All language subtitles for Squidbillies s13e01 One Man Banned.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:06,417 [ Static ] 2 00:00:06,506 --> 00:00:11,466 ♪ My dreams are all dead and buried ♪ 3 00:00:11,553 --> 00:00:16,433 ♪ Sometimes I wish the sun would just explode ♪ 4 00:00:16,516 --> 00:00:20,976 ♪ When God comes and calls me to his Kingdom ♪ 5 00:00:21,062 --> 00:00:26,282 ♪ I'll take all you sons of bitches when I go ♪ 6 00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:27,899 Let her roll! My turn. 7 00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:29,446 Hell no. Hey, man, let me drive 8 00:00:29,529 --> 00:00:31,159 that thing, come on! [ Mumbling indistinctly ] 9 00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:35,407 Early: [ Muffled grumbling ] 10 00:00:35,493 --> 00:00:36,623 Censorship! 11 00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:37,913 BallMart is silencing my daddy's 12 00:00:37,996 --> 00:00:39,616 freedom of speech, daddy says! 13 00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:40,916 [ Muffled grumbling ] 14 00:00:40,999 --> 00:00:42,289 Do not shop at BallMart ever! 15 00:00:42,375 --> 00:00:44,745 Or until they let daddy back in there, 16 00:00:44,836 --> 00:00:46,416 whichever comes first, daddy says! 17 00:00:46,504 --> 00:00:49,474 Alright, y'all know you ain't supposed to be out here. 18 00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:51,889 [ Muffled grumbling ] Daddy says he knows his rights, 19 00:00:51,968 --> 00:00:54,138 you jerk-fruited bug! [ Muffled grumbling ] 20 00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:56,140 Sorry. Jackbooted thug. 21 00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:57,722 You do have rights, Early. 22 00:00:57,807 --> 00:00:59,887 You got the right to remain silent, 23 00:00:59,976 --> 00:01:02,436 and anything you grunt and Rusty translates 24 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:04,770 can and will be used against you. 25 00:01:04,856 --> 00:01:06,776 Then I'll speak for myself! 26 00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:09,358 Whoa, your voice sounds different, Early. 27 00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:11,744 I'm exercising my freedom of speech! 28 00:01:11,821 --> 00:01:14,031 I'm free to speech however I choose, 29 00:01:14,115 --> 00:01:16,445 from now until the end of the show! 30 00:01:16,534 --> 00:01:19,004 That's right, haters! Get used to it! 31 00:01:22,624 --> 00:01:25,384 You want to tell everybody what you said in BallMart 32 00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:26,540 that got you kicked out? 33 00:01:26,628 --> 00:01:28,338 They were perfect conversations! 34 00:01:28,421 --> 00:01:29,961 This is America! 35 00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:33,298 He can talk as much shit as he wants to whomever he wants! 36 00:01:33,384 --> 00:01:35,724 Well, let's just say that not all speech 37 00:01:35,804 --> 00:01:38,394 is protected by the constitution. 38 00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:39,893 Give me more free shrimp, 39 00:01:39,974 --> 00:01:42,774 or I'll show everyone this picture of your junk! 40 00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:44,850 Nice try. 41 00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:47,898 My junk's got way more warts than this. 42 00:01:47,982 --> 00:01:51,362 Well, I'll just say it's yours, and people will believe me. 43 00:01:52,153 --> 00:01:54,533 Everybody's seen my junk already. 44 00:01:54,614 --> 00:01:57,034 Don't you remember the Christmas pageant? 45 00:01:57,116 --> 00:01:58,576 Damnit! If you don't give me more shrimp, 46 00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:01,200 I'll blow this place sky high! 47 00:02:01,663 --> 00:02:03,543 [ Screaming ] 48 00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:07,463 Oh, that's just a pack of franks taped to a clock. 49 00:02:07,544 --> 00:02:10,384 That's it! You're banned from Ballmart, Early! 50 00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:12,343 For life! Oh, come on, Bobby! 51 00:02:12,423 --> 00:02:15,593 Let me go! Help! Bart Simpson! Help! 52 00:02:15,677 --> 00:02:17,717 Don't have a cow, man! 53 00:02:18,763 --> 00:02:20,223 Huh, that's weird. 54 00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:22,556 You had that new voice in the past, too? 55 00:02:22,642 --> 00:02:24,142 I was just workshopping it. 56 00:02:24,227 --> 00:02:26,557 Squids don't talk in real life. You know that, right? 57 00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:27,606 You need to move on. 58 00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:28,899 Everything, uh, cool here? 59 00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:31,282 Yes, Glenn, I've got it under control. 60 00:02:31,359 --> 00:02:33,069 Yeah, I'm The Banisher now. 61 00:02:33,152 --> 00:02:35,242 People see this, they know what's up. 62 00:02:35,321 --> 00:02:37,821 What's up is this is a private business, Glenn. 63 00:02:37,907 --> 00:02:40,407 No guns. I'm gonna need you to leave. 64 00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:42,753 [ Chuckles ] Where have I heard that before? 65 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,579 Oh, yeah, my wife. 66 00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:47,174 Alright, the Tuff Lads will stand back, 67 00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:49,250 but we will also stand by. 68 00:02:49,335 --> 00:02:50,705 Hey, Chief, could you hold this 69 00:02:50,795 --> 00:02:52,295 while I pick up some hydrangeas real quick? 70 00:02:52,380 --> 00:02:55,510 Ellis! A Tuff Lad never surrenders his firearm! 71 00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:57,932 Fine, I'll make two trips I guess. 72 00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,471 All right come on, y'all. Let's go. 73 00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:02,854 See you, Early. Hate to be ya! [ Laughs ] 74 00:03:02,932 --> 00:03:03,982 You too, Granny. What? 75 00:03:04,058 --> 00:03:05,388 Rusty. Wait, but I just 76 00:03:05,476 --> 00:03:06,436 go in there to loiter. 77 00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:07,899 It's air conditioned in there! 78 00:03:07,979 --> 00:03:09,359 Well, I guess you'll have to find some 79 00:03:09,439 --> 00:03:10,769 mom and pop store. 80 00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:13,567 But BallMart drove the mom and pops out of business! 81 00:03:13,651 --> 00:03:16,531 So where am I gonna get diet pineapple soda? 82 00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:19,073 And my morning-after pills?! 83 00:03:19,157 --> 00:03:21,117 Welcome to Dan's Lucky Buck! 84 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:24,830 Where the speech is free, and everything else is a dollar! 85 00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:27,463 Free peach? You giving away peaches? 86 00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:30,130 Fresh produce? No. But try this. 87 00:03:30,209 --> 00:03:33,459 Irregular hot dog bun-halves. They're half off! 88 00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:35,796 Do y'all sell meat to put inside the bun-halves? 89 00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:37,472 We sell Halloween candy! 90 00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:40,510 Milk Bubs. Cranch bars. Humbums. 91 00:03:40,595 --> 00:03:42,675 All your almost-favorites. 92 00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:44,974 One-sided printer paper? 93 00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:47,768 Look, it disappears when you flip it over! 94 00:03:47,852 --> 00:03:49,482 Is this BVB player really a dollar? 95 00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:52,612 Yes, and it comes with this straight-to-BVB 96 00:03:52,690 --> 00:03:54,530 Dilf Pilgrim action thriller. 97 00:03:54,609 --> 00:03:57,029 Because it won't come out of the machine. 98 00:03:57,111 --> 00:04:00,031 Dilf Pilgrim is Croatia's Dolph Lundgren. 99 00:04:00,114 --> 00:04:02,744 This store has everything but quality. 100 00:04:02,825 --> 00:04:05,785 And I can say whatever I want to whomever I want to. 101 00:04:05,870 --> 00:04:07,410 Right, you stupid shithead? 102 00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:09,287 My abusive threats and borderline racist 103 00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:11,384 musings are finally protected. 104 00:04:11,459 --> 00:04:13,669 Just all four fathers intended. 105 00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:15,673 Yeah, yeah, go ahead, prattle away. 106 00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:20,085 We're just happy to prey on you, one dollar at a time. 107 00:04:20,885 --> 00:04:25,345 Look, I jacked a whole ream of one-sided printer paper. 108 00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:27,311 I just flipped it over and... 109 00:04:27,392 --> 00:04:28,522 Oh, no. 110 00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:29,891 Hell, I don't want to loiter in there. 111 00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:31,518 At least BallMart had air conditioning. 112 00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:33,694 And morning-after pills! 113 00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:37,033 These lemon humbums ain't gonna kill nothing. 114 00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:39,360 BallMart ain't gonna let us back in, Granny. 115 00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:40,775 We're banned for life, remember? 116 00:04:40,863 --> 00:04:44,083 Oh, they ain't gonna know we're here. 117 00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:52,833 Whoa! 118 00:04:52,917 --> 00:04:54,537 Good afternoon, sir. 119 00:04:54,627 --> 00:04:57,877 I'm new in town, a trench-coated 120 00:04:57,964 --> 00:04:59,224 gentleman -- singular -- 121 00:04:59,298 --> 00:05:02,638 just looking to purchase some diet pineapple soda 122 00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:05,849 to wash down my morning-after pills. 123 00:05:06,222 --> 00:05:08,392 [ Snores ] 124 00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:09,774 Rusty: He's asleep, let's go. 125 00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:12,061 Wake up! Want to see my ding-a-ling? 126 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,475 No, don't! Whoa! 127 00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:15,573 Helicopter! Whooo-whooo! 128 00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:18,028 You are banned! 129 00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:19,569 Goddamnit, I knew I shoulda been the head. 130 00:05:19,652 --> 00:05:23,912 Sorry, Rusty, I got my wacky trench coat gags confused. 131 00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:25,740 You get older, and all the classics 132 00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:28,445 just start blending together. 133 00:05:28,536 --> 00:05:30,656 Early: Attention, Lucky Buck shoppers, 134 00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:33,247 George Soros is a kimono dragon! 135 00:05:33,332 --> 00:05:34,792 I've seen the pictures! 136 00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:37,296 That's why the deep state has injected us with microchips 137 00:05:37,378 --> 00:05:39,458 so that Bill Gates can... Bill Gates can track us 138 00:05:39,547 --> 00:05:41,127 on Windows 95. 139 00:05:41,215 --> 00:05:42,755 Yes, yes, you've mentioned that. 140 00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:44,552 And what is 95 backwards? 141 00:05:44,635 --> 00:05:46,755 It's 69! [ Chuckles ] 142 00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:49,516 Which is when the woman flips around and mutually pleasures -- 143 00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:51,519 Okay, okay. Please, please. 144 00:05:51,601 --> 00:05:53,101 I know I said you could vent your moronic 145 00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:57,226 opinions here, but do you plan to buy anything? 146 00:05:57,315 --> 00:05:59,145 I need to try before I buy. 147 00:05:59,233 --> 00:06:00,823 Where's your free scrump girl? 148 00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:04,282 Oh, you mean shrimp? This is a dollar store. 149 00:06:04,363 --> 00:06:06,783 What, do you think you're at BallMart? 150 00:06:06,866 --> 00:06:09,536 Diet pineapple soda, and... 151 00:06:09,619 --> 00:06:11,829 I'm not buying this much birth control. 152 00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:13,163 I'll look like a whore. 153 00:06:13,247 --> 00:06:15,457 Well, I guess the book will match its cover. 154 00:06:15,541 --> 00:06:18,251 Now get as much of those pills as you can carry. 155 00:06:18,336 --> 00:06:19,836 Please, Tammi? 156 00:06:25,134 --> 00:06:26,094 Gah! What's with all this 157 00:06:26,177 --> 00:06:29,217 diet pineapple there, Tammi? 158 00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:30,805 You doing a fancy wedding? 159 00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:34,520 Well, you know how much I love your diet pineapple soda. 160 00:06:34,602 --> 00:06:37,112 And who doesn't? Oh, I know who. 161 00:06:37,188 --> 00:06:41,188 Every single other person in this town except the squids. 162 00:06:41,275 --> 00:06:43,685 Here, have a swig. On the house. 163 00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:45,028 Since you love it so much. 164 00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:47,993 Oh, okay, yeah. [ Chuckles ] 165 00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:51,292 Mm-hmm. Mmm! 166 00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:53,039 Swallow it. 167 00:06:55,206 --> 00:06:56,326 [ Coughs ] I knew it! 168 00:06:56,415 --> 00:06:57,995 You're secret shoppin' for them squids! 169 00:06:58,084 --> 00:06:59,674 Well, guess what! You're banned, too! 170 00:06:59,752 --> 00:07:01,672 [ Camera shutter clicks ] Sheriff get over here! 171 00:07:01,754 --> 00:07:04,844 Come on, Denny! Hold on! Uh-oh. 172 00:07:04,924 --> 00:07:06,474 Bobby: Stop farting around on that elliptical! 173 00:07:06,551 --> 00:07:07,841 Hide that, Denny. We're heading over, Bobby. 174 00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:09,257 We're on it, Bobby. 175 00:07:09,345 --> 00:07:12,805 From now on, Tammi, you are Persona Au Gratin! 176 00:07:12,890 --> 00:07:14,600 I'm a person with cheese? 177 00:07:14,684 --> 00:07:16,394 You don't even know what that means, do you, Bobby? 178 00:07:16,477 --> 00:07:18,517 Hey, don't get all high Fallujah with me. 179 00:07:18,604 --> 00:07:20,774 We went to the same public school! 180 00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:22,147 Sorry, Tammi. 181 00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:25,573 Well, goes to show ya, never send a whore 182 00:07:25,653 --> 00:07:27,743 to do a horse's job. 183 00:07:27,822 --> 00:07:29,032 [ Typing ] 184 00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:30,235 Neeeeiiiiigh! 185 00:07:30,324 --> 00:07:32,624 Morrrning-Aaaaafter pills, pleeeease! 186 00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:36,332 You ain't supposed to be here, Ruby Jean. You know this. 187 00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:39,544 Nooooo, I'm a taaaalking hoooorsy! 188 00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:41,585 And I got coooouuupons! 189 00:07:41,669 --> 00:07:43,089 Don't patronize me. 190 00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:44,801 I know a dollar store horse costume when I see one. 191 00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:47,721 No, no. Family size jar please! 192 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,430 Sure is a lot of morning after pills. 193 00:07:49,510 --> 00:07:52,560 I didn't know you had that many mornings left in you. 194 00:07:54,682 --> 00:07:56,272 You ain't supposed to be here! 195 00:07:56,350 --> 00:07:58,020 Granny! Granny! Our cover's blown! 196 00:07:58,102 --> 00:07:59,562 Get the pills! We got to go! 197 00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:01,355 Come on, get going! Aaah! 198 00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:06,530 Stop that horse! 199 00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:09,161 Ya! Ya! 200 00:08:09,488 --> 00:08:12,658 I told y'all, no Cuylers in BallMart! 201 00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:14,162 Lifetime ban! 202 00:08:14,243 --> 00:08:15,623 Stop that horse! 203 00:08:15,703 --> 00:08:17,463 He burgled my scrumps! 204 00:08:17,538 --> 00:08:19,668 A second, separate horse? 205 00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:21,209 It's a stampede! 206 00:08:21,292 --> 00:08:23,212 Every man for himself! 207 00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:24,924 Early: Neigh! Neigh! 208 00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:27,014 What sounds do horses make? 209 00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:32,432 Uh, these samples are good. 210 00:08:32,511 --> 00:08:34,641 I might come back and buy some. I don't know. 211 00:08:34,722 --> 00:08:35,852 I'll take it from here, Bobby. 212 00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:38,102 Well, look who showed up. 213 00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:39,444 Hey, you want me to cuff him 214 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,689 while you finish off my fiesta mix? 215 00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:43,271 It's from the free samples. 216 00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,266 Sealed tubs are not free samples. 217 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:46,938 You think I don't know my own store? 218 00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:48,686 Alright, let's go, Cuyler. 219 00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:49,948 No, no, wait! 220 00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:52,699 I'm sorry, Bobby. I've learned my lesson. 221 00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:55,662 Free speech is meaningless without free shrimp. 222 00:08:55,743 --> 00:08:58,043 But you stripped me of my freedom of shrimp, 223 00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:00,620 the most important freedom of all. 224 00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:03,826 And that's why I'm gonna blow this place sky high 225 00:09:03,918 --> 00:09:05,038 with my hot dog clock! 226 00:09:05,127 --> 00:09:08,047 No, Early. Put them hot dogs down. 227 00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:11,090 Now the Constitution does not allow you to spew threats 228 00:09:11,175 --> 00:09:13,635 or hate speech or vulgarity in a private business. 229 00:09:13,719 --> 00:09:16,009 And there ain't no freedom of shrimp neither. 230 00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:17,637 Denny's right. 231 00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:20,433 But let's hope there's a free shrimp amendment in the works. 232 00:09:20,518 --> 00:09:21,768 [ Chuckles ] Right Bobby? 233 00:09:21,852 --> 00:09:23,232 [ Laughs ] 234 00:09:23,312 --> 00:09:24,902 Yeah, you think everything's free 235 00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:26,321 'cause you got a badge. 236 00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:27,819 Whoa, why am I catching shrapnel? 237 00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:30,440 And while we're at it, there's also no freedom 238 00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:32,778 to take Tom Clancy novels off the shelf 239 00:09:32,863 --> 00:09:35,663 and read them in the bathroom one dump at a time. 240 00:09:35,741 --> 00:09:38,161 That's a lie! I-I would never do that. 241 00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:40,254 Well, these fiesta mix fingerprints 242 00:09:40,329 --> 00:09:42,249 tell a different story, don't they? 243 00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:44,211 Lifetime ban! 244 00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:45,582 I hear someone getting banned over here? 245 00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:47,458 You need some help from the Banisher? 246 00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:49,835 Who invited the midlife-crisis militia? 247 00:09:49,922 --> 00:09:51,762 You talking smack about the Tuff Lads? 248 00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:54,471 You wanna throw hands? Stay out of this, Banisher. 249 00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:56,352 Ellis, give me my low-T shot. 250 00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:57,849 Yeah. I don't know, man. 251 00:09:57,930 --> 00:10:00,520 I have my pants down, and now I look stupid, Ellis. 252 00:10:00,599 --> 00:10:01,889 Sorry, bro, I got to bolt. 253 00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:03,346 Ellis, you took the oath! 254 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:04,726 I hit you with the cereal! 255 00:10:04,812 --> 00:10:07,192 So you're the one who opened this Frooty Puffz. 256 00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:08,363 Lifetime Ban! 257 00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:10,481 Uh, you don't ban The Banisher. 258 00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:13,528 The Banisher is the one who bans. 259 00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:15,822 You know this has happened before? 260 00:10:15,906 --> 00:10:17,986 1942, a little country called Germany. 261 00:10:18,075 --> 00:10:20,365 No, it's nothing like the holocaust, Glenn. 262 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:21,623 Come on. 263 00:10:22,330 --> 00:10:26,080 Yeah, I guess was radicalized online after my divorce. 264 00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:30,297 But you have no idea what white guys go through in this country. 265 00:10:30,379 --> 00:10:32,549 [ Sighs ] It just feels good to be heard, you know? 266 00:10:32,631 --> 00:10:34,091 I do hear you, Glenn. 267 00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:36,835 'Cause at Dan's Lucky Buck, we have freedom of speech. 268 00:10:36,927 --> 00:10:39,677 And don't forget, we recently added the inalienable 269 00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:41,314 right to free shrimp... 270 00:10:41,390 --> 00:10:42,390 ...ish! 271 00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,595 We be pimpin' Shrimpish, y'all! 272 00:10:44,685 --> 00:10:46,265 Mmm! Tastes just like chicken! 273 00:10:46,354 --> 00:10:48,114 Yeah, that's 'cause it's chicken nuggets 274 00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:49,729 cut out with a shrimp stencil. 275 00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:50,975 Don't -- don't eat them all! 276 00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:52,567 One per customer! One! 277 00:10:52,651 --> 00:10:54,991 Uh, do you guys sell assault rifles? 278 00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:56,991 For a dollar? [ Chuckles ] 279 00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:58,373 How about a laser pointer? 280 00:10:58,449 --> 00:11:00,199 Red dot! Get the red dot! 281 00:11:00,284 --> 00:11:01,414 -Get the dot! -Look at the dot! 282 00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:02,794 Look! It's in the parking lot now! 283 00:11:02,870 --> 00:11:04,080 It's getting away! 284 00:11:04,163 --> 00:11:05,923 It's hiding in the sewer drains! 285 00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:07,918 Down, down you go! 286 00:11:09,668 --> 00:11:12,298 It's the only way to get them out of the store. 287 00:11:12,348 --> 00:11:16,898 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 21213

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