me a lap dance.
1844
01:00:05,802 --> 01:00:07,268
- Zack: How's this?
1845
01:00:07,304 --> 01:00:08,436
- Ryan: You dance
1846
01:00:08,472 --> 01:00:09,605
like a straight boy.
1847
01:00:09,639 --> 01:00:10,873
You need to move them
1848
01:00:10,907 --> 01:00:12,041
like this.
1849
01:00:12,074 --> 01:00:13,543
You're all thrust and no grind.
1850
01:00:13,577 --> 01:00:15,210
Casey, come here.
1851
01:00:15,244 --> 01:00:18,047
Put your hands here.
1852
01:00:18,081 --> 01:00:20,215
Feel this.
1853
01:00:20,250 --> 01:00:22,552
That's hot.
1854
01:00:22,918 --> 01:00:30,059
#
1855
01:00:30,427 --> 01:00:31,726
You know,
1856
01:00:31,760 --> 01:00:34,396
you guys make a hot couple.
1857
01:00:36,099 --> 01:00:37,733
Guys, I think I'm gonna...
1858
01:00:37,766 --> 01:00:38,900
- Zack: You're not
1859
01:00:38,934 --> 01:00:40,068
gonna go anywhere
1860
01:00:40,103 --> 01:00:42,070
when you're that hard.
1861
01:00:42,438 --> 01:00:52,414
#
1862
01:00:52,782 --> 01:01:01,590
#
1863
01:01:01,958 --> 01:01:03,759
- Ryan: Oh yeah.
1864
01:01:03,793 --> 01:01:05,427
That's so hot.
1865
01:01:05,460 --> 01:01:06,596
- Tiffani: Oh my God,
1866
01:01:06,630 --> 01:01:08,931
that is so fucking hot!
1867
01:01:09,965 --> 01:01:24,947
[moaning]
1868
01:01:25,315 --> 01:01:32,121
[panting]
1869
01:01:32,489 --> 01:01:33,755
- Ryan: Fuck yeah,
1870
01:01:33,789 --> 01:01:36,759
work that pussy.
1871
01:01:37,126 --> 01:01:45,268
#
1872
01:01:45,635 --> 01:01:47,936
- Tandy: And what do we have here?
1873
01:01:47,971 --> 01:01:49,605
Shew, get away.
1874
01:01:49,639 --> 01:01:50,773
- Tiffani: I don't do
1875
01:01:50,806 --> 01:01:51,940
the lesbian thing anymore.
1876
01:01:51,974 --> 01:01:53,108
- Tandy: I knew
1877
01:01:53,143 --> 01:01:54,277
this was gonna happen.
1878
01:01:54,311 --> 01:01:56,445
- Tiffani: You did?
1879
01:01:56,480 --> 01:01:58,447
Get over here.
1880
01:01:59,983 --> 01:02:01,284
- Ryan: What the...
1881
01:02:01,318 --> 01:02:03,452
- Zack: Ready for the Zack special?
1882
01:02:03,820 --> 01:02:07,121
#
1883
01:02:07,489 --> 01:02:09,458
Help me.
1884
01:02:10,994 --> 01:02:13,628
- Ryan: Holy crap.
1885
01:02:13,664 --> 01:02:14,963
Oh yeah, I've never had
1886
01:02:14,998 --> 01:02:17,465
two months before, yeah,
1887
01:02:17,501 --> 01:02:19,835
one of you do the balls.
1888
01:02:19,869 --> 01:02:23,172
Oh my God!
1889
01:02:24,873 --> 01:02:26,108
- Tandy: Why are you fucking
1890
01:02:26,141 --> 01:02:27,275
with Zack?
1891
01:02:27,311 --> 01:02:28,443
- Tiffani: Technically
1892
01:02:28,478 --> 01:02:29,612
I'm watching them
1893
01:02:29,646 --> 01:02:30,780
fuck with Zack.
1894
01:02:30,813 --> 01:02:31,947
- Tandy: I'm breaking up
1895
01:02:31,981 --> 01:02:33,215
that blow fest right now.
1896
01:02:33,248 --> 01:02:34,717
- Tiffani: Over my hot dead body.
1897
01:02:34,751 --> 01:02:35,884
- Tandy: That's what
1898
01:02:35,918 --> 01:02:37,885
I was planning.
1899
01:02:45,260 --> 01:02:48,396
Oh!
1900
01:02:48,431 --> 01:02:50,565
Is that pussy juice?
1901
01:02:50,599 --> 01:02:53,902
- Tiffani: A thousand dollars worth.
1902
01:02:53,936 --> 01:02:57,739
Oh!
1903
01:02:57,773 --> 01:02:59,907
- Ryan: Guys, I'm gonna...
1904
01:02:59,943 --> 01:03:01,076
I'm gonna...
1905
01:03:01,110 --> 01:03:02,244
I'm gonna...
1906
01:03:02,277 --> 01:03:05,914
Jesus Mary Jenna Jameson!
1907
01:03:05,949 --> 01:03:07,181
- Tiffani: I've never heard that
1908
01:03:07,217 --> 01:03:08,351
without anything
1909
01:03:08,385 --> 01:03:10,353
in my pussy before.
1910
01:03:12,054 --> 01:03:22,030
[moaning]
1911
01:03:22,398 --> 01:03:32,375
[panting]
1912
01:03:33,076 --> 01:03:34,876
- Casey: Wow.
1913
01:03:34,911 --> 01:03:37,545
- Zack: Wow.
1914
01:03:37,581 --> 01:03:40,047
- Ryan: Wow!
1915
01:03:40,083 --> 01:03:41,784
- Tandy: You fucking bitch.
1916
01:03:41,818 --> 01:03:42,951
- Tiffani: Let me kick
1917
01:03:42,985 --> 01:03:44,452
that pussy again.
1918
01:03:44,487 --> 01:03:45,621
- Zack: Tandy?
1919
01:03:45,655 --> 01:03:46,789
- Casey: Tiffani?
1920
01:03:46,822 --> 01:03:48,123
- Tiffani: Sorry I'm late.
1921
01:03:48,157 --> 01:03:50,458
Woman things.
1922
01:03:53,996 --> 01:03:56,465
God, I miss that cock.
1923
01:03:56,500 --> 01:03:57,632
- Zack: Are you ok?
1924
01:03:57,666 --> 01:03:59,367
- Tandy: Kill the bitch.
1925
01:03:59,402 --> 01:04:00,869
- Zack: What the hell happened?
1926
01:04:00,902 --> 01:04:02,036
- Tandy: I was trying
1927
01:04:02,070 --> 01:04:03,204
to protect you.
1928
01:04:03,239 --> 01:04:04,373
- Zack: I appreciate it
1929
01:04:04,407 --> 01:04:05,875
but it turns out
1930
01:04:05,909 --> 01:04:07,876
that everything's just fine.
1931
01:04:07,911 --> 01:04:09,043
Better than fine.
1932
01:04:09,077 --> 01:04:10,210
- Tandy: What?
1933
01:04:10,246 --> 01:04:11,713
Are you life partners now?
1934
01:04:11,748 --> 01:04:14,047
- Zack: I think we're...
1935
01:04:14,083 --> 01:04:17,552
- Tiffani: Thanks to me and Ryan,
1936
01:04:17,585 --> 01:04:20,222
and Ryan's friend.
1937
01:04:20,255 --> 01:04:21,389
- Casey: Zack, I have
1938
01:04:21,425 --> 01:04:22,891
the perfect first date for us.
1939
01:04:22,925 --> 01:04:24,159
- Zack: Like your first date
1940
01:04:24,193 --> 01:04:26,494
with him?
1941
01:04:28,532 --> 01:04:30,632
You're just like everyone else.
1942
01:04:30,666 --> 01:04:33,635
Fuck you!
1943
01:04:37,672 --> 01:04:40,809
- Tandy: You're all assholes.
1944
01:04:42,512 --> 01:04:44,313
- Tiffani: I miss how we fuck.
1945
01:04:44,347 --> 01:04:46,981
- Ryan: Rigid Ryan misses you too.
1946
01:04:47,016 --> 01:04:48,717
- Tiffani: Oh come on,
1947
01:04:48,751 --> 01:04:49,985
let's go suck the gay
1948
01:04:50,018 --> 01:04:52,320
out of your cock.
1949
01:04:52,688 --> 01:05:02,648
#
1950
01:05:03,016 --> 01:05:04,248
- Zack: I hate the Internet.
1951
01:05:04,282 --> 01:05:05,518
- Tiffani: You can use it
1952
01:05:05,552 --> 01:05:06,784
for things other than sex.
1953
01:05:06,820 --> 01:05:08,119
- Zack: Like what?
1954
01:05:08,152 --> 01:05:09,286
- Tiffani: Well,
1955
01:05:09,322 --> 01:05:10,454
maybe gay people can't.
1956
01:05:10,489 --> 01:05:11,623
- Zack: Speaking
1957
01:05:11,657 --> 01:05:12,791
of trolling for sex,
1958
01:05:12,826 --> 01:05:13,791
I can't believe
1959
01:05:13,827 --> 01:05:14,793
Casey just slept
1960
01:05:14,827 --> 01:05:15,793
with the first thing
1961
01:05:15,829 --> 01:05:16,795
that looked at him.
1962
01:05:16,829 --> 01:05:18,063
- Tiffani: Ugh, I hate him.
1963
01:05:18,097 --> 01:05:19,063
But in his defense,
1964
01:05:19,097 --> 01:05:20,565
you did sort of reject him.
1965
01:05:20,599 --> 01:05:21,567
- Zack: So?
1966
01:05:21,601 --> 01:05:22,835
- Tiffani: What did you do
1967
01:05:22,869 --> 01:05:23,835
when Lionel rejected you?
1968
01:05:23,869 --> 01:05:24,835
You trolled...
1969
01:05:24,871 --> 01:05:26,672
- Both: Online for sex.
1970
01:05:26,706 --> 01:05:27,840
- Zack: I hate
1971
01:05:27,873 --> 01:05:30,009
that you're always right.
1972
01:05:30,043 --> 01:05:32,010
It's like Jesus is my fag hag.
1973
01:05:32,045 --> 01:05:33,012
Wait, sorry,
1974
01:05:33,045 --> 01:05:34,277
I know you don't like
1975
01:05:34,313 --> 01:05:35,280
being called...
1976
01:05:35,313 --> 01:05:36,547
- Tiffani: I'm dealing with it.
1977
01:05:36,583 --> 01:05:37,715
I'm your fag hag.
1978
01:05:37,751 --> 01:05:39,552
Not a fag hag.
1979
01:05:39,585 --> 01:05:41,719
Your fag hag.
1980
01:05:41,755 --> 01:05:44,222
- Zack: Thank you sweetie.
1981
01:05:45,592 --> 01:05:47,324
- Tiffani: But if I'm your fag hag,
1982
01:05:47,360 --> 01:05:49,460
then you're my gay bitch.
1983
01:05:51,496 --> 01:05:52,797
- Zack: Gay bitch
1984
01:05:52,831 --> 01:05:54,632
loves his fag hag.
1985
01:05:54,668 --> 01:05:55,967
- Tiffani: You better bitch,
1986
01:05:56,001 --> 01:05:57,969
I got a black eye for you.
1987
01:06:08,681 --> 01:06:10,315
- Helen: Casey? Honey?
1988
01:06:10,349 --> 01:06:11,817
- Casey: I'm moving back home.
1989
01:06:11,851 --> 01:06:13,085
Can you drop me off
1990
01:06:13,119 --> 01:06:14,251
at the bus station
1991
01:06:14,286 --> 01:06:15,420
when I'm done packing?
1992
01:06:15,454 --> 01:06:16,688
- Helen: I thought you were
1993
01:06:16,722 --> 01:06:17,856
making new friends?
1994
01:06:17,891 --> 01:06:19,123
Don't you like it here?
1995
01:06:19,157 --> 01:06:20,291
The cheap rent,
1996
01:06:20,326 --> 01:06:21,460
the beautiful weather,
1997
01:06:21,494 --> 01:06:23,795
the abundance of gay ass.
1998
01:06:23,829 --> 01:06:25,130
- Casey: I turned everything
1999
01:06:25,164 --> 01:06:26,797
into a big wet mess.
2000
01:06:26,833 --> 01:06:27,967
- Helen: Oh honey,
2001
01:06:28,001 --> 01:06:29,233
it can't be that bad.
2002
01:06:29,268 --> 01:06:30,402
- Casey: It's horrible!
2003
01:06:30,436 --> 01:06:32,237
It's like 9/11 but with sex.
2004
01:06:32,271 --> 01:06:34,239
- Helen: Like a 69/11.
2005
01:06:34,273 --> 01:06:35,574
- Casey: You're horrible.
2006
01:06:35,608 --> 01:06:37,242
- Helen: Oh honey, come on.
2007
01:06:37,275 --> 01:06:38,510
I don't know what kind
2008
01:06:38,543 --> 01:06:39,844
of orgie-astic corfafel
2009
01:06:39,878 --> 01:06:41,012
you've gotten yourself
2010
01:06:41,047 --> 01:06:42,179
wrapped up in.
2011
01:06:42,215 --> 01:06:43,347
But I do know
2012
01:06:43,382 --> 01:06:44,516
that when you run
2013
01:06:44,550 --> 01:06:45,684
from your problems,
2014
01:06:45,719 --> 01:06:46,851
the location might change
2015
01:06:46,885 --> 01:06:48,018
but your problems
2016
01:06:48,054 --> 01:06:49,186
will be right there
2017
01:06:49,222 --> 01:06:50,355
waiting for you.
2018
01:06:50,389 --> 01:06:51,523
Only there
2019
01:06:51,556 --> 01:06:52,791
you won't have cheap rent
2020
01:06:52,826 --> 01:06:53,958
and this beautiful weather.
2021
01:06:53,994 --> 01:06:55,126
- Casey: What about
2022
01:06:55,161 --> 01:06:56,393
the abundance of gay ass?
2023
01:06:56,429 --> 01:06:57,393
- Helen: Honey,
2024
01:06:57,429 --> 01:06:58,664
you can find that anywhere.
2025
01:06:58,697 --> 01:06:59,664
Now come on,
2026
01:06:59,699 --> 01:07:00,833
tell your auntie Helen
2027
01:07:00,867 --> 01:07:02,001
all about your problem.
2028
01:07:02,034 --> 01:07:04,335
I promise you won't shock me.
2029
01:07:04,369 --> 01:07:05,503
- Casey: Ok, I pretended
2030
01:07:05,538 --> 01:07:07,005
to be Ryan to Zack online
2031
01:07:07,039 --> 01:07:08,273
but then Ryan showed up
2032
01:07:08,306 --> 01:07:09,541
and went out with Zack
2033
01:07:09,574 --> 01:07:10,809
to get back at Tiffani.
2034
01:07:10,844 --> 01:07:11,809
Anyway,
2035
01:07:11,844 --> 01:07:12,978
I think Zack realized
2036
01:07:13,012 --> 01:07:14,746
he liked me for who I am
2037
01:07:14,780 --> 01:07:16,248
and not the way Ryan looked
2038
01:07:16,282 --> 01:07:17,516
but he never told me.
2039
01:07:17,550 --> 01:07:18,516
So I fucked Lionel
2040
01:07:18,550 --> 01:07:19,518
who was probably just
2041
01:07:19,552 --> 01:07:21,018
trying to get back at Zack,
2042
01:07:21,054 --> 01:07:22,788
and then Ryan got Zack and me
2043
01:07:22,822 --> 01:07:24,056
to give him a blowjob
2044
01:07:24,090 --> 01:07:25,556
in order to get us together.
2045
01:07:25,590 --> 01:07:26,556
And it actually worked.
2046
01:07:26,592 --> 01:07:27,826
Until Zack got a videoclip
2047
01:07:27,860 --> 01:07:29,827
of me and Lionel doing it.
2048
01:07:29,862 --> 01:07:32,164
- Helen: So, Zack never told you
2049
01:07:32,197 --> 01:07:33,498
how he felt.
2050
01:07:33,532 --> 01:07:34,833
- Casey: Yeah.
2051
01:07:34,867 --> 01:07:36,001
- Helen: And you're just
2052
01:07:36,036 --> 01:07:37,168
gonna leave town
2053
01:07:37,202 --> 01:07:38,670
without giving him a chance to.
2054
01:07:38,704 --> 01:07:39,938
- Tiffani: You're not leaving town
2055
01:07:39,972 --> 01:07:41,106
you fuck tard.
2056
01:07:41,141 --> 01:07:42,273
We have a date
2057
01:07:42,306 --> 01:07:43,440
and I'm not running
2058
01:07:43,476 --> 01:07:44,608
that auction alone.
2059
01:07:44,643 --> 01:07:45,777
- Helen: The slut's right.
2060
01:07:45,811 --> 01:07:46,945
Don't pussy out
2061
01:07:46,980 --> 01:07:48,112
on the youth center
2062
01:07:48,148 --> 01:07:49,280
just because someone hurt
2063
01:07:49,315 --> 01:07:50,447
your dick's feelings.
2064
01:07:50,483 --> 01:07:51,614
- Tiffani: Love her.
2065
01:07:51,650 --> 01:07:52,784
Besides, when you run
2066
01:07:52,818 --> 01:07:53,952
from your problems,
2067
01:07:53,987 --> 01:07:55,119
the location may change...
2068
01:07:55,155 --> 01:07:56,621
- Casey: I already got that speech.
2069
01:07:56,655 --> 01:07:57,621
- Tiffani: Than what are
2070
01:07:57,657 --> 01:07:58,623
we waiting for,
2071
01:07:58,657 --> 01:07:59,623
cum boy,
2072
01:07:59,659 --> 01:08:00,793
we're gonna be late.
2073
01:08:00,827 --> 01:08:03,346
- Helen: Bah-bye.
2074
01:08:03,512 --> 01:08:08,483
#
2075
01:08:08,851 --> 01:08:10,318
- Tiffani: I smell an open bar.
2076
01:08:10,353 --> 01:08:11,487
- Helen: Get me anything
2077
01:08:11,521 --> 01:08:12,655
with a whiskey
2078
01:08:12,688 --> 01:08:13,822
and nothing else.
2079
01:08:13,856 --> 01:08:15,956
- Zack: Oh good, you came.
2080
01:08:16,992 --> 01:08:18,460
- Tiffani: Oh my God, I did.
2081
01:08:18,493 --> 01:08:19,627
- Casey: Zack, I...
2082
01:08:19,662 --> 01:08:20,796
- Zack: Here's the stuff
2083
01:08:20,828 --> 01:08:21,962
you need to say.
2084
01:08:21,997 --> 01:08:23,131
Don't bomb.
2085
01:08:23,166 --> 01:08:24,300
- Tiffani: What's a "ligabut?"
2086
01:08:24,332 --> 01:08:25,634
- Zack: That's LGBT.
2087
01:08:25,667 --> 01:08:26,801
- Tiffani: What's that?
2088
01:08:26,836 --> 01:08:27,801
- Zack: Jesus Christ,
2089
01:08:27,837 --> 01:08:29,069
I have to get you
2090
01:08:29,104 --> 01:08:30,069
to the green room.
2091
01:08:30,104 --> 01:08:31,072
- Casey: Zack, wait,
2092
01:08:31,104 --> 01:08:32,073
I came to apologize.
2093
01:08:32,108 --> 01:08:33,073
- Zack: Funny,
2094
01:08:33,109 --> 01:08:34,073
originally you said
2095
01:08:34,109 --> 01:08:35,076
you were coming
2096
01:08:35,109 --> 01:08:36,345
to support the gay community.
2097
01:08:36,377 --> 01:08:37,845
- Casey: You know the gay scene
2098
01:08:37,880 --> 01:08:38,845
isn't really my thing.
2099
01:08:38,881 --> 01:08:39,845
- Zack: You know
2100
01:08:39,881 --> 01:08:41,113
for someone who talks down
2101
01:08:41,149 --> 01:08:42,618
on the gay scene so much,
2102
01:08:42,652 --> 01:08:44,386
you really go out of your way
2103
01:08:44,421 --> 01:08:46,953
to represent the worst of it.
2104
01:08:47,323 --> 01:08:50,292
#
2105
01:08:53,162 --> 01:08:54,395
- Lionel: Blowjob for your thoughts?
2106
01:08:54,430 --> 01:08:55,662
- Zack: What do you want?
2107
01:08:55,698 --> 01:08:57,162
- Lionel: Come on, all I did
2108
01:08:57,198 --> 01:08:58,434
was prove that the guy
2109
01:08:58,466 --> 01:08:59,702
you thought was your friend
2110
01:08:59,734 --> 01:09:00,969
is just a big phony.
2111
01:09:01,002 --> 01:09:01,970
You should be happy.
2112
01:09:02,002 --> 01:09:02,970
- Zack: You thought
2113
01:09:03,005 --> 01:09:04,470
that sending me your sex video
2114
01:09:04,506 --> 01:09:05,474
would make me happy?
2115
01:09:05,506 --> 01:09:06,975
- Lionel: I had to do something
2116
01:09:07,009 --> 01:09:07,975
to keep you apart.
2117
01:09:08,010 --> 01:09:08,975
- Zack: Why?
2118
01:09:09,011 --> 01:09:09,978
- Lionel: You know why.
2119
01:09:10,011 --> 01:09:10,979
- Zack: Say it.
2120
01:09:11,011 --> 01:09:12,247
- Lionel: I was jealous, alright?
2121
01:09:12,279 --> 01:09:13,247
- Zack: I knew it.
2122
01:09:13,282 --> 01:09:14,750
- Lionel: And it wasn't just that.
2123
01:09:14,783 --> 01:09:15,751
I could tell
2124
01:09:15,783 --> 01:09:17,018
you were connecting with him.
2125
01:09:17,051 --> 01:09:18,019
I want you back.
2126
01:09:18,054 --> 01:09:19,020
Can you feel
2127
01:09:19,055 --> 01:09:20,520
how badly I want you back?
2128
01:09:20,555 --> 01:09:21,523
- Zack: I don't care
2129
01:09:21,555 --> 01:09:22,524
how hot you are,
2130
01:09:22,559 --> 01:09:23,524
I need more.
2131
01:09:23,560 --> 01:09:24,524
- Lionel: You're so deep.
2132
01:09:24,560 --> 01:09:25,527
- Zack: If it's deep
2133
01:09:25,560 --> 01:09:26,528
to want someone
2134
01:09:26,563 --> 01:09:27,694
who's gonna respect me
2135
01:09:27,729 --> 01:09:28,863
and listen to me
2136
01:09:28,898 --> 01:09:30,363
and inspire me to do things
2137
01:09:30,399 --> 01:09:31,867
that I'd never thought I'd do.
2138
01:09:31,899 --> 01:09:33,033
Then yeah, I'm deep.
2139
01:09:33,069 --> 01:09:34,536
And you're too shallow for me.
2140
01:09:34,569 --> 01:09:35,804
- Lionel: Good luck raising money
2141
01:09:35,837 --> 01:09:36,970
for your charity
2142
01:09:37,006 --> 01:09:38,238
without auctioning off my ass
2143
01:09:38,274 --> 01:09:39,408
and my friend's asses.
2144
01:09:39,442 --> 01:09:40,576
- Zack: You wouldn't,
2145
01:09:40,609 --> 01:09:42,077
this is for the community.
2146
01:09:42,109 --> 01:09:43,243
- Lionel: Fuck the community.
2147
01:09:43,279 --> 01:09:45,247
- Zack: Lionel!
2148
01:09:47,617 --> 01:09:49,585
- Tiffani: Hello, hello queers
2149
01:09:49,618 --> 01:09:52,252
and wannabes.
2150
01:09:52,287 --> 01:09:53,587
Welcome to the tenth
2151
01:09:53,622 --> 01:09:56,256
annual male sale.
2152
01:09:56,292 --> 01:09:57,426
Tenth?
2153
01:09:57,460 --> 01:09:58,594
I didn't think
2154
01:09:58,627 --> 01:10:00,095
a gay could commit to anything
2155
01:10:00,127 --> 01:10:02,095
for that long.
2156
01:10:02,131 --> 01:10:03,430
I'm Tiffani,
2157
01:10:03,466 --> 01:10:06,100
your mattress of ceremonies.
2158
01:10:06,135 --> 01:10:08,103
- Man: I love that drag queen.
2159
01:10:08,470 --> 01:10:10,604
[laughing]
2160
01:10:10,970 --> 01:10:13,942
- Casey: Zack, I'm sorry, I...
2161
01:10:18,314 --> 01:10:19,279
- Zack: Now's your chance
2162
01:10:19,314 --> 01:10:20,546
to prove you're really here
2163
01:10:20,582 --> 01:10:21,550
to support the community.
2164
01:10:21,582 --> 01:10:22,551
- Casey: What?
2165
01:10:22,585 --> 01:10:23,819
- Zack: Lionel and his friends
2166
01:10:23,853 --> 01:10:25,086
dropped out of the auction
2167
01:10:25,121 --> 01:10:26,087
and I need you
2168
01:10:26,122 --> 01:10:27,354
and the strip master here
2169
01:10:27,390 --> 01:10:28,622
to get in your boxers
2170
01:10:28,658 --> 01:10:29,890
and let me sell you.
2171
01:10:29,926 --> 01:10:31,658
- Casey: Take off my shirt on stage?
2172
01:10:31,694 --> 01:10:32,661
Zack, I'm sorry...
2173
01:10:32,694 --> 01:10:33,929
- Zack: This is more important
2174
01:10:33,962 --> 01:10:34,930
than whoever
2175
01:10:34,962 --> 01:10:35,930
you're sleeping with
2176
01:10:35,965 --> 01:10:36,930
or lying to.
2177
01:10:36,966 --> 01:10:37,930
This money helps support
2178
01:10:37,966 --> 01:10:38,934
the Matthew Shepard
2179
01:10:38,966 --> 01:10:39,935
Youth Program,
2180
01:10:39,969 --> 01:10:40,935
the Matthew Shepard
2181
01:10:40,970 --> 01:10:41,935
reading room,
2182
01:10:41,970 --> 01:10:42,938
the Matthew Shepard hotline
2183
01:10:42,970 --> 01:10:43,939
and the Matthew Shepard
2184
01:10:43,970 --> 01:10:45,939
homeless synchronized swim team.
2185
01:10:47,644 --> 01:10:48,944
- Tiffani: Alright,
2186
01:10:48,978 --> 01:10:50,278
finally let's get
2187
01:10:50,313 --> 01:10:53,279
to the prostituting.
2188
01:10:53,314 --> 01:10:55,783
Auctioning.
2189
01:10:55,819 --> 01:10:58,286
Bring out the meat.
2190
01:10:58,319 --> 01:11:00,020
For our first stud
2191
01:11:00,055 --> 01:11:03,692
we have Lionel!
2192
01:11:08,395 --> 01:11:10,698
Casey!
2193
01:11:10,733 --> 01:11:11,867
- Helen: Woo, Casey!
2194
01:11:11,899 --> 01:11:13,368
You go boy!
2195
01:11:13,402 --> 01:11:14,536
- Tiffani: Look at his
2196
01:11:14,569 --> 01:11:18,206
rippling muscles and sexy...
2197
01:11:18,238 --> 01:11:19,372
I'm sorry,
2198
01:11:19,408 --> 01:11:20,640
this was for the guy
2199
01:11:20,676 --> 01:11:22,778
we were supposed to have.
2200
01:11:24,479 --> 01:11:29,451
Look at his...personality.
2201
01:11:29,484 --> 01:11:31,618
Casey is an out of towner
2202
01:11:31,654 --> 01:11:32,787
that enjoys
2203
01:11:32,822 --> 01:11:34,787
cruising online for Zack,
2204
01:11:34,823 --> 01:11:36,122
talking about Zack,
2205
01:11:36,158 --> 01:11:39,292
and working at Nail Me Salon.
2206
01:11:39,328 --> 01:11:40,462
Located at
2207
01:11:40,497 --> 01:11:41,962
4255 Hawthorne Lane,
2208
01:11:41,997 --> 01:11:43,966
call for an appointment.
2209
01:11:44,000 --> 01:11:46,635
Take off your shirt!
2210
01:11:46,667 --> 01:11:50,136
Ok, now we're talking.
2211
01:11:50,171 --> 01:11:51,872
Have you ever seen
2212
01:11:51,908 --> 01:11:55,877
such white flesh.
2213
01:11:55,912 --> 01:11:57,045
Ok, let's get
2214
01:11:57,078 --> 01:11:58,212
the bidding started.
2215
01:11:58,247 --> 01:11:59,381
Who's gonna be first?
2216
01:11:59,412 --> 01:12:00,546
50 dollars,
2217
01:12:00,582 --> 01:12:02,050
we got a 50 dollar bid,
2218
01:12:02,082 --> 01:12:03,216
who's gonna give me
2219
01:12:03,252 --> 01:12:05,554
a 50 dollar bid?
2220
01:12:05,587 --> 01:12:06,720
- Man 1: 10 dollars!
2221
01:12:06,756 --> 01:12:07,988
- Tiffani: Bidding starts at 50,
2222
01:12:08,024 --> 01:12:09,157
bitches.
2223
01:12:09,189 --> 01:12:10,158
- Man 2: 11!
2224
01:12:10,192 --> 01:12:11,426
- Tiffani: Take off your pants.
2225
01:12:11,460 --> 01:12:12,426
- Casey: What?
2226
01:12:12,461 --> 01:12:14,429
- Tiffani: We are desperate here.
2227
01:12:14,462 --> 01:12:15,595
And while
2228
01:12:15,631 --> 01:12:16,595
you're stripping down
2229
01:12:16,631 --> 01:12:17,765
to your beautiful
2230
01:12:17,800 --> 01:12:18,934
Andrew Christian briefs,
2231
01:12:18,966 --> 01:12:20,201
why don't you tell us
2232
01:12:20,234 --> 01:12:23,371
what the Matthew Sh'PARD program
2233
01:12:23,404 --> 01:12:24,671
at the center
2234
01:12:24,707 --> 01:12:27,175
means to you.
2235
01:12:41,555 --> 01:12:43,024
- Casey: I used to think
2236
01:12:43,059 --> 01:12:44,524
the center didn't apply to me
2237
01:12:44,560 --> 01:12:45,694
at all.
2238
01:12:45,728 --> 01:12:47,029
I thought it was
2239
01:12:47,063 --> 01:12:49,029
just a bunch of old guys
2240
01:12:49,064 --> 01:12:51,867
looking to get their rocks off.
2241
01:12:51,899 --> 01:12:53,868
But a friend
2242
01:12:53,903 --> 01:12:55,703
forced me to volunteer here
2243
01:12:55,738 --> 01:12:56,872
where I met
2244
01:12:56,904 --> 01:13:00,042
one of these old guys
2245
01:13:00,076 --> 01:13:03,545
face to face.
2246
01:13:03,578 --> 01:13:06,212
Boy, was I wrong.
2247
01:13:06,247 --> 01:13:08,050
He was a caring person,
2248
01:13:08,082 --> 01:13:09,216
emptying his wallet
2249
01:13:09,251 --> 01:13:10,385
and busting his ass
2250
01:13:10,417 --> 01:13:11,551
to make sure
2251
01:13:11,587 --> 01:13:12,720
that people like me
2252
01:13:12,755 --> 01:13:13,889
don't have to go
2253
01:13:13,921 --> 01:13:15,055
through the shit
2254
01:13:15,091 --> 01:13:16,555
that people like him had to.
2255
01:13:16,591 --> 01:13:17,725
And he's just
2256
01:13:17,760 --> 01:13:19,493
one of the dozens of people here
2257
01:13:19,528 --> 01:13:20,662
trying to help
2258
01:13:20,697 --> 01:13:24,162
thousands of kids like me.
2259
01:13:24,198 --> 01:13:25,667
I started this summer
2260
01:13:25,702 --> 01:13:28,837
feeling at odds
2261
01:13:28,871 --> 01:13:30,671
with the gay community
2262
01:13:30,707 --> 01:13:34,009
but now
2263
01:13:34,042 --> 01:13:35,510
I look out at your faces
2264
01:13:35,542 --> 01:13:39,014
and I see a friend
2265
01:13:39,046 --> 01:13:40,180
who will do anything
2266
01:13:40,216 --> 01:13:41,349
to protect the people
2267
01:13:41,381 --> 01:13:43,018
close to her.
2268
01:13:43,051 --> 01:13:44,185
An example for me
2269
01:13:44,220 --> 01:13:46,854
to aspire to.
2270
01:13:46,889 --> 01:13:50,358
A bitch when you need one.
2271
01:13:50,390 --> 01:13:51,693
A family
2272
01:13:51,728 --> 01:13:53,194
that won't let you fail
2273
01:13:53,229 --> 01:13:54,362
even when you've
2274
01:13:54,395 --> 01:13:57,363
already given up on yourself.
2275
01:13:57,399 --> 01:13:58,533
And a leader,
2276
01:13:58,567 --> 01:13:59,801
who can change the way
2277
01:13:59,836 --> 01:14:00,969
we see each other
2278
01:14:01,002 --> 01:14:02,136
and teach us
2279
01:14:02,171 --> 01:14:03,304
about the things
2280
01:14:03,337 --> 01:14:05,037
that really matter.
2281
01:14:06,573 --> 01:14:09,377
And I couldn't be prouder
2282
01:14:09,411 --> 01:14:10,877
to be a part of this.
2283
01:14:10,912 --> 01:14:12,046
- Man 1: 100 dollars.
2284
01:14:12,081 --> 01:14:13,546
- Man 2: 200 dollars.
2285
01:14:13,582 --> 01:14:15,550
- Man 3: 500 dollars.
2286
01:14:16,585 --> 01:14:17,886
- Tiffani: This is an
2287
01:14:17,920 --> 01:14:21,220
unexpected surprise.
2288
01:14:21,256 --> 01:14:23,224
500 dollars,
2289
01:14:23,259 --> 01:14:24,725
we have a 500 dollar bid,
2290
01:14:24,761 --> 01:14:26,728
who's gonna give me 600?
2291
01:14:26,761 --> 01:14:29,729
- Zack: 3,200 dollars.
2292
01:14:29,765 --> 01:14:32,067
- Tiffani: What?
2293
01:14:33,100 --> 01:14:36,569
- Zack: 3,200 dollars.
2294
01:14:36,604 --> 01:14:38,073
- Tiffani: Not to be rude
2295
01:14:38,104 --> 01:14:39,238
or anything but,
2296
01:14:39,274 --> 01:14:40,408
bitch, do you have
2297
01:14:40,442 --> 01:14:41,576
that kind of money?
2298
01:14:41,609 --> 01:14:42,911
- Casey: That's your Italy money.
2299
01:14:42,944 --> 01:14:44,912
- Zack: I don't need to go to Italy
2300
01:14:44,947 --> 01:14:46,581
for romance.
2301
01:14:46,613 --> 01:14:48,917
- Tiffani: Sold!
2302
01:14:49,283 --> 01:15:00,595
[clapping]
2303
01:15:01,296 --> 01:15:03,430
- Helen: Look at that sweet smile,
2304
01:15:03,465 --> 01:15:06,600
you're precious.
2305
01:15:06,635 --> 01:15:08,435
- Zack: Ryan1989,
2306
01:15:08,470 --> 01:15:09,604
you are way hotter
2307
01:15:09,636 --> 01:15:10,770
than your pic.
2308
01:15:10,805 --> 01:15:13,774
- Casey: I'm so glad I stalked you.
2309
01:15:14,143 --> 01:15:29,287
#
2310
01:15:29,658 --> 01:15:30,890
- Tiffani: It's not as hot
2311
01:15:30,926 --> 01:15:32,060
without your dick
2312
01:15:32,095 --> 01:15:33,528
in the middle.
2313
01:17:33,529 --> 01:17:34,529
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