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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,167 --> 00:00:08,207 -♪ (MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -(AUDIENCE CHEERING) 2 00:00:08,292 --> 00:00:12,132 ANNOUNCER: From New York City, it's The Chris Rock Show! 3 00:00:13,292 --> 00:00:15,882 Tonight, actress Jenifer Lewis, 4 00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:19,080 and musical guests D'Angelo, 5 00:00:19,167 --> 00:00:22,707 Raphael Saadiq, Ali Shaheed Muhammad, 6 00:00:23,208 --> 00:00:24,578 and Questlove. 7 00:00:24,667 --> 00:00:28,537 Plus, musical director Grandmaster Flash. 8 00:00:30,250 --> 00:00:34,420 Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Rock! 9 00:00:34,500 --> 00:00:36,920 -(AUDIENCE CLAPPING, CHEERING) -(RECORD SCRATCHING) 10 00:00:47,542 --> 00:00:48,672 (RECORD SCRATCHES) 11 00:00:55,458 --> 00:00:57,958 All right. Okay. 12 00:01:00,042 --> 00:01:01,582 Yeah, what's up, y'all? Welcome. 13 00:01:02,417 --> 00:01:04,167 Welcome to The Chris Rock Show! 14 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:06,460 (AUDIENCE CHEERING, CLAPPING) 15 00:01:07,458 --> 00:01:10,578 Welcome to The Chris Rock Show! 16 00:01:11,583 --> 00:01:14,423 Special-- This is a Valentine's Day. 17 00:01:14,500 --> 00:01:15,960 -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -Valentine's Day, 18 00:01:16,042 --> 00:01:18,172 everybody's celebratin' Valentine's Day. 19 00:01:18,250 --> 00:01:20,210 It's a day for everybody, right? 20 00:01:20,042 --> 00:01:21,172 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 21 00:01:21,250 --> 00:01:22,380 Valentine's Day is nice. 22 00:01:22,458 --> 00:01:25,128 You know, Valentine's Day is a woman day. 23 00:01:25,208 --> 00:01:26,918 Don't got nothin' to do with a man. 24 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,210 (AUDIENCE CLAPPING, CHEERING) 25 00:01:29,833 --> 00:01:32,543 I don't want no flowers, I don't want no candy. 26 00:01:32,625 --> 00:01:34,705 -That's all about y'all. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 27 00:01:34,792 --> 00:01:36,132 You go in the card shop today, 28 00:01:36,208 --> 00:01:38,958 you ain't see no women in the line. 29 00:01:39,042 --> 00:01:41,212 It's a bunch of tired ass men... 30 00:01:41,292 --> 00:01:43,172 -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -...you know? 31 00:01:43,250 --> 00:01:45,000 You know, go in the card shop, 32 00:01:45,083 --> 00:01:47,083 go into any store, just a bunch of men. 33 00:01:47,167 --> 00:01:48,537 We don't even know what y'all want. 34 00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:51,000 You know, we just ask the sales lady, 35 00:01:51,083 --> 00:01:52,003 "Uh, what you like?" 36 00:01:52,083 --> 00:01:53,633 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 37 00:01:53,708 --> 00:01:54,828 That's all it is. 38 00:01:54,917 --> 00:01:57,667 What's the big news this week? Michael Jackson-- 39 00:01:57,750 --> 00:01:59,500 Michael Jackson had a baby. 40 00:01:59,583 --> 00:02:02,083 -(AUDIENCE CLAPPING, CHEERING) -Michael Jackson had a baby. 41 00:02:02,167 --> 00:02:03,747 A baby boy. 42 00:02:03,833 --> 00:02:06,923 Yes, I'm not making this up. Michael Jackson had a baby boy. 43 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:09,040 And actually, the baby came out a little early, 44 00:02:09,125 --> 00:02:10,955 'cause the baby is just like his daddy, you know, 45 00:02:11,042 --> 00:02:13,132 last place he wanted to be was inside a woman. 46 00:02:13,208 --> 00:02:15,288 (AUDIENCE CLAPPING, CHEERING) 47 00:02:23,167 --> 00:02:26,207 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 48 00:02:26,042 --> 00:02:30,172 This week, O.J.-- Anybody see the cover of the New York Post? 49 00:02:30,250 --> 00:02:31,790 O.J., you know, they asked him, you know, 50 00:02:31,875 --> 00:02:33,285 he's gotta pay all this money now. 51 00:02:33,375 --> 00:02:35,535 So O.J. said, "This is far from over! 52 00:02:35,625 --> 00:02:37,955 This is far from over!" What is he saying? 53 00:02:38,042 --> 00:02:39,252 -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -What is he saying? 54 00:02:39,333 --> 00:02:41,423 What? He gonna kill Fred Goldman next? 55 00:02:41,500 --> 00:02:44,170 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CLAPPING) 56 00:02:46,208 --> 00:02:49,078 "I'm gonna get you, Goldman! You're a dead man!" 57 00:02:52,917 --> 00:02:55,917 Last week, my man Oliver McCall... 58 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:57,830 What's this? Oliver McCall... 59 00:02:57,917 --> 00:03:02,207 broke down and started cryin' during a boxing match. 60 00:03:02,292 --> 00:03:05,582 Just broke down, just started cryin'. 61 00:03:05,667 --> 00:03:07,127 He was fighting Lennox Lewis, 62 00:03:07,208 --> 00:03:08,578 he started cryin', they said, "What's wrong?" 63 00:03:08,667 --> 00:03:10,077 He said, "I thought it was Jerry Lewis." 64 00:03:10,167 --> 00:03:12,537 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CLAPPING) 65 00:03:12,625 --> 00:03:14,875 Uh, speakin' of that, Faye Resnick! 66 00:03:14,958 --> 00:03:17,248 Faye Resnick, you know, speakin' of O.J. earlier, 67 00:03:17,333 --> 00:03:19,333 is gettin' ready-- actually, right now, 68 00:03:19,417 --> 00:03:23,287 on the stands, Faye Resnick is nude in Playboy magazine. 69 00:03:23,375 --> 00:03:25,205 Nude in Playboy magazine. 70 00:03:25,292 --> 00:03:27,462 You know, I always say, if you want credibility, 71 00:03:27,542 --> 00:03:30,002 and you want people to listen to what you got to say, 72 00:03:30,500 --> 00:03:31,630 show your ass. 73 00:03:31,708 --> 00:03:33,128 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 74 00:03:33,208 --> 00:03:34,248 Show your ass. 75 00:03:36,125 --> 00:03:37,375 Uh, what happened the other day? 76 00:03:37,458 --> 00:03:39,418 Snoop Dogg and Puffy 77 00:03:39,500 --> 00:03:41,460 appeared on The Steve Harvey Show 78 00:03:42,167 --> 00:03:43,787 to mend the rift between 79 00:03:43,875 --> 00:03:45,875 the East Coast and the West Coast rappers. 80 00:03:45,958 --> 00:03:47,038 That was kinda cool. 81 00:03:47,125 --> 00:03:48,625 -(AUDIENCE CLAPPING, CHEERING) -That was cool. 82 00:03:51,833 --> 00:03:53,583 You know, they did it, they mended the rift. 83 00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:55,537 Now they just need somebody to mend the rift 84 00:03:55,625 --> 00:03:58,535 between TV viewers and The Steve Harvey Show. 85 00:03:58,625 --> 00:04:00,785 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CLAPPING) 86 00:04:00,875 --> 00:04:03,285 No, no, I mean, I don't wanna dis Steve Harvey. 87 00:04:03,375 --> 00:04:05,415 I like Steve Harvey. I watch the Apollo every week. 88 00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:07,750 But if you're gonna announce something important, 89 00:04:07,833 --> 00:04:10,003 why would you announce it on the WB? 90 00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:12,923 -Nobody watches the WB! -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CLAPPING) 91 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:16,040 You could announce the cure for AIDS on the WB, 92 00:04:16,125 --> 00:04:18,285 and nobody would find out for a week. 93 00:04:18,375 --> 00:04:20,125 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CLAPPING) 94 00:04:22,083 --> 00:04:24,213 Now, as you all know, today is Valentine's Day. 95 00:04:24,292 --> 00:04:27,132 It's a day when people think about love and romance. 96 00:04:27,208 --> 00:04:29,378 That's why they got all these books out 97 00:04:29,458 --> 00:04:30,578 about relationships. 98 00:04:30,667 --> 00:04:32,167 And right now, one of the best-selling books 99 00:04:32,250 --> 00:04:34,750 about relationships is... (CHUCKLES) ...The Rules. 100 00:04:34,833 --> 00:04:36,333 Everybody knows about The Rules. 101 00:04:36,417 --> 00:04:38,077 -(AUDIENCE CLAPPING, CHEERING) -That's right. 102 00:04:38,167 --> 00:04:39,997 Y'all following your rules, right? 103 00:04:40,083 --> 00:04:43,083 It's about how to get a man to marry her. That's right. 104 00:04:43,167 --> 00:04:44,577 How do women get a man to marry her? 105 00:04:44,667 --> 00:04:45,707 With tips like, 106 00:04:45,792 --> 00:04:48,832 "Don't accept a Saturday night date after Wednesday." 107 00:04:48,917 --> 00:04:50,327 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 108 00:04:50,417 --> 00:04:53,327 I'm gonna call you on Friday mornin'. 109 00:04:53,417 --> 00:04:55,917 That's right. So now, of course, you knew they would come out 110 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:57,080 with a male version of The Rules. 111 00:04:57,167 --> 00:04:59,207 They have a male version, and it's right here. 112 00:04:59,042 --> 00:05:01,502 It's called Ike Turner's Rules. 113 00:05:01,583 --> 00:05:03,333 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CLAPPING) 114 00:05:04,958 --> 00:05:07,418 And Ike Turner's Rules has great rules, like, 115 00:05:07,500 --> 00:05:09,790 "Rule number 1, shut up." 116 00:05:09,875 --> 00:05:12,205 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CLAPPING) 117 00:05:12,292 --> 00:05:15,292 "Rule number 2, I said, shut up!" 118 00:05:15,375 --> 00:05:17,165 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CLAPPING) 119 00:05:17,917 --> 00:05:19,167 "Rule number 3, 120 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:22,040 no more than two feet in the ass at one time." 121 00:05:22,125 --> 00:05:23,125 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CLAPPING) 122 00:05:23,208 --> 00:05:26,538 And "Rule number 4, I told you, shut the fuck up!" 123 00:05:26,625 --> 00:05:28,625 (AUDIENCE CLAPS, CHEERS) 124 00:05:36,083 --> 00:05:38,083 I want to thank everybody for comin' out, 125 00:05:38,167 --> 00:05:40,667 I want you to thank my DJ, my pal, 126 00:05:40,750 --> 00:05:44,170 the original hip-hop DJ himself, Grandmaster Flex! 127 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:45,880 -(AUDIENCE CLAPPING, CHEERING) -(RECORD SCRATCHING) 128 00:05:45,958 --> 00:05:47,458 ♪ (MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 129 00:05:49,292 --> 00:05:51,832 Now, I remember when I went to school, 130 00:05:51,917 --> 00:05:53,077 the best way to learn something 131 00:05:53,167 --> 00:05:55,707 was by watching one of those old film strips. 132 00:05:55,792 --> 00:05:58,132 Now, with this in mind, I thought it would be cool 133 00:05:58,208 --> 00:06:00,498 to make up one of those film strips about 134 00:06:00,583 --> 00:06:04,173 an adult topic, something we all could relate to today, romance. 135 00:06:04,250 --> 00:06:06,580 So, lights, please? Someone, help me out? 136 00:06:08,875 --> 00:06:11,075 (WHIRRING) 137 00:06:16,583 --> 00:06:18,213 (STATIC CRACKLING) 138 00:06:18,042 --> 00:06:21,212 -(BEEPING) -♪ (MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 139 00:06:24,708 --> 00:06:25,918 (BEEPING) 140 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:27,080 CHRIS ROCK: Hello. 141 00:06:27,167 --> 00:06:28,417 -I'm Chris Rock. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 142 00:06:28,500 --> 00:06:31,210 Finding the right someone is different than it used to be. 143 00:06:31,292 --> 00:06:32,422 (BEEPING) 144 00:06:32,500 --> 00:06:34,330 But one thing remains the same. 145 00:06:34,417 --> 00:06:35,627 (BEEPING) 146 00:06:35,708 --> 00:06:37,998 It still takes a man like this... 147 00:06:38,083 --> 00:06:39,003 (BEEPING) 148 00:06:39,083 --> 00:06:40,673 ...to get a woman like this. 149 00:06:40,750 --> 00:06:42,040 -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -(BEEPING) 150 00:06:42,125 --> 00:06:44,455 Or like this. God! 151 00:06:44,542 --> 00:06:46,082 (BEEPING) 152 00:06:46,167 --> 00:06:47,917 Hey, what y'all doin' after the show? 153 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:49,420 Can I get anybody a drink? 154 00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:50,540 (BEEPING) 155 00:06:51,208 --> 00:06:52,378 But I digress. 156 00:06:52,458 --> 00:06:54,168 (BEEPING) 157 00:06:54,250 --> 00:06:56,210 The first date is very important. 158 00:06:56,042 --> 00:06:59,252 The best advice is to be yourself, unless... 159 00:06:59,333 --> 00:07:00,713 (BEEPING) 160 00:07:00,792 --> 00:07:02,792 ...your name is Michael Irvin. 161 00:07:02,875 --> 00:07:04,495 -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -(BEEPING) 162 00:07:04,583 --> 00:07:06,923 CHRIS: Ladies, always give your date 163 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:09,170 your full and undivided attention. 164 00:07:09,250 --> 00:07:11,210 Make that man feel special! 165 00:07:11,042 --> 00:07:12,042 (BEEPING) 166 00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:14,173 Hey, what you doin', girl? 167 00:07:14,042 --> 00:07:16,042 -Get your hands off his ass! -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 168 00:07:16,125 --> 00:07:17,665 (BEEPING) 169 00:07:17,750 --> 00:07:21,790 CHRIS: Having shared interests is crucial to a budding romance. 170 00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:22,955 (BEEPING) 171 00:07:23,792 --> 00:07:25,882 These two kooky kids appear to have 172 00:07:25,958 --> 00:07:28,128 -a long future ahead of them. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CLAPPING) 173 00:07:28,917 --> 00:07:30,537 (BEEPING) 174 00:07:30,625 --> 00:07:32,125 CHRIS: Meeting a new person's parents 175 00:07:32,208 --> 00:07:34,078 is a very important test. 176 00:07:35,042 --> 00:07:36,292 (BEEPING) 177 00:07:36,375 --> 00:07:38,785 This young man appears to have passed 178 00:07:38,875 --> 00:07:40,035 with flying colors. 179 00:07:40,750 --> 00:07:42,080 (BEEPING) 180 00:07:42,167 --> 00:07:44,287 Hey, you're breaking my knees! 181 00:07:44,375 --> 00:07:47,035 -Get off of me, you old freak! -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CLAPPING) 182 00:07:47,250 --> 00:07:48,500 (BEEPS) 183 00:07:48,583 --> 00:07:51,543 Guess what? I never read any of these books. 184 00:07:52,208 --> 00:07:53,628 (BEEPING) 185 00:07:53,708 --> 00:07:56,038 When it comes to remaining faithful, 186 00:07:56,125 --> 00:07:57,995 people fall into two categories. 187 00:07:58,625 --> 00:07:59,785 (BEEPING) 188 00:07:59,875 --> 00:08:00,875 Men who cheat... 189 00:08:01,292 --> 00:08:02,422 (BEEPING) 190 00:08:02,500 --> 00:08:04,080 ...and men who get caught cheating. 191 00:08:04,167 --> 00:08:05,787 -(BEEPING) -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CLAPPING) 192 00:08:06,792 --> 00:08:08,582 CHRIS: Don't rush into a relationship. 193 00:08:08,667 --> 00:08:11,167 It's important to know everything about someone 194 00:08:11,250 --> 00:08:13,210 before you get too involved. 195 00:08:13,292 --> 00:08:14,422 (BEEPING) 196 00:08:15,583 --> 00:08:17,963 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 197 00:08:18,042 --> 00:08:21,422 CHRIS: Sometimes relationships just don't work out. 198 00:08:22,042 --> 00:08:23,172 (BEEPING) 199 00:08:24,167 --> 00:08:26,627 -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -(BEEPING) 200 00:08:26,708 --> 00:08:28,208 CHRIS: If you're involved in a breakup, 201 00:08:28,042 --> 00:08:29,332 don't be depressed. 202 00:08:29,417 --> 00:08:31,877 The best thing you can do is get right back up 203 00:08:31,958 --> 00:08:33,078 on the horse. 204 00:08:33,167 --> 00:08:34,997 -(BEEPING) -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 205 00:08:35,083 --> 00:08:38,133 CHRIS: Give the new relationship time. 206 00:08:38,917 --> 00:08:40,917 (BEEPING) 207 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,580 Don't expect it to be like the love you've lost. 208 00:08:44,667 --> 00:08:45,877 (BEEPING) 209 00:08:46,583 --> 00:08:48,293 And if it doesn't work out, 210 00:08:48,375 --> 00:08:49,995 don't be discouraged. 211 00:08:51,125 --> 00:08:52,495 (BEEPING) 212 00:08:52,583 --> 00:08:55,583 There's still plenty of fish in the sea. 213 00:08:55,667 --> 00:08:59,167 -(BEEPING) -(AUDIENCE CLAPPING, CHEERING) 214 00:09:04,458 --> 00:09:06,328 I want to thank Lil' Kim for doin' that. 215 00:09:06,417 --> 00:09:09,207 Now our first guest has appeared on stage, screen, 216 00:09:09,042 --> 00:09:11,502 and film, and you may know her from her amazing performances 217 00:09:11,583 --> 00:09:12,753 in The Preacher's Wife, 218 00:09:12,833 --> 00:09:14,423 and What's Love Got to Do with It? 219 00:09:14,500 --> 00:09:17,080 Please welcome the diva, Miss Jenifer Lewis! Come on. 220 00:09:17,167 --> 00:09:19,037 -(AUDIENCE CLAPPING, CHEERING) -♪ (MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 221 00:09:22,458 --> 00:09:24,328 (INAUDIBLE) 222 00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:31,207 (INDISTINCT CHATTER, LAUGHTER) 223 00:09:31,292 --> 00:09:33,382 -Hey, little bit! -(LAUGHS) 224 00:09:33,458 --> 00:09:35,248 How you doin'? Look at that suit, 225 00:09:35,333 --> 00:09:36,713 you're so cute. 226 00:09:37,292 --> 00:09:38,632 Ain't he cute? 227 00:09:38,708 --> 00:09:40,078 (AUDIENCE CLAPPING, CHEERING) 228 00:09:41,917 --> 00:09:43,167 Yeah. 229 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:45,170 -Thank you, Jenifer. -Thank you, baby. 230 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,040 Oh, my God. So anything-- 231 00:09:47,125 --> 00:09:49,705 How you gonna spend this Valentine's Day, Jenifer? 232 00:09:49,792 --> 00:09:52,792 Mmm... Well, I got a little... 233 00:09:52,875 --> 00:09:54,245 chocolate in here, and... 234 00:09:55,708 --> 00:09:56,788 Wow. 235 00:09:56,875 --> 00:09:58,375 Got some special things for you. 236 00:09:58,458 --> 00:10:00,128 (AUDIENCE CHEERING, CLAPPING) 237 00:10:02,542 --> 00:10:04,252 -Wow. -We'll just ask the audience. 238 00:10:04,333 --> 00:10:06,793 Should I put them on, or should I put them on him? 239 00:10:06,875 --> 00:10:08,495 -ALL: On him! -That's right. 240 00:10:08,583 --> 00:10:10,213 (LAUGHS) Stand up. 241 00:10:10,292 --> 00:10:12,502 -No! That's all right. -You're not gonna do it? 242 00:10:12,583 --> 00:10:14,083 No, 'cause I gotta do a whole show-- 243 00:10:14,167 --> 00:10:15,667 All right, well, wait a minute. 244 00:10:15,750 --> 00:10:17,580 You know, when I do get arrested later, 245 00:10:17,667 --> 00:10:19,127 the police are gonna have to take those off... 246 00:10:19,208 --> 00:10:21,248 -Now wait a minute-- (LAUGHS) -...to put the real ones on me. 247 00:10:21,333 --> 00:10:22,583 Now that's funny. 248 00:10:22,667 --> 00:10:24,497 Now wait a minute, hold on a second. Hold on. 249 00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:28,250 This is turning me on, hold on. 250 00:10:28,333 --> 00:10:30,213 -Oh, it's Valentine's Day! -CHRIS: Yes, 251 00:10:30,292 --> 00:10:32,542 -it's Valentine's Day. -I said I'd be provocative. 252 00:10:32,625 --> 00:10:34,415 -Really? -I just wanted to do that. 253 00:10:35,125 --> 00:10:37,285 (AUDIENCE CHEERING, CLAPPING) 254 00:10:37,375 --> 00:10:40,205 Get it? Where's the camera? Which camera's on? 255 00:10:40,292 --> 00:10:42,382 -Oh, that camera. -Okay, wait a minute, hold it. 256 00:10:43,292 --> 00:10:45,212 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CLAPPING) 257 00:10:45,042 --> 00:10:46,172 Fabulous pose. 258 00:10:46,250 --> 00:10:47,540 -(LAUGHS) -All right, enough of that. 259 00:10:47,625 --> 00:10:49,205 You know I ain't never been in no handcuffs. 260 00:10:49,042 --> 00:10:50,042 Really? 261 00:10:50,125 --> 00:10:51,875 You won't get no man to hold me down. 262 00:10:51,958 --> 00:10:55,168 -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CLAPPING) -(LAUGHS) 263 00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:58,170 -It's Valentine's Day! -That's right, baby. 264 00:10:58,250 --> 00:11:00,750 Oh, yeah, I got 'em this Valentine's Day. 265 00:11:00,833 --> 00:11:02,083 All right, all right. 266 00:11:02,167 --> 00:11:03,827 Everybody say that, Valentine's Day. 267 00:11:03,917 --> 00:11:05,417 ALL: Valentine's Day! 268 00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:07,670 JENIFER: Oh, I like-- she did it just the way I did it! 269 00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:09,960 -She went, "Valentine..." -(LAUGHTER) 270 00:11:10,042 --> 00:11:11,082 (LAUGHS) 271 00:11:11,167 --> 00:11:12,747 So, what are you doin' this Valentine's Day? 272 00:11:12,833 --> 00:11:15,923 Well, I'm doin' your show, baby. And then I gotta-- 273 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:17,000 CHRIS: What's after the show? 274 00:11:17,083 --> 00:11:19,213 -You want the truth-- -CHRIS: I want some truth. 275 00:11:19,042 --> 00:11:20,832 What's really going on? 276 00:11:20,917 --> 00:11:22,127 -Well, I'm-- -Do you got a man? 277 00:11:22,208 --> 00:11:23,378 Well, I'm... 278 00:11:23,458 --> 00:11:25,128 just flying back to L.A. 279 00:11:25,208 --> 00:11:27,168 to meet somebody that I just met. 280 00:11:27,250 --> 00:11:29,170 -CHRIS: Anybody I know? -Mmm, nasty. 281 00:11:29,250 --> 00:11:31,830 -(LAUGHS) -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 282 00:11:31,917 --> 00:11:33,787 It's nobody you know, but I gotta tell you, 283 00:11:33,875 --> 00:11:34,995 I met him at the... 284 00:11:36,250 --> 00:11:39,210 premiere of Eddie Murphy's Metro. 285 00:11:39,042 --> 00:11:41,422 -CHRIS: Okay. -And he was so gorgeous, 286 00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:43,750 I was like, oh, my God, he's got to be gay. 287 00:11:43,833 --> 00:11:45,923 -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -He's too gorgeous. 288 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:47,580 -But he wasn't. -You just said that I was cute, 289 00:11:47,667 --> 00:11:48,787 -what does that mean? -(LAUGHS) 290 00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,875 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CLAPPING) 291 00:11:51,750 --> 00:11:53,000 -It's because I know you-- -I'm cute, 292 00:11:53,083 --> 00:11:55,173 -but not gay cute. -Yeah! (LAUGHS) 293 00:11:55,250 --> 00:11:58,250 Because I know your wife, and I know you. 294 00:11:58,333 --> 00:12:00,293 -Okay. -And now I know him. 295 00:12:02,125 --> 00:12:04,825 No, I really, I didn't know-- you know, we were talkin', 296 00:12:04,917 --> 00:12:07,037 and I was like, oh, he's just a fan or whatever. 297 00:12:07,125 --> 00:12:09,875 Then he gave me the nasty eye. 298 00:12:09,958 --> 00:12:11,208 CHRIS: Wait, what's... 299 00:12:11,292 --> 00:12:12,332 -The nasty eye? -You know what 300 00:12:12,417 --> 00:12:14,247 -the nasty eye is. -I know what the nasty eye is. 301 00:12:14,333 --> 00:12:16,173 The nasty eye is when a guy looks at you 302 00:12:16,250 --> 00:12:18,080 and he really wants you. 303 00:12:18,167 --> 00:12:21,327 You know he wants you. Or he wants to talk further. 304 00:12:21,417 --> 00:12:23,497 Okay, I try to hide the nasty eye. 305 00:12:23,583 --> 00:12:25,253 I got, like, the nasty eye, 306 00:12:25,333 --> 00:12:27,333 then I got that mumble under my breath. 307 00:12:27,417 --> 00:12:28,537 I'm lookin' at you, going, 308 00:12:28,625 --> 00:12:30,995 "Boy, I can't wait to get a hold of this..." 309 00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:32,333 -(AUDIENCE CLAPPING, CHEERING) -(LAUGHS) 310 00:12:32,417 --> 00:12:33,747 "Boy..." (CHUCKLES) 311 00:12:35,292 --> 00:12:37,042 -"Boy..." (LAUGHS) -(CONTINUES LAUGHING) 312 00:12:40,458 --> 00:12:43,538 Just talkin' to yourself. "Boy, look at the ass on that one." 313 00:12:43,625 --> 00:12:44,785 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CLAPPING) 314 00:12:44,875 --> 00:12:46,325 "Boy, I hope she's a whore-- 315 00:12:46,417 --> 00:12:48,327 -Hey!" -(LAUGHS) 316 00:12:48,417 --> 00:12:51,167 -"You like your soup?" -Oh, God! 317 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:54,420 Oh, God. We do the same thing, women do the same thing. 318 00:12:54,500 --> 00:12:56,040 We be like, "Oh... 319 00:12:56,125 --> 00:12:58,285 -Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God." -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 320 00:12:58,375 --> 00:12:59,495 "Hi, how are you?" 321 00:12:59,583 --> 00:13:01,383 -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -(LAUGHS) 322 00:13:01,458 --> 00:13:03,078 -Same thing. -So, how-- 323 00:13:03,167 --> 00:13:05,207 Okay, you met him at Metro, so this is a couple of months. 324 00:13:05,292 --> 00:13:06,962 Yeah, it's fresh and new, 325 00:13:07,042 --> 00:13:09,382 and I haven't slept with him yet, but I'm gonna. 326 00:13:09,458 --> 00:13:11,248 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CLAPPING) 327 00:13:11,333 --> 00:13:12,633 (LAUGHS) 328 00:13:12,708 --> 00:13:13,788 Not yet? 329 00:13:13,875 --> 00:13:15,665 Oh, no, because you know you gotta wait, 330 00:13:15,750 --> 00:13:19,210 you gotta really get to know somebody now, you know and... 331 00:13:19,292 --> 00:13:21,382 you know, I'm all special, and... 332 00:13:21,458 --> 00:13:23,128 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 333 00:13:23,208 --> 00:13:25,128 ...soft, and rich... 334 00:13:25,208 --> 00:13:26,208 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CLAPPING) 335 00:13:26,292 --> 00:13:27,832 ...and-- Nah, just kiddin'! 336 00:13:27,917 --> 00:13:30,167 There's another line. And cheap. 337 00:13:30,250 --> 00:13:32,920 -(LAUGHS) -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CLAPPING) 338 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:34,080 So how long should a guy wait? 339 00:13:35,167 --> 00:13:36,207 A guy or a girl? 340 00:13:36,292 --> 00:13:37,792 How long should a girl wait, I'm sorry. 341 00:13:37,875 --> 00:13:40,495 Well, I think you should just wait until you really know 342 00:13:40,583 --> 00:13:42,003 the person, because, I mean, 343 00:13:42,083 --> 00:13:43,923 after all that sweatin' and pantin' 344 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:46,040 and all of that thing that you do when we do, 345 00:13:46,125 --> 00:13:47,415 then what? 346 00:13:47,500 --> 00:13:48,790 It's like, you roll over and go, 347 00:13:48,875 --> 00:13:51,915 "Oh, what in God's name can I say to this person?" 348 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:53,380 -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -So you don't want that. 349 00:13:53,458 --> 00:13:55,248 You want to be able to, like, 350 00:13:55,333 --> 00:13:56,793 you know, turn over and go... 351 00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:59,380 Hi... 352 00:13:59,458 --> 00:14:01,248 -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -(LAUGHS) 353 00:14:01,333 --> 00:14:03,713 See that's where women have their most power, too. 354 00:14:03,792 --> 00:14:05,172 Before you do it. 355 00:14:05,250 --> 00:14:07,330 -I don't-- -Right before, like, that moment 356 00:14:07,417 --> 00:14:09,037 right before you do it. 357 00:14:09,125 --> 00:14:11,125 After it, then it's like, hey. 358 00:14:11,208 --> 00:14:12,078 -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -(LAUGHS) 359 00:14:12,167 --> 00:14:13,287 Hey... 360 00:14:15,208 --> 00:14:16,248 No, even if... 361 00:14:17,708 --> 00:14:20,038 To that moment, it's like, you know that, like, 362 00:14:20,125 --> 00:14:21,535 "I'm gonna get it tomorrow," right? 363 00:14:21,625 --> 00:14:23,125 Then you can get them to do anything? 364 00:14:23,208 --> 00:14:24,128 After you do it, you know. 365 00:14:24,208 --> 00:14:26,168 "I need you to go pick up somethin'." 366 00:14:26,250 --> 00:14:28,790 -"Then what?" -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 367 00:14:28,875 --> 00:14:30,035 "And I don't get somethin'?" 368 00:14:31,833 --> 00:14:33,043 "You got somethin' new?" 369 00:14:34,667 --> 00:14:35,917 -You know, I think... -Now... 370 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,580 No, you know women, I mean, we're powerful all the time. 371 00:14:38,667 --> 00:14:40,827 But you guys are real powerful, too. 372 00:14:40,917 --> 00:14:42,457 I have to give it up, you know. 373 00:14:42,542 --> 00:14:43,712 Y'all, y'all, y'all-- 374 00:14:43,792 --> 00:14:46,172 But, you know, right after, you all are like... 375 00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:49,000 -Anyway, you know, so... -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CLAPPING) 376 00:14:49,083 --> 00:14:51,213 -What, what-- -No, really! 377 00:14:51,042 --> 00:14:53,922 Oh, Grandmaster said, hey! 378 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:56,170 -Well, excuse me, Grandmaster. -(LAUGHS) 379 00:14:56,250 --> 00:14:59,250 Oh, right after doin' it with you, yeah-- 380 00:14:59,333 --> 00:15:01,173 Oh, now, now, come on, now-- 381 00:15:01,250 --> 00:15:03,460 That'll put the average guy out, I would imagine. 382 00:15:03,542 --> 00:15:05,922 -I'm a virgin like Madonna. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 383 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:07,380 Remember that song, remember, she came out... 384 00:15:07,458 --> 00:15:09,708 ♪ Like a virgin, hoo ♪ 385 00:15:09,792 --> 00:15:11,212 I was like, "Miss Thing, please." 386 00:15:11,292 --> 00:15:12,922 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 387 00:15:13,083 --> 00:15:14,213 (LAUGHS) 388 00:15:14,292 --> 00:15:16,292 So, what do you prefer, Black or white men? 389 00:15:16,375 --> 00:15:18,325 Uh, let's put it like this. 390 00:15:19,458 --> 00:15:22,748 White men are nice, Black men are real nice. 391 00:15:22,833 --> 00:15:25,333 -(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) -(LAUGHS) 392 00:15:27,667 --> 00:15:32,077 -Woo! Mercy, mercy, mercy. -(LAUGHS) 393 00:15:32,167 --> 00:15:33,497 -Oh, yeah. -Real nice. 394 00:15:33,583 --> 00:15:34,543 Yeah. 395 00:15:34,625 --> 00:15:36,495 I was goin' out with this white boy, you know, 396 00:15:36,583 --> 00:15:38,213 and I don't know, somethin' must have happened 397 00:15:38,042 --> 00:15:39,252 in his childhood... 398 00:15:39,333 --> 00:15:40,503 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 399 00:15:40,583 --> 00:15:43,833 ...and he got all confused, and he thought, like, you know, 400 00:15:43,917 --> 00:15:46,037 the world owed him something, 401 00:15:46,125 --> 00:15:50,165 I said, "Maybe the world owes you something, but I don't." 402 00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:52,210 So I couldn't take care of him, I couldn't take him 403 00:15:52,042 --> 00:15:53,292 back to my hometown and say, "Look," 404 00:15:53,375 --> 00:15:56,245 look at my aunts and go, "Look, I'm supporting a man, 405 00:15:56,333 --> 00:15:58,043 -and by the way--" -You supported a white man? 406 00:15:58,125 --> 00:15:59,785 -(LAUGHS) -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 407 00:15:59,875 --> 00:16:01,205 -That's what I'm sayin'! -What the hell! 408 00:16:01,042 --> 00:16:03,132 That's what I'm sayin'! That's what she would've said! 409 00:16:03,208 --> 00:16:04,328 -What kinda-- -A white man? 410 00:16:04,417 --> 00:16:07,037 That's the ultimate insult to the ancestors. 411 00:16:07,125 --> 00:16:08,125 If you're gonna get a white man, 412 00:16:08,208 --> 00:16:10,248 -don't get a broke one. -That's what I'm sayin'! 413 00:16:10,333 --> 00:16:12,133 -(LAUGHS) -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CLAPPING) 414 00:16:12,208 --> 00:16:13,918 -There's plenty of 'em. -That's what I'm sayin'! 415 00:16:14,333 --> 00:16:15,583 You are a fool. 416 00:16:15,667 --> 00:16:17,577 -Why? -You are a fool. 417 00:16:17,667 --> 00:16:19,787 All the white men out there... 418 00:16:19,875 --> 00:16:20,955 You are a fool. 419 00:16:21,042 --> 00:16:23,002 You give Bill Gates some and get on with your business. 420 00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:24,833 -(LAUGHS) -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 421 00:16:25,292 --> 00:16:26,332 No, but I'm through. 422 00:16:26,417 --> 00:16:28,667 The one I just met's Black, and that's nice. 423 00:16:28,750 --> 00:16:31,000 That's nice. Well I want to thank you for coming out. 424 00:16:31,083 --> 00:16:32,793 Yeah, is that all? Do I get some sugar? 425 00:16:32,875 --> 00:16:34,035 You get whatever you want. 426 00:16:34,125 --> 00:16:35,825 -Oh, now, now. -(AUDIENCE AWING, CLAPPING) 427 00:16:35,917 --> 00:16:37,377 -It's Valentine's Day. -(LAUGHS) 428 00:16:37,458 --> 00:16:39,078 Yeah, thank you, baby. 429 00:16:39,167 --> 00:16:40,787 -Thank you. -Where's your wife? 430 00:16:40,875 --> 00:16:42,325 -She's over there. -All right, girl. 431 00:16:42,417 --> 00:16:44,287 I ain't gonna go no further, girl. 432 00:16:44,375 --> 00:16:46,125 ANNOUNCER: The Chris Rock Show is brought to you 433 00:16:46,208 --> 00:16:48,828 by The Harlem Law Offices of Pervis, Pervis, and Platt. 434 00:16:48,917 --> 00:16:50,497 Pervis, Pervis, and Platt has been serving 435 00:16:50,583 --> 00:16:52,753 the Harlem community since 1829. 436 00:16:52,833 --> 00:16:54,833 Pervis, Pervis, and Platt is a fully functional, 437 00:16:54,917 --> 00:16:56,667 round the clock law firm, dedicated to meeting 438 00:16:56,750 --> 00:16:58,710 all the needs of the community it serves. 439 00:16:58,792 --> 00:17:00,962 And that's why at Pervis, Pervis, and Platt 440 00:17:01,042 --> 00:17:04,002 not only do we practice law, but we also braid hair. 441 00:17:04,083 --> 00:17:05,293 -That's right. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 442 00:17:05,375 --> 00:17:07,125 We practice law, we braid hair. 443 00:17:07,208 --> 00:17:09,788 And we've been there for all the landmark decisions. 444 00:17:09,875 --> 00:17:11,205 Plessy versus Ferguson. 445 00:17:11,042 --> 00:17:12,752 Brown versus Board of Education. 446 00:17:12,833 --> 00:17:14,213 Ali versus Frazier. 447 00:17:14,292 --> 00:17:16,002 CLIENT 1: I just got hit by a bus! 448 00:17:16,083 --> 00:17:17,383 ANNOUNCER: Call Pervis and Platt. 449 00:17:17,458 --> 00:17:18,878 CLIENT 2: I'm tender headed. 450 00:17:18,958 --> 00:17:20,288 ANNOUNCER: Call Pervis and Platt. 451 00:17:20,375 --> 00:17:23,625 Not only does Pervis and Platt practice law and braid hair, 452 00:17:23,708 --> 00:17:26,038 now Pervis and Platt does nails. 453 00:17:26,125 --> 00:17:28,745 -Call Pervis and Platt now. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 454 00:17:28,833 --> 00:17:30,833 (AUDIENCE CLAPPING, CHEERING) 455 00:17:33,958 --> 00:17:35,078 Thank you! 456 00:17:36,125 --> 00:17:37,625 Okay. 457 00:17:37,708 --> 00:17:39,378 Traditionally on Valentine's Day, 458 00:17:39,458 --> 00:17:42,748 we do something special and something nice 459 00:17:42,833 --> 00:17:44,213 for that someone in our lives. 460 00:17:44,042 --> 00:17:46,172 But this year, I thought I'd do somethin' a little different. 461 00:17:46,250 --> 00:17:48,210 I thought I'd show my appreciation... 462 00:17:48,292 --> 00:17:50,252 (INHALES SHARPLY) ...by doing something special 463 00:17:50,333 --> 00:17:52,503 for all the someone's who have been in my life. 464 00:17:52,583 --> 00:17:55,583 So I got some gifts, went out and surprised 465 00:17:55,667 --> 00:17:57,457 some of my ex-girlfriends. 466 00:17:57,542 --> 00:17:58,712 Let's see what happened. 467 00:17:58,792 --> 00:18:00,042 ♪ (MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 468 00:18:00,125 --> 00:18:01,995 -CHRIS: Hi, Kim. -Oh, my God! 469 00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:04,830 Oh, my God! 470 00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:06,077 -(LAUGHS) -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 471 00:18:06,167 --> 00:18:07,917 -KIM: You're kidding me. -CHRIS: I'm not! 472 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,130 KIM: What are you doing here? 473 00:18:09,208 --> 00:18:11,708 CHRIS: I'm apologizing for being such an asshole. 474 00:18:11,792 --> 00:18:13,002 -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -Candy... 475 00:18:14,125 --> 00:18:15,325 -for you. -This cute. 476 00:18:16,125 --> 00:18:17,165 Flowers... 477 00:18:19,125 --> 00:18:20,205 And pig feet. 478 00:18:20,292 --> 00:18:22,382 -(LAUGHS) -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 479 00:18:23,125 --> 00:18:24,495 Thanks a lot, Chris. 480 00:18:24,583 --> 00:18:26,133 -Hello? -(HOPE SCREAMS) 481 00:18:26,833 --> 00:18:28,003 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 482 00:18:28,542 --> 00:18:30,422 -Oh, sh... -(LAUGHS) 483 00:18:31,208 --> 00:18:33,168 My gosh! 484 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:35,920 -Chris! (LAUGHS) Damn! -(LAUGHS) 485 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,000 -Oh, my God. -How you doin', Hope? 486 00:18:38,083 --> 00:18:39,133 -How you doin'? -I'm all right. 487 00:18:39,208 --> 00:18:40,208 I got some stuff for you. 488 00:18:40,042 --> 00:18:42,082 -I got flowers... -Oh, my gosh. 489 00:18:42,500 --> 00:18:45,170 I got, um, candy. 490 00:18:45,250 --> 00:18:46,830 (LAUGHS) 491 00:18:46,917 --> 00:18:48,077 I got more candy... 492 00:18:48,167 --> 00:18:49,827 -Why are you doin' this? -...I got pig feet. 493 00:18:49,917 --> 00:18:52,497 Pig feet? Chris, why you doin' this? 494 00:18:52,583 --> 00:18:54,003 ♪ We unite... ♪ 495 00:18:54,083 --> 00:18:55,673 (AUDIENCE CLAPPING, CHEERING) 496 00:18:56,958 --> 00:18:59,628 -Hi, Steph! -(GASPS) Oh, shit! 497 00:18:59,708 --> 00:19:02,208 (GIGGLES) Hi, Chris, how are you? 498 00:19:02,292 --> 00:19:03,632 Chris is different from 499 00:19:03,708 --> 00:19:05,288 the guys that I usually am attracted to. 500 00:19:06,042 --> 00:19:08,042 He's... he's a good guy, 501 00:19:08,125 --> 00:19:10,035 He's a good guy. He's a nice guy. 502 00:19:10,125 --> 00:19:11,165 He lied to me. 503 00:19:11,250 --> 00:19:12,630 -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -And... 504 00:19:13,750 --> 00:19:15,670 I felt totally betrayed, I felt like... 505 00:19:18,250 --> 00:19:19,420 he deceived me. 506 00:19:19,500 --> 00:19:22,670 So I found this used condom in the front seat of the car, 507 00:19:22,750 --> 00:19:24,000 and I picked it up, and I'm like, 508 00:19:24,083 --> 00:19:26,213 "What is this?" Of course, knowing it is what it was, 509 00:19:26,292 --> 00:19:29,042 and he said, "Oh, it was my brother's." 510 00:19:29,125 --> 00:19:32,075 For some reason I don't attract nice guys. 511 00:19:32,167 --> 00:19:33,917 You had a boyfriend that was shot seven times, 512 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:35,790 and you still wouldn't go out with me? 513 00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:37,035 (CHUCKLES) 514 00:19:38,292 --> 00:19:42,292 (LAUGHS) I'd rather almost die... 515 00:19:42,375 --> 00:19:43,915 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 516 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:45,790 ...than give you a shot. 517 00:19:45,875 --> 00:19:47,825 Where's my heart? Where's my valentine? 518 00:19:47,917 --> 00:19:49,247 -(AUDIENCE CHEERING) -Where's your heart? 519 00:19:49,333 --> 00:19:51,503 Where's your valentine? Okay. 520 00:19:51,583 --> 00:19:53,383 INTERVIEWER: What's the nicest gift he ever gave you? 521 00:19:53,458 --> 00:19:55,458 Um, a diamond bracelet. 522 00:19:55,542 --> 00:19:57,212 INTERVIEWER: What's the worst gift he ever got you? 523 00:19:58,000 --> 00:19:59,170 Underwear? 524 00:20:00,542 --> 00:20:02,172 INTERVIEWER: What, was it sexy underwear? 525 00:20:03,750 --> 00:20:05,080 -That was the problem? -Yes. 526 00:20:05,958 --> 00:20:07,208 What kind of underwear was it? 527 00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:09,580 Okay... (CHUCKLES) 528 00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:11,667 ...you know, like, grandma? 529 00:20:11,750 --> 00:20:13,000 -The big... -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 530 00:20:13,083 --> 00:20:14,213 ...bloomers. 531 00:20:14,042 --> 00:20:16,082 INTERVIEWER: What was the worst gift he ever got you? 532 00:20:16,167 --> 00:20:17,627 I think he bought me some underwear. 533 00:20:17,708 --> 00:20:19,538 INTERVIEWER: What was the worst gift he ever got you? 534 00:20:19,625 --> 00:20:21,705 -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CLAPPING) -Um... 535 00:20:22,833 --> 00:20:25,963 A pair of underwear. (CHUCKLES) 536 00:20:26,042 --> 00:20:27,542 INTERVIEWER: Were you faithful to Chris? 537 00:20:27,625 --> 00:20:28,955 Yes, I was. 538 00:20:29,042 --> 00:20:30,632 But you had a baby while we were dating. 539 00:20:30,708 --> 00:20:32,038 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CLAPPING) 540 00:20:32,125 --> 00:20:33,875 I'm just sayin', you know. 541 00:20:33,958 --> 00:20:36,918 Next thing, you know, and she was pregnant, 542 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:38,210 and she wouldn't even say anything. 543 00:20:38,042 --> 00:20:39,922 It was weird, it was like this thing we pretended 544 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:41,080 like it wasn't there. 545 00:20:41,167 --> 00:20:42,457 And the stomach was just bigger-- 546 00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:43,832 HOPE: Always had love for you, babe. 547 00:20:43,917 --> 00:20:45,827 -It was, like, weird. -Always had love for you. 548 00:20:45,917 --> 00:20:47,667 And people would go, "Hey, congratulations!" 549 00:20:47,750 --> 00:20:49,630 And I'm like, "Yeah..." 550 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:52,630 AUDIENCE: Oh! 551 00:20:52,708 --> 00:20:54,038 Do you know that Justin said to me, 552 00:20:54,125 --> 00:20:56,625 -"Mommy, why'd you marry daddy?" -(LAUGHS) 553 00:20:56,708 --> 00:20:58,168 "Our father could've been Chris Rock!" 554 00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:00,210 I told Chris what you said to me the other day. 555 00:21:00,292 --> 00:21:02,132 -What? -That's Chris Rock? 556 00:21:02,208 --> 00:21:03,828 About why'd I marry daddy. 557 00:21:03,917 --> 00:21:05,207 Hey, how's it goin', Darryl? 558 00:21:05,292 --> 00:21:07,752 -Oh, my God. (LAUGHS) -(KIM LAUGHS) 559 00:21:07,833 --> 00:21:10,003 Christopher, what's up, brother? 560 00:21:10,083 --> 00:21:11,793 Oh, man, this is so great 561 00:21:11,875 --> 00:21:13,035 that you invited me into the family. 562 00:21:13,125 --> 00:21:14,745 I feel great. 563 00:21:14,833 --> 00:21:17,083 (AUDIENCE CHEERING, CLAPPING) 564 00:21:27,583 --> 00:21:29,173 Hey, all right. 565 00:21:33,667 --> 00:21:34,997 So, fellas, do you see? 566 00:21:35,083 --> 00:21:37,043 It doesn't take much to make a woman feel good, 567 00:21:37,125 --> 00:21:39,915 just the old standby, flowers and candy. Right, girls? 568 00:21:40,375 --> 00:21:41,495 ALL: Yes. 569 00:21:41,583 --> 00:21:43,463 (AUDIENCE CLAPPING, CHEERING) 570 00:21:50,125 --> 00:21:52,915 Here to do a special Valentine's Day performance 571 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:55,210 -is D'Angelo, Raphael Saadiq... -(AUDIENCE CHEERING, CLAPPING) 572 00:21:55,042 --> 00:21:57,582 ...Ali Shaheed Muhammad, and Questlove! 573 00:21:57,667 --> 00:21:58,877 Come on! 574 00:22:00,125 --> 00:22:03,785 ♪ (MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 575 00:22:08,583 --> 00:22:11,213 (BOTH SINGING) ♪ You know tonight ♪ 576 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:15,460 ♪ He is your knight ♪ 577 00:22:17,167 --> 00:22:19,707 ♪ We do it all ♪ 578 00:22:20,250 --> 00:22:24,040 ♪ Hope I can rely ♪ 579 00:22:24,750 --> 00:22:29,040 ♪ I'm gon' bring it to you ♪ 580 00:22:29,125 --> 00:22:31,995 ♪ Bring my sweet love ♪ 581 00:22:33,583 --> 00:22:36,583 ♪ And bring it all home to you ♪ 582 00:22:36,667 --> 00:22:37,827 ♪ Yeah ♪ 583 00:22:37,917 --> 00:22:40,127 -♪ Yeah ♪ -♪ Yeah ♪ 584 00:22:40,208 --> 00:22:42,288 ♪ Yeah ♪ 585 00:22:42,375 --> 00:22:44,075 All right, y'all ready to get down? 586 00:22:44,167 --> 00:22:45,787 One, two, three. 587 00:22:45,875 --> 00:22:48,495 ♪ ("LADY" BY D'ANGELO PLAYING) ♪ 588 00:22:59,583 --> 00:23:02,463 -(SINGING) ♪ Don't think I don't see them looking at ya ♪ -♪ Come on ♪ 589 00:23:02,542 --> 00:23:05,292 ♪ All of them wishing They could have ya ♪ 590 00:23:05,375 --> 00:23:07,165 ♪ And as a matter of fact, uh ♪ 591 00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:09,920 ♪ A bunch of them are itchin' For you to scratch them ♪ 592 00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:12,920 ♪ I'm tired of hiding What we feel ♪ 593 00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:15,540 ♪ I'm trying to come With the real ♪ 594 00:23:15,625 --> 00:23:17,245 ♪ And I'm-a gonna Make it known ♪ 595 00:23:17,333 --> 00:23:19,043 ♪ 'Cause I want them to know ♪ 596 00:23:19,125 --> 00:23:20,325 ♪ Baby, baby ♪ 597 00:23:20,417 --> 00:23:22,247 -♪ You're my little baby ♪ -♪ Baby ♪ 598 00:23:22,333 --> 00:23:25,083 -♪ You're my darling baby ♪ -♪ Baby ♪ 599 00:23:25,167 --> 00:23:27,577 ♪ I swear you're the talk Of the town ♪ 600 00:23:27,667 --> 00:23:30,667 ♪ And everybody wants To know what's going down ♪ 601 00:23:30,750 --> 00:23:32,790 ♪ Babe I know they've seen us before ♪ 602 00:23:33,500 --> 00:23:34,830 ♪ Maybe at the liquor store ♪ 603 00:23:34,917 --> 00:23:36,077 ♪ Maybe at the liquor store ♪ 604 00:23:36,167 --> 00:23:38,037 ♪ Or maybe at The health food stand ♪ 605 00:23:38,125 --> 00:23:39,575 ♪ They don't know That I'm your man ♪ 606 00:23:39,667 --> 00:23:41,167 -♪ Say what ♪ -♪ Wonderful ♪ 607 00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:42,250 ♪ Such a wonderful ♪ 608 00:23:42,333 --> 00:23:43,423 ♪ Such a wonderful ♪ 609 00:23:43,500 --> 00:23:44,540 ♪ Such a wonderful ♪ 610 00:23:44,625 --> 00:23:46,035 ♪ A wonderful lady ♪ 611 00:23:46,125 --> 00:23:47,535 ♪ Such a wonderful ♪ 612 00:23:47,625 --> 00:23:51,165 ♪ Such a wonderful Eh, ooh, baby ♪ 613 00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:52,170 ♪ Such a wonderful ♪ 614 00:23:52,250 --> 00:23:53,460 ♪ So divine ♪ 615 00:23:53,542 --> 00:23:54,882 ♪ Such a wonderful ♪ 616 00:23:54,958 --> 00:23:56,248 ♪ Eh, eh, yeah ♪ 617 00:23:56,333 --> 00:23:58,463 -♪ Such a wonderful ♪ -♪ A wonderful, ah ♪ 618 00:23:58,542 --> 00:23:59,672 ♪ Such a wonderful ♪ 619 00:23:59,750 --> 00:24:01,040 ♪ Such a wonderful feeling ♪ 620 00:24:01,125 --> 00:24:03,375 -♪ Such a wonderful ♪ -♪ I said a wonderful feeling ♪ 621 00:24:03,458 --> 00:24:04,788 ♪ Such a wonderful ♪ 622 00:24:04,875 --> 00:24:06,035 ♪ A wonderful lady ♪ 623 00:24:06,125 --> 00:24:08,575 -♪ Such a wonderful ♪ -♪ Eh, eh, yeah ♪ 624 00:24:08,667 --> 00:24:11,077 ♪ Such a wonderful Such a wonderful lady ♪ 625 00:24:11,167 --> 00:24:13,037 -♪ Such a wonderful ♪ -♪ A wonderful feeling ♪ 626 00:24:13,125 --> 00:24:14,825 -♪ Such a wonderful ♪ -♪ I said, a wonderful ♪ 627 00:24:14,917 --> 00:24:16,457 ♪ You got the key ♪ 628 00:24:16,542 --> 00:24:18,382 ♪ Wonderful, wonderful ♪ 629 00:24:18,458 --> 00:24:20,578 ♪ Such a wonderful I said a wonderful lady ♪ 630 00:24:20,667 --> 00:24:22,207 ♪ Come on, wonderful ♪ 631 00:24:22,042 --> 00:24:23,172 ♪ A wonderful lady ♪ 632 00:24:23,250 --> 00:24:24,330 ♪ Such a wonderful ♪ 633 00:24:24,417 --> 00:24:25,667 ♪ Drive me crazy ♪ 634 00:24:25,750 --> 00:24:28,250 -♪ Such a wonderful ♪ -♪ Eh, eh, yeah ♪ 635 00:24:28,333 --> 00:24:30,503 ♪ I said that, babe You got the key ♪ 636 00:24:31,167 --> 00:24:32,327 ♪ Wonderful ♪ 637 00:24:32,417 --> 00:24:34,457 -♪ Eh, yeah, yeah ♪ -♪ Such a wonderful ♪ 638 00:24:34,542 --> 00:24:37,042 ♪ Such a wonderful Such a wonderful ♪ 639 00:24:37,125 --> 00:24:38,915 -♪ So divine ♪ -♪ Such a wonderful ♪ 640 00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:40,630 ♪ Babe, you're on my mind ♪ 641 00:24:40,708 --> 00:24:41,748 ♪ Such a wonderful ♪ 642 00:24:41,833 --> 00:24:43,173 ♪ Baby mine ♪ 643 00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:44,460 ♪ Such a wonderful ♪ 644 00:24:44,542 --> 00:24:46,172 ♪ Yeah, baby ♪ 645 00:24:47,500 --> 00:24:50,170 (ALL SINGING) ♪ It is just like fire ♪ 646 00:24:51,167 --> 00:24:53,167 ♪ Shut up in my bones Come on ♪ 647 00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:56,040 ♪ It is just like fire Come on ♪ 648 00:24:56,125 --> 00:24:57,825 ♪ Shut up in my bones ♪ 649 00:24:57,917 --> 00:25:00,417 ♪ I said it's just like fire ♪ 650 00:25:01,042 --> 00:25:02,792 ♪ Shut up in my bones ♪ 651 00:25:02,875 --> 00:25:05,825 ♪ I said it's just like fire ♪ 652 00:25:05,917 --> 00:25:07,247 ♪ Shut up in my bones ♪ 653 00:25:07,333 --> 00:25:09,083 ♪ I'm gonna tell the gang ♪ 654 00:25:09,167 --> 00:25:10,377 ♪ Gonna tell the gang ♪ 655 00:25:10,458 --> 00:25:11,748 ♪ I tell the police ♪ 656 00:25:11,833 --> 00:25:12,883 ♪ Tell the police ♪ 657 00:25:12,958 --> 00:25:14,168 ♪ Tell everybody ♪ 658 00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:15,250 ♪ Tell everybody ♪ 659 00:25:15,333 --> 00:25:17,583 -♪ You got to move ♪ -♪ You got to move ♪ 660 00:25:17,667 --> 00:25:18,917 ♪ You got to move ♪ 661 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:20,080 ♪You got to move ♪ 662 00:25:20,167 --> 00:25:22,207 -♪ You got to move ♪ -♪ You got to move ♪ 663 00:25:22,042 --> 00:25:24,712 -♪ I don't know about you ♪ -♪ You got to move ♪ 664 00:25:24,792 --> 00:25:27,172 -♪ I got to move ♪ -♪ You got to move ♪ 665 00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:29,250 -♪ I feel it in my hand ♪ -♪ You got to move ♪ 666 00:25:29,333 --> 00:25:30,833 ♪ Feet it all the way To my feet ♪ 667 00:25:30,917 --> 00:25:32,667 -♪ You got to move ♪ -♪ Stomping the floor ♪ 668 00:25:32,750 --> 00:25:34,210 -♪ Don't mind ♪ -♪ You got to move ♪ 669 00:25:34,292 --> 00:25:36,002 ♪ The woman may return to me ♪ 670 00:25:36,083 --> 00:25:38,083 ♪ Eh, ah, ah I just wanna share it ♪ 671 00:25:38,167 --> 00:25:40,037 ♪ I just wanna hold your hand ♪ 672 00:25:40,125 --> 00:25:41,245 ♪ Wanna hold your hand ♪ 673 00:25:41,333 --> 00:25:43,833 -♪ I just wanna hold your hand ♪ -♪ I just wanna hold your hand ♪ 674 00:25:43,917 --> 00:25:46,037 -♪ I just wanna hold your hand ♪ -♪ I just wanna hold your hand ♪ 675 00:25:46,125 --> 00:25:48,035 -♪ You know you're pretty good ♪ -♪ I just wanna hold your hand ♪ 676 00:25:48,125 --> 00:25:50,375 -♪ I just wanna hold your hand ♪ -♪ I just wanna hold your hand ♪ 677 00:25:50,458 --> 00:25:51,958 ♪ I just wanna hold your hand ♪ 678 00:25:52,042 --> 00:25:53,172 ♪ I just wanna hold your hand ♪ 679 00:25:53,250 --> 00:25:54,500 ♪ Don't ya being good ♪ 680 00:25:54,583 --> 00:25:55,713 ♪ Don't ya being good ♪ 681 00:25:55,792 --> 00:25:57,752 -♪ The woman really good ♪ -♪ The woman really ♪ 682 00:25:57,833 --> 00:25:59,583 ♪ The woman really The woman really good ♪ 683 00:25:59,667 --> 00:26:03,167 ♪ The woman really good Eh, eh, eh ♪ 684 00:26:03,250 --> 00:26:05,080 ♪ She's drunk ♪ 685 00:26:05,167 --> 00:26:10,747 ♪ Lets go home ♪ 686 00:26:15,917 --> 00:26:17,707 (AUDIENCE CLAPPING, CHEERING) 687 00:26:20,542 --> 00:26:23,212 Hey, I'd like to thank our guests, Jenifer Lewis 688 00:26:23,292 --> 00:26:25,042 and my special musical guests. 689 00:26:25,125 --> 00:26:26,665 We're gonna be seein' a lot more of them, 690 00:26:26,750 --> 00:26:29,170 they're gonna be performin' together, so watch out! 691 00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:31,080 Yo, Flash, take us out of here, all right? 692 00:26:31,167 --> 00:26:33,167 ♪ (MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 693 00:26:33,217 --> 00:26:37,767 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 53251

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