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All language subtitles for 8.Bit.Christmas.2021.720p.HMAX.WEBRip.800MB.x264-GalaxyRG

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,235 --> 00:00:03,503 [MALE WEATHERMAN] Good morning, Chicago. 2 00:00:03,570 --> 00:00:05,005 The big question for Santa 3 00:00:05,071 --> 00:00:07,407 is can he handle the Chicago weather. 4 00:00:07,507 --> 00:00:09,142 [MAN] What do I want for Christmas? 5 00:00:09,209 --> 00:00:10,643 How about a winning team? 6 00:00:10,710 --> 00:00:12,245 Any Chicago team. 7 00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:14,381 [WOMAN 1] You've already put your wish in for Santa, right? 8 00:00:14,481 --> 00:00:16,883 [WOMAN 2] I sure have. I wrote a list, I checked it twice. 9 00:00:16,983 --> 00:00:19,152 [MALE REPORTER] Blackhawk fans around the world, 10 00:00:19,219 --> 00:00:20,687 fans everywhere have had... 11 00:00:20,754 --> 00:00:22,188 [WOMAN 3] And I love this time of year. 12 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:30,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 13 00:00:46,012 --> 00:00:47,447 [ADULT JAKE] We gotta hustle, Annie. 14 00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:48,948 - Come on. Let's go, go, go! - [PHONE CHIMES] 15 00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:51,351 That's my friends trying to reach me, isn't it? 16 00:00:51,418 --> 00:00:53,219 You know, if I had my own phone... 17 00:00:53,286 --> 00:00:57,457 Um, there's no quit in you, and it's inspiring. Still a hard no. 18 00:00:57,557 --> 00:00:59,726 Okay, let's say I'm in a burning building. 19 00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:01,694 No. A burning pet store. 20 00:01:01,761 --> 00:01:04,397 No. A burning orphanage, 21 00:01:04,464 --> 00:01:06,366 and I need to make a phone call. 22 00:01:06,433 --> 00:01:08,134 - You'd feel so terrible. - [PHONE CHIMES] 23 00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:09,536 Lives are at stake! 24 00:01:09,602 --> 00:01:11,037 You're not getting a phone, Annie. I'm sorry. 25 00:01:11,104 --> 00:01:12,972 I get more calls on your phone than you do. 26 00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,441 That's not true. 27 00:01:14,541 --> 00:01:17,243 My friends have to text you just to talk to me. 28 00:01:17,310 --> 00:01:18,711 It's embarrassing. 29 00:01:18,778 --> 00:01:20,880 I'm not embarrassing. Maeve's dad is embarrassing. 30 00:01:20,947 --> 00:01:22,749 Whoa! [GRUNTS] 31 00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:24,617 Ow! 32 00:01:26,152 --> 00:01:27,720 Still? The ice? 33 00:01:27,787 --> 00:01:29,823 - [SANTA] I told them to salt it. - [ADULT JAKE] Ow. 34 00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:31,891 - [ANNIE] You were saying? - [PHONE RINGING] 35 00:01:31,958 --> 00:01:33,593 [GROANING] One second. 36 00:01:34,894 --> 00:01:35,795 Jake Doyle. 37 00:01:37,997 --> 00:01:40,133 It's for you. 38 00:01:40,233 --> 00:01:44,270 [ADULT JAKE] Fifty-eight minutes to Grandpa and Grandma's. With traffic. 39 00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:45,805 Boom! 40 00:01:45,905 --> 00:01:48,108 Hey, you wanna shoot pucks in the driveway later? 41 00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,343 No, thanks. 42 00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:52,412 Why not? I thought you liked it. It's kind of our thing. 43 00:01:52,479 --> 00:01:53,780 I don't like hockey anymore. 44 00:01:54,614 --> 00:01:56,783 Oh, okay, well... 45 00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:59,319 maybe we can build a snowman with Mom and your brother? 46 00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:00,787 Dad. 47 00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:02,322 We could... 48 00:02:03,490 --> 00:02:05,358 Hey, hold up, hold up, hold up. 49 00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:09,195 Listen, kiddo, I'm sorry about the phone. It's not gonna happen. 50 00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:10,830 I hate to see you disappointed. 51 00:02:10,930 --> 00:02:13,833 Look, I know that this year is a little bit different, 52 00:02:13,933 --> 00:02:16,136 but you can still have a good Christmas. 53 00:02:16,202 --> 00:02:17,270 What about you? 54 00:02:19,839 --> 00:02:21,708 I always have a good Christmas. 55 00:02:23,042 --> 00:02:24,144 [ADULT JAKE] Hello? 56 00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,613 Mom? 57 00:02:26,679 --> 00:02:27,814 Must be out running errands. 58 00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:32,552 [ADULT JAKE] Katie? Charlie? 59 00:02:32,652 --> 00:02:34,220 [ANNIE] I'm bored. 60 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,389 Why couldn't we visit Aunt Lizzy in Australia instead? 61 00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:38,892 Those flights are crazy expensive. 62 00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,727 [ANNIE] Well... 63 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:42,462 what am I supposed to do here? 64 00:02:44,197 --> 00:02:45,131 I... 65 00:02:49,869 --> 00:02:51,037 [ADULT JAKE] Come on, come on. 66 00:02:52,405 --> 00:02:54,007 Ta-da! 67 00:02:54,073 --> 00:02:57,343 - What is that? - That's my Nintendo from when I was a kid. 68 00:02:57,410 --> 00:02:59,712 [ANNIE] Hmm. It looks like Tupperware. 69 00:02:59,812 --> 00:03:00,680 Tupperware? 70 00:03:01,581 --> 00:03:02,515 Come on, let's play. 71 00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,186 Can I text Maeve from your phone after? 72 00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:08,388 Can you... 73 00:03:08,488 --> 00:03:10,857 Yes, but can I show you how this works first, please? 74 00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:11,891 - [ANNIE] Yeah. - Thank you. 75 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:17,163 Oh, first you have to do this. [BLOWS] 76 00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:18,264 Why? 77 00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:19,766 I don't know, just how it works. 78 00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:22,035 - [BLOWING] - Nice. Maybe dust? 79 00:03:25,572 --> 00:03:26,573 [LAUGHS] 80 00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:30,176 I thought you said Grandma and Grandpa 81 00:03:30,243 --> 00:03:32,445 didn't let you have video games when you were little. 82 00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:33,446 They didn't. 83 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,783 Then how'd you get it? 84 00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:40,220 When I was a kid, I wanted a Nintendo worse than you want a phone. 85 00:03:40,286 --> 00:03:41,387 That's not possible. 86 00:03:42,755 --> 00:03:45,024 You know what? Today is your lucky day. 87 00:03:45,091 --> 00:03:49,462 Because I am now going to tell you the story about how I got my Nintendo. 88 00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:53,766 But it is possibly the most amazing, dangerous, 89 00:03:53,866 --> 00:03:56,302 awesome story of all time. 90 00:03:56,402 --> 00:03:59,239 So... can you handle it? 91 00:03:59,305 --> 00:04:02,242 Is it dangerous because I might die from boredom? 92 00:04:02,308 --> 00:04:03,743 That's a good point. 93 00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:07,580 The year was 1987. Or was it '88? 94 00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:09,282 No. '85, Bears. 95 00:04:09,382 --> 00:04:11,384 - Super Bowl was in '86... - Okay, does it really matter, Dad? 96 00:04:12,285 --> 00:04:13,386 Okay, okay. 97 00:04:13,453 --> 00:04:17,123 The year was the late '80s. 98 00:04:17,223 --> 00:04:18,324 We'll call it December. 99 00:04:19,158 --> 00:04:22,562 I was 11 years old. 100 00:04:22,629 --> 00:04:25,098 In the winter, if the streets were plowed, 101 00:04:25,164 --> 00:04:29,636 I could make it to Timmy Keane's house in just under eight minutes. 102 00:04:31,638 --> 00:04:33,640 [ANNIE] On a bike? How fast were you going? 103 00:04:33,740 --> 00:04:34,774 [ADULT JAKE] Super fast. 104 00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:35,908 [ANNIE] Did you wear a helmet? 105 00:04:35,975 --> 00:04:38,011 [ADULT JAKE] Yeah, of course. 106 00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,146 We always wore helmets in the '80s. 107 00:04:40,913 --> 00:04:42,348 Was it green? 108 00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:44,684 Um, yeah. It was green. 109 00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:46,185 [ADULT JAKE] Could I just tell the story? 110 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,086 - [ANNIE] Yeah. - [ADULT JAKE] Thanks. 111 00:04:57,363 --> 00:04:58,665 [PANTING] 112 00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:04,203 [CHILDREN CHANTING] Nintendo! Nintendo! Nintendo! 113 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,439 Nintendo! Nintendo! 114 00:05:06,506 --> 00:05:08,541 [ADULT JAKE] The rule at Keane's was simple. 115 00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:11,811 The first ten kids to get through his door got to play Nintendo. 116 00:05:11,878 --> 00:05:13,613 You know how you meet some people, 117 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:15,381 and you have no idea that they have a lot of money? 118 00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:18,017 Yeah. Timmy Keane was the opposite of that. 119 00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:20,687 A known psycho, 120 00:05:20,787 --> 00:05:22,722 he had the tendency to lose his mind on a regular basis. 121 00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:25,958 - [UMPIRE] You're out! - You! You! You! 122 00:05:26,025 --> 00:05:27,293 Stupid! 123 00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:29,162 Idiot Grandma! 124 00:05:30,963 --> 00:05:33,499 [ADULT JAKE] It was an early lesson in God's cruelty... 125 00:05:33,566 --> 00:05:38,504 giving the only Nintendo in town to a rich kid like Timmy Keane. 126 00:05:38,571 --> 00:05:42,508 And every kid at Mary Todd Lincoln Elementary was at his mercy... 127 00:05:42,575 --> 00:05:43,843 including my best friends. 128 00:05:43,910 --> 00:05:46,679 Oh, another Saturday in the trenches. 129 00:05:46,746 --> 00:05:48,247 [INHALES] 130 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,316 [ADULT JAKE] Mikey Trotter. 131 00:05:50,383 --> 00:05:54,721 Tough, tenacious. Was allowed to watch R-rated movies, and it showed. 132 00:05:54,821 --> 00:05:56,823 I wanna set land mines in this yard. 133 00:05:56,889 --> 00:06:00,059 Like in Platoon, blow everyone up. 134 00:06:00,159 --> 00:06:01,694 Sounds dangerous. 135 00:06:01,761 --> 00:06:03,229 [ADULT JAKE] Evan Olsen. 136 00:06:03,329 --> 00:06:06,432 Nervous, allergic to bees and SpaghettiOs. 137 00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:08,201 Probably has to go home soon. 138 00:06:08,267 --> 00:06:10,069 I probably gotta go home soon. 139 00:06:10,169 --> 00:06:11,437 More Nintendo for us. 140 00:06:11,537 --> 00:06:12,939 [ADULT JAKE] Tammy Hodges. 141 00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:15,274 Smart, confident, baseball card genius 142 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:18,177 and future CEO of Hodges Industries. 143 00:06:18,244 --> 00:06:19,779 My Canseco rookie went up two bucks! 144 00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:21,714 Yeah, that used to be my Canseco. 145 00:06:21,781 --> 00:06:22,749 [ADULT JAKE] Teddy Hodges. 146 00:06:22,849 --> 00:06:24,417 Tammy's twin brother. 147 00:06:24,517 --> 00:06:27,620 Future assistant to the CEO of Hodges Industries. 148 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,021 Hey, guys. What's up? 149 00:06:29,088 --> 00:06:30,757 [ADULT JAKE] Oh, yeah, and this kid. 150 00:06:30,857 --> 00:06:32,458 Sorry I'm late. I was on the phone with Bon Jovi. 151 00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:33,693 [ADULT JAKE] Jeff Farmer. 152 00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:35,094 Pathological liar. 153 00:06:35,194 --> 00:06:37,430 Not really our friend, but always around. 154 00:06:37,530 --> 00:06:39,065 And you left school early yesterday 155 00:06:39,132 --> 00:06:41,234 because Tom Cruise needed you to stunt double for him? 156 00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:43,636 He knows I too have a need for speed. 157 00:06:43,736 --> 00:06:45,405 So, you didn't have diarrhea? 158 00:06:45,471 --> 00:06:47,039 It was both. Tom Cruise and diarrhea. 159 00:06:47,106 --> 00:06:49,108 The two are not mutually exclusive. 160 00:06:49,208 --> 00:06:50,810 Shut up. He's coming out. 161 00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:52,979 [CHILDREN CHANTING] Nintendo! Nintendo! 162 00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:54,881 [CHILDREN SCREAMING] 163 00:06:59,819 --> 00:07:00,953 Nintendo! 164 00:07:01,053 --> 00:07:02,221 Nintendo! 165 00:07:02,288 --> 00:07:04,157 - Nintendo! - Silence! 166 00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,558 [ADULT JAKE] 8:00 a.m. 167 00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:07,160 Game time. 168 00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:10,062 Any of you huddled masses care for some Nintendo? 169 00:07:10,129 --> 00:07:11,764 [ALL] Yeah! 170 00:07:11,831 --> 00:07:13,299 Pick me! Pick me! 171 00:07:13,399 --> 00:07:15,935 You. You. You. 172 00:07:16,636 --> 00:07:18,237 You're good. 173 00:07:18,971 --> 00:07:20,640 Yes! I got in! 174 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:23,676 [MIKEY] We're in! 175 00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:25,278 I love this place. 176 00:07:25,344 --> 00:07:27,513 - [MIKEY] Whoa! - [TAMMY] Awesome. 177 00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:31,184 [ADULT JAKE] And there she was, glistening in all her gray plastic glory, 178 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:35,755 a maze of rubber wiring and electronic intelligence so advanced 179 00:07:35,822 --> 00:07:37,590 it was deemed not a video game, 180 00:07:37,657 --> 00:07:41,461 but an 8-bit entertainment system. 181 00:07:41,527 --> 00:07:43,196 Say hello to my little friend. 182 00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:45,698 Hey, boots off! 183 00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:47,700 There's tape over there if you have holes in your socks. 184 00:07:49,969 --> 00:07:51,771 Don't touch the wall! It's French. 185 00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:55,708 - Wait, my brother's still outside. - [TEDDY] Let me in! 186 00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:56,776 [TIMMY] You know the rules. 187 00:07:56,843 --> 00:07:58,311 First ten, that's it. 188 00:07:58,377 --> 00:07:59,278 But it's Teddy. 189 00:07:59,345 --> 00:08:00,680 [MOCKING] "But it's Teddy." 190 00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:01,647 [TEDDY] Jerk! 191 00:08:02,615 --> 00:08:04,116 Too bad, so sad. 192 00:08:04,183 --> 00:08:06,052 [ADULT JAKE] There was no denying he was a jerk. 193 00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:08,621 There was also no denying he had the coolest basement 194 00:08:08,688 --> 00:08:10,957 in the entire Central Time Zone. 195 00:08:11,023 --> 00:08:13,960 A pool table, shuffle board, pinball machine, 196 00:08:14,026 --> 00:08:16,629 pop machine, movie-style popcorn-maker. 197 00:08:16,696 --> 00:08:18,231 [TIMMY] Hey, no sucking on the soda pop. 198 00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:20,333 [ADULT JAKE] And a snack drawer better stocked 199 00:08:20,399 --> 00:08:22,702 than most supermarkets in the greater Chicago area. 200 00:08:22,802 --> 00:08:25,071 You guys hungry? You want some Pop-Tarts or something? 201 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:27,340 - Yeah. That'd be great. - [JAKE] Sure. 202 00:08:27,406 --> 00:08:28,875 - [BEEPING] - Mom. 203 00:08:30,476 --> 00:08:32,211 Mom! 204 00:08:32,311 --> 00:08:34,380 - Mom, wake up! - [MRS. KEANE] What? 205 00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:35,414 Get me a Pop-Tart! 206 00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:36,749 [MRS. KEANE] Uh, how many? 207 00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:41,354 - Just one. - [MRS. KEANE] Does anybody... 208 00:08:42,421 --> 00:08:43,422 [SIGHING] 209 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:44,423 [YAPS] 210 00:08:48,594 --> 00:08:49,662 Winner stays. 211 00:08:50,997 --> 00:08:51,998 Die, die! 212 00:08:52,064 --> 00:08:53,933 You're dead. You're dead. 213 00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:56,269 You're dead. [LAUGHS] 214 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:57,403 Hey, you guys wanna play? 215 00:08:58,070 --> 00:08:59,338 Psych! Boom! 216 00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:01,774 I can do this all day. 217 00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:04,076 [ADULT JAKE] As I sat there and watched Timmy Keane 218 00:09:04,176 --> 00:09:08,214 blast away an inch from the screen to his evil heart's content, 219 00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:09,749 one thing became clear. 220 00:09:09,849 --> 00:09:11,918 I needed to get my own Nintendo. 221 00:09:12,018 --> 00:09:13,219 Fast. 222 00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:14,554 [FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYING] 223 00:09:18,958 --> 00:09:20,393 [KATHY] Oh, gee! 224 00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:23,896 Y-O-U-R is possessive. 225 00:09:23,963 --> 00:09:25,965 [ADULT JAKE] For weeks, I'd been plotting 226 00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:29,035 how to get my parents to say "yes" to a Nintendo for Christmas. 227 00:09:29,101 --> 00:09:31,270 [KATHY] "Scout" is misspelled. 228 00:09:31,370 --> 00:09:34,440 [ADULT JAKE] Tonight was the night I'd finally put my plan into action. 229 00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:37,310 - [KATHY] "Atticus" is misspelled. - [JAKE] Mom. 230 00:09:38,044 --> 00:09:39,245 Uh, hey, Mom. 231 00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:41,314 I'm so sorry, Mom, 232 00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,249 but I got some ketchup on my sweatshirt. 233 00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:46,319 Oh, gosh. All right, let's get that out before it sets in. 234 00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,454 You know, we bought that sweatshirt two sizes too big. 235 00:09:48,554 --> 00:09:50,156 - I know. - It's gotta last you another year. 236 00:09:51,223 --> 00:09:54,327 I don't know. Wow! Jesus! 237 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,662 [ADULT JAKE] My mom was always multi-tasking. 238 00:09:56,762 --> 00:09:58,130 She thrived on the chaos. 239 00:09:58,230 --> 00:10:00,232 Two things at once, she was golden. 240 00:10:00,299 --> 00:10:04,170 But if you gave her a third task to juggle, things got dicey, 241 00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:07,340 and you could get her to agree to stuff she wouldn't normally agree to. 242 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,409 Hey, so, Mom, I was thinking, for Christmas... 243 00:10:10,476 --> 00:10:12,578 A kid who thinks. How refreshing. 244 00:10:12,645 --> 00:10:14,847 Maybe you could teach my students that. 245 00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:16,349 Sure? 246 00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,250 But just to make Christmas shopping 247 00:10:18,317 --> 00:10:20,586 a little easier for me this year... 248 00:10:20,653 --> 00:10:22,488 how about getting me a Nintendo? 249 00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,358 Sure. That sounds great. 250 00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:27,360 [ADULT JAKE] Mom gauntlet passed. 251 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:28,594 [JOHN] God bless it! 252 00:10:28,661 --> 00:10:30,196 Is everything all right in there? 253 00:10:31,263 --> 00:10:34,033 Has anyone seen my SKIL saw? 254 00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:36,202 I think it's in the shower. 255 00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:40,206 No, that's my jigsaw. I need my SKIL saw. 256 00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:42,875 John, the SKIL saw is underneath the jigsaw. 257 00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:45,277 You have to look harder. 258 00:10:45,344 --> 00:10:48,481 - Those are for the Muellers. - [STAMMERS] 259 00:10:48,547 --> 00:10:50,683 [ADULT JAKE] Of the 6,000 Christmas cookies 260 00:10:50,783 --> 00:10:52,385 my mom had baked over the years, 261 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:55,221 no one in my family had ever actually eaten one. 262 00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:56,722 Hey, the milk is expired. 263 00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:58,557 No. That's a suggestion. It's fine. 264 00:10:58,658 --> 00:10:59,792 Jake! Where... 265 00:10:59,859 --> 00:11:01,293 - Oh. - What? 266 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:03,562 Come on in here and help me. 267 00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,631 [ADULT JAKE] Normally, helping my dad with whatever half-baked renovation 268 00:11:05,698 --> 00:11:07,667 he was doing would be the last thing I wanted to do, 269 00:11:07,733 --> 00:11:10,736 but tonight, I was a man on a mission. 270 00:11:11,537 --> 00:11:13,005 I'll be right in, Dad. 271 00:11:13,072 --> 00:11:14,340 [KATHY] Wow, look at that. 272 00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:16,575 He finally wore you down. 273 00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:20,479 [ADULT JAKE] My dad was something of a dyslexic Bob Vila. 274 00:11:20,546 --> 00:11:23,816 It was well-known up and down Linwood Avenue that in 1978 275 00:11:23,883 --> 00:11:28,320 my father went to install a kitchen cabinet and had not stopped since. 276 00:11:28,387 --> 00:11:30,690 [KATHY] Please wear your safety glasses this time. 277 00:11:30,756 --> 00:11:32,358 [ANNIE] Did you wear the safety glasses? 278 00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:33,426 [ADULT JAKE] Absolutely. 279 00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:36,362 Really? 280 00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:38,698 Kind of. 281 00:11:43,002 --> 00:11:45,538 All right, you can take that off now. 282 00:11:45,604 --> 00:11:47,406 - [JAKE] What? - [JOHN] Take it off. 283 00:11:47,506 --> 00:11:48,574 Oh. 284 00:11:48,674 --> 00:11:50,176 We'll look for the glasses later. 285 00:11:50,242 --> 00:11:52,878 It's really more of a suggestion. 286 00:11:56,348 --> 00:11:57,416 [JAKE] Wow. 287 00:11:57,516 --> 00:11:59,251 How'd you get your hands so strong? 288 00:11:59,351 --> 00:12:02,288 I've been working with them for over 30 years, that's how. 289 00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,190 - That's so cool. - Yeah? 290 00:12:04,256 --> 00:12:06,125 Maybe you guys could get me something for Christmas 291 00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:08,928 that builds up my hand strength, so I could help you out better. 292 00:12:11,363 --> 00:12:14,133 You know, I like the sound of that. 293 00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:15,201 Like a Nintendo? 294 00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:17,303 Yeah. 295 00:12:18,704 --> 00:12:20,806 Done. [CHUCKLES] 296 00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:22,708 All right. Let's go clean up. Come on. 297 00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:24,477 [ANNIE] You did it, Dad! 298 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:25,578 They said yes. 299 00:12:25,644 --> 00:12:27,313 I was on cloud nine. 300 00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:29,982 So the story's over, right? 301 00:12:30,082 --> 00:12:31,383 Cool. Can I text Maeve now? 302 00:12:32,384 --> 00:12:33,252 Uh-uh. 303 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,655 [KATHY] John, that cup is disgusting. 304 00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:39,225 This is the exact cup I was drinking out of when... 305 00:12:39,291 --> 00:12:40,760 When they beat the North Stars 306 00:12:40,826 --> 00:12:43,162 - in the Conference semis in '85. - Fine. Yep. 307 00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:46,065 It's a beautiful memory and a gross cup. 308 00:12:46,632 --> 00:12:47,933 Totally. 309 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,935 Stop saying "totally." You sound like a moron. 310 00:12:50,002 --> 00:12:51,837 [JOHN] And what's your retainer doing out of your mouth? 311 00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:53,339 But we're eating. 312 00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:55,407 Do you know how expensive that thing is? Put it back in. 313 00:12:55,474 --> 00:12:58,744 John, he really can't eat with it in. It doesn't work that way. 314 00:12:58,811 --> 00:13:01,347 Well, it won't work at all if he loses it. 315 00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:03,783 I mean, orthodontistry is the biggest racket. 316 00:13:03,849 --> 00:13:05,484 I could make one of those. Easy. 317 00:13:05,584 --> 00:13:08,320 Couple of paper clips, mouth guard... [WHISTLES] Done. 318 00:13:08,420 --> 00:13:10,689 I'd like you to finish the living room and the dining room 319 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,625 before you start work on their retainers. 320 00:13:12,691 --> 00:13:15,694 If I had a retainer, I'd wear it all the time, no matter what. 321 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:18,297 I know you would, honey. You're such a sweetheart. 322 00:13:19,698 --> 00:13:21,867 Hey, you haven't seen my air compressor, have you? 323 00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:23,435 It's in the backyard, 324 00:13:23,502 --> 00:13:25,204 right next to all the dog poop that Jake didn't pick up. 325 00:13:26,038 --> 00:13:26,972 Hey. 326 00:13:27,039 --> 00:13:28,440 You haven't picked that up yet? 327 00:13:28,507 --> 00:13:29,675 Cry in a bucket, Jake. 328 00:13:29,775 --> 00:13:31,177 What have you been doing all day? 329 00:13:31,277 --> 00:13:32,711 I was in Timmy Keane's basement. 330 00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,213 What, you can't play outside? 331 00:13:34,313 --> 00:13:35,214 It's cold. 332 00:13:35,314 --> 00:13:36,949 It's not even below zero out. 333 00:13:37,016 --> 00:13:38,384 What've you been doing inside all day? 334 00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:40,820 Probably playing the Mimtendo? 335 00:13:40,886 --> 00:13:41,987 "Nintendo." 336 00:13:42,054 --> 00:13:43,722 That's what I just said. "Intendo," John. 337 00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:46,358 You know, I ran into Mrs. Trotter at the Jewel today. 338 00:13:46,458 --> 00:13:49,061 Apparently, video games have been doing 339 00:13:49,161 --> 00:13:51,897 all kinds of strange things to children in Japan. 340 00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:53,732 Like what? 341 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:56,702 They get so involved, they completely forget about everything else. 342 00:13:56,802 --> 00:13:57,903 School, friends. 343 00:13:58,003 --> 00:14:00,406 One little boy had a brain aneurysm 344 00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:02,908 and stuff oozed out of his nose. 345 00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:05,744 I'm very glad that we do not have one. [CHUCKLES] 346 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:08,547 But you said I could get one for Christmas. 347 00:14:08,647 --> 00:14:11,584 I said nothing of the sort. 348 00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:14,253 Video games make you fat, Jake. It's a fact. 349 00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:16,722 Cabbage Patch Kids don't make you fat. 350 00:14:16,822 --> 00:14:18,090 [JAKE] No, no, no. 351 00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:20,025 Dad, you said I could have one, too. 352 00:14:20,092 --> 00:14:21,894 No, I didn't. Well, okay, I did. 353 00:14:21,994 --> 00:14:24,663 But I thought that it was an Asian tool brand, like Makita. 354 00:14:24,730 --> 00:14:27,032 You know what? You should be playing outside. 355 00:14:27,099 --> 00:14:30,002 Evan Olsen almost got frostbite from playing outside. 356 00:14:30,069 --> 00:14:31,904 He almost lost his pinkie toe. 357 00:14:32,004 --> 00:14:33,839 The Olsens are weak stock. 358 00:14:33,906 --> 00:14:35,374 No Nintendo in my house. 359 00:14:36,108 --> 00:14:37,209 I second that. 360 00:14:37,276 --> 00:14:38,844 Me three, and that makes a majority. 361 00:14:41,013 --> 00:14:43,616 Looks like a no-go on the 'Tendo. 362 00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,851 [LAUGHS] 363 00:14:45,918 --> 00:14:47,853 She's funny, John. 364 00:14:49,255 --> 00:14:50,756 [JOHN] Best kid ever. 365 00:14:50,856 --> 00:14:52,958 [ADULT JAKE] And just like that, it was gone. 366 00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:55,060 I was never getting my own Nintendo. 367 00:14:55,127 --> 00:14:56,629 My life was over. 368 00:15:00,432 --> 00:15:02,401 Jake. Jake. 369 00:15:02,468 --> 00:15:04,370 Come on. You gotta focus, man. 370 00:15:04,436 --> 00:15:06,872 [EVAN] His parents said he couldn't get a Nintendo last night. 371 00:15:06,939 --> 00:15:08,407 When my parents said no, I was so mad, 372 00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:10,609 I started calling them by their first names. 373 00:15:10,709 --> 00:15:14,046 Okay, well, channel that anger into taking down Jagorski. 374 00:15:14,113 --> 00:15:15,447 [GRUNTING] 375 00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:17,750 [JOSH] Yeah! 376 00:15:17,816 --> 00:15:19,251 Yeah! 377 00:15:19,318 --> 00:15:20,586 Let's go! 378 00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:23,088 [GROWLING] 379 00:15:23,155 --> 00:15:25,591 [ADULT JAKE] Every day before school, we would gather, 380 00:15:25,658 --> 00:15:28,494 for reasons unknown, to get pummeled by Jagorski 381 00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:30,429 in the game King of the Mountain. 382 00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:32,798 [ALL SCREAMING] 383 00:15:32,898 --> 00:15:35,935 My mountain! Mine! 384 00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:39,838 [ADULT JAKE] It was never quite certain what grade Josh "King of the Mountain" Jagorski 385 00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,240 was actually enrolled in, 386 00:15:41,307 --> 00:15:43,409 as the vast majority of his time 387 00:15:43,475 --> 00:15:45,644 was spent in such foreign districts as the principal's office, 388 00:15:45,744 --> 00:15:48,814 and the adult beverage refrigerator case at the gas station. 389 00:15:48,914 --> 00:15:51,850 [GROWLING] 390 00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:53,919 [JOSH] Bye and bye. 391 00:15:53,986 --> 00:15:57,323 Yeah! Come on! 392 00:15:57,423 --> 00:16:00,659 He smells like my dad after he practices guitar in the garage. 393 00:16:00,759 --> 00:16:01,860 Who wants a piece 394 00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:05,597 of this delicious strawberry cake? 395 00:16:05,664 --> 00:16:08,033 This is it. Let's go! 396 00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:10,035 - Why now? - Do we have to? 397 00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:11,036 Come on! 398 00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:12,504 Come here! 399 00:16:12,604 --> 00:16:13,872 [SCREAMING] 400 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,976 Let's go! Let's go! Go, go, go! 401 00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:22,982 Come on! 402 00:16:23,048 --> 00:16:24,616 [MIKEY] Oh, no! 403 00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:26,552 Yeah! 404 00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:27,619 Come on. 405 00:16:29,221 --> 00:16:31,890 How about a nice face wash, Doyle? 406 00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:36,028 [SCREAMS] 407 00:16:36,128 --> 00:16:37,129 Yeah! 408 00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:40,232 [JAKE] I hate that guy! 409 00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:41,400 Me too. 410 00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:42,868 Just think about the Power Glove, man. 411 00:16:42,968 --> 00:16:45,237 What? What Power Glove? 412 00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:46,405 Yo, you didn't tell him? 413 00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:48,173 - I thought you told him. - [MIKEY] No. 414 00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:51,510 The Power Glove. Keane got one last night. 415 00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:53,912 No way! 416 00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,381 - Yes, way. - [JAKE] For real. 417 00:16:55,481 --> 00:16:57,850 - [JAKE] Awesome! - Look, he's already practicing. 418 00:17:00,319 --> 00:17:01,520 [TAMMY] Nice! 419 00:17:01,587 --> 00:17:03,188 [TIMMY] Psych! 420 00:17:03,255 --> 00:17:05,224 We're all going over to his house after school to play it. 421 00:17:05,324 --> 00:17:06,525 He's gonna let us in? 422 00:17:06,592 --> 00:17:08,360 We gotta bribe him with gifts, but yeah. 423 00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:10,429 Who else knows? 424 00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:11,397 Just us. 425 00:17:11,997 --> 00:17:12,898 Well... 426 00:17:14,032 --> 00:17:15,167 and Farmer. 427 00:17:15,234 --> 00:17:17,770 Great. Farmer knows. Secret's safe. 428 00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:20,539 [CHILDREN CHANTING] Power Glove! Power Glove! 429 00:17:20,606 --> 00:17:23,842 I didn't say anything to anyone, I swear to God. 430 00:17:23,909 --> 00:17:26,445 All right, fine. Maybe Meg Platt, Steve Dybsky, 431 00:17:26,545 --> 00:17:29,615 my second-period gym class, Coach Wallach, but that's it. 432 00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:31,450 Come on, Farmer. Now we're never gonna get in. 433 00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:33,452 I have a Power Glove at my house. 434 00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:35,120 My uncle works at the cardboard company... 435 00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:37,389 You don't have one, Farmer. 436 00:17:38,257 --> 00:17:39,925 No, I do not. 437 00:17:40,025 --> 00:17:42,628 I don't think anybody in Chicago has one yet besides Keane. 438 00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:44,296 He's coming out! 439 00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:47,900 [CHILDREN CHANTING] Power Glove! Power Glove! Power Glove! 440 00:17:49,768 --> 00:17:51,437 This is so dumb. 441 00:17:51,537 --> 00:17:53,138 Just do it. 442 00:17:53,238 --> 00:17:55,808 [CHILDREN CHANTING] Power Glove! Power Glove! Power Glove! 443 00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:58,277 [BOOM BOX PLAYING] 444 00:17:58,377 --> 00:18:02,214 ♪ I'm holding out for a hero Till the end of the night ♪ 445 00:18:02,281 --> 00:18:05,584 ♪ He's gotta be strong And he's gotta be fast ♪ 446 00:18:05,651 --> 00:18:08,720 ♪ And he's gotta be fresh From the fight ♪ 447 00:18:08,787 --> 00:18:11,290 - [MOUTHING] - ♪ I need a hero ♪ 448 00:18:11,390 --> 00:18:13,158 [ALL CHEERING] 449 00:18:17,062 --> 00:18:18,730 Yeah, Keane, yeah! 450 00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:26,572 [ADULT JAKE] It was the most beautiful piece of machinery 451 00:18:26,638 --> 00:18:28,507 I'd ever laid eyes on. 452 00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:32,244 The thing made Luke Skywalker's robot hand look like a Tinker toy. 453 00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:34,613 Silence, children of Batavia. 454 00:18:35,814 --> 00:18:36,682 And Coach. 455 00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:39,751 What have you brought me? 456 00:18:39,818 --> 00:18:41,186 [ALL] Me! Me! Me! 457 00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:43,989 I got a goldfish! I got a goldfish! 458 00:18:44,089 --> 00:18:47,426 Untraceable cash money! 459 00:18:47,493 --> 00:18:49,194 You're not getting in with that, dude. 460 00:18:49,294 --> 00:18:51,697 It's a summer sausage. It's gourmet. 461 00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:53,632 It's the best I could find. 462 00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:54,666 [BOY] Gimme! Gimme! 463 00:18:54,766 --> 00:18:55,701 One! 464 00:18:56,435 --> 00:18:57,669 Two! Three! 465 00:18:57,769 --> 00:18:59,638 Hey, I got my dad's Sports Illustrated. 466 00:18:59,705 --> 00:19:01,173 Yeah. Four. Yeah. 467 00:19:01,273 --> 00:19:02,641 NASA moon rocks? 468 00:19:02,708 --> 00:19:04,176 Moon rocks? No. 469 00:19:04,276 --> 00:19:05,377 Summer sausage! 470 00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:07,446 - It's my dad's. It's gourmet. - No. 471 00:19:09,348 --> 00:19:13,685 [CONNOR] I got a goldfish, Keane! You want it? 472 00:19:13,785 --> 00:19:16,455 - But it's a good pet. It's a fish. - [TIMMY] No. 473 00:19:28,700 --> 00:19:30,169 Good girl, good girl. 474 00:19:30,235 --> 00:19:31,637 [DOG GROWLING] 475 00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:40,078 Fetch! Go! 476 00:19:43,982 --> 00:19:45,184 [TIMMY] Settle down, peons. 477 00:19:47,553 --> 00:19:49,354 - Gentlemen. - [CLEARS THROAT] 478 00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:52,424 Gentlemen and the Hodges girl. 479 00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:54,393 Behold the Power Glove... 480 00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:56,061 in all of its... 481 00:19:57,429 --> 00:19:58,363 power. 482 00:19:59,898 --> 00:20:01,934 Timmy Keane, dream journal. 483 00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,102 I had the dream about Tammy Hodges again. 484 00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:06,505 She was on a white horse, I was on a beach. 485 00:20:06,572 --> 00:20:08,941 - I don't know what that means. - Turn it off! 486 00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:10,676 - [MRS. KEANE] Timmy, do you have your jammies on? - [TIMMY] Mom, get out of here! 487 00:20:10,742 --> 00:20:12,277 [MRS. KEANE] Okay. 488 00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:15,180 - No one heard that. Understand? - Yeah. 489 00:20:16,415 --> 00:20:17,282 [EXHALING] 490 00:20:18,183 --> 00:20:19,618 Behold... 491 00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:22,421 the power of the Power Glove. 492 00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:25,958 [TIMMY] You ready, Hodges? 493 00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,793 Not everyone can use these things, by the way. 494 00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:30,295 You have to be specially trained in Taekwondo 495 00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:33,298 which is like karate, but just more expensive. 496 00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:35,434 [JAKE] What a tool. 497 00:20:35,534 --> 00:20:37,703 [ADULT JAKE] Oh, man. This was it. 498 00:20:37,769 --> 00:20:39,938 The Power Glove. At last. 499 00:20:40,038 --> 00:20:43,742 Each one of us in that basement knew we were about to witness history. 500 00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:49,915 Feel the Glove. 501 00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:51,450 Felt like an Isotoner. 502 00:20:51,550 --> 00:20:53,452 This is how you really punch with power. 503 00:20:55,487 --> 00:20:57,923 - [TIMMY] Come on. - [ALL] Oh! 504 00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,094 - [MIKEY] Go, Tammy! - [TEDDY] Go, Tammy, get him, get him! 505 00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:03,996 Boom! You can give up now. 506 00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:06,832 Nah. I think I'll win instead. 507 00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:08,634 [MIKEY] Yeah, Tammy! 508 00:21:09,601 --> 00:21:11,236 Get him, Tammy! Get him! 509 00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:13,772 [ALL] Whoa! 510 00:21:13,839 --> 00:21:14,773 Come on! 511 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,842 Work! 512 00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:19,111 [ADULT JAKE] We thought he was just making excuses, being a sore loser. 513 00:21:19,177 --> 00:21:22,581 But we'd later realized a horror that defined our generation. 514 00:21:22,648 --> 00:21:24,816 The Power Glove sucked. 515 00:21:24,916 --> 00:21:26,184 This glove sucks! 516 00:21:27,319 --> 00:21:28,787 Hi-ya! Hi-ya! 517 00:21:30,989 --> 00:21:32,824 Come on, unleash your power! 518 00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:36,828 [JAKE] Yeah, yeah! 519 00:21:36,928 --> 00:21:38,997 It's not working! Come on! 520 00:21:39,097 --> 00:21:41,199 [MAN IN GAME] Silence him! 521 00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:42,968 [ALL CHEERING] Yeah! 522 00:21:43,869 --> 00:21:46,038 Mommy, Tammy cheated! 523 00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:49,274 Sucks to lose... to a girl. 524 00:21:49,341 --> 00:21:51,043 - [ALL] Ooh! - [SCREAMS] 525 00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:53,045 [ADULT JAKE] Maybe it was the glove. 526 00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:54,313 You tell 'em, Keane! 527 00:21:54,379 --> 00:21:55,714 [ADULT JAKE] Maybe it was the song. 528 00:21:56,381 --> 00:21:57,783 Chop, chop, chop! 529 00:21:57,849 --> 00:21:59,685 Hai karate, Keane! 530 00:21:59,785 --> 00:22:02,954 [ADULT JAKE] Maybe it was because he was just such an idiot. 531 00:22:03,021 --> 00:22:07,025 But Timmy Keane lost his dang mind that day. 532 00:22:07,125 --> 00:22:09,828 Go, Keane, go! Taekwondo! 533 00:22:09,895 --> 00:22:12,731 [ALL] Go, Keane, go! Taekwondo! 534 00:22:12,831 --> 00:22:15,400 [ALL] Go, Keane, go! Taekwondo! 535 00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:16,368 [SCREAMS] 536 00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:20,339 [KIDS SCREAMING IN HORROR] 537 00:22:21,340 --> 00:22:23,742 [ALL GASP] 538 00:22:23,842 --> 00:22:25,811 [MRS. KEANE OVER INTERCOM] Does anybody want some Tang? 539 00:22:25,877 --> 00:22:27,713 I just made a batch. 540 00:22:27,813 --> 00:22:30,182 [ADULT JAKE] A marble stuck in a nostril... 541 00:22:30,248 --> 00:22:31,750 shattering Mom's antique vase. 542 00:22:31,850 --> 00:22:34,653 Picnics in the fricking park compared to this. 543 00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:36,888 For there, lying under the weight 544 00:22:36,988 --> 00:22:40,425 of a smashed 42-inch television set... 545 00:22:40,525 --> 00:22:42,361 was a dead dog. 546 00:22:42,427 --> 00:22:43,662 What? 547 00:22:43,729 --> 00:22:45,097 The dog dies? 548 00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:47,265 There's a dead dog in this story? 549 00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:50,268 Hey, what can I tell ya? It was the '80s. 550 00:22:50,369 --> 00:22:51,937 Stuff got real. 551 00:22:52,037 --> 00:22:54,005 I thought you said you were super safe in the '80s? 552 00:22:54,072 --> 00:22:55,907 It was a complicated decade. 553 00:22:56,007 --> 00:22:57,342 Are you making all this up? 554 00:22:57,409 --> 00:22:58,777 No. No. No way. 555 00:22:59,745 --> 00:23:01,613 Okay, well... 556 00:23:01,713 --> 00:23:03,382 what happened next in the basement? 557 00:23:03,448 --> 00:23:06,017 I mean, I don't really care. But... 558 00:23:08,420 --> 00:23:09,788 What did you do? 559 00:23:09,888 --> 00:23:13,058 We did what any rational, thoughtful, responsible kids 560 00:23:13,125 --> 00:23:14,960 would've done in our position. 561 00:23:15,060 --> 00:23:16,027 [ALL EXCLAIMING] Run! 562 00:23:19,231 --> 00:23:20,465 [EVAN] Why is everyone running? 563 00:23:20,565 --> 00:23:23,135 [TAMMY] Go, go, go! 564 00:23:23,235 --> 00:23:25,637 - [EVAN] What's happening? - We gotta get outta here! 565 00:23:25,737 --> 00:23:28,073 [EVAN] What's going on? What's going on? 566 00:23:28,140 --> 00:23:30,609 - The sound of all those bones breaking... - What do you mean, "bones"? 567 00:23:30,709 --> 00:23:34,112 It's game over at Keane's! Just go! Go! Go! Go! 568 00:23:34,646 --> 00:23:36,481 Go! 569 00:23:36,581 --> 00:23:38,984 [YELLS INDISTINCTLY] 570 00:23:39,084 --> 00:23:42,988 [ADULT JAKE] It was the end-o of Nintendo at Keane's as we knew it. 571 00:23:43,088 --> 00:23:44,623 So many thoughts raced through my head. 572 00:23:44,723 --> 00:23:46,825 Would I be arrested? Would I go to jail? 573 00:23:46,925 --> 00:23:49,261 Or worse, would I ever play Nintendo again? 574 00:23:57,436 --> 00:24:00,138 It's gonna be snow, snow, snow. 575 00:24:00,238 --> 00:24:01,973 [LIZZY] Snow! 576 00:24:02,073 --> 00:24:03,842 [WEATHERMAN] We have a northwest clipper coming off 577 00:24:03,942 --> 00:24:05,177 - of the south side of Lake Michigan. - Yes! 578 00:24:05,277 --> 00:24:07,512 God bless it. 579 00:24:07,612 --> 00:24:09,181 [WEATHERMAN] And at Christmas time that's just perfect. 580 00:24:11,450 --> 00:24:14,085 Can't read Jenny Jablecki's handwriting on this, Mom. 581 00:24:14,152 --> 00:24:16,455 [KATHY] If there is a heart over the "I"... 582 00:24:16,521 --> 00:24:17,789 mark it wrong and move on. 583 00:24:19,090 --> 00:24:20,525 Are we gonna have a snow day today? 584 00:24:20,625 --> 00:24:23,695 I don't want anyone here getting their hopes up. 585 00:24:23,795 --> 00:24:25,096 It's probably not gonna happen. 586 00:24:25,163 --> 00:24:27,299 I don't want anyone getting upset, okay? 587 00:24:27,365 --> 00:24:30,035 [ADULT JAKE] In the history of Batavia, Illinois, 588 00:24:30,135 --> 00:24:32,103 there had never been a snow day. 589 00:24:32,170 --> 00:24:33,939 Not a single one. 590 00:24:34,005 --> 00:24:36,374 It could be 20 below with a Soviet attack on the way 591 00:24:36,475 --> 00:24:38,543 - and we'd still have school. - [REPORTER] We just got this in. 592 00:24:38,643 --> 00:24:41,346 In Kane County, the school closures are as follows... 593 00:24:41,446 --> 00:24:43,014 - [LIZZY] Come on! - [REPORTER] Geneva, 594 00:24:43,114 --> 00:24:44,349 - Come on! - [REPORTER] Elburn... 595 00:24:44,449 --> 00:24:45,884 - [JAKE] Come on! - [REPORTER] South Elgin, 596 00:24:45,984 --> 00:24:48,720 [REPORTER] North Aurora, and... that's it. 597 00:24:48,820 --> 00:24:50,889 - Stupid! - Oh, no! 598 00:24:50,989 --> 00:24:52,824 Mary of God! 599 00:24:54,226 --> 00:24:56,795 I told you guys not to get your hopes up. 600 00:24:56,862 --> 00:24:59,130 - [JAKE] You okay, Mom? - [KATHY] All right. You have to eat something. 601 00:25:00,799 --> 00:25:02,501 - Here. - This is frozen. 602 00:25:02,567 --> 00:25:04,836 Yes, put it under your armpits for two minutes, it'll thaw out. 603 00:25:04,903 --> 00:25:06,738 Guys, coats, gloves. What are we doing? 604 00:25:06,838 --> 00:25:07,973 Jake, don't forget your boots. 605 00:25:08,039 --> 00:25:10,075 Yeah. Don't forget your boots, Jake. 606 00:25:10,175 --> 00:25:13,311 - [LIZZY LAUGHS] - [SIGHS] 607 00:25:13,378 --> 00:25:18,083 [ADULT JAKE] My mother, in a multi-tasking, cold, coupon-induced bout of madness, 608 00:25:18,183 --> 00:25:20,919 had accidentally bought me girl's boots. 609 00:25:30,829 --> 00:25:33,331 Back then, they were a death sentence. 610 00:25:33,398 --> 00:25:36,501 I should note, they were also flowered and French. 611 00:25:36,568 --> 00:25:38,270 What do you mean, "girl's boots"? 612 00:25:38,370 --> 00:25:40,772 Like they only fit girl's feet? 613 00:25:40,872 --> 00:25:43,508 No, they were just purple. 614 00:25:43,575 --> 00:25:45,076 So? 615 00:25:45,176 --> 00:25:48,280 Back then, people were more close-minded about fashion. 616 00:25:48,380 --> 00:25:50,782 And everything else. 617 00:25:50,882 --> 00:25:52,217 Ooh, pretty. 618 00:25:53,618 --> 00:25:56,621 Did you know that Esprit is French for "cool"? 619 00:25:56,721 --> 00:25:58,223 - Really? - No. 620 00:25:58,290 --> 00:25:59,457 Just go ahead, I'll catch up. 621 00:25:59,558 --> 00:26:00,892 What if someone kidnaps me? 622 00:26:00,959 --> 00:26:03,261 They'll return you in, like, five minutes. 623 00:26:03,361 --> 00:26:04,763 You shouldn't be doing that. 624 00:26:04,863 --> 00:26:06,598 Wait a second and shut up. 625 00:26:06,698 --> 00:26:08,133 You said a swear. 626 00:26:08,233 --> 00:26:09,601 I got a lot on my mind, Lizzy. 627 00:26:09,701 --> 00:26:11,436 I got a lot on my mind too. 628 00:26:12,237 --> 00:26:13,972 Come on. Let's go. 629 00:26:14,072 --> 00:26:15,140 Let's go. 630 00:26:20,979 --> 00:26:22,047 [SNEEZES] 631 00:26:26,785 --> 00:26:30,555 [MRS. HUGO] It's called the Dewey Decimal System. 632 00:26:30,622 --> 00:26:34,292 Right. This is a life skill, people, like cursive. 633 00:26:34,392 --> 00:26:37,796 When you're an adult, and you wanna look something up really quickly, 634 00:26:37,896 --> 00:26:41,166 you're gonna be very happy that you learned this today. Okay. 635 00:26:41,266 --> 00:26:44,102 All you're gonna have to do is go to the library. 636 00:26:44,169 --> 00:26:45,670 Get your coats and boots on, head on over... 637 00:26:45,770 --> 00:26:48,006 We talked to Keane. The dog's not dead. 638 00:26:48,106 --> 00:26:49,941 The dog's not dead? 639 00:26:50,008 --> 00:26:52,444 No, it just broke three legs and a few ribs. It's on life support. 640 00:26:52,510 --> 00:26:55,413 It's gonna make a full recovery though. Right? 641 00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:56,781 I wouldn't count on it. 642 00:26:56,848 --> 00:26:59,317 That TV landed on her like a house on a witch. 643 00:26:59,417 --> 00:27:01,920 But eventually it'll be like nothing happened. 644 00:27:01,987 --> 00:27:06,124 Physically, maybe. But mentally, she'll never be the same. 645 00:27:06,191 --> 00:27:08,693 You're lucky you didn't see it, Olsen. You would have thrown up. 646 00:27:08,793 --> 00:27:11,596 I only throw up from SpaghettiOs. It's a medical condition. 647 00:27:11,663 --> 00:27:14,032 He's really the Shackleton of the librarians. 648 00:27:14,132 --> 00:27:16,434 - And I'm not the only one who thinks that, by the way. - [SNORING] 649 00:27:16,501 --> 00:27:18,870 Wait, so does this mean Nintendo's back on? 650 00:27:18,970 --> 00:27:20,271 - It gets a little more specific. - No. 651 00:27:20,338 --> 00:27:23,642 Keane's dad took it away. It's really over. 652 00:27:23,708 --> 00:27:25,377 [JEFF] Did you guys hear? 653 00:27:25,477 --> 00:27:27,512 The Loyal Ranger Scouts are giving out a Nintendo this year. 654 00:27:27,612 --> 00:27:31,216 Whoever sells the most wreaths in the wreath-selling contest gets one. 655 00:27:31,316 --> 00:27:34,219 - No way. - Yes, way. A sixth-grader told me. 656 00:27:34,319 --> 00:27:36,454 The same sixth-grader who told you that there were tryouts 657 00:27:36,521 --> 00:27:38,289 for the A-Team? Yeah, right. 658 00:27:38,356 --> 00:27:41,026 Nope. That was a lie. This one's real. 659 00:27:41,126 --> 00:27:43,528 We're gonna need some solid proof, Farmer. 660 00:27:43,628 --> 00:27:45,664 - Jake Doyle. - Huh? 661 00:27:45,730 --> 00:27:48,466 Do you have something that you'd like to share with the rest of the class? 662 00:27:48,533 --> 00:27:49,801 Uh, no. 663 00:27:49,868 --> 00:27:51,336 Don't think I haven't been watching you, Jake. 664 00:27:51,403 --> 00:27:52,804 You're the only one in here with wet shoes. 665 00:27:52,871 --> 00:27:55,840 Now, you know the rules. No boots, no recess. 666 00:27:55,907 --> 00:27:58,410 - But... - I expect to see you in boots at recess, 667 00:27:58,510 --> 00:28:00,478 or your name goes on the board... 668 00:28:00,545 --> 00:28:01,646 with a check. 669 00:28:01,713 --> 00:28:03,682 So what's it going to be, Mr. Doyle? 670 00:28:04,315 --> 00:28:05,250 Boots... 671 00:28:06,017 --> 00:28:07,085 or a check? 672 00:28:08,353 --> 00:28:09,688 [JOSH] Go, go, go! 673 00:28:13,158 --> 00:28:15,927 - [JOSH] Catch it. Get out there. Catch it. - No. 674 00:28:16,027 --> 00:28:17,562 It changes colors when I lick it. 675 00:28:19,097 --> 00:28:20,498 [ADULT JAKE] Connor Stump 676 00:28:20,565 --> 00:28:23,101 was by far the weirdest kid in school. 677 00:28:23,201 --> 00:28:24,736 He always carried around a recorder 678 00:28:24,836 --> 00:28:27,005 and his lunch was almost exclusively tuna. 679 00:28:27,072 --> 00:28:31,543 You ever put socks and shoes on your hands and just crawl around? 680 00:28:31,609 --> 00:28:33,011 [GROWLING] 681 00:28:33,078 --> 00:28:35,613 It's just me, Connor. I'm not really a lion. 682 00:28:35,714 --> 00:28:37,849 - Jake, come on, you're on our team. - [JOSH] Let's go. Line up. 683 00:28:37,916 --> 00:28:40,218 Just play without me. 684 00:28:40,285 --> 00:28:42,353 What're you doing back there? 685 00:28:42,420 --> 00:28:44,422 Ooh, is there a dead squirrel again? 686 00:28:44,522 --> 00:28:46,191 Is it all furry and frozen? 687 00:28:47,225 --> 00:28:48,359 Dude. 688 00:28:48,426 --> 00:28:49,794 You're wearing Katie Sorrentino's boots. 689 00:28:49,894 --> 00:28:50,795 They're mine. 690 00:28:50,895 --> 00:28:52,230 Your mom use a coupon again? 691 00:28:53,198 --> 00:28:55,200 Let's go, Trotter, you baby. 692 00:28:55,266 --> 00:28:56,601 Yeah, we gotta get you outta here. 693 00:28:56,701 --> 00:28:59,037 If Jagorski sees you, he'll kill you. 694 00:28:59,871 --> 00:29:01,539 Hey. What're you... 695 00:29:01,606 --> 00:29:03,908 You're wearing Katie Sorrentino's boots. 696 00:29:03,975 --> 00:29:05,143 They're mine. 697 00:29:05,243 --> 00:29:07,445 That's it! I'm coming over there. 698 00:29:07,545 --> 00:29:09,414 No, no! What do I do? What do I do? 699 00:29:09,481 --> 00:29:12,484 Does anybody have some candy or a nudie magazine or something? 700 00:29:12,584 --> 00:29:15,253 I call dibs if there's a dead squirrel back there again. 701 00:29:17,889 --> 00:29:19,257 [JOSH LAUGHS] 702 00:29:19,324 --> 00:29:23,828 I think we got ourselves a pair of girl's boots here. 703 00:29:23,928 --> 00:29:25,663 [ADULT JAKE] Painfully, my mind flipped through 704 00:29:25,764 --> 00:29:28,767 the Rolodex of punishment I was about to endure. 705 00:29:28,833 --> 00:29:32,337 Weeks of wedgies, swirlies, dead legs. 706 00:29:32,437 --> 00:29:37,175 I wanted to punch a kid's face until it turned into Kool-Aid so bad 707 00:29:37,275 --> 00:29:40,512 and I didn't get the chance... until now. 708 00:29:40,612 --> 00:29:41,846 - What's up, dork? - Hi! 709 00:29:41,946 --> 00:29:43,982 How's Four Eyes? 710 00:29:44,082 --> 00:29:46,851 - [ADULT JAKE] But then, I heard the voice of an angel. - [JEFF] Guys, I got proof! 711 00:29:47,786 --> 00:29:49,087 [JEFF] Guys! Guys! 712 00:29:49,154 --> 00:29:50,789 It says it right here! It really is a Nintendo! 713 00:29:53,825 --> 00:29:55,760 It's just a picture of a dumb wreath. 714 00:29:55,827 --> 00:29:57,662 You gotta read it. 715 00:29:57,762 --> 00:30:01,866 "This year's first prize is a brand-new Nintendo Entertainment System." 716 00:30:02,634 --> 00:30:04,969 [ALL EXCLAIMING] 717 00:30:12,844 --> 00:30:14,012 I'm gonna kill you. 718 00:30:14,112 --> 00:30:16,815 [ALL CHEERING] 719 00:30:16,881 --> 00:30:19,717 [ADULT JAKE] Less than 30 minutes after the final school bell 720 00:30:19,818 --> 00:30:22,687 I was fitted in my dress greens and on my way... 721 00:30:22,787 --> 00:30:25,323 envisioning the acres of Alaskan pine forest 722 00:30:25,390 --> 00:30:28,493 needed to cover the amount of wreaths I was about to sell. 723 00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:31,529 And I had my sales pitch all planned out. 724 00:30:31,629 --> 00:30:32,730 [CLEARS THROAT] 725 00:30:32,831 --> 00:30:34,532 [KNOCKING] 726 00:30:34,632 --> 00:30:36,634 "I'm with the Loyal Ranger Scouts, ma'am, and without your help 727 00:30:36,701 --> 00:30:40,004 thousands of boys may become drug addicts and communists." 728 00:30:40,071 --> 00:30:41,739 - What? - What? 729 00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:42,874 What? What do you want? 730 00:30:42,974 --> 00:30:45,243 Hi. My name is... 731 00:30:45,343 --> 00:30:47,745 Wait. You're not trying to sell me something, are you? 732 00:30:49,013 --> 00:30:50,048 Wanna buy a wreath? 733 00:30:52,750 --> 00:30:56,387 What, do you got a learning disability or something? 734 00:30:56,487 --> 00:30:59,724 Wait, you don't really got a learning disability, do you? 735 00:30:59,824 --> 00:31:03,194 Good. Ma, this kid thinks your wreath sucks! 736 00:31:05,530 --> 00:31:06,598 - [DOOR SLAMS] - Oh. 737 00:31:09,534 --> 00:31:12,937 [JEFF] Hey, Doyle. Gotta look out for those "no solicitor" signs. 738 00:31:14,505 --> 00:31:16,441 What're you doing here, Farmer? 739 00:31:16,541 --> 00:31:17,609 - [DOORBELL CHIMING] - Ruining your life. 740 00:31:17,709 --> 00:31:19,277 You can't sell wreaths here. 741 00:31:19,377 --> 00:31:22,247 You think there are rules here, Doyle? There are no rules. 742 00:31:22,347 --> 00:31:23,715 That Nintendo's mine. 743 00:31:23,781 --> 00:31:27,051 - I've already sold 67 wreaths. - To who? 744 00:31:27,118 --> 00:31:29,287 People. Your mom. 745 00:31:29,387 --> 00:31:31,789 You're full of it, Farmer. 746 00:31:31,890 --> 00:31:34,192 Hello, young lady. I was hoping your mother was home. 747 00:31:34,259 --> 00:31:36,761 I need to speak to an adult in the house. 748 00:31:36,861 --> 00:31:40,265 And did I mention how much I like your sweater? 749 00:31:40,365 --> 00:31:43,534 [ADULT JAKE] All over town, the boys in green pounded the pavements 750 00:31:43,601 --> 00:31:44,802 in record numbers, 751 00:31:44,903 --> 00:31:46,471 all in the name of Nintendo. 752 00:31:46,571 --> 00:31:51,075 A swarm of snot-nosed Gordon Gekkos had been born. 753 00:31:51,142 --> 00:31:53,978 Merry Christmas, ma'am. Would you like to buy a wreath? 754 00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:57,215 Hello, ma'am. 'Tis the season. 755 00:31:57,282 --> 00:32:00,919 Merry Christmas, sir. Do you think Die Hard is a Christmas movie? 756 00:32:00,985 --> 00:32:03,655 Look at that, it's already wreath-thirty? 757 00:32:04,756 --> 00:32:06,391 Um... 758 00:32:06,457 --> 00:32:09,093 "Douglas fir Christmas wreaths." Just say it! 759 00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:10,995 Why don't you just say it? 760 00:32:11,095 --> 00:32:14,599 'Cause I'm not in stupid Ranger Scouts, 'cause I'm not a stupid boy. 761 00:32:14,666 --> 00:32:16,668 [ADULT JAKE] And it was every kid for themselves. 762 00:32:19,437 --> 00:32:22,674 Kids who weren't even in Ranger Scouts were getting in on the action. 763 00:32:22,774 --> 00:32:24,475 I will not take no for an answer! 764 00:32:24,575 --> 00:32:28,579 That is the first rule of salesmanship! The first rule! 765 00:32:28,646 --> 00:32:30,014 [KNOCKING] 766 00:32:30,114 --> 00:32:31,649 [ADULT JAKE] Even I was getting the hang of it. 767 00:32:33,785 --> 00:32:36,521 Oh, are you here to shovel my walk? 768 00:32:36,621 --> 00:32:38,690 No, I'm here to sell Christmas wreaths. 769 00:32:38,790 --> 00:32:41,125 Okay. Um, let me see. 770 00:32:41,192 --> 00:32:42,927 My wallet's in my car. 771 00:32:42,994 --> 00:32:44,662 You want me to... 772 00:32:44,762 --> 00:32:47,332 Shovel my car out, so I can get to it. That would be great. 773 00:32:47,432 --> 00:32:48,933 Oh, I'll get the shovel. 774 00:32:54,439 --> 00:32:55,974 [PANTING] 775 00:33:00,645 --> 00:33:03,214 [KATHY LAUGHING] 776 00:33:03,314 --> 00:33:07,218 [JEFF] The Tevatron particle accelerator at Fermilabs, they get more headlines. 777 00:33:07,318 --> 00:33:08,820 But if you ask me... 778 00:33:08,886 --> 00:33:10,822 the most valuable local resource we still have today 779 00:33:10,888 --> 00:33:12,190 are our teachers. 780 00:33:12,290 --> 00:33:14,392 Merry Christmas, Mrs. Doyle. 781 00:33:14,492 --> 00:33:16,627 Merry Christmas, Jeff. 782 00:33:16,694 --> 00:33:17,829 Stay beautiful, Kath. 783 00:33:19,964 --> 00:33:21,399 She said I reminded her of you. 784 00:33:23,334 --> 00:33:24,569 See you later, Jake. 785 00:33:26,971 --> 00:33:28,706 Did it have to be Farmer? 786 00:33:28,806 --> 00:33:31,075 He offered me an honest deal at an honest price. 787 00:33:31,175 --> 00:33:33,011 There's nothing honest about him! 788 00:33:33,077 --> 00:33:34,579 He's a pathological liar! 789 00:33:34,679 --> 00:33:39,083 Oh, I thought he was a really nice boy. 790 00:33:39,183 --> 00:33:41,352 Those are for your mother. 791 00:33:41,419 --> 00:33:43,421 My mom would want me to have one. 792 00:33:43,521 --> 00:33:47,225 I didn't even know that you were selling wreaths this year. 793 00:33:47,325 --> 00:33:51,095 He only cares about it now because they're giving away a Nin... 794 00:33:51,195 --> 00:33:52,597 Night in Chicago. 795 00:33:52,697 --> 00:33:54,699 Yep. That's a new prize. 796 00:33:54,766 --> 00:33:58,336 At a hotel, I think, in downtown? 797 00:33:58,403 --> 00:34:00,505 [KATHY] That's a peculiar prize for an 11-year-old. 798 00:34:00,571 --> 00:34:02,607 That is a peculiar prize. 799 00:34:02,707 --> 00:34:04,575 Don't you think that's peculiar, Dad? 800 00:34:04,675 --> 00:34:06,511 God bless it. Where the hell is it? 801 00:34:06,577 --> 00:34:08,446 The Phillips head is in the butter dish. 802 00:34:10,081 --> 00:34:11,449 [JOHN] No, that's not it. 803 00:34:11,549 --> 00:34:13,351 You know what, Jake? If you wanna win that prize, 804 00:34:13,418 --> 00:34:15,953 you have to do what I tell my kids in class every day. 805 00:34:16,054 --> 00:34:17,622 Make like a vacuum cleaner. 806 00:34:17,722 --> 00:34:20,091 Suck it up and do the work. 807 00:34:20,191 --> 00:34:22,693 - [JOHN GROANS] - What are you looking for? 808 00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:23,928 My gourmet sausage. 809 00:34:24,028 --> 00:34:25,863 How the hell do you lose a sausage? 810 00:34:25,930 --> 00:34:27,065 [KATHY] Dinner is served. 811 00:34:28,866 --> 00:34:31,369 I wanted to eat it with dinner. 812 00:34:31,436 --> 00:34:32,637 We're having salads. 813 00:34:32,737 --> 00:34:35,573 That's why I wanted to eat the sausage. 814 00:34:35,640 --> 00:34:37,208 Well, maybe Elwood ate it, Dad. 815 00:34:37,275 --> 00:34:40,044 'Cause, I mean, he's been pooping so much lately. 816 00:34:40,111 --> 00:34:41,312 He has, hasn't he? 817 00:34:41,412 --> 00:34:42,580 You know how I know that? 818 00:34:42,647 --> 00:34:45,083 Because it still hasn't been picked up. 819 00:34:45,149 --> 00:34:47,285 Uh, it snowed. 820 00:34:47,385 --> 00:34:49,320 Hey, that's no excuse, okay? 821 00:34:49,420 --> 00:34:52,924 Tomorrow morning, you, that shovel, backyard. 822 00:34:52,990 --> 00:34:55,993 No, I'm totally supposed to sell wreaths all day tomorrow. 823 00:34:56,094 --> 00:34:58,096 Well, too bad. And stop saying "totally." 824 00:34:58,162 --> 00:34:59,097 It's not fair. 825 00:34:59,163 --> 00:35:01,232 Hey, if life was fair, 826 00:35:01,299 --> 00:35:04,001 it would be... a fair. 827 00:35:04,102 --> 00:35:06,170 Okay? But I don't... 828 00:35:06,270 --> 00:35:08,940 I don't see any carnival rides around here, do you? 829 00:35:09,807 --> 00:35:10,675 Hmm. 830 00:35:11,909 --> 00:35:13,678 You just made that up, didn't you? 831 00:35:13,778 --> 00:35:15,947 No, I didn't. 832 00:35:16,013 --> 00:35:17,482 It's an old saying. 833 00:35:18,282 --> 00:35:20,017 Listen! 834 00:35:20,118 --> 00:35:25,690 In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit... 835 00:35:25,790 --> 00:35:29,660 from thou thy bounty, to Jesus Christ's name... 836 00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:31,963 - he is great. - Amen. 837 00:35:32,029 --> 00:35:35,967 [ADULT JAKE] I was convinced Elwood had pooped more times than any other dog 838 00:35:36,033 --> 00:35:38,536 in the history of the world. 839 00:35:38,636 --> 00:35:40,605 Our yard looked like a vanilla cake 840 00:35:40,671 --> 00:35:43,541 that someone dumped an entire bag of chocolate chips onto. 841 00:35:45,710 --> 00:35:48,613 What's Lizzy doing? She can't help? 842 00:35:48,679 --> 00:35:52,216 You wanted the dog, you pick up after it. 843 00:35:52,316 --> 00:35:54,218 You got the dog before I was born. 844 00:35:54,318 --> 00:35:57,388 Who wanted the dog is irrelevant, Jake. Just pick up the dang poop. 845 00:35:59,857 --> 00:36:00,858 Come here. 846 00:36:02,493 --> 00:36:03,461 Come here. 847 00:36:05,530 --> 00:36:07,465 All right. Take a deep breath. 848 00:36:09,634 --> 00:36:10,535 Go ahead. 849 00:36:12,837 --> 00:36:13,804 You smell that? 850 00:36:13,871 --> 00:36:15,573 - Poo? - No! 851 00:36:15,673 --> 00:36:16,674 Fresh air! 852 00:36:18,543 --> 00:36:20,311 That's all we had, and we loved it. 853 00:36:20,378 --> 00:36:22,313 When I was your age, we didn't have Nintendos. 854 00:36:22,380 --> 00:36:23,514 You know what we did? 855 00:36:24,348 --> 00:36:26,350 Built forts in the woods. 856 00:36:26,417 --> 00:36:28,586 We'd gather up old lumber and siding 857 00:36:28,686 --> 00:36:31,055 and whatever we could find we'd build, like, 858 00:36:31,155 --> 00:36:33,558 watchtowers and rope ladders... 859 00:36:33,658 --> 00:36:34,892 Trapdoors? 860 00:36:34,992 --> 00:36:36,894 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we built trapdoors, too. 861 00:36:37,895 --> 00:36:39,931 - Cool. - Yeah, it was cool. 862 00:36:40,031 --> 00:36:42,366 Yeah, we'd work on it all year round, too. 863 00:36:42,433 --> 00:36:43,668 Kinda like the house? 864 00:36:45,703 --> 00:36:48,406 [LAUGHING] Yeah. Kinda like the house. 865 00:36:49,340 --> 00:36:50,208 Yeah. 866 00:36:52,877 --> 00:36:55,613 Cry in a bucket, that dog poops a lot. 867 00:36:55,713 --> 00:36:56,714 Yeah. 868 00:36:56,781 --> 00:36:57,615 Hey. 869 00:36:59,183 --> 00:37:00,718 Don't worry about behind the shed. 870 00:37:00,785 --> 00:37:02,787 Just get the ones around the house, okay? 871 00:37:03,888 --> 00:37:06,290 And then when you're done... 872 00:37:06,390 --> 00:37:08,559 you can varnish these old hockey sticks. 873 00:37:08,626 --> 00:37:09,860 Why? 874 00:37:09,927 --> 00:37:11,729 Because they need to get done, that's why. 875 00:37:11,796 --> 00:37:13,364 Come on, Dad. 876 00:37:13,431 --> 00:37:15,633 You think I like paying taxes and talking to our neighbors? 877 00:37:15,733 --> 00:37:17,235 No. But you gotta do it. 878 00:37:17,301 --> 00:37:18,936 I don't like doing that stuff! 879 00:37:22,373 --> 00:37:23,608 Careful with the varnish. 880 00:37:27,478 --> 00:37:30,748 [JAKE] "Careful with the varnish." What am I gonna do? Drink it? 881 00:37:30,815 --> 00:37:32,049 I know how to be careful. 882 00:37:40,658 --> 00:37:41,592 We need to talk. 883 00:37:41,659 --> 00:37:42,994 What are you doing in my room? 884 00:37:43,094 --> 00:37:44,095 I need... 885 00:37:45,296 --> 00:37:46,897 Did Elwood diarrhea on you? 886 00:37:46,964 --> 00:37:48,933 It's varnish. What do you want? 887 00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:50,067 I need your help. 888 00:37:50,134 --> 00:37:51,002 With what? 889 00:37:51,102 --> 00:37:52,903 Getting a Cabbage Patch Kid. 890 00:37:52,970 --> 00:37:56,307 Santa didn't get me a She-Ra last year, so I can't trust him. 891 00:37:56,407 --> 00:37:58,009 I gotta go through Mom and Dad. 892 00:37:58,109 --> 00:37:59,443 So what do you need me for? 893 00:37:59,510 --> 00:38:02,146 I need you to drop hints for them to get me one. 894 00:38:02,246 --> 00:38:04,615 No way. Why would I wanna help you? 895 00:38:04,682 --> 00:38:07,918 Now, I want a redhead named Abrona Fiona with freckles and a... 896 00:38:07,985 --> 00:38:09,687 Why do you want a dumb doll so bad? 897 00:38:09,787 --> 00:38:13,090 Because I've always wanted a sister. Stop interrupting me. 898 00:38:13,157 --> 00:38:16,193 It looks bad if I'm talking about it all the time to Mom and Dad. 899 00:38:16,294 --> 00:38:19,363 We need a subtle attack, and we gotta act fast. 900 00:38:19,463 --> 00:38:20,931 What are you gonna do for me? 901 00:38:20,998 --> 00:38:23,134 - Tell you how to win a Nintendo. - [CHUCKLES] 902 00:38:23,200 --> 00:38:25,169 You don't know how to win a Nintendo. 903 00:38:25,269 --> 00:38:26,604 Okay, never mind. 904 00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:30,808 Wait. 905 00:38:31,942 --> 00:38:33,210 How can I win it? 906 00:38:33,311 --> 00:38:36,614 You promise to help me get a Cabbage Patch Kid? 907 00:38:36,681 --> 00:38:38,149 Yeah, sure. 908 00:38:38,215 --> 00:38:39,050 Promise? 909 00:38:39,150 --> 00:38:40,818 Yes, I promise already. 910 00:38:40,885 --> 00:38:44,221 Okay. You sold two wreaths to Miss Sherman yesterday, right? 911 00:38:46,023 --> 00:38:46,891 How do you know that? 912 00:38:46,991 --> 00:38:48,159 Don't worry about it. 913 00:38:48,225 --> 00:38:50,561 She bought a lot because she's old, right? 914 00:38:50,661 --> 00:38:52,730 Old people buy stuff from kids. 915 00:38:52,830 --> 00:38:56,300 So what you need are a bunch of old people all in one place 916 00:38:56,367 --> 00:38:58,402 so you don't have to track them all down. 917 00:38:58,502 --> 00:38:59,737 What's your point? 918 00:38:59,837 --> 00:39:02,506 Prairie Pines, the nursing home. 919 00:39:02,573 --> 00:39:04,175 Two hundred old people, 920 00:39:04,241 --> 00:39:05,476 each with their own door, 921 00:39:05,543 --> 00:39:07,178 perfect for wreath-hanging. 922 00:39:07,978 --> 00:39:09,080 Wow. 923 00:39:11,515 --> 00:39:13,050 That's... 924 00:39:13,150 --> 00:39:14,652 That's a really good idea. 925 00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:16,854 I know. So we got a deal, or what? 926 00:39:16,921 --> 00:39:18,022 Yeah. 927 00:39:18,089 --> 00:39:20,925 A redhead with freckles. Don't mess it up. 928 00:39:22,026 --> 00:39:23,394 I'll be watching you. 929 00:39:25,596 --> 00:39:29,600 [ADULT JAKE] Prairie Pines nursing home didn't know what was about to hit them. 930 00:39:31,001 --> 00:39:32,870 [EXHALING] "Suck it up. Do the work." 931 00:39:37,408 --> 00:39:39,410 Hi, everybody. 932 00:39:40,511 --> 00:39:43,114 - Hi. - Do you like blues? 933 00:39:43,214 --> 00:39:45,783 Hi! You look just like my grandson. 934 00:39:45,883 --> 00:39:47,918 Oh, let me see those cheeks. 935 00:39:48,018 --> 00:39:51,021 [ADULT JAKE] But it turned out, I didn't know what was about to hit me. 936 00:39:51,088 --> 00:39:53,290 Because the World's Fair was here... 937 00:39:53,391 --> 00:39:56,627 and we were celebrating the city's centennial. 938 00:39:56,727 --> 00:40:01,298 You see, Chicago was founded in 1833. 939 00:40:01,399 --> 00:40:05,603 That makes it 100 years to 1933. 940 00:40:08,305 --> 00:40:09,306 Hold on. 941 00:40:29,994 --> 00:40:31,495 It's what he would've wanted. 942 00:40:43,174 --> 00:40:46,076 [ADULT JAKE] It took six hours and ten cups of pudding, 943 00:40:46,143 --> 00:40:50,815 but I managed to sell a whopping 47 wreaths to the nursing home. 944 00:40:50,915 --> 00:40:52,149 All thanks to Lizzy. 945 00:40:53,083 --> 00:40:54,452 Hey, Mom. 946 00:40:54,518 --> 00:40:56,854 Did you know that this mall has the largest selection 947 00:40:56,954 --> 00:40:59,924 of Cabbage Patch Kids in all of Chicago? 948 00:41:00,991 --> 00:41:02,693 I didn't know that, no. 949 00:41:02,793 --> 00:41:05,262 Which is good, 'cause they're really flying off the shelves. 950 00:41:09,166 --> 00:41:12,269 He doesn't want a Cabbage Patch Kid now, does he? 951 00:41:12,336 --> 00:41:14,205 - No idea. - Odd. But who knows with these two? 952 00:41:14,305 --> 00:41:16,474 - Hey! What're you doing? - [HORN BLARING] 953 00:41:16,540 --> 00:41:18,676 Yeah, Wisconsin plates. Shocker. 954 00:41:18,776 --> 00:41:20,845 - Look at him. Look at him. Look at him. - Okay. All right, John... 955 00:41:20,945 --> 00:41:22,813 He's jerking the wheel like he's milking a cow. 956 00:41:24,648 --> 00:41:28,619 [ADULT JAKE] Ah, yes. The annual Doyle Chicago shopping trip. 957 00:41:28,686 --> 00:41:30,221 Also known as my dad's least favorite 958 00:41:30,321 --> 00:41:31,956 and most expensive day of the year. 959 00:41:32,022 --> 00:41:33,557 You know what I love when you wear? 960 00:41:33,657 --> 00:41:35,159 - What? - Turtlenecks. 961 00:41:35,226 --> 00:41:36,961 Ah. 962 00:41:37,027 --> 00:41:38,729 It's gonna be so cold in Minnesota when we get to my parents' house, 963 00:41:38,829 --> 00:41:40,965 I feel like we should definitely try on a few today. 964 00:41:41,031 --> 00:41:44,568 Yeah, well, turtlenecks, your parents, it's great. 965 00:41:44,668 --> 00:41:45,569 So, yes? 966 00:41:45,669 --> 00:41:46,737 Look at this idiot. 967 00:41:46,837 --> 00:41:47,905 What're you doing? 968 00:41:48,005 --> 00:41:50,307 Hey! You beeping at me? 969 00:41:50,374 --> 00:41:51,342 [HORN HONKING] 970 00:41:51,408 --> 00:41:52,877 Yeah, I got a horn, too, Miles. 971 00:41:52,977 --> 00:41:54,578 Miles Davis, ladies and gentlemen. 972 00:41:55,179 --> 00:41:56,247 Sorry. 973 00:41:56,347 --> 00:41:57,848 Can we turn on the Christmas carols? 974 00:41:57,915 --> 00:42:00,217 No! No Christmas carols. 975 00:42:00,317 --> 00:42:03,988 Steely Dan. Listen to this. This is good stuff. 976 00:42:05,856 --> 00:42:06,924 Year-round. 977 00:42:09,860 --> 00:42:13,931 [CAROLERS SINGING] ♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪ 978 00:42:14,031 --> 00:42:15,766 ♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas 979 00:42:15,866 --> 00:42:17,668 - ♪ And a happy New Year ♪ - [JOHN] Elves! 980 00:42:17,735 --> 00:42:19,770 - Hey. Creep me out. - Breathe, John. You have to breathe. 981 00:42:19,870 --> 00:42:23,274 No, it's like a grown man acting that chipper, it's not natural. 982 00:42:23,374 --> 00:42:26,176 - ♪ And a happy New... ♪ - Back off, Jack! 983 00:42:26,243 --> 00:42:27,745 [KATHY] Sorry. 984 00:42:27,845 --> 00:42:30,581 - Have some self-respect. Jesus. - You have to calm down. 985 00:42:30,681 --> 00:42:31,949 [JOHN] Why are we walking so fast? 986 00:42:32,049 --> 00:42:34,184 [KATHY] Everybody, no bathroom breaks, okay? 987 00:42:34,251 --> 00:42:36,453 You had your chance at home. Do not test me. 988 00:42:36,554 --> 00:42:38,188 God, why is it so hot in here? 989 00:42:38,255 --> 00:42:40,124 We're not stopping for Santa yet, guys, okay? 990 00:42:40,224 --> 00:42:43,360 Hey, is there a bar at the food court? 991 00:42:43,427 --> 00:42:46,864 John, it's barely noon. 992 00:42:46,931 --> 00:42:51,969 Okay, we got Barb her candles, we got the two-for-one turtlenecks... 993 00:42:52,069 --> 00:42:54,305 - Mom, look, there's the Cabbage Patch store. - What are we missing? 994 00:42:54,405 --> 00:42:55,639 - Can we go, Mom? - Yes, 995 00:42:55,739 --> 00:42:58,108 honey, go on. Lead the way. 996 00:42:58,208 --> 00:43:00,044 [JAKE] Hey, Mom. Did you know 997 00:43:00,110 --> 00:43:03,480 that Cabbage Patch Kids come with their own birth certificates? 998 00:43:03,581 --> 00:43:05,316 Thought all you cared about was selling wreaths. 999 00:43:05,416 --> 00:43:07,818 Since when are you so interested in Cabbage Patch Kids? 1000 00:43:07,918 --> 00:43:09,653 Lizzy really wants one. 1001 00:43:09,753 --> 00:43:12,456 Well, they're very expensive, honey, and they're very hard to find. 1002 00:43:26,670 --> 00:43:28,572 Sold out in 20 minutes. 1003 00:43:28,639 --> 00:43:31,175 Last Patch in all of Chicago. 1004 00:43:31,275 --> 00:43:33,777 You should've seen it. It was ugly. 1005 00:43:33,844 --> 00:43:36,814 One woman punched a grandma right in the throat. 1006 00:43:37,615 --> 00:43:38,782 Same family, too. 1007 00:43:39,783 --> 00:43:42,753 Oh, Lizzy. Hey, it's okay. 1008 00:43:42,820 --> 00:43:46,457 You know, I saw some really nice Care Bears on the way in. 1009 00:43:46,523 --> 00:43:48,258 Care Bears are for babies. 1010 00:43:48,325 --> 00:43:49,693 - [SOBBING] - Oh. 1011 00:43:49,793 --> 00:43:51,695 [ADULT JAKE] Poor little Lizzy. 1012 00:43:51,795 --> 00:43:54,131 It kinda made you wanna go over there and wipe her tears 1013 00:43:54,198 --> 00:43:55,366 and give her a big... 1014 00:43:55,466 --> 00:43:58,469 Hold on a second. 1015 00:43:58,535 --> 00:43:59,837 [NINTENDO] Hello, Jake. 1016 00:44:00,771 --> 00:44:01,705 Who said that? 1017 00:44:01,805 --> 00:44:03,307 [NINTENDO] You know who. 1018 00:44:03,374 --> 00:44:04,508 Nintendo? 1019 00:44:04,608 --> 00:44:06,877 [NINTENDO] That's right. Come over here. 1020 00:44:06,977 --> 00:44:08,545 I've missed you, Jake. 1021 00:44:08,646 --> 00:44:10,614 [KATHY] Hey, Jake. Your dad and I are gonna go upstairs 1022 00:44:10,681 --> 00:44:12,182 to get the Fenelons a gift. 1023 00:44:12,282 --> 00:44:15,352 [JOHN] Why? They haven't given us anything. 1024 00:44:15,452 --> 00:44:18,288 [KATHY] Stay down here with the toys and watch your sister, okay? 1025 00:44:19,189 --> 00:44:20,290 [JOHN] Jake. 1026 00:44:21,625 --> 00:44:23,060 - Jake. - Huh? 1027 00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:24,461 Watch your sister. 1028 00:44:25,229 --> 00:44:26,697 Yeah. 1029 00:44:26,797 --> 00:44:29,199 [NINTENDO] That's it. Come over here, Jake. 1030 00:44:29,299 --> 00:44:30,968 You know you want to. 1031 00:44:31,035 --> 00:44:34,238 What am I gonna do about my Cabbage Patch Kid now, Jake? 1032 00:44:34,338 --> 00:44:36,707 [NINTENDO] Forget your sister, Jake. She's useless. 1033 00:44:36,807 --> 00:44:38,742 You should be worried about the wreaths. 1034 00:44:38,842 --> 00:44:40,544 Have you sold enough wreaths? 1035 00:44:40,644 --> 00:44:42,179 I'll do anything to be with you. 1036 00:44:42,246 --> 00:44:43,814 Who're you talking to? 1037 00:44:43,881 --> 00:44:45,649 We need a new plan. 1038 00:44:45,716 --> 00:44:47,918 Jake? Jake? 1039 00:44:48,018 --> 00:44:50,721 [NINTENDO] Do you know how many games I have here, Jake? 1040 00:44:50,821 --> 00:44:52,856 I have all the games. 1041 00:44:52,923 --> 00:44:54,758 Way more than Timmy Keane. 1042 00:44:54,858 --> 00:44:56,927 What game would you like to play? 1043 00:44:57,027 --> 00:44:58,195 Joust. 1044 00:44:58,262 --> 00:45:00,164 Pick another one. I don't have that one. 1045 00:45:00,230 --> 00:45:01,598 [JAKE] Super Mario Bros. 1046 00:45:01,699 --> 00:45:03,400 - Pick another one. - Defender. 1047 00:45:03,500 --> 00:45:05,869 Hmm, how about Rampage? 1048 00:45:05,936 --> 00:45:07,171 It's loaded up right now. 1049 00:45:07,237 --> 00:45:09,773 Cool. I'll do anything you say. 1050 00:45:20,384 --> 00:45:22,386 [NINTENDO] Very good. Yes. 1051 00:45:22,453 --> 00:45:23,921 You're such a good boy, Jake. 1052 00:45:24,021 --> 00:45:26,623 I can tell, you've got what it takes. 1053 00:45:26,724 --> 00:45:27,758 You really think so? 1054 00:45:27,858 --> 00:45:29,727 [NINTENDO] No. I know so. 1055 00:45:32,062 --> 00:45:33,964 [ADULT JAKE] Maybe it was the excitement of the display, 1056 00:45:34,064 --> 00:45:36,100 or just the thrill of playing in public, 1057 00:45:36,200 --> 00:45:40,070 but for some reason, I started playing the game of my life. 1058 00:45:40,137 --> 00:45:42,072 Dude, you're on fire. 1059 00:45:42,139 --> 00:45:45,309 [ADULT JAKE] All other distractions became irrelevant. 1060 00:45:45,409 --> 00:45:47,578 My senses had reached a higher state. 1061 00:45:47,644 --> 00:45:50,748 I'd become one with Nintendo. 1062 00:45:54,752 --> 00:45:57,154 Yeah! 1063 00:45:57,254 --> 00:46:00,324 [NINTENDO] Yes, yes. You were born for this moment. 1064 00:46:02,993 --> 00:46:05,395 Whoa! You're amazing! 1065 00:46:05,462 --> 00:46:07,064 What's your name, man? 1066 00:46:07,131 --> 00:46:10,000 [NINTENDO] Go ahead. Tell them your name, Jake. 1067 00:46:10,100 --> 00:46:11,168 Say it. 1068 00:46:11,268 --> 00:46:12,402 Jake Doyle! 1069 00:46:12,469 --> 00:46:14,805 [NINTENDO] Jake Doyle. Nintendo master. 1070 00:46:14,905 --> 00:46:15,973 [CROWD] Jake! Jake! Jake! 1071 00:46:16,073 --> 00:46:17,441 Jake! Jake! Jake! 1072 00:46:17,508 --> 00:46:18,642 Jake! Jake! Jake! 1073 00:46:18,742 --> 00:46:20,778 [ALL CHANTING] 1074 00:46:20,844 --> 00:46:22,946 [ADULT JAKE] Before I knew it, the entire mall was chanting my name. 1075 00:46:23,013 --> 00:46:25,415 This was why I needed a Nintendo. 1076 00:46:25,482 --> 00:46:27,284 This was my destiny. 1077 00:46:27,351 --> 00:46:29,353 Nothing could stop me now. 1078 00:46:29,453 --> 00:46:31,789 [KATHY] Jake! Jake! 1079 00:46:31,855 --> 00:46:33,791 [JOHN] Jake Stephan Doyle! 1080 00:46:33,857 --> 00:46:35,425 Where is your sister? 1081 00:46:35,492 --> 00:46:37,161 [STAMMERING] 1082 00:46:37,261 --> 00:46:38,695 What's wrong with you? 1083 00:46:38,796 --> 00:46:40,964 - [KATHY] Lizzy! - [JOHN] Elizabeth! 1084 00:46:41,031 --> 00:46:42,533 You're a dead man, bro. 1085 00:46:42,633 --> 00:46:44,635 Lizzy! 1086 00:46:44,701 --> 00:46:46,804 Lizzy! Lizzy! 1087 00:46:46,870 --> 00:46:48,005 Lizzy! 1088 00:46:48,105 --> 00:46:50,541 Forget about her, Jake. She's gone. 1089 00:46:50,641 --> 00:46:54,111 Shut up, Nintendo! This is your fault! 1090 00:46:54,178 --> 00:46:57,214 How do you get into homes that don't have chimneys? 1091 00:46:57,314 --> 00:46:58,549 The back door. 1092 00:46:58,649 --> 00:47:01,318 What if it's an apartment with no back door? 1093 00:47:01,385 --> 00:47:02,319 The front door. 1094 00:47:02,386 --> 00:47:04,221 So you know how to pick locks? 1095 00:47:04,321 --> 00:47:05,222 That's me. 1096 00:47:05,322 --> 00:47:06,623 Do you know that's a felony? 1097 00:47:06,690 --> 00:47:09,226 Mom! She's over here! I found her! 1098 00:47:09,326 --> 00:47:10,861 [KATHY] God, Lizzy! 1099 00:47:12,029 --> 00:47:13,730 Oh, my God! 1100 00:47:13,831 --> 00:47:16,567 Mom, they might still have Cabbage Patch Kids at the North Pole. 1101 00:47:16,667 --> 00:47:17,835 Even ones with red hair. 1102 00:47:17,901 --> 00:47:19,736 Lizzy, we told you to stay with Jake. 1103 00:47:19,837 --> 00:47:21,238 He was playing the Nintendo. 1104 00:47:21,338 --> 00:47:23,340 [JOHN SCREAMING] God bless it, Jake! 1105 00:47:25,342 --> 00:47:26,310 Are you okay? 1106 00:47:27,477 --> 00:47:28,745 You start playing those games 1107 00:47:28,846 --> 00:47:31,815 your brains turn to mush in, like, three minutes. 1108 00:47:31,882 --> 00:47:33,350 That's your sister! 1109 00:47:33,417 --> 00:47:36,019 It's not like losing your retainer! 1110 00:47:37,254 --> 00:47:38,322 [KATHY] Hold on. 1111 00:47:38,388 --> 00:47:40,357 Five bags here, John. Hold on. 1112 00:47:43,260 --> 00:47:44,661 Open your mouth. 1113 00:47:47,598 --> 00:47:49,099 Open your mouth. 1114 00:47:49,199 --> 00:47:50,601 - John. - What? 1115 00:47:50,701 --> 00:47:52,436 - Where's the Marshall Field's bag? - Hey! 1116 00:47:52,536 --> 00:47:54,271 - Jake! - [KATHY] Your turtleneck's in it, John! 1117 00:47:54,371 --> 00:47:56,273 Jake! 1118 00:47:56,373 --> 00:47:58,609 [ADULT JAKE] The actual cost of my retainer had been explained to me 1119 00:47:58,709 --> 00:48:01,445 in the simple terms of, "If you lose it, don't bother coming home." 1120 00:48:03,447 --> 00:48:04,281 Jake! 1121 00:48:05,115 --> 00:48:06,216 Jake! 1122 00:48:06,283 --> 00:48:07,951 - Hey! - Jake! 1123 00:48:08,051 --> 00:48:09,887 Move! Jake! 1124 00:48:09,953 --> 00:48:12,389 [ADULT JAKE] I figured it cost roughly as much as a new car. 1125 00:48:12,456 --> 00:48:14,057 Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? 1126 00:48:15,392 --> 00:48:16,260 Jake! 1127 00:48:17,895 --> 00:48:19,029 Jake! 1128 00:48:19,863 --> 00:48:20,864 Jake! 1129 00:48:21,732 --> 00:48:22,699 [MAN] Whoa! 1130 00:48:29,373 --> 00:48:30,874 Jake! Ha! 1131 00:48:35,746 --> 00:48:36,813 [JOHN SNIGGERING] 1132 00:48:36,914 --> 00:48:37,981 [ELF] ♪ Six geese a-laying ♪ 1133 00:48:38,081 --> 00:48:39,082 ♪ Five... ♪ 1134 00:48:39,149 --> 00:48:40,384 ♪ Golden... ♪ 1135 00:48:40,450 --> 00:48:42,219 [ELF] No, wait! What... [SCREAMING] 1136 00:48:42,286 --> 00:48:43,287 - [JOHN SCREAMING] - [GLASS SHATTERING] 1137 00:48:44,488 --> 00:48:46,556 Of course! Packer fans. 1138 00:48:47,491 --> 00:48:49,126 [PANTING] 1139 00:49:05,776 --> 00:49:06,643 [JOHN STRUGGLING] 1140 00:49:10,247 --> 00:49:11,515 Oh, my God. 1141 00:49:14,584 --> 00:49:16,353 Hey! 1142 00:49:17,821 --> 00:49:20,857 [ADULT JAKE] Safe. Retainer retained. 1143 00:49:22,793 --> 00:49:24,628 [BREATHLESSLY] Okay. 1144 00:49:26,196 --> 00:49:27,631 [EXHALES] 1145 00:49:27,698 --> 00:49:28,699 [SOFTLY] Okay. 1146 00:49:35,639 --> 00:49:37,541 [KIDS CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY] 1147 00:49:37,641 --> 00:49:38,942 [JOSH] You let the girls get punched! 1148 00:49:42,179 --> 00:49:43,814 [ADULT JAKE] The best part of the shopping trip 1149 00:49:43,880 --> 00:49:46,316 besides not losing my retainer or my sister 1150 00:49:46,383 --> 00:49:48,952 was that it turns out there's a secret part of the mall 1151 00:49:49,019 --> 00:49:51,455 where old people sit by the piano. 1152 00:49:51,521 --> 00:49:53,957 I sold 22 more wreaths that day. 1153 00:49:54,024 --> 00:49:55,325 How many you got, Jake? 1154 00:49:56,026 --> 00:49:58,295 Um, 93. 1155 00:49:58,362 --> 00:50:00,030 You're selling wreaths, too? 1156 00:50:00,130 --> 00:50:01,465 What's a wreath? 1157 00:50:04,868 --> 00:50:06,470 [RADIO PLAYING] 1158 00:50:07,237 --> 00:50:08,805 [TRAIN CHUGGING] 1159 00:50:09,706 --> 00:50:11,308 [JOHN HUMMING] 1160 00:50:15,178 --> 00:50:17,814 - [JAKE HUMMING] - Enough with the dee-doos, for crying out loud, 1161 00:50:17,881 --> 00:50:19,082 I'm trying to listen to this. 1162 00:50:19,182 --> 00:50:20,650 And stop fiddling with the hand plane. 1163 00:50:20,717 --> 00:50:21,985 This is not a toy. See? 1164 00:50:22,753 --> 00:50:23,987 It's sharp. 1165 00:50:25,322 --> 00:50:27,824 [CLANKING] 1166 00:50:27,891 --> 00:50:31,762 [MAN ON RADIO] Konroyd over to Larmer. Larmer circling. 1167 00:50:31,862 --> 00:50:33,730 And has his pocket picked by Shane Corson... 1168 00:50:33,830 --> 00:50:34,998 You know... 1169 00:50:35,065 --> 00:50:37,000 If you want, sometime, maybe I can... 1170 00:50:38,268 --> 00:50:40,670 teach you how to use some of those. 1171 00:50:40,737 --> 00:50:42,839 I kinda got a lot going on, Dad. 1172 00:50:42,906 --> 00:50:45,509 Ah... right. 1173 00:50:45,575 --> 00:50:48,345 [MAN ON RADIO] He dishes back to Larmer. Larmer down the near side, 1174 00:50:48,412 --> 00:50:49,446 over to Savard... 1175 00:50:49,546 --> 00:50:52,182 [LOUDER] He shoots, he scores! 1176 00:50:52,249 --> 00:50:54,284 - Yes! - Denis Savard! 1177 00:50:54,384 --> 00:50:56,386 - Hawks now leading with one! - Yeah, baby! 1178 00:50:56,453 --> 00:50:59,923 - [EXCLAIMING] - And Claude Lemieux is still jawing away. 1179 00:51:00,023 --> 00:51:01,691 Quit your crying, Claude. 1180 00:51:01,758 --> 00:51:03,794 Yeah, you're all talk, no walk. 1181 00:51:03,894 --> 00:51:05,462 Remember that, Jake. Okay? 1182 00:51:05,562 --> 00:51:09,299 A bully like Claude Lemieux is not worth a hill of beans. 1183 00:51:09,399 --> 00:51:11,301 He's all talk, no walk. 1184 00:51:11,401 --> 00:51:13,370 Why are we under this bridge, Dad? 1185 00:51:13,437 --> 00:51:15,806 Talk to a guy about the Cabbage Patch Kids. 1186 00:51:15,906 --> 00:51:17,641 You know what they look like, right? 1187 00:51:17,741 --> 00:51:19,376 Why does Lizzy get to get what she wants, 1188 00:51:19,443 --> 00:51:20,911 but I can't get what I want? 1189 00:51:20,977 --> 00:51:22,379 Do you wanna deal with your sister 1190 00:51:22,446 --> 00:51:24,314 if she doesn't get what she wants? 1191 00:51:24,414 --> 00:51:25,715 - No. - Exactly. 1192 00:51:25,782 --> 00:51:27,984 I don't negotiate with terrorists. 1193 00:51:28,085 --> 00:51:29,653 So you just give them what they want? 1194 00:51:29,753 --> 00:51:31,555 - Yeah. You kidding? - [ENGINE REVVING] 1195 00:51:35,058 --> 00:51:37,060 Okay. That's him. 1196 00:51:37,127 --> 00:51:39,663 Let me do all the talking. Okay? 1197 00:51:39,763 --> 00:51:41,398 This feels kinda scary, Dad. 1198 00:51:41,465 --> 00:51:43,667 Here, I'll take the handsaw. 1199 00:51:43,767 --> 00:51:45,602 Come on. Come on! 1200 00:51:50,974 --> 00:51:52,342 Can I help you boys? 1201 00:51:52,442 --> 00:51:53,410 [JOHN] Yeah. 1202 00:51:54,311 --> 00:51:56,680 Word is that you've... 1203 00:51:56,780 --> 00:51:58,315 come into a little cabbage? 1204 00:51:58,415 --> 00:52:00,250 Officer, please. I'm just standing here. 1205 00:52:00,317 --> 00:52:02,619 I thought maybe you two needed directions, so... 1206 00:52:02,686 --> 00:52:03,954 Relax, I'm not a cop. 1207 00:52:04,020 --> 00:52:06,289 What about 21 Jump Street over here? 1208 00:52:06,356 --> 00:52:07,424 He's not a cop. 1209 00:52:07,491 --> 00:52:08,692 Come on, man. He's 11. 1210 00:52:08,792 --> 00:52:10,160 Yeah, I don't know that. 1211 00:52:10,260 --> 00:52:12,295 I mean, cops are crazy. You ever see RoboCop? 1212 00:52:12,362 --> 00:52:14,364 That dude's half cop and half robot. 1213 00:52:14,464 --> 00:52:15,365 You ever see that movie? 1214 00:52:15,465 --> 00:52:17,000 My mom wouldn't let me. 1215 00:52:17,100 --> 00:52:18,768 But my friend, Mikey Trotter, saw it. 1216 00:52:18,835 --> 00:52:19,769 Oh... 1217 00:52:19,836 --> 00:52:21,705 Yeah. He's good. You're good. 1218 00:52:21,805 --> 00:52:23,773 He's not a cop, all right? Now, come on. 1219 00:52:23,840 --> 00:52:27,144 Are you gonna sell us a black-market Cabbage Patch Kid, or what? 1220 00:52:27,210 --> 00:52:29,012 Step into my office. 1221 00:52:29,112 --> 00:52:30,881 You boys need anything else while you're here? 1222 00:52:30,981 --> 00:52:34,451 Some Pound Puppies? Kidney? Nintendo? 1223 00:52:34,518 --> 00:52:36,386 - [JAKE GASPING] - [JOHN] No, just the doll. 1224 00:52:36,486 --> 00:52:38,455 We're gonna need a girl one. 1225 00:52:38,522 --> 00:52:40,690 A redhead with freckles. 1226 00:52:40,790 --> 00:52:42,826 Best Patch in the Tri-City. 1227 00:52:44,895 --> 00:52:46,129 Yeah, that looks good. 1228 00:52:46,196 --> 00:52:47,631 Yeah, does look good. 1229 00:52:47,697 --> 00:52:50,400 So what, are you two having a father-son day? Yeah? 1230 00:52:50,500 --> 00:52:51,668 Something like that? Yeah? 1231 00:52:51,735 --> 00:52:52,736 Need a third? 1232 00:52:52,836 --> 00:52:53,904 Nah, I'm kidding. 1233 00:52:54,004 --> 00:52:56,406 I do miss my dad... A lot. 1234 00:52:56,506 --> 00:52:59,009 [JOHN] Hey, this redhead doesn't have any freckles. 1235 00:52:59,075 --> 00:53:01,044 Yeah, no, the blond one's got freckles. 1236 00:53:02,145 --> 00:53:03,680 - All right, how much? - $100. 1237 00:53:03,747 --> 00:53:05,649 One hundred? No. 1238 00:53:05,715 --> 00:53:07,017 Yeah, where else you gonna go? 1239 00:53:07,083 --> 00:53:09,019 Every store from Wheaton to Winnetka's out. 1240 00:53:09,085 --> 00:53:10,854 Sixty bucks. 1241 00:53:10,921 --> 00:53:13,890 I got the name of two brothers up in Villa Park selling them for $50. 1242 00:53:13,990 --> 00:53:15,659 You know what? We can go up there right now. 1243 00:53:15,725 --> 00:53:18,094 Yeah, yeah. The Diaz brothers. No, no, no. 1244 00:53:18,195 --> 00:53:20,664 You do not want any of their bald-headed junk. 1245 00:53:20,730 --> 00:53:22,332 Seventy. Last offer. 1246 00:53:24,167 --> 00:53:25,936 Oh, I can't say no to that face. 1247 00:53:26,036 --> 00:53:27,237 All right. $70. 1248 00:53:29,606 --> 00:53:31,174 - Comes with a birth certificate. - [JAKE] Wow! 1249 00:53:31,241 --> 00:53:33,443 - Dad, that's... - Signed right on the derriere. 1250 00:53:34,911 --> 00:53:35,879 [DEALER] Thanks. 1251 00:53:38,381 --> 00:53:39,549 [JOHN SNICKERING] 1252 00:53:39,616 --> 00:53:41,017 Can we ask about the Nintendo? 1253 00:53:41,084 --> 00:53:43,386 I got him down from $100. Can you believe that? 1254 00:53:43,453 --> 00:53:45,222 [CHUCKLES] Lizzy's gonna love it. 1255 00:53:45,288 --> 00:53:47,023 [ADULT JAKE] Did it bother me that my dad went to 1256 00:53:47,090 --> 00:53:49,292 Herculean lengths to get my sister a present? 1257 00:53:49,392 --> 00:53:50,560 Sorta. 1258 00:53:50,627 --> 00:53:53,196 But I was gonna get one on my own. 1259 00:53:53,263 --> 00:53:55,198 [MR. HALBERG] Gentlemen. 1260 00:53:55,265 --> 00:53:58,535 Look deeply into your candle's flame. 1261 00:53:58,602 --> 00:54:01,438 Stare at its dancing light. 1262 00:54:02,739 --> 00:54:05,442 Now, close your eyes. 1263 00:54:06,710 --> 00:54:07,944 What do you see? 1264 00:54:09,145 --> 00:54:12,415 You see the flame, gentlemen. 1265 00:54:12,482 --> 00:54:14,317 It burns even when your eyes are closed 1266 00:54:14,417 --> 00:54:18,221 because we know that even when we blow these candles out... 1267 00:54:18,288 --> 00:54:22,058 the Loyal Ranger Scout flame will never fade. 1268 00:54:22,125 --> 00:54:24,327 - [KID FARTING] - [CHILDREN GIGGLING] 1269 00:54:24,427 --> 00:54:25,595 [MR. HALBERG CLEARS THROAT] 1270 00:54:26,463 --> 00:54:27,631 [SIZZLING] 1271 00:54:30,100 --> 00:54:31,568 Okay. 1272 00:54:31,635 --> 00:54:33,470 But I thought Loyal Ranger Scouts were for boys. 1273 00:54:33,570 --> 00:54:35,105 And scouts are supposed to have honor, 1274 00:54:35,171 --> 00:54:36,773 yet you're still here. 1275 00:54:36,840 --> 00:54:38,008 [MR. HALBERG] Lots to get through tonight, gents. 1276 00:54:38,108 --> 00:54:39,909 We've got the Pinewood Derby, 1277 00:54:39,976 --> 00:54:41,678 the Loyalty Day parade... Oh... 1278 00:54:41,778 --> 00:54:45,515 I got another 'Nam poem for you entitled "A Tie is Not a Loss." 1279 00:54:45,615 --> 00:54:47,684 Get to the wreaths, Halberg! 1280 00:54:47,784 --> 00:54:50,487 - I'm sorry? - The door necklaces. 1281 00:54:50,587 --> 00:54:51,855 Are you even in this troop? 1282 00:54:51,955 --> 00:54:56,693 [CHANTING] Wreaths! Wreaths! Wreaths! 1283 00:54:56,793 --> 00:54:58,028 Wreaths! Wreaths! Wreaths! 1284 00:54:59,863 --> 00:55:02,532 Okay. Okay! We'll do the wreaths! 1285 00:55:02,632 --> 00:55:05,268 [CHILDREN CHEERING] 1286 00:55:05,335 --> 00:55:06,703 Okay. Calm down. 1287 00:55:06,803 --> 00:55:08,371 Now... 1288 00:55:08,471 --> 00:55:10,540 I know you've all been selling very hard this year 1289 00:55:10,640 --> 00:55:13,843 so we've done our best to make sure that these prizes... 1290 00:55:13,943 --> 00:55:15,011 are special. 1291 00:55:16,813 --> 00:55:18,848 [ADULT JAKE] Oh-ho! Look at that! 1292 00:55:18,948 --> 00:55:22,285 First prize looked even bigger than a normal NES system. 1293 00:55:22,352 --> 00:55:25,989 Who knew what other Nintendo treasures were under there? 1294 00:55:26,056 --> 00:55:28,224 Told you it came with a free Power Pad. 1295 00:55:29,626 --> 00:55:31,061 Okay. [CLEARS THROAT] 1296 00:55:31,161 --> 00:55:33,730 In third place... 1297 00:55:36,166 --> 00:55:37,734 Jeffery Farmer! 1298 00:55:37,834 --> 00:55:38,802 [KIDS CHEERING] 1299 00:55:38,868 --> 00:55:41,071 Nobody cares about third place. 1300 00:55:41,171 --> 00:55:43,873 [ADULT JAKE] Considering Farmer's constant claims to victory, 1301 00:55:43,973 --> 00:55:45,975 this was a delight to us all. 1302 00:55:46,042 --> 00:55:47,844 Anybody had a chance now. 1303 00:55:51,181 --> 00:55:52,649 "Subscription to Boys' Life." 1304 00:55:52,716 --> 00:55:54,417 - [CHILDREN LAUGHING] - Yes! 1305 00:55:54,517 --> 00:55:55,752 I grew up on that magazine. 1306 00:55:55,852 --> 00:55:57,654 [MR. HALBERG] Great articles. 1307 00:55:57,721 --> 00:55:59,723 And in second place... 1308 00:56:00,724 --> 00:56:02,726 an amazing showing... 1309 00:56:04,728 --> 00:56:05,929 Teddy Hodges! 1310 00:56:06,029 --> 00:56:07,764 No! 1311 00:56:07,864 --> 00:56:09,666 [ADULT JAKE] Sadly, the combined totals of the Hodges twins 1312 00:56:09,733 --> 00:56:11,768 were only good enough for silver. 1313 00:56:13,903 --> 00:56:16,673 It's a globe of the whole world! 1314 00:56:16,740 --> 00:56:17,774 All of it! 1315 00:56:21,044 --> 00:56:22,946 [CLANGING] 1316 00:56:23,046 --> 00:56:25,215 [ADULT JAKE] There was no second place when it came to Nintendo. 1317 00:56:27,784 --> 00:56:29,586 And now... 1318 00:56:29,686 --> 00:56:32,355 - [EVAN] This is it, this is it! - ...this year's first prize winner 1319 00:56:32,422 --> 00:56:34,691 of the wreath-selling contest. 1320 00:56:34,758 --> 00:56:39,262 The highest sales total in troop history... 1321 00:56:42,632 --> 00:56:44,200 Jake Doyle! 1322 00:56:44,267 --> 00:56:45,435 [ALL CHEERING] 1323 00:56:51,074 --> 00:56:52,475 I won! 1324 00:56:52,575 --> 00:56:55,278 [ADULT JAKE] You can put it on the board! Yes! 1325 00:56:55,378 --> 00:56:56,980 Oh, so many people to thank. 1326 00:56:57,080 --> 00:57:00,283 My friends, my family, the Nintendo Corporation... 1327 00:57:00,383 --> 00:57:01,584 Yes! 1328 00:57:01,651 --> 00:57:03,820 [MR. HALBERG] This year's first prize... 1329 00:57:03,920 --> 00:57:06,156 the best we've had in years... 1330 00:57:07,590 --> 00:57:09,392 - Are you ready, Jake? - Yeah. 1331 00:57:10,994 --> 00:57:13,630 A brand-new set of World Book encyclopedias! 1332 00:57:14,264 --> 00:57:15,799 What? 1333 00:57:15,899 --> 00:57:18,067 [ADULT JAKE] It was like winning more school. 1334 00:57:18,134 --> 00:57:20,103 No! 1335 00:57:20,170 --> 00:57:23,506 Where is it? [SCREAMING] 1336 00:57:23,606 --> 00:57:26,609 - I hate you, Halberg! - [MR. HALBERG EXCLAIMING] God. 1337 00:57:29,412 --> 00:57:31,514 [ADULT JAKE] It didn't make any sense. Why? 1338 00:57:31,614 --> 00:57:35,251 Why had the troop leaders promised us toys, and then give us books? 1339 00:57:35,318 --> 00:57:38,087 Who could possibly be behind something so terrible? 1340 00:57:38,154 --> 00:57:40,089 So awful, so villainous? 1341 00:57:40,156 --> 00:57:44,427 Dr. Timothy Keane Senior, that's who. 1342 00:57:44,494 --> 00:57:47,664 Parents of Batavia, good evening. 1343 00:57:47,764 --> 00:57:49,332 - Hi. - [ADULT JAKE] Little did we know, 1344 00:57:49,432 --> 00:57:51,701 the night before the wreath award ceremony, 1345 00:57:51,801 --> 00:57:53,369 Dr. Keane had assembled a meeting 1346 00:57:53,470 --> 00:57:56,372 with the express purpose of ruining our lives. 1347 00:57:56,473 --> 00:57:59,476 There was an incident in my home recently. 1348 00:57:59,542 --> 00:58:03,279 A member of the Keane family, Lacy Dog Keane... 1349 00:58:03,346 --> 00:58:07,050 was crushed to near death by our 42-inch television set. 1350 00:58:07,150 --> 00:58:10,186 [WHISPERING] 42-inch, that's a really nice television set. 1351 00:58:10,286 --> 00:58:11,554 [WHISPERING] John. 1352 00:58:11,654 --> 00:58:15,058 Now I certainly do not blame my boy, Timmy, 1353 00:58:15,158 --> 00:58:17,961 who is a gifted, generous young man, 1354 00:58:18,027 --> 00:58:22,665 who has recently been diagnosed with something called... 1355 00:58:22,732 --> 00:58:24,400 "Attention Deficit..." 1356 00:58:24,501 --> 00:58:25,902 Blah, blah, blah. Whatever. 1357 00:58:26,002 --> 00:58:29,239 It's very serious... [SIGHS] 1358 00:58:29,339 --> 00:58:31,708 and it's extremely rare. 1359 00:58:31,808 --> 00:58:33,009 [CRYING] So rare. 1360 00:58:33,076 --> 00:58:34,310 [KISSES AND BLOWS] 1361 00:58:34,377 --> 00:58:35,845 [KISSES] I love you. 1362 00:58:35,912 --> 00:58:37,146 Could I have the lights, please? 1363 00:58:37,213 --> 00:58:38,147 [CLICKING] 1364 00:58:40,683 --> 00:58:42,085 Ladies and gentlemen... 1365 00:58:42,185 --> 00:58:45,255 the real culprit of this dog-crippling crime... 1366 00:58:45,355 --> 00:58:46,990 is video games. 1367 00:58:47,056 --> 00:58:49,659 Video games did this. 1368 00:58:49,726 --> 00:58:51,060 - [CROWD GASPING] - [MRS. KEANE WHIMPERS] 1369 00:58:51,160 --> 00:58:52,595 And this. 1370 00:58:52,695 --> 00:58:53,763 [CROWD GASPING LOUDLY] 1371 00:58:54,364 --> 00:58:55,265 And this. 1372 00:58:56,199 --> 00:58:57,267 [GASPING] 1373 00:58:57,367 --> 00:58:58,935 And this. 1374 00:59:00,703 --> 00:59:01,538 Oh. 1375 00:59:01,604 --> 00:59:03,006 It's the same slide. 1376 00:59:04,007 --> 00:59:07,110 I meant, and this. 1377 00:59:07,210 --> 00:59:09,212 - [JOHN] Still same slide. - God damn it! 1378 00:59:11,014 --> 00:59:12,949 Timmy dumped cheese in here again. 1379 00:59:13,049 --> 00:59:15,685 You know you can't give him cheese, Janice. You know this. 1380 00:59:15,752 --> 00:59:17,120 Pookie. 1381 00:59:19,188 --> 00:59:20,089 [SIGHS] 1382 00:59:20,723 --> 00:59:22,025 And this. 1383 00:59:22,091 --> 00:59:24,561 [CROWD EXCLAIMING] 1384 00:59:24,627 --> 00:59:26,396 - The question is, ladies and gentlemen... - [MRS. KEANE CRYING] 1385 00:59:26,462 --> 00:59:27,764 [MAN] Is that a dog? 1386 00:59:27,864 --> 00:59:29,132 ...what are we prepared to do about it? 1387 00:59:29,232 --> 00:59:30,300 We should ban it! 1388 00:59:30,400 --> 00:59:32,201 - Ban it! - Ban it! Ban it! 1389 00:59:32,268 --> 00:59:35,138 - No more dogs are getting crushed in my town! - No more. 1390 00:59:35,238 --> 00:59:36,973 - We must protect our dogs. - Yes. 1391 00:59:37,073 --> 00:59:39,442 We must protect our community! 1392 00:59:39,542 --> 00:59:41,144 Yes! 1393 00:59:41,244 --> 00:59:43,146 [MR. KEANE] It's modern technology taking over our lives. 1394 00:59:43,246 --> 00:59:45,315 It's only gonna get worse. It's all gonna go downhill from here! 1395 00:59:45,415 --> 00:59:46,950 - [MRS. TROTTER] That's right. - We've gotta stop it! 1396 00:59:47,050 --> 00:59:48,785 We've gotta burn it all, burn it all to the ground. 1397 00:59:48,885 --> 00:59:50,153 - Burn it. - Yeah. 1398 00:59:50,253 --> 00:59:52,922 Video game over! Video game over! 1399 00:59:52,989 --> 00:59:54,924 Let me hear you. Video game over! Louder. 1400 00:59:54,991 --> 00:59:57,994 [ALL CHANTING] Video game over! Video game over! 1401 00:59:58,094 --> 00:59:59,495 - Let me hear you. - [CHANTING CONTINUES] 1402 00:59:59,596 --> 01:00:01,264 [SOFTLY] Bring it down now. Video game over. 1403 01:00:01,331 --> 01:00:03,499 [ADULT JAKE] Keane's panicked propaganda continued on 1404 01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:04,901 well into the night. 1405 01:00:04,968 --> 01:00:07,437 It was a virtual video game Armageddon. 1406 01:00:07,503 --> 01:00:09,806 - [MR. HALBERG] I can feel it! We're so close! - [CROWD] Video game over! 1407 01:00:09,906 --> 01:00:11,674 Video game over! 1408 01:00:11,774 --> 01:00:13,743 [ADULT JAKE] And there was nothing we could do about it. 1409 01:00:13,810 --> 01:00:14,978 [BUGS BUNNY ON TV] No rabbit. 1410 01:00:18,648 --> 01:00:21,517 All those wreaths for nothing. 1411 01:00:21,618 --> 01:00:25,421 Did you know that Australia's chief export is coal briquettes? 1412 01:00:26,289 --> 01:00:28,324 [SIGHS] 1413 01:00:28,424 --> 01:00:31,361 We interrupt this program to bring you a special news bulletin from Kane County. 1414 01:00:31,461 --> 01:00:33,329 Thank you, Walter. We're here live in Geneva 1415 01:00:33,429 --> 01:00:36,599 with video game violence activist Dr. Timothy Keane. 1416 01:00:36,666 --> 01:00:39,202 Dr. Keane, it's only eight shopping days now 1417 01:00:39,302 --> 01:00:41,037 until Christmas, and you've managed to pass 1418 01:00:41,137 --> 01:00:44,807 a county-wide ban on selling video game systems. 1419 01:00:44,874 --> 01:00:46,476 - Is that correct? - That is correct. 1420 01:00:46,542 --> 01:00:48,611 Every store in Kane County has agreed to it. 1421 01:00:48,678 --> 01:00:52,348 And you really feel that video games promote violence enough 1422 01:00:52,448 --> 01:00:54,217 to make them illegal? 1423 01:00:54,317 --> 01:00:56,052 Has your dog ever been crushed to near death by your TV? 1424 01:00:56,152 --> 01:00:58,054 No, she has not. 1425 01:00:58,154 --> 01:00:59,956 [DR. KEANE ON TV] It's not a pretty sight. Parents need to know the truth. 1426 01:01:00,023 --> 01:01:04,227 These games are pure evil, and they've got to be stopped. 1427 01:01:04,327 --> 01:01:07,030 Video game over! Video game over! 1428 01:01:07,130 --> 01:01:08,898 - Video game over! - [CROWD CHANTING ON TV] Video game over! 1429 01:01:08,998 --> 01:01:10,500 He's a podiatrist. 1430 01:01:11,167 --> 01:01:12,168 Sorry, Jake. 1431 01:01:12,235 --> 01:01:13,736 Knock it off, Lizzy. 1432 01:01:13,836 --> 01:01:17,040 No, I was being serious. I know how much you wanted one. 1433 01:01:18,675 --> 01:01:19,742 I had it. 1434 01:01:20,576 --> 01:01:21,577 It was mine. 1435 01:01:23,346 --> 01:01:24,347 But now... 1436 01:01:25,882 --> 01:01:27,216 I'll never get one. 1437 01:01:29,352 --> 01:01:31,421 Here. You can have the remote. 1438 01:01:33,723 --> 01:01:35,024 Thanks, Lizzy. 1439 01:01:40,863 --> 01:01:42,732 She gave you the remote? 1440 01:01:42,832 --> 01:01:46,002 I would never give Charlie the remote. 1441 01:01:46,069 --> 01:01:47,603 You must've been a wreck. 1442 01:01:47,704 --> 01:01:50,339 Duh. They banned Nintendo. 1443 01:01:50,406 --> 01:01:53,109 So, if Batavia banned Nintendo 1444 01:01:53,209 --> 01:01:55,578 and Grandma and Grandpa won't get you one... 1445 01:01:55,678 --> 01:01:58,181 and you're doing all these bad things, all the time... 1446 01:01:58,247 --> 01:02:00,950 - Not all the time. - Yes, all the time. 1447 01:02:01,050 --> 01:02:03,453 You're doing all these things, and no one will get it for you, 1448 01:02:03,553 --> 01:02:04,887 then how did you get it? 1449 01:02:04,954 --> 01:02:06,689 How did you get the Nintendo? 1450 01:02:06,756 --> 01:02:09,225 Okay, calm down. 1451 01:02:09,292 --> 01:02:10,960 Should we take a break? You wanna text Maeve... 1452 01:02:11,060 --> 01:02:12,228 No! 1453 01:02:12,295 --> 01:02:14,363 I wanna know what happens in the story. 1454 01:02:14,430 --> 01:02:15,364 [SIGHS] 1455 01:02:17,133 --> 01:02:18,801 You see, Annie... 1456 01:02:18,901 --> 01:02:21,304 sometimes during Christmas... 1457 01:02:21,404 --> 01:02:24,140 just when you think that all hope is lost... 1458 01:02:25,374 --> 01:02:26,976 something magical happens. 1459 01:02:28,277 --> 01:02:31,647 Some people call it a Christmas miracle. 1460 01:02:31,748 --> 01:02:35,118 Well, this miracle happened at the roller rink. 1461 01:02:36,452 --> 01:02:37,887 What's a roller rink? 1462 01:02:38,921 --> 01:02:39,822 [SIGHS] 1463 01:02:43,993 --> 01:02:47,830 [ADULT JAKE] Six days until Christmas and it was officially official. 1464 01:02:47,930 --> 01:02:50,399 None of us were getting a Nintendo. 1465 01:02:56,072 --> 01:02:58,407 [EVAN] My cousin in Elmhurst might get one still. 1466 01:02:58,474 --> 01:03:00,143 That's in Cook County. 1467 01:03:00,243 --> 01:03:01,410 DuPage County. 1468 01:03:01,477 --> 01:03:03,446 - How do you know? - I got encyclopedias. 1469 01:03:03,513 --> 01:03:05,515 [JEFF] Come on, guys. We still got each other. 1470 01:03:05,615 --> 01:03:06,816 - [BOY] Watch out! - [GASPS] 1471 01:03:06,916 --> 01:03:08,484 [GLASS BREAKING] 1472 01:03:08,584 --> 01:03:11,320 - [JEFF] Sorry. - Objectively, I know that's hilarious 1473 01:03:11,420 --> 01:03:15,124 but I just don't have it in me to laugh right now. 1474 01:03:15,191 --> 01:03:17,693 [ADULT JAKE] It was the Hodges' birthday party. 1475 01:03:17,794 --> 01:03:19,595 The dreaded Christmas birthday. 1476 01:03:19,662 --> 01:03:22,498 Not only did the twins have to share a birthday between them, 1477 01:03:22,598 --> 01:03:25,001 they had to share it with Christmas to boot. 1478 01:03:25,101 --> 01:03:28,871 "Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas. Love, Grandma." 1479 01:03:28,971 --> 01:03:30,173 What a rip-off. 1480 01:03:30,273 --> 01:03:33,009 "P.S. This gift is for you two to share." 1481 01:03:34,811 --> 01:03:37,113 - Fresh packs. Who wants to open? - [ALL] Me! 1482 01:03:40,349 --> 01:03:41,617 - You got Chris Sabo. - Need it. 1483 01:03:41,684 --> 01:03:44,654 Need it. Got it. Need it. 1484 01:03:44,720 --> 01:03:45,955 You gonna eat your gum? 1485 01:03:48,691 --> 01:03:49,625 Ow! 1486 01:03:50,393 --> 01:03:51,494 Mmm... 1487 01:03:51,561 --> 01:03:54,030 Uh, I got a Ripken. Billy Ripken. 1488 01:03:54,130 --> 01:03:55,965 [TAMMY] Who cares about Billy Ripken? 1489 01:03:56,032 --> 01:03:57,033 [CHUCKLES IN DISBELIEF] 1490 01:03:57,133 --> 01:03:58,201 What? 1491 01:03:58,301 --> 01:03:59,468 What? What is it? 1492 01:03:59,535 --> 01:04:00,903 You guys are not gonna believe this. 1493 01:04:01,003 --> 01:04:03,072 Look! Right there! On his bat! 1494 01:04:03,172 --> 01:04:05,541 - [JAKE] Oh, my gosh! - [EVAN] A swear word. 1495 01:04:06,309 --> 01:04:07,710 That's a bad one. 1496 01:04:07,810 --> 01:04:09,412 - What does it say? - [EVAN] Don't read it out loud. 1497 01:04:09,512 --> 01:04:11,347 I'm not allowed to hear swear words. 1498 01:04:11,414 --> 01:04:13,216 "Swear word dash face." 1499 01:04:13,316 --> 01:04:15,251 Which swear word? A-face? 1500 01:04:15,351 --> 01:04:16,152 Mmm-mmm. 1501 01:04:16,219 --> 01:04:18,221 - S-face? - Mmm-mmm. 1502 01:04:18,321 --> 01:04:20,489 Wait. F-face? 1503 01:04:20,556 --> 01:04:21,324 Bingo. 1504 01:04:21,390 --> 01:04:22,658 It's an error card. 1505 01:04:22,725 --> 01:04:25,428 It's the greatest error card of all time! 1506 01:04:25,528 --> 01:04:26,896 Billy Ripken. 1507 01:04:29,198 --> 01:04:30,700 Ninety-five bucks! 1508 01:04:30,766 --> 01:04:32,034 [CHEERING] 1509 01:04:32,101 --> 01:04:34,003 Ninety-five dollars? You're a millionaire! 1510 01:04:34,070 --> 01:04:36,873 Yeah, Couple more of those, and you can buy your own Nintendo. 1511 01:04:39,041 --> 01:04:40,209 Guys... 1512 01:04:41,377 --> 01:04:42,778 I got it. 1513 01:04:42,879 --> 01:04:44,046 [JEFF] I don't get it. 1514 01:04:44,113 --> 01:04:45,281 [JAKE] What do you mean, you don't get it? 1515 01:04:45,381 --> 01:04:47,083 It's a very clear 15-point plan. 1516 01:04:47,183 --> 01:04:50,086 - I think you spelled "covert" wrong. - [MIKEY] Okay. 1517 01:04:50,186 --> 01:04:53,789 The field trip is Monday at 0900 hours to Chicago. 1518 01:04:53,890 --> 01:04:56,926 - So? - So, they still sell Nintendos there. 1519 01:04:57,026 --> 01:04:58,094 So? 1520 01:04:58,194 --> 01:04:59,929 So, we sell some baseball cards, 1521 01:05:00,029 --> 01:05:01,464 get some money... 1522 01:05:01,564 --> 01:05:03,599 we sneak out of the field trip and buy our own Nintendo. 1523 01:05:03,699 --> 01:05:06,469 Oh, now I get it. But wait, how's that 15 steps? 1524 01:05:06,569 --> 01:05:08,571 That's like... three. 1525 01:05:08,638 --> 01:05:10,306 I don't know. We could get in trouble. 1526 01:05:10,406 --> 01:05:13,376 I can't get in trouble now. It's almost Christmas. 1527 01:05:13,442 --> 01:05:14,810 Forget Christmas. 1528 01:05:14,911 --> 01:05:17,713 This is bigger than Christmas. 1529 01:05:17,780 --> 01:05:23,052 [JAKE] This is our one and only chance to get a Nintendo. 1530 01:05:23,119 --> 01:05:25,454 One that we can play on our own. 1531 01:05:25,554 --> 01:05:27,823 We don't have to worry about taking our boots off, 1532 01:05:27,924 --> 01:05:29,258 or getting in line... 1533 01:05:29,325 --> 01:05:31,227 or any of that stuff. 1534 01:05:31,294 --> 01:05:33,329 We can totally do this! 1535 01:05:34,830 --> 01:05:38,000 - This is our Vietnam. - [MIKEY] Yeah. 1536 01:05:38,100 --> 01:05:41,003 I don't think that means what you think it means. 1537 01:05:41,103 --> 01:05:43,406 I have no idea what it means. 1538 01:05:43,472 --> 01:05:45,007 But who's with me? 1539 01:05:45,107 --> 01:05:46,075 I'm in. 1540 01:05:50,479 --> 01:05:52,281 Check, check. Over. 1541 01:05:52,348 --> 01:05:53,683 Check, check. Over. 1542 01:05:54,417 --> 01:05:55,651 [BOTH] We're in. 1543 01:06:12,468 --> 01:06:13,636 I'm in. 1544 01:06:13,703 --> 01:06:15,104 Nope. 1545 01:06:15,171 --> 01:06:16,305 - [TAMMY] Forget it. - What? 1546 01:06:16,372 --> 01:06:17,773 Baseball cards, Farmer. 1547 01:06:17,840 --> 01:06:20,109 Come on! What's a guy gotta do? 1548 01:06:20,810 --> 01:06:21,877 Olsen? 1549 01:06:33,622 --> 01:06:34,824 [SIGHS] 1550 01:06:36,325 --> 01:06:38,661 We're gonna get in so much trouble. 1551 01:06:38,728 --> 01:06:39,862 [ALL CHEERING] 1552 01:06:41,831 --> 01:06:45,167 [ALL] One, two, three, Nintendo! 1553 01:06:45,234 --> 01:06:48,537 [ALL CHEERING] 1554 01:06:49,839 --> 01:06:51,340 [ALL CHEERING] 1555 01:06:51,407 --> 01:06:52,508 [JAKE] Got it! 1556 01:06:52,575 --> 01:06:53,576 Nice, Tammy. 1557 01:06:53,676 --> 01:06:55,211 [EVAN] Safe and secure. 1558 01:06:55,311 --> 01:06:56,812 Here we go! 1559 01:07:22,905 --> 01:07:25,775 [ANNIE] Oh, no! Not Jagorski. 1560 01:07:25,875 --> 01:07:27,243 What's he gonna do? 1561 01:07:27,343 --> 01:07:28,944 I'll give you a hint. 1562 01:07:29,045 --> 01:07:30,780 Nothing good. 1563 01:07:30,880 --> 01:07:33,616 [MRS. HUGO] It's my favorite field trip. Off to the Art Institute. 1564 01:07:33,716 --> 01:07:35,284 - Duffle bag? - Check. 1565 01:07:35,384 --> 01:07:37,086 - Blanket? - Check. In the bag. 1566 01:07:37,186 --> 01:07:38,454 - Walkie-talkies? - Check. 1567 01:07:38,554 --> 01:07:39,889 Camouflage, check. 1568 01:07:39,955 --> 01:07:42,358 Not necessary, Farmer. But I like the spirit. 1569 01:07:42,425 --> 01:07:44,360 Personally, I prefer a woodland pattern, 1570 01:07:44,427 --> 01:07:45,895 you know, for urban combat. 1571 01:07:45,961 --> 01:07:47,463 [JEFF] I agree. 1572 01:07:47,563 --> 01:07:48,798 How are you feeling, Olsen? 1573 01:07:48,898 --> 01:07:50,599 Not good. [GAGS] 1574 01:07:50,699 --> 01:07:51,567 Perfect. 1575 01:07:54,103 --> 01:07:56,305 Nice Trapper Keeper, Doyle. 1576 01:07:56,405 --> 01:07:58,474 I heard it's good for money management. 1577 01:07:59,241 --> 01:08:01,143 [JAKE STRUGGLING] 1578 01:08:01,243 --> 01:08:02,745 [JOSH GROWLS] 1579 01:08:02,812 --> 01:08:04,547 - That's ours! - Not anymore. 1580 01:08:04,613 --> 01:08:06,115 You can't do that! 1581 01:08:06,215 --> 01:08:08,984 Oh, yeah? And what are you gonna do about it? 1582 01:08:09,085 --> 01:08:11,620 Yeah. That's what I thought. 1583 01:08:11,720 --> 01:08:14,123 Your Nintendo's mine. [GRUNTS] 1584 01:08:14,223 --> 01:08:16,091 [LAUGHS WICKEDLY] 1585 01:08:16,158 --> 01:08:17,259 [JOSH] What up, Miss Hugo? 1586 01:08:17,326 --> 01:08:18,561 Oh, man. This is so bad. 1587 01:08:18,627 --> 01:08:20,496 I don't think it could get any worse. 1588 01:08:20,596 --> 01:08:22,565 Jake Doyle. 1589 01:08:22,631 --> 01:08:23,933 Where do you think you're going? 1590 01:08:23,999 --> 01:08:25,601 On the bus to the Art Institute? 1591 01:08:25,668 --> 01:08:26,902 Not like that. 1592 01:08:27,670 --> 01:08:29,738 No boots, no field trip. 1593 01:08:33,309 --> 01:08:37,012 [ADULT JAKE] At first, I thought, "Maybe no one will notice." 1594 01:08:37,113 --> 01:08:41,117 Hey, everybody! Jake Doyle's wearing girls' boots! 1595 01:08:41,183 --> 01:08:43,018 [CHILDREN LAUGHING] 1596 01:08:46,288 --> 01:08:47,590 [MOCKINGLY] They're so pretty. 1597 01:08:48,457 --> 01:08:50,192 I have the same kind. 1598 01:08:50,292 --> 01:08:53,596 Reoccurring nightmares of Freddy Krueger and the '84 Cubs 1599 01:08:53,662 --> 01:08:55,264 quickly fell to the wayside. 1600 01:08:55,331 --> 01:08:57,500 It was a bad dream come to life. 1601 01:08:57,600 --> 01:09:01,537 Wow! Nice boots, Doyle. 1602 01:09:01,637 --> 01:09:04,974 Hey, why don't you come back and have a seat? 1603 01:09:07,309 --> 01:09:09,478 Hey, you wanna hear about my ant farm? 1604 01:09:09,545 --> 01:09:12,381 They're all dead. The uncles are still alive, though. 1605 01:09:12,481 --> 01:09:13,883 [KNUCKLES THUMPING] 1606 01:09:17,353 --> 01:09:19,522 [ADULT JAKE] The entire plan hung in the balance. 1607 01:09:19,622 --> 01:09:23,526 And I was stuck next to a kid eating erasers like Tic Tacs. 1608 01:09:23,626 --> 01:09:25,561 Erasers are good. Do you want one? 1609 01:09:25,661 --> 01:09:27,229 - No. - All right. 1610 01:09:32,801 --> 01:09:36,138 ♪ When you're Runnin' into first Then you feel a juicy burst ♪ 1611 01:09:36,205 --> 01:09:38,974 ♪ Diarrhea, diarrhea ♪ 1612 01:09:39,041 --> 01:09:42,411 ♪ When you're Sliding into third And you feel a juicy turd ♪ 1613 01:09:42,511 --> 01:09:45,314 ♪ Diarrhea, diarrhea ♪ 1614 01:09:45,381 --> 01:09:48,918 ♪ When you're sliding into home And your pants Are full of foam ♪ 1615 01:09:49,018 --> 01:09:51,387 ♪ Diarrhea, diarrhea ♪ 1616 01:09:53,556 --> 01:09:54,723 We're almost to the spot. 1617 01:09:54,823 --> 01:09:56,659 Olsen's getting nervous. What do we do? 1618 01:09:56,725 --> 01:09:58,160 I don't know. 1619 01:09:58,227 --> 01:09:59,428 Just initiate phase one and I'll think of something. 1620 01:09:59,528 --> 01:10:00,529 Okay. 1621 01:10:05,501 --> 01:10:07,269 [WHISPERING] What about the money? 1622 01:10:08,204 --> 01:10:09,605 [EXHALES] 1623 01:10:09,705 --> 01:10:11,273 Mrs. Hugo. 1624 01:10:11,373 --> 01:10:13,242 - Evan, what are you doing out of your seat? - I don't feel good. 1625 01:10:13,342 --> 01:10:14,777 Okay, I... We're gonna be... 1626 01:10:14,877 --> 01:10:17,046 Don't be scared of Jagorski, he's only big in size. 1627 01:10:17,112 --> 01:10:18,514 Think of something happy. 1628 01:10:18,581 --> 01:10:21,750 Tell me your favorite letters of the alphabet. 1629 01:10:21,850 --> 01:10:25,054 In order, mine are T, K, A, I, E... 1630 01:10:25,120 --> 01:10:27,690 O, U, Q, X. 1631 01:10:29,725 --> 01:10:33,395 Well, well, look at what we got here. 1632 01:10:33,462 --> 01:10:35,798 We gotta get the Nintendo now. I can... 1633 01:10:35,898 --> 01:10:39,101 Not listening to you, Doyle. The money's mine. 1634 01:10:39,201 --> 01:10:41,136 - We gotta go now, or... - Or else? 1635 01:10:42,805 --> 01:10:44,273 Are you gonna make me? 1636 01:10:44,373 --> 01:10:48,277 Go back and sit with your dork girlfriend 1637 01:10:48,377 --> 01:10:50,145 in your girl boots! 1638 01:10:50,246 --> 01:10:50,980 [THUDDING] 1639 01:10:51,080 --> 01:10:52,815 Are you gonna cry now? 1640 01:10:52,915 --> 01:10:54,083 [JOSH CRYING MOCKINGLY] 1641 01:10:56,752 --> 01:10:58,654 [ADULT JAKE] And that's when it hit me. 1642 01:10:58,754 --> 01:11:02,591 Connor Stump wasn't a weirdo. He was a rebel. 1643 01:11:02,658 --> 01:11:04,493 He didn't care about being called names. 1644 01:11:04,593 --> 01:11:06,929 He didn't care about bullies, so why should I? 1645 01:11:06,996 --> 01:11:08,831 Nintendo or not, 1646 01:11:08,931 --> 01:11:11,500 Jagorski had been King of the Mountain for too long. 1647 01:11:11,600 --> 01:11:14,270 [JOSH MOCKINGLY] "I'm wearing feminine footwear. 1648 01:11:14,336 --> 01:11:16,071 "Why did I bring it to school? 1649 01:11:16,138 --> 01:11:18,907 "My little mommy put flowers on my shoes!" 1650 01:11:18,974 --> 01:11:21,677 You're all talk, no walk, Jagorski. 1651 01:11:21,777 --> 01:11:24,013 You're not worth a hill of beans. 1652 01:11:24,113 --> 01:11:26,649 Wha... What does that mean? 1653 01:11:26,749 --> 01:11:28,651 It means you're just a sad little bully. 1654 01:11:28,751 --> 01:11:31,687 And if you don't give me back my Trapper Keeper right now 1655 01:11:31,787 --> 01:11:33,956 the only one crying is gonna be you, 1656 01:11:34,023 --> 01:11:35,591 buttface! 1657 01:11:36,592 --> 01:11:37,693 Now! 1658 01:11:38,694 --> 01:11:40,095 Okay, okay. 1659 01:11:40,829 --> 01:11:42,264 [TIMIDLY] Okay. 1660 01:11:42,331 --> 01:11:45,868 And my mom got me these boots. And I hate them, too! 1661 01:11:45,968 --> 01:11:47,770 But I love my mom. 1662 01:11:55,044 --> 01:11:56,679 - [EVAN] I know, I... - Sit down. 1663 01:11:56,779 --> 01:11:59,882 Just tell me what it is. I mean, is it your stomach? 1664 01:11:59,982 --> 01:12:01,717 Do you actually think that maybe you could have... 1665 01:12:01,817 --> 01:12:03,552 [CHILDREN SCREAMING] 1666 01:12:03,652 --> 01:12:04,953 [SCHOOL BUS BRAKING] 1667 01:12:05,020 --> 01:12:06,955 [CHILDREN CLAMORING] 1668 01:12:07,022 --> 01:12:10,392 Just sit down! Sit down, everybody, okay? 1669 01:12:10,492 --> 01:12:13,062 [MRS. HUGO] Oh, my gosh! Are you okay? 1670 01:12:14,830 --> 01:12:16,699 [JAKE] Get the alarm! Get the alarm! 1671 01:12:16,799 --> 01:12:17,900 [MIKEY] Walkies. 1672 01:12:19,301 --> 01:12:20,736 Open the door! 1673 01:12:20,836 --> 01:12:22,571 All right, go, go, go! 1674 01:12:22,671 --> 01:12:24,006 [ALARM RINGING] 1675 01:12:25,007 --> 01:12:26,709 Yippee-ki-yay, Doyle! 1676 01:12:26,809 --> 01:12:29,745 Red Dog, this is Blue Bird. Approaching the mall. Over. 1677 01:12:29,845 --> 01:12:31,080 Blue Bird, this is Rambo One. 1678 01:12:31,180 --> 01:12:33,048 - What happened to Red Dog? - I changed it. 1679 01:12:33,148 --> 01:12:34,817 We're allowed to change names now? 1680 01:12:34,883 --> 01:12:36,919 Let's just start over. 1681 01:12:37,019 --> 01:12:40,422 Rambo One, this is Millennium Falcon Super Cool. 1682 01:12:40,522 --> 01:12:42,057 [WHOOPING] Love it! 1683 01:12:42,157 --> 01:12:43,592 Approaching Michigan Avenue. 1684 01:12:47,229 --> 01:12:49,498 - Careful there, kid. It's slippery. - Thanks. 1685 01:12:50,199 --> 01:12:51,767 Sorry. Excuse me. 1686 01:12:53,702 --> 01:12:56,105 Coming through. Sorry. 1687 01:12:56,205 --> 01:12:57,873 [ADULT JAKE] Our testing had made it clear. 1688 01:12:57,940 --> 01:13:00,275 Two cans of SpaghettiOs in Olsen's stomach 1689 01:13:00,376 --> 01:13:02,745 equaled roughly nine minutes of vomit. 1690 01:13:02,845 --> 01:13:04,780 That was our window to buy a Nintendo 1691 01:13:04,880 --> 01:13:08,183 and make it back to the bus before Olsen ran out of puke. 1692 01:13:11,720 --> 01:13:13,789 Excuse me. 1693 01:13:13,889 --> 01:13:16,258 As long as I didn't run into any major obstacles 1694 01:13:16,358 --> 01:13:18,460 I figured I'd be good to go... Oh, God! 1695 01:13:18,560 --> 01:13:21,697 Video game over! Video game over! 1696 01:13:21,764 --> 01:13:23,098 Are you kidding me? 1697 01:13:25,234 --> 01:13:27,436 Rambo One, we have a problem. 1698 01:13:27,536 --> 01:13:29,471 What's the problem, Millennium Super whatever? 1699 01:13:29,571 --> 01:13:31,907 Your mom and Mrs. Keane are here. 1700 01:13:31,974 --> 01:13:33,375 - What? - [JAKE OVER RADIO] I repeat, your mom 1701 01:13:33,442 --> 01:13:34,910 and Mrs. Keane are outside the store. 1702 01:13:34,977 --> 01:13:36,578 I can't get past them without them seeing me. 1703 01:13:36,645 --> 01:13:38,046 - Don't go in there. D - Don't go in that store. 1704 01:13:38,113 --> 01:13:40,082 Don't spend your money. Stay in school! 1705 01:13:40,149 --> 01:13:42,251 Get your mom under control, Trotter! 1706 01:13:42,317 --> 01:13:43,886 [GROANS] Darn it! 1707 01:13:43,952 --> 01:13:45,320 Jake, what are we gonna do? 1708 01:13:45,421 --> 01:13:47,122 I don't know. That's why I'm calling you. 1709 01:13:47,222 --> 01:13:48,457 Abort! Abort! 1710 01:13:48,557 --> 01:13:49,825 - [BOTH] No! - No. 1711 01:13:49,925 --> 01:13:52,060 No abort. We just need to get them out of the way. 1712 01:13:54,930 --> 01:13:58,167 Maybe we could page them over the intercom? 1713 01:13:58,267 --> 01:14:00,135 Tell them they have a call. 1714 01:14:00,235 --> 01:14:02,070 Guys, there's a payphone across the street. 1715 01:14:02,137 --> 01:14:06,575 Yes! Okay. How's Olsen? Give me a puke check. 1716 01:14:06,642 --> 01:14:08,177 [MRS. HUGO] Your poor little tummy... 1717 01:14:10,946 --> 01:14:13,982 Okay, feeling bad for you. I'm feeling very bad. 1718 01:14:14,082 --> 01:14:15,017 Okay! 1719 01:14:15,117 --> 01:14:16,618 Could I get some help here? 1720 01:14:16,685 --> 01:14:19,988 I knew I should've kept dancing in Vegas. Knew it. 1721 01:14:20,088 --> 01:14:22,024 He ate a whole bag of candy corn for breakfast. 1722 01:14:22,124 --> 01:14:24,259 - We should be good. - Okay, we can make it to the payphone, Jake. 1723 01:14:24,326 --> 01:14:25,427 But what do we say? 1724 01:14:25,494 --> 01:14:28,096 I don't know. Something good. 1725 01:14:28,163 --> 01:14:29,531 Something good like what? 1726 01:14:29,631 --> 01:14:31,700 - I don't know! Make something up. - [GROANS] 1727 01:14:31,800 --> 01:14:34,536 Did someone say "make something up"? 1728 01:14:39,875 --> 01:14:42,878 [WOMAN OVER PA SYSTEM] Paging Mrs. Trotter and Mrs. Keane 1729 01:14:42,978 --> 01:14:44,847 please come to the white courtesy phone. 1730 01:14:44,947 --> 01:14:46,849 You have an emergency phone call. 1731 01:14:46,949 --> 01:14:48,684 - I'm Mrs. Keane. - What's going on? 1732 01:14:48,784 --> 01:14:49,885 Oh, my gosh! An emergency? 1733 01:14:50,819 --> 01:14:51,887 Let's go. 1734 01:14:51,987 --> 01:14:53,822 [MRS. KEANE] I hope it's not Timmy. 1735 01:14:53,889 --> 01:14:54,990 He said something about stabbing our water bed this morning. 1736 01:14:55,057 --> 01:14:56,124 It worked! 1737 01:14:57,493 --> 01:15:00,295 Okay, I'm going in. Keep them on the phone. 1738 01:15:00,996 --> 01:15:01,997 Copy that. 1739 01:15:02,064 --> 01:15:03,198 Doing good. 1740 01:15:04,666 --> 01:15:06,001 Oh, hey, here it is. 1741 01:15:09,004 --> 01:15:10,739 - Hello? - Hello, Mrs. Trotter. 1742 01:15:10,839 --> 01:15:13,375 - [MRS. KEANE OVER PHONE] No. - I mean, Mrs. Keane. Right. 1743 01:15:13,475 --> 01:15:15,477 - Who is this? - This is your nephew. 1744 01:15:15,544 --> 01:15:17,646 I don't have a nephew. 1745 01:15:17,713 --> 01:15:21,850 I know you don't have a nephew. That's exactly why I'm calling. 1746 01:15:21,917 --> 01:15:24,319 I'm with the International Nieces and Nephews Collective. 1747 01:15:24,386 --> 01:15:26,555 The International Nieces and Nephews Collective? 1748 01:15:26,655 --> 01:15:28,257 - That's right. - What's that? 1749 01:15:28,357 --> 01:15:29,892 Well, we're based in Canada. 1750 01:15:29,992 --> 01:15:32,895 - [IN CANADIAN ACCENT] Oh, you are, eh? Hi. - Canada. 1751 01:15:35,197 --> 01:15:37,933 Four minutes, Super Falcon. You got this. 1752 01:15:38,033 --> 01:15:41,069 - That doesn't make any sense. - Makes perfect sense if you think about it. 1753 01:15:41,169 --> 01:15:43,372 You don't have a nephew, you would like a nephew, 1754 01:15:43,438 --> 01:15:44,873 the Collective is here to help. 1755 01:15:44,940 --> 01:15:46,074 - Can you make any sense of this? - Sure. 1756 01:15:46,174 --> 01:15:47,776 - Uh, hello? - Hello? 1757 01:15:47,876 --> 01:15:49,778 I just wanted you to know making prank calls is very wrong. 1758 01:15:49,878 --> 01:15:51,947 Super Cool, come in. Farmer's losing them. 1759 01:15:52,047 --> 01:15:53,749 You've gotta hurry. 1760 01:15:53,849 --> 01:15:55,450 - [NINTENDO] Where's your sister, Jake? - Shut up, Nintendo. 1761 01:15:55,551 --> 01:15:57,719 And it's also against the law. 1762 01:15:57,786 --> 01:15:59,521 You wanna know what else would be criminal? 1763 01:15:59,588 --> 01:16:01,456 Letting your son go another holiday season 1764 01:16:01,557 --> 01:16:05,360 without experiencing the joys of sponsoring an adopted cousin. 1765 01:16:05,427 --> 01:16:07,563 We're just trying to spread joy to the world. 1766 01:16:07,629 --> 01:16:08,530 [BOTH] Aw. 1767 01:16:08,597 --> 01:16:09,464 That makes sense. 1768 01:16:09,565 --> 01:16:10,766 - That's nice. - Yeah. 1769 01:16:10,866 --> 01:16:13,101 She bought it. Someone believed me. 1770 01:16:13,201 --> 01:16:15,137 [MRS. TROTTER OVER PHONE] I can hear you. 1771 01:16:15,237 --> 01:16:18,740 Sorry, ma'am, but this is a matter of national security. 1772 01:16:18,807 --> 01:16:20,208 All right. You're feeling better? 1773 01:16:20,275 --> 01:16:21,977 Can we go back in the bus now? 1774 01:16:22,077 --> 01:16:24,146 Yeah, he's dry heaving. You're good. 1775 01:16:25,814 --> 01:16:28,650 Olsen is dry! Repeat! We are out of puke! 1776 01:16:28,750 --> 01:16:30,652 - And I'm your nephew. - Okay. You know what? 1777 01:16:30,752 --> 01:16:33,155 I think now you're starting to mock me and this is harassment. 1778 01:16:33,255 --> 01:16:34,323 - Good bye. - Hello? 1779 01:16:34,423 --> 01:16:35,791 - Hello? - [DIAL TONE BEEPING] 1780 01:16:35,891 --> 01:16:36,959 Drat! 1781 01:16:41,830 --> 01:16:44,333 I lost them, I lost them, I lost them. 1782 01:16:44,433 --> 01:16:45,734 And Farmer is off the phone. 1783 01:16:45,801 --> 01:16:47,836 [MIKEY OVER COMMS] Repeat. Farmer's off the phone. 1784 01:16:47,936 --> 01:16:51,340 Look out for Keane and my mom. 1785 01:16:51,440 --> 01:16:54,176 - [MRS. TROTTER] I don't understand either. - [MRS. KEANE] Was it a survey? 1786 01:16:54,276 --> 01:16:56,178 [BOTH CONTINUE INDISTINCTLY] 1787 01:16:56,278 --> 01:16:57,512 [JAKE] Excuse me. 1788 01:17:02,451 --> 01:17:04,353 Oh, God. 1789 01:17:04,453 --> 01:17:06,121 I got past them, I'm in the clear! 1790 01:17:06,188 --> 01:17:08,023 [MIKEY OVER COMMS] The bus is moving, Jake. 1791 01:17:08,123 --> 01:17:10,092 The stoplight is still the rendezvous. You're gonna make it. 1792 01:17:10,158 --> 01:17:11,660 [ADULT JAKE] This was it. This was it. 1793 01:17:11,760 --> 01:17:14,363 Victory was mine. I could taste it. 1794 01:17:15,097 --> 01:17:16,465 Yes. Yes. 1795 01:17:17,032 --> 01:17:18,367 No! 1796 01:17:27,142 --> 01:17:28,110 [SLOW MOTION SCREAMING] No! 1797 01:17:29,945 --> 01:17:31,713 [ALL] No! 1798 01:17:43,025 --> 01:17:44,192 That can't be good. 1799 01:17:47,696 --> 01:17:49,498 - [THUMPS] - Damn. 1800 01:17:51,800 --> 01:17:55,637 So, you're not gonna get what you wanted for Christmas. 1801 01:17:55,704 --> 01:17:58,740 Ain't gonna lie. That's a tough one, kid. 1802 01:17:58,840 --> 01:18:01,076 You could give me the Nintendo you have in your trunk. 1803 01:18:01,176 --> 01:18:04,212 I said you're not gonna get what you wanted for Christmas this year. 1804 01:18:04,312 --> 01:18:07,082 One year, for Christmas, when I was a kid, 1805 01:18:07,182 --> 01:18:09,418 know what I wanted? I wanted a donkey. 1806 01:18:09,518 --> 01:18:11,853 A donkey. Can you believe that? 1807 01:18:11,920 --> 01:18:14,923 Yeah. Be kind of a weird thing to make up. 1808 01:18:15,724 --> 01:18:17,259 Well, I did. 1809 01:18:17,359 --> 01:18:20,429 All November, all December, that's all I could think about. 1810 01:18:20,529 --> 01:18:22,197 All I could talk about. 1811 01:18:22,264 --> 01:18:25,033 Donkey this, donkey that. How am I gonna get this donkey? 1812 01:18:26,368 --> 01:18:28,336 And guess what happened Christmas morning? 1813 01:18:28,403 --> 01:18:30,772 - You got a donkey? - No. 1814 01:18:30,872 --> 01:18:32,174 Who gets a donkey? 1815 01:18:32,240 --> 01:18:33,675 No. I... 1816 01:18:33,742 --> 01:18:37,446 No. I realized that I spent the whole Christmas season 1817 01:18:37,546 --> 01:18:39,448 worrying about something I wanted 1818 01:18:39,548 --> 01:18:42,851 and I stopped appreciating what I already had. 1819 01:18:42,918 --> 01:18:45,087 Was it like a hamster or dog or something? 1820 01:18:45,187 --> 01:18:48,523 No, my family. My life. 1821 01:18:48,590 --> 01:18:50,792 You know, you only get so many Christmases, kid. 1822 01:18:50,892 --> 01:18:52,961 You gotta make them count. 1823 01:18:53,061 --> 01:18:57,065 Hey, I bet you haven't even told somebody "Merry Christmas" this year, have you? 1824 01:19:01,303 --> 01:19:03,572 All right, come on, get up. I'll get you a cab. Come on. 1825 01:19:04,106 --> 01:19:05,741 Yo! Taxi! 1826 01:19:11,279 --> 01:19:13,281 Let's get you back with your field trip. 1827 01:19:16,251 --> 01:19:17,886 - Where's you headed? - Art Institute. 1828 01:19:17,953 --> 01:19:20,455 Drop him off at the side door on Monroe. 1829 01:19:20,555 --> 01:19:22,090 - Okay? - Got it. 1830 01:19:22,157 --> 01:19:24,126 Tell security you got lost. 1831 01:19:24,226 --> 01:19:26,795 Is there any way I can pay you back somehow? 1832 01:19:26,895 --> 01:19:29,397 Nah. I fleeced your dad for that Patch. 1833 01:19:29,464 --> 01:19:30,665 You gotta do me a favor, though. 1834 01:19:30,766 --> 01:19:32,834 - What's that? - Have a Merry Christmas. 1835 01:19:38,440 --> 01:19:41,076 - [CHRISTMAS BELLS JINGLING] - [HORSE NEIGHING] 1836 01:19:50,685 --> 01:19:53,288 Wake up, wake up. Is it time yet? 1837 01:19:53,355 --> 01:19:54,623 Is it time yet, Jake? 1838 01:19:57,926 --> 01:19:58,927 Let's go! 1839 01:19:58,994 --> 01:19:59,961 [FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYING] 1840 01:20:04,166 --> 01:20:05,167 [WHISPERING] Wow! 1841 01:20:07,602 --> 01:20:10,105 [ADULT JAKE] Ten years of visual unwrapping experience 1842 01:20:10,172 --> 01:20:14,209 I could tell right away there was no Nintendo under that tree. 1843 01:20:14,309 --> 01:20:18,180 Fat ladies standing by quietly warmed their vocal chords. 1844 01:20:18,280 --> 01:20:21,850 Lizzy, no opening the presents until we pass them out. 1845 01:20:21,950 --> 01:20:23,852 You know the rules. 1846 01:20:23,952 --> 01:20:25,287 [RATTLING] 1847 01:20:26,121 --> 01:20:27,055 Legos? 1848 01:20:27,155 --> 01:20:28,690 Let's just get this over with. 1849 01:20:29,825 --> 01:20:30,959 Okay... 1850 01:20:31,993 --> 01:20:33,328 Let's have some Christmas. 1851 01:20:35,463 --> 01:20:36,865 And... 1852 01:20:36,965 --> 01:20:40,302 - [JOHN] three, two, one... - Merry Christmas! 1853 01:20:40,368 --> 01:20:43,004 It's Christmas morning, 1988. 1854 01:20:43,071 --> 01:20:44,372 Opening our presents! 1855 01:20:44,472 --> 01:20:47,042 - Looking good. - Merry Christmas. 1856 01:20:47,142 --> 01:20:48,577 [KATHY] Merry Christmas. 1857 01:20:48,677 --> 01:20:50,712 - Okay, hold on. - Cheese. 1858 01:20:53,048 --> 01:20:54,149 [LIZZY GIGGLING] 1859 01:20:54,216 --> 01:20:55,650 [KATHY] Boop. Boop. 1860 01:20:55,717 --> 01:20:57,419 - [JOHN] How are you, Jake? - Boop. 1861 01:20:57,519 --> 01:20:58,920 [JOHN] Cheer up! 1862 01:20:59,020 --> 01:21:00,689 [KATHY] Merry Christmas. 1863 01:21:00,755 --> 01:21:01,857 [JOHN] Thank you, honey. 1864 01:21:03,525 --> 01:21:05,994 [JOHN] Come on, buddy. Thumbs up. 1865 01:21:06,061 --> 01:21:07,362 Great, all right, cool. 1866 01:21:14,736 --> 01:21:17,339 [GASPING] Leg warmers. 1867 01:21:17,405 --> 01:21:23,245 [EXCLAIMING] What? I got a sander. 1868 01:21:24,546 --> 01:21:25,447 Bookends? 1869 01:21:25,547 --> 01:21:27,749 For your encyclopedia set. 1870 01:21:27,849 --> 01:21:29,618 Great. 1871 01:21:29,718 --> 01:21:31,686 And they have baseballs on them. 1872 01:21:31,753 --> 01:21:32,621 I see that. 1873 01:21:34,589 --> 01:21:36,691 A Cabbage Patch Kid! 1874 01:21:39,394 --> 01:21:41,463 Wow! Freckles! 1875 01:21:43,098 --> 01:21:45,233 I'm sorry it's not a redhead. 1876 01:21:47,936 --> 01:21:50,772 Thank you so much. I love you. 1877 01:21:50,872 --> 01:21:51,940 I love you, too. 1878 01:21:53,441 --> 01:21:54,809 [LOUD BUZZING] 1879 01:21:54,910 --> 01:21:56,711 Another great Christmas. 1880 01:21:56,778 --> 01:22:00,415 You know, every holiday that I spend with you guys 1881 01:22:00,482 --> 01:22:02,484 is a real blessing. 1882 01:22:02,584 --> 01:22:04,119 [SHOUTING] What? 1883 01:22:04,219 --> 01:22:07,055 I said, "Every holiday that I spend with you guys..." 1884 01:22:07,122 --> 01:22:08,623 John. John! 1885 01:22:09,591 --> 01:22:10,992 John. 1886 01:22:11,092 --> 01:22:12,160 [SANDER STOPPING] 1887 01:22:12,260 --> 01:22:13,561 Do you have to do that right now? 1888 01:22:14,930 --> 01:22:16,498 Yeah, but... You gave it to me. 1889 01:22:17,766 --> 01:22:19,167 Okay. 1890 01:22:19,267 --> 01:22:21,569 Never mind, honey. I feel like the moment just passed. 1891 01:22:23,605 --> 01:22:25,440 [THUDDING] 1892 01:22:25,507 --> 01:22:28,009 - [GASPS] - [ADULT JAKE] And that's when I saw it. 1893 01:22:28,109 --> 01:22:29,577 [BARKS] 1894 01:22:29,644 --> 01:22:32,781 It was the exact size and shape of the box I'd held in my hands 1895 01:22:32,847 --> 01:22:34,149 not three days before. 1896 01:22:37,786 --> 01:22:42,290 "To Jake. From Uncle Dan." 1897 01:22:42,357 --> 01:22:45,927 Of course. Crazy rich Uncle Dan. 1898 01:22:45,994 --> 01:22:49,297 Huh. A gift from Uncle Dan. 1899 01:22:49,364 --> 01:22:51,866 You haven't gotten as much as a postcard in the last three years. 1900 01:22:51,967 --> 01:22:53,868 Where's he living again now? 1901 01:22:53,969 --> 01:22:55,036 Japan. 1902 01:22:55,136 --> 01:22:56,838 [ADULT JAKE] Japan. Japan. 1903 01:22:56,938 --> 01:22:58,306 Home of Nintendo. 1904 01:22:58,373 --> 01:23:00,475 The land where dreams come true. 1905 01:23:00,542 --> 01:23:02,811 Oh, God, don't mess with me now. 1906 01:23:04,145 --> 01:23:05,847 It's got your name on it, Jake. 1907 01:23:07,382 --> 01:23:09,184 [JOHN] What'd he say he was sending? 1908 01:23:09,284 --> 01:23:10,485 I have no idea. 1909 01:23:14,289 --> 01:23:16,157 Come on, come on. 1910 01:23:16,224 --> 01:23:18,026 It has to be. It has to be. 1911 01:23:19,361 --> 01:23:20,829 [ADULT JAKE] Lite-Brite? 1912 01:23:20,895 --> 01:23:21,896 Lite-Brite? 1913 01:23:21,997 --> 01:23:23,298 Lite-Brite. 1914 01:23:23,365 --> 01:23:25,734 Japanese Lite-Brite. 1915 01:23:25,834 --> 01:23:28,536 Wow! Lite-Brite! 1916 01:23:28,636 --> 01:23:30,238 - Yeah. - Jake, that's fun. 1917 01:23:30,338 --> 01:23:34,409 You know, for a second there, I thought it was a Nintendo. 1918 01:23:34,509 --> 01:23:36,044 [LAUGHS] 1919 01:23:36,144 --> 01:23:38,913 [ADULT JAKE] As I slowly tried to grasp the situation 1920 01:23:39,014 --> 01:23:42,417 I began to fear that I might never recover from this. 1921 01:23:42,517 --> 01:23:46,755 This was a tragedy so great that I'd never go to prom, 1922 01:23:46,855 --> 01:23:49,758 never go to college, never leave the house. 1923 01:23:49,858 --> 01:23:53,528 I'd become a 30-year-old balding man in his parents' basement 1924 01:23:53,595 --> 01:23:57,532 making elaborate pictures of Zelda on his Lite-Brite. 1925 01:23:57,599 --> 01:24:00,268 Christmas was dead to me now. 1926 01:24:00,368 --> 01:24:01,736 - Hello? - Hey, Trotter. 1927 01:24:01,836 --> 01:24:03,371 - Hey. - You didn't get one either? 1928 01:24:03,438 --> 01:24:06,174 - Nah, I got a Chia Pet. - You got a Chia Pet? 1929 01:24:06,241 --> 01:24:07,442 The Hodges struck out, too. 1930 01:24:07,542 --> 01:24:10,245 Yeah, yeah. I heard about the Hodges. 1931 01:24:10,345 --> 01:24:13,715 They just got a new bike... to share. 1932 01:24:13,782 --> 01:24:15,450 Yep. 1933 01:24:15,550 --> 01:24:17,452 Farmer says he got one, but he also says he got a jetpack. So... 1934 01:24:17,552 --> 01:24:18,586 Yeah, right. 1935 01:24:18,686 --> 01:24:20,789 I guess we all struck out. 1936 01:24:20,889 --> 01:24:21,890 Well, I gotta go. 1937 01:24:21,956 --> 01:24:23,024 - See ya. - See ya, man. 1938 01:24:23,091 --> 01:24:24,059 [LINE DISCONNECTS] 1939 01:24:24,893 --> 01:24:26,094 [SIGHS] 1940 01:24:27,896 --> 01:24:30,865 [ANNIE] Wait a second. So, you didn't get one? 1941 01:24:30,932 --> 01:24:32,901 None of your friends got one? 1942 01:24:32,967 --> 01:24:35,103 What kind of a story is this? 1943 01:24:35,203 --> 01:24:37,305 Whose Nintendo were we even playing? 1944 01:24:39,307 --> 01:24:41,443 Here, come with me. 1945 01:24:44,112 --> 01:24:46,815 [KATHY] ...gifts for Granny and Grandpa are in the blue bag. 1946 01:24:46,915 --> 01:24:48,650 [KATHY SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] 1947 01:24:50,251 --> 01:24:52,754 We're going to Minnesota for three days, Kathy. 1948 01:24:52,821 --> 01:24:54,722 You've been in our car. I've seen you in it. 1949 01:24:54,789 --> 01:24:56,124 You know how big it is. 1950 01:24:56,224 --> 01:24:58,226 John, you're getting a little bit of a tone. 1951 01:24:58,293 --> 01:25:00,328 I feel like maybe we should leave tomorrow morning. 1952 01:25:00,428 --> 01:25:02,497 No. I'm not hitting traffic. 1953 01:25:02,597 --> 01:25:04,099 - Jake! - What? 1954 01:25:04,165 --> 01:25:05,500 Oh. 1955 01:25:05,600 --> 01:25:08,169 Hey, there's still a ton of poop in the backyard. Okay? 1956 01:25:08,269 --> 01:25:10,171 So, get a shovel and pick it up. 1957 01:25:10,271 --> 01:25:12,173 Why? I mean, come on. Please? 1958 01:25:12,273 --> 01:25:13,508 It's Christmas. 1959 01:25:17,278 --> 01:25:18,146 Fine. 1960 01:25:23,952 --> 01:25:27,188 Come on. Pick them up and put them down, buddy. 1961 01:25:27,288 --> 01:25:29,257 - We gotta go. - Yep. 1962 01:25:29,324 --> 01:25:31,593 [JOHN] Hey, start with the ones behind the shed. 1963 01:25:41,836 --> 01:25:44,873 Dad! The floodlights! 1964 01:25:46,641 --> 01:25:50,011 [ADULT JAKE] And there, high above the frozen dog poo 1965 01:25:50,111 --> 01:25:52,180 that had become the bane of my existence 1966 01:25:52,280 --> 01:25:56,618 was the most beautiful structure I had ever laid my eyes on. 1967 01:25:56,684 --> 01:25:57,886 Whoa! 1968 01:25:57,986 --> 01:25:59,354 A tree fort. 1969 01:25:59,454 --> 01:26:03,291 A spectacular, solid-wood tree fort. 1970 01:26:05,293 --> 01:26:07,962 Oh, it was breathtaking. 1971 01:26:19,908 --> 01:26:21,209 Wow. 1972 01:26:22,677 --> 01:26:24,579 Wowee. 1973 01:26:26,481 --> 01:26:28,316 It has a trapdoor! 1974 01:26:28,383 --> 01:26:33,087 Your dad was up all night finishing it. 1975 01:26:35,990 --> 01:26:38,092 No, careful by the paint! 1976 01:26:38,193 --> 01:26:39,227 It still looks wet. 1977 01:26:45,233 --> 01:26:48,036 Dad! It's awesome! 1978 01:26:49,437 --> 01:26:51,172 I'm gonna get the video camera. 1979 01:26:51,940 --> 01:26:53,741 Nah, nah. 1980 01:26:53,841 --> 01:26:55,376 - No? - Nah. 1981 01:26:56,778 --> 01:26:58,046 Let him be. 1982 01:27:07,522 --> 01:27:08,389 [SIGHS] 1983 01:27:09,757 --> 01:27:10,892 [CHUCKLES] 1984 01:27:10,959 --> 01:27:12,627 So, Dad... 1985 01:27:12,727 --> 01:27:15,797 the Nintendo was here in the fort, right? 1986 01:27:15,897 --> 01:27:18,433 It was somewhere hidden in here? 1987 01:27:18,533 --> 01:27:19,801 Nope. 1988 01:27:19,901 --> 01:27:21,302 Then how'd you get it? 1989 01:27:21,402 --> 01:27:24,439 I never got it as a present. I had to work for it. 1990 01:27:24,539 --> 01:27:27,809 Spent a whole summer caddying at Prairie Pines Golf Course. 1991 01:27:27,909 --> 01:27:31,446 Then Grandpa said I could buy my own. 1992 01:27:31,546 --> 01:27:35,483 But I'll tell you what, this tree fort turned out to be a pretty great present. 1993 01:27:37,051 --> 01:27:38,319 Mmm-hmm. 1994 01:27:38,419 --> 01:27:40,622 It's my favorite place at Grandma and Grandpa's. 1995 01:27:41,589 --> 01:27:42,590 Me, too. 1996 01:27:44,592 --> 01:27:46,995 [KATHY] Dinner's ready! Come on in! 1997 01:27:47,095 --> 01:27:49,764 Grandma! Hi, Grandma! 1998 01:27:49,831 --> 01:27:52,100 Hey, Mom! Didn't know you guys were back. 1999 01:27:52,166 --> 01:27:53,401 Well, we are. 2000 01:27:53,468 --> 01:27:55,069 Now get your buns in here and give me a hug. 2001 01:28:18,459 --> 01:28:19,360 Phew. 2002 01:28:22,964 --> 01:28:24,032 [SNIFFING] 2003 01:28:25,333 --> 01:28:26,768 Smell that? 2004 01:28:26,834 --> 01:28:28,269 [INHALING DEEPLY] 2005 01:28:28,336 --> 01:28:29,470 Fresh air? 2006 01:28:30,538 --> 01:28:32,373 Fresh air. 2007 01:28:32,473 --> 01:28:35,043 Hockey stick slats turned out okay, huh? 2008 01:28:37,845 --> 01:28:39,314 Thanks for your help. 2009 01:28:40,481 --> 01:28:41,616 [CLICKING] 2010 01:28:41,683 --> 01:28:44,018 Here. Carve your initial. 2011 01:28:44,118 --> 01:28:47,021 Every good craftsman leaves their mark. 2012 01:28:47,121 --> 01:28:48,823 That's a good spot. 2013 01:28:50,358 --> 01:28:51,359 There you go. 2014 01:28:52,493 --> 01:28:54,729 [JOHN] There, you got it. Yeah. 2015 01:28:55,663 --> 01:28:57,632 Not bad. 2016 01:28:57,699 --> 01:29:02,136 Maybe this summer we could add a lookout tower. 2017 01:29:02,970 --> 01:29:03,971 Totally. 2018 01:29:04,505 --> 01:29:05,573 Totally. 2019 01:29:07,809 --> 01:29:11,245 [ADULT JAKE] Peacefully, my mind unfolded all the tree fort adventures 2020 01:29:11,346 --> 01:29:13,014 that undoubtedly lay ahead. 2021 01:29:13,081 --> 01:29:15,750 Flashlight campouts with Olsen and the Hodges 2022 01:29:15,850 --> 01:29:18,186 ridiculous ghost stories from Farmer 2023 01:29:18,252 --> 01:29:22,156 and late-night skygazing with Trotter for Soviet spy planes. 2024 01:29:25,360 --> 01:29:27,528 And then a dog was crushed by a TV. 2025 01:29:27,595 --> 01:29:30,431 Oh, and Mom, Dad skipped out on a field trip. 2026 01:29:30,531 --> 01:29:32,433 It was the most crazy story I've ever heard. 2027 01:29:32,533 --> 01:29:34,502 Thank you. Crazy and exciting and amazing. 2028 01:29:34,569 --> 01:29:38,339 So, that was the first thing you and Grandpa built together, right? 2029 01:29:38,406 --> 01:29:40,074 Yes, Annie, but I had a point. 2030 01:29:40,174 --> 01:29:41,943 I know your point, Dad. 2031 01:29:42,043 --> 01:29:44,045 I'm not getting a phone, 2032 01:29:44,112 --> 01:29:45,947 but Christmas can still be great. 2033 01:29:46,848 --> 01:29:49,717 That... Yeah, pretty much. 2034 01:29:49,784 --> 01:29:51,419 But you left out the best part. 2035 01:29:51,519 --> 01:29:53,888 Yes. Our matching purple floral boots. 2036 01:29:53,955 --> 01:29:56,290 Katie Sorrentino, I would never. 2037 01:29:56,391 --> 01:29:57,959 - [KATHY] Okay. - Really? 2038 01:29:58,059 --> 01:30:01,763 Those boots were $11.99, and I thought they looked great. 2039 01:30:01,863 --> 01:30:03,431 [ANNIE] No, Dad. 2040 01:30:03,531 --> 01:30:05,733 That was the Christmas you and Grandpa found your thing. 2041 01:30:14,942 --> 01:30:18,045 Which is a miracle, too, 'cause that man could not find anything. 2042 01:30:18,112 --> 01:30:19,147 [BOTH CHUCKLE] 2043 01:30:37,565 --> 01:30:38,666 [SIGHS] 2044 01:30:41,135 --> 01:30:42,637 Thanks, kiddo. 2045 01:30:42,737 --> 01:30:44,906 You think maybe we could borrow some of his tools 2046 01:30:44,972 --> 01:30:46,507 and work on the fort tomorrow? 2047 01:30:48,109 --> 01:30:49,143 Yeah. 2048 01:30:50,411 --> 01:30:51,813 I think he'd like that. 2049 01:30:54,682 --> 01:30:58,019 [ADULT JAKE] Turns out John Doyle was more than just a guy who yelled a lot 2050 01:30:58,119 --> 01:31:00,421 and could never quite finish the kitchen. 2051 01:31:00,488 --> 01:31:02,156 He was a magician. 2052 01:31:02,824 --> 01:31:03,991 He was a hero. 2053 01:31:04,992 --> 01:31:07,328 He was my dad. 2054 01:31:09,764 --> 01:31:11,265 Come on. 2055 01:31:11,332 --> 01:31:12,500 Gotta hit the road. 2056 01:31:13,668 --> 01:31:15,269 Don't wanna hit any traffic. 2057 01:31:16,304 --> 01:31:17,305 Okay. 2058 01:31:20,341 --> 01:31:21,442 [GROANS] 2059 01:31:25,480 --> 01:31:26,514 All right. 2060 01:31:31,853 --> 01:31:33,454 - Hey, Dad? - Yeah? 2061 01:31:35,189 --> 01:31:37,158 Merry Christmas. 2062 01:31:37,225 --> 01:31:38,960 Merry Christmas, Jake. 2062 01:31:39,305 --> 01:32:39,733 Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/99kbn Help other users to choose the best subtitles 149653