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1
00:00:03,603 --> 00:00:05,203
Concede, Brighton.
2
00:00:05,272 --> 00:00:07,272
I've got you in two moves.
3
00:00:07,808 --> 00:00:09,208
You're done.
4
00:00:10,044 --> 00:00:12,510
Finished. Toast.
5
00:00:12,579 --> 00:00:13,745
[EXCLAIMING]
6
00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:16,648
Sir, when it's time to choose
7
00:00:16,717 --> 00:00:18,650
who pulls the plug
on the life support,
8
00:00:18,719 --> 00:00:20,419
go with the girls.
9
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:24,722
Ma, Jules is gonna be
here in two minutes.
10
00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:26,792
Would you stop
futzing with my skirt?
11
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,359
Can you believe her?
Stop it!
12
00:00:28,428 --> 00:00:30,829
Oh, Miss Fine, she's a mother.
She's just pulling it down.
13
00:00:30,898 --> 00:00:33,431
She's my mother.
She's hiking it up.
14
00:00:34,134 --> 00:00:35,934
Oh, I get it.
15
00:00:36,002 --> 00:00:38,803
Preparing the virgin
for the big sacrifice, huh?
16
00:00:40,073 --> 00:00:42,440
Yeah, if it was 1980.
Ma!
17
00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:48,013
Meanwhile, show some
"de colla tessin".
18
00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:49,715
Stop it, Ma.
19
00:00:51,819 --> 00:00:54,686
I'm not some
over-the-hill hussy,
20
00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:55,920
desperate to...
21
00:00:55,989 --> 00:00:57,989
Oh, how's this?
22
00:01:00,093 --> 00:01:03,962
Now, aren't you glad I forced you
to go to the Hadassah hoedown?
23
00:01:04,031 --> 00:01:05,163
Yeah.
24
00:01:06,366 --> 00:01:08,667
Yeah, I am.
25
00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:11,770
She thought that you could
meet the man of her dreams
26
00:01:11,839 --> 00:01:13,872
hanging around gay bars.
27
00:01:15,109 --> 00:01:18,043
Ma, I said Zabar's.
28
00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:21,980
I'm getting you a Miracle-Ear.
29
00:01:22,049 --> 00:01:23,449
[DOORBELL RINGS]
30
00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:24,716
Hurry up, Miss Fine.
31
00:01:24,785 --> 00:01:26,718
You're not getting any younger.
32
00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:29,488
I'm not the one that
looks like Lily Munster.
33
00:01:32,359 --> 00:01:34,526
Meanwhile, I just met
the man a week ago.
34
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:36,562
It takes a while
to form a relationship.
35
00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:39,230
I don't even know
if we're compatible.
36
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:48,807
You know, he's a doctor.
37
00:01:50,477 --> 00:01:53,345
That explains why he's
trying to remove her tonsils.
38
00:01:54,381 --> 00:01:55,881
Oh, can you believe this?
39
00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:58,083
Ever since The Beatles,
I've wanted to meet
40
00:01:58,151 --> 00:02:00,886
a sexy guy
with an English accent.
41
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:03,688
Guess they're all
at the Hadassah hoedown.
42
00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:05,757
Meanwhile, you should've come.
43
00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:08,393
There were a lot of
nice girls there for you.
44
00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:11,430
Big hair, lots of makeup,
tight clothes...
45
00:02:11,499 --> 00:02:14,433
Not my style,
but he goes for that type.
46
00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:19,438
Jules, before I forget,
come for dinner Sunday.
47
00:02:19,506 --> 00:02:22,107
I'll take the plastic
off the couch.
48
00:02:23,076 --> 00:02:25,043
That sounds delicious.
49
00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:29,647
Laugh at his jokes.
50
00:02:29,716 --> 00:02:30,716
[SCREAMS]
51
00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:38,890
♪ She was working in a
bridal shop in Flushing, Queens
52
00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:40,370
♪ 'Til her boyfriend
kicked her out
53
00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:41,993
♪ in one of those
crushing scenes
54
00:02:42,062 --> 00:02:43,828
♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go?
55
00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:46,898
♪ She was out on her fanny
56
00:02:46,967 --> 00:02:49,668
♪ So over the bridge from
Flushing to the Sheffield's door
57
00:02:49,737 --> 00:02:52,337
♪ She was there to sell
makeup, but the father saw more
58
00:02:52,406 --> 00:02:54,305
♪ She had style! She
had flair! She was there!
59
00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:57,875
♪ That's how
she became the nanny!
60
00:02:57,945 --> 00:03:01,046
♪ Who would have guessed
that the girl we've described
61
00:03:01,114 --> 00:03:03,248
♪ was just exactly what
the doctor prescribed?
62
00:03:03,317 --> 00:03:04,694
♪ Now the father
finds her beguiling
63
00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:05,983
♪ Watch out, C.C.!
64
00:03:06,052 --> 00:03:07,397
♪ And the kids
are actually smiling
65
00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:08,820
♪ Such joie de vivre!
66
00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:14,226
♪ She's the lady in red when
everybody else is wearing tan
67
00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:16,295
♪ The flashy girl
from Flushing
68
00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:18,696
♪ The nanny named Fran! ♪
69
00:03:25,238 --> 00:03:27,772
Oh, Maxwell, I can
barely keep my eyes open.
70
00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:30,608
I have got to get out of here.
71
00:03:30,677 --> 00:03:34,079
C.C., do you believe
in love at first sight?
72
00:03:34,148 --> 00:03:35,847
Yes! Why?
73
00:03:35,915 --> 00:03:36,948
Miss Fine.
74
00:03:37,016 --> 00:03:38,249
No! Why?
75
00:03:38,318 --> 00:03:39,384
She met a gentleman.
76
00:03:39,453 --> 00:03:41,553
I... I... I mean, yes. Yes. Yes.
77
00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:43,154
I'll stick with yes.
78
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:46,358
They spend every
waking moment together.
79
00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:47,526
It's just not...
80
00:03:47,594 --> 00:03:49,628
Fair, sir?
81
00:03:49,697 --> 00:03:51,630
What I was going
to say before my...
82
00:03:51,699 --> 00:03:54,866
Back off!
Butler interrupted was
83
00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:56,301
she's only just met the man.
84
00:03:56,370 --> 00:03:58,403
It's all happening so fast.
85
00:03:58,472 --> 00:04:00,706
That's why the lady is a tramp.
86
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:04,042
Coffee?
87
00:04:04,110 --> 00:04:05,344
Yes. Please.
88
00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:06,611
[EXCLAIMS]
89
00:04:08,649 --> 00:04:10,982
Knock, knock. Mr. Sheffield,
you wanted to see me?
90
00:04:11,051 --> 00:04:13,084
Ah, yes, Miss Fine,
Grace's school telephoned.
91
00:04:13,153 --> 00:04:14,752
Apparently, she's coming home
92
00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:16,521
with a head full
of chocolate cake.
93
00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:18,489
Oh, don't worry.
That'll come right out.
94
00:04:18,558 --> 00:04:21,726
I'll just take her to my mother's
Weight Watchers meeting.
95
00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:24,637
Miss Fine, aren't you disturbed
96
00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:26,164
that there's a boy
in Grace's class
97
00:04:26,233 --> 00:04:28,066
who's pummeling her
with food every day?
98
00:04:28,134 --> 00:04:31,770
No. Boys throw food to
relieve sexual tension,
99
00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:35,607
unlike girls,
who just stuff their faces.
100
00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:37,976
Please.
That is such a fallacy.
101
00:04:42,549 --> 00:04:44,316
Well, if you don't
need me anymore,
102
00:04:44,384 --> 00:04:46,551
Jules is taking me to a matinee.
103
00:04:46,619 --> 00:04:49,921
Do you want me to bring
you home some bonbons?
104
00:04:49,989 --> 00:04:52,723
Thought so.
Ah, the theater.
105
00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:55,927
Well, that's something you
don't get a lot of around here.
106
00:04:55,995 --> 00:04:57,362
What are you going to see?
107
00:04:57,430 --> 00:04:58,763
Oh, I forget the title.
108
00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:01,399
It's got cleaning fluid
in it, though.
109
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:03,201
Formula 409,
110
00:05:03,269 --> 00:05:05,036
Comet, Lysol?
111
00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:07,539
The Fantasticks?
Yeah. That's it.
112
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:10,942
You want to meet him,
Miss Babcock?
113
00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:13,945
Oh, Nanny Fine,
I'd love to meet the man
114
00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:15,513
who's taking you
away from Max...
115
00:05:15,582 --> 00:05:17,949
A million...
116
00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:19,584
Shell...
117
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:21,219
Oil.
118
00:05:21,288 --> 00:05:23,254
Oh, nice save.
119
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:28,671
Well, I'll go get him.
He's right outside.
120
00:05:28,695 --> 00:05:29,939
He's playing chess
with Brighton.
121
00:05:29,963 --> 00:05:32,029
It's so cute
the way he lets him win.
122
00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:35,500
He's going to make
a great father someday.
123
00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:38,536
Wait a minute. If Nanny
Fine's boyfriend is here,
124
00:05:38,605 --> 00:05:41,372
who's in the chicken suit
at the Padres game?
125
00:05:46,412 --> 00:05:48,346
[EXCLAIMING]
126
00:05:48,414 --> 00:05:49,981
He's gorgeous.
127
00:05:50,050 --> 00:05:51,282
Oh, cheer up.
128
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,618
Perhaps he brought
a friend for you.
129
00:05:53,686 --> 00:05:55,053
[WHISTLING]
130
00:05:58,291 --> 00:05:59,357
No.
131
00:06:01,828 --> 00:06:04,395
C.C., MD.
132
00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:06,297
M&M?
133
00:06:08,067 --> 00:06:10,969
So, Jules. Had I known
you were going to the theater,
134
00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:12,870
I would have
gotten you house seats.
135
00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:14,317
I know the star.
I know the producer.
136
00:06:14,341 --> 00:06:16,019
I know the director.
I know the theater owner.
137
00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:17,608
I talk to God.
138
00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:21,546
Jules, put that
back in your pants.
139
00:06:21,614 --> 00:06:23,415
I can't stand
to see two grown men
140
00:06:23,483 --> 00:06:26,051
fight about who's got
the biggest connection.
141
00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:43,835
Please, Sylvia,
why... why don't you join us?
142
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:47,506
Oh, no. I... I just came over
to see how Fran's date went.
143
00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:49,741
Make like I'm not even here.
144
00:06:54,381 --> 00:06:56,548
Are you sure we can't
offer you something?
145
00:06:56,617 --> 00:06:57,816
Oh, no, thank you.
146
00:06:57,884 --> 00:07:00,618
I had a Yoplait
this morning around 10:30.
147
00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:04,422
Oh.
148
00:07:04,491 --> 00:07:07,925
Such a big potato
for such a little girl.
149
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:12,229
Look at the time.
150
00:07:12,999 --> 00:07:15,967
They must be having a ball.
151
00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:17,602
I'm going to go in the kitchen.
152
00:07:17,671 --> 00:07:20,872
I need a meat
to wash this down with.
153
00:07:24,178 --> 00:07:26,178
I don't know about you
guys, but I like Jules.
154
00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:28,213
And he has yet
to beat me in chess.
155
00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:31,449
Oh, God, Brighton.
He throws every game.
156
00:07:31,517 --> 00:07:33,618
Do you see
how easy it is to bond?
157
00:07:35,756 --> 00:07:38,890
Well, I wouldn't get too
attached to the bloke if I were you.
158
00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:42,794
We all know Miss Fine's
relationships eventually end in disaster.
159
00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:47,298
He asked me to marry him!
160
00:07:47,367 --> 00:07:49,167
Right on the money
as always, sir.
161
00:07:49,235 --> 00:07:50,701
That is so cool, Fran.
Oh, my God!
162
00:07:50,770 --> 00:07:51,869
Congratulations.
I know!
163
00:07:51,938 --> 00:07:53,605
I know.
I can't believe it.
164
00:07:53,673 --> 00:07:55,840
I'm so excited!
I couldn't eat a...
165
00:07:55,908 --> 00:07:57,842
Oh, kielbasa.
166
00:07:57,910 --> 00:08:00,579
Sweet and sour cabbage.
Hit me again.
167
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:03,982
Oh, such a big corn
for such a little girl.
168
00:08:04,051 --> 00:08:06,151
He asked you to marry him?
Uh-huh.
169
00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:09,687
You've barely known
the man for two weeks.
170
00:08:09,756 --> 00:08:11,276
What, you think
it's so hard to believe
171
00:08:11,325 --> 00:08:13,291
a man would fall in love
with me that fast?
172
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:15,104
Yeah, Todd and I knew
each other three minutes
173
00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:17,462
before I got a pudding
pack right in the eye.
174
00:08:17,531 --> 00:08:18,596
There you go.
175
00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:20,665
Look, you know
nothing about this man.
176
00:08:20,733 --> 00:08:23,134
All right, so he's a doctor.
177
00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:24,902
Is he a specialist?
178
00:08:25,905 --> 00:08:29,407
You ain't just
whistling Dixie, baby.
179
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:32,977
Oh, God.
180
00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:35,680
Oh, this is so exciting.
So, can I be a bridesmaid?
181
00:08:35,748 --> 00:08:38,650
I know the doctor
asked me to marry him,
182
00:08:38,718 --> 00:08:40,951
but I didn't say, "Yes."
183
00:08:42,389 --> 00:08:43,555
[THUDDING]
184
00:08:45,491 --> 00:08:47,725
This is delicious.
185
00:08:47,794 --> 00:08:49,260
SYLVIA:
Why don't you grab a knife
186
00:08:49,328 --> 00:08:52,130
and stick it straight
through my heart?
187
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:55,432
That was great.
She sounded just like...
188
00:08:55,501 --> 00:08:56,968
Ma!
189
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:59,503
Ma, let go of my ankle!
190
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:01,573
You'd better run.
191
00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:03,174
Brighton,
is she taking off her shoe?
192
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:05,844
No, but she's going
to hurl a corn.
193
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:13,083
Ma,
194
00:09:13,152 --> 00:09:15,287
put down the vegetable
195
00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:17,421
and no one gets hurt.
196
00:09:21,661 --> 00:09:24,562
All right.
Help me to understand.
197
00:09:24,631 --> 00:09:26,564
Which was the biggest turn off?
198
00:09:26,633 --> 00:09:28,799
The fact
that Jules was gorgeous,
199
00:09:28,868 --> 00:09:31,202
rich, or a doctor?
200
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:35,073
Did I mention he was Jewish?
201
00:09:36,943 --> 00:09:40,311
Darling, I only say
this because I love you.
202
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:42,780
You're a glorified
cleaning girl.
203
00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:48,386
This could be your last chance.
204
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:51,322
Oh, Ma, I didn't say, "No."
205
00:09:51,391 --> 00:09:54,326
I just said I'd think about it.
206
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:56,994
Okay, I did.
207
00:09:57,063 --> 00:09:58,596
You mean, "I do."
208
00:09:59,298 --> 00:10:00,965
Yeah!
209
00:10:01,033 --> 00:10:03,234
Ma, you may kiss the bride.
210
00:10:05,739 --> 00:10:09,206
You know, Miss Fine, I think
you're very wise not to rush into this.
211
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:11,709
You're far too sensible a woman
to marry a man you've just...
212
00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:12,877
[SHRIEKS]
213
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,612
Oh, I'm sorry.
214
00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:23,988
Did this fork accidentally
puncture your tuckus?
215
00:10:34,901 --> 00:10:36,234
Sweetheart, I want you to have
216
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,870
the most beautiful engagement
ring that money can buy.
217
00:10:38,938 --> 00:10:40,571
Oh, Julesie.
218
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,974
I don't know if I could
go through with this.
219
00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:44,175
Getting married?
220
00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:45,377
No.
221
00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:46,944
Buying retail.
222
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,180
Let's go.
223
00:10:49,248 --> 00:10:52,249
Now, you know, Jules, I'm a
simple girl with simple tastes.
224
00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:54,585
I just want a simple ring.
225
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,521
That's a nice little stone.
226
00:10:56,589 --> 00:10:58,856
Madam, that's a crystal ashtray.
227
00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:05,763
Well, I was talking
about the shape,
228
00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:08,766
like the shape of that
crystal pineapple over there.
229
00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:09,967
No. That's a ring.
230
00:11:10,036 --> 00:11:11,469
Whip it out, honey.
231
00:11:13,806 --> 00:11:14,939
[EXCLAIMING]
232
00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:16,552
You know, I think
that's a little too small.
233
00:11:16,576 --> 00:11:18,616
We don't want to see
anything less than five carats.
234
00:11:18,644 --> 00:11:21,979
Five carats?
What's up, Doc?
235
00:11:22,915 --> 00:11:25,716
This one is 5.2.
236
00:11:25,785 --> 00:11:27,886
We could take off 10%.
237
00:11:27,954 --> 00:11:31,355
That would make
the price $50,000.
238
00:11:31,425 --> 00:11:32,524
Oh, a haggler.
239
00:11:32,592 --> 00:11:33,892
Now we're talking my language.
240
00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:35,593
Offer her 10.
241
00:11:40,767 --> 00:11:42,366
I'm not too crazy about it.
242
00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:43,801
It's a little cloudy.
243
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:47,405
But, sir,
the stone is exquisite.
244
00:11:47,474 --> 00:11:49,407
I agree with you, honey.
245
00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:54,379
I think I preferred the one we
saw at Van Cleef and Hormel.
246
00:11:56,816 --> 00:11:59,216
I'm sorry.
This just doesn't sparkle.
247
00:11:59,285 --> 00:12:00,918
It sparkles plenty.
248
00:12:00,987 --> 00:12:03,754
Take it outside in the sun.
It'll blind you, you...
249
00:12:03,823 --> 00:12:04,922
Sir.
250
00:12:07,828 --> 00:12:09,094
I'll be right back.
251
00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:11,562
I shall leave you
my little jewel.
252
00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:16,401
So, when's the big event?
253
00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:18,169
Well...
254
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:19,871
If he buys this ring,
I'll tell you,
255
00:12:19,939 --> 00:12:22,806
he could get lucky
in just a few...
256
00:12:22,876 --> 00:12:27,444
Oh, you meant the wedding date.
257
00:12:27,513 --> 00:12:31,349
Oh, actually, we haven't
talked about setting a date yet.
258
00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:34,251
Where... Where's your fiance?
Oh, I'll get him.
259
00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:35,653
Ma'am, stay where you are,
please!
260
00:12:35,722 --> 00:12:38,189
Why? He's probably
right outside. Guard!
261
00:12:38,257 --> 00:12:39,490
Well, what's the matter?
262
00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:41,626
He probably went to put
money in the meter.
263
00:12:41,695 --> 00:12:44,496
[GASPS] Oh, no!
We don't have a car!
264
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:46,530
He's gone.
265
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,666
I'll call the police.
You hold her.
266
00:12:48,734 --> 00:12:52,069
Oh, Jules, how could
you do this to me?
267
00:12:52,138 --> 00:12:54,638
He's a doctor.
He didn't need the money.
268
00:12:54,707 --> 00:12:58,042
Hillary's health plan
didn't go through.
269
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:06,550
Oh, I can't believe
this is happening.
270
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:09,687
He got along so well
with my parents.
271
00:13:09,756 --> 00:13:12,489
He wanted them
to move in with us.
272
00:13:12,558 --> 00:13:16,894
Well, that should've
tipped me off right there.
273
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:20,031
We've been looking for Jules
Kimball for over three years.
274
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:23,267
Dr. Kimball is a fugitive?
What are the odds?
275
00:13:26,906 --> 00:13:29,006
He is not a doctor, Miss Fine.
276
00:13:29,075 --> 00:13:30,541
Really?
277
00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:35,446
So when he lanced my
mother's boil, it was just for fun?
278
00:13:35,514 --> 00:13:39,283
Miss Fine, I don't want
to say I told you so,
279
00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:41,352
but I never trusted the man.
280
00:13:41,420 --> 00:13:44,855
You know, I can spot
a con artist a mile off.
281
00:13:44,924 --> 00:13:46,957
This from a man who
paid me time and a half
282
00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:48,959
to work on Hebrew National Day.
283
00:13:52,732 --> 00:13:54,865
Why me?
284
00:13:54,934 --> 00:13:57,068
He usually preys
on women over 30.
285
00:13:57,137 --> 00:13:59,370
You know, single, desperate,
286
00:13:59,439 --> 00:14:00,638
lonely.
287
00:14:02,108 --> 00:14:03,874
Like I said, why me?
288
00:14:09,716 --> 00:14:12,450
Oh, Miss Fine, cheer up.
289
00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:15,219
This isn't the stupidest
thing you've ever done.
290
00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:18,956
Well, that's true.
291
00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:20,591
The stupidest thing I ever did
292
00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:22,694
was Windexing your Monet.
293
00:14:25,431 --> 00:14:27,599
Or should I say, "Your Mon?"
294
00:14:29,636 --> 00:14:31,703
Miss Fine, this came for you.
295
00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:36,174
Oh, an engagement present.
296
00:14:36,242 --> 00:14:38,843
How humiliating.
297
00:14:38,911 --> 00:14:41,813
Just put it upstairs
with the rest of them.
298
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,747
[DOORBELL RINGING]
299
00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:49,887
Where is she?
Where's my baby?
300
00:14:49,956 --> 00:14:52,924
I rushed over as soon
as they finished my hair.
301
00:14:52,992 --> 00:14:55,927
Mommy!
302
00:14:55,995 --> 00:14:59,196
I just hope the police
find that creep before I do.
303
00:14:59,265 --> 00:15:01,031
My Francine is not desperate.
304
00:15:01,100 --> 00:15:03,334
She can have any man she wants.
305
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:04,669
[EXCLAIMING]
306
00:15:04,738 --> 00:15:07,739
But not forever,
so don't let yourself go.
307
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:11,442
Ma! This is all her fault.
308
00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:12,844
Ever since I was a little girl,
309
00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:14,846
she's always pushing me
to get married.
310
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,381
I never pushed.
311
00:15:19,786 --> 00:15:22,085
When I was a little girl,
every affair we'd go to,
312
00:15:22,154 --> 00:15:23,954
she would throw the
centerpiece at me and say,
313
00:15:24,023 --> 00:15:26,357
"Here! Think fast."
314
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:29,894
Miss Fine, I'm sure your
mother only meant well.
315
00:15:29,963 --> 00:15:31,896
Yeah, they always do.
316
00:15:31,964 --> 00:15:34,332
Like when they stop you
from pursuing a singing career
317
00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:38,202
to follow in your father's
footsteps as a subservient slave.
318
00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:44,108
And loving every
minute of it, sir.
319
00:15:44,177 --> 00:15:46,343
Now, Sylvia, if truth be told,
320
00:15:46,412 --> 00:15:48,245
I think you were
a little more gung-ho
321
00:15:48,314 --> 00:15:49,525
about this marriage than Miss...
322
00:15:49,549 --> 00:15:51,115
[EXCLAIMS]
323
00:15:51,184 --> 00:15:53,117
Damn. I broke my nail.
324
00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:57,688
I'll leave you two alone.
325
00:15:57,757 --> 00:16:02,360
I can't believe I lost my
figure for the likes of you.
326
00:16:02,428 --> 00:16:05,929
You lost your figure for
the likes of Winchell's, Ma.
327
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:09,733
I have low blood sugar.
328
00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:12,103
The doctor prescribed donuts.
329
00:16:13,339 --> 00:16:15,706
And who prescribed
the ice cream floats?
330
00:16:15,775 --> 00:16:18,509
Dr. Pepper?
331
00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:20,878
Fran, I can hear you
all the way upstairs.
332
00:16:20,947 --> 00:16:23,213
Oh, her voice travels.
333
00:16:23,282 --> 00:16:25,683
Honey, I'm sorry.
Go up to your room.
334
00:16:25,752 --> 00:16:28,319
Okay, but you have some
major issues with your mother
335
00:16:28,387 --> 00:16:29,754
stemming from your failure
336
00:16:29,823 --> 00:16:32,256
to live up to her expectations.
337
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:34,425
Uh, come back here.
Come back here.
338
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:36,594
Can you believe
how advanced she is?
339
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:38,495
Boy, when I was her age,
340
00:16:38,564 --> 00:16:41,465
I was hanging bagels from
my ears playing Princess Leia.
341
00:16:43,202 --> 00:16:45,369
I think you need some therapy.
342
00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:49,006
No. She'll never change.
No. She'll never change.
343
00:16:49,075 --> 00:16:51,075
I meant together.
344
00:16:51,143 --> 00:16:52,944
Now, let's see.
345
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:55,012
Who would be good for you?
346
00:16:56,148 --> 00:16:58,182
My doctor's too cerebral.
347
00:16:59,986 --> 00:17:01,352
Dr. Lehrman?
348
00:17:01,421 --> 00:17:03,521
No, his couch is too itchy.
349
00:17:03,590 --> 00:17:05,122
Oh, forget it, sweetheart.
350
00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:06,791
I'm not the type of person
351
00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:08,493
that can lie on a couch
352
00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:12,129
and cry and scream
about how miserable I am.
353
00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:14,832
Please! Put a Lean Cuisine
on your lap
354
00:17:14,901 --> 00:17:17,401
and 400 Almond Joy wrappers
under the cushions
355
00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:19,203
and you'd be home.
356
00:17:25,144 --> 00:17:27,211
So, ladies,
what brings you to therapy?
357
00:17:27,279 --> 00:17:30,081
Well, I came because
my mother has an obsession
358
00:17:30,149 --> 00:17:32,517
with me getting married.
359
00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:35,185
I came because my daughter
360
00:17:35,254 --> 00:17:37,955
has a delusion
that I have an obsession.
361
00:17:39,125 --> 00:17:41,426
I came because they brought me,
362
00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:44,361
and I don't know
how to get home from here.
363
00:17:49,035 --> 00:17:51,635
Meanwhile,
for 100 bucks a session,
364
00:17:51,704 --> 00:17:54,872
she could've put out some
coffee and some Nilla wafers.
365
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:57,108
Ma, brush yourself off.
366
00:17:57,176 --> 00:17:59,443
You look like a veal cutlet.
367
00:18:01,180 --> 00:18:02,713
Look, at a certain point,
368
00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:04,949
I believe a daughter has to stop
369
00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:07,085
blaming her mother
for everything.
370
00:18:07,153 --> 00:18:08,852
This is your fault.
371
00:18:09,855 --> 00:18:11,456
Me?
Yeah.
372
00:18:11,524 --> 00:18:13,891
You're the one who kept
pushing me to have children.
373
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:15,393
They're nothing but heartache.
374
00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:19,196
That's right, cookie.
It's payback time.
375
00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:25,036
So, you seem to be
harboring a lot of hostility.
376
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:27,304
Who?
Who?
377
00:18:27,373 --> 00:18:29,974
Don't nag the kid all the time.
378
00:18:30,042 --> 00:18:32,810
She should get married
when she wants to.
379
00:18:32,879 --> 00:18:34,879
Not just 'cause
she got knocked up
380
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:36,981
by the seltzer man like I...
381
00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:47,057
Like I heard people do.
382
00:18:48,594 --> 00:18:50,294
Ma!
383
00:18:50,362 --> 00:18:52,796
Is that why I love egg cream?
384
00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:57,668
Oh, Ma. Buy your own hour.
385
00:18:57,737 --> 00:19:00,003
This one is for me, right?
386
00:19:00,072 --> 00:19:01,772
Huh?
387
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:03,473
Sorry. I drifted off.
388
00:19:03,542 --> 00:19:05,242
Oh, that's not your fault.
389
00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:08,011
Most people say our
voices are very soothing.
390
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:09,947
Yeah, I get that a lot.
That's true.
391
00:19:10,015 --> 00:19:12,216
All the time.
392
00:19:12,284 --> 00:19:16,254
[CRYING] Franny, all I ever
wanted was for you to be happy.
393
00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:19,356
I just want you
to have a full life.
394
00:19:19,425 --> 00:19:22,927
You don't have to be married
to have a full life, Ma.
395
00:19:22,996 --> 00:19:26,964
Sure, I'd like to someday,
but if I don't,
396
00:19:27,033 --> 00:19:30,067
it doesn't mean
my life was worthless,
397
00:19:30,636 --> 00:19:31,835
right?
398
00:19:33,439 --> 00:19:34,638
Right?
399
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:37,375
Right?
400
00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:39,943
Right.
401
00:19:42,482 --> 00:19:45,416
I know you think
I'm not all there,
402
00:19:46,485 --> 00:19:48,285
but in my day
403
00:19:48,353 --> 00:19:52,322
we didn't air our
dirty laundry in public.
404
00:19:53,392 --> 00:19:55,692
Welcome to the '80s!
405
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:04,702
Hi, kids.
406
00:20:04,770 --> 00:20:07,015
Fran, whatever you do, do
not let Gracie touch this board.
407
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:08,238
It's your move, Dad!
408
00:20:08,307 --> 00:20:11,374
Oh, you beat your father.
All right, B.
409
00:20:13,245 --> 00:20:15,345
Look what you did, Gracie.
410
00:20:17,583 --> 00:20:19,716
Oh, Fran,
I have to break up with Todd.
411
00:20:19,785 --> 00:20:21,285
I'm afraid of getting hurt.
412
00:20:21,354 --> 00:20:24,155
Oh, sweetie.
It's your first crush.
413
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:26,457
Why don't you just enjoy it?
414
00:20:26,525 --> 00:20:29,126
No, Fran. I'm really
afraid of getting hurt.
415
00:20:29,195 --> 00:20:31,395
Those juice boxes are hard.
416
00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:36,801
All right. So you
picked the wrong guy.
417
00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:38,169
No biggie.
418
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:41,572
Just move on
with your life, okay?
419
00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:43,274
Hope he ends up in Attica
420
00:20:43,342 --> 00:20:45,743
with a cellmate that
finds him attractive.
421
00:20:47,346 --> 00:20:49,413
You're back, Miss Fine.
Good.
422
00:20:49,482 --> 00:20:50,914
How did it go?
423
00:20:50,983 --> 00:20:52,650
Well, my mother's thrilled.
424
00:20:52,718 --> 00:20:53,950
She finally figured out
425
00:20:54,019 --> 00:20:57,321
why she has an unnatural
attachment to egg creams.
426
00:20:57,390 --> 00:20:59,723
The Chinese food
we're blaming on the man
427
00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:03,060
that used to press
Grandma Yetta's blouses.
428
00:21:04,230 --> 00:21:05,296
Concede, Dad.
429
00:21:05,364 --> 00:21:07,564
I've got you in two moves.
430
00:21:07,633 --> 00:21:08,633
You're done.
431
00:21:08,701 --> 00:21:10,133
Finished. Toast.
432
00:21:10,203 --> 00:21:11,368
[EXCLAIMING]
433
00:21:14,707 --> 00:21:15,839
Checkmate.
434
00:21:15,908 --> 00:21:17,207
What?
435
00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:18,708
What happened to this board?
436
00:21:18,777 --> 00:21:20,811
Oh, never leave
two queens alone together.
437
00:21:20,879 --> 00:21:22,579
They'll redecorate.
438
00:21:32,791 --> 00:21:35,159
I should've never
blamed my mother, anyway.
439
00:21:35,228 --> 00:21:37,928
I should've known that guy
was out of my league.
440
00:21:37,997 --> 00:21:39,796
Oh, no, Miss Fine.
He wasn't.
441
00:21:39,865 --> 00:21:41,198
He duped you.
442
00:21:41,266 --> 00:21:43,200
Yeah, but I was ripe
for the duping.
443
00:21:43,268 --> 00:21:45,636
Once a girl's exposed
to a guy like you,
444
00:21:45,705 --> 00:21:47,304
so debonair and classy,
445
00:21:47,372 --> 00:21:49,407
there's just no going back.
446
00:21:49,475 --> 00:21:51,842
Well, I have been known
to turn a few heads.
447
00:21:51,911 --> 00:21:53,110
Oh, please.
448
00:21:53,179 --> 00:21:55,780
Miss Babcock needs an exorcist.
449
00:21:57,583 --> 00:22:00,050
You want to hear
something funny?
450
00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:04,322
The therapist said that I was
subconsciously avoiding a relationship.
451
00:22:04,390 --> 00:22:06,324
Oh, please. With whom?
452
00:22:06,392 --> 00:22:08,292
I know. I know.
453
00:22:08,361 --> 00:22:11,128
I mean, believe me,
if there was a guy out there,
454
00:22:11,197 --> 00:22:13,731
single, successful, attractive,
455
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:16,066
I'd smell him a mile away.
456
00:22:16,135 --> 00:22:18,669
What's that? Aramis?
Yes.
457
00:22:18,737 --> 00:22:22,373
You know, Grace's therapist
said exactly the same thing to me.
458
00:22:22,441 --> 00:22:24,308
Well, yeah. You.
459
00:22:24,377 --> 00:22:26,043
No, no.
Trust me, Miss Fine.
460
00:22:26,111 --> 00:22:28,078
If I found a woman
who loved my children,
461
00:22:28,147 --> 00:22:30,548
could make me laugh
and I found attractive,
462
00:22:30,616 --> 00:22:32,283
I'd never let her get away.
Hear. Hear.
463
00:22:32,351 --> 00:22:34,118
[EXCLAIMING]
Hang on a second.
464
00:22:34,187 --> 00:22:36,087
We're stuck on each other.
33153
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