All language subtitles for Episode 06 Going Clean Flipping Funny

Anybody can say something
that can get a laugh.

But say something clean and get
a laugh, that requires a comedian.

I have enough kids, even

mormons are like, you should settle down.

They don’t like the title clean comedian.

It comes down to whether someone is funny or not.

You’ve ever been running to
an elevator, they see you

running, they just stand there.
It’s not that clean comedians

are more clever or thoughtful,
it’s a different approach.

What are you in for?
I used to get the rolling of

the eyes, the clean comic.
One of the highest forms of

comedy when you can be clean and
just as funny as the dirty

comics.
My job is to make you laugh,

not to offend you.
Here’s your sign.

Just be funny.
That’s all.

To my mind when I hear the term
clean comedy is oh, god, no.

Then I remember, oh, no, there’s
clean comedy I really like.

Left‐handed people do not like
that the word left is so often

associated with negative things.
Left‐handed compliment, what are

we having for dinner, leftovers?
You go to a party, there’s

nobody there, where did
everybody go?

They left.
Most clear comedy, I hear

boring.
Tell me ‐‐ let me decide when I

watch him.
There is the vegetarian hot

pocket for those of us who don’t
want to eat meat, but still

would like diarrhea.
No swearing, and nothing that

is what I consider offensive.
There is a standard that says

you can trust me with your
audience, we’re not going to

just throw it all out there and
be offensive with every topic

there is out there.
We’re going to make you all

comfortable when you leave so
you don’t have to take a shower

when this is over.
If you’re working television

sits on top of your non‐working
television, you might be a red

neck.
It’s not a bad thing for a

family to be able to see a
comedy.

It makes them accessible, and
available to a broader market.

I read recently, Kim jong‐un
is considering outlawing sarcasm

in North Korea.
Wow.

I wonder if he proposed that to
his team and one of his generals

said, oh, yeah, that will work.
Probably the best comedian

who happens to be clean is Brian
Regan.

When he would get done with his
show no one in the audience is

like, I can’t believe he didn’t
curse.

He is clean not because he did
it for corporate money, or to be

more appealing for television.
He did it because his sense of

humor rings clean.
So we want Brian Regan to be

clean.
Although it would be funny to

see him go off the rails.
Just get him drunk.

Some law firms deal with dui,
then aggravated dui.

You know what I pulled you over?
Yeah, yeah, I know why you

pulled me over.
Here’s the thing about Regan,

despite someone not cussing, it
doesn’t mean that you can’t

sense that there’s an edge.
He is quintessential, every

comedian, he is their favorite.
You mom night never have heard

of him, but he would be her
favorite too.

Ding ding ding, yeah.
That’s normally the sign of a

clean comedian, one that the
audience wants to embrace.

I had a massage today, my
first one.

He tried to relax me.
He played music, a little

aggravating, the trombone kept
hitting me in the head.

I think it was a trombone.
Pretty sure.

Never met a person who
doesn’t like Ellen.

It’s a gift from god to be
likable by everybody.

She’s almost like a lollipop.
I’ve never met nobody, nobody

says I hate lollipops.
You’re walking down the

street, good day for you, too,
good self‐esteem day, happy with

your outfit, it takes the one
tiny trip to suck the coolness

out of you.
She’s got that joke when

you’re watching and you trip and
you look around to make sure

nobody saw you and you do this
whole performance for someone

who might have seen you 50 yards
away where you look to see what

you could have tripped on.
It’s so specific, yet so

universal.
You’re never thinking that was a

clean show, you’re just thinking
I laughed so hard, my stomach

hurts, my cheekbones hurt.
Comedians only want one

adjective, funny.
Emow comedian, gay comedian,

ethnic comedian, oh, the
funniest, wheelchair bound

comedian, no one wants that,
they just want funny.

The last couple years i’ve
referred to bill cosby as the

artist formerly known as bill
cosby.

It gives me a way to go, yeah, I
know, I know.

Pulls out a needle.
This is to deaden the pain.

He takes a breath between
bits.

He’s got the Patience to wait,
and know it’s going to be fine

when you get to the end.
Your face, what’s a matter

with you?
Of the top ten comedians of

all time, one was bill cosby.
His act on stage, clean, his act

offstage, filthy.
One of the reasons why the

dirty/clean thing is so
compelling what’s behind that

issue is authenticity.
I want the comedian to be what

they’re supposed to be.
At a certain point the audience

tells you we don’t like that and
then you have a hint of

yourself.
We like that.

We’re heading to yoga, my wife
says, wait for me, i’m not

ready.
It’s all just trying not to part

while stretching.
Comics, what’s your point of

view, what are you trying to
say?

It should be able to be
explained.

They should know it.
My dad would always compare

me to famous people.
It was hornl.

Presidents, that was hisfavorite
thing.

You know, Louie, when Lincoln
was your age, he walked 20 miles

to school every day, chopped
wood.

Yeah, dad, but when he was
your age, he was president.

A lot of comedians I like,
it’s the closer they get to who

they are.
On stage, is what makes it

interesting.
Everywhere I go, as soon as I

check into my hotel room, I
immediately hang the do not

disturb sign on the door, or for
the Spanish speaking, no

moleste.
There’s no decision where I

thought, oh, i’m going to be a
clean comedian.

That was kind of a creepy
feeling.

Hanging that on my door before
bed.

I just wrote jokes, and I
didn’t get pleasure out of using

vulgarity or cursing.
I’m pissed, i’m ang ray, and

i’m crazier than anybody in the
room.

Go yourself.
I stumbled into that conceit

stage in part because of
protection but in part that’s

where it came from, discovering
my voice, that i’m funniest when

i’m angry.
The little bitches, that

drove me in that direction.
Next week i’m going to have

an mri to find out whether or
not I have claustrophobia.

It has to do with a messenger
delivering the joke, not

necessarily the joke.
Whoever the messenger of the

comedy is, as long as it’s
authentic and real to them, it

will be authentic and real to
us.

I wrote one new joke since my
twins were born.

Is this funny?
What do you think of this?

Hi, hi, everybo

Red, this can’t go on.
Why?

I love my wife.
I’ve never loved anybody else.

We were sweethearts since we
were kids.

She doesn’t need to know
about us.

Back as early as the 1920s,
people were saying Hollywood was

the responsibility for the
decaying morality of the

country.
And then basically Hollywood

said, you know what, stay away,
here’s what we’ll do.

We’ll govern ourselves.
The history of comedy, until

recent times, was about
comedians trying to get as close

to that profane world as they
could without gets arrested.

Wc fields, an orenry guy,
found a great way to swear

without swearing, he would say
drat.

When he said drat, you knew what
he was saying, he’d say god free

Daniel, that was like goddamnit.
So the rules were archaic by

the time television came in.
Those rules remained, largely,

you couldn’t refer to sex, you
couldn’t swear.

We’ll write down everything
that you do during the day, and

we’ll allow so much time for
each thing.

Ten minutes for this, 15 minutes
for that.

Oh, i’m going to need more
than 15 minutes for that.

Sexual innuendo is saying it
without saying it.

There were just these ridiculous
ways to try to titillate the

audience with something that
almost was sexual.

Oh, Jack, I want to fly with
you.

Where?
Oh, you mean want to ‐‐ oh,

fly.
That’s ‐‐ oh.

What do you say?
Is it time for takeoff?

There’s different strategies
writers use to try to sneak

taboo material in.
There’s an episode where a

term kebabes were used as a
genitalia reference.

She.
Nice catits.

You can say catits, that’s
not a word.

That, to me is a wonderful
example of going around the

thing you can’t say, not only
was it funnier, it was ten times

funnier.
Figuring out how to get

around the rules spawns even
better comedy.

Like Seinfeld to me was the
ultimate getting around the

sensors and pointed jokes, terms
for things that were sexual, you

know, shrinkage.
I think that you think that a

certain something is not all
that it could be.

When, in fact, it is all that it
should be and more.

Seinfeld, they were the
master of euphemisms.

Shrinkage is really what it
is though, that’s technically

correct.
It shrinks?

One of the great things about
Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld

was their love of language.
They had a mastery that enabled

them to come up with clever
solutions to censorships.

I want to be in on this too.
Oh, no, no, no.

Why?
What, why?

Because you’re a woman.
So what?

It’s easier for a woman not
to do it than a man.

We have to do it, it’s part of
our lifestyle.

Jerry was the one who first
said we cannot mention the word

masturbation or anything like
that.

Everything has to be alluded to.
Yes, I am master of my

domain.
I was really prepared to ‐‐

with the show, nbc didn’t do it.
You’re not doing the show,

well, you, i’m done.
We all got to the office, and

said hey, this is great, what,
yeah, well.

What are you looking at?
There’s a naked woman across

the street.
This is going to be the

easiest money i’ve ever made in
my life.

I’m out.
They brilliantly figured how

to get that past the sensors in
a way that everybody knew what

was being talked about.
We tortured the sensors, "in

living color," half the time
they didn’t even know what we

were talking about.
Allow me to ‐‐ myself.

We used to put what we called
decoys into our scripts, things

so outrageous, they’d say you
can’t do that, at least give us

this, the thing we really
wanted.

Let me be venereal in my
requisition for the body of this

congregation as the Greek
philosopher ‐‐ I lickis my

probiscus.
It’s bargaining, two balls

for one vagina.
What do you think?

I think you made a vagina.
You start negotiate being

them for what you can and can’t
have.

You think my vagina has
curtains.

I don’t know how long it’s
been.

Two broke girls was trying to
make a TV show that moves the

needle and changes minds and you
can’t do that by playing safe,

pure and simple, but it’s their
job to keep their job and it’s

my job to push the envelope.
Excuse me, where’s they my

waitress?
She’s coming.

And it’s this.
And it’s this.

Modern family got to write
the episode where the lady is

saying , but she was
saying fudge.

- It’s getting bleeped.
- Oh.

But it was about the words.
We were able to make the case in

the central part of the episode..

I have two children.
So there’s a weird thing on

broadcast television where you
try to forget that it’s not art,

and that it’s a business, but
every once in a while you’re

reminded that there’s still
people who put money into this

that keep us on the air and they
have a say and that’s why we

can’t say more than
four times.

This is bull [
You were family friendly,

right, you do not use weird
language, a clean act.

If i’m talking about taking
naps or mini muffins, do you

really need to throw an "f" bomb
in there.

Kale is a super food, it’s
special power is tasting bad.

You can find out it cures
cancer, and i’d be like i’m

going to do the chemo, all
right.

As comedians, there was this
saying that takes you ten years

to find your voice.
I went through periods where I

was smoking on stage.
I was energetic.

I was political.
But it wasn’t necessarily

authentic to who I was.
Jim gaffigan paints an

amazing picture.
And if you insert a swear in

there, it just dilutes the whole
beauty of the painting.

There’s pressure to enjoy
summer, right, i’m from the

midwest, it’s almost a panic.
Go out there, have fun, winter

is coming to kill us.
Go get skin cancer now.

He’s always going to give you
a different take.

Like, finding a gold coin on the
beach where millions of people

have walked by it and all the
sudden he just sees it.

It was just right there.
He has that ability.

God damn you, gaffigan.
We’re never ready for the

seasons of change, in October
we’re caught off guard, oh, it’s

getting cold, what is this,
every year now?

He really works hard to get
all the funny out of the joke.

Like he really is like wringing
the funny out.

How many jokes about seasons
does this guy have?

I came home the other day I
was helping my wife fold

clothes, a little pair of skimpy
underwear, I looked at my wife

and I said, when are you going
to wear these for me, she said I

can’t, they’re your daughter’s.
No, no, no.

I can drop an "f" bomb, and
i’ll get a laugh, but I think

people appreciate when you’ve
taken the time to really think a

bit through and how can I do
this and walk that line?

As we all know, if you’ve ever
dropped a bank safe on your foot

there are times when profanity
is the right tool at the right

time.
But it’s often a crutch.

Hey ‐‐
there’s no doubt that I don’t

need to be throwing the "f"
bombs as much as I do.

You stupid.
I hate to side with my mother

and grandmother and my wife, but
sometimes it’s just because i’m

lazy.
As an artist, you can tell

when people are being lazy and
using it as a crutch.

But there’s an art to it.
I had a guy come to me one

day and tell me about ‐‐ what’s
your favorite position?

I said, well, it depends on the
size of, my position is

with another mother.
This isn’t major league

baseball.
I’m here to cheat.

You say I love your mother
ass, I said, dad, tell

me, cussing saves the soul.
That he should start cussing in

churches, it would save a lot of
souls.

Put your hands together for
Sinbad.

I was dirlyty when I started.
A lot of people don’t know.

I was dirty when I started.
I sounded like everybody else.

I said I wonder if I could clean
it up, and then pick up, and I

did.
People act like they ain’t

never been in mcdonald’s, got
the same menu, you guys are

going, oh, give me, uh, let me
see if you have, uh, you know

what they got.
I don’t care how you do it,

if that joke doesn’t work
without the cuss words, it’s not

a joke.
It should be able to swing both

ways.
If you could swing it through

both ways, you got yourself a
joke, a routine.

Those comedians who don’t
rely in blue comedy, they rely

on their words and the punch
lines and the deliveries.

Please welcome Jerry Stein
steinfeld.

Jerry Seinfeld.
What’s the thing with the

post office with the wanted
posters on the walls?

My min question with the wanted
posters on the wall, why didn’t

they Hank onto this guy when
they took his picture?

Seinfeld was the master of
the minutia of life, the more

specific he can be, the better.
A writtenture craftsman.

Light, cereal, that was a
balsy name, I thaulsalways thoug

life.
Squaries, it’s much bigger than

that.
This is life, I tell you.

Jerry Seinfeld is technically
and workwise, the greatest

comedian, someone who really
cares about the structure of a

joke.
I saw a study that said

speaking in front of a crowd has
become the number one fear of

the average person.
I found that amazing.

Number two was death.
To the average person, if you

have to be at a funeral, you
would rather be in the casket

than doing the eulogy.
Seinfeld, gaffigan, Regan,

they inspire others to try it as
a challenge.

Funny without talking about
anything that would offend their

mother.
Freedom, freedom is great,

but I don’t pop up alone in bed
in the middle of the night going

I can do whatever I want.
I’m not rolling around in bed,

look at the freedom.
I have so much freedom.

Freedom.
Comics don’t get credit for

high degrees of difficulty.
When we see clean comics that

are super funny, we realize it’s
a higher degree of difficulty.

I had to cheat on a teacher
that I was dating and I wanted

an "a."
He wanted an "f."

You know what?
I ‐‐ we both settled for a "b."

Well they got the deep down
dirt, we turn to the new power

suck mode.
When I started working with

Tim Allen on home improvement, I
had never seen his act.

I didn’t know what it was.
I only new one thing.

I was sort of amazed that the
guys I was working with built a

show around it, but they did and
it was great.

His comedy was very, very
specific, and it catered to the

man.
He had a set that was tailor

made for a point of view that
was for television.

But he did have to tone it down.
It was actually a very

uncomfortable transition from
Tim Allen the comedian to Tim

Allen the abc sitcom star.
I don’t work wonderfully clean.

The first day to shrink on a
man in his real scare.

You would if you had the balls,
right?

Look at them.
Do you want to set of these ugly

, I don’t think so.
Yeah, I had some elbow skin left

over.
Yeah.

A major design problem here.
Tim Allen.

When I first got "home
improvement" I was selling out

large venues prior to that, but
after that the venues had to get

bigger.
I had to alert the crowd, you

shouldn’t bring children to
this.

I walk out and the whole front
row is like a girl scout group.

I think the day is just around
the corner, you can blow a buddy

if he’s not feeling good about
himself.

Hey, bud, i’m sorry about losing
your job, that will make you

feel funny.
I remember this wonderful woman

says, we loved the show, little
difficult explaining fallatio to

a 9‐year‐old.
I sent her money back.

Hi, honey.
You may not remember today, but

it was one of the best days of
my life.

A lot of times with sitcoms,
you become this household name

and somebody sees you dirty and
you go like this.

I got married, married my
girlfriend of seven years,

that’s her age, i’m going to
jail.

Let’s say you know him from
"full house," that’s the father

from "full house," we should
take the kids and go to the

show.
You’ll shoot yourself at the

front table.
What have I done?

Thank you.
When people saw Bob a lot.

They were like ‐‐
I see people’s faces and a

lot of nice ladies in the
audience are like ‐‐ you just

keep your mouth like that, i’ll
be right there.

He loved it.
He loved that they were thrown

off.
He was free.

And suck my hundred
million dollar.

That’s the perfect room.
You get to have a TV show, make

some money, but you also get to
do standup comedy and be who you

are.
Great success.

Doesn’t come for everybody.
The landscape is strewn with the

bodies of standups who got
television deals and it just

didn’t work.
My butt is really sore.

From when they were playing
pin the tail on the honky.

They tried sitcoms with Dave
chappell.

It’s not just finding the
funniest person with the

funniest voice.
It’s not that easy.

Is there something I can help
you with?

Wow, you look cold.
It is tricky when, as a

comedian, you find your voice,
and you figure out what you want

to talk about and they give you
a TV show and they’re, like, oh,

you can’t talk about anything
that’s gotten you to this point.

I’m always trying to look
good for guys, it’s always

backfiring on me.
You’re always on a diet.

I’m on a diet because i’m trying
to get the body of the women you

jerk off to after I fall asleep.
The whole reason you got into

comedy is because you can say
whatever you want and then you

get on television and you can
only say 2% of what you want.

You say in that bed, a storm
of sexy is going to come your

way.
So just get your umbrella.

As a standup comic you have
to figure out, can I still be a

large enough percentage of
myself in this network format

that I can still be effective
doing what I do?

It’s nothing to be overly
concerned about.

Just watch your words.
I did the Bernie mack show on

television, the biggest thing I
was competing against was the

comedian, he’s funny when he
says things like I don’t give a

about these mother.

I’ll kick a kid ass, when a
kid get 1 years old ‐‐

Bernie mack the comedian
could be as dirty as he wanted

to be.
I couldn’t do that stuff on a

network television show.
I won’t let go.

You promise?
I promise.

This is your uncle Bernie, okay?
I had to get the essence of

what was funny, but find a
different way to tell this story

that we could appreciate how
funny he really is, and not

compete against that standup.
Yeah, yeah.

No.
Baby girl.

Bernie mack is not somebody
you want to plug into any

sitcom.
Make sure he feels comfort nl,

not allowed to swear or allowed
to be as big a personality as he

would be on stage, that he still
gets to do enough of what he

does for the viewer at home to
be like I like this guy.

I feel like i’m getting an
authentic experience here.

I told you television was not
going to change me, and it

hasn’t.
I still share

I came from an interesting
background, i’m an only child

and being latino, you guys are
thinking that’s ethnically

impossible.
In the 70s and 80s, a

comedian worked clean hoping to
get a spot on the tonight show.

If the booker from the tonight
show saw you and you were dirty,

you were out.
I don’t care how dirty a

comic, you were, you had to have
your five minutes for Johnny

Carson, merv Griffin.
I have a background, Irish

and German, thin, angry, hungry
people.

The great chefs of ire rand.
Terrifying is what five

minutes is.
It’s a big deal for the

population that loves standup
comics, that’s where you saw us.

Welcome Whitney cummings.
You have to figure out five

minutes, you’d be changing
things, or finding synonyms to

vulgerize your set.
Next woman to get married,

catch the bouquet, see if one
guy talks to you for the rest of

the night.
Comics have always been a

hallmark of our show, and one of
the big challenges is trying to

figure out, okay, this is
working really well in the

clubs.
But when you put a television

lens just a couple of feet away
from the performer, it can feel

too abrasive.
It’s too much.

Jim gaffigan.
You can’t curse, you can’t talk

about drugs.
There were times when I would

have jokes and there would be
like, you can’t do that joke

because you say crack head.
And i’m like, I did this joke in

front of the pope a week ago.
Some people don’t like

religion jokes, especially the
ones going to hell.

By the way, to most comedians,
saying you can’t do something,

might as well be saying you
should do this.

There are plenty of comedians
where they’re like just don’t

curse, and they’ll go up there
and curse immediately.

Leo was your philipino ‐‐
farking ticket.

I have to write for you the
farking ticket.

He said, he’s not ‐‐ he’s
my ‐‐ ‐‐

a clean comic is a dream for
me because I don’t have to beg

for a joke to get passed by a
network or cross my fingers and

toes and worry about people
getting pissed off.

There’s no rule book on a show
like the colbert show.

Every day i’m figuring out what
we can and can’t do and the

boundaries and how far can we
go?

Why did gay guys get to
choose who the hot women are.

I thought straight guys got to
decide.

You’re like, all right, and the
Tony goes to ‐‐ rocky again.

It’s a completely separate type
of comedy late night comedy.

Some comics are good at it.
But some comics, it feels like

it becomes too much work to
construct your thing for that

medium.
Hello?

Richard pryor was never as
funny on the tonight show as he

was doing standup.
He was good, but they were never

as funny.
It’s very rare you see

someone’s five minutes on TV and
it’s as good as their hour in a

comedy club.
Guys, if you could blow

yourselves, ladies, you’d be in
this room alone right now.

Watching an empty stage.
Like, I never saw bill Hicks

live, but I have firsthand
accounts from friends saying,

there’s no one better.
He was booked on the late

show with David letterman in
1993, and he did his set, which

had been approved by the bookers
in advance.

People annoy me.
What’s annoying me is these

pro‐life people, you ever look
at their faces?

I’m pro‐life.
They don’t look it, they just

exude it.
You see them trying to go to an

orphanage to adopt a kid.
Don’t pick me.

Did fine in front of that
audience, and then after the

set, Robert Morton, got on the
phone, some conference upstairs

and they decided to cut it from
the episode.

They said it was too offensive.
The bill Hicks incident on

letterman became the thing of
legend.

So when we talk about clean
comedy and dirty comedy, it was

completely within the parameters
of what is acceptable on network

television.
If that’s who you’re bringing

onto your show, that’s what
you’re going to get.

If you’re not wanting that,
you’re going to get, probably, a

terrible version of that person.
Bill Hicks felt violated.

He never did the letterman show
again, and it haunted Dave.

I want you folks to enjoy
this, honestly.

Years later, after Hicks had
died, letterman had hicks’ mom

on the show and they played the
set in its entirety.

I think it’s interesting to
note how people act on religious

beliefs, you know what I mean?
Like a lot of christians wear

crosses around their necks.
Nice sentiment.

Do you think when Jesus comes
back he’s really going to want

to look at a cross?
It was trail blazing, and bill

Hicks is amazing, but somebody
has to be first and you usually

get chopped down and the next
guy comes through.

That’s what happened.
I’ve not seen that videotape,

or any part of it since that
night, and seeing it now, it

raises the question, what was
the matter with me?

What was I thinking?
That was just tremendous.

Late night TV is not what it
used to be.

It’s great to do conan or
fallon.

All great, but that’s not going
to make your career anymore.

If you wind up on comedy central
now, you could wind up doing a

half hour for Netflix, network
TV no longer controls who is

famous.
It’s more about podcasts and

things that get a bigger sense
of you than just like, how you

doing, folks?
With the podcasts, it gives the

comedian, the freedom, there are
no restrictions.

They’re just topics we talk
about that are normally taboo.

What are we talking about,
daddy?

You said it.
Are you good to your mate?

And do they reciprocate?
And the response we’re

getting is people are saying,
thank you for being so open, and

honest.
There’s the premium for them

to be completely who they are,
and now audiences are more

finely tuned to sniff out the
bs.

I’m listening to Mark marin and
I know his relationship with his

father when he goes on stage,
there’s a shorthand so he can go

deeper faster.
I don’t think i’m afraid to

die.
I’d prefer it happens quickly.

Like the transition I just
wanted it to be like, boom,

boom, i’d like my last words to
be something like,

two years ago I was asked to
perform at a charity golf

tournament in New Jersey and I
said yes because i’m not against

charity.

I’m not going to
charity.

What am I?
A monster.

The only thing about being a
clean comic I think is it’s

often associated with corporate
events.

As a professional comedian,
you have to learn if you do a

corporate gig, it has to be
clean.

They say get up and entertain
these people but don’t say

anything that would be
entertaining and then you go all

right.
You go up and do your best.

You usually fail and then you
leave.

The woman in charge walks up
to me and goes okay, Mike, there

is two speakers and then you.
The first speaker walks on and

he’s an 11‐year‐old boy who
survived leukemia.

I know.

He’s not funny at all.
Standup is a struggle.

The start of your career.
Eventually, if you’re funny you

will make money.
It’s just a long game but a

corporate gig can be a paycheck.
If you want to make a lot of

money doing live standup, it’s
in corporate and colleges so you

got to work clean if you want
the big bucks.

You have to make the
calculation, am I a sellout or

or businessman.
Like testing a battery.

I’m too dirty to do corporate
and it’s amazingly unfortunate

because there is a lot of money
in corporate.

Believe me, I would do it in a
second if I could.

I did a very conservative
Jewish restaurant.

They had this whole list of
words that you couldn’t say, one

of which was tookis.
I’m like what?

They are trying to help the
comedian by saying don’t be too

dirty, don’t be too offensive
because what is going to happen

is you’re going to say a
questionable joke about

sexuality and then Steve from
finance is going to laugh so

hard that it’s going to be
awkward to work with Steve for

the rest of the year and he’s
going to be fired.

I was reading a Bible and
found out Jesus had a little

brother.
Anybody know his name?

James.
When I read that I was like how

much pressure was that?
Jesus, your big brother?

How many times do you have to
hear why can’t you be more like

Jesus James?
There is a specific church

circuit comedians who themselves
are Christian who perform in

Christian venues.
Because a lot of people go I

want to go see him but I don’t
want to be offended.

You have somebody coming to your
church, now they are in their

comfort zone and all you have to
do is do your show and talk

about stuff that’s not offensive
and all of a sudden, you got

another fan of commaedycomedy.
Shaunda Pierce, known as

clean of clean.
I have ten or 12 gold records

and six platinum records and you
can’t find a cuss word on any of

them unless butt crack is.
I tell my friends, you think

you’re funny, come to first
baptist and make a bunch of

deacons laugh on easter morning.
We’ll see how funny you are.

It’s not that I made a moral
conscious to not cuss, it didn’t

exist in my vocabulary so when I
see a comic get up with those

words, maybe just the way they
were raised.

You need to go slap their mama,
not them.

My mother came in my bedroom.

I was 23, the night before I got
married.

She came in and said well,
tomorrow is your big day.

I guess it’s time we had that
little talk.

And she would always spell it,
s‐e‐x.

This is what I say every
night, if I say something about

sex, sorry if that offended you.
If you’re here, i’m pretty sure

somebody in your past had sex.
And so if you throw that mirror

up of how ridiculous their
offense is, then that gives you

the permission to go to the next
step and the next step.

We got deacons frowning on us
because we’re taking

anti‐depressants and they got I
iing ai

iing a rai
Viagra sitting in their pocket.

There is this belief should
we look around, should we be

offended?
There is a nice freedom to that.

I don’t know why anyone would
want to be the president of the

United States.
I wouldn’t want that job in a

million years.
Can you imagine being awakened

every morning like this.
Problems.

Brian Regan makes a good
chunk of his money because he’s

a family act and that community
comes out.

You guys are great.
If a family can come see a

show and laugh together, the
more relatable I can make my

show, the more it will hit home
with fans.

I took my family on an r. V.
Trip this summer.

I thought it stood for
recreational vehicle, no ruin

vacation.
There is a degree which

comedy can break us all apart
and make people at each other’s

threats and it unites people
laughing about something they

didn’t expect to laugh at.
Did you hit traffic coming in

tonight?
Some of you.

I hit like two cars.
I ‐‐

when we laugh together, there
is something that’s healing.

You just don’t feel so alone.
There is nothing comparable.

If you’re going to make a
case for clean comedy, my case

is it can appeal to kids that
are 10 and your grandfather that

is 90 and they can be in the
same room and laugh at the same

time.
That seems like a good thing.

The more well‐chosen your
words are, the better the work

is.
Okay, I can’t say this word

but can I say this?
Let’s talk about caulk, the

stuff around your bathtub.
There isn’t a woman that wants

fresh, firm caulk in her
bathroom.

Do you really?
I don’t.

I don’t like having to tiptoe
around adult words.

Some of them are.
We need these.