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1
00:00:10,144 --> 00:00:11,379
- * ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR
2
00:00:11,412 --> 00:00:13,647
* FIVE, SIX
SHAKE IT, DUDE *
3
00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:21,589
*
4
00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:39,140
- * CUE THE PULSE TO BEGIN
5
00:00:39,173 --> 00:00:46,214
*
6
00:00:46,247 --> 00:00:49,850
* CUE THE PULSE TO BEGIN
7
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:53,554
* CUE THE PULSE
TO BEGIN *
8
00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:56,457
* CUE THE PULSE TO BEGIN
9
00:01:00,328 --> 00:01:02,496
- * SWEAT
10
00:01:02,530 --> 00:01:04,498
* SWEAT
11
00:01:04,532 --> 00:01:06,234
* SWEAT
12
00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:08,202
* SWEAT
13
00:01:08,236 --> 00:01:09,303
* SWEAT
14
00:01:09,337 --> 00:01:11,305
*
15
00:01:11,339 --> 00:01:12,706
- YOU FUCKED HIM?
16
00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:13,841
- WEDNESDAY.
17
00:01:13,874 --> 00:01:15,343
- AND THE HOT LATINO?
18
00:01:15,376 --> 00:01:16,877
- THURSDAY.
- WELL, OLE, TEDDY.
19
00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:19,180
YOU ARE OUT OF CONTROL.
20
00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:21,449
- GOOD EVENING, TWATS.
21
00:01:21,482 --> 00:01:22,850
- WOULD YOU
KINDLY REFRAIN
22
00:01:22,883 --> 00:01:24,585
FROM USING DEROGATORY
REFERENCES TO WOMEN
23
00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:26,487
SINCE THEY REPRESENT
HALF OF MY FAN-BASE?
24
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,656
- HAVE ANY HERMAPHRODITES?
25
00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:30,724
- I DON'T THINK SO.
- GOOD.
26
00:01:30,758 --> 00:01:32,493
GO FUCK YOURSELF.
- [chuckles]
27
00:01:32,526 --> 00:01:34,195
- ANYBODY HERE WORTH DOING?
28
00:01:34,228 --> 00:01:35,863
- NO, SORRY, BRI.
ALREADY DONE THEM.
29
00:01:35,896 --> 00:01:38,132
- OH, WE WERE UP TO FRIDAY.
30
00:01:38,166 --> 00:01:40,201
- OH, UH, THERE'S FRIDAY
OVER THERE.
31
00:01:40,234 --> 00:01:41,535
THE BOSSY BOTTOM
OVER THERE.
32
00:01:41,569 --> 00:01:43,237
- HE'S A BOTTOM?
- YEAH.
33
00:01:43,271 --> 00:01:44,905
YOU SHOULD HEAR HIM
SING NATURAL WOMAN.
34
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:46,340
BETTER THAN ARETHA,
I MIGHT ADD.
35
00:01:46,374 --> 00:01:47,741
- YOU'VE GOT TO GAG THEM FIRST,
36
00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:49,877
THEN FUCK 'EM.
37
00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:52,546
YOU STILL HAVE MUCH TO LEARN,
THEODORE.
38
00:01:52,580 --> 00:01:54,282
- OH MY GOD.
WHO'S THAT?
39
00:01:54,315 --> 00:02:02,256
*
40
00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:14,402
- I DON'T KNOW, BUT I BELIEVE
I HAVE SUNDAY FREE.
41
00:02:14,435 --> 00:02:16,370
- COUNT ON STAYING HOME
42
00:02:16,404 --> 00:02:19,207
AND TRIMMING YOUR PUBES.
43
00:02:23,277 --> 00:02:25,413
- I'LL LET HIM
HAVE THIS ONE.
44
00:02:25,446 --> 00:02:28,649
- [chuckles] YEAH.
45
00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:36,624
*
46
00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:43,163
[faint moaning]
47
00:02:49,303 --> 00:02:52,273
[music continues
in background]
48
00:02:52,306 --> 00:03:00,314
*
49
00:03:28,376 --> 00:03:31,345
[men moaning]
50
00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:51,265
- WOW! RAGE AND J.T. ARE FINALLY
TYING THE KNOT.
51
00:03:51,299 --> 00:03:52,500
- IT'S ABOUT TIME,
WOULDN'T YOU SAY?
52
00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:53,934
- DID THEY GO
TO TORONTO?
53
00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:56,504
- NO. MASSACHUPITER.
IT'S A PLANET.
54
00:03:56,537 --> 00:03:57,938
- UNLIKE PENNSYLVANIA,
55
00:03:57,971 --> 00:03:59,507
IT'S LEGAL FOR GAYS
TO GET MARRIED THERE.
56
00:03:59,540 --> 00:04:00,874
- AHA!
57
00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:01,942
SO, WHERE DO WE BUY
OUR ROCKET SHIP TICKETS
58
00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:03,344
AND ZOOM OFF?
59
00:04:03,377 --> 00:04:04,612
- HUH. I WISH!
60
00:04:04,645 --> 00:04:05,746
- WELL, UNTIL WE CAN,
61
00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:07,381
WE'LL JUST LIVE
VICARIOUSLY
62
00:04:07,415 --> 00:04:09,383
THROUGH OUR
INTREPID SUPERHEROES.
63
00:04:09,417 --> 00:04:11,652
- LET'S HOPE THAT
5,000 READERS--
64
00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:13,053
OH, WHAT THE HELL,
MAKE IT 10--
65
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:14,888
AGREE WITH YOU.
66
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:16,357
- I'LL GET THESE
OUT OF YOUR WAY.
67
00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:18,058
- YOU COMING TO
OUR HOUSEWARMING?
68
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,660
- I WOULDN'T MISS IT.
69
00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:22,396
- IT'S GOING TO BE
A BAD-ASS BLOW-OUT.
70
00:04:22,430 --> 00:04:23,497
- WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE START EARLY?
71
00:04:23,531 --> 00:04:26,467
- MM.
- MM-HMM.
72
00:04:29,537 --> 00:04:31,639
[door closes]
73
00:04:31,672 --> 00:04:33,374
HERE HE IS.
74
00:04:33,407 --> 00:04:35,576
- OUR WAYWARD SON.
75
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:36,577
- COOL COVER.
76
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,045
- WHERE'VE YOU BEEN?
77
00:04:38,078 --> 00:04:39,580
- I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING
TO BE HOME BY 6:00.
78
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,081
- I WAS PRACTICING WITH
MY DEBATING PARTNER.
79
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:42,916
- [chuckles] WHENEVER I USED
TO TELL MY PARENTS THAT,
80
00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:44,652
I WAS USUALLY
GETTING STONED.
81
00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:46,787
- WHEN'S THE BIG EVENT?
82
00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:48,055
- UH, TOMORROW AFTERNOON.
83
00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:49,690
IT'S IN FRONT OF
THE WHOLE SCHOOL.
84
00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:50,991
- WHAT'S THE TOPIC?
85
00:04:51,024 --> 00:04:52,092
- CAPITAL PUNISHMENT.
86
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,527
I'M ALL FOR IT.
87
00:04:53,561 --> 00:04:56,530
I SAY FRY
THE MOTHERFUCKERS.
88
00:04:56,564 --> 00:04:58,532
- NOW YOU SEE WHY
WE'RE SO PROUD.
89
00:04:58,566 --> 00:05:00,000
- [laughs]
90
00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:01,702
- NOW, WHAT I'M
ABOUT TO SHOW YOU
91
00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:03,070
MAY FRIGHTEN
SMALL CHILDREN,
92
00:05:03,103 --> 00:05:04,938
SO PARENTS MAY WANT THEM
TO LEAVE THE ROOM.
93
00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:07,107
[chuckles]
SCARY, HUH?
94
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:10,411
IT'S WHAT I CALL
THE "COMB-OVER"
95
00:05:10,444 --> 00:05:11,879
LIKE WALLY'S HERE.
96
00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:14,548
BUT SEE HOW MUCH HOTTER
WALLY LOOKS
97
00:05:14,582 --> 00:05:16,850
WHEN HE EMBRACES
HIS BALDNESS.
98
00:05:16,884 --> 00:05:19,086
WH--WHY, WALLACE,
99
00:05:19,119 --> 00:05:20,688
IS THAT A HICKEY?
100
00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:23,090
GO FOR IT, TIGER.
[growls, laughs]
101
00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:26,093
ALL RIGHT. THOSE ARE MY
HAIR DOs AND DON'Ts.
102
00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:27,961
NEXT WEEK, HOME WAXING.
103
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:29,563
AND I'M NOT TALKING
ABOUT THE KITCHEN FLOOR.
104
00:05:29,597 --> 00:05:33,734
OKAY, EVERYBODY,
BE FABULOUS!
105
00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:36,136
- THANKS, QUEER GUY.
THAT'S IT FOR TONIGHT.
106
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:39,573
HOPEFULLY,
WE'LL BE "HAIR" TOMORROW.
107
00:05:39,607 --> 00:05:42,443
- MAY ALL YOUR NEWS
BE GOOD NEWS.
108
00:05:42,476 --> 00:05:44,445
- AND WE'RE OUT.
109
00:05:44,478 --> 00:05:46,514
- THANK YOU SO MUCH.
110
00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:48,616
- THAT WAS FABULOUS!
- AW.
111
00:05:48,649 --> 00:05:49,717
- SEE? YOU'VE EVEN
GOT ME DOING IT.
112
00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:51,118
- SORRY, DON.
113
00:05:51,151 --> 00:05:52,486
- SORRY? SINCE YOU'VE BEEN
ON THE AIR,
114
00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:53,854
THE RATINGS HAVE
GONE UP TWO POINTS.
115
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:55,989
NOW EVERYBODY WANTS
THE QUEER PERSPECTIVE.
116
00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:59,126
CHANNEL NINE HAS EVEN HIRED
A TRANNY WEATHER, UH, PERSON.
117
00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:01,762
- WELL, LET'S JUST HOPE
HE-SHE CAN DECIDE
118
00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:03,664
IF IT'S GOING TO BE
RAINY OR FAIR.
119
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:04,932
- EITHER WAY, YOUR FANS
ARE GOING TO BE
120
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:06,133
LINED UP AROUND THE BLOCK
TO SEE YOU
121
00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:07,501
TOMORROW AT HOFFMAN'S.
122
00:06:07,535 --> 00:06:09,002
- SO MANY IN NEED,
SO LITTLE TIME.
123
00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:12,640
- AND WAIT TILL
YOU READ YOUR...FAN MAIL.
124
00:06:12,673 --> 00:06:14,875
- FAN MAIL? FOR ME?
125
00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:19,379
- EVEN PEOPLE
WHO HATE FAGS LOVE YOU.
126
00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:24,818
- HERE YOU GO, HON.
- OH.
127
00:06:24,852 --> 00:06:27,054
OH, THANK YOU, CARL,
BUT...
128
00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:31,792
HONESTLY, I DON'T THINK
I COULD KEEP IT DOWN.
129
00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:33,661
- ARE YOU STILL HURTING?
- [whimpers]
130
00:06:33,694 --> 00:06:36,196
- POOR BABY.
131
00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:38,499
DID YOU TAKE WHAT
DR. MACGRATH PRESCRIBED?
132
00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:39,767
- THAT QUACK?
133
00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:40,934
HE OUGHT TO BE
SPLIT AND QUARTERED
134
00:06:40,968 --> 00:06:42,836
AND SERVED WITH
ORANGE SAUCE.
135
00:06:42,870 --> 00:06:46,807
OH, HONEY...
136
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,576
I MEAN, THERE ARE
ALL THESE NEW DISEASES.
137
00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:52,112
YOU KNOW, DAMN DOCTORS
CAN'T KEEP UP WITH IT.
138
00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:53,714
HMM.
139
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:56,584
WHAT IF IT'S MAD COW
OR THAT BIRD FLU?
140
00:06:56,617 --> 00:06:57,951
COME TO THINK OF IT,
141
00:06:57,985 --> 00:06:59,520
A PIGEON SHIT ON MY SHOULDER
THE OTHER DAY.
142
00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:00,788
I'VE GOT TO REMEMBER
TO TELL THAT
143
00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:02,723
TO THE NEW DOCTOR.
- NEW DOCTOR?
144
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:05,993
- I'M GETTING
A SECOND OPINION.
145
00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:07,828
ACTUALLY, IT'S MORE
LIKE A FOURTH.
146
00:07:07,861 --> 00:07:09,830
- OKAY, THAT'S IT.
147
00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:14,868
- WHO'RE YOU CALLING?
- THE STATION.
148
00:07:14,902 --> 00:07:17,070
- I'M GOING TO TAKE YOU.
- CARL, PLEASE, NO.
149
00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:19,206
IT'LL JUST MAKE IT WORSE,
ALL RIGHT?
150
00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:21,208
THINKING THAT I'M KEEPING
YOU FROM WORK.
151
00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:23,143
- [sighs]
152
00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:31,218
- YOU GO SOLVE A MURDER OR TWO.
153
00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:32,620
- I WISH
I COULD SOLVE THIS.
154
00:07:32,653 --> 00:07:36,724
- GENTLY, GENTLY.
155
00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:38,959
- LOOK, PROMISE YOU'LL CALL ME
156
00:07:38,992 --> 00:07:40,861
AS SOON AS YOU HEAR
WHAT THE DOCTOR SAYS.
157
00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:42,930
- I PROMISE.
158
00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:47,968
OOH!
159
00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:49,903
[gasps]
160
00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:52,906
IT'S OKAY, HONEY.
161
00:07:57,177 --> 00:07:59,580
- I'LL BE AT HOFFMAN'S
DEPARTMENT STORE
162
00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:01,048
TODAY FROM 1:00 TO 3:00,
163
00:08:01,081 --> 00:08:02,516
SIGNING AUTOGRAPHS,
164
00:08:02,550 --> 00:08:05,986
GIVING TIPS ON HOW
TO BE FABULOUS.
165
00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:09,256
BE SURE TO STOP BY.
166
00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:10,658
OH, TEDDY, I FEEL AS IF
167
00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:12,860
I'VE FINALLY FOUND
MY CALLING,
168
00:08:12,893 --> 00:08:14,528
THAT GOD HAS APPOINTED ME
FROM ABOVE
169
00:08:14,562 --> 00:08:16,630
TO DO HIS WORK BELOW.
170
00:08:16,664 --> 00:08:20,868
- SAINT EMMETT, PATRON SAINT
OF THE FASHION IMPOVERISHED,
171
00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:23,036
THE STYLE DEPRIVED.
- YOU LAUGH,
172
00:08:23,070 --> 00:08:25,773
BUT THERE IS SOMETHING
ALMOST HOLY
173
00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:27,641
ABOUT SAVING THE THOUSANDS
OF WALKING DISASTERS
174
00:08:27,675 --> 00:08:29,910
IN THIS TOWN.
175
00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:32,913
OF WHICH HE IS
DEFINITELY NOT ONE.
176
00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:39,753
BELIEVE THAT GUY?
177
00:08:39,787 --> 00:08:42,623
WALKED RIGHT BY,
DIDN'T EVEN RECOGNIZE ME.
178
00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:44,625
- BUT I RECOGNIZE HIM.
179
00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:47,227
- IS HE SOMEONE?
180
00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:49,563
- OH, HE'S SOMEONE,
ALL RIGHT.
181
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,968
PRIDE 2002.
182
00:08:55,002 --> 00:08:56,303
WE HAD AMAZING SEX.
183
00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:58,105
AT LEAST, I THOUGHT SO.
184
00:08:58,138 --> 00:09:01,642
THEN THE NEXT DAY,
MET HIM AT WOODY'S.
185
00:09:01,675 --> 00:09:04,645
HE TOLD ME ONCE A YEAR
HE FINDS SOME LOSER GUY.
186
00:09:04,678 --> 00:09:07,648
- LIKE YOU,
AND I GIVE HIM A BREAK.
187
00:09:07,681 --> 00:09:10,651
I GIVE HIM--
I GIVE HIM ME.
188
00:09:10,684 --> 00:09:12,786
THE FUCK OF HIS LIFE.
189
00:09:12,820 --> 00:09:14,955
YOU KNOW,
SOMETHING HE CAN REMEMBER.
190
00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:16,824
IT'S LIKE A SOUVENIR.
191
00:09:16,857 --> 00:09:20,227
IT'S MY WAY OF GIVING BACK
TO THE COMMUNITY.
192
00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:22,329
- TEDDY, THAT WAS EONS AGO.
193
00:09:22,362 --> 00:09:23,697
LOOK AT YOU NOW,
THIN, GORGEOUS,
194
00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:25,933
GUYS FALLING ALL OVER YOU.
195
00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:27,200
- IT WAS THE SINGLE MOST
HUMILIATING EXPERIENCE
196
00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:28,201
OF MY LIFE.
197
00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:31,204
EVERYBODY CALLED ME...
198
00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:34,074
"AUNT PITY FUCK."
199
00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:36,343
- WELL, AS PAINFUL AS
IT MAY HAVE BEEN,
200
00:09:36,376 --> 00:09:39,780
YOU JUST HAVE
TO LET IT GO.
201
00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:50,590
- OR GET EVEN.
202
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:54,695
- I'M NOT GONNA
MAKE HIM NERVOUS.
203
00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:57,998
I'LL SIT IN THE BACK.
HE WON'T EVEN KNOW I'M THERE.
204
00:09:58,031 --> 00:09:59,967
WELL, I-I JUST WANT
TO SEE HIM IN ACTION.
205
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:02,102
WE'LL STOP BY
THE STORE AFTERWARDS.
206
00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:07,407
I'LL TAKE YOU BOTH
TO DINNER.
207
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,110
LOVE!
208
00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:12,713
OH, GOD.
209
00:10:12,746 --> 00:10:14,848
CALLIE?
210
00:10:14,882 --> 00:10:16,149
IT'S BEN.
211
00:10:16,183 --> 00:10:18,385
- MR. BRUCKNER. I KNOW.
HUNTER'S DAD.
212
00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:20,287
- HEY, I CAME TO WATCH HIM
DEBATE.
213
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:22,890
WHICH WAY IS
THE AUDITORIUM?
214
00:10:22,923 --> 00:10:25,726
- AS YOU GO IN,
IT'S ON THE RIGHT.
215
00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:26,727
- AH.
216
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:28,929
[both laugh]
217
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:31,732
- BUT I DON'T THINK
THERE'S A DEBATE.
218
00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:35,135
THEY'RE--THEY'VE GOT
A CHORUS PRACTICE.
219
00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:37,037
- WELL, YOU SURE?
220
00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:43,677
- IS HUNTER OKAY?
221
00:10:43,711 --> 00:10:47,014
HE HASN'T BEEN IN SCHOOL
ALL WEEK.
222
00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:48,415
- OH, HE'S FINE.
223
00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:53,721
I-I GUESS I MUST'VE
MISUNDERSTOOD HIM.
224
00:10:58,926 --> 00:11:00,961
- THIS PINK STRIPED SHIRT
225
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:03,230
WILL LOOK FAB
UNDER THIS JACKET.
226
00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:05,766
AND OH, OH, OH.
227
00:11:05,799 --> 00:11:09,169
AND SEE HOW THIS TIE
REALLY MAKES IT POP?
228
00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:11,438
- FRANKLY, I DON'T CARE
WHAT CLOTHES IRWIN WEARS.
229
00:11:11,471 --> 00:11:13,774
HE TOOK YOUR ADVICE FROM THE
OTHER NIGHT AND SHAVED HIS HEAD,
230
00:11:13,807 --> 00:11:16,176
YOU KNOW,
EMBRACED HIS BALDNESS?
231
00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:17,978
NOW I BARELY LET HIM
OUT OF THE BEDROOM.
232
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:20,313
- I CAN'T TELL YOU
233
00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:21,915
HOW MUCH IT WARMS MY HEART
TO KNOW
234
00:11:21,949 --> 00:11:23,817
I'M KEEPING HETEROS HORNY.
235
00:11:23,851 --> 00:11:25,786
OKAY. ALL RIGHT,
BE BACK IN FIVE.
236
00:11:25,819 --> 00:11:28,055
IT'S TINKLE TIME!
[chuckles]
237
00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:30,057
- YOU ARE A SUPERSTAR!
- OH.
238
00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:32,459
- MWAH. LOOK AT THIS CROWD.
- YEAH.
239
00:11:32,492 --> 00:11:33,794
- SECOND ONLY TO
WHEN THE STONES
240
00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:34,862
PLAYED
THREE RIVERS STADIUM.
241
00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:39,066
both: MWAH, MWAH.
242
00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:40,801
- BRIAN?
243
00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:42,102
I CAN'T TELL YOU
WHAT IT MEANS
244
00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:43,804
THAT YOU'D SHOW
UP TO SUPPORT ME.
245
00:11:43,837 --> 00:11:45,505
- WELL, I NEEDED SOCKS.
246
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:47,274
- DON'T PAY ANY ATTENTION
TO HIM.
247
00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:48,876
- HE'S AS PROUD OF YOU
AS WE ARE. AREN'T YOU?
248
00:11:48,909 --> 00:11:50,744
- [scoffs]
249
00:11:50,778 --> 00:11:52,079
YEAH, IT'S AN HONOR
TO COUNT AMONG
250
00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:53,346
OUR CLOSE, PERSONAL FRIENDS
251
00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:56,149
TELEVISION'S LATEST
GAY EUNUCH.
252
00:11:56,183 --> 00:11:57,751
- EXCUSE ME?
253
00:11:57,785 --> 00:12:01,488
- YOU KNOW,
AS IN NON-SEXUAL,
254
00:12:01,521 --> 00:12:03,957
NON-THREATENING,
255
00:12:03,991 --> 00:12:06,159
BALL-LESS.
256
00:12:06,193 --> 00:12:09,229
YOU DO HOMAGE TO A LONG
AND ILLUSTRIOUS LINE
257
00:12:09,262 --> 00:12:10,964
OF LOVABLE,
LAUGHABLE CLOWNS
258
00:12:10,998 --> 00:12:12,866
WHO'VE COME
BEFORE YOU.
259
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:17,170
WHY, JUST LOOK AT
ALL THESE PEOPLE!
260
00:12:17,204 --> 00:12:18,839
- THEY'RE MY FANS.
261
00:12:18,872 --> 00:12:19,973
THEY ADORE ME.
262
00:12:20,007 --> 00:12:23,376
- BECAUSE YOU'RE SO CUTE.
263
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:25,779
BUT DO YOU THINK
THEY'D STILL ADORE YOU
264
00:12:25,813 --> 00:12:29,917
IF THEY KNEW YOU TOOK IT
UP THE ASS AND LIKED IT?
265
00:12:29,950 --> 00:12:31,919
- LIKE I SAID, BRIAN,
266
00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:33,253
I CAN'T TELL YOU
WHAT IT MEANS
267
00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:36,857
THAT YOU'D SHOW UP
TO SUPPORT ME.
268
00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:40,127
- ANY TIME.
269
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:41,328
- I JUST LOVE YOU.
270
00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:43,130
YOU'RE SO CUTE!
271
00:12:43,163 --> 00:12:44,464
- THANK YOU. TH-THANK--
272
00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:47,901
- MA'AM. MA'AM,
STEP BACK, PLEASE.
273
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,472
- HE'S BEEN LYING TO US?
274
00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:55,075
- I'M SURE THERE'S A REASON.
275
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,543
I DIDN'T SAY
A GOOD REASON.
276
00:12:56,576 --> 00:12:58,278
- BUT I THOUGHT
HE TRUSTED US,
277
00:12:58,311 --> 00:13:00,280
THAT, YOU KNOW,
HE TOLD US EVERYTHING.
278
00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:02,349
- DID YOU TELL YOUR MOTHER
EVERYTHING WHEN YOU WERE 17?
279
00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:03,884
- I DIDN'T HAVE TO.
280
00:13:03,917 --> 00:13:05,819
THERE WERE HIDDEN MONITORS
IN EVERY ROOM.
281
00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:07,220
SHE HAD A HOMING DEVICE
IMPLANTED
282
00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:09,089
IN MY BRAIN SOON
AFTER BIRTH.
283
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:11,291
IT'S THE ONLY EXPLANATION
HOW SHE AUTOMATICALLY KNEW.
284
00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:13,026
- HERE HE--
HERE HE COMES.
285
00:13:13,060 --> 00:13:15,428
NOW, LET'S TRY NOT TO LET
OUR EMOTIONS RUN AMOK.
286
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:17,064
- WELL, THAT'S EASY
FOR YOU TO SAY.
287
00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:20,067
YOU COME FROM A LONG LINE
OF REPRESSED ALCOHOLICS.
288
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:21,334
- SORRY I'M LATE.
289
00:13:21,368 --> 00:13:22,903
I WAS IN DEBATE CLUB.
290
00:13:22,936 --> 00:13:24,437
THIS WEEK'S TOPIC IS...
291
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:28,341
- SECRETS AND LIES?
292
00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:31,511
WE KNOW YOU HAVEN'T BEEN
IN SCHOOL ALL WEEK.
293
00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:37,184
[door closes]
294
00:13:37,217 --> 00:13:38,485
- BETTER.
295
00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:42,856
- WOULD YOU JUST LEAVE ME
THE FUCK ALONE?
296
00:13:42,890 --> 00:13:43,991
I TOLD YOU I DON'T WANT TO
TALK ABOUT IT.
297
00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:46,526
- WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT.
298
00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:48,128
- WE WANT TO HELP YOU.
299
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,863
- YOU CAN'T HELP ME.
NOBODY CAN HELP ME.
300
00:13:49,897 --> 00:13:50,964
IT'S TOO LATE.
301
00:13:50,998 --> 00:13:52,332
- IT'S NEVER TOO LATE.
302
00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:54,234
- LOOK, I KNOW IT'S BEEN
A TOUGH FEW WEEKS.
303
00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:56,369
- TRY YEARS.
304
00:13:56,403 --> 00:13:59,106
- OKAY. OKAY, BUT THERE'S
GOT TO BE A SOLUTION.
305
00:13:59,139 --> 00:14:01,041
- I CAN'T GO BACK
TO THAT SCHOOL.
306
00:14:01,074 --> 00:14:02,075
EVERYBODY JUST STARES AT ME
307
00:14:02,109 --> 00:14:03,410
LIKE
I'M A PIECE OF SHIT,
308
00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:04,511
AND WHEN THEY DO,
THAT'S HOW I FEEL.
309
00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:07,080
- YOU'RE NOT A PIECE OF SHIT.
310
00:14:07,114 --> 00:14:09,249
YOU'RE A BRAVE, SMART,
FUNNY, WONDERFUL PERSON.
311
00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:11,618
- AND YOU'RE OUR SON.
- AND WE LOVE YOU.
312
00:14:11,651 --> 00:14:13,086
- AND YOU DON'T
HAVE TO LIE TO US.
313
00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:15,488
WE KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE GOING THROUGH.
314
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:18,258
- YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
315
00:14:21,028 --> 00:14:22,029
[door closes]
316
00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:27,667
- HOW ABOUT A BARBECUE GRILL?
317
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,369
OR MAYBE FIREPLACE TOOLS.
318
00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:30,637
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
319
00:14:30,670 --> 00:14:32,239
- I THINK IF YOU
DON'T STOP TALKING
320
00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:33,974
ABOUT THEIR
GODDAMN HOUSEWARMING GIFT,
321
00:14:34,007 --> 00:14:38,278
I'M GOING TO BURN THEIR
FUCKING PLACE DOWN.
322
00:14:38,311 --> 00:14:41,114
ANOTHER ROUND.
- WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
323
00:14:41,148 --> 00:14:42,249
- I HAVE NO PROBLEM.
324
00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:44,684
I AM PROBLEM-LESS.
325
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:46,586
A PROBLEM-FREE ZONE.
326
00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:49,189
- THEN HELP ME PICK
SOMETHING OUT.
327
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:51,324
- [sighs]
328
00:14:55,695 --> 00:14:57,998
- A HANDS-FREE TOILET.
329
00:14:58,031 --> 00:15:00,267
"SENSES YOU ARE THERE
AND AUTOMATICALLY FLUSHES."
330
00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:02,269
- YEAH.
331
00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:04,671
300 BUCKS DOWN THE CRAPPER.
332
00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:07,140
- ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME
WHAT'S WRONG?
333
00:15:07,174 --> 00:15:08,341
- NO.
334
00:15:08,375 --> 00:15:10,377
- FINE.
335
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:21,354
- [clicks tongue]
336
00:15:21,388 --> 00:15:23,690
ANYWAY...
337
00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:26,293
YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.
338
00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:30,163
- I'LL SHOW YOU
MY S.A.T. SCORES.
339
00:15:30,197 --> 00:15:31,464
- YOU'RE TOO YOUNG.
340
00:15:31,498 --> 00:15:33,300
- COMPARED TO WHO?
341
00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:38,705
- WHOM.
- YOU?
342
00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:41,108
- THAT HOT GUY, I FOLLOWED
INTO THE BACK ROOM
343
00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:42,342
THE OTHER NIGHT?
344
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:44,711
- WHAT ABOUT HIM?
345
00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:50,183
- WHEN I WENT
FOR HIS COCK...
346
00:15:50,217 --> 00:15:52,185
NEVER MIND.
347
00:15:52,219 --> 00:15:56,223
- WOULD YOU JUST SAY IT?
348
00:15:56,256 --> 00:15:58,058
- MY HAND.
349
00:15:58,091 --> 00:16:01,228
- "YOUR HAND"?
350
00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:06,399
WHAT?
351
00:16:06,433 --> 00:16:09,469
[scoffs]
352
00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:10,770
IF IT'S ANY COMFORT,
YOU'RE STILL
353
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:14,341
THE HOTTEST GUY
IN PITTSBURGH.
354
00:16:14,374 --> 00:16:15,608
[pages rustling]
NOW HELP ME OUT HERE.
355
00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:17,244
WE CAN'T SHOW UP
WITHOUT A GIFT.
356
00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:19,246
- I'M NOT GOING TO
THEIR FUCKING PARTY.
357
00:16:19,279 --> 00:16:20,747
- WHY NOT?
358
00:16:20,780 --> 00:16:25,485
- BECAUSE I'M GOING
TO A FUCKING PARTY.
359
00:16:25,518 --> 00:16:28,155
- [moaning]
360
00:16:28,188 --> 00:16:30,223
- OW! STOP!
361
00:16:30,257 --> 00:16:31,691
IT--IT HURTS!
362
00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:34,527
- COME ON, CARL,
TAKE IT LIKE A MAN.
363
00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:36,363
- [groaning]
364
00:16:36,396 --> 00:16:38,098
JESUS, YOU'RE KILLING ME!
365
00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:39,299
- WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON?
366
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:40,300
- [groans]
367
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:41,701
- [sighs]
368
00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:43,236
CARL'S LETTING ME PRACTICE
WAXING HIS BACK
369
00:16:43,270 --> 00:16:44,371
FOR AN UPCOMING SEGMENT.
370
00:16:44,404 --> 00:16:46,406
- CHRIST.
371
00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:48,308
I THOUGHT YOU WERE
PRACTICING SOMETHING ELSE.
372
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:49,542
- OKAY, THAT'S IT.
373
00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:51,144
I-I-I'VE HAD IT.
374
00:16:51,178 --> 00:16:53,046
- YOU'RE ONLY HALF-WAXED.
- YEAH.
375
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:57,584
AND IF YOU GO DOWN ANY FURTHER,
I'LL BE HALF-ASSED.
376
00:16:57,617 --> 00:16:58,785
- HOW ABOUT YOU, DEB?
377
00:16:58,818 --> 00:17:01,488
WANT ME TO GIVE YOU
A LANDING STRIP?
378
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:05,125
- THANKS, BUT I PREFER TO
KEEP THE ENTIRE AIRPORT.
379
00:17:05,158 --> 00:17:06,526
- GOT A TEMPERATURE?
380
00:17:06,559 --> 00:17:07,694
- NO.
381
00:17:07,727 --> 00:17:11,664
DAMN IT.
382
00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:13,166
- WHAT'D
THE NEW DOCTOR SAY?
383
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:14,601
- HE SAID I'M DYING...
384
00:17:14,634 --> 00:17:16,069
OF PERFECT HEALTH.
385
00:17:16,103 --> 00:17:18,671
WISE ASS.
386
00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:20,407
MAYBE THIS'LL BRING DOWN
MY FEVER.
387
00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:23,176
- YOU JUST SAID YOU DON'T
HAVE A FEVER.
388
00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:25,078
- THAT'S WHAT
THE THERMOMETER SAID.
389
00:17:25,112 --> 00:17:28,047
I KNOW I'M BURNING UP.
390
00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:37,724
- DEB, DO YOU...
391
00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:39,626
THINK I'M PHYSICALLY
ATTRACTIVE?
392
00:17:39,659 --> 00:17:42,362
YOU KNOW, SEXY?
393
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:44,564
- WELL, KEEPING IN MIND
394
00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:47,500
THAT I'M A HETEROSEXUAL
WOMAN OF A CERTAIN AGE,
395
00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:50,170
AND YOU'RE QUEER
AS THEY COME...
396
00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:51,704
FUCK, YEAH.
397
00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:53,173
- GOOD.
398
00:17:53,206 --> 00:17:55,308
'CAUSE BRIAN SAID
THE ONLY REASON
399
00:17:55,342 --> 00:17:56,576
PEOPLE LIKE THE QUEER GUY IS
400
00:17:56,609 --> 00:17:58,111
BECAUSE
I'M NON-THREATENING,
401
00:17:58,145 --> 00:17:59,746
SEXLESS, A EUNUCH.
402
00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:02,449
- WHAT THE FUCK
DOES HE KNOW?
403
00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:03,716
- ACTUALLY, A LOT.
404
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,352
- YEAH? WELL, HE'S WRONG.
405
00:18:05,385 --> 00:18:07,787
HELL, YOU HAVE MORE SEX
THAN ANYONE I KNOW,
406
00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:10,257
'CEPT ME, OF COURSE.
407
00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:13,460
SINCE CARL MOVED IN.
408
00:18:13,493 --> 00:18:15,362
LET'S FACE IT, HONEY,
409
00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:18,131
MOST VIEWERS DON'T WANT TO
THINK ABOUT GAYS HAVING SEX.
410
00:18:18,165 --> 00:18:20,667
I MEAN, THE THOUGHT
OF TWO GUYS KISSING,
411
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:22,669
MUCH LESS, UM,
412
00:18:22,702 --> 00:18:24,471
YOU KNOW,
TAKING IT UP THE ASS--
413
00:18:24,504 --> 00:18:27,407
IT JUST MAKES THEM
UNCOMFORTABLE.
414
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:31,478
- BRIAN SAID THAT TOO.
415
00:18:31,511 --> 00:18:33,613
WELL, YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
416
00:18:33,646 --> 00:18:36,349
IT'S TIME
THEY GOT OVER IT.
417
00:18:36,383 --> 00:18:39,352
[pop music in background]
418
00:18:39,386 --> 00:18:47,294
*
419
00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:56,169
- MIND SPOTTING ME?
420
00:18:56,203 --> 00:18:58,137
- SURE.
421
00:19:10,617 --> 00:19:13,386
DON'T I KNOW YOU?
422
00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:16,656
- DON'T THINK SO.
423
00:19:16,689 --> 00:19:19,292
- I'M TROY.
424
00:19:19,326 --> 00:19:21,494
- TED.
425
00:19:24,231 --> 00:19:27,800
- HEY, I KNOW WHERE
I KNOW YOU FROM.
426
00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:30,437
- YOU DO?
- SOUTH BEACH, RIGHT?
427
00:19:30,470 --> 00:19:32,739
WE HOOKED UP.
428
00:19:32,772 --> 00:19:34,407
- NOPE.
429
00:19:34,441 --> 00:19:37,277
NEVER BEEN THERE.
- OH.
430
00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:39,446
WELL, WOULD YOU LIKE TO?
431
00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:41,281
- GO TO SOUTH BEACH?
432
00:19:41,314 --> 00:19:44,684
- HOOK UP.
433
00:19:44,717 --> 00:19:47,587
[weights clatter]
434
00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:55,728
- SURE.
435
00:19:55,762 --> 00:19:57,297
- AND IN OUR RESEARCH
WE'VE FOUND
436
00:19:57,330 --> 00:19:59,432
THAT ONCE A WOMAN REACHES
THE AGE OF 35,
437
00:19:59,466 --> 00:20:02,502
SHE'S ALL BUT INVISIBLE
TO MOST MEN.
438
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:06,373
- AND YOU WANT TO MAKE THEM
VISIBLE AGAIN.
439
00:20:06,406 --> 00:20:08,841
OR AT LEAST MAKE THEM
THINK THAT THEY CAN BE.
440
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:10,977
- OUR NEW ANTI-AGING
CREAM OFFERS HOPE,
441
00:20:11,010 --> 00:20:13,313
MORE CONFIDENCE,
AND A FEW LESS WRINKLES.
442
00:20:13,346 --> 00:20:14,714
ALL WE NEED IS
A BRILLIANT CAMPAIGN
443
00:20:14,747 --> 00:20:16,449
AND A PERFECT PRODUCT NAME.
444
00:20:16,483 --> 00:20:21,621
- I'M...SURE I CAN COME UP
WITH SOMETHING.
445
00:20:23,490 --> 00:20:25,458
- YOU MEN
ARE SO DAMN LUCKY
446
00:20:25,492 --> 00:20:28,295
YOU NEVER HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT SUCH THINGS.
447
00:20:32,031 --> 00:20:35,535
- DON'T BE SO SURE.
448
00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:42,008
"VISIBLE."
449
00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:43,743
- WHAT?
450
00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:46,346
- THAT'S THE NAME OF
YOUR NEW PRODUCT.
451
00:20:46,379 --> 00:20:47,880
- "VISIBLE."
- MM-HMM.
452
00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:49,349
- I LIKE THAT.
453
00:20:49,382 --> 00:20:53,786
"VISIBLE."
454
00:20:53,820 --> 00:20:55,822
- WELL, YOU CAME
UP WITH IT.
455
00:20:55,855 --> 00:20:57,056
YOU JUST DIDN'T KNOW IT.
456
00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:59,626
WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME
FOR A MINUTE?
457
00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:07,567
*
458
00:21:58,885 --> 00:22:00,653
[chuckles]
459
00:22:05,024 --> 00:22:08,461
[clears throat]
460
00:22:08,495 --> 00:22:10,830
- AREN'T YOU GLAD
YOUR ASSHOLE PARENTS
461
00:22:10,863 --> 00:22:12,365
WORKED THROUGH THEIR SHIT?
462
00:22:12,399 --> 00:22:13,833
YES.
463
00:22:13,866 --> 00:22:15,768
'CAUSE NOW GRAMMA
CAN HOLD YOU
464
00:22:15,802 --> 00:22:18,104
WITHOUT ONE OF THEM THINKING
I'M A GODDAMN TRAITOR.
465
00:22:18,137 --> 00:22:20,873
[baby fusses]
- THAT'S RIGHT. AW.
466
00:22:20,907 --> 00:22:24,010
- BOY, YOU SURE KNOW HOW
TO SWEET-TALK A BABY, DEB.
467
00:22:24,043 --> 00:22:25,745
- I'M JUST GLAD IT
ALL WORKED OUT.
468
00:22:25,778 --> 00:22:27,113
- YEAH.
469
00:22:27,146 --> 00:22:28,515
WE'LL SEE.
- HEY, KIKI.
470
00:22:28,548 --> 00:22:30,049
WHERE'S THE FUCK'S MY CHECK?
471
00:22:30,082 --> 00:22:31,718
- I ALREADY GREW TITS.
472
00:22:31,751 --> 00:22:35,455
YOU WANT ME TO GROW
ANOTHER HAND?
473
00:22:35,488 --> 00:22:36,989
- OY, THINGS AREN'T
QUITE THE SAME
474
00:22:37,023 --> 00:22:38,591
AROUND HERE SINCE YOU LEFT.
475
00:22:38,625 --> 00:22:40,593
- OY, SO I NOTICE.
476
00:22:40,627 --> 00:22:42,629
- EXCUSE ME, MISS?
477
00:22:42,662 --> 00:22:44,030
- KIKI, THIS IS COLD.
478
00:22:44,063 --> 00:22:45,498
- OH, I DON'T KNOW.
- CAN I GET THAT COFFEE?
479
00:22:45,532 --> 00:22:46,733
- THE WAY I'VE BEEN
FEELING LATELY,
480
00:22:46,766 --> 00:22:49,469
I BARELY HAD THE ENERGY
TO CRAWL HERE.
481
00:22:49,502 --> 00:22:51,471
- HAVE YOU BEEN TO SEE A--
- FIVE OF 'EM.
482
00:22:51,504 --> 00:22:53,039
ALL CLAIM TO HAVE DEGREES.
483
00:22:53,072 --> 00:22:55,007
NOT ONE OF THEM SAYS
THEY CAN TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG.
484
00:22:55,041 --> 00:22:56,609
- HEY! CAN WE GET A MENU?
485
00:22:56,643 --> 00:22:58,010
- I-I ASKED FOR CREAM.
486
00:22:58,044 --> 00:22:59,946
- WHERE'S MY FUCKING LUNCH?
487
00:22:59,979 --> 00:23:01,648
- [rings bell]
YOUR FOOD IS UP.
488
00:23:01,681 --> 00:23:03,483
- [groans]
489
00:23:03,516 --> 00:23:05,752
I'M A TRANNY ON THE VERGE
OF A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.
490
00:23:05,785 --> 00:23:07,019
[hyperventilating]
491
00:23:07,053 --> 00:23:08,955
SIT DOWN,
CALM YOUR NERVES.
492
00:23:08,988 --> 00:23:11,491
- I--
493
00:23:11,524 --> 00:23:13,793
*
494
00:23:13,826 --> 00:23:15,495
THAT'S THE FISH AND CHIPS
WITH SLAW
495
00:23:15,528 --> 00:23:16,796
AND THE TURKEY BURGER
WITH THE FRIES.
496
00:23:16,829 --> 00:23:17,897
HERE ARE YOUR MENUS.
497
00:23:17,930 --> 00:23:20,500
SPECIALS ARE ON THE BOARD.
498
00:23:20,533 --> 00:23:22,835
2%. IT'S BETTER FOR YOU
THAN CREAM.
499
00:23:22,869 --> 00:23:26,939
*
500
00:23:30,877 --> 00:23:33,045
- DEB, I THINK I KNOW
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU.
501
00:23:33,079 --> 00:23:34,781
- YEAH?
502
00:23:34,814 --> 00:23:37,850
- B.F.M.
503
00:23:37,884 --> 00:23:42,121
- "B.F.M"?
504
00:23:42,154 --> 00:23:44,991
SOUNDS SERIOUS.
505
00:23:45,024 --> 00:23:46,593
WHAT IS IT?
506
00:23:46,626 --> 00:23:51,864
- "BORED OUT OF
YOUR FUCKING MIND".
507
00:23:51,898 --> 00:23:53,132
[baby fusses]
508
00:23:53,165 --> 00:23:54,834
- HMM.
509
00:23:56,035 --> 00:23:57,937
- LISTEN UP, STRAIGHT BOYS.
510
00:23:57,970 --> 00:23:59,806
TAKE A TIP FROM
THE QUEER GUY.
511
00:23:59,839 --> 00:24:03,075
WEARING THESE WILL NOT GET
YOU WHERE YOU WANT TO GO,
512
00:24:03,109 --> 00:24:05,011
COMPRENEZ-VOUS?
513
00:24:05,044 --> 00:24:06,813
THESE, HOWEVER,
514
00:24:06,846 --> 00:24:09,215
WILL DEFINITELY GENERATE
A LITTLE FRICTION.
515
00:24:09,248 --> 00:24:12,685
I KNOW BECAUSE THEY HAPPEN
TO BE MY VERY OWN PAIR.
516
00:24:12,719 --> 00:24:16,088
THEY SET OFF
YOUR NICE, TIGHT...
517
00:24:16,122 --> 00:24:17,624
"ASS-SETS,"
518
00:24:17,657 --> 00:24:21,894
AND, UH, NOTICE
THE POUCH IN THE CROTCH.
519
00:24:21,928 --> 00:24:24,497
IF YOU NEED A LITTLE HELP,
YOU CAN STUFF A SOCK
520
00:24:24,531 --> 00:24:26,833
OR HAMSTER IN THERE.
[chuckles]
521
00:24:26,866 --> 00:24:28,234
I CERTAINLY DON'T NEED
THE CAVALRY
522
00:24:28,267 --> 00:24:29,602
TO COME TO MY RESCUE.
523
00:24:29,636 --> 00:24:31,838
MY CUP IS FILLED
TO THE RIM,
524
00:24:31,871 --> 00:24:34,741
WHICH LEADS US
TO ANOTHER TOPIC,
525
00:24:34,774 --> 00:24:36,175
BUT NOT TONIGHT.
526
00:24:36,208 --> 00:24:37,910
I'M THE QUEER GUY.
527
00:24:37,944 --> 00:24:41,047
BE FABULOUS!
528
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:43,983
[upbeat music]
529
00:24:44,016 --> 00:24:47,987
- THANK YOU, QUEER GUY,
FOR THAT "BRIEF" REPORT.
530
00:24:48,020 --> 00:24:50,022
THAT'S THE NEWS.
WE'LL BE BACK AT 11:00.
531
00:24:50,056 --> 00:24:51,758
- WE'RE OUT.
532
00:24:54,026 --> 00:24:55,728
- I THOUGHT YOU TOLD ME
533
00:24:55,762 --> 00:24:57,864
YOU WERE GOING TO TALK
ABOUT HAIR-WAXING.
534
00:24:57,897 --> 00:24:59,165
- WELL, WAXING IS VITAL,
535
00:24:59,198 --> 00:25:00,767
BUT IT'S NOT SEXY.
536
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:03,302
- SEXY?
WHO WANTS SEXY?
537
00:25:03,335 --> 00:25:05,271
- DON, YOU'VE ONLY BEEN
MARRIED A FEW WEEKS
538
00:25:05,304 --> 00:25:07,006
AND ALREADY YOU CAN
MAKE A STATEMENT LIKE THAT?
539
00:25:07,039 --> 00:25:08,541
YOU MAY NEED COUNSELING.
540
00:25:08,575 --> 00:25:12,679
- AND YOU MAY NEED
UNEMPLOYMENT INSURANCE.
541
00:25:12,712 --> 00:25:13,746
- WHAT?
542
00:25:13,780 --> 00:25:14,914
- DON'T EVER
543
00:25:14,947 --> 00:25:19,151
SHOW US YOUR...SHORTS AGAIN.
544
00:25:19,185 --> 00:25:20,820
- IT'S JUST UNDERWEAR.
545
00:25:20,853 --> 00:25:22,188
- WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO AIR THEM IN PUBLIC.
546
00:25:22,221 --> 00:25:25,992
AND NO ONE WANTS TO KNOW
THAT YOU HAVE A TIGHT...
547
00:25:27,927 --> 00:25:29,161
- ASS?
548
00:25:29,195 --> 00:25:31,297
- OR A BIG...
- DICK?
549
00:25:31,330 --> 00:25:33,232
- AND THAT YOU...
- FUCK?
550
00:25:33,265 --> 00:25:35,768
WELL, HERE'S A PIECE
OF NEWS FOR YOU.
551
00:25:35,802 --> 00:25:37,236
I DO!
- WELL, FROM NOW ON,
552
00:25:37,269 --> 00:25:38,838
STICK TO COOKING AND FLOWERS
553
00:25:38,871 --> 00:25:40,773
AND TURNING STRAIGHT GUYS
INTO METROSEXUALS,
554
00:25:40,807 --> 00:25:45,344
AND LEAVE YOUR SEX LIFE
OFF-SCREEN!
555
00:25:45,377 --> 00:25:47,146
GET MCGREGOR
ON THE PHONE, NOW.
556
00:25:50,282 --> 00:25:51,651
- JUST TURN OFF
THE BACK LIGHTS.
557
00:25:51,684 --> 00:25:53,252
YEAH. DO THAT.
558
00:25:55,387 --> 00:25:57,189
- YOU CAN STAY FOR
AT LEAST AN HOUR.
559
00:25:57,223 --> 00:25:59,358
- I TOLD YOU I'M MAKING
A SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCE,
560
00:25:59,391 --> 00:26:01,628
THEN I'M OUT OF HERE.
- IT'S FOR MICHAEL.
561
00:26:01,661 --> 00:26:03,930
- HE SHOULD UNDERSTAND BETTER
THAN ANYONE,
562
00:26:03,963 --> 00:26:05,131
THE FIRST RULE OF GOING
TO A SEX PARTY
563
00:26:05,164 --> 00:26:06,332
IS DON'T COME LATE.
564
00:26:06,365 --> 00:26:07,834
OTHERWISE,
YOU MAY NOT COME AT ALL.
565
00:26:07,867 --> 00:26:09,201
- WELL, THAT CERTAINLY
GIVES NEW MEANING
566
00:26:09,235 --> 00:26:11,838
TO THE EARLY BIRD
CATCHES THE WORM.
567
00:26:11,871 --> 00:26:13,606
- HI!
568
00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:16,142
I'M GLAD YOU COULD COME.
569
00:26:16,175 --> 00:26:18,077
- IT'S ALL I'VE
BEEN LIVING FOR.
570
00:26:18,110 --> 00:26:22,281
- HAPPY HOUSEWARMING.
571
00:26:22,314 --> 00:26:24,350
- IS IT A HARNESS AND PADDLE
TO GO WITH THE SLING?
572
00:26:24,383 --> 00:26:26,185
- NO. I PICKED
THIS ONE OUT.
573
00:26:29,121 --> 00:26:30,823
- YOU GUYS HAVE DONE
A GREAT JOB.
574
00:26:30,857 --> 00:26:32,091
- OH, WE'RE NOT THROUGH.
575
00:26:32,124 --> 00:26:33,292
TRUST ME,
YOU'RE NEVER THROUGH.
576
00:26:33,325 --> 00:26:35,762
[laughing]
- ALL IT TAKES IS TIME.
577
00:26:35,795 --> 00:26:36,763
- AND MONEY.
578
00:26:36,796 --> 00:26:38,364
- YEAH, TELL ME ABOUT IT.
579
00:26:38,397 --> 00:26:41,300
OKAY, UH, SAY
SOMETHING FOR POSTERITY.
580
00:26:41,333 --> 00:26:42,969
- I'M FUCKING STARVING.
581
00:26:43,002 --> 00:26:45,972
- [laughs]
- OH. SHIT.
582
00:26:46,005 --> 00:26:47,173
- IT'S OKAY, DEB.
583
00:26:47,206 --> 00:26:48,975
I WANTED SOMETHING
FOR POSTERITY.
584
00:26:49,008 --> 00:26:51,110
- UM...
[clears throat]
585
00:26:51,143 --> 00:26:52,244
POSTERITY.
586
00:26:52,278 --> 00:26:55,381
UH, LET'S SEE.
587
00:26:55,414 --> 00:26:57,850
I'M VERY PROUD
OF YOU BOTH,
588
00:26:57,884 --> 00:27:01,688
AND I WISH YOU ALL THE HEALTH
AND HAPPINESS IN THE WORLD
589
00:27:01,721 --> 00:27:04,323
IN YOUR BEAUTIFUL
NEW HOME.
590
00:27:04,356 --> 00:27:05,892
HOW'S THAT?
591
00:27:05,925 --> 00:27:09,328
- PERFECT.
592
00:27:09,361 --> 00:27:10,897
IT'S AMAZING WHAT
THE GAYS HAVE DONE
593
00:27:10,930 --> 00:27:12,398
WITH THIS NEIGHBORHOOD.
594
00:27:12,431 --> 00:27:14,433
IT USED TO BE ALL WHOREHOUSES
AND BOOKIE JOINTS.
595
00:27:14,466 --> 00:27:17,003
- I KNOW. I USED TO HANG
OUT HERE ALL THE TIME.
596
00:27:17,036 --> 00:27:18,204
- REALLY?
[doorbell rings]
597
00:27:18,237 --> 00:27:20,406
- WHEN I WAS A BEAT COP.
598
00:27:20,439 --> 00:27:23,309
- I'LL GET IT.
599
00:27:25,211 --> 00:27:26,178
- HI.
- HEY.
600
00:27:26,212 --> 00:27:27,179
- COME ON IN.
601
00:27:27,213 --> 00:27:29,749
HEY, HONEYBUN.
602
00:27:29,782 --> 00:27:31,417
- THANKS FOR INVITING ME,
603
00:27:31,450 --> 00:27:34,020
EVEN THOUGH--
I MEAN...
604
00:27:34,053 --> 00:27:38,324
- WELL, WE'RE STILL FAMILY,
AREN'T WE?
605
00:27:38,357 --> 00:27:39,826
- HAPPY NEW HOUSE.
[chuckles]
606
00:27:39,859 --> 00:27:40,927
- THANKS.
607
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:41,928
YOU MIND
IF I SHOW HER OFF?
608
00:27:41,961 --> 00:27:45,898
- BE MY GUEST.
609
00:27:45,932 --> 00:27:48,801
HEY, EVERYONE, MEET
MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER.
610
00:27:48,835 --> 00:27:51,203
[all exclaiming]
611
00:27:51,237 --> 00:27:53,239
- HEY.
- HI, BABE.
612
00:27:53,272 --> 00:27:55,374
- HEY, LOOK WHO IT IS.
- SHE'S CUTE.
613
00:27:55,407 --> 00:27:57,209
- I KNOW!
614
00:27:57,243 --> 00:27:59,712
- FIRST I'M GOING TO GIVE HIM
THE FUCKING OF HIS LIFE,
615
00:27:59,746 --> 00:28:01,247
THEN I'M GOING TO GIVE HIM
THE MIND-FUCKING OF HIS LIFE.
616
00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:03,315
I'M GOING TO SAY, "ONCE
I WAS YOUR PITY-FUCK,
617
00:28:03,349 --> 00:28:07,053
BUT TONIGHT YOU'RE MINE,
YOU ARROGANT ASSHOLE."
618
00:28:07,086 --> 00:28:08,721
- SPEAKING OF WHICH...
619
00:28:08,755 --> 00:28:10,322
- AREN'T YOU TWO AUNTIES
GOING TO GO
620
00:28:10,356 --> 00:28:14,827
"OOH" AND "AHH"
OVER THE BABY?
621
00:28:14,861 --> 00:28:18,197
I CAUGHT YOUR UNDERPANTS
ON THE NEWS THE OTHER NIGHT.
622
00:28:18,230 --> 00:28:20,199
YOU SAVING YOUR DICK
FOR SWEEPS?
623
00:28:20,232 --> 00:28:23,369
- MY PRODUCER HAPPENED TO THINK
IT WAS A TERRIFIC SEGMENT.
624
00:28:23,402 --> 00:28:25,104
YEAH, HE SAID
IT WAS ABOUT TIME
625
00:28:25,137 --> 00:28:28,074
WE SAW GAY PEOPLE AS FULL,
SEXUALISED HUMAN BEINGS,
626
00:28:28,107 --> 00:28:32,979
NOT JUST STEREOTYPIC
EUNUCHS AND CLOWNS.
627
00:28:33,012 --> 00:28:36,048
NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME.
628
00:28:43,122 --> 00:28:45,157
- OUR DAUGHTER'S A HIT.
- HMM.
629
00:28:45,191 --> 00:28:48,360
I'D SAY SO.
630
00:28:48,394 --> 00:28:49,962
- GLAD YOU CAME.
631
00:28:49,996 --> 00:28:51,831
- MM.
632
00:28:51,864 --> 00:28:55,835
IF FOR NO OTHER REASON,
I'M STARVING.
633
00:28:55,868 --> 00:28:59,972
- IT MAKES ME THINK
OF OUR HOUSEWARMING.
634
00:29:00,006 --> 00:29:02,374
- IF ANYONE NEEDS PROOF
THAT TOILETS
635
00:29:02,408 --> 00:29:04,143
ARE CONTROLLED
BY COSMIC FORCES...
636
00:29:04,176 --> 00:29:05,544
- WHY ELSE WOULD
THEY BREAK DOWN
637
00:29:05,577 --> 00:29:07,313
TEN MINUTES BEFORE
THE GUESTS SHOWED UP?
638
00:29:07,346 --> 00:29:09,315
- A HUNDRED DYKES PEEING
IN THE BACKYARD.
639
00:29:09,348 --> 00:29:12,985
- THE BUSHES IN THE BUSHES.
640
00:29:13,019 --> 00:29:18,324
[both giggling]
641
00:29:18,357 --> 00:29:19,859
[clinking]
642
00:29:19,892 --> 00:29:21,027
- EVERYBODY.
643
00:29:21,060 --> 00:29:23,262
- CAN WE HAVE
YOUR ATTENTION?
644
00:29:23,295 --> 00:29:26,999
WE'D JUST LIKE TO
WELCOME ALL OF YOU
645
00:29:27,033 --> 00:29:28,400
TO OUR NEW HOME.
646
00:29:28,434 --> 00:29:30,469
- BEAUTIFUL NEW HOME.
647
00:29:30,502 --> 00:29:32,071
- AND WE LOOK FORWARD
TO SHARING
648
00:29:32,104 --> 00:29:35,074
MANY HAPPY FAMILY OCCASIONS
HERE TOGETHER.
649
00:29:35,107 --> 00:29:37,276
[cheers and applause]
650
00:29:37,309 --> 00:29:39,879
- HAPPY FAMILY OCCASIONS.
651
00:29:39,912 --> 00:29:44,016
- WE ALSO HAVE ANOTHER REASON
TO CELEBRATE TONIGHT.
652
00:29:44,050 --> 00:29:47,887
RAGE AND J.T.
ARE GETTING MARRIED.
653
00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:50,356
- IT'S ABOUT TIME THOSE
TWO SUPERHEROES SETTLED DOWN!
654
00:29:50,389 --> 00:29:53,025
- WHEN DO THEY START RAISING
A SUPER FAMILY?
655
00:29:53,059 --> 00:29:54,093
- THAT'S NEXT.
656
00:29:54,126 --> 00:29:55,427
- GOT A COPY FOR EVERYONE.
657
00:29:55,461 --> 00:29:58,965
OUR LITTLE HOUSEWARMING
GIFT TO YOU.
658
00:29:58,998 --> 00:30:01,100
HERE YOU GO, BRIAN.
659
00:30:01,133 --> 00:30:04,070
[overlapping chatter]
660
00:30:06,138 --> 00:30:07,806
HERE YOU ARE.
- YOU LIKE IT?
661
00:30:10,276 --> 00:30:12,044
- REMINDS ME OF
THIS NORMAN ROCKWELL
662
00:30:12,078 --> 00:30:14,313
I SAW IN THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
WHEN I WAS A KID.
663
00:30:14,346 --> 00:30:18,050
A LITTLE GIRL AND BOY DRESSED
AS A BRIDE AND GROOM
664
00:30:18,084 --> 00:30:21,854
AND THEIR ADORABLE PUPPY
TUGGING ON THE BRIDAL GOWN.
665
00:30:21,888 --> 00:30:23,355
JUST THEN THE NURSE
CAME IN AND STABBED ME
666
00:30:23,389 --> 00:30:25,124
IN THE FINGER FOR BLOOD.
667
00:30:25,157 --> 00:30:27,927
- AND YOU'VE HAD AN AVERSION
TO MARRIAGE EVER SINCE?
668
00:30:27,960 --> 00:30:31,197
WELL, I HAPPEN TO THINK
IT'S A DAMN GOOD STORY.
669
00:30:31,230 --> 00:30:33,365
JUST BECAUSE IT DOESN'T AGREE
WITH YOUR ANTI-FAMILY VALUES
670
00:30:33,399 --> 00:30:37,069
IS NO REASON TO DUMP ON IT.
671
00:30:37,103 --> 00:30:39,038
- OKAY.
672
00:30:47,279 --> 00:30:49,148
- LET'S GET
THE WHOLE FAMILY.
673
00:30:49,181 --> 00:30:50,516
HOW DO YOU WORK
THIS THING?
674
00:30:50,549 --> 00:30:52,351
- GOOD IDEA.
I'LL--I'LL GET J.R.
675
00:30:52,384 --> 00:30:54,853
YOU GET HUNTER.
- OKAY.
676
00:30:57,656 --> 00:30:59,091
HEY, PAL,
WE'RE TAKING A VIDEO
677
00:30:59,125 --> 00:31:00,159
OF THE WHOLE FAMILY.
678
00:31:00,192 --> 00:31:02,094
CARE TO JOIN US?
679
00:31:02,128 --> 00:31:04,163
- WHAT DO YOU WANT ME FOR?
680
00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:09,168
[door closes]
681
00:31:09,201 --> 00:31:13,639
*
682
00:31:13,672 --> 00:31:18,044
[men moaning]
683
00:31:47,473 --> 00:31:50,376
- A BETTER OFFER
COMES ALONG.
684
00:32:03,990 --> 00:32:07,960
[men moaning, chuckling]
685
00:32:07,994 --> 00:32:10,262
- OH, YEAH.
686
00:32:12,731 --> 00:32:15,434
- THAT'LL BE $5.25.
687
00:32:15,467 --> 00:32:17,603
THANKS.
688
00:32:17,636 --> 00:32:20,439
ANOTHER SATISFIED
CUSTOMER.
689
00:32:20,472 --> 00:32:22,441
- YOU KNOW, YOU SAY THAT
EVERY TIME YOU SELL ONE.
690
00:32:22,474 --> 00:32:24,510
- I DO?
WELL, IT MUST BE TRUE.
691
00:32:24,543 --> 00:32:27,113
WE'VE SOLD 536 COPIES
ON THE WEBSITE
692
00:32:27,146 --> 00:32:28,580
AND ALMOST 200 HERE
IN THE STORE.
693
00:32:28,614 --> 00:32:30,316
- THOSE ARE ALL
WE HAVE LEFT.
694
00:32:30,349 --> 00:32:33,452
- EVERYBODY LOVES THAT
J.T. FINALLY GOT HIS MAN.
695
00:32:33,485 --> 00:32:35,654
- YEAH, EVERYONE
BUT YOU-KNOW-WHO.
696
00:32:35,687 --> 00:32:39,325
- YEAH, I DO KNOW WHO.
697
00:32:39,358 --> 00:32:41,760
WELL, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
698
00:32:41,793 --> 00:32:44,230
- WHAT DID I EXPECT?
699
00:32:44,263 --> 00:32:48,234
THAT LIFE MIGHT IMITATE ART?
700
00:32:48,267 --> 00:32:51,203
I'VE HEARD IT'S BEEN KNOWN
TO HAPPEN.
701
00:32:51,237 --> 00:32:53,072
AW, HOW COULD
I HAVE BEEN SUCKERED
702
00:32:53,105 --> 00:32:54,106
INTO MY OWN FANTASY?
703
00:32:54,140 --> 00:32:56,742
TALK ABOUT PATHETIC.
704
00:32:56,775 --> 00:32:58,610
NOBODY ON EARTH KNOWS
BETTER THAN I DO
705
00:32:58,644 --> 00:33:00,146
THAT UNLESS HE WERE
GENETICALLY ALTERED
706
00:33:00,179 --> 00:33:01,513
BY SOME NUCLEAR MISHAP,
707
00:33:01,547 --> 00:33:03,749
THAT COULD NEVER HAPPEN.
708
00:33:03,782 --> 00:33:05,617
- NOT A BAD STORY.
709
00:33:05,651 --> 00:33:08,154
- MM.
BUT THAT'S ALL IT IS.
710
00:33:08,187 --> 00:33:09,488
IT'S A STORY.
711
00:33:09,521 --> 00:33:11,223
[door bells jangle]
712
00:33:11,257 --> 00:33:16,362
- DO YOU HAVE
THE NEW ISSUE OF RAGE?
713
00:33:16,395 --> 00:33:18,397
THIS IS TOTALLY AWESOME.
714
00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:23,602
- ANOTHER SATISFIED CUSTOMER.
715
00:33:25,271 --> 00:33:27,273
- [groans]
716
00:33:29,275 --> 00:33:33,145
WELL, I THINK THE HOUSE
HAS BEEN OFFICIALLY WARMED,
717
00:33:33,179 --> 00:33:36,348
WOULDN'T YOU SAY?
718
00:33:37,716 --> 00:33:39,251
GREAT PARTY, HUH?
719
00:33:39,285 --> 00:33:41,420
EVERYBODY SEEMED
TO HAVE A GOOD TIME.
720
00:33:43,689 --> 00:33:46,125
- YEAH.
721
00:33:46,158 --> 00:33:48,827
IF YOU CALL MELANIE AND LINDSAY
DECLARING A CEASE-FIRE,
722
00:33:48,860 --> 00:33:52,064
BRIAN LEAVING TO GO
TO A SEX PARTY,
723
00:33:52,098 --> 00:33:54,166
AND YOU AND MICHAEL STICKING
THAT FUCKING CAMERA
724
00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:56,268
IN MY FACE PRETENDING
WE'RE THIS HAPPY FAMILY
725
00:33:56,302 --> 00:33:57,403
HAVING A "GOOD TIME."
726
00:33:57,436 --> 00:34:01,173
- WE'RE NOT PRETENDING.
WE ARE.
727
00:34:05,511 --> 00:34:08,414
YOU'RE GOING TO GET
THROUGH THIS.
728
00:34:08,447 --> 00:34:11,217
I PROMISE.
729
00:34:11,250 --> 00:34:14,720
- FUCK YOUR FALSE HOPE.
730
00:34:14,753 --> 00:34:18,190
THE WORLD'S
A STINKING SHITHOLE.
731
00:34:20,459 --> 00:34:23,329
- [sighs]
732
00:34:23,362 --> 00:34:25,597
I DON'T THINK SARTRE
COULD HAVE SAID IT ANY BETTER.
733
00:34:25,631 --> 00:34:28,200
- WHO?
734
00:34:29,868 --> 00:34:33,839
- LISTEN, I-I FOUND
A GREAT CHARTER SCHOOL.
735
00:34:33,872 --> 00:34:35,607
THEY HAVE
A WAITING LIST A MILE LONG,
736
00:34:35,641 --> 00:34:37,376
BUT ONE OF THE PROFESSORS
IN MY DEPARTMENT
737
00:34:37,409 --> 00:34:38,844
IS ON THE BOARD, SO I WAS
ABLE TO PULL A FEW STRINGS--
738
00:34:38,877 --> 00:34:41,580
- WHY EVEN BOTHER, HUH?
739
00:34:41,613 --> 00:34:42,781
THEY'LL JUST FIND
OUT THERE TOO,
740
00:34:42,814 --> 00:34:47,186
AND THEN IT WILL
START ALL OVER AGAIN.
741
00:34:47,219 --> 00:34:51,390
SO WHAT'S THE POINT OF MY GOING
TO ANOTHER FUCKING SCHOOL?
742
00:34:59,431 --> 00:35:01,099
- [sighs]
743
00:35:03,769 --> 00:35:06,738
- I HAVEN'T BEEN HERE
SINCE YOU LEFT.
744
00:35:06,772 --> 00:35:08,874
SOMEHOW IT'S NOT THE SAME.
745
00:35:08,907 --> 00:35:10,476
- YEAH.
746
00:35:10,509 --> 00:35:14,213
NEITHER AM I.
747
00:35:14,246 --> 00:35:16,348
CARL...
748
00:35:16,382 --> 00:35:21,820
HONEY, I FOUND OUT
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME.
749
00:35:21,853 --> 00:35:24,623
- I JUST WANT YOU
TO KNOW...
750
00:35:24,656 --> 00:35:29,161
THAT WHATEVER IT IS...
751
00:35:29,195 --> 00:35:30,762
I'M IN THIS
FOR THE LONG HAUL.
752
00:35:30,796 --> 00:35:34,666
I'LL STAND BY YOU.
I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
753
00:35:34,700 --> 00:35:36,402
- I KNOW THAT,
SWEETHEART.
754
00:35:36,435 --> 00:35:37,669
THAT'S WHY
I LOVE YOU.
755
00:35:37,703 --> 00:35:40,172
- OKAY. TELL ME.
756
00:35:40,206 --> 00:35:44,510
NO, WAIT. WAIT.
757
00:35:44,543 --> 00:35:46,312
OKAY. TELL ME.
758
00:35:46,345 --> 00:35:48,514
- FIRST OF ALL,
759
00:35:48,547 --> 00:35:49,781
IT'S NOT A PHYSICAL THING.
760
00:35:49,815 --> 00:35:51,917
- OH!
761
00:35:51,950 --> 00:35:54,386
OOH.
762
00:35:54,420 --> 00:35:56,522
THAT'S A RELIEF.
- YEAH.
763
00:35:56,555 --> 00:36:00,259
- THEN WHAT?
764
00:36:00,292 --> 00:36:04,530
- IT'S HARD TO EXPLAIN.
765
00:36:04,563 --> 00:36:08,267
EVER SINCE I LEFT HERE,
I'VE FELT LOST.
766
00:36:08,300 --> 00:36:09,668
I HAVE NO PLACE TO GO,
767
00:36:09,701 --> 00:36:11,537
I GOT NOTHING TO DO
BUT SIT AT HOME
768
00:36:11,570 --> 00:36:14,440
AND BUY A LOT OF SHIT
THAT I DON'T WANT OFF THE TV.
769
00:36:14,473 --> 00:36:16,808
- THAT'S WHAT A LADY
OF LEISURE'S SUPPOSED TO DO.
770
00:36:16,842 --> 00:36:19,711
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, RELAX.
ENJOY YOURSELF.
771
00:36:19,745 --> 00:36:22,981
BE GLAD YOU
DON'T HAVE TO WORK.
772
00:36:23,014 --> 00:36:25,417
- IT'S FUNNY, I NEVER THOUGHT
OF IT AS WORK.
773
00:36:25,451 --> 00:36:29,755
- ALL THOSE LONG, HARD HOURS
ON YOUR FEET?
774
00:36:29,788 --> 00:36:30,989
JUGGLING PLATES?
775
00:36:31,022 --> 00:36:34,593
- TO ME, IT WAS MORE
LIKE A DANCE.
776
00:36:34,626 --> 00:36:37,429
AND I WAS
THE PRIMA BALLERINA.
777
00:36:37,463 --> 00:36:38,697
- THIS IS NOT EXACTLY
778
00:36:38,730 --> 00:36:43,502
THE ROYAL BALLET
OF PITTSBURGH.
779
00:36:43,535 --> 00:36:46,372
- BUT IT'S MY JOB.
780
00:36:46,405 --> 00:36:49,007
NO, IT'S MORE THAN A JOB.
781
00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:53,345
IT'S WHO I AM.
782
00:36:53,379 --> 00:36:56,348
AND I WANT IT BACK.
783
00:36:56,382 --> 00:36:58,917
- [sighs]
784
00:36:58,950 --> 00:37:01,487
I-I WAS JUST...
785
00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:03,989
TRYING TO MAKE IT
EASIER ON YOU, HONEY.
786
00:37:04,022 --> 00:37:08,527
BUT IF THIS'LL MAKE
YOU HAPPY...
787
00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:10,362
[laughs]
788
00:37:10,396 --> 00:37:12,030
LIKE I SAID,
789
00:37:12,063 --> 00:37:14,333
I'LL STAND BY YOU.
790
00:37:14,366 --> 00:37:17,603
I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
791
00:37:17,636 --> 00:37:21,273
- THANK YOU, CARL.
792
00:37:23,375 --> 00:37:24,910
NOW, YOU'RE SURE
YOU'RE OKAY WITH THIS?
793
00:37:24,943 --> 00:37:26,745
- [scoffs]
794
00:37:26,778 --> 00:37:28,647
100% SURE.
795
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:30,382
- GOOD...
796
00:37:30,416 --> 00:37:32,818
'CAUSE MY SHIFT STARTED
FIVE MINUTES AGO.
797
00:37:32,851 --> 00:37:35,887
- [laughs]
798
00:37:35,921 --> 00:37:37,623
SO...
799
00:37:37,656 --> 00:37:38,624
WHAT'LL IT BE?
800
00:37:38,657 --> 00:37:41,293
[both laughing]
801
00:37:41,327 --> 00:37:45,431
[both groaning, grunting]
802
00:37:51,537 --> 00:37:54,473
- [chuckling]
803
00:37:58,076 --> 00:38:00,679
WHOO!
804
00:38:00,712 --> 00:38:01,680
THAT WAS HOT!
805
00:38:01,713 --> 00:38:04,082
[groans]
806
00:38:04,115 --> 00:38:05,517
- THINK SO?
807
00:38:05,551 --> 00:38:07,719
- [panting]
YEAH...
808
00:38:09,955 --> 00:38:13,392
YOU KNOW,
I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE.
809
00:38:13,425 --> 00:38:15,594
- OH?
810
00:38:15,627 --> 00:38:17,095
- I MEAN
IN THIS BUILDING.
811
00:38:17,128 --> 00:38:20,732
FUCKED SOME POOR LOSER.
812
00:38:20,766 --> 00:38:22,601
- YEAH, WELL...
813
00:38:22,634 --> 00:38:24,436
THE PLACE IS CRAWLING
WITH THEM.
814
00:38:24,470 --> 00:38:25,671
BELIEVE ME, I KNOW.
815
00:38:25,704 --> 00:38:27,806
- [laughs]
816
00:38:27,839 --> 00:38:30,942
ONE OF MY PITY FUCKS.
817
00:38:30,976 --> 00:38:32,411
- YEAH, SPEAKING
OF PITY FUCKS--
818
00:38:32,444 --> 00:38:33,845
- YOU KNOW,
819
00:38:33,879 --> 00:38:36,415
WHEN WE FIRST HOOKED UP
AT THE GYM,
820
00:38:36,448 --> 00:38:37,416
I WASN'T SURE.
821
00:38:37,449 --> 00:38:38,950
- THAT I WAS YOUR TYPE?
822
00:38:38,984 --> 00:38:42,721
- THAT YOU'D BE SO HOT.
823
00:38:42,754 --> 00:38:46,124
BUT, MAN, ARE YOU EVER.
824
00:38:46,157 --> 00:38:47,959
LOOK.
825
00:38:47,993 --> 00:38:51,763
I'M STILL HARD.
826
00:38:51,797 --> 00:38:55,701
YOU UP FOR ANOTHER ROUND?
827
00:38:55,734 --> 00:38:57,903
- ACTUALLY THERE'S SOMETHING
I WANT TO SAY TO YOU.
828
00:38:57,936 --> 00:39:00,939
- THAT YOU WANT TO ROLL ME
OVER AND FUCK ME AGAIN?
829
00:39:05,076 --> 00:39:08,880
- WHAT I WANT TO--
830
00:39:08,914 --> 00:39:12,150
WHAT I WANT TO SAY TO--
TO YOU...
831
00:39:12,183 --> 00:39:16,722
IS, UH...
832
00:39:16,755 --> 00:39:19,090
ROLL OVER.
833
00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:23,895
- OH, YEAH.
834
00:39:25,564 --> 00:39:27,766
- MICHAEL, WE CAN'T FORCE HIM
TO GO TO SCHOOL.
835
00:39:27,799 --> 00:39:29,468
- OF COURSE WE CAN.
WE'RE HIS PARENTS.
836
00:39:29,501 --> 00:39:30,802
HELL, HE'S ONLY 17.
837
00:39:30,836 --> 00:39:32,471
- YOU CAN QUIT SCHOOL
WHEN YOU'RE 16.
838
00:39:32,504 --> 00:39:34,139
BESIDES, IF WE PRESSURE HIM,
839
00:39:34,172 --> 00:39:35,907
WE'LL ONLY PUSH HIM AWAY MORE.
840
00:39:35,941 --> 00:39:37,609
- HE'S GOT TO FINISH
HIGH SCHOOL,
841
00:39:37,643 --> 00:39:38,777
SO HE CAN GO TO COLLEGE
842
00:39:38,810 --> 00:39:40,512
AND BECOME
A DOCTOR AND A LAWYER
843
00:39:40,546 --> 00:39:42,814
AND PRESIDENT OF
THE UNITED STATES.
844
00:39:45,817 --> 00:39:47,486
WHAT WAS THAT FOR?
- THE ETERNAL OPTIMIST.
845
00:39:47,519 --> 00:39:49,020
THAT'S WHY I LOVE YOU.
846
00:39:49,054 --> 00:39:51,523
NOW, LET'S JUST GIVE HIM
SOME TIME AND SOME SPACE,
847
00:39:51,557 --> 00:39:54,660
AND HOPEFULLY HE'LL COME
TO THE RIGHT DECISION.
848
00:40:01,533 --> 00:40:05,571
- OH. HEY, I WAS JUST ABOUT
TO CALL YOU FOR DINNER.
849
00:40:05,604 --> 00:40:07,072
JUST BECAUSE I SAID
WE'RE HAVING SLOPPY JOES
850
00:40:07,105 --> 00:40:08,774
DOESN'T MEAN WE'RE GOING
TO GO CAMPING.
851
00:40:08,807 --> 00:40:09,908
- GOING SOMEWHERE?
852
00:40:09,941 --> 00:40:11,777
- YEAH.
853
00:40:11,810 --> 00:40:12,844
- WELL, EAT FIRST
854
00:40:12,878 --> 00:40:14,680
AND DON'T BE OUT TOO LATE.
855
00:40:14,713 --> 00:40:18,517
- I MEAN I'M LEAVING.
856
00:40:18,550 --> 00:40:20,018
FOR GOOD.
857
00:40:23,489 --> 00:40:24,790
- WH--WHAT DO YOU
MEAN YOU'RE--
858
00:40:24,823 --> 00:40:27,225
- I CAN'T STAY HERE
ANYMORE, OKAY?
859
00:40:27,258 --> 00:40:29,194
- NO, IT'S NOT OKAY.
860
00:40:29,227 --> 00:40:32,564
NOW PUT YOUR THINGS AWAY
AND SIT DOWN AND EAT,
861
00:40:32,598 --> 00:40:34,533
AND AFTERWARDS
WE'LL DISCUSS THIS.
862
00:40:34,566 --> 00:40:37,068
- WE'VE ALREADY DISCUSSED IT.
THERE'S NOTHING LEFT TO SAY.
863
00:40:37,102 --> 00:40:38,670
- WELL, I SAID YOU'RE
NOT GOING ANYWHERE,
864
00:40:38,704 --> 00:40:39,938
AND THAT'S FINAL!
- HEY, MICHAEL, MICHAEL.
865
00:40:39,971 --> 00:40:41,607
- WHAT?
HE CAN'T JUST LEAVE!
866
00:40:41,640 --> 00:40:43,475
WE'RE HIS PARENTS,
FOR CHRIST'S SAKES,
867
00:40:43,509 --> 00:40:45,577
WHETHER HE LIKES IT OR NOT.
WE'RE HIS LEGAL GUARDIANS.
868
00:40:45,611 --> 00:40:46,945
WHAT WE SAY GOES.
- HUNTER, HUNTER,
869
00:40:46,978 --> 00:40:48,847
NOTHING IS GOING TO BE SOLVED
BY RUNNING AWAY.
870
00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:51,149
- I DON'T BELONG HERE!
I DON'T BELONG IN THIS HOUSE,
871
00:40:51,182 --> 00:40:53,619
I DON'T BELONG AT THAT SCHOOL.
AND I DON'T BELONG WITH YOU!
872
00:40:53,652 --> 00:40:55,554
- OF COURSE YOU BELONG
WITH US.
873
00:40:55,587 --> 00:40:58,089
- I'LL ONLY GO ON
CAUSING YOU PROBLEMS,
874
00:40:58,123 --> 00:40:59,491
EMBARRASSING YOU.
875
00:40:59,525 --> 00:41:00,959
- YOU DON'T EMBARRASS US.
876
00:41:00,992 --> 00:41:02,027
WE'RE PROUD OF YOU.
877
00:41:02,060 --> 00:41:03,562
- THIS I-IS NOT
THE DEBATE TEAM.
878
00:41:03,595 --> 00:41:05,030
THERE'S NO ARGUMENT HERE,
879
00:41:05,063 --> 00:41:09,134
EXCEPT DO YOU WANT APPLESAUCE
OR CANNED PEACHES?
880
00:41:09,167 --> 00:41:11,036
HUNTER!
881
00:41:11,069 --> 00:41:14,139
I DON'T CARE IF I HAVE TO LOCK
YOU IN YOUR FUCKING ROOM.
882
00:41:19,611 --> 00:41:21,146
- WHERE'RE YOU GOING TO GO?
- I DON'T KNOW.
883
00:41:21,179 --> 00:41:22,714
- DO YOU HAVE ANY MONEY?
884
00:41:22,748 --> 00:41:24,583
- WHAT YOU AND MICHAEL GAVE ME
FOR MY BIRTHDAY.
885
00:41:24,616 --> 00:41:26,017
- NO PLAN, NO MONEY.
PERFECT.
886
00:41:26,051 --> 00:41:27,653
HOW DO YOU INTEND
TO SUPPORT YOURSELF?
887
00:41:27,686 --> 00:41:28,720
- I'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.
888
00:41:28,754 --> 00:41:31,857
- I BET YOU WILL.
889
00:41:31,890 --> 00:41:34,726
- HEY. HEY.
890
00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:38,664
IF YOU NEED MORE, CALL US.
891
00:41:38,697 --> 00:41:40,799
- WHAT THE FUCK
ARE YOU DOING?
892
00:41:49,174 --> 00:41:51,076
HUNTER, WAIT.
893
00:41:55,781 --> 00:41:58,717
JUST PUT IT IN YOUR SHOE,
SOMEPLACE SAFE.
894
00:42:08,827 --> 00:42:09,928
[door closes]
895
00:42:15,601 --> 00:42:17,302
- HOT OR NOT?
896
00:42:17,335 --> 00:42:18,937
- IT'S HOT.
897
00:42:22,340 --> 00:42:25,543
- NOW, THAT'S WHAT I CALL
A RESOUNDING APPROVAL.
898
00:42:28,680 --> 00:42:30,181
- BY THE WAY, WE SOLD
OUT EVERY LAST COPY
899
00:42:30,215 --> 00:42:32,317
OF THE MARRIAGE ISSUE,
900
00:42:32,350 --> 00:42:36,722
AND WE GOT ORDERS
FOR OVER 300 MORE.
901
00:42:36,755 --> 00:42:38,256
- IF NOT HAVING ANY BALLS
902
00:42:38,289 --> 00:42:42,794
IS WHAT IT TAKES TO BE
A GAY SUPERHERO THESE DAYS,
903
00:42:42,828 --> 00:42:47,866
I'D WARN RAGE TO GET
THE HELL OUT OF GAYOPOLIS.
904
00:42:47,899 --> 00:42:50,068
- YOU KNOW, IF YOU DIDN'T
STAY OUT ALL NIGHT FUCKING,
905
00:42:50,101 --> 00:42:51,937
MAYBE YOU WOULDN'T
BE SO CRANKY.
906
00:42:51,970 --> 00:42:53,338
- WHO SAID I WAS FUCKING?
907
00:42:53,371 --> 00:42:54,940
- YOU?
908
00:42:54,973 --> 00:42:59,845
I'M SURE THERE MUST
HAVE BEEN SOMEONE.
909
00:42:59,878 --> 00:43:01,212
- YEAH.
910
00:43:01,246 --> 00:43:03,682
AND SOMEBODY
ELSE GOT HIM.
911
00:43:03,715 --> 00:43:06,885
- FINALLY,
SOME COMPETITION.
912
00:43:14,325 --> 00:43:17,162
- I DON'T THINK
YOU GET IT.
913
00:43:17,195 --> 00:43:19,765
- WHAT? THAT SOMEONE
REJECTED YOU?
914
00:43:19,798 --> 00:43:22,033
GOT THE PRIME
PIECE OF MEAT?
915
00:43:22,067 --> 00:43:24,335
IT HAPPENS TO EVERYONE.
916
00:43:27,405 --> 00:43:29,708
- ONE LITTLE GESTURE.
917
00:43:29,741 --> 00:43:33,645
EASILY OVERLOOKED.
918
00:43:33,679 --> 00:43:35,914
[grunts]
BUT THE MEANING IS CLEAR.
919
00:43:35,947 --> 00:43:41,119
IT'S STARTED.
920
00:43:41,152 --> 00:43:44,155
IT'S BEGUN.
921
00:43:49,427 --> 00:43:51,697
[clattering]
922
00:43:55,300 --> 00:43:57,368
[clears throat]
923
00:43:59,838 --> 00:44:01,907
HOW ABOUT THIS ONE?
924
00:44:12,784 --> 00:44:14,753
- YOU KNOW,
925
00:44:14,786 --> 00:44:16,287
WHEN I WAS IN L.A.,
FUCKING AROUND,
926
00:44:16,321 --> 00:44:18,023
IT WAS FUN AND ALL.
927
00:44:18,056 --> 00:44:21,059
BUT WHEN
I CAME BACK HERE
928
00:44:21,092 --> 00:44:22,894
AND YOU SAID
THE OFFER STILL STANDS
929
00:44:22,928 --> 00:44:27,465
AND TO PUT MY STUFF
IN THE DRAWER...
930
00:44:27,498 --> 00:44:30,035
I WAS HOPING IT MEANT
931
00:44:30,068 --> 00:44:35,206
WE WERE FINALLY GOING
TO BE A REAL COUPLE,
932
00:44:35,240 --> 00:44:37,375
LIKE MICHAEL AND BEN.
933
00:44:37,408 --> 00:44:41,312
ONE DAY WE MIGHT HAVE
THE THINGS THEY HAVE.
934
00:44:41,346 --> 00:44:44,349
A HOUSE...
935
00:44:44,382 --> 00:44:46,718
MAYBE EVEN A FAMILY.
936
00:44:59,297 --> 00:45:02,801
- HOW'S THIS?
937
00:45:21,419 --> 00:45:23,121
HOT.
938
00:45:25,991 --> 00:45:30,095
*
939
00:45:30,128 --> 00:45:33,364
* I CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT
940
00:45:33,398 --> 00:45:37,435
* HELP ME NOW
BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE *
941
00:45:37,468 --> 00:45:41,306
* NOW WHAT DO I CARE?
942
00:45:41,339 --> 00:45:44,509
* 'CAUSE
WE'RE GOING NOWHERE *
943
00:45:44,542 --> 00:45:46,011
* NOWHERE
944
00:45:46,044 --> 00:45:48,513
* GOING NOWHERE
945
00:45:48,546 --> 00:45:49,981
* NOWHERE
946
00:45:50,015 --> 00:45:51,883
* GOING NOWHERE
947
00:45:51,917 --> 00:45:53,518
* GOING NOWHERE
948
00:45:53,551 --> 00:45:55,787
* GOING NOWHERE
949
00:45:55,821 --> 00:45:57,522
* GOING NOWHERE
950
00:45:57,555 --> 00:45:59,157
* I CAN GO THERE
951
00:45:59,190 --> 00:46:05,130
*
952
00:46:05,163 --> 00:46:07,298
* I CAN GO THERE
953
00:46:07,332 --> 00:46:16,141
*
954
00:46:16,174 --> 00:46:19,577
* I CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT
955
00:46:19,610 --> 00:46:23,548
* HELP ME NOW
BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE *
956
00:46:23,581 --> 00:46:27,418
* NOW WHAT DO I CARE?
957
00:46:27,452 --> 00:46:30,889
* 'CAUSE
WE'RE GOING NOWHERE *
958
00:46:30,922 --> 00:46:32,023
* NOWHERE
959
00:46:32,057 --> 00:46:33,558
* GOING NOWHERE
960
00:46:33,591 --> 00:46:35,961
* GOING NOWHERE
961
00:46:35,994 --> 00:46:38,163
* GOING NOWHERE
962
00:46:38,196 --> 00:46:39,831
* GOING NOWHERE
963
00:46:39,865 --> 00:46:41,900
* GOING NOWHERE
964
00:46:41,933 --> 00:46:43,301
* GOING NOWHERE
- HELP ME.
965
00:46:43,334 --> 00:46:51,276
*
966
00:47:10,495 --> 00:47:12,063
* GOING NOWHERE
967
00:47:12,097 --> 00:47:13,598
* GOING NOWHERE
968
00:47:13,631 --> 00:47:15,867
* GOING NOWHERE
969
00:47:15,901 --> 00:47:17,969
* GOING NOWHERE
970
00:47:18,003 --> 00:47:20,371
* GOING NOWHERE
971
00:47:20,405 --> 00:47:21,606
* GOING NOWHERE
972
00:47:21,639 --> 00:47:24,542
* I CAN GO THERE
973
00:47:24,575 --> 00:47:28,914
*
65207
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