Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

♪ Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk ♪

♪ I'm a woman's man ♪

♪ No time to talk ♪

♪ Music loud and women warm ♪

♪ I've been kicked around since I was born ♪

♪ And now it's all right I'm okay ♪

♪ And you may look the other way ♪

♪ We can try to understand ♪

♪ The New York Times' effect on man ♪

♪ Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother ♪

♪ You're stayin' alive stayin' alive ♪

♪ Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin' ♪

♪ And we're stayin' alive stayin' alive ♪

♪ Ah, ha, ha, ha ♪

♪ Stayin' alive stayin' alive ♪

♪ Ah, ha, ha, ha ♪

♪ Stayin' alive ♪

Oh!

What can I get you, bro?

Two packs of Marlboros, some Sno Balls,

and a jumbo Coke.

♪ Somebody help me, yeah ♪

♪ Well, now, I get low and I get high ♪

♪ And if I can't get neither I really try ♪

♪ Got the wings of heaven on my shoes ♪

♪ I'm a dancin' man and I just can't lose ♪

♪ You know it's all right it's okay ♪

♪ I'll live to see another day ♪

♪ We can try to understand ♪

♪ The New York Times' effect on man ♪

♪ Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother ♪

♪ You're stayin' alive stayin' alive ♪

You're looking lovely today.

♪ And we're stayin' alive stayin' alive ♪

♪ Ah, ha, ha, ha ♪

♪ Stayin' alive stayin' alive ♪

♪ Ah, ha, ha, ha ♪

Hey, Johnny! Johnny!

♪ Stayin' alive ♪

Hey, Grabelski, boss is looking for you.

Oh, don't worry about him.

Man: Grabelski!

I'm going to get to the bottom of this.

What's up, boss?

Hello, Heather.

All right, Grabelski. What's going on here?

- What? - You got another priority package

from Timberline Incorporated,

and once again,

there's a special request for you.

You've been going there a lot lately.

You got something going on there?

Maybe.

Grabelski, you're living in a dream world.

So?

So dream on your own time!

Ten a.m. guaranteed means ten a.m. guaranteed!

I'll get to you after work.

This place gives me the willies.

Okay.

Let's make this fast.

Give him the package, get the tip.

( ringing doorbell )

Hello!

Anybody home?

Hey, Mr. Bragdon?

It's me, Max,

and it's 10:00 sharp, just like you said!

If you could just give me that $50 tip,

I'd be on my way.

Sir?

Hey, boss...where are you?

Mr. B?

You in here?

Hmm.

Mmm!

Boy...

something smells good.

Hello?

Hey, Mr. B!

( sniffs )

What's cookin'?

( laughs )

Oh, God!

Fire!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Mr. Bragdon! Are you in there?

Are you in there?

FBI! You're under arrest!

There's a fire!

Put your hands up, Grabelski!

But there's a fire--

FBI. You're under arrest!

You-- You idiot!

Huh?

Hey! I'm telling you, there's a fire in there!

Yeah, you started it.

I did not!

All right, don't do anything stupid.

Try and stop me!

( screams )

Whoa!

First Agent: Idiot! Look what you've done.

Hurry up. Grab your gun!

Hey! I'm going to get you. You're mine!

The FBI's going to get you, boy.

( ring )

Freedom Express.

Marty, it's me, Max.

What the hell's going on?

A guy on TV said you killed somebody!

I know. It's not true.

I didn't do it! I was set up.

What are you talking about?

I got to know

if there's another package for Timberline, Inc.

For Rheinhardt Bragdon.

What has Rheinhardt Bragdon got to do with anything?

Because that's the guy I killed!

Oh, so you did kill somebody.

No! I told you, I was framed.

- Marty, the package. Please! - All right, all right.

We believe that the murderer

is a man named Max Grabelski.

The motive is robbery.

A million dollars of old money

which was scheduled to be taken out of circulation

has been recovered.

Mr. Bragdon, whose job it was to destroy this old currency,

uncovered the crime, and he was murdered for it.

Marty. Marty!

His body was burned beyond recognition,

and we had to identify him

using only his teeth.

It was gross, I'm telling you. Really gross.

Marty! Marty!

You're in luck. I found it.

Says it's supposed to be delivered Monday.

Okay. That's three days. Same address?

No. It says this package

is going someplace called Devil's Peak.

That's up in the mountains.

Mountains?

Who the hell goes to the mountains?

Come on, guys, keep climbing!

We're almost there.

I'm slipping, Gordy! I'm scared.

Don't worry, Fishman. I got you.

This reminds me of the time I scaled Kilimanjaro.

We're going to make it!

We're going to make it.

Hey! Can I play too?

Oh, God.

This is really pathetic.

We're not playing, we're practicing.

You guys are silly.

Woman: Hey, Troop 12, your scout leader's here!

Hi, Mom.

Hi, guys.

Hey, go on inside.

We have a new project.

We're going to get our cooking badges.

Pudding.

Gordy, you are supposed to get your cooking badge

for roasting a porcupine with a magnifying glass.

This is home ec!

Look! Lynn Strader's in her underwear.

Let me see!

Oh, sorry. She just ducked behind the Kligmans' house.

Barnhill, you're such a liar.

You're such a shrimp!

Take that back!

Make me! Shrimp!

Liar!

Oh, that hurt a lot.

Says here that mini-marshmallows in chocolate pudding

creates a visual feast.

Aah!

He's crazy!

For our fire badge,

we had a weenie roast in your backyard.

Give her a break, Ralph.

We have been, for six months.

Hey, hey. What's going on in here?

Come on. Settle down, guys.

I have a surprise for you.

Another surprise.

It'll get better.

It can't get worse.

Mom: Guys...

I'd like you to meet Kelsey Jordan.

She's the newest member of the troop.

What troop?

Our troop, dear.

Ranger Scouts are for guys.

Yeah. Guys in aprons.

Man: Ranger Scouts.

Yes, um, can I...

rent a scout leader?

Male Voice: Step away from the vehicle!

You are too close!

Step away from the vehicle!

You are too close to the vehicle!

Step away from the vehicle!

Ah...

Aah! Hey!

Hey...got your keys?

Yeah.

Good.

I hate to do this, but...

( chime sounding )

( starts engine )

- Child: Hey, mister. - Huh?

I got to make a dookie.

I got to make a dookie!

( car horns blaring )

The guy taking us has hiked all over the world.

He won't be as good as the guide

me and Dad had in the Serengeti.

If your dad's so cool,

why isn't he our scout leader?

Yeah. Spies have a lot of time for scouts.

Pills. Pills. Stay in the front seat.

Airbag, son. Airbag.

Where's Dana?

His dad says he isn't big enough to go.

Parents.

Nice dolls.

Did you bring a pink umbrella

in case it starts to rain?

I figured we could all crouch

under a pair of your underwear.

Oh! Rejected!

Okay, Troop 12, buckle up.

Bye!

Wait!

Wait! Please, wait!

Dana, why are you here?

Your dad said you couldn't come.

He changed his mind. Here.

My permission slip.

Well, good for you.

Good job, Dana!

We're going on real overnight now!

Did this guy really kill a mountain lion?

That's what they said.

Barnhill: He climbed K2 with a broken ankle?

Mrs. Patterson: Yup. He saved 10 people from an avalanche.

Gordy: I can't wait to meet him.

Where the heck am I?

- ( car horn honks ) - Whoa.

Huh?

Handicapped, huh?

Hey there! Need a little information.

They're talking about the guy killed that banker.

...for Freedom Express.

Police have released photos...

- Eek! - If you see this man, contact...

Excuse me.

( mumbling )

Looking for a place called Devil's Peak.

Devil's Peak?

The turnoff is a couple of miles north.

- Okay. - But that's a tough climb.

What car are you driving?

The one parked in the handicapped zone.

"I am an inconsiderate person"?

Sergeant Doofus, did you paste that note to my window?

That's right, cupcake!

It's a little lesson in common decency.

What?

It'll be a little trouble getting it off,

just like the trouble

you'd have caused some handicapped person

had they needed to pull in here

and relieve themselves.

They said on TV Mad Max is heading this way.

He's driving a stolen Volvo!

A blue Volvo station...wagon.

All right! Freeze!

Whoa, whoa!

That's it! Freeze!

Aah!

Take it easy!

You are going to pretend to be me.

Give yourself up, boy.

Give me that glue!

You still can be a fine scout.

Where is that glue?

Top pocket!

Put your palms up!

Okay, grab ahold of the wheel.

Are you nuts?

I said grab the wheel!

Come on! I have a gun, for Chrissakes!

You're going to pay for this, mister.

Now put your chin there.

This stuff is permanent.

Do it!

Hey! I can't drive like this!

Just keep heading south.

Don't stop driving till you get to Mexico.

I will be right behind you the whole time!

Don't try any funny stuff,

or I'll blow your butt off, you got it?

Got it! Keep driving, no funny stuff, blow butt off.

Right.

Looks like this guy's a no-show.

Maybe he's picking up some special gear or something.

Max: Go on!

Get out of the way!

( horn honking )

Go! Go!

You--

What is this, a parade?

Move your wrinkled asses. I'm in a hurry!

Hey.

Yeah, I'm going to run you over.

( laughs )

( revs engine )

( honks horn )

Gotcha!

I swear to God, I don't know how it happened.

It's all a big mistake. You got to believe me.

I'm sorry!

I'm so sorry!

Don't be so hard on yourself.

So you're a little late.

I'm sure the kids are still raring to go.

Wait a minute. Here we go, guys.

Lady! We found him!

Guys, we're going on an overnight!

- Yeah! - Yeah!

( kids cheering )

It's Arnold Schwarzenegger!

Whoa!

They're all yours.

Mine?

One at a time, please.

Whoa, check out the hiking shoes.

What kind are those?

They're, uh...Italian.

Must be those Hikorellis I heard about!

( all talking at once )

Settle down, guys. I'm sure that scout leader Erickson

will answer your questions...

Scout leader?

Mr. Erickson?

Tell us about the time you soloed the big "E."

The time I what?

Climbed Mount Everest.

Please?

Everest?

Uh...

Uh...

Well...

It was a bitch!

Oh, let me tell you!

Them Alps... they can get pretty...

steep.

I would imagine they could.

Isn't Mount Everest in the Himalayas?

- Huh? - Boy: She's right.

Yeah. Oh, yeah! Yes.

But...I had to cross the Alps to get there.

- Whoa! - Whoa!

Whoa! Whoo!

The man's a god.

Boy, that's quite a hike.

( laughing ) Oh!

Hey!

Let's get our stuff together.

It's time for our sleepover in the woods.

Sleepover in the woods?

- I'm Aggie Patterson. - Oh!

I wanted to say that I think it's wonderful

that a man of your achievement

has taken time for the youth of America.

Mr. Erickson, I'd like to keep the kids gum-free.

Oh.

Thanks.

Well, chief, off you go.

Dana: Hey, sir,

can we make s'mores?

'cause I brought plenty of graham--

Max: What the hell am I doing here?

Teach me to whittle.

Bye.

Hey!

Cool jacket!

( sneezes )

- Whoa! - Whoa!

Why didn't you bring a pack?

What do you mean?

I did bring a pack.

In fact...

I brought two.

Who's got a light?

I do.

You won't leave that on the trail, will you?

You're right.

I got to cover my tracks.

There.

Fishman: What's he doing?

All right, Bunk 12!

I want you to walk!

I want you to just keep walking away from here

towards...wherever it was that you were going,

and I will disappear into the jungle,

and from a safe distance,

I will evaluate your walking skills.

- Oh! - Oh!

Now I get it.

All right. Walk.

Walk away.

Walk!

Bye-bye!

Looking good.

Okay.

I'm out of here.

Guys, stand up straight. Remember, he's watching.

Oh!

Aah!

( animals growling )

Aah!

Help! Help me!

Hey, mister!

Would it be okay if we called you Spider?

Why would you want to call me that?

Because it's your nickname.

Well, fine, then. Call me Spider.

Fishman: Spider. Spider? Spider!

What?

How come you're nicknamed Spider?

Because I once killed a kid

who called me Spider one time too many!

Yeah, but how could he call you Spider one time too many

if your nickname wasn't already Spider?

Kids: Spider! Spider!

( tires squealing )

( sirens )

Ah!

Oof!

Grabelski, put your hands up

and step out of the vehicle!

I can't!

I repeat, put your hands up and step out!

And I repeat, I can't!

You've got the wrong guy!

If you don't come out, we'll take you out by force.

Erickson: No, no, no!

Wait! Wait! Wait!

I'm glued!

Aah!

Ralph: This is it?

We finally go on an overnight,

and we end up at Grand Central Station.

It's better than my backyard.

Not by much.

Let's show Spider we know what we're doing.

Where is Spider, anyway?

( Max screaming )

Help me! Ah! God!

Aah! They're eating me alive!

Aah! Aah! Uh!

Here. Try my bug repellent.

Ahh! Good.

Thanks. That's better.

That's a little tangy!

- ( throwing up ) - Well, the manual says,

"Pitch your tent on level ground."

Let's do that.

Too bad we can't go to Coyote Flats.

It's only 2 miles.

And Red Rock Bluff is only 4 miles,

but I guess that's kind of far

for little Miss Ranger Scout.

I could get all the way

to Devil's Peak and back

before you could get your compass out.

Devil's Peak?

How do you know about Devil's Peak?

Um, it says right near your head.

I don't know, sir.

Looks like a pretty tough climb.

It says class six.

That means only the most experienced climbers.

How tough could it be?

It's this far.

What are you guys?

- A bunch of tenderfoots? - Not yet, sir.

We still need six more badges.

Huh?

Badges, huh?

Let me tell you

how you'll get those badges--

By matching your wits against that mountain,

by taking everything

that bad boy has to offer

and getting good old Max

to where he needs to go.

Who's Max?

Max?

Who's Max?

Max...

is all of us.

Because we are going to push ourselves

to the max.

- All: Yeah! - Are you with me?

- Yeah! - To Devil's Peak?

- Let's go! - Let's go!

All right! Go! Go!

Hey!

Ho!

Ma'am! Ma'am!

Officer! Officer!

What's happening with the children?

Ma'am, I don't know.

You just have to wait for the feds.

What feds? What's going on?

- I don't know. - Somebody must know.

What gave you the right to take my Dana?

Mr. Jareki, he had a permission slip

like everybody else.

You can't tell the difference

between my signature and a 10-year-old's?

( siren )

Dana!

Dana!

Who's Agatha Patterson?

I am.

Man: Excuse me, sweetheart.

This the man who took the kids?

Yes, it is.

We got a fugitive

on the loose here, people.

He's armed, he is dangerous...

and he's got himself some hostages.

What's the matter with you?

Help! Aggie! Aggie, help!

What are you doing?

Man: Oh, my God.

Woman: Get some water or something!

This scout's ready.

Now, let's get going.

Ready for what?

I'm going after this guy alone.

Trust me, G-man.

You don't take me, you won't get

within 2,000 vertical feet of this guy.

Listen, pally.

I know this Grabelski.

I'm as good in the woods as he is,

and I don't have six hostages

slowing me down.

Without me, you got no chance.

Okay, you come along.

Just remember one thing--

I call the shots.

You...

just do the tracking.

Are we there yet?

Spider, are you all right?

- ( coughing ) - Yes!

Fishman, give me a match.

I'm working on my bird-watching badge.

I see a scrub jay and a nuthatch

and a SWAT team.

What?

Police. Lots of them.

Let me look.

( choking )

Oh, boy. Oh, boy!

Oh, boy.

Oh, my!

I've got to hide!

We have got to hide!

Oh, you mean wilderness survival?

Right.

Come on. Come on.

We've got to make up ground

while we've still got the light.

See anything?

Not yet, sir.

Huh! Oh!

Aah!

Spider, shouldn't we be

on the regular trail?

Kid, questions like that

could get us killed.

A little cooler than my mom, huh?

Oh, yeah.

Aah!

What?

What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

- What? - Spider, look!

Uh!

That's the big deal?

It's Winnie the Pooh!

Hey, hey!

Hey, boo-boo. What's the matter?

You lost? Huh?

No collar. Must be a stray.

Spider, I don't think that's a good idea.

Oh, relax. He's a pussycat.

Uh, Spider, maybe you shouldn't.

Come on. Give me your paw.

He's sucking my thumb.

- ( crack ) - Aah!

( crack )

Ow!

Come on, tough guy. Put 'em up.

( growling )

That's... not the one I saw.

What?

That's not the one I saw!

Huh?

Ahh...

( bear growls )

( growl )

Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Aah!

Nice teddy.

( bear growls )

( growl )

Uh...

( growl )

Scouts: Oh, no!

Oh, my God! He's eating him!

God, he's dead.

Fishman: No! No, he isn't.

I read in the manual,

whenever you're attacked by a bear,

you're supposed to play dead.

Oh, he's a master.

All: Aah!

- Ah! - Ah!

- Just stay there! - Play dead!

All right! Stay there!

Ooh, that's not pretty.

( growl )

( sniffing )

- Aah! - Aah!

All right. Let's go.

Sir!

Spider!

I must say that was

an awesome demonstration

of how to handle a bear attack.

Spider.

What's he doing?

Spider?

Wake him up.

Auntie Em.

- Aah! - Aah!

What happened?

You were attacked by a giant grizzly bear,

but you played dead like a genius.

Yes! It was awesome.

Of course I did.

I don't want to have to show you

that one again, okay?

All right.

Now, let's move out. Come on.

Move! Get out of here!

March on! March away!

March...

I'm alive!

Little tougher than the StairMaster,

eh, G-man? Heh.

Hey!

Listen, iron balls. You take your time.

I know guys like this Grabelski.

When the pressure's on, they crack.

♪ We sing and sing and sing and sing ♪

♪ We sing and sing 'cause that's our thing ♪

♪ You know this song will never end ♪

♪ 'Cause when it's done we start again ♪

♪ One, two, three, four ♪

♪ We're Troop 12 the Scouts' top crew ♪

♪ We're honest, kind and real fun too ♪

♪ We yell hurrah we yell hooray ♪

♪ We run and dance and sing and play ♪

♪ We do good deeds we help our friends-- ♪

All right!

Knock it off!

What is that?

We run and dance and sing and play?

My mom kind of wrote the words.

Well, they suck.

Okay? What?

I got to pee. I got to pee.

So who's stopping you?

Thirty years of scouting tells me

we've made up a good chunk of ground.

( laughs ) Hey!

Oh, that's the ticket.

A little spritz of cool, clean, mountain rain.

Shake your lizard. Let it drain.

Move your hips and spell your name.

Send it straight and send it hard.

Now a sword fight. Go! En garde!

I got some bad news for you, Palmer.

That ain't rain.

Eat your veggies. Eat your starches.

Lean back, boys.

Golden arches!

All right!

Now, flip them and zip them.

Let's get moving.

Palmer: Hey, kids! Don't move!

Spider, we just pissed on some guy's head.

You!

Oh, fu...dge.

Run!

Running badge time.

Go!

Come on!

Let's get vertical.

Wait! You expect me to climb up there

with just my hands?

That's right, doughboy.

That's how it's done.

Hey, how about when you get up there,

you throw me down a ladder?

Oh, boy!

Yahoo!

Yeah!

( all laugh )

Yeah!

Yeah!

Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!

Palmer: I think I pulled something.

Come on, G-man.

They're getting away.

I'm coming as fast as I can.

Put your hand on the rock

higher above your head.

Well, what are you waiting for?

Spider, are you sure that bridge is safe?

What's the matter? You scared?

Let me tell you something, honey.

There's nothing wrong with being afraid.

Spider, I'm afraid too.

Shut up, you gutless worm.

I'm talking to her!

Put your right foot up there.

Put the right-- No, the left--

Your feet are crossed!

His feet are crossed.

We can't just stand here.

I'll go first.

You will?

Okay.

Let's go!

All of you, move it. Come on.

Hey, guys!

It's easy!

Aah!

Jeez, Gordy! Quit goofing around!

Gordy!

You okay?

We got to move fast.

No! Safety first.

We got to go slow.

Safety?

Safety first.

I'll be right back!

Max:: Keep going!

Come on, man.

They're getting away.

Help me up.

How much do you weigh?

This guy weighs a damn ton.

Max: Oh, no!

Run!

Max: Run!

Go!

Max: Run!

Run! Run!

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Go! Go! Go!

Aah!

Move it! Come on! Go! Go! Go!

Faster, you little...

Move it! Come on!

Keep going! Go!

Run!

Fishman: Spider? Sir?

Fishman?

We've got him.

Fishman, get over here!

I can't.

I'm having a little vertigo.

I'm stuck.

I don't believe this!

Spider!

Are you nuts?

Maybe I am.

Now, get over here!

Stay with me, G-man. Stay with me!

Agh!

Palmer: All right.

Here we go.

Goodbye, Grabelski.

Hello, $1 million.

Don't you dare.

There's a scout on that bridge.

Come on!

( muttering )

Get over here!

You may find this hard to believe,

but I am a little bit of a coward!

You are not a coward.

You are Milton Fishman,

the superstud.

What?

Say that.

Say, "I am Milton Fishman,

superstud."

It will give you courage.

I'm Milton Fishman, superstud.

I'm Milton Fishman, superstud.

Yes!

I'm Milton Fishman, superstud!

It's not working.

Oh!

All right!

That's it, Fishman.

Last thread.

It's been nice knowing you.

I'm Milton Fishman, superstud!

That's it.

Come on.

Come on!

Yeah!

Spider, I did it! I really did it!

I'm proud of you.

Get the hell out of here.

Well, tracker man,

what do we do now?

We got no choice.

Got to go around.

All right, everybody stay calm.

We have no good news as of yet.

Will you please be quiet

and let him speak?

And no news...

No. No news... is no news

unless it's good news,

but we have no news, so...

good.

Hey, Spider,

I'm getting hungry.

Can we stop for a rest?

Wouldn't it be best if we camped here?

All right.

I guess we bought ourselves some time.

Bought ourselves time for what?

Well, guys, we got to start a fire.

Better start looking for pine cones.

Pine cones?

It says in the manual,

"Whenever your camp is surrounded

"by green wood,

always use pine cones to start your fire."

If the manual told you

to stick your wiener in a light socket,

would you do it?

Check this thing out! It's huge!

Mine's huger.

Guys, there's lots of them up here.

Look at this baby! Big as a football!

( scouts cheering )

Hit me. Come on. Hit me.

Come on!

Go! Go! All right!

4-44! 4-44!

Hit me, Spider. Hit me.

Red dog! Red dog! Hut! Hut! Hut!

Deep in the end zone.

Deep.

Way back!

Way back! Go! Go!

Nobody's open.

He's going to have to run it.

Ooh! Ha!

Ooh! Ooh!

Ooh.

I don't think that's a pine cone.

I want it!

( buzzing )

Oh, mother.

Aah!

You haven't had one of those seizures

for about 20 minutes.

That's a good sign.

How does that feel?

Ah, that's good.

That's good.

Aah!

( sighs )

He didn't know the difference

between a beehive and a pine cone?

What are you thinking?

I don't know yet.

Aah!

Ah.

Davy Crockett, did you catch anything?

That's right. Make jokes.

That's what's wrong with this country.

Everybody wants it now.

Nobody's willing to hunt down

what they really need.

That's what I try to teach my kids--

To hunt down the goodness in life.

Ha! Aha!

You might say

I'm the thin khaki line

between morality and depravity,

and, friend,

there's no telling what kind of depravity

Grabelski is up to right now.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Hey!

Got the tent up.

What are you working on?

It's a crystal diode receiver.

You know what that is, right?

Yeah, of course I do.

Oh, yes, and that is a beauty.

That's the toolbox.

( snorts )

Well, uh...

um...hmm.

Guys,

look what I got.

Whoa! Let me see.

You've never seen anything like that, Barnhill.

Probably don't know anything

about the birds and the bees.

Oh, and you do?

Yeah. That's right. I do.

Kelsey: Oh, yeah?

Go ahead and explain it to us.

Well, I...

I know it's about making babies,

and, uh, and that it takes

a man and a woman

to make it work right

and that they both have to go into a room...

and they both take their shirts off--

Fishman: No!

The man doesn't have to take

his shirt off.

Just the woman.

Oh.

Hey, what do you kids got there?

Give me that.

Whoa!

You guys shouldn't be looking at this stuff.

- Uh, Spider. - Hmm?

Could you tell us about the birds and the bees?

( laughs )

I don't think I'm really the right person to, uh...

But it says in the manual

the scout leader is supposed to tell us

about that kind of stuff.

Really?

Yeah. Really.

( laughs ): Yeah.

Well, if it says in the manual,

I guess, uh,

all right.

Uh...

all right.

Hey, let me borrow your dollies, honey.

Good.

Okay.

Now, once upon a time,

there was a man dolly...

and there was a lady dolly.

And they fell in love.

( kissing noises )

Tonight on Eyewitness America:

"Scout's honor: the hostage crisis.

Day one."

Oh, my, my.

Our son's a hostage.

Let me tell you something.

Whatever he's going through right now,

I'm holding you personally responsible.

Max: Work it, baby! Work it!

Oh, that's good! Oh!

That's it. Right there. That's good.

( laughs )

Oh! Oh! Oh! That's it!

Oh ho!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, that's how Daddy likes it.

( giggles )

Everybody, start your engines!

( imitating old car horn )

( laughs )

Then...

the man has a cigarette,

watches a little Leno...

and goes to sleep.

Any questions?

Hey, guys! Come on. I got one.

Okay, what if a blizzard came in

and everybody else here died?

Now, you can either starve to death...

or you could eat the frozen bodies and live.

- I'd eat the bodies. - But you'd eat anything.

I'd eat the bodies.

Max: I'd probably eat the bodies--

Not your body, but I might take a chomp on you.

Hey, Spider. You do one.

Me?

Yeah.

Let's see. Uh...

All right.

What would you do...

if you were a delivery guy...

Okay.

You're down to your last package,

so you pull up to the house,

and it's this huge mansion--

The biggest house you ever saw.

You ring the bell. The door opens.

There's this sharp-looking guy in a suit...

and he pulls you inside.

And he says,

"Today...

"is your lucky day.

I want to make a deal with you."

He says, "I got six packages coming to me

"over the next three weeks.

"if you can deliver them

"at 10:00 sharp, when it's dark,

I will give you $50 a package."

That sounds weird.

Ralph: It sounds pretty cool!

You say to the guy, "What's in the package?"

He says, "I can't tell you,

because both of our lives might be in danger."

This is a good one.

Now, part of you knows

that there's something fishy going on here,

but the other part of you is thinking,

"Well, this secret package stuff

"might be kind of...exciting.

Kind of like a spy or something."

I mean...

being a delivery guy--

That can get kind of boring.

Anyway...

the guy takes a real $50 bill,

he slaps it in your hand...

and he says to you, "Are you in?"

Now, what do you do?

Do you take the deal?

It sounds like a setup.

And illegal.

He sounds like a total criminal.

Do you know him at all?

No.

Kelsey: Does anyone go with you?

Are there any witnesses?

Uh, no.

Do you have any way to protect yourself

so you're not blindly walking into a trap?

No.

Only a sucker would fall for that.

- Or a doofus. - Or a moron.

Fishman: Or an idiot.

Or a sleazeball.

Spider, do another one.

That was way too easy.

I'm...

going to hit the hay.

Barnhill: Okay, I'll do one.

No, no, no!

Back to the alien, okay?

( radio static )

Yes!

Can you really hear anything?

"The thoughts and prayers of the entire country...

Ah, religious program.

"Remain with Troop 12...

Hey, that-- That's us.

Why are they talking about us on the radio?

"Who are being held hostage

by a psychotic murderer."

Spider?

His name's not Spider.

It's... Mad Max Grabelski!

( snoring )

Barnhill: That's him. Come on.

Gordy: It's him.

Oh, my God.

It's him.

( yawn )

Oh!

Whoa!

( all scream )

Guys! Shh. Quiet.

Oh, God. We're trapped with a killer.

A psycho killer!

They don't cover that in here.

Come on. We're scouts.

Remember? Let's act like it.

We're all going to die!

I want to go home!

Let me at him! I'll bust him up!

I'll handle him myself!

You midget, we're dead!

They'll never find us up here!

We'll take care of that.

Hurry up, Fish!

"H" is two longs and one short.

No, no. Stop. Stop. Wait.

Two shorts and one long.

Great. What are we supposed to do,

cross that letter out?

God bless those little scouts.

What? What do you see?

What do you see?

Smoke signals, right by the book.

Oh, yeah.

Well, almost.

Well, what do they say?

"Belp."

"Belp."

Okay, here we go.

Some allergy medicine...

Ralph: Today, Fishman.

Some cough syrup...

Gordy: Fish, hurry!

Dana: Hurry up, Fish.

And some sleeping pills. Okay.

Are you sure it's going to knock him out?

One sip...

and he's Sleeping Beauty.

Guys, we got a lot of ground to cover today.

Oh, God, this better work.

Spider?

Ralph: Come on, Fish.

Barnhill: You can do it, Fish.

Make sure he drinks the whole thing.

Spider!

Hi. Hello there.

Uh...

um...

want a drink?

No.

But you're thirsty now. I can see.

Fishman, I don't want a drink.

What do you think, Gordy?

Doesn't Spider look a little...parched?

Yeah.

Give me the canteen, okay?

( nervous laughter )

That is good!

Mmm-mmm!

Woo! Thank you!

What?

Hey! Ho! Hey! Ho!

Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!

Boy!

I feel good!

Sleeping Beauty, huh?

Come on, guys! Keep up!

Everybody, now!

♪ We come proud the Cub Scout Troop ♪

Ow! Ow!

Huh?

I-- I sprained my ankle!

Come on, Ralph!

Oh...ow! It hurts.

Come on. Shake it off.

Use the other one.

Ow!

I think I sprained mine too, Mr. Grabelski.

Oh, no...

Oh, no.

What did you call me?

Uh...

uh...

I called you...Polinski.

I had...

a Dr. Polinski once.

I don't know why you suddenly reminded me of him.

He treated me for cryptorchidism...

undescended left testicle.

Funny.

I can feel it going back up there right now.

( laughs nervously )

No.

You called me Grabelski.

How did you know my name?

Oh, God!

How did you know my name?

( all scream )

I want some answers!

All: Please don't kill us, Mad Max!

This--

( children screaming )

Ooh--

( snoring )

Hmm.

Ralph: We caught Mad Max!

Kelsey: He's over here!

Erickson: Well, what do you know?

I'll take six ranger scouts

over one federal man any day.

Ralph: We caught him!

They captured Grabelski!

I didn't do anything!

We're not feeling sorry for you! You're a murderer!

I didn't kill anybody. I'm innocent.

Palmer: Well done, youths!

I'm Agent Palmer.

FBI.

I thought there were two of you.

No, uh...

only me.

( Max snoring )

All right, all right, all right!

You're all heroes, every one of you.

Very, very, very wonderful.

Okay.

Agh...

Yike!

Over here. Go.

Okay, kids,

you just wait here...

for the rescue team.

I will take care of the bad guy.

Come on, Mad Max! Move it!

Let's go!

( Max groaning )

Take care, kids.

Get up!

( mumbling )

Agh! I can prove I didn't do it!

Just let me get to Devil's Peak!

There's another package of money--

Save it for someone who cares!

( helicopter approaching )

A helicopter!

We're saved!

All: Save us! Help!

Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey!

Where's he going?

Something's not right.

( grunting )

Ah...

Ah! What is with you and the pushing?

I want to speak to your superior!

Is that him?

Max: Mr. Bragdon?

Hey, Mr. Bragdon!

You're alive!

Hey, he's alive!

- Hello, Maxwell. - Look, it's over.

This guy is an FBI agent!

You got to give yourself up!

So the plan blew up in your face.

The important thing is,

you have your health.

And...

your...teeth.

Wait a minute.

I thought they found your teeth in the fire.

It was a bit inconvenient having them all pulled,

but at $1 million a tooth...

I think it was well worth it.

Kill him.

Kill him?

I can't kill him.

He's just doing his job.

No, no, Maxwell.

Not him. You.

Me?

Hey.

Wa-wait a minute.

You guys are in this together?

He's in on this?

( gasping )

And you were with him?

Ooh...

And when you're done with him,

make sure you kill the kids.

The kids? Hey!

Come on. Move it.

Palmer: I'm not getting...

Max was telling the truth.

We got to rescue him.

How will we beat those guys?

I got an idea.

Everybody...

close your eyes.

Oh, no.

Oh, boy!

Why-- Uh...

why'd you pick me?

Because you're a pathetic loser, Max.

Nobody gives a damn about you.

Ah!

You're wrong! We give a damn!

All: Fire!

Ugh! Aah!

( children cheering )

Nailed him!

Kels, your training bra is working great.

- Way to go, kids! - This is almost like getting to second base.

Fire!

Max: Keep them coming! Ooh!

Ooh! Ooh!

Whoa!

( gasping )

Aah!

- Oh, no. - You little brats!

Oh, my God!

Guys! Split up!

Not me! I'll take them both on!

Kiddies! Don't run away!

I just want to talk to you!

( shouting )

Bragdon: Kiddies! Come back here!

Oh, God! Oh, God!

Where's Dana?

I don't know!

He's gone!

Come on!

Come on, Palmer.

- Kelsey: What are we going to do? - We got to jump!

Come on! They're trapped!

Come back here, kiddies!

Come back here, you little brats!

This better get us swimming badges.

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Gordy: come on, Fishman! You got to jump!

Superstud. Superstud.

Superstud!

What is with these kids?

Quick, the chopper.

Help!

( gasping and screaming )

Aah! Aah!

I can't swim!

I got you!

( gasping )

Those kids are nuts!

Forget about the kids!

Let's find Grabelski.

Aah! Ugh!

Damn!

Aah!

( gasping )

Gordy: Max!

- Gordy! - Max!

Gordy! Come here!

Whoa...whoa... whoa!

Max!

Grab on!

I got you! I got you!

Whoa! Whoa!

Grab on to me, Fish! Come on!

You know, I think you're a hell of a scout!

- Whoa! - Whoa!

Where's Dana?

I don't know!

Oh, my God, we've lost Dana! Where is he?

I see him! I see him!

We've passed him!

All right, all right. I'm turning around.

Kids, I got you!

Aah!

Waterfall!

Waterfall! Hold on!

Get to the side!

Swim to the side!

Gordy: Max, grab something!

Ahh!

Dana?

- Hi, Max! - Where have you been?

We've been worried sick about you!

Shut up and hold on!

Pull! Pull!

( groaning )

Max: Don't let go!

Hang on! Pull!

( groaning )

Max: I got you!

Max: Come on, kids!

Hold on, Dana!

Get out!

Yeah!

Come on! Get out!

Way to go, shorty!

I might be short,

but I'm real strong!

( cheering )

Yeah.

( helicopter approaching )

Max: What is that?

Throw your packs in the river!

- What are you doing? - They'll think we're dead!

Throw them in! Throw them!

Do it! Throw them in!

You can't! My climbing stuff's in here!

Give it! Ugh!

Uh!

Go! Go!

Get in the bushes! Hide!

Let's go! Let's hide!

It shouldn't be this hard to kill

six little scouts and one moron.

Relax. What we couldn't do,

Mother Nature did for us.

( laughing )

Hey! It worked!

It worked!

Hooray!

Kelsey, you are a great scout.

Now what?

( thunder )

I'm sick. I'm definitely getting sick.

Guys! Come on! I found a cave!

You guys, let's go!

Yeah!

Fishman: I'm coming!

Mrs. Patterson.

Hi.

You know, I have to apologize to you.

I've been dumping my anxiety on you.

I have a terrible temper, but Dana is my first.

I just get very emotional.

I remember when he came out at the hospital,

he was so small he was like a little duckling.

Mr. Jarecki...

I think you need to call your wife.

I think she's probably very worried.

Oh, yeah.

My wife.

Call my wife.

You got 20 cents I could borrow, please?

I don't have--

Take what you need.

Thank you. Thank you.

You're good.

( whistles )

Devil's Peak?

If we go after Bragdon before daybreak,

we'd be able to surprise him.

Yeah. That could work!

We can rip his head off!

We can dissect him.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

That's too dangerous!

But the whole world has to know you're innocent.

I mean, you're our scout leader.

You are still going to be our scout leader, right?

Yeah.

Of course I am.

Dana: If you get the electric chair,

you should put a light bulb

in your mouth like Uncle Fester.

That's a good idea.

( thunder )

Hey, Max!

You're up early.

Hey!

Is something wrong?

No. Nothing's wrong. Everything's right.

Should be up at Devil's Peak

in about three hours--

Intercept the package, turn it in,

and be done with this whole thing.

Okay, I'll go wake the guys.

Sure you want to do this?

What are you, kidding?

We didn't come this far to quit now.

Go scout ahead.

Two hours.

Oh, boy.

We're never going to make it.

Devil's Peak, Devil's Peak.

Okay, Devil's Peak. I knew it.

Rheinhardt Bragdon. Here we go.

Mr. McMurrey, I found something.

Well, if it isn't scout mother Patterson.

Sorry, but this is a private briefing.

Max Grabelski is heading to Devil's Peak.

Why would he want to go to Devil's Peak?

There's a cabin up there,

and it belongs to Reinhardt Bragdon.

How do you know that?

I'm a real estate broker.

That house has been in the listings for six months.

Real estate, eh? Okay, okay.

Well, thank you very much for the tip.

Now, I'm sorry, but if you'll excuse--

Look, I just told you where those kids are.

Now you get your skinny butt up there,

and you rescue them,

or do I have to do it alone?

Whoa! Whoa!

Oh, God.

Whoa! Whoa!

Come on, guys, just like we practiced!

Just let me break out my Kilimanjaro gear.

Barnhill, you're so full of it.

Barnhill, you're such a BSer.

Did you just rip one?

- I did not. - Yes, you did. You stink.

Max: Will you guys knock it off?

I can't climb behind this guy anymore.

Don't make me climb down there!

Damn it.

( gasp )

May I be of some assistance?

Oh, no.

How are we going to get over there?

There's no more ledge. We can't get across.

You're going to need to use these.

Here we go.

Hold this.

That's your climbing rope.

This is your hammer,

and these...

are the pitons.

Hammer a piton into the crack in the rock.

Ralph: Barnhill, would you knock it off?

You have no idea what you're talking about.

Just pass the rope through

and then belay yourself off.

Belay myself off?

Belay myself off?

Hey, Maxie, hit that thing till it rings!

Errr.

He's going to get killed.

Barnhill, I know this is a bad time to be asking,

but you really did climb Kilimanjaro, right?

I'm telling you, I did.

That's good. That's good.

Because if you didn't,

tell me now,

and I promise,

I won't get mad or anything.

I swear.

( all grunt )

( screams )

( cheering )

See? Nothing to it!

Piece of cake.

( all talking at once )

What is the matter with you?

I demand that you do something!

You demand? When there is something to do,

we will do something.

But Mrs. Patterson told you,

they're in some cabin somewhere out there!

Right, Aggie? Aggie?

Max: keep going, guys. You're going to make it.

Whatever you do, just don't look down.

Kids: Too late!

We're going to make it.

Max, give me your hand!

I don't believe it!

Well, Max, we tried, anyway.

Not everything.

According to your body mass,

you should be able to hold out for another...

three and a half minutes.

Oh, good. Then take your time!

My fingers!

Guys?

Guys!

Oh, very funny!

Where's the truck, already?

Relax. The truck will be here at 10:00.

It's guaranteed.

Look, killing Grabelski was one thing.

I wasn't counting on killing these kids.

We got a big bundle here.

We don't we just take this and move out?

That truck is delivering the last $10 million.

We're not going anywhere.

( kids grunting )

I can't believe we just did it, guys.

We made it!

We made it! Yes!

Devil's Peak. We made it.

Hey, there's the truck! Hide! Hide!

Right on time.

Ten a.m., guaranteed.

Sign here.

What do you see, Fishman?

I see that FBI guy.

I see that other guy

loading money into suitcases.

I see Gordy's mom tied to a chair.

What?

Max, what are we going to do?

I'm thinking.

( choking ) Sir?

I'm thinking!

This will work.

- We're going with you. - ( all talking at once )

No! I said no!

It's my mom.

Listen, I got us into this mess,

and I'm going to get us--

I'm going to get us out of this mess.

Oh, boy.

( mumbling )

What? Is something wrong?

No.

Well, then, start loading the money

into the chopper.

( kids arguing )

( all talking at once )

Guys, please! Just sit tight

and stay here where it's safe.

Aah! Oh, my God!

This is too touching for words.

Don't worry, Grabelski.

You're going to be the first one to get it.

No, don't! Listen, I just want to tell you one thing.

What?

Uh...you are a disgrace to the FBI.

Oh, that hurts.

Now I just want to tell you one thing.

What?

You're a dead man.

Hey, cupcake! Yah!

Oh, no.

- Hey! - ( kids yelling )

Sergeant Doofus!

You and I got to have a little talk, mister.

I can't talk now. I got to go help Gordy's mom.

Stay here and watch him.

Palmer: Uhh...

Hold him down.

What do we do with him, sir?

I got an idea.

Oh, cool!

All right!

Bragdon: Palmer!

Palmer!

Oh, marvelous.

Mrs. Patterson! Hey, listen,

I'm not really a scout leader.

My name is Max, and I'm here to save you.

Now, be very quiet.

You're a lying, irresponsible--

Shh! Okay, we'll get to know each other later.

All right, now, what kind of knots

did the kids say these were?

( muffled ) Oh, my God, he's an idiot!

Erickson: A little lesson in common decency.

Oh! Oh!

What do we do now? We need handcuffs.

So it's not a figure eight,

it's not a butterfly,

and it's not a fisherman's.

Bragdon: It's a clove hitch.

Ah, thank you.

Aah!

I learned it in the scouts.

Let me show you the wonderful view

off the porch.

Please. You don't want to do this, Mr. Bragdon.

Oh, but of course I do, Maxwell.

I'm sorry.

It was a pleasure doing business with you, Maxwell.

No!

Aah!

- Aah! - No! Gordy!

No! Gordy!

Gordy!

Oh, God!

Uh! No!

That was one of my kids, you crazy sicko!

- Gordy: Mom! - Gordy?

Gordy: Help!

Gordy! Where are you?

Down here!

Help!

Hold on, honey!

Gordy?

Max!

Oh, boy.

Max!

Hey, kid.

How's it hanging?

- Wait up. - Hurry.

Where's Gordy?

Don't worry, Gordy. I'm coming down.

No! You don't know what you're doing.

Of course I do. I'm the lizard, remember?

You mean the spider?

Right.

Gordy!

Where is he?

Down there. Max?

Whoa!

I'm just a delivery guy.

Uh, okay.

Reach.

Come on, reach!

I can't.

Reach and I'll grab you.

Aah!

Whoa!

Gordy, come on.

I'm scared.

Believe me, I'm scared too.

Now, you're going to have to let go.

Come on. Let go.

I got you. I got you.

- Aah! - Gordy!

I got you, kid. I got you.

You've got to stop goofing around like this.

Don't let go!

Here they come!

Gordy! Hold on, sweetie!

Yeah, Gordy.

Yeah! Did it!

Yeah, I got you.

( shouting )

We made it.

I can't believe it.

Thank you. Thank you, Max.

Hey, it was nothing.

Just a little mountain.

( cheering )

Erickson: For achievement in mountain climbing,

survival, rescue skills,

and citizenship above and beyond the call of duty,

you kids went right past tenderfoot badges

and on to something much greater.

Therefore, I am very proud

to have presented each one of you

with the Rangers' highest badge--

First Class Eagle!

You earned it.

( applause )

Yay!

Way to go, guys!

Now...

as for you, mister...

when you took these kids on an overnight,

you broke every rule in the book.

But...when they got into trouble,

you demonstrated the kind of courage,

values, and honor

that are the cornerstones of the Ranger Scouts.

It gives me great pleasure

to present Max Grabelski...

with the badge of Ranger Scout leader!

( applause )

Oh!

Oh, thank you! Thank you!

Thank you very much!

Hey, guys, look at this!

I'm a real live scout leader.

Oh...oh, thank you.

Thank you. Thanks.

Now, for your next assignment...

Next assignment?

You and the kids are going to hit Yosemite,

and you're going to hit it hard.

Do you hear that, guys?

I get to take you on another overnight.

No, Mr. Grabelski. Not just your kids.

That will be great-- Huh?

All the kids.

( shouting )

Whoa!

Aah!

Hey, stop! Wait!

Get off of me!

Get--

( screams )

( music playing )