All language subtitles for Pivoting.S01E04.720p.WEB.H264-CAKES - HI

[ Music plays ]

Okay, I'm gonna say
that you like water sports,

because that'll make you
10% more attractive.

This is dumb. I don't need to be
on a dating app.

This is a great place
to meet people.

I helped a very nice woman
to her car the other night.

Oh, no, we know.
The banana hoarderer.

It's "hoarder."
Okay, we get it.

You went to med school,
alright?

Well, yes, that is the woman
I'm talking about,

and... fine.

Say I like water sports.
I just Googled "water sports."

I think it means something
different on the apps.

Ugh. Okay, we're gonna
do the profile picture now.

Yeah. Thanks.

Now? Yeah. Let's
lead with the boobs.

What? I can't believe
you're doing this.

What's happening?
Ugh.

Read 'em and weep.
Let's go.

Huh.
Ooh.

Now, what is that?

Is that a nursing bra?

It's my work bra!

It's got support in the front
for lifting.

Oh, okay.
So if you don't want someone

with a moving truck,
you're gonna wanna ditch that.

Here, I've got something
that'll make them pop.

It's Tuesday "sex night"
with Dan, and, you know.

This is the only time
it's gonna come off, so...

Oh.

I'll be right here,
just waiting.

Here you go.
No, no, no, no, no.

That doesn't go
with those pants.

I don't wear underwear
in these, so...

[♪♪]

♪ Hey! ♪

[♪♪]

Sarah: Guys, there's no one
worth dating on these apps.

It's like online shopping,

but there's nothing
in my size or style.

Well,
at least you're bi.

I mean, imagine if you had
to choose from only the men.

Wait a minute. Does that say
"Good Vibes Only"?

Oh, God.
That's not very inclusive.

Oh, okay. Here.

Here's someone who doesn't
completely make me sick.

Oh, yeah.

You two would have
very attractive sex.

Right?
Amy: Hang on.

Does that say
Merrick Skateway?

Look at her background.

[ Gasps ] It is.

She's wearing the uniform.
She works there.

We have to go
check her out.

And we can skate!
Amy, we can take our kids.

It would be so fun.

I was gonna bring them to that
booger-infested playground

at the mall, but no,
I guess this is a step up.

Guys, I don't even want to be
dating,

much less have you as
my wingmen with your children.

Mm. But you are never
gonna find happiness

if you don't
put yourself out there.

It's all about
manifesting joy.

Or so says O Magazine.

Oh, crap on a stick.

It's a mother
from Luke's school.

Hide me, please.

[♪♪]

Oh, excuse me.
Did she just avoid me?

The nerve!

Hi!
I thought that was you!

It's me.

[ Both laugh awkwardly ]

I just want to say
I'm sorry

Luke wasn't invited
to Dylan's party.

I didn't... I didn't know
that he had a p...

There was a party.
Yeah.

It's just that we're encouraging
Dylan to be more authentic,

and he doesn't feel like he
and Luke have a lot in common,

so it would be inauthentic
to pretend they're friends.

Dylan likes animals,
but not all the time.

Yeah, right.
No, of course.

Um, we're...
We're all grown-ups here, so...

[ Both laugh ]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No big deal.

Oh, one thing, um...

I want you to know
that I avoided you first.

Okay, Dylan's Mom?

[♪♪]

Luke isn't getting invited
to birthday parties now.

I mean, what is that?

When we were kids,
we were taught to be nice.

Everyone was invited,
even the losers.

And we got a lifelong friendship
out of it.

Yes! Who... Wait.
Who are you talking about?

Hey, hey, hey.
You got a foot in the door.

[ Gasps ]
Let's all just be grateful.

[♪♪]

[ Chuckles ]

Can I have one
of the new Popsicles?

Depends.

Who's the best mom
in the whole world?

You are!
[ Laughs ]

[ Cellphone ringing ]
Grocery shopping

is so much more fun
when you come with...

[ Screams ]

Hi.

Hey, Jodie.

Uh, I read that Oprah article
you told me about.

It is awesome.

Isn't Oprah the best?
[ Grunts ]

Mommy!
I want a Popsicle!

Yeah, totally.

Um, hey, so, I am working
on manifesting my joy,

and there's something
that I wanted to ask you about,

but, um...

kind of worried that
it might be inappropriate.

You can talk to me
about anything.

Mommy, I want Popsicles!

I want Pop...

Go get it!
Sorry, that wasn't to you.

[ Sighs ]

Oh, man, the gym would kill me
if they knew

I was asking
a client this.

Can you give me advice on
starting my own fitness company?

Oh.

But it's gonna be more
than a company, you know?

It's gonna be
a-a fitness empire...

Classes, supplements,
sleeveless T-shirts, you know?

That all sounds great,
but why do you think I can help?

Well, I mean, you used
to work at a bank.

You understand money
and business.

Plus, I've seen you use
the Reminders app on your phone,

and that is awesome.

Yeah,
I'm pretty awesome.

Have you ever considered
taking some business courses

at Nassau
Community College?

I knew you would
have the answer.

You always have the answer.
You are such a real grown-up.

Oh, shoot.
I gotta go.

Um, I got a client, but I will
talk to you later, okay?

Thank you so much.

Really, it was nothing.

Alright, bye.

Oy.

[ Door unlocks ]

Don't tell your brother
you licked those.

They're tonight's dessert.

Mommy's home.

Hi, Mommy.
Hi, Mommy.

Ooh, look, Julia.
That's your mommy, remember?

Okay, I think she knows
who I am, Gloria.

You're home early. Yeah, a guy
fell off the scaffolding at the site.

He'll be fine, but we're
pretending he won't, so half day.

[ Chuckles ]
Hey, Luke, guess what.

You and I are gonna go
to the roller rink right now.

But I want to work on this
700-piece puzzle

of an African Bear.

Mm-hmm, okay, okay.
So here's the thing.

We're gonna have a little chat
right now, okay?

Alright, I'm gonna
shoot you straight.

It's time to broaden
our horizons.

I mean, the animal stuff,
it's very cool, but it's a lot,

and I think it alienates
the other kids.

And plus, you can't go
drinking in college

with African Bears,
right?

Of course you can't.

African Bears have been extinct
for thousands of years.

Yeah, Mommy.

Okay, I need you
to try to be cool, okay?

I am begging you.

I know you love
spending time with me,

but it would mean a lot
to your mom

if you went
roller skating.

We'll do
the puzzle tomorrow.

Okay, Gloria.

Doing a great job,
buddy.

I don't know
what the problem is.

He's a perfect
little angel.

He's not getting invited
to birthday parties, Gloria.

It's their loss.

Okay, we have to
fire Gloria.

She's way too supportive
of Luke.

We need someone
more shame-y.

I think you got
that covered.

What are you doing?
I'm trying to fix him, okay?

This is all your fault.

He gets the whole animal
obsession thing from you.

I'm not obsessed.

I just like them
and know everything about them.

Plus, I got invited to plenty
of birthday parties.

It's because you've been
handsome since birth.

Yes, but also 'cause
I was so good at magic.

You keep that to yourself. Okay.

Look, I was Luke's age
when I met Coleen.

He's not even gonna have
a dead friend to mourn.

Don't worry, I'm sure
something tragic

will happen to
someone he loves.

Oh, God. I hope so.
I don't...

Okay,
I'm not taking Julia,

so since you're home,
thank you.

Why can't we ask Gloria
to stay?

Because I'm home.
Obviously.

That's...
Luke!

Jodie: [ Gasps ]
You guys!

After all these years,

it still smells like pound cake
in here.

Aw, Jodie.

That's old skate sweat
and carpet fungus.

That is what that is.

Guys, do you remember
Couples Skate?

It was so hard to skate

and make out at the same time,
but we did it.

It was!

We managed to do it.
Yeah, I didn't.

That was my cue to hit
the concession stand.

I used to use the licorice rope
as a microphone and lip-sync

to all of the slow songs,
and then I'd eat it.

[ Gasps ] Oh, my God.
It's still here.

It's still here!
I was so popular.

Luke really does get it
from Henry.

I mean, I can't believe
Evan and Nora

didn't want to come with,
but their loss.

I mean, can't you just
force them to do things

until they're big enough
to overpower you?

Oh, no.
They're very strong

from all the karate
they end up quitting.

Oh. I mean, did anyone
really like skating?

I feel like it was just
the place to be.

Only the losers, like,
liked skating. True.

Mom,
skating looks awesome!

Aww, of course
you think so, buddy.

Guys, guys, guys.
There's Seema.

Okay, go rent skates,
check her out first,

see if she'll murder me
in my sleep

or if she's hot enough
to make it worth it, okay?

Come on, Mom!
Let's get skates now!

Yes, yes.
Go get skates.

And, Luke,
when you're there,

find out if the lady
behind the counter

has a lower back tattoo.

Okay!
Okay.

Yeah, that is a
deal-breaker. Great kid.

He's... He's okay.

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

Whoa.

This must be what baby penguins
feel like

as they find their footing
for the first time.

Or how a little boy feels
when he first learns to skate,

is a more normal way
to say it.

Hey, Luke.
You get my intel?

Nope.
Nope?

How was Seema?
Was she terrible?

She was terrible.
I knew she'd be terrible.

Let's go.
No, she was nice.

Super friendly.

That's worse than terrible.
It's boring.

God, you're ridiculous.
Just go talk to her.

It's a first date
at a roller rink.

There's no place for
this relationship to go but up.

True.
How do I look?

Good. Oh, wait.
You've got a...

Actually...

Oh, my God.
O-Okay. Ahh! Huh. [ Sighs ]

Hopefully I dry off
before I get there.

Thank you.
So pretty.

So pretty.

Hey, ready to hit the rink
with me?

Nope, definitely not.

These skates were
just for optics.

Cool.
I can manifest my own joy.

It's gonna be
the old routine...

Skate, Pac-Man, slushy,
repeat.

Jodie, um, you know that
if you didn't let me

cheat off you
when we were younger,

we probably wouldn't
be friends, right?

[ Chuckles ]
You're funny.

Oh.
Oh.

Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie.

I'll save it
for when they play ABBA.

[♪♪]

Bye, Mom!

[♪♪]

You must love that... putting
smiles on their little faces.

Uh, truthfully, not really
a big fan of kids.

[ Gasps ]
Oh, I can't stand them.

Dirty little germ buckets,
am I right?

Do you have a pair
of unused skates?

Uh, men's size 4
haven't been touched.

Even the guys with that size
will lie and ask for a 10.

Right.

Um, full disclosure, I-I'm
actually not here to skate.

Um, I saw your profile
on my dating app,

and I dragged my friends down
here to check you out first.

Is... Is that weird?
Pretty weird.

Too weird?

I get it.
Everyone's fake on the apps.

So I take it your friends
approved of me, then?

They were pretty useless,
um, but, you know,

I took a leap of faith,
and so far you don't disappoint.

Um, but it is still early.
I haven't seen you chew.

[ Laughs ]

Then, uh, I guess
we should hang out.

I have two bottles
of strawberry wine

I confiscated
from some teenagers.

Wanna get hammered
and, uh, hit the rink?

Break out
the men's size 4.

[♪♪]

Rink DJ:
What up, skaters?

It's time to limbo!

Limbo!

Whoo!

How low can she go?

Nice one!

[♪♪]

Come on,
our next lucky limbo skater!

This does not bring me joy.

Well, did you preheat
the oven, Dan?

Yes, well, that's why
the pizza's cold in the middle.

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

Oh, I'm having major flashbacks
of you during Couples Skate.

At least back then I still had
hope things would get better.

Could still cling
to my dreams

of a husband and kids
and a house.

You got all that.

It's not how I imagined.

I wanted
the fairytale version.

I wanted my life to feel
like "Pretty in Pink."

Oh, my God.
No, you didn't.

First of all,
that dress was a disaster.

[ Gasps ] Redheads
should not wear pink.

Who said
she could wear that?

I'm saying it.
She made that dress.

Yeah.
It looked like a potato sack.

Okay, clearly,
you don't get it.

I can't manifest joy.

Nothing ever changes.

Nothing ever changes.

Nothing ever changes.

I want to skate with Matt.
That'll never happen.

That's just another
dumb fantasy.

If they don't sell
licorice rope,

I am burning
this place down.

Ooh. [ Chuckles ]

Exciting.

Oh.

♪ Ooo ♪

♪ I just wanna get away ♪

Luke: Mom, look!

I'm so fast, I'm like
a peregrine falcon.

Oh, that's great, Luke.

Maybe just reel it
in a little bit, buddy.

♪ Ooo ♪

♪ We could find a better place ♪

[ Laughter ]

♪ Ooo ♪

♪ We could find a better place ♪

[♪♪]

Okay.
Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, girls.

Hey.
Where do you get off?

I bet you don't even know
what a peregrine falcon is.

You want to know why?
'Cause you're basic.

[ Scoffs ]
Whatever.

♪ We could find a better place ♪

♪ Better, better, better ♪
Flap away, Luke.

Flap your little heart out,
buddy.

Flap your little heart out.
Go.

Yeah.

[ Dance beat plays ]

Okay, alright.
This seems like...

Oof.
Oh, God.

This is really wedged
in there. Right?

I think it might just be
a part of you now.

Um, your profile said
you worked out,

so give it a go.

Okay.
Okay.

[ Grunts ]

Oh!

[ Both laugh ]

Oh, my gosh.
Ahh.

[ Sighs ]

You know, you should really
get this checked out.

It looks like an asymmetrical
melanocytic nevus.

It's got some concerning
discoloration to it, as well.

Geez, you sound like
a doctor.

Oh, I was. I mean,
before I was a bagger.

I didn't kill anyone.
It... It was a choice.

Wow.

Wow, wow.

It's been
12 whole minutes

and you had to stick it
in there

that you're a doctor.

Oh, I'm... N-No.

It's just because I saw
something, you know,

possibly pre-cancerous
on your face.

No, it was important
for you

that I know
you're not just a bagger.

And clearly, you just had
to rub it in my face.

I think you might have
an inferiority complex.

Oh, so you're
a psychologist now, too?

Oh, no.
I was a real doctor.

Wow. [ Scoffs ]

I think we're done here.
I'm gonna get your shoes.

Okay.

Because I'm just
a shoe person.

Mm, not a very good one.
These aren't mine.

Wow.

Yeah, right there.

Hey, everybody. We got
the reverse-skate coming up.

Uhhhh... Hi.

You can't talk to my kid
like that!

Oh, God.
I talk to all kids like that.

Plus, it was your kid
who insulted my weird son,

so if anyone deserves
an apology, it's me.

Oh, God. I don't like
where this is going!

Brace yourselves,
party people!

Okay, go over here.
It's time to... rewind!

Re... What?
Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.
Ahh!

Okay, I'm sorry!

[♪♪]

[ Humming ]

[♪♪]

And we're going to get
kicked out, just like always.

Amy: Okay, okay, look.
I'm sorry.

Your daughter's
really great!

This is all
my husband's fault.

He is the one
that you want!

Amy, grab on!

Oh, my God,
you saved me!

You feel so thin.

Oh! Matt has me doing
burpees.

Clearly
the gym sparks joy.

Oh, my... Excuse me.

[ Gasps ]
We started a conga line!

No! Get off! Get off!
I'm not into this.

Aw, you're no fun.

Oh, my God, you really are
a good skater.

I know.
You know what, though?

I was never really good
at stopping, so, uh...

Wait, what do you mean?
Yeah.

Save yourself.
Oh, my God!

Ugh!

This day just keeps
getting better.

Oh, God.
Are you okay, Mommy?

Yeah, no.
I meant to do all that.

[ Laughter ]

That's right, keep skating,
or my mom will attack you

like a red-tailed hawk
eats a rabbit!

Yeah!
Raarrr!

Oh. That's not
what they sound like.

Okay, you need to
work with me

a little bit here,
okay, buddy?

♪ Yeah, let's celebrate ♪

You sure you gave me
your shoes?

Well, I didn't come
in socks.

Wow.

Hey.
Hey, guys. Let's go.

Forget about your shoes.
You're never gonna find them.

Oh.

They can't leave
with their skates.

Well, thanks to you, they also
can't leave with their shoes.

Good luck
with your face.

♪ It's time to laugh, to love ♪

- ♪ To let it all go ♪
- I hate you guys for making me date.

I feel like that's on Diana
for blowing up your marriage.

Meh. Mating for life
is overrated.

No, I think I need to lock
something down

while I'm still hot.

Luke. Luke!

Ca-caw! Ca-caw!

Time to fly the coop,
baby bird.

Own it. Own it, baby bird.
You got this.

♪ Yeah, let's do this ♪

♪ We're gonna have a
party, gonna celebrate ♪ Aww.

[ Knock on door ]

[ Lila crying ]

Oh.

Whenever I had
a crappy day,

I would come here and Coleen
would take my mind off it.

Well, she's not here. So
out of habit, I-I came by.

Great. Lila's in her crib.
You guys can cry together.

I'm gonna go to bed.

You're not wearing
any shoes.

She's teething.
Good luck.

Well, if I'm gonna keep getting
in fights

at the roller rink,
I have to start training.

Hey, do you think I can
do Krav Maga on skates?

Is that a thing?
You know what?

I'm proud of you
for embracing our son,

in your own bizarre way.

Well, I mean,
it's just who I am now.

I'm a red-tailed hawk,
so...

Is that right?
Mm.

Oh.

Well, come here, you
winged beast. [ Chuckles ]

[ Knock on door ]
Oh, and that's a kid.

Okay.
[ Door opens ]

Pick a card, any card.

Aww. You know
you're the reason

bad things happen,
right?

Are you gonna let him
do the trick?

Mm-hmm.
Pick a card, Mommy.

There we go.

[ Siren wails in distance ]

[♪♪]

[ Car alarm chirps ]

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

Hey!

I'll give you a lift.

Oh, sorry.

Ignore that.

Thanks. This parking lot
always gives me the creeps.

Ah, you got the guns
to protect yourself.

I got a spot
by the back door.

It's right up next to
the dumpster, though,

but you can just crawl
out on my side.

♪ We fight and delight
in the tears that we cry ♪

♪ Until dawn ♪

♪ Oh, whoa ♪

♪ Hold me now ♪

[ Engine turns off ]
[ Sighs ]

Hey, so, I have some, uh,
kind of major news.

I signed up for some
of those business courses.

Oh, fantastic.
Yeah.

That's great news.
Yeah.

I'm really glad that I came
to you about that.

I mean, you're
the smartest person I know.

[ Laughs ]
The smartest?

Yeah.
Rea... You think?

Yeah. Yeah, really. Really?

I, uh... I think that you're
the total package.

Thank you.

That brings me joy.

Um, and there's
something else

that I-I've been wanting
to tell you.

Um...

and if I don't just say it now,
I'm... I'm...

♪ Go far away ♪

I'm very attracted
to you.

♪ There's nowhere
that I'd rather be ♪

I think you're cute,
too.

Really?

Because I-I've been wanting
to kiss you for awhile now.

♪ Whoa, warm my heart ♪

Oh, God.
That was inappropriate.

I'm so sorr...
And you can't even get out.

I-I've trapped you!
I'm a sexual predator!

You're not! It's okay 'cause
I'm very into it. I'm so sorry.

And it would only be
a kiss.

Yeah?

Well...

No. No.
You're married.

I mean, yes, we are
technically married,

but we're not...
doing great.

I'm sorry to hear that.

♪ ...me and we're laughing,
we're loving it all ♪

Well, it's more
than just kissing.

I'd really like
to do more.

[♪♪]

And that was more inappropriate,
and I'm so sorry.

I-I keep... I don't know why
I just keep just talking.

Can I lose eight more pounds
first?

♪ ...tears that we cry
until dawn ♪

Before we do more?

♪ Oh, hold me now ♪

♪ Whoa, warm my heart ♪

Can we make it
six pounds?

- ♪ Stay with me ♪
- Definitely. Let's go do burpees.

Okay.

♪ Let loving start,
let loving start ♪

I got it. Okay. I'll help you.

♪ Whoa-oa-oa ♪