All language subtitles for Episode 04 Gone Too Soon

WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE.

DIDN’T MINE TO REMIND YOU OF IT,
BUT IT IS ON YOUR SCHEDULE.

WE FIND THE LOSS OF COMEDIANS
SO PROFOUND BECAUSE WE HAD FUN

WITH THEM, AND THEY WERE IN OUR HOME.

SHE’D MAKE YOU FEEL THAT YOU
HAD A SPECIAL PLACE IN HER HEART.

LAUGHING WITH SOMEBODY BINDS YOU TO THEM.

COMEDIANS DON’T HAVE A GREAT

MORTALITY RATE.
WE LOSE A LOT OF PEOPLE.

WHEN YOU LOSE A COMEDIAN, I
FEEL IT’S MORE PERSONAL BECAUSE

I KNOW THE.

I DON’T DRINK ANYMORE, I HAD

TO QUIT BECAUSE I REALLY DRANK.
MAN, I GET PULLED OVER BY THE

COPS, I’D BE SO DRUNK, DANCING
TO THEIR LIGHTS, THINKING I MADE

IT TO ANOTHER CLUB.
LAUGHTER IS A BIZARRELY

INTIMATE THING, IT’S AN
UNCONTROLLED PHYSICAL RESPONSE,

VERY SIMILAR BUY LOGICALLY TO ORGASM.

SOMEONE MADE YOU LAUGH EVEN
ONCE, YOU HAVE AN AFFECTION FOR

THAT PERSON.
IT’S ALL LOVE, BABY.

A COMEDIAN IS LIKE YOUR FRIEND.

THAT’S WHAT THE JOB OF A
COMEDIAN IS TO COME ON STAGE AND

IN 60 SECONDS MAKE FRIENDS WITH
A ROOM FULL OF PEOPLE.

ACTORS, THEIR GENIUS IS NEVER
QUITE TELLING US WHO THEY ARE.

BUT COMEDIANS GETTING INSIDE OUR
HEADS IS VERY PERSONAL.

THERE’S AN INTIMACY TO COMEDY.
SO WHEN THEY’RE GONE, YOU MISS IT.

YOU EVER HAVE YOUR GIRLFRIEND

OR YOUR WIFE CALL YOU FROM
ANOTHER ROOM AND SHE’S LIKE,

SWEETIE, AND THEN IMMEDIATELY,
YOU GO, WHAT DOES SHE WANT?

BECAUSE COMEDIANS ARE OPEN
AND HONEST YOU GET A REAL FEEL

FOR WHO THEY ARE AND WHAT THEY’RE LIKE.

SO WHEN THEY’RE GONE IT’S LIKE ‐‐
SUCKS.

THE ACADEMY AWARD WINNING
ACTOR AND COMEDIAN ROBIN

WILLIAMS ‐‐
PEOPLE AROUND THE WORLD ARE

REACTING TONIGHT TO THE TERRIBLE ‐‐

BREAKING NEWS JUST INTO CNN
IS THAT ACTOR ROBIN WILLIAMS IS

DEAD AT THE AGE OF 63 OF AN APPARENT SUICIDE.

HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.
I WAS IN NEW YORK CITY, AND

SOME GUY STUCK A MICROPHONE IN
MY FACE AND SAID, SO DID YOU

HEAR ABOUT ROBIN WILLIAMS?
AND I WAS LIKE WHAT?

HE SAID, WELL, HE DIED.
AND MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS, NO, HE

DIDN’T.
THANK YOU.

NICE TO HAVE YOU HERE.
YOU’RE A LITTLE LATE.

WE HAVE TO GO BACK AND START AT
THE BEGINNING.

THE ENERGY AND THE CREATIVITY
AND THE LOVE THAT CAME OUT, IT

WAS LIKE A STAR BURNING OUT.
LOOK, LOOK, LOOK, LIVE AT

5:00, LIVE AT 5:00.
WHAT MADE ROB INSPECIAL WAS

THE USO TOUR WHERE HE HAD MORE
ENERGY THAN ANYONE COULD

POSSIBLY HAVE.
AS SOON AS WE HIT THE TARMAC,

HE’S OUT THE DOOR AND RUNNING UP
TO PEOPLE, AND HE’S BEING ROBIN.

HE WASN’T ALWAYS THAT GUY.
BUT BOY, HE KNEW HOW IMPORTANT

THAT GUY WAS TO THEM.
IF HEAVEN EXISTS, WHAT WOULD

YOU LIKE GOD TO HEAR WHEN YOU
ARRIVE AT THE PEARLY GATES?

THERE’S SEATING NEAR THE FRONT.
IT’S NICE TO KNOW THAT’S

LAUGHTER, A GREAT THING.
I HAVEN’T BEEN HIT HARD WITH

ANY COMEDIAN’S DEATH BECAUSE I’M
GRATEFUL WE HAD THE OPPORTUNITY

FOR THEM TO LEAVE BEHIND WHAT
THEY LEFT BEHIND.

SO I CAN’T BE SAD OR FALL APART.
IT’S LIKE, WOW, LOOK AT THE GIFT

THAT WAS LEFT.
MR. ‐‐

THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY
MUCH, YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL.

JOHN BELUSHI WAS REMARKABLE
TO WATCH ON STAGE.

YOU COULDN’T TAKE YOUR EYES OFF OF HIM.

HE HAD THIS EXTRAORDINARY POWER.
I RUN A LOT OF MILES TRAINING

FOR THAT DAY, AND I DOWNED A LOT OF DONUTS.

THEY TASTE GOOD, AND THEY’VE GOT
THE SUGAR I NEED TO GET ME GOING

IN THE MORNING.
JOHN IS VERY MUCH LIKE HIS

COMEDY.
IT WAS ON THE EDGE, AND IT

PUSHED THE ENVELOPE.
WELL, I THOUGHT I’D BE THE

FIRST TO GO.
I WAS ONE OF THOSE LIVE FAST,

DIE YOUNG, LEAVE A GOOD‐LOOKING
CORPSE TYPE, YOU KNOW, WELL, I

GUESS THEY WERE WRONG.
HERE WE ARE.

THIS IS NOT READY FOR PRIME TIME SUMMIT.

I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL WHEN JOHN BELUSHI DIED.

I’M NOT SURE WHY, BUT I WAS DEVASTATED.

I CRIED AS A TEENAGER.
ZET ISDEATH IS A DRAG AND A

TERRIBLE BARGAIN, YOU COME INTO
THE WORLD AND YOU’VE GOT TO DIE

AT THE END.
WHO THOUGHT THIS UP?

THE CITY STEAK HOUSE SERVES THE
BEST BEEF IN TOWN.

THEIR SENSUAL SETTING WILL SET
THE MOOD FOR ANY ROMANTIC

RENDEZVOUS.
OH, HEAR THAT, HANK?

IT’S NOT HIGHYPERBOLE TO SAY
YOU WALKED IN A ROOM AND CHRIS

FARLEY WAS THERE, YOU WOULD WALK
OUT AND SAY THAT IS THE FUNNIEST

PERSON THAT EVER LIVED.
NOBODY ELSE COULD DO THAT.

I THINK THAT’S THE BEAUTIFUL
THING ABOUT LAUGHTER.

IF SOMEBODY MADE YOU LAUGH,
YOU’LL REMEMBER THAT FOREVER.

JOE HARTMAN WAS MY CLOSEST
FRIEND AT SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE.

HE HAD THE GREATEST INSTRUMENT
OF ANY COMEDIAN I EVER WORKED WITH.

I’M JUST A KID, MAN.

I FELL IN SOME ICE AND LATER GOT
THAWED OUT BY SOME OF YOUR SCIENTISTS.

YOUR WORLD FRIGHTENS AND

CONFUSES ME.
HE WAS THE GLUE.

HE HELD EVERYTHING TOGETHER.
SO IF A SKETCH WAS HORRIBLE, PUT

PHIL HARTMAN IN IT, AND IT WILL ELEVATE IT.

I HIDE BEHIND ‐‐
MANY FRIENDS AND FANS OF

COMIC ACTOR PHIL HARTMAN ARE
GRIEF STRICKEN THIS MORNING.

POLICE BELIEVE HE WAS SHOT BY
HIS WIFE WHO THEN SHOT HERSELF

IN THEIR CALIFORNIA HOME.
THE LOSS OF PHIL WAS A HUGE

SHOCK TO THE SYSTEM.
IT WAS A BAD MARRIAGE, BUT NO

ONE THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO
RESOLVE ITSELF THAT TRAGICALLY

AND THAT HORRIFYINGLY.
WHEN THESE PEOPLE GO, EVEN IF

WE DON’T KNOW THEM PERSONALLY,
WE FEEL LIKE WE’VE LOST A FRIEND

BECAUSE WE’VE LOST SOMEONE WHO’S
REALLY MADE US LAUGH.

THAT’S WHAT A FRIEND DOES.
ARE YOU ON?

GOOD WING WENCELAS.
I’M SORRY, IT’S NOT WORKING.

I WOULDN’T REHEARSE AN ACTOR IN
SHAKESPEARE THE WAY YOU PEOPLE

WORK HERE.
IT’S HIS FAULT.

HIM?
YES, YOU.

I’LL FIRE HIM, DON’T WORRY.
YOU PEOPLE ARE PESTS.

NO MONEY IS WORTH THIS.
PEOPLE WOULD ASK ME WHAT HE

WAS LIKE, THINK OF THE BEST JOHN
CANDY YOU CAN IMAGINE, HE WAS

ACTUALLY LIKE THAT.
AND MORE.

OH.
HE TOUCHED EVERYBODY ‐‐

DON’T KNOW IF IT WAS JUST THAT
YOU COULD SEE INTO HIS SOUL

BECAUSE HE WAS SO VULNERABLE.
YOU COULD SEE HIM IN PLANES,

TRAINS AND AUTOMOBILES AND KNOW
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DRAMATIC ACTOR

HE WAS.
NEXT TIME, LET’S GO FIRST

CLASS, ALL RIGHT?
OH, GOD, I HOPE THERE ISN’T A

NEXT TIME.
I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

I REALLY DO.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS.

SAME TO YOU.
THERE WAS A SCENE AT THE END,

AND JOHN HAD A SPEECH ABOUT HIS LIFE.

AND I WEPT.
I MEAN, I SAW THIS SCENE LIKE

SIX TIMES.
IT WAS AS CLOSE AS I AM TO YOU,

AND I WAS SO MOVED EVERY TIME.
HE WAS SO GENUINE.

HE WAS BIGGER THAN LIFE,
GRANDER THAN LIFE, AND SO

ADORABLE, SO FUNNY.
I SUPPOSE IT MIGHT MEAN

SOMETHING FOR YOU TO THINK THAT
SOME DAY SOMEBODY SAYS JOHN

CANDY AND EVERYBODY SMILES.
THAT WOULD BE NICE, THAT

WOULD BE NICE.
THEN YOU’VE

WE HAVE A NEW YOUNG COMEDIAN
WITH US TONIGHT, JUST 19 YEARS

OLD, AND GRADUATED ABOUT SIX
MONTHS AGO FROM THE HIGH SCHOOL

OF PERFORMING ARTS IN NEW YORK.
WOULD YOU WELCOME FREDDY PRINZE.

HE HAD THIS LA TEE NO ENERGY
TO COMEDY IN A WAY WE HADN’T SEEN IT.

HE WAS AN AMBASSADOR.

I COULD NEVER FIGURE OUT HOW MY PARENTS MET.

THEY WERE ON THE SUBWAY, TRYING
TO PICK EACH OTHER’S POCKETS.

HE GOES ON THE TONIGHT SHOW
AND DOES THIS SET, CATCHES FIRE.

CARSON BRINGS HEM OVER.
ALL RIGHT, THAT’S ANOTHER ‐‐

THIS IS INCREDIBLE.
THEN THEY GO TO COMMERCIAL.

THEY COME BACK AGAIN, THEY BUMP
THE GUEST TO TALK MORE WITH THIS

YOUNG COMEDIAN.
YOU KNOW, THERE’S NO GREATER

THRILL FOR ME PERSONALLY THAN TO
HAVE SOMEBODY COME OUT HERE AND

ABSOLUTELY WIPE THEM OUT FIRST
APPEARANCE COAST‐TO‐COAST.

THAT’S GREAT.
HE HAD A SITCOM SO FAST HE

BECAME KIND OF THE TEMPLATE FOR
WHAT YOU WANTED TO ACHIEVE IF

YOU WERE A STANDUP COMIC AT THAT TIME.

MOMMY, WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?
I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOUR CALL?

ARE YOU SURPRISED, MY LOVER?
OH, HI, MR. PETERSON.

SUCCESS COMING EARLY IN LIFE,
AND QUICKLY, IT DESTROYS A LOT

OF PEOPLE.
BUT YOU JUST SEEM TO GROW AND

HANDLE IT BETTER THAN ALMOST ANYBODY I KNOW.

WELL, I WAS LUCKY.
A COUPLE OF GOOD ACCIDENTS HAPPEN.

FREDDIE PRINZE, THE

22‐YEAR‐OLD STAR OF TELEVISION’S
CHICO IN THE MAN SHOT HIMSELF IN

THE HEAD TODAY IN AN APPARENT SUICIDE ATTEMPT.

IT’S THE CLASSIC TALE OF SHOW
BUSINESS, WHEN YOU BECOME THAT

FAMOUS THAT FAST AT THE AGE OF
20, IT’S THROWING A CHILD INTO

THE WORLD AND FAME OF MONEY.
THERE’S NOTHING ABOUT THAT

MAKES ANY SENSE.
IT’S SAD AND TRAGIC.

THAT’S HOW LIFE IS.
THAT’S WHAT COMEDY IS.

YOU CAN’T PLEASE ALL THE
PEOPLE ALL THE TIME.

AND LAST NIGHT ALL THOSE PEOPLE
WERE AT MY SHOW.

MITCH HEDBERG IS ONE OF THE
GRADE COMEDIANS OF ALL TIME, IF

YOU LOOK AT WHAT HE’S WRITING ON
THE PAGE, IT’S COMEDIC HAIKU.

I DON’T CARE IF THEY’RE
BLACK, WHITE, PURPLE OR GREEN,

HOLD ON NOW, PURPLE OR GREEN,
YOU’VE GOT TO DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE.

I LIKE RICE, RICE IS GREAT WHEN

YOU’RE HUNGRY AND YOU WANT 2,000 OF SOMETHING.

ONE TIME A GUY HANDED ME A
PICTURE, HERE’S A PICTURE OF ME

WHEN I WAS YOUNGER.
EVERY PICTURE IS OF YOU WHEN YOU

WERE YOUNGER.
MITCH HEDBERG IS JOKE MAGIVER.

IT RESCUES YOU.

IT’S A VERY ABSURD BAIT AND SWITCH.

I THINK BIG FOOT IS BLURRY.
THAT’S THE PROBLEM.

IT’S NOT THE PHOTOGRAPHER’S FAULT.

PEOPLE THAT DIE IN THEIR 30s
YOU DON’T GET SO SEE THEM

FLOURISH.
IT IS A RIPOFF.

I WISH I COULD HEAR HOW THEY
PROCESSED THE WORLD TODAY.

I LOVE YOU GUYS.
THANKS FOR COMING.

WE’VE GOT A NICE MIXED CROWD.
LOOK WHAT WE GOT.

WE GOT WHITE FOLKS.
WE GOT BLACK FOLKS.

WE GOT PUERTO RICANS, PUERTO
RICANS, PUERTO RICANS.

I SEE SOMETHING I HAVEN’T
SEEN BEFORE, STREET PERFORMERS

DOING STANDUP COMEDY IN
WASHINGTON SQUARE PARK, ONE OF

THE BEST, CHARLIE BARNETT.
THERE WAS THIS POWER ABOUT

HIM AND HE WAS SO FLUID WITH HIS
BODY AND WOULD DRAW 400 OR 500

PEOPLE AROUND HIM AND DO SHOWS FOR FOUR HOURS.

I DO A LOT OF ETHNIC HUMOR,
BUT DON’T GET ME WRONG.

I KNOW FROM WITHIN MY HEART,
THERE’S ONLY ONE RACE, AND

THAT’S THE HUMAN RACE.
THE REST OF THEM ARE MEXICANS.

CHARLIE DIDN’T HAVE MATERIAL, BUT HE HAD ENERGY.

HE WENT ON AND BLEW THE ROOF OFF.

TO BE HONEST I DON’T HAVE SEX ANYMORE.

I’M SCARED OF A.I.D.S.
I TOOK THE A. I. D. S. TEST, I GOT A 65.

HIGHWAY, AT LEAST AT LEAST I PASSED.

IN 1980 CHARLIE WAS HIRED ON

"SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" AND HE WAS
FIRED BECAUSE HE WAS ILLITERATE

AND COULDN’T READ THE CUE CARDS.
AND GUESS WHO THEY HIRED IN HIS PLACE?

ED

EDDIE MURPHY.
HE WAS A REAL NEW YORK STREET

CHARACTER, HOMELESS, A. I. D. S., CRACK ADDICTS.

BUT THROUGH IT ALL, HE WAS
ALWAYS AN AMAZING PERFORMER.

I’M HARRIS, I’M 33 YEARS
YOUNG, I HAVE MY COUSIN’S

JASON’S TRUCK FOR TWO MORE WEEKS.

I HAVE ONE TESTICLE, AND I’M DOWN TO A CLOWN.

HARRIS, WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
I LITERALLY JUST FIRED YOU.

OH, IS THIS THAT JOB?
THAT’S CRAZY.

NEVER MIND.
HARRIS WITLES WAS SO

TALENTED, HE WAS DOING STANDUP,
DOING IMPROV, DOING SKETCHES.

HE’S IN A BAND.
HE WROTE FOR A SITCOM.

HIS UNIQUE LOVABLE PERSONALITY
TRANSCENDS EVEN HIS JOKES.

I’M OUT OF ORDER, YOU’RE OUT OF ORDER.

SAY NO IN AUSTRALIAN, JUST SAY ALL THE VOWELS.

IS THAT GUY SURFING?
YOU GOT ME AGAIN COKE CAN.

HE’S JUST A NATURALLY FUNNY
GUY WHO HAD A PROBLEM WITH DRUGS.

I DON’T THINK YOU KNOW THAT I

STARTED SHOOTING HEROIN.
YOU DIDN’T?

YEAH.
ARE YOU READY TO TALK ABOUT THIS?

I MEAN, NOW THAT IT’S

SHOOTING HEROIN, I COULD DIE,
AND I DON’T WANT TO DO THAT TO

MY PARENTS OR MYSELF.
SO I’M TAKING IT MORE SERIOUSLY

NOW.
AND I’M IN A GOOD PLACE.

YOU’RE MAKING OUR LIVES BETTER.

THANK YOU.
YOU ARE A PART OF A TAPESTRY

THAT IS BIGGER THAN YOU.
YEAH, SOMEBODY JUST TEXTED ME

THE WORD "HARRIS," AND THAT’S A
SAD SITUATION WHEN YOU’RE LIKE

THAT’S ALL THAT SOMEBODY NEEDS
TO SAY AND YOU’RE LIKE, OH BOY.

IT’S A WEIRD WORLD TO LIVE IN
WHEN YOU KNOW PEOPLE THAT CAN

GET THE ONE NAME DEATH ANNOUNCEMENT.

BECAUSE YOU WORRY ABOUT SO MANY
PEOPLE THAT ARE IN OUR WORLD.

IT’S A TIGHT KNIT COMMUNITY.
WHEN ONE PERSON DIES IT IS

PARTICULARLY JUST KIND OF HEARTBREAKING.

THE BATTLE BETWEEN GOOD AND
EVIL IN A LOT OF COMEDIANS IS POWERFUL.

AND SADLY AS YOU’LL FIND FOR

MANY OF THESE ARTISTS, EVIL WINS
OUT A LOT OF THE TIME.

HEY, IT’S HARRIS, CALLING FROM HEAVEN.

IT’S PRETTY GREAT UP HERE.
IT’S BEAUTIFUL, FOR STARTERS.

IT’S ‐‐ IT IS VERY CLOUDY, AND
YOU SIT ON THEM SO THAT’S COOL.

GOTTA GO, ICE CREAM BUFFET.

GOOD EVENING, HELLO, I HAVE CANCER.

HOW ARE YOU?
I DON’T THINK A COMEDIAN CAN

TURN OFF THEIR COMEDIC INSTINCTS
JUST BECAUSE SOMETHING TERRIBLE

IS HAPPENING TO THEM.
IT’S HOW YOU EXPRESS YOURSELF.

AND SO WHY WOULD THAT GO AWAY

WHEN YOU’RE ILL OR WHEN THINGS ARE ROCK BOTTOM?

THAT’S WHEN IT WOULD KICK IN MORE THAN EVER.

THEY SAY LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE.

I REALLY DO BELIEVE THAT WITH MY HEART.

NOT JUST FOR THE PEOPLE
LAUGHING, FOR THE PEOPLE ON THE

RECEIVING END OF THE LAUGHTER TOO.

PHILOSOPHER SAID THAT COMEDY
IS THE REALIZATION OF YOUR MORTALITY.

AND LAUGHTER IS AN INVOLUNTARY RESPONSE.

THAT, TO ME, IS ONE OF THE GREAT

JOYS OF COMEDY.
YES.

WHO IS CALLING?
IT’S A MR. DEATH OR

SOMETHING, HE’S COME ABOUT THE REAPING.

DEATH IS ESSENTIAL TO COMEDY.
I DON’T KNOW IF ANYTHING’S FUNNY

IF WE WERE LIVING IN SOME SORT OF INFINITE WORLD.

THERE’S A CERTAIN DEGREE OF GALLOWS HUMOR.

BUT AT THE SAME TIME, MAN,
THAT’S A BETTER WAY TO GO OUT.

HI, I’M GILDA RADNER AND ‐‐
OKAY NOW.

I ASPIRED TO BE GILDA RADNER.
SHE PLAYED MY MOM IN A TV

COMMERCIAL WHEN I WAS A KID.
HE WAS JUST A GREAT COMBINATION

OF BEING FREE IN HER PERFORMING,
BUT ALSO INSANELY VULNERABLE,

WHICH IS A FANTASTIC COMBINATION.

OH, IT’S GILDA RADNER, EVERYBODY.

SHE DELIGHTED YOU.
THERE ARE VERY FEW PEOPLE LIKE THAT.

SO THE IDEA THAT SHE WAS SICK

AND STRUGGLING, PEOPLE WERE DEVASTATED.

DON’T, DON’T, DON’T MILK THE APPLAUSE LIKE THAT.

OH, I’M SORRY, GARY, I
HAVEN’T BEEN ON INVESTIGATION FOR A WHILE.

YEAH, WHAT WAS WRONG?

OH, I HAD CANCER.
WHAT DID YOU HAVE?

SHE HAD A HESITATION AS TO
WHETHER OR NOT SHE WANTED TO BE

ON GARY’S SHOW BECAUSE SHE WAS
SICK AND SHE WAS AFRAID THE

AUDIENCE WOULD RECOGNIZE HER OR REMEMBER HER.

BUT THE REASON SHE DID IT WAS
BECAUSE SHE FELT HER COMEDY WAS

THE ONLY WEAPON SHE HAD AGAINST THE CANCER.

I FEEL VERY LUCKY.
I HAVE A WONDERFUL JOB.

I HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY AS A
PERFORMER TO TEST ANYTHING I

WANT TO OR COME UP WITH IDEAS
AND GET TO FULFILL ANYTHING I WANT TO PRETEND.

AND THERE AREN’T MANY JOBS LIKE THAT.

I HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING YET.

YOU’RE GIVING ME A HEADACHE.
TOTTIE FIELDS IS ONE OF THOSE

WOMEN THAT MORE PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT.

SHE LOST A LEG AND WAS STILL DOING COMEDY.

CAN I GIVE YOU A HAND?
I NEED A FOOT.

SHE HAD BEEN ON TELEVISION A
THOUSAND TIMES WITH TWO LEGS.

SHE HAD TO ADDRESS IT.
SHE TURNED IT INTO GREAT COMEDY.

AFTER YOU GET YOUR HEAD IN
THE RIGHT PERSPECTIVE, YOU

REALIZE THAT YOU HAVE TWO LEGS.
AND IF YOU LOSE ONE, SO YOU’VE

LOST A LEG, BUT YOU REALLY ONLY
HAVE ONE SENSE OF HUMOR.

DO YOU KNOW, SWEETHEART, WHAT
BROUGHT ME THROUGH THIS WHOLE THING?

NO, I DON’T.

I WOULDN’T GIVE YOU THE
PLEASURE OF A SECOND LIFE.

YOU HAVE TO BE REAL WITH YOUR SITUATION.

WHEN WE ARE NOT AFRAID TO BE
VULNERABLE, THAT’S COURAGEOUS,

IT’S COURAGEOUS.
I MADE SO MANY JOKES OVER THE

YEARS ABOUT HOW SMALL MY CHEST WAS.

BUT I STARTED TO THINK THAT
MAYBE MY BOOBES OVERHEARD ME,

AND WERE JUST LIKE, WE’RE SICK OF THIS.

LET’S KILL HER.
BEFORE I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH

CANCER, I HAD LOST MY MOTHER,
AND I HAD THIS POTENTIALLY

DEADLY INTESTINAL DISEASE.
AND NOTHING WAS STRIKING ME AS FUNNY.

AND THEN I GOT DIAGNOSED WITH

CANCER, AND I STARTED MINIAKLY LAUGHING.

THIS IS HILARIOUS, ACTUALLY.
SOMEHOW THEY’RE ABLE TO HAVE

A THIRD PERSON PERSPECTIVE ON
THE DRAMA OF THEIR LIFE AND

THAT’S WHAT WE LOVE ABOUT GREAT COMEDIANS.

DO NOT TEMPT ME.
LAUGHTER TAKES THE AIR OUT OF EVERYTHING.

FOR MY HBO SPECIAL, HALFWAY

THROUGH I TOOK MY SHIRT OFF AND
REVEALED MY DOUBLE MASTECTOMI SCARS.

WHEN YOU LAUGH AT A JOKE

ABOUT DEATH, IT’S FUNNY CONSIDERING THE SOURCE.

YOU’RE MAKING A JOKE ABOUT DEATH, THE THING THAT’S

DEFINITELY GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOU.

AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE ALMOST FULL MONTY.

MONTY PYTHON WAS AT THE ASPEN

COMEDY FESTIVAL, AND IT WAS ONE
OF THE FIRST TIMES THEY WERE ALL

GATHERED TODAY SINCE GRAHAM CHAPMAN DIED.

AND THEY CAME OUT AND THE JOKE
WAS THEY BROUGHT HIS URN SO

GRAHAM CHAPMAN COULD BE THERE.
I THINK THAT’S THE MOST

APPROPRIATE WAY TO MOURN A COMEDIAN.

I DON’T THINK ANY COMEDIAN WANTS
TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY IN DEATH.

IT WOULD ALMOST FEEL LIKE A BETRAYAL.

IT’S PART OF THE CODE OF COMEDY.
SO WE WERE DOING A SHOW IN

BRISTOL, AND WE WERE DOING A MATINEE THERE.

AND FOR SOME EXTRAORDINARY
REASON THE AUDIENCE JUST DIDN’T LAUGH.

AND AFTER ABOUT ‐‐

OH.
THE WORTH KIND OF

NON‐SMOKER, YOU’RE A SMOKER AND
THEY WALK UP TO YOU, THAT’S

CRUEL, MAN, GOING UP TO A SMOKER
AND COUGHING AT HIM.

DO YOU GO UP TO CRIPPLED DANCING TOO?

THE COMEDIANS THAT YOU FEEL
THAT WE’VE LOST TOO QUICKLY, WE

FEEL THAT LOSS BECAUSE THEY WERE
SAYING SOMETHING THAT WAS

UNSAYABLE UP UNTIL THEN.
EVERY TIME I’M HEARING

SOMETHING WEIRD HAPPENS, THIS TIME BUSH LOST.

COOL.
IT’S NOT THAT I DISAGREE WITH

BUSH’S ECONOMIC POLICY OR HIS
FOREIGN POLICY, IT’S THAT I

BELIEVE HE WAS A CHILD OF SATAN
HERE TO DESTROY THE PLANET EARTH.

YEAH, I’M A LITTLE TO THE LEFT

THERE, I WAS.
WHEN YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT THE

MT. RUSHMORE OF COMEDY, BILL
HICKS WAS MY FAVORITE OF ALL TIME.

THE FUNNY IS IN THE BACKGROUND,

I HAVE THOUGHTS I NEED TO SHARE
WITH YOU AND I NEED TO CONNECT WITH YOU.

THAT TRUTH, GENERAL AMERICA

WASN’T READY FOR.
HE WAS SO OUT THERE.

THE FLAG BURNING THING,
RETARDED EMOTIONS, HEY, BUDDY,

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, MY
DADDY DIED FOR THAT FLAG.

REALLY?
I BOUGHT MINE.

HE WAS COURAGEOUS.
HE WAS BALLSY.

HE KNEW WHY HE WAS PUT ON THIS EARTH.

WAITING FOR THE NEXT BILL HICKS
IS A FOOL’S ERRAND.

I DON’T KNOW IF THERE EVER WILL BE ANOTHER ONE.

YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND.
I AIN’T SCARED OF YOU.

BERNIE MACK INTRODUCES
HIMSELF TO THE WORLD OF COMEDY

BY SAYING, I AIN’T SCARED OF YOU MOTHER DENY.

I LOVE SEX, I LOVE IT, I’M BLESSED.

IT WAS NOT A GAME WITH BERNIE MACK.

HE GOT DISCOVERED A LITTLE BIT
OLDER SO HE’D BEEN AROUND.

BY THE TIME HE GETS HIS SHOT, HE
BECOMES AN INSTANT LEGEND.

I CAN’T BELIEVE THE KIDS,
EVERYBODY TALKING ABOUT KIDS,

TALKING ABOUT HOW BAD KIDS IS,
YOU KNOW WHAT’S BAD, YOU CAN’T

SAY KIDS BAD.
I WANT TO ‐‐ A KID UP.

BERNIE WELCOMES YOU INTO HIS
LIFE TO TELL THE STORY THAT MY

SISTER WAS A JUNKIE, AND I HAD
TO TAKE HER BABIES, AND TO MAKE

IT FUNNY, HOW AMAZING IS THAT?
THAT’S CIGAR SMOKE THERE, I

AIN’T HERE TO TALK ABOUT CIGARS.
I’M HERE TO TELL YOU THAT ‐‐ I’M

GOING TO KILL ONE OF THEM KIDS.
BERNIE MACK WAS SUCH AN

ORIGINAL VOICE TOO, AND
INSTANTLY LIKABLE ON SCREEN.

WE HAVE A LOT OF WARS COMING.
WE’RE DEFINITELY GOING TO WAR

WITH NORTH KOREA, THAT ANGRY
LITTLE PSYCHOMIDGET, ANYBODITIME

YOU HAVE A SHORT ‐‐ YOU KNOW HOW
SHORT YOU HAVE TO BE TO HAVE A

NAPOLEON COMPLEX IN NORTH KOREA.
HE WAS A BRILLIANT MIND.

AN INTENSE GUY ENERGETICALLY,
BUT WENT TO HARVARD LAW SCHOOL,

LIKE A REALLY GREAT BRAIN.
SERIOUSLY, YOU’RE NOT THE

ONLY ONE HERE, ALL THESE
RUBBER‐FACED MONOSTERS, HOW MUCH

WORSE COULD YOUR REAL FACE LOOK
THAN THAT CLOWN MASK YOU’VE HAD

WELDED ON YOUR HEAD.
YOU USED TO LOOK YOUR AGE, NOW

YOU DON’T EVEN LOOK YOUR SPECIES.

THE FIRST TIME I SAW HIM
PERFORM I WAS LIKE, OH, SPANDUP IS A SPORT.

HE WAS SO INTENSE, AND HE WAS SO QUICK.

HE DIDN’T WAIT FOR ANYONE TO LAUGH.

THIS GUY WRITES SO MANY JOKES

BEFORE THE SHOW IT’S NOT EVEN FUNNY.

IT’S UNBELIEVABLE.
KIND OF WHAT WE DO HERE, DENNIS.

COMEDY WRITERS.
YOU’RE THE GUY AT SCHOOL WHO

DID ALL THE MOERK AND ASKED IF
THERE WAS ANYMORE TO DO.

THAT’S A GOOD POINT.
IF YOU WOULD TRY SOME COMEDY WRITING ‐‐

I GOT TO KNOW GREG DOING

TOUGH CROWD, HIS TAKES ON THE
TOPICS WERE MORE INSIGHTFUL,

MORE SON SKIES, FUNNIER THAN
ANYTHING I COULD COME UP WITH.

I LOVED IT.
WHAT WAS SO GREAT ABOUT GREG,

WHICH WOULD BE REALLY HELPFUL
TODAY, IS AN INTELLECTUAL,

CONTRARYIAN WORKING CLASS POINT OF VIEW.

WILL THERE EVER BE A
CANDIDATE THAT CAN RELATE TO

BOTH RACES?

THEY KEEP TRYING TO PAINT
DEAN HAS HAVING RACE ISSUES.

HE CAN’T POSSIBLY BE RACIST,
HE’S FROM VERMONT, YOU CAN’T

HATE BLACK PEOPLE UNTIL YOU’RE AROUND THEM A LOT.

I FEEL BAD FOR WHITE DUDES,
MAN, WHITE DUDES CAN’T BE RACIST.

I’M WALKING THROUGH HARLEM.

I’M KIND OF LOST RIGHT NOW, BUT
I SEE A FEW BLACK GUYS WALKING TOWARDS ME.

I CAN’T RUN.

IF I START RUNNING, THEY’LL CALL ME A RACIST.

RUN, STUPID ‐‐ RIGHT?
PATRICE O’NEILL WAS A

COMBINATION OF CROWD PLEASING
PERSONALITY WITH VERY BITING MATERIAL.

HE WAS REALLY FUNNY AND HE

WAS LOUD AND HE WAS LIKE SHUT
UP, THAT TYPE OF JUST OBNOXIOUS LOUD.

HE WOULD HAVE BEEN AS FUNNY

AS ANY OF THEM IN THE ROOM.
SPORT FISHERMEN, THAT’S WHAT MEN ARE.

YOU CATCH IT, YOU SHOW YOUR

FRIENDS, AND THEN YOU RELEASE IT.

BUT A LOT OF WOMEN IN HERE, YOU
HAVE BOYFRIENDS OR HUSBANDS, YOU

WERE FISH THAT JUMPED BACK ON
THE BOAT, FLAPPING, LOOKING AT ME LIKE ‐‐

I WAS WONDERING IF
YOU’RE GOING TO BE FISHING HERE

AGAIN NEXT WEEK.
AS A FEMINIST, I DIDN’T WANT TO ENJOY HIS COMEDY.

AND THEN I WATCHED EL LEEPHANT IN THE ROOM.

DESPITE IF I AGREE WITH HIM OR

NOT, OR WANT TO OWN UP TO THE
WAY I ACT AS A WOMAN IN THAT

SCENARIO, HE NAILED IT.
MY DAYS ARE NUMBERED.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, I’M 40,
AND THAT’S YOUNG IN EVERYONE

ELSE YEARS, BUT IN BLACK YEARS,
YOU KNOW, IF YOU DO THE BLACK TO

WHITE LIFE RATIO, I’M A HUNDRED
AND 77 YEARS OLD.

HE WAS ABLE TO SPEAK TO
AUDIENCES UNLIKE ANY OTHER COMEDIAN.

SO CONVERSATIONAL.

BUT HE WAS SAYING SO MANY IMPORTANT THINGS.

YEAH.
WE MISSED OUT ON WHAT HE HAD

TO SAY ABOUT OBAMA AND TRUMP.
YOU NEED THAT VOICE.

YOU SAY YOU’RE GOING TO
MELLOW IN YOUR OLDER AGE?

I DOUBT I’M EVER GOING TO MAKE OLDER AGE.

BILL HICKS AND THESE GUYS
WERE A VOICE OF A GENERATION

THAT JUST GOT SNUFFED OUT.
IT SEEMS LIKE THERE’S SOMETHING

ABOUT THIS BUSINESS THAT TAKES
THE LIFE OUT OF YOU.

THE DEGREE THAT COMICS HAVE GONE
AWAY, IT’S JUST RAREFIED, THE

MEN AND WOMEN THAT DO THIS, TO
LOSE ONE, IT’S ONE LESS VOICE.

THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH.

>WHAT I FIND INTERESTING IN
TERMS OF GONE TOO SOON IS NOT SO

MUCH THOSE COMEDIANS WHO DIED,
BUT THOSE WHO QUIT DOING STANDUP

FOREVER, LARRY DAVID, STEVE
MARTIN, ALL THESE PEOPLE WERE

IMMENSELY RESPECTED STANDUPS.
HAVE I STARTED YET.

I THINK A LOT OF STANDUP
COMEDIANS HAVE AN AMBIVALENT

RELATIONSHIP WITH COMEDY.
A STEPPINGSTONE FOR THOSE

PEOPLE, LIKE THEY HAVE SOMETHING
ELSE ON THEIR MINDS.

STEVE MARTIN QUIT DOING
STANDUP AT THE HEIGHT OF HIS FAME.

I KNEW IT WAS OVER ABOUT A

YEAR BEFORE I STOPPED.
I WASN’T BEING CREATIVE IN IT ANYMORE.

AND I DIDN’T REALLY KNOW HOW TO

WRITE FOR SUCH A BIG AUDIENCE.
I SPENT $150 FOR A TAPE

RECORDER, AND AS I TALK INTO IT,
IT GOES, I KNOW, I KNOW.

WOODY ALLEN WAS A VERY SHY
PERSON, HE WAS THE LAST PERSON

IN THE WORLD WHO YOU WOULD THINK
WOULD BECOME A PERFORMER.

AS SOON AS HE WAS ABLE TO LEAVE
STANDUP OR MOVIES, HE DID.

EVERY TIME I TRY AND DO
SOMETHING SERIOUS, PEOPLE LAUGH AT ME.

WHICH WOULD BE A PROBLEM, IF I

TRIED TO DO A SERIOUS MOVIE
EVER, AND I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE A

MOVIE EVER WHERE I WAS REAL SERIOUS IN IT.

THE COMEDIANS THAT WALKED
AWAY FROM STANDUP BECAME MOVIE STARS.

STAY AWAY FROM THE CANS.

THAT’S THE COMMON DENOMINATOR.

JESUS CHRIST.
I FOUND OUT SOME WHITE KIDS

CAN CURSE AROUND THE HOUSE.
YOU’RE LITTLE LATE.

COME ON, MOM, I’M MOVING AS FAST AS I CAN.

AND I WAS STANDING THERE LIKE THIS.

EDDIE WAS A ROCK STAR, HE HIT

SO BIG ‐‐ HE WAS CHIPPING AWAY AT COMEDY.

WE DON’T KNOW HOW GREAT EDDIE COULD HAVE BEEN.

YOU’RE WRITING AND ACTING AND
EVERYTHING RIGHT THERE ON THE STAGE.

YOU’VE GOT TO WRITE YOUR OWN SHOW AND PRESENT IT.

IT’S WORTH IT IF IT WORKS.

YEAH, IT’S WORTH IT IF IT WORKS.

THERE ARE A LOT OF COMEDIANS
WHO LEAVE STANDUP TOO SOON.

LARRY DAVID COULDN’T LEAVE STANDUP SOON ENOUGH.

I BOMBED SO MANY TIMES.
I WASN’T REALLY A VERY GOOD COMEDIAN IN MY BOOK.

THE MATERIAL I WAS DOING THE

AUDIENCE DIDN’T SEEM TO LIKE IT.
EN MASSE.

I THINK WE’VE COME TO THE END OF THE LINE HERE.

BUT, YOU KNOW, THIS IS WHAT
HAPPENS WHEN YOU RUN OUT OF NOTHING.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH, GOOD NIGHT.

IT’S HARD TO SAY IF ANYTHING’S AHEAD OF ITS TIME.

I THINK WHEN PEOPLE ARE
INNOVATIVE, IT’S SOMETIMES HARD

TO GET THE AUDIENCE FOR THE FIRST TIME.

THERE WAS A PERIOD WHERE EVERY
SHOW I DID WOULD GET CANCELLED

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FIRST SEASON.

AND IT SUCKS.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?

GIVE ME YOUR TEETH.
TEETH.

ARM.
GIVE ME A YOU.

T.
WHAT’S THAT SPELL?

THE TRUTH.
YOU’RE RIGHT, YOU GOT IT.

THAT’S GREAT.
THANK YOU.

NO FURTHER QUESTIONS.
I GUESS THE ULTIMATE REVENGE

FOR THE STILLER SHOW WAS THAT IT
WON THE EMMY AFTER IT HAD BEEN

ANNOUNCED THAT IT HAD BEEN CANCELLED.

THEY USE OUR SHOW AS AN
EXAMPLE IN THE MEETINGS OF WHAT

THEY DON’T WANT TO DO IN THE FOX
NETWORK, WITH THE EMPLOYMENT

OFFESTROJEN HORMONAL THERAPY I
HAVE DEVELOPED THE ABILITY TO

COMEDY DONE ON TELEVISION.
LAWYERS WHO ARE NAUSEATED BY

FOOD IS, I THINK, ONE OF THE
PUREST SKETCHES EVER DONE.

FOOD IS FLOUNDER.
IT’S SAUTEED IN A ‐‐ SPICY

BUTTER SAUCE SERVED ON A BED OF STEAMED LEEKS.

HIS SHOW WAS THE GREATEST
EXAMPLE OF THE SHOWS THAT GATHER

A LOT OF AMAZING PEOPLE TOGETHER
THAT DIDN’T QUITE CLICK IN THAT

MOMENT FOR WHATEVER REASON.
ANOTHER WAY TO LOOK AT IT, BUT

WHAT IF THAT SHOW HAD KEPT
GOING, ALL THESE DIFFERENT GREAT

PERFORMERS MIGHT NOT HAVE GIVEN
US SO MUCH GREAT WORK.

IT’S LIKE SAYING, YOU KNOW, ABE
LINCOLN’S DRY GOODS STORE, GOON TOO SON, IF ONLY.

NO, WE NEEDED HIM, WE NEEDED HIM FOR OTHER STUFF.

MY FIRST GUEST HAS A SPECIAL

TONIGHT ON NBC, WELCOME STEVE MARTIN.

STEVE?
OH, HI, DAVID.

HOW ARE YOU?
OH, YEAH, I WAS DOING THAT

THIS MORNING.
DAVID LETTERMAN HAD HIS

MORNING SHOW, NOBODY HAD EVER
SEEN A GUY LIKE THIS AT THIS TIME OF DAY.

RIGHT THERE YOU SAW BASICALLY

THE INCIPIENT STAGES OF THE IRREVERENCE.

A HUGE TANK OF LEMONADE AND MINNOWS.

MINNOWS.
MY IDEA OF A JOKE.

THE ONLY REASON WE WERE
GETTING ALL THAT STUFF ON THE

AIR WAS THAT WE WERE JUST
PUTTING IT ON THE AIR BECAUSE WE

WERE ALREADY ON THE AIR.
I READ THE NBC RESEARCH, AND

IF WE WOULD HAVE HAD MORE SEX,
MORE VIOLENCE ON THE SHOW, I

THINK WE WOULD HAVE DONE BETTER.
THEY TALKED ABOUT BEING

CANCELLED A LOT, WHICH I HADN’T
SEEN BEFORE ON TV.

A HOST REALLY MOCKING THEIR FAILURE.

VIOLENCE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

I’M SORRY THAT THIS PROGRAM
IS GOING TO DISAPPEAR, BECAUSE

IT WAS SOMETHING ‐‐
IT WAS SOMETHING DIFFERENT, AND

SOMETHING ADVENTUROUS, AND
SOMETHING REALLY COURAGEOUS IN

DAYTIME TELEVISION.
AND UNFORTUNATELY ‐‐

NONE OF THESE SHOWS EVER GOT BAD.

ANY SHOW THAT’S CANCELLED
PREMATURELY, THEY BECOME A SEXY CORPSE.

I QUIT.

YOU REMEMBER THEM AS THEY WERE YOUNG AND HANDSOME.

THEY NEVER AGE.
HEY, YOU KNOW I NEVER APPROVED THIS.

NOBODY EVER LISTENS TO ME AROUND HERE.

I’M NOT DANGEROUS.

AT LEAST I WASN’T I’M SORRY FOR HEARING THIS

JUST NOW FOR THE FIRST TIME BUT
DON RICKLES PASSED AWAY THIS MORNING.

HE WAS 90 YEARS OLD.

I KNOW IT’S CRAZY TO SAY HE WAS
TOO YOUNG BUT HE WAS.

NICE TO SEE MY BLACK BROTHERS AND SISTERS.

HALLELUJAH
HALLELUJAH.

THERE IS NO BOOING.
THERE IS NO BOOING.

IF THERE IS ANOTHER OUTBURST,
WE’LL LET BOB DO HIS JOKE.

FILLIPINO.
COMMAEDY DOESN’T HAVE AN AGE.

YOU CAN DIE AT 125.
IF YOU’RE A GREAT COMEDIAN WHO

IS STILL BRINGING IT, YOU DIED TOO YOUNG.

AM I RIGHT OR WRONG?
I DON’T WANT THE COLORED GUY TO

BUTT BUT IN.

DON RICKLES, ANY BAD THING
HE’D SAY, HE SHOULDN’T BE SAYING THAT.

WHEN HE DIED, HE TOOK AN ERA

OF SHOW BIZ WITH HIM.
DON RICKLES, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

REALLY GOOD, GOOD GIRL.

IS SHE NORMAL?
YEAH.

GOOD.
GOOD.

IS SHE WHITE?
YEAH.

THE ONLY COMEDIANS INTIMIDATED BY IS JOAN RIVERS.

SHE WAS A MACHINE ON STAGE AND
DID IT BEFORE SHE WAS EASY.

WOMEN AREN’T PERMITTED TO TALK A
CERTAIN WAY ON TELEVISION.

THE MARRIAGE WAS IN TROUBLE
SINCE THE WEDDING NIGHT.

REALLY?
YEAH, A LOT OF MEN SMOKE

AFTERWARD AND HE SMOKED DURING.
ASKED ME FOR A LIGHT.

INCREDIBLE.
I SAID GET IT YOURSELF ON THE

DASHBOARD.
JOAN WAS UNDAUNTED.

SHE WAS DETERMINED TO SUCCEED
AND KEEP SUCCEEDING.

HER RULE ABOUT LIFE THAT IT’S
ALL A BIG JOKE AND WE’RE HERE

FOR LIKE A SECOND, LIKE THAT
REALLY STAYED WITH ME.

I COULD DIE ANY MOMENT AND
YOU KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU GUYS WOULD BE?

YOU WERE THERE?

YEAH.
SHE WAS LYING THERE, THE FACE

DIDN’T MOVE.
WE THOUGHT BOTOX.

HER JOKES AND HER STYLE WILL
BE HERE FOREVER BECAUSE WHEN YOU

DO SOMETHING GREAT, A LITTLE
PIECE OF YOU WILL ALWAYS

CONTINUE TO GO ON.
THE WORST THING ABOUT BEG IN

THE HOSPITAL IS THAT THEY SHAVE YOU.

I MEAN, THEY SHAVE EVERYTHING.
I WAS JUST VISITING A FRIEND OF MINE.

BARRY WASGARRY WAS NOT AFRAID

HE BROKE THE FOURTH WALL WITH
HIS SHOW AND WITH LARRY SANDERS,

HE BROKE THAT MOLD, TOO.
HE TURNED TV ON ITS HEAD TWICE.

OH, COMFORTABLE.
SO DO I.

YOU DO?
YEAH.

YOU’RE SO GOOD AT IT.
TRUST ME, I HATE MYSELF.

MUCH OF MODERN TELEVISION
COMEDY CAN BE TRACED BACK TO A

LOT OF CHANCES GARRY TOOK.
IT DOESN’T ADD UP FOR ME HE’S GONE.

IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE.

NOT HAVING HIS VOICE DOESN’T FEEL RIGHT.

LONG BEFORE I MET HIM, HE FELT
LIKE A FRIEND TO ME.

MY JOURNEY IS TO BE WHO I AM.
HE WAS A MENTOR TO A LOT OF PEOPLE.

HE SEEMED LIKE HE WAS FLOATING

THROUGH THE WORLD A BIT.
HE WAS THERE TO HELP.

WHAT I WANT AT MY FUNERAL IS
AN ACTUAL BOXING REFEREE TO DO A

COUNT AND IF I WAVE IT OFF AND
HI SIGHT HE’S NOT GETTING UP.

THE REASON THAT GARRY’S DEATH
IS A CRIME IS NOT JUST BECAUSE I

DON’T GET TO TALK TO HIM
ANYMORE, BUT HE WASN’T DONE.

WASN’T DONE FOR HIMSELF.
NOT FOR US.

THE WHOLE KEY COMING THROUGH
LIFE IS A SENSE OF HUMOR.

THERE IS A LIFE SENSE INVOLVED
OF NOT SEEING THE WORLD SO SERIOUSLY.

WHY IS IT MOST OF THE PEOPLE

AGAINST ABORTION ARE PEOPLE YOU
WON’T WANT TO IN THE FIRST PLACE?

HE DIDN’T DIE NECESSARILY

YOUNG BUT SEEMED YOUNG.
HIS THOUGHTS NEVER STOPPED.

IT WASN’T LIKE AN OLD PERSON DYING.

HE REINVENTED HIMSELF EVERY
DECADE TO APPEAL TO WHATEVER WAS ACQUIRED.

WITHOUT SELLING OUT.

WHITE GUYS.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,

YOU’RE NEVER GOING TO BE AS COOL AS BLACK GUYS.

IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
YOU’RE WHITE AND YOU’RE LAME.

I WOULD LIKE ONE OF TWO
THINGS, HE WAS JUST HERE A

MINUTE AGO OR TOO HIP FOR THE ROOM.

TOO HIP FOR THE ROOM.
I HAVE SOME ISSUE WITH GONE TOO SOON.

WE GO.

EVERYBODY GOES AND IT ALWAYS
STINKS SO HE WAS OLD BUT YOU’RE

STILL LIKE HEY, IT WAS TOO SOON.
YOU DON’T EVER WANT IT TO END.

YOU GET A FEELING AFTER
PLAYING ALL OVER THE COUNTRY,

THAT WAS WORTH IT SAYING I
HAVEN’T LAUGHED THAT HARD IN A LONG TIME.

PEOPLE NEED IT.

THAT’S THE PURPOSE OF GOING OUT AND DOING IT.

COMEDIANS AT THEIR BEST, WHAT
THEY ARE PROVIDING IS A

LIFE‐AFFIRMING EXPERIENCE.
THE MINUTE YOU LAUGH YOU FEEL BETTER.

SOUNDS CLICHE BUT IT’S TRUE.

FOR ALL OUR CRAZINESS, WE DO
LEAVE IT BETTER THAN WE FOUND IT.

WE BRING SOME JOY FROM WHATEVER

SELFISH REASONS, IT’S A NOBLE PROFESSION.

SEE HOW HAPPY I AM?
WE KEEP MOVING ON.

WE DON’T KNOW WHAT WE’RE DOING
HERE AND ALLOW ME TO MAKE YOU

LAUGH IS TREMENDOUS AND I’M
BLESSED TO BE PART OF IT AND I

TERRIBLY MISSED THE MEN AND
WOMEN THAT HAVE GONE BEFORE ME.

THE FACT YOU HAVE TOUCHED
MORE PEOPLE THAN YOU WOULD HAVE

IF YOU DID NOT DO STANDUP, THAT’S AMAZING.

I GUESS THE RULE THINKING HOW
SAD IT IS A MAN OF SUCH TALENT,

SUCH KINDNESS SHOULD NOT SO
SUDDENLY BE SPIRITED AWAY BEFORE

HE’D ACHIEVED MANY OF THE THINGS
WHICH HE WAS CAPABLE.

WELL, I FEEL I SHOULD SAY NOTHING.

GOOD RIDDANCE TO HIM, THE FREE LOADING BASTARD.

CAN I SAY FOR THE RECORD IF I
DIE IN ANY WAY THAT’S FUNNY OR

INTERESTING, NOTHING IS TOO SOON.

GO FOR IT.
I TALK ABOUT MY DEATH ALL THE TIME.

I TELL MY FRIENDS THE DAY I DIE,

I DON’T WANT ANYBODY THAT LOVE ME TO GO TO WORK.

WE HAD A WAKE FOR PHIL.
I GOT UP AND SAID I THINK I

SPEAK FOR A LOT OF PEOPLE HERE
WHEN I SAY I JUST CAN’T BELIEVE

IT’S NOT ANDY THAT’S DEAD.
I WAS IN SHOCK.

I KEPT SAYING CAN YOU BELIEVE
THAT BRIANYNN MURDERED FILL?

HE SAID COME ON, YOU’RE MAKING
IT SOUND WORSE THAN IT WAS.

I WAS LIKE HOLY.

WE LAUGHED FOR A HALF AN HOUR
AND NOBODY WOULD HAVE FOUND THAT