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This is me and I hate my life.
It wasn't always this way. I
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00:00:53,252 --> 00:00:56,355
used to live in a big house, in
a big city that so easily
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00:00:56,387 --> 00:00:58,557
swallowed you up it left you
naked with your own petty
6
00:00:58,591 --> 00:01:01,727
significance. It was perfect.
7
00:01:01,759 --> 00:01:05,131
I wasn't even a blip on the
radar. Then my dad had to go
8
00:01:05,164 --> 00:01:06,698
fuck it up literally.
9
00:01:07,667 --> 00:01:09,302
Sing for me my angel of music.
10
00:01:09,334 --> 00:01:10,302
That's my dad.
11
00:01:10,335 --> 00:01:11,304
George!
12
00:01:11,337 --> 00:01:12,305
Oh, hey mom!
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00:01:12,337 --> 00:01:14,806
I can explain.
14
00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:17,185
I don't know how dad tried
to explain nailing the maid up the
15
00:01:17,209 --> 00:01:21,713
pooper, but oddly enough,
It didn't work.
16
00:01:21,746 --> 00:01:25,584
So I got landed here.
Shitsville, U.S.A.
17
00:01:25,617 --> 00:01:29,321
Fuck,
I hope they have pesticide for lunch.
18
00:02:16,502 --> 00:02:18,705
How was Hendrix?
19
00:02:46,865 --> 00:02:47,933
Twatkins High?
20
00:02:47,966 --> 00:02:50,336
Hurry up,
you don't want to be late.
21
00:02:50,368 --> 00:02:53,939
Late? Considering we just drove
fifteen hundred miles so I can
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00:02:53,973 --> 00:02:57,343
get a diploma that read Twatkins
High, late really isn't the
23
00:02:57,376 --> 00:02:58,912
issue right now.
24
00:03:13,324 --> 00:03:14,893
This toolbag is Jordan Davies.
25
00:03:14,926 --> 00:03:17,263
Quarterback and head
douchebaggery of Twatkins High.
26
00:03:17,295 --> 00:03:18,965
Who the fuck are you?
27
00:03:18,997 --> 00:03:21,366
Kelvin, Kelvin Anis.
28
00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:25,538
Dude, did you just
say your name was anus?
29
00:03:25,570 --> 00:03:26,906
What a douche.
30
00:03:27,372 --> 00:03:30,375
Now, when your last name is Anis
you kind of expect the name
31
00:03:30,408 --> 00:03:32,877
calling.
It's best to just let it go.
32
00:03:32,911 --> 00:03:35,647
Actually, I said Anis. But its
cool man it happens all the
33
00:03:35,681 --> 00:03:37,582
time. Let it go.
34
00:03:37,616 --> 00:03:39,285
You know,
not all the time, you know.
35
00:03:39,318 --> 00:03:40,987
Just let it go.
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00:03:41,020 --> 00:03:43,856
The last kid who did it, he was
kind of slow. I'm not saying
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00:03:43,889 --> 00:03:45,849
you're slow, it's just, he liked
to eat his own...
38
00:03:46,358 --> 00:03:47,960
Stupid.
39
00:04:26,999 --> 00:04:29,068
Need a hand?
40
00:04:29,100 --> 00:04:31,069
No. What makes
you think I need help?
41
00:04:31,103 --> 00:04:32,304
You're wearing a guitar, I...
42
00:04:32,338 --> 00:04:36,509
What? Holy shit, look at that.
Man, it's a good thing you were
43
00:04:36,541 --> 00:04:38,653
here. Otherwise, how would I
have ever known that I was
44
00:04:38,677 --> 00:04:40,746
stuck in a guitar.
45
00:04:40,778 --> 00:04:41,781
Fine, whatever.
46
00:04:41,814 --> 00:04:43,015
Wait. Wait, wait.
47
00:04:43,048 --> 00:04:44,283
Now you want my help.
48
00:04:44,315 --> 00:04:48,486
Yes, alright, I want your help.
Fuck, you know, why don't you
49
00:04:48,519 --> 00:04:53,558
just rub your balls in my face.
Come on, come on, just lift up.
50
00:04:53,591 --> 00:04:58,597
What happened? Dude, hold still.
51
00:04:58,964 --> 00:05:00,732
It's fucking sharp,
man. It hurts.
52
00:05:00,766 --> 00:05:02,335
Alright, what do
you want me to do?
53
00:05:02,367 --> 00:05:03,769
Slow. Slow.
54
00:05:03,802 --> 00:05:05,538
Can you shut up for a second?
Let me just...
55
00:05:05,571 --> 00:05:06,906
Okay. Okay. Okay.
56
00:05:06,939 --> 00:05:08,574
Alright. It's just
really on there.
57
00:05:08,607 --> 00:05:12,979
Ooh, watch the nipple,
watch the nipple. Ow!
58
00:05:17,382 --> 00:05:18,717
Here you go.
59
00:05:39,538 --> 00:05:40,872
Good morning.
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00:05:40,906 --> 00:05:43,576
Well, hello there
young man and how are you today?
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00:05:43,608 --> 00:05:46,411
Fine, thanks. Um, I just
transferred here. I was told to
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00:05:46,444 --> 00:05:48,113
stop by and pick up my schedule.
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00:05:48,146 --> 00:05:51,783
Well, aren't you just a silly
goose. I know who you are.
64
00:05:51,817 --> 00:05:55,920
You're Jessica's son. Got your
class schedule right around here
65
00:05:55,954 --> 00:05:57,990
somewhere. Kelvin, right?
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00:05:58,023 --> 00:05:59,658
Uh, yeah that's right.
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00:05:59,690 --> 00:06:02,594
Oh, don't look so surprised.
It's not like I'm one of those
68
00:06:02,627 --> 00:06:04,463
psychics or anything.
69
00:06:10,435 --> 00:06:12,003
Why don't you
take this and have a seat
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00:06:12,036 --> 00:06:15,707
over there.
It'll just take a few minutes.
71
00:06:18,576 --> 00:06:20,012
Somebody kill me.
72
00:06:23,915 --> 00:06:25,750
Okay, folks there it is.
Six weeks.
73
00:06:25,783 --> 00:06:27,887
What does it all mean?
It means it's going to be
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00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:30,098
party time. It's going to be
midterms. So you're going to
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00:06:30,122 --> 00:06:32,132
have to knuckle down between
now and then. We got a lot of
76
00:06:32,156 --> 00:06:34,569
material to cover, right? So if
you hear the word penis, vagina,
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00:06:34,593 --> 00:06:36,971
you know, don't start giggling.
This is grade twelve biology,
78
00:06:36,995 --> 00:06:40,031
okay? Are we
all in agreement here?
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00:06:40,064 --> 00:06:43,468
It's party time right
from the start.
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00:06:48,507 --> 00:06:51,644
Mr. Flaherty, how
nice of you to join us.
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00:06:51,944 --> 00:06:53,846
Any time, sir.
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00:06:53,879 --> 00:06:57,216
Mr. Flaherty, need I remind
you that your grievous test scores
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00:06:57,249 --> 00:07:00,453
from last year are some of the
worst I've seen in my twenty-two
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00:07:00,485 --> 00:07:04,990
years of teaching. So, maybe if
you made it on time and maybe
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00:07:05,023 --> 00:07:08,694
paid attention, you just might
be able to scrape together a
86
00:07:08,726 --> 00:07:11,697
decent score without a negative
sign in front of it in the end.
87
00:07:11,730 --> 00:07:16,068
I'm sorry, but maybe you didn't
notice me carrying this around.
88
00:07:16,100 --> 00:07:18,971
Do you think it's possible that
there might be a reason that I
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00:07:19,004 --> 00:07:20,473
was fucking late?
90
00:07:21,939 --> 00:07:24,877
Congratulations, Mr. Flaherty,
you've earned a trip to the
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00:07:24,910 --> 00:07:28,914
principal's office on your very
first day. I'm sure your parents
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00:07:28,947 --> 00:07:30,750
will be very pleased.
93
00:07:33,651 --> 00:07:36,087
What the hell sir? You're
pissing on me for being, like
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00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:39,091
five seconds late, when those
knob jobs took my guitar's
95
00:07:39,124 --> 00:07:41,093
virginity using my fucking head!
96
00:07:41,125 --> 00:07:42,870
Alright, that's it, Flaherty!
You're out of here!
97
00:07:42,894 --> 00:07:46,531
Okay, sir. Look, calm down,
okay. How about I say I'm sorry
98
00:07:46,564 --> 00:07:49,100
for being late and
you let go of my sack for a bit?
99
00:07:49,134 --> 00:07:50,102
Out!
100
00:07:50,134 --> 00:07:51,103
Sir?
101
00:07:51,136 --> 00:07:52,805
Get out of here!
102
00:07:54,673 --> 00:07:57,108
Slut. Asshole. Hoe. Shithead.
103
00:07:57,141 --> 00:07:58,310
So gross.
104
00:07:58,343 --> 00:08:00,646
This coming from the V.D.
piñata. Hey, did you ever get
105
00:08:00,678 --> 00:08:03,982
your tampons the condoms they
asked for? Bitch.
106
00:08:05,149 --> 00:08:07,019
Have a nice day.
107
00:08:07,485 --> 00:08:10,656
That's what you get. Yeah, yeah.
Take it. Yeah.
108
00:08:10,689 --> 00:08:13,893
Take it. Take it.
109
00:08:13,925 --> 00:08:18,663
Um, Fritz,
what are you doing, man?
110
00:08:18,697 --> 00:08:23,134
Hey, Carla. I, uh, that's not
what it looked like.
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00:08:23,168 --> 00:08:25,004
Right.
112
00:08:25,036 --> 00:08:28,740
You thought that I was?
113
00:08:28,774 --> 00:08:31,310
No, no. I mean, you see this?
114
00:08:31,343 --> 00:08:34,146
This is a no felashe zone.
115
00:08:34,178 --> 00:08:37,216
So, as long as you're the
felatee it's okay, then?
116
00:08:37,249 --> 00:08:41,287
Yeah. Guess I just
have to find me a felateur.
117
00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:45,157
I'm in.
118
00:08:45,190 --> 00:08:48,260
Wait, wait. I, uh, I haven't
heard you singing on.
119
00:08:48,293 --> 00:08:49,327
Main Street lately.
120
00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:50,328
You've seen me sing?
121
00:08:50,361 --> 00:08:54,766
Yeah. I mean, uh,
I've passed by. You know?
122
00:08:55,533 --> 00:08:58,703
Yeah, well unfortunately you
won't see me there any time soon
123
00:08:58,736 --> 00:09:00,981
because my brother is off to
school. I don't have any music
124
00:09:01,005 --> 00:09:02,341
to sing to.
125
00:09:02,374 --> 00:09:03,609
How about a stereo?
126
00:09:03,642 --> 00:09:06,979
Well, I mean, it's not quite the
same as live, but I guess if I
127
00:09:07,011 --> 00:09:09,047
get desperate? I guess I will.
128
00:09:09,081 --> 00:09:10,081
Cool.
129
00:09:13,085 --> 00:09:16,589
Fritz, I'm going to go to the
bathroom now.
130
00:09:16,621 --> 00:09:18,990
Right, yeah. Go ahead.
131
00:09:19,024 --> 00:09:20,192
Okay.
132
00:09:20,225 --> 00:09:23,129
Word to your mother.
133
00:09:26,798 --> 00:09:28,333
Vanilla Ice.
134
00:09:28,366 --> 00:09:30,269
Carla Cummings
finally talks to you and you
135
00:09:30,302 --> 00:09:34,240
quote Vanilla fucking Ice?
136
00:09:37,942 --> 00:09:41,581
God, I'm like the
poster child for spermicide.
137
00:09:54,326 --> 00:09:55,293
Hey.
138
00:09:55,326 --> 00:09:56,394
Hey.
139
00:09:56,427 --> 00:09:57,996
How's the guitar?
140
00:09:58,029 --> 00:10:00,832
Don't know. Probably
filing a harassment suit.
141
00:10:00,865 --> 00:10:04,836
Wasn't even my type. Hold this.
142
00:10:04,870 --> 00:10:05,837
What the hell is this?
143
00:10:05,870 --> 00:10:06,838
What?
144
00:10:06,871 --> 00:10:08,240
McDonald's or Wendy's?
145
00:10:08,273 --> 00:10:10,242
Oh, it's for rating girl's
ninja slippers.
146
00:10:10,274 --> 00:10:11,976
I like to know how I'm dining.
147
00:10:12,009 --> 00:10:13,245
What?
148
00:10:13,278 --> 00:10:15,913
Look, you know how a Mac Do's
hamburger has that perfect bun
149
00:10:15,947 --> 00:10:19,018
seal and then a Wendy's Burg
always has that little extra
150
00:10:19,051 --> 00:10:20,786
flap of meat hanging out?
151
00:10:20,818 --> 00:10:23,254
Flaherty, get in here!
152
00:10:23,288 --> 00:10:27,225
Ah, crap. Later.
153
00:10:30,729 --> 00:10:32,965
Later.
154
00:10:35,833 --> 00:10:39,270
This is bullshit, John!
155
00:10:45,177 --> 00:10:46,144
I'm telling you guys,
156
00:10:46,177 --> 00:10:48,279
it's possible that there
is a slight chance that
157
00:10:48,312 --> 00:10:50,948
Carla Cummings may not
be completely disgusted
158
00:10:50,981 --> 00:10:52,350
by the idea of having me in,
159
00:10:52,384 --> 00:10:54,452
or at least in close
proximity to her mouth.
160
00:10:54,485 --> 00:10:55,996
Dude, you've been
trying to talk to this girl
161
00:10:56,020 --> 00:10:57,288
since junior year.
162
00:10:57,322 --> 00:10:58,691
Have you even tried
to make a move?
163
00:10:58,724 --> 00:10:59,966
Look, you weren't
there, alright.
164
00:10:59,990 --> 00:11:02,427
First of all, her name
is Carla Cummings, okay.
165
00:11:02,461 --> 00:11:06,298
Cummings. That's like
pornstar styley.
166
00:11:06,331 --> 00:11:08,167
Good point, my friend.
Good point.
167
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:09,301
I know.
168
00:11:09,333 --> 00:11:10,468
Hey dude, look.
169
00:11:10,501 --> 00:11:12,837
Attention T.
Watkins High students.
170
00:11:12,870 --> 00:11:14,372
We have a new student today.
171
00:11:14,405 --> 00:11:16,474
Please, make sure you
welcome Kelvin Anis
172
00:11:16,508 --> 00:11:19,043
to the school.
Have a great afternoon.
173
00:11:27,985 --> 00:11:31,423
How's your first day
going, Anus?
174
00:11:33,958 --> 00:11:35,993
Oh, wow. Wow.
175
00:11:36,027 --> 00:11:38,197
Uh, hey, dude, you got
a mint or something?
176
00:11:38,230 --> 00:11:39,197
Gum?
177
00:11:39,230 --> 00:11:40,064
What?
178
00:11:40,099 --> 00:11:41,341
I just didn't know
they were serving
179
00:11:41,365 --> 00:11:42,365
garbage, dude. How was it?
180
00:11:45,035 --> 00:11:46,771
Listen, you little fuck.
181
00:11:46,804 --> 00:11:48,339
Some people may think
that you being
182
00:11:48,373 --> 00:11:50,209
from Hollywood makes
you hot shit,
183
00:11:50,241 --> 00:11:52,211
but that don't make it so.
184
00:11:52,244 --> 00:11:55,880
You were a loser there.
And you're a loser here.
185
00:11:58,984 --> 00:12:01,220
Dude, at least I'm consistent.
186
00:12:01,253 --> 00:12:03,889
Hey! Move it along, Davies.
187
00:12:03,922 --> 00:12:06,125
Let go of me, Mr. Clean.
Shouldn't you be washing
188
00:12:06,158 --> 00:12:08,360
my shit out of the toilets
or something?
189
00:12:08,393 --> 00:12:11,062
I said, move it along, Davies.
190
00:12:11,395 --> 00:12:14,365
See you around, Anus.
191
00:12:17,001 --> 00:12:18,836
Jordan Davies' bad side.
192
00:12:18,870 --> 00:12:20,839
It's not a good place
to be, kid.
193
00:12:20,871 --> 00:12:23,241
You better watch your back.
194
00:12:23,274 --> 00:12:26,745
It's cool, everything's been
coming from the front.
195
00:12:31,582 --> 00:12:34,120
You're crazy.
196
00:13:26,471 --> 00:13:27,905
What's up?
197
00:13:27,938 --> 00:13:30,107
Don't do it.
198
00:13:30,140 --> 00:13:31,108
Do what?
199
00:13:31,142 --> 00:13:33,111
Be a hero. It's not worth it.
200
00:13:33,144 --> 00:13:34,178
Who is she?
201
00:13:34,211 --> 00:13:35,590
From the tent you're pitching,
I'm guessing you're
202
00:13:35,614 --> 00:13:37,316
talking about Valerie Ward.
203
00:13:37,349 --> 00:13:39,318
- Tent I'm pitching?
- Yeah, I see it.
204
00:13:39,350 --> 00:13:41,452
Forget it. If we even
had a league,
205
00:13:41,485 --> 00:13:42,629
there would still be
a better league
206
00:13:42,653 --> 00:13:44,121
we'd need to get into
207
00:13:44,154 --> 00:13:46,190
before she was simply
out of our league.
208
00:13:46,224 --> 00:13:48,134
Come on, you're telling me
that Davies is in her league?
209
00:13:48,158 --> 00:13:49,528
That recycled douchebag?
210
00:13:49,561 --> 00:13:51,530
Pfft. He wishes.
211
00:13:51,562 --> 00:13:53,298
That there my friend
is one hundred percent,
212
00:13:53,331 --> 00:13:55,433
prime cut, felashe mignon.
213
00:13:55,466 --> 00:13:57,635
He'd have a better chance
entering a convent.
214
00:13:57,668 --> 00:13:59,346
Hey I thought the
hero always got the girl?
215
00:13:59,370 --> 00:14:00,514
What are you fucking kidding me?
216
00:14:00,538 --> 00:14:04,076
Does Spiderman ever give
the pink slider to Mary Jane?
217
00:14:04,109 --> 00:14:06,345
Does Batman ever give
Cat Woman the one-eyed dolphin?
218
00:14:06,378 --> 00:14:08,247
You know a lot of
names for penis.
219
00:14:08,279 --> 00:14:10,348
- About ninety-three, yeah.
- Wow.
220
00:14:10,381 --> 00:14:12,350
Aids Grenade, Fallopian
Fiddler, Hymen Hammer,
221
00:14:12,384 --> 00:14:14,452
Beaver Cleaver, Vagina
Miner, Twelve inch.
222
00:14:14,485 --> 00:14:15,287
Train of Pain...
223
00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:19,091
Okay. Gosh.
Alright, I got to go.
224
00:14:19,124 --> 00:14:22,561
Good idea. Good idea.
Today is a good day to die.
225
00:14:22,594 --> 00:14:26,064
I know they don't like me.
They like you even less.
226
00:14:26,096 --> 00:14:27,031
Why?
227
00:14:27,065 --> 00:14:29,301
Cause you're the
new kid. You're a threat.
228
00:14:29,333 --> 00:14:31,068
It's a good thing
I don't have a guitar so.
229
00:14:31,101 --> 00:14:32,236
No? Got a granola bar?
230
00:14:32,269 --> 00:14:33,237
Granola bar?
231
00:14:33,270 --> 00:14:34,238
Believe me.
232
00:14:34,272 --> 00:14:36,575
When they want to they
can be real creative.
233
00:14:36,607 --> 00:14:38,943
Look, football practice
is in a few hours,
234
00:14:38,976 --> 00:14:40,913
we usually hang out
inside until then.
235
00:14:40,946 --> 00:14:42,047
Who's we?
236
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,984
Come on I'll show you.
237
00:14:53,091 --> 00:14:54,525
I know what you're thinking.
238
00:14:54,558 --> 00:14:56,661
Did he fire six shots
or only five?
239
00:14:56,695 --> 00:14:58,664
Well, the truth with all this
excitement,
240
00:14:58,697 --> 00:15:00,565
I kind of lost track myself.
241
00:15:00,597 --> 00:15:02,633
But being this is a
forty-four Magnum,
242
00:15:02,667 --> 00:15:04,201
the most powerful handgun
in the world
243
00:15:04,235 --> 00:15:06,004
and would blow your
head clean off,
244
00:15:06,037 --> 00:15:08,273
you got to ask yourself
one question.
245
00:15:08,306 --> 00:15:10,075
Do I feel lucky?
246
00:15:10,107 --> 00:15:12,009
Well, do ya punk?
247
00:15:12,043 --> 00:15:13,245
Don't rush me.
248
00:15:13,278 --> 00:15:17,149
And that was too easy.
Dirty Harry.
249
00:15:17,182 --> 00:15:19,283
Okay, let's do this.
250
00:15:19,317 --> 00:15:22,421
About damn time.
251
00:15:25,590 --> 00:15:27,426
That's inconceivable.
252
00:15:27,458 --> 00:15:29,427
The Sicilian. Princess Bride.
253
00:15:29,461 --> 00:15:32,129
Scissors beats paper, big shock.
254
00:15:32,163 --> 00:15:33,364
Let me guess.
255
00:15:33,398 --> 00:15:36,033
Cheddar was losing so he took
his time on the next round,
256
00:15:36,067 --> 00:15:38,570
hoping to lure Rerun into a
false sense of security.
257
00:15:38,602 --> 00:15:40,604
Now, we all know that
Rerun is impatient so he
258
00:15:40,638 --> 00:15:43,408
probably began babbling
on about some film factoid
259
00:15:43,441 --> 00:15:45,243
in order to fill the
gaping silence.
260
00:15:45,275 --> 00:15:46,486
Cheddar entertained
the conversation,
261
00:15:46,510 --> 00:15:49,180
nodding here and replying there,
until he could find a point
262
00:15:49,214 --> 00:15:51,016
of weakness in
the meaningless drivel.
263
00:15:51,048 --> 00:15:53,518
And then Cheddar restarted
the match.
264
00:15:53,551 --> 00:15:57,155
Because you thought given the
state of Rerun's duress,
265
00:15:57,187 --> 00:15:59,758
he would throw what would take
the least amount of motor skill
266
00:15:59,791 --> 00:16:01,593
effort, this
of course being rock.
267
00:16:01,625 --> 00:16:03,260
So Cheddar throws paper.
268
00:16:03,293 --> 00:16:06,264
But, you forgot, Cheddar, is
that Rerun's favorite movie
269
00:16:06,297 --> 00:16:09,067
the most ready to go drive
through h thought in his
270
00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:10,745
bizarre little brain is
All The President's Men.
271
00:16:10,769 --> 00:16:12,446
A movie about a president
who's immortalized for
272
00:16:12,470 --> 00:16:15,740
two things; Watergate and this.
273
00:16:15,774 --> 00:16:19,177
What's the peace sign, but
simply scissors pointed up.
274
00:16:19,210 --> 00:16:20,545
I'm a little scared right now.
275
00:16:20,577 --> 00:16:23,481
Who's the fucking Sicilian?
276
00:16:23,514 --> 00:16:26,418
Hey, uh, who's that?
277
00:16:27,351 --> 00:16:29,420
Uh, Mr. Wiggington.
We call him Wigs.
278
00:16:30,455 --> 00:16:32,090
Oh, yeah. Is he alright?
279
00:16:32,123 --> 00:16:33,725
As good as a raging
alcoholic could be.
280
00:16:33,758 --> 00:16:35,627
Lucky for us he's also
the chess club coach.
281
00:16:38,196 --> 00:16:40,499
Uh...
that's what you guys do here,
282
00:16:40,532 --> 00:16:42,167
you guys are on the chess team?
283
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:43,134
No, no.
284
00:16:43,168 --> 00:16:45,269
He just tells the school
we're playing chess
285
00:16:45,302 --> 00:16:46,746
and in return, we don't
tell anyone that
286
00:16:46,770 --> 00:16:48,774
he's drowning daily
in a bottle of Jim Beam.
287
00:16:49,774 --> 00:16:52,376
I see. So what exactly
do you guys do here?
288
00:16:52,409 --> 00:16:56,180
Know thy enemy. First
rule of RPS.
289
00:16:56,214 --> 00:16:57,591
I thought that was
the first rule of war.
290
00:16:57,615 --> 00:16:59,116
RPS is war.
291
00:16:59,149 --> 00:17:00,485
What is RPS?
292
00:17:00,518 --> 00:17:02,354
Rock, Paper, Scissors,
you know? Roshambo.
293
00:17:02,386 --> 00:17:04,255
And not the Roshambo
where players take turns
294
00:17:04,288 --> 00:17:07,459
kicking each others genitals
until one falls down in pain...
295
00:17:07,491 --> 00:17:08,626
the other one.
296
00:17:08,660 --> 00:17:09,494
Kelvin this is Cheddar.
297
00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:12,364
Ninth grade phenom and
super genius.
298
00:17:12,396 --> 00:17:14,341
He is going to MIT next year.
If you knew half the
299
00:17:14,365 --> 00:17:16,601
shit he does it would
make your balls ache.
300
00:17:16,634 --> 00:17:18,370
They already do from that
Roshambo thing.
301
00:17:18,403 --> 00:17:20,238
Thank you, Cheddar.
Nice to meet you.
302
00:17:20,270 --> 00:17:21,138
And this is Rerun.
303
00:17:21,172 --> 00:17:23,141
Future film producer
and movie addict.
304
00:17:23,173 --> 00:17:24,442
Guys, this is Kelvin.
305
00:17:24,643 --> 00:17:27,246
Hey, what's up. You're
a film producer?
306
00:17:27,644 --> 00:17:28,713
Show him.
307
00:17:30,347 --> 00:17:32,283
Just hold it. Hold it still.
308
00:17:32,317 --> 00:17:34,286
Hey guys, it's me Rerun.
309
00:17:34,318 --> 00:17:37,288
Alright, this shit's
going to go down tonight.
310
00:17:37,321 --> 00:17:39,490
I'm going to peepee on the popo.
311
00:17:39,523 --> 00:17:41,225
Let's do this shit right now.
312
00:17:43,361 --> 00:17:44,629
This is your film?
313
00:17:44,662 --> 00:17:47,499
DareYouToPissOnDotDot.com.
314
00:17:47,531 --> 00:17:50,167
This has been seen by
over two million people.
315
00:17:50,201 --> 00:17:51,779
Cheddar here helped
me set up the website.
316
00:17:51,803 --> 00:17:53,338
People write in and
dare me to piss on
317
00:17:53,371 --> 00:17:55,407
stuff and then I go and do it.
318
00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:57,176
Hi.
319
00:18:00,244 --> 00:18:01,245
Oh shit.
320
00:18:02,212 --> 00:18:03,848
Oh, what the fuck!
321
00:18:03,882 --> 00:18:05,650
So, what do you think, huh?
322
00:18:05,682 --> 00:18:07,652
I'm morally conflicted.
323
00:18:07,684 --> 00:18:10,422
That's the power of movies, man.
Makes you think.
324
00:18:11,288 --> 00:18:12,656
Alright, alright you
crazy bastard.
325
00:18:12,690 --> 00:18:13,658
Let's just get back-
326
00:18:13,691 --> 00:18:14,860
Hey, speaking of crazy.
327
00:18:14,893 --> 00:18:16,661
Einstein, where you
been man? You're late.
328
00:18:16,693 --> 00:18:18,363
Dude, you call him Einstein?
329
00:18:18,395 --> 00:18:19,463
Yeah.
330
00:18:19,497 --> 00:18:21,666
That's messed up dude.
Isn't he retarded? What the-
331
00:18:22,700 --> 00:18:23,668
Stop. Stop!
332
00:18:23,701 --> 00:18:24,701
Watch his fingers!
333
00:18:27,404 --> 00:18:28,507
That's enough!
334
00:18:28,539 --> 00:18:30,908
Okay! Okay, enough! Enough!
335
00:18:30,942 --> 00:18:32,777
Ow! Owwww!
336
00:18:33,611 --> 00:18:35,347
Okay. Okay, cool. Yeah, big guy
337
00:18:35,380 --> 00:18:38,383
uh, we'll pick it up tomorrow.
338
00:18:38,415 --> 00:18:40,351
What the fuck was that?
339
00:18:40,384 --> 00:18:42,220
You called him retarded.
340
00:18:42,252 --> 00:18:44,364
I didn't call him retarded.
I asked if he was retarded.
341
00:18:44,388 --> 00:18:46,423
I'm not the one fucking
calling him Einstein.
342
00:18:46,457 --> 00:18:48,894
We call him that because
he's a goddamn genius.
343
00:18:48,926 --> 00:18:50,694
He can't speak, of course,
344
00:18:50,728 --> 00:18:52,697
but if you need to hack
into the CIA,
345
00:18:52,730 --> 00:18:53,865
Einstein is your man.
346
00:18:53,897 --> 00:18:54,899
Ah!
347
00:18:54,932 --> 00:18:56,367
Don't take it personal, okay?
348
00:18:56,401 --> 00:18:58,903
It's like a trigger
word or something.
349
00:18:58,936 --> 00:19:01,238
I mean, any time anyone
says the word retarded',
350
00:19:01,271 --> 00:19:03,240
he goes ape shit.
One time he mistook
351
00:19:03,273 --> 00:19:05,209
this girl for saying
the word rewarded',
352
00:19:05,242 --> 00:19:07,412
and then he mistook
her head for a kickstand.
353
00:19:07,444 --> 00:19:09,647
Okay, I got it, okay.
Retarded, bad.
354
00:19:09,681 --> 00:19:12,183
Okay, you know what?
It doesn't even matter.
355
00:19:12,217 --> 00:19:13,726
I mean, it's not like
he needs to practice
356
00:19:13,750 --> 00:19:15,361
the guy has never lost.
Which is more than I
357
00:19:15,385 --> 00:19:16,721
can say for the rest of us.
358
00:19:16,753 --> 00:19:18,956
Lost at what? What
do you guys do here?
359
00:19:18,990 --> 00:19:21,259
RPS-we're training for the
tournament. Come on.
360
00:19:23,561 --> 00:19:26,263
Wait! There's a tournament
for rock, paper, scissors?
361
00:19:26,297 --> 00:19:28,366
International tournament. Yeah.
362
00:19:28,767 --> 00:19:30,802
Oh, man, and you guys
are training for it?
363
00:19:30,835 --> 00:19:34,271
Uh, uh. We're training for it.
364
00:19:36,307 --> 00:19:39,344
Look man I'm sorry, but, you
got the wrong guy. Okay?
365
00:19:39,376 --> 00:19:40,744
I'm going to see you around.
366
00:19:42,513 --> 00:19:43,548
Wait.
367
00:19:43,580 --> 00:19:45,884
It just came out!
368
00:19:45,916 --> 00:19:47,427
I know it sounds like
something that even
369
00:19:47,451 --> 00:19:49,386
marching band assholes
would make fun of,
370
00:19:49,420 --> 00:19:51,690
but all they get is a tall hat
and a shiny tuba
371
00:19:51,722 --> 00:19:52,957
for a life of ridicule.
372
00:19:52,990 --> 00:19:55,594
This is a legitimate tournament.
Takes place every year and the
373
00:19:55,626 --> 00:19:58,529
grand prize is two hundred and
fifty thousand dollars.
374
00:19:58,962 --> 00:20:01,566
Look, anyone can enter,
the only rule is that you
375
00:20:01,598 --> 00:20:02,766
have to have a team of five.
376
00:20:02,799 --> 00:20:04,336
And as you can see,
we're one short.
377
00:20:04,368 --> 00:20:06,770
Once Einstein comes
back, anyways.
378
00:20:06,804 --> 00:20:07,872
So what do you think?
379
00:20:07,904 --> 00:20:10,774
Seriously guys, you can get
anybody, for your team.
380
00:20:10,807 --> 00:20:12,644
I don't even know how to play.
381
00:20:12,676 --> 00:20:14,445
I didn't even know what
RPS stood for.
382
00:20:14,479 --> 00:20:15,447
He has a point there.
383
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:16,615
Shut it, Cheddar.
384
00:20:16,647 --> 00:20:18,015
And no, we can't get just anyone
385
00:20:18,048 --> 00:20:20,484
because anyone won't give us the
uber team we need to
386
00:20:20,518 --> 00:20:21,786
compete at nationals.
387
00:20:21,818 --> 00:20:24,021
Do you think Monk chooses
his team out of a hat?
388
00:20:24,055 --> 00:20:24,923
Who the hell is Monk?
389
00:20:24,955 --> 00:20:28,325
RPS grandmaster and
reigning champion.
390
00:20:28,358 --> 00:20:30,327
Of course he is.
Look, guys honestly,
391
00:20:30,361 --> 00:20:31,796
I don't know how to, play.
392
00:20:31,828 --> 00:20:33,029
Of course you know how to play.
393
00:20:33,064 --> 00:20:37,802
Everyone knows how to play.
But, you, can know how to win.
394
00:20:37,835 --> 00:20:39,336
That was awesome.
395
00:20:39,369 --> 00:20:41,772
I think I just peed
a little. Woah.
396
00:20:42,006 --> 00:20:44,276
The force is strong
in you Kelvin Anis.
397
00:20:44,308 --> 00:20:46,344
I will make you a fucking Jedi.
398
00:20:46,376 --> 00:20:50,815
Jedi. Jedi. Jedi.
Jedi. Jedi. Jedi.
399
00:20:50,847 --> 00:20:52,616
Okay, okay.
I'll play for a little bit.
400
00:20:52,650 --> 00:20:54,352
It's not like I got
anything better to do.
401
00:20:54,384 --> 00:20:55,819
But I'm not joining your team!
402
00:20:55,853 --> 00:20:59,356
Jedi. Jedi. Jedi. Jedi.
Jedi. Jedi. Jedi. Jedi.
403
00:21:11,068 --> 00:21:12,037
Hey, Tiger.
404
00:21:12,069 --> 00:21:13,837
Hey, mom. How's work?
405
00:21:13,871 --> 00:21:15,507
You know, wasn't half bad.
406
00:21:15,539 --> 00:21:17,442
How was first day?
407
00:21:17,474 --> 00:21:19,852
I hung out with the chess team
so I wouldn't get my ass kicked.
408
00:21:19,876 --> 00:21:21,512
Yeah very funny.
409
00:21:21,546 --> 00:21:24,582
Oh, before I forget,
the internet guy came by today.
410
00:21:24,615 --> 00:21:25,784
Everything is set to go.
411
00:21:25,817 --> 00:21:27,384
Okay, just don't stay
up all night?
412
00:21:27,417 --> 00:21:28,385
I won't.
413
00:21:28,419 --> 00:21:29,387
- Promise?
- Yep.
414
00:21:29,420 --> 00:21:30,420
Okay.
415
00:21:32,423 --> 00:21:33,490
The internet.
416
00:21:33,523 --> 00:21:36,060
My one thread of a lifeline
back to civilization.
417
00:21:37,761 --> 00:21:38,871
Or at least my civilization.
418
00:21:38,895 --> 00:21:40,632
Searching battlegrounds
and alliances.
419
00:21:40,664 --> 00:21:42,032
The computer coliseum,
Achillean.
420
00:21:42,066 --> 00:21:43,167
- Connecting.
421
00:21:43,201 --> 00:21:45,703
This is my varsity.
This is my popularity.
422
00:21:45,737 --> 00:21:47,939
This is my drug of choice.
423
00:21:49,039 --> 00:21:50,442
- Alliances found.
424
00:22:00,617 --> 00:22:01,885
- You killed Lock Zero.
425
00:22:07,625 --> 00:22:09,560
- War Whore has joined.
- Holy balls.
426
00:22:09,594 --> 00:22:10,828
What's up, War?
427
00:22:10,862 --> 00:22:12,831
What's going on Cock Chugger?
428
00:22:13,931 --> 00:22:15,900
Where the hell have
you been. Man?
429
00:22:15,932 --> 00:22:17,034
Oh, Christ.
430
00:22:17,067 --> 00:22:18,911
Seriously, where have you been?
It's crazy the beatings
431
00:22:18,935 --> 00:22:20,704
I've been taking since
you've been gone.
432
00:22:20,738 --> 00:22:22,907
I know it took so
long to get set up here.
433
00:22:22,940 --> 00:22:24,442
- Dark Chyld has joined.
434
00:22:24,474 --> 00:22:25,542
You ain't shittin'.
435
00:22:25,576 --> 00:22:27,454
We're getting abused like
alter boys around here.
436
00:22:27,478 --> 00:22:28,779
What's up Chyld?
437
00:22:28,813 --> 00:22:30,915
Yo, who the hell is
Silent Fury, man?
438
00:22:30,948 --> 00:22:32,083
Who?
439
00:22:32,115 --> 00:22:33,917
Silent Fury. Who the
hell is that?
440
00:22:33,951 --> 00:22:35,118
I have no idea. Why?
441
00:22:35,152 --> 00:22:37,521
Cause he's been slapping the
shit out of us for the last
442
00:22:37,555 --> 00:22:39,090
two weeks without even saying
a word.
443
00:22:39,123 --> 00:22:40,392
Not even trying.
444
00:22:40,424 --> 00:22:41,925
There's a new gamer on here?
445
00:22:41,959 --> 00:22:43,628
How the hell did he get in?
446
00:22:43,661 --> 00:22:45,764
We saw someone listed
as living in that dogtown
447
00:22:45,797 --> 00:22:48,466
you call home so sent an invite.
448
00:22:48,499 --> 00:22:49,933
Thought it was you.
449
00:22:49,967 --> 00:22:51,936
Someone from here
is on Achillean?
450
00:22:51,969 --> 00:22:53,037
I don't know, apparently.
451
00:22:53,069 --> 00:22:54,038
How do you not know this?
452
00:22:54,070 --> 00:22:56,073
Aren't there 12 people that live
in that town?
453
00:22:56,106 --> 00:22:58,710
Yeah dude. That reminds me,
how's your mom's doing?
454
00:22:58,742 --> 00:23:01,579
Donkey, fucking rapetard!
455
00:23:01,980 --> 00:23:04,048
Why you gotta bring
my mom's into this?
456
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:05,082
- Silent Fury has joined.
457
00:23:05,115 --> 00:23:06,651
Oh shit. It's him.
458
00:23:06,683 --> 00:23:07,951
Who?
459
00:23:07,984 --> 00:23:09,086
Man, it's Fury!
460
00:23:09,119 --> 00:23:11,455
I got your fucking sauce buddy.
461
00:23:11,489 --> 00:23:12,957
Your mother doesn't love you!
462
00:23:12,990 --> 00:23:13,958
- You're new.
463
00:23:13,990 --> 00:23:14,959
You're new, huh?
464
00:23:14,991 --> 00:23:16,560
- Dark Chyld has joined.
465
00:23:18,663 --> 00:23:19,697
Son of a whore!
466
00:23:19,730 --> 00:23:21,866
- You were killed by
Silent Fury.
467
00:23:22,666 --> 00:23:25,169
- You were killed by
Silent Fury.
468
00:23:26,871 --> 00:23:28,206
Hold on.
469
00:23:28,239 --> 00:23:29,973
Alright, just chill
guys I got this.
470
00:23:47,258 --> 00:23:49,728
- You were killed by
Silent Fury.
471
00:23:51,828 --> 00:23:53,630
Damn.
472
00:24:05,242 --> 00:24:09,246
Hey! You're the new
kid. From L.A., right?
473
00:24:09,279 --> 00:24:11,014
Yeah. How could you tell?
474
00:24:11,048 --> 00:24:13,183
Your clothes kind
of gave it away.
475
00:24:14,218 --> 00:24:16,019
Really? I'm Kelvin.
476
00:24:16,053 --> 00:24:16,887
Hi, I'm Valerie.
477
00:24:16,921 --> 00:24:19,891
Valerie Ward. Yeah, I know.
478
00:24:19,923 --> 00:24:24,194
Worst thing about small towns.
Everyone knows everyone.
479
00:24:24,228 --> 00:24:26,631
I thought that was the best
thing about small towns.
480
00:24:26,663 --> 00:24:29,032
Explains why they
always stay small?
481
00:24:29,066 --> 00:24:31,635
Val, your late. Let's go.
482
00:24:32,636 --> 00:24:35,740
Oh. Um, keep the clothes Kelvin.
483
00:24:35,772 --> 00:24:37,641
It's good to stand out.
484
00:24:37,674 --> 00:24:39,610
See you later.
485
00:24:39,644 --> 00:24:41,246
See ya.
486
00:24:44,147 --> 00:24:46,583
How are you talking
to Valerie Ward?
487
00:24:46,616 --> 00:24:47,784
What's up, Fritz?
488
00:24:47,817 --> 00:24:49,996
I am. Jesus Christ, dude.
I'm saluting for the both of us.
489
00:24:50,020 --> 00:24:51,855
That's Valerie Ward.
490
00:24:51,888 --> 00:24:54,057
I've lived here my whole life
and pedophiles stand
491
00:24:54,090 --> 00:24:56,059
closer to preschools
than I have to her.
492
00:24:57,795 --> 00:24:59,230
What did you think about
last night?
493
00:24:59,262 --> 00:25:00,741
I think you know a
little too much about
494
00:25:00,765 --> 00:25:01,866
rock, paper, scissors.
495
00:25:01,900 --> 00:25:05,670
Oh, that's nothing, man.
I got moves you never even seen.
496
00:25:05,702 --> 00:25:07,771
What are you doing?
497
00:25:09,272 --> 00:25:11,842
Fritz, Please stop,
dude. Come on.
498
00:25:11,875 --> 00:25:12,844
Shimmy. Shimmy.
499
00:25:12,876 --> 00:25:13,912
Dude. Stop. Stop. Stop.
500
00:25:13,944 --> 00:25:15,078
What? What?
501
00:25:15,112 --> 00:25:16,255
Cut it out. What are you doing?
502
00:25:16,279 --> 00:25:17,882
Alright, alright.
I'm just playing.
503
00:25:17,914 --> 00:25:19,474
Just playing. Chill.
But seriously dude,
504
00:25:19,916 --> 00:25:21,919
if you thought last
night was intense,
505
00:25:21,952 --> 00:25:23,563
just wait until tonight.
That's all I'm saying.
506
00:25:23,587 --> 00:25:25,088
Fritz. Fritz. I told you man.
507
00:25:25,122 --> 00:25:27,625
Last night was a one time thing.
I'm RPSed out.
508
00:25:27,657 --> 00:25:30,627
Come on, man. You're
my ninja, dog.
509
00:25:30,661 --> 00:25:33,331
Fritz, I'm out. Okay? I'm done.
510
00:25:33,364 --> 00:25:34,766
What am I going to
tell the team?
511
00:25:34,798 --> 00:25:36,800
I don't know, tell them to find
somebody else!
512
00:25:36,834 --> 00:25:38,110
Look, I just want to
keep my head down
513
00:25:38,134 --> 00:25:38,935
and get out of here, okay?
514
00:25:38,969 --> 00:25:41,105
You know what, screw
you Hollywood.
515
00:25:41,137 --> 00:25:43,307
On second thought, screw me.
516
00:25:43,340 --> 00:25:46,277
Never trust anyone.
517
00:25:46,611 --> 00:25:48,780
I should have known better.
518
00:25:51,214 --> 00:25:53,884
Watch where you're going, Anus.
519
00:26:26,182 --> 00:26:28,051
What are you going
to do about it McFatty?
520
00:26:28,085 --> 00:26:31,956
Heh? Hey come on now.
521
00:26:31,989 --> 00:26:33,156
Cry. Show me some tears.
522
00:26:33,190 --> 00:26:34,158
Stop.
523
00:26:34,191 --> 00:26:35,293
Stop what? Come on.
524
00:26:35,326 --> 00:26:37,729
Let him go, asshole.
525
00:26:37,929 --> 00:26:42,166
Well, well, well. Kelvin Anus.
526
00:26:42,199 --> 00:26:45,637
Don't tell me you're all rock
paper scissorfied too.
527
00:26:45,670 --> 00:26:47,872
Yo, Anus. I got a rock for ya.
528
00:26:47,904 --> 00:26:49,706
Jordan. What are you doing?
529
00:26:49,740 --> 00:26:52,343
Hey Stacy, Just in time for the
show.
530
00:26:52,375 --> 00:26:53,711
Jordan, stop it.
531
00:26:53,743 --> 00:26:56,179
Hey! Is there a problem here?
532
00:26:56,212 --> 00:26:58,883
No. No problem, sir.
533
00:26:58,915 --> 00:27:00,250
See, that's where you're wrong.
534
00:27:00,284 --> 00:27:01,385
Because I got a problem.
535
00:27:01,419 --> 00:27:03,362
It seems some wiseguy thought
it might be a good idea
536
00:27:03,386 --> 00:27:05,123
to use his dick as a firehose
537
00:27:05,155 --> 00:27:07,024
and piss all over my
bathroom floor.
538
00:27:07,057 --> 00:27:08,200
You wouldn't know nothing
about that,
539
00:27:08,224 --> 00:27:09,693
now, would you Davies?
540
00:27:09,727 --> 00:27:13,665
No. Could have been
an accident, or a mistake.
541
00:27:13,698 --> 00:27:15,408
But I'll be sure to let you know
if I hear anything.
542
00:27:15,432 --> 00:27:16,733
You, dig?
543
00:27:16,767 --> 00:27:18,236
I think that's a good idea.
544
00:27:18,269 --> 00:27:19,737
Because, if it happens again,
545
00:27:19,769 --> 00:27:21,338
I might accidentally
mistake your lips
546
00:27:21,372 --> 00:27:24,776
for a toilet seat. You, dig?
547
00:27:26,009 --> 00:27:28,945
You lucked out this time, Anus.
548
00:27:28,979 --> 00:27:30,914
See ya.
549
00:27:39,289 --> 00:27:40,357
Fritz...
550
00:27:40,391 --> 00:27:41,893
I'm fine.
551
00:27:42,893 --> 00:27:44,228
I'm sorry.
552
00:27:59,009 --> 00:28:00,979
Here.
553
00:28:01,278 --> 00:28:03,346
Thanks.
554
00:28:03,380 --> 00:28:04,849
Who's the girl?
555
00:28:04,882 --> 00:28:05,850
Carla Cummings.
556
00:28:05,883 --> 00:28:07,117
Fritz's imaginary girlfriend.
557
00:28:07,151 --> 00:28:09,120
Screw you, Rerun.
558
00:28:09,153 --> 00:28:10,188
She seems nice.
559
00:28:10,221 --> 00:28:12,289
Oh. Great. Well, you know,
why don't you call up
560
00:28:12,323 --> 00:28:13,758
Valerie and get a three-
way going?
561
00:28:13,790 --> 00:28:14,858
Come on, Fritz.
562
00:28:14,892 --> 00:28:16,794
Forget it. It doesn't
even matter.
563
00:28:16,826 --> 00:28:18,405
Look, thanks for your
help back there Hollywood,
564
00:28:18,429 --> 00:28:20,331
really, but we got to
get to practice.
565
00:28:20,364 --> 00:28:22,467
You're right. We do.
566
00:28:22,500 --> 00:28:24,032
Oh, so now you want
to join the team?
567
00:28:24,034 --> 00:28:26,204
If it's cool by you, of course.
568
00:28:28,506 --> 00:28:30,007
Rock on.
569
00:28:30,039 --> 00:28:32,309
Carla Cummings.
570
00:28:38,481 --> 00:28:40,451
Alright, listen up.
We don't have a lot of time
571
00:28:40,483 --> 00:28:41,317
to get our shit together
572
00:28:41,352 --> 00:28:44,288
so take your skirts
off and sack up.
573
00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:45,966
Regionals are eight weeks away
and if we're going to
574
00:28:45,990 --> 00:28:47,501
have a chance of winning
it and making it to the
575
00:28:47,525 --> 00:28:48,460
championship,
576
00:28:48,492 --> 00:28:50,427
we're going to have
to be quicker, slicker,
577
00:28:50,461 --> 00:28:51,871
trickier than a greased pig
ducking gang rape
578
00:28:51,895 --> 00:28:53,297
in the shower. Got it?
579
00:28:53,329 --> 00:28:54,365
I think so.
580
00:28:54,397 --> 00:28:55,365
What?
581
00:28:55,398 --> 00:28:56,800
Yeah. I guess, yeah.
582
00:28:56,834 --> 00:28:59,437
Good. Now, how do we do that?
583
00:28:59,470 --> 00:29:00,438
Well, I was thin-
584
00:29:00,471 --> 00:29:02,839
Shut up, Cheddar. Guys?
585
00:29:02,873 --> 00:29:04,542
We win?
586
00:29:04,575 --> 00:29:06,943
How do we win?
587
00:29:06,977 --> 00:29:08,880
Um...
588
00:29:08,913 --> 00:29:10,948
hard work?
589
00:29:10,980 --> 00:29:12,817
Specific.
590
00:29:12,849 --> 00:29:14,918
What training do we need to do?
591
00:29:14,951 --> 00:29:17,855
Practice. Practice.
592
00:29:17,887 --> 00:29:19,256
What?
593
00:29:19,289 --> 00:29:23,126
Practice, uh,
rock, paper, scissors?
594
00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:25,329
Practice rock, I don't know.
595
00:29:25,362 --> 00:29:28,032
You, you're the one giving
the speech.
596
00:29:28,898 --> 00:29:30,968
Don't look at me.
597
00:29:31,468 --> 00:29:32,503
What?
598
00:29:32,536 --> 00:29:34,905
Dumbass.
599
00:30:05,269 --> 00:30:06,545
In and out without
touching the blade.
600
00:30:06,569 --> 00:30:07,605
Are you sure about this?
601
00:30:07,637 --> 00:30:09,515
It's a training technique
I learned about online.
602
00:30:09,539 --> 00:30:11,509
Training for what the Viet Cong?
603
00:30:11,541 --> 00:30:13,577
Trust me. Cheddar.
604
00:30:14,144 --> 00:30:16,247
Ow!
605
00:30:16,279 --> 00:30:18,115
Rerun.
606
00:30:19,215 --> 00:30:21,885
Ah!
607
00:30:30,994 --> 00:30:33,298
- Hey, I got it.
- Hey, hey.
608
00:30:36,599 --> 00:30:40,137
Remember, there is no spoon.
609
00:30:44,508 --> 00:30:48,144
Damn, that was fast.
How'd you do that?
610
00:30:48,178 --> 00:30:50,448
You want speed? Watch and learn.
611
00:31:11,434 --> 00:31:15,138
Give me the.
612
00:31:15,172 --> 00:31:18,041
Hey! You're going to break it.
613
00:31:19,476 --> 00:31:21,946
- Parting is such sweet sorrow.
614
00:31:22,578 --> 00:31:24,948
- You were killed by Silent
Fury.
615
00:31:25,548 --> 00:31:27,317
To be the master of RPS.
616
00:31:27,351 --> 00:31:30,488
RPS. RPS. I'm the genius.
617
00:31:30,820 --> 00:31:32,455
Is this what you're
going to do to Carla?
618
00:31:32,489 --> 00:31:37,461
Throw your joystick?
In her face, huh?
619
00:31:37,493 --> 00:31:41,197
- Rock. - Rock. - Paper.
- Paper - Scissors. - Scissors.
620
00:31:41,230 --> 00:31:42,230
- Yes! Yes!
621
00:31:51,642 --> 00:31:54,445
- Yeah!
- Wooh!
622
00:31:59,016 --> 00:32:00,484
Son of a bitch.
623
00:32:00,517 --> 00:32:01,719
Where's Rerun?
624
00:32:01,751 --> 00:32:03,387
- What?
- Oh! Shoot!
625
00:32:05,521 --> 00:32:07,325
- Rerun.
626
00:32:08,058 --> 00:32:10,226
Okay, listen up.
I know you guys have
627
00:32:10,259 --> 00:32:12,037
been working your asses
off, lately. Rerun you
628
00:32:12,061 --> 00:32:14,030
may have suffered
a small heart attack.
629
00:32:14,064 --> 00:32:15,374
- We're not sure.
- You'll be alright.
630
00:32:15,398 --> 00:32:17,367
But tomorrow you'll see why.
631
00:32:17,401 --> 00:32:19,370
Tomorrow, we take every
RPS player in the state
632
00:32:19,403 --> 00:32:21,204
and we pound their asses
into submission.
633
00:32:21,238 --> 00:32:23,039
You know what I mean?
634
00:32:23,073 --> 00:32:25,376
Einstein you feeling good?
You feeling frosty?
635
00:32:26,643 --> 00:32:30,181
Awesome, I... think.
636
00:32:30,881 --> 00:32:34,285
Okay, everyone go home
and get some rest
637
00:32:34,317 --> 00:32:36,319
because tomorrow we
shit on everybody,
638
00:32:36,353 --> 00:32:40,124
and I'm all stocked
up on laxatives.
639
00:32:41,325 --> 00:32:45,263
What are you doing?
Go home. Rest. Go.
640
00:32:45,563 --> 00:32:46,597
Okay.
641
00:32:46,630 --> 00:32:47,999
Rerun you live here.
642
00:32:48,031 --> 00:32:49,332
Oh, sorry.
643
00:32:49,365 --> 00:32:51,268
Dumbass.
644
00:32:51,300 --> 00:32:52,300
Hello?
645
00:33:06,583 --> 00:33:07,752
Kelvin!
646
00:33:07,785 --> 00:33:08,853
Hey!
647
00:33:08,885 --> 00:33:13,557
Hey. Um, I heard that
you worked here.
648
00:33:13,589 --> 00:33:16,559
Wow. Word travels fast.
649
00:33:16,593 --> 00:33:20,031
So, um, where you headed?
650
00:33:20,064 --> 00:33:22,298
I'm on my way to my
grandparents' house.
651
00:33:22,332 --> 00:33:25,102
My mom and I are staying there
until we finding our own place.
652
00:33:25,134 --> 00:33:27,605
Actually, I'm just on the way.
653
00:33:27,637 --> 00:33:29,572
Do you mind if I join you?
654
00:33:29,605 --> 00:33:31,041
Yeah, sure.
655
00:33:31,075 --> 00:33:32,043
Yeah?
656
00:33:32,076 --> 00:33:34,144
Yeah. Alright, let's go.
657
00:33:42,086 --> 00:33:44,755
So, what's it like?
658
00:33:44,788 --> 00:33:46,057
What's what like?
659
00:33:46,089 --> 00:33:49,192
You know, not being from here?
660
00:33:49,226 --> 00:33:52,596
Well, it's
different. Not like good
661
00:33:52,628 --> 00:33:55,598
or bad different. Just
different.
662
00:33:55,632 --> 00:33:56,600
Yeah, I bet.
663
00:33:56,633 --> 00:33:58,477
No, seriously, a couple
months ago I was begging
664
00:33:58,501 --> 00:34:01,238
for the electric chair, but,
I don't know. There's
665
00:34:01,270 --> 00:34:05,042
some things about this place I
kind of got attached to.
666
00:34:10,313 --> 00:34:13,451
Well, this is me.
667
00:34:14,650 --> 00:34:16,619
Thanks for the walk Kelvin.
668
00:34:16,652 --> 00:34:18,254
Good luck tomorrow, you know,
669
00:34:18,288 --> 00:34:21,157
with your rock, paper,
scissors thing.
670
00:34:22,126 --> 00:34:24,628
That it just sounds
a little ridiculous,
671
00:34:24,661 --> 00:34:25,829
but thank you.
672
00:34:25,862 --> 00:34:26,830
Goodnight, Kelvin.
673
00:34:26,864 --> 00:34:27,831
Good night.
674
00:34:27,864 --> 00:34:30,100
Parting is such sweet sorrow.
675
00:34:30,134 --> 00:34:31,635
What did you say?
676
00:34:31,668 --> 00:34:33,570
What?
677
00:34:33,804 --> 00:34:38,576
Fury? You're the Silent Fury?
678
00:34:38,608 --> 00:34:40,643
I don't know what
you're talking about.
679
00:34:40,677 --> 00:34:44,248
Oh my, Gosh. Parting
is such sweet sorrow.
680
00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:45,081
I'm Hellboy. You've been kicking
681
00:34:45,114 --> 00:34:46,649
the shit out of me for
two months!
682
00:34:46,682 --> 00:34:48,518
You're not making
any sense, Kelvin.
683
00:34:48,552 --> 00:34:49,519
Valerie...
684
00:34:49,552 --> 00:34:52,289
Just leave me alone.
685
00:34:53,356 --> 00:34:55,692
Valerie, wait!
686
00:34:58,695 --> 00:35:02,133
What the hell just happened?
687
00:35:19,815 --> 00:35:21,551
Valerie?
688
00:35:42,606 --> 00:35:44,942
Parting is such sweet sorrow.
689
00:35:55,284 --> 00:35:57,687
Oh!
690
00:36:11,768 --> 00:36:14,938
This is it boys. It
all starts here.
691
00:36:14,972 --> 00:36:17,541
I mean look at these guys.
I haven't seen this many pussies
692
00:36:17,574 --> 00:36:21,478
since I stopped peeping in the
girls' locker room.
693
00:36:21,510 --> 00:36:23,346
What the hell?
694
00:36:23,380 --> 00:36:24,582
What? What is it?
695
00:36:24,614 --> 00:36:26,416
Monk.
696
00:36:26,449 --> 00:36:28,284
That's Monk? What the hell's he
doing here?
697
00:36:28,318 --> 00:36:29,520
Not playing, that's for sure.
698
00:36:29,552 --> 00:36:31,588
He qualifies in a different
region.
699
00:36:31,621 --> 00:36:33,489
Fuck him. You guys start
warming up.
700
00:36:33,523 --> 00:36:36,827
I'll sign us in. It's
time to kick some ass.
701
00:36:41,798 --> 00:36:44,235
Rock Paper Scissors.
702
00:38:03,547 --> 00:38:06,784
Need you to klck this guy so
hard you make his eyes bleed.
703
00:38:43,686 --> 00:38:47,590
On to the finals,
bitches. Let's do this.
704
00:38:47,623 --> 00:38:49,092
It was like bam, bam, bam.
705
00:38:49,126 --> 00:38:49,994
And it was done.
706
00:38:50,027 --> 00:38:50,894
That guy is going to
have a concussion
707
00:38:50,927 --> 00:38:53,063
after being slapped
around like that.
708
00:38:53,096 --> 00:38:54,764
Alright, alright.
Let's just get Einstein
709
00:38:54,797 --> 00:38:56,709
and get this over with quick.
I don't want any surprises,
710
00:38:56,733 --> 00:38:57,701
okay?
711
00:38:57,733 --> 00:39:00,371
Oh, man. Well, you're
not going to like this.
712
00:39:00,403 --> 00:39:02,706
Son of a bitch.
713
00:39:05,675 --> 00:39:07,443
Einstein, where the
hell you going man?
714
00:39:07,476 --> 00:39:09,379
The finals are in fifteen
minutes.
715
00:39:09,413 --> 00:39:11,914
Mr. Flaherty, am I right?
716
00:39:11,947 --> 00:39:12,915
You played very well today.
717
00:39:12,949 --> 00:39:15,052
Congratulations on making
it to the finals.
718
00:39:15,085 --> 00:39:17,688
Can it Conehead. What are you
doing with my player?
719
00:39:17,721 --> 00:39:19,865
Well, if you're referring to Mr.
Copeland here then I must
720
00:39:19,889 --> 00:39:23,460
apologize. I met his parents
about a month ago.
721
00:39:23,492 --> 00:39:26,764
I learned of his ability
and asked his parents
722
00:39:26,797 --> 00:39:30,067
if he'd mind joining my team.
Mr. Copeland will be
723
00:39:30,099 --> 00:39:32,969
flying with me this
evening to New York
724
00:39:33,003 --> 00:39:36,940
to play
in the Manhattan Regionals.
725
00:39:36,972 --> 00:39:39,543
Oh, he didn't,
he didn't tell you?
726
00:39:39,576 --> 00:39:41,119
No, of course he didn't
fucking tell us.
727
00:39:41,143 --> 00:39:43,813
He can't fucking talk!
Look, if he doesn't
728
00:39:43,847 --> 00:39:45,549
go back in there with
us right now,
729
00:39:45,581 --> 00:39:46,650
we forfeit the final.
730
00:39:46,682 --> 00:39:49,952
We forfeit the final
we don't make the championship.
731
00:39:49,985 --> 00:39:54,424
I'm sorry. But it's
late. Good luck.
732
00:40:04,601 --> 00:40:05,836
So what are we going to do?
733
00:40:05,869 --> 00:40:07,971
There's nothing we
can do. We're fucked.
734
00:40:08,003 --> 00:40:09,115
There's got to be
something else.
735
00:40:09,139 --> 00:40:11,974
There's not, alright? This was
it and that it is over.
736
00:40:12,007 --> 00:40:13,586
Fritz there has got to be
something we can do.
737
00:40:13,610 --> 00:40:15,913
There's not, alright?
738
00:40:15,945 --> 00:40:17,914
I didn't even want to play
this stupid game.
739
00:40:17,947 --> 00:40:19,157
Why are you taking it out on me?
740
00:40:19,181 --> 00:40:20,917
You don't get it, do you?
741
00:40:20,951 --> 00:40:25,489
There is literally no
something else', not for me.
742
00:40:25,521 --> 00:40:27,657
As stupid as it sounds,
this is the one thing
743
00:40:27,690 --> 00:40:28,991
that I'm actually good at.
744
00:40:29,025 --> 00:40:31,862
Now I'm on Monk's fucking
blacklist.
745
00:40:31,894 --> 00:40:34,530
I'll never get another
team together. I'm done.
746
00:40:34,563 --> 00:40:36,098
Don't you see?
Next year, Cheddar,
747
00:40:36,132 --> 00:40:39,068
you're going to be building
spaceships at MIT.
748
00:40:39,101 --> 00:40:42,038
Rerun, you're gonna be directing
porn, or some shit.
749
00:40:42,072 --> 00:40:44,807
Kelvin, you're from Hollywood.
750
00:40:44,840 --> 00:40:48,144
That makes you born
cooler than I am now.
751
00:40:48,177 --> 00:40:51,547
This was my one chance,
one chance to do
752
00:40:51,581 --> 00:40:53,750
something better than
someone else.
753
00:40:53,782 --> 00:40:58,054
The girl, the title,
the money - it's gone.
754
00:40:58,722 --> 00:41:01,725
All this work and for what?
755
00:41:01,757 --> 00:41:06,730
I got nothing. I got nothing.
756
00:41:06,762 --> 00:41:11,768
Never trust anyone.
Fuck, I know better.
757
00:43:37,813 --> 00:43:40,817
Hey.
758
00:43:43,186 --> 00:43:45,822
What is it with this
place anyway?
759
00:43:45,855 --> 00:43:47,990
Why can't we just be ourselves.
760
00:43:48,023 --> 00:43:49,226
I don't know. Why can't you?
761
00:43:49,259 --> 00:43:51,228
It's easy for you, isn't it?
762
00:43:51,260 --> 00:43:54,264
Just being yourself, not caring
what other people think.
763
00:43:54,297 --> 00:43:57,266
Opinions are overrated.
764
00:43:57,300 --> 00:43:59,736
Really? Even when
their your parents'?
765
00:43:59,768 --> 00:44:01,280
Do you know my parents
took away my computer
766
00:44:01,304 --> 00:44:03,206
when I was twelve years old?
767
00:44:03,239 --> 00:44:05,208
They said I was becoming
a social misfit.
768
00:44:05,240 --> 00:44:06,976
That the internet wasn't
for girls
769
00:44:07,010 --> 00:44:09,278
who are pretty and popular.
770
00:44:09,311 --> 00:44:11,313
Like all the friends I made,
771
00:44:11,347 --> 00:44:14,818
all the games I played,
like weren't even real.
772
00:44:14,851 --> 00:44:17,421
You know just because my best
memories are made up of pixels
773
00:44:17,454 --> 00:44:20,090
rather than skin cells doesn't
make them any less real.
774
00:44:20,123 --> 00:44:22,291
So who are they to judge?
775
00:44:22,324 --> 00:44:26,762
Exactly. So, don't
let them Fury.
776
00:44:26,795 --> 00:44:31,300
Kelvin, I know you guys lost and
I know why.
777
00:44:32,268 --> 00:44:33,036
What?
778
00:44:33,068 --> 00:44:35,371
It was Jordan.
I guess, awhile back
779
00:44:35,405 --> 00:44:37,307
he called up some Monk
guy and told him about a
780
00:44:37,340 --> 00:44:39,943
player on your team
that was unbeatable.
781
00:44:39,976 --> 00:44:41,352
He told him to pull
your player just
782
00:44:41,376 --> 00:44:45,315
when it would make you
fail to qualify.
783
00:44:45,514 --> 00:44:49,251
Son of a bitch. How
do you know this?
784
00:44:49,284 --> 00:44:51,454
He was bragging about
it to all of us.
785
00:44:51,487 --> 00:44:54,790
It's just a big joke
to him. I'm sorry.
786
00:44:54,824 --> 00:44:57,728
Too bad sorry' can't
get us in the tournament.
787
00:44:57,760 --> 00:45:01,264
No, but I may know
something that can.
788
00:45:01,297 --> 00:45:03,032
What do you mean?
789
00:45:03,065 --> 00:45:06,502
Let's just say I know
my way around cyberspace
790
00:45:06,536 --> 00:45:09,972
and the world wide web
knows a lot of loopholes.
791
00:45:10,005 --> 00:45:10,973
What's this?
792
00:45:11,007 --> 00:45:13,275
I'm not exactly sure,
but I'm told that if you
793
00:45:13,309 --> 00:45:15,211
really want to get back in
that tournament,
794
00:45:15,244 --> 00:45:17,880
the guy at that address
is your only chance.
795
00:45:24,320 --> 00:45:26,155
Hey, what are you doing?
796
00:45:26,188 --> 00:45:28,357
Hey, Just getting some of my
stuff out of there.
797
00:45:28,391 --> 00:45:29,468
Listen, I got to tell
you something.
798
00:45:29,492 --> 00:45:31,403
There's nothing to talk about.
Tournament is over.
799
00:45:31,427 --> 00:45:33,063
We lost. Accept it.
800
00:45:33,096 --> 00:45:34,164
You've accepted it?
801
00:45:34,197 --> 00:45:35,965
I don't have much
choice now, do I?
802
00:45:35,998 --> 00:45:37,366
Now, what if I told
you, you did.
803
00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:39,802
I'm sorry, do you
live in Neverland?
804
00:45:39,835 --> 00:45:42,171
Unless you have a freight
train to that pixie shit,
805
00:45:42,204 --> 00:45:44,907
any dreams you have of making
it to the championship
806
00:45:44,940 --> 00:45:47,042
are going to stay a
fucking fairytale.
807
00:45:47,076 --> 00:45:50,079
Well, I don't live
in Neverland, but,
808
00:45:50,112 --> 00:45:52,081
I may just have the address.
809
00:46:05,460 --> 00:46:06,562
We got to be getting close.
810
00:46:06,596 --> 00:46:08,565
Woah, woah, wait. There it is.
811
00:46:08,597 --> 00:46:10,099
Alright, stop the car.
812
00:46:10,132 --> 00:46:12,168
Stop. Stop. Stop.
813
00:46:15,905 --> 00:46:19,209
I can't believe you
guys talked me into this.
814
00:46:19,242 --> 00:46:21,144
This car is my dad's
pride and joy.
815
00:46:21,177 --> 00:46:23,346
Relax, Cheddar. Nothing's
going to happen.
816
00:46:23,378 --> 00:46:24,490
You watch the news too much.
817
00:46:24,514 --> 00:46:26,916
Oh, tell me, how does
hearing something on the news
818
00:46:26,949 --> 00:46:28,851
make it more likely for it to
happen to me?
819
00:46:28,885 --> 00:46:30,028
Alright, come on. Let's just go.
820
00:46:30,052 --> 00:46:31,821
No way. There's no
way we're parking here.
821
00:46:31,855 --> 00:46:32,623
Come on, Cheddar.
822
00:46:32,655 --> 00:46:35,391
Stay in the car. Okay?
Just stay.
823
00:46:41,396 --> 00:46:44,300
Man, is he paranoid.
824
00:46:55,277 --> 00:46:59,281
We better not be wasting
our time. What the fuck?
825
00:46:59,315 --> 00:47:00,450
Fucking hell gramps.
826
00:47:00,483 --> 00:47:03,620
Put that goddamn gun down.
827
00:47:03,652 --> 00:47:05,955
Sorry boys. You never
know when you might
828
00:47:05,989 --> 00:47:08,391
meet a stray
negro running around.
829
00:47:08,423 --> 00:47:10,192
Get Cheddar the fuck
out of here.
830
00:47:10,226 --> 00:47:11,595
What do you Nancies want?
831
00:47:11,628 --> 00:47:13,096
A diaper for starters and
832
00:47:13,128 --> 00:47:16,298
maybe a copy of the
emancipation proclamation!
833
00:47:16,331 --> 00:47:19,268
No, shit, my gramp
is a bit of a racist fuck.
834
00:47:19,302 --> 00:47:21,471
You're blowing my fucking
mind right now.
835
00:47:21,503 --> 00:47:23,472
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
836
00:47:23,505 --> 00:47:27,911
We were told you might be able
to help us with this.
837
00:47:31,914 --> 00:47:34,918
Talk.
838
00:47:35,751 --> 00:47:37,954
So can you get us in or not?
839
00:47:37,987 --> 00:47:41,291
Let's say I can. Why should I?
840
00:47:41,324 --> 00:47:43,026
Pay back some of the
morality debt.
841
00:47:43,059 --> 00:47:44,894
Grandpa Klan up there's
racked up.
842
00:47:44,927 --> 00:47:45,728
Is he always that funny?
843
00:47:45,762 --> 00:47:47,631
You always speak with
that accent?
844
00:47:47,664 --> 00:47:51,268
What accent? You guys any good?
845
00:47:51,300 --> 00:47:54,170
Regional finals until
Monk screwed us over.
846
00:47:54,202 --> 00:47:54,971
Monk?
847
00:47:55,003 --> 00:47:59,175
Yeah, Monk. Took our
best player.
848
00:48:00,143 --> 00:48:04,179
Alright. I'll help
you get in on one condition.
849
00:48:04,213 --> 00:48:05,315
I play on your team.
850
00:48:05,347 --> 00:48:06,516
No.
851
00:48:06,548 --> 00:48:09,552
C'mon Fritz. We need
a fifth player anyway.
852
00:48:09,985 --> 00:48:10,753
Can you play?
853
00:48:10,786 --> 00:48:12,321
You just worry about yourselves.
854
00:48:12,355 --> 00:48:14,990
Alright, hotshot,
let's say you're in.
855
00:48:15,023 --> 00:48:16,558
How do we get into the
tournament?
856
00:48:16,592 --> 00:48:19,996
We get an invitation
from the commissioner.
857
00:48:20,028 --> 00:48:20,829
Why didn't I think of that?
858
00:48:20,862 --> 00:48:22,565
You know, let's call
him right now.
859
00:48:22,597 --> 00:48:24,166
Hey, Commish, how's it hanging?
860
00:48:24,199 --> 00:48:26,502
Can we get an invite
to the league championship?
861
00:48:26,536 --> 00:48:28,079
- What did he say?
- Oh yeah, good call.
862
00:48:28,103 --> 00:48:29,115
He's going to get right on that.
863
00:48:29,139 --> 00:48:31,074
- Didn't say we ask for it.
- So, what do we do?
864
00:48:31,106 --> 00:48:31,875
We win it.
865
00:48:31,907 --> 00:48:35,144
Uh, newsflash, regionals
are over.
866
00:48:35,177 --> 00:48:36,655
Kind of why we're here
in the first place.
867
00:48:36,679 --> 00:48:38,949
Come on, Hollywood,
we're wasting our time.
868
00:48:38,981 --> 00:48:41,550
We win it at the URL.
869
00:48:41,583 --> 00:48:42,652
What'd you say?
870
00:48:42,684 --> 00:48:46,389
You heard me. We win
it at the URL.
871
00:48:46,422 --> 00:48:48,358
Fritz, what's a URL?
872
00:48:48,391 --> 00:48:50,626
A figment of his imagination.
That's what it is.
873
00:48:50,659 --> 00:48:52,494
You sure about that?
874
00:48:52,527 --> 00:48:54,496
Yeah.
875
00:48:54,530 --> 00:48:56,666
Well, I've got five
broken bones and
876
00:48:56,699 --> 00:48:59,302
three skin grafts to
suggest otherwise.
877
00:48:59,335 --> 00:49:04,206
Wait a second, I know who you
are. You're Logan Carter.
878
00:49:06,675 --> 00:49:11,181
What the fuck is a URL? What?
879
00:49:15,751 --> 00:49:17,387
Underground RPS League.
880
00:49:17,420 --> 00:49:19,264
They supposedly ran
a no-holds-barred tournament
881
00:49:19,288 --> 00:49:22,492
unsanctioned by Rock Paper
Scissors Association of America.
882
00:49:22,525 --> 00:49:23,994
I just thought it was a myth.
883
00:49:24,027 --> 00:49:25,662
It's no myth.
The RPS commissioner
884
00:49:25,695 --> 00:49:27,664
has a hard on for full contact.
885
00:49:27,697 --> 00:49:28,999
He can't sanction the league
886
00:49:29,032 --> 00:49:29,967
but doesn't mean he can't extend
887
00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:32,001
an invitation to the
winners under the table.
888
00:49:32,034 --> 00:49:33,079
Fritz, how do you know this guy?
889
00:49:33,103 --> 00:49:35,014
Logan Carter was an up and
comer in then RPS ranks.
890
00:49:35,038 --> 00:49:36,338
Had a lot of potential.
891
00:49:36,371 --> 00:49:38,340
I heard Monk tried to
recruit him.
892
00:49:38,373 --> 00:49:41,043
Recruit me? That's a joke.
893
00:49:41,077 --> 00:49:43,546
First thing he did was
send me into the URL.
894
00:49:43,579 --> 00:49:46,016
Said I needed to toughen up.
895
00:49:46,048 --> 00:49:48,351
That's one hell of a
way to cut your teeth.
896
00:49:48,384 --> 00:49:49,619
Always knew he was scared.
897
00:49:49,652 --> 00:49:51,086
Scared of what?
898
00:49:51,119 --> 00:49:52,054
Of me.
899
00:49:52,088 --> 00:49:53,765
Now you're delusional.
Monk wouldn't be afraid
900
00:49:53,789 --> 00:49:55,557
of some punk beating him.
901
00:49:55,590 --> 00:49:57,594
What if that punk already had?
902
00:49:57,626 --> 00:49:58,704
So what the hell
happened to you?
903
00:49:58,728 --> 00:50:02,164
URL happened to me.
End of story.
904
00:50:02,197 --> 00:50:06,402
Good evening, good man.
We're here to see Link.
905
00:50:06,436 --> 00:50:08,071
Links not here.
906
00:50:08,103 --> 00:50:11,173
Really? Okay, he said
that he'd be here.
907
00:50:11,206 --> 00:50:15,545
He asked me to give
him this rock.
908
00:50:25,621 --> 00:50:27,456
Dude, where the hell
are we going?
909
00:50:27,489 --> 00:50:28,657
You'll see.
910
00:50:28,690 --> 00:50:31,460
Um, this might be a stupid
question, but what would have
911
00:50:31,494 --> 00:50:33,463
happened If you
were throwing paper?
912
00:50:33,496 --> 00:50:35,699
If you can't beat him? You
shouldn't be here.
913
00:51:22,210 --> 00:51:23,445
Hey!
914
00:51:23,478 --> 00:51:25,447
Logan Carter.
915
00:51:25,481 --> 00:51:27,617
Hello Link. It's been a
long time.
916
00:51:27,650 --> 00:51:30,452
Not long enough. I
thought I was clear.
917
00:51:30,485 --> 00:51:33,123
I wasn't to see your
face around here anymore.
918
00:51:33,155 --> 00:51:35,358
Well, I'm sure that's cause last
time I seen my face it
919
00:51:35,391 --> 00:51:37,626
was pretty fucked up.
920
00:51:37,659 --> 00:51:39,528
My surgeon,
921
00:51:39,561 --> 00:51:42,531
you should give him,
a call. I'll make this
922
00:51:42,565 --> 00:51:45,367
short Link. I need a
ticket to the big dance.
923
00:51:45,400 --> 00:51:46,802
I need you to give it to me.
924
00:51:46,835 --> 00:51:48,670
And why would I do that?
925
00:51:48,704 --> 00:51:51,474
Because I know it eats you up
inside knowing that besides.
926
00:51:51,507 --> 00:51:56,146
Monk - I am the one person
you can't beat.
927
00:51:56,179 --> 00:51:58,615
So, I'm giving you the
chance to reconcile.
928
00:51:58,648 --> 00:52:01,784
And what do you propose?
929
00:52:01,817 --> 00:52:03,286
Five on five.
930
00:52:03,318 --> 00:52:05,889
Each player throws once,
first team to three.
931
00:52:05,922 --> 00:52:09,159
We win, you give us
the invitation.
932
00:52:09,192 --> 00:52:10,760
And when you lose?
933
00:52:10,793 --> 00:52:13,363
You give us to the dogs.
934
00:52:16,532 --> 00:52:19,434
I'm gonna fuck you up.
935
00:52:19,467 --> 00:52:22,571
Sorry, Link, you're
just not my type.
936
00:52:22,605 --> 00:52:25,876
Five minutes.
937
00:52:28,643 --> 00:52:33,248
Give us to the dogs? That's the
best you could come up with?
938
00:52:33,282 --> 00:52:37,253
Not do your laundry for a month
or maintain the impeccable
939
00:52:37,286 --> 00:52:40,722
quality of this fine
establishment. No Logan.
940
00:52:40,755 --> 00:52:44,326
What you do if you lose?
Let me think about that.
941
00:52:44,360 --> 00:52:46,963
I know how about feeding
us to the fucking dogs!
942
00:52:46,996 --> 00:52:49,731
He wouldn't have gone
for it otherwise!
943
00:52:49,764 --> 00:52:53,502
Relax. I've got a plan.
944
00:52:55,771 --> 00:52:57,340
Alright, girls, listen up.
945
00:52:57,373 --> 00:52:59,213
Judging by the way your
asses are all puckered,
946
00:52:59,242 --> 00:53:01,277
I assume that you're
scared shitless.
947
00:53:01,309 --> 00:53:03,346
I think that would
be a fair assessment.
948
00:53:03,378 --> 00:53:04,746
Oh, you do, do you?
949
00:53:04,780 --> 00:53:06,749
You know what else would
be a fair assessment?
950
00:53:06,782 --> 00:53:08,293
Your new nickname is
going to be Puppy Chow
951
00:53:08,317 --> 00:53:09,885
if you don't
stop interrupting me.
952
00:53:09,918 --> 00:53:11,653
Please don't hurt me.
953
00:53:11,686 --> 00:53:14,824
Alright, as I was saying,
contrary to what you probably
954
00:53:14,856 --> 00:53:18,628
heard, RPS is not a game
mastered by chance, habits
955
00:53:18,661 --> 00:53:21,563
or tricks, but by fear.
956
00:53:21,597 --> 00:53:23,333
You think Monk goes
around memorizing
957
00:53:23,365 --> 00:53:24,967
every little thing
everyone does?
958
00:53:25,001 --> 00:53:26,878
Shaves his head, dresses
like a ninja and acts like
959
00:53:26,902 --> 00:53:29,371
a fucking ghost because it
gets him laid?
960
00:53:29,405 --> 00:53:32,575
Fuck no. He does it
to control the fear.
961
00:53:32,608 --> 00:53:36,246
If he controls the fear.
He controls you.
962
00:53:36,278 --> 00:53:37,480
Are you getting any of this?
963
00:53:37,512 --> 00:53:38,648
- No.
964
00:53:38,681 --> 00:53:39,791
You watch your heartbeat
right now?
965
00:53:39,815 --> 00:53:40,648
What?
966
00:53:40,682 --> 00:53:42,451
152 beats per minute,
what's yours?
967
00:53:42,485 --> 00:53:43,452
I don't know.
968
00:53:43,485 --> 00:53:44,453
164.
969
00:53:44,487 --> 00:53:45,355
How do you know that?
970
00:53:45,387 --> 00:53:47,523
I can see it, cause
you're all afraid.
971
00:53:47,556 --> 00:53:48,858
Hey, it's time.
972
00:53:48,891 --> 00:53:52,394
Look, it's really simple.
A steady heartbeat means
973
00:53:52,427 --> 00:53:53,596
there's nothing left to do.
974
00:53:53,628 --> 00:53:55,731
So you're throwing rock.
If your pulse pulses
975
00:53:55,764 --> 00:53:58,701
just before the moment
of impact, you're unsure
976
00:53:58,733 --> 00:54:01,336
and most likely throwing paper.
977
00:54:01,369 --> 00:54:03,739
Now, if your pulse spikes,
you're being aggressive
978
00:54:03,773 --> 00:54:05,807
and throwing scissors. But I
wouldn't know any of
979
00:54:05,840 --> 00:54:08,677
this if I can't
see your pulse. Your neck
980
00:54:09,045 --> 00:54:13,682
your wrist, your hand. They
all, give you a way. So calm
981
00:54:14,150 --> 00:54:17,552
the fuck down. What do you
think the dogs are for?
982
00:54:17,585 --> 00:54:19,354
The dogs are working.
983
00:54:19,387 --> 00:54:21,891
What you're saying is, not only
can you see our heart rate
984
00:54:21,923 --> 00:54:24,494
but what we're going to throw
because of it?
985
00:54:24,527 --> 00:54:25,961
Now Carter!
986
00:54:25,994 --> 00:54:28,030
So any questions before
we start?
987
00:54:28,063 --> 00:54:31,867
Um yeah, if we shit our pants
do we get disqualified?
988
00:54:31,900 --> 00:54:36,905
No. I think you're good.
Anything else? Good come here.
989
00:54:37,873 --> 00:54:40,510
Try not to screw this up.
990
00:54:55,458 --> 00:54:57,293
Whoo!
991
00:54:57,992 --> 00:54:59,795
You, get in.
992
00:55:07,603 --> 00:55:08,603
Yes!
993
00:55:11,239 --> 00:55:14,009
You got to be fucking
kidding me.
994
00:55:15,677 --> 00:55:17,646
Yes!
995
00:55:21,916 --> 00:55:23,752
Go.
996
00:55:33,461 --> 00:55:34,931
Yes!
997
00:55:45,074 --> 00:55:49,979
This envelope. Your
precious little invitation.
998
00:55:50,012 --> 00:55:52,615
But that's as close as you're
going to get to it.
999
00:55:52,648 --> 00:55:54,016
I'm scared.
1000
00:55:54,048 --> 00:55:56,018
Any last requests?
1001
00:55:56,050 --> 00:55:58,855
Yeah. Try not to whine
like a little bitch
1002
00:55:58,887 --> 00:56:02,659
after I finish slapping
the shit out of you.
1003
00:56:15,971 --> 00:56:20,476
Better luck next time, Link.
1004
00:56:34,523 --> 00:56:39,695
Oh, Holy crap that was the
craziest thing I've ever seen.
1005
00:56:39,728 --> 00:56:41,831
Guys, did you realize
what just happened?
1006
00:56:41,864 --> 00:56:44,099
Uh, yeah we almost got killed.
1007
00:56:45,166 --> 00:56:46,201
Man, what a rush!
1008
00:56:46,235 --> 00:56:47,979
Logan what you did back there?
That was awesome!
1009
00:56:48,003 --> 00:56:49,079
- That was great.
- Yeah, yeah.
1010
00:56:49,103 --> 00:56:51,573
Thank me when we're walking away
with Monk's trophy.
1011
00:56:51,606 --> 00:56:52,541
Oh seriously.
1012
00:56:52,574 --> 00:56:54,119
No doubt. But come on.
We got to do something.
1013
00:56:54,143 --> 00:56:55,577
We got to celebrate!
1014
00:56:55,610 --> 00:56:56,778
Yes!, yes!
1015
00:56:56,811 --> 00:56:58,681
I'm down what'd you
have in mind?
1016
00:57:07,755 --> 00:57:12,127
Hey guys, me again. Tonight's
episode is one near and dear
1017
00:57:12,161 --> 00:57:15,197
to my heart. This shows for
all you out there who's
1018
00:57:15,231 --> 00:57:17,700
ever been picked on, stepped on
slapped around, or been
1019
00:57:17,733 --> 00:57:18,934
gang banged.
1020
00:57:18,967 --> 00:57:21,837
Tonight I want you to stand
proud, raise up your flaccid,
1021
00:57:21,871 --> 00:57:24,539
misused middle finger and give a
Fuck You to all those
1022
00:57:24,572 --> 00:57:25,841
assholes of the world.
1023
00:57:25,875 --> 00:57:29,010
DareYouToPissOn proudly
presents, Bully Me This.
1024
00:57:29,043 --> 00:57:32,781
Come on. Hand me the
thing. Hurry up.
1025
00:57:33,181 --> 00:57:34,783
I hope you're right about this.
1026
00:57:34,817 --> 00:57:39,621
When are you boys,
ever going to learn?
1027
00:57:41,623 --> 00:57:43,225
There you go.
1028
00:57:43,492 --> 00:57:45,862
Tonight's forecast,
ladies and gentlemen
1029
00:57:45,894 --> 00:57:49,798
a hundred percent chance
of rain.
1030
00:57:49,831 --> 00:57:51,833
Hollywood here I come.
1031
00:57:51,867 --> 00:57:53,669
Academy Awards baby.
1032
00:57:55,804 --> 00:57:57,507
Come on we got to go.
We got to go.
1033
00:57:57,539 --> 00:57:58,942
Got ya.
1034
00:58:08,751 --> 00:58:11,888
Don't worry, I know the
dude behind the bar. It's fine.
1035
00:58:11,920 --> 00:58:13,889
This is cool, dude.
1036
00:58:16,858 --> 00:58:18,927
So, tell me, mate, who
are these fuckers?
1037
00:58:18,960 --> 00:58:21,063
My team.
1038
00:58:21,931 --> 00:58:24,166
Gee, sorry mate.
1039
00:58:24,199 --> 00:58:26,235
Hey, what's with the accent?
1040
00:58:26,268 --> 00:58:27,268
What accent?
1041
00:58:28,204 --> 00:58:30,606
Guys, is it bad that
I feel absolutely no
1042
00:58:30,639 --> 00:58:31,916
remorse for what we
did to Jordan?
1043
00:58:31,940 --> 00:58:34,309
Hell no. Let him soak in it.
1044
00:58:34,342 --> 00:58:35,342
Loser.
1045
00:58:37,880 --> 00:58:39,256
Hey, Cheddar, if we
win what are you going
1046
00:58:39,280 --> 00:58:40,849
to do with your half
of the money?
1047
00:58:40,882 --> 00:58:43,685
School. My scholarships
won't last forever.
1048
00:58:43,719 --> 00:58:46,021
Tug, get them some milk
and cookies.
1049
00:58:46,054 --> 00:58:47,623
I'll have what he's having.
1050
00:58:47,655 --> 00:58:48,824
No. Milk and cookies.
1051
00:58:48,856 --> 00:58:50,101
I'm twenty-one and
over, it's cool, right.
1052
00:58:50,125 --> 00:58:51,893
Milk and cookies.
1053
00:58:51,927 --> 00:58:54,262
Whatever, Rerun what about you?
Film, School?
1054
00:58:54,295 --> 00:58:56,031
Fifty K? Hmm, let
me think about this.
1055
00:58:56,065 --> 00:58:58,768
Pay someone to show me how to
make some lame movies
1056
00:58:58,800 --> 00:59:01,170
or fund one my own. No way man.
1057
00:59:01,202 --> 00:59:03,122
This cat's Kevin Smithing
his career all the way.
1058
00:59:04,273 --> 00:59:05,641
What about you Fritzy?
1059
00:59:05,673 --> 00:59:07,208
Amsterdam. I think
1060
00:59:07,242 --> 00:59:10,179
I got a shot at getting
laid in Amsterdam.
1061
00:59:10,211 --> 00:59:11,179
What?
1062
00:59:11,213 --> 00:59:12,381
What about you, Hollywood?
1063
00:59:12,414 --> 00:59:14,850
I think I give it to my mom.
She's really helping me out.
1064
00:59:14,882 --> 00:59:16,117
And I would-
1065
00:59:16,150 --> 00:59:19,654
- What?
- Mama's boy.
1066
00:59:19,688 --> 00:59:22,057
Get out of here. Get
out of here.
1067
00:59:22,090 --> 00:59:24,659
You guys are whack.
What about you, Logan?
1068
00:59:24,693 --> 00:59:28,197
I don't know. I guess I'd
finally use half of it
1069
00:59:28,230 --> 00:59:30,733
to move out my grandfather's
house and give the
1070
00:59:30,766 --> 00:59:32,902
other half to the United Negro
College Fund.
1071
00:59:34,335 --> 00:59:35,303
Are you serious?
1072
00:59:35,336 --> 00:59:37,206
What?
1073
00:59:37,239 --> 00:59:40,108
United Negro College Fund.
1074
00:59:41,175 --> 00:59:43,913
Stop eating all the. Cookies.
1075
00:59:43,945 --> 00:59:45,914
You are crazy.
1076
01:00:14,876 --> 01:00:17,913
Nice Giraffe, Anus.
1077
01:00:39,835 --> 01:00:41,871
What time do you call
this? You're late.
1078
01:00:41,903 --> 01:00:42,905
What?
1079
01:00:42,938 --> 01:00:44,073
We got to go. Come on.
1080
01:00:44,106 --> 01:00:46,042
Shut up.
1081
01:00:53,916 --> 01:00:56,018
Alright, throw that.
Throw that back there.
1082
01:00:56,050 --> 01:00:57,119
Hey you.
1083
01:00:57,152 --> 01:00:58,753
Valerie, hey.
1084
01:00:58,786 --> 01:01:00,088
So, you're off, huh?
1085
01:01:00,121 --> 01:01:01,824
Yeah, we're on our way.
1086
01:01:01,856 --> 01:01:04,759
Well, I though I'd come by to
wish you. Good luck.
1087
01:01:04,793 --> 01:01:06,829
Thanks, you know, we wouldn't
even be here if it
1088
01:01:06,862 --> 01:01:09,065
wasn't for you being you.
1089
01:01:09,097 --> 01:01:10,398
Hey, Anus!
1090
01:01:10,431 --> 01:01:13,101
Uh. Uh.
1091
01:01:13,135 --> 01:01:15,037
Hey, you better wrap
this up quick.
1092
01:01:15,070 --> 01:01:16,914
Look I go, but you think when I
get back we could
1093
01:01:16,938 --> 01:01:17,940
pick this up right here?
1094
01:01:17,972 --> 01:01:19,307
Sure, I'd like that.
1095
01:01:19,340 --> 01:01:22,043
Okay. I'm sorry. I
got to go. Sorry. Sorry.
1096
01:01:22,077 --> 01:01:23,279
I'm going to kill you.
1097
01:01:23,311 --> 01:01:24,279
Oy!
1098
01:01:24,313 --> 01:01:25,314
Ow!
1099
01:01:25,347 --> 01:01:27,416
Oy! What the fuck you doing?
1100
01:01:27,449 --> 01:01:28,818
Oh shit.
1101
01:01:28,851 --> 01:01:31,086
Fucking pussy. Come on!
1102
01:01:31,119 --> 01:01:34,456
Yeah! Run Davies,
you little bitch!
1103
01:01:42,764 --> 01:01:44,799
Good morning sports fans and
1104
01:01:44,833 --> 01:01:46,144
welcome to the home of the
15th Annual.
1105
01:01:46,168 --> 01:01:49,070
Rock, Paper, Scissors World,
Championship.
1106
01:01:49,103 --> 01:01:51,873
Over the next two days almost
300 players from around
1107
01:01:51,907 --> 01:01:55,144
the country and around
the world will face off
1108
01:01:55,177 --> 01:01:57,480
in a sports showdown that is
sure to shake the earth from
1109
01:01:57,512 --> 01:02:02,284
the lights of Los Angeles to
the frost of Bangor, Maine.
1110
01:02:02,317 --> 01:02:06,355
Today 64 teams will face off
in a grueling test of mental
1111
01:02:06,387 --> 01:02:10,291
toughness and physical stamina
as they try to stay alive
1112
01:02:10,324 --> 01:02:13,294
and make it into tomorrow's
semi -final match.
1113
01:02:13,327 --> 01:02:17,166
Now, the rules are simple.
Each team must win three
1114
01:02:17,199 --> 01:02:20,469
of five sets to win the match
and move on to the next
1115
01:02:20,501 --> 01:02:24,507
round. Now without further
ado, let's throw it over to.
1116
01:02:24,539 --> 01:02:27,842
Jelly Kane and meet some of our
contestants Jelly.
1117
01:02:27,876 --> 01:02:31,380
Thank you Case. Well strap on
tight sports fans because
1118
01:02:31,413 --> 01:02:34,150
in just a few days we're all
going to have the pleasure
1119
01:02:34,182 --> 01:02:38,320
of watching someone do this for
a quarter of a million dollars.
1120
01:02:38,353 --> 01:02:42,324
Strap in Jelly, right?
Strap in tight?
1121
01:02:42,356 --> 01:02:46,394
Strap in right. Who will it be
well for starters let's meet
1122
01:02:46,427 --> 01:02:48,096
some of our contestants.
1123
01:02:48,130 --> 01:02:49,832
Hi, I'm dolly of the paper dolls
1124
01:02:49,864 --> 01:02:53,368
and I play rock-paper-scissors
because it gets me hot.
1125
01:02:54,402 --> 01:02:59,107
I'm Dread of Team Nemesis.
1126
01:02:59,141 --> 01:03:02,110
And what's your name sir?
1127
01:03:04,012 --> 01:03:06,423
We're Katey and Karey-from Team
Gemini andy we bring double the
1128
01:03:06,447 --> 01:03:07,817
trouble.
1129
01:03:07,849 --> 01:03:10,286
Your name sir?
1130
01:03:11,586 --> 01:03:13,956
Private Pryde here
with the Mighty Privates.
1131
01:03:13,989 --> 01:03:15,523
Let me tell you
something. Victory,
1132
01:03:15,556 --> 01:03:16,657
It belong to us.
1133
01:03:16,692 --> 01:03:20,028
My friends call me Bones and the
reason I play Rock Paper.
1134
01:03:20,061 --> 01:03:21,539
Scissors is because it's safer
than flying
1135
01:03:21,563 --> 01:03:24,500
headfirst into a blackhole.
1136
01:03:24,932 --> 01:03:28,403
- Rock-paper-scissors. Boom
1137
01:03:28,436 --> 01:03:29,971
Casey, I'm not sure
1138
01:03:30,005 --> 01:03:33,509
which team he's with
no. No, but, uh, could you
1139
01:03:33,541 --> 01:03:36,511
send some soap down
this way, please.
1140
01:03:36,545 --> 01:03:38,614
I'm Scissorella from
Team Sonic Doom and
1141
01:03:38,646 --> 01:03:42,384
I'm going to skate over
the competition.
1142
01:03:42,416 --> 01:03:45,453
And of course, as always we've
got Team Nemesis, led by their
1143
01:03:45,487 --> 01:03:49,925
8 time MVP, The Monk, and
newcomers this year,
1144
01:03:49,958 --> 01:03:53,028
The Butt Fuckers.
1145
01:03:53,429 --> 01:03:57,566
The BuckFutters,
sorry. Uh, back to you, Casey.
1146
01:03:57,599 --> 01:04:00,936
Uh, thank you, Jelly,
and, uh, that's a reminder
1147
01:04:00,969 --> 01:04:04,139
to all you kids out
there stay in school.
1148
01:04:07,608 --> 01:04:09,478
Nice Unies, Ched.
That's pretty catchy.
1149
01:04:09,510 --> 01:04:14,449
Mr. Flaherty, so nice
of you to join us.
1150
01:04:15,250 --> 01:04:19,420
I'm glad our earlier
altercation, did not bear you
1151
01:04:19,454 --> 01:04:21,957
any unnecessary misfortune.
1152
01:04:21,989 --> 01:04:23,958
You kiss your mother
with that mouth, Monk?
1153
01:04:23,992 --> 01:04:27,129
I heard that the best
rock thrower in the
1154
01:04:27,161 --> 01:04:31,500
world was here. All
that wankings paid off.
1155
01:04:31,532 --> 01:04:35,971
Logan. Link told me you
were looking for a team
1156
01:04:36,003 --> 01:04:40,208
I told him there wasn't anyone
stupid enough to take you in.
1157
01:04:40,242 --> 01:04:43,278
Apparently, I was wrong.
1158
01:04:43,311 --> 01:04:47,148
Apparently, you were,
and if you get in my way
1159
01:04:47,181 --> 01:04:50,985
again you hairless fuck. I'm
going to drag you to a bridge,
1160
01:04:51,018 --> 01:04:54,122
slit you from here to here, and
use your intestines as a
1161
01:04:54,155 --> 01:04:56,090
bungee cord.
1162
01:04:56,123 --> 01:05:01,129
How poetic. Nemesis, meditate.
1163
01:05:08,170 --> 01:05:11,173
Come on. We've got
a game to play.
1164
01:05:13,507 --> 01:05:16,477
ButtFuckers? I'm not
wearing this.
1165
01:05:16,510 --> 01:05:19,547
Ladies and Gentleman, not
since the Trojan War have I
1166
01:05:19,581 --> 01:05:22,418
seen so many fierce
competitors assembled on one
1167
01:05:22,451 --> 01:05:25,320
single Battlefield. And if you
like epic battles,
1168
01:05:25,353 --> 01:05:28,256
then stay tuned
sports fans because this war
1169
01:05:28,289 --> 01:05:31,326
will be one for the ages.
And now, for
1170
01:05:31,360 --> 01:05:33,437
the start of the tournament,
let's throw it downstairs
1171
01:05:33,461 --> 01:05:36,532
to the game floor, where the
50th annual rock-paper-scissors
1172
01:05:36,565 --> 01:05:39,534
tournament is about to begin.
1173
01:06:48,836 --> 01:06:51,340
Like walking into a
massage parlor for the first time,
1174
01:06:51,373 --> 01:06:54,777
you never know what's
going to happen.
1175
01:06:54,809 --> 01:06:57,712
Ladies Report to the dance floor.
1176
01:07:10,391 --> 01:07:11,592
One, two, three.
1177
01:07:11,626 --> 01:07:14,363
BUCKFUTTERS!
1178
01:07:17,431 --> 01:07:21,169
And Monk goes with a
sharp scissors to take the lead!
1179
01:07:27,876 --> 01:07:31,247
Ooh, what a nice paper that was.
Looked like Foolscap.
1180
01:07:43,190 --> 01:07:44,625
Get a tetanus shot!
1181
01:07:44,659 --> 01:07:47,296
He was cut down by those
scissors.
1182
01:08:08,849 --> 01:08:11,652
After one of the most
grueling first rounds, this announcer
1183
01:08:11,686 --> 01:08:14,722
has witnessed in many a year
inundated with bone crushing
1184
01:08:14,755 --> 01:08:18,659
rocks, slashing scissors,
slicing paper, we're set
1185
01:08:18,693 --> 01:08:21,329
to kick off the second round.
1186
01:08:30,704 --> 01:08:34,342
These guys are sweating like
Mike Tyson at a spelling bee.
1187
01:08:38,747 --> 01:08:41,550
This RPS tournament is brought
to you by Toxic-
1188
01:08:41,582 --> 01:08:44,586
what doesn't kill you,
makes you stronger.
1189
01:09:01,737 --> 01:09:03,704
Dude, you got to stop
drinking that dude.
1190
01:09:03,738 --> 01:09:04,673
You don't look so good.
1191
01:09:04,706 --> 01:09:08,444
Hey, be careful. That's
Link's brother, Fence.
1192
01:09:12,413 --> 01:09:15,884
Fence? What's his
mom's name, Chain?
1193
01:09:18,353 --> 01:09:22,358
Players ready? Engage!
1194
01:09:23,591 --> 01:09:26,929
Oh! That is absolutely
disgusting.
1195
01:09:39,774 --> 01:09:43,479
1, 2, 3 BuckFutters!
1196
01:10:00,962 --> 01:10:03,632
Engage.
1197
01:10:10,904 --> 01:10:14,442
Great Caesar's ghost,
what determination!
1198
01:10:45,673 --> 01:10:49,345
Nice rock, man it takes
a lot of rocks to do it.
1199
01:11:04,958 --> 01:11:06,929
Engage.
1200
01:11:07,529 --> 01:11:09,498
Winner!
1201
01:11:09,530 --> 01:11:10,832
Yes! Huddle up, huddle up.
1202
01:11:10,864 --> 01:11:12,833
So it's come down to this,
ladies and gentlemen.
1203
01:11:12,867 --> 01:11:16,305
Three teams are already
in and the BuckFutters
1204
01:11:16,337 --> 01:11:19,041
are one set away from
joining them in tomorrows
1205
01:11:19,073 --> 01:11:22,710
semi-final match Jelly, what
do you have for us?
1206
01:11:22,743 --> 01:11:26,447
Thank you Casey. Well,
Three teams are already in
1207
01:11:26,480 --> 01:11:29,751
and the BuckFutters are a set
away from joining them
1208
01:11:29,783 --> 01:11:32,386
in tomorrow's semifinal match.
1209
01:11:32,420 --> 01:11:34,722
All right, Jelly,
thank you very much.
1210
01:11:34,756 --> 01:11:36,557
I might've already mentioned
that anything
1211
01:11:36,591 --> 01:11:39,728
else you'd like to add?
1212
01:11:39,761 --> 01:11:44,767
Uh, Thank you Case the fate of
this inexperienced team
1213
01:11:45,567 --> 01:11:49,404
and offensive juggernaut
lies in the
1214
01:11:49,436 --> 01:11:53,442
hands of rookie sensation,
Kelvin Hollywood Anus.
1215
01:11:54,775 --> 01:11:58,780
Anoose? Anoose. It's
fucking hot down here.
1216
01:12:02,917 --> 01:12:05,887
Okay. Jelly. Thank
you very much and good
1217
01:12:05,920 --> 01:12:08,056
luck with the unemployment line.
1218
01:12:08,088 --> 01:12:10,425
Okay Hollywood, just finish this
guy up and get us
1219
01:12:10,457 --> 01:12:14,462
out of here. You got this?
1220
01:12:15,262 --> 01:12:17,798
He looks tired. I
got this. I got it.
1221
01:12:17,832 --> 01:12:21,837
Get him! Come on Hollywood!
Finish him.
1222
01:12:22,636 --> 01:12:25,440
Players ready?
1223
01:12:27,809 --> 01:12:29,911
Look at these titans
stare each other down.
1224
01:12:29,944 --> 01:12:33,914
I've never seen anything
like it.
1225
01:12:33,948 --> 01:12:35,717
Engage.
1226
01:12:35,750 --> 01:12:36,752
Winner.
1227
01:12:36,784 --> 01:12:38,420
Engage.
1228
01:12:38,453 --> 01:12:39,421
Tie.
1229
01:12:39,453 --> 01:12:41,055
Engage.
1230
01:12:41,088 --> 01:12:42,657
Winner.
1231
01:12:42,689 --> 01:12:44,024
Engage.
1232
01:12:44,057 --> 01:12:45,426
Tie.
1233
01:12:45,460 --> 01:12:46,728
Engage.
1234
01:12:46,761 --> 01:12:48,096
Tie.
1235
01:12:48,128 --> 01:12:49,797
Engage.
1236
01:12:49,831 --> 01:12:51,699
Winner.
1237
01:12:51,733 --> 01:12:53,869
He's done it and
the BuckFutters are through
1238
01:12:53,902 --> 01:12:54,935
to the semi-finals.
1239
01:12:54,969 --> 01:12:57,939
Move on to the semi-final.
1240
01:12:57,971 --> 01:13:02,476
Here we come! Monk,
we are coming for you!
1241
01:13:02,510 --> 01:13:05,079
But it's not over yet. So
don't forget sports fans
1242
01:13:05,113 --> 01:13:07,481
to join us back
here tomorrow where,
1243
01:13:07,515 --> 01:13:10,952
one lucky team will be crowned,
the RPS King.
1244
01:13:10,984 --> 01:13:14,856
Good night everyone.
1245
01:13:16,157 --> 01:13:19,862
You know a fucking monkey
could do his job.
1246
01:13:21,863 --> 01:13:25,833
I feel like I'm talking to my
cell phone here sometimes.
1247
01:13:26,667 --> 01:13:30,604
Could we actually hire somebody
that has some talent?
1248
01:13:30,637 --> 01:13:32,715
I can't believe you dropped
those papers on that guy like
1249
01:13:32,739 --> 01:13:34,108
that. That was insane.
1250
01:13:34,141 --> 01:13:36,845
Well, save your insanity
for tomorrow night.
1251
01:13:36,877 --> 01:13:38,557
You're going to need
it when you face Monk.
1252
01:13:39,546 --> 01:13:40,546
Yeah, that's funny.
1253
01:13:41,983 --> 01:13:44,985
I'm being serious.
1254
01:13:45,019 --> 01:13:47,722
I can't believe I'm going
to say this.
1255
01:13:47,755 --> 01:13:51,626
If we make it to the finals,
you're our anchor. You got Monk.
1256
01:13:51,658 --> 01:13:54,829
Logan, You've been in this the
whole time just to beat Monk.
1257
01:13:54,863 --> 01:13:56,874
Don't you think I know that.
Don't you think I'd love to
1258
01:13:56,898 --> 01:13:59,801
defeat that arrogant prick.
1259
01:13:59,833 --> 01:14:04,005
But the fact is he knows
me, knows how too beat me.
1260
01:14:04,037 --> 01:14:06,240
He's counting on facing
me in the finals.
1261
01:14:06,274 --> 01:14:09,010
But, he's never faced
him, doesn't know him.
1262
01:14:09,042 --> 01:14:12,480
And let's face it. Anyone who
throws paper six times
1263
01:14:12,514 --> 01:14:15,484
in a row and wins might
actually scare him.
1264
01:14:15,516 --> 01:14:17,228
But what's to stop him from
just playing you
1265
01:14:17,252 --> 01:14:19,020
when you step up to the table?
1266
01:14:19,052 --> 01:14:22,189
He can't. For the finals you
have to submit your team roster
1267
01:14:22,222 --> 01:14:24,826
in the order they play
before the match begins
1268
01:14:24,859 --> 01:14:27,028
that way you can't jockey around
players trying to gain
1269
01:14:27,060 --> 01:14:28,563
an advantage.
1270
01:14:28,595 --> 01:14:32,233
That's right. I'll tell you
what. If I know Monk,
1271
01:14:32,266 --> 01:14:36,204
it's really going to piss him
off. Now get some sleep.
1272
01:14:46,046 --> 01:14:47,581
Don't worry about it.
1273
01:14:47,614 --> 01:14:49,583
You did a great
job out there today.
1274
01:14:49,617 --> 01:14:50,886
Didn't lose a set.
1275
01:14:50,918 --> 01:14:51,920
I had a good teacher.
1276
01:14:51,953 --> 01:14:54,957
Fucking right you did.
1277
01:14:58,960 --> 01:15:00,828
Listen Kel,
I never did thank you for
1278
01:15:00,862 --> 01:15:04,132
getting us this far. You know,
for getting us here.
1279
01:15:04,164 --> 01:15:08,302
I've been picked on my entire
life, my entire life. I've been
1280
01:15:08,336 --> 01:15:12,774
the dumb kid, fat kid, the
useless fuck
1281
01:15:12,806 --> 01:15:15,076
at the end of the bench.
1282
01:15:15,109 --> 01:15:17,679
I never had anyone pull
through for me before like
1283
01:15:17,712 --> 01:15:20,615
you have. So thanks.
1284
01:15:20,648 --> 01:15:22,851
You're a great friend, Fritz.
1285
01:15:22,884 --> 01:15:25,287
You looked out for Cheddar.
You looked out for Rerun.
1286
01:15:25,319 --> 01:15:27,255
You looked out for me.
1287
01:15:27,287 --> 01:15:28,889
I guess we make a pretty
good team, huh?
1288
01:15:28,922 --> 01:15:29,922
Yeah.
1289
01:15:33,860 --> 01:15:36,197
You really think we
can win tomorrow?
1290
01:15:36,229 --> 01:15:38,198
Don't know.
1291
01:15:38,231 --> 01:15:40,100
Monk's team is pretty
solid and of course they
1292
01:15:40,134 --> 01:15:43,203
have Einstein so I don't
even think Logan
1293
01:15:43,237 --> 01:15:45,806
has a chance there.
1294
01:15:45,840 --> 01:15:48,043
What about Monk?
1295
01:15:49,077 --> 01:15:50,110
Ow!
1296
01:15:50,144 --> 01:15:52,814
Son of a bitch Jordan
what the fuck?
1297
01:15:52,846 --> 01:15:57,184
Anus? Miss me? Think I was
going to let you piss in my
1298
01:15:57,984 --> 01:16:00,988
car, take my girl and walk away
into the fucking sunset huh?
1299
01:16:01,021 --> 01:16:02,791
Yeah, that was kind of the plan.
1300
01:16:02,823 --> 01:16:05,125
Well, there's a new plan
asshole. And it involves
1301
01:16:05,158 --> 01:16:07,728
using your mouth like
you did my car seat.
1302
01:16:07,761 --> 01:16:10,831
Let him go, dickhead.
1303
01:16:10,864 --> 01:16:12,367
Oh shit.
1304
01:16:12,399 --> 01:16:14,001
I fucking hate that kid.
1305
01:16:14,034 --> 01:16:16,203
Seriously, all the guardian
angels in the world and I
1306
01:16:16,237 --> 01:16:19,740
get the janitor?
1307
01:16:21,643 --> 01:16:24,145
Was that our fucking janitor?
1308
01:16:24,177 --> 01:16:27,082
I think that was. Fuck, dude,
how's your hand?
1309
01:16:27,114 --> 01:16:30,985
Fucking kills. You
mother fucking asshole!
1310
01:16:33,887 --> 01:16:36,256
We're screwed. We're
screwed. We're screwed.
1311
01:16:52,206 --> 01:16:54,976
Good afternoon sports
fans and welcome back.
1312
01:16:55,009 --> 01:16:58,712
Well, this is it. The final
day, the coupe de gras.
1313
01:16:58,746 --> 01:17:03,184
Four teams remain, but soon, it
will be down to two.
1314
01:17:03,216 --> 01:17:06,387
In pool A we have last year's
runner up, Sonic Doom
1315
01:17:06,421 --> 01:17:09,423
against last year's
champ, Team Nemesis.
1316
01:17:09,457 --> 01:17:13,828
And in pool B it's the Flying
Fuks squaring off against
1317
01:17:13,860 --> 01:17:17,297
this year's Cinderella
story The BuckFutters.
1318
01:17:17,331 --> 01:17:21,735
Bu if the BuckFutters are to
remain and continue on,
1319
01:17:21,769 --> 01:17:23,880
they're going to have
to overcome a few more obstacles
1320
01:17:23,904 --> 01:17:28,042
as we have just learned
Fritz Flaherty has sustained
1321
01:17:28,076 --> 01:17:30,744
an injury to his right hand
for further news on this
1322
01:17:30,778 --> 01:17:33,748
let's throw it over to Jelly
Kane, Jelly.
1323
01:17:33,780 --> 01:17:38,219
Thank you Case. Fritz Flowerty
is hurt very bad and it
1324
01:17:38,252 --> 01:17:42,090
will be difficult for him to
play with this hand. However,
1325
01:17:42,122 --> 01:17:46,260
he will be able to play with
this hand. As you know that
1326
01:17:47,060 --> 01:17:52,232
is a near impossibility in this
sport back to you Case.
1327
01:17:52,265 --> 01:17:56,236
Well, thank you Jelly. The stage
is set and the stakes are high.
1328
01:17:56,270 --> 01:18:00,108
So grab a seat folks and settle
in because tonight
1329
01:18:00,140 --> 01:18:02,242
promises to be a barn burner.
1330
01:18:04,479 --> 01:18:06,847
Jesus Christ! You
can barely move it.
1331
01:18:06,881 --> 01:18:08,258
How are you going to
compete with that?
1332
01:18:08,282 --> 01:18:11,953
I don't know, but
we're not forfeiting.
1333
01:18:11,985 --> 01:18:15,256
God damn right we're
not forfeiting. Fuck.
1334
01:18:15,288 --> 01:18:18,059
We're not going to win either.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,
1335
01:18:18,091 --> 01:18:20,327
Fuck!
1336
01:18:20,360 --> 01:18:23,698
Fuck!
1337
01:18:26,100 --> 01:18:29,471
Come on. Let's get
this over with. Fuck!
1338
01:18:42,783 --> 01:18:46,220
Players ready.
1339
01:18:46,887 --> 01:18:50,125
Engage.
1340
01:18:52,326 --> 01:18:55,395
Scissorella takes the first set,
and the Monk is simply
1341
01:18:55,429 --> 01:18:58,833
beside himself. As Nemesis finds
themselves down for the
1342
01:18:58,865 --> 01:19:02,103
first time in the tournament. So
sit tight and hook up those
1343
01:19:02,136 --> 01:19:05,140
colostomy bags sports fans
cause here we go.
1344
01:19:06,106 --> 01:19:09,144
Engage.
1345
01:19:10,877 --> 01:19:13,380
Look at this freak of nature
tear his opponent apart
1346
01:19:13,413 --> 01:19:15,849
as he stays unbeaten and brings
Nemesis from the brink
1347
01:19:15,882 --> 01:19:20,188
of elimination.
1348
01:19:20,488 --> 01:19:22,524
And Dread ties it up!
1349
01:19:22,556 --> 01:19:24,992
Leaving their fate in
the hands of the one
1350
01:19:25,025 --> 01:19:27,961
and only monk.
1351
01:19:27,994 --> 01:19:28,996
Winner.
1352
01:19:29,029 --> 01:19:31,198
He wins it again folks and
this underdog crowd
1353
01:19:31,231 --> 01:19:35,403
here, does not look happy.
1354
01:19:47,381 --> 01:19:50,051
It was him. He brought
Jordan here.
1355
01:19:50,083 --> 01:19:52,353
That bald fuck busted my hand!
1356
01:19:56,423 --> 01:19:57,891
Winner.
1357
01:20:05,932 --> 01:20:09,069
It doesn't look good folks after
a terrific start by Logan
1358
01:20:09,103 --> 01:20:12,073
Carter the BuckFutters are in a
hole that keeps getting bigger
1359
01:20:12,105 --> 01:20:15,309
as the three-fingered assassin
is shredding through the one
1360
01:20:15,342 --> 01:20:18,246
handed Flaherty. Is it paper?
Is it scissors?
1361
01:20:18,279 --> 01:20:19,848
I have no idea.
1362
01:20:19,881 --> 01:20:21,382
Winner.
1363
01:20:21,414 --> 01:20:23,217
Oh, and apparently,
neither does Flaherty
1364
01:20:23,251 --> 01:20:25,453
as the BuckFutters find
themselves, once again,
1365
01:20:25,485 --> 01:20:28,555
on the edge of elimination
with the rookie sensation
1366
01:20:28,588 --> 01:20:30,925
and weakest link still to go.
1367
01:20:30,957 --> 01:20:33,161
No way. Kelvin, you're next.
1368
01:20:33,194 --> 01:20:34,403
I thought you wanted me to
the anchor?
1369
01:20:34,427 --> 01:20:36,331
Yes, but that was until it was
down two to one.
1370
01:20:36,363 --> 01:20:38,608
We lose, we go home and there's
nothing for you to fucking
1371
01:20:38,632 --> 01:20:41,269
anchor then, is there?
Hence, you're up.
1372
01:20:41,301 --> 01:20:42,402
I can't go last.
1373
01:20:42,436 --> 01:20:44,481
And I can't give myself a decent
blowjob but that doesn't
1374
01:20:44,505 --> 01:20:46,074
stop me from
trying now, does it?
1375
01:20:46,106 --> 01:20:47,074
God, I hope so.
1376
01:20:47,108 --> 01:20:49,476
Look, you just worry about
winning right now.
1377
01:20:49,510 --> 01:20:52,413
And you get ready for when he
wins. Now come on get
1378
01:20:52,445 --> 01:20:54,414
in there. Let's do it. Come on,
1379
01:20:54,448 --> 01:20:56,951
Come on.
1380
01:20:56,984 --> 01:21:00,121
Players ready.
1381
01:21:00,154 --> 01:21:02,223
Engage.
1382
01:21:02,256 --> 01:21:03,224
Scissors.
1383
01:21:03,256 --> 01:21:04,224
Engage.
1384
01:21:04,257 --> 01:21:05,225
Win.
1385
01:21:05,259 --> 01:21:07,095
Engage.
1386
01:21:07,127 --> 01:21:09,162
Paper.
1387
01:21:11,332 --> 01:21:13,434
Rerun it's all up to you now,
ok. We take this and
1388
01:21:13,466 --> 01:21:14,510
we're in the finals. You got it?
1389
01:21:14,534 --> 01:21:15,368
I can't do this.
1390
01:21:15,403 --> 01:21:18,106
Pull it together. Gotta
do this. Okay
1391
01:21:18,139 --> 01:21:20,240
I can't, you guys. I can't.
1392
01:21:20,274 --> 01:21:21,409
Well hold on folks.
1393
01:21:21,442 --> 01:21:24,578
There seems to be something
wrong with the BuckFutters
1394
01:21:24,612 --> 01:21:28,983
last player. Seems that
the infamous pressure of
1395
01:21:29,015 --> 01:21:32,252
the RPS semi-final has taken
yet another victim.
1396
01:21:32,286 --> 01:21:33,520
He can't even move.
1397
01:21:33,554 --> 01:21:34,489
Then we fuckin' carry him there.
1398
01:21:34,521 --> 01:21:36,323
We put him up there
like this, it's over.
1399
01:21:36,356 --> 01:21:38,326
Well, we got to do something.
1400
01:21:38,359 --> 01:21:41,930
Come on, ideas.
1401
01:21:41,962 --> 01:21:43,264
Kelvin.
1402
01:21:43,296 --> 01:21:47,067
Come on. Come on.
1403
01:21:49,069 --> 01:21:54,041
Rerun. Rerun. Rerun. Rerun.
1404
01:21:54,074 --> 01:21:57,377
Rerun. Rerun. Rerun. Rerun.
1405
01:21:57,411 --> 01:22:01,381
Rerun. Rerun. Rerun. Rerun.
1406
01:22:01,414 --> 01:22:05,452
Rerun. Rerun. Rerun. Rerun.
1407
01:22:10,658 --> 01:22:14,663
Rerun. Rerun. Rerun. Rerun.
1408
01:22:22,269 --> 01:22:23,237
You hear that?
1409
01:22:23,270 --> 01:22:24,405
Yeah.
1410
01:22:24,438 --> 01:22:25,682
That's your name. They're
cheering for you out there.
1411
01:22:25,706 --> 01:22:27,007
They're cheering for you.
1412
01:22:27,041 --> 01:22:28,009
Yeah.
1413
01:22:28,042 --> 01:22:29,010
- You hear me?
- Yeah.
1414
01:22:29,042 --> 01:22:30,120
Alright, now this
is it, alright? There's no
1415
01:22:30,144 --> 01:22:33,280
stopping now! You start, and
you don't stop. All your
1416
01:22:33,314 --> 01:22:35,516
strength. All your power! All
your love!
1417
01:22:35,548 --> 01:22:36,984
- Everything you've got!
- Yeah.
1418
01:22:37,018 --> 01:22:39,119
To win you got to knock him out!
Punch and punch
1419
01:22:39,153 --> 01:22:40,263
till you can't punch no more!
1420
01:22:40,287 --> 01:22:41,255
Okay!
1421
01:22:41,287 --> 01:22:42,255
This is your whole life here!
1422
01:22:42,288 --> 01:22:43,256
Yeah, Yeah!
1423
01:22:43,289 --> 01:22:47,162
Yeah! Come on! Come on!
1424
01:22:48,295 --> 01:22:49,262
Come on!
1425
01:22:49,296 --> 01:22:50,465
Players, ready.
1426
01:22:50,497 --> 01:22:53,067
Engage.
1427
01:22:53,100 --> 01:22:54,702
Win, Engage.
1428
01:22:54,734 --> 01:22:57,270
Tie, Engage.
1429
01:22:57,304 --> 01:22:59,007
Engage.
1430
01:22:59,039 --> 01:23:02,042
Winner.
1431
01:23:02,076 --> 01:23:03,219
Well I've got to tell you folks,
1432
01:23:03,243 --> 01:23:06,079
in all my years
of broadcasting I've never
1433
01:23:06,113 --> 01:23:09,417
seen anything like this. If you
can appreciate a cinderella
1434
01:23:09,449 --> 01:23:13,688
story, if you believe in
miracles, if you ever want to
1435
01:23:13,720 --> 01:23:17,224
see David face the mighty
Goliath, then don't move
1436
01:23:17,257 --> 01:23:21,095
a muscle. Because in mere
moments perhaps the greatest
1437
01:23:21,127 --> 01:23:24,431
match in all of sport, Dare I
say, all of the world is about
1438
01:23:24,465 --> 01:23:26,100
to unfold.
1439
01:23:26,132 --> 01:23:28,668
And so it begins.
1440
01:23:49,556 --> 01:23:51,192
Ladies and Gentleman.
1441
01:23:51,225 --> 01:23:52,602
Welcome to the Rock,
Paper Scissors,
1442
01:23:52,626 --> 01:23:56,197
National Championship final
round. Let's bring out our
1443
01:23:56,229 --> 01:23:59,399
finalist teams, Team Nemesis.
1444
01:24:09,176 --> 01:24:11,145
Team BuckFutters.
1445
01:24:21,454 --> 01:24:24,425
Logan, don't worry
1446
01:24:24,457 --> 01:24:26,693
I'll make this as painless
as I possibly
1447
01:24:26,726 --> 01:24:31,398
can for you. If it gets
that far.
1448
01:24:31,431 --> 01:24:33,501
See you in the fucking
ring, Monk.
1449
01:24:33,533 --> 01:24:36,237
Let the final round
begin. Take your positions.
1450
01:24:42,877 --> 01:24:47,582
Player one, please.
1451
01:24:54,921 --> 01:24:56,590
Wait a minute, what's going on?
1452
01:24:56,623 --> 01:24:58,225
He's supposed to be the anchor.
1453
01:24:58,259 --> 01:25:00,261
I said I'd see you
in the ring, Monk.
1454
01:25:00,293 --> 01:25:02,329
Never said anything
about playing you, mate.
1455
01:25:02,363 --> 01:25:04,565
I'm sorry Mr. Monk, but my
list has Logan Carter
1456
01:25:04,597 --> 01:25:06,199
as the BuckFutters'
lead off man.
1457
01:25:06,233 --> 01:25:07,502
No he's supposed to play me!
1458
01:25:07,534 --> 01:25:09,436
Mr. Monk, my list says
otherwise. Now step back.
1459
01:25:09,470 --> 01:25:13,240
Walk away. Move on. Bye bye.
1460
01:25:13,274 --> 01:25:16,377
Players.
1461
01:25:16,409 --> 01:25:20,514
Players ready.
1462
01:25:21,548 --> 01:25:22,750
Engage.
1463
01:25:23,783 --> 01:25:25,819
Rock.
1464
01:25:25,853 --> 01:25:29,890
Tie. Engage.
1465
01:25:29,923 --> 01:25:32,159
Tie. Engage.
1466
01:25:32,193 --> 01:25:32,994
Rock.
1467
01:25:33,027 --> 01:25:34,561
Round one goes to
the BuckFutters.
1468
01:25:34,595 --> 01:25:37,865
And just like that the ghost of
RPS past flies in
1469
01:25:37,898 --> 01:25:42,737
and handily takes the first set
away with a crushing blow.
1470
01:25:43,002 --> 01:25:44,838
Alright he is pissed.
1471
01:25:44,872 --> 01:25:47,708
Alright now we know
monk is going last
1472
01:25:47,740 --> 01:25:50,411
let's hope to hell Einstein
goes forth because
1473
01:25:50,444 --> 01:25:52,914
if I'm going to get beat it
might as well go to a sure loss
1474
01:25:52,947 --> 01:25:56,384
so Cheddar, Rerun, one of you
two has to win in order to
1475
01:25:56,417 --> 01:26:01,389
give Kelvin a shot, got it?
Okay, let's do this.
1476
01:26:01,421 --> 01:26:03,723
One, two, three, BuckFutters!
1477
01:26:03,756 --> 01:26:05,393
Come on, Cheddar.
Get him. Get 'em!
1478
01:26:05,426 --> 01:26:08,729
- Come on!
- Come on, Cheddar.
1479
01:26:08,761 --> 01:26:10,597
Players ready.
1480
01:26:10,631 --> 01:26:11,631
Engage.
1481
01:26:13,367 --> 01:26:15,735
Scissors. Engage.
1482
01:26:15,769 --> 01:26:18,739
Paper. Engage.
1483
01:26:18,771 --> 01:26:21,742
Scissors. Engage.
1484
01:26:21,774 --> 01:26:22,809
Paper.
1485
01:26:22,842 --> 01:26:24,412
Round two goes to Nemesis.
1486
01:26:24,444 --> 01:26:25,445
Nemesis fights back
1487
01:26:25,479 --> 01:26:27,280
and the youngest
player in the tournament gets
1488
01:26:27,314 --> 01:26:30,384
paper slapped all the way
back to a 1-1 tie,
1489
01:26:30,417 --> 01:26:33,655
with three to go.
1490
01:26:34,787 --> 01:26:35,956
Players ready.
1491
01:26:35,989 --> 01:26:37,291
Engage.
1492
01:26:37,323 --> 01:26:40,527
Rock. Engage.
1493
01:26:40,560 --> 01:26:42,563
Scissors. Engage.
1494
01:26:42,595 --> 01:26:44,364
Scissors, engage.
1495
01:26:44,398 --> 01:26:48,769
Scissors, round goes
to Team Nemesis.
1496
01:26:48,801 --> 01:26:51,738
And here we go with the fate
of the tournament riding
1497
01:26:51,771 --> 01:26:56,543
on the captain, Fritz
Flaherty's damaged hand.
1498
01:26:56,577 --> 01:26:57,677
Sorry guys.
1499
01:26:57,712 --> 01:27:01,782
It's alright. You did your best.
Hey we all did, okay.
1500
01:27:01,814 --> 01:27:03,783
Come on, guys, this is retarded.
1501
01:27:03,817 --> 01:27:06,654
We made it to the finals okay.
And if I'm going to
1502
01:27:06,686 --> 01:27:08,665
lose I'm glad it's to that
unstoppable bastard over
1503
01:27:08,689 --> 01:27:12,326
there who doesn't even know he's
screwing us.
1504
01:27:12,359 --> 01:27:15,329
Now what's it going to be
captain? Do we forfeit?
1505
01:27:15,362 --> 01:27:17,273
Or do you wanna go down with the
ship left handed?
1506
01:27:17,297 --> 01:27:18,599
You're a fucking genius.
1507
01:27:18,631 --> 01:27:23,570
Well thank you but, down
with the ship it is.
1508
01:27:28,708 --> 01:27:30,810
Players ready.
1509
01:27:30,844 --> 01:27:33,681
Let's get retarded.
1510
01:27:34,715 --> 01:27:37,318
Ow!
1511
01:27:37,350 --> 01:27:38,618
Oh my god!
1512
01:27:38,652 --> 01:27:41,355
Players four, Team Nemesis
red card disqualification.
1513
01:27:41,387 --> 01:27:43,500
There's no ship going down!
There's no ship going down!
1514
01:27:43,524 --> 01:27:45,035
Ladies and gentlemen, I
don't believe it.
1515
01:27:45,059 --> 01:27:48,829
The Undefeated Nemesis
Juggernaut James Copeland
1516
01:27:48,862 --> 01:27:52,033
has just been red-carded out of
here for a spectacular,
1517
01:27:52,065 --> 01:27:55,001
right hook. Flaherty is up and
he looks all right.
1518
01:27:55,034 --> 01:27:56,537
You know you're nuts, right?
1519
01:27:56,569 --> 01:27:58,706
Now go kick his ass.
1520
01:27:58,738 --> 01:28:03,744
So it's come down to this. One
set, one match, one destiny.
1521
01:28:03,978 --> 01:28:08,783
A virtual unknown taking on the
most decorated athlete in.
1522
01:28:08,815 --> 01:28:13,420
RPS history. Could David defeat
the mighty Goliath again?
1523
01:28:14,421 --> 01:28:18,025
Well we're about to find out.
1524
01:28:27,100 --> 01:28:28,068
Players ready.
1525
01:28:28,101 --> 01:28:30,070
Five kids no job is pressure,
1526
01:28:30,104 --> 01:28:31,405
but this is close.
1527
01:28:31,438 --> 01:28:33,940
Engage.
1528
01:28:33,974 --> 01:28:36,577
Paper. Engage.
1529
01:28:36,609 --> 01:28:40,414
Paper. Engage.
1530
01:28:41,148 --> 01:28:42,882
Scissors.
1531
01:28:42,916 --> 01:28:45,886
It's the dreaded paper cut.
1532
01:28:45,918 --> 01:28:48,655
Engage.
1533
01:28:48,689 --> 01:28:52,560
Scissors.
1534
01:28:53,594 --> 01:28:57,765
It's time to lose Mr. Anus.
1535
01:28:59,432 --> 01:29:00,634
One more, one more.
1536
01:29:00,667 --> 01:29:04,405
Players ready.
1537
01:29:08,475 --> 01:29:12,480
Sorry to disappoint you Monk,
but I've already won.
1538
01:29:21,755 --> 01:29:24,158
You know it's funny
sometimes how things work out.
1539
01:29:24,190 --> 01:29:25,158
Engage.
1540
01:29:25,192 --> 01:29:27,994
How you could overcome
pretty much anything.
1541
01:29:28,028 --> 01:29:31,432
Sometimes in the most
unlikeliest ways.
1542
01:29:31,465 --> 01:29:34,402
Even when caught between
a hard place...
1543
01:29:34,435 --> 01:29:36,070
and a rock.
1544
01:29:36,103 --> 01:29:38,005
Rock wins!
1545
01:29:39,706 --> 01:29:42,476
Rock beats scissors!!
It's all over!
1546
01:29:42,509 --> 01:29:46,012
It's all over and just like
the bible tells me so,
1547
01:29:46,046 --> 01:29:49,750
little David topples the mighty
Goliath with the casting
1548
01:29:49,783 --> 01:29:54,054
of a single stone. Unbelievable.
Unbelievable.
1549
01:29:54,087 --> 01:29:58,826
Yeah baby, we did
it! Woohoo! Yes!
1550
01:30:04,131 --> 01:30:07,468
That is what the fuck I am
talking about! Yes!
1551
01:30:13,474 --> 01:30:16,610
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
1552
01:30:17,211 --> 01:30:20,748
Never trust anyone,
huh? This is it.
1553
01:30:32,559 --> 01:30:37,565
Now somebody get me to a
fucking buffet! Yeah! Wooh!
1554
01:30:59,853 --> 01:31:01,188
Well, you did it, dude.
1555
01:31:01,220 --> 01:31:03,756
Uh, uh. We did it.
1556
01:31:03,789 --> 01:31:04,968
You know, we're going
to miss you when
1557
01:31:04,992 --> 01:31:06,032
you go to Amsterdam right?
1558
01:31:06,059 --> 01:31:08,195
Yeah, well I was thinking maybe
1559
01:31:08,228 --> 01:31:09,663
I'd stick around for
a little bit,
1560
01:31:09,695 --> 01:31:10,663
- Really?
- Yeah.
1561
01:31:10,697 --> 01:31:11,664
Hey Fritz.
1562
01:31:11,698 --> 01:31:13,234
Hey.
1563
01:31:13,266 --> 01:31:16,103
Um, I forgot. I have to pick up
my little sister from dance
1564
01:31:16,136 --> 01:31:19,039
class at 7 tonight would you
mind coming
1565
01:31:19,072 --> 01:31:21,041
by around 8 o'clock instead?
1566
01:31:21,073 --> 01:31:23,743
8 is fine. Eight is great.
1567
01:31:23,777 --> 01:31:26,514
Eight is Enough. Eight
o'cock-clock,
1568
01:31:27,547 --> 01:31:28,615
Okay.
1569
01:31:28,649 --> 01:31:29,925
Don't forget to bring
your guitar.
1570
01:31:29,949 --> 01:31:31,719
Okay.
1571
01:31:31,752 --> 01:31:32,720
- Okay.
- See ye.
1572
01:31:32,752 --> 01:31:34,721
- See ya.
- Bye.
1573
01:31:37,090 --> 01:31:38,993
Dude what the hell was that?
1574
01:31:39,025 --> 01:31:40,226
What? It was nothing.
1575
01:31:40,260 --> 01:31:41,662
You can't play guitar.
1576
01:31:41,694 --> 01:31:43,229
Wait a minute. Last summer at
1577
01:31:43,262 --> 01:31:46,199
your uncle's place.
He's the musician, right?
1578
01:31:46,233 --> 01:31:49,770
Oh my god. That first
day of school? They broke
1579
01:31:49,802 --> 01:31:51,838
your guitar. Did you learn how
to. Play for her?
1580
01:31:51,872 --> 01:31:52,907
No.
1581
01:31:52,939 --> 01:31:56,609
Uh-huh. Well, try not to use
this one as a belt.
1582
01:31:56,643 --> 01:31:59,279
Well done, man. Well done.
1583
01:31:59,313 --> 01:32:01,315
You're all gonna be well done
when I fuck the shit
1584
01:32:01,347 --> 01:32:04,251
out of everyone.
1585
01:32:04,283 --> 01:32:05,985
God that felt good.
1586
01:32:06,019 --> 01:32:07,988
Dude, That was hot.
1587
01:32:08,020 --> 01:32:09,098
You should see her in my dreams.
1588
01:32:09,122 --> 01:32:11,091
No I didn't.
1589
01:32:11,123 --> 01:32:14,761
Hey, so am I going
to see online tonight?
1590
01:32:14,795 --> 01:32:18,164
Um, I don't know I was thinking
we'd take a night off today.
1591
01:32:18,198 --> 01:32:19,967
You know do something else.
1592
01:32:20,000 --> 01:32:21,268
What'd you have in mind?
1593
01:32:21,301 --> 01:32:24,872
I don't know something
like this.
1594
01:32:29,042 --> 01:32:32,280
I'll see you tonight. Bye boys.
1595
01:32:35,916 --> 01:32:39,153
Ooh.
1596
01:32:39,619 --> 01:32:41,988
Alright, So what are
we gonna do about this guy?
1597
01:32:42,021 --> 01:32:45,658
I got an idea. Somebody
get my camera.
1598
01:32:47,694 --> 01:32:49,730
Do it.
1599
01:32:49,762 --> 01:32:52,899
Oh, don't do it. Oh, God.
1600
01:32:54,100 --> 01:32:56,135
Oh, his mouth is open.
1601
01:32:56,168 --> 01:32:57,304
God.
1602
01:32:57,337 --> 01:32:59,673
♪ Got a lift down to
the edge of town ♪
1603
01:32:59,706 --> 01:33:01,976
♪ Where the merry-go-around
goes around and round ♪
1604
01:33:02,009 --> 01:33:04,110
♪ Way the sun shined on you face ♪
1605
01:33:04,144 --> 01:33:06,680
♪ Made me think
of a different place ♪
1606
01:33:06,712 --> 01:33:08,849
♪ Sticks and stones may
break your bones ♪
1607
01:33:08,881 --> 01:33:11,085
♪ But paper hearts always know ♪
1608
01:33:11,118 --> 01:33:13,320
♪ Teardrops are
the friendly folds ♪
1609
01:33:13,353 --> 01:33:15,922
♪ Your heart is my stereo ♪
1610
01:33:15,956 --> 01:33:18,960
♪ Woo oh oh woo oh oh oh ♪
1611
01:33:24,898 --> 01:33:27,134
♪ Got you and I want you
and your so damn funny ♪
1612
01:33:27,167 --> 01:33:29,370
♪ I go around town singing
you're my hunny ♪
1613
01:33:29,403 --> 01:33:31,805
♪ Smile on your face
is a shade of sunny ♪
1614
01:33:31,837 --> 01:33:34,340
♪ Your mine, all mine ♪
1615
01:33:34,373 --> 01:33:36,342
♪ Need you and I want
and you want me back ♪
1616
01:33:36,376 --> 01:33:38,846
♪ Want you and you need
me and you need me back ♪
1617
01:33:38,878 --> 01:33:41,047
♪ Need you, I want you
and you want me back ♪
1618
01:33:41,081 --> 01:33:44,085
♪ I want you and
you need me back ♪
1619
01:33:47,688 --> 01:33:49,890
♪ Got a lift down to the
edge of town ♪
1620
01:33:49,922 --> 01:33:52,225
♪ Where we walked around
till the sun went down ♪
1621
01:33:52,259 --> 01:33:54,328
♪ The way the moon
shined on your face ♪
1622
01:33:54,360 --> 01:33:56,896
♪ Made me think of outer space ♪
1623
01:33:56,930 --> 01:33:58,932
♪ I don't know
what you've been told ♪
1624
01:33:58,965 --> 01:34:01,135
♪ But your hands
can break this fold ♪
1625
01:34:01,167 --> 01:34:03,336
♪ My paper heart
is yours to hold ♪
1626
01:34:03,369 --> 01:34:06,006
♪ Feelin with your lovin soul ♪
1627
01:34:06,038 --> 01:34:09,009
♪ Whoa ah oh, Woo oh oh ♪
1628
01:34:14,814 --> 01:34:16,849
♪ We walked around till
the sun went down ♪
1629
01:34:16,882 --> 01:34:19,185
♪ And it was right there,
on the edge of town ♪
1630
01:34:19,219 --> 01:34:21,387
♪ You handed me that folded note ♪
1631
01:34:21,421 --> 01:34:23,923
♪ Kinda guessed what you
already wrote ♪
1632
01:34:23,957 --> 01:34:26,026
♪ Paper hearts wrote the start ♪
1633
01:34:26,059 --> 01:34:28,729
♪ Songs fore me to sing ♪
1634
01:34:32,431 --> 01:34:35,034
♪ My paper heart
is yours to keep ♪
1635
01:34:35,068 --> 01:34:37,704
♪ Now sing this song
and keep that beat ♪
1636
01:34:37,738 --> 01:34:40,374
♪ My heart is your stereo ♪
1637
01:34:40,407 --> 01:34:43,310
♪ Now, please don't let it slow ♪
1638
01:34:43,342 --> 01:34:46,813
♪ Whoa ah oh Whoa ah ah oh ♪
1639
01:34:52,819 --> 01:34:55,122
♪ Got you and I want you
and your so damn funny ♪
1640
01:34:55,154 --> 01:34:57,423
♪ I go around town
singing you're my hunny ♪
1641
01:34:57,457 --> 01:34:59,860
♪ Smile on your face,
is a shade of sunny ♪
1642
01:34:59,893 --> 01:35:02,429
♪ Your mine, all mine ♪
1643
01:35:02,462 --> 01:35:04,465
♪ Need you and I want
and you want me back ♪
1644
01:35:04,497 --> 01:35:07,067
♪ I want you and you need
me and you need me back ♪
1645
01:35:07,100 --> 01:35:09,236
♪ You love me and I love you
and you love me back ♪
1646
01:35:09,269 --> 01:35:13,274
♪ I love you and you love
me and I love you back ♪
113445
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