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1
00:00:26,080 --> 00:00:27,180
Man: Hold on it.
2
00:00:27,220 --> 00:00:30,060
Easy. Lock scanners.
3
00:00:30,100 --> 00:00:33,000
Women: Scanners locked.
4
00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:34,150
Activate autograb.
5
00:00:36,210 --> 00:00:38,220
Autograb activated.
6
00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:45,130
Watch him.
7
00:00:47,060 --> 00:00:49,070
Careful.
8
00:00:51,210 --> 00:00:53,030
Gene.
9
00:00:53,070 --> 00:00:54,160
Aye, aye, sir. We've got him.
10
00:00:54,180 --> 00:00:56,020
Quark: Are we on
full magnascope?
11
00:00:56,060 --> 00:00:57,300
[Effeminate] Yes, my commander.
12
00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:01,150
Kill the automatic.
13
00:01:01,190 --> 00:01:03,080
Sir?
14
00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:05,040
Put it on manual.
15
00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:08,160
I want this baby myself.
16
00:01:11,110 --> 00:01:13,200
He's all yours, commander.
17
00:01:15,170 --> 00:01:17,170
Ooh! I get so excited!
18
00:01:17,210 --> 00:01:19,040
What?
19
00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:20,360
[Masculine] Well
done, commander.
20
00:01:24,170 --> 00:01:26,220
Give me a countdown
to ejection time.
21
00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:33,180
Women: 12, 11,
10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4...
22
00:01:33,220 --> 00:01:37,150
- Here we go.
- 3, 2, 1, 0!
23
00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:04,150
Commander: That's
it! Mission completed!
24
00:02:04,190 --> 00:02:07,200
We've cleaned up all
the trash in the milky way.
25
00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:12,230
Now put her on astrotrack,
and let's get out of here.
26
00:03:02,130 --> 00:03:04,120
Man: Good afternoon, and welcome
27
00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:06,180
to the bicentennial
of the founding
28
00:03:06,220 --> 00:03:10,150
of this space station
known as perma one.
29
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:15,220
I want to thank you all,
ladies, gentlemen, humanoids,
30
00:03:16,020 --> 00:03:19,210
multiforms,
polymorphopods, genunites,
31
00:03:20,010 --> 00:03:22,020
pongwans, transpodulites.
32
00:03:22,060 --> 00:03:25,130
As you know, I am
Dr. Otto palindrome,
33
00:03:25,170 --> 00:03:28,000
superintendent and
chief of perma one,
34
00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:30,050
and if I may quote
from the first amendment
35
00:03:30,090 --> 00:03:32,190
to our confederation's
declaration of unity,
36
00:03:32,230 --> 00:03:36,040
you are all equally welcome
here regardless of species,
37
00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:40,170
life system, ecomass, or shape.
38
00:03:40,210 --> 00:03:42,230
Thank you. Thank you.
39
00:03:43,030 --> 00:03:46,140
[Beeping and chirping]
40
00:03:46,180 --> 00:03:48,160
Thank you.
41
00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:51,120
On the other side
of this transpanel,
42
00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:55,010
you can share in the Serenity
of our command center,
43
00:03:55,050 --> 00:03:57,200
the operations room where
those whom you have appointed
44
00:03:57,220 --> 00:04:00,020
to govern our system
and its way of life
45
00:04:00,060 --> 00:04:04,190
work tirelessly and calmly
to preserve and maintain
46
00:04:04,230 --> 00:04:06,140
universal Harmony.
47
00:04:06,180 --> 00:04:10,080
[Alarm blaring]
48
00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:12,110
[Mutes sound]
49
00:04:12,150 --> 00:04:14,170
Until now.
50
00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:25,190
Quark signing on.
51
00:04:27,130 --> 00:04:30,140
To augment my official
sanitation patrol reports,
52
00:04:30,180 --> 00:04:34,060
I have decided to keep
a diary of my adventures,
53
00:04:34,100 --> 00:04:37,000
assuming of course that
I have any adventures.
54
00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:38,060
[Chirping]
55
00:04:38,100 --> 00:04:42,110
First, my name is Adam quark,
56
00:04:42,150 --> 00:04:44,080
commander of this ship.
57
00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:48,070
[Ergo chirping]
58
00:04:48,110 --> 00:04:53,220
Oh, sorry old,
fella. Almost forgot.
59
00:04:54,020 --> 00:04:56,180
Ready for your dinner, old pal?
60
00:04:56,220 --> 00:04:58,220
Ok. Come on, come on.
61
00:04:59,020 --> 00:05:00,130
Come and get it. Come on.
62
00:05:00,170 --> 00:05:02,110
[Whistling]
63
00:05:02,150 --> 00:05:04,020
[Chirping]
64
00:05:04,060 --> 00:05:05,220
Come on, come on.
65
00:05:06,020 --> 00:05:09,070
Agh! Too tight, pal! Too tight!
66
00:05:09,110 --> 00:05:12,090
Ahhhhh!
67
00:05:12,130 --> 00:05:15,200
Here's your dinner.
Here's your dinner!
68
00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:17,170
Ugh.
69
00:05:18,230 --> 00:05:22,060
Agh.
70
00:05:22,100 --> 00:05:24,180
Good boy, ergo. That's the way.
71
00:05:24,220 --> 00:05:27,140
Eat them up. Eat them up.
72
00:05:27,180 --> 00:05:29,190
[Chirping]
73
00:05:33,130 --> 00:05:36,050
To continue, my crew.
74
00:05:36,090 --> 00:05:38,110
The second-in-command
position is held jointly
75
00:05:38,150 --> 00:05:40,050
by Betty...
76
00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:41,180
And Betty.
77
00:05:41,220 --> 00:05:43,230
One of them is a clone,
78
00:05:44,030 --> 00:05:45,310
an artificial,
laboratory-created
79
00:05:46,030 --> 00:05:48,090
identical twin of the other.
80
00:05:48,130 --> 00:05:50,220
I'm extremely fond of Betty.
81
00:05:51,020 --> 00:05:52,160
If only I knew
which Betty it was
82
00:05:52,180 --> 00:05:56,150
that I am extremely fond of.
83
00:05:56,190 --> 00:05:59,100
Our chief engineer
is a transmute gene
84
00:05:59,140 --> 00:06:04,200
or as he or she is
sometimes called... Jean.
85
00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:06,140
Our research and
equipment specialist is
86
00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:09,080
the eminent scientist o.B. Mudd,
87
00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:10,320
who lost an eye some years ago
88
00:06:11,020 --> 00:06:12,120
when he went to
sleep for several hours
89
00:06:12,140 --> 00:06:15,070
while looking into
his microscope.
90
00:06:15,110 --> 00:06:18,110
In his spare time, he
usually works on Andy,
91
00:06:18,150 --> 00:06:20,190
a servo-mechanical Android
92
00:06:20,230 --> 00:06:26,030
that he is determined
to perfect... Someday.
93
00:06:26,070 --> 00:06:28,140
I myself am just
an ordinary human,
94
00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:31,180
air-breathing, homo sapiens
descended from inhabitants
95
00:06:31,220 --> 00:06:36,020
of planet earth...
Now abandoned.
96
00:06:36,060 --> 00:06:38,080
[Ergo chirping]
97
00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:41,050
Ohh.
98
00:06:41,090 --> 00:06:46,010
Ergo, no wall. Down, ergo.
99
00:06:46,050 --> 00:06:50,010
Down, ergo. Good.
100
00:06:50,050 --> 00:06:53,000
Good boy, ergo.
101
00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:57,120
Ahem. My ancestors were members
of a subgroup called Americans.
102
00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:59,110
Archeological diggings
made in the western
103
00:06:59,150 --> 00:07:02,010
and southern sections
of their country indicate
104
00:07:02,050 --> 00:07:05,050
that the so-called Americans
worshipped and perhaps
105
00:07:05,090 --> 00:07:07,140
were governed
by a fully clothed,
106
00:07:07,180 --> 00:07:09,230
English-speaking mouse.
107
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:12,160
[Chirping]
108
00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:14,160
You've had your dinner, fella.
109
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:18,040
Time for beddy now.
110
00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:20,200
As our new orbit moves
us toward ursa major
111
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,120
in the m-82 sector,
I would like to close
112
00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:26,030
by saying i...
113
00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:29,220
Uh, uh, uh, I would like
114
00:07:30,020 --> 00:07:32,070
to close by saying...
115
00:07:32,110 --> 00:07:36,030
Uh, I would just like
to close by... by say...
116
00:07:36,070 --> 00:07:39,020
Quark signing off.
117
00:07:39,060 --> 00:07:42,060
Stay, ergo. Stay.
118
00:07:42,100 --> 00:07:43,200
He's not gonna stay.
119
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:56,210
Thank you, Betty.
Thank you, Betty.
120
00:07:56,230 --> 00:07:58,140
That's enough brushing off.
That's enough brushing off.
121
00:07:58,160 --> 00:08:01,190
That's an order.
That's an order.
122
00:08:01,230 --> 00:08:04,120
All right. Let's
get back to work.
123
00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:14,180
- Interface.
- Give me the head, please.
124
00:08:14,220 --> 00:08:16,020
Interface.
125
00:08:16,060 --> 00:08:17,170
Give me the head, please!
126
00:08:17,210 --> 00:08:19,120
I am not deaf.
127
00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:20,440
Interface, this is an emergency.
128
00:08:21,030 --> 00:08:23,010
Would you please hurry?
129
00:08:23,050 --> 00:08:26,140
I've only got 4 hands, you know.
130
00:08:26,180 --> 00:08:28,230
Head: Yes? Palindrome: Oh, heh.
131
00:08:29,030 --> 00:08:31,180
Palindrome here, sir.
Sorry to disturb you.
132
00:08:31,220 --> 00:08:33,210
That's all right, palindrome.
133
00:08:34,010 --> 00:08:37,220
I was just, as usual, thinking.
134
00:08:38,020 --> 00:08:41,160
Sir, we've, uh, got a bit
of a headache down here.
135
00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:44,100
Don't tell me about
headaches, palindrome.
136
00:08:44,140 --> 00:08:47,190
- No, sir.
- I wrote the book on headaches.
137
00:08:47,230 --> 00:08:49,030
Yes, sir.
138
00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:51,090
Just give me the facts.
139
00:08:51,130 --> 00:08:53,170
An extraordinarily
large explosion
140
00:08:53,210 --> 00:08:56,090
from the m-82 sector
seems to have propelled
141
00:08:56,130 --> 00:08:58,220
an enzyme cloud clear
through ursa major's
142
00:08:59,020 --> 00:09:00,070
gravity field.
143
00:09:00,110 --> 00:09:02,000
It's practically pure protein,
144
00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:03,130
and it's metabolizing
everything in its path,
145
00:09:03,150 --> 00:09:05,050
including gravity.
146
00:09:05,090 --> 00:09:07,140
I suppose you're going to
tell me this enzyme thing
147
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:09,220
is going to hit us full on
148
00:09:10,020 --> 00:09:14,090
and turn us all into little
bitty meson particles.
149
00:09:14,130 --> 00:09:17,010
Mmm. At about
1500 hours tomorrow.
150
00:09:17,050 --> 00:09:19,170
I... I'm sorry, sir. I
know how you feel.
151
00:09:19,210 --> 00:09:23,230
Can you imagine a migraine
the size of a supernova?
152
00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:25,090
Uh, no, sir.
153
00:09:25,130 --> 00:09:27,210
Then you don't know how I feel.
154
00:09:28,010 --> 00:09:31,000
All right. Have we got
any ships in that sector?
155
00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:34,000
- Uh, just one, sir.
- Who's in command?
156
00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:35,180
Adam quark.
157
00:09:35,220 --> 00:09:39,120
That's the worst news yet.
158
00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:41,080
What cargo is he carrying?
159
00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:45,080
200,000 tons of
compressed space garbage.
160
00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:47,020
Wonderful.
161
00:09:47,060 --> 00:09:49,130
Oh! Quark's not totally
inexperienced, sir.
162
00:09:49,170 --> 00:09:51,050
He did see active service
163
00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:52,200
during the
sagittarius rebellion.
164
00:09:52,220 --> 00:09:55,020
Uh, wasn't he
captured by the enemy?
165
00:09:55,060 --> 00:09:57,160
Oh. Yes, sir. By the solanites.
166
00:09:57,200 --> 00:10:02,010
Animated, mildly
intelligent vegetables.
167
00:10:02,050 --> 00:10:03,190
Tubers actually.
168
00:10:03,230 --> 00:10:06,020
Quark was taken
prisoner by a unit
169
00:10:06,060 --> 00:10:08,030
of dissident potatoes.
170
00:10:08,070 --> 00:10:10,160
Sir, if quark could move
his ship into the center
171
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,130
of that enzyme cloud
and set off his own
172
00:10:12,170 --> 00:10:14,020
reactor system...
173
00:10:14,060 --> 00:10:16,180
And create a nuclear implosion.
174
00:10:16,220 --> 00:10:18,210
Yes, it might work.
175
00:10:19,010 --> 00:10:20,100
Of course it would
mean certain death
176
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,230
for everybody on board.
177
00:10:22,030 --> 00:10:23,180
Head: This is a
tough one, palindrome,
178
00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:25,160
but as you know, one
of the responsibilities
179
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:29,060
of those in charge
sometimes is to order
180
00:10:29,100 --> 00:10:32,230
the sacrifice of the few,
uh, for the sake of the many.
181
00:10:33,030 --> 00:10:34,110
Palindrome: Yes, sir.
182
00:10:34,150 --> 00:10:37,080
Particularly when
those in charge
183
00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:39,080
are among the many.
184
00:10:57,010 --> 00:10:58,110
I'll see you below, Adam.
185
00:10:58,150 --> 00:11:00,150
Oh, yes. Absolutely.
186
00:11:08,130 --> 00:11:10,030
I'll see you below, Adam.
187
00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:12,140
Of course, yeah.
188
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:20,140
Have you finished the
autosystem checkout?
189
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:22,080
Checkout completed.
Power load is at maximum.
190
00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:23,190
- Good.
- Lunar and solar readings
191
00:11:23,210 --> 00:11:25,080
- on full mesh.
- Good.
192
00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:26,180
Orbit program is locked in.
193
00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:27,210
- Good.
- And guess what.
194
00:11:28,010 --> 00:11:30,120
What?
195
00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:33,170
[As Jean] I've almost
finished my needlepoint.
196
00:11:33,210 --> 00:11:37,100
It's lovely, isn't it, doc?
197
00:11:37,140 --> 00:11:41,130
Oh, boy. Request permission
to speak to the commander.
198
00:11:41,170 --> 00:11:45,010
- What is it?
- Alone.
199
00:11:45,050 --> 00:11:46,210
I know when I'm not wanted.
200
00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:54,040
[As gene] I'll see you
below, commander.
201
00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:56,140
You ought to take it
easy on gene, doc.
202
00:11:56,180 --> 00:11:58,170
I don't like transmutes.
203
00:11:58,210 --> 00:12:00,180
Transmutes are just
like everyone else
204
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,110
except of course for
the fact that they have
205
00:12:02,150 --> 00:12:05,030
a full set of male and
female chromosomes.
206
00:12:05,070 --> 00:12:08,030
Would you let your
brother or sister marry one?
207
00:12:08,070 --> 00:12:09,550
Just tell me what's
on your mind, doc?
208
00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:12,120
I'm requesting a transfer.
209
00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:15,070
I want to get away from
the sanitation business
210
00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:17,060
while I'm still young.
211
00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:19,140
Look, doc. I know how you feel,
212
00:12:19,180 --> 00:12:22,090
but we've got a job
to do that's just as big
213
00:12:22,130 --> 00:12:24,110
and as important as any other.
214
00:12:24,150 --> 00:12:26,200
Besides, where
would you transfer to?
215
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:30,020
We're 17 light years from
the nearest space station.
216
00:12:30,060 --> 00:12:31,210
Let me out. I'll walk.
217
00:12:37,210 --> 00:12:39,100
Ohh!
218
00:12:41,230 --> 00:12:43,130
Palindrome: Sir,
quark's ship has moved
219
00:12:43,170 --> 00:12:45,130
into the perimeter
of the enzyme cloud.
220
00:12:45,170 --> 00:12:48,050
We can't make
normal voice contact.
221
00:12:48,090 --> 00:12:50,020
Head: And what do you suggest?
222
00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:52,100
An emergency lasergram.
I've already written one up,
223
00:12:52,140 --> 00:12:54,090
but I have to have
your authority.
224
00:12:59,170 --> 00:13:01,110
Get the interface operator.
225
00:13:01,150 --> 00:13:04,100
Yes, sir.
226
00:13:04,140 --> 00:13:06,190
Interface.
227
00:13:06,230 --> 00:13:08,170
Head: This is the
head. I want to send
228
00:13:08,210 --> 00:13:12,090
an emergency lasergram
to the m-82 sector.
229
00:13:12,130 --> 00:13:14,130
That's awfully far.
230
00:13:14,170 --> 00:13:18,000
We know that, interface.
231
00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:22,200
That would be
$422,000 for 10 words
232
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:26,170
and $68,000 for
each additional word.
233
00:13:26,210 --> 00:13:29,170
What is the message, please?
234
00:13:29,210 --> 00:13:33,090
16 words, palindrome?
235
00:13:33,130 --> 00:13:35,100
Well, we can cut "dear."
236
00:13:38,220 --> 00:13:42,170
- Everything all right?
- Eh.
237
00:13:42,210 --> 00:13:44,070
How's it going, Andy?
238
00:13:44,110 --> 00:13:46,140
Everything is fine, mank you.
239
00:13:46,180 --> 00:13:49,100
- "Mank you"?
- You're melcome.
240
00:13:49,140 --> 00:13:53,110
Yes, I see, and how do you feel?
241
00:13:53,150 --> 00:13:57,060
Andy: I feel wonder...
I feel wonder...
242
00:13:57,100 --> 00:13:59,110
I feel wonder...
243
00:13:59,150 --> 00:14:01,200
Ful.
244
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:03,210
You're getting there.
245
00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:06,030
- Commander.
- What is it?
246
00:14:06,070 --> 00:14:08,170
Look at this. We've
got a spectrum reading
247
00:14:08,210 --> 00:14:12,030
that's gone right off the graph.
248
00:14:12,070 --> 00:14:15,210
Something's coming
this way, something big,
249
00:14:16,010 --> 00:14:17,130
and it's not solid.
250
00:14:17,170 --> 00:14:21,040
It's emitting a totally
varied wave cycle.
251
00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:22,210
A totally varied wave cycle.
252
00:14:23,010 --> 00:14:24,140
Do you understand
what that means?
253
00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:25,160
What does it mean?
254
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:27,170
I wish I knew.
255
00:14:27,210 --> 00:14:30,150
What would happen if it hit us?
256
00:14:30,190 --> 00:14:33,030
At best, the ship
would be atomized,
257
00:14:33,070 --> 00:14:37,130
and we'd all be turned
into instant space jelly.
258
00:14:37,170 --> 00:14:40,220
Of course, that's
looking on the bright side.
259
00:14:41,020 --> 00:14:44,090
Isn't there a chance
you could be mistaken?
260
00:14:44,130 --> 00:14:45,200
Yes.
261
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:47,100
[Crash]
262
00:14:47,140 --> 00:14:49,030
Uh, no.
263
00:14:55,210 --> 00:14:59,030
Time to ingest.
What's on the menu?
264
00:14:59,070 --> 00:15:01,020
Special treat
tonight, commander.
265
00:15:01,060 --> 00:15:03,170
All your favorites...
Hearts of plankton,
266
00:15:03,210 --> 00:15:05,170
hot space biscuits...
267
00:15:05,210 --> 00:15:09,030
Puree of astrogerm
and moon snails flambé.
268
00:15:09,070 --> 00:15:10,270
What about a moistening agent?
269
00:15:11,020 --> 00:15:15,090
Chateau alio from the great
bear constellation, 2117.
270
00:15:15,130 --> 00:15:18,190
Mmm. A great century for wine.
271
00:15:18,230 --> 00:15:20,230
[Beeping]
272
00:15:25,230 --> 00:15:27,130
[Squish]
273
00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:33,140
[Beeping]
274
00:15:33,180 --> 00:15:38,180
Ahh. That's what
I call ingestion.
275
00:15:43,170 --> 00:15:47,020
Now we're all set
for a nice, long nap.
276
00:15:47,060 --> 00:15:48,110
Bettys: Mmm.
277
00:15:48,150 --> 00:15:49,350
- Commander quark.
- Yes, gene?
278
00:15:50,010 --> 00:15:51,060
How long do you
want the cryogeno pod
279
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:52,140
auto timer set for?
280
00:15:52,180 --> 00:15:54,050
Well, let's see.
This is April 4.
281
00:15:54,090 --> 00:15:57,020
Set them for full energy
restoration on June 3.
282
00:15:57,060 --> 00:15:59,190
- Right.
- At 7 A.M.
283
00:15:59,230 --> 00:16:01,110
That early?
284
00:16:01,150 --> 00:16:03,180
That's two months from now.
285
00:16:03,220 --> 00:16:07,130
[As Jean] Well, a gal
needs her beauty sleep.
286
00:16:07,170 --> 00:16:09,250
Mudd, effeminate: I suppose
you want to be tucked in.
287
00:16:10,030 --> 00:16:11,150
Gene: You come near
me, you'll end up looking
288
00:16:11,170 --> 00:16:13,030
through two patches,
you got that, mudd?
289
00:16:13,070 --> 00:16:16,010
Quark: All right. Knock it off.
290
00:16:16,050 --> 00:16:17,180
Jean: Big bully.
291
00:16:23,070 --> 00:16:24,150
What do you got, doc?
292
00:16:24,190 --> 00:16:28,000
Don't know yet.
New sample findings.
293
00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:30,140
I want to look at them
under the stellarscope.
294
00:16:30,180 --> 00:16:32,210
I'm gonna check the gyro
channel before I turn in.
295
00:16:33,010 --> 00:16:36,010
Mudd: Good. Oh.
296
00:16:36,050 --> 00:16:37,160
Quark: What is
it? See something?
297
00:16:37,180 --> 00:16:42,170
No. Nothing at
all. It's all black.
298
00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:44,130
Quark: Other eye, doc.
299
00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:49,090
What? Oh! Yes.
300
00:16:57,040 --> 00:17:02,160
Andy: My name is
Andy. What is your name?
301
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:06,040
Please tell me your name.
302
00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:11,000
I think you are very attractive.
303
00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:12,160
Won't you speak to me?
304
00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:14,050
[Alarm blaring]
305
00:17:14,090 --> 00:17:16,110
Andy, no! Stop that!
306
00:17:16,150 --> 00:17:19,100
Come with me,
Andy. That is not a toy.
307
00:17:19,140 --> 00:17:22,100
It's the garbage control.
308
00:17:22,140 --> 00:17:26,100
That is a very important
piece of expensive machinery.
309
00:17:26,140 --> 00:17:29,100
Yes, but isn't she cute?
310
00:17:38,130 --> 00:17:41,100
Whoa! Whoa!
311
00:17:41,140 --> 00:17:43,000
Both: What was that?!
312
00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:46,150
It's all right. Nothing
to worry about.
313
00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:48,050
What was that?!
314
00:17:48,090 --> 00:17:49,810
That's the big thing
that's coming this way!
315
00:17:50,030 --> 00:17:51,160
It's creating a gravity warp.
316
00:17:51,180 --> 00:17:53,010
Shouldn't we take
evasive action?
317
00:17:53,050 --> 00:17:54,080
It wouldn't do any good.
318
00:17:54,120 --> 00:17:55,230
It's faster than we are.
319
00:17:56,030 --> 00:17:57,100
Give it to me straight, doc!
320
00:17:57,120 --> 00:17:59,030
What would you
do if you were me?
321
00:17:59,070 --> 00:18:01,070
Pack!
322
00:18:01,110 --> 00:18:03,030
Betty: Commander.
323
00:18:08,100 --> 00:18:10,150
- Yes, Betty?
- Whatever happens,
324
00:18:10,190 --> 00:18:13,180
I'm proud to be sharing
the experience with you.
325
00:18:13,220 --> 00:18:15,080
Thank you, Betty.
326
00:18:15,120 --> 00:18:17,180
You like me a
little bit, don't you?
327
00:18:17,220 --> 00:18:20,020
Oh, more than just a little bit.
328
00:18:20,060 --> 00:18:22,170
- More than her?
- Well...
329
00:18:22,210 --> 00:18:24,220
Because she's only a clone.
330
00:18:25,020 --> 00:18:26,180
I'm the real person.
331
00:18:26,220 --> 00:18:30,180
- She is not! It's not true!
- Easy, Betty.
332
00:18:30,220 --> 00:18:33,010
She was made from a cell
333
00:18:33,050 --> 00:18:37,050
that came from underneath
my fingernail. Honest!
334
00:18:37,090 --> 00:18:39,150
Yes, yes. Oh, I believe you.
335
00:18:39,190 --> 00:18:41,090
- Adam.
- Hmm?
336
00:18:41,130 --> 00:18:44,050
I'm even prouder to be
sharing this experience
337
00:18:44,090 --> 00:18:47,130
with you than she is
338
00:18:47,170 --> 00:18:51,170
because as someone once said
339
00:18:51,210 --> 00:18:57,040
death is the greatest
adventure, you know?
340
00:18:57,080 --> 00:19:00,160
Sure, but you have to
remember that whoever said it
341
00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:02,210
probably wasn't
dead at the time.
342
00:19:03,010 --> 00:19:05,140
Mudd: Quark!
343
00:19:05,180 --> 00:19:09,160
Coming!
344
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:12,010
Look. We must be
inside the thing now.
345
00:19:12,050 --> 00:19:14,020
If those hydrochemical
readings are correct,
346
00:19:14,060 --> 00:19:17,050
it's as though we're
being... Digested.
347
00:19:17,090 --> 00:19:19,010
By jiminy, that's it!
348
00:19:19,050 --> 00:19:22,040
It's some kind of protein
hydrolyzing amino producer.
349
00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:23,140
What does it mean?!
350
00:19:23,180 --> 00:19:25,130
I'm not quite sure,
351
00:19:25,170 --> 00:19:27,120
but it's got a nice ring to it.
352
00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:33,040
Head: Ok. I think we've got it.
353
00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:35,120
Let's cut out the "good luck."
354
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:39,120
It seems superfluous anyway.
355
00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:42,220
Interface, we've got
it down to 10 words.
356
00:19:43,020 --> 00:19:44,120
It's about time.
357
00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:47,130
What is the message, please?
358
00:19:47,170 --> 00:19:50,120
Head: Palindrome, I'll
put the lasergram through.
359
00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:52,150
You watch those
command table readouts
360
00:19:52,190 --> 00:19:54,100
and keep me informed.
361
00:19:54,140 --> 00:19:56,220
I want to know
if quark makes it.
362
00:19:57,020 --> 00:19:58,060
And if he doesn't?
363
00:19:58,100 --> 00:20:00,160
Uh... lie.
364
00:20:04,090 --> 00:20:09,170
Mudd: Quark, load control
is flashing emergency.
365
00:20:09,210 --> 00:20:11,110
Where's Andy?
366
00:20:11,150 --> 00:20:14,060
If we drop that cargo,
we'll be torn apart!
367
00:20:14,100 --> 00:20:16,170
[Bell clanging, alarm blaring]
368
00:20:16,210 --> 00:20:18,210
Don't leave me!
369
00:20:23,150 --> 00:20:24,230
Andy!
370
00:20:25,030 --> 00:20:31,020
I love you! I need
you! I want you!
371
00:20:31,060 --> 00:20:34,150
Quark: No! Stop! No! Andy, no!
372
00:20:34,190 --> 00:20:36,210
[Air rushing]
373
00:20:37,010 --> 00:20:40,220
You just dumped 200,000
tons of astrotrash and...
374
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,180
Look, commander. It's that
cloud of protein hydrolyzing...
375
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:51,170
Whatever I said it was.
376
00:20:51,210 --> 00:20:54,120
It's gone after the cargo.
377
00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:56,100
It's having the
feast of its life.
378
00:20:56,140 --> 00:20:59,090
And moving in a
completely different direction
379
00:20:59,130 --> 00:21:01,100
away from our solar system,
380
00:21:01,140 --> 00:21:03,160
away from our civilization,
381
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:06,120
away from everything
we hold dear...
382
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:07,230
Mostly us.
383
00:21:08,030 --> 00:21:10,030
[Computer chiming]
384
00:21:13,090 --> 00:21:15,060
Commander, it's an
emergency lasergram...
385
00:21:15,100 --> 00:21:17,140
From perma one!
386
00:21:19,110 --> 00:21:22,110
"Quark, blow your
reactor and save galaxy.
387
00:21:22,150 --> 00:21:24,080
Nice knowing you."
388
00:21:27,100 --> 00:21:29,190
You know...
389
00:21:29,230 --> 00:21:32,150
If Andy hadn't dumped that load,
390
00:21:32,190 --> 00:21:35,090
we would all be extremely dead.
391
00:21:35,130 --> 00:21:39,170
Heh. We owe our lives
to that plucky jumble
392
00:21:39,210 --> 00:21:42,060
of spare parts.
393
00:21:44,100 --> 00:21:46,140
Good, old Andy!
394
00:21:46,180 --> 00:21:51,010
You're not gonna be just
any ordinary servo mechanism.
395
00:21:51,050 --> 00:21:53,220
I'm gonna program
you to genius level.
396
00:21:54,020 --> 00:21:56,110
You'll learn to
think like we do.
397
00:21:56,150 --> 00:21:58,090
Betty one: We'll teach
you to speak like we do.
398
00:21:58,130 --> 00:22:00,090
Betty two: And
behave like we do.
399
00:22:00,130 --> 00:22:03,000
Quark: In fact, Andy, when
we get through with you,
400
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:04,230
you'll be just like us.
401
00:22:08,100 --> 00:22:10,100
What do you think of that?
402
00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:15,000
Andy: Let me out!
403
00:22:16,140 --> 00:22:18,110
Let me out!
404
00:22:24,010 --> 00:22:27,020
[As gene] What happened? I
woke up, and no one was around.
405
00:22:27,060 --> 00:22:28,110
[As Jean] I was so frightened.
406
00:22:28,130 --> 00:22:30,040
Won't you tell me what happened?
407
00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:33,190
- Get away from me.
- Doc.
408
00:22:33,230 --> 00:22:35,090
Please.
409
00:22:37,210 --> 00:22:39,080
We had a little trouble
back there, gene,
410
00:22:39,120 --> 00:22:41,030
but we straightened
everything out.
411
00:22:41,070 --> 00:22:43,140
In fact, we were
probably responsible
412
00:22:43,180 --> 00:22:45,170
for saving the entire galaxy.
413
00:22:45,210 --> 00:22:47,140
[As gene] Yeah? Well,
it's a mess down below.
414
00:22:47,180 --> 00:22:49,220
The load control box is
in the middle of the cabin.
415
00:22:50,020 --> 00:22:53,120
Andy: That is my fiancé.
416
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:55,110
What's he babbling about?
417
00:22:55,150 --> 00:22:57,030
Oh, nothing really.
418
00:22:57,070 --> 00:23:00,040
Hey! It's his fiancée.
419
00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:02,160
Are we talking about
the load control box?
420
00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:05,110
Andy: Miss load control box.
421
00:23:05,150 --> 00:23:08,010
That robot is sick.
422
00:23:08,050 --> 00:23:11,010
[As Jean] But it is romantic.
423
00:23:11,050 --> 00:23:13,220
[Computer chiming]
424
00:23:14,020 --> 00:23:16,090
Interface: Perma one to
quark. Perma one to quark.
425
00:23:16,130 --> 00:23:19,010
- This is quark.
- Who?
426
00:23:19,050 --> 00:23:20,230
- Quark.
- What?
427
00:23:21,030 --> 00:23:22,110
This is quark!
428
00:23:22,150 --> 00:23:26,180
All right. You
don't have to yell.
429
00:23:26,220 --> 00:23:30,150
Dr. Palindrome, I have
commander quark for you.
430
00:23:30,190 --> 00:23:32,220
Quark, I have a message
for you and your crew
431
00:23:33,020 --> 00:23:34,170
from the head himself.
432
00:23:34,210 --> 00:23:36,040
Yes, sir.
433
00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:37,480
Congratulations
for your superb work
434
00:23:38,030 --> 00:23:40,050
in the face of
indescribable danger.
435
00:23:40,090 --> 00:23:43,050
A grateful galaxy salutes you.
436
00:23:43,090 --> 00:23:45,010
You are directed to
proceed with your ship
437
00:23:45,050 --> 00:23:47,200
to stellar quadrant 7 and
look for signs of trouble.
438
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:51,000
Your permanent mission
now is to scour the universe.
439
00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:54,110
[Cheering]
440
00:23:54,150 --> 00:23:56,140
Now we're going
to see some action.
441
00:23:56,180 --> 00:23:58,030
Palindrome: Oh,
and... and, quark.
442
00:23:58,070 --> 00:24:00,020
- Yes, sir?
- On your way to quadrant 7,
443
00:24:00,050 --> 00:24:02,010
would you swing by the
small cloud of Magellan?
444
00:24:02,050 --> 00:24:03,190
They haven't had a
pickup there in two weeks,
445
00:24:03,210 --> 00:24:07,150
and there are space
baggies everywhere.
446
00:24:07,190 --> 00:24:10,040
All right. You all heard that.
447
00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:13,110
Let's start scouring
the universe.
448
00:24:13,150 --> 00:24:17,130
Andy... we owe this all to you.
449
00:24:17,170 --> 00:24:20,150
- Mank you.
- Thank you.
450
00:24:20,190 --> 00:24:23,090
You're melcome.
451
00:24:23,130 --> 00:24:26,020
All right. Let's get
this ship moving.
452
00:24:29,220 --> 00:24:33,210
You know, doc, I
really believe that some
453
00:24:34,010 --> 00:24:36,060
higher consciousness
that manipulates
454
00:24:36,100 --> 00:24:39,100
the infinite pattern
of cause and effect
455
00:24:39,140 --> 00:24:44,130
must have selected
us to play this vital role.
456
00:24:44,170 --> 00:24:47,050
At least that's once
way of looking at it.
457
00:24:47,090 --> 00:24:50,210
Or it's just pure dumb luck.
458
00:24:51,010 --> 00:24:53,090
That's the other way.
459
00:24:53,140 --> 00:24:57,690
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