Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,349 --> 00:00:02,436
ADULT SHELDON:
Scientific rivalries
2
00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:03,915
are a fact of life.
3
00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:06,354
When two competing scientists
work on a project,
4
00:00:06,397 --> 00:00:09,573
it can devolve into
an intellectual boxing match.
5
00:00:09,618 --> 00:00:12,272
Over the years, there's been
a few classic heavyweight bouts.
6
00:00:12,316 --> 00:00:14,404
Newton and Leibniz.[bell ringing]
7
00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:15,884
Tesla and Edison.
8
00:00:15,928 --> 00:00:19,280
And in a lesser-known
but equally brutal bout...
9
00:00:19,323 --> 00:00:21,803
ANNOUNCER:
Linkletter versus Sturgis,
10
00:00:21,847 --> 00:00:24,067
The Tussle with No Muscle.
11
00:00:24,111 --> 00:00:26,591
Let's see how they stack up
12
00:00:26,635 --> 00:00:28,289
in a tale of the tape.
13
00:00:28,332 --> 00:00:32,597
In the wire frame glasses,
the Eureka from Topeka,
14
00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:34,947
Grant Linkletter.
15
00:00:36,340 --> 00:00:38,603
IQ: 159.
16
00:00:38,646 --> 00:00:40,996
Papers published: 272.
17
00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:43,304
Bedtime: 8:30.
18
00:00:43,347 --> 00:00:45,609
And his opponent,
19
00:00:45,654 --> 00:00:47,872
in his favorite sensible shoes,
20
00:00:47,917 --> 00:00:50,398
The Brain from Maine,
21
00:00:50,441 --> 00:00:54,357
John Burgess Sturgis!
22
00:00:54,402 --> 00:00:57,448
IQ: 162.
23
00:00:57,491 --> 00:01:00,060
Papers published: 221.
24
00:01:00,103 --> 00:01:02,670
Bedtime: 7:45 on weekdays,
25
00:01:02,713 --> 00:01:05,281
9:00 on Saturday night.
26
00:01:05,325 --> 00:01:09,981
Fasten your thinking caps
and let's get it on.
27
00:01:10,025 --> 00:01:12,593
The free-streaming length
of the axion is too long.
28
00:01:12,637 --> 00:01:14,986
It'll erase the fluctuations.
29
00:01:15,031 --> 00:01:16,293
You're completely forgetting
30
00:01:16,337 --> 00:01:18,426
that it is nonrelativistic
dark matter.
31
00:01:18,468 --> 00:01:19,992
You'll never have the resolution
32
00:01:20,036 --> 00:01:21,864
to see microkelvin features.
33
00:01:21,906 --> 00:01:24,605
I think your brain is as smooth
as the top of your head.
34
00:01:24,649 --> 00:01:26,433
Low blow, Grant.
35
00:01:26,477 --> 00:01:28,870
He's right, gentlemen,
let's keep it to science.
36
00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:31,700
You'll never have the resolution
37
00:01:31,742 --> 00:01:33,701
to see microkelvin features.
38
00:01:33,745 --> 00:01:36,661
♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪
39
00:01:36,704 --> 00:01:39,533
♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain
40
00:01:39,576 --> 00:01:42,014
♪ I bet I could be your hero
41
00:01:42,057 --> 00:01:44,495
♪ I am a mighty little man
42
00:01:44,539 --> 00:01:48,716
♪ I am a mighty little man.♪
43
00:01:54,418 --> 00:01:58,727
I cannot work with that creepy
little know-it-all one more day.
44
00:01:58,770 --> 00:02:01,947
I-I'm sorry, but are we talking
about Sheldon or Sturgis?
45
00:02:01,990 --> 00:02:05,560
Sturgis.
Well, both, but mostly Sturgis.
46
00:02:05,602 --> 00:02:08,431
He's not interested
in anyone else's input.
47
00:02:08,475 --> 00:02:10,564
I-I'm sorry,
Sheldon or Linkletter?
48
00:02:10,608 --> 00:02:11,566
Linkletter.
49
00:02:11,609 --> 00:02:13,872
Ah, got it. Continue.
50
00:02:13,915 --> 00:02:14,872
Well?
51
00:02:14,917 --> 00:02:16,265
But I thought you wanted
52
00:02:16,310 --> 00:02:18,354
Dr. Sturgis on this project.
53
00:02:18,399 --> 00:02:20,662
I'll admit John
has been useful, but now
54
00:02:20,704 --> 00:02:22,359
he's just slowing us down.
55
00:02:22,402 --> 00:02:24,405
Well, he keeps Sheldon happy,
56
00:02:24,448 --> 00:02:27,058
and when Sheldon's happy,
he's not in this office.
57
00:02:27,103 --> 00:02:29,713
Well, but when he's not in
your office, he's in my office.
58
00:02:29,758 --> 00:02:31,847
Eh, "dem's da breaks."
[chuckles]
59
00:02:31,889 --> 00:02:33,543
I was brought in to help
60
00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:36,372
but Dr. Linkletter
doesn't value my input.
61
00:02:36,417 --> 00:02:39,376
Oh, I hear you.
That must be tough.
62
00:02:39,420 --> 00:02:42,901
Ever since he was brought back,
he contradicts everything I say.
63
00:02:42,944 --> 00:02:45,860
I hear you. That must be tough.
64
00:02:45,903 --> 00:02:47,384
There was a time when
their arguing brought out
65
00:02:47,427 --> 00:02:49,865
the best in them, but now
it's just hindering our work.
66
00:02:49,908 --> 00:02:51,997
I hear you. That must be tough.
67
00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:53,477
Thank you for understanding.
68
00:02:53,521 --> 00:02:55,740
And between us,
69
00:02:55,783 --> 00:02:58,787
I am counting on you
being in charge.
70
00:02:58,829 --> 00:03:00,049
Excellent.
71
00:03:00,092 --> 00:03:02,530
You're the alpha dog
on this project.
72
00:03:02,573 --> 00:03:03,878
Very good.
73
00:03:03,921 --> 00:03:06,402
But shouldn't we tell everyone?
74
00:03:06,447 --> 00:03:09,580
Oh, no, no, no, no. I can't
be seen as playing favorites.
75
00:03:09,623 --> 00:03:13,454
But what's important
is that I know and you know.
76
00:03:13,497 --> 00:03:14,455
Smart.
77
00:03:14,497 --> 00:03:15,586
But not as smart as you.
78
00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:17,240
Oh. [laughs]
79
00:03:17,283 --> 00:03:20,373
Which is why, uh,
just between us,
80
00:03:20,417 --> 00:03:24,028
I am counting on you to keep
the train on the tracks.
81
00:03:24,073 --> 00:03:25,901
Well, I appreciate
the vote of confidence.
82
00:03:25,943 --> 00:03:28,033
And the sweet train metaphor.Well, good.
83
00:03:28,076 --> 00:03:29,948
You know, I just
want you to be happy.
84
00:03:29,991 --> 00:03:32,603
I guess in a way I'm kind
of like the son you never had.
85
00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:34,257
Sure.
86
00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:35,389
Which is nice,
because you're far too old
87
00:03:35,432 --> 00:03:36,694
to have children now.
88
00:03:36,737 --> 00:03:38,086
[laughs softly]
89
00:03:38,129 --> 00:03:40,002
And you make me feel okay
about that.
90
00:03:40,045 --> 00:03:41,611
Wait.
91
00:03:43,658 --> 00:03:45,834
$20 on pump four, please.
92
00:03:45,877 --> 00:03:47,704
You got it.
93
00:03:48,750 --> 00:03:49,881
Here you go.
94
00:03:51,491 --> 00:03:52,449
What's this?
95
00:03:52,492 --> 00:03:53,972
Promotion for the new lottery.
96
00:03:54,015 --> 00:03:55,973
Every ten gallons,
you get a free scratcher.
97
00:03:56,018 --> 00:03:57,975
Oh, I don't believe in gambling.
98
00:03:58,020 --> 00:03:59,063
Great, I'll take it.
99
00:03:59,108 --> 00:04:00,109
Oh, I don't believe
100
00:04:00,151 --> 00:04:01,414
you should be gambling, either.
101
00:04:01,457 --> 00:04:02,545
So, you don't want it?
102
00:04:02,590 --> 00:04:04,373
No.Then I'm scratching it.
103
00:04:04,418 --> 00:04:06,723
Sorry. Not on my watch.
104
00:04:07,985 --> 00:04:09,813
You can thank me in heaven.
105
00:04:12,687 --> 00:04:14,602
[stammers]
106
00:04:14,645 --> 00:04:16,298
What's this formula?
107
00:04:16,343 --> 00:04:17,952
This wasn't here yesterday.
108
00:04:17,995 --> 00:04:20,302
Dr. Linkletter added it
after you left.
109
00:04:20,346 --> 00:04:21,956
Was he trying to be funny?
110
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,654
He was giggling
at your "feebleminded math."
111
00:04:24,699 --> 00:04:25,656
His words.
112
00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:26,961
He's trying to approximate
113
00:04:27,004 --> 00:04:30,312
the cosmic background radiation
by setting it
114
00:04:30,356 --> 00:04:35,622
at one Rydberg over Z,
and mymath is feebleminded?
115
00:04:35,665 --> 00:04:37,581
[laughs]
116
00:04:38,625 --> 00:04:39,887
What do you think you're doing?
117
00:04:39,930 --> 00:04:42,543
I'm changing the estimate
118
00:04:42,586 --> 00:04:45,632
to Robert Dicke's value
of 45 kelvin.
119
00:04:45,675 --> 00:04:48,331
I wasn't here the last time
he went off his rocker.
120
00:04:48,375 --> 00:04:49,723
Is this what it looked like?
121
00:04:49,766 --> 00:04:52,334
I'm perfectly sane,
and I'm telling you,
122
00:04:52,379 --> 00:04:54,858
Dicke's estimate
is the way to go.
123
00:04:54,903 --> 00:04:56,338
And I'm telling you
we need to use
124
00:04:56,382 --> 00:04:58,776
one Rydberg over Z,
and that is final.
125
00:04:58,819 --> 00:05:02,432
Oh, is it, you albino beanpole?
126
00:05:02,475 --> 00:05:03,519
Dr. Sturgis.
127
00:05:03,564 --> 00:05:06,523
He impugned my mental stability.
128
00:05:06,567 --> 00:05:08,959
Fair enough. Your insult stands.
129
00:05:09,004 --> 00:05:11,440
Thank you. Beanpole.
130
00:05:25,411 --> 00:05:26,586
Ooh.
131
00:05:28,588 --> 00:05:29,677
Oh, man.
132
00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:31,678
God, I swear I'll never ask
133
00:05:31,721 --> 00:05:34,290
for anything again,
just one more 500.
134
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:35,899
Thank you.
135
00:05:35,944 --> 00:05:37,946
Melissa Cooper,
what are you doing with that?
136
00:05:37,988 --> 00:05:39,468
I found it.
137
00:05:39,512 --> 00:05:42,558
Well, it is mine, and
I threw it away for a reason.
138
00:05:42,603 --> 00:05:45,432
It's mine now,
and I might win 500 bucks.
139
00:05:45,475 --> 00:05:47,476
Oh, no, you won't.
140
00:05:47,521 --> 00:05:48,913
I'll split it with you.No.
141
00:05:48,956 --> 00:05:50,567
Why are you being so lame?
142
00:05:50,610 --> 00:05:52,569
Because money
does not buy happiness.
143
00:05:52,612 --> 00:05:55,832
[sighs]
Fresh Prince seems pretty happy.
144
00:05:55,877 --> 00:05:57,879
It is not his money,
it's his Uncle Phil's!
145
00:05:59,923 --> 00:06:01,577
[sighs]
146
00:06:13,459 --> 00:06:14,809
[exhales]
147
00:06:19,596 --> 00:06:20,641
[gasps]
148
00:06:20,684 --> 00:06:22,773
Half of that's mine.
I prayed for it.
149
00:06:22,817 --> 00:06:23,992
Go to your room.
150
00:06:26,036 --> 00:06:28,518
You're wasting valuable time.
151
00:06:28,562 --> 00:06:29,779
I'm not, you are.
152
00:06:29,824 --> 00:06:31,042
Gentlemen,
if we could please keep
153
00:06:31,086 --> 00:06:32,521
this train on the tracks...
154
00:06:32,566 --> 00:06:33,957
We'll be on track
if we follow my plan,
155
00:06:34,002 --> 00:06:35,872
so I'm afraid I'm going
to have to insist.
156
00:06:35,917 --> 00:06:37,004
Insist?
157
00:06:37,048 --> 00:06:38,963
You're not the alpha dog
around here.
158
00:06:39,007 --> 00:06:39,963
I agree.
159
00:06:40,007 --> 00:06:41,487
This may be hard for both of you
160
00:06:41,531 --> 00:06:44,752
to hear, but President Hagemeyer
put me in charge.
161
00:06:44,795 --> 00:06:46,927
I know for a fact
that isn't true,
162
00:06:46,971 --> 00:06:49,495
because she put me in charge.
163
00:06:50,497 --> 00:06:52,411
We may have a problem.
164
00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:54,500
What can I say?
165
00:06:54,543 --> 00:06:56,024
I tried something.
[laughs softly]
166
00:07:01,115 --> 00:07:02,290
So you really thought
167
00:07:02,334 --> 00:07:03,204
you could tell us
we were all in charge
168
00:07:03,247 --> 00:07:04,379
and we wouldn't
figure it out?
169
00:07:04,423 --> 00:07:07,470
Well, in my defense,
I said to each of you,
170
00:07:07,514 --> 00:07:09,471
"Let's keep this
between us."
171
00:07:09,516 --> 00:07:12,779
I'm a little disappointed
that you broke my trust.
172
00:07:12,822 --> 00:07:15,478
That is true. We're sorry.
173
00:07:15,521 --> 00:07:18,088
Don't apologize for that.
We were being manipulated.
174
00:07:18,132 --> 00:07:19,481
You were the one
who blabbed first.
175
00:07:19,526 --> 00:07:21,483
That's because you kept
slowing us down
176
00:07:21,528 --> 00:07:22,790
with your outmoded ideas.
177
00:07:22,832 --> 00:07:24,834
Gentlemen, if we could
just follow my plan...
178
00:07:24,879 --> 00:07:26,184
No.
No.
179
00:07:26,228 --> 00:07:27,795
Well, I hope
that you're starting
180
00:07:27,838 --> 00:07:31,319
to see the challenge I faced
putting any of you in charge.
181
00:07:31,362 --> 00:07:32,408
You're right, we're sorry.
182
00:07:32,451 --> 00:07:34,497
Stop that.Sorry.
183
00:07:34,540 --> 00:07:35,846
Well, we can't move forward
184
00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:37,848
until a project leader
is chosen.
185
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:39,502
He's right, I'll do it.
186
00:07:39,545 --> 00:07:41,329
You're a child. You'rea child.
187
00:07:41,372 --> 00:07:42,504
Oh, you're all children.
188
00:07:42,548 --> 00:07:44,420
Sorry. Sorry.
189
00:07:45,377 --> 00:07:47,596
Well, who's it gonna be?
190
00:07:47,641 --> 00:07:49,598
Gentlemen, I'm Dr. Carol Lee,
191
00:07:49,643 --> 00:07:52,733
director of the new
experimental cosmology center.
192
00:07:52,776 --> 00:07:55,343
What makes you qualified
to lead our project?
193
00:07:55,387 --> 00:07:56,867
Yeah.Yeah.
194
00:07:56,911 --> 00:08:00,348
Well, I have a PhD in physics
from Berkeley,
195
00:08:00,391 --> 00:08:02,569
I worked at IBM's
Watson Research Center
196
00:08:02,612 --> 00:08:04,526
as lead of the materials
research group,
197
00:08:04,571 --> 00:08:06,615
and I raised
three little boys,
198
00:08:06,660 --> 00:08:08,182
which I understand
199
00:08:08,225 --> 00:08:09,879
you've been acting like.
200
00:08:11,882 --> 00:08:13,579
Sounds like she can handle it.
201
00:08:13,622 --> 00:08:15,581
Dear Lord, please forgive me.
202
00:08:15,625 --> 00:08:17,365
I shouldn't have
finished that scratcher.
203
00:08:17,408 --> 00:08:19,194
That was wrong.
204
00:08:19,237 --> 00:08:24,547
But now that I have the money,
my family could really use it.
205
00:08:24,591 --> 00:08:27,331
I know. Gambling is a sin.
206
00:08:27,375 --> 00:08:30,334
Although, I didn't buy
the scratcher,
207
00:08:30,379 --> 00:08:32,554
so is that even gambling?
208
00:08:32,599 --> 00:08:34,557
Why is Missy saying we're rich?
209
00:08:35,950 --> 00:08:39,909
I suggest we mount a radio
telescope on the roof
210
00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:41,563
so that we can get a good read
211
00:08:41,607 --> 00:08:43,610
on the fluctuations
in radiation.
212
00:08:43,653 --> 00:08:45,088
Excellent.
213
00:08:45,133 --> 00:08:47,875
We'll pick a small region
of the sky and drill down.
214
00:08:47,918 --> 00:08:49,876
Whoa, whoa, pump your brakes.
215
00:08:49,919 --> 00:08:52,749
We need at least
a 45-square-degree sector
216
00:08:52,793 --> 00:08:55,796
of the sky in order to take
any meaningful readings.
217
00:08:55,838 --> 00:08:57,537
That's ridiculous.
What we need to do is cut
218
00:08:57,580 --> 00:08:59,799
a single linear section
across the horizon.
219
00:08:59,842 --> 00:09:02,192
No, if we don't focus,
we won't get any useful data.
220
00:09:02,236 --> 00:09:03,673
I suggest 20
arc minutes max.
221
00:09:03,716 --> 00:09:06,283
The trick is to pick
a good spot.
222
00:09:06,327 --> 00:09:09,461
You want a trick?
Go see David Copperfield.
223
00:09:09,504 --> 00:09:10,592
How about I make youdisappear?
224
00:09:11,855 --> 00:09:13,509
Do I need to separate you?
225
00:09:13,552 --> 00:09:17,513
Or can we try to put
our minds together
226
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:20,168
for the advancement of science?
227
00:09:20,211 --> 00:09:22,474
The second one.
228
00:09:22,518 --> 00:09:24,912
I know you're new here, ma'am,
but this is our process.
229
00:09:24,955 --> 00:09:26,826
They argue, I swoop in
and save the day.
230
00:09:26,870 --> 00:09:28,871
It may seem unorthodox
to you, however...
231
00:09:30,874 --> 00:09:32,484
The-the second one.
232
00:09:33,834 --> 00:09:36,313
I'm gonna tell you right now,
we can't keep it.
233
00:09:36,357 --> 00:09:39,447
It's not a puppy, Mary,
it's 500 bucks.
234
00:09:39,490 --> 00:09:40,841
It is gambling.
235
00:09:40,884 --> 00:09:42,538
Then why'd you buy the ticket?
236
00:09:42,581 --> 00:09:45,496
I didn't buy it. They gave it
to me at the gas station.
237
00:09:45,540 --> 00:09:48,892
Okay, well, that sounds
like a gift from God.
238
00:09:48,936 --> 00:09:50,371
You don't want to make Him mad.
239
00:09:50,414 --> 00:09:52,634
That is not how God
works, George.
240
00:09:52,678 --> 00:09:55,245
What if he wanted you to have it
to give to the Church?
241
00:09:55,289 --> 00:09:56,856
Well...
242
00:09:56,899 --> 00:09:59,336
Well, uh, based on that,
what if he wanted you to have it
243
00:09:59,380 --> 00:10:01,470
so we could buy stuff?George.
244
00:10:01,513 --> 00:10:04,298
All I'm saying is, we work hard,
we're good people.
245
00:10:04,341 --> 00:10:05,822
Maybe we deserve this.
246
00:10:09,433 --> 00:10:11,480
I guess a dishwasher
might be nice.
247
00:10:11,523 --> 00:10:13,655
There you go. Get a dishwasher.
248
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:15,745
I don't know.
I'll think about it.
249
00:10:15,788 --> 00:10:18,529
What's to think about?
Have some fun for once.
250
00:10:18,573 --> 00:10:20,489
Ooh, we getting something
fun with the money?
251
00:10:20,532 --> 00:10:21,881
We're talking about
a dishwasher.
252
00:10:21,924 --> 00:10:23,971
When did your dreams die?
253
00:10:25,014 --> 00:10:26,886
When we had kids.George.
254
00:10:26,929 --> 00:10:31,239
I was carrying pulsers
75 feet up
255
00:10:31,282 --> 00:10:33,240
a wet metal ladder
256
00:10:33,283 --> 00:10:34,590
when there was an earthquake.
257
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:37,548
[chuckles] So, I am hanging on
for dear life...
258
00:10:37,592 --> 00:10:40,290
Ooh, we should set up
several radio telescopes
259
00:10:40,335 --> 00:10:42,597
on different rooftops
in an array.
260
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:47,211
You speak Mandarin.
261
00:10:56,524 --> 00:10:58,875
I heard my name.
What are they saying?
262
00:10:58,918 --> 00:11:01,138
I don't speak Mandarin.
Just a little French.
263
00:11:01,182 --> 00:11:02,923
Oh, really?
264
00:11:06,621 --> 00:11:07,623
Ha!
265
00:11:10,147 --> 00:11:11,845
[laughter]
266
00:11:11,888 --> 00:11:14,107
Well, does anyone here
speak Klingon?
267
00:11:24,466 --> 00:11:26,380
Dr. Lee?Sheldon.
268
00:11:26,423 --> 00:11:28,164
May I have a moment
of your time?
269
00:11:28,208 --> 00:11:30,124
Of course, come in.
270
00:11:30,167 --> 00:11:31,865
Sit.
271
00:11:31,908 --> 00:11:34,128
How can I help you?
272
00:11:34,171 --> 00:11:37,434
I feel like my contributions
aren't being taken seriously.
273
00:11:37,479 --> 00:11:40,611
Oh, well, I'm sorry
you feel that way,
274
00:11:40,655 --> 00:11:43,528
but I'm listening
to everyone's contributions.
275
00:11:43,572 --> 00:11:45,399
But you're not taking
any of mine.
276
00:11:45,442 --> 00:11:48,316
No. But Drs. Linkletter
and Sturgis
277
00:11:48,359 --> 00:11:50,578
seem happy with the
direction we're headed.
278
00:11:51,580 --> 00:11:53,190
Well, I think it's because
279
00:11:53,234 --> 00:11:56,149
you're using
your feminine wiles.
280
00:11:56,192 --> 00:11:58,847
And what exactly
do you think that means?
281
00:11:58,892 --> 00:12:00,544
I'm not sure,
but you are wearing lip gloss
282
00:12:00,589 --> 00:12:02,808
and seem to have good hygiene.
283
00:12:02,851 --> 00:12:04,985
And if you're trying to use them
on me, it's not going to work.
284
00:12:06,115 --> 00:12:08,466
Sheldon, I assure you
285
00:12:08,509 --> 00:12:09,336
that I'm just trying to do
286
00:12:09,379 --> 00:12:10,554
what's best for the project.
287
00:12:10,599 --> 00:12:12,383
Excellent,
then you'll want to set up
288
00:12:12,427 --> 00:12:14,168
several telescopes in an array.
289
00:12:14,211 --> 00:12:17,171
I hear you, but... ghobe'.
290
00:12:17,213 --> 00:12:20,434
Wait, that's "no" in Klingon.
Do you speak Klingon?
291
00:12:20,477 --> 00:12:21,914
I looked up that one word.
292
00:12:21,957 --> 00:12:24,918
I had a feeling it
would come in handy.
293
00:12:24,961 --> 00:12:26,919
[grunts]
294
00:12:29,356 --> 00:12:32,360
Ooh, look
at the Ultra-Clean Two.
295
00:12:32,403 --> 00:12:34,404
It's got five washing cycles.
296
00:12:34,448 --> 00:12:37,234
I don't know, George,
these are really expensive.
297
00:12:37,278 --> 00:12:40,498
You won the money.
Spend it.
298
00:12:40,542 --> 00:12:43,587
Maybe we should just
get a more affordable one.
299
00:12:43,631 --> 00:12:47,331
Everything we do is affordable.
Uh... splurge for once.
300
00:12:47,375 --> 00:12:49,072
It's so extravagant.
301
00:12:49,115 --> 00:12:50,290
[laughs] You'd think
we were talking about
302
00:12:50,334 --> 00:12:51,422
buying a party boat.
303
00:12:51,466 --> 00:12:53,990
It's a dishwasher,
for crying out loud.
304
00:12:54,033 --> 00:12:57,601
But the way we got the money,
it just doesn't feel right.
305
00:12:57,645 --> 00:13:00,082
So you're telling me
you're never okay
306
00:13:00,126 --> 00:13:01,868
with bending the rules
once in a while?
307
00:13:01,910 --> 00:13:04,173
That's not how being
a Christian works.
308
00:13:05,219 --> 00:13:07,221
Good to know.
309
00:13:08,961 --> 00:13:10,049
What are you doing?
310
00:13:10,092 --> 00:13:12,182
Oh, just helping you
be a good Christian.
311
00:13:14,619 --> 00:13:16,360
[door closes]
312
00:13:16,403 --> 00:13:18,405
ADULT SHELDON:
Dr. Lee had commandeered
the project,
313
00:13:18,448 --> 00:13:21,104
and Drs. Linkletter
and Sturgis were okay with it.
314
00:13:21,148 --> 00:13:24,629
Everyone was being mean,
and I was out of my depth.
315
00:13:24,673 --> 00:13:27,327
I needed advice
on how to proceed.
316
00:13:27,370 --> 00:13:29,286
Thankfully, I was mere feet away
317
00:13:29,330 --> 00:13:31,027
from the person
who had been mean to me
318
00:13:31,071 --> 00:13:33,595
since she tried strangling me
with her umbilical cord.
319
00:13:33,638 --> 00:13:35,292
What?
320
00:13:35,336 --> 00:13:37,903
So, this Dr. Lee is turning
your friends against you?
321
00:13:37,947 --> 00:13:39,209
Essentially.
322
00:13:39,253 --> 00:13:40,644
Classic move.
323
00:13:40,688 --> 00:13:42,255
Most girls you find crying
in the school bathroom,
324
00:13:42,298 --> 00:13:43,386
that was it.
325
00:13:43,431 --> 00:13:44,649
What do I do?
326
00:13:44,692 --> 00:13:46,086
Well, you're in a tough spot
327
00:13:46,129 --> 00:13:48,349
'cause your personality is ugh.
328
00:13:48,392 --> 00:13:50,177
There's enough people
being mean to me right now.
329
00:13:50,220 --> 00:13:51,177
Sorry.
330
00:13:51,221 --> 00:13:52,527
Can you help me or not?
331
00:13:52,570 --> 00:13:54,963
It's you against a bunch
of college professors.
332
00:13:55,008 --> 00:13:56,530
I don't think
you can win this one.
333
00:13:59,273 --> 00:14:01,404
Oh. Do any of them have pimples?
334
00:14:01,448 --> 00:14:02,971
No.
335
00:14:03,015 --> 00:14:05,452
Too bad, I've done a lot
of damage with "pizza face."
336
00:14:07,455 --> 00:14:09,152
He just took the ticket
337
00:14:09,196 --> 00:14:10,587
and stormed off.
338
00:14:10,631 --> 00:14:13,155
I don't know why he cares
so much about a dishwasher.
339
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:14,897
Maybe it ain't
about the dishwasher.
340
00:14:14,941 --> 00:14:16,899
Well, what is it, then?
341
00:14:16,942 --> 00:14:18,988
Mary, I love you,
but sometimes it's kind of like
342
00:14:19,032 --> 00:14:21,511
you're waging a war on fun.
343
00:14:21,556 --> 00:14:24,907
Why? Because I have values?
344
00:14:24,951 --> 00:14:27,213
Well, too bad because
they're not going away.
345
00:14:27,256 --> 00:14:29,650
Oh, and fun is down
for the count.
346
00:14:29,693 --> 00:14:31,913
500 bucks?
347
00:14:31,957 --> 00:14:34,003
I guess drinks are on you.
348
00:14:34,047 --> 00:14:37,311
Fine, but is that all
you got from my story?
349
00:14:37,354 --> 00:14:39,355
It's called lightening
the mood, George.
350
00:14:39,399 --> 00:14:41,315
Sorry.
351
00:14:41,357 --> 00:14:43,664
But I do think
you're overreacting.
352
00:14:44,709 --> 00:14:46,407
Come on.
353
00:14:46,450 --> 00:14:48,975
I... Would it kill her
to loosen up once in a while?
354
00:14:49,018 --> 00:14:51,193
Maybe that's just
not who she is.
355
00:14:51,238 --> 00:14:54,676
What if it is, just not with me?
356
00:14:54,719 --> 00:14:56,068
Well, what does that mean?
357
00:14:57,244 --> 00:14:58,941
The other night I
drove by the church
358
00:14:58,985 --> 00:15:01,029
and I saw Mary
and that new youth pastor
359
00:15:01,073 --> 00:15:04,554
just hanging out on the curb,
laughing and smoking cigarettes.
360
00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:08,384
Yeah? And?
361
00:15:08,428 --> 00:15:09,908
Well, that's not enough?
362
00:15:09,951 --> 00:15:12,172
Well, is smoking even a sin?
363
00:15:12,215 --> 00:15:14,609
'Cause I still light up
after a roll in the hay.
364
00:15:14,652 --> 00:15:19,395
The point is, she's capable
of being fun, just...
365
00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:21,181
not with me.
366
00:15:21,224 --> 00:15:23,356
It's not like
I don't want to be fun,
367
00:15:23,399 --> 00:15:24,706
but I feel like
368
00:15:24,749 --> 00:15:27,230
I am the only one holding
the family together.
369
00:15:27,274 --> 00:15:30,232
Mary, can I point out that you
weren't exactly like this
370
00:15:30,277 --> 00:15:32,061
when y'all got married?
371
00:15:32,105 --> 00:15:34,062
So? I'm not allowed to grow?
372
00:15:34,106 --> 00:15:36,630
Apart? Okay.
373
00:15:38,633 --> 00:15:40,287
What made you and your wife
call it quits?
374
00:15:40,330 --> 00:15:41,941
George, let me
tell you something.
375
00:15:41,984 --> 00:15:43,942
Getting divorced sucks.
376
00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:46,249
I know.You don't.
377
00:15:46,293 --> 00:15:49,034
If you think you're upset
about a $500 scratcher,
378
00:15:49,077 --> 00:15:52,211
try sitting home alone
with half your money gone.
379
00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:54,431
I thought you were
gonna say something
380
00:15:54,475 --> 00:15:55,605
about love and vows.
381
00:15:55,649 --> 00:15:57,390
Half, George.
382
00:15:57,433 --> 00:15:59,261
And it wasn't a lot
when it was a whole.
383
00:15:59,306 --> 00:16:01,177
I said I'd buy your drinks.
384
00:16:01,221 --> 00:16:02,482
Well, thank you.
385
00:16:03,484 --> 00:16:04,919
Wings wouldn't hurt, either.
386
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,182
ADULT SHELDON:
My sister thought I was in
387
00:16:06,225 --> 00:16:07,488
an unwinnable situation,
388
00:16:07,530 --> 00:16:09,272
but I knew someone else
who faced
389
00:16:09,316 --> 00:16:13,145
a no-win scenario and prevailed:
one James Tiberius Kirk.
390
00:16:13,188 --> 00:16:15,625
The Kobayashi Maru
was a simulation
391
00:16:15,669 --> 00:16:18,455
designed to be unbeatable,
but Kirk snuck in
392
00:16:18,499 --> 00:16:20,326
and reprogrammed it
so he could win.
393
00:16:20,370 --> 00:16:23,155
All I needed to do
was put my scanning coordinates
394
00:16:23,198 --> 00:16:26,462
into Dr. Lee's radio telescope
to prove I was correct.
395
00:16:26,506 --> 00:16:29,336
It was time for my sneaky face.
396
00:16:31,076 --> 00:16:32,513
[door closes]
397
00:16:35,124 --> 00:16:36,211
Hey.
398
00:16:36,255 --> 00:16:37,648
Hi.
399
00:16:39,172 --> 00:16:40,433
This is yours.
400
00:16:40,476 --> 00:16:42,392
And if you don't feel
right spending it,
401
00:16:42,436 --> 00:16:44,567
then you should do
whatever you want with it.
402
00:16:44,611 --> 00:16:46,657
Thank you.
403
00:16:51,488 --> 00:16:54,013
You know,
I've been thinking that
404
00:16:54,056 --> 00:16:55,448
maybe it isn't
405
00:16:55,491 --> 00:16:58,581
the end of the world
if we spend it on something fun.
406
00:16:58,625 --> 00:17:00,149
Really?
407
00:17:00,192 --> 00:17:03,109
Yeah, something
the family could enjoy.
408
00:17:03,152 --> 00:17:04,980
Well...
409
00:17:05,023 --> 00:17:06,502
we haven't been on vacation
in a long time.
410
00:17:06,547 --> 00:17:08,375
Oh...
411
00:17:08,417 --> 00:17:10,028
Oh.
[gasps]
412
00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:12,161
We could go to Houston,
see the Ice Capades.
413
00:17:13,336 --> 00:17:14,597
Let's keep thinking.
414
00:17:16,425 --> 00:17:19,864
ADULT SHELDON:
The next evening,
I put my plan into action.
415
00:17:19,907 --> 00:17:21,518
I was just like Captain Kirk,
416
00:17:21,561 --> 00:17:24,433
if Captain Kirk had to bum
a ride from his meemaw.
417
00:17:24,478 --> 00:17:27,133
All I needed to do was
get into Dr. Lee's office
418
00:17:27,175 --> 00:17:29,221
and swap the coordinates.
419
00:17:29,265 --> 00:17:30,396
Nothing could stop me.
420
00:17:32,050 --> 00:17:34,530
Dang it.
421
00:17:34,575 --> 00:17:36,619
Well, here's to male egos
422
00:17:36,663 --> 00:17:38,317
and all the fun
that comes with them.
423
00:17:38,361 --> 00:17:40,580
[chuckles][sighs]
424
00:17:40,624 --> 00:17:42,799
You've had to deal
with that a lot, huh?
425
00:17:42,844 --> 00:17:44,801
The first month I was here,
people kept assuming
426
00:17:44,846 --> 00:17:46,847
I was the president's secretary.
427
00:17:46,891 --> 00:17:48,849
Did you correct them?
428
00:17:48,893 --> 00:17:51,808
No, I just told them
that the president was too busy
429
00:17:51,853 --> 00:17:54,247
to see them and then
I cut their funding.
430
00:17:54,289 --> 00:17:56,596
[laughs]
That must have felt good.
431
00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:59,903
Ah, it was like taking off
my bra at the end of a long day.
432
00:17:59,948 --> 00:18:02,516
Mm-hmm.But I don't have to tell you.
433
00:18:02,558 --> 00:18:06,214
Can you believe there were only
three women in my major?
434
00:18:06,259 --> 00:18:07,868
Oh, at least you had each other.
435
00:18:07,912 --> 00:18:09,784
Those bitches? Pass.
436
00:18:09,826 --> 00:18:11,612
What about the guys?
437
00:18:11,654 --> 00:18:13,353
Either too scared to talk to me
438
00:18:13,395 --> 00:18:15,484
or trying to talk me
into being horizontal.
439
00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:17,704
Oh, yeah, I hear that. Mm-hmm.Mm.
440
00:18:17,748 --> 00:18:20,837
I've even had projects sabotaged
just to make me look bad.
441
00:18:20,882 --> 00:18:22,752
You're kidding.Nope.
442
00:18:37,768 --> 00:18:38,900
Well, what did you do?
443
00:18:38,942 --> 00:18:40,815
Well, eventually I realized,
444
00:18:40,857 --> 00:18:43,425
[chuckles]:
I'm an experimental physicist.
445
00:18:43,470 --> 00:18:46,820
I can build anything I want
to protect my work.
446
00:18:46,864 --> 00:18:49,432
[alarm sounding]
447
00:18:51,304 --> 00:18:52,653
[coughs]
448
00:18:52,695 --> 00:18:54,654
And thanks to my kids,
449
00:18:54,698 --> 00:18:58,659
I am very familiar with
the movie Home Alone.
450
00:18:58,701 --> 00:19:01,227
[both laugh]
451
00:19:01,269 --> 00:19:03,707
ADULT SHELDON:
After a lot of apologizing,
a little begging
452
00:19:03,750 --> 00:19:05,361
and a note from my mother,
453
00:19:05,404 --> 00:19:08,277
I was allowed to keep
my role on the team.
454
00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:09,973
When Captain Kirk
faced the no-win scenario,
455
00:19:10,018 --> 00:19:11,759
he didn't have blue
and yellow snot for a week.
456
00:19:11,801 --> 00:19:13,630
[sneezes]Ew.
457
00:19:19,027 --> 00:19:20,636
[low humming]
458
00:19:20,681 --> 00:19:22,335
Sounds like the ocean.
459
00:19:22,377 --> 00:19:23,465
Oh, it is very relaxing.
460
00:19:23,509 --> 00:19:24,641
GEORGE JR.:
Kind of makes
461
00:19:24,684 --> 00:19:26,773
the rest of the kitchen
look trashy.
462
00:19:26,817 --> 00:19:28,950
Ooh, it has
a temperature boost sensor.
463
00:19:28,992 --> 00:19:30,256
What's that?
464
00:19:30,298 --> 00:19:31,778
It makes sure
the water is heated
465
00:19:31,821 --> 00:19:33,606
to the correct temperature
for ideal cleaning
466
00:19:33,650 --> 00:19:35,608
and drying results.ALL:
Ooh.
467
00:19:35,652 --> 00:19:36,871
[scoffs]
468
00:19:36,913 --> 00:19:38,001
Where are you going?
469
00:19:38,046 --> 00:19:39,742
You're gonna miss
the rinse cycle.
470
00:19:39,787 --> 00:19:41,222
I'm not missing anything.
471
00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:42,876
[dishwasher beeps]
472
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:44,443
Oh, it beeped. Look up "beep."
473
00:19:49,971 --> 00:19:52,930
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
474
00:19:52,973 --> 00:19:58,935
WARNER BROS. TELEVISION
475
00:19:58,980 --> 00:20:01,982
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
32163
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.