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1
00:00:07,067 --> 00:00:08,967
[dramatic music]
2
00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:11,133
- HEY, STUBY-DOO,
TELL ME THE TRUTH, BUDDY.
3
00:00:11,133 --> 00:00:13,333
YOU STILL HURTING FROM
THAT BEAT-DOWN LAST FRIDAY?
4
00:00:13,333 --> 00:00:15,067
- OH, I'M ALL RIGHT.
5
00:00:15,067 --> 00:00:16,700
I STILL GOT
SOME BLOOD IN MY URINE.
6
00:00:16,700 --> 00:00:17,967
- YEAH.
7
00:00:17,967 --> 00:00:19,933
I ONCE HAD BLOOD
IN MY SEMEN,
8
00:00:19,933 --> 00:00:21,333
LOOKED LIKE A CANDY CANE.
- UGH!
9
00:00:21,333 --> 00:00:23,800
DON'T TELL ME THAT.
- WELL, WE'RE ON THE TOPIC.
10
00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:25,467
- DON'T COMPARE YOUR SEMEN
TO A CHRISTMAS CANDY.
11
00:00:25,467 --> 00:00:26,667
- IT'S FUNNY YOU SAY THAT,
12
00:00:26,667 --> 00:00:28,567
'CAUSE IT WAS
AROUND THE HOLIDAYS, TOO.
13
00:00:28,567 --> 00:00:31,267
- OH, STOP IT!
- HEY, WHAT'S THIS GUY DOING?
14
00:00:31,267 --> 00:00:34,267
LOOKS LIKE WE GOT
SOMETHING OVER HERE.
15
00:00:37,500 --> 00:00:40,367
WELL, WELL, WELL,
WHAT DO WE GOT HERE?
16
00:00:40,367 --> 00:00:41,833
UGH!
17
00:00:41,833 --> 00:00:44,300
LOOKS LIKE IT'S HOT ENOUGH
TO FRY A LEG ON THE SIDEWALK.
18
00:00:44,300 --> 00:00:45,367
[chuckles]
19
00:00:45,367 --> 00:00:46,767
RIGHT? I MEAN,
NOT AN EGG BUT A LEG.
20
00:00:46,767 --> 00:00:48,667
- WE GET IT.
- WHAT DO YOU GUYS KNOW, ANYWAY?
21
00:00:48,667 --> 00:00:50,267
HOW'S IT GOING TODAY, SIR?
22
00:00:50,267 --> 00:00:52,000
- [grunts]
23
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,533
- [chuckles]
24
00:00:54,533 --> 00:00:56,400
AHH.
25
00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:57,533
HEY, BUDDY.
26
00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:01,400
OH! HO-HO-HO!
27
00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:03,400
- OH!
- OH!
28
00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:05,067
THIS ZOMBIE
SMELLS LIKE BALLS!
29
00:01:05,067 --> 00:01:06,233
- UGH.
- WOW!
30
00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:07,967
WHY DO YOU SMELL LIKE BALLS?
31
00:01:07,967 --> 00:01:09,167
- THAT'S PROBABLY
NOT A GREAT IDEA.
32
00:01:09,167 --> 00:01:11,167
- WHY?
- 'CAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW IF, UH--
33
00:01:11,167 --> 00:01:12,667
- HEY, YOU GOT
A PERMIT TO BE HERE?
34
00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:20,167
WELL, NOW WE KNOW.
- NOW WE KNOW.
35
00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:21,567
- ONE YEAR AGO...
36
00:01:21,567 --> 00:01:23,400
- VAMPIRE, WEREWOLVES,
AND ZOMBIES...
37
00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:26,733
- DESCENDED UPON CALIFORNIA'S
SAN FERNANDO VALLEY.
38
00:01:26,733 --> 00:01:31,567
- AUTHORITIES REMAIN BAFFLED
BY THEIR ORIGINS.
39
00:01:31,567 --> 00:01:34,233
- * LOVE IS NASTY
'CAUSE IT GETS SO ROTTEN *
40
00:01:34,233 --> 00:01:36,900
* I THINK IT'S TIME TO PUT
THIS BODY IN THE GROUND *
41
00:01:36,900 --> 00:01:41,233
* OH, OH, OH, OH,
OH, OH, OH *
42
00:01:41,233 --> 00:01:42,733
* WE'RE LOSING ALL CONTROL *
43
00:01:42,733 --> 00:01:44,900
* THE BUILDINGS
ALL TURN TO DUST *
44
00:01:44,900 --> 00:01:46,400
* AND I THINK
IT'S GETTING CLOSER *
45
00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:49,433
* 'CAUSE
THEY'RE COMING FOR US *
46
00:01:49,433 --> 00:01:51,567
- IS THERE A LACK
OF ENERGY OUT HERE,
47
00:01:51,567 --> 00:01:53,167
OR IS IT JUST
MY IMAGINATION?
48
00:01:53,167 --> 00:01:55,233
- CAPTAIN, WHEN ARE WE
GONNA GET THE A.C. FIXED?
49
00:01:55,233 --> 00:01:57,433
- I WILL ANSWER THAT
QUESTION WITH A QUESTION.
50
00:01:57,433 --> 00:01:58,700
WOULD YOU RATHER HAVE
AIR-CONDITIONING
51
00:01:58,700 --> 00:01:59,900
OR THE STREETS
FREE OF CRIME?
52
00:01:59,900 --> 00:02:01,800
- HOW ARE THOSE
EVEN THE TWO CHOICES?
53
00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:03,733
- I WILL IGNORE THAT QUESTION
WITH A STORY.
54
00:02:03,733 --> 00:02:06,133
AS MANY OF YOU MAY RECALL,
LAST WEEK,
55
00:02:06,133 --> 00:02:08,067
JOHN-JOHN PLAYED
WHACK-A-MOLE
56
00:02:08,067 --> 00:02:09,600
WITH A SENIOR CITIZEN.
57
00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:11,667
AS A RESULT,
WE ARE UNDER TEMPORARY OVERSIGHT
58
00:02:11,667 --> 00:02:14,467
BY INTERNAL AFFAIRS.
59
00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:16,633
AND JUST BECAUSE
DEPUTY CHIEF RIBBINGS
60
00:02:16,633 --> 00:02:19,567
COMES TO US WITH VERY LITTLE
REAL-WORLD EXPERIENCE
61
00:02:19,567 --> 00:02:21,567
AND A TOTAL LACK
OF UNDERSTANDING
62
00:02:21,567 --> 00:02:23,933
OF WHAT WE ACTUALLY DO HERE
ON A DAILY BASIS
63
00:02:23,933 --> 00:02:26,467
IS NO REASON TO TREAT HIM
WITH DISRESPECT.
64
00:02:26,467 --> 00:02:28,067
DEPUTY CHIEF RIBBINGS.
65
00:02:28,067 --> 00:02:29,667
- OKAY.
66
00:02:29,667 --> 00:02:32,567
OFFICER JOHNSON'S
RECENT MISHAP
67
00:02:32,567 --> 00:02:34,267
HAS RESULTED
IN NEW PROTOCOLS
68
00:02:34,267 --> 00:02:38,067
THAT ARE TO BE FOLLOWED
BY ALL UTF PERSONNEL.
69
00:02:38,067 --> 00:02:39,700
WHEN IT COMES
TO PROPER PROTOCOL,
70
00:02:39,700 --> 00:02:41,700
KILLING ZOMBIES
IS REALLY NO DIFFERENT
71
00:02:41,700 --> 00:02:44,400
THAN KILLING
ANY OTHER CITIZEN.
72
00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:46,467
- I BELIEVE OFFICER JOHNSON
ALREADY PROVED THAT, SIR.
73
00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:48,067
RIGHT, JOHN-JOHN?
74
00:02:48,067 --> 00:02:49,367
HUH?
75
00:02:49,367 --> 00:02:50,967
UP TOP.
ALL RIGHT.
76
00:02:50,967 --> 00:02:53,467
- THESE CARDS WILL GUIDE YOU
WHEN ENCOUNTERING
77
00:02:53,467 --> 00:02:55,900
A POTENTIAL UNDEAD SUSPECT,
OR...
78
00:02:55,900 --> 00:02:57,400
PUS.
79
00:02:57,400 --> 00:03:00,833
THEY WILL HELP YOU
TO INTERROGATE THE PUS,
80
00:03:00,833 --> 00:03:03,300
DETERMINE IF HE
OR SHE IS INDEED UNDEAD,
81
00:03:03,300 --> 00:03:05,067
CONFIRM THAT DETERMINATION,
82
00:03:05,067 --> 00:03:07,333
AND THEN PROCEED
TO DISPATCH HIM.
83
00:03:07,333 --> 00:03:09,400
- "EXCUSE ME,
I'M A POLICE OFFICER,
84
00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:10,533
"AND I HAVE CAUSE TO BELIEVE
85
00:03:10,533 --> 00:03:12,900
YOU MAY HAVE CONTRACTED
THE ZOMBIE VIRUS."
86
00:03:12,900 --> 00:03:14,133
WELL, THAT'S MORONIC.
87
00:03:14,133 --> 00:03:15,600
I'LL GET MYSELF KILLED
IF I DO THAT.
88
00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:18,067
- AND THESE ON-EAR LOOK-SEE
VIDEO CAMERAS YOU'LL BE WEARING,
89
00:03:18,067 --> 00:03:19,900
WHICH ARE ALSO NEATLY PLACED
ON YOUR DESKS,
90
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:22,233
WILL ALLOW US TO SEE
HOW YOU GOT KILLED
91
00:03:22,233 --> 00:03:24,567
AND HOW WE CAN PREVENT
SIMILAR DEATHS IN THE FUTURE.
92
00:03:24,567 --> 00:03:26,633
ANY QUESTIONS?
93
00:03:26,633 --> 00:03:27,900
- OKAY, PEOPLE,
I DON'T LIKE HAVING
94
00:03:27,900 --> 00:03:30,767
DEPUTY CHIEF RIBBINGS HERE
ANY MORE THAN YOU DO.
95
00:03:30,767 --> 00:03:32,233
BUT JOHNSON, RINALDI,
96
00:03:32,233 --> 00:03:35,233
SINCE YOU'RE THE ONES THAT TOOK
A DOOKIE IN THIS PARTICULAR BED,
97
00:03:35,233 --> 00:03:37,967
YOU'LL BE THE ONES TO CART THIS
GENTLEMAN AROUND FOR THE DAY.
98
00:03:37,967 --> 00:03:39,233
[Carla sighs]
99
00:03:39,233 --> 00:03:40,500
- THE REST OF YOU
STAY HYDRATED,
100
00:03:40,500 --> 00:03:43,133
IT IS 112 DEGREES
IN THE SHADE.
101
00:03:43,133 --> 00:03:45,133
IF I HEAR
ABOUT ONE OF YOU DYING,
102
00:03:45,133 --> 00:03:48,400
IT DAMN WELL BETTER BE FROM
A ZOMBIE, VAMPIRE, OR WEREWOLF
103
00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:50,067
AND NOT SUNSTROKE.
104
00:03:50,067 --> 00:03:51,633
IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?
105
00:03:55,067 --> 00:03:57,900
- UH, CAPTAIN?
- SPF 50, STUBECK.
106
00:03:57,900 --> 00:03:59,733
YOU'RE NOT GETTING
A SUNBURN TODAY,
107
00:03:59,733 --> 00:04:01,700
NOT ON MY WATCH.
108
00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:04,533
ANYWAY, LET'S GET OUT THERE
AND KILL SOMETHING!
109
00:04:04,533 --> 00:04:07,267
- BILLY. BILLY.
110
00:04:09,900 --> 00:04:13,767
- YOU SURE THE A.C.'S WORKING?
- YES, THE A.C. IS WORKING.
111
00:04:13,767 --> 00:04:16,633
WE JUST GOT IN THE CAR,
GIVE IT A FEW MINUTES.
112
00:04:16,633 --> 00:04:18,533
- WHATEVER.
I'M NOT WAITING.
113
00:04:18,533 --> 00:04:20,067
AHH!
- STOP IT.
114
00:04:20,067 --> 00:04:21,167
PUT THAT BACK ON!
115
00:04:21,167 --> 00:04:22,767
- WHY?
- DEPARTMENT POLICY.
116
00:04:22,767 --> 00:04:24,767
- YEAH? AND MY POLICY
IS TO TAKE MY SHIRT OFF
117
00:04:24,767 --> 00:04:26,067
WHEN IT'S HOT
AS BALLS OUT.
118
00:04:26,067 --> 00:04:27,400
- WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS COMPARING
THINGS TO BALLS?
119
00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:29,133
- 'CAUSE BALLS ARE HOT,
AND THEY SMELL BAD.
120
00:04:29,133 --> 00:04:32,267
ANYWAY, TODAY IT'S ALL
WIFE-BEATER ALL THE TIME.
121
00:04:32,267 --> 00:04:34,533
- DON'T CALL THEM THAT.
I HAVE A WIFE WHOM I RESPECT.
122
00:04:34,533 --> 00:04:36,933
- WHAT DO CALL THEM, THEN?
- WHITE, RIBBED TANK TOPS.
123
00:04:36,933 --> 00:04:38,067
THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE CALLED.
124
00:04:38,067 --> 00:04:40,500
READ THE PACKAGE.
- READ MY PACKAGE.
125
00:04:40,500 --> 00:04:42,233
- NO, I CAN'T READ YOUR PACKAGE.
THERE'S NO LETTERS ON IT.
126
00:04:42,233 --> 00:04:43,400
- YOU KNOW WHAT, MAN?
127
00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:45,100
IT'S GROSS OUTSIDE TODAY,
ALL RIGHT?
128
00:04:45,100 --> 00:04:46,633
CAN YOU AT LEAST TRY
AND HAVE SOME FUN?
129
00:04:46,633 --> 00:04:48,400
CAN WE PLEASE JUST HAVE
SOME FUN TODAY?
130
00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:50,400
- I'M NOTHING BUT FUN.
131
00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:53,967
CHECK THIS OUT.
132
00:04:53,967 --> 00:04:55,733
HOW ARE PEOPLE EVEN
GONNA KNOW YOU'RE ON THE JOB
133
00:04:55,733 --> 00:04:57,100
WITHOUT YOUR UNIFORM ON?
134
00:04:57,100 --> 00:04:59,767
- THAT'S HOW.
- OOH. THAT'S PRETTY SWEET.
135
00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:01,667
- RIGHT THERE.
- WHERE'D YOU GET IT?
136
00:05:01,667 --> 00:05:03,100
- GOT IT AT SOME PLACE
IN VAN NUYS.
137
00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:04,300
YOU KNOW,
WITH EVERY TATTOO,
138
00:05:04,300 --> 00:05:05,733
THEY WERE GIVING AWAY
A FREE GENITAL PIERCING?
139
00:05:05,733 --> 00:05:06,967
- WHAT?
140
00:05:06,967 --> 00:05:08,533
- I DIDN'T EVEN WANT
A GENITAL PIERCING,
141
00:05:08,533 --> 00:05:10,100
BUT AT THOSE PRICES,
I'M NOT GONNA SAY NO.
142
00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:11,267
- OH!
143
00:05:11,267 --> 00:05:12,733
- [over radio]
ATTENTION, ALL UNITS,
144
00:05:12,733 --> 00:05:14,733
111 IN PROGRESS,
CORNER OF VICTORY AND ALAMEDA.
145
00:05:14,733 --> 00:05:18,467
- HEY. SOMEBODY FUN
WOULDN'T ANSWER THAT.
146
00:05:18,467 --> 00:05:20,833
DON'T GET IT!
147
00:05:20,833 --> 00:05:22,600
- THIS IS STUBECK AND PIERCE.
WE'RE ON IT.
148
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:23,833
- NO FUN.
149
00:05:23,833 --> 00:05:26,667
- GOD, IT IS LIKE
A SAUNA IN HERE.
150
00:05:26,667 --> 00:05:27,867
AREN'T YOU HOT AS HELL, CARLA?
151
00:05:27,867 --> 00:05:30,200
- NOT TAKING
MY TOP OFF, JOHN-JOHN.
152
00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:31,900
- DAMN.
153
00:05:31,900 --> 00:05:33,733
- YOU KNOW, OFFICER JOHNSON,
YOU'RE AWFULLY SMUG
154
00:05:33,733 --> 00:05:36,233
FOR A GUY WHO JUST KILLED A MAN
IN THE PRIME OF HIS LIFE.
155
00:05:36,233 --> 00:05:37,633
- HE WAS 82.
156
00:05:37,633 --> 00:05:39,300
- AND HE STILL RAN A MILE
THREE DAYS A WEEK--
157
00:05:39,300 --> 00:05:41,500
OR WALKED A MILE,
BUT AT THAT AGE,
158
00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:42,933
THERE'S ALMOST NO DIFFERENCE.
159
00:05:42,933 --> 00:05:44,500
- [over radio]
POSSIBLE 188 IN PROGRESS
160
00:05:44,500 --> 00:05:48,067
AT THE MEL-O-DEE NURSERY--
8233 LANKERSHIM, PLEASE RESPOND.
161
00:05:48,067 --> 00:05:49,933
- THIS IS RINALDI.
WE'RE ON IT.
162
00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:51,067
[siren wailing]
163
00:05:51,067 --> 00:05:54,333
- [sighs] HERE WE GO.
- HOW DO I LOOK?
164
00:05:54,333 --> 00:05:56,800
- OH, KIND OF LIKE A DOUCHE.
- THANKS.
165
00:06:03,433 --> 00:06:04,767
- SO YOUR NIECE IS GOING
166
00:06:04,767 --> 00:06:06,267
TO ANOTHER ONE
OF THOSE PARTIES LATER,
167
00:06:06,267 --> 00:06:07,900
AND UNLESS YOU
NEED ME AROUND HERE,
168
00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:09,467
I WAS THINKING MAYBE
I'D CHECK UP ON HER AGAIN
169
00:06:09,467 --> 00:06:11,467
AND MAKE SURE SHE'S NOT GETTING
INTO ANY TROUBLE?
170
00:06:11,467 --> 00:06:13,467
- THAT SOUNDS GREAT, KIRSTEN.
171
00:06:13,467 --> 00:06:15,167
- AWESOME, I WAS JUST--
172
00:06:15,167 --> 00:06:17,133
HEY, YOU SAID
MY NAME RIGHT.
173
00:06:17,133 --> 00:06:19,667
- WHAT'S THAT?
174
00:06:19,667 --> 00:06:21,500
- NOTHING.
175
00:06:25,900 --> 00:06:28,833
[siren wailing]
176
00:06:32,433 --> 00:06:35,267
- ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO.
177
00:06:35,267 --> 00:06:38,600
DAMN, IT IS HOT AS HELL.
- I KNOW, RIGHT?
178
00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:39,933
- NOW, REMEMBER,
179
00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:42,067
WHEN YOU SEE A PUS,
YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO TAKE--
180
00:06:42,067 --> 00:06:43,567
- LOOK, I KNOW YOU WENT
THROUGH A LOT OF TROUBLE
181
00:06:43,567 --> 00:06:44,600
WITH THESE CARDS,
182
00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:46,600
LIKE LAMINATING THEM
AND EVERYTHING,
183
00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:48,900
BUT THIS IS A DUMB IDEA.
- YEAH, SERIOUSLY, MAN.
184
00:06:48,900 --> 00:06:50,467
SOMEBODY GONNA
GET HURT THIS WAY, BRAH.
185
00:06:50,467 --> 00:06:52,467
- WELL, PEOPLE WERE GETTING
KILLED YOUR WAY, BRAH.
186
00:06:52,467 --> 00:06:54,367
SO LET'S GIVE THIS
A SHOT, SHALL WE?
187
00:06:54,367 --> 00:06:56,133
OKAY, WHO'S TAKING POINT?
188
00:06:56,133 --> 00:06:57,900
- WAIT, YOU'RE NOT COMING
WITH US, ARE YOU?
189
00:06:57,900 --> 00:06:59,433
- YOU BET YOUR ASS I AM.
190
00:06:59,433 --> 00:07:01,433
- JESUS [bleep].
- RIGHT.
191
00:07:01,433 --> 00:07:03,667
[people screaming,
zombie snarls]
192
00:07:03,667 --> 00:07:05,633
- EXCUSE ME.
I AM A POLICE OFFICER, AND I--
193
00:07:05,633 --> 00:07:06,767
[gunshot]
194
00:07:09,833 --> 00:07:11,700
OF COURSE, IT'S--
IT'S PROBABLY TIME FOR ME
195
00:07:11,700 --> 00:07:13,700
TO CHECK IN
WITH THE HOME OFFICE.
196
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:15,233
YEP.
197
00:07:15,233 --> 00:07:18,700
I'LL LET THAT ONE GO,
BUT FROM NOW ON...
198
00:07:18,700 --> 00:07:21,367
PROTOCOL.
199
00:07:21,367 --> 00:07:22,900
PRO--
- PROTOCOL.
200
00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:24,933
- YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
- YEAH.
201
00:07:24,933 --> 00:07:26,633
- PROTO--PROTOCOL.
202
00:07:29,167 --> 00:07:32,100
NO, THANK YOU.
203
00:07:32,100 --> 00:07:34,500
I SAID, NO, GRACIAS--
[screams]
204
00:07:37,533 --> 00:07:40,533
- HEY, SUCKS TO BE
THAT GUY TODAY, HUH?
205
00:07:40,533 --> 00:07:42,733
- BILLY, IT'S NEVER FUN
TO BE THAT GUY.
206
00:07:42,733 --> 00:07:43,900
AFTER WE TAKE CARE OF THIS,
207
00:07:43,900 --> 00:07:45,500
WE SHOULD GO BUY
SOME ORANGES FROM HIM.
208
00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:46,600
- YEAH, THAT'S A GREAT IDEA,
209
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:47,933
IF YOU WANT TO GET
THE SEWER POOPS.
210
00:07:47,933 --> 00:07:49,367
- UGH! WHAT ARE
THE SEWER POOPS?
211
00:07:49,367 --> 00:07:51,233
IT SOUNDS LIKE
A HORRIBLE PUNK-ROCK BAND.
212
00:07:51,233 --> 00:07:53,333
- [Mexican accent] PLEASE
BUY MY ORANGE POOP PELLETS.
213
00:07:53,333 --> 00:07:55,167
- YOU THINK ORANGES
ARE POOP PELLETS?
214
00:07:55,167 --> 00:07:56,900
- [imitating flatulence]
- UGH!
215
00:07:56,900 --> 00:07:58,500
- [imitating flatulence]
- AAH!
216
00:08:01,833 --> 00:08:04,500
- JUST TO LET YOU KNOW, I'M NOT
GETTING OUT OF THE CAR TODAY.
217
00:08:04,500 --> 00:08:06,500
IT'S BRUTAL OUT HERE.
218
00:08:06,500 --> 00:08:08,933
- JUST A MINUTE.
219
00:08:08,933 --> 00:08:11,067
[clears throat]
220
00:08:11,067 --> 00:08:12,333
EXCUSE ME!
221
00:08:12,333 --> 00:08:15,667
I AM A POLICE OFFICER,
AND I HAVE CAUSE TO BELIEVE
222
00:08:15,667 --> 00:08:18,300
YOU MAY HAVE CONTRACTED
THE ZOMBIE VIRUS.
223
00:08:18,300 --> 00:08:19,667
IF YOU CAN UNDERSTAND ME--
224
00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:21,767
- THE GUY'S OBVIOUSLY CONTRACTED
THE ZOMBIE VIRUS.
225
00:08:21,767 --> 00:08:22,767
- YOU'RE RIGHT.
226
00:08:22,767 --> 00:08:25,167
OH, FINE.
227
00:08:25,167 --> 00:08:27,167
I HAVE AN IDEA.
228
00:08:27,167 --> 00:08:30,833
YOU DON'T THINK
I CAN HAVE FUN?
229
00:08:30,833 --> 00:08:33,800
I CAN BE FUN.
[engine revving]
230
00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:36,767
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
231
00:08:36,767 --> 00:08:39,300
YEAH!
BOWLING FOR ZOMBIES?
232
00:08:39,300 --> 00:08:40,667
YEAH!
233
00:08:40,667 --> 00:08:43,667
[rock music]
234
00:08:43,667 --> 00:08:47,767
* *
235
00:08:47,767 --> 00:08:49,567
- WHOA!
- HA-HA-HO!
236
00:08:49,567 --> 00:08:50,633
COUNT IT!
237
00:08:50,633 --> 00:08:52,767
[tires screeching]
LOOK AT YOU.
238
00:08:52,767 --> 00:08:54,467
YOU'RE LIKE
A WHOLE NEW PERSON.
239
00:09:03,700 --> 00:09:05,333
- OH!
- YES!
240
00:09:05,333 --> 00:09:07,167
- THAT'S THE SICKEST THING
I'VE EVER HEARD.
241
00:09:07,167 --> 00:09:09,467
- [laughs]
OH, MAN.
242
00:09:09,467 --> 00:09:10,867
RIGHT THERE, BUDDY.
243
00:09:13,133 --> 00:09:15,733
- HEY, STU, LOOKS LIKE
YOU LEFT THE SEVEN PIN.
244
00:09:15,733 --> 00:09:17,367
[tires squealing]
245
00:09:23,133 --> 00:09:25,167
[laughter]
246
00:09:25,167 --> 00:09:27,933
- WHO IS THIS NEW GUY?
247
00:09:27,933 --> 00:09:30,667
I LIKE HIM.
248
00:09:30,667 --> 00:09:32,600
- OH, COME ON!
249
00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:34,533
- THE GUY'S LIKE MICKEY ROURKE
FROM THE WRESTLER.
250
00:09:34,533 --> 00:09:35,833
- YEAH, HE KEEPS GETTING UP.
251
00:09:35,833 --> 00:09:37,333
- NO, NO, I MEAN,
THE GUY LOOKS LIKE
252
00:09:37,333 --> 00:09:38,867
MICKEY ROURKE
FROM THE WRESTLER.
253
00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:42,667
GET HIM, STUBY!
254
00:09:45,433 --> 00:09:48,333
YEAH, MOTHER LOVER!
SUCK ON THAT!
255
00:09:48,333 --> 00:09:51,067
YOU'RE A MANIAC!
YOU'RE A MANIAC!
256
00:09:51,067 --> 00:09:53,933
[tires squealing]
257
00:09:53,933 --> 00:10:01,467
* *
258
00:10:07,767 --> 00:10:10,400
[both laughing]
- OH, THAT'S AWESOME!
259
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:13,833
AWESOME!
260
00:10:13,833 --> 00:10:16,167
- BACKING HER UP--
I'M JUST GONNA MAKE SURE.
261
00:10:19,133 --> 00:10:20,467
[splattering]
262
00:10:20,467 --> 00:10:23,067
- OH-HO-HO-HO!
263
00:10:23,067 --> 00:10:26,200
[engine revving]
264
00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:28,467
- WHAT'S GOING ON?
- DAMN IT.
265
00:10:28,467 --> 00:10:31,133
WE GOT MICKEY ROURKE
STUCK UNDER OUR CAR.
266
00:10:39,700 --> 00:10:42,267
- UH, WOW.
267
00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:44,100
WHAT DOES RICO DO?
268
00:10:44,100 --> 00:10:46,933
HOW DOES HE AFFORD
SOMETHING LIKE THIS?
269
00:10:46,933 --> 00:10:49,300
- I THINK HIS DAD'S
KIND OF A BIG DEAL.
270
00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:51,767
- WHAT, IS HE SOME,
LIKE, MOVIE PRODUCER AGENT
271
00:10:51,767 --> 00:10:52,833
OR SOMETHING?
272
00:10:52,833 --> 00:10:56,133
- NO, SILLY.
HE'S A VAMPIRE.
273
00:10:56,133 --> 00:10:57,967
SO SAME THING, I GUESS.
274
00:10:57,967 --> 00:10:59,633
[chuckles]
275
00:10:59,633 --> 00:11:02,433
- WELL, DON'T YOU LADIES
LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
276
00:11:02,433 --> 00:11:05,067
- THANKS, RICO.
- THANKS FOR INVITING US.
277
00:11:05,067 --> 00:11:07,267
- NO PROBLEM. IT'S NICE
TO HAVE SOME FRIENDS OVER
278
00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:09,733
AND JUST HANG OUT
WITH MY FANG OUT, YOU KNOW?
279
00:11:09,733 --> 00:11:11,867
YOU CAME ON A SPECIAL NIGHT.
280
00:11:11,867 --> 00:11:14,667
- HOW SO?
- IT'S A TURNING PARTY...
281
00:11:14,667 --> 00:11:16,300
FOR CLAIRE.
282
00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:18,467
- UH, A-A TURNING PARTY?
283
00:11:18,467 --> 00:11:20,200
- [smooches]
284
00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:22,433
YOU EXCITED, BABY?
- VERY.
285
00:11:22,433 --> 00:11:24,767
- WHY DON'T YOU TWO GRAB
SOME DRINKS FROM THE BAR?
286
00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:27,567
OH, TELL DIVINA
TO GIVE YOU THE GOOD VODKA.
287
00:11:27,567 --> 00:11:29,433
YOU DESERVE IT.
288
00:11:29,433 --> 00:11:31,067
- OKAY.
289
00:11:42,133 --> 00:11:44,067
- EXCUSE ME.
I HAVE--
290
00:11:44,067 --> 00:11:46,633
EXCUSE ME.
I'M A POLICE OFFICER.
291
00:11:46,633 --> 00:11:48,200
AND I HAVE CAUSE--WHAT?
292
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:51,067
AND I HAVE CAUSE TO BELIEVE
THAT YOU MAY HAVE CONTRACTED
293
00:11:51,067 --> 00:11:52,100
THE ZOMBIE VIRUS.
294
00:11:52,100 --> 00:11:53,767
- JOHN-JOHN, SHH!
- HUH.
295
00:11:53,767 --> 00:11:56,400
I'M TRYING
TO MEMORIZE IT.
296
00:12:01,333 --> 00:12:03,967
[squishing, crunching]
297
00:12:07,700 --> 00:12:09,167
EXCUSE ME.
298
00:12:09,167 --> 00:12:11,367
I AM A POLICE OFFICER.
299
00:12:11,367 --> 00:12:13,067
AND I HAVE CAUSE TO BELIEVE
THAT YOU MAY HAVE--
300
00:12:13,067 --> 00:12:14,533
- COME ON,
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
301
00:12:14,533 --> 00:12:15,667
- HEY, YOU'RE NOT THE ONE
302
00:12:15,667 --> 00:12:17,700
WHO ALMOST GOT INDICTED
FOR MURDER, OKAY?
303
00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:18,900
WORK WITH ME.
304
00:12:18,900 --> 00:12:21,200
IF YOU CAN UNDERSTAND ME,
PLEASE INDICATE--
305
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:24,067
[gunshots]
OH, [bleep]!
306
00:12:24,067 --> 00:12:26,867
[zombie snarling]
307
00:12:31,067 --> 00:12:32,733
- WHOA!
308
00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:40,400
JOHN-JOHN! GO!
309
00:12:43,467 --> 00:12:46,700
OH, SHE GOT MY CLIPS!
- WHAT?
310
00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:48,500
- MY CLIPS!
311
00:12:48,500 --> 00:12:50,600
[zombies snarling]
312
00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:52,900
- HERE SHUT THE DOOR!
SHUT THE DOOR!
313
00:12:52,900 --> 00:12:54,233
[zombies snarling]
314
00:12:54,233 --> 00:12:57,067
- AAH!
- HOLD IT, HOLD IT!
315
00:12:57,067 --> 00:12:58,733
I GOT TO GET TO MY GUN.
316
00:12:58,733 --> 00:13:02,133
- I GOT TO GET A CLIP.
- YEAH.
317
00:13:02,133 --> 00:13:03,867
I THINK THEY LEFT.
318
00:13:06,733 --> 00:13:09,300
RUN?
- UH-HUH.
319
00:13:12,433 --> 00:13:15,400
- CLIP!
320
00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:17,867
- BUST THEY ASS!
BUST THEY ASS!
321
00:13:17,867 --> 00:13:20,133
[gunshots]
322
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,867
- GO, GO, GO!
323
00:13:22,867 --> 00:13:24,533
[gunshot]
324
00:13:24,533 --> 00:13:27,367
[zombie snarling]
- COME ON!
325
00:13:27,367 --> 00:13:28,700
I GOT TO GET MY WEAPON ON.
326
00:13:28,700 --> 00:13:32,333
- OH, DON'T EVER TALK
LIKE THAT AGAIN.
327
00:13:32,333 --> 00:13:35,767
- SO, BIG NIGHT, HUH?
328
00:13:35,767 --> 00:13:38,467
- YEAH, CAN YOU BELIEVE RICO
THREW THIS WHOLE PARTY FOR ME?
329
00:13:38,467 --> 00:13:40,167
- HAVE YOU THOUGHT
ABOUT IT MUCH--
330
00:13:40,167 --> 00:13:42,067
BECOMING A VAMPIRE?
- OH, YEAH.
331
00:13:42,067 --> 00:13:44,400
I THINK IT'S GONNA BE
THE BEST THING I'VE EVER DONE.
332
00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:46,733
- BUT WHAT IF IT'S NOT?
333
00:13:46,733 --> 00:13:48,933
I MEAN, THERE'S
NO GOING BACK, YOU KNOW?
334
00:13:48,933 --> 00:13:50,800
- WHY WOULD I WANT TO GO BACK?
335
00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:52,367
I'M NOT AN IDIOT, OKAY?
336
00:13:52,367 --> 00:13:55,067
I WROTE OUT A WHOLE
PRO-AND-CON LIST LAST WEEK--
337
00:13:55,067 --> 00:13:58,100
IMMORTALITY,
CONTROLLING ZOMBIES,
338
00:13:58,100 --> 00:13:59,867
RICO.
339
00:13:59,867 --> 00:14:02,367
- YEAH, I MEAN,
RICO'S CUTE, BUT--
340
00:14:02,367 --> 00:14:04,067
WAIT, CONTROLLING ZOMBIES?
341
00:14:04,067 --> 00:14:06,567
- RICO SAYS THEY DO IT THROUGH
SOME KIND OF MIND CONTROL.
342
00:14:06,567 --> 00:14:11,500
PLUS, CAN YOU IMAGINE
WHAT THE SEX IS LIKE?
343
00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:14,800
- NO, UM, NOT REALLY.
344
00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:17,800
[engine revving]
345
00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:19,567
- [sighs]
346
00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:21,400
LET'S JUST--
- LET'S TAKE CARE OF THIS.
347
00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:23,833
- YEAH.
348
00:14:23,833 --> 00:14:27,833
- UGH.
349
00:14:27,833 --> 00:14:29,433
UGH.
- OH, YEAH.
350
00:14:29,433 --> 00:14:30,733
- YEP.
- THAT'S IT.
351
00:14:30,733 --> 00:14:32,533
- UGH.
- ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO.
352
00:14:32,533 --> 00:14:33,667
- UH-HUH.
353
00:14:33,667 --> 00:14:35,867
- HEY, YOU KNOW,
A LITTLE HELP WOULD BE NICE.
354
00:14:38,433 --> 00:14:39,867
- JESUS.
READY?
355
00:14:39,867 --> 00:14:42,467
- ONE, TWO...
- [grunting]
356
00:14:42,467 --> 00:14:43,467
- THREE!
357
00:14:43,467 --> 00:14:44,567
[splatter]
358
00:14:44,567 --> 00:14:45,967
- AAH!
- OH-HO-HO!
359
00:14:45,967 --> 00:14:47,300
- OH-HO!
- OH!
360
00:14:47,300 --> 00:14:48,700
- OH, STU!
- STOP LAUGHING!
361
00:14:48,700 --> 00:14:52,300
- OH, YOU LOOK
DISGUSTING, MAN!
362
00:14:52,300 --> 00:14:55,467
I LOVE IT.
363
00:14:55,467 --> 00:14:58,167
[chain saw whirring]
364
00:15:01,333 --> 00:15:05,433
[power tools whirring]
365
00:15:20,233 --> 00:15:21,367
- YEAH.
366
00:15:21,367 --> 00:15:23,367
LET'S GO.
367
00:15:26,733 --> 00:15:28,500
- UGH!
368
00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:32,833
- WOW, I SEE YOU DIDN'T USE THAT
WAXING COUPON I GAVE YOU, HUH?
369
00:15:32,833 --> 00:15:36,067
[laughs]
370
00:15:36,067 --> 00:15:38,433
FYI, DO NOT GO OUT
ON A FULL MOON.
371
00:15:38,433 --> 00:15:39,933
YOU WILL GET LOCKED UP.
- [chuckles]
372
00:15:39,933 --> 00:15:41,467
- QUIET DOWN BACK THERE,
373
00:15:41,467 --> 00:15:44,767
NOBODY MAKES FUN
OF MY PARTNER BUT ME.
374
00:15:44,767 --> 00:15:48,100
- [chuckles]
NICE WIFE-BE--
375
00:15:48,100 --> 00:15:50,433
NICE WHITE, RIBBED
MEN'S TANK TOP.
376
00:15:50,433 --> 00:15:53,333
HEY, HOW ARE PEOPLE GONNA KNOW
WE'RE COPS, ANYWAY?
377
00:15:53,333 --> 00:15:55,233
- HOPEFULLY, THEY WON'T.
378
00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:01,300
- I DON'T CARE
HOW MUCH TROUBLE I GET INTO.
379
00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:05,233
I AIN'T DOING THAT PROTOCOL
BULL[bleep] NO MORE, EVER.
380
00:16:05,233 --> 00:16:06,800
- OH, THANK GOD
YOU'RE HERE.
381
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:08,300
- YOU'VE BEEN BIT.
- OH, REALLY?
382
00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:11,167
I WAS WONDERING WHY THE INSIDE
OF MY NECK WAS ON THE OUTSIDE.
383
00:16:11,167 --> 00:16:13,300
LOOK, I NEED YOU
TO KILL ME.
384
00:16:13,300 --> 00:16:14,800
I TRIED TO DO IT MYSELF,
BUT I CAN'T.
385
00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:15,800
[softly]
I'M CATHOLIC.
386
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:17,233
SO YOU'VE GOT TO DO IT,
387
00:16:17,233 --> 00:16:19,067
BECAUSE GOD KNOWS I'M NOT
GONNA SPEND MY LAST FEW MINUTES
388
00:16:19,067 --> 00:16:20,467
ON THIS EARTH
AS A ZOMBIE!
389
00:16:20,467 --> 00:16:22,833
OKAY, COME ON, KILL ME.
390
00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:27,233
KILL ME.
391
00:16:27,233 --> 00:16:30,300
I AM YOUR COMMANDING OFFICER,
AND THAT IS AN ORDER!
392
00:16:30,300 --> 00:16:32,400
YOU PUT ME DOWN
THIS INSTANT!
393
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,233
- YOU CALM DOWN. OKAY, I GET IT.
[Ribbings groaning]
394
00:16:34,233 --> 00:16:36,567
- AND I WILL PUT YOU DOWN.
395
00:16:36,567 --> 00:16:39,667
BUT FIRST,
THERE'S A CERTAIN PROTOCOL
396
00:16:39,667 --> 00:16:42,333
THAT I MUST FOLLOW
WHEN COMING ACROSS A, UM...
397
00:16:42,333 --> 00:16:44,633
DAMN, WHAT DO YOU CALL
THAT AGAIN, CARLA?
398
00:16:44,633 --> 00:16:46,967
- A PUS, JOHN-JOHN...
- MM.
399
00:16:46,967 --> 00:16:48,800
- POSSIBLE UNDEAD SUSPECT.
- RIGHT.
400
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,467
- [groaning]
OH, MY GOD!
401
00:16:50,467 --> 00:16:52,467
OH, MY GOD!
402
00:16:52,467 --> 00:16:55,333
- EXCUSE ME.
I'M A POLICE OFFICER,
403
00:16:55,333 --> 00:16:57,233
AND I HAVE CAUSE TO BELIEVE
YOU MAY HAVE CONTRACTED
404
00:16:57,233 --> 00:16:58,533
THE ZOMBIE VIRUS.
405
00:16:58,533 --> 00:17:00,367
- KILL ME, YOU JACKASS!
406
00:17:00,367 --> 00:17:02,100
- WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK,
JOHN-JOHN?
407
00:17:02,100 --> 00:17:03,533
- I DON'T KNOW.
408
00:17:03,533 --> 00:17:06,267
IT SAYS HERE THAT WE MUST WAIT
60 SECONDS FOR CONFIRMATION.
409
00:17:06,267 --> 00:17:07,600
- I'M A PUS!
410
00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:09,567
KILL ME!
411
00:17:20,100 --> 00:17:21,333
[loud crunch]
412
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:31,833
- COME HERE, CLAIRE.
413
00:17:50,267 --> 00:17:53,067
- [hissing]
- [hissing]
414
00:17:53,067 --> 00:17:56,133
- [moaning]
415
00:18:04,733 --> 00:18:06,133
[moans loudly]
416
00:18:06,133 --> 00:18:08,467
- SLUT.
417
00:18:08,467 --> 00:18:09,967
- I KNOW, RIGHT?
418
00:18:09,967 --> 00:18:12,533
- ACTUALLY,
I'VE TOTALLY FANTASIZED
419
00:18:12,533 --> 00:18:15,733
ABOUT BEING GANG-FANGED.
420
00:18:18,633 --> 00:18:21,300
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
421
00:18:45,300 --> 00:18:46,767
[thunder booms]
422
00:18:46,767 --> 00:18:48,600
- [grunting]
423
00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:52,067
[indistinct whispering]
424
00:19:02,900 --> 00:19:04,700
- JESUS.
425
00:19:20,133 --> 00:19:23,067
[applause]
426
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:31,233
- THAT WAS...
INSANE.
427
00:19:31,233 --> 00:19:33,133
- I KNOW! AREN'T YOU
SO PSYCHED THAT YOU CAME?
428
00:19:33,133 --> 00:19:36,533
COME ON,
LET'S GO SEE CLAIRE.
429
00:19:38,867 --> 00:19:41,200
- I'VE GOT MY EYE ON YOU.
430
00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:43,667
I KNOW YOUR SECRET.
431
00:19:43,667 --> 00:19:45,700
- YOU DO?
- WHY?
432
00:19:45,700 --> 00:19:47,233
YOU THINK
YOU'RE FOOLING ANYBODY?
433
00:19:47,233 --> 00:19:49,167
ON THE OUTSIDE,
YOU ACT ALL SWEET,
434
00:19:49,167 --> 00:19:50,733
INNOCENT,
435
00:19:50,733 --> 00:19:52,567
BUT DEEP DOWN INSIDE,
THERE'S A BAD GIRL
436
00:19:52,567 --> 00:19:54,900
JUST WANTING TO COME OUT.
437
00:19:54,900 --> 00:19:56,833
- HUH.
438
00:19:56,833 --> 00:19:59,067
I GUESS YOU DO KNOW
MY SECRET.
439
00:19:59,067 --> 00:20:01,867
- IT'S NOT
A SECRET ANYMORE, AMBER.
440
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:03,100
- MINDFREAK.
441
00:20:03,100 --> 00:20:04,767
- YEAH.
442
00:20:07,300 --> 00:20:11,267
- YOU CAN BE NEXT.
443
00:20:11,267 --> 00:20:14,000
I'M SERIOUS.
444
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:16,933
Captioning by CaptionMax
www.captionmax.com
445
00:20:28,100 --> 00:20:30,300
- LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE OURSELVES
A WEREWOLF TO APPREHEND.
446
00:20:30,300 --> 00:20:31,667
- [growling]
447
00:20:31,667 --> 00:20:33,533
- IT'S THE SAME VAMP
THAT JUMPED ME OUTSIDE THE BAR.
448
00:20:33,533 --> 00:20:35,133
- LET'S DO THIS.
- LET'S KICK SOME VAMP ASS!
449
00:20:35,133 --> 00:20:36,633
- FREEZE!
450
00:20:36,633 --> 00:20:38,833
- SHE'LL GET HER.
[gunshot]
451
00:20:38,833 --> 00:20:40,900
SHE STINKS!
- YEAH, SHE'S A ZOMBIE.
452
00:20:40,900 --> 00:20:42,033
- WHOA. HEY.
453
00:20:42,033 --> 00:20:43,333
- YOU THINK THOSE TWO ARE--
454
00:20:43,333 --> 00:20:45,333
- I DON'T WANT TO THINK
ABOUT IT.
455
00:20:45,333 --> 00:20:46,767
- JESUS! PULL OVER!
[shouts]
29797
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