All language subtitles for Amazons.Across.Time.WEBRip.Amazon.en-us

It's true.

The mighty orb of Azov.

Not so fast, Diana.

I have no wish to
harm you, Athena.

But I will if I must.

Surely you jest.

I have nothing to fear
from one such as you.

You of the mountain tribe
may look down upon us,

but we will find what
we are searching for,

and the orb will be my guide.

Never!

You fight well for
one of the river folk.

And I will die before I
allow you to use that orb.

So be it!

Oh, mighty orb of
Azov, it has been

said for eons that you
will grant any wish

to one that you find worthy.

I pray that you find me so.

Oh, yes, that's more like it.

Come on, tough guy.

I can press more than that
without even breaking a sweat.

I thought girls didn't sweat.

They just glow.

I sweat.

Look, Rita.

One of these days,
I'm just going to show

you what you've been missing.

From the looks
of it, it doesn't

look like I'm missing much.

OK, everyone, gym's
closing in about 10 minutes.

So if you want to take a
shower, now's the time to do it.

Ugh.

I really suggest
the showers, guys.

Gail, when are you
going to turn this gym

into a women's only club?

What, and keep you
from coming here?

Hardy har har.

You're funny.

Sorry, Rita, but you've asked
me this, like, a zillion times,

and the answer's
always the same.

My gym is open to everybody.

Yeah, as long as
they pay the dues.

Well, hey, a girl's
gotta eat, right?

Let's go, muscle boy.

You heard the lady.

I'm not done yet.

It's OK.

Some things I will
just never understand.

What's that crap
you're always reading?

This is not crap.

These are amazing stories
about Amazon women.

They're strong,
they're powerful...

rulers of their world.

Yeah, sounds like a
bunch of feminist crap.

What, are you going to
start hanging around

with Rita on your off hours?

Highly unlikely.

Besides, she doesn't
have what I need.

And you know I have
my boyfriend Eric.

But it doesn't sound like
he's got what you need either.

But I know somebody who does.

You maybe?

Yeah.

Maybe.

Oh.

So I'll see you tomorrow?

If you're lucky.

Ooh.

Son of a bitch.

You!

Me?

What is this place?

Where am I?

Gail's Gym.

Your words have no meaning
to me, and your clothes,

so strange.

What happened to me?

Are you an Amazon?

Yes.

My name is Diana
of the river tribe

from the island of Lesbos.

Wow, a real life Amazon!

Indeed.

I must be far from home if
you've never seen an Amazon.

Oh, yeah.

Very far.

You're in the United States of
America in the 21st century.

'Tis a strange place.

My mind is like a fog.

If only I could remember.

I was searching for
something, something

that would help save my people.

You were on a quest
like in the books?

Oh, yes.

Of course, the mighty orb of
Azov must have sent me here.

The orb of Azov?

Oh, it's a very
powerful device.

It is said it can
grant any wish.

So what you're looking
for must be here.

Here?

In this structure?

I mean, well, not in my gym,
but here in the present day.

The orb would not have sent me
here if that wasn't the truth.

I wish you could remember
what you were looking for.

Perhaps my mind will
come back eventually.

I need rest and sustenance.

Where would I likely find game?

Um, game?

Deer... a rabbit
if I had to make do.

Oh, yeah, we don't hunt
for our food anymore.

Not hunt?

No, we get our
food at the store.

Tell you what, come
back to my place.

You can rest and I'll
make dinner for you.

Thank you for your assistance.

Oh, Gail.

Thank you, Gail.

After you.

Ooh!

Amazon!

Here, let me take that.

No one takes my sword
from me and lives.

OK, you misunderstand.

No one carries a
sword around anymore,

and you could get
arrested for that.

Well, then how does
one protect oneself?

Oh.

With this.

That?

That small thing?

What is it?

It's called mace.

And that offers more
protection than my sword?

I find that
difficult to believe.

You'd be surprised.

I'll show you how
to use it later.

Come on.

You know, you really
should get used to the way

things are in the 21st century.

Technology has
brought us a long way.

Oh.

It is as the river
in the wintertime.

It's called refrigeration.

We make our own cold now.

There seems to be no limits
to the wonders of your land.

But where is your well?

Ugh.

I can tell this is
going to take a while.

I can't wait for you
to meet my boyfriend.

Boyfriend.

What is a boyfriend?

A boy.

A guy?

A man?

You know, we're women.

They're men.

We have breasts.

They have.

That's it.

You don't have men on Lesbos.

Indeed we do not.

That must be what
you're looking for...

men.

And why would I want a man?

What purpose do they serve?

Well, first of all,
they help to procreate.

Your race is going to die
if you can't repopulate.

That's why the orb sent
you here... to find a man.

And how does
that work exactly?

Please don't tell me I
have to teach you about sex.

Oh, I am well aware of sex.

But we do not need
men for that purpose.

I should introduce
you to Rita.

I did not know who this Rita
is, but I can assure you,

I do not need her to
fulfill my pleasures.

Oh, my.

But be gentle.

You're my first Amazon.

So, how does this look?

You really are looking to
get arrested, aren't you?

Well, I'm still not certain
what a man is exactly.

But if the orb has sent
me here to find one,

then I'll do my best.

Looking like that, you
will not have a problem.

So then, where do
we find these men?

I know just the place,
but not dressed like that.

Well, I can see that
this will not be a problem.

So these creatures here, these
are what you refer to as men?

Oh, yes.

They don't seem so different.

Oh, you'll see.

Follow me.

Now this place,
this I understand.

The local tavern, yes?

Yes, exactly.

Barkeep, I'll have a pint
of your finest ambrosia.

Oh.

No, no, no.

She's going to have a scotch,
and I'll have an apple martini.

Yeah, they don't serve
ambrosia anymore.

Oh, that's unfortunate.

It was truly a hearty drink.

So, this is where you
come to collect your men.

Oh, no, no, no.

I have a boyfriend, honey.

But you know, it's kind of
been going downhill lately.

Well, why do you
not go get another?

Well, between you
and me, I've been kind

of seeing this guy at my gym.

You know, one of my clients.

He's super hot.

But why secretly?

Is this not allowed?

Yeah.

You know, when you're
in a relationship,

it's supposed to be exclusive.

You mean, you only
have sex with one person.

That's the idea.

You know, you're kind
of backwards in some ways,

as it is advanced in others.

Yeah, I suppose we are.

So Gail, who's
your new friend?

Oh, this is Diana.

Diana.

Well, well, well.

Is that a keg in
your back pocket?

Because I'd sure
like to tap that ass.

Ow.

Do not lay your
hands on my person

unless you wish to
be disemboweled.

All right, all
right, all right.

It's OK, Diana.

This is my friend, Mario, who
sometimes forgets his manners.

Well, as long as
he's a friend of yours,

I will forgive him
for this one trespass.

He's one of the men I
was telling you about.

Oh, you were telling
her about me, huh?

Oh, you know.

Well, it's a pleasure
to meet you, Diane.

And I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to offend you.

I just wanted to buy you
two lovely ladies a drink.

We already have drinks.

Well, can I at
least pay for them?

Very well.

Well, since Gail's been
talking to you about me,

why don't we just skip
all the preliminaries

and head back to my place?

Go ahead.

I suppose yes.

Great.

Let me just settle up things
here, and we'll head out.

You see what I mean?

Indeed.

Is it always this easy?

Baby, when you look the
way you do, pretty much.

So what now?

Well, now he's going to
take you back to his place.

And then you'll do
what we did earlier,

but a little bit different.

Different how?

Oh, you'll figure it out.

OK, so if this is the man
I was sent here to find,

then the orb will send
me back to my time.

Bingo, that's the idea.

Oh, but whatever you do,
please practice safe sex.

Safe sex?

Yeah.

I mean, you do have
protection, don't you?

No.

You told me to leave my
sword back at your place.

So ready to go?

Go ahead, you'll be fine.

Very well.

Yeah, that's a
light switch, baby.

Oh, we don't have
these where I come from.

Really?

You don't look like
a third world type.

Where are you from?

I'm an Amazon from
the island of Lesbos.

Amazon.

Sure.

Sure.

I think you might have had
one too many drinks tonight.

Here, have a seat.

So, is this when we have sex?

Oh, wow, you get right
to the point, don't you?

Hey, that's OK with me.

Oh, your chest, it's flat.

Well, I mean, I don't
work as much as I should,

but I'm in pretty good shape.

Well, you don't have these.

No, but I'd like to.

Oh.

Well, that is kind of nice.

Oh, you ain't
seen nothing yet.

Great Hera!

What is that?

Well, let me show you.

Man, this place is dead.

Maybe that's
because you're here.

No, seriously.

It's like a tomb.

If Gail would run
this place properly,

it could be a gold mine.

Oh, yeah, and turn it into
your all lesbian only club,

huh?

No, moron.

If given the chance, I could
do so much with this place.

Gail doesn't do
such a bad job.

Stop thinking with your dick.

But it does my
best thinking for me.

Cool your jets, Romeo.

You know I don't
swim in your pool.

Hey, have you ever
thought about maybe

expanding your horizons?

Not likely, baby.

OK.

Well, let's say you
did buy the gym.

What would you do with it?

It's pointless
to talk about it.

I don't have nearly
enough money to buy it.

Yes, but what if
you had a partner?

Like who?

You?

Why not?

You got that kind of dough?

No, but if we put
our heads together...

our heads together, maybe we
can come up with something.

Maybe.

Maybe.

The orb of Azov.

I truly thought you
were nothing but a myth.

Surely a sorcery can
mean nothing but evil.

But if Diana used it in her
quest, then I must follow.

The fate of the mountain
people depends on it.

Oh, mighty orb.

If it is within your
power to grant my wish,

then take me to
where you took Diana.

Holy shit.

Hello.

Speak.

Where is Diana?

Diana?

I don't know any Diana.

Lie to me, and I will
cut out your tongue.

No, no, no, no, no.

No need for that, mami.

We'll help you.

We'll help you if we can.

Who are you?

My name is Athena.

I'm queen of the mountain
tribe on the island of Lesbos.

Sure you are.

This one's for you, Rita.

And Diana is?

She is an Amazon, as I am.

But she is of the river people.

An Amazon?

Like in those books that
Gail's been reading?

Amazon, that's tight.

I was sent here by
the mighty orb of Azov

on the trail of Diana.

She must have come through here.

I've got an orb for you.

A couple, in fact.

Hold it, hot shot.

And no, we haven't seen her.

But I can definitely
help you look.

This is a strange place.

What is it?

A gym.

It's where we work
out to keep in shape.

You obviously do.

You are not like us.

Are you a man?

That's right, baby.

I'm all man.

I have heard rumors of
creatures known as men.

There are some
amongst our people

who would even seek them out.

Well, your search is over.

I'm right here, baby.

I am not one of them.

Oh.

Well.

What is that you are lifting?

Weights.

Heavy weights.

Apparently not so heavy.

You are an Amazon.

Wow.

Are you serious?

This is it.

What do you mean?

This is our ticket
to buy the gym.

Hell, we could buy a
whole franchise of gyms.

Speak English, will you?

That over there is an
Amazon, an honest to God,

card carrying, time traveling,
man crushing Amazon.

Do you realize the jack
we could make with her?

What, put her in a circus
sideshow or something?

That's always
your problem, Rita.

You're thinking small.

No, I'm not thinking
about a freak show.

I'm thinking about
putting her on TV.

I'm thinking about
her own reality show.

So not a freak show.

Right?

Hey, you want to buy this gym?

Are you in or out?

OK.

OK, I'm in.

Great.

But how are we going
to convince her?

You hit the showers.

I'll do the convincing.

Oh, I see.

I see.

All right, I'll catch you later.

Yeah.

Athena, Mark and I
would really, really

like to help you if we can.

Excellent.

Although I need to find
Diana and stop her,

if all the people of your
village look as you do,

I might have to stay behind.

I was thinking the
same thing, baby.

Diana, I was getting worried.

Oh, the most incredible
thing just happened to me.

With Mario?

Oh, that was incredible.

Men are truly amazing creatures.

But I'm afraid he's not
the one I'm looking for.

We had sex, and I'm still here.

Well, you're not
always going to find

a gem the first time out.

That's not what I'm
referring to, though.

So what was it?

Well, this morning,
Mario asked me to cook him

breakfast, whatever that means.

When I refused, he spoke to
someone on a small device

he held in his hand.

Oh, that's a cell phone.

That's how we communicate.

A short while later, a
man appeared at the door

and put me in this great metal
chariot and deposited me here

with great speed.

Oh, he mean he
called you a cab.

That's pretty decent for Mario.

Oh, it was truly amazing.

Hey.

Um, Eric, what
are you doing here?

Well, I could ask
you the same thing.

I thought you had to work.

I had Rita open for me.

So I took the day off.

Really?

So when I got the
concert tickets last week

and I asked you to
take the day off

and you said you
couldn't because only

you could work at the gym.

Well, yeah.

Well, obviously, that's
not the case when something

important is happening.

And that something
important is not me.

Eric, look.

Gail, I...

Well, hello.

Hello.

Diana, this is Eric.

Eric, the boyfriend
you were speaking of.

Yes.

Oh, wow.

He is quite handsome, is he not?

Gail, who is this?

Is this the reason
why we haven't...

Eric, please.

Not now.

Not now, that's
all I ever hear.

Not now.

Are you batting for
the other team now?

No.

Sweetheart, you just
don't understand.

No, I don't.

You know, perhaps this is
the one the orb meant for me.

Perhaps he is.

Hm, but wait.

Aren't you supposed to be
exclusive with this one?

I'd hate to violate
your ridiculous rules

of your society.

Exclusive?

Really?

That's the plan, right?

So then I will not
have sex with this one.

Oh.

Somehow, I don't
think he would mind.

Go ahead.

Gail, I don't understand.

But maybe I don't have to.

Indeed you don't.

Gail, don't just stand there.

Join us.

I do not understand.

Why are we here?

Do you suspect Diana is here?

I doubt it.

I told you, Athena.

We have this device.

It's called television.

Mass communication.

It's like your smoke
signals, or whatever you use,

times a million.

So if we want to
reach Diana, we have

to broadcast to the
entire world at once,

and television will
let us do that.

Is that so?

I mean, he does have a point.

Fine.

If you say it is
so, I will do it.

I trust you.

Oh, jeez.

Thanks.

Oh, look.

OK, he's there.

Come on.

Good morning.

Morning.

How're you doing?

Enough with the chitchat, kid.

I'm a busy man.

OK.

All right.

Well, this is my friend, Rita.

And this is Athena.

Hello, there.

Hello.

Marty has one of the biggest
talk shows in the country.

If he puts you on his
show, we'll all be rich.

Rich?

Well, yeah.

I mean, we'll find
Diana, and it'll

be a very enriching experience.

This is the girl
you told me about?

Yes, I mean, take a
look, a real live Amazon.

How do I know it's not some
girl you picked up in the gym

and put a Halloween costume on?

Halloween?

I'll explain it
to you later, baby.

I thought of that.

Take a look at this.

OK.

It's a steel pipe.

Athena.

Do you believe me now?

I'm sorry I ever
doubted a word you said.

That's amazing!

So can we get on your
show is the question.

Absolutely.

Yes, that gym is ours.

Yeah.

It'll be great.

I can see it now.

I'll bill her as
the Lost Amazon.

Yeah.

I still do not understand.

Athena, darling.

You need to start thinking
like a 21st century girl.

It's all about mass
marketing, cross-promotion,

different platforms.

Marty's show is
just the beginning.

But I am here to find Diana.

Nothing else matters.

I know, I know, and that's
what we're here to do.

You said you trust Rita, right?

Yes, but I have
serious doubts about you.

Look.

I'm a man, and I know
you're not used to us.

But maybe I can teach
you the ways of men.

Not unless you wish me to
implant my sword in the most

uncomfortable place possible.

Oh, OK, sweetie.

We'll just wait till Rita
gets out of the shower,

and maybe she can
explain it to you.

Perhaps.

Any word yet?

No, not yet.

But our Amazon friend
here is starting

to have second thoughts.

I just fail to see how
this will help me find Diana.

I should be out hunting
her like the prey she is.

I tried to tell her that
things are different now.

Mark's right, Athena.

Marty's show is broadcast
to millions of people

all around the world.

Once we announce that
we're looking for Diana,

someone who has seen her
is sure to contact us.

And we can have two Amazons.

That's twice the dough.

I'm really starting to
feel like this is a bad idea.

Rita, don't bail on me now.

This is our ticket
to the big time.

It just doesn't seem right.

Look, we're still
going to find her friend

like we said we would, right?

I don't know.

It's Marty.

Hey Marty, how's it going?

Yeah.

Yeah.

We'll be there.

Marty just confirmed.

We're booked for the show.

We need to be
there in two hours.

Look, I'm sorry things have
been kind of crazy lately.

I'm just trying to figure out
what I want to do, you know?

I get it.

I do.

But the problem is that
I've already figured

out what I want, and it's you.

I love you, Gail.

Aw, I think I love you, too.

Let's see what's on TV.

Ladies and gentlemen,
we have a very

special show for
you tonight, thanks

to these two individuals.

Oh my god, that's Rita
and Mark from the gym.

Really?

Where she comes
from, no one knows.

We only have her word for
it, but from another place,

indeed from another time, there
can be no doubt that she came.

I present the Lost
Amazon, Athena.

What?

Is it possible?

Could it be?

Yes, the fog is
lifting from my mind.

That is Athena of
the mountain tribe.

Another Amazon?

Oh, yes.

She was trying to stop
me from using the orb.

I was searching for
the truth about men.

The mountain tribe shun
the very idea of men.

They would do
anything to stop me,

including chasing me through
the corridors of time.

I have seen the awesome
power of Athena myself,

but I don't expect you
to take my word for it.

Athena, if you would.

Enough of this.

I seek another like myself.

She was also brought here.

She has long flowing blond
hair and a strong bow arm.

Her name is Diana.

Yes, yes.

The primary purpose
of our show is

to find Athena's lost
companion, Diana,

and reunite these bosom pals.

If you have any information
as to the location of Diana,

please call the number at
the bottom of the screen.

There is an ample reward.

I can't.

I can't do this anymore.

Rita, come on!

No.
No.

I'm done.

Can't you see we're
taking advantage of her?

The gym is not even worth it.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, hello?

Yeah, I know where that
broad is you're looking for.

Diana the Amazon.

Now, how much is this reward?

Please, Diana, we'll
think of something.

I appreciate all
you've done for me, Gail.

You too, Eric.

No problem.

But I must return
to my time with a man.

Athena would never allow that.

If she were to find me...

But nobody knows
that you're here.

And how are we going to
find the right man for you?

Surely you're not going to sleep
with every man on the planet

to find the right one.

Oh, that much is certain.

Mark!

Sorry, baby.

Defend yourself, low lander.

Here, Diana.

Are you mad?

Ahh!

What manner of sorcery is this?

It is not sorcery.

It is technology.

Athena, I've learned many
things during my stay

in this time period.

I've learned to open
up my mind to things

I never thought possible.

I ask of you to
do the same thing.

What do you mean?

You of the mountain people
dismiss the very idea of men

without even ever experiencing
what they have to offer.

What could a man
possibly offer me?

You'll never know
unless you open up

your mind to the possibility.

You can't be serious.

Men aren't that bad, you know.

Athena, I ask of you
as my Amazonian sister

to heed my word.

Men can be the solution
to our very problem.

Would you not even try?

Perhaps you are right.

That's the spirit.

Very well.

I will have a man, and
then I will decide.

Oh, no.

I guess it'll have to be you.

Yep, baby!

Bedroom's over there.

And it better be
pleasurable, or there'll

will be a price to pay.

Oh, no pressure, huh?

Yeah.

Whoa!

This is kind of awkward.

Anyone for charades?

Well?

I'm still not convinced
that we need a man.

Well, jeez.

Thanks.

But you must.

If you don't find a man
to take back your time,

how will your race
procreate and survive?

Procreate?

You are mistaken.

We don't need a man for that.

OK.

OK.

Now I'm confused.

You're confused.

Why do I feel like I just
walked into this picture?

We don't need a man
to help us procreate.

That was just your assumption.

I was searching for a man
that could pleasure us.

And the mountain
tribe does not agree.

We do not want men on
the island of Lesbos.

But Athena.

OK, OK.

So this whole thing was just
about finding someone to,

you know...

Get off.

The pleasures of the
flesh are of most importance

to my people.

But I say again, we do
not need men for that.

And I say we do.

Ladies, ladies, please.

I think I might have a solution.

Oh.

Oh, thank Hera we're
back in our time.

So it seems.

Well, I hope this entire
journey has allowed our two

people to come together.

There's no reason the mountain
tribe and the river people

can't live together as
one in peace and harmony.

Perhaps that is true,
since we now can agree

on what we need for our race.

Yes.

What do when the battery dies?

You mean you only have
sex with one person?

No one takes my sword
from me and lives.

It is not sorcery.

It is technology.

Not so fast, Diana.

Apparently not so heavy.

Yes, but I have serious
doubts about you.

Please don't tell me I
have to teach you about sex.

Oh, you mean he
called you a cab.

That's pretty decent for Mario.

You really are looking to
get arrested, aren't you?

From the looks
of it, it doesn't

look like I'm missing much.

I can't do this anymore.

Rita, come on!

Stop thinking with your dick.

Look, Rita.

One of these days,
I'm just going to show

you what you've been missing.

Yeah, sounds like a
bunch of feminist crap.

Hey, have you ever thought about
maybe expanding your horizons?

Another Amazon?

OK.

OK, now I'm confused.

You're confused?

Is this the reason
why we haven't...

Well, well, well.

Is that a keg in
your back pocket?

Because I'd sure
like to tap that ass.

Ow.

Oh, wow, you get right
to the point, don't you?

Hey, that's OK with me.

The primary
purpose we're here is

to locate Athena's
lost companion, Diana,

and reunite these bosom pals.

But from another place...

indeed, from another time...

there can be no
doubt that she came.