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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:02,836 Every afternoon, I've been going to Luke's campus 2 00:00:02,936 --> 00:00:04,838 to help him train for rugby tryouts. 3 00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:07,541 What do you say we practice that lineout lift one last time? 4 00:00:07,641 --> 00:00:08,942 And... I got to go. 5 00:00:09,043 --> 00:00:10,511 I don't want to be late for women's studies. 6 00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:12,213 That's what I call my lunch break. 7 00:00:12,313 --> 00:00:13,214 All right. 8 00:00:13,314 --> 00:00:15,083 Good luck at tryouts. 9 00:00:15,183 --> 00:00:16,250 PHIL: The other day, 10 00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:19,887 something pretty interesting caught my eye. 11 00:00:19,987 --> 00:00:21,889 Uh... 12 00:00:21,989 --> 00:00:23,891 modifications must be made 13 00:00:23,991 --> 00:00:26,394 to standard microeconomic procedures 14 00:00:26,494 --> 00:00:30,131 to apply supply and demand analysis. 15 00:00:30,231 --> 00:00:31,265 Hmm. 16 00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:34,268 First, we construct a utility function, 17 00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,104 where Y equals income 18 00:00:36,204 --> 00:00:38,439 and X equals the cost of services. 19 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:39,640 Well... 20 00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:42,776 Uh, next, we vary either X -- 21 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,412 Pffffbbbbb. 22 00:00:44,512 --> 00:00:46,880 What -- What's on your mind? 23 00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:49,383 Well, um, with all due respect, 24 00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:52,120 uh, you have a roomful of aspiring Realtors here, 25 00:00:52,220 --> 00:00:54,588 and I worry that you might be turning them off 26 00:00:54,688 --> 00:00:57,091 with all those numbers and formulas. 27 00:00:57,191 --> 00:01:00,294 It's actually a very exciting business. 28 00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:02,663 It's about people and -- and emotional connections 29 00:01:02,763 --> 00:01:04,665 and magnets with your face on them. 30 00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:06,600 You think you can just walk in here 31 00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:08,336 and start teaching this class? 32 00:01:08,436 --> 00:01:09,737 I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have -- 33 00:01:09,837 --> 00:01:11,672 No, I'm asking -- can you teach this class for me? 34 00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:14,575 If I leave now, I won't have to pay the all-day parking rate. 35 00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:19,447 PHIL: 10 minutes with the dean, 36 00:01:19,547 --> 00:01:22,015 who, it turns out, I'd sold a house to, 37 00:01:22,116 --> 00:01:23,817 and I was official. 38 00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:25,686 Imagine Phil Dunphy shaping minds 39 00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:28,289 in the hallowed halls of Sequoia Community College, 40 00:01:28,389 --> 00:01:30,624 established 2016. 41 00:01:30,724 --> 00:01:37,165 As you can see from this graph, it's not about X's and Y's. 42 00:01:37,265 --> 00:01:41,369 It's about oohs and ahs. 43 00:01:44,372 --> 00:01:45,473 Mm. Okay. 44 00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:48,642 So, what does real estate equal? 45 00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:51,945 80%... 46 00:01:52,045 --> 00:01:52,946 eye contact. 47 00:01:53,046 --> 00:01:53,981 (marker clacks) 48 00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:59,487 ** 49 00:01:59,587 --> 00:02:04,958 ** 50 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:10,198 All right. Your breakfast is almost ready. 51 00:02:10,298 --> 00:02:12,500 You're gonna need all your energy for the courtroom today 52 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:14,034 in case you have to yell, "I'm out of order? 53 00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:15,068 You're out of order. 54 00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:16,870 The whole damn system's out of order!" 55 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,206 Might not do that. 56 00:02:18,306 --> 00:02:19,907 I think I'm winning, so big fan of the system right now. 57 00:02:20,007 --> 00:02:21,309 Anyway, it can't hurt Cam. 58 00:02:21,409 --> 00:02:23,877 to have some experienced eyes take a look at this police work. 59 00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:25,713 Sloppy. Sloppy, sloppy. 60 00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:28,682 Okay, I know you fancy yourself some sort of detective. 61 00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:31,419 You know, I was quite the amateur sleuth as a boy, 62 00:02:31,519 --> 00:02:33,221 a real-life Encyclopedia Brown. 63 00:02:33,321 --> 00:02:34,722 They called me Thesaurus Jones. 64 00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:36,824 What I really need right now is just a few minutes of silence, 65 00:02:36,924 --> 00:02:38,426 just like -- I would say my toughest case 66 00:02:38,526 --> 00:02:41,161 was "The Case of the Missing Snowman." (papers thud) 67 00:02:41,262 --> 00:02:43,364 You know, at first, I thought he'd come to life, 68 00:02:43,464 --> 00:02:45,233 but turns out -- Oh. Shh! My trial! 69 00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:46,567 REPORTER: Today marks the fourth day 70 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:47,935 of witness questioning by the DA's office. 71 00:02:48,035 --> 00:02:49,737 Oh, my God. (sputters) Is that you? 72 00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:51,171 I look like an elf that just walked 73 00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:52,406 into his own surprise party. 74 00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:53,874 No, it's like the time we tried to microwave a squash. 75 00:02:53,974 --> 00:02:56,544 I -- Okay, this is my first big trial, 76 00:02:56,644 --> 00:02:58,412 a-a chance to make a name for myself. 77 00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:01,415 All anyone's gonna be talking about is that awful picture! 78 00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:03,016 Okay, this is a disaster. 79 00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:04,352 Th-- There's a place downtown 80 00:03:04,452 --> 00:03:05,453 where all the lawyers go to drink. 81 00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:06,687 It's called The Side Bar. 82 00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:08,689 They put courtroom sketches on the wall 83 00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:10,591 from everyone's first big trial. 84 00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:11,559 Maybe nobody saw it. 85 00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:12,693 (cellphone chiming) 86 00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,061 Um... 87 00:03:14,161 --> 00:03:16,564 Don't assume the worst. It could just be an Amber Alert. 88 00:03:16,664 --> 00:03:17,631 (chiming continues) 89 00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:19,467 CLAIRE: Hey, Dad. JAY: Yo. 90 00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:21,269 Since it's our first day with our new partners, 91 00:03:21,369 --> 00:03:22,870 I thought maybe you could get to work 92 00:03:22,970 --> 00:03:25,105 as close to on time as poss-- 93 00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:26,974 I will try my best. 94 00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:29,377 (cellphone beeps) Hi. 95 00:03:29,477 --> 00:03:30,978 (chuckles) I'm sorry. Am I late? 96 00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:32,280 NICK: No, no, no, no. Oh. 97 00:03:32,380 --> 00:03:33,914 And we're not real time sticklers here. Ah. 98 00:03:34,014 --> 00:03:35,549 We've found that team members really excel 99 00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:36,817 when they follow their own energy rhythms. 100 00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:38,319 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Interesting, 'cause I've found 101 00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:39,587 team members are happiest 102 00:03:39,687 --> 00:03:41,589 when the company stays in business, 103 00:03:41,689 --> 00:03:44,325 which means asses in chairs by 9:00. 104 00:03:45,426 --> 00:03:47,561 Dad, could I just have a quick -- quick sec with you? 105 00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:48,729 Sure. 106 00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:51,432 Um...so, Dad, look, 107 00:03:51,532 --> 00:03:53,667 the culture is just different here. 108 00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:55,969 And you just can't come in with a sledgehammer, 109 00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:57,305 or it's gonna create tension. 110 00:03:57,405 --> 00:03:59,139 You don't want to alienate people. 111 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,808 So you want me to change who I am? No. 112 00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:03,744 I just want you to hide who you are. 113 00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:05,346 I mean, come on. Just a little bit. 114 00:04:05,446 --> 00:04:06,314 Let's get rid of this. 115 00:04:06,414 --> 00:04:07,648 Look at that. That's better already. 116 00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:10,083 Who is this 50-something, huh? 117 00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:12,853 Fine. I will be on my best behavior. Thanks, Dad. 118 00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:14,422 (sighs) 119 00:04:14,522 --> 00:04:16,457 So sorry about that. 120 00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:17,458 Well, it's no problem. 121 00:04:17,558 --> 00:04:18,992 Family time is so important. Uh-huh. 122 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:21,429 That's why we offer 14 months paid paternity leave. 123 00:04:21,529 --> 00:04:23,297 Mm-kay. Let's see an update 124 00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:25,198 on that Thinfinity model. 125 00:04:25,299 --> 00:04:27,200 Ooh. Cool design. 126 00:04:27,301 --> 00:04:29,102 Who do I high-five for that, huh? Everybody. 127 00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:31,805 Our design meetings are organized around burstiness, 128 00:04:31,905 --> 00:04:33,807 which is a rapid-fire creative process 129 00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:36,176 that really just unlocks the unconscious. 130 00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:37,311 Oh! (chuckles) 131 00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:39,212 Does anybody else find that distracting? 132 00:04:39,313 --> 00:04:42,049 Actually, it's great for left-brain stimulation. 133 00:04:42,149 --> 00:04:43,384 I got winner! 134 00:04:43,484 --> 00:04:44,518 (chuckles) We don't keep score. 135 00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:46,620 No? WOMAN: (muffled) Watch out! 136 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:47,688 What the hell?! 137 00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,323 You don't know about Zorbing? 138 00:04:49,423 --> 00:04:50,691 It promotes mind/body balance. 139 00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,826 It's kind of like the German version of Flerming. 140 00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:54,695 Okay, that's it. 141 00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,029 Now, I'm about to introduce you squids 142 00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:57,365 to a little thing called 143 00:04:57,465 --> 00:05:00,334 back-breaking, soul-crushing hard work. Mm. 144 00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:02,836 How many heart attacks have you had here in the last five years? 145 00:05:02,936 --> 00:05:05,005 Zero? Where am I?! 146 00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:06,840 America loves closets, 147 00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:09,242 and I'm here to build them, damn it! 148 00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:13,814 And you get this back when I see people pull up in the morning 149 00:05:13,914 --> 00:05:15,649 crying in their cars. 150 00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,520 YYYYYeah. 151 00:05:21,054 --> 00:05:22,656 (indistinct conversations) 152 00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:23,657 Okay, must you? 153 00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:25,325 You know what, we are gonna make sure 154 00:05:25,426 --> 00:05:27,995 that sketch artist sees the best possible version of you. 155 00:05:28,095 --> 00:05:30,230 Let's get those apples a-shining! 156 00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:31,899 Okay, okay, stop. Don't! 157 00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:33,667 Okay, your face gets weird when you make that "O" sound, 158 00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:35,235 so avoid that. 159 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:36,269 A-Are you serious? 160 00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:37,938 The defendant runs the Orange County 161 00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:39,940 Oceanic and Ornithological Organization. 162 00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:41,442 That was hard to watch. Wha-- 163 00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:43,176 All rise. 164 00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:44,878 Last looks. 165 00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:47,214 JUDGE: Be seated. 166 00:05:47,314 --> 00:05:51,051 Mr. Pritchett, you may resume your questioning of the witness. 167 00:05:51,151 --> 00:05:52,553 Okay. 168 00:05:52,653 --> 00:05:54,388 Mitchell. Mitchell. He's here. 169 00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:56,590 Only give him your best side. 170 00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:58,426 Avoid the fluorescent lights, no O's, 171 00:05:58,526 --> 00:06:00,093 and whatever you do, do not stand next to the bailiff. 172 00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:02,195 He is breathtaking! 173 00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:04,432 Oh, my God. Counselor? 174 00:06:04,532 --> 00:06:07,100 Uh, sorry, Your Honor. Um... 175 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,469 Miss Carpenter... Bad side! 176 00:06:08,569 --> 00:06:13,941 ...do you recall seeing this man on the night in question? 177 00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:15,108 Yes, sir. 178 00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:18,646 And is he, to your knowledge, the C.E.O... 179 00:06:18,746 --> 00:06:21,782 of the Orange County Oceanic and Ornithological Organization? 180 00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,316 Counselor, you're mumbling. Oh -- 181 00:06:23,417 --> 00:06:24,485 Can you repeat that, please? 182 00:06:24,585 --> 00:06:26,920 Does he run the bird and water place? 183 00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:27,921 He does. 184 00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:30,624 And is he here today in this, uh... 185 00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,392 (scribbling) 186 00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:35,295 As I was saying... Little further. 187 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:39,900 ...is he here today in this, uh -- in this courtroom? 188 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,001 That's him. 189 00:06:41,101 --> 00:06:43,336 Let the court note that I am pretty sure 190 00:06:43,437 --> 00:06:46,306 that the witness has identified the defendant. 191 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,008 (gasps) 192 00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:54,915 (scribbling) 193 00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:56,149 Elbow patches? 194 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,085 Did you burn through another blazer at Benihana's? 195 00:06:58,185 --> 00:07:00,320 Actually, it is for my new position 196 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,956 teaching real estate at your school. 197 00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:04,024 What are you talking about? 198 00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:05,292 They offered me a job. 199 00:07:05,392 --> 00:07:06,960 But hey, listen -- listen to me. 200 00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:08,462 Lifelong dreams aside, 201 00:07:08,562 --> 00:07:10,297 I'm not taking this unless you're on board. 202 00:07:10,397 --> 00:07:11,431 I'm definitely not. 203 00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:13,133 (refrigerator door opens) 204 00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:14,635 I get it. 205 00:07:14,735 --> 00:07:16,169 Don't want your old Pops cramping your style, 206 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:17,304 so I'm -- I'm out. 207 00:07:17,404 --> 00:07:18,639 (chuckling) It's just funny. 208 00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:20,307 I Can't remember the last time I was this excited. 209 00:07:20,407 --> 00:07:21,542 But it wouldn't -- wouldn't make any sense 210 00:07:21,642 --> 00:07:22,876 unless you were excited, too. 211 00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:25,613 Not even a little bit. 212 00:07:25,713 --> 00:07:26,947 Right. 213 00:07:27,047 --> 00:07:28,115 Those poor kids, though, huh? 214 00:07:28,215 --> 00:07:30,183 I have so much to offer. 215 00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:31,485 For example, 216 00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:34,955 which house styles are sold by which cookie type? 217 00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:37,190 French Revival -- (French accent) macaroons. 218 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,659 (normal voice) English Tudor -- 219 00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:40,193 (British accent) shortbread. 220 00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:43,564 (normal voice) But... we both know what you want, 221 00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:45,966 so, uh, I'll resign and go back 222 00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:49,503 to trying to figure out what to do with my final years. 223 00:07:49,603 --> 00:07:51,304 Okay. 224 00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:53,707 (knock on door) 225 00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:56,810 I need a place to stay for a couple of days. 226 00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:58,145 Can't go home, can't go to school, 227 00:07:58,245 --> 00:07:59,513 don't want to talk about it. 228 00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:00,648 Got it. 229 00:08:00,748 --> 00:08:03,083 I knew that Alex wanted to talk about it, 230 00:08:03,183 --> 00:08:05,385 but I had a lot on my mind. 231 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,655 I had a rough morning with Joe. 232 00:08:07,755 --> 00:08:10,357 Have a great first day. 233 00:08:10,457 --> 00:08:12,492 Aren't you gonna walk me in? 234 00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:15,062 No. In first grade, you have drop-off. 235 00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:17,731 No one said anything about drop-off. 236 00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:19,567 What if I can't find my cubby? 237 00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:21,902 They don't have cubbies. They have lockers here. 238 00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:24,838 Wait. Wait a second. Where's my lunchbox? 239 00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:27,440 Oh, I signed you up for the hot-lunch program. 240 00:08:27,541 --> 00:08:30,177 (inhales sharply) What is this place? 241 00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:31,879 Okay, I've been feeling some pressure 242 00:08:31,979 --> 00:08:33,914 about what to do after I graduate this year, 243 00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:36,216 and my parents are constantly asking me about it. 244 00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:37,718 I thought that you were going to work. 245 00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:41,622 So did I, but lately, I've been questioning everything. 246 00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:43,423 I even thought about becoming a fellow. 247 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,959 (gasps) Ay, Alex, that's a big change. 248 00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:48,528 But at least you get to keep the same name. 249 00:08:48,629 --> 00:08:49,930 I'm not even sure it's what I really want. 250 00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,198 Okay, you have to be very sure, 251 00:08:51,298 --> 00:08:54,301 because I heard it's even harder to reverse it. 252 00:08:54,401 --> 00:08:56,136 Can we talk about anything else? Where's Joe? 253 00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:57,304 He started school today. 254 00:08:57,404 --> 00:09:00,107 He was so panicky when I dropped him off. 255 00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:02,142 I don't know why. It's just first grade. 256 00:09:02,242 --> 00:09:03,410 Just first grade?! 257 00:09:03,510 --> 00:09:04,645 That's when the pressure starts! 258 00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:06,747 Ay! You're freaking me out! 259 00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:10,250 Alex is going to be a very nervous man. 260 00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:11,819 (indistinct conversations) 261 00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:13,821 Uh, e-excuse me, sketch man. 262 00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:15,889 We'd like a word with you about your little drawings. Yes. 263 00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:17,958 You don't remember me, do you? 264 00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:18,992 Uh... 265 00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:20,460 It's -- Um... 266 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,963 Well, obviously, we have offended you somehow. 267 00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:25,465 Oh, were you the barista we had fired? 268 00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:28,802 Here's a hint -- I once stayed in your upstairs rental. 269 00:09:28,936 --> 00:09:29,903 Oh. 270 00:09:30,003 --> 00:09:31,504 Who consumes an entire welcome basket? 271 00:09:31,605 --> 00:09:33,573 We usually reuse half this stuff. 272 00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:35,242 All the Altoids. He was here one night. 273 00:09:35,342 --> 00:09:37,477 He -- He even ate the horseradish mustard. 274 00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:38,612 What did he put it on? 275 00:09:38,712 --> 00:09:40,513 We purposely don't give crackers. 276 00:09:40,614 --> 00:09:42,182 JONAH: Ugh! 277 00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:45,452 Hey. Hey. 278 00:09:45,552 --> 00:09:47,755 We are so sorry we offended you, but -- 279 00:09:47,855 --> 00:09:49,456 Ooh, too late. 280 00:09:49,556 --> 00:09:50,523 I own you two. 281 00:09:50,624 --> 00:09:52,960 And I haven't even gotten to my best stuff yet. 282 00:09:53,060 --> 00:09:54,662 I can go redder. 283 00:09:54,762 --> 00:09:56,363 You wouldn't. 284 00:09:56,463 --> 00:09:57,831 Just wait till I connect the brows. 285 00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:58,832 Please. 286 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,500 We have a child. 287 00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:03,637 Oh, fun -- a reporter from CNN. 288 00:10:03,737 --> 00:10:06,807 Looks like this pretty little portrait's about to go national. 289 00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:08,976 Uh... What -- What are we gonna do? 290 00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:10,543 Okay, is it just me, or does this sound 291 00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:12,179 like a job for Thesaurus Jones? 292 00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:14,047 It's just you. No. Blackmail, Mitchell! 293 00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:16,549 We just have to dig something up on this guy. 294 00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:20,120 Shouldn't be a problem, because everyone's hiding something. 295 00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:21,321 Everyone. 296 00:10:21,421 --> 00:10:23,824 I feel like you're sitting on one more... 297 00:10:23,924 --> 00:10:25,392 Everyone. Yep. 298 00:10:27,194 --> 00:10:29,129 CLAIRE: (sighs shakily) (hushed conversations) 299 00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:31,498 -(Clears throat) -Shh! Shh! Shh! 300 00:10:31,598 --> 00:10:34,167 CLAIRE: Just as I feared, my dad had crushed the spirit 301 00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:36,336 of everyone in that office. 302 00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:37,671 I had to do something to prove 303 00:10:37,771 --> 00:10:39,572 we weren't some stuffy killjoys. 304 00:10:39,673 --> 00:10:41,909 It was time to bust out Party Claire. 305 00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:43,010 (chuckles) 306 00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:45,245 She'd retired after spring break '89. 307 00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:46,313 (sniffs) 308 00:10:46,413 --> 00:10:47,981 And again in '92. 309 00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:50,417 Hey, do you have a second? 310 00:10:50,517 --> 00:10:52,252 If this is about my respecting your process -- 311 00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:54,888 Actually, we want to thank you for laying down the law before. 312 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,724 Because we have gone soft as a company, 313 00:10:56,824 --> 00:10:58,358 we needed a couple grown-ups to come in 314 00:10:58,458 --> 00:10:59,693 and put us back on track. 315 00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:00,828 You know, thanks to you, 316 00:11:00,928 --> 00:11:02,062 we've gotten rid of all the distractions -- 317 00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,931 no more ping-pong tables, squirt guns. 318 00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:06,066 The only thing we couldn't find was that giant -- 319 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,868 CLAIRE: Break time, bitches! 320 00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,004 Uh, it turns out this is a little -- 321 00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:12,572 Oh, my God! The Thinfinity! 322 00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:13,573 I'm so sorry! 323 00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,442 Oh, my God! I'm so sorry! 324 00:11:15,542 --> 00:11:16,944 I -- Oh! 325 00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:18,545 (creaking) 326 00:11:18,645 --> 00:11:19,947 (clatter) 327 00:11:20,047 --> 00:11:21,248 Sorry. 328 00:11:28,588 --> 00:11:30,690 Sketch boy was unusually well-groomed 329 00:11:30,791 --> 00:11:34,061 for somebody coming out of a government-subsidized gym. 330 00:11:34,161 --> 00:11:35,628 Something wasn't right. 331 00:11:35,729 --> 00:11:39,066 I was getting that old Thesaurus Jones tingle. 332 00:11:39,166 --> 00:11:40,267 I decided to do some sniffing around. 333 00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:41,534 (sniffs, exhales sharply) 334 00:11:41,634 --> 00:11:43,771 Sketch guy's face had a kind of glow 335 00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:46,774 that can only be achieved with expensive creams and unguents, 336 00:11:46,874 --> 00:11:50,243 yet all I found were packets of cut-rate all-purpose lotions. 337 00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:53,814 According to my sources, the gym had an executive level 338 00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:56,583 that provides all manner of fancy spa products, 339 00:11:56,683 --> 00:11:58,819 but it's for judges and attorneys only. 340 00:11:58,919 --> 00:12:00,453 I created a diversion 341 00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:02,122 by convincing the security detail 342 00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:03,590 there was a towel emergency... 343 00:12:03,690 --> 00:12:05,893 There's a towel emergency. 344 00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,932 ...and hacked into the gym's computer system. 345 00:12:12,032 --> 00:12:15,435 Turns out he's been accessing the executive level 346 00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:18,571 by swiping the ID of one Victor Graham, 347 00:12:18,671 --> 00:12:20,407 a retired judge. 348 00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:23,811 MITCHELL: Members of the jury, 349 00:12:23,911 --> 00:12:26,313 the defendant, Mr. Kane, would have you believe 350 00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:29,282 that he was working at the time of the crime. 351 00:12:29,382 --> 00:12:30,750 Bald?! 352 00:12:32,452 --> 00:12:33,586 ...faced lies! 353 00:12:33,686 --> 00:12:35,488 (door opens) Counselor? 354 00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:36,489 Ah. 355 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,992 Because evidence would clearly suggest 356 00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:41,661 that, um... 357 00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:42,629 Oh. 358 00:12:42,729 --> 00:12:43,964 ...that while James Kane 359 00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:48,201 does have an office on his company's executive floor, 360 00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:50,470 he was nowhere near it that night. 361 00:12:50,570 --> 00:12:53,640 Nice try, executive-level Jim. 362 00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:56,810 ...Kane... 363 00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:58,311 we're onto you. 364 00:12:58,411 --> 00:13:02,682 Ladies and gentlemen, before you've retired, judge... 365 00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:04,818 ...for yourself 366 00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:09,289 and draw a more accurate conclusion 367 00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:11,724 than the one Mr. Kane would have you believe... 368 00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:14,161 Counselor, you're speaking weirdly. 369 00:13:14,261 --> 00:13:17,030 I'm sure you will find the defendant's alibi 370 00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,465 to be thin. 371 00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:20,233 (scribbling) 372 00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:21,334 Even thinner. 373 00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:23,403 (scribbling) 374 00:13:26,974 --> 00:13:27,875 (door opens) 375 00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:30,677 Good afternoon, young Realtors. 376 00:13:30,777 --> 00:13:32,846 I have a very important announcement 377 00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:34,147 to make after class, 378 00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:37,017 but in the meantime, if you would be so kind 379 00:13:37,117 --> 00:13:39,219 as to open your books -- 380 00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:41,721 (voice breaking) Oh, boy. I can't do this. 381 00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:46,193 Students, today is our last day together. 382 00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:47,895 (students murmuring) Shh, shh. 383 00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:50,063 I've treasured our time together. 384 00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,432 Brett, I know we got off to a rough start, 385 00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:54,601 but once we broke down those walls, 386 00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:56,336 I'm not sure who was teaching who. 387 00:13:57,170 --> 00:14:00,073 Whitney, you're the toughest single mother I know. 388 00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:01,942 Lucy, you be good to your mom. 389 00:14:03,076 --> 00:14:05,678 Bob, amazing how you battle that dyslexia. 390 00:14:05,778 --> 00:14:08,181 Maybe ease off on the anger toward your parents, though. 391 00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:10,017 They did you a solid giving you that name. 392 00:14:10,117 --> 00:14:11,751 We're gonna miss you, Mr. Nudphy. 393 00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:14,254 It's -- You -- You -- You flipped it, but... 394 00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,056 (voice breaking) I'm gonna miss you guys, too. 395 00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:16,924 (sighs) 396 00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:20,627 Location. Location. Location. 397 00:14:20,727 --> 00:14:22,195 You memorized it. 398 00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:27,200 Now, for the second and last time... 399 00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:29,436 class dismissed. 400 00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:32,605 LUKE: Dad. 401 00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,274 Luke? 402 00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:35,943 How long have you been back there? 403 00:14:36,043 --> 00:14:37,444 I pretty much saw the whole thing. 404 00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:39,112 (sighs) 405 00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:40,247 Hey, Dad? 406 00:14:40,347 --> 00:14:42,149 Yeah? 407 00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:43,816 Don't forget your coffee mug. 408 00:14:43,917 --> 00:14:45,085 O-Oh. 409 00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:49,422 I'm sure this all worked out for the best. 410 00:14:49,522 --> 00:14:50,924 I'll, uh, probably miss 411 00:14:51,024 --> 00:14:53,760 a few spontaneous Frisbee opportunities and... 412 00:14:53,860 --> 00:14:56,096 apparently, a tumbling exchange program -- 413 00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:57,597 oh, well -- 414 00:14:57,697 --> 00:14:58,999 and an Amateur Inventors Association. 415 00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:01,434 How much fun could it be changing the world, anyway? 416 00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,939 "The Sequoia College Players Present: 417 00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:09,276 A Hall and Oates Magic Show." 418 00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:11,178 (car door opens) 419 00:15:11,278 --> 00:15:13,313 Dad, wait. Yes, Luke? 420 00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:14,948 Don't forget your mug again. 421 00:15:15,048 --> 00:15:16,449 Come on! 422 00:15:16,549 --> 00:15:18,485 Can't you see I'm meant to be here? 423 00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:21,154 I'm sorry, but I've never had a school to myself. 424 00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:24,291 I was always Alex's dumb brother or Manny's hot nephew. 425 00:15:24,391 --> 00:15:27,527 Now I can finally be my own person. 426 00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:29,129 I'm sorry. I get it. 427 00:15:29,229 --> 00:15:30,964 I-I r-- I-I really do. 428 00:15:31,064 --> 00:15:32,699 I think I was just getting a little overexcited. 429 00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:34,767 I'll, uh... 430 00:15:34,867 --> 00:15:36,136 I'll see you at home. 431 00:15:38,205 --> 00:15:39,372 COACH WALLS: Dunphy. 432 00:15:39,472 --> 00:15:41,941 Glad I ran into you so I can congratulate you personally. 433 00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:43,810 Wait. I made the team? First string. 434 00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:46,013 I got to say, your form on that lineout lift 435 00:15:46,113 --> 00:15:47,847 (chuckles) was impeccable. 436 00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:49,382 Thanks. Yeah. 437 00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:55,055 (cellphone beeps) 438 00:15:55,155 --> 00:15:56,856 Hey, Dad. I made the team. 439 00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,025 PHIL: That's amazing! 440 00:15:58,125 --> 00:16:00,027 I knew you would. You're a natural. 441 00:16:00,127 --> 00:16:01,694 Well, I had a great teacher. 442 00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,030 Aww! 443 00:16:03,997 --> 00:16:05,332 So, listen. 444 00:16:05,432 --> 00:16:07,000 This is a big campus. 445 00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:08,568 Maybe we could both be here 446 00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:11,638 if we promise to stay out of each other's way. (tires screech) 447 00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:12,839 (engine revs) 448 00:16:12,939 --> 00:16:14,807 Well, I'd hate to step on your toes. 449 00:16:14,907 --> 00:16:16,576 No, no, y-you wouldn't. 450 00:16:16,676 --> 00:16:17,710 (tires screech) I would hate to stop you 451 00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:19,146 from doing something you're so good at. 452 00:16:19,246 --> 00:16:20,747 I guess I could think about it. 453 00:16:20,847 --> 00:16:23,583 I mean, it's not like I'd be there all the time. 454 00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:26,686 I, uh, have class and office hours, 455 00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:29,222 and I have the 11:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m. slot 456 00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:33,160 at the campus radio station on Tuesdays and Thursdays. 457 00:16:33,260 --> 00:16:35,728 Hey, if you want to be my sidekick... 458 00:16:36,563 --> 00:16:37,664 Dad? You're right. 459 00:16:37,764 --> 00:16:39,232 It's better if I do all the voices. 460 00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:40,600 What's up?! 461 00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:44,337 What's all this? 462 00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:47,207 Well, you got me so nervous about Joe's terrible day 463 00:16:47,307 --> 00:16:49,909 that I put all this out to cheer him up -- 464 00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,444 sundae, video game. 465 00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:54,547 I even wrote him a little pep talk. 466 00:16:54,647 --> 00:16:56,049 We're lucky to live in the golden age of medicines. 467 00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:57,917 Hey, Grandpa, I'm staying here for a couple of days, 468 00:16:58,017 --> 00:16:59,386 and I do not want to talk about it. 469 00:16:59,486 --> 00:17:00,387 Cool. 470 00:17:00,487 --> 00:17:03,022 (doorbell rings) (gasps) That's Joe. 471 00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:07,894 Hey, is my dad home? 472 00:17:07,994 --> 00:17:09,762 (whispering) Crap. What is my mom doing here? 473 00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:11,264 Come with me. 474 00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:12,599 I owe him an apology. 475 00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:14,934 I made a huge scene at work. 476 00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:18,371 Well, sometimes the best way to say "I'm sorry" 477 00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:19,706 is in an e-mail. 478 00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:24,211 Why don't you write him at JaysComputerMail@aol.com? 479 00:17:24,311 --> 00:17:27,247 (voice breaking) I plowed over a bunch of people in a giant hamster ball. 480 00:17:27,347 --> 00:17:29,316 And then I tried to impress the foodies 481 00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:30,817 by ordering Indian for lunch. 482 00:17:30,917 --> 00:17:31,951 And then I chewed some gum 483 00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,653 to get rid of my coriander breath, 484 00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:35,588 and I'm pretty sure some's in my hair. 485 00:17:35,688 --> 00:17:37,324 And then I -- Oh -- 486 00:17:37,424 --> 00:17:39,659 tripped and fell and skinned my knee, 487 00:17:39,759 --> 00:17:41,628 and everybody saw my underwear. 488 00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:42,629 (door opens) 489 00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:43,763 Crushed it! 490 00:17:43,863 --> 00:17:45,798 First days are easy when you're cool. 491 00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:46,766 Uh-huh. 492 00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:48,601 I do feel bad for Conner B. 493 00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:51,471 He brought stinky egg salad for lunch. 494 00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:54,341 He's gonna have to eat with the nurse. 495 00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:55,642 Oh, God! Ay. 496 00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:58,178 Uh, Joe, why don't you go upstairs? 497 00:17:58,278 --> 00:17:59,279 Ugh. 498 00:17:59,379 --> 00:18:00,947 I just want to go back to my old office, 499 00:18:01,047 --> 00:18:02,415 where I had friends. 500 00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:03,683 I know. 501 00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:04,651 Sometimes... (sighs) 502 00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:08,255 ...you know, we all have bad days. 503 00:18:09,322 --> 00:18:10,790 And...(Sighs) 504 00:18:10,890 --> 00:18:15,795 And sometimes, we have to -- to deal with mean boys. 505 00:18:15,895 --> 00:18:17,130 Boys are mean. 506 00:18:17,230 --> 00:18:18,831 You're right, Gloria. 507 00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:19,866 I am right? 508 00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:21,100 Mm. 509 00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:23,870 Oh, you know what I love about this family? 510 00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:24,937 Mnh-mnh. 511 00:18:25,037 --> 00:18:28,208 We're not quitters -- especially you. 512 00:18:28,308 --> 00:18:33,012 Remember how hard it was for you to learn how to swim? 513 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,481 It wa hard. 514 00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:38,117 But now it's your favorite thing in the world 515 00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:42,189 because it reminds you of how strong you are. 516 00:18:42,289 --> 00:18:44,023 I mean, I like to swim... 517 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:45,992 Tomorrow can only be better. 518 00:18:46,092 --> 00:18:47,059 Mm. 519 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:48,695 But just in case, I'll come at lunch, 520 00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:51,631 and I will kiss you through the fence. 521 00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:54,066 How about I text you around 11:00 522 00:18:54,167 --> 00:18:55,335 and let you know how I'm doing? 523 00:18:55,435 --> 00:18:58,405 So, you want to tell me why you're avoiding your mom? 524 00:18:58,505 --> 00:18:59,372 I'm not avoiding her. 525 00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:01,308 Hey, what's -- what's all this? 526 00:19:01,408 --> 00:19:03,876 Danger O'Shea memorabilia. I'm a big collector. 527 00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:04,977 Who's Danger O'Shea? 528 00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:06,313 Legendary daredevil. 529 00:19:06,413 --> 00:19:09,081 Got famous for jumping over a school bus on his motorcycle. 530 00:19:09,182 --> 00:19:10,550 Get over here! Talk to me. 531 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,485 Tell me why you're avoiding your mom. 532 00:19:12,585 --> 00:19:13,753 Okay. 533 00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:16,389 Well, I've been on a science track my whole life, 534 00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,725 which my parents love -- "Alex the scientist." 535 00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:21,728 But...lately, I've been having second thoughts. 536 00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:24,697 I've always loved singing, and -- and I've been doing 537 00:19:24,797 --> 00:19:26,433 some open-mic nights recently, 538 00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:28,235 and it's been going really well. 539 00:19:28,335 --> 00:19:30,437 I see where this is going. Sing for me. 540 00:19:30,537 --> 00:19:32,505 What, like...right now? 541 00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:33,940 Just sing. 542 00:19:36,042 --> 00:19:41,013 * Somewhere over the rainbow * 543 00:19:41,113 --> 00:19:43,583 * Skies are blue 544 00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,518 That was great. 545 00:19:46,953 --> 00:19:48,221 Stick to science. 546 00:19:48,321 --> 00:19:51,190 Wow. You really got a knack for pep talks in this house. 547 00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:53,393 I'm not saying it's impossible. 548 00:19:53,493 --> 00:19:54,594 I'm saying play the odds. 549 00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:56,696 For example, you take this O'Shea guy. 550 00:19:56,796 --> 00:19:58,931 Oh, good. We're back to him. But he was smart. 551 00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:01,701 He started a business, got established. 552 00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:03,536 And when he couldn't kick the daredevil dream, 553 00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:04,637 he went for it. 554 00:20:04,737 --> 00:20:06,406 And he was good -- real good -- 555 00:20:06,506 --> 00:20:08,040 until that fateful day he tried to jump 556 00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:10,943 over a motorcycle in a school bus. 557 00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:13,446 Fortunately for him, unlike his act, 558 00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:14,547 he had a safety net. 559 00:20:14,647 --> 00:20:16,816 His business. Jumped right back in. 560 00:20:16,916 --> 00:20:18,150 Within a year, it was bigger than ever. 561 00:20:18,251 --> 00:20:20,920 The point is, you've been on the science track for 15 years. 562 00:20:21,020 --> 00:20:23,723 See it through. Build a foundation. 563 00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:25,792 If in a couple of years, you still have the singing bug, 564 00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:26,793 go for it! 565 00:20:26,893 --> 00:20:28,395 I guess you're right. 566 00:20:28,495 --> 00:20:30,062 It would be pretty dumb of me 567 00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:31,898 to give up on the career path I'm on. 568 00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:34,401 I could make half a mil my first year out of school. 569 00:20:34,501 --> 00:20:36,269 Wow! What do they pay men? 570 00:20:36,369 --> 00:20:37,570 (scoffs) 571 00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:41,408 So, Danger never did another stunt again? 572 00:20:41,508 --> 00:20:44,176 He still brings that maverick spirit to everything he does, 573 00:20:44,277 --> 00:20:45,912 which is why he got to the top of his industry. 574 00:20:46,012 --> 00:20:49,482 Some people think it's the greatest stunt he ever pulled off. 575 00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:50,683 (scoffs) 576 00:20:50,783 --> 00:20:53,152 Thanks for the talk... 577 00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:54,854 Danger. 578 00:20:57,957 --> 00:21:00,593 So, I won my case, and even better, 579 00:21:00,693 --> 00:21:03,363 this is going up at The Side Bar. Yeah. 580 00:21:03,463 --> 00:21:05,031 And now maybe you'll have some respect 581 00:21:05,131 --> 00:21:06,299 for my investigative skills. 582 00:21:06,399 --> 00:21:09,001 It was a pretty simple case, because, as I've said, 583 00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:12,171 everyone has something to hide. 584 00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:13,673 Everyone. 585 00:21:23,516 --> 00:21:25,952 You know -- Everyone. 586 00:21:28,855 --> 00:21:31,123 -- Captions by VITA -- 39785

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