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1
00:00:00,638 --> 00:00:03,910
you better have a good reason for
getting us out of bed this early, jerk.
2
00:00:03,911 --> 00:00:06,563
I got a goddamn great reason
for getting you out of bed.
3
00:00:06,564 --> 00:00:08,583
This bar is hemorrhaging money.
4
00:00:08,584 --> 00:00:11,521
You gotta spend money to make
money: Economics 101, dude.
5
00:00:11,522 --> 00:00:13,316
You're bleeding us to death,
6
00:00:13,317 --> 00:00:15,839
especially with that
company credit card you got.
7
00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:19,754
That is for business expenses, Frank.
Everything on there is a business expense.
8
00:00:19,755 --> 00:00:23,556
Who spent $500 for laser hair removal?
9
00:00:23,557 --> 00:00:26,402
Right over here, slick. Don't want to have
hair down there. You know what I'm saying?
10
00:00:26,403 --> 00:00:29,332
Who spent $5,000 for a samurai sword?
11
00:00:29,333 --> 00:00:30,632
Your head of security.
12
00:00:30,633 --> 00:00:32,515
Yeah. Just wait till he saves
your life one day with it.
13
00:00:32,516 --> 00:00:34,224
$6,000 on a camcorder.
14
00:00:34,225 --> 00:00:36,292
Well, I decided what
I'm going to do is I'm
15
00:00:36,293 --> 00:00:38,376
going to take all those
hilarious characters that I've
16
00:00:38,377 --> 00:00:41,085
been creating over the past
several years, to put them on tape,
17
00:00:41,086 --> 00:00:42,842
I'm going to put them on YouTube.
18
00:00:42,843 --> 00:00:45,335
That way, I can get discovered
by, like, a casting director or
19
00:00:45,336 --> 00:00:47,241
a producer, get some kind
of a TV development deal.
20
00:00:47,261 --> 00:00:50,086
Yeah, right. So the point is, Frank,
is that these are all business expenses.
21
00:00:50,087 --> 00:00:52,350
I mean, some are definitely
more realistic than others.
22
00:00:52,351 --> 00:00:53,900
- Yeah. Not that one.
- No, not at all.
23
00:00:53,901 --> 00:00:56,566
But, nonetheless, it was, I believe,
bought as a business expense.
24
00:00:56,567 --> 00:00:57,978
They're not business expenses.
25
00:00:57,979 --> 00:01:00,100
What I bought is a business expense.
26
00:01:00,118 --> 00:01:02,941
What I bought is something
that's going to save our asses.
27
00:01:02,942 --> 00:01:04,822
Okay. Yeah. All right.
28
00:01:04,823 --> 00:01:07,619
- What did you get?
- I bought a billboard.
29
00:01:07,710 --> 00:01:35,238
its always.sunny in philly 403
30
00:01:35,242 --> 00:01:37,683
Synchro : Flolo
31
00:01:39,345 --> 00:01:40,992
Okay, so I'm thinking
32
00:01:40,993 --> 00:01:43,457
we write on the billboard,
in nice big letters, "We have
33
00:01:43,458 --> 00:01:45,570
two-for-one drink
specials on Thursdays."
34
00:01:45,571 --> 00:01:48,152
And, on the bottom, you have a
hilarious picture of Green Man
35
00:01:48,153 --> 00:01:50,811
kicking someone in the nuts. And people
will go, "Hey, what's this wacky place?
36
00:01:50,812 --> 00:01:54,483
- Where can I have those drinks?"
- It is really astonishing how bad your idea is.
37
00:01:54,484 --> 00:01:56,322
- How is that a bad idea?
- Go sit down.
38
00:01:56,323 --> 00:01:58,280
The adults are working.
The adults are working.
39
00:01:58,281 --> 00:02:00,041
When we need a child, we'll call you.
40
00:02:00,042 --> 00:02:03,217
Dennis, you and I on the same
team. Hot chick up on the billboard.
41
00:02:03,293 --> 00:02:04,842
- Sex sells. Boom.
- absolutely.
42
00:02:04,843 --> 00:02:08,068
It's Advertising 101: long legs,
taut breasts and tight poopers.
43
00:02:08,069 --> 00:02:10,139
I'm just going to jump in
here real quick and point out
44
00:02:10,140 --> 00:02:12,202
that this is the point in the
conversation where I would volunteer
45
00:02:12,203 --> 00:02:14,070
to be the girl on the
billboard, and then you guys
46
00:02:14,071 --> 00:02:16,041
would talk about how ugly you
think I am, and compare me to
47
00:02:16,042 --> 00:02:18,710
- some sort of giant bird.
- You look so much like a bird.
48
00:02:18,711 --> 00:02:21,151
- Dennis, I was thinking fish recently.
- Really?
49
00:02:21,152 --> 00:02:23,107
Yeah. Her eyes are so far
apart, they're like they're on...
50
00:02:23,108 --> 00:02:25,870
Okay, okay, but I don't
want to be on your billboard.
51
00:02:25,871 --> 00:02:28,265
I'm not going to ask to be because
you wouldn't let me be on it anyway.
52
00:02:28,266 --> 00:02:30,179
No. That's sensible. You
don't even have to ask.
53
00:02:30,242 --> 00:02:33,490
There's no way you can
be up on that billboard.
54
00:02:33,491 --> 00:02:36,417
- Let me get the point out! The point is...
- She's better than you.
55
00:02:36,418 --> 00:02:38,665
I don't want to be on your
billboard, and I'll tell you why.
56
00:02:38,666 --> 00:02:40,569
I'm going to take one of my
characters and I'm going to
57
00:02:40,570 --> 00:02:43,287
launch a viral video and
promote Paddy's myself.
58
00:02:43,345 --> 00:02:46,597
A viral video? There's about a billion
of those on YouTube. Who gives a shit?
59
00:02:46,598 --> 00:02:48,581
you think anyone gives
a shit about a billboard?
60
00:02:48,582 --> 00:02:50,326
Wake up, donkeys.
61
00:02:50,327 --> 00:02:53,116
The Internet is where it's at, and
I'm going to be an Internet sensation.
62
00:02:53,191 --> 00:02:55,860
You're totally right. If you don't
mind, I'm going to come with you.
63
00:02:55,861 --> 00:02:58,651
Maybe I can throw Green Man
into a couple of your videos,
64
00:02:58,652 --> 00:03:00,645
you know, and work it out.
That'll get a lot of hits.
65
00:03:00,646 --> 00:03:02,908
You can help me out, Charlie,
but we're not going to put Green
66
00:03:02,909 --> 00:03:04,655
- Man into anything.
- Well, we'll see about that.
67
00:03:04,656 --> 00:03:06,294
- We'll see about that.
- Well, we will.
68
00:03:06,295 --> 00:03:08,111
All right. Later, dudes!
69
00:03:08,112 --> 00:03:11,937
"S" you in your "A"s, don't wear
"C"s, and "J" all over your "B"s.
70
00:03:12,516 --> 00:03:14,819
Why would he not want a "C"...?
71
00:03:14,820 --> 00:03:17,359
I don't even know what he's talking
about half the time, bro, but...
72
00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:18,928
hey, Frank, I'm glad you're here, bro.
73
00:03:18,929 --> 00:03:21,139
- We're talking billboard ideas.
- Don't waste your time.
74
00:03:21,140 --> 00:03:23,408
I know what the billboard's
going to look like already:
75
00:03:23,409 --> 00:03:28,696
two gorgeous girls up there, giant
cans, me in the middle with my thumbs up.
76
00:03:28,697 --> 00:03:31,007
Well, that's just simply
not going to happen.
77
00:03:31,008 --> 00:03:32,932
Actually, maybe Frank has a point, dude.
78
00:03:32,933 --> 00:03:35,179
Maybe weshouldput a dude
up there, certainly not him.
79
00:03:35,180 --> 00:03:38,300
but if we put some hot beefcake up
there, maybe it will attract more chicks.
80
00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:41,769
That's a good point. Okay, I like
that. Let's slapmypicture up there.
81
00:03:41,770 --> 00:03:44,100
It's about time I got my modeling
career off the ground anyway.
82
00:03:44,101 --> 00:03:45,939
Don't flatter yourself.
83
00:03:45,940 --> 00:03:49,052
You're not going to be up there
because I'm going to be the face
84
00:03:49,053 --> 00:03:51,191
- of Paddy's Bar.
- That's ridiculous, Frank.
85
00:03:51,192 --> 00:03:53,748
You're... ugly.
86
00:03:54,395 --> 00:03:56,325
What? Ugly?
87
00:03:56,326 --> 00:03:57,837
- I'm ugly?
- Yeah.
88
00:03:57,838 --> 00:04:01,059
With that anteater nose,
you're telling meI'mugly.
89
00:04:01,060 --> 00:04:04,502
My nose was chiseled by
the gods themselves, Frank.
90
00:04:04,565 --> 00:04:08,352
My body was sculpted to the
proportions of Michelangelo's David.
91
00:04:08,826 --> 00:04:10,941
You, on the other hand, well...
92
00:04:11,646 --> 00:04:13,810
you're a pit of despair.
93
00:04:14,050 --> 00:04:16,116
Frank, you disgust me.
94
00:04:16,313 --> 00:04:18,465
You disgust everyone.
95
00:04:18,618 --> 00:04:23,874
And you will never, ever
be on that billboard.
96
00:04:30,708 --> 00:04:33,129
Good morning, Philadelphia!
97
00:04:33,130 --> 00:04:36,027
I'm Crazy Paddy, and
I'm coming to you from
98
00:04:36,028 --> 00:04:38,297
Paddy's Pub, telling
you to come on down.
99
00:04:38,298 --> 00:04:40,745
We're slashing prices so low
100
00:04:40,746 --> 00:04:44,480
you won't need a pot of gold to get
sloppy. So come on down to Paddy's.
101
00:04:44,481 --> 00:04:46,887
It's insane!
102
00:04:46,888 --> 00:04:49,096
- What is that?
- Did you like that?
103
00:04:49,097 --> 00:04:50,831
No. That's not what
YouTube videos are like.
104
00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:53,060
- that's a great character.
- No, That's like a bad
105
00:04:53,061 --> 00:04:55,839
late-night commercial you'd see, like,
on the cable network or something.
106
00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:58,116
Maybe you didn't get it. I'm crazy
'cause I'm pricing the beer too low.
107
00:04:58,117 --> 00:04:59,948
I think I got it. I think I got it.
108
00:04:59,949 --> 00:05:01,590
The beer's too low for what
average beer prices are.
109
00:05:01,591 --> 00:05:03,655
All right, you know what?
Let's just do it again,
110
00:05:03,656 --> 00:05:05,537
maybe throw in some more
jokes or something, you know?
111
00:05:05,538 --> 00:05:07,525
- Make it funnier.
- You're absolutely right.
112
00:05:07,526 --> 00:05:08,994
You can make it funnier.
you're a funny girl.
113
00:05:08,995 --> 00:05:10,461
You ready?
114
00:05:10,462 --> 00:05:12,463
Good morning, Philadelphia.
115
00:05:12,464 --> 00:05:14,556
I'm Crazy Paddy.
116
00:05:15,392 --> 00:05:17,224
Oh, my God!
117
00:05:17,225 --> 00:05:18,650
Why...?
118
00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:21,109
Now, that was funny.
Dee, that's awesome!
119
00:05:21,110 --> 00:05:23,268
- what do you that?
- That's what YouTube video is.
120
00:05:23,269 --> 00:05:24,436
That's funny?
121
00:05:24,437 --> 00:05:26,265
You ever see those girls
mashing the grapes, and then
122
00:05:26,266 --> 00:05:28,407
- slips and she's, like...?
- Why did you do that, Charlie?
123
00:05:28,408 --> 00:05:30,497
- That's what people want to see.
- Oh, my God!
124
00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:34,345
People getting injured or
seriously hurt-- that's funny!
125
00:05:34,346 --> 00:05:37,169
Okay? Let's just do
this. This is... Trust me.
126
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:39,079
This is what gets hits on YouTube.
127
00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:41,149
- All right. Are you ready?
- Yeah. I was ready from...
128
00:05:41,150 --> 00:05:42,682
Stop talking.
129
00:05:43,936 --> 00:05:45,989
I'm crazy Patty...
130
00:05:45,990 --> 00:05:47,787
Nope. Okay.
131
00:05:48,041 --> 00:05:49,750
I'm Crazy Patty...
132
00:05:49,751 --> 00:05:51,735
What are you doing? You're
lunging every time now.
133
00:05:51,736 --> 00:05:52,928
I'm sorry.
134
00:05:52,946 --> 00:05:55,926
I can't concentrate when I'm about to
get blasted in the face with a ball.
135
00:05:55,927 --> 00:05:57,795
I'll blast you all over
if you flinch again.
136
00:05:57,796 --> 00:05:59,161
Let's just do this.
137
00:05:59,162 --> 00:06:00,907
Let's just do this. Action!
138
00:06:00,908 --> 00:06:03,108
Goddamn!
139
00:06:03,109 --> 00:06:04,546
- Goddamn!
- That is funny.
140
00:06:04,547 --> 00:06:06,929
I don't like it, Charlie.
I don't think it's funny.
141
00:06:08,007 --> 00:06:10,282
It doesn't hurt too bad.
142
00:06:13,352 --> 00:06:17,165
Bro, can you believe how many
hot chicks showed up for a
143
00:06:17,166 --> 00:06:19,584
casting call for a billboard?
How have we not done this before?
144
00:06:19,585 --> 00:06:21,737
Yeah. Yeah, man. Plus, think about it.
145
00:06:21,738 --> 00:06:23,573
Dennis Reynolds, 40
feet tall and shirtless.
146
00:06:23,574 --> 00:06:25,910
- it's going to be so perfect!
- Let's go.
147
00:06:25,911 --> 00:06:28,427
- Just take your places over there.
- Frank, what are you doing?
148
00:06:28,428 --> 00:06:30,295
- We're looking for models, right?
- Yeah.
149
00:06:30,296 --> 00:06:32,042
I went on a stud hunt.
150
00:06:32,043 --> 00:06:33,699
I came back with beefcake.
151
00:06:33,700 --> 00:06:35,851
What are you talking about,
Frank? I'm the male model.
152
00:06:36,195 --> 00:06:38,273
Rex? Rex?
153
00:06:38,274 --> 00:06:40,016
What are these guys
for? We don't need Rex.
154
00:06:40,017 --> 00:06:41,043
Take your shirt off.
155
00:06:41,078 --> 00:06:43,029
Come on, you don't need
to take your shirt off.
156
00:06:43,030 --> 00:06:44,935
well, okay, if you're
looking for that...
157
00:06:44,936 --> 00:06:47,517
Now, that, that is what
you call a stallion.
158
00:06:47,518 --> 00:06:48,513
That is a stallion.
159
00:06:48,514 --> 00:06:50,825
I didn't know you guys were
looking for a stallion. I'm a stallion.
160
00:06:50,826 --> 00:06:54,158
Dennis, you think
Frank's got a point here?
161
00:06:54,159 --> 00:06:56,590
I don't think he has a
point. I'm a stallion.
162
00:06:58,330 --> 00:07:00,248
All right, this is messy.
163
00:07:00,972 --> 00:07:05,478
look, buddy, 2003 Dennis, okay,
he was Grade-A prime beefcake.
164
00:07:05,479 --> 00:07:07,376
No one is disputing
that. He was a stallion.
165
00:07:07,377 --> 00:07:09,689
But 2008 Dennis is in decline.
166
00:07:09,690 --> 00:07:11,276
Take a look at Rex here.
167
00:07:11,277 --> 00:07:13,374
That is a body that just won't quit.
168
00:07:13,375 --> 00:07:16,609
I bet if you pop those pants off, you're
gonna find a bird that just won't quit either.
169
00:07:16,610 --> 00:07:19,465
And I think that'll come
in handy in this situation.
170
00:07:19,466 --> 00:07:21,850
I think the problem here
is that your body quit.
171
00:07:21,851 --> 00:07:23,401
Your bird quit.
172
00:07:23,402 --> 00:07:25,684
And unfortunately, it's no longer legit.
173
00:07:25,685 --> 00:07:27,231
What the hell you
talking about, my bird?
174
00:07:27,266 --> 00:07:28,896
All right, let's get
back to business here.
175
00:07:28,897 --> 00:07:31,290
Attention, ladies, I'm
gonna need all the A cups to
176
00:07:31,291 --> 00:07:33,236
please head for the back door.
177
00:07:35,721 --> 00:07:37,666
Charlie, are you ready with the camera?
178
00:07:37,667 --> 00:07:40,065
Yeah, I'm trying to set it
up. It takes a second, Dee.
179
00:07:40,066 --> 00:07:41,893
All right, who the hell's
this character you're doing?
180
00:07:41,901 --> 00:07:43,301
this one? It's a really great one.
181
00:07:43,302 --> 00:07:46,259
Her name's Martina Martinez, and
she is a streetwise Puerto Rican
182
00:07:46,260 --> 00:07:49,023
girl who's always quick
with a sassy comeback.
183
00:07:49,024 --> 00:07:51,004
- Are you serious?
- Yes, it's awesome.
184
00:07:51,005 --> 00:07:52,458
Now let's go over
what we're doing again.
185
00:07:52,459 --> 00:07:54,732
I go up, I talk, you come in
with the volleyball, you hit him
186
00:07:54,733 --> 00:07:56,444
in the face, and you get out of there.
187
00:07:56,445 --> 00:07:59,143
Okay. I'm gonna hit a random person
in the face with a volleyball.
188
00:07:59,144 --> 00:08:01,100
But don't come in too early
'cause I got some material
189
00:08:01,101 --> 00:08:03,551
I want to do and I don't want
you to cut me off this time.
190
00:08:03,552 --> 00:08:06,010
Saturday Night Live is gonna, I
think they're gonna really love this.
191
00:08:06,011 --> 00:08:09,414
- Do you really think that?
- Charlie, Charlie, go, go, go.
192
00:08:11,402 --> 00:08:14,078
I'm horrified that he's even here.
193
00:08:14,079 --> 00:08:16,751
excuse me. Can I talk to you use?
194
00:08:17,305 --> 00:08:18,444
What?
195
00:08:18,445 --> 00:08:20,428
Youse a bunch of white boys, right?
196
00:08:20,468 --> 00:08:22,534
Can I axe you a question?
197
00:08:22,535 --> 00:08:25,632
When you be in the
clubs and you be dancing,
198
00:08:25,633 --> 00:08:27,770
why you look so stupid?
199
00:08:27,771 --> 00:08:29,664
I'm just playin'.
200
00:08:29,665 --> 00:08:31,870
So youse a big man, right?
201
00:08:31,871 --> 00:08:34,063
But you got such tiny boots on.
202
00:08:34,064 --> 00:08:35,982
That means you got a small pecker.
203
00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:38,748
I'm sorry. I'm just playin'.
204
00:08:38,749 --> 00:08:41,053
I'm Martina Martinez.
205
00:08:51,982 --> 00:08:56,523
Okay, attention, ladies,
gentlemen, hotties and beefcakes.
206
00:08:56,524 --> 00:08:59,992
You were brought here because you are the
most beautiful people in all of Philadelphia.
207
00:08:59,993 --> 00:09:03,916
And as such, the honor has
been bestowed upon all of you
208
00:09:03,917 --> 00:09:07,978
to compete in Paddy's first
Next Top Billboard Model contest.
209
00:09:07,979 --> 00:09:09,896
- What's the pay?
- What?!
210
00:09:09,897 --> 00:09:11,281
What is the pay?
211
00:09:11,282 --> 00:09:14,799
The pay, sir, is getting your
face 40 feet up on a billboard.
212
00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:17,350
- So there's no pay then?
- I just told you what the pay is.
213
00:09:17,351 --> 00:09:18,919
He told you what the goddamn pay was.
214
00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:20,376
- The billboard thing.
- Were you not listening?
215
00:09:20,377 --> 00:09:23,177
- Well, I'm outta here.
- Fine. Fine. You leave.
216
00:09:23,224 --> 00:09:25,782
We don't need you
people. Everybody else.
217
00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:29,615
Let's take their lack of
dedication as a lesson, shall we?
218
00:09:29,808 --> 00:09:32,267
Competitions like this
aren't about money.
219
00:09:32,268 --> 00:09:33,828
They're about fame.
220
00:09:33,829 --> 00:09:36,487
They are about putting yourself
on display to the world and
221
00:09:36,488 --> 00:09:39,709
saying, "I'm good enough
because I beat everyone else,
222
00:09:39,710 --> 00:09:42,537
- and I got myself up on a billboard."
- Not so fast.
223
00:09:44,612 --> 00:09:46,518
What the hell are you doing here?
224
00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:48,559
I want in the competion.
225
00:09:49,329 --> 00:09:51,033
Approach.
226
00:09:51,228 --> 00:09:54,569
Dennis, I told you you
don't have the right stuff.
227
00:09:54,570 --> 00:09:57,418
I got the right stuff, Frank.
I can win this thing, I know it.
228
00:09:57,419 --> 00:09:59,311
All right, judges' side bar.
229
00:10:00,614 --> 00:10:02,369
Do you want to let him in?
230
00:10:02,370 --> 00:10:04,340
Bro, he's been talking about
this modeling thing for years.
231
00:10:04,341 --> 00:10:06,036
If only to shut him up.
232
00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:12,506
- You're in.
- Oh, yeah! Yes! Huh?
233
00:10:14,456 --> 00:10:16,315
You...
234
00:10:16,656 --> 00:10:21,513
Okay, the first competion
is the underwear competion.
235
00:10:22,036 --> 00:10:23,486
Boom!
236
00:10:29,618 --> 00:10:31,745
How's your face, Dee?
237
00:10:31,746 --> 00:10:33,233
How do you think it is, Charlie?
238
00:10:33,234 --> 00:10:36,024
You kept hitting me over and over
in the same spot with a volleyball.
239
00:10:36,025 --> 00:10:38,042
And I was explicitly
clear: no more Green Man.
240
00:10:38,043 --> 00:10:40,163
Come on. Green Man's what
makes this thing work.
241
00:10:40,164 --> 00:10:42,954
Green Man is not what
makes it work, Charlie.
242
00:10:42,996 --> 00:10:44,798
My characters are what make it work.
243
00:10:44,799 --> 00:10:46,581
No more Green Man. And
we're not doing it anymore.
244
00:10:46,582 --> 00:10:48,437
All right. Geez, relax.
245
00:10:48,951 --> 00:10:51,496
You're nothing without Green Man.
246
00:10:52,824 --> 00:10:54,090
shit.
247
00:10:54,091 --> 00:10:55,524
Dee, you know what?
248
00:10:55,525 --> 00:10:57,761
This is all like a bad frame and stuff.
249
00:10:57,762 --> 00:10:59,528
This isn't gonna work.
We got to do it again.
250
00:10:59,529 --> 00:11:00,412
What?
251
00:11:00,413 --> 00:11:02,998
The camera was too low. We got to...
252
00:11:04,587 --> 00:11:06,738
Hey, diary. It's me.
253
00:11:06,739 --> 00:11:10,365
It's Thursday, September
30th about midnight.
254
00:11:10,614 --> 00:11:14,032
I'm alone, of course, again.
255
00:11:14,033 --> 00:11:16,511
And I just had a little
bit too much ice cream.
256
00:11:16,512 --> 00:11:18,015
Interesting.
257
00:11:18,251 --> 00:11:20,366
Okay, Frank, can I talk
to you for a second?
258
00:11:20,367 --> 00:11:21,710
What's up?
259
00:11:21,711 --> 00:11:24,380
Bro, originally, my plan was to
just bang a bunch of models, right?
260
00:11:24,381 --> 00:11:26,617
Okay, but after talking
to a few of them,
261
00:11:26,618 --> 00:11:29,068
I feel like I could
find my true love here.
262
00:11:29,264 --> 00:11:31,932
You think you could fall in
love with one of these broads?
263
00:11:31,933 --> 00:11:34,428
Yeah, dude, eventually, I
got to settle down, right?
264
00:11:34,429 --> 00:11:36,838
Spread my seed. Haven't
you ever seen The Bachelor?
265
00:11:36,839 --> 00:11:38,717
Look, you get a whole bunch
of them together, you make them
266
00:11:38,718 --> 00:11:40,808
compete over you,
bing-bang-boom, soulmate.
267
00:11:40,809 --> 00:11:42,756
that sounds good.
268
00:11:42,757 --> 00:11:47,032
Well, okay, you take the girls,
and I'll take Dennis and the dudes.
269
00:11:47,033 --> 00:11:48,539
- Really?
- Yeah.
270
00:11:48,540 --> 00:11:50,065
- You'll just give me the girls?
- Absolutely.
271
00:11:50,066 --> 00:11:51,883
- I can have my own competition.
- Awesome.
272
00:11:51,884 --> 00:11:53,539
I don't understand it, but I don't care.
273
00:11:53,540 --> 00:11:55,454
- All right, thanks, bud.
- All right. See ya.
274
00:11:55,455 --> 00:11:57,473
All right, whatever. Thank you.
275
00:11:57,474 --> 00:12:00,204
All right, where are all my male models?
276
00:12:00,205 --> 00:12:02,007
Come forward. Come forward.
277
00:12:02,008 --> 00:12:05,354
Okay, as you know, in
the world of modeling,
278
00:12:05,355 --> 00:12:09,246
you're sometimes asked to model a theme.
279
00:12:09,476 --> 00:12:11,985
Today's theme is barnyard.
280
00:12:11,986 --> 00:12:15,374
Okay, everybody, come on the
stage that I have prepared to
281
00:12:15,375 --> 00:12:17,110
give you a little ambience.
282
00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:20,270
Okay, here's a baby pool that
you're all going to get into.
283
00:12:20,271 --> 00:12:23,784
And there's a lot of hay and
there's some chickens and ducks.
284
00:12:23,785 --> 00:12:26,293
What the hell, bro? Is this supposed
to be dirt? It smells like shit.
285
00:12:26,294 --> 00:12:28,998
It is shit. This is a barnyard.
286
00:12:28,999 --> 00:12:31,075
No one is going to step in shit.
287
00:12:31,076 --> 00:12:33,694
Rex, are you kidding me? Seriously,
are you just gonna step right in it?
288
00:12:33,695 --> 00:12:36,028
I want to win, bro. Billboard.
289
00:12:40,017 --> 00:12:42,365
Dee, what is this getup?
What are you doing now?
290
00:12:42,366 --> 00:12:43,749
What is that?
291
00:12:43,750 --> 00:12:46,011
okay. This is Taiwan Tammy.
292
00:12:46,012 --> 00:12:49,952
She on runway and do
a drag queen in nails.
293
00:12:49,953 --> 00:12:51,557
thank you!
294
00:12:51,558 --> 00:12:54,398
Are you kidding me?
That is extremely racist.
295
00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:56,293
Isn't it awesome? I'm so
excited about this one.
296
00:12:56,294 --> 00:12:58,738
All right, well, good
luck to you on that.
297
00:12:58,739 --> 00:13:00,790
Why are you hands in your pockets?
298
00:13:00,791 --> 00:13:02,436
They're itchy.
299
00:13:02,437 --> 00:13:03,999
- Your hands are itchy?
- My hands are a little itchy.
300
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:05,819
Your hands are in your
pockets 'cause they're itchy?
301
00:13:05,820 --> 00:13:08,715
Goddamn it! I knew it!
Charlie, what are you doing?
302
00:13:08,716 --> 00:13:10,860
- I said no Green Man!
- Green Man sells this whole thing.
303
00:13:10,861 --> 00:13:13,565
It doesn't make any
sense! Goddamn it, Charlie!
304
00:13:13,566 --> 00:13:15,675
- Hey, I know you.
- What?
305
00:13:15,676 --> 00:13:19,782
Yeah, you that, that
girl, PatheticGirl43.
306
00:13:19,783 --> 00:13:21,023
PatheticGirl?
307
00:13:21,024 --> 00:13:22,926
I almost didn't recognize you
in that getup, but I recognize
308
00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:24,711
that whiny voice anywhere.
309
00:13:24,712 --> 00:13:28,064
Hey, you mind if we
get a picture together?
310
00:13:28,065 --> 00:13:30,574
Yeah, let's get a picture. I
can't believe you recognized us.
311
00:13:30,575 --> 00:13:32,466
You saw the YouTube thing, right?
312
00:13:32,467 --> 00:13:34,023
Charlie, what is going on?
313
00:13:34,024 --> 00:13:35,758
I'll show you later.
314
00:13:36,915 --> 00:13:41,999
In other news, it seems like
I have a rash in a place where
315
00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:43,991
a sexually active person
should have a rash.
316
00:13:43,992 --> 00:13:45,706
Green Man!
317
00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:49,416
Oh, my God, you put that on YouTube?
318
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:52,197
- Oh, my God, I totally did.
- Charlie, why would you do that to me?
319
00:13:52,198 --> 00:13:54,986
- Because that's great stuff.
- That was my private video diary.
320
00:13:54,987 --> 00:13:56,969
- 80,000 hits.
- 80,000?
321
00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:59,519
80,000 hits, Dee. That's huge!
322
00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:01,386
- Big numbers.
- Yeah, come on.
323
00:14:01,387 --> 00:14:03,077
Don't take this to heart.
Don't take this the wrong way.
324
00:14:03,078 --> 00:14:04,774
Hey, look, you got recognized
on the street today.
325
00:14:04,775 --> 00:14:06,560
- That happened.
- So did I.
326
00:14:06,561 --> 00:14:08,014
- Well, it was me first.
- But the point
327
00:14:08,015 --> 00:14:11,082
is that's the first step
to becoming hugely famous...
328
00:14:11,083 --> 00:14:13,369
- Pretty awesome.
- is people noticing you on the Internet
329
00:14:13,370 --> 00:14:16,081
- 80,00 hits.
- That's a lot of hits, Charlie.
330
00:14:16,082 --> 00:14:17,541
You know what it's
like for Chocolate Rain
331
00:14:17,542 --> 00:14:19,344
- when he goes around in the world?
- He gets free food.
332
00:14:19,345 --> 00:14:21,977
He gets free everything
because people love that guy.
333
00:14:21,978 --> 00:14:25,371
Charlie, fire up that video camera.
334
00:14:25,372 --> 00:14:26,638
There you go.
335
00:14:28,879 --> 00:14:32,928
Okay, Anya, so they
are in fact, double Ds.
336
00:14:32,929 --> 00:14:35,002
That's great news.
337
00:14:35,003 --> 00:14:37,624
Well, you got a great
look, no denying that.
338
00:14:37,636 --> 00:14:39,357
Let me ask you a question, though.
339
00:14:39,358 --> 00:14:41,607
Why should I pick you
over the other girls?
340
00:14:41,608 --> 00:14:44,968
I'm willing to do
anything in order to win.
341
00:14:44,969 --> 00:14:46,733
You're talking about banging me, right?
342
00:14:46,734 --> 00:14:48,036
Maybe.
343
00:14:48,037 --> 00:14:49,774
- If you say yes...
- Yes.
344
00:14:49,775 --> 00:14:51,304
Okay, great. You said yes.
345
00:14:51,305 --> 00:14:52,767
Okay, Anya said yes.
346
00:14:52,768 --> 00:14:54,734
That's written down now.
That's like a contract.
347
00:14:54,735 --> 00:14:56,703
All right, perfect. Can't go back on it.
348
00:14:56,704 --> 00:14:58,199
All right, well, thank
you for coming in.
349
00:14:58,200 --> 00:14:59,494
- Thank you.
- Nice talking to you.
350
00:14:59,495 --> 00:15:01,190
- You, too.
- You got a great shot.
351
00:15:01,191 --> 00:15:03,169
You got a great ass.
352
00:15:03,170 --> 00:15:04,463
All right.
353
00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:09,152
- Hi.
- Hi. Rochelle.
354
00:15:09,153 --> 00:15:10,111
Yes.
355
00:15:10,112 --> 00:15:12,806
Rochelle, Rochelle, Rochelle.
Thank you for coming in.
356
00:15:12,807 --> 00:15:15,241
I'm having all the girls come
in just to make sure we vibe.
357
00:15:15,242 --> 00:15:16,224
Of course.
358
00:15:16,225 --> 00:15:19,093
What's the difference between
you and the rest of the girls?
359
00:15:19,102 --> 00:15:23,025
Well, my heart is in this 100%
360
00:15:23,026 --> 00:15:25,537
and for more than just a billboard.
361
00:15:25,538 --> 00:15:27,429
For more than a billboard?
362
00:15:27,430 --> 00:15:29,334
That's interesting. I
haven't heard that yet.
363
00:15:29,335 --> 00:15:30,168
No?
364
00:15:30,169 --> 00:15:32,070
I feel like there's
vibing happening right now.
365
00:15:32,071 --> 00:15:33,790
This is the vibing I'm talking about.
366
00:15:33,791 --> 00:15:34,805
Yeah.
367
00:15:34,806 --> 00:15:36,452
I feel like we're
completing each other's...
368
00:15:36,453 --> 00:15:37,571
... sentences.
369
00:15:37,572 --> 00:15:39,405
Yeah, I was gonna say sentences!
370
00:15:39,406 --> 00:15:41,169
- I know.
- Oh, my God!
371
00:15:41,170 --> 00:15:43,047
- How did you read my...?
- ...mind?
372
00:15:43,048 --> 00:15:46,115
I was gonna say "head," but
that's okay, that's all right.
373
00:15:46,116 --> 00:15:47,749
We got, we're one for two.
374
00:15:47,750 --> 00:15:50,036
- Okay.
- That's okay. 50%.
375
00:15:50,037 --> 00:15:52,380
You and I are gonna get along very well.
376
00:15:56,779 --> 00:16:01,070
Rex, that is a sexy jaguar.
377
00:16:01,071 --> 00:16:05,457
I mean, that jaguar is fierce!
378
00:16:05,458 --> 00:16:08,768
I've never been turned
on by a jaguar before.
379
00:16:08,769 --> 00:16:12,857
This has totally changed
my mind toward jaguars.
380
00:16:13,642 --> 00:16:17,134
Dennis, your mule is shit.
381
00:16:17,151 --> 00:16:19,893
I'm no longer turned on by mules.
382
00:16:19,894 --> 00:16:21,700
You gave Rex jaguar!
383
00:16:21,701 --> 00:16:23,457
There aren't jaguars in barns.
384
00:16:23,458 --> 00:16:25,010
What the hell am I
supposed to do with a mule?
385
00:16:25,011 --> 00:16:26,608
You can't make a mule sexy.
386
00:16:26,609 --> 00:16:29,009
Dennis, you've been out modeled.
387
00:16:29,010 --> 00:16:30,477
I have not been out modeled.
388
00:16:30,478 --> 00:16:32,555
I haven't even begun
to work this hot body.
389
00:16:32,556 --> 00:16:34,419
What's the next event?
390
00:16:34,862 --> 00:16:37,186
The clothes-off
pose-off.
391
00:16:44,895 --> 00:16:46,801
Jesus Christ, Frank.
392
00:16:46,802 --> 00:16:48,805
I got burns! What are you doing?
393
00:16:48,806 --> 00:16:50,969
Anything can happen on a runway, Dennis.
394
00:16:50,970 --> 00:16:53,881
Nobody's gonna throw detergent
in my eyeballs on a runway, Frank!
395
00:16:53,882 --> 00:16:55,638
And you think that was bad.
396
00:16:55,639 --> 00:16:58,023
Check out this tasty delight.
397
00:16:58,024 --> 00:17:00,408
You got to eat cockroaches next.
398
00:17:00,409 --> 00:17:02,449
You know what, man? Screw
this. I'm outta here.
399
00:17:03,317 --> 00:17:04,953
Finished.
400
00:17:04,954 --> 00:17:08,002
Jesus, Rex, I didn't tell
you to start eating yet.
401
00:17:08,003 --> 00:17:10,178
That doesn't disqualify me, does it?
402
00:17:10,377 --> 00:17:12,393
No, you're good.
403
00:17:13,095 --> 00:17:14,786
hey, diary.
404
00:17:14,787 --> 00:17:17,161
Listen, today was the worst day ever.
405
00:17:17,162 --> 00:17:20,677
I had an audition, and I didn't get the
part, which is really, really strange for me.
406
00:17:20,678 --> 00:17:23,522
But then the casting director
called, and they were, like,
407
00:17:23,523 --> 00:17:25,394
"We thought you were just
better for a different part."
408
00:17:25,395 --> 00:17:27,368
And I was, like, "That
makes more sense."
409
00:17:27,369 --> 00:17:28,713
- Cut, cut!
- What are you doing? That was great.
410
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:29,861
What are you doing?
411
00:17:29,862 --> 00:17:32,578
Why don't you do it like you did the
first time? Dee, this is just weird.
412
00:17:32,579 --> 00:17:33,991
This is what I do. I just talk
into the camera about my life.
413
00:17:33,992 --> 00:17:35,393
Are you kidding? You never do this.
414
00:17:35,394 --> 00:17:37,581
You have all these colors on your
face, your mouth is going like this.
415
00:17:37,582 --> 00:17:39,691
Don't bust my balls. This
is great exposure for me.
416
00:17:39,692 --> 00:17:41,136
- This is stupid, Dee.
- Hey, Charlie, you are here.
417
00:17:41,137 --> 00:17:42,734
- what the hell's going on?
- I don't know.
418
00:17:42,741 --> 00:17:45,463
- Doesn't she look ridiculous?
- Get out of here! What are you doing here?
419
00:17:45,464 --> 00:17:46,881
- He almost didn't recognize you?
- Are you guys shooting a porn?
420
00:17:46,882 --> 00:17:48,311
- No, we're not...
- Never mind. I don't care.
421
00:17:48,312 --> 00:17:50,152
Listen, we need to get that
company credit card from Frank.
422
00:17:50,153 --> 00:17:52,136
- Yeah? What's up?
- Dude, I realized something.
423
00:17:52,137 --> 00:17:54,238
I don't need validation
anymore. How great is that?
424
00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:56,345
But what I do need is I need
the company credit card so that
425
00:17:56,346 --> 00:17:58,537
I can buy myself a billboard,
get myself out there and show the
426
00:17:58,538 --> 00:18:01,062
entire world that Dennis
Reynolds still has a rocking body
427
00:18:01,063 --> 00:18:02,353
that deserves to be worshipped.
428
00:18:02,354 --> 00:18:03,794
Get out of here! We're in
the middle of something.
429
00:18:03,795 --> 00:18:05,291
- No, you get out of here.
- Get out!
430
00:18:05,292 --> 00:18:07,586
Help me get the credit
card. I need that billboard!
431
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,935
Hang on a second.
Okay, look, guys, guys,
432
00:18:09,936 --> 00:18:12,168
there's a way to make you
guys both happy, all right?
433
00:18:12,169 --> 00:18:14,171
I got a pretty good plan how to do this.
434
00:18:15,852 --> 00:18:19,048
Hey, everybody,
PatheticGirl43 here coming
435
00:18:19,049 --> 00:18:22,034
to you live with Philadelphia's
next hot model Dennis Reynolds.
436
00:18:22,035 --> 00:18:24,882
Dennis, tell us what it's
like to be so handsome.
437
00:18:24,883 --> 00:18:28,857
Well, I like to think I've been this
handsome since birth, possibly even earlier.
438
00:18:28,858 --> 00:18:30,776
Green Man!
439
00:18:36,911 --> 00:18:40,895
This shamrock... will be
awarded to the winner as
440
00:18:40,962 --> 00:18:44,791
a symbol of my vote and
love for this competion.
441
00:18:45,471 --> 00:18:51,730
Rochelle, you taught me about
love, respect, inner beauty.
442
00:18:55,078 --> 00:18:58,889
Dominique, you banged
me, like, right away.
443
00:18:58,890 --> 00:19:02,119
I hardly had to do anything.
Tabitha, you did the same.
444
00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:05,131
But most importantly,
you banged each other.
445
00:19:05,781 --> 00:19:07,859
And you let me watch.
446
00:19:08,046 --> 00:19:09,459
Awesome.
447
00:19:10,580 --> 00:19:14,248
But when I was making this decision,
448
00:19:14,249 --> 00:19:16,221
I thought long and hard and I thought,
449
00:19:16,222 --> 00:19:18,274
"I have to go with my heart.
450
00:19:18,554 --> 00:19:21,037
I have to go with my heart."
451
00:19:22,224 --> 00:19:25,519
So I'm gonna do something
a little unorthodox here.
452
00:19:26,952 --> 00:19:29,804
A top of the morning to both of you!
453
00:19:30,146 --> 00:19:31,363
What?
454
00:19:31,364 --> 00:19:34,019
I had two of them. I had
another one here. I tricked you.
455
00:19:34,020 --> 00:19:35,489
I got both of you guys.
456
00:19:35,490 --> 00:19:38,478
But you just said that I taught
you about inner beauty and respect.
457
00:19:38,479 --> 00:19:41,810
Yeah, but this whole thing's about
banging, and you didn't bang me, so...
458
00:19:42,023 --> 00:19:43,917
- You're a dick!
- I know.
459
00:19:43,918 --> 00:19:46,007
And that's what I learned.
460
00:19:48,455 --> 00:19:51,221
Check it out. Check it out!
461
00:19:51,222 --> 00:19:53,962
- What is it?
- I'll tell you what it is, bitch.
462
00:19:53,963 --> 00:19:56,495
It's a YouTube video that me,
Dee and and Charlie just made
463
00:19:56,496 --> 00:19:59,185
that's gonna get a million
hits. So guess what, pal.
464
00:19:59,186 --> 00:20:01,595
Don't need your
billboard. I'm going viral.
465
00:20:01,596 --> 00:20:04,640
I'm glad you don't need it because you
can't have it because it's already up.
466
00:20:04,641 --> 00:20:05,673
What?
467
00:20:05,674 --> 00:20:08,476
Yeah, I put it up right
after you called me ugly.
468
00:20:08,477 --> 00:20:10,254
There's no billboard?
469
00:20:10,255 --> 00:20:13,352
Oh, yeah, sorry about that, Rex. My bad.
470
00:20:13,353 --> 00:20:15,812
So wait. If you already
put the billboard up,
471
00:20:15,813 --> 00:20:17,755
what'd you put on it?
38512
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