All language subtitles for Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia - 06x09

Here comes
my main man, Matty.

Time for a haircut, Matty, though.

Don't make me give it to you.

You the man, Professor.

You're the man if you
stay in school, JJ.

All right.

All right, you.

Lisa, how's the GPA?

Keep it up, up, up, up, up!

Professor!

Hey, there's my man.

Oh, time-out, son!

Hang on, son.

Uh, did you forget something here?

Sorry?

This orange, it belong to you?

Uh, no.

Looks pretty good, not too peeled.

Pretty intact here. You want it?

No, thanks, I'm cool, Professor.

You're cool?
Well, when you're cool, you're cool.

Hey, Dee, how's it going?

Teacher's lounge. Pretty sweet.

How'd you swing that?

I'm a teacher now, Charlie.

I'm subbing for Dr.
Myers while he gets his hip fixed.

Look at us with our new careers, huh?

How about that?

Well, yours is kinda the same,
you know, 'cause you've

always sort of been a janitor.

Ah, but I'm thriving here,
I'll tell you what.

Uh-huh, yea Did you get that
orange out of the garbage?

I sure did.

Can you believe that?

Someone threw this away,
perfectly good orange, you know?

They were digging at it a
little bit and must've

given up, but...
Don't eat trash, Charlie.

I'll eat what I want to eat, okay?

Miss Reynolds, please
report to the front office immediately.

You have an emergency call.

Miss Reynolds, to the
front office, please.

Emergency?

Jump on that.

Hello.

Yeah, hey, Dee,
it's Dennis, Mac and Frank.

Hey, what's the matter?

I've only just heard, I've only
just heard your belly's so

fat, you make John Candy
look like Lara Flynn Boyle.

Snap!

What?

We've been on the
snap-joke kick about your

pregnant body, but since you're not
around, we decided to call you.

He's talking about Lara
Flynn Boyle jokes.

I think we got some better ones.

Goddammit, guys.

I am a teacher now.

I don't have time for your
shit, you dumbass dickbags!

Wrong number. Sorry.

Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

Okay, good morning, everybody.

Hi. Good morning.

Uh, as you are all aware,

Dr. Myers recently broke his hip, and

unfortunately, I've been given some

devastating news that
he's taken a turn for the worse,

and he's died.

Now while we
all feel robbed of him here on Earth,

heaven above has just
received another angel.

And that is what you call...a monologue!

You guys, you're all going to be doing
your own monologues in this class.

Now, they're not gonna be as
good as mine just was, but listen,

I don't want you to beat
yourselves up for...

Okay, okay, I'm confused.

So, Dr. Myers isn't dead?

No, no, no, not dead.

Very much alive, but that's
the power of acting.

Do you see what I'm saying?
One minute dead...

The next minute alive...
Resurrection.

It's all acting.
Everywhere there's acting.

Let's talk about you guys.

Why don't you tell me, uh,
what your favorite play is.

Raise your hand if you've
ever seen live theater.

Seriously? Are you kidding me?

All right, that's it.

I am taking you guys on a
field trip to Broadway!

I'm taking you to New York City.

Yeah!

Hey, fat bitch, how you
doing today, Richard?

He's a happy clown.

Hey-hey-hey, break it up, break it up!

Oh, come on.

All right, which one
of you guys did this?

Who painted your face, kid?

I did. He's a dumbass juggalo.

Juggalos for life, bitch!

Watch what you say, Richard.

Hey, hey, you watch what you say!

All right, you know what?

I want the three of you
out of the bathroom.

I'm talking to the clown.
Let's go.

And I got my eyes on you guys
for the rest of the year.

Yeah, I've sized you up,
I've strip you down.

I don't like what I see.

I'm not impressed.

Big tough guys, huh?
Big tough guys!

All right, kid, what's going on
with the clown makeup, though?

You're sticking out like a sore thumb.

That's 'cause I'm a juggalo... ICP!
Insane Clown Posse, yo.

I don't know what that...
You have a posse? Well, good.

Stick with your insane clown
people, and you won't get jumped.

They're a band, dude.

I'm, like, a die-hard fan.

We're called juggalos.

Where are you real friends, dude?

I lost all my friends.

Aw, shit, man.

I lost all my friends, too.

All right, I'll tell you what.

You know, if you want to wear your
clown makeup in school, wear it.

I got your back.
You won't get jumped.

Yeah, I ain't exactly allowed to
wear my makeup in school, though.

Oh, really?

- Bunch of bullshit, dawg!
- That is bullshit!

All right, kid, today's
your lucky day, all right?

We're gonna talk to
the principal, okay?

'Cause the Professor just
took an interest in ya!

I'm bored to tears!

Let's go harass Charlie and Dee.

We don't need Charlie and
Dee to have fun, okay?

We can figure out something
to do without them.

Hey, you know, guys, now might be a good
time to do our Lethal Weapon 5 reshoots.

Why would we do reshoots on that?
That movie was perfect.

Yeah, I was great in it, and
my villain was very evil.

Yeah, no, you did a great job, Frank.

I'm not talking about that.
Your villain was amazing.

I'm referring more at the black face.

- With its all...
- What's wrong with the black face?

Well, I seriously regret
switching parts with you halfway

though and letting you play
Murtaugh in blackface.

I feel like it was in very
poor taste in retrospect.

I think it was in poor taste that you
were doing Murtaugh in whiteface.

I mean, for God's sakes, Dennis,
what message does that send?

A lot of great actors
have done blackface.

Oh, you know, there's countless examples
of very classy actors doing blackface.

Let's see, we've got the great C.
Thomas Howell in Soul Man,

we've got the Wayans
brothers in White Chicks.

That was a very tasteful
example of reverse blackface.

Okay, those are bad examples, okay?

There's tons of good examples of old
movies with... Frank, help me out.

Laurence Olivier in Othello.

Laurence Olivier in Othello, dude.

That's, like, the classiest
actor of all time. Perfect.

Yeah, but I guarantee you there
was some black people that

were working on that movie that were,
like, "Man, what dat white man doing?

Come on. That ain't right.
Get a black man."

Okay, so hold on.

What kind of voice is that?

You're doing a black voice
and that's not racist?

I'm just saying that's how black people
talk. That's not racist.

So you would do a black guy
with a black voice,

but not a black guy with a black face?

I don't have a problem at all
with doing a black voice.

That's just an accurate portrayal...
I don't understand that, dude.

I'm just saying it's just about
doing it tastefully, okay?

Yeah, and you got to
make the lips funny.

Oh, no!
Oh, no!

- No, no, no. What?
- They have to be funny.

The lips have to be outlined.
It's not about being funny at all, okay?

It's not about funny.

It's about...
Oh, my God, I'm getting pissed off!

Well, you can't do the
voice without the lips.

Okay, all right, everybody calm down.

Clearly, we're not gonna come
to any conclusions here today,

so let's move past it.

Let's do something else.

Okay, right.

We can find something to do.

Let's just figure it out.

Let's just figure it out.

Let's put our heads together.

Come on. Think, think.

So, you want
to take them to New York.

Yes, to Broadway.

And I tell you what, I brought it up...
the kids are super stoked about it.

Now, let's talk hotel rooms.

Um, you know, I-I... I guess the first
point I'd like to... to make... Mm-hmm?

...uh, Miss Reynolds, is,
uh, you are a substitute.

That's right.

So I really don't think you should be
hauling students across state lines.

Hmm.

Secondly... secondly, the
funding for arts programs here

is pretty much...
it's pretty much nonexistent.

Oh.

It's shameful, but that's the way
it is, so even if I did have

the money, I would never... and
I emphasize never... give it to

someone whom I've just met.

Knock, knock, knock.

Uh, am I interrupting?

Yes, we're right in the
middle of something.

Hey, Dee.

She's not giving you too
much trouble, is she?

No.

Oh, my gosh.

So you two know each other.

No, we met in the...
Yeah, we're best friends.

Best friends.

We're best friends.
Excellent.

Uh, Principal McIntyre, I recently, uh...
I started mentoring one of the kids here.

Really?

That's odd, because you're a janitor.

Yeah, uh, but Ritchie here is a
hell of a kid, and he's struggling.

You see, he's what he
calls, uh, a juggler.

Juggalo, bro.

Juggalo... he's a juggalo.

It's sort of a clown posse.

I figured you and I were getting
tight enough that I could maybe

come in here and ask that he be
allowed to wear his makeup in school.

Uh, well, uh...
you know, it's school policy that no one

should paint their face.

So... that's the rule, and
that's the end of that.

- That's the rule.
- Yep.

- There's no wiggle room there.
- No.

All right, tell you what.

I'll take him down to the locker
room, I'll lather him up real

good, I'll strip all these
silly-ass clothes off him, and

I'll clean him, sparking clean.

Brand-new kid for you.

Bring him back up.

No, no, no, please, don't
bathe the students.

You're right.

He's a big man.
He can bathe himself, can't you, Rich?

Yeah, dawg... All right, he's
bathing himself, and I'm watching.

Let's go, Ritchie.

You're getting cleaned up.

Come on!

Oh, I'd rather you
didn't do that, either.

Okay, there it is.

Al Jolson in The Jazz Singer.

How is that not racist to you?

Okay, this is a terrible
example of blackface.

This guy isn't even
trying to look like a real person.

Well he almost got the mouth right...

That's what I'm saying about the lips.

They got to be...
The lips are the most offensive part.

Look, the guy is bugging his eyes
out like a cartoon character, okay?

This is racist as shit.

All blackface is racist, Mac, and
that is the point I'm trying to make.

You just cannot cast a white man as a
black man and paint his face black.

- You can't do it.
- They're actors.

They're trying to create an illusion.

You know, in the Lord of the Rings
movie, Ian McKellen plays a wizard.

Do you think he goes home at
night and shoots laser beams

into his boyfriend's asshole?

I don't think so, dude.

Tom Cruise is a midget, all
right, but he plays guys that

are normal size in movies, right?

Yeah, but again, nobody's
buying that, either.

Okay, look.
Look at this.

This is Laurence Olivier in Othello,
and this is James Earl Jones.

Now, look at how close they look.

Look at that... James Earl Jones
is doing a great blackface.

James Earl Jones has a black face!
He's a black man.

- He's not black. James Earl Jones...
- Of course, he's black!

He was Darth Vader!

Darth Vader was black?

See, okay, there we go.
Darth Vader was not black.

They took the mask off.
He was white.

I'm telling you, look, look.
We got to agree on this.

The whole idea is getting the
right color shoe polish.

No!

Oh, Frank, if you're starting
with shoe polish, you're

starting off on the wrong foot, buddy.
No way.

Shoe polish? Come on.

And he's on your side.

Stop arguing for me, okay?

- I got it.
- Hold on, this is Dee.

Let-let's... Hey, hey, Dee, uh, can
you weigh in on something for us?

We're trying...
Hey, no, no time.

Uh, listen, I need you
to do something for me.

Can you clear out the bar?

Because I'm going to bring some
students from the classroom

by, and we're going to
screen a movie there.

Why?

Because I need these kids to
respect me, you know, and I want

to show them how cool I am, so...
plus I feel like this

would be a really good opp...
Oh, Dennis, Dennis, cover it up, cover it up.

This is an opportunity to screen Laurence
Olivier's Othello movie, you know?

Then we can get an
audience to weigh in.

That's not a bad idea.

We can really take the temperature
on this with a large group.

Yeah.
Kids are honest as shit.

Yeah.

Hi! Hello!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, Dee, we're on it.

We'll take care of the movie.

No, no, you're not taking
care of the movie.

You're not railroading
me on this, okay?

This is my thing, it's my movie.
Don't... I'll do the movie.

No, Dee, it's a classic.
Okay? It's Shakespeare.

Othello, Laurence Olivier.
Come on.

Othello.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I have to apologize.

That's actually a really good idea.

Ooh, plus it'll give me the opportunity...
Okay, enough of that.

Guys, let's get set
up for a screening.

All right, let's do it.

Uh, gentlemen, hello.
How do you do?

Long time, no see.

I'd like to introduce you
to my protégé Ritchie.

- Ritchie, these are the guys.
- Oh.

Hello. What up?
Juggalo for life.

- What the hell is he talking about?
- Drop it with the whole juggalo thing.

You're embarrassing me.

Okay, now, I know you're all
super stoked about watching

a movie in a bar, but we're just
going to keep it on the down-low.

You know what I mean?

We don't need your parents and
the principal finding out.

It's just our little secret.

- I've been in a bar before.
- No, you haven't.

I've been in this bar before, so...
Okay, you know what?

Let's just watch the movie and
stop with our smart mouths.

Without further ado, Othello.

So I guess this is a
Shakespearean movie.

It's going to be a little bit boring.

Oh, shit, Lethal Weapon 5!

This is great.

What the hell is this?

It's our movie.

It's a much more modern-day
example of blackface.

Yeah, it's the most direct way
to clear up our argument,

Dee, so...
What argument?

What are you talking about?

The movie's on.

This is a good movie, Ritchie.

You're going to enjoy this.

Man, I ain't seen the
first couple, though.

Happy retirement, Rog.

I'll be happy when I'm far away
from your sorry ass, Riggs.

Just blow out the candles,
Rog, make a wish.

Ah, I never know what to wish
for with these damn things.

That voice really is amazing, dude.

Oh, thanks, man, thank you.

Riggs, Murtaugh, bad news, fellas.

Hey, Captain.

Turns out another person just
died from tainted tap water.

Turns out someone taint... someone
tapped the tainted water supply.

We should have cut him out completely.

The person who just died was your wife.

Riggs...

Yeah, Rog.

I just thought of my wish.

You like sharks, Detective?

Powerful and majestic creatures.

What is going on?

Where are you?

Frank splurged on a green screen.

Yeah, but he wouldn't pay for
the green screen on our side,

so...
We're not in the back office.

We're-we're in a casino.

Why would I know anything
about the tainted water?

Maybe because your rival tribe owns the
water rights to half of Los Angeles.

I need clean drinking water, too!

Even sharks need water.

Excuse me. If you leave now, I have
some pressing matter to deal with.

Kinda comes out of nowhere,
but at least it's classy.

Here comes the turn.

I don't know why we, uh...

Oh, Chief!

Don't say anything. Quiet!

Quiet. Good. Very nice. Oh!

Oh, come on.

This is unwatchable.

Gotta dive in.

Just finish already!

Now that you're Riggs and not
Murtaugh, and I have caught

you, you are going to get it.

Wait.
You guys switched parts?

Yeah, yeah.

No!

As more people die, the city
will be looking to new resources

for water like my tribe!

- And you can bet your boots, Detective,
that this time... - This is regrettable.

You're supposed to be...
a noble people.

I tire of this conversation.

Do you have any last words?

Yeah, I got some last words.

Go suck an egg.

Oh, yeah, go suck an egg.

Suck an egg?

Sounds like
you guys are having a great party.

Why wasn't I invited?

Oh!

It's playing. It's playing.

Son of a bitch.

This is the greatest
movie I've ever seen.

Are you filming this, Ritchie?

No. Come on, dude.

That's-that's bootlegging.

I'll get you a copy, don't bootleg.

Okay, you want to dance?

How about a little tainted tap water?

Oh.

Yes! Yes!

Great job, Rog.

That's one... fried turkey.

All right.
Let's get out of here.

We got 'em... baby.

I miss you, kid.

♪ There's a hungry road backed with
lonely hopes gonna eat me up... ♪

Okay. Wow.

I think that video says
more than I ever could.

As does that.

- Right.
- Mm-hmm.

So... we're fired, yeah?

Oh, absolutely.

Yeah.

Probably never should have been hired
in the first place, though, huh?

That was my bad.

Right, that's on you.

Yeah, I probably won't be
here much longer myself.

No, I don't imagine you will on
account of the...

I got something that might cheer us up...

Aah... Who wants a little bit of...

a little bit of deliciousness here?

I'm not gonna eat that.

Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com