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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,067 --> 00:00:08,967 [dramatic music] 2 00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:11,133 - HEY, STUBY-DOO, TELL ME THE TRUTH, BUDDY. 3 00:00:11,133 --> 00:00:13,333 YOU STILL HURTING FROM THAT BEAT-DOWN LAST FRIDAY? 4 00:00:13,333 --> 00:00:15,067 - OH, I'M ALL RIGHT. 5 00:00:15,067 --> 00:00:16,700 I STILL GOT SOME BLOOD IN MY URINE. 6 00:00:16,700 --> 00:00:17,967 - YEAH. 7 00:00:17,967 --> 00:00:19,933 I ONCE HAD BLOOD IN MY SEMEN, 8 00:00:19,933 --> 00:00:21,333 LOOKED LIKE A CANDY CANE. - UGH! 9 00:00:21,333 --> 00:00:23,800 DON'T TELL ME THAT. - WELL, WE'RE ON THE TOPIC. 10 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:25,467 - DON'T COMPARE YOUR SEMEN TO A CHRISTMAS CANDY. 11 00:00:25,467 --> 00:00:26,667 - IT'S FUNNY YOU SAY THAT, 12 00:00:26,667 --> 00:00:28,567 'CAUSE IT WAS AROUND THE HOLIDAYS, TOO. 13 00:00:28,567 --> 00:00:31,267 - OH, STOP IT! - HEY, WHAT'S THIS GUY DOING? 14 00:00:31,267 --> 00:00:34,267 LOOKS LIKE WE GOT SOMETHING OVER HERE. 15 00:00:37,500 --> 00:00:40,367 WELL, WELL, WELL, WHAT DO WE GOT HERE? 16 00:00:40,367 --> 00:00:41,833 UGH! 17 00:00:41,833 --> 00:00:44,300 LOOKS LIKE IT'S HOT ENOUGH TO FRY A LEG ON THE SIDEWALK. 18 00:00:44,300 --> 00:00:45,367 [chuckles] 19 00:00:45,367 --> 00:00:46,767 RIGHT? I MEAN, NOT AN EGG BUT A LEG. 20 00:00:46,767 --> 00:00:48,667 - WE GET IT. - WHAT DO YOU GUYS KNOW, ANYWAY? 21 00:00:48,667 --> 00:00:50,267 HOW'S IT GOING TODAY, SIR? 22 00:00:50,267 --> 00:00:52,000 - [grunts] 23 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,533 - [chuckles] 24 00:00:54,533 --> 00:00:56,400 AHH. 25 00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:57,533 HEY, BUDDY. 26 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:01,400 OH! HO-HO-HO! 27 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:03,400 - OH! - OH! 28 00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:05,067 THIS ZOMBIE SMELLS LIKE BALLS! 29 00:01:05,067 --> 00:01:06,233 - UGH. - WOW! 30 00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:07,967 WHY DO YOU SMELL LIKE BALLS? 31 00:01:07,967 --> 00:01:09,167 - THAT'S PROBABLY NOT A GREAT IDEA. 32 00:01:09,167 --> 00:01:11,167 - WHY? - 'CAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW IF, UH-- 33 00:01:11,167 --> 00:01:12,667 - HEY, YOU GOT A PERMIT TO BE HERE? 34 00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:20,167 WELL, NOW WE KNOW. - NOW WE KNOW. 35 00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:21,567 - ONE YEAR AGO... 36 00:01:21,567 --> 00:01:23,400 - VAMPIRE, WEREWOLVES, AND ZOMBIES... 37 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:26,733 - DESCENDED UPON CALIFORNIA'S SAN FERNANDO VALLEY. 38 00:01:26,733 --> 00:01:31,567 - AUTHORITIES REMAIN BAFFLED BY THEIR ORIGINS. 39 00:01:31,567 --> 00:01:34,233 - * LOVE IS NASTY 'CAUSE IT GETS SO ROTTEN * 40 00:01:34,233 --> 00:01:36,900 * I THINK IT'S TIME TO PUT THIS BODY IN THE GROUND * 41 00:01:36,900 --> 00:01:41,233 * OH, OH, OH, OH, OH, OH, OH * 42 00:01:41,233 --> 00:01:42,733 * WE'RE LOSING ALL CONTROL * 43 00:01:42,733 --> 00:01:44,900 * THE BUILDINGS ALL TURN TO DUST * 44 00:01:44,900 --> 00:01:46,400 * AND I THINK IT'S GETTING CLOSER * 45 00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:49,433 * 'CAUSE THEY'RE COMING FOR US * 46 00:01:49,433 --> 00:01:51,567 - IS THERE A LACK OF ENERGY OUT HERE, 47 00:01:51,567 --> 00:01:53,167 OR IS IT JUST MY IMAGINATION? 48 00:01:53,167 --> 00:01:55,233 - CAPTAIN, WHEN ARE WE GONNA GET THE A.C. FIXED? 49 00:01:55,233 --> 00:01:57,433 - I WILL ANSWER THAT QUESTION WITH A QUESTION. 50 00:01:57,433 --> 00:01:58,700 WOULD YOU RATHER HAVE AIR-CONDITIONING 51 00:01:58,700 --> 00:01:59,900 OR THE STREETS FREE OF CRIME? 52 00:01:59,900 --> 00:02:01,800 - HOW ARE THOSE EVEN THE TWO CHOICES? 53 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:03,733 - I WILL IGNORE THAT QUESTION WITH A STORY. 54 00:02:03,733 --> 00:02:06,133 AS MANY OF YOU MAY RECALL, LAST WEEK, 55 00:02:06,133 --> 00:02:08,067 JOHN-JOHN PLAYED WHACK-A-MOLE 56 00:02:08,067 --> 00:02:09,600 WITH A SENIOR CITIZEN. 57 00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:11,667 AS A RESULT, WE ARE UNDER TEMPORARY OVERSIGHT 58 00:02:11,667 --> 00:02:14,467 BY INTERNAL AFFAIRS. 59 00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:16,633 AND JUST BECAUSE DEPUTY CHIEF RIBBINGS 60 00:02:16,633 --> 00:02:19,567 COMES TO US WITH VERY LITTLE REAL-WORLD EXPERIENCE 61 00:02:19,567 --> 00:02:21,567 AND A TOTAL LACK OF UNDERSTANDING 62 00:02:21,567 --> 00:02:23,933 OF WHAT WE ACTUALLY DO HERE ON A DAILY BASIS 63 00:02:23,933 --> 00:02:26,467 IS NO REASON TO TREAT HIM WITH DISRESPECT. 64 00:02:26,467 --> 00:02:28,067 DEPUTY CHIEF RIBBINGS. 65 00:02:28,067 --> 00:02:29,667 - OKAY. 66 00:02:29,667 --> 00:02:32,567 OFFICER JOHNSON'S RECENT MISHAP 67 00:02:32,567 --> 00:02:34,267 HAS RESULTED IN NEW PROTOCOLS 68 00:02:34,267 --> 00:02:38,067 THAT ARE TO BE FOLLOWED BY ALL UTF PERSONNEL. 69 00:02:38,067 --> 00:02:39,700 WHEN IT COMES TO PROPER PROTOCOL, 70 00:02:39,700 --> 00:02:41,700 KILLING ZOMBIES IS REALLY NO DIFFERENT 71 00:02:41,700 --> 00:02:44,400 THAN KILLING ANY OTHER CITIZEN. 72 00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:46,467 - I BELIEVE OFFICER JOHNSON ALREADY PROVED THAT, SIR. 73 00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:48,067 RIGHT, JOHN-JOHN? 74 00:02:48,067 --> 00:02:49,367 HUH? 75 00:02:49,367 --> 00:02:50,967 UP TOP. ALL RIGHT. 76 00:02:50,967 --> 00:02:53,467 - THESE CARDS WILL GUIDE YOU WHEN ENCOUNTERING 77 00:02:53,467 --> 00:02:55,900 A POTENTIAL UNDEAD SUSPECT, OR... 78 00:02:55,900 --> 00:02:57,400 PUS. 79 00:02:57,400 --> 00:03:00,833 THEY WILL HELP YOU TO INTERROGATE THE PUS, 80 00:03:00,833 --> 00:03:03,300 DETERMINE IF HE OR SHE IS INDEED UNDEAD, 81 00:03:03,300 --> 00:03:05,067 CONFIRM THAT DETERMINATION, 82 00:03:05,067 --> 00:03:07,333 AND THEN PROCEED TO DISPATCH HIM. 83 00:03:07,333 --> 00:03:09,400 - "EXCUSE ME, I'M A POLICE OFFICER, 84 00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:10,533 "AND I HAVE CAUSE TO BELIEVE 85 00:03:10,533 --> 00:03:12,900 YOU MAY HAVE CONTRACTED THE ZOMBIE VIRUS." 86 00:03:12,900 --> 00:03:14,133 WELL, THAT'S MORONIC. 87 00:03:14,133 --> 00:03:15,600 I'LL GET MYSELF KILLED IF I DO THAT. 88 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:18,067 - AND THESE ON-EAR LOOK-SEE VIDEO CAMERAS YOU'LL BE WEARING, 89 00:03:18,067 --> 00:03:19,900 WHICH ARE ALSO NEATLY PLACED ON YOUR DESKS, 90 00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:22,233 WILL ALLOW US TO SEE HOW YOU GOT KILLED 91 00:03:22,233 --> 00:03:24,567 AND HOW WE CAN PREVENT SIMILAR DEATHS IN THE FUTURE. 92 00:03:24,567 --> 00:03:26,633 ANY QUESTIONS? 93 00:03:26,633 --> 00:03:27,900 - OKAY, PEOPLE, I DON'T LIKE HAVING 94 00:03:27,900 --> 00:03:30,767 DEPUTY CHIEF RIBBINGS HERE ANY MORE THAN YOU DO. 95 00:03:30,767 --> 00:03:32,233 BUT JOHNSON, RINALDI, 96 00:03:32,233 --> 00:03:35,233 SINCE YOU'RE THE ONES THAT TOOK A DOOKIE IN THIS PARTICULAR BED, 97 00:03:35,233 --> 00:03:37,967 YOU'LL BE THE ONES TO CART THIS GENTLEMAN AROUND FOR THE DAY. 98 00:03:37,967 --> 00:03:39,233 [Carla sighs] 99 00:03:39,233 --> 00:03:40,500 - THE REST OF YOU STAY HYDRATED, 100 00:03:40,500 --> 00:03:43,133 IT IS 112 DEGREES IN THE SHADE. 101 00:03:43,133 --> 00:03:45,133 IF I HEAR ABOUT ONE OF YOU DYING, 102 00:03:45,133 --> 00:03:48,400 IT DAMN WELL BETTER BE FROM A ZOMBIE, VAMPIRE, OR WEREWOLF 103 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:50,067 AND NOT SUNSTROKE. 104 00:03:50,067 --> 00:03:51,633 IS THAT UNDERSTOOD? 105 00:03:55,067 --> 00:03:57,900 - UH, CAPTAIN? - SPF 50, STUBECK. 106 00:03:57,900 --> 00:03:59,733 YOU'RE NOT GETTING A SUNBURN TODAY, 107 00:03:59,733 --> 00:04:01,700 NOT ON MY WATCH. 108 00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:04,533 ANYWAY, LET'S GET OUT THERE AND KILL SOMETHING! 109 00:04:04,533 --> 00:04:07,267 - BILLY. BILLY. 110 00:04:09,900 --> 00:04:13,767 - YOU SURE THE A.C.'S WORKING? - YES, THE A.C. IS WORKING. 111 00:04:13,767 --> 00:04:16,633 WE JUST GOT IN THE CAR, GIVE IT A FEW MINUTES. 112 00:04:16,633 --> 00:04:18,533 - WHATEVER. I'M NOT WAITING. 113 00:04:18,533 --> 00:04:20,067 AHH! - STOP IT. 114 00:04:20,067 --> 00:04:21,167 PUT THAT BACK ON! 115 00:04:21,167 --> 00:04:22,767 - WHY? - DEPARTMENT POLICY. 116 00:04:22,767 --> 00:04:24,767 - YEAH? AND MY POLICY IS TO TAKE MY SHIRT OFF 117 00:04:24,767 --> 00:04:26,067 WHEN IT'S HOT AS BALLS OUT. 118 00:04:26,067 --> 00:04:27,400 - WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS COMPARING THINGS TO BALLS? 119 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:29,133 - 'CAUSE BALLS ARE HOT, AND THEY SMELL BAD. 120 00:04:29,133 --> 00:04:32,267 ANYWAY, TODAY IT'S ALL WIFE-BEATER ALL THE TIME. 121 00:04:32,267 --> 00:04:34,533 - DON'T CALL THEM THAT. I HAVE A WIFE WHOM I RESPECT. 122 00:04:34,533 --> 00:04:36,933 - WHAT DO CALL THEM, THEN? - WHITE, RIBBED TANK TOPS. 123 00:04:36,933 --> 00:04:38,067 THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE CALLED. 124 00:04:38,067 --> 00:04:40,500 READ THE PACKAGE. - READ MY PACKAGE. 125 00:04:40,500 --> 00:04:42,233 - NO, I CAN'T READ YOUR PACKAGE. THERE'S NO LETTERS ON IT. 126 00:04:42,233 --> 00:04:43,400 - YOU KNOW WHAT, MAN? 127 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:45,100 IT'S GROSS OUTSIDE TODAY, ALL RIGHT? 128 00:04:45,100 --> 00:04:46,633 CAN YOU AT LEAST TRY AND HAVE SOME FUN? 129 00:04:46,633 --> 00:04:48,400 CAN WE PLEASE JUST HAVE SOME FUN TODAY? 130 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:50,400 - I'M NOTHING BUT FUN. 131 00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:53,967 CHECK THIS OUT. 132 00:04:53,967 --> 00:04:55,733 HOW ARE PEOPLE EVEN GONNA KNOW YOU'RE ON THE JOB 133 00:04:55,733 --> 00:04:57,100 WITHOUT YOUR UNIFORM ON? 134 00:04:57,100 --> 00:04:59,767 - THAT'S HOW. - OOH. THAT'S PRETTY SWEET. 135 00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:01,667 - RIGHT THERE. - WHERE'D YOU GET IT? 136 00:05:01,667 --> 00:05:03,100 - GOT IT AT SOME PLACE IN VAN NUYS. 137 00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:04,300 YOU KNOW, WITH EVERY TATTOO, 138 00:05:04,300 --> 00:05:05,733 THEY WERE GIVING AWAY A FREE GENITAL PIERCING? 139 00:05:05,733 --> 00:05:06,967 - WHAT? 140 00:05:06,967 --> 00:05:08,533 - I DIDN'T EVEN WANT A GENITAL PIERCING, 141 00:05:08,533 --> 00:05:10,100 BUT AT THOSE PRICES, I'M NOT GONNA SAY NO. 142 00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:11,267 - OH! 143 00:05:11,267 --> 00:05:12,733 - [over radio] ATTENTION, ALL UNITS, 144 00:05:12,733 --> 00:05:14,733 111 IN PROGRESS, CORNER OF VICTORY AND ALAMEDA. 145 00:05:14,733 --> 00:05:18,467 - HEY. SOMEBODY FUN WOULDN'T ANSWER THAT. 146 00:05:18,467 --> 00:05:20,833 DON'T GET IT! 147 00:05:20,833 --> 00:05:22,600 - THIS IS STUBECK AND PIERCE. WE'RE ON IT. 148 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:23,833 - NO FUN. 149 00:05:23,833 --> 00:05:26,667 - GOD, IT IS LIKE A SAUNA IN HERE. 150 00:05:26,667 --> 00:05:27,867 AREN'T YOU HOT AS HELL, CARLA? 151 00:05:27,867 --> 00:05:30,200 - NOT TAKING MY TOP OFF, JOHN-JOHN. 152 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:31,900 - DAMN. 153 00:05:31,900 --> 00:05:33,733 - YOU KNOW, OFFICER JOHNSON, YOU'RE AWFULLY SMUG 154 00:05:33,733 --> 00:05:36,233 FOR A GUY WHO JUST KILLED A MAN IN THE PRIME OF HIS LIFE. 155 00:05:36,233 --> 00:05:37,633 - HE WAS 82. 156 00:05:37,633 --> 00:05:39,300 - AND HE STILL RAN A MILE THREE DAYS A WEEK-- 157 00:05:39,300 --> 00:05:41,500 OR WALKED A MILE, BUT AT THAT AGE, 158 00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:42,933 THERE'S ALMOST NO DIFFERENCE. 159 00:05:42,933 --> 00:05:44,500 - [over radio] POSSIBLE 188 IN PROGRESS 160 00:05:44,500 --> 00:05:48,067 AT THE MEL-O-DEE NURSERY-- 8233 LANKERSHIM, PLEASE RESPOND. 161 00:05:48,067 --> 00:05:49,933 - THIS IS RINALDI. WE'RE ON IT. 162 00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:51,067 [siren wailing] 163 00:05:51,067 --> 00:05:54,333 - [sighs] HERE WE GO. - HOW DO I LOOK? 164 00:05:54,333 --> 00:05:56,800 - OH, KIND OF LIKE A DOUCHE. - THANKS. 165 00:06:03,433 --> 00:06:04,767 - SO YOUR NIECE IS GOING 166 00:06:04,767 --> 00:06:06,267 TO ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE PARTIES LATER, 167 00:06:06,267 --> 00:06:07,900 AND UNLESS YOU NEED ME AROUND HERE, 168 00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:09,467 I WAS THINKING MAYBE I'D CHECK UP ON HER AGAIN 169 00:06:09,467 --> 00:06:11,467 AND MAKE SURE SHE'S NOT GETTING INTO ANY TROUBLE? 170 00:06:11,467 --> 00:06:13,467 - THAT SOUNDS GREAT, KIRSTEN. 171 00:06:13,467 --> 00:06:15,167 - AWESOME, I WAS JUST-- 172 00:06:15,167 --> 00:06:17,133 HEY, YOU SAID MY NAME RIGHT. 173 00:06:17,133 --> 00:06:19,667 - WHAT'S THAT? 174 00:06:19,667 --> 00:06:21,500 - NOTHING. 175 00:06:25,900 --> 00:06:28,833 [siren wailing] 176 00:06:32,433 --> 00:06:35,267 - ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO. 177 00:06:35,267 --> 00:06:38,600 DAMN, IT IS HOT AS HELL. - I KNOW, RIGHT? 178 00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:39,933 - NOW, REMEMBER, 179 00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:42,067 WHEN YOU SEE A PUS, YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO TAKE-- 180 00:06:42,067 --> 00:06:43,567 - LOOK, I KNOW YOU WENT THROUGH A LOT OF TROUBLE 181 00:06:43,567 --> 00:06:44,600 WITH THESE CARDS, 182 00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:46,600 LIKE LAMINATING THEM AND EVERYTHING, 183 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:48,900 BUT THIS IS A DUMB IDEA. - YEAH, SERIOUSLY, MAN. 184 00:06:48,900 --> 00:06:50,467 SOMEBODY GONNA GET HURT THIS WAY, BRAH. 185 00:06:50,467 --> 00:06:52,467 - WELL, PEOPLE WERE GETTING KILLED YOUR WAY, BRAH. 186 00:06:52,467 --> 00:06:54,367 SO LET'S GIVE THIS A SHOT, SHALL WE? 187 00:06:54,367 --> 00:06:56,133 OKAY, WHO'S TAKING POINT? 188 00:06:56,133 --> 00:06:57,900 - WAIT, YOU'RE NOT COMING WITH US, ARE YOU? 189 00:06:57,900 --> 00:06:59,433 - YOU BET YOUR ASS I AM. 190 00:06:59,433 --> 00:07:01,433 - JESUS [bleep]. - RIGHT. 191 00:07:01,433 --> 00:07:03,667 [people screaming, zombie snarls] 192 00:07:03,667 --> 00:07:05,633 - EXCUSE ME. I AM A POLICE OFFICER, AND I-- 193 00:07:05,633 --> 00:07:06,767 [gunshot] 194 00:07:09,833 --> 00:07:11,700 OF COURSE, IT'S-- IT'S PROBABLY TIME FOR ME 195 00:07:11,700 --> 00:07:13,700 TO CHECK IN WITH THE HOME OFFICE. 196 00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:15,233 YEP. 197 00:07:15,233 --> 00:07:18,700 I'LL LET THAT ONE GO, BUT FROM NOW ON... 198 00:07:18,700 --> 00:07:21,367 PROTOCOL. 199 00:07:21,367 --> 00:07:22,900 PRO-- - PROTOCOL. 200 00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:24,933 - YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. - YEAH. 201 00:07:24,933 --> 00:07:26,633 - PROTO--PROTOCOL. 202 00:07:29,167 --> 00:07:32,100 NO, THANK YOU. 203 00:07:32,100 --> 00:07:34,500 I SAID, NO, GRACIAS-- [screams] 204 00:07:37,533 --> 00:07:40,533 - HEY, SUCKS TO BE THAT GUY TODAY, HUH? 205 00:07:40,533 --> 00:07:42,733 - BILLY, IT'S NEVER FUN TO BE THAT GUY. 206 00:07:42,733 --> 00:07:43,900 AFTER WE TAKE CARE OF THIS, 207 00:07:43,900 --> 00:07:45,500 WE SHOULD GO BUY SOME ORANGES FROM HIM. 208 00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:46,600 - YEAH, THAT'S A GREAT IDEA, 209 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:47,933 IF YOU WANT TO GET THE SEWER POOPS. 210 00:07:47,933 --> 00:07:49,367 - UGH! WHAT ARE THE SEWER POOPS? 211 00:07:49,367 --> 00:07:51,233 IT SOUNDS LIKE A HORRIBLE PUNK-ROCK BAND. 212 00:07:51,233 --> 00:07:53,333 - [Mexican accent] PLEASE BUY MY ORANGE POOP PELLETS. 213 00:07:53,333 --> 00:07:55,167 - YOU THINK ORANGES ARE POOP PELLETS? 214 00:07:55,167 --> 00:07:56,900 - [imitating flatulence] - UGH! 215 00:07:56,900 --> 00:07:58,500 - [imitating flatulence] - AAH! 216 00:08:01,833 --> 00:08:04,500 - JUST TO LET YOU KNOW, I'M NOT GETTING OUT OF THE CAR TODAY. 217 00:08:04,500 --> 00:08:06,500 IT'S BRUTAL OUT HERE. 218 00:08:06,500 --> 00:08:08,933 - JUST A MINUTE. 219 00:08:08,933 --> 00:08:11,067 [clears throat] 220 00:08:11,067 --> 00:08:12,333 EXCUSE ME! 221 00:08:12,333 --> 00:08:15,667 I AM A POLICE OFFICER, AND I HAVE CAUSE TO BELIEVE 222 00:08:15,667 --> 00:08:18,300 YOU MAY HAVE CONTRACTED THE ZOMBIE VIRUS. 223 00:08:18,300 --> 00:08:19,667 IF YOU CAN UNDERSTAND ME-- 224 00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:21,767 - THE GUY'S OBVIOUSLY CONTRACTED THE ZOMBIE VIRUS. 225 00:08:21,767 --> 00:08:22,767 - YOU'RE RIGHT. 226 00:08:22,767 --> 00:08:25,167 OH, FINE. 227 00:08:25,167 --> 00:08:27,167 I HAVE AN IDEA. 228 00:08:27,167 --> 00:08:30,833 YOU DON'T THINK I CAN HAVE FUN? 229 00:08:30,833 --> 00:08:33,800 I CAN BE FUN. [engine revving] 230 00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:36,767 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 231 00:08:36,767 --> 00:08:39,300 YEAH! BOWLING FOR ZOMBIES? 232 00:08:39,300 --> 00:08:40,667 YEAH! 233 00:08:40,667 --> 00:08:43,667 [rock music] 234 00:08:43,667 --> 00:08:47,767 * * 235 00:08:47,767 --> 00:08:49,567 - WHOA! - HA-HA-HO! 236 00:08:49,567 --> 00:08:50,633 COUNT IT! 237 00:08:50,633 --> 00:08:52,767 [tires screeching] LOOK AT YOU. 238 00:08:52,767 --> 00:08:54,467 YOU'RE LIKE A WHOLE NEW PERSON. 239 00:09:03,700 --> 00:09:05,333 - OH! - YES! 240 00:09:05,333 --> 00:09:07,167 - THAT'S THE SICKEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD. 241 00:09:07,167 --> 00:09:09,467 - [laughs] OH, MAN. 242 00:09:09,467 --> 00:09:10,867 RIGHT THERE, BUDDY. 243 00:09:13,133 --> 00:09:15,733 - HEY, STU, LOOKS LIKE YOU LEFT THE SEVEN PIN. 244 00:09:15,733 --> 00:09:17,367 [tires squealing] 245 00:09:23,133 --> 00:09:25,167 [laughter] 246 00:09:25,167 --> 00:09:27,933 - WHO IS THIS NEW GUY? 247 00:09:27,933 --> 00:09:30,667 I LIKE HIM. 248 00:09:30,667 --> 00:09:32,600 - OH, COME ON! 249 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:34,533 - THE GUY'S LIKE MICKEY ROURKE FROM THE WRESTLER. 250 00:09:34,533 --> 00:09:35,833 - YEAH, HE KEEPS GETTING UP. 251 00:09:35,833 --> 00:09:37,333 - NO, NO, I MEAN, THE GUY LOOKS LIKE 252 00:09:37,333 --> 00:09:38,867 MICKEY ROURKE FROM THE WRESTLER. 253 00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:42,667 GET HIM, STUBY! 254 00:09:45,433 --> 00:09:48,333 YEAH, MOTHER LOVER! SUCK ON THAT! 255 00:09:48,333 --> 00:09:51,067 YOU'RE A MANIAC! YOU'RE A MANIAC! 256 00:09:51,067 --> 00:09:53,933 [tires squealing] 257 00:09:53,933 --> 00:10:01,467 * * 258 00:10:07,767 --> 00:10:10,400 [both laughing] - OH, THAT'S AWESOME! 259 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:13,833 AWESOME! 260 00:10:13,833 --> 00:10:16,167 - BACKING HER UP-- I'M JUST GONNA MAKE SURE. 261 00:10:19,133 --> 00:10:20,467 [splattering] 262 00:10:20,467 --> 00:10:23,067 - OH-HO-HO-HO! 263 00:10:23,067 --> 00:10:26,200 [engine revving] 264 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:28,467 - WHAT'S GOING ON? - DAMN IT. 265 00:10:28,467 --> 00:10:31,133 WE GOT MICKEY ROURKE STUCK UNDER OUR CAR. 266 00:10:39,700 --> 00:10:42,267 - UH, WOW. 267 00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:44,100 WHAT DOES RICO DO? 268 00:10:44,100 --> 00:10:46,933 HOW DOES HE AFFORD SOMETHING LIKE THIS? 269 00:10:46,933 --> 00:10:49,300 - I THINK HIS DAD'S KIND OF A BIG DEAL. 270 00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:51,767 - WHAT, IS HE SOME, LIKE, MOVIE PRODUCER AGENT 271 00:10:51,767 --> 00:10:52,833 OR SOMETHING? 272 00:10:52,833 --> 00:10:56,133 - NO, SILLY. HE'S A VAMPIRE. 273 00:10:56,133 --> 00:10:57,967 SO SAME THING, I GUESS. 274 00:10:57,967 --> 00:10:59,633 [chuckles] 275 00:10:59,633 --> 00:11:02,433 - WELL, DON'T YOU LADIES LOOK BEAUTIFUL. 276 00:11:02,433 --> 00:11:05,067 - THANKS, RICO. - THANKS FOR INVITING US. 277 00:11:05,067 --> 00:11:07,267 - NO PROBLEM. IT'S NICE TO HAVE SOME FRIENDS OVER 278 00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:09,733 AND JUST HANG OUT WITH MY FANG OUT, YOU KNOW? 279 00:11:09,733 --> 00:11:11,867 YOU CAME ON A SPECIAL NIGHT. 280 00:11:11,867 --> 00:11:14,667 - HOW SO? - IT'S A TURNING PARTY... 281 00:11:14,667 --> 00:11:16,300 FOR CLAIRE. 282 00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:18,467 - UH, A-A TURNING PARTY? 283 00:11:18,467 --> 00:11:20,200 - [smooches] 284 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:22,433 YOU EXCITED, BABY? - VERY. 285 00:11:22,433 --> 00:11:24,767 - WHY DON'T YOU TWO GRAB SOME DRINKS FROM THE BAR? 286 00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:27,567 OH, TELL DIVINA TO GIVE YOU THE GOOD VODKA. 287 00:11:27,567 --> 00:11:29,433 YOU DESERVE IT. 288 00:11:29,433 --> 00:11:31,067 - OKAY. 289 00:11:42,133 --> 00:11:44,067 - EXCUSE ME. I HAVE-- 290 00:11:44,067 --> 00:11:46,633 EXCUSE ME. I'M A POLICE OFFICER. 291 00:11:46,633 --> 00:11:48,200 AND I HAVE CAUSE--WHAT? 292 00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:51,067 AND I HAVE CAUSE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU MAY HAVE CONTRACTED 293 00:11:51,067 --> 00:11:52,100 THE ZOMBIE VIRUS. 294 00:11:52,100 --> 00:11:53,767 - JOHN-JOHN, SHH! - HUH. 295 00:11:53,767 --> 00:11:56,400 I'M TRYING TO MEMORIZE IT. 296 00:12:01,333 --> 00:12:03,967 [squishing, crunching] 297 00:12:07,700 --> 00:12:09,167 EXCUSE ME. 298 00:12:09,167 --> 00:12:11,367 I AM A POLICE OFFICER. 299 00:12:11,367 --> 00:12:13,067 AND I HAVE CAUSE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU MAY HAVE-- 300 00:12:13,067 --> 00:12:14,533 - COME ON, ARE YOU SERIOUS? 301 00:12:14,533 --> 00:12:15,667 - HEY, YOU'RE NOT THE ONE 302 00:12:15,667 --> 00:12:17,700 WHO ALMOST GOT INDICTED FOR MURDER, OKAY? 303 00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:18,900 WORK WITH ME. 304 00:12:18,900 --> 00:12:21,200 IF YOU CAN UNDERSTAND ME, PLEASE INDICATE-- 305 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:24,067 [gunshots] OH, [bleep]! 306 00:12:24,067 --> 00:12:26,867 [zombie snarling] 307 00:12:31,067 --> 00:12:32,733 - WHOA! 308 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:40,400 JOHN-JOHN! GO! 309 00:12:43,467 --> 00:12:46,700 OH, SHE GOT MY CLIPS! - WHAT? 310 00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:48,500 - MY CLIPS! 311 00:12:48,500 --> 00:12:50,600 [zombies snarling] 312 00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:52,900 - HERE SHUT THE DOOR! SHUT THE DOOR! 313 00:12:52,900 --> 00:12:54,233 [zombies snarling] 314 00:12:54,233 --> 00:12:57,067 - AAH! - HOLD IT, HOLD IT! 315 00:12:57,067 --> 00:12:58,733 I GOT TO GET TO MY GUN. 316 00:12:58,733 --> 00:13:02,133 - I GOT TO GET A CLIP. - YEAH. 317 00:13:02,133 --> 00:13:03,867 I THINK THEY LEFT. 318 00:13:06,733 --> 00:13:09,300 RUN? - UH-HUH. 319 00:13:12,433 --> 00:13:15,400 - CLIP! 320 00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:17,867 - BUST THEY ASS! BUST THEY ASS! 321 00:13:17,867 --> 00:13:20,133 [gunshots] 322 00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,867 - GO, GO, GO! 323 00:13:22,867 --> 00:13:24,533 [gunshot] 324 00:13:24,533 --> 00:13:27,367 [zombie snarling] - COME ON! 325 00:13:27,367 --> 00:13:28,700 I GOT TO GET MY WEAPON ON. 326 00:13:28,700 --> 00:13:32,333 - OH, DON'T EVER TALK LIKE THAT AGAIN. 327 00:13:32,333 --> 00:13:35,767 - SO, BIG NIGHT, HUH? 328 00:13:35,767 --> 00:13:38,467 - YEAH, CAN YOU BELIEVE RICO THREW THIS WHOLE PARTY FOR ME? 329 00:13:38,467 --> 00:13:40,167 - HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT IT MUCH-- 330 00:13:40,167 --> 00:13:42,067 BECOMING A VAMPIRE? - OH, YEAH. 331 00:13:42,067 --> 00:13:44,400 I THINK IT'S GONNA BE THE BEST THING I'VE EVER DONE. 332 00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:46,733 - BUT WHAT IF IT'S NOT? 333 00:13:46,733 --> 00:13:48,933 I MEAN, THERE'S NO GOING BACK, YOU KNOW? 334 00:13:48,933 --> 00:13:50,800 - WHY WOULD I WANT TO GO BACK? 335 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:52,367 I'M NOT AN IDIOT, OKAY? 336 00:13:52,367 --> 00:13:55,067 I WROTE OUT A WHOLE PRO-AND-CON LIST LAST WEEK-- 337 00:13:55,067 --> 00:13:58,100 IMMORTALITY, CONTROLLING ZOMBIES, 338 00:13:58,100 --> 00:13:59,867 RICO. 339 00:13:59,867 --> 00:14:02,367 - YEAH, I MEAN, RICO'S CUTE, BUT-- 340 00:14:02,367 --> 00:14:04,067 WAIT, CONTROLLING ZOMBIES? 341 00:14:04,067 --> 00:14:06,567 - RICO SAYS THEY DO IT THROUGH SOME KIND OF MIND CONTROL. 342 00:14:06,567 --> 00:14:11,500 PLUS, CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT THE SEX IS LIKE? 343 00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:14,800 - NO, UM, NOT REALLY. 344 00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:17,800 [engine revving] 345 00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:19,567 - [sighs] 346 00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:21,400 LET'S JUST-- - LET'S TAKE CARE OF THIS. 347 00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:23,833 - YEAH. 348 00:14:23,833 --> 00:14:27,833 - UGH. 349 00:14:27,833 --> 00:14:29,433 UGH. - OH, YEAH. 350 00:14:29,433 --> 00:14:30,733 - YEP. - THAT'S IT. 351 00:14:30,733 --> 00:14:32,533 - UGH. - ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO. 352 00:14:32,533 --> 00:14:33,667 - UH-HUH. 353 00:14:33,667 --> 00:14:35,867 - HEY, YOU KNOW, A LITTLE HELP WOULD BE NICE. 354 00:14:38,433 --> 00:14:39,867 - JESUS. READY? 355 00:14:39,867 --> 00:14:42,467 - ONE, TWO... - [grunting] 356 00:14:42,467 --> 00:14:43,467 - THREE! 357 00:14:43,467 --> 00:14:44,567 [splatter] 358 00:14:44,567 --> 00:14:45,967 - AAH! - OH-HO-HO! 359 00:14:45,967 --> 00:14:47,300 - OH-HO! - OH! 360 00:14:47,300 --> 00:14:48,700 - OH, STU! - STOP LAUGHING! 361 00:14:48,700 --> 00:14:52,300 - OH, YOU LOOK DISGUSTING, MAN! 362 00:14:52,300 --> 00:14:55,467 I LOVE IT. 363 00:14:55,467 --> 00:14:58,167 [chain saw whirring] 364 00:15:01,333 --> 00:15:05,433 [power tools whirring] 365 00:15:20,233 --> 00:15:21,367 - YEAH. 366 00:15:21,367 --> 00:15:23,367 LET'S GO. 367 00:15:26,733 --> 00:15:28,500 - UGH! 368 00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:32,833 - WOW, I SEE YOU DIDN'T USE THAT WAXING COUPON I GAVE YOU, HUH? 369 00:15:32,833 --> 00:15:36,067 [laughs] 370 00:15:36,067 --> 00:15:38,433 FYI, DO NOT GO OUT ON A FULL MOON. 371 00:15:38,433 --> 00:15:39,933 YOU WILL GET LOCKED UP. - [chuckles] 372 00:15:39,933 --> 00:15:41,467 - QUIET DOWN BACK THERE, 373 00:15:41,467 --> 00:15:44,767 NOBODY MAKES FUN OF MY PARTNER BUT ME. 374 00:15:44,767 --> 00:15:48,100 - [chuckles] NICE WIFE-BE-- 375 00:15:48,100 --> 00:15:50,433 NICE WHITE, RIBBED MEN'S TANK TOP. 376 00:15:50,433 --> 00:15:53,333 HEY, HOW ARE PEOPLE GONNA KNOW WE'RE COPS, ANYWAY? 377 00:15:53,333 --> 00:15:55,233 - HOPEFULLY, THEY WON'T. 378 00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:01,300 - I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH TROUBLE I GET INTO. 379 00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:05,233 I AIN'T DOING THAT PROTOCOL BULL[bleep] NO MORE, EVER. 380 00:16:05,233 --> 00:16:06,800 - OH, THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE. 381 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:08,300 - YOU'VE BEEN BIT. - OH, REALLY? 382 00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:11,167 I WAS WONDERING WHY THE INSIDE OF MY NECK WAS ON THE OUTSIDE. 383 00:16:11,167 --> 00:16:13,300 LOOK, I NEED YOU TO KILL ME. 384 00:16:13,300 --> 00:16:14,800 I TRIED TO DO IT MYSELF, BUT I CAN'T. 385 00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:15,800 [softly] I'M CATHOLIC. 386 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:17,233 SO YOU'VE GOT TO DO IT, 387 00:16:17,233 --> 00:16:19,067 BECAUSE GOD KNOWS I'M NOT GONNA SPEND MY LAST FEW MINUTES 388 00:16:19,067 --> 00:16:20,467 ON THIS EARTH AS A ZOMBIE! 389 00:16:20,467 --> 00:16:22,833 OKAY, COME ON, KILL ME. 390 00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:27,233 KILL ME. 391 00:16:27,233 --> 00:16:30,300 I AM YOUR COMMANDING OFFICER, AND THAT IS AN ORDER! 392 00:16:30,300 --> 00:16:32,400 YOU PUT ME DOWN THIS INSTANT! 393 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,233 - YOU CALM DOWN. OKAY, I GET IT. [Ribbings groaning] 394 00:16:34,233 --> 00:16:36,567 - AND I WILL PUT YOU DOWN. 395 00:16:36,567 --> 00:16:39,667 BUT FIRST, THERE'S A CERTAIN PROTOCOL 396 00:16:39,667 --> 00:16:42,333 THAT I MUST FOLLOW WHEN COMING ACROSS A, UM... 397 00:16:42,333 --> 00:16:44,633 DAMN, WHAT DO YOU CALL THAT AGAIN, CARLA? 398 00:16:44,633 --> 00:16:46,967 - A PUS, JOHN-JOHN... - MM. 399 00:16:46,967 --> 00:16:48,800 - POSSIBLE UNDEAD SUSPECT. - RIGHT. 400 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,467 - [groaning] OH, MY GOD! 401 00:16:50,467 --> 00:16:52,467 OH, MY GOD! 402 00:16:52,467 --> 00:16:55,333 - EXCUSE ME. I'M A POLICE OFFICER, 403 00:16:55,333 --> 00:16:57,233 AND I HAVE CAUSE TO BELIEVE YOU MAY HAVE CONTRACTED 404 00:16:57,233 --> 00:16:58,533 THE ZOMBIE VIRUS. 405 00:16:58,533 --> 00:17:00,367 - KILL ME, YOU JACKASS! 406 00:17:00,367 --> 00:17:02,100 - WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK, JOHN-JOHN? 407 00:17:02,100 --> 00:17:03,533 - I DON'T KNOW. 408 00:17:03,533 --> 00:17:06,267 IT SAYS HERE THAT WE MUST WAIT 60 SECONDS FOR CONFIRMATION. 409 00:17:06,267 --> 00:17:07,600 - I'M A PUS! 410 00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:09,567 KILL ME! 411 00:17:20,100 --> 00:17:21,333 [loud crunch] 412 00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:31,833 - COME HERE, CLAIRE. 413 00:17:50,267 --> 00:17:53,067 - [hissing] - [hissing] 414 00:17:53,067 --> 00:17:56,133 - [moaning] 415 00:18:04,733 --> 00:18:06,133 [moans loudly] 416 00:18:06,133 --> 00:18:08,467 - SLUT. 417 00:18:08,467 --> 00:18:09,967 - I KNOW, RIGHT? 418 00:18:09,967 --> 00:18:12,533 - ACTUALLY, I'VE TOTALLY FANTASIZED 419 00:18:12,533 --> 00:18:15,733 ABOUT BEING GANG-FANGED. 420 00:18:18,633 --> 00:18:21,300 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. 421 00:18:45,300 --> 00:18:46,767 [thunder booms] 422 00:18:46,767 --> 00:18:48,600 - [grunting] 423 00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:52,067 [indistinct whispering] 424 00:19:02,900 --> 00:19:04,700 - JESUS. 425 00:19:20,133 --> 00:19:23,067 [applause] 426 00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:31,233 - THAT WAS... INSANE. 427 00:19:31,233 --> 00:19:33,133 - I KNOW! AREN'T YOU SO PSYCHED THAT YOU CAME? 428 00:19:33,133 --> 00:19:36,533 COME ON, LET'S GO SEE CLAIRE. 429 00:19:38,867 --> 00:19:41,200 - I'VE GOT MY EYE ON YOU. 430 00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:43,667 I KNOW YOUR SECRET. 431 00:19:43,667 --> 00:19:45,700 - YOU DO? - WHY? 432 00:19:45,700 --> 00:19:47,233 YOU THINK YOU'RE FOOLING ANYBODY? 433 00:19:47,233 --> 00:19:49,167 ON THE OUTSIDE, YOU ACT ALL SWEET, 434 00:19:49,167 --> 00:19:50,733 INNOCENT, 435 00:19:50,733 --> 00:19:52,567 BUT DEEP DOWN INSIDE, THERE'S A BAD GIRL 436 00:19:52,567 --> 00:19:54,900 JUST WANTING TO COME OUT. 437 00:19:54,900 --> 00:19:56,833 - HUH. 438 00:19:56,833 --> 00:19:59,067 I GUESS YOU DO KNOW MY SECRET. 439 00:19:59,067 --> 00:20:01,867 - IT'S NOT A SECRET ANYMORE, AMBER. 440 00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:03,100 - MINDFREAK. 441 00:20:03,100 --> 00:20:04,767 - YEAH. 442 00:20:07,300 --> 00:20:11,267 - YOU CAN BE NEXT. 443 00:20:11,267 --> 00:20:14,000 I'M SERIOUS. 444 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:16,933 Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com 445 00:20:28,100 --> 00:20:30,300 - LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE OURSELVES A WEREWOLF TO APPREHEND. 446 00:20:30,300 --> 00:20:31,667 - [growling] 447 00:20:31,667 --> 00:20:33,533 - IT'S THE SAME VAMP THAT JUMPED ME OUTSIDE THE BAR. 448 00:20:33,533 --> 00:20:35,133 - LET'S DO THIS. - LET'S KICK SOME VAMP ASS! 449 00:20:35,133 --> 00:20:36,633 - FREEZE! 450 00:20:36,633 --> 00:20:38,833 - SHE'LL GET HER. [gunshot] 451 00:20:38,833 --> 00:20:40,900 SHE STINKS! - YEAH, SHE'S A ZOMBIE. 452 00:20:40,900 --> 00:20:42,033 - WHOA. HEY. 453 00:20:42,033 --> 00:20:43,333 - YOU THINK THOSE TWO ARE-- 454 00:20:43,333 --> 00:20:45,333 - I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT. 455 00:20:45,333 --> 00:20:46,767 - JESUS! PULL OVER! [shouts] 29797

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