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1
00:00:03,699 --> 00:00:06,049
I love when our moms
have book club.
2
00:00:06,093 --> 00:00:08,530
They talk books,
and we have...
3
00:00:08,573 --> 00:00:10,706
- weeknight sleepovers!
- Weeknight sleepovers!
4
00:00:10,749 --> 00:00:14,536
Two best friends,
just doing their thang,
5
00:00:14,579 --> 00:00:17,321
making collages or whatnot.
6
00:00:17,365 --> 00:00:20,498
While my mom gets too drunk
to drive me home.
7
00:00:20,542 --> 00:00:23,588
Treasure Island!
What'd you think?
8
00:00:23,632 --> 00:00:27,679
So good! How crazy
was Gonzo's story arc?!
9
00:00:27,723 --> 00:00:29,333
- Gonzo?
- Yeah!
10
00:00:29,377 --> 00:00:31,727
When they pulled him down
from the sail
11
00:00:31,770 --> 00:00:34,686
and his fuzzy blue arms
got all stretched out
12
00:00:34,730 --> 00:00:37,341
and he snapped back
like a window blind!
13
00:00:37,385 --> 00:00:40,953
Dut-dut-dut-dut-dut-dut-dut.
That's good writing.
14
00:00:40,997 --> 00:00:44,044
Francine, did you watch
Muppet Treasure Island
15
00:00:44,087 --> 00:00:45,393
instead of reading the book?
16
00:00:45,436 --> 00:00:48,613
Yes. But it's basically
the same thing.
17
00:00:48,657 --> 00:00:50,615
There's no Muppets in the book!
18
00:00:50,659 --> 00:00:52,182
That sounds boring.
19
00:00:52,226 --> 00:00:54,793
Steve, I don't want to
bore you with the math.
20
00:00:54,837 --> 00:00:56,186
Oh, by all means, do.
21
00:00:56,230 --> 00:00:58,406
These biweekly
book club meetings
22
00:00:58,449 --> 00:01:01,713
account for almost 40%
of our friendship.
23
00:01:01,757 --> 00:01:04,803
Snot, you've confirmed
what I've always suspected.
24
00:01:04,847 --> 00:01:08,459
Weeknight sleepovers are the
cornerstone of our friendship.
25
00:01:08,503 --> 00:01:10,287
The fact our moms are friends
26
00:01:10,331 --> 00:01:14,074
makes us the luckiest boys
in the universe.
27
00:01:14,117 --> 00:01:15,945
Do you like the way
I drew the letters?
28
00:01:15,988 --> 00:01:17,947
They look like they came out
of a magazine, right?
29
00:01:17,990 --> 00:01:20,123
You're out of your mind
if you think Gonzo's a dog.
30
00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:22,125
He's blue.
31
00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:24,649
He woofed
when he saw the treasure!
32
00:01:24,693 --> 00:01:27,609
Sometimes I think we don't
have anything in common.
33
00:01:27,652 --> 00:01:29,828
Are we just pretending
to get along
34
00:01:29,872 --> 00:01:31,395
because our sons are friends?
35
00:01:31,439 --> 00:01:32,918
I think so.
36
00:01:32,962 --> 00:01:34,746
Maybe we can... stop?
37
00:01:34,790 --> 00:01:36,966
Let's never hang out again!
38
00:01:37,009 --> 00:01:39,099
Steve!
39
00:01:39,142 --> 00:01:41,579
We have an exciting
announcement.
40
00:01:41,623 --> 00:01:45,757
Snot's Mom and I have decided to
stop pretending to be friends.
41
00:01:45,801 --> 00:01:47,107
Pretending?
42
00:01:47,150 --> 00:01:49,979
Yep! Book club is
canceled forever.
43
00:01:50,022 --> 00:01:54,244
[gasps] A 40% decrease
in friendship?
44
00:01:54,288 --> 00:01:56,942
♪
45
00:01:56,986 --> 00:01:59,684
♪ Good morning, U.S.A.♪
46
00:01:59,728 --> 00:02:03,514
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day♪
47
00:02:03,558 --> 00:02:06,648
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face♪
48
00:02:06,691 --> 00:02:10,739
♪ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race♪
49
00:02:12,828 --> 00:02:16,266
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say♪
50
00:02:16,310 --> 00:02:18,312
- ♪ Good--♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A.♪
51
00:02:18,355 --> 00:02:19,487
Aah!
52
00:02:21,053 --> 00:02:24,318
♪ Good morning, U.S.A.♪
53
00:02:24,361 --> 00:02:27,147
Please, you have
to stay friends!
54
00:02:27,190 --> 00:02:28,626
Think of the children!
55
00:02:28,670 --> 00:02:31,325
No one's saying
you two can't be friends.
56
00:02:31,368 --> 00:02:33,457
Why does it matter if we are?
57
00:02:33,501 --> 00:02:35,807
Well, I don't want to bore you
with the math, Mrs. Smith--
58
00:02:35,851 --> 00:02:37,157
Please, don't.
59
00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:40,464
Listen, maybe you just
need to clear the air.
60
00:02:40,508 --> 00:02:43,032
Why don't we talk about what
bothers you about each other?
61
00:02:43,075 --> 00:02:44,294
I'll start.
62
00:02:44,338 --> 00:02:46,557
She's never seen
Muppet Treasure Island,
63
00:02:46,601 --> 00:02:49,038
which is a big problem for me.
64
00:02:49,081 --> 00:02:52,172
Book club is just an excuse
for you to get shithosed!
65
00:02:52,215 --> 00:02:54,174
You brought your own bartender!
66
00:02:54,217 --> 00:02:57,655
Paul Gary's the name,
mixologist is the game!
67
00:02:57,699 --> 00:03:01,224
I've got Aperol Spritzes.
Boiling hot Aperol Spritzes!
68
00:03:01,268 --> 00:03:03,487
He's not even a good bartender!
69
00:03:03,531 --> 00:03:05,707
Aperol Spritzers
are served cold!
70
00:03:05,750 --> 00:03:08,318
What are you,
the Aperol Spritzers police?!
71
00:03:08,362 --> 00:03:10,668
I'm sorry, I'm defensive
because you're right.
72
00:03:10,712 --> 00:03:12,366
I'm a terrible mixologist!
73
00:03:12,409 --> 00:03:14,063
Let's go, Steve.
74
00:03:16,370 --> 00:03:19,199
Our friendship will
survive this, right?
75
00:03:19,242 --> 00:03:22,332
[voice breaking] I'll need to
crunch the numbers.
76
00:03:22,376 --> 00:03:26,206
If Paul Gary isn't a mixologist,
then who is he?
77
00:03:26,249 --> 00:03:28,512
This is the beginning...
Shh!
78
00:03:28,556 --> 00:03:31,515
... beginning of
a deeply personal journey.
79
00:03:31,559 --> 00:03:33,909
This is...
Get over yourselves!
80
00:03:33,952 --> 00:03:36,085
... my story.
81
00:03:38,740 --> 00:03:40,263
Cheer up, Steve.
82
00:03:40,307 --> 00:03:43,048
We can still be friends
even if our moms aren't.
83
00:03:43,092 --> 00:03:46,138
Your moms aren't friends
anymore? Well, I'm out.
84
00:03:46,182 --> 00:03:49,229
I am not gonna watch
your friendship fall apart.
85
00:03:49,272 --> 00:03:50,534
What are you talking about?
86
00:03:50,578 --> 00:03:52,232
Your moms being friends
is the glue
87
00:03:52,275 --> 00:03:53,972
holding the two of you
together.
88
00:03:54,016 --> 00:03:55,757
It's like
on the show Friends.
89
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,149
Remember how their friendship
was held together
90
00:03:57,193 --> 00:03:58,977
by a deep mutual love
91
00:03:59,021 --> 00:04:01,589
of being paid
a million dollars an episode?
92
00:04:01,632 --> 00:04:03,155
That's your moms.
93
00:04:03,199 --> 00:04:05,070
[scoffs] That's--
That's crazy.
94
00:04:05,114 --> 00:04:06,289
Toshi, tell him.
95
00:04:08,117 --> 00:04:11,120
Toshi? Toshi!
Say something!
96
00:04:11,163 --> 00:04:14,993
I speak fluent English
and have the whole time.
97
00:04:18,301 --> 00:04:20,738
Hey, guys,
are your moms friends?
98
00:04:20,782 --> 00:04:24,264
Uh, was The Poisonwood Bible
written by Barbara Kingsolver?
99
00:04:24,307 --> 00:04:26,657
We're not losing
Barry and Toshi.
100
00:04:26,701 --> 00:04:28,137
How do we fix this?
101
00:04:28,180 --> 00:04:30,095
ROGER: May I suggest
drugging the moms?
102
00:04:30,139 --> 00:04:33,273
Are you the bartender
from my mom's house?
103
00:04:33,316 --> 00:04:34,970
Sort of. You see,
104
00:04:35,013 --> 00:04:39,191
I'm on a deeply personal journey
to find out who I am.
105
00:04:39,235 --> 00:04:41,585
Okay.
106
00:04:41,629 --> 00:04:43,587
Paul Gary isn't a mixologist,
107
00:04:43,631 --> 00:04:46,416
so I enrolled at Pearl Bailey
to use the chemistry lab.
108
00:04:46,460 --> 00:04:49,941
Because I am now...
A. Paul Gary,
109
00:04:49,985 --> 00:04:51,769
drug mixologist.
110
00:04:51,813 --> 00:04:55,120
I mix illegal narcotics together
to see what they do.
111
00:04:55,164 --> 00:04:57,775
And recently, I came across
something interesting.
112
00:04:57,819 --> 00:05:00,430
I was working in my lab
late one night,
113
00:05:00,474 --> 00:05:03,781
when my eyes
beheld an eerie sight.
114
00:05:03,825 --> 00:05:06,436
That's "Monster Mash," right?
You're doing "Monster Mash"?
115
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,873
Never heard of it.
Anyway, I was working in the lab
116
00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:10,788
late one night...
117
00:05:10,832 --> 00:05:13,661
♪ When my eyes
beheld an eerie sight♪
118
00:05:13,704 --> 00:05:17,317
♪ I had acid on a tab,
weed in a bag♪
119
00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:20,015
♪ A splash of ether on a rag♪
120
00:05:20,058 --> 00:05:21,538
- ♪ He did the mash♪
- ♪ He did the mash♪
121
00:05:21,582 --> 00:05:23,235
♪ I did the narcotics mash♪
122
00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:24,976
- ♪ Narcotics mash♪
- ♪ Narcotics mash♪
123
00:05:25,020 --> 00:05:27,022
♪ It was a coked-out bash♪
124
00:05:27,065 --> 00:05:28,806
This is "Monster Mash"!
125
00:05:28,850 --> 00:05:31,200
I don't know that song!
126
00:05:31,243 --> 00:05:32,810
I don't know any songs!
127
00:05:32,854 --> 00:05:35,335
All I do know is
your moms are MILDs--
128
00:05:35,378 --> 00:05:36,988
Mothers I'd Like to Drug.
129
00:05:37,032 --> 00:05:40,862
And the mash I discovered in
my lab works as a love drug.
130
00:05:40,905 --> 00:05:43,386
Drugs can make people
fall in love?
131
00:05:43,430 --> 00:05:45,257
Drugs can do almost anything
132
00:05:45,301 --> 00:05:47,390
once you realize
they're super good for you.
133
00:05:47,434 --> 00:05:50,915
Anyway, I'm proposing we dose
your moms with the love drug
134
00:05:50,959 --> 00:05:52,830
and make them
fall back in love!
135
00:05:52,874 --> 00:05:54,179
And it will work?
136
00:05:54,223 --> 00:05:56,921
Steve, are you actually thinking
about doing this?
137
00:05:56,965 --> 00:05:59,489
- What other options do we have?
- I don't know!
138
00:05:59,533 --> 00:06:01,926
We only brainstormed
for like two seconds
139
00:06:01,970 --> 00:06:03,928
before we started talking
to this guy.
140
00:06:03,972 --> 00:06:06,366
Snot's in!
Love that enthusiasm!
141
00:06:06,409 --> 00:06:08,672
I'll mix up the drugs,
and you two trick your moms
142
00:06:08,716 --> 00:06:09,717
- into meeting up!
- ♪ They did the mash♪
143
00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:11,545
- Aah! Scary song!
- [glass shatters]
144
00:06:14,809 --> 00:06:17,420
I can't believe
the Impractical Jokers
145
00:06:17,464 --> 00:06:20,249
are doing a meet-and-greet
in Langley Falls!
146
00:06:20,292 --> 00:06:22,207
Yeah, well, it's true.
147
00:06:22,251 --> 00:06:24,558
Steve, you seem nervous.
148
00:06:24,601 --> 00:06:28,736
Wait, are you worried the Jokers
are gonna joke you?
149
00:06:28,779 --> 00:06:31,129
[chuckles] Don't
flatter yourself.
150
00:06:31,173 --> 00:06:34,045
No one's putting a hot dog
in your pocket.
151
00:06:34,089 --> 00:06:36,570
Now, remember, Snot,
when we meet the Jokers,
152
00:06:36,613 --> 00:06:38,615
you're my nephew.
153
00:06:38,659 --> 00:06:39,790
Francine.
154
00:06:39,834 --> 00:06:40,922
[elevator bell dings]
155
00:06:42,489 --> 00:06:44,621
Shove!
Drugs!
156
00:06:44,665 --> 00:06:46,231
- What is this?
- Don't leave me in here--
157
00:06:46,275 --> 00:06:49,409
Congrats on a perfectly executed
drugging, boys.
158
00:06:49,452 --> 00:06:51,498
To the 33rd floor!
159
00:06:52,977 --> 00:06:55,545
- Whoa.
- I really hope this works.
160
00:06:55,589 --> 00:06:58,461
Did you even notice that I
basically teleported us up here?
161
00:06:58,505 --> 00:06:59,897
I was impressed.
162
00:06:59,941 --> 00:07:01,899
Thank you, Snot's Mom's kid.
163
00:07:01,943 --> 00:07:03,727
Now, by the time
these doors open,
164
00:07:03,771 --> 00:07:05,903
your moms will be fast friends,
165
00:07:05,947 --> 00:07:08,123
unless the dose is too strong.
166
00:07:08,166 --> 00:07:10,342
Are you two prepared to
see your moms hooking up?
167
00:07:10,386 --> 00:07:12,736
I'm not saying it's
what I want to see,
168
00:07:12,780 --> 00:07:14,303
but I won't be disappointed.
169
00:07:14,346 --> 00:07:16,914
- [elevator bell dings]
- Well, I hope you two--
170
00:07:16,958 --> 00:07:19,090
- [grunts]
- [screams]
171
00:07:19,134 --> 00:07:21,832
What is happening?!
They're worse than before!
172
00:07:21,876 --> 00:07:24,356
This might not be a love drug.
173
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:27,098
[sniffs] Yeah, this is meth.
I made meth.
174
00:07:27,142 --> 00:07:29,927
Welp, when in Rome...
[sniffs]
175
00:07:29,971 --> 00:07:31,494
Aah!
176
00:07:31,538 --> 00:07:33,148
[grunting]
177
00:07:33,191 --> 00:07:35,498
Well, this is surprising.
178
00:07:35,542 --> 00:07:38,153
So to get us to be friends,
you drugged us?!
179
00:07:38,196 --> 00:07:40,285
I don't want you seeing Snot
anymore.
180
00:07:40,329 --> 00:07:42,287
He's a terrible influence
on you!
181
00:07:42,331 --> 00:07:43,941
- What?!
- No way!
182
00:07:43,985 --> 00:07:46,509
I forbid Snot
from seeing Steve!
183
00:07:46,553 --> 00:07:48,772
He's the one who started
calling him Snot,
184
00:07:48,816 --> 00:07:50,513
and now everyone says it!
185
00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:53,124
No, mom! Please,
it was my fault.
186
00:07:53,168 --> 00:07:55,344
It's my fault!
Don't do this!
187
00:07:55,387 --> 00:07:57,781
- [sobbing]
- But it's really my fault.
188
00:07:57,825 --> 00:08:00,610
I'm a terrible drug mixologist.
189
00:08:00,654 --> 00:08:04,527
Will A. Paul Gary ever know
who he's supposed to be?
190
00:08:04,571 --> 00:08:06,398
My story continues.
191
00:08:06,660 --> 00:08:11,142
♪
192
00:08:11,186 --> 00:08:13,536
Well, I'm off.
Goodbye, Father.
193
00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:15,799
Goodbye, Sister.
Goodbye, fish.
194
00:08:15,843 --> 00:08:17,714
Damn, he left out Mother.
195
00:08:17,758 --> 00:08:20,195
Don't try to sneak around
with Snot at school.
196
00:08:20,238 --> 00:08:21,849
I will find out.
197
00:08:21,892 --> 00:08:23,807
We're finally
getting rid of Snot?
198
00:08:23,851 --> 00:08:25,330
Good.
That kid is the worst.
199
00:08:25,374 --> 00:08:27,637
- Stan, you love Snot.
- I do?
200
00:08:27,681 --> 00:08:29,900
Yeah, I think your
Memento style amnesia
201
00:08:29,944 --> 00:08:30,988
is acting up.
202
00:08:31,032 --> 00:08:32,207
You need to check your tattoos.
203
00:08:33,121 --> 00:08:35,340
STAN: Interesting.
204
00:08:35,384 --> 00:08:37,647
Concerning.
205
00:08:37,691 --> 00:08:40,650
Oh, yeah! Why are we getting
rid of Snot? He's the best!
206
00:08:40,694 --> 00:08:43,914
Because Mom can't put her son
ahead of her selfish wants.
207
00:08:43,958 --> 00:08:45,699
That's how it started.
208
00:08:45,742 --> 00:08:48,745
But then someone decided
to drug their mom.
209
00:08:48,789 --> 00:08:51,835
Oh, if it was so awful,
then why did you and Roger
210
00:08:51,879 --> 00:08:54,708
finish the baggie and go
to that warehouse party?!
211
00:08:54,751 --> 00:08:57,798
I had no choice
but to dance it off!
212
00:08:58,886 --> 00:09:01,105
"You appreciate your family."
213
00:09:01,149 --> 00:09:02,933
That doesn't sound right.
214
00:09:02,977 --> 00:09:05,414
No, it doesn't.
215
00:09:05,457 --> 00:09:08,025
♪
216
00:09:08,069 --> 00:09:11,681
Gosh, our moms did not respond
well to getting dosed, huh?
217
00:09:11,725 --> 00:09:13,030
No kidding.
218
00:09:13,074 --> 00:09:15,119
My mom told me I couldn't
even see you at school.
219
00:09:15,163 --> 00:09:17,034
Rule breakers!
220
00:09:17,078 --> 00:09:21,082
Last night, I got a phone call
from your mom, Smith.
221
00:09:21,125 --> 00:09:24,041
This friendship
has always weirded me out,
222
00:09:24,085 --> 00:09:26,740
and I am on board
with tearing it apart!
223
00:09:26,783 --> 00:09:28,132
Billy!
224
00:09:28,176 --> 00:09:30,439
Here are your new schedules.
225
00:09:30,482 --> 00:09:33,050
Zero classes together.
226
00:09:33,094 --> 00:09:34,617
Billy, why are you helping him?
227
00:09:34,661 --> 00:09:37,402
I've already got the stitches.
228
00:09:37,446 --> 00:09:40,231
Might as well be a snitches.
229
00:09:40,275 --> 00:09:43,887
♪
230
00:09:43,931 --> 00:09:45,236
[grunts]
231
00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:46,890
- Aah!
- Aah!
232
00:09:46,934 --> 00:10:03,298
♪
233
00:10:03,341 --> 00:10:04,821
Aah!
234
00:10:04,865 --> 00:10:07,432
♪
235
00:10:07,476 --> 00:10:10,479
What are we going to do?
Lewis is everywhere.
236
00:10:10,522 --> 00:10:12,263
We could build a friendship
here.
237
00:10:12,307 --> 00:10:14,091
This stall isn't so bad.
238
00:10:14,135 --> 00:10:16,746
I'm doing a trainspotting!
239
00:10:16,790 --> 00:10:21,925
Steve and Snot, two friends,
both alike in stupidity.
240
00:10:21,969 --> 00:10:24,624
Busted as hell!
241
00:10:24,667 --> 00:10:26,147
Since you can't be trusted,
242
00:10:26,190 --> 00:10:28,453
I'll be escorting Smith
to his next class.
243
00:10:28,497 --> 00:10:30,760
- Aah!
- [toilet flushes]
244
00:10:30,804 --> 00:10:34,198
[pebbles clinking]
245
00:10:37,375 --> 00:10:39,029
- [insects chirping]
- Steve!
246
00:10:39,073 --> 00:10:40,683
What are you doing here?
247
00:10:40,727 --> 00:10:43,338
I can't sit at home knowing
you're down the road
248
00:10:43,381 --> 00:10:45,862
staring up at the same stars
as me!
249
00:10:45,906 --> 00:10:48,125
I actually don't look at
the stars that often.
250
00:10:48,169 --> 00:10:49,953
They've always
kind of bored me.
251
00:10:49,997 --> 00:10:51,172
[bulbs pops, engine revs]
252
00:10:51,215 --> 00:10:53,130
That's right, chuckle heads!
253
00:10:53,174 --> 00:10:55,698
I'm patrolling your houses, too!
254
00:10:55,742 --> 00:10:57,787
Run!
255
00:10:57,831 --> 00:11:00,050
♪
256
00:11:00,094 --> 00:11:01,704
[engine revving]
257
00:11:01,748 --> 00:11:06,404
♪
258
00:11:06,448 --> 00:11:07,797
[tires screech]
259
00:11:07,841 --> 00:11:09,320
Go in on foot, Billy!
260
00:11:09,364 --> 00:11:11,061
I'll cut them off
on the other side.
261
00:11:11,105 --> 00:11:14,369
[tires screeching]
262
00:11:15,283 --> 00:11:16,676
I think we lost him.
263
00:11:16,719 --> 00:11:17,720
[both gasp]
264
00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:19,983
End of the road...
265
00:11:20,027 --> 00:11:22,551
- [flashlight clicks]
- ... for my hypocrisy.
266
00:11:22,594 --> 00:11:25,815
I, too, know what it is
to be in love.
267
00:11:25,859 --> 00:11:28,035
[chuckling] I wouldn't say
we're in love.
268
00:11:28,078 --> 00:11:30,994
But my father forbids our union.
269
00:11:31,038 --> 00:11:34,389
I don't know why.
He created her!
270
00:11:35,390 --> 00:11:38,567
Isn't she beautiful?
271
00:11:38,610 --> 00:11:40,003
- Yeah, yeah, super pretty.
- Uh-huh, totally.
272
00:11:40,047 --> 00:11:42,571
Now go! Wait!
273
00:11:42,614 --> 00:11:45,617
He needs to think
you overpowered me.
274
00:11:45,661 --> 00:11:48,533
I know violence isn't
in your nature, but--
275
00:11:48,577 --> 00:11:50,057
Eat knuckles, freak!
276
00:11:52,233 --> 00:11:55,323
You went easy on me, Steve!
277
00:11:57,151 --> 00:11:58,761
Ma'am.
278
00:11:58,805 --> 00:12:01,242
Psst. Over here!
279
00:12:03,635 --> 00:12:06,377
Wait, this is
that bartender again.
280
00:12:06,421 --> 00:12:07,727
Mixologist.
281
00:12:07,770 --> 00:12:10,381
And, yes, I'm still on
a deeply personal journey
282
00:12:10,425 --> 00:12:12,557
to discover
who I'm supposed to be.
283
00:12:12,601 --> 00:12:14,298
But I think
I've figured it out!
284
00:12:14,342 --> 00:12:16,953
And I've gone full apothecary!
285
00:12:16,997 --> 00:12:22,219
That's right! A. Paul Gary
is now A. Poth E. Cary,
286
00:12:22,263 --> 00:12:24,308
dealing in potions
and poisons.
287
00:12:26,963 --> 00:12:29,313
Which, at the moment, are
a little difficult to tell apart
288
00:12:29,357 --> 00:12:31,881
because my label maker
is garbage.
289
00:12:31,925 --> 00:12:34,754
I hear you've got a real
Romeo and Juliet problem.
290
00:12:34,797 --> 00:12:37,887
Well, I have a
Romeo and Juliet solution--
291
00:12:37,931 --> 00:12:39,062
fake your deaths!
292
00:12:39,106 --> 00:12:40,629
Uhh...
293
00:12:40,672 --> 00:12:43,632
Yes! There's that famous
Snot enthusiasm!
294
00:12:43,675 --> 00:12:45,112
You see, on this shelf,
295
00:12:45,155 --> 00:12:47,810
I've got thousands of unlabeled
potions and poisons.
296
00:12:47,854 --> 00:12:49,986
This will put you
in a deep slumber,
297
00:12:50,030 --> 00:12:52,249
indistinguishable from death.
298
00:12:52,293 --> 00:12:55,644
When you're found "dead," your
mothers will blame themselves.
299
00:12:55,687 --> 00:12:57,994
We'll time it so you wake up
at your own funeral,
300
00:12:58,038 --> 00:12:59,300
and then you pop out
of your coffins,
301
00:12:59,343 --> 00:13:00,692
and they'll be so relieved,
302
00:13:00,736 --> 00:13:02,259
they'll let you
be friends again!
303
00:13:02,303 --> 00:13:04,087
Steve, we can't do this.
304
00:13:04,131 --> 00:13:05,785
The love drug was a disaster.
305
00:13:05,828 --> 00:13:07,830
Disaster?
This guy's acting like
306
00:13:07,874 --> 00:13:09,919
you didn't see me punching
myself in the dick.
307
00:13:09,963 --> 00:13:12,443
We don't have another choice.
308
00:13:12,487 --> 00:13:14,445
Okay, let's do it.
309
00:13:14,489 --> 00:13:16,143
Wait.
310
00:13:16,186 --> 00:13:17,884
That one was the poison.
311
00:13:19,581 --> 00:13:20,756
There.
312
00:13:21,975 --> 00:13:23,019
There.
313
00:13:24,151 --> 00:13:25,456
There.
314
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:28,024
Actually, whoa.
Here's the potion.
315
00:13:28,068 --> 00:13:30,810
All the little ones are full
of poison... I think.
316
00:13:30,853 --> 00:13:33,377
But let's just decide
to feel confident.
317
00:13:33,421 --> 00:13:35,945
[somber music playing]
318
00:13:35,989 --> 00:14:04,234
♪
319
00:14:04,278 --> 00:14:08,543
[both crying]
320
00:14:09,631 --> 00:14:12,677
Steve and Snot had a friendship
so close
321
00:14:12,721 --> 00:14:14,897
that they died
in each other's arms,
322
00:14:14,941 --> 00:14:17,682
clinging so tight that
they could not be separated.
323
00:14:17,726 --> 00:14:22,426
Now they will be laid to rest
together, in one big-ass coffin.
324
00:14:22,470 --> 00:14:25,865
[both crying]
325
00:14:25,908 --> 00:14:28,606
Francine, I'm so sorry.
326
00:14:28,650 --> 00:14:31,435
All I had to do
was pretend to like you,
327
00:14:31,479 --> 00:14:33,698
and none of this
would have happened!
328
00:14:33,742 --> 00:14:36,876
No, Snot's Mom.
I'm sorry.
329
00:14:36,919 --> 00:14:39,922
I'd spend an eternity
pretending to like you
330
00:14:39,966 --> 00:14:43,273
if it meant Steve
would be alive again.
331
00:14:43,317 --> 00:14:45,580
After our loved ones move on,
332
00:14:45,623 --> 00:14:48,017
do we ever see them again
on this Earth?
333
00:14:48,061 --> 00:14:49,889
Most people say no,
334
00:14:49,932 --> 00:14:53,893
but I say, sometimes
we get a second chance!
335
00:14:56,112 --> 00:14:58,375
Hmm. Shit.
336
00:14:58,419 --> 00:15:01,074
I must've given them poison.
How could that have happened?
337
00:15:01,117 --> 00:15:03,076
Everyone, I have
an announcement.
338
00:15:03,119 --> 00:15:04,947
This is actually a real funeral.
339
00:15:04,991 --> 00:15:07,384
This is a strange eulogy.
340
00:15:07,428 --> 00:15:10,605
Uh, second announcement--
I'm not a good apothecary.
341
00:15:10,648 --> 00:15:13,434
My story marches onward.
342
00:15:13,477 --> 00:15:16,263
Please don't let Roger speak
at my funeral.
343
00:15:18,308 --> 00:15:20,920
Guys, I know you're sad
about Snot,
344
00:15:20,963 --> 00:15:23,574
but let me turn that grief
into relief,
345
00:15:23,618 --> 00:15:25,794
that sadness into gladness,
346
00:15:25,837 --> 00:15:29,145
that sorrow into "the sun'll
come out tomorrow".
347
00:15:29,189 --> 00:15:31,060
Huh, I'm good at these.
348
00:15:31,104 --> 00:15:32,627
Wait! I was gonna
tell you something!
349
00:15:32,670 --> 00:15:34,585
You know how I've been
on this crazy adventure
350
00:15:34,629 --> 00:15:36,239
trying to nail down
this persona?
351
00:15:36,283 --> 00:15:38,241
- Uh-huh!
- Well, I got it!
352
00:15:38,285 --> 00:15:41,636
Apothe-Carrie Bradshaw,
sex blogger!
353
00:15:42,985 --> 00:15:45,857
I couldn't help but wonder,
would Steve be alive
354
00:15:45,901 --> 00:15:48,425
if I hadn't accidentally
poisoned him?
355
00:15:48,469 --> 00:15:51,994
But sometimes that's how it goes
when you're Sex and the City.
356
00:15:52,038 --> 00:15:54,954
- You poisoned Steve?!
- And Snot!
357
00:15:54,997 --> 00:15:56,607
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Easy!
358
00:15:56,651 --> 00:15:58,479
If you really miss him,
we can get him back.
359
00:15:58,522 --> 00:16:01,003
What the hell are
you talking about?!
360
00:16:01,047 --> 00:16:03,179
We can go to the underworld
and get him back.
361
00:16:03,223 --> 00:16:05,181
The underworld?!
362
00:16:05,225 --> 00:16:07,967
No mortal knows the path
to the underworld!
363
00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:10,708
Yeah-huh! There's an elevator
in the back of Sub Hub.
364
00:16:10,752 --> 00:16:12,145
They had a promotion
in the '80s
365
00:16:12,188 --> 00:16:14,060
where they were
sending people to hell.
366
00:16:15,844 --> 00:16:17,802
Now that my two favorite
sad moms
367
00:16:17,846 --> 00:16:19,543
have put their differences
aside,
368
00:16:19,587 --> 00:16:21,197
it's time to get
their boys back.
369
00:16:21,241 --> 00:16:22,851
Then maybe brunch?
370
00:16:22,894 --> 00:16:25,158
We still have to find out
who sold them poison.
371
00:16:25,201 --> 00:16:26,811
No, we don't!
Stay focused.
372
00:16:26,855 --> 00:16:30,990
Now, through this door lies
the entrance to the underworld.
373
00:16:31,033 --> 00:16:32,469
[elevator bell dings]
374
00:16:32,513 --> 00:16:34,515
Join me on the elevator.
375
00:16:34,558 --> 00:16:37,822
Or hell-evator, as those
Sub Hub marketing geniuses
376
00:16:37,866 --> 00:16:41,304
referred to it
in the summer of '87.
377
00:16:41,348 --> 00:16:44,177
Here's how it works-- Everyone
gets sent to different floors
378
00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:45,830
based on how they lived
their lives.
379
00:16:45,874 --> 00:16:47,223
There's a floor
for philanderers,
380
00:16:47,267 --> 00:16:48,877
gossips, heretics.
381
00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:50,357
Oh!
There's a Cinnabon on six!
382
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:52,489
- Roger!
- Okay, okay!
383
00:16:52,533 --> 00:16:54,665
Someone's in a hurry
to find their dead son.
384
00:16:54,709 --> 00:16:56,537
- [elevator bell dings]
- I think this should be it.
385
00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:58,669
Snot's Mom, Steve's Mom,
386
00:16:58,713 --> 00:17:00,715
welcome to the floor
for masturbators.
387
00:17:00,758 --> 00:17:02,021
[all moaning]
388
00:17:02,064 --> 00:17:04,110
I mean, it makes sense...
389
00:17:06,068 --> 00:17:07,896
[elevator bell dings]
390
00:17:07,939 --> 00:17:10,203
That was... horrifying!
391
00:17:10,246 --> 00:17:12,509
Hmm, no Steve and Snot.
392
00:17:12,553 --> 00:17:15,034
Also, strange it's just
a twisted landscape
393
00:17:15,077 --> 00:17:16,513
full of guys cranking it.
394
00:17:16,557 --> 00:17:18,080
Doesn't seem like a punishment.
395
00:17:18,124 --> 00:17:20,430
More like a really good
warehouse party.
396
00:17:20,474 --> 00:17:22,693
- Which floor is next?
- Sodomites.
397
00:17:22,737 --> 00:17:24,695
I'd recommend waiting here.
398
00:17:24,739 --> 00:17:26,567
- [bird caws]
- ALL: Roger!
399
00:17:28,395 --> 00:17:30,092
[elevator bell dings,
bird cawing]
400
00:17:30,136 --> 00:17:32,051
- Did you stop at the Cinnabon?
- Yep.
401
00:17:32,094 --> 00:17:35,358
And even better, I finally
figured out who Paul Gary is.
402
00:17:35,402 --> 00:17:36,794
A sodomite!
403
00:17:36,838 --> 00:17:39,536
My journey has come to an end!
404
00:17:39,580 --> 00:17:40,842
Oh, interesting.
405
00:17:40,885 --> 00:17:43,279
The eighth floor is
just for nibbling tush.
406
00:17:43,323 --> 00:17:45,194
My journey might just be
getting started!
407
00:17:45,238 --> 00:17:47,718
Roger!
Where are the boys?
408
00:17:47,762 --> 00:17:50,591
I'm out of ideas. Maybe we just
talk to the man in charge?
409
00:17:50,634 --> 00:17:52,549
And then no matter
what he tells us,
410
00:17:52,593 --> 00:17:55,117
we can circle back to
the tush nibbling floor.
411
00:17:56,249 --> 00:17:59,730
And I'm sending my e-mail...
412
00:17:59,774 --> 00:18:01,123
now.
413
00:18:01,167 --> 00:18:03,473
Okay, what are we doing here?
What do we need?
414
00:18:03,517 --> 00:18:05,475
We're looking for our sons.
415
00:18:05,519 --> 00:18:07,260
I will take you to them.
416
00:18:07,303 --> 00:18:10,219
They are with the worst
of the worst.
417
00:18:10,263 --> 00:18:14,397
The floor for people
who support live comedy.
418
00:18:14,441 --> 00:18:16,573
I didn't say
a billion oil tankers.
419
00:18:16,617 --> 00:18:20,099
I said a billion oil tankers!
420
00:18:20,142 --> 00:18:22,927
Oops, I told that wrong!
That's my time!
421
00:18:22,971 --> 00:18:25,408
ANNOUNCER: All right!
Keep it going for Crazy Dave.
422
00:18:25,452 --> 00:18:29,020
Up next, he's the only comedian
down here-- Crazy Dave!
423
00:18:29,064 --> 00:18:31,240
Just a reminder, guys.
424
00:18:31,284 --> 00:18:33,112
This is a punishment
for me, too.
425
00:18:33,155 --> 00:18:34,243
There they are!
426
00:18:34,287 --> 00:18:35,766
- Steve!
- Mom!
427
00:18:35,810 --> 00:18:37,246
- Snot!
- Snot's Mom!
428
00:18:37,290 --> 00:18:38,943
You're coming home.
429
00:18:38,987 --> 00:18:40,336
Who says we want to go?
430
00:18:40,380 --> 00:18:43,252
Yeah, down here, no one says
we can't be friends.
431
00:18:43,296 --> 00:18:45,863
You can be friends back home.
432
00:18:45,907 --> 00:18:48,431
Steve, I'm sorry.
433
00:18:48,475 --> 00:18:51,304
As a mother,
I should've put you first.
434
00:18:51,347 --> 00:18:54,481
And it was wrong of me to do
something that made you die.
435
00:18:54,524 --> 00:18:58,833
I'm sorry, too, Snot.
Children should be alive.
436
00:18:58,876 --> 00:19:02,184
Wow, you guys really have
learned your lesson.
437
00:19:02,228 --> 00:19:05,100
I love you, Mom.
Let's go home.
438
00:19:06,014 --> 00:19:07,668
Not so fast!
439
00:19:07,711 --> 00:19:10,453
I can't just release souls back
into the world of the living.
440
00:19:10,497 --> 00:19:12,716
A bargain must be struck!
441
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:14,196
[both gasp]
442
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,633
Yow!
That was sick!
443
00:19:16,677 --> 00:19:19,462
[warbling]
444
00:19:19,506 --> 00:19:22,030
Your refusal
to spend time together
445
00:19:22,073 --> 00:19:25,164
started Steve and Snot on
the journey that led them here.
446
00:19:25,207 --> 00:19:27,470
If you want them to go back,
447
00:19:27,514 --> 00:19:30,647
you must stay behind
in this room together.
448
00:19:30,691 --> 00:19:32,519
Ugh, really?
449
00:19:32,562 --> 00:19:33,824
For how long?
450
00:19:33,868 --> 00:19:35,826
For eternity!
451
00:19:35,870 --> 00:19:38,351
I heard you at the funeral!
You said you would!
452
00:19:38,394 --> 00:19:41,397
But they'll be miserable
without their mothers!
453
00:19:41,441 --> 00:19:44,487
They won't remember you.
No one will.
454
00:19:44,531 --> 00:19:46,097
It will be as if
you never existed.
455
00:19:46,141 --> 00:19:48,491
But they will be alive.
456
00:19:48,535 --> 00:19:50,276
And they'll have each other?
457
00:19:54,062 --> 00:19:55,411
We accept.
458
00:19:55,455 --> 00:19:57,065
Okay, great!
That's great.
459
00:19:57,108 --> 00:19:59,328
Just a bit of business--
In a half-hour or so,
460
00:19:59,372 --> 00:20:01,591
one of my archangels is actually
gonna need this room,
461
00:20:01,635 --> 00:20:04,768
so we'll probably have to
move you to another room.
462
00:20:04,812 --> 00:20:07,031
No, you know what?
I'm the devil, I'm the boss.
463
00:20:07,075 --> 00:20:10,383
You're gonna stay here.
He can go to another room.
464
00:20:10,426 --> 00:20:12,689
You know what?
I should ask.
465
00:20:12,733 --> 00:20:16,084
[warbling]
466
00:20:17,607 --> 00:20:20,262
Hey, wanna stay over at my
single dad's house tonight?
467
00:20:20,306 --> 00:20:22,699
Weeknight sleepover!
468
00:20:22,743 --> 00:20:25,049
I'll call
my sisterless uncle!
469
00:20:25,093 --> 00:20:27,269
♪
470
00:20:27,313 --> 00:20:33,623
♪ If I die before I'm famous♪
471
00:20:33,667 --> 00:20:39,803
♪ What's the point
of anything?♪
472
00:20:39,847 --> 00:20:45,113
♪ I'm too sentimental
to get...♪
473
00:20:45,156 --> 00:20:48,899
STAN: In a different timeline,
you have different tattoos.
474
00:20:48,943 --> 00:20:50,597
That makes sense.
475
00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:53,164
Francine loves
Muppet Treasure Island.
476
00:20:53,208 --> 00:20:54,949
Francine? Who is--
477
00:20:54,992 --> 00:20:56,733
Francine!
478
00:20:56,777 --> 00:20:58,735
Bye! Have a great time!
479
00:20:58,785 --> 00:21:03,335
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