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[Upbeat theme playing]
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♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
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00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:12,471
♪ Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da da-da-da ♪
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- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --
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00:00:16,430 --> 00:00:19,308
♪
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00:00:19,311 --> 00:00:21,939
- House, call my son.
- AUTOMATED VOICE: Lights on.
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It's 2050, how does this still not work?
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00:00:25,901 --> 00:00:28,694
Call. My. Son!
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And turn down the damn lights.
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00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:33,366
- [beeping]
- SON [on video call]: Hi, Mom.
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00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:34,784
Oh, hi, sweetie!
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- Oh, you look tired.
- SON: Okay, thanks for calling.
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00:00:38,330 --> 00:00:41,916
- Are you busy?
- SON: Not really. Just finished studying.
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[laughs] Good 'cause I wanna tell you
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00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:47,129
the story of how I met your father.
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SON: I already know how you met Dad.
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Ah, you know the basics,
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00:00:50,926 --> 00:00:54,136
but it's time for me to tell
you the unabridged version.
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00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:56,848
SON: How many glasses of
that wine have you had?
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Just enough to include the sexy bits.
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00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:00,393
[laughs]
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00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:02,562
SON: Oh good god, here we go.
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00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:05,940
Now, like a lot of love
stories back in 2022,
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00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:07,942
this one starts with a Tinder date.
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00:01:07,943 --> 00:01:09,193
Excuse me.
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00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:12,196
FUTURE MOM: Actually, it starts
with me being late to a Tinder date.
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00:01:12,197 --> 00:01:14,115
- Don't hit me! Don't hit me!
- [car honking]
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00:01:14,116 --> 00:01:16,200
- Uh, Sophie?
- Yeah!
29
00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:17,910
Hey, I'm Jesse. This
is my best friend Sid.
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00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:19,579
Don't mind him, he's
just hitching a ride.
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Oh! Ask me why I'm hitching a ride.
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[Jesse sighs]
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00:01:22,875 --> 00:01:26,252
- Come on! Ask me!
- Uh, w-why are you hitching a ride, Sid?
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00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:28,629
- I'm proposing to my girlfriend tonight.
- [Sophie gasps]
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00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:31,591
Wow, girlfriend! Not gonna
be saying that much longer!
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00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:33,843
Someone's gonna be nothing but fiancée!
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00:01:33,844 --> 00:01:36,304
Fiancée! Fiancée! Fiancée!
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00:01:36,305 --> 00:01:39,056
Sophie, be a dear and choke me out
with this charging cord, would you?
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00:01:39,057 --> 00:01:40,808
Ooh, actually, can I use it
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00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:43,227
'cause my phone's belly
is hungry. She's all,
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[baby voice, crying]: "Feed me, Mama!"
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00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:48,608
Okay, tell me everything. Who is she?
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00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:50,359
Okay, so her name's Hannah.
44
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:51,861
She's a surgical resident in LA,
45
00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:53,321
so we've been doing
the long-distance thing
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00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:55,140
while I'm here running
my bar, Pemberton's.
47
00:01:55,143 --> 00:01:57,573
Uh, look at you, locking down a surgeon!
48
00:01:57,576 --> 00:01:59,035
- [laughs]
- How you gonna ask her?
49
00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:01,370
So, she thinks we're gonna
go see Beyoncé tonight,
50
00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:04,583
but really, I got all our friends
waiting at my bar to surprise her.
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00:02:05,351 --> 00:02:07,084
You think she's gonna be a little bummed
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00:02:07,086 --> 00:02:08,586
that you're not actually seeing Beyoncé?
53
00:02:08,587 --> 00:02:09,712
I keep telling him
she's gonna be bummed.
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00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:11,715
Okay, a lifetime with me
is better than Beyoncé.
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00:02:12,674 --> 00:02:14,509
- Sure.
- Hm...
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00:02:14,510 --> 00:02:16,344
So, uh, what about you, Sophie?
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00:02:16,345 --> 00:02:18,347
What's going on at the Rosewood bar?
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00:02:19,181 --> 00:02:20,867
Okay, uh,
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00:02:20,870 --> 00:02:22,642
I know this might sound crazy,
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00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:24,936
but I think I've found the man
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00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:27,021
that I'm gonna spend
the rest of my life with.
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- Hm.
- Yeah.
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00:02:28,273 --> 00:02:29,649
Only thing is he's from Tinder,
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00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:31,233
and we haven't actually
met in real life yet.
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00:02:31,235 --> 00:02:33,367
Oh, very You've Got Mail.
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00:02:33,370 --> 00:02:37,154
More like you've got unrealistic
expectations for this date.
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00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:39,289
Okay, I-I know how this sounds,
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00:02:39,292 --> 00:02:42,076
but I am not some wide-eyed dope
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00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:45,540
who thinks she's found true love
every time some douchey ibanker
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00:02:45,541 --> 00:02:48,042
swipes right and texts, "'Sup?"
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00:02:48,043 --> 00:02:50,545
- [Jesse laughs]
- My last Tinder date was the worst one yet.
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00:02:50,546 --> 00:02:52,172
The guy showed up 20 minutes late.
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00:02:52,798 --> 00:02:54,966
Sophie? Sorry, I'm late.
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00:02:54,967 --> 00:02:57,552
Oh. That's okay.
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00:02:57,553 --> 00:02:58,719
Subway delay?
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00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,562
Uh, no, actually, I was, uh...
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00:03:00,565 --> 00:03:02,640
I was on another date
before this, and, uh,
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00:03:02,641 --> 00:03:04,001
let's just say it went well.
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00:03:04,004 --> 00:03:05,338
Like, uh...
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00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,521
Like really well.
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00:03:08,261 --> 00:03:09,762
Like, I just had sex.
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00:03:09,765 --> 00:03:11,939
- He told you that?!
- Why would he tell you that?!
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00:03:11,942 --> 00:03:13,402
That's not even the worst part.
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00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:17,196
He actually thought that telling
me he just had sex was charming.
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00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:20,157
He thought I'd just
laugh and smile and say,
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00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:23,411
"That's so crazy!" Because,
God forbid, a woman in this city
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00:03:23,412 --> 00:03:25,705
actually expects anything from a guy,
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00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:28,165
even if it's just the basic
decency to not tell her
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00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:30,668
he just had sexual
intercourse with someone else!
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00:03:30,669 --> 00:03:32,500
What is wrong with everyone?!
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00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:36,716
And right there, outside that bar,
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00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,343
I decided to quit Tinder.
93
00:03:39,453 --> 00:03:41,762
But when I went to
deactivate my account...
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00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:43,974
- [ding]
- I matched with Ian.
95
00:03:44,522 --> 00:03:46,682
You matched with Ian?!
She matched with Ian.
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00:03:46,685 --> 00:03:48,019
- Yeah.
- It started with
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00:03:48,020 --> 00:03:52,148
your typical flirty banter, you
know, just getting to know you stuff.
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00:03:52,151 --> 00:03:54,525
Who was your first celebrity crush?
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00:03:54,526 --> 00:03:57,403
IAN: Tia Mowry. You?
100
00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:59,197
SOPHIE: Buzz Lightyear.
101
00:03:59,198 --> 00:04:02,491
IAN: Oh, an astronaut made of plastic...
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00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:03,826
Freaky!
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00:04:03,827 --> 00:04:05,286
[laughs]
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00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:07,955
And then we started to
actually get to know each other.
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00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:10,374
IAN: What kind of photography do you do?
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00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:12,793
SOPHIE: Right now, I shoot
stuff like birthday parties
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00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:14,837
and engagement photos to pay the rent,
108
00:04:14,838 --> 00:04:17,359
but my heart is in street photography.
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00:04:17,362 --> 00:04:18,966
IAN: That's when you
sneak up on a stranger,
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00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:21,886
take their picture, and then run
away before they punch you, right?
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00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:24,263
SOPHIE: That's exactly right.
112
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,481
- What do you do?
- IAN: I know this sounds made up,
113
00:04:26,484 --> 00:04:28,726
but I'm a marine biologist.
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00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:31,230
SOPHIE: That is 100% made up.
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00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:34,565
And before long, we
were texting all day.
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00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:35,921
All night, too.
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00:04:35,924 --> 00:04:38,569
- First kiss?
- IAN: Mabel Greyhound, seventh grade.
118
00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:40,613
- SOPHIE: You cook?
- IAN: One of my favorite hobbies.
119
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:44,804
[overlapping flirty banter]
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00:04:44,807 --> 00:04:46,452
IAN: I've been thinkin'
about you all day.
121
00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:48,829
Oh my god, Ian, ask a girl out already!
122
00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:51,582
I was thinking the exact same thing!
123
00:04:51,583 --> 00:04:54,877
So, are you ever gonna ask
me to meet you in real life?
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00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:56,337
IAN: I'd love to,
125
00:04:56,338 --> 00:04:59,507
but I'm in Australia for
work for the next two weeks.
126
00:04:59,510 --> 00:05:02,134
So, we made plans to
meet up when he got back,
127
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,053
and that brings us to tonight,
128
00:05:04,054 --> 00:05:06,430
and my last first date ever.
129
00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:08,432
Wow, that's romantic as hell.
130
00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:10,059
I know, right?
131
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:12,562
- What does the killjoy think?
- Hey!
132
00:05:12,563 --> 00:05:15,190
Look, I got a real good
feeling about this Ian guy.
133
00:05:16,170 --> 00:05:17,545
No, no. I can't do it.
134
00:05:17,548 --> 00:05:19,424
No, the truth is the chances of this guy
135
00:05:19,427 --> 00:05:21,694
being your soul mate are lower than low.
136
00:05:21,697 --> 00:05:24,073
I mean, there's a better chance
of you giving me a five-star review
137
00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:26,076
after this rude assessment I'm making.
138
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:29,203
Speaking of which,
don't forget your phone.
139
00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:31,038
Ah. Thanks.
140
00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:33,165
- [opens door]
- Uh, happy proposing.
141
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:34,251
SID: Thank you.
142
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,380
- [shuts door]
- [street chatter]
143
00:05:39,921 --> 00:05:42,840
- What?
- Ooh... You liked her.
144
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:43,801
Did not.
145
00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:44,969
- Did, too.
- Did not!
146
00:05:44,970 --> 00:05:46,972
- Did not.
- Did, too... Dammit.
147
00:05:48,307 --> 00:05:50,433
[bar chatter]
148
00:05:50,434 --> 00:05:53,437
[quiet music]
149
00:05:54,146 --> 00:05:55,438
Ian?
150
00:05:55,439 --> 00:05:56,647
Sophie!
151
00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:58,107
[laughs] Hi.
152
00:05:58,108 --> 00:05:59,193
Hi.
153
00:05:59,735 --> 00:06:03,321
And thus began the best
first date I'd ever been on.
154
00:06:03,322 --> 00:06:06,657
A date so good, you don't
even check your phone.
155
00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:08,493
- SOPHIE'S SON: Whoa.
- I know.
156
00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:10,620
[laughs]
157
00:06:10,621 --> 00:06:13,956
You know, we should go see
that new movie next week
158
00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:16,751
where walking Joaquin
Phoenix plays Amelia Earhart.
159
00:06:16,752 --> 00:06:18,719
FUTURE SOPHIE: And then it happened.
160
00:06:18,722 --> 00:06:20,306
[Quiet music]
161
00:06:20,309 --> 00:06:21,710
What?
162
00:06:21,713 --> 00:06:23,547
Okay, so...
163
00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:25,218
Sophie, the thing is...
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00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:27,679
I'm moving to Australia.
165
00:06:29,515 --> 00:06:30,932
You just got back from there.
166
00:06:30,933 --> 00:06:32,308
I know.
167
00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:34,227
It was only supposed
to be a research trip,
168
00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:37,104
but right before I left, they
offered me a full-time job
169
00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:39,607
on a team that's helping
endangered coral reef procreate.
170
00:06:39,608 --> 00:06:40,609
[Sophie chuckles]
171
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,361
Can't you just...
172
00:06:43,362 --> 00:06:45,780
light a candle and
put on some soft rock?
173
00:06:45,781 --> 00:06:47,658
I mean, that always works for me.
174
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:51,244
[scoffs]
175
00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:52,704
When are you leaving?
176
00:06:54,206 --> 00:06:55,523
Tonight.
177
00:06:55,791 --> 00:06:57,000
Tonight.
178
00:06:57,501 --> 00:07:01,210
I only came back to New York
to pack and sublet my place.
179
00:07:01,213 --> 00:07:03,339
I know I should have
told you this sooner.
180
00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:05,049
I was just afraid
that you wouldn't come,
181
00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:06,301
and...
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00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:09,471
I had to meet you, Sophie.
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00:07:10,804 --> 00:07:12,471
♪
184
00:07:12,474 --> 00:07:13,724
FUTURE SOPHIE: And so,
185
00:07:13,725 --> 00:07:15,893
we decided it would be a bad idea
186
00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:17,937
to start a long-distance relationship
187
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:20,523
after just a few weeks of texting
188
00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:22,066
and an amazing first date.
189
00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:23,110
[both sigh]
190
00:07:24,653 --> 00:07:26,238
Goodbye, Sophie.
191
00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:28,991
Goodbye, Ian.
192
00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:32,870
Uh... [laughs]
193
00:07:33,750 --> 00:07:36,373
I kind of wanna kiss you right now.
194
00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:39,334
I kind of want that, too.
195
00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:46,133
Uh... I think it's best if we don't.
196
00:07:47,726 --> 00:07:49,386
Maybe someday.
197
00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:50,929
[Ian sighs]
198
00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:54,224
Yeah. Someday.
199
00:08:12,284 --> 00:08:13,911
I was devastated.
200
00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:17,121
But at least I was
coming home to my bestie,
201
00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:18,706
Aunt Valentina!
202
00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:21,083
She was just back from
Fashion Week in London.
203
00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:23,336
SOPHIE: Oh! I'm so happy you're home.
204
00:08:23,344 --> 00:08:24,296
I missed you so much.
205
00:08:24,299 --> 00:08:26,172
We don't have time for
"I miss yous!" Dish.
206
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:27,548
How was your date with Ian? Was he tall?
207
00:08:27,549 --> 00:08:29,634
- Yes.
- Was he a good listener?
208
00:08:29,635 --> 00:08:30,635
Yes.
209
00:08:30,636 --> 00:08:33,137
Were his eyes as kind as his photo?
210
00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:34,222
Yes!
211
00:08:34,223 --> 00:08:36,682
[squealing]
212
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,310
Why aren't you jumping?
213
00:08:39,144 --> 00:08:41,939
Because he's moving to Australia.
214
00:08:43,941 --> 00:08:46,944
Soph, I am so sorry.
215
00:08:47,653 --> 00:08:49,238
Did you bang one out anyway?
216
00:08:49,947 --> 00:08:51,240
[laughs]
217
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:54,198
Oh, at least I still have you.
218
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:55,409
You know what? We can just be
219
00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:57,973
two single New York ladies
doing it for ourselves.
220
00:08:57,976 --> 00:09:01,123
We can start a podcast
called "Who Needs Men?"
221
00:09:01,124 --> 00:09:03,960
Ah! Yeah! Uh, about that...
222
00:09:03,961 --> 00:09:05,254
We can workshop the title later.
223
00:09:05,257 --> 00:09:07,755
- Oh my god!
- [screaming] My god!
224
00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:09,048
A pervert! A pervert!
225
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,342
Please don't spray me! I
have an extremely delicate face!
226
00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:14,984
He's not a pervert. This is Charlie.
227
00:09:15,639 --> 00:09:18,058
Okay, he's sort of a
pervert, but in a good way,
228
00:09:18,517 --> 00:09:20,101
- [exhales]
- You must be Sophie.
229
00:09:20,102 --> 00:09:22,145
It's a real pleasure... Oh my god.
230
00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:24,648
I'll go round up a robe.
231
00:09:26,108 --> 00:09:27,400
Y... Funny story.
232
00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:30,843
We me at London Fashion
Week. Hit it off...
233
00:09:30,846 --> 00:09:32,613
big time.
234
00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:34,323
One thing led to another,
235
00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:37,994
and now he... lives with us.
So, back to you and Ian...
236
00:09:37,995 --> 00:09:40,340
- Wait, what?!
- I know, this is fast,
237
00:09:40,343 --> 00:09:42,748
but when he told his crazy fancy
238
00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:45,877
"high society" family that
he was heading to New York
239
00:09:45,878 --> 00:09:49,046
to be with a Mexican assistant stylist,
240
00:09:49,047 --> 00:09:51,465
they made some very
outdated Ugly Betty jabs,
241
00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:53,679
and then they cut off his trust fund!
242
00:09:55,179 --> 00:09:56,846
They Meghan Markled you guys.
243
00:09:56,847 --> 00:09:58,222
Although, it's for the best.
244
00:09:58,223 --> 00:10:00,122
I mean, who needs unlimited
wealth and palaces?
245
00:10:00,125 --> 00:10:03,500
I will get by on my charm
and my street smarts.
246
00:10:04,855 --> 00:10:06,939
- I can see your penis again.
- Oh! [nervous laugh]
247
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,317
- [deep voice]: Stay in there, lad.
- Hm.
248
00:10:09,318 --> 00:10:10,944
There my undies are!
249
00:10:11,737 --> 00:10:13,779
That's right. Completely forgot
250
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:16,033
we started out here
with all the fruit play.
251
00:10:18,035 --> 00:10:19,036
[gags]
252
00:10:21,330 --> 00:10:23,206
You might wanna toss those, too.
253
00:10:23,207 --> 00:10:24,601
These were organic!
254
00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:29,934
So, I said I know this is
fast, but I am super into him,
255
00:10:29,937 --> 00:10:32,924
and I decided I am not gonna
let something as irrational
256
00:10:32,925 --> 00:10:34,842
as rational thinking
stand in the way of that.
257
00:10:34,843 --> 00:10:36,928
FUTURE SOPHIE: And
that's when I realized...
258
00:10:36,929 --> 00:10:39,671
I let rational thinking stand
in the way of me and Ian.
259
00:10:39,674 --> 00:10:41,680
I mean, sure, he's moving
to a different continent,
260
00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:44,727
but, you know, I've got tons of
miles. We can always have Facesex.
261
00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:46,729
- Whoa, what is Facesex?
- I think she's mixing up
262
00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:47,864
Facetime and phone sex.
263
00:10:47,867 --> 00:10:49,525
I'm the cool friend.
264
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,735
I have to tell Ian that
ending things was a mistake.
265
00:10:52,736 --> 00:10:54,529
Yes. Yes!
266
00:10:54,530 --> 00:10:57,114
Tell him. Oh, I'd love that for you!
267
00:10:57,115 --> 00:10:58,616
And this is where you say you love
268
00:10:58,617 --> 00:11:01,078
my "British guy moves
in with us" plan for me.
269
00:11:04,591 --> 00:11:06,968
Ah! This isn't my phone.
270
00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:11,082
I must've taken the wrong one
when I got out of the Uber!
271
00:11:11,085 --> 00:11:13,297
I've gotta get to Pemberton's right now.
272
00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:16,050
Can we come with? Can't
wait to see the real New York.
273
00:11:16,051 --> 00:11:17,395
[gasps] Can we take a subway?
274
00:11:17,398 --> 00:11:19,804
I've always wanted to see
what the subway's like!
275
00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:21,807
So, that's what a subway is like.
276
00:11:22,474 --> 00:11:24,725
Does it always smell like that?
277
00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:26,853
No! Sometimes, it's way worse.
278
00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:30,147
One time, I was in a car where one
guy was peeing, one guy was pooping,
279
00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:32,817
- and one guy was dead.
- Ah, the subway trifecta.
280
00:11:32,818 --> 00:11:34,069
Hope you made a wish.
281
00:11:35,821 --> 00:11:37,072
[gagging]
282
00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:41,617
- CROWD: Surprise!
- [Sophie screaming]
283
00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:44,370
Sophie! You're not Sid.
Why are you not Sid?
284
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:46,539
Because you gave me his
phone instead of mine
285
00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:47,665
when I got out of your car.
286
00:11:47,666 --> 00:11:49,016
Wait, so I've been tracking
you this whole time?
287
00:11:49,018 --> 00:11:50,916
Okay, guys, we do not have eyes on Sid!
288
00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:52,503
Everyone, back to your hiding spots.
289
00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:53,713
Okay, what is Sid's ETA?
290
00:11:53,714 --> 00:11:55,669
Literally any second, so
I really need you to hide.
291
00:11:55,671 --> 00:11:57,842
Good, good, 'cause I'm not
sure what time Ian's flight is,
292
00:11:57,843 --> 00:11:59,849
but I've gotta talk to him
before the plane takes off.
293
00:11:59,851 --> 00:12:01,220
For the love of god, hide!
294
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:02,430
[panicked mumbling]
295
00:12:02,431 --> 00:12:03,843
I freeze under pressure!
296
00:12:03,846 --> 00:12:05,747
This is why I've been
hit by three Citi Bikes!
297
00:12:05,750 --> 00:12:08,270
♪
298
00:12:12,316 --> 00:12:15,401
♪
299
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:17,278
What are you doing?
300
00:12:17,279 --> 00:12:20,031
Still smelling that
train. It's in my hair.
301
00:12:20,032 --> 00:12:22,953
There's a stranger's body
odor trapped in my hair.
302
00:12:24,661 --> 00:12:26,495
- Um, hello!
- [both gasp]
303
00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:28,915
Sorry. Didn't see you there.
304
00:12:28,916 --> 00:12:32,376
- I know. That's why I said, "Um, hello."
- [nervous laugh]
305
00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:35,713
I was feeling creepier and creepier
with every second that passed.
306
00:12:35,714 --> 00:12:37,965
I'm Ellen. I just moved here from Iowa.
307
00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:38,925
- Mm.
- Oh,
308
00:12:38,926 --> 00:12:41,594
and I'm Jesse's sister.
Adopted, obviously.
309
00:12:41,595 --> 00:12:44,867
I mean, it's not obvious to me.
I have no idea who Jesse is.
310
00:12:44,870 --> 00:12:47,517
Have you taken the train yet?
It's an underground freak show.
311
00:12:47,518 --> 00:12:50,187
We get it. You hated the train.
312
00:12:50,190 --> 00:12:52,608
So, what brings you to New York?
313
00:12:52,611 --> 00:12:53,856
I'm getting divorced.
314
00:12:53,857 --> 00:12:56,150
- Oh...
- Oh my god, you poor thing.
315
00:12:56,151 --> 00:12:58,778
Little Crescent, Iowa,
has 600 people in it,
316
00:12:58,779 --> 00:13:00,446
and she was the only other lesbian.
317
00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:02,242
We both knew it had run its course,
318
00:13:02,245 --> 00:13:06,851
so I moved to New York to start
over, reconnect with my brother...
319
00:13:06,854 --> 00:13:08,454
and ask out Kate McKinnon.
320
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:10,665
Whoa! Do you know Kate McKinnon?
321
00:13:10,666 --> 00:13:11,917
No.
322
00:13:12,626 --> 00:13:13,752
Do you?
323
00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:18,047
- Where the hell are they?
- Hey! Hey, hey, hey. Look, look.
324
00:13:18,048 --> 00:13:20,716
Sid is my best friend, okay? And if
he were in charge of my proposal...
325
00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:22,760
Purely hypothetical, I'm
never getting married,
326
00:13:22,761 --> 00:13:24,387
but he would make sure
it was perfect, alright?
327
00:13:24,388 --> 00:13:26,514
So, I can't have your peeking
head ruining his big night.
328
00:13:26,515 --> 00:13:29,017
- Alright, alright.
- [Jesse sighs]
329
00:13:30,352 --> 00:13:31,727
Why are you never getting married?
330
00:13:31,728 --> 00:13:34,230
[sighs] Uh, I'm never getting married
331
00:13:34,231 --> 00:13:37,276
because the one girl I wanted
to marry broke my heart, okay?
332
00:13:38,193 --> 00:13:39,862
- Wait a second.
- No.
333
00:13:40,571 --> 00:13:42,780
- I know you.
- [sighs] And here we go.
334
00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:45,283
- You are the guy from the video!
- [Jesse sighs]
335
00:13:45,284 --> 00:13:47,410
FUTURE SOPHIE: The video
was an unfortunate incident
336
00:13:47,411 --> 00:13:49,495
that had recently gone viral.
337
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:52,790
- Jesse. I'm sorry. I...
- CROWD: She's gonna say no. Oh my god.
338
00:13:52,791 --> 00:13:54,709
- What a nightmare.
- This poor schmuck.
339
00:13:54,710 --> 00:13:57,462
- What a loser.
- What a disaster.
340
00:13:58,213 --> 00:13:59,672
[thudding, objects clattering]
341
00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:02,758
Now, she's in Europe,
recording her first solo album,
342
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:05,970
and I'm known all around the
city as Mr. Proposal Fail.
343
00:14:05,971 --> 00:14:09,057
You know who liked the video last
week on Twitter? Michelle Obama.
344
00:14:09,933 --> 00:14:13,250
How did you forget the
Beyoncé tickets at the bar?
345
00:14:13,253 --> 00:14:15,726
ALL: Surprise!
346
00:14:15,729 --> 00:14:18,272
[gasping] What's happening?
347
00:14:18,275 --> 00:14:20,277
[sighs] Hannah...
348
00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:23,822
I remember the moment
I fell in love with you.
349
00:14:25,407 --> 00:14:27,531
It was our first year of med school,
350
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,451
and we were dissecting dead bodies,
351
00:14:29,454 --> 00:14:31,162
and, um,
352
00:14:31,163 --> 00:14:33,539
you leaned over, and
you said to me, you said,
353
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,710
"Hey, you know how
to get to the stomach?
354
00:14:36,585 --> 00:14:38,044
You take the spleen-ic route."
355
00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:39,504
- [laughs]
- [scattered laughter]
356
00:14:39,505 --> 00:14:41,298
And I thought, oh...
357
00:14:43,675 --> 00:14:44,967
This is the girl for me.
358
00:14:44,968 --> 00:14:46,637
CROWD: Aww...
359
00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:50,390
Hannah, I believe we can make
it through anything together.
360
00:14:51,099 --> 00:14:54,644
Even if sometimes, we
take the spleen-ic route.
361
00:14:54,645 --> 00:14:56,647
[laughs] So...
362
00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,899
[inhale, nervous exhale]
363
00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:02,861
- Hannah...
- [patrons exclaiming]
364
00:15:04,968 --> 00:15:06,156
Will you marry me?
365
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:08,407
Yes!
366
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,660
[cheering, applause]
367
00:15:10,663 --> 00:15:11,705
Yes!
368
00:15:12,246 --> 00:15:13,454
[laughs]
369
00:15:13,455 --> 00:15:15,790
Oh, I can't believe I'm getting engaged
370
00:15:15,791 --> 00:15:17,875
and seeing Beyoncé!
371
00:15:17,876 --> 00:15:19,503
- [Valentina shrieks]
- Oh...
372
00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:22,129
I can't believe I'm getting engaged!
373
00:15:22,130 --> 00:15:25,216
[cheering, applause]
374
00:15:25,217 --> 00:15:28,553
[quiet music]
375
00:15:28,554 --> 00:15:30,596
Look at that! A proposal that won't haunt
376
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,182
and traumatize them forever.
377
00:15:32,724 --> 00:15:34,141
Good for him.
378
00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:37,395
- I love you so much.
- I love you more.
379
00:15:37,396 --> 00:15:40,857
And I love hilarious phone mishaps.
380
00:15:40,858 --> 00:15:42,066
[forced laugh]
381
00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:45,693
We swapped in the Uber.
Mazel tov, by the way.
382
00:15:45,696 --> 00:15:48,322
Uh, here. It's dead, which
feels very on brand for you.
383
00:15:48,323 --> 00:15:49,825
Um, I'm sorry.
384
00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:51,368
Mm!
385
00:15:52,995 --> 00:15:54,704
- Oh my god.
- What?
386
00:15:54,705 --> 00:15:57,540
There were so many men
urinating in there at once.
387
00:15:57,541 --> 00:15:59,543
Just a cacophony of piss.
388
00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:03,880
Wait, now you're too fancy for stalls?
389
00:16:03,881 --> 00:16:05,883
Darling, I use stalls.
390
00:16:07,217 --> 00:16:08,552
That's where we keep the ponies.
391
00:16:09,476 --> 00:16:11,429
Valentina, I think I've
made a terrible mistake.
392
00:16:11,430 --> 00:16:13,514
I don't think I can
live in this hellscape.
393
00:16:13,515 --> 00:16:16,225
This hellscape is my daily life,
394
00:16:16,226 --> 00:16:17,895
you prissy royal bitch.
395
00:16:17,898 --> 00:16:19,146
Hey...
396
00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:23,065
- [text chimes]
- Mm!
397
00:16:23,066 --> 00:16:25,318
- Mm?
- Mm! One... one second.
398
00:16:25,319 --> 00:16:26,737
Alright.
399
00:16:27,446 --> 00:16:28,821
Oh my god.
400
00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:31,532
A lung just became
available for my patient!
401
00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:32,909
Yes! Oh!
402
00:16:32,910 --> 00:16:34,785
Honey, oh...
403
00:16:34,786 --> 00:16:38,078
- Oh, it's all over your shirt.
- It's okay.
404
00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:41,414
Babe, I am so sorry, but
I have to get back to LA.
405
00:16:42,220 --> 00:16:45,096
Hey, hey. Look, my sister's
hanging out with your friends.
406
00:16:45,099 --> 00:16:47,548
She's kind of a loner, so I
really want her to meet people.
407
00:16:47,549 --> 00:16:49,717
[inaudible]
408
00:16:49,718 --> 00:16:51,928
Yeah. Seems like they're
really hitting it off.
409
00:16:51,929 --> 00:16:54,055
- Mm.
- Hey,
410
00:16:54,056 --> 00:16:56,140
as soon as my phone
powers on, I'm out of here,
411
00:16:56,141 --> 00:16:58,935
but I wanted to tell you,
you can't give up on love
412
00:16:58,936 --> 00:17:01,390
- just because of your proposal fail.
- [scoffs]
413
00:17:01,393 --> 00:17:03,898
I know that there is
a Brooklyn Bridge girl
414
00:17:03,899 --> 00:17:05,984
out there for you somewhere.
415
00:17:07,398 --> 00:17:09,779
Am I supposed to know what
that is? Because you look like
416
00:17:09,780 --> 00:17:11,489
you practically moved
yourself to tears just now,
417
00:17:11,490 --> 00:17:13,659
but I have no idea what
you're talking about.
418
00:17:14,409 --> 00:17:16,953
- It's this thing I made up.
- Okay.
419
00:17:16,954 --> 00:17:19,705
See, I've lived in
New York since college,
420
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:22,083
but I've never walked
across the Brooklyn Bridge,
421
00:17:22,084 --> 00:17:23,960
and after a while, I waited so long
422
00:17:23,961 --> 00:17:27,172
that I decided I would wait
and walk it with my soulmate.
423
00:17:28,748 --> 00:17:30,389
You're one of those people whose parents
424
00:17:30,392 --> 00:17:31,717
actually stayed married, aren't you?
425
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:33,094
College sweethearts,
426
00:17:33,095 --> 00:17:34,679
married for 30 years sort of thing.
427
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:36,180
So you're like, if
they found each other,
428
00:17:36,181 --> 00:17:37,765
there must be someone
out there for everyone.
429
00:17:37,766 --> 00:17:39,643
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right?
430
00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:42,328
- Yeah. Something like that.
- [Jesse sighs]
431
00:17:42,980 --> 00:17:44,438
Must be nice.
432
00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:47,401
Those of us who grew up in
the real world, not so sure.
433
00:17:48,193 --> 00:17:49,945
- Looks like your phone's back.
- Yes!
434
00:17:51,154 --> 00:17:52,989
Aw.
435
00:17:52,990 --> 00:17:56,117
Ian sent me a pic holding his
boarding pass and looking sad.
436
00:17:56,118 --> 00:17:58,661
- Aww.
- I'm gonna call him.
437
00:17:58,662 --> 00:17:59,663
[gasps]
438
00:18:00,372 --> 00:18:01,874
Wait, look.
439
00:18:03,208 --> 00:18:04,859
I can see all of his flight info.
440
00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:07,837
Cool. He's got TSA PreCheck.
441
00:18:07,838 --> 00:18:10,089
[sighs] He would!
442
00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:12,425
I've always talked about getting that.
443
00:18:12,426 --> 00:18:14,429
But it's like a whole
thing. No, not the point.
444
00:18:15,977 --> 00:18:19,138
I'm going to go to JFK and
tell him that we're meant to be.
445
00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:21,934
- Really?
- Hey, uh, can I borrow your car?
446
00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:23,853
I need to take Hannah to the airport.
447
00:18:23,854 --> 00:18:26,355
- What?
- Emergency surgery calls.
448
00:18:26,356 --> 00:18:29,275
Seems like the universe wants me
to take everyone to the airport.
449
00:18:29,276 --> 00:18:30,943
- Alright. Let's go.
- Okay. What, are you coming?
450
00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:32,196
I am! Oh!
451
00:18:33,322 --> 00:18:34,697
Wait!
452
00:18:34,698 --> 00:18:36,979
You can't leave me alone with
Charlie. I think I hate him.
453
00:18:37,951 --> 00:18:39,953
- We live with him.
- I know!
454
00:18:41,538 --> 00:18:44,957
Valentina, don't abandon
me! I have nowhere to go!
455
00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:47,252
I'll need to sell my body to survive!
456
00:18:50,172 --> 00:18:52,174
Hey, sis! Uh, we're
all going to the airport.
457
00:18:52,925 --> 00:18:54,133
You forgot me, didn't you?
458
00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:55,851
What? Who could for...
459
00:18:55,854 --> 00:18:57,528
Yeah. Completely forgot you. I'm sorry.
460
00:18:57,531 --> 00:18:59,973
♪
461
00:19:03,352 --> 00:19:05,645
FUTURE SOPHIE: And so, we all went to JFK
462
00:19:05,646 --> 00:19:08,814
to tell him that I
wanted us to be together.
463
00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:10,066
♪
464
00:19:10,067 --> 00:19:11,568
There he is.
465
00:19:12,554 --> 00:19:15,571
Oh god, don't let this
be the next Proposal Fail.
466
00:19:15,572 --> 00:19:17,448
- [Jesse sighs]
- Wait! Aren't you...
467
00:19:17,449 --> 00:19:20,701
It's actually Mr. Proposal Fail, but yes.
468
00:19:20,702 --> 00:19:22,119
[mouthing]
469
00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:23,671
Ian!
470
00:19:23,674 --> 00:19:25,734
Sophie? What are you...
471
00:19:25,737 --> 00:19:28,000
I've been on 87 Tinder dates this year.
472
00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:30,378
Okay, all of them were duds.
473
00:19:30,379 --> 00:19:33,464
Just to be clear, I don't do,
like, sexy stuff with all the guys.
474
00:19:33,465 --> 00:19:36,717
A lot of the times, I just
have a white wine and talk.
475
00:19:36,718 --> 00:19:39,011
I also want to be clear
that I am not judging anyone
476
00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:40,471
who does hook up on every date.
477
00:19:40,472 --> 00:19:42,473
It's just not my style.
But if it's someone else's,
478
00:19:42,474 --> 00:19:44,396
that's her business, and
it's nothing to be ashamed of.
479
00:19:44,398 --> 00:19:46,228
This is getting away from her.
480
00:19:47,271 --> 00:19:49,981
Look, what I'm trying to say is that
481
00:19:49,982 --> 00:19:51,858
we live in confusing times,
482
00:19:51,859 --> 00:19:54,193
where it's really hard to meet someone
483
00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:56,363
and-and-and connect and have it feel...
484
00:19:57,698 --> 00:19:58,740
Easy.
485
00:19:59,408 --> 00:20:02,160
And tonight, it felt easy.
486
00:20:03,328 --> 00:20:04,620
Other than the Australia thing,
487
00:20:04,621 --> 00:20:07,331
which feels insurmountably hard,
488
00:20:07,332 --> 00:20:08,667
but we can get through it.
489
00:20:10,012 --> 00:20:11,513
I know that we can.
490
00:20:13,130 --> 00:20:15,174
What do you say?
491
00:20:17,551 --> 00:20:19,970
Sophie, I'd love to make it work, but...
492
00:20:20,804 --> 00:20:23,347
it's a 14-hour time difference,
493
00:20:23,348 --> 00:20:25,266
and I'm gonna be living
494
00:20:25,267 --> 00:20:27,895
out at sea for weeks
on end without service.
495
00:20:28,645 --> 00:20:31,147
It'd just be way too hard.
496
00:20:31,148 --> 00:20:33,108
Oh, this is brutal.
497
00:20:34,735 --> 00:20:36,694
I'm really sorry, Sophie.
498
00:20:36,695 --> 00:20:39,071
But, maybe someday, right?
499
00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:41,699
Yeah. Maybe.
500
00:20:41,700 --> 00:20:44,703
♪
501
00:20:52,961 --> 00:20:55,672
FUTURE SOPHIE: But I didn't
want to wait around for some day.
502
00:21:02,221 --> 00:21:03,971
I'm doing it!
503
00:21:03,972 --> 00:21:07,184
I'm walking the bridge
without the love of my life!
504
00:21:08,018 --> 00:21:09,859
Sounded more triumphant in my head.
505
00:21:09,862 --> 00:21:11,647
You walk that bridge, girl.
506
00:21:12,898 --> 00:21:16,108
That... surprisingly clean and...
507
00:21:16,109 --> 00:21:17,610
actually rather majestic bridge.
508
00:21:17,611 --> 00:21:20,322
You don't have to pretend
to like this for me.
509
00:21:21,657 --> 00:21:23,282
I'm not pretending.
510
00:21:23,283 --> 00:21:25,786
You know, I-I really
do think it's stunning.
511
00:21:26,786 --> 00:21:30,046
Brimming with... with
life and personality.
512
00:21:33,293 --> 00:21:34,795
Like you.
513
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:40,467
Charlie, do you know one of the
reasons I fell so hard for you?
514
00:21:41,009 --> 00:21:44,250
Because my charm is all
boy, but my body is all man?
515
00:21:44,930 --> 00:21:46,681
No.
516
00:21:46,682 --> 00:21:48,642
It's because I thought you were brave.
517
00:21:49,476 --> 00:21:52,603
You've lived this
incredibly pampered life,
518
00:21:52,604 --> 00:21:54,314
but you walked away from it all.
519
00:21:55,190 --> 00:21:57,359
To take a chance on us.
520
00:21:59,069 --> 00:22:00,862
Charlie...
521
00:22:00,863 --> 00:22:02,905
this city is magic!
522
00:22:02,906 --> 00:22:04,198
♪
523
00:22:04,199 --> 00:22:05,826
And so am I.
524
00:22:08,445 --> 00:22:11,489
Do you wanna be a part
of that magic or not?
525
00:22:13,208 --> 00:22:14,710
I do.
526
00:22:15,377 --> 00:22:17,004
Very, very much.
527
00:22:23,177 --> 00:22:26,554
If Sophie can walk across
this bridge totally alone
528
00:22:26,555 --> 00:22:28,097
and Sid can have
529
00:22:28,098 --> 00:22:31,017
a good attitude about
his fiancée ditching him,
530
00:22:31,018 --> 00:22:33,853
and you two can try to make your...
531
00:22:33,854 --> 00:22:35,521
completely doomed relationship work...
532
00:22:35,522 --> 00:22:36,523
- Hey!
- JESSE: Ellen!
533
00:22:36,982 --> 00:22:40,193
...then I can stop
obsessing over my divorce
534
00:22:40,194 --> 00:22:42,196
and ask a woman out to divorce!
535
00:22:43,030 --> 00:22:45,198
To divorce. To dinner! Dammit!
536
00:22:45,199 --> 00:22:46,741
You'll get there.
537
00:22:46,742 --> 00:22:49,328
♪
538
00:22:50,329 --> 00:22:52,705
This is good for Soph. She needed this.
539
00:22:52,706 --> 00:22:56,042
What? She's gonna be fine. She's
got her parents' magic love story
540
00:22:56,043 --> 00:22:58,169
to keep her stupidly optimistic.
541
00:22:58,170 --> 00:22:59,879
- Magic love story?
- Yeah.
542
00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:02,381
Sophie's mom is a party girl
543
00:23:02,382 --> 00:23:04,759
who bounces around from
boyfriend to boyfriend.
544
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:06,969
Her dad wasn't even in the picture.
545
00:23:06,970 --> 00:23:09,138
The only thing magical
about Sophie's life
546
00:23:09,139 --> 00:23:11,141
is that she still
believes in love at all.
547
00:23:13,477 --> 00:23:15,895
How have I never walked
this bridge before?
548
00:23:15,896 --> 00:23:17,397
- VALENTINA: I told you!
- [cheering]
549
00:23:18,106 --> 00:23:20,233
- Whoo!
- Now, we're talking!
550
00:23:20,234 --> 00:23:22,902
Listen, what are we gonna do
for dinner? Because it's late...
551
00:23:22,903 --> 00:23:25,363
[overlapping chatter]
552
00:23:25,364 --> 00:23:27,657
Thanks for having us
over for drinks, guys!
553
00:23:27,658 --> 00:23:28,991
Yeah, of course. I mean,
554
00:23:28,992 --> 00:23:31,494
hot engagement sex,
555
00:23:31,495 --> 00:23:33,664
- rinks with total strangers...
- [keys rattling]
556
00:23:34,331 --> 00:23:35,874
Two equally good things.
557
00:23:38,502 --> 00:23:40,920
Wow. Love your place!
558
00:23:40,921 --> 00:23:42,586
Thanks. It was a total score.
559
00:23:42,589 --> 00:23:44,549
We got it from this old married couple
560
00:23:44,550 --> 00:23:46,843
who posted it on the
Wesleyan Alumni Group.
561
00:23:46,844 --> 00:23:48,427
We even got them to leave their swords.
562
00:23:48,428 --> 00:23:50,596
Wow. Nice touch. [laughs]
563
00:23:50,597 --> 00:23:52,807
[quiet chatter]
564
00:23:52,808 --> 00:23:54,058
FUTURE SOPHIE: So, that's it.
565
00:23:54,059 --> 00:23:55,561
That's the night I met your father.
566
00:23:56,603 --> 00:24:00,064
[Sooner Or Later by
The Grass Roots playng]
567
00:24:00,065 --> 00:24:02,929
[inaudible]
568
00:24:02,932 --> 00:24:04,944
SOPHIE'S SON: But you guys
didn't even get together.
569
00:24:04,945 --> 00:24:06,529
Get together? Oh!
570
00:24:06,530 --> 00:24:08,155
That's a much longer story.
571
00:24:08,156 --> 00:24:09,658
Now, where was I?
572
00:24:10,534 --> 00:24:12,410
Where'd I put that bottle of wine?
573
00:24:12,411 --> 00:24:15,329
♪ Sooner or later, love is gonna get you ♪
574
00:24:15,330 --> 00:24:19,208
♪ Sooner or later, girl,
you've got to give in ♪
575
00:24:19,209 --> 00:24:23,004
♪ Sooner or later,
love is gonna let you ♪
576
00:24:23,005 --> 00:24:27,298
♪ Sooner or later, love is gonna win ♪
577
00:24:27,301 --> 00:24:29,177
♪ It's just a matter of time ♪
578
00:24:29,178 --> 00:24:31,846
♪ Before you make up your mind ♪
579
00:24:31,847 --> 00:24:34,391
♪ To give all that love
that you've been hiding ♪
580
00:24:34,933 --> 00:24:36,934
♪ It's just a question of when ♪
581
00:24:36,935 --> 00:24:39,187
♪ I've told you time and again ♪
582
00:24:39,188 --> 00:24:42,023
♪ I get all the love
you've been denying ♪
583
00:24:42,024 --> 00:24:45,569
♪ Sooner or later, love
is gonna get you... ♪
584
00:24:45,572 --> 00:24:49,617
- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --
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