All language subtitles for Quark s01e03 The Old and the Beautiful.eng

[Dink beeping]

Palindrome:
Yeah, well, dink, no,

you're doing the dance right.

It must be your personality
the girls don't like.

[Dink chattering]

Teach you personality?
Dink, that's so cute.

Dink, I can't teach
you personality.

It's just something
I happen to have.

Good morning, commanders.

Well, shall we see

what the head has
in store for us today?

The head: Commanders,
your assignments.

Commander Haley,
you will undertake

a 30-year mission
to the planet java.

Call when you arrive.

[Haley speaking indistinctly]

The head: Commander
black, you will personally disarm

all of the photon
explosive devices

left by the gorgons
on the planet beldar.

Black: I don't believe it.

Palindrome: Ah, commander
black. Excuse me, sir.

Commander black,
you're going to love beldar.

It's a lovely place...

Quark: Yup. "And,
quark, pick up garbage."

The head: And, quark...
Quark: Here it comes.

The head: You will spend
an extended romantic interlude

with a beautiful Princess.

Quark: Ah, I knew it.

The head: The
galaxy ad infinitum.

Quark: Huh. Same...

Wait a minute.

I got a Princess. Hey, hey, hey.

I got a Princess! Hey! Hey!

Palindrome: I know
the slightest breeze

can set off a photon explosive,
but you'll survive... Somehow.

Black: How? Palindrome: Tiptoe.

Black: Oh, great.

[Haley speaking indistinctly]

Palindrome: Oh, yes, yes, yes.

I know you've always gotten
me a good price on ambrosia,

and I'm grateful,
but what can I do?

The head gave you
the assignment, not me.

[Haley arguing]

Palindrome: Don't take that
tone of voice to me, commander.

Quark: Palindrome.
Palindrome: Hmm?

Quark: The head just gave
me a most fantastic mission.

What's the catch?

Palindrome: Quark, I'm
not supposed to tell you this,

but the head is thinking
of promoting you.

Quark: He is? Palindrome: Yes.

And it's all hinging on
my recommendation.

And so far, quark,
I'm not very impressed.

Quark: Well, give me a chance.

This extended
romantic interlude,

is it supposed to be with
any particular Princess?

Palindrome: I
can't tell you that.

Quark: Well, where
am I supposed to go?

There a lot of
princesses out there.

Palindrome: I'd like
to, but it's top secret.

You'll be informed as
soon as your ship enters

the kazeer space corridor.

Quark: Well, so long,
palindrome. Wish me luck.

Quark: Star note:
I got a Princess!

Emotionally, I
won't feel a thing.

It's strictly a mission.

And, Bettys, I mean this
from the bottom of my heart.

Whatever happens between
me and that Princess happens

for the good of
the united galaxy.

Do you believe me? Bettys: No.

Andy: Frankly,
I've heard better.

Quark: Andy.

Gene: It was a little
lame, commander.

Quark: This isn't a group
meeting to discuss my love life.

I'm talking to the Bettys.

Bettys: You could've
said no, Adam.

Quark: Sure, if I
wanted to be selfish,

but I was thinking of you.

If I do this mission
right, you, me, all of us

are going to have
our own starship.

Gene: Our own starship?!

Bettys: Thanks, but, no, thanks.

Quark: Bettys, I dreamed
about having a starship all my life.

Adam: I've dreamed... I've
dreamed... I've dreamed...

Of getting off this
ship all my life.

Ficus: Commander,
I'm sorry to interrupt

the most important
moment of your life...

Gene: Say, ficus, did
you hear the news?

We might be getting
rid of this garbage heap

and getting some
real star speed.

Ficus: Gene, as I'm a
vegeton, I don't care either way.

Gene: Well, you... hold me
back, commander. Hold me back.

Quark: Gene, I
am. I'm holding you.

Gene: Oh, right.

Ficus: Sir, there's a
space baggie dead ahead.

Quark: Space baggie?

There isn't a settlement
within 4 parsecs of here.

Why would there
be a space baggie?

Maintain speed.

Gene: Maintaining
speed, commander.

Quark: Extend claws.
Bettys: Claws extending.

Quark: Now... That's it.

This is a critical period.

Ease it in. Bettys: Now, Adam.

Ficus: Contact, sir.

Quark: We have a grab.
I repeat, we have a grab.

We have a grab.

Betty: Adam, no commander
does the grab as well as you.

Gene: I'm proud to be
under your command, sir.

Quark: Thanks, gene.
Ficus: We have a problem, sir.

The garbage hatch won't
close. It seems to be jammed.

Quark: I'll go below
and check on it.

Gene: Hey, space ranger.

Hey, how you doing, girls?

Oh, hey, hey. Hey,
I'm a sensitive guy.

I know how you feel.

You're worried that this
beautiful Princess is gonna

win over the commander with
her power, money, and looks. Ah.

Bettys: Think we're
overreacting, gene?

Gene: No, not at all.
I'd be scared to death.

Bettys: Thanks a lot, gene.

Gene: Hey, anytime
you want to talk.

Hey, what do you say,
ficus? Our own starship, huh?

Boy, are we going to
have us some times.

Ficus: Time is a
continuum, gene.

Gene: Right, space buddy.

Hey, listen, let's make
sure this mission goes

without a hitch,
huh? No mistakes.

Ficus: Where I come from, we
have a saying about mistakes.

Ergo lithrium Von
heter revoltum.

Gene: Yeah. Well, hey,
don't go vegeton, you know?

Quark: That was a rough one,
but I fixed the garbage hatch.

Betty: Here, Adam.
Let us help you.

Bettys: Oh, Adam!
Gene: Commander...

You look ten years older!

Quark: How could this happen?

What's my condition,
ficus? I've got to know.

Ficus: Sir, it would
appear you are upset.

Quark: That I know.

I want to know why I came
out of that hatch 10 years older

than when I went down.

Ficus: One explanation might
be you were down there 10 years.

Quark: Ficus, I was
down there five hours.

Ficus: Now, that would
rule out that theory.

I'll have to check my result,

but my assumption is
you've caught a virus.

Gene: A virus? Uh,
could I catch that virus?

I don't like viruses, ficus.

[Tablet beeping]

Ficus: Commander,
it's definitely a virus,

one that is aging you at the
rate of two years every hour.

As a matter of fact, you
just aged another year.

Bettys: Happy birthday, Adam!

Quark: Ficus, how
did I get this virus?

Ficus: From that stray
space baggie we picked up.

Quark: Ficus, you
have to find a cure.

Ficus: Sir, transmute blood is
extremely resistant to disease.

If we could give you a
transfusion of gene's blood.

Gene: Uh, well, I'm gonna...

I'm gonna ch... check
the reactors, commander.

I'm with... I'm with
you all the way.

Betty: Gene, you've got to.

Gene: I'm not gonna
connect myself with a virus.

Are you crazy? No way.
Betty: It's Adam's life!

Gene: I'm not gonna do
it. I don't want to be old.

I'm too handsome, too strong.

Ficus: I hate to be so violent.

Quark: Gene...

Wake up.

Gene: Oh.

Oh, no!

Quark: Gene, it's ok.
You can't catch the virus.

Your blood is flowing into me.

Gene: My blood is what?!
Quark: Hold on, gene.

It's almost done.

Jean: Relax, commander.

Helping others is the
part of space I love.

Ficus: Commander,
I hate to interrupt you

in the middle of a transfusion,
but palindrome is calling you

on the telescreen.

Quark: Palindrome mustn't
know about the virus, ficus.

I don't need help.

Jean: Working with the
aged. Ah, how rewarding.

Quark: Hello, palindrome.

Palindrome: Quark,
here are your orders.

The baby with the Booty
brought the body with the baggie.

Quark: Palindrome, I don't
know what you're talking about.

Palindrome: Quark,
are you all right?

You look a little tired.

Quark: No. No, I'm
fine. Palindrome: Quark...

You do this mission right,
and that promotion's yours.

Quark: Yeah. Did he say
"the baby with the baggie"?

Or was it "the body
with the Booty"? Hmm?

See, the first...

Let's see. The first
means "destroy yourself."

The other way means
"come home, Randy."

There's a big difference.

Ficus, did you understand
anything palindrome said?

Ficus: I did have my
back to the screen

and was deeply engrossed
in my calculations.

Quark: Uh-huh.

Ficus: Anything I might say
would be purely conjecture.

Quark: Uh-huh. Maybe I
ought to sit down for this.

Ficus: You are
sitting down, sir.

Quark: I know that. I'm the
commander. Wing it, ficus.

Ficus: Winging it, sir.

I would say that the head
has completed a treaty

with kamamor... Quark:
Treaty... Cackama.

Ficus: Yes. A
planet long coveted...

By the dreaded gorgons.
Quark: Coveted... Gorgis.

Ficus: Your mission
is to guarantee

the signing of the
treaty... Quark: Sign, sign.

Ficus: By completing an
extended romantic interlude

with the ruler of
kamamor... Quark: Ruler.

Ficus: Princess carna.
Quark: Ca... ca... ca... ca... ca...

I already had an interlude
with the Princess carna.

Ficus: How considerate of
palindrome to reunite you, sir.

Quark: Yes. Ficus: Yes.

Quark: Yes, yes.

The women of kamamor
are known for their passions.

Kamamorean men
never live past 25.

Most never survive
the honeymoon.

Ficus: As the human
being that you are,

you should enjoy
this. Quark: Yes.

Ficus: Yes. Quark:
Yes, yes, yes.

When I was young and strong,
Princess carna almost killed me.

Heh heh! What will happen
to me in this condition?

Ficus: Nothing. Quark: Nothing.

Ficus: No. Quark: No. Really?

Ficus: The transfusion
failed. Quark: Failed.

Ficus: Yes. Quark: Ah.

Ficus: At the rate you're
aging, long before you reach

Princess carna, you'll
be dead. Quark: Dead.

Ficus: Yes, sir.

Quark, voice-over: Star note:
Ficus could use some work

on his bedside manner.

Ficus: There is another cure.

Quark: Oh, let's try it.

Ficus: If it works, it
could kill the virus.

Quark: Kill the virus.

Ficus: If it doesn't,
it could kill you.

Quark: Kill me. Ficus: Yes.

Quark: 50/50.

[Electricity crackling]

Now, let me understand this.

You're going to send
an electrical current

through my body
that will kill the virus.

Ficus, have you
ever done this before?

Ficus: Yes, sir. Quark: Good.

Ficus: On plants to
kill black root fungus.

Quark: Black root fungus?

I'm not a plant. I'm
a human being. Aah!

Ficus: Did you feel pain, sir?

Quark: No. I was singing.

Ficus: Oh, why would one sing?

Quark: Ficus, I felt pain.
Ficus: Good. Then it's working.

Carna: Hello, Adam
quark, this is Princess carna.

Quark: Oh, my galaxy.

Carna: I've requested
that the head send you

so that I may once
again experience

your masculine
strength and power.

As you know, I adore men
who possess such qualities.

All of my late husbands did.

So hurry. Hurry, hurry.

[Transmission
ending phase signal]

Quark, thinking:
"Hurry." If only I could.

Palindrome: Gene,
this is palindrome.

Gene: Hi. How are you?

Palindrome: Just fine. Is
commander quark there?

Gene: We're in the middle of
space. Where else would he be?

Palindrome: Just get
him for me, please?

Gene: Hey,
commander, it's for you.

Hold on. He'll be right
with you, space ranger.

Quark: Palindrome, I
seem to have hit a little snag

on this mission.
Palindrome: What snag?

And will you move into view?

Quark, look at you.

You're so old! What happened?

Quark: I caught this virus.

Palindrome: But how
could you do this?

What's Princess
carna going to think?

Quark: I'm not going to
make it to Princess carna.

Palindrome: The
gorgons are courting her.

If we lose this
ally to the gorgons.

Quark: We are working on a cure.

Ficus already tried transfusion
and an electrical process,

but it didn't quite work.

Palindrome: Oh, great.

The fate of the
alliance depends upon

a plant curing a virus?

Quark: He's a smart plant.

Palindrome: Quark, I want
you to hear this recommendation

I wrote for you.

"Sure, quark is unqualified,

"but if I work with him
closely, giving him the benefit

"of my knowledge, my
experience, my general space savvy,

"I'm sure I can pull a
starship commander out

of the cocoon of Adam quark."

Quark: That's a
wonderful recommendation.

Bettys: Adam, does that mean
he isn't going to recommend you?

Quark: Do I look like a
good recommendation?

Betty: Adam,
you've got to ingest.

Other Betty: You
need the energy.

[Quark gulps noisily]

Quark: What is that?

Betty: Mashed alkali
with soft galactic yeast.

Other Betty: Did you like it?

Quark: Too lumpy.

You know what, stranger?
The food here is rotten.

Gene: I can't believe this.

We finally get a chance
for our own starship,

and the commander blows it.

Bettys: It's not
Adam's fault he's dying.

Gene: I'm not so
sure about that.

Quark: Did you lose something?

[Gene gulps noisily]

Gene: What was that?

Bettys: Adam liked it.

Gene: You mean the
commander ate from that?

Bettys: That's right.

Gene: I'm gonna
die. Quark: You, too?

Gene: Commander, my
life's flashing before my eyes.

Beating up my first gromulite.

Jean: Buying my first dress.

Gene: Joining the cadets.

Jean: Dating a cadet.

Gene: Killing my first gorgon.

Jean: Nursing the wounded.

Gene: Ah, sure,
I've made mistakes,

but the heck with it.

I've got to be us.

Andy: Attention, attention!

A fleet of gorgon ships
is preparing to attack.

If you need me, forget it.

Gene: I'll be on the
bridge, commander.

We're gonna get us some
gorgis. Come on, Bettys.

[Alarm sounding]

Quark: Sonny? Ficus: Yes, sir?

Quark: Who are the gorgis?

[Ficus inhales and exhales]

Ficus: They're our
dreaded archenemy.

Sir, your mind is slipping.

You've got to understand,
they'll try and destroy us.

Quark: I understand. I'm ok.

Oh, Sonny? Ficus:
What is it, sir?

Quark: Who are the gorgis?

Ficus: Commander,
the gorgons are in range.

Your instructions?
Quark: Instructions.

Yeah, of course. Instructions.

Set course reading, uh, 1-2-7.

Gene: Commander, that'll
put us right in their pocket.

Quark: Is that bad?

Adam: Does that
answer your question?

Quark: Adam quark
has never lost a battle.

You there, change course
to 1-5. No. Make that 1-7.

Gene: Commander,
you're obviously unfit

to command this ship.

I'm taking over. Quark: You are?

Gene: Commander, you're
not listening to me. Look at you.

You're not capable
of running this ship.

Quark: Maybe I'm not.

Ficus: Sir, our digital scanners
revealed that the gorgons

have just accelerated into
mivideal wolenite magnetorp.

Gene: Ficus, when I'm in charge,

you're gonna talk like
everybody else. You got that?

[Quark whistling]

Quark: This young...
This young feller is right.

I'm giving up command
for the safety of all.

Gene: You mean I'm
taking over? Quark: Aah!

Adam: If you're taking
over, I'm getting off.

Quark: No. I may be
old, but I'm not crazy.

As the second-ranking officers,
the Bettys are taking command.

Adam: What was that
about not being crazy?

Gene: Those two? You can't
do this to me, commander.

I ain't taking orders
from no clone. Mm-mm.

Betty: In that case, gene,

you'll take all your
orders from me.

Other Betty: Don't listen to
her, gene. She's the clone.

Quark: Life is like
a fountain, Alex.

Andy: My name is not Alex.

Ficus: Gorgon ship
niner-point-five and closing.

Betty: Prepare
to fire our lasers.

Other Betty: No, bring
up the deflector shield.

Gene: Make up your mind!

Andy: The only things they
can make up are their faces.

Betty: I say shields.
Other Betty: Lasers.

Quark: Life is
like a laser, Alex.

Andy: Your mind has slipped.

Ficus: Gorgon
ship 8.7 and closing.

Andy: This is
quite an adventure.

I hate adventure.

Betty: Betty, what
are we gonna do?

Other Betty: I
don't know, Betty.

Quark: Life is
like a Betty, Alex.

Andy: Oh, rot. My name is Andy.

Quark: Don't swear, Alex.

Andy: Sir, take it from Alex.

These space heads
will get us killed.

Your ship is in danger.

Quark: My ship,
my crew, my life.

My life, yes. I'm
in command here.

Now, what's your name?

Ficus: Ficus pandorata, sir.

Quark: You'll get
over that, sailor.

Quick, plan green.

Maneuver dl-17 into effect.

Ficus: Gorgon ship
7-point-niner and closing.

Quark: Ok, Bettys,
when he gets in range,

blast the buggers.

Bettys: Yes, sir.

Betty: Betty, fire.

Other Betty: Got him.

I'm going to miss my
Adam when he's gone.

Other Betty: He was my Adam.
Other Betty: He was my Adam.

Other Betty: No, he wasn't.
He was mine. Prepare to fire.

Other Betty: Fire.

Bettys: Got him!

Gene: Good work,
Bettys. Way to go.

Ficus: Bettys, I'd like
to congratulate you...

Gene: Commander,

we got those stinking
gorgis... [Quark snoring]

[Gene speaking, indistinct]

Quark: Here comes c... carna.

Bettys, will you
transport me down?

Make it someplace
soft and comfortable.

Betty: Oh, Adam, you're so brave

to face that awful Princess
carna in your condition.

Quark: It's my only chance
to command a starship.

Other Betty: Oh, Adam,
I feel so close to you

knowing that in only
a matter of minutes,

you'll be dead.

Quark: Bettys, I'll
never see you again.

I have to know,

which one's the clone?

Bettys: She is.
Quark: Thank you.

Female: Deborah, look!

Deborah: Oh, my galaxy.

Deborah: Princess carna,
there's an old man in your tub.

Carna: Adam, is that you?

Quark: Yes, it's me.

And... i have to
ask you a favor.

Would you sign the treaty?

Carna: Oh, Adam, for
you, I would do anything.

Quark: Well, thank you.

Carna: Adam? Quark: Yeah?

Carna: You've
changed. You're old.

Quark: What's that?
Carna: I said, you're old!

Quark: Old, yes, yes.
You noticed. Mm-hmm.

I knew you'd be angry.

Carna: Angry with you? Adam...

How can I be angry when I
know how fantastic you are?

Quark: Fantastic?

I can't even get
out of this tub.

Carna: Oh, I can
help you. Ladies?

Quark: Ladies.

Carna: That's it. No.
You got to hold on.

Easy.

Quark: You must be
a little disappointed

to find me older
than you expected.

Carna: Um... No,
no, Adam. Not at all.

As a matter of fact,

I find it very exciting.

Quark: You find
it excite... hmm?

You find it exciting?

Carna: I've never spent
a romantic interlude

with a man over 25 before.

Quark: My luck. Carna: Adam...

Quark: What? Carna:
This is going to be

the best interlude ever.

You may leave.

Adam: Thank you.

Carna: I meant my handmaidens.

Quark: Maybe they'd
like to stay a while.

We can play 4-handed
space rummy. Ugh.

Carna: Oh! Adam? Quark: Uh-huh?

Carna: Oh, Adam.
Quark: Oh, my galaxy.

Carna: Over here. Quark: Uh-huh.

Carna: Over here. Quark: Huh?

Quark: When you talk about
this, and you will, be kind.

Gene: Well, time to pick up
the commander's bones, ficus.

Ficus: You'll be pleased to
know that I finally synthesized

a serum to counteract
commander quark's virus.

Gene: Well, a fat lot of
good that's gonna do him

now that he's passed on
to the big starship in the sky.

Carna: This is Princess carna.

Gene: Yes, this is
commander quark's ship.

Carna: Are you ready to
transport your commander?

Gene: Yes, just place his body
in a clear area and step back.

Bettys?

Ficus, hit the switch.

[Device beeps]

Carna: All clear.

Bettys: Oh, Adam!
Betty: You're not dead!

Quark: Very good, Bettys.

Other Betty: It must have
been terrible down there!

Quark: You don't
know the half of it,

but the alliance is secure.

Gene: Congratulations,
sir. Mission completed.

I knew you could do
it. Our own starship.

Ficus: Please be seated, sir.

Gene: Phaeton
torpedoes, gamma blasters,

ultralight speed.

Those gorgons
won't have a chance.

I'm gonna call mom
and dad, dad and mom.

Betty: Oh, Adam.

Other Betty: You're fantastic.

Quark: That's the second time
today someone told me that.

Ficus: Sir, there's
hardly a trace of the virus.

Quark: Oh? Ficus:
May I ask if while you

were on kamamor, you did
anything out of the ordinary?

Quark: You could say that.

Ficus: And your blood
pressure, did it increase?

Quark: Oh, yeah. Ficus:
And your breathing?

Quark: Very rapid at times.

Ficus: Then I would say that
your extended romantic interlude

with Princess carna
brought about changes

in your body chemistry...
Quark: Oh... Oh...

Ficus: That temporarily
reversed the effect of the virus.

Ficus: However, it did
not destroy it altogether.

Quark: No. Ficus: No.

Quark: No. No,
I've still got it.

Ficus: Yes. Quark: Aha.

How do I get rid of it?

Ficus: There are
two possible ways.

Quark: Two. Ficus: Yes.

One is another extended
romantic interlude

lasting seven days.
Quark: Seven?

Ficus: Yes. Bettys: Ohh, Adam.

Ficus: The other is this?

Quark: What's this?

Ficus: That was the
serum that I synthesized.

Quark: Oh, oh.

Ficus: It should destroy
the virus in 10 seconds.

Quark: 10. Ficus: Yes.

Bettys: Oh, ficus! Quark:
Bettys, take us home.

Quark, voice-over:
Star note 2216:

On the way to kamamor
to complete my mission,

I was invaded by a virus,

transfused by a transmute,
attacked by gorgons,

electrocuted, and
nearly died of old age.

And to think, this was the
best assignment I ever had.

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