All language subtitles for The.Vow.S01E01.The.Science.of.Joy.720p.AMZN.WEBRip.DDP2.0.x264-NTb -ION10

We all have some heroes,
some people that we enjoy.

Some people have great character.

Some people have great compassion.

Some people have great charisma.

Some people...

They have a quality where
they're just deeply soulful.

Imagine if there were those traits
that you might want for yourself.

ESP NXIVM

is a methodology

that allows people to optimize

their experience and behavior.

# No love can be #

# Safe with me #

# No love can be #

# Safe with me #

# No love can be #

# Safe with me #

# No love can be #

# Safe with me #

All right. So this is, to some degree,

somewhat of a test.

I originally wanted to record this

because I had a very strong
suspicion that I would be attacked

when I left the organization.

Attacked could be legally,

it could be private investigators,

it could be bugging,

it could be, you know,
uh, destroying my name.

It could be a series of things,
and I wanted it to be understood that...

It was... It's never been my intention

to try and destroy this organization.

And some of you that
are still in may think that.

It's more, uh, uh...

It's more that I saw
what was really going on.

And what was really going on

basically just fucked with my head.

But we never thought
it would lead to this.

Okay.

58-year-old Keith Raniere,

the former leader of the
upstate New York sex cult NXIVM

was found guilty on all counts.

Guilty of racketeering,
guilty of conspiracy,

wire fraud, and sex trafficking.

The first question a lot of people have

when they hear about what he
allegedly did to dozens of women

is why didn't these women see
what was happening to them?

Mark Vicente!

- Let's start again.
- Yeah.

It's not working. Hold on.

- # Everybody's talkin' 'bout... #
- No, no, back!

You could do it. You could do it.

I was 27,
just turning 28, when I met Mark.

I was living in Vancouver.

This is around the time when
I was into setting intentions.

My boyfriend at the time
was a filmmaker.

He had made a film
that got accepted into

the Spiritual Cinema
Circle Festival-at-Sea,

on a cruise.

So I set the intention that
I was gonna go on this cruise

and figure out my purpose in life.

My real purpose.

'Cause I was challenged
in my relationship,

challenged in my career.

I had this idea that maybe
I'd become a famous actor

and use my celebrity to have a voice,

or have impact in the world.

It... That wasn't happening.

Oh, yes. Yes.

That was like beer commercials.

TV shows about vampires.

Blood on my taffeta, Carl. Blood!

Well, you were going to
the prom with my best friend.

It's like it wasn't the,

the life that I had imagined.

And then we got on the cruise,
and the guest of honor,

and the judge of all the films
was gonna be Mark Vicente,

the director of the film
"What the Bleep Do We Know!?"

Where do we come from?

What should we do?

And where are we going?

The more you look at quantum physics,

the more mysterious
and wondrous it becomes.

There was something really
magnificent about science

that I found intoxicating, because

if we understood the world
in a better way,

and, and if we understood
ourselves in a better way,

we may be able to understand
how all of this works.

I mean, "What the Bleep" was one of

the highest-grossing
documentaries of all time.

And then that night,
I sat across from Mark Vicente.

At first, I didn't know Mark was Mark,

but when I figured out he was
the director of "What the Bleep,"

I was gushing about his film,

and at that time, I was really sick.

I had a really bad cough.

Like, a really bad, loud cough.

And Mark asked me something like,

"What would you lose..."

This is an ESP-framed question...

"What do you lose
if you stop coughing?"

And I had the awareness
instantly that I had linked

sickness and attention.

I was trying to get
my boyfriend's attention.

I was like, "Oh, my gosh.

My whole life, I've been so
sick as a means for attention."

Then, you know, the next day
I got better right away,

and all I knew at that point

was that I really liked
and respected Mark.

And Mark very casually
talked about NXIVM,

and, you know, there's this guy,

he's the smartest man
in the world, and...

He's doing this and that, and
there's this community, and, you know,

he, he was... He underplayed it.

If anything, I was more
interested in working with him,

and doing whatever he was doing.

Keep in mind, I'd just put
it out there to the universe,

"What's my purpose?"

Oh, maybe this is my purpose.

All right, guys. Let's settle in.

Is it rolling?

There was always a preamble

that I would always do.

I'm gonna talk about
an extraordinary company,

that I began working with
a number of years ago

that helped me overcome
a great many difficulties

and achieve an even greater
level of success than I already had.

And everybody can do with tools
that helps them do better, right?

So understand, NXIVM, N-X-I-V-M,

is the umbrella company.

ESP was the thing
that I got involved in.

ESP stands for
Executive Success Programs.

Executive
Success Programs, ESP, NXIVM...

is a methodology

for optimizing or enhancing

human experience and behavior.

Executive Success Programs
is a human potential program.

We called it Executive Success Programs

not because it's only geared
for executives in business,

although it's very good
for executives in business.

What we want to do is
we want to be successful

by executing, by following through,

by being proactive in our lives.

That's what ESP is.

At that time,
I was living in a basement suite

where my rent was $400 a month.

So for me to spend thousands of dollars

on my personal growth was obscene.

But I really wanted to change.

And I really wanted
to make that... that leap,

so I put it on my credit card and
signed up for the next training.

My first five-day,

I was picturing a large,

stadium-type of Tony Robbins forum

with hundreds of people...
Rah, rah, rah.

I walk into a, a run-down Holiday Inn.

You guys hearing okay?

Nod if you can hear me.

It's just totally underwhelming.

Everyone's power suits are weird.

And Nancy's first intro video,
where she's like, "Hi."

Hello. I'm Nancy Salzman.

Welcome to your first origins class.

Meanwhile,
I'm like, staring at her eyebrows.

Did you ever see the
carnival game Whack-a-Mole?

There's this little mole,
and he pops up,

and he has this, like,
little grassy hat on.

Just the whole, like,
the whole aesthetic

and the presentation of
the material was totally '80s.

So you take the sledgehammer
and you knock down this mole,

and you knock down this one,
and you knock one down

and another one pops up,
and another one pops up, and... and...

Does this sound like your life?

I was like, "What? Where am I?"

And I was sort of like,

you know, "My parents are therapists.
What are you gonna teach me?"

All right. So here's rules and rituals.

This is the first class we do.

And they said right from the beginning

that we were gonna be uncomfortable.

That the most growth happens
outside your comfort zone.

- Give me your hand. Shake my hand.
- Okay.

So, we learn how to shake hands.

We shake like this.

You know, it was just weird.

I didn't like calling Nancy "Prefect"

and Keith "Vanguard."

Vanguard.

And I was like,

"What the fuck?" regarding the sashes.

I called Mark at the end of that day.

And I was like, "What the fuck
did you get me involved with?"

I mean, I wasn't
on board at first. I'll be honest.

But, look, I can understand.

I'm used to ranking systems,
you know. I was in,

I was in boarding schools.
I was in the Boy Scouts.

I hated how short the fucking
things were. They were stupid.

But you know what?
It's a silly piece of silk

that represents an idea. That's all.

But the ranking system
is a way to recognize

the value people bring to the world.

And what would make the world better

is if people valued each other.

And give people tribute for what
they're capable of and what they do,

and what if this thing you're
looking for, this, this dark lining,

what if it's not here?

But what if you feel it
inside of yourself?

Let me tell you just a
little bit about the reaction

that people have to our program.

Occasionally, we have
a person who comes in,

and in the first couple of sessions,

they begin to really see
themselves for the first time.

And when they really see themselves,

they don't see what they
thought they wanted to see.

And these people want to
leave the program right way.

You know, you have skeptics,

and you have cynics, and I define them.

I say a skeptic

is someone who seeks
to turn magic into science.

- And I'm one of them.
- Mmm.

A cynic is someone
who seeks to turn good to bad.

And I kept on saying, "Well, just do
another day. What's one more day?"

He said, "Wait till day three.

"Everyone has
a huge shift in day three.

Day three's, like, really big."

And it was sort of also, like,
"Well, I'm here."

You know?

"Let's just ride it out."

And it was true. On day
three is when I had my first big,

like, "Holy shit."

And that was in the self-esteem module.

What is self-esteem?

And how do we measure it?

Are there specific ways
of raising one's self-esteem?

Many people talk about self-esteem.

But very few people
really know what it is.

Self-esteem was explained in,

the working definition
we use in ESP was,

self-esteem is the range of options
that you have in a given circumstance.

People with high self-esteem
see possibilities.

But most of the time,
you can't see those options

because of what they called
your limiting beliefs.

All of us have a certain
number of these limiting beliefs

which is what we call
"disintegrations."

The things that keep you
from being all that you can be

and from reaching your full
potential as a human being...

The example I remember...
I think Mark taught me this...

If someone's a photographer,

and they have a fear of heights,

they're limited to what they can
photograph on the ground floor.

That's their potential.

If you unhook their fear of heights,

now they can go on the Eiffel Tower,

and then there's more possibilities.

Now, the average person has probably

between two and 300 of these
limiting beliefs.

There wasn't, like,
a limiting belief that was unlocked.

It was multiple limiting beliefs.

I can be Sarah who's not controlling.

I can have a great relationship.

I can have the best career.
I can have all these things.

It was different beliefs I had
around money, my potential.

I didn't have love for myself.

- Hello?
- I didn't have belief in myself.

And we talk
about getting lost in the movie.

We're kind of lost
in the role of our life.

What you have to do is stop
believing that that's who you are.

I thought that
was just the way that I was.

And then all of a sudden,
like, oh, I can systematically

evolve to be the ideal
version of myself.

To write my own character,

versus, "Well, that's the way I am."

Like if I ever heard anyone go,

"Well, I'm just not, you know,
I'm just not a morning person."

I'm like,
"That just a limiting belief."

When you recognize that everyone
has limiting beliefs,

you just walk around going,
"Oh, that's a limiting belief.

"That's not true. That's
bullshit. He could change that.

I could change that for him
in 45 minutes if he'd let me."

We believe that you can actually

get rid of all your disintegrations.

Every single time

you integrate a disintegrated belief,

you become more full.

More whole. More rich.

And become what we call unified.

ESP and NXIVM was
a tool set to help people get there.

And that's where
I feel like I got hooked,

and a lot of people got hooked
where ESP looked for,

and for Mark as well, like, he had a...

I should not speak for Mark. I
don't know why, why he got hooked.

I think the person that convinced
me was Nancy Salzman.

I want you to consider

what sorts of changes

would you really like
to make in your life?

If you could have,
or do, or be anything,

what would that look like?

What would that feel like?

I'd just released "What the Bleep."

A lot of doors were opening to me.

I could pretty much call, you know,

any production company, any studio,

and they would fuckin'
take my call and meet with me.

One day, I get an email

from this woman called Barbara Bouchey.

So, I call. There's two
women on the other end:

Barbara Bouchey and Nancy Salzman.

They said, "Can we come meet you?"

And I'm like,
"Sure. That sounds great."

The day that they were flying in,

I said to them, "So, what airline?"

They said, "No, no,
no. We're at the, the private thing."

And I was like, "Huh."

So I remember them
getting off the plane,

and realizing, "Oh,
it's like, a Learjet.

Oh. That's, that's nice that they have,
you know, you have this jet."

I remember both of them
asking me what I wanted.

They said they loved my film.
What else did I want to do?

Which of course was,
I want to make movies.

I want to change the world,
you know, and,

and the impression I got from them is,

"We will help you do all those things.

We have the resources, we have
the connections, we have the people."

'Cause they have, like,
billionaires in their group.

There's an expression in Afrikaans...

Which basically means, "You
landed with your ass in the butter."

And they said to me, you know,

"Just come and take
an intensive with us.

Come and see what it is that we do."

And the headquarters is in Albany.

Our curriculum creates
perceptual shifts.

A perceptual shift is something

that when you have it,
nothing is ever the same.

You know, Nancy was in full force.

This woman is like, sharp,

and she's energetic,

and she's warm, and she's connecting.

But the thing that began
to grow on me bit by bit

is everybody was so kind.

And it's this weird, like,
incredible, idyllic type of society,

where everybody's
rooting for everybody.

I went into Nancy's office, and I said,

"You guys have an ulterior motive.

Something's not right here."

And she goes, "What do you mean?" I go,

"Everybody, everybody's
too nice, too kind.

So full of shit.
Something's not right."

And she goes, "Huh. Really.

"What if it's you that's
looking for that problem?

What if it doesn't exist?"

Keith developed a
model called "Rational Inquiry,"

which is the model
that we use in this program.

We refer to rational inquiry
as a technology.

It was a process designed to produce

quantifiable results.

And understand how profound
this thing is that he's created.

It's filed in the patent office

under artificial intelligence.

This isn't about, like,
mystical beliefs,

and howling at the moon,
and holding a crystal,

and doing this...
This was like, science,

and I was like, "Okay,
this is... This is what I want."

There was a particular
method that they used

to help people overcome phobias.

An EM.

"Exploration of Meaning"
is the unique methodology

that's designed to uncover the fear

behind a specific issue
a person was having.

The beliefs that we formed
when we were small children

stay with us.

And do you know what that means?

It means that on some levels,

six-, seven-, and eight-year-olds,

are running the world.

Our programs are programs where

we begin to reevaluate

those very early
conclusions we came to.

Nancy says,
"Who wants to work on something?"

And I go, "Yeah, I have really
bad panic attacks on the freeway."

And she's like,
"Great. Let's do that one."

So, I go to the front of the class,

and we're sitting opposite of each
other in, like, what they call a demo,

an EM demo.

What's the first thought you have?

If you focus on it,

can you bring up an associated memory?

A time in the past when
you had that feeling?

What's scary about it?

And she had said,
"There comes a certain point

"when we get into a part of your brain

"that is non-logical,

where it's gonna s...
It's gonna feel weird."

And that's what it felt like. I didn't
even know what language she's speaking.

It sounds like what she's saying

is just this garbled something.

But I just remember suddenly, like,

all the noise starts to quiet down.

And I'm, like, "What? What?
What just happened? That's it?"

She goes, "No, no, no. This, that's
not it. I mean, this is a science,

"so next time you're in that situation,

you're gonna check the results
and you're gonna report to me."

I went back to LA,
and I was on a freeway,

and I realized, strangely enough,

that I was sitting in traffic
and I was feeling nothing.

And I remember thinking,
"Wait, wait, wait."

Like, I remembered that I
was supposed to feel panicked.

And I tried to find the panic.
I tried to bring it up,

and I couldn't bring it up,
and I'm like, "Whoa."

And then I asked her a question,
"When's it gonna come back?"

And she said, "What do you mean,
'When's it gonna come back?'"

She says, "It can't come back."

Now, the difference between
having an integration

and other processes
is when it's gone, it's gone.

With an integration, you can't even
remember what it used to be like.

It changes your whole
experience of existence forever.

And a lot of these
explorations of meanings,

when you had the revelation,
whatever it was,

the missing something
that you couldn't see,

you felt high.

It's like a peak experience.

So you start to have
a bunch of peak experiences,

you're like, "This is the shit."

Like, we're not taking drugs,

we're not, like, blindfolded,

we're not doing sensory deprivation.

We're just having conversations.

This is almost sci-fi.

This is, like, beyond what
I thought was possible.

Like, I've arrived at the Federation,

50 years in the future,

and they have hacked the human brain.

And I remember
after that first intensive,

I was working on a screenplay which
I'd struggled with for a long time.

I wrote it in three and a half weeks.

And it was good.

I was like, "I'm in."

I felt like I was soaring.

It was like almost like a magic.

I felt like I was getting downloaded a,

a book of knowledge

about people, about society,

about the world in general.

I really felt like I had this
secret potion of understanding.

I had all this theory
about how to change stuff.

Stuff in here, stuff in here.

But I didn't know how to do it.

And for the first time, I saw a way,
a tool, to actually do it.

I loved watching
people have breakthroughs.

I remember there was one woman
who was EMing somebody

on an issue they've had for 25 years,

and have them have
a massive integration

and cry, and, um, laugh.

And go, like, "Oh, my God.

"Like, I feel like I could...

"I'm gonna call my dad now.

I haven't talked to him
since I was 15."

Or whatever. Like, those moments

were so beautiful, and so inspiring,

and so much more efficient
than therapy.

Our main emphasis, our main belief,

is to have people experience
more joy in their lives.

And from that,

all sorts of interesting effects
appear to happen.

Raniere proposed this map
of how everything worked.

It was a unified theory to explain

why people do what they do
and how to change that.

If you can work your disintegrations

so that you arrive at this integrated
map, you will be integrated.

And what does it mean if
you're integrated? You're joyful.

And part of it was like,
"This is fuckin' cool.

This is a code to understand myself."

That I'm no longer such
a terrible mystery to myself.

And it is kind of a relief of like,

"Well, what if everything
is explainable?"

Most of what we say makes sense.

It's not grounded in mysticism at all.

It's not grounded in
a lot of things that

maybe are highly effective
but are unexplainable.

I think we have quite potent tools,

and I think our tools are unique.

I think they said to me,
you know, "At some point,

you're gonna meet Keith."
And I go, "When?"

"Oh, we'll see," you know.

And the way they painted,
who's this Keith Raniere?

Like, who's this Vanguard guy?

You know, I was told things like...

"The Guinness Book
of World Records" said that

he was one of the top scorers
on an IQ test ever given.

One of the top three
problem solvers in the world.

He went to college at RPI...

Rensselaer Polytechnic
Institute... when he was 16.

Also, they told me he had triple majors

in mathematics, biology,
and computer science.

He was a concert double pianist.

And then finally,
they decide I'm ready.

I was staying at Nancy Salzman's house,

and this guy walks in...

Woo!

Who's like, short, and like, bouncy,

and he's like, an odd guy.

There was a part of me that was like,

"This-this is the dude?"

Breakfast.

You can't come to Nancy's house
without breakfast.

But you never know where
wisdom comes from, you know?

Well, who's to say that
this guy, who's just like,

really strange and interesting

might not be in fact, like,

somebody that could actually
help the world?

So shall we sit down?

And so, we begin having a conversation.

And that conversation
lasts for five hours.

- You all set?
- Mm-hmm.

And in that five hours,
I'm asking him about

dark matter or quantum mechanics,
a whole bunch of things.

And he's telling me stuff
that's just blowing my mind.

And I'm saying to him,
"I've never heard these ideas before."

He goes, "Well, it's based on a
new mathematics that I've developed."

And I said, like,
"You've developed a new mathematics?"

He goes, "Y-Yeah."

But he was, like, super, super gentle
about all these things, you know?

So, he starts asking me
questions about my life.

Hmm.

Why?

Hmm.

Mm-hmm.

And he says to me,

"I think that you feel a deep
responsibility for humanity."

He says, "I think because
of your upbringing,

"and what you saw in your country...

"you wanna, like, do something
that's really gonna help the world,

"and you're scared
that you'll do damage.

"Is that why you're scared?

Is that why you're afraid to hit hard?"

Mm-hmm.

It's almost like he's showing me

the movie version
of what I could be like.

And at that point, he had me.

I think in the first year,

I thought to myself, "I could see
myself being part of this forever."

And he kept on saying,
"We will help you

with your dream of using media
to change the world."

The one and only Nancy Salzman.

I remember
meeting Nancy for the first time,

and it was pretty cool,
because, you know,

I'd gone from, like, judging her

to thinking she was a rock star.

Uh, a lot of people who've
never seen me teach before

are waiting for the video to go on,

but, like, I'm the video.

It was, like,
really like meeting a celebrity.

And then having her know who I was,

and welcoming me into
the community was...

I felt very special.

People can come, they can take classes

as much as they want,
forever and ever and ever.

They can satiate in our curriculum,

but what Vanguard has wanted us
to do for a very long time

is have people working the Stripe Path.

"Stripe Path" is the
term we used for the ranking system,

the sashes.

It represented you moving up
within the company,

and in order to go up the Stripe Path,

you had to keep taking curriculum,
enroll people,

and most importantly, you had
to get rid of your disintegrations.

So, part of my journey
is to go up the levels and learn.

I started as a yellow...

First stripe, second stripe,
third stripe.

In a year, I'd become a proctor,

and eventually,
I'm a senior proctor, a green.

Hi, Senior Proctor Vicente!

Hello, Senior Proctor Mark Vicente.

You know, I hated wearing
my sash at the beginning.

I hated it. It was like,
"What is this piece of fabric?

It doesn't match my outfit.
It's uncomfortable."

It didn't mean anything to me.

But by the time I became a coach,

yellow sash,

and went up the Stripe Path
and earned my four stripes,

and worked my butt off
to get to proctor,

what this meant to me,
this little piece of fabric,

it meant my growth,
it meant my commitment to myself.

It meant me pushing through adversity,
not giving up.

Getting to proctor was
the first thing in my life

that I felt like I really earned.

And it wasn't just about my growth.

It was so rewarding to share
ESP with people.

Thank you, uh,
Senior Proctor Edmondson,

for your support.
You're such a humble pillar.

You know, it's because of you

that I'm in this crazy organization.

And lastly, thank you so much
to Prefect and Vanguard

for creating this amazing
organization. Thank you.

That's why ESP became
more important to me than acting.

You ready?

It was very rewarding for me.

I want to welcome you
to the rank of coach,

with all the rights, responsibilities,

and privileges that entail.
Congratulations.

Aah!

To those of us that were facilitating,

people would say shit like,
"You guys are like Jedis," you know.

And there was a part of me
that'd be like,

"Yeah, I've always
wanted to be a Jedi."

But really, what was cool
about it was like, that

people would come in...

So concerned about
something in their life.

And we would help them get clarity.

This is so exciting.

And it wasn't so much like,
"Oh, I did it."

It's very clear that
that's not how it worked.

But I do remember
the deep sense of privilege

that I could help people.

I think the first time I met Bonnie

would have been 2000... maybe 7.

I'm not sure of the exact date.

A friend of mine was on
"Battlestar Galactica."

Bonnie had been in "Star
Wars: Revenge of the Sith"

and "Attack of the Clones."

- This is my girlfriend, Beru.
- Hello.

And so they met at a sci-fi convention.

"Oh, my God. You have to
meet this girl. She's a singer.

She's a fan of your movie,
you're a fan of "Star Wars."

You guys have gotta meet."

So I met her in Hollywood.

And she was, like,
you know, record deals,

and, like, pinnacle of her
career and the whole thing.

And then, a few years later,

I connected with her again, and I said,

you know, something like,
you know, "Let's have tea."

And then I said to her, you know,
"I've never heard your music."

So we went up to the place
I was staying,

she took a guitar, we made tea,

and she began playing a song.

# I don't want to #

# Show you #

# The sadness in my heart #

And I remember thinking,
"Oh, my fucking God."

Like, when you suddenly realize,
like, oh, dear.

I'm feeling so many things right now

that I can't... I can't keep them in.

They're just, they're just bubbling,
bubbling out of me.

And I remember she
said to me at one point,

"I'm thinking of giving up music."

And I said to her,

"Give me five days of your life,

"and then if you decide
to give up music, go for it.

Give me five days, though."

And she said yes.

Before I
signed up for my first five-day,

I was in a transition.

For me, growing up,

one of the ways that
I really expressed myself

was to make music.

I'd been very serious
about my music career,

but things were kind of falling apart

with the record label that I was with,

and I was struggling
with fear and anxiety,

and just not feeling very happy.

So, I was looking for something
to relieve that,

and to give me a deeper
understanding of life.

And that's what I met Mark.

I instantly trusted Mark,

and I thought he was
a really good person.

Like, it's something that I don't
really know how to describe,

but, like, I would look in his eyes

and I just felt like he really cares.

I said, like,
"I'm trying to find this feeling,"

and I described, like,
a peaceful, calm joy.

He totally got it. He was like,
"Right. That feeling."

That struck me.

I had never had anyone pinpoint,

like, a feeling like that for me.

I took my five-day in 2010.

I remember some of the
questions that the coaches asked,

and some of the ways
that they described

how they thought that I felt

were just so spot on.

The whole five-day was set up
with these deep questions.

Like, you start
right from the beginning.

Things like, "What's the thing
you most regret in your life?

Who do you most love in the world?"

Or, "Who do you feel you need
to make something right with?"

So you're really going into
the deepest feelings

that you've had about anything.

And the coaches encourage
you to kind of let down your guard.

They say it in a really nice way,

and they're like teasing you in
a way that feels like tough love.

And everyone's doing it,

and you get encouraged if you

show vulnerability, too.

I knew that I wanted to be
a coach right away.

Within a week, I had gone
to Albany already and met Keith.

I was amazed by the EM tech,
and I wanted to do that.

The path to become an EMP

was you had to get on the Stripe Path,

then go out and practice.

And so I, I practiced.

And I loved it.

It was, like, my favorite
thing in the world.

I loved it.

I felt like, yeah, the most
deeply understood I had ever felt.

I felt like I'd found my people.

And they just felt like such good vibes

compared to

the situations I'd been dealing with

in the music industry.

Here were people who were, like,

really enjoying themselves,

and working on their internal world.

And it felt much more meaningful.

When we start to understand principles,

and in our new global world,

there needs to be
the ethical humanitarian

who is more ecological. More visionary.

More compassionate.

And takes others into account.

In the beginning,

I never actually did really resonate

with the word "ethics,"
or "ethical mission."

But then, there were different
classes where you'd actually learn

why bad things were
happening in the world.

Like, why there was
corruption and unrest.

This is the world.

We have starving people, right?

I'll just put starve. "Strave."

Strave!

And then we have... the whales.

We have abused animals in movies.

We have crime, murder,
all that sort of thing.

All of these are effects.

The problem's right here. Let me...

That's the problem.

Blow it up.

Right?

There's no problem with the planet.

It's the stuff we do.

You will be as ethical as possible.

You will be that which
you want to see in the world.

If everyone was integrated
to some degree,

do you think someone who's integrated

would go and steal from someone else?

The ethical mission
that I did resonate with

was this mission of
helping people integrate

emotional reactions,

so that they could live the best life.

Marc Elliot comes into ESP,

and Marc Elliot has a pretty
severe case of Tourette's.

And in his first intensive,
he's ticking like crazy,

and saying all kinds of words on
two people, and it's just a mess.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I have Tourette's, by the way. Just
wanna throw that out there, okay?

Nancy Salzman
and Keith Raniere, I believe,

tried to figure out,
"What if we could cure this?"

So they begin working with him,
documenting his progress.

And we start talking about,
"Okay, let's turn this into a film."

Keith Raniere
thought it would be a good idea

for us to study other people
with Tourette's

to see if we could have
an effect in a consistent way.

The participants came to Albany.

We filmed them working with
Nancy Salzman and the team.

When I met Isabella,
she had Tourette's,

and she had a lot of
obsessive compulsive disorder

with the Tourette's.

We don't use any drugs.

The only thing that we use
is a talk approach.

I listen to where I think that
their beliefs are limited.

And then I look at the stimulus
response patterns that they have,

and I systematically disconnect them.

I did some EMs with Nancy, and...

that went well.

Uh, she said I seemed like
a real person.

I talked with my dad last night for
like 20 minutes, and it was really good.

He called my mom.
He said, "It was really great

having such a fluid
conversation with her."

As soon as I experienced these tools,

I found that I was able
to change something

that most people believe
is unchangeable.

And now I live a life
without Tourette's.

The difference is staggering.

It's miraculous. You go like,
"How the fuck is this possible?"

You know, if you've never
seen a saw before,

suddenly the cut piece of log
seems like a miracle.

It isn't. It's a tool.

And in some cases,

when conventional solutions don't work,

maybe the unconventional
way of thinking does.

Keith had found a cure for Tourette's,

which is a heightened version

of what any of us do in ESP.

You teach yourself
that you're in full control

of your emotions at all times.

In full control of your
responses at all times.

There was such a hopeful possibility

of what we could do,
'cause if we can cure Tourette's,

that it would give ESP
and NXIVM validity,

especially in the scientific world.

That could change everything.

I want to move the world.

I want to change the way it works.

I want to have this revolution work.

The mission was,

how could you get people
all over the world

in positions of leadership
and power and influence

to take this education, to learn value,

and learn to be humans.

And then change companies
and change governments.

We should be building ethicists.

People are gonna elect
ethicists to be President.

And he would say,
we first have to reach

the people that run
the motor of the world,

to use Ayn Rand's term.

We need the people that run the motor.

You know, Mark and I kind of
brought Hollywood to ESP, and...

I wasn't famous in that world,
but in this case, I was the...

entry point, with Mark, to that world.

Basically, what happened is

Sarah and I had started, like,
enrolling all the celebrities.

Richard Branson let us host
an intensive on Necker Island.

We had Catherine Oxenberg,
the star of the TV show "Dynasty,"

take classes with her daughter, India.

I spent most of my time
working on strategy.

Sarah said she wanted to talk to, like,

as many people as possible.

Sometimes people can surprise you.

I think it's kind of cool.

I'm Kristin, as you know. Um,
I'm excited to work with you guys,

and I don't know what else to say.

Romeo 1, Raptor 312.

I'm back, and I brought a friend.

If I were to describe Keith to
someone who'd never met him,

I would probably express

almost how surprised I was
how open he is.

I hate this part.

I struggle sometimes, a lot of times,

to really push myself,

and it's that. It's that extra push.

It's that, you know, really

owning what's important
to me in my life.

We have many, many people

who have taken great values
from our program

and their association with us.

Hello. My name is Emiliano Salinas.

I come from a political family.

My father was President of Mexico

from 1988 to 1994,

a time of tremendous
transformation for my country,

which inspired me to pursue
a deeper understanding

of human and social transformation.

When I joined NXIVM, I found that

it was already backed by
two extremely wealthy women,

Sara Bronfman and Clare Bronfman,

who were the heiresses
to the Seagram's empire.

Sara and Clare went out
looking for powerful people.

I grew up with resources,

and it was very scary for me to know

how to best use those resources
in the world to do good things.

And it was Sara that
actually arranged for the Dalai Lama

to come to Albany.

It was a very big deal that
the Dalai Lama was coming,

'cause he was endorsing NXIVM.

It is my moral responsibility

to support any movement

who are working for ethics.

That was, I mean, mind-blowing,

the possibility of what
could happen with that.

Never found in my life

a place where you can meet
amazing individuals

that, like me, are looking
to create a better world.

This was something, that,
it was in my heart, always,

you know, that, "How do I do better?"

Before, I felt this
kind of ongoing stress.

I was constantly working, and I felt
like I was just scrambling all the time.

It was Harvard Business School. I thought
you couldn't get better than that.

I was never any better
than that of my next job.

A lot of people that I know
were facing that.

A lot of women, in particular.

What if it doesn't have to be that way?

I felt like I was finding it all.

Meaning...

Community...

Oh, this is the family,
this is the group of people

that I've been looking for
my whole life

that actually are gonna have impact.

- Hi!
- Hey!

This actually helps you,
so that you can build love.

And I think that's
the most valuable thing.

That, that changes the world.

There's another way to live.

There's another way to relate.

So when you can get tools
that allow you to do that,

that's worth everything.

When I first came to ESP,

I had, on the surface, something

that seemed to be, like,
the perfect life, or a pretty good life.

Like, superficially, materialistically,
I was very successful.

Um...

Allie Mack.

I remember when
she did our first training,

and then she hopped on a plane
and went right back

after the training with Nancy
and Lauren to meet Keith.

I think that was pretty...

exciting for the company.

I mean, she was... She had her own show,

and she had a little
following of young women

who looked up to her.

- Hi.
- Hey.

- You know me.
- You...

You know me. Um, I'm Allison.

I've been an actress
since I was four years old,

and I moved here from New York City,

and really, my pursuit in ESP

has been one really
about my relationships.

I wanted to be this, like,
loving, compassionate woman

that I played on TV, and, like,
have all these noble characteristics

that I did really well when
I had a script in front of me.

Allison was the life of the party.

We would talk about art and movies,

and creating this community of artists.

And the house that we all moved into,

the townhouse, which was three floors,
was, was to be that.

You know, it was,
top floor was me and Bonnie,

she was in the middle floor,
and in the basement was like, you know,

screening room and the editing rooms,
and all... It was great.

I had this dream, as well, of like,

okay, it's great to just have ESP,

but we need different things
for different people.

As the years go by,

you know, we have individual companies

that people are starting up.

When you came into the organization,

ESP was generally the gateway.

And then there was this whole,
a whole entire civilization.

You know, we have Jness
happening for women.

We were probably six
or seven years into ESP

when Jness came around.

Keith started talking about
the fact that

the women could change the world.

I put on the very first women's
only Jness training in 2006.

There was about 40 or 50 women
in that training.

And I loved it. I thought,
I thought it was beautiful.

I thought it was great.

We have SOP happening for men.

Can you imagine a
close-knit team of reliable men

working together to have better lives,
and a better world.

You know,
if you wanted to work on your body,

on fitness, there was exo/eso.

Exo/eso is what Bonnie
started with five other women.

It was like a yoga class.

I felt like that was more
closer to my purpose

of, like, a performing arts technique,

and tools to help actors and singers

and all these things,
so I was really excited about that.

If you wanted to work on

performance and public speaking,
there was The Source.

Hi. I'm Allison Mack and I'm
the president of The Source.

Don't worry if you feel like, "I'm
not an actor. What am I doing here?"

'Cause this is really a study
of compassion, empathy.

Your whole being is gonna change.

We have Rainbow Cultural Garden,

a daycare program for children

where they're taught multiple
languages from an early age.

There's just this
array of stuff happening,

so it's like an empire.

So when people say, like,
"How did you spend 12 years?"

Because there was
a lot of shit to work on.

I had a vision and, and Mark and I,

you know, have been talking
about this from the beginning,

of creating a center.

That was, that was our dream.

When I come into ESP in 2005,

there's a center in Albany,

there's a center in Saratoga Springs,

and there's the center in Seattle.

And as the years ago by,
there's all this growth that happens.

New York City center opens.

Orange County is wanting
to have a center.

LA has a center. San
Francisco's building a center.

Miami, we're working on
having a center.

London, we're working on
having a center.

Then we have Mexico City center opens.

Guadalajara opens.
Monterrey opens. Leon opens.

And pretty much the entire
Mexican ESP community began.

And everybody
wants to open the next center.

And then I got asked to be
on the executive board.

"Now you can open centers."
And I'm like, "This is great!"

I call Sarah up and I say,
"We're doing it."

- Oh, my God!
- Ready? Ready?

- Yeah.
- Here we go.

This could not have been built

had, um, Prefect Nancy Salzman
not existed.

And had Vanguard not existed.

So, know that we are...

We are standing on
the shoulders of giants.

I just want to say
something. This is so cool.

Being here is so much fun for me.

I have nothing but...

the highest esteem for Mark Vicente.

And I know that you know that.

I mean, I hope that you know that.

He's one of my dearest friends
in the entire world.

And so it's just a real joy for me

to support you,

and to support you...

Proctor Edmondson.

I have said in the past

if I had a couple more teams like this,

I know I could change the entire world.

I worked for a company

that had practices that
were not traditional.

But everything made sense

once you understood the meaning
and what the purpose was.

And that company was teaching ethics,

and human potential,
and professional development.

- Bonnie and I went to Keith.
- Okay, ask me.

And we basically said,
"We're gonna get married."

And so we're trying to figure out,
like, how would we craft our vows?

This will help.

I think he actually
suggested that he could write the vows.

Do you understand?

It was pretty much
only NXIVM at the wedding,

other than, uh, Bonnie's mom.

We realized later
we'd never had a honeymoon.

It always gets me by surprise.

I feel like my life
with Bonnie was stolen.

And I wanna have that life.
I wanna get it back.

Bonnie got there first.

It took me longer.

Keith used to teach some of us that

on the path to enlightenment,

you'd reach this barren wasteland,

just space of nothing,
before you find this...

ultimate joy.

I'm having a number of flashbacks.

That only seem bad to me.

Transition to the feeling of suffering.

My body was starting to fall apart.

Freedom's not gonna happen

in the monastery.

Well, it's not in a monastery.

It is a prison.

So you're gonna have to do

that part of your life without me.

There's no way out.

It was like,
there was a crack in the dam.