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♪ Upbeat theme playing ♪
2
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♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
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00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:12,137
♪ Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da da-da-da ♪
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00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,559
-We all have a blind spot for our parents.
5
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We want to believe they're perfect,
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but the truth is-- SOPHIE'S
SON [on video]: Oh wow,
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are you finally admitting you have flaws?
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-[laughs] No, I'm talking
about other people's parents.
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I am perfect. Now, stop interrupting.
10
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-Great! Okay, I'll see you tonight.
11
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-Ooh! Was that Drew?
12
00:00:39,081 --> 00:00:40,748
-[laughs] Yes.
13
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He invited me to game night with his friends.
14
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-Mm! Look at you.
15
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-Okay, can you just do normal vowels?
16
00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:49,757
-This is a big step in the relationship.
17
00:00:49,758 --> 00:00:52,802
Meeting his friends,
pretending to like game nights.
18
00:00:52,803 --> 00:00:54,763
-No, this is not a big step.
19
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:56,848
Ha!
-Knock, knock!
20
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[laughs]
-Mom! Hey!
21
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What are you doing here?
-[scoffs] What do you think?
22
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Honey, I wouldn't miss your birthday.
23
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-Ah.
24
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My birthday was a week ago.
25
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-Well, it was supposed to be today.
26
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It's not my fault you came early.
27
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Actually, it's a little my fault.
28
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They say sex in the third trimester
29
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can really move things along.
30
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-On the plus side,
31
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I got to see Woody Harrelson's
penis from the inside.
32
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-He came early, too.
33
00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:26,544
-Oh, Mom!
34
00:01:26,545 --> 00:01:29,131
-This is the worst episode of Gilmore Girls ever.
35
00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:32,341
-Come on! We're going to
brunch. You can meet my friends.
36
00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:35,094
But, you cannot hit on
Val's hot British boyfriend.
37
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-I would never.
38
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-You remind me of a young Sting.
39
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[sniffing]
40
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And you smell like him, too.
41
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-Mom.
42
00:01:44,021 --> 00:01:46,564
-Uh, how do you know what Sting smells like?
43
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-Oh, honey, I know what
all the greats smell like.
44
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I made the most of my modeling days,
45
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back when I modeled.
46
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I used to be a model.
47
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-Wait, were you a model?
48
00:01:57,701 --> 00:01:59,702
-So, this is a new Bloody recipe.
49
00:01:59,703 --> 00:02:01,163
Just let me know what you, uh...
50
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[awkwardly]: Hello. SOPHIE: Oh, Sid.
51
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This is my mom.
52
00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:10,296
-Uh... I... just realized
53
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I only put one olive in these. [forced laugh]
54
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What is this? The Oliveless Garden?
55
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-That was weird, right?
56
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Someone should go ask him if he's okay.
-Totally.
57
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VALENTINA/JESSE/CHARLIE: Not it!
58
00:02:23,352 --> 00:02:25,394
-Uh, Mom, tonight I have
game night, but tomorrow,
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00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:27,271
do you wanna do that thing
where we go to Times Square
60
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and we tell tourists wrong directions?
61
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-But I'm only here till tomorrow,
62
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and I want you to meet my new boyfriend, Ash.
63
00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:36,405
-Oh. Hm.
64
00:02:36,406 --> 00:02:37,907
There's a new boyfriend?
65
00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:40,159
-Yeah, he and his band have
a show tonight in Brooklyn,
66
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and then we're off to
Austria for his European tour.
67
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So, you got to come meet him tonight.
68
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-Sophie can't go.
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Like she said, she's got plans.
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-It's fine. I'll be there.
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-Great! You'll love him.
72
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Oh, I got to go. I have cryotherapy.
73
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Hey, you should all try it.
74
00:02:56,468 --> 00:02:58,511
Keep it cold, it won't get old.
75
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I will see you tonight. You're all invited.
76
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,809
-There we go, all better.
77
00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:07,103
And look at that. Darn. Oh.
78
00:03:07,104 --> 00:03:09,063
I missed Sophie's mother. CHARLIE: Your loss.
79
00:03:09,064 --> 00:03:12,067
She's a delight. If you name a rock
star, she's probably smelled them.
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00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:16,112
-She is the best. Which is...
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00:03:16,113 --> 00:03:19,156
why it's such a bummer
she chooses the worst guys.
82
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And then they blow up her life,
and I have to pick up the pieces.
83
00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:24,495
I guess I'm going to be convincing her
84
00:03:24,496 --> 00:03:27,582
to dump this musician before
she winds up stranded in Vienna,
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sobbing in her schnitzel.
86
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Anybody want to keep me company?
87
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-Of course. Babe?
-Hm?
88
00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:37,008
Well, I had set aside tonight
89
00:03:37,009 --> 00:03:39,302
to try and figure out what
to do with the rest of my life.
90
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It's gonna get pathetic, spending my days
91
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:43,098
swapping recipes with the
old yentas in our building.
92
00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,099
ELLEN: Well, I'm in.
93
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Right after I watch The Good Fight
starring my queen, Christine Baranski.
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-I wouldn't miss it.
[ringtone]
95
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,941
-Oh. Great. Show's at the Happy Idiot.
96
00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:55,276
-I'm missing it.
97
00:03:55,277 --> 00:03:58,029
I-I-I--The Happy Idiot is
where I proposed to Meredith.
98
00:03:58,030 --> 00:04:00,281
I can't ever go back. I'd be way too traumatized.
99
00:04:00,282 --> 00:04:02,700
-Yep. I can't go either,
out of solidarity with Jesse.
100
00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:04,203
-No, that's fine--
-No, no!
101
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Solidarity.
102
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-Okay, someone really
needs to go talk to him now.
103
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ALL: Not it! JESSE: Not it! Oh...
104
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♪
105
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-Jesse, I have wonderful news for you.
106
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I have finally figured out my calling.
107
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I have decided to help
those suffering from trauma.
108
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And you are going to be my first patient!
109
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-Okay, slow down.
110
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How did you figure out this was your calling?
111
00:04:30,145 --> 00:04:31,854
-A wonderful question, patient.
112
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You see, my rarefied upbringing
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has left me with virtually
no practical life skills,
114
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but no one has had more therapy than I.
115
00:04:39,404 --> 00:04:40,821
-Oh, I didn't know you were in therapy.
116
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-[sighs] Was I ever!
117
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See, when I was a boy,
118
00:04:45,869 --> 00:04:47,995
my mother caught me talking to one of her wigs.
119
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She put me in therapy shortly after,
120
00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:51,374
and Dr. Wallace helped me realize the wigs
121
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were just a substitute for my mother's affection.
122
00:04:53,502 --> 00:04:55,753
And I haven't had a
conversation with a wig in months.
123
00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:57,171
-Wait, months?
-And now,
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I'm going to pour everything I've learned
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into healing others. Jesse,
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you are a traumatized mess.
127
00:05:03,679 --> 00:05:06,472
You can't go to the Happy
Idiot. You call yourself a musician,
128
00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:08,933
but you haven't played that
keyboard since I met you.
129
00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:09,977
I mean, look at it!
130
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:12,020
Begging to be touched.
131
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Like one of my mother's
long, silky Saturday night wigs.
132
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:18,401
-Okay. Hey, listen. Uh...
133
00:05:18,402 --> 00:05:20,820
Why the hell not? Alright, take your best shot.
134
00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:21,863
-Great!
135
00:05:21,864 --> 00:05:23,906
We will start with exposure therapy.
136
00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:26,826
Jesse, when was the last time
you watched this viral video of yours?
137
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:29,287
-Oh, I've never seen it.
I'd be way too traumatized.
138
00:05:29,288 --> 00:05:30,789
-Well, that's where we'll start.
-All cued up.
139
00:05:31,373 --> 00:05:33,541
-Wait, you have it bookmarked?
-Yeah, of course.
140
00:05:33,542 --> 00:05:35,169
You're my best friend.
141
00:05:35,919 --> 00:05:37,587
♪
142
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-Alexa, play The Good Fight.
143
00:05:41,008 --> 00:05:42,967
ALEXA: Here's The Good Fight.
144
00:05:42,968 --> 00:05:44,094
-Thanks, boo.
145
00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:48,223
Got my Baranski, got my BLT.
146
00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:51,602
Everything's coming up Ellen.
147
00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:54,937
Aw!
148
00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:56,063
[sighs]
149
00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:58,024
This rotten tomato is 0% fresh!
150
00:05:58,025 --> 00:05:59,401
[sighs]
151
00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:06,116
♪ scheming music ♪
152
00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:11,330
[quiet chatter]
153
00:06:27,679 --> 00:06:29,347
-Save some for the rest of us.
154
00:06:29,348 --> 00:06:30,516
-Oh, I'm sorry.
155
00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:34,101
-No, I'm kidding. Go nuts.
My grandma would be happy.
156
00:06:34,102 --> 00:06:35,770
She hated wasted food.
157
00:06:35,771 --> 00:06:38,022
She also hated smartphones, slow waiters,
158
00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:39,399
and Zooey Deschanel's whole vibe.
159
00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:42,109
I'm Rachel. I make jokes when I'm sad.
160
00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:45,322
-I'm Ellen. I whistle Head, Shoulders,
Knees, and Toes when I'm anxious.
161
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,074
-These are from my favorite brunch spot.
162
00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:51,453
They get all of their produce
from this biodynamic farm upstate.
163
00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:55,748
Sorry, I'm kind of a produce
nerd. You don't care about this.
164
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,251
-Yes, I do.
165
00:06:57,709 --> 00:06:58,876
I own a lettuce farm.
166
00:06:58,877 --> 00:07:00,170
-No way.
167
00:07:03,257 --> 00:07:05,466
So, how did you know my grandmother?
168
00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:06,802
ELLEN: Great question.
169
00:07:08,387 --> 00:07:09,596
We were...
170
00:07:13,684 --> 00:07:15,018
best friends.
171
00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:18,396
SOPHIE: [sighs] I'm sorry again.
172
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It's just the only night my mom's in town.
173
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:21,566
-I totally get it.
174
00:07:21,567 --> 00:07:23,526
I mean, I'm gonna have to be
my own charades partner though,
175
00:07:23,527 --> 00:07:25,027
which is slightly awkward.
176
00:07:25,028 --> 00:07:27,030
I'm going to be all like, one word. Movie.
177
00:07:29,241 --> 00:07:30,449
[running in place]
178
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:31,742
I know! I know!
179
00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:33,244
Jumanji! Woo!
180
00:07:33,245 --> 00:07:34,620
[laughs] [knocking]
181
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:37,123
That's my friends. I
gotta go. I'll call you later.
182
00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:39,709
-Yeah, of course. Thanks again for understanding.
183
00:07:39,710 --> 00:07:42,713
♪ Bar music ♪
184
00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:45,840
Okay, prepare yourself, alright?
185
00:07:45,841 --> 00:07:47,758
Knowing my mom's track record,
186
00:07:47,759 --> 00:07:50,052
Ash is probably some Jeff Bridges-looking dude,
187
00:07:50,053 --> 00:07:53,139
guzzling Jim Beam and doing
lines off a filthy coffee table.
188
00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:54,140
[sighs]
189
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:56,143
-Stop making me miss college!
190
00:07:58,854 --> 00:08:01,397
SOPHIE: Mom!
-[gasps] Hey, girls!
191
00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:03,024
You made it.
192
00:08:03,025 --> 00:08:04,775
[soft laughter]
193
00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:06,360
-And you must be Ash.
194
00:08:06,361 --> 00:08:09,822
-Oh [laughs]. No, no, no.
I'm Ash's tour manager Brad.
195
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:11,658
-Oh -Oh, uh, this is Ash.
196
00:08:12,868 --> 00:08:14,161
-Hey.
197
00:08:17,331 --> 00:08:19,791
Sophie. I've heard so much about you.
198
00:08:21,043 --> 00:08:22,877
-Are you legally allowed to be in this bar?
199
00:08:22,878 --> 00:08:24,378
[laughs]
200
00:08:24,379 --> 00:08:27,381
-I can assure you, I am a very mature 27.
201
00:08:27,382 --> 00:08:29,551
I've already had a colonoscopy.
202
00:08:30,052 --> 00:08:32,261
-Ash! Our sex life is our business.
203
00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:34,722
-Oh yeah? [laughs] God, is she always this funny?
204
00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:36,182
[giggling]
205
00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:37,558
-Well, he's not Jeff Bridges.
206
00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:39,685
Probably doesn't know who Jeff Bridges is,
207
00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:41,270
and to be honest, I don't either.
208
00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:44,899
Your mom is fine, Soph.
You can still make it to Drew's.
209
00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:47,985
-No, they always seem okay at first.
210
00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:49,738
Okay, trust me, this guy is bad news.
211
00:08:51,615 --> 00:08:53,617
You know what? I know what's going on here.
212
00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:57,036
I bet he's a gold digger who
thinks my mom has money.
213
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:59,413
[laughs] Wait till he finds out
214
00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:01,458
she got nada en el banco.
215
00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:04,210
-We've talked about you
doing the Spanglish thing.
216
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:05,254
-Sorry.
217
00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:08,173
Okay, you go get a drink with my mom.
218
00:09:08,674 --> 00:09:10,633
I'm gonna grill my teenage stepdad.
219
00:09:10,634 --> 00:09:13,970
-[gasps] Teenage Stepdad
would be a great Nickelodeon show.
220
00:09:13,971 --> 00:09:16,723
-You're right. Let's add it to the Google Doc.
221
00:09:17,266 --> 00:09:18,559
♪
222
00:09:21,979 --> 00:09:22,979
♪
223
00:09:22,980 --> 00:09:25,648
-There's some kinks to work
out with my grandma trust,
224
00:09:25,649 --> 00:09:27,359
but it looks like I'm going
to get this apartment.
225
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:30,320
-Wow. Cool.
226
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:34,407
I can Airdrop you photos and stuff.
227
00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:35,409
[laughs]
228
00:09:37,411 --> 00:09:39,913
-These were Gamgam's favorite pair.
229
00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:42,624
Think I could pull them off?
-Yes.
230
00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:45,168
They accentuate your perfect neck.
231
00:09:45,169 --> 00:09:46,795
[both laugh]
232
00:09:47,963 --> 00:09:51,507
-So, tell me. How did you become best friends
233
00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:53,343
with an 85-year-old woman?
234
00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:55,762
-Um, well...
235
00:09:56,972 --> 00:09:59,265
One day, I was, um,
236
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:01,727
making a ruckus in my kitchen, and...
237
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,979
she came over to complain.
238
00:10:04,980 --> 00:10:06,772
I said I loved her brooch,
239
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,858
and the rest is herstory!
240
00:10:08,859 --> 00:10:10,903
[nervous laugh]
241
00:10:14,406 --> 00:10:16,282
-Hey, you want to get out of here?
242
00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:17,867
I kind of have this thing
243
00:10:17,868 --> 00:10:20,370
where post-death rituals really bum me out.
244
00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:22,331
-You're so weird.
245
00:10:23,749 --> 00:10:26,626
-I was raised in Fresno,
along with my twin sisters,
246
00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:28,211
AKA my everything,
247
00:10:28,212 --> 00:10:29,838
and I've always loved music.
248
00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:34,175
I'm no Jason Mraz, AKA my other everything,
249
00:10:34,176 --> 00:10:36,177
but I get to do what I love.
250
00:10:36,178 --> 00:10:38,221
You know, and that is the ultimate gift.
251
00:10:38,222 --> 00:10:40,140
-Aw, that's sweet.
252
00:10:40,599 --> 00:10:42,683
Hm. You know what else is sweet?
253
00:10:42,684 --> 00:10:43,727
Sugar.
254
00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:46,854
And if you're a little sugar
baby looking for a treat,
255
00:10:46,855 --> 00:10:48,357
you're barking up the wrong mama.
256
00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:50,107
-What?
257
00:10:50,108 --> 00:10:52,193
-Are you with my mom for her money?
258
00:10:52,194 --> 00:10:54,862
Because she doesn't have any! ASH: Sophie,
259
00:10:54,863 --> 00:10:56,864
I know your mom is broke.
260
00:10:56,865 --> 00:10:59,158
She's also beautiful
261
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:01,328
and alive and free.
262
00:11:02,871 --> 00:11:03,872
To be honest...
263
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,750
I'm kind of falling in love with her.
264
00:11:09,795 --> 00:11:13,506
-♪ Marry me, Meredith ♪
265
00:11:13,507 --> 00:11:15,342
♪ Please ♪
266
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,554
MEREDITH: Jesse, I'm
sorry. I-I... [crowd murmuring]
267
00:11:19,555 --> 00:11:22,558
[shocked whispering]
268
00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:25,601
[thud] [Jesse yelling]
269
00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:26,854
[clattering]
270
00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:31,607
MAN: [laughs] He's so sad he pissed himself.
271
00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:32,692
[laughter]
272
00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:34,527
-No, didn't--That's not even a thing!
273
00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:37,238
I just spilled my Cosmo on my pants.
274
00:11:37,239 --> 00:11:40,284
MAN: He drinks Cosmos! He's my aunt in the '90s!
275
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,328
-I have just one question.
276
00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:47,291
-Because they're sweet and
tart, and they make me happy!
277
00:11:47,958 --> 00:11:49,167
-No. My question was
278
00:11:49,168 --> 00:11:52,129
how did watching it make you feel?
279
00:11:52,838 --> 00:11:55,381
-Oh. Uh...
280
00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:57,425
Okay? I guess? I don't know.
281
00:11:57,426 --> 00:12:00,137
I-I've been building up so much
in my head, seeing it wasn't...
282
00:12:00,929 --> 00:12:02,346
that bad.
283
00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:05,183
-Brilliant. Then, we can move on to the next step
284
00:12:05,184 --> 00:12:07,269
and return to the scene of the crime.
285
00:12:08,187 --> 00:12:10,479
-You know what? Screw it. I'm ready. Let's go.
286
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:13,525
-Yes. Gentlemen, to the Happy Idiot.
287
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,236
-I can't go!
288
00:12:17,988 --> 00:12:20,574
Sophie's mom took my masturbation virginity.
289
00:12:22,534 --> 00:12:24,160
-So, Ash seems great.
290
00:12:24,161 --> 00:12:27,163
-Oh, yeah. Ash is the best.
291
00:12:27,164 --> 00:12:28,831
He'll only do it to Jason Mraz,
292
00:12:28,832 --> 00:12:31,667
but I put in earplugs, so it works. [text chimes]
293
00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:35,004
Oh! If you'll excuse me, I
gotta wish my man good luck
294
00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:36,255
before he goes on.
295
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:39,259
♪ Bar music ♪
296
00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:41,219
-Hello, New York!
297
00:12:41,220 --> 00:12:43,054
Did somebody light a fire?
Because here comes Ash.
298
00:12:43,055 --> 00:12:45,723
-What are you up to, Lori?
299
00:12:45,724 --> 00:12:47,851
♪
300
00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:52,481
[smack]
301
00:12:53,065 --> 00:12:54,273
[both laugh]
302
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:56,235
Unbelievable!
303
00:12:57,069 --> 00:12:59,278
Oh, now I remember who Jeff Bridges is.
304
00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:00,322
♪
305
00:13:04,409 --> 00:13:06,495
-It was the summer after seventh grade.
306
00:13:07,621 --> 00:13:10,623
I'd just come back from my favorite
place in the whole damn world.
307
00:13:10,624 --> 00:13:11,834
Spencer's Gifts.
308
00:13:12,626 --> 00:13:15,336
I'd gone there to buy one
of those sick-ass lava lamps.
309
00:13:15,337 --> 00:13:18,339
But then, I found something even better.
310
00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:20,550
♪ Foreboding ♪
311
00:13:20,551 --> 00:13:24,304
That night, I set everything up just so.
312
00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:26,848
-I don't want you to see this, Slim Shady.
313
00:13:26,849 --> 00:13:28,350
[hamster squeaking]
314
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:38,569
SID: But just when I got down to business,
315
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:40,862
something horrible happened.
316
00:13:40,863 --> 00:13:42,989
SID'S MOM: Sid, I'm doing laundry.
317
00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:45,324
-Big deal. So, she caught
you pulling your Paddington.
318
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,411
-Oh, no, no, no. I'm not done.
319
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:50,371
SID'S MOM: Siddhartha? Are you awake? [knocking]
320
00:13:50,372 --> 00:13:53,375
♪ dramatic ♪
321
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:56,419
[thud, splatter]
322
00:13:56,420 --> 00:13:57,963
[hamster screeching]
323
00:13:59,131 --> 00:14:00,382
-Slim Shady?
324
00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:03,302
Please stand up.
325
00:14:05,304 --> 00:14:09,016
-I finished later that night, after I buried him.
326
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,936
I finished after I buried him!
327
00:14:14,271 --> 00:14:15,897
I really thought I was over it,
328
00:14:15,898 --> 00:14:18,901
but seeing Lori just made
it all come flooding back.
329
00:14:20,736 --> 00:14:22,112
-Sid...
330
00:14:22,571 --> 00:14:24,072
Let me heal you, too.
331
00:14:29,161 --> 00:14:32,455
♪ Indistinct singing ♪
332
00:14:32,456 --> 00:14:34,916
-Sophia, I need to tell you something.
-Me first.
333
00:14:34,917 --> 00:14:36,876
You were right about Ash.
334
00:14:36,877 --> 00:14:40,004
He's just a sweet guy who loves my mom.
335
00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:42,840
What if she's finally going to
be happy after all this time?
336
00:14:42,841 --> 00:14:44,717
-Mm... LORI: There you are!
337
00:14:44,718 --> 00:14:47,429
[laughs] Oh!
338
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:52,142
♪ Singing continues ♪
339
00:14:53,977 --> 00:14:56,271
-Hiya! Charlie, a word.
340
00:14:59,149 --> 00:15:00,733
You're chummy with all the old neighbors.
341
00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:03,194
Tell me everything you know
about Esther from down the hall.
342
00:15:03,195 --> 00:15:05,988
-Esther Lebowitz? Oh, she's a delight.
She's teaching me how to make borscht.
343
00:15:05,989 --> 00:15:07,281
-No, she's not. She's dead.
344
00:15:07,282 --> 00:15:08,824
-She was so full of life.
345
00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:10,701
-Not anymore. She's full of dead.
346
00:15:10,702 --> 00:15:13,204
And, I told her granddaughter Rachel over there
347
00:15:13,205 --> 00:15:14,956
that I was her best friend
348
00:15:14,957 --> 00:15:17,124
because I think Rachel
might be the love of my life.
349
00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:18,584
-How can that be Esther's granddaughter?
350
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:21,212
Esther didn't have any children.
Her birds were her children.
351
00:15:21,213 --> 00:15:22,588
Oh my god, are you in love with a bird?
352
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:23,590
-Not this time!
353
00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:27,635
Why would Rachel pretend to
be someone's granddaughter?
354
00:15:27,636 --> 00:15:30,346
She was talking about
moving into Esther's apartment,
355
00:15:30,347 --> 00:15:32,390
and she was grabbing jewelry by the handful,
356
00:15:32,391 --> 00:15:35,852
and she wanted to leave the
shiva after, like, 10 minutes!
357
00:15:35,853 --> 00:15:37,354
What if she was doing...
358
00:15:38,397 --> 00:15:40,399
BOTH: [gasping] Elder fraud!
359
00:15:44,069 --> 00:15:47,280
-Wow! Maybe it's kind of cute how smitten she is.
360
00:15:47,281 --> 00:15:48,447
What if they get married?
361
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,908
We should start buying penis-shaped
things for the bachelorette.
362
00:15:50,909 --> 00:15:52,827
-Ash and your mom aren't getting married.
363
00:15:52,828 --> 00:15:54,955
-What? Well, how do you know that?
364
00:15:56,206 --> 00:15:58,249
-Have you ever considered...
365
00:15:58,250 --> 00:16:01,627
that your mom might not pick
bad guys, but that she might...
366
00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:04,130
be the bad guy? Soph,
367
00:16:04,131 --> 00:16:06,924
I've met a few of her boyfriends over the years,
368
00:16:06,925 --> 00:16:09,093
and they've all seemed totally fine.
369
00:16:09,094 --> 00:16:11,971
She's the one who blows things up, and each time,
370
00:16:11,972 --> 00:16:13,932
you drop everything to take care of her.
371
00:16:14,766 --> 00:16:18,604
-You're... way off. It's definitely the guys.
372
00:16:19,563 --> 00:16:22,231
-Like I said, total blind spot.
373
00:16:22,232 --> 00:16:24,568
-I saw her kissing Ash's manager.
374
00:16:26,945 --> 00:16:28,071
-Oh.
375
00:16:30,282 --> 00:16:32,075
I just need a-a minute.
376
00:16:37,247 --> 00:16:39,457
-I can't believe I've been
beating myself up all day
377
00:16:39,458 --> 00:16:41,626
about pretending to know your grandma.
378
00:16:41,627 --> 00:16:43,294
-Wait, you didn't know my grandma?
379
00:16:43,295 --> 00:16:44,254
-Cut the crap!
380
00:16:45,255 --> 00:16:48,466
You're not a granddaughter.
You're an elder frauder!
381
00:16:48,467 --> 00:16:50,760
-Ooh, quick question. Um,
382
00:16:50,761 --> 00:16:52,887
did you say Etsy Lebowitz
383
00:16:52,888 --> 00:16:54,847
or Esther Horowitz?
384
00:16:54,848 --> 00:16:56,807
Because, um, funny story.
385
00:16:56,808 --> 00:16:59,478
Um, Lebowitz didn't have kids, but Horowitz did.
386
00:17:01,146 --> 00:17:02,146
-Which Witz are you?
387
00:17:02,147 --> 00:17:04,566
-Horowitz, you lunatic.
388
00:17:06,568 --> 00:17:07,861
-Hm...
389
00:17:08,362 --> 00:17:10,613
Sorry for the mix-up.
390
00:17:10,614 --> 00:17:13,617
And sorry for your loss, God. [angry muttering]
391
00:17:15,577 --> 00:17:18,037
-Look, I-I know it's gonna be
hard for me to come back from this,
392
00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:19,413
but I'd like to try.
393
00:17:19,414 --> 00:17:21,583
-Goodbye forever, Ellen.
394
00:17:23,669 --> 00:17:27,172
I guess I'll probably have to see
you around the apartment building.
395
00:17:27,965 --> 00:17:29,383
Please don't acknowledge me.
396
00:17:31,969 --> 00:17:33,511
-I'm not giving up on us!
397
00:17:33,512 --> 00:17:35,764
I know where you live!
398
00:17:38,183 --> 00:17:39,768
I didn't mean that as a threat!
399
00:17:43,647 --> 00:17:45,147
-I did say sorry.
400
00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:46,149
♪
401
00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:51,654
-Right now, when you see Lori,
402
00:17:51,655 --> 00:17:54,240
you revert to an ashamed little boy
403
00:17:54,241 --> 00:17:56,033
who killed his best friend.
404
00:17:56,034 --> 00:17:58,327
And then masturbated shortly afterwards.
405
00:17:58,328 --> 00:18:00,079
-That's right.
-But you're a man now.
406
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,707
So, I want you to march
over to Lori, buy her a drink,
407
00:18:02,708 --> 00:18:04,750
and prove to yourself
408
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:07,670
that you are not that little boy anymore.
409
00:18:07,671 --> 00:18:09,590
That's what Slim Shady would have wanted.
410
00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:13,635
-For Slim Shady.
411
00:18:15,053 --> 00:18:17,890
♪
412
00:18:21,059 --> 00:18:22,102
Hi, Lori.
413
00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:24,478
-Oh.
414
00:18:24,479 --> 00:18:27,231
-Can I buy you a drink?
-Sure.
415
00:18:27,232 --> 00:18:29,025
-Uh, can we get two whiskeys, please?
416
00:18:29,026 --> 00:18:31,194
One for me, and one for the beautiful lady.
417
00:18:31,195 --> 00:18:32,487
-Oh.
418
00:18:35,407 --> 00:18:37,034
-Cheers.
-Cheers.
419
00:18:41,079 --> 00:18:44,082
You have yourself a beautiful evening, Lori.
420
00:18:45,250 --> 00:18:47,669
[kiss]
-Good night, Sid.
421
00:18:48,420 --> 00:18:49,421
[clears throat]
422
00:18:50,088 --> 00:18:52,089
JESSE: Hm. Beer. [excited muttering]
423
00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:54,217
-Okay. You did it.
424
00:18:54,218 --> 00:18:56,219
You healed me. You healed me!
425
00:18:56,220 --> 00:18:58,639
-I did! Oh my god, I did.
426
00:18:59,348 --> 00:19:02,350
Alright. One down, one to go. Jesse?
-Mm-hmm.
427
00:19:02,351 --> 00:19:03,935
-And you're going to love this.
428
00:19:03,936 --> 00:19:06,270
I've convinced the house
managers to let you take to the stage
429
00:19:06,271 --> 00:19:07,897
at the end of the night and perform a song.
430
00:19:07,898 --> 00:19:09,316
-Wait, what?!
431
00:19:10,901 --> 00:19:13,237
-Mom? Can we talk?
432
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:16,822
Mom.
433
00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:19,159
Are you cheating on Ash with his manager?
434
00:19:19,576 --> 00:19:20,994
-What? [scoffs]
435
00:19:23,205 --> 00:19:24,748
Of course not.
436
00:19:25,541 --> 00:19:28,210
-Valentina saw you kissing him.
437
00:19:30,295 --> 00:19:32,297
-[sighs] Okay, fine.
438
00:19:33,423 --> 00:19:36,050
Ash is adorable.
439
00:19:36,051 --> 00:19:37,845
It's just...
440
00:19:38,387 --> 00:19:41,682
I have chronic wanderlust.
441
00:19:42,307 --> 00:19:43,349
I mean,
442
00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:45,727
classic Sagittarius, am I right?
443
00:19:47,479 --> 00:19:50,023
[sighs]
-Mom.
444
00:19:50,649 --> 00:19:52,775
All those times we had to pick up our lives
445
00:19:52,776 --> 00:19:54,944
and start over,
446
00:19:54,945 --> 00:19:56,989
was it the guys or was it you?
447
00:19:58,448 --> 00:19:59,992
-It was me not settling.
448
00:20:01,159 --> 00:20:04,412
I won't be made to feel
bad for wanting fireworks.
449
00:20:04,413 --> 00:20:05,873
-Fireworks.
450
00:20:08,041 --> 00:20:10,878
We had to move 13 times.
451
00:20:11,753 --> 00:20:14,130
I never had any real friends.
452
00:20:14,131 --> 00:20:15,840
I didn't have a place to call home.
453
00:20:15,841 --> 00:20:18,009
I don't have any childhood photos
454
00:20:18,010 --> 00:20:20,678
because every time we moved,
455
00:20:20,679 --> 00:20:22,014
we packed lighter and lighter.
456
00:20:22,973 --> 00:20:25,766
But somehow,
457
00:20:25,767 --> 00:20:28,020
that bikini poster always made the cut.
458
00:20:28,562 --> 00:20:30,438
-That poster is special to me.
459
00:20:30,439 --> 00:20:31,731
-I know.
460
00:20:31,732 --> 00:20:33,900
"Mommy had the best side boob in the business"
461
00:20:33,901 --> 00:20:35,318
was my first full sentence.
462
00:20:35,319 --> 00:20:38,196
-Oh no, that's not what I mean.
463
00:20:38,197 --> 00:20:40,740
[sighs] You're in the poster.
464
00:20:40,741 --> 00:20:44,035
It was taken the day I found
out I was pregnant with you.
465
00:20:44,036 --> 00:20:46,455
That's why it's special to me.
466
00:20:48,832 --> 00:20:51,125
I haven't done a lot of things
right with my life, Sophie.
467
00:20:51,126 --> 00:20:52,877
♪
468
00:20:52,878 --> 00:20:55,046
But I look at that photo,
469
00:20:55,047 --> 00:20:58,050
and I see the best thing I ever did.
470
00:20:59,176 --> 00:21:00,802
I see you.
471
00:21:03,096 --> 00:21:05,932
Do you think maybe we could go someplace quiet?
472
00:21:05,933 --> 00:21:08,519
Have a glass of wine and
talk about this Ash stuff?
473
00:21:11,271 --> 00:21:13,398
-No. We can't.
474
00:21:14,399 --> 00:21:15,442
-Oh.
475
00:21:16,777 --> 00:21:18,278
-I love you, Mom.
476
00:21:19,321 --> 00:21:21,573
But, I have plans of my own tonight.
477
00:21:22,407 --> 00:21:23,450
[both sigh]
478
00:21:25,911 --> 00:21:26,912
[door opens]
479
00:21:28,247 --> 00:21:29,414
Hey.
480
00:21:31,542 --> 00:21:32,960
You were right about my mom.
481
00:21:33,627 --> 00:21:35,546
-I know. I'm sorry.
482
00:21:37,589 --> 00:21:38,590
[clink]
483
00:21:42,052 --> 00:21:43,845
-You think I can still make it to Drew's?
484
00:21:43,846 --> 00:21:45,721
-Oh, definitely. Game nights last forever.
485
00:21:45,722 --> 00:21:48,141
It's one of the many reasons they're so terrible.
486
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:49,852
Now, go get your man.
487
00:21:57,943 --> 00:21:59,944
[cheering]
488
00:21:59,945 --> 00:22:02,405
-Uh, hey, everyone. Um,
489
00:22:02,406 --> 00:22:03,656
some of you might recognize me
490
00:22:03,657 --> 00:22:05,533
from a certain viral video
491
00:22:05,534 --> 00:22:07,410
but now that I'm back here
at the scene of the crime,
492
00:22:07,411 --> 00:22:10,121
I just want to say I'm
ready to move on, New York.
493
00:22:10,122 --> 00:22:13,041
Uh, I'm not going to let that
one night define me. Okay.
494
00:22:13,917 --> 00:22:16,043
What is this? I didn't order this.
-A Cosmopolitan.
495
00:22:16,044 --> 00:22:18,671
-Hey, Carrie Bradshaw. That's from me.
496
00:22:18,672 --> 00:22:20,298
[laughter]
497
00:22:20,299 --> 00:22:23,467
-Okay, just so we're clear. A
Cosmo is a classic cocktail, alright?
498
00:22:23,468 --> 00:22:25,094
-Your mom's a classic cocktail.
499
00:22:25,095 --> 00:22:26,430
-Don't you talk about my mom!
500
00:22:29,349 --> 00:22:32,644
You know what, I'm gonna quit before
this goes viral, too. Thanks, everyone!
501
00:22:33,270 --> 00:22:34,897
[cheering]
502
00:22:35,522 --> 00:22:38,316
That was... not great,
but it's a good first step.
503
00:22:38,317 --> 00:22:41,110
So, thank you, Charlie.
-I should be the one thanking you.
504
00:22:41,111 --> 00:22:43,738
You guys have helped me
to confirm my dream career.
505
00:22:43,739 --> 00:22:46,283
To be a psychiatrist.
506
00:22:47,910 --> 00:22:49,286
Eight years of school?
507
00:22:50,787 --> 00:22:53,998
Alright, uh, to be a psychologist.
508
00:22:53,999 --> 00:22:55,541
[Jesse groans]
509
00:22:55,542 --> 00:22:57,210
Seriously?!
510
00:22:57,211 --> 00:22:59,837
Well, there must be something I can do
where I can listen to people's problems,
511
00:22:59,838 --> 00:23:01,839
offer up sage advice, and get paid for it
512
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:04,133
without having to go to any school.
513
00:23:04,134 --> 00:23:06,719
-I'm probably gonna regret this but, um...
514
00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:08,013
-I'll take it!
515
00:23:10,057 --> 00:23:11,849
♪ Nobody Else by LANY ♪
516
00:23:11,850 --> 00:23:14,727
SOPHIE'S SON: I don't get it,
Mom. Why'd you tell me this story?
517
00:23:14,728 --> 00:23:16,396
It was mostly about you and Grandma.
518
00:23:17,022 --> 00:23:18,481
-True,
519
00:23:18,482 --> 00:23:21,067
but I couldn't eventually wind up with your dad,
520
00:23:21,068 --> 00:23:23,778
until I faced my stuff with my mom.
521
00:23:23,779 --> 00:23:26,156
Faced who she was, how she hurt me.
522
00:23:27,074 --> 00:23:29,785
And that night, when I walked out of that bar,
523
00:23:30,494 --> 00:23:31,536
I started to.
524
00:23:31,537 --> 00:23:33,955
-Hey! I hope I didn't miss the whole thing.
525
00:23:33,956 --> 00:23:35,248
Oh. You're going. Okay.
526
00:23:35,249 --> 00:23:37,250
Uh, four words. First word.
527
00:23:37,251 --> 00:23:38,585
Happy?
528
00:23:39,461 --> 00:23:41,879
Two? See...
529
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:43,589
[laughs]
530
00:23:43,590 --> 00:23:44,882
I'm happy to see you, too.
531
00:23:44,883 --> 00:23:47,468
♪
532
00:23:47,469 --> 00:23:51,013
♪ And if Heaven doesn't want us ♪
533
00:23:51,014 --> 00:23:53,725
♪ Would you go with me to Hell? ♪
534
00:23:54,977 --> 00:23:58,063
♪ Hope you know I don't want nobody else ♪
535
00:24:00,065 --> 00:24:02,191
♪ Would you call me back ♪
536
00:24:02,192 --> 00:24:04,403
♪ In the middle of the night? ♪
537
00:24:06,405 --> 00:24:08,739
♪ Would you kiss and make up ♪
538
00:24:08,740 --> 00:24:10,951
♪ After a stupid fight? ♪
539
00:24:12,703 --> 00:24:16,247
♪ If I share my dark secrets ♪
540
00:24:16,248 --> 00:24:18,750
♪ Would you promise not to tell? ♪
541
00:24:20,169 --> 00:24:23,255
♪ Hope you know I'd do these things as well ♪
542
00:24:23,256 --> 00:24:25,256
---oOo---
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