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1
00:00:01,610 --> 00:00:03,699
["Girls Just Want to Have Fun"
by Cyndi Lauper playing]
2
00:00:03,742 --> 00:00:06,832
ADULT SHELDON:
It's typical for young people
to admire rock stars.
3
00:00:06,876 --> 00:00:10,010
For my sister,
it was Cyndi Lauper.
4
00:00:10,053 --> 00:00:12,577
["Livin' On A Prayer"
by Bon Jovi playing]
5
00:00:12,621 --> 00:00:14,623
For my brother,
it was Bon Jovi.
6
00:00:14,666 --> 00:00:16,059
Well, Jon, we look good.
7
00:00:16,103 --> 00:00:18,714
♪ Oh, we're livin' on...
8
00:00:18,757 --> 00:00:20,237
[classical violin playing]
9
00:00:20,281 --> 00:00:24,241
For me, the rock star
I admired most was...
10
00:00:24,285 --> 00:00:26,374
Albert Einstein.
11
00:00:26,417 --> 00:00:28,724
♪
12
00:00:28,767 --> 00:00:31,988
Did you know Einstein
loved playing the violin?
13
00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,468
So?
14
00:00:33,511 --> 00:00:36,036
He believed music helped him
formulate his theories.
15
00:00:36,079 --> 00:00:37,559
So?
16
00:00:37,602 --> 00:00:39,952
Einstein was arguably
the greatest scientific mind
17
00:00:39,996 --> 00:00:41,389
of the 20th century.
18
00:00:41,432 --> 00:00:43,565
If music helped him,
maybe it could help me.
19
00:00:43,608 --> 00:00:45,088
So?
20
00:00:46,437 --> 00:00:48,265
I got to go talk to my mom.
21
00:00:48,309 --> 00:00:50,093
Everything okay?Yeah,
22
00:00:50,137 --> 00:00:51,834
she's just got some problems
she's dealing with.
23
00:00:51,877 --> 00:00:54,054
Kind of personal.
Will you make the kids lunch?
24
00:00:54,097 --> 00:00:56,056
Ah, do I have to?George?
25
00:00:56,099 --> 00:00:57,274
Happy to.
26
00:00:57,318 --> 00:00:58,884
Be right back.
27
00:00:58,928 --> 00:01:02,801
[sighs]
What do y'all want for lunch?
28
00:01:02,845 --> 00:01:04,412
Peanut butter and jelly, please.
29
00:01:04,455 --> 00:01:05,543
Great. Missy?
30
00:01:05,587 --> 00:01:09,243
Tuna salad on rye toast,
31
00:01:09,286 --> 00:01:10,853
with sliced pickles and...
32
00:01:10,896 --> 00:01:12,637
Two PBJs, got it.
33
00:01:12,681 --> 00:01:15,205
What is going on?
34
00:01:15,249 --> 00:01:17,207
Well...Well, what?
35
00:01:17,251 --> 00:01:19,383
I'm trying to say it.You woke me up.
36
00:01:19,427 --> 00:01:21,516
Spill it or I'm going
back to bed.
37
00:01:22,386 --> 00:01:23,431
I'm pregnant.
38
00:01:24,475 --> 00:01:25,868
I'm awake now.
39
00:01:27,261 --> 00:01:30,002
♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪
40
00:01:30,046 --> 00:01:32,004
♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain
41
00:01:32,048 --> 00:01:36,618
♪ I bet I could be your hero
42
00:01:36,661 --> 00:01:37,923
♪ I am a mighty little man
43
00:01:37,967 --> 00:01:41,840
♪ I am a mighty little man.♪
44
00:01:44,495 --> 00:01:46,062
Are you sure?
45
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,455
Yes. I'm late.
46
00:01:47,498 --> 00:01:49,239
How late?Two days.
47
00:01:49,283 --> 00:01:51,154
Oh, two days.
That's nothing.
48
00:01:51,198 --> 00:01:54,114
Last time I was two days late,
I had the twins.
49
00:01:54,157 --> 00:01:56,942
Last time I was two days late,
I had menopause.
50
00:01:56,986 --> 00:01:58,030
[chuckles]
51
00:01:58,074 --> 00:02:00,120
Just trying to lighten the mood.
52
00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:03,166
So do you have...
53
00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:06,343
reason to think
that you might be?
54
00:02:06,387 --> 00:02:09,694
Well, we try to be safe,
but... you know,
55
00:02:09,738 --> 00:02:10,956
heat of the moment.
56
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,655
Still? After three kids
and that beer belly
57
00:02:13,698 --> 00:02:15,352
hanging over his pants?Mom?
58
00:02:15,396 --> 00:02:18,964
I think you might be getting way
ahead of yourself.
59
00:02:19,008 --> 00:02:21,228
I'm telling you, I just know.
60
00:02:21,271 --> 00:02:25,057
You were also convinced that
Georgie was gonna be a girl.
61
00:02:25,101 --> 00:02:27,190
That's true.
62
00:02:27,234 --> 00:02:30,280
Although he does have
very pretty hair.
63
00:02:32,978 --> 00:02:34,066
Hello.
64
00:02:34,110 --> 00:02:35,198
Hi, Sheldon.
65
00:02:35,242 --> 00:02:37,157
I'd like to learn to play
the violin.
66
00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:40,725
Really?
Well, that's terrific.
67
00:02:40,769 --> 00:02:43,380
Do you have any experience
with stringed instruments?
68
00:02:43,424 --> 00:02:45,077
Stringed instruments, no.
69
00:02:45,121 --> 00:02:46,775
String theory, yes.
70
00:02:48,037 --> 00:02:50,996
That was a joke.
I'm a joker.
71
00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:53,303
I think I have an old violin
you can take home
72
00:02:53,347 --> 00:02:54,435
and get the feel of.
73
00:02:54,478 --> 00:02:55,914
That's great.
74
00:02:55,958 --> 00:02:57,307
Thank you.
75
00:02:57,351 --> 00:02:58,569
But I have to warn you,
76
00:02:58,613 --> 00:03:00,528
it can be a frustrating
instrument to learn.
77
00:03:00,571 --> 00:03:02,399
Can youplay it?Yes.
78
00:03:02,443 --> 00:03:03,792
I'll be fine.
79
00:03:08,144 --> 00:03:10,625
[country music playing
over speakers]
80
00:03:14,281 --> 00:03:16,544
I don't see them.
81
00:03:16,587 --> 00:03:17,980
Excuse me.
82
00:03:18,023 --> 00:03:19,677
Where do you keep
your pregnancy tests?
83
00:03:19,721 --> 00:03:22,332
Mom.Behind the counter
at the pharmacy.
84
00:03:22,376 --> 00:03:23,899
Thank you.
85
00:03:23,942 --> 00:03:25,901
Would you please be
a little more discreet?
86
00:03:25,944 --> 00:03:27,598
She doesn't know it's for you.
87
00:03:27,642 --> 00:03:29,557
Well, it sure
isn't for you.
88
00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:31,298
Come on.
89
00:03:31,341 --> 00:03:33,256
Ow. [gasps] No.
90
00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:34,431
Well, go ahead.
91
00:03:34,475 --> 00:03:35,824
I can't.Why not?
92
00:03:35,867 --> 00:03:37,956
His daughter goes
to Missy's school.
93
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,220
You are being
ridiculous.
94
00:03:40,263 --> 00:03:42,352
I don't need the world
knowing my business.
95
00:03:42,396 --> 00:03:43,658
Okay, fine.
96
00:03:44,615 --> 00:03:46,269
Hello!Oh!
97
00:03:46,313 --> 00:03:48,315
Excuse me.
98
00:03:48,358 --> 00:03:50,099
Hi, can I help you?
Yes.
99
00:03:50,142 --> 00:03:52,580
Uh, I need a...
pregnancy test.
100
00:03:52,623 --> 00:03:53,624
NELSON:
Sure.
101
00:03:53,668 --> 00:03:54,756
We have a few options.
102
00:03:54,799 --> 00:03:56,323
Hey, Connie.
103
00:03:56,366 --> 00:03:58,629
Oh, hey, Brenda.
104
00:03:58,673 --> 00:04:00,283
Oh, you-you pick.
105
00:04:00,327 --> 00:04:01,763
Is that a pregnancy test?
106
00:04:02,894 --> 00:04:04,287
Uh, yeah.
107
00:04:04,331 --> 00:04:05,636
[quietly]:
It's for me.
108
00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:08,726
Really?Yes.
109
00:04:08,770 --> 00:04:11,294
I come from a long line
of really fertile women.
110
00:04:11,338 --> 00:04:13,470
My mother had me
when she was 57.
111
00:04:13,514 --> 00:04:14,645
Can you believe it?
112
00:04:14,689 --> 00:04:16,647
I don't think I can.
113
00:04:16,691 --> 00:04:18,214
MEEMAW:
Dr. Sturgis and I
have been dating
114
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,216
for some time and we
really try to be careful,
115
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,784
but you know how it is.
116
00:04:22,827 --> 00:04:24,699
Heat of the moment.
117
00:04:25,656 --> 00:04:27,179
BILLY:
Hi, Mrs. Cooper!
118
00:04:28,703 --> 00:04:30,052
[whispers]:
Hi, Billy.
119
00:04:30,095 --> 00:04:32,054
Are you playing
hide-and-seek?
120
00:04:32,097 --> 00:04:34,230
Um, yeah.
121
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,841
Don't tell anybody. Shh.
122
00:04:36,885 --> 00:04:38,321
Bye, Mrs. Cooper!
123
00:04:38,365 --> 00:04:39,627
Oh!
124
00:04:39,670 --> 00:04:43,152
Thank you so much. Bye.
125
00:04:43,195 --> 00:04:44,632
Wish me luck.
126
00:04:46,547 --> 00:04:49,724
It's a bit worn.
But it's fine for a beginner.
127
00:04:52,422 --> 00:04:53,684
[violin screeching]
128
00:04:53,728 --> 00:04:55,643
That was unpleasant.
129
00:04:55,686 --> 00:04:57,819
It just takes some practice.
130
00:04:57,862 --> 00:05:00,212
Very well. When is
my first lesson?
131
00:05:00,256 --> 00:05:02,824
I'm... pretty busy
right now.
132
00:05:02,867 --> 00:05:04,913
But I can give you
this in the meantime.
133
00:05:07,045 --> 00:05:08,917
Anyone Can Play Violin.
134
00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:10,919
They don't set the
bar very high.
135
00:05:12,877 --> 00:05:15,532
MEEMAW:
You know what you need to do?
136
00:05:15,576 --> 00:05:16,751
MARY:
Yes.
137
00:05:19,275 --> 00:05:20,755
How's it going?
138
00:05:20,798 --> 00:05:23,235
MARY:
It'd be a lot easier to pee
if you'd stop talking.
139
00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:24,933
Sorry.
140
00:05:26,761 --> 00:05:28,371
[exhales]
141
00:05:28,415 --> 00:05:30,504
Now it's too quiet.
Say something.
142
00:05:32,419 --> 00:05:35,030
I know you didn't expect this,
143
00:05:35,073 --> 00:05:37,859
and you still might not be,
but...
144
00:05:37,902 --> 00:05:41,210
but if it turns out you are...
145
00:05:41,253 --> 00:05:43,647
I'm here for you.
146
00:05:43,691 --> 00:05:46,084
Thanks, Mom.[toilet flushes]
147
00:05:46,128 --> 00:05:48,478
You're not the one
I'm worried about.
148
00:05:48,522 --> 00:05:51,133
If I'm pregnant,
George is gonna flip out.
149
00:05:51,176 --> 00:05:53,701
I'm sure he would at first.
150
00:05:53,744 --> 00:05:55,833
Then he would
calm down.
151
00:05:55,877 --> 00:05:59,750
Take a few beers.
152
00:05:59,794 --> 00:06:01,404
Maybe some malt liquor.
153
00:06:01,448 --> 00:06:04,015
I suppose.
154
00:06:04,059 --> 00:06:07,410
[sighs] The truth is,
he and I were both
155
00:06:07,454 --> 00:06:09,281
freaked out
about having twins.
156
00:06:09,325 --> 00:06:12,241
But now I can't imagine
life without them.
157
00:06:12,284 --> 00:06:14,199
Well, see,
there you are.
158
00:06:14,243 --> 00:06:18,073
So, no matter what
that test says,
159
00:06:18,116 --> 00:06:19,944
you're gonna be okay.
160
00:06:19,988 --> 00:06:21,076
You're right.
161
00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:23,600
What's it say?
162
00:06:23,644 --> 00:06:25,994
[sighs]
163
00:06:26,037 --> 00:06:28,736
I'm gonna go
buy that malt liquor.
164
00:06:34,916 --> 00:06:36,613
To get started,
place your violin
165
00:06:36,657 --> 00:06:39,224
in rest position.
Your feet should be together.
166
00:06:39,268 --> 00:06:41,313
Your right arm
should be
167
00:06:41,357 --> 00:06:42,837
over your instrument,
168
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:45,230
not touching the strings
or the bridge.
169
00:06:47,058 --> 00:06:48,233
Put your left hand...What are you doing?
170
00:06:48,277 --> 00:06:49,931
What does it look like?
171
00:06:49,974 --> 00:06:52,977
Like you're looking for another
excuse for kids to pick on you.
172
00:06:53,021 --> 00:06:55,327
Now, you are ready
to position your feet.
173
00:06:55,371 --> 00:06:57,765
Zip your feet open
and step forward
174
00:06:57,808 --> 00:07:00,463
with your left foot.
175
00:07:00,507 --> 00:07:02,030
Your feet should...What are youdoing?
176
00:07:02,073 --> 00:07:05,076
I was gonna watch DuckTales,
but this looks funnier.
177
00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:06,991
...procedure for positioning
the violin on your shoulder.
178
00:07:07,035 --> 00:07:10,255
Hold your violin
above the left foot
179
00:07:10,299 --> 00:07:12,475
with the neck
of the instrument pointing up.
180
00:07:12,519 --> 00:07:14,303
Left foot, neck up.
181
00:07:14,346 --> 00:07:16,261
Now rotate the neck
of the instrument
182
00:07:16,305 --> 00:07:18,873
counterclockwise,
so that the neck points
183
00:07:18,916 --> 00:07:20,527
at your left foot.
184
00:07:20,570 --> 00:07:23,617
Oh, boy.I was right.
185
00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:25,445
Bend your left elbow
so that the violin
186
00:07:25,488 --> 00:07:27,316
rests on your shoulder
187
00:07:27,359 --> 00:07:29,274
and place your head
on the chin rest.
188
00:07:29,318 --> 00:07:32,364
Now try dropping your left hand.
189
00:07:32,408 --> 00:07:33,801
See if you can
hold your instrument
190
00:07:33,844 --> 00:07:35,716
without your hands.
191
00:07:35,759 --> 00:07:37,805
Time yourself at this...What's going on?
192
00:07:37,848 --> 00:07:40,634
[mumbles]:
I'm learning to play the violin.
193
00:07:40,677 --> 00:07:42,505
It's my new favorite show.
194
00:07:42,549 --> 00:07:44,899
Once you feel you have control
of your instrument,
195
00:07:44,942 --> 00:07:47,467
try moving your hands around.
196
00:07:54,691 --> 00:07:55,997
[laughing]
197
00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:57,651
Repeat this procedure
until you can position
198
00:07:57,694 --> 00:08:00,567
your instrument
comfortably and quickly.
199
00:08:06,181 --> 00:08:07,574
He'll just be
another minute.
200
00:08:07,617 --> 00:08:08,662
Thank you.
201
00:08:12,579 --> 00:08:15,103
What's that about?Oh...
202
00:08:15,146 --> 00:08:17,975
just trying not
to breathe the smoke in.
203
00:08:18,019 --> 00:08:19,368
[chuckles]
Come on.
204
00:08:19,411 --> 00:08:21,979
It already went through
the filter and my lungs.
205
00:08:22,023 --> 00:08:24,504
This stuff is squeaky clean.
[coughs]
206
00:08:24,547 --> 00:08:26,331
Well, still.
207
00:08:26,375 --> 00:08:29,857
He's all yours,
your highness.
208
00:08:29,900 --> 00:08:31,423
[muffled]:
All right.
209
00:08:31,467 --> 00:08:33,556
[coughs]
210
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,472
Hey, Mare, what's up?
Other than the big guy. [laughs]
211
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:37,734
God joke.
212
00:08:37,778 --> 00:08:42,347
Actually, um,
I could use some guidance.
213
00:08:42,391 --> 00:08:43,784
I got some news today,
214
00:08:43,827 --> 00:08:46,613
and I'm not quite sure
how I feel about it.
215
00:08:46,656 --> 00:08:48,876
Of course. Sit.
216
00:08:52,270 --> 00:08:56,144
Well... I am...
217
00:08:56,187 --> 00:08:58,102
um...
218
00:08:58,146 --> 00:08:59,582
with child.
219
00:08:59,626 --> 00:09:01,062
That's wonderful!
220
00:09:01,105 --> 00:09:03,543
Congratulations!
221
00:09:03,586 --> 00:09:04,718
How far along are you?
222
00:09:04,761 --> 00:09:06,546
Uh, could you keep it down
just a little?
223
00:09:06,589 --> 00:09:08,156
I haven't exactly
told George yet.
224
00:09:08,199 --> 00:09:10,375
Got it. And why not?
225
00:09:10,419 --> 00:09:11,812
It is his, right?
226
00:09:11,855 --> 00:09:13,422
Of course.
227
00:09:13,465 --> 00:09:15,206
Apologies.
228
00:09:15,250 --> 00:09:17,078
Hey, I'm a pastor
in a small town.
229
00:09:17,121 --> 00:09:20,603
You wouldn't believe
the juicy things I hear.
230
00:09:22,344 --> 00:09:25,042
This just wasn't
part of our plan.
231
00:09:25,086 --> 00:09:27,741
Well, luckily...
it's part of God's plan.
232
00:09:27,784 --> 00:09:29,917
And let me tell you
about another Mary
233
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:32,659
who didn't know how to tell
her husband she was expecting.
234
00:09:32,702 --> 00:09:35,618
And her story is way weirder
than yours. [chuckles]
235
00:09:38,447 --> 00:09:40,841
In order to practice this,
move your bow
236
00:09:40,884 --> 00:09:44,192
in a counterclockwise direction.
237
00:09:44,235 --> 00:09:47,674
Keep your hand moving right
with the tip of the bow.
238
00:09:47,717 --> 00:09:48,762
For our next song,
239
00:09:48,805 --> 00:09:50,633
"Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star,"
240
00:09:50,677 --> 00:09:53,593
remember, posture
is our most important thing.
241
00:09:53,636 --> 00:09:55,029
Set, play.
242
00:09:55,072 --> 00:09:56,987
[violin screeching]
243
00:10:05,387 --> 00:10:07,781
[violin playing over TV]
244
00:10:07,824 --> 00:10:09,826
Did you hear that?
I did it!
245
00:10:09,870 --> 00:10:11,436
I don't think you did.
246
00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:15,266
And now we see how
it helps my science.
247
00:10:16,311 --> 00:10:17,573
Hmm.
248
00:10:18,835 --> 00:10:20,620
Hmm...
249
00:10:22,665 --> 00:10:23,840
[groans]
250
00:10:23,884 --> 00:10:25,973
Come on, think.
251
00:10:27,670 --> 00:10:30,151
Probably needs more
"Twinkle, Twinkle."
252
00:10:30,194 --> 00:10:31,326
INSTRUCTOR: ...for
learning new songs.
253
00:10:31,369 --> 00:10:33,328
You can play them
along with me.
254
00:10:33,371 --> 00:10:35,025
[violin screeching]
255
00:10:37,549 --> 00:10:39,639
[screeching continues]
256
00:10:42,685 --> 00:10:44,426
What the hell is that?
257
00:10:44,469 --> 00:10:47,342
Sheldon's learning
to play the violin.
258
00:10:47,385 --> 00:10:49,692
Oh. Well, that's
unfortunate.
259
00:10:49,736 --> 00:10:50,824
Mm-hmm.
260
00:10:50,867 --> 00:10:52,869
I'm gonna go change.
261
00:10:56,003 --> 00:10:57,178
Hey, Dad.
262
00:10:57,221 --> 00:10:59,484
Can you believe I only
started playing today?
263
00:10:59,528 --> 00:11:01,617
I really can.
264
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,315
[screeching continues]
265
00:11:13,455 --> 00:11:15,370
Hey, so there's something
266
00:11:15,413 --> 00:11:17,154
I've been meaning
to talk to you about.
267
00:11:17,198 --> 00:11:18,373
Sure, what's up?
268
00:11:18,416 --> 00:11:22,072
Now, before I say it, um,
269
00:11:22,116 --> 00:11:25,075
I want to tell you a story
of another Mary.
270
00:11:25,119 --> 00:11:26,816
Um...
[clears throat]
271
00:11:26,860 --> 00:11:28,426
Okay, anytime...
272
00:11:28,470 --> 00:11:30,994
GEORGE SR.:
Are you kidding me?
273
00:11:31,038 --> 00:11:32,648
Keep your voice down.
274
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,737
[whispers]:
Are you kidding me?
275
00:11:34,781 --> 00:11:36,739
Look, I was a little thrown,
too, but Pastor Jeff said...
276
00:11:36,783 --> 00:11:38,436
Pastor Jeff?
277
00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:40,264
Pastor Jeff knows before me?
278
00:11:40,308 --> 00:11:43,093
Well, yeah, I needed
someone to talk to,
279
00:11:43,137 --> 00:11:44,965
and, you know, my mom...Your mom?
280
00:11:45,008 --> 00:11:48,403
Shh!Does the whole damn town know?
281
00:11:48,446 --> 00:11:50,405
No. Just my mom and Pastor Jeff.
282
00:11:51,493 --> 00:11:53,713
And maybe Brenda Sparks.
283
00:11:54,801 --> 00:11:57,455
Probably Peg...
284
00:11:57,499 --> 00:12:00,371
and whoever she told,
but that is it.
285
00:12:00,415 --> 00:12:01,459
Oh, is that it?
286
00:12:01,503 --> 00:12:03,592
[knocking on door]SHELDON: Great news!
287
00:12:03,635 --> 00:12:05,072
Not a good time,
Sheldon.
288
00:12:05,115 --> 00:12:06,726
[knocking on door]SHELDON: But it's
really important.
289
00:12:06,769 --> 00:12:08,075
Ugh.
290
00:12:10,077 --> 00:12:13,254
I figured out why the violin
worked for Einstein
291
00:12:13,297 --> 00:12:14,777
and not for me.
292
00:12:14,821 --> 00:12:17,127
I need to become
a Jewish person.
293
00:12:24,308 --> 00:12:27,311
MARY: Sheldon, dinner! SHELDON: Coming.
294
00:12:29,661 --> 00:12:31,794
Sorry I'm late.
Shalom.
295
00:12:34,101 --> 00:12:35,102
[sighs]
296
00:12:35,145 --> 00:12:36,451
What's on your head?
297
00:12:36,494 --> 00:12:39,236
A yarmulke.
A yama-what?
298
00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:40,672
It's a special Jewish hat.
299
00:12:40,716 --> 00:12:43,806
It reminds the wearer
that God is always over you.
300
00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:45,155
[laughing]
301
00:12:45,199 --> 00:12:46,591
Mom.
302
00:12:46,635 --> 00:12:48,419
Oh, come on, it's funny.
303
00:12:48,463 --> 00:12:50,117
It's not funny
and it's not a yarmulke.
304
00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:52,728
It is a coaster I crocheted
at Bible camp.
305
00:12:54,164 --> 00:12:55,731
Are you gonna say
something to him?
306
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:58,734
Normally I would, but I got
bigger problems right now.
307
00:13:01,345 --> 00:13:03,434
Let's just say grace.SHELDON: Hold on.
308
00:13:03,478 --> 00:13:05,480
Are these
hot dogs kosher?
309
00:13:05,523 --> 00:13:07,308
[laughing, snorts]
310
00:13:08,526 --> 00:13:10,964
[violin screeching]
311
00:13:11,007 --> 00:13:12,443
ADULT SHELDON:
Over the next few days,
312
00:13:12,487 --> 00:13:14,315
I continued to play the violin
313
00:13:14,358 --> 00:13:17,666
in an effort to replicate
the mental prowess of Einstein.
314
00:13:17,709 --> 00:13:21,670
I was asked to confine
my practice to the garage
315
00:13:21,713 --> 00:13:24,760
by my father, mother,
sister and brother.
316
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:27,023
Meemaw was fine with me
practicing in the house,
317
00:13:27,067 --> 00:13:29,243
but why would she care?
She doesn't live with us.
318
00:13:31,375 --> 00:13:32,855
Hey, George.
319
00:13:32,899 --> 00:13:34,683
Hey, Herschel.
320
00:13:34,726 --> 00:13:36,163
Let me guess,
you're here to complain
321
00:13:36,206 --> 00:13:38,252
about Sheldon's violin playing.
322
00:13:38,295 --> 00:13:39,862
Under normal circumstances,
I'd say yeah,
323
00:13:39,906 --> 00:13:41,255
but since he started,
324
00:13:41,298 --> 00:13:44,432
my chickens been
dropping eggs like crazy.
325
00:13:45,476 --> 00:13:47,261
That's weird.Hey, uh,
326
00:13:47,304 --> 00:13:49,698
I hear congratulations
are in order.
327
00:13:49,741 --> 00:13:51,178
What's that you hear?
328
00:13:51,221 --> 00:13:53,441
Maybe I didn't hear it.
Never mind.
329
00:13:53,484 --> 00:13:54,616
It's all right.
330
00:13:54,659 --> 00:13:57,010
Seems like everybody knows.
331
00:13:57,053 --> 00:13:59,490
You don't seem
terribly enthusiastic.
332
00:13:59,534 --> 00:14:00,927
[sighs]
333
00:14:00,970 --> 00:14:02,842
It's the money, Herschel.
334
00:14:02,885 --> 00:14:04,495
It's all about the money.
335
00:14:04,539 --> 00:14:07,759
[sighs] Well, there's only one
solution to that.
336
00:14:07,803 --> 00:14:10,850
Which is?You got to make more money.
337
00:14:10,893 --> 00:14:12,895
Thank you.
Welcome.
338
00:14:12,939 --> 00:14:14,549
Hey, I got to ask,
339
00:14:14,592 --> 00:14:18,031
did that fiddle playing increase
the fertility in all the females
340
00:14:18,074 --> 00:14:19,771
around here or just
my chickens? [chuckles]
341
00:14:21,077 --> 00:14:23,558
I was just throwing it
out there, never mind.
342
00:14:23,601 --> 00:14:25,952
Wait here, I'm-a go
get you some eggs.
343
00:14:25,995 --> 00:14:28,650
That's okay.You're getting eggs.
344
00:14:28,693 --> 00:14:31,044
Guess I'm getting eggs.
345
00:14:31,087 --> 00:14:33,046
PETERSEN:
All right, George,
346
00:14:33,089 --> 00:14:36,397
what's so damn important?Well...
347
00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:39,008
I don't want to get into
the why's and wherefore's,
348
00:14:39,052 --> 00:14:41,576
but I'm gonna
need a raise.
349
00:14:41,619 --> 00:14:43,317
Is this 'cause Mary's pregnant?
350
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:45,493
You got to be kidding me.
351
00:14:45,536 --> 00:14:47,756
Does everybody in this damn town
know my business?
352
00:14:47,799 --> 00:14:49,714
I just-- it was taking a guess.
353
00:14:49,758 --> 00:14:51,891
Tom.My wife told me.
354
00:14:53,109 --> 00:14:55,546
Doesn't matter. What do you say?
355
00:14:55,590 --> 00:14:57,897
Are you threatening to quit
if you don't get it?
356
00:14:57,940 --> 00:15:00,682
No, Tom, I'm threatening
to rob a bank.Okay.
357
00:15:00,725 --> 00:15:02,423
All right, well,
let's not do that.
358
00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:06,166
$100 a week do the trick?
359
00:15:06,209 --> 00:15:09,169
Yes. Thanks. Bye.
360
00:15:13,825 --> 00:15:15,262
[line ringing]
361
00:15:15,305 --> 00:15:16,611
RECEPTIONIST [over phone]:
Temple Judea,
362
00:15:16,654 --> 00:15:17,786
how can I help you?
363
00:15:17,829 --> 00:15:19,788
Hello, I'd like
to become Jewish.
364
00:15:19,831 --> 00:15:21,616
Who would be in charge of that?
365
00:15:21,659 --> 00:15:22,965
How old are you?
366
00:15:23,009 --> 00:15:25,446
I'm ten.Please hold.
367
00:15:25,489 --> 00:15:27,491
["Hava Nagila" hold music plays]
368
00:15:31,147 --> 00:15:33,454
RABBI: Hello, this is
Rabbi Schneiderman.
369
00:15:33,497 --> 00:15:34,977
To whom am I speaking?
370
00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:36,936
Hello, this is Sheldon Cooper.
371
00:15:36,979 --> 00:15:40,461
Hello, Sheldon.
Um, how can I help you?
372
00:15:40,504 --> 00:15:44,291
I'm currently a Baptist and
I'd like to convert to Judaism.
373
00:15:44,334 --> 00:15:46,989
A Baptist named Sheldon.
374
00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:49,122
Okay.
375
00:15:49,165 --> 00:15:50,993
And why do you want to convert?
376
00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:54,214
Very simple. It's my intention
to become a great scientist
377
00:15:54,257 --> 00:15:56,651
and I couldn't help but notice
most of the great scientists
378
00:15:56,694 --> 00:16:00,829
are Jewish, so logic dictates
it's time to switch teams.
379
00:16:00,872 --> 00:16:02,526
Well, I'm sure there are
380
00:16:02,570 --> 00:16:05,747
many Baptist scientists
you could emulate.
381
00:16:05,790 --> 00:16:07,053
That's kind of you to say,
382
00:16:07,096 --> 00:16:09,533
but other than Cornelis Drebbel
in the 1500s,
383
00:16:09,577 --> 00:16:11,057
it's pretty slim pickings.
384
00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:12,797
[chuckles]
385
00:16:12,841 --> 00:16:15,583
Well, Sheldon, you sound like
a very smart young man.
386
00:16:15,626 --> 00:16:17,324
Oh, you have no idea.
387
00:16:17,367 --> 00:16:20,153
Can I ask how your parents
feel about this?
388
00:16:20,196 --> 00:16:22,677
Well, when I presented them
with my plan,
389
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:24,679
the words "over my dead body"
were used.
390
00:16:24,722 --> 00:16:25,723
[Rabbi chuckles]
391
00:16:25,767 --> 00:16:27,987
I'm not surprised.
392
00:16:28,030 --> 00:16:29,858
But they were
similarly resistant
393
00:16:29,901 --> 00:16:31,512
when I wanted to get an ant farm
394
00:16:31,555 --> 00:16:33,296
and eventually they came around.
395
00:16:33,340 --> 00:16:37,344
All right, here's what
I'm gonna tell you to do.
396
00:16:37,387 --> 00:16:38,867
Read your Bible.
397
00:16:38,910 --> 00:16:40,695
Already did, cover to cover.
398
00:16:40,738 --> 00:16:42,653
Really?Quiz me.
399
00:16:42,697 --> 00:16:46,005
No, that's okay, I believe you.
400
00:16:46,048 --> 00:16:49,182
All right, my advice to you
401
00:16:49,225 --> 00:16:52,359
is to stay with the faith
of your parents.
402
00:16:52,402 --> 00:16:54,752
What else you got?Okay.
403
00:16:54,796 --> 00:16:57,190
Then I'm gonna tell you
404
00:16:57,233 --> 00:16:59,061
to be your own man.
405
00:16:59,105 --> 00:17:02,195
But I want to be a great
scientist like Albert Einstein.
406
00:17:02,238 --> 00:17:03,370
Sheldon,
407
00:17:03,413 --> 00:17:05,676
when your days are over,
408
00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:08,505
God will never ask you,
409
00:17:08,549 --> 00:17:10,812
"Why weren't you Einstein?"
410
00:17:12,118 --> 00:17:15,034
But he might ask you,
411
00:17:15,077 --> 00:17:17,384
"Why weren't you Sheldon?"
412
00:17:21,997 --> 00:17:23,129
[door opens]
413
00:17:25,783 --> 00:17:27,872
What's going on? You all right?
414
00:17:27,916 --> 00:17:31,093
I'm not feeling great.
415
00:17:31,137 --> 00:17:32,225
Is it a pregnant thing?
416
00:17:32,268 --> 00:17:34,357
'Cause I got
some good news on that.
417
00:17:34,401 --> 00:17:37,012
I got a decent raise.
418
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,666
It doesn't matter.
419
00:17:38,709 --> 00:17:40,146
What do you mean
it doesn't matter?
420
00:17:40,189 --> 00:17:41,843
We can pull this off now.
421
00:17:42,887 --> 00:17:45,412
I lost the baby.
422
00:17:48,458 --> 00:17:51,026
Oh.
423
00:17:59,861 --> 00:18:01,645
[sighs]
424
00:18:01,689 --> 00:18:03,865
You're probably relieved, huh?
425
00:18:05,345 --> 00:18:07,260
Actually...
426
00:18:09,436 --> 00:18:11,699
...no.
427
00:18:16,573 --> 00:18:19,010
I love the first three.
428
00:18:19,054 --> 00:18:21,187
Fourth one's a charm, right?
429
00:18:25,539 --> 00:18:27,715
[knocking on door]SHELDON: Dad?
430
00:18:27,758 --> 00:18:29,934
[knocking on door]SHELDON: Mom?
431
00:18:29,978 --> 00:18:32,023
[sighs]
432
00:18:32,067 --> 00:18:34,156
Yeah, Shelly? [clears throat][door opens]
433
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:37,246
I just thought you should know
I'm not going to be Jewish.
434
00:18:37,290 --> 00:18:40,945
I'm going to remain the atheist
Baptist you've come to love.
435
00:18:42,730 --> 00:18:45,036
Good to hear.
436
00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:46,864
Are you crying?
437
00:18:46,908 --> 00:18:49,040
[sighs]
438
00:18:49,084 --> 00:18:52,087
Yeah, but don't worry,
everything's okay.
439
00:18:54,220 --> 00:18:55,699
Good.
440
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:01,183
[exhales]
441
00:19:01,227 --> 00:19:04,186
ADULT SHELDON: Once again,
I brought my mother so much joy
442
00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:07,494
she was moved to tears.
I don't know how I do it.
443
00:19:13,848 --> 00:19:15,197
[intercom beeps]
444
00:19:15,241 --> 00:19:17,068
RECEPTIONIST: Tom,
George Cooper's here for you.
445
00:19:17,112 --> 00:19:18,896
Send him in.
446
00:19:18,940 --> 00:19:21,247
Hey, Tom, you got a minute?
447
00:19:21,290 --> 00:19:23,249
Pretty busy.
448
00:19:23,292 --> 00:19:24,946
Make it quick.
449
00:19:24,989 --> 00:19:28,297
It turns out I don't
need that raise.
450
00:19:28,341 --> 00:19:29,994
What happened,
you win the lottery?
451
00:19:30,038 --> 00:19:32,127
No, no.
452
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:40,440
Aw, George, I am so sorry.
453
00:19:40,483 --> 00:19:43,138
Well, what can you do?
454
00:19:44,531 --> 00:19:46,185
Listen, I cleared
your raise already,
455
00:19:46,228 --> 00:19:47,664
why don't you just
keep the money.
456
00:19:47,708 --> 00:19:49,753
Oh, no, I couldn't do that.No.
457
00:19:49,797 --> 00:19:52,582
No, I mean it. It's yours.
458
00:19:54,062 --> 00:19:55,977
Okay.
459
00:19:56,020 --> 00:19:57,457
Thanks. Bye.
460
00:20:00,286 --> 00:20:03,202
Thank you, but I will
no longer be needing these.
461
00:20:03,245 --> 00:20:05,508
You're giving up
so soon?
462
00:20:05,552 --> 00:20:08,207
What happened?
Did it hurt your fingers?No.
463
00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:11,166
I'm following the advice of
a very wise Rabbi Schneiderman
464
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:13,037
from Temple Judea in Houston.
465
00:20:13,081 --> 00:20:15,953
Is this another one
of your jokes?
466
00:20:15,997 --> 00:20:18,391
No. If it were a joke,
your mouth would be open
467
00:20:18,434 --> 00:20:21,568
and the sound "ha-ha"
would be coming out.
468
00:20:21,611 --> 00:20:23,047
Captioning sponsored by
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469
00:20:23,091 --> 00:20:25,093
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470
00:20:27,095 --> 00:20:30,098
Captioned by
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