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1
00:00:03,310 --> 00:00:04,910
What are you doing?
2
00:00:04,980 --> 00:00:07,350
Dude, I'm freaked out
about my meeting with Michael,
3
00:00:07,380 --> 00:00:09,700
and if I spend one more second
staring at creepo the clown,
4
00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:10,680
I'm gonna lose it.
5
00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:12,050
You named the clowns?
6
00:00:12,090 --> 00:00:15,320
Psycho, creepo, crazy head,
stupid juggling weirdo,
7
00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:18,390
freaky feet,
and nightmare George Washington.
8
00:00:18,430 --> 00:00:20,690
One of them has to go.
9
00:00:22,570 --> 00:00:25,530
Oh, sexy mailman.
Much better.
10
00:00:25,570 --> 00:00:27,840
In five minutes, Michael wants
my help investigating
11
00:00:27,870 --> 00:00:29,540
what's making
the neighborhood go nuts,
12
00:00:29,570 --> 00:00:31,040
which is obviously me.
13
00:00:31,070 --> 00:00:32,540
I mean, I did promise
I would help.
14
00:00:32,580 --> 00:00:33,710
What do I do here?
15
00:00:33,740 --> 00:00:37,040
Actually, the answer is...
16
00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:39,710
Right here in this easily
understandable comic strip.
17
00:00:39,750 --> 00:00:42,280
Nope, in this book about
the theory of contractualism.
18
00:00:42,350 --> 00:00:43,550
"What we owe to each other."
19
00:00:43,590 --> 00:00:44,920
I saw this movie.
20
00:00:44,950 --> 00:00:46,520
Laura Linney
cries in a lake house
21
00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:48,920
because Jude Law left her
for his ex-wife's ghost.
22
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:49,920
No.
23
00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:52,560
Quick summary of contractualism.
24
00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:56,060
Uh, imagine a group
of reasonable people
25
00:00:56,100 --> 00:00:58,770
are coming up with the rules
for a new society.
26
00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:00,700
Like if your Uber driver
talks to you,
27
00:01:00,740 --> 00:01:02,270
the ride should be free?
28
00:01:02,300 --> 00:01:06,540
Sure, but anyone can veto any
rule that they think is unfair.
29
00:01:06,580 --> 00:01:09,810
So if you said, "we should
be able to break our promises"
30
00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:14,420
without any repercussions,"
someone would veto that rule.
31
00:01:14,450 --> 00:01:17,420
Well, my first rule would be
that no one can veto my rules.
32
00:01:17,450 --> 00:01:18,590
Well, that's called tyranny.
33
00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:21,060
And it's generally frowned upon.
34
00:01:21,090 --> 00:01:23,890
If you make a promise
to someone, you should do it.
35
00:01:23,930 --> 00:01:26,960
Just like I promised
to help you and still am,
36
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,330
despite your constant mockery.
37
00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:31,570
"Despite your
constant mockery."
38
00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:32,970
Whatever, you love it.
39
00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:37,440
So either I help him find
the problem, which is me,
40
00:01:37,470 --> 00:01:38,840
and I'm doomed,
41
00:01:38,910 --> 00:01:41,840
or I don't help him,
and then I'm
42
00:01:41,910 --> 00:01:44,680
behaving unethically
and the whole world goes crazy
43
00:01:44,750 --> 00:01:46,910
and I'm caught anyway.
44
00:01:46,950 --> 00:01:49,580
I need to figure out
a way both help him
45
00:01:49,620 --> 00:01:51,690
and not help him
at the same time.
46
00:01:51,750 --> 00:01:53,350
That's literally not possible.
47
00:01:53,420 --> 00:01:54,660
Oh, really?
48
00:01:54,690 --> 00:01:57,490
I once posed as a hot
prom date for my cousin,
49
00:01:57,530 --> 00:02:01,130
both helping him and later,
according to his therapist,
50
00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:03,460
not helping him.
51
00:02:16,110 --> 00:02:18,350
Oh, hey, Eleanor,
thanks for coming in.
52
00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:20,780
Sorry about the mess.
53
00:02:22,050 --> 00:02:25,390
Oh, I forgot, you don't see
in nine dimensions.
54
00:02:25,450 --> 00:02:27,620
There's just a lot of...
there's a lot of tension
55
00:02:27,660 --> 00:02:29,720
in the air right now.
56
00:02:29,790 --> 00:02:31,130
Are you okay, buddy?
57
00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:33,830
You seem kind of stressed.
No, no, no, I'm fine.
58
00:02:33,860 --> 00:02:35,030
Top of my game, actually.
59
00:02:35,060 --> 00:02:37,660
Uh, here, let me just, uh...
60
00:02:37,700 --> 00:02:39,400
have a seat.
61
00:02:39,470 --> 00:02:40,730
There you go.
62
00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:44,840
So to prepare
to meet all of you,
63
00:02:44,870 --> 00:02:48,680
I studied the human
concept of friends.
64
00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:52,010
I even watched all ten seasons
of the show "friends."
65
00:02:52,050 --> 00:02:55,680
Boy, those friends really were
"friends," weren't they?
66
00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:58,690
Although... and I realize this
is the kind of observation
67
00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:02,990
that would only occur to the
mind of an eternal being...
68
00:03:03,030 --> 00:03:06,030
how did they afford
that apartment?
69
00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:10,700
A waitress and a chef with those
Manhattan real estate prices.
70
00:03:10,730 --> 00:03:12,700
Yeah, we were all confused
about that too.
71
00:03:12,740 --> 00:03:15,600
Anyway, it's been a tough
couple of days.
72
00:03:15,670 --> 00:03:19,610
Right now,
I could really use a friend
73
00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:20,910
by my side.
74
00:03:20,940 --> 00:03:23,040
Well, you know me.
75
00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:27,780
The person who has audibly
promised to help you.
76
00:03:27,850 --> 00:03:30,880
So you need to me house-sit
the whole week?
77
00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:33,190
Sounds like somebody's gonna
have a sweet vay-cay.
78
00:03:33,220 --> 00:03:35,890
As I told you before,
my mom is very sick.
79
00:03:35,930 --> 00:03:38,860
I'm gonna help her move
into assisted living.
80
00:03:38,890 --> 00:03:40,560
Well, I'm here for you.
81
00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:43,100
And your Wi-Fi is way better
than my neighbor's, so I'm in.
82
00:03:43,130 --> 00:03:45,430
It's gonna mean
taking care of Lester too.
83
00:03:45,470 --> 00:03:46,930
Walk and feed him twice a day.
84
00:03:46,970 --> 00:03:48,140
Give him his kidney medicine.
85
00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:49,600
Yup, got it...
feed his kidneys.
86
00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:50,940
Eleanor?
Yeah?
87
00:03:50,970 --> 00:03:52,910
This is gonna be
a very stressful week for me.
88
00:03:52,940 --> 00:03:54,470
I need to know
that I can count on you.
89
00:03:54,540 --> 00:03:56,240
I won't let you down.
90
00:03:56,280 --> 00:03:57,640
I promise.
91
00:04:02,620 --> 00:04:04,080
Jianyu, my love.
92
00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:06,590
How are you?
93
00:04:06,620 --> 00:04:10,760
I am decidedly so.
That's very profound.
94
00:04:10,790 --> 00:04:12,090
Um, soul mate...
95
00:04:12,130 --> 00:04:13,160
An idea.
96
00:04:13,230 --> 00:04:15,060
Our neighborhood
now features a spa,
97
00:04:15,100 --> 00:04:16,500
and it offers couples packages.
98
00:04:16,570 --> 00:04:18,730
And I thought maybe
we could get facials
99
00:04:18,770 --> 00:04:20,900
and do yoga and talk
100
00:04:20,940 --> 00:04:24,910
in long, discursive sentences.
101
00:04:24,940 --> 00:04:27,110
What do you say?
102
00:04:27,140 --> 00:04:30,180
Signs point to yes.
Oh!
103
00:04:30,250 --> 00:04:32,650
Marvelous.
We'll go today.
104
00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:38,120
Dude, you got to come
with us to the spa.
105
00:04:38,150 --> 00:04:39,290
No way.
106
00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:40,750
No, that's really weird.
107
00:04:40,790 --> 00:04:42,590
You can't make small talk
with her for one day
108
00:04:42,630 --> 00:04:43,620
without being caught?
109
00:04:43,660 --> 00:04:45,160
No, I can't,
and she freaks me out.
110
00:04:45,190 --> 00:04:47,930
She's so pretty, like Nala
from "the lion king."
111
00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:50,860
And she talks
so smart, like, um...
112
00:04:50,930 --> 00:04:52,500
Nala from "the lion king."
113
00:04:52,530 --> 00:04:53,630
You got to help me.
114
00:04:53,670 --> 00:04:55,000
Well, if I feel
sympathy for anyone,
115
00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:56,170
it's Tahani.
116
00:04:56,210 --> 00:04:57,840
She's going through
the same thing I am,
117
00:04:57,870 --> 00:04:59,270
but she doesn't know it.
118
00:04:59,310 --> 00:05:02,140
Which means maybe
I'm obligated to tell her.
119
00:05:02,180 --> 00:05:04,110
Although maybe it's
better not to know.
120
00:05:04,150 --> 00:05:07,010
Is ignorance bliss,
or will the painful truth
121
00:05:07,050 --> 00:05:08,280
actually be healing...
122
00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:09,880
you ready, Jianyu?
123
00:05:09,950 --> 00:05:13,850
Oh, I cannot wait to just relax
and talk and chat
124
00:05:13,890 --> 00:05:15,990
and just, you know...
125
00:05:16,030 --> 00:05:18,290
Get to know each other.
126
00:05:18,330 --> 00:05:19,860
Hey!
127
00:05:19,900 --> 00:05:22,160
Maybe I'll come too.
128
00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:23,330
Oh.
129
00:05:23,370 --> 00:05:24,330
Well, Chidi...
130
00:05:24,370 --> 00:05:25,730
It's just that this is, um...
131
00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:29,700
this is really more
of a couples thing.
132
00:05:29,740 --> 00:05:30,970
I know.
133
00:05:31,010 --> 00:05:32,840
But Eleanor's off with Michael,
134
00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:35,310
and Jianyu feels comfortable
when I'm around.
135
00:05:35,340 --> 00:05:37,080
Right?
136
00:05:37,150 --> 00:05:40,250
Made in Taiwan.
Yes, you were.
137
00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:41,850
You were made in Taiwan.
138
00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:42,980
So...
139
00:05:43,020 --> 00:05:44,720
Couples date!
140
00:05:44,750 --> 00:05:46,590
Let's go!
141
00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:51,020
I never really looked around
your office the first day.
142
00:05:51,060 --> 00:05:52,990
What is all this junk?
143
00:05:53,030 --> 00:05:55,030
Well, technically,
architects aren't allowed
144
00:05:55,060 --> 00:05:57,660
to own any human objects, but...
145
00:05:57,700 --> 00:05:59,600
Oh, I just love them so much.
146
00:05:59,670 --> 00:06:01,170
And over here, look at this.
147
00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:04,070
Aren't paper clips the most
amazing things in the world?
148
00:06:04,110 --> 00:06:05,940
Yeah.
Sure.
149
00:06:06,010 --> 00:06:09,110
Anyway, my current theory
is that some object
150
00:06:09,180 --> 00:06:10,910
in the neighborhood
is a design flaw
151
00:06:10,950 --> 00:06:12,950
which is causing everything
to go haywire.
152
00:06:13,020 --> 00:06:14,880
So we need to find that object.
153
00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:16,680
We're gonna start
with the rocks.
154
00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:19,020
Now, I've investigated
all of the rocks
155
00:06:19,050 --> 00:06:20,090
in the neighborhood.
156
00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:24,120
These 78 are
the most suspicious.
157
00:06:24,190 --> 00:06:26,860
Maybe to an architect,
they might look suspicious,
158
00:06:26,900 --> 00:06:28,600
but to me, they just
look like rocks,
159
00:06:28,630 --> 00:06:30,100
so I'm not sure how I can help.
160
00:06:30,130 --> 00:06:33,030
Do any of them look defective?
161
00:06:33,070 --> 00:06:34,030
Sinister?
162
00:06:34,070 --> 00:06:36,040
You know,
like they're taunting you?
163
00:06:36,070 --> 00:06:38,870
Always one step ahead?
164
00:06:38,910 --> 00:06:40,910
You devious
little monsters, you.
165
00:06:40,940 --> 00:06:43,810
Okay, let's take
a deep breath here, buddy.
166
00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:46,150
You need to chill a little.
167
00:06:46,220 --> 00:06:48,750
'Cause you have a very psycho,
168
00:06:48,780 --> 00:06:50,650
"burnout guy
muttering to himself
169
00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:52,420
at a library computer"
type vibe.
170
00:06:52,450 --> 00:06:55,090
It's my responsibility
to solve the problem.
171
00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:56,660
What else can I do
172
00:06:56,730 --> 00:07:00,130
except keep working?
173
00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:02,930
You could stop working.
174
00:07:02,970 --> 00:07:04,300
Look, I promised to help you,
175
00:07:04,330 --> 00:07:06,070
and honestly,
the way I can help you
176
00:07:06,100 --> 00:07:07,770
is to force you to take a break.
177
00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:10,800
And not working
will help me work?
178
00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:12,110
Yes!
179
00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:13,770
Recharge the old batteries.
180
00:07:13,810 --> 00:07:17,440
I promise this is
gonna help both of us.
181
00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:19,110
Let's go.
182
00:07:19,150 --> 00:07:20,950
Okay.
183
00:07:20,980 --> 00:07:24,020
Let's keep our eyes peeled
for twigs that may have
184
00:07:24,090 --> 00:07:25,320
a nefarious agenda.
185
00:07:25,350 --> 00:07:27,150
Okay, crazy, come on.
Yeah.
186
00:07:29,970 --> 00:07:31,670
Hello, Janet.
187
00:07:31,700 --> 00:07:33,820
Jianyu and I are here for
the couples package, please.
188
00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:36,470
And also I will be joining them.
189
00:07:36,510 --> 00:07:38,740
Great, and who is the other
half of your couple?
190
00:07:38,810 --> 00:07:40,080
Oh, no, no, it's just me.
191
00:07:40,140 --> 00:07:42,380
Couples are pairs of people.
192
00:07:42,410 --> 00:07:44,010
Yup, and, uh, there is
a pair of people,
193
00:07:44,050 --> 00:07:45,480
Tahani and Jianyu.
194
00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:48,420
And then also I am here.
195
00:07:48,490 --> 00:07:50,090
Great, and who
will be joining you?
196
00:07:50,150 --> 00:07:51,090
No one.
197
00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:53,020
Um, it's really
quite simple, Janet.
198
00:07:53,060 --> 00:07:56,860
They are a couple,
and I am a third part
199
00:07:56,890 --> 00:07:57,930
of that couple.
200
00:07:57,990 --> 00:08:01,100
Uh, a helper part
who is here for fun
201
00:08:01,170 --> 00:08:02,730
and excitement.
202
00:08:02,770 --> 00:08:04,830
It's a three-person couple.
203
00:08:04,870 --> 00:08:06,940
Does not compute.
204
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:09,040
Does not compute.
205
00:08:10,010 --> 00:08:11,740
I'm just kidding.
206
00:08:11,780 --> 00:08:13,080
I mean, it doesn't compute,
207
00:08:13,110 --> 00:08:14,880
but I'm not gonna
explode or anything.
208
00:08:14,910 --> 00:08:15,880
Right.
209
00:08:15,910 --> 00:08:18,550
Well, I'll see you
inside, darling.
210
00:08:20,790 --> 00:08:22,580
Okay, you have to step up.
211
00:08:22,620 --> 00:08:24,850
Find a way to connect
with her without,
212
00:08:24,890 --> 00:08:25,850
you know, being you.
213
00:08:25,890 --> 00:08:27,720
What does that even mean?
214
00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:30,030
Do I talk or not talk?
215
00:08:30,060 --> 00:08:31,860
Do I be nice to Tahani,
or do I throw
216
00:08:31,900 --> 00:08:33,600
all her jewelry in the toilet?
217
00:08:33,630 --> 00:08:35,900
That's the opposite
of being nice?
218
00:08:35,930 --> 00:08:36,800
So no toilet?
219
00:08:38,140 --> 00:08:40,540
What is it with you
and frozen yogurt?
220
00:08:40,570 --> 00:08:41,970
Have you not heard of ice cream?
221
00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:44,710
Oh, sure, but I've come
to really like frozen yogurt.
222
00:08:44,740 --> 00:08:48,110
There's something so human
about taking something great
223
00:08:48,150 --> 00:08:50,910
and ruining it a little
so you can have more of it.
224
00:08:50,950 --> 00:08:53,580
That is very human.
225
00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:55,950
Why do you need a human
to be your assistant?
226
00:08:55,990 --> 00:08:59,720
I mean, aren't there more of...
227
00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:00,960
Whatever you are?
228
00:09:00,990 --> 00:09:04,490
Well, since we're
becoming friends,
229
00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:05,960
like Ross and Phoebe...
230
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,730
Weird combo to pick, but okay.
231
00:09:07,770 --> 00:09:10,730
I'm gonna tell you a secret.
232
00:09:10,770 --> 00:09:14,770
Usually, architects don't live
in their neighborhoods.
233
00:09:14,810 --> 00:09:17,770
Usually, the people show up,
we play the movie,
234
00:09:17,810 --> 00:09:19,680
Janet is there
to answer questions,
235
00:09:19,740 --> 00:09:20,910
and you're on your own.
236
00:09:20,940 --> 00:09:22,080
But I had this theory.
237
00:09:22,110 --> 00:09:24,750
I thought transition
would be easier
238
00:09:24,780 --> 00:09:26,580
if the architect were on-site
239
00:09:26,620 --> 00:09:28,680
for at least the first
1,000 years or so.
240
00:09:28,750 --> 00:09:30,650
That's why you've been
so freaked out.
241
00:09:30,690 --> 00:09:32,590
'Cause your butt is on the line.
242
00:09:32,620 --> 00:09:34,260
My boss thought I was nuts.
243
00:09:34,290 --> 00:09:36,190
And if this neighborhood
doesn't work,
244
00:09:36,260 --> 00:09:38,760
I am in big trouble.
245
00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:41,960
But more importantly,
I promised all of you
246
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:44,030
that you would be safe
and happy.
247
00:09:44,100 --> 00:09:46,840
And you just don't
break a promise.
248
00:09:46,870 --> 00:09:50,540
Unlike Ross when he promised
Emily not to talk to Rachel.
249
00:09:50,610 --> 00:09:52,610
Wow, you are really
into that show.
250
00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:53,940
You know something?
251
00:09:53,980 --> 00:09:55,010
I feel better already.
252
00:09:55,050 --> 00:09:56,130
Should we get back to work?
253
00:09:56,150 --> 00:09:57,350
Gah, gah, gah, gah, gah.
254
00:09:57,380 --> 00:10:00,650
The whole point is to stop
thinking about work
255
00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:02,220
and start having fun.
256
00:10:02,290 --> 00:10:04,950
Now, what should we do first?
257
00:10:19,700 --> 00:10:21,040
Whoo!
258
00:10:21,070 --> 00:10:23,000
This is so interesting!
259
00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:24,170
I mean, there's no point to it.
260
00:10:24,210 --> 00:10:27,580
The images on the screen
relate to nothing.
261
00:10:27,650 --> 00:10:29,580
Some time passed,
and then it was over.
262
00:10:29,650 --> 00:10:31,510
That's karaoke!
263
00:10:31,550 --> 00:10:32,980
Oh, let's do it again.
264
00:10:33,020 --> 00:10:37,150
Okay, my hands are heated
to the ideal 105 degrees.
265
00:10:37,190 --> 00:10:38,590
Who would like to go first?
266
00:10:38,660 --> 00:10:40,090
Oh, well what if I go first,
267
00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:42,060
and then perhaps Jianyu
could stand near me
268
00:10:42,090 --> 00:10:46,060
and share some intimate
aspects of his life?
269
00:10:46,100 --> 00:10:49,900
Or what if...
270
00:10:49,930 --> 00:10:52,100
While Janet messages Tahani,
271
00:10:52,170 --> 00:10:55,700
I massage Jianyu?
272
00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:02,180
Jianyu, darling,
let's discuss the arts.
273
00:11:03,910 --> 00:11:06,280
I adore the impressionists.
274
00:11:07,620 --> 00:11:09,020
Who's your favorite artist?
275
00:11:09,050 --> 00:11:13,090
I mean,
pitbull changed the game...
276
00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:17,860
sorry, just working the
oft-neglected mandible area.
277
00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:26,600
Oh, man!
278
00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:27,940
I didn't even want that thing.
279
00:11:27,970 --> 00:11:29,270
Why am I trying to win it?
280
00:11:29,310 --> 00:11:32,610
Because the machine
says it's a prize.
281
00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:34,040
Oh!
Boom!
282
00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:35,880
How many tickets do I get?
Six?
283
00:11:35,910 --> 00:11:37,380
Is that all?
Well, watch this.
284
00:11:40,150 --> 00:11:41,720
Is that allowed?
Not really.
285
00:11:41,750 --> 00:11:43,720
But it is a time-honored
tradition.
286
00:11:43,750 --> 00:11:46,120
Say no more.
I got it. I got it.
287
00:11:48,630 --> 00:11:49,660
Whoo!
Whoo!
288
00:11:49,730 --> 00:11:51,890
You know something?
289
00:11:51,930 --> 00:11:54,130
As much as I've always wanted
to be around humans,
290
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:58,000
I think I've missed a big part
of what makes them wonderful.
291
00:11:58,070 --> 00:11:59,800
Sometimes all you guys
think about
292
00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:02,070
is how you can have
the most fun.
293
00:12:02,110 --> 00:12:04,240
Exactly!
294
00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:07,010
That was practically my mantra.
295
00:12:08,150 --> 00:12:09,680
What's up, dong bait?
296
00:12:09,750 --> 00:12:11,310
Drop everything you're doing.
297
00:12:11,350 --> 00:12:13,080
Rihanna is performing in Vegas.
298
00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:15,280
I got tickets.
We are road-tripping.
299
00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:17,150
Oh, I can't!
300
00:12:17,190 --> 00:12:19,120
I promised I'd house-sit
one more day,
301
00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:21,090
and I have to feed
this stupid dog.
302
00:12:21,130 --> 00:12:22,990
I'm sorry, does this dog
smoke blunts topless
303
00:12:23,030 --> 00:12:24,760
on a yacht like a boss?
304
00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:26,880
'Cause that's how ri-ri do.
That's a very good point.
305
00:12:26,930 --> 00:12:29,870
This is floor seats
in Vegas for Rihanna.
306
00:12:29,930 --> 00:12:31,300
The booze is free there.
307
00:12:31,340 --> 00:12:34,340
Do I really need to keep going?
308
00:12:36,470 --> 00:12:39,680
Okay, this is dinner tonight,
breakfast tomorrow...
309
00:12:39,710 --> 00:12:41,040
I have an idea.
310
00:12:43,380 --> 00:12:45,010
This is in case of emergency.
311
00:12:45,050 --> 00:12:49,280
Do not eat this
unless it's an emergency.
312
00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:50,790
Wow.
313
00:12:50,820 --> 00:12:52,650
I'm ready to be a mom.
314
00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:02,730
I'm having trouble
getting this mask to stick.
315
00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:06,070
Yes, it's 'cause my pores
are just so small.
316
00:13:06,140 --> 00:13:08,800
There's no way anything
could ever adhere to my skin.
317
00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:10,340
It's a curse, really.
318
00:13:10,370 --> 00:13:11,740
Jianyu?
319
00:13:11,810 --> 00:13:13,840
What are your pores like?
320
00:13:17,850 --> 00:13:20,820
Janet, can you show me
to the sauna, please?
321
00:13:24,390 --> 00:13:26,090
Dude, she's trying so hard,
322
00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:27,890
and you're giving her nothing!
323
00:13:27,930 --> 00:13:29,720
Just pick a fact
that you know about her
324
00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:30,990
and just muddle through.
325
00:13:31,030 --> 00:13:34,200
She said she likes
impressionist paintings.
326
00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:35,900
Impressionist paintings?
327
00:13:35,930 --> 00:13:37,400
Okay, say no more.
328
00:13:37,430 --> 00:13:40,100
No, no, no, I definitely
feel like I need to say more.
329
00:13:40,170 --> 00:13:41,500
Jia...
330
00:13:42,870 --> 00:13:45,870
so would you say
I helped you today?
331
00:13:45,910 --> 00:13:47,340
Oh, so much.
332
00:13:47,380 --> 00:13:50,010
I had fun, I didn't think
about my problems,
333
00:13:50,050 --> 00:13:52,380
and I won this
ugly yellow toddler,
334
00:13:52,420 --> 00:13:54,880
which is one of the most
beautiful things I've ever seen.
335
00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:56,180
Thank you so much.
336
00:13:56,220 --> 00:13:58,090
All right, I'll see you
tomorrow, friend.
337
00:14:09,230 --> 00:14:11,470
You sure this is where
you want to be right now?
338
00:14:11,540 --> 00:14:14,770
At the tea for two couples cafe?
339
00:14:14,810 --> 00:14:17,040
There's no use
avoiding it, Chidi.
340
00:14:17,070 --> 00:14:18,770
I'm alone.
341
00:14:18,810 --> 00:14:21,280
Jianyu and I have
nothing in common.
342
00:14:21,310 --> 00:14:23,050
I just want a soul mate.
343
00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:24,780
Someone I can
share my passions with,
344
00:14:24,820 --> 00:14:27,750
someone who I can talk to about
the ethereal colors of a degas.
345
00:14:27,790 --> 00:14:29,050
I love degas.
346
00:14:29,090 --> 00:14:30,490
I took painting lessons
as a kid,
347
00:14:30,550 --> 00:14:32,450
and degas was always
my inspiration.
348
00:14:32,490 --> 00:14:34,890
And do you like France
as much as I do?
349
00:14:34,930 --> 00:14:37,960
Well, they enslaved
my country for 300 years.
350
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,230
So no.
351
00:14:39,260 --> 00:14:42,430
But they have great museums.
Yes.
352
00:14:42,470 --> 00:14:44,470
Welcome to my cafe, you two.
353
00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:46,900
We have a special
on soul mate muffins.
354
00:14:46,940 --> 00:14:48,170
Two for the price of zero.
355
00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:49,270
Everything is free.
356
00:14:49,310 --> 00:14:51,070
Oh, uh, we're not soul mates.
357
00:14:51,110 --> 00:14:52,410
No.
We're just, uh...
358
00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:54,840
Soul friends.
Oh.
359
00:14:57,950 --> 00:14:59,110
Hey, buddy.
360
00:14:59,150 --> 00:15:01,350
I have all new fun stuff
for us to do today.
361
00:15:01,420 --> 00:15:03,490
Eleanor, I have huge news.
362
00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:06,420
Not working actually worked.
363
00:15:06,460 --> 00:15:07,590
It did what now?
364
00:15:07,620 --> 00:15:08,790
After our day off,
365
00:15:08,830 --> 00:15:10,860
with a completely clear head,
366
00:15:10,930 --> 00:15:13,300
I realized part of what
makes humans so fun
367
00:15:13,330 --> 00:15:16,000
is that they're unpredictable.
368
00:15:16,030 --> 00:15:18,170
The chaos we've been
experiencing
369
00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:20,940
is exactly what would happen
if a resident
370
00:15:20,970 --> 00:15:22,840
behaved unpredictably.
371
00:15:22,870 --> 00:15:24,610
The problem in
our neighborhood...
372
00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:27,440
it's not a rock or an object.
373
00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:29,210
It's one of the people.
374
00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:30,380
Oh!
375
00:15:30,450 --> 00:15:31,480
We need to celebrate!
376
00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:34,120
I know, okay...
377
00:15:34,150 --> 00:15:35,980
Paper clip shower!
378
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:41,090
So do you think
we're looking for a man,
379
00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:42,560
or do you think
we're looking for two men?
380
00:15:42,590 --> 00:15:43,990
Not sure.
381
00:15:44,060 --> 00:15:45,890
We don't know anything
about this person.
382
00:15:45,930 --> 00:15:48,560
I mean, does he or she even know
383
00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:51,130
that they caused
all these problems?
384
00:15:51,170 --> 00:15:52,470
No, that can't be.
385
00:15:52,500 --> 00:15:54,570
I mean, what kind of monster
would wreak havoc
386
00:15:54,610 --> 00:15:55,970
and then say nothing?
387
00:15:56,010 --> 00:15:58,270
So this is the main place
where the garbage
388
00:15:58,310 --> 00:15:59,510
fell from the sky.
389
00:15:59,580 --> 00:16:01,340
Janet.
Hi there.
390
00:16:01,410 --> 00:16:04,810
I need a list of everyone
that was here on garbage duty
391
00:16:04,850 --> 00:16:06,850
during orientation.
392
00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:09,350
Oh.
393
00:16:09,420 --> 00:16:13,460
Eleanor, our criminal
is on this very short list.
394
00:16:13,490 --> 00:16:14,960
People were flying that day too.
395
00:16:14,990 --> 00:16:16,960
I'll add everybody
who flew overhead.
396
00:16:16,990 --> 00:16:18,330
Ugh.
397
00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:22,000
Eleanor, our criminal
is on this much longer list.
398
00:16:26,340 --> 00:16:27,340
Oh, hey, homey.
399
00:16:27,370 --> 00:16:28,600
Thanks for your advice.
400
00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:30,540
I'm about to give Tahani
the best gift ever.
401
00:16:30,610 --> 00:16:33,540
Check it.
402
00:16:33,610 --> 00:16:34,710
What?
403
00:16:34,780 --> 00:16:36,440
She likes impressionist
paintings, right?
404
00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:39,880
I got her a painting of the best
impressionist of all time,
405
00:16:39,950 --> 00:16:41,220
Frank Caliendo.
406
00:16:41,290 --> 00:16:43,330
He can do it all... fat Al Pacino,
fat Jerry Seinfeld,
407
00:16:43,350 --> 00:16:44,890
regular John Madden.
408
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,550
"Say hello
to my little friend."
409
00:16:46,620 --> 00:16:48,160
"Forget about it."
410
00:16:48,190 --> 00:16:51,360
This is where the sinkhole
opened up.
411
00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:54,960
And the guest list that night
was limited.
412
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:58,400
There were a total
of 30 people here that night.
413
00:16:59,470 --> 00:17:02,170
Only 30, huh?
414
00:17:02,210 --> 00:17:05,170
How do you
pump your fists again?
415
00:17:05,210 --> 00:17:06,710
Is this it?
416
00:17:06,740 --> 00:17:09,410
But 66 others passed through
to take a look before it opened,
417
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:11,180
and everyone else
in the neighborhood
418
00:17:11,210 --> 00:17:12,510
was in a close radius.
419
00:17:12,550 --> 00:17:17,350
Oh, boy, that... Doesn't
narrow it down at all.
420
00:17:17,390 --> 00:17:21,560
Feels like the end of the road.
421
00:17:21,590 --> 00:17:24,360
"End of the road,"
Boyz II Men, karaoke.
422
00:17:24,390 --> 00:17:26,490
Let's go... don't think
about it too much.
423
00:17:26,530 --> 00:17:28,200
Janet.
424
00:17:28,230 --> 00:17:30,100
My hoodie, please.
425
00:17:35,070 --> 00:17:38,170
What's happening?
I give up.
426
00:17:38,210 --> 00:17:41,340
I can't help the people
I promised that I would help.
427
00:17:43,550 --> 00:17:47,050
I feel like "friends"
in season eight,
428
00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:51,020
out of ideas and forcing
Joey and Rachel together,
429
00:17:51,050 --> 00:17:53,690
even though it made no sense.
430
00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:57,390
I hope the sinkhole opens up
again and swallows me whole.
431
00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:05,070
Paula!
432
00:18:05,100 --> 00:18:06,570
Hey, girl.
433
00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:08,100
How's the dog?
434
00:18:08,140 --> 00:18:09,740
Still fat, Eleanor.
435
00:18:09,770 --> 00:18:11,410
Still fat.
436
00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:14,080
The vet says his stomach
expanded to the size
437
00:18:14,110 --> 00:18:16,980
of a basketball
and that it will never shrink.
438
00:18:17,050 --> 00:18:19,150
Oh, well, that's not my fault.
439
00:18:19,220 --> 00:18:21,580
How was I supposed to know
he would literally eat
440
00:18:21,620 --> 00:18:22,750
all of the food?
441
00:18:22,790 --> 00:18:24,950
It shouldn't have been an issue.
442
00:18:24,990 --> 00:18:26,450
You were supposed to be there,
443
00:18:26,490 --> 00:18:28,060
but you broke your promise
444
00:18:28,090 --> 00:18:29,990
as soon as it wasn't
convenient for you,
445
00:18:30,060 --> 00:18:33,460
and now I have
a very bulbous dog.
446
00:18:34,460 --> 00:18:35,460
Well, you know what?
447
00:18:35,500 --> 00:18:37,000
You're rude.
448
00:18:37,070 --> 00:18:40,640
'Cause you didn't even ask me
how the Rihanna concert was.
449
00:18:40,670 --> 00:18:43,170
She was very late.
450
00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:44,970
And a little drunk.
451
00:18:51,420 --> 00:18:54,350
I promised to help you,
and I will,
452
00:18:54,420 --> 00:18:56,350
however I can.
453
00:18:56,420 --> 00:19:00,120
If you want to look at a million
rocks like a psychopath,
454
00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:01,520
I'll be there.
455
00:19:01,590 --> 00:19:04,430
If you want to just lay here
and cry in your hoodie,
456
00:19:04,460 --> 00:19:05,690
I'm cool with that.
457
00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:09,130
Honestly, I don't know
how I can help you,
458
00:19:09,170 --> 00:19:12,470
'cause I'm just a person
and you're, like,
459
00:19:12,500 --> 00:19:16,600
this super magical
Orville Redenbacher type guy
460
00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:19,440
who invented
this entire universe,
461
00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:22,140
but I'll do my best.
462
00:19:23,450 --> 00:19:25,150
I'm right here.
463
00:19:25,180 --> 00:19:26,780
Oh, my gosh.
464
00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:32,450
Of course.
465
00:19:32,490 --> 00:19:34,320
How did I not see it?
466
00:19:34,360 --> 00:19:36,660
Janet...
467
00:19:36,690 --> 00:19:38,360
I found the answer
to the problem.
468
00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:40,060
Call a neighborhood meeting.
469
00:19:40,130 --> 00:19:41,800
Should it be festive and casual
470
00:19:41,830 --> 00:19:43,670
or moribund and devastating?
471
00:19:43,700 --> 00:19:45,570
Moribund and devastating,
please.
472
00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:46,700
Great!
473
00:19:52,430 --> 00:19:54,230
Hello, Jianyu, Chidi.
474
00:19:56,900 --> 00:19:58,360
What's this?
475
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:00,430
I made you a art.
476
00:20:00,470 --> 00:20:03,530
It's three of me.
477
00:20:03,570 --> 00:20:05,270
It's ballerinas,
478
00:20:05,310 --> 00:20:07,540
painted in the style
of the impressionists.
479
00:20:07,570 --> 00:20:09,810
Of course.
480
00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:13,710
You don't say things,
but you do things.
481
00:20:13,750 --> 00:20:16,810
And you feel things.
482
00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:19,450
Only my true soul mate
could ever give me
483
00:20:19,490 --> 00:20:21,220
such a perfect gift.
484
00:20:21,250 --> 00:20:22,720
Thank you.
485
00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:32,330
What's going on?
486
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:33,600
Well, I did what you said.
487
00:20:33,630 --> 00:20:36,430
I honored my agreement
to help Michael
488
00:20:36,470 --> 00:20:40,770
find the problem,
and he found the problem.
489
00:20:40,810 --> 00:20:42,440
Oh, I'm so sorry.
490
00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:45,580
After I'm gone, take down the
rest of those clown paintings.
491
00:20:45,610 --> 00:20:49,180
But leave up the sexy mailman.
492
00:20:49,250 --> 00:20:51,420
To remember me by.
493
00:20:51,450 --> 00:20:53,620
Thank you all for your
patience with the problems
494
00:20:53,650 --> 00:20:55,420
in our neighborhood.
495
00:20:55,460 --> 00:20:58,660
I have finally
discovered the cause.
496
00:20:58,690 --> 00:21:02,760
There was one common link
among every incident.
497
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:05,430
And when I figured it out,
it was a shock.
498
00:21:05,470 --> 00:21:08,500
But there's no escaping it.
499
00:21:08,530 --> 00:21:11,170
The problem...
500
00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:12,370
Is me.
501
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:15,170
And now...
502
00:21:15,210 --> 00:21:17,310
I have to leave you...
503
00:21:17,340 --> 00:21:18,310
Forever.
35566
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