All language subtitles for LeMillePattesEng

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LOUVRE MUSEUM

Even without arms,
the proportions are remarkable!

The sheer beauty of the female body
is amazing.

What did he say?

He said it's a marvel.
A treat for the eyes.

Field-Marshall Goering agrees.

I think he's fallen in love.

Mr. Goering is an enlightened amateur.

Judging by the works of art

that he's had brought to Germany
from all across Europe,

he must have a very nice collection.

To which this masterpiece
would make a good addition.

Surely you don't mean to take
the Venus de Milo to Germany?

Art knows no borders, Mr. curator.

It's only natural we cooperate
on a cultural level.

For Mr. Goering's benefit.

Haven't you looted enough already?

Franzosen are pigs,
we should do even worse than that.

-What is he saying?
-It's an order, do not argue.

Just obey.

Have the statue packed in a crate.

At dawn tomorrow,

a Wehrmacht detachment
will come and collect it.

Until then, you are responsible for it.

Heil Hitler.

Do you know anyone
who can give me two tires

for 50 kilos of coal?

No. At least, I don't. My bike was stolen.

The anti-theft lock too.

As a bonus, I'd give them a June coupon.

It entitles you to a chocolate bar
and a pot of jam.

-Hi!
-Hi.

-You alright?
-Yeah.

-I just heard a good one.
-Is Hitler dead?

-Have the Americans landed?
-Not yet.

The Germans are sending the Venus de Milo
to Germany.

-Really?
-It's official.

What do we care? We stole it
from the Greeks. Everyone gets a turn.

The Germans are entitled to theirs.

-You can put your clothes back on.
-I had cramps.

Joking aside, you're on the free market,
no coupons needed for you.

We didn't steal it, we are the custodians
of one of the finest ancient treasures.

It's our duty to rescue it
from Nazi clutches.

And how do you plan to go about it?

You work at the Louvre, right?

So you know the place.

There has to be a way.

Are you insane?

I know you artist types
are crazy, but there's a limit.

Can I go? I have a party to get to.

Yeah, be off with you. Good night!
We have some brainstorming to do.

-Don't do anything stupid.
-Go.

-When?
-Tomorrow morning.

We'll need a car. Henri! Call Henri.

You're getting crazier by the minute!
I warn you, I'm staying out of it!

This wine smells of piss.

It's because you're drunk on champagne.

The wine smells of gunflint,
the taste of the terroir.

Was "flint"? Warum "flint"?

What's up with this idiot.
If you're going to start with champagne,

stick with it, it's more elegant.

Good champagne! Danke!

That's what I said.

Hello, I'm listening.

It's me.

No, I can't get away at the moment.

It's urgent? What's urgent?

No.

Fine, I'll work something out.

We'll hide the statue at uncle Édouard's.

He owns the workshop.

He's quite the guy!

Can't stand the Germans.

In 1917, in Champagne,
he took 62 prisoners all by himself.

With a grenade and a kitchen knife.

He has a manor in the Cotentin,
near Saint-Sauveur-le-Vicomte.

Where's the corkscrew?

Here.

The statue will be safe there.

Yeah.

It's quite simple.

You steal your boss' van,
we take the crate from the Louvre,

take the statue and travel 350 kilometers.
The Germans on our heels.

It's not every day you get the chance
to have so much fun.

Will you join us?

You need to calm down.
Have some herbal tea and go to bed.

Do you think it's a game?

If the Krauts catch us,
there'll be hell to pay.

Are you chickening out?

Cut the crap!

Don't forget we should all be in Germany
doing compulsory service,

screwing bolts
while bombs fall on our heads.

We mustn't draw attention to ourselves!

You're a smart guy, pal. Him, he's nuts.
But insanity is contagious.

Don't worry, we'll manage without you.

What's your delusional plan?

To get yourself caught
and leave me feeling guilty?

Give me that.

Since I brought it, we might
as well open it.

We're going to need it.

Look at this!
Good for lifting heavy crates.

-You speak German?
-Leave me out of this, please.

Crap, the news!

This is London.

Let's begin with some personal messages.

"Primroses need fertilizer."

"Grandpa found his glasses."

"The centipede is tap-dancing."

We repeat.

"The centipede is tap-dancing."

Fred Astaire is screwed.

I'll take the truck
and get you guys out of Paris.

But at the first chance, you load it
on some other rig and let me get back.

Let's go, it's happening tomorrow morning.

We'll get ready
and give you a call when it's time.

Be careful on the phone.
Sometimes my boss picks up.

-We'll say little.
-"The centipede is tap-dancing."

-Okay?
-Okay!

-Okay.
-Okay, great, go!

You'll find uniforms inside
the custodian's closet.

CUSTODIAN'S CLOSET

-Is there a crate the right size?
-Don't worry. I know this place.

That one will do.

It needs to be heavier.

Will it be enough to turn off the lights?

Yes, one of them will check
the power switch.

-And the other?
-I'll say someone stole the Mona Lisa.

He'll have a heart attack,
the Mona Lisa's their darling.

We'll have to be quick
switching the crates around.

-And if it doesn't work?
-We'll find another way.

-Of course.
-Okay, we need Henri.

Considering the crate's weight
and ours, three won't be too many.

What the hell are they doing?

-Hello.
-Henri?

-Yes.
-It's Jacques.

-Yeah.
-"The centipede is tap-dancing."

"The centipede is tap-dancing."
Understood?

Sure, I'm not deaf.

I'm on my way.

What's the meaning of this?

Were you waiting for
instructions from London to act?

"The centipede is tap-dancing",
is that right?

I heard it tonight
on the 9:15 p.m. bulletin.

Tell me everything.

You're not alone in this.

Huh?

You've decided to stand in the way
of the order we were given.

Isn't that right, huh?

Well done, boy! I'm with you.

All good?

Better than good. We found an ally.

Yes, but we need to get moving, follow us.

Even so.

You're all right with sitting by and
letting them take the Venus?

Officials don't argue, Émile.

They obey the government.

The Germans are not the government.

The Marshall

has shaken hands with the Führer.

Remember that, Émile.

Want a drink?

No, stop. And you too.

Go fetch a deck of cards,
we'll have a game.

-I'm curing my cold.
-In the middle of summer?

Summer colds are the worst.

-Now it's my turn to play with this.
-A safety pin?

Replace a fuse with this
and it's lights out.

Don't do a whole lecture.
Get on with the job.

Crap!

Another blackout.

At this hour? Go check the power switch.

You go. I feel dizzy. My cold, you know.

I've always been scared of the dark.
Let's go together.

Fine, let's go.

-The crate?
-We'll only be two minutes.

Right, two minutes.

Émile!

I see two crates.

Don't worry, it's your cold.
You're running a fever.

There are two crates, I tell you!

I'll get you a nice coffee,
I have some in my thermos.

-You think it'll help?
-Yes, calm down. You'll be all right.

Is there an exit?

The custodian gave me his pass.

It's quicker down this way.

-There's only one crate.
-See? You're all better.

You were right about the coffee!

Yeah.

AIR BASE, 5TH SQUADRON OF THE LUFTWAFFE

-We've already covered 100 kilometers.
-I have to take the truck back.

If we change vehicle,

we shouldn't stay dressed
like museum staff.

If there were troubles,
the uniforms won't help.

You're right,
let's change back into our clothes.

I'll stop here then,
it looks like a good spot.

Someone's taken the truck.

You're joking.

The police!

Hide!

-The bicycles!
-The bicycles!

We're done for.

In ten minutes,
the whole force will be after us.

We'll have to take the back roads.

How am I going to get back to Paris?

-Ah, that's right.
-Who cares!

I think we may be lost.

Just slightly.

-I'll go and look.
-What do you find on farms?

Eggs, butter, cheese, milk,

ham, wine and bread.

Perhaps they'll offer us a little snack.

-I'm feeling peckish.
-You're a smart guy.

Not really. Come on.

Let's go, let's go.

Give it to me!

Let go!

I said let go!

Come on.

Here!

A smart dog.

Well! Juliette, what happened?

-Did they push you in?
-No, Father, it was Poum.

They helped me.

I told you not to play with the dog.
It's dangerous..

Thank you, boys.

Guys, get me out, I can't swim!

-Take my hand.
-I'm going to catch my death.

-Get over here.
-Grab onto my hand.

-What a sissy.
-Yeah.

It's freezing. Certainly no Mediterranean.

Come dry off at the farm.
A shot of liquor will warm you up.

Come on.

-Another drink?
-Yes.

Take it easy, I'm driving.

It's my own, better than the stuff I sell.

That changes everything.

Cheers.

Yes.

Okay, well, we should be on our way.
Go on, drink up.

We still have a long way to go.

Is our friend feeling better?

He's getting some color back.
We gave him a good drying-off.

Janine is taking care of him.

She's a good nurse, our eldest.

I bet he's having the time of his life.

There! Now, a foot bath and
you'll be as good as new.

Come on, sit up.

I'm still shivering and my back hurts.

I must have hit a rock. Let me show you.

Here. Right here.

Right here.

-Wasn't it your back?
-It's here and there.

Not just one spot.

All right, sit up.

It's boiling!

Hold still.

It burns! What's in it?

-Mustard flour, it's a pain reliever
-No, it burns!

Great, you splashed me.

Isn't it relaxing?

It--

Yes, yes.

Mother gave me a toddy and put me to bed,
but I wanted to check how you're doing.

-Are you okay?
-It could be worse.

Your hair's still damp.
You'll catch a cold.

Our clothes have dried.
We can get dressed.

Forgive us, sir, but we're in a hurry.

You're not leaving empty-handed, boys.

I'll fetch you the good stuff
from the shed.

-Come with me, you.
-Where?

-The invalid needs his clothes.
-Oh, yeah.

You're tickling me.

Forgive us for spoiling your fun, Sire.

You'd better cool off fast!

Upsy-daisy now.

-Here you go.
-Well, well!

Here.

-I must be dreaming.
-I don't know how to thank you.

-Just don't tell anyone where you got it.
-We won't. Hop in, everyone.

Quickly now, move it.

Thank you! Thanks.

-Goodbye!
-Goodbye.

Have a good trip.

Hey, slow down!

-If we screw up, we won't get anywhere.
-Have you seen the time?

I'm not taking you all the way, guys.

But where will we find another truck?

Then I'll take the farmer's food.

Bravo!

-Friendship is a beautiful thing.
-It's the only way to pacify my boss.

I needed supplies and didn't have
time to warn him.

-Right.
-Should've left the Venus at the farm.

-I had it made with the elder sister.
-Wow. Leopards don't change their spots.

All this because he got the hots.

Moron!

I told you we should have stayed
at the farm.

-Let's get out of here!
-We can't!

My vehicle's broken down.

Can you take me to the
SS headquarters in the next village?

Of course. Hop in.

Don't trouble yourselves,
I'll be fine in the back.

Oh no, sit in the front.

I insist. It's cramped in there.

Let's go, I'm in a hurry.

What did he say?

He said he's in a hurry.

They have bigger fish to fry
than black market dealings. Go.

CITY HALL - SS HEADQUARTERS - SECRETARIAT

-What does he want?
-Ask him!

Black market?

-A gift.
-I'm sure.

I could have all this confiscated.
It'd mean big trouble for you.

-If you wish--
-Half.

My men are hungry too.

I could take all of it, couldn't I?

Let the captain have his share.
Get a move on, let's not hang around.

What's in the crate?

Nothing, just some old dishes.

It wouldn't be

some good wine, some foie gras?

Nothing of the sort, believe me.

Open it!

-We don't want to hold you up.
-Open it!

But…

this looks like…

the Venus de Milo!

It looks like it, but no.

It's from my grandmother's attic.

I'm calling the Louvre!

I'm the deputy of the curator
of the Leipzig Museum!

I can tell! This is the Venus von Milo!

Terrorists! Iconoclasts!
I'll have you shot!

What's all the noise
coming from that truck?

Quick, hide him! The Germans!

What's going on here? Why all the ruckus?

It's nothing, just my two assistants.

They're slacking off. Lazy shirkers.

Faul, lazy, like most French people.

The Franzosen.

Ja.

Sausages, ham,
bread, eggs, blood sausage, butter

and Calvados!

Very good! Gut.

Absolutely!

His cap!

His cap's on the floor!

His cap's on the floor!

-They're crazy.
-Yes.

Do you have a permit
to transport all this?

It's all for you! Take it!

-We work on a farm.
-For us? Oh!

For you.

It's the Marshal's orders. The Marshall!

-Marshall, ja!
-For you!

We love Germans. Our boss loves them.

Good French, good Germans!

Here, take it. Calvados.

You can have it all.

This too, for your rations.
You can have this too.

Not that! The cap!

Okay, that's it. Fertig.

All finished!

Goodbye.

See you next time.

Come on.

Steady.

That way.

-Careful.
-There.

-There.
-Gently.

We had punch him to put him back to sleep.

We should get far from here.

-Come on, quickly!
-Let's go.

His cap!

Come on.

This is outrageous.

Aryan culture will rule supreme!
By force, if necessary!

You bring me a gas lamp,
when I asked for the Venus de Milo!

The Third Reich will rule the world
for a thousand years!

It will be the homeland of the arts!

I want the Venus de Milo!

The Venus! Find it
or it will be your death!

Death!

I don't know how it happened.

I don't care!

Fix it, or I'll have you sent to Russia!

Yes, sir!

Where is the Venus?

In Berlin, of course.

All they got in Berlin is a lamp.

Don't feign ignorance.
You had a part in this.

May I?

Hello, who is it? Yes, it's me.

Do you still have the Venus von Milo?

I knew it.

That's why they attacked me.
These bandits must be caught!

It's been found. Here.

Friedrich. I'm listening.

Yes!

Three terrorists
in a beige gasifier truck.

In the Livarot-Harcourt sector.

They won't get away!

I hope they will.

We can't be out of gas,
it must be a glitch.

Damn it!

Is there no charcoal?

I made sure we had enough
to reach Saint-Lô.

We're stranded.

INN - 500 METERS

There's an inn nearby.
They might help us out.

I'll go. You guys hide.

Careful, don't give them your life story.

Look who's coming.

Crap.

Now's not the time,
we need to hide the truck.

We'll push it into those woods up ahead.

How many lost opportunities
since this morning!

Get over here!

All right, push.

I said, push! Come on!

AUBERGE DES NONNETTES - INN

Madam! Someone's here!

Good day, sir. Can I help you?

-Yes?
-Good day, madam.

-It's a delicate matter.
-Oh, no.

No need to be shy, I'm used to it.

You just need to relax and it'll be fine.

Champagne?

-I'll have some too.
-It's--

Yes.

No need to be nervous.

It'll be fine.

I ran out of gas nearby.

Can I borrow some charcoal?

Heil!

Finished already, commander?

Ja. I'm a soldier, madame Lorette.

I have a duty as a police officer.

I do what I have to and get back to work.

Madame.

Commander.

What's up?

He got a call from Headquarters.

Three terrorists have stolen
the Venus de Milo from the Louvre.

-No way!
-Yes!

How does that concern the Germans?

They attacked a German officer, near here.

They're traveling in a beige truck.

Beige?

There you are!

Commander Kruger looked for you.
Did you see him?

No. Except two men standing
next to a broken-down beige truck.

Beige?

I think so, yes.

Tell me, young man,

does one plus two equal three?

-Yes.
-Stay where you are.

-How much?
-Nothing, it's on the house.

Tell me what you plan to do
with the Venus de Milo.

Stop Goering from taking it to Germany.

You must be crazy to risk your lives
to steal a statue!

Yes, but it's more of a symbol.

This escapade will cost you dearly.
Especially since you attacked a Kraut!

We have a safe refuge.
We just need to get there.

They can't leave now.

There are Germans everywhere,
and even the French police.

Is your truck far?

Near the woods.

Gisèle!

-Gisèle!
-Madame?

Come on, dear, quickly.
Hurry, there's no time.

Come on.

Girls, go get the truck.

You can hide it in
Father Cowal's cattle shed.

Thanks, but with your clientele,
we can't stay here.

Don't worry,
our clientele is quite disciplined.

WEEKLY CLOSURE

Did you see those perfect asses?

We could have broken down
next to a monastery!

Wait until you see the Mother Superior.

Say, your place must be very busy.

It's exhausting.

On our day off, we stay in bed all day.

Alone?

We need to recover.

It's very brave, what you're doing.
Are you with the Resistance?

Not officially, no.

You did it just like that?

Just like that.

It was an emergency,
no time to think it over.

Sometimes you have to
follow your impulses.

-This hay is so comfortable.
-Way better than any bed.

-How many of you are there?
-Six.

And madame Lorette.

That's a lot.

I don't know which way to turn!

I hope you'll treat us well.

Of course.

We get very little chance to
serve France at the moment.

All right.

All right, girls, time for bed.

No!

I didn't say you have to sleep.

Show the gentlemen to their rooms.

-Bye!
-Bye!

-Goodnight.
-You're not forgetting the charcoal?

-One of the girls will go and get it.
-Isn't it risky?

It's best to wait
till the Germans lift the roadblocks.

You'll have plenty of time.
Enough for morning prayers.

Show him to his room.

With pleasure.

Follow me.

It's a twin bedroom.

I hate cage beds.

Me, I--

Not very feminine.

Leave those be, they belong to clients.

Gestapo!

Are you sure you don't have
nicer rooms available?

You promise not to tell Madame Lorette?

Promise.

Do you have a cookie or something
to nibble on?

You won't believe it, but I'm starving.

In a minute, you won't care.

What if your boss finds out
I spent the night in your room?

She's not the jealous type.

Yeah, but she might make a fuss.

The damage will be done.

You like me like this?

I prefer you as a man.

Well?

-Did you have a good night?
-Deserving of at least four stars.

Here's your charcoal.

Were there any roadblocks?

-No. I came back via Mesnil-Raoult.
-Good.

I'll fill the tank and go get the others.

Thank you for everything.

Yes?

Yes, madame.

Wake up, honey.

They're waiting for you downstairs.

I'd have liked to stay longer.

It would have been the end of you.

They're not answering, go wake them.

French police.

We're looking for three young men.
Terrorists.

They're traveling in a beige truck.

Have you seen anyone?

We're closed, Inspector.
Didn't you see the sign?

We know they're in the area.

The roadblocks led to nothing.
They are hiding somewhere.

And your establishment

is notoriously welcoming!

Not to mention costly.
I doubt these young men could afford it.

Madame, I forgot to collect
the money for the charcoal.

I told Mr. Lambert I'd put it on the tab.

Charcoal.

Isn't that what you put
in gasifier trucks?

I had a barbecue in the garden.

A barbecue!

Can I see the charcoal?

We've used it up. She fetched it
the day before yesterday.

-Isn't that right, Gisèle?
-Yes, Madame.

Right. We'll get to that later.

For now, gentlemen, search the bedrooms.

And get the ladies downstairs.

You wouldn't dare!
Colonel Rothman is a friend.

I don't give a damn!

Your friends are impatient. Hello?

You're overstepping your authority,
Inspector.

-The police enjoy certain privileges.
-Listen!

But also have the duty to act correctly.

If the French police wish to
search for so-called terrorists,

it's fine with me.

But to be disrespected and treated
as a liar…

it's unbelievable.

Go warn the others.

Quick!

-Quick!
-In this state?

For heaven's sake, go!

They're coming!

Close the window!

Police!

Come in!

Are you alone?

Not anymore.

Want me to make some room for you?

Get up, jump to it.

Turn your back.

If they're here,
they're here without my knowledge!

Some job the police do these days!

Honey, it's the police! The police!

Hm?

Open up!

There's no other way out.

I have an idea.

Can't you see it's locked!

Éliane!

Madame, what is it?

Open the door, the police are here.

But I'm naked!

That's no good reason!

Coming!

You called, Madame?

What are you two up to in here?

Françoise, keep this up
and I'll put you in a different room.

-Madame.
-Come on!

That guy is going to show up in his truck.

Since you're sure there's no
funny business going on,

can I invite your driver in for a drink?

If you wish.

Go and get him.

Excuse me.

Look out.

Here you go, Inspector.

Don't think we're enjoying this.
We're following orders.

The Germans have taken the matter
to heart, we have to do the same.

With remarkable zeal.

Is Françoise your first name?

I have a sister called Françoise.

We call her "Fanfan".

Now, now, Inspector,
no incestuous thoughts.

-Do you mind if I go get my handkerchief?
-Not at all. I'll come with you.

-What's with that car back there?
-The police.

Where's Francis?

In a fix. He disguised himself as a chick.

You're taking a long time to find
your handkerchief! Hurry up.

I love girls like you.

We could spend some time together,
you and me.

Come on, don't play coy!

-You damn weirdo!
-You're the weirdo!

You come with me, you little bastard!

-We have to get him out of there.
-I know! Come with me.

Where are your friends?

You'll pay dearly for this!

Where are the other two?

Very well.

German police.

Here's the last of them.

Congratulations!

-Ja, ja.
-You knew he was here?

Ja, ja. We caught his two accomplices.

They talked.

We've come to collect him.

Terrorist!

Good work, gentlemen.

We'll report your success
to your superiors.

Heil Hitler!

The truck is at the bottom of the garden.

-I'll grab my clothes and join you.
-Hurry up!

Damn candles.

Is it much further?

About 30 kilometers.

We have to find a repair shop.

We shouldn't split up.
Let's put the crate somewhere safe.

Hold it up, for God's sake.

All right.

Let's go.

Quick, grab the parachutes.

Come on.

Round up the cases,
before someone sees us.

-The big one over there, too.
-Coming.

You know how to change the candles?

-We'll be fine.
-All right, good luck.

-Bye.
-Bye.

-With any luck, we'll be there in an hour.
-Unless some asshole found the crate.

Guys, it's done. Let's go get the crate.

We left it right here.

-The grass is trampled. Someone was here.
-But who were they?

This explains it. This is last night's
parachute drop, the Resistance was here.

Look!

Good Lord!

This is your screw-up!
You caused a short-circuit.

You're so full of crap.

No truck, no statue.
Let's get on a train and go home!

What am I going to tell my boss?

I'll be enlisted for work service!

I must have been crazy to
let you involve me

in this harebrained scheme!

Look, there they are!

The Germans consider us as terrorists.

The Resistance, collaborators.
I don't know where I belong anymore.

On the idiots' team.

We checked. We owe you
an apology and congratulations.

-Where is it?
-At a farm. We'll take you there.

There was no need to treat us
like vermin and set the truck on fire.

Appearances were against you.

And the Venus?
We'll carry it on our backs?

We have a car ready for you. Come with me.

-Good Lord!
-At least it's still in one piece!

Stop!

Really now!

Hey!

Kids have no respect these days.

I wouldn't want that thing
in my living room.

What are you planning to do with
that piece of junk?

Keep going! Move, move!

Crap! Let's get out of here!

Are you nuts? Head up to the entrance.

Leave it to me.

Keep smiling.

Cheerfully or demurely?

Get moving, you lazy lot!

Before I make you!

Jump to it!

Company! Halt!

We'd like to speak with Mr. Beaugenay.

You guys sure have the perfect plan.

ID card and car's registration documents
are fake.

and there are two machine guns
in the back.

You keep things interesting!

-We're fine-tuning it, pal.
-Yeah, yeah.

Francis! What a surprise!

It's a surprise for us too.
I didn't know you had guests.

The High Command

kindly seized the premises last night.

We're honored that you agreed to
receive us, Mr. de Bougenay.

You didn't give me a choice.

Colonel Von Obrecht,

my nephew, Francis Lavillé.

Honored to make your acquaintance.

-Henri Moreau, a friend.
-Sir.

I have to get out of here. Unload this.

-You heard them, keep smiling.
-Like I'm having so much fun.

Halt!

Jacques Lemoine, another friend.

Our car broke down.
This gentleman brought us here.

You're a bit overloaded.

Yes! Yes, we are.

It's your books, uncle.

-I thought I'd return them to you.
-My books?

Your books, yes. Those books.
You know the ones, your books!

You really care about these books.

I use his workshop in Montparnasse.

So I brought them to you,

because I know
how important they are to you.

-They are?
-Yes.

Of course they are.

Incredibly important.

They're limited editions.

Not works that can be entrusted
to just anyone.

-No indeed.
-That's right!

Well.

May I have a look at them?

Yes.

Eroticism, when it is of quality,

can be considered a fine art.

I suppose so.

Please excuse me.

Goodbye for now.

Take the crate to the library.

-What?
-They're taking it to the library.

-What's this nonsense about books?
-You don't want them to open it.

-What's going on?
-Just wait and see!

Get moving, you lazy bunch!

Gently!

Mind the doorway!

Okay, I'm off. Good luck.

Halt!

Well. At least you don't drop by
to visit empty-handed.

I thought it would be safe here.

You have really great timing.

Look out.

Where are your pornos?

In the attic, why?

-Put them inside the crate.
-And the statue?

-In my room next door.
-All right!

Come on, quickly, let's hurry!

We'll find a hiding place tomorrow.
They're settling in today.

There's too many people.

Come on, I don't want to get shot!

Steady.

Hold up. Okay.

Gently.

In the corner, behind the curtains.

There.

Careful.

Close the curtains.

Now, the books. Follow me to the attic.

-This is the last of them.
-It's fine, the crate's almost full.

Good thing too, I'm exhausted.

All those stairs killed me.

I kept count.

We made six trips.

Multiply that by three staircases.
We climbed eighteen stairways.

-Really?
-Yeah, I'm wiped out.

Ah, here they are!

-May I?
-Go ahead.

You can take them to your room
if you want,

to examine them at your leisure.

I don't know how to thank you,
Mr. de Beaugenay.

We're celebrating the birthday
of one of my officers.

Would you like to join us,
and these gentlemen too?

With pleasure, Colonel.

Being a guest in my own home is a
paradox I don't want to be deprived of.

Well then, see you tonight, gentlemen.

You don't mind raising glasses
with Kraut scumbags?

Not at all.

Nowadays, you're just "Krauts".

People say

"the Fritzes", "the Jerries".

"Kartoffels", "Huns".

You're thinking of the previous war.

The one you lost.

And this one is not yet won.

On whose side will the vanquished be,
Mr. de Beaugenay?

I expect the three of you
are for De Gaulle?

No answer?

Come now, let's leave aside
the guessing games, Colonel,

and drink to love, women and fine wine.

Very well.

Heil Hitler.

Attention!

-Get me the best room.
-Yes, sir.

What is this mayhem?

We only got here yesterday, General.

And if the Allies landed tonight,

would you ask them to wait
until you're settled in?

I must note the negligence
of reinforcement troops!

A High Command packed with fools
will win no wars!

Who are these people?

Édouard de Beaugenay.

My nephew and his friends.

This is my home.
I'm the one who should be asking

your name and business.

General Von Richter.

On a tour of inspection.

I'll leave tomorrow morning.

Your room is ready.

Follow me.

Carry on, gentlemen.

We leave at 8:00 a.m.

Yes, sir!

What's that asshole's deal?

He was a commander in Russia. Now,
he's in charge of the coastal defences.

-How do you know?
-The news.

He's the terror of the High Command.
A menace!

Did you see the toadie
who follows him around?

I should give him my bread coupons.

Your room, sir.

Is it satisfactory?

Not bad, Hartmann!

-Run me a bath.
-Right away, General.

This is my room!

I agreed to have you in my house,
but not in my bed!

I'm taking it.

Clearly it's easier
than taking Stalingrad.

I've seen French soldiers.
Their fleeing backs.

So shut your insolent mouth.

That scoundrel's taken my room.
He's bound to open the curtains tomorrow.

There's nothing we can do.
Get out of here, fast.

Shouldn't we grab the Venus as he sleeps?

From inside his room? You must be joking.

-I have an idea. Come with me.
-Ok.

Come on.

-Hartmann.
-Yes, General.

-Champagne!
-Yes, sir.

What are you doing here?

I need my razor and my toothbrush!

That's not possible!

Don't give me "nein"!

You can't come in!

I said you can't come in!

Let him through, Hartmann!

You want in? Then go!

Fine.

What an awful guy.

General.

You should try this.

It's made from algae.

Algae.

Seaweed extracts.

Okay.

Iodine.

It helps you rest.

Very good for the muscles.

-Ja.
-Shall I pour some in for you?

Yes, yes!

-Twenty minutes.
-Yes!

At least 20 minutes.

Twenty minutes!

Yes, yes! Thank you.

The General has no more need of you,
you're dismissed.

-What?
-You can go to bed.

What is it you want?

Go, go to bed.

I don't understand.

Cognac?

-Ja.
-You understand French?

Ja, cognac.

Cognac!

Careful.

All right, let's go.

Come on.

Idiot!

What have you broken this time?

Nothing, General, just a small vase.

I'll retire for the night.

Have a good night, General!

Bring me that champagne first!

-Answer him!
-He wants champagne.

We're getting out of here,
it's us who'll be drinking.

Ludwig.

Can I come in?

Ludwig?

Did you bring the champagne?

Where did that imbecile go?

-At your orders, General.
-At ease.

The champagne!

I love France.

Let's pretend you're a Parisian girl.
Say something in French.

I finished typing out
Blumentritt's report.

He complains about the food
and the troops' morale.

Incompetent oaf.

I'll send a note to the 24th Army Corps.
A good turn of the screw.

The 132nd Panzer Division

is calling for mechanics and spare parts.

We'll take them from the 83rd,
which is in reserve.

Heil Hitler!

In the moonlight, Ludwig.
In the moonlight.

Air, Ludwig! Air!

Just like in Ukraine, Ludwig!

Just like in Ukraine!

Come here!

Like in Libya! Come into the wild!

Like in Libya!

Like in Lybia!

Jacques?

Hey!

Are you all right?

Damn.

How's our sweetheart doing?
Ready to jump back into the fray?

-They really went at it!
-Yup!

Hurry up. While they're
busy with their wrestling match,

we can put the statue back
inside the crate.

Should we remove the books? He's a perv.

We'll put the books on top, just to
be safe. Come on, let's jump to it!

I'm warning you now,

I'm digging a hole tomorrow
and we're burying this masterpiece.

We've come this far, we might
as well go all the way.

-Hartmann?
-Yes?

-Is everything ready for our departure?
-It is!

I shall inform the General.

We're ready to go, General.

Good!

Did you sleep well, General?

No, the mosquitoes bothered me. You?

Me too, General.

Interesting. What do you think?

It deserves some thought, General.

Get the crate in the car.

Yes, sir!

-Steady.
-Be careful.

Does it fit?

Crap!

Wake up!

-Von Richter's taking the crate.
-What?

-Von Richter has the crate.
-He found the statue?

I don't think so.

-He must want the books.
-You're kidding!

He probably wants to improve
his technique.

-Mr. de Beaugenay, thank you.
-General.

Attention!

-Do you know of a good restaurant?
-We only got here yesterday.

I'd like to have lunch
at a good restaurant, near Valognes.

Do you know a place?

Chez Louis.

Chez Louis, near Fleurville.
It's a bistro, but very good.

Thank you.

Attention!

He's gone, all is well.

I pointed him to the worst
bistro in the region.

-Where is it?
-In Fleurville, why?

The Venus is in the crate.

If he gets it to his HQ in Cherbourg,
we're screwed.

We have to get it back
from ten armed Germans. A piece of cake.

It's a wonderful day.

They should make the most
of it and get out on their bicycles.

What a good idea.

-Later, uncle.
-Come on.

-Bye.
-We'll be back.

Goodbye, sir.

Here.

Guys! Hold up!

Come back! Stealing the Fritzes' bikes
and cycle 50 kilometers uphill?

I'm neither a climber nor suicidal!
I can't take any more bullshit!

Fine, go ahead,
get yourselves in deep shit!

Look at those morons,
with their twig arms.

How do they plan to carry that damn crate?
Wait for me, guys! Wait for me!

Hello, guys!

You won't be around to bother us
for much longer.

Germany is kaputt!

You're screwed, aren't you?

Hitler is a dick.

Long live France!

Long live De Gaulle!

There's no one watching the crate.

Where were you?

You were supposed to wait in the car!

Move! We have to get going!

We've lost our chance to get away.

Well…

What's wrong?

He's got a stomachache. We'll catch up.

I'd have liked to be a motorcyclist.

Can I have a go?

The General's in a hurry.

His secretary will make him
lose track of time.

Give me five minutes, okay? Just five.

-Five minutes!
-Great. Thanks!

My motorbike!

Wait for me!

-We have to camouflage the crate.
-With what?

-With this.
-All right!

-Quick, let's go!
-Quick!

Come on.

Look out, behind you!

-Damn! They're everywhere.
-It's because we're near the coast.

Turn back into the woods after that bend.

Okay, okay.

Crap.

This time,

we're blown.

Get out of the car, now!

Get out and help push, quick!

Get out!

Come on!

Put your back into it, asshole.
Allez, you slacker.

You want me to kick your ass,
you son of a bitch?

What next?
Do we go with them to the barracks?

-Knock it off!
-It won't be easy getting out of here.

WEHRMACHT HEADQUARTERS

What is this place?

See the flag?
It's the local Headquarters of the SS.

-So?
-So we're screwed.

WEHRMACHT HEADQUARTERS

Guys, look! It's the General
and the Fritzs we knocked out.

What happened?

Answer me!

We were attacked by terrorists, General.

How did they do it? Tell me!

-"Long live De Gaulle."
-Say that again.

-"Long live De Gaulle!"
-Hartmann! Lieutenant!

Close every road! Send out patrols!

These three terrorists
must be captured today!

-This is bad.
-We gotta get out of here.

If we don't get caught, we'll be breathing
in the smell of the metro tomorrow. Go!

Halt!

-Where are you going?
-Nowhere.

Patrol the area.

If you see a vehicle with
registration plate 635/125,

open fire, they're terrorists!

Yes, sir!

What did he say?

To chase after us and
shoot ourselves if we find us.

Let's hope we don't spot ourselves!

That's the number! The terrorists!

We have a side-car on our asses!

They're shooting at us!

-Bastards! They'll damage the statue!
-I don't give a damn about the bint!

It's me who doesn't want to die!

Hold on tight!

Crap!

What a mess!

Guys, there's a boat in the harbor.
It's exactly what we need.

-I get seasick!
-It's our only chance.

We'll put ashore somewhere less busy.
With these uniforms we're safe.

Let's kick this Venus bitch to the curb.

With or without her, if we stay here
we'll get an ass full of bullets.

We'll embark at nightfall.

There.

We shouldn't be far from Le Havre.

Strange, there's not a soul around.

Here we go again!

The British!

As a navigator, you're
a real professional, eh?

It's the British!

We're French. French!

Friends.

-Hello, friends.
-Long live De Gaulle.

What's inside?

-The Venus.
-Yeah.

-De Milo.
-Yeah, it's the Venus.

The Venus de Milo.

Say, Winston,

I hope the Venus isn't going to be
another Fashoda incident.

Let me tell you right away,
she's staying French!

After what your boys did, Charles,
you deserve to have her back.

I hope you have properly
congratulated them.

Naturally.

I saw to it personally
that those young men

were suitably rewarded for their heroism!

Men!

Get down!

Low crawl!

Elbow, knee, elbow, knee!

Keep your head down!
I see an ass in the air!

Jump!

Come on, bring those knees up!

Up, down, up, down!

Are you taking a nap? Stick together!

Move those lazy asses!

Forty push-ups for
going around the obstacle!

Prissies!
One, two. I'll straighten you out!

One, two!

With both feet!

On your bellies!

Think of the minted roast beef
we'll have for dinner.

-On Sunday, we can go up to London.
-Visit the British Museum.

The first one who talks to me
about visiting museums

is gonna get skinned!

Subtitles: Lorna Ciani, Sara Sciallero