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♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪
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Oww!
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♪ Woo-hoo-hoo ♪
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♪ Woo-hoo ♪
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♪ Yeah, yeah ♪♪
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(cheers and applause) (announcer) Dave Chappelle!
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(cheers and applause) Whoa!
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What's up?
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(cheers and applause)
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What's up on the top?
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Man.
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(cheers and applause)
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You know, ah...
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y'know what's funny, man,
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there's two things that start happening to me a lot now,
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since I started the second season.
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One, like, when I walk down the street,
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people always scream stuff out.
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Like, I'll be with my kids, and people be like,
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"I'm Rick James, bitch." And all this stuff.
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The other thing that happens,
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and which I think is the worst,
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is when people come up to me and try to give me ideas
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for the show.
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Send them shits through the proper channels, all right.
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Now, I'm not saying I'm not open,
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just pick your spots.
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As a matter of fact, if you knew
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what was going through my mind
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when you pitch me that kind of stuff,
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you wouldn't even talk to me,
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because I'll think about anything
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but what you're talking about.
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For example...
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I love you, baby.
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Oh, I know you do. Come here, girl,
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give me some.
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Excuse me, I hate to interrupt,
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but I just had to say hello.
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Hey, man, how you doing?
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Is this a bad time?
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You kinda caught me in the middle of something...
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Cool. So, I'm sure you get this all the time,
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but I have the perfect idea for you.
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It's a movie. Is it cool if I sit down?
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This'll only take a minute.
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I'm Frank Feldman.
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You kind of caught me and the wife at a bad time.
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We were just... It's a love story.
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You play an underground street poet
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named Colt 45.
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He's a rebel with a big heart.
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He's a loner because his wife has been killed
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by the chief financial officer of the company...
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(thinking) Bicycle. ...that she used to work for...
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Monkey.
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Ashy Larry.
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...volunteer veterinarian on Wednesdays...
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I wonder what Arsenio's doing right now.
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He probably at a wine and cheese party.
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Damn, that's some good-ass cheese!
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If you don't tell him how good the cheese is,
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he'll be mad.
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How come you didn't tell me how good the cheese was?
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Motherfucker.
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Some good-ass cheese, man--
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What are you looking at? I was...
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Bob Eubanks-lookin' motherfucker,
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you should've told me how good the cheese was!
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I was thinking the villain
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could be played by Rod Stewart...
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Man, I should've been a rapper.
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That look like fun.
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♪ How you gonna rip it like this, son ♪
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♪ How you gonna rip it like that, son ♪
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♪ I don't play that because it's action ♪♪
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But I need a gimmick.
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♪ ...that's right I'm the Black Sheep ♪
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♪ The real Black Sheep ♪
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♪ I'm the real Black Sheep, the real Black Sheep ♪
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♪ I say ugh... ♪
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...so we have this big showdown
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at the foot of the space shuttle...
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♪ Do-dl-le do-dl-le do-de-le-lo ♪
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♪ Do-dl-le do-dl-le do-de-le-lo ♪
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♪ Do-dl-le do-dl-le do-de-le-lo ♪
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...my company is willing to offer you $12,000,000.
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(cash register ding) $12,000,000!
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Frank, right?
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You want something to drink?
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Waitress, get this nigga something to drink.
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Look, Frank, I don't know if you know this,
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y'know those skits on Chappelle's Show,
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I write a lot of those.
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And I'm thinking maybe I could give you some ideas
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to make Colt a more interesting character.
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I would love to hear 'em.
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All right, well, instead of calling him Colt 45,
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first of all, we've got to change the name...
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(thinking) Nascar race.
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Unicorns.
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Dirty diapers.
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...instead of the space shuttle,
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we make it right on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial.
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That's good.
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(thinking) Wonder what my girl thinkin' about.
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You know who I'd love to have sex with...
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(chuckling)
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♪ Do-dl-le do-dl-le do-de-le-lo ♪
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♪ Do-dl-le do-dl-le do-de-le-lo ♪
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♪ Do-dl-le do-dl-le do-de-le-lo... ♪♪
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All right, we're gonna take a quick commercial break, y'all.
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Don't go nowhere, we'll be right back.
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(cheers and applause)
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♪ Chappelle's Show-- Wow ♪
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(phone ringing)
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Hello.
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Dave, it's Oprah.
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Oh, hey, what's up, girl?
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Look, Dave, I'm pregnant.
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Are you sure it's mine?
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No, Dave, listen, it's yours.
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Got ya, bitch! What?
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Just hold on one second.
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(Dave) All right, look, Oprah,
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I'm gonna fly to Chicago tomorrow, okay?
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But I'm going to need you to send me a ticket.
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I'll fly you out.
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Oh, oh, oh, and baby,
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could you have a limousine pick me up
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at the baggage claim because I don't have
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no cab money to get from the airport to your house.
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Okay, sure thing.
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Thanks, boo.
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Oprah... I love you, baby.
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I love you too, David Chappelle.
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All right, I'm gonna go to work and tell everybody
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the good news tomorrow, and I'll see you in Chicago.
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Bye-bye.
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Hey, everybody, I got an announcement to make!
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Ding, ding, ding ding, ding!
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I quit!
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Oh!
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Kiss my ass, everybody!
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Excuse me, can I have a quick word with you?
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Ah, kiss my ass.
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Can you type a memo of that and send it around?
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(chuckling)
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I quit!
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Dave, what's gotten into you?
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Oh, Sally, it's not what's gotten into me,
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it's what's gotten into Oprah:
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My seed, son!
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I'm rich, bitch!
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Hey, hey, you know I never approved this.
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Nobody ever listens to me around here.
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I'm not dangerous!
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At least I wasn't dangerous.
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Aah!
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Morgan?
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Guys, I almost forgot...
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remember your spirit.
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(fart)
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(laughing)
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Oh, it sprayed.
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I'll see you in Chicago.
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♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪
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Bye, baby, have a good day at work.
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Try to stay off your feet, boo.
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♪ In the sky... ♪
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(grunting)
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Yeah, that feels... oh, that... (Oprah) Hello.
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Hey, baby, how was the show?
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Not bad.
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Oh, this is Chung Lee.
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Chung Lee, this is my baby's momma, Oprah.
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Baby, hey, baby, you mind if I get a happy ending?
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She didn't say no.
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All right, I'm ready.
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(Oprah) I'm home.
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Hey, baby.
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It's Bruce Lee's brother.
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Hello, I love your show.
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$7,000 an hour.
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Sounds expensive, but I think
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the safety of you and our baby are priceless, all right?
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Check this out.
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(both screaming)
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Get away from Oprah!
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(laughing)
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(Oprah) Hello.
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Hey, baby, how was the show?
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Oh, oh, this is Felicia.
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Felicia, this is my baby's momma, Oprah.
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Mm-wah!
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Be out in a minute, sweetie.
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I'm just painting, finishing up.
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Let me fill this out a little bit over here...
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♪ Took a whole lotta tryin' ♪
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♪ Just to get up that hill ♪
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♪ Now we're up in the big leagues ♪
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♪ I gettin' my turn at bat... ♪
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(Oprah) David. Oh, snap!
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Hey, everybody, it's the lady that made it all possible.
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Give it up for my baby's momma,
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Oprah motherfucking Winfrey.
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What's happening, baby? How was the show?
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Why don't you go ahead and run the bathwater,
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and I'll come and put some salt in a minute.
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I know your feet probably hurting.
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All right, now, all right.
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Hey, Steve, you mind pushing the button?
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I'm gonna take it from the top.
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♪ Fish don't fry in the kitchen ♪
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♪ Beans don't burn on the grill ♪
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♪ Took a whole lotta tryin' ♪
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♪ Just to get up that hill... ♪
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(phone ringing)
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Hello? You again.
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Look, Stedman, you gonna have to move on, alright?
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No, fuck that, I don't care what y'all had.
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She's having my baby, okay?
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So you leave this family alone.
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I love her!
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Fine, whatever, bitch.
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(Oprah) Dave, honey, who was that on the phone?
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Baby, it's nobody.
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It was for me.
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Just go back in the bath.
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Stedman Graham, if you fuck this up for me...
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There you go! Yes, yeah!
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You did it, boo, you...
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What the fuck!
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Nigga looks just like Dr. Phil!
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Women are smart--
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men are stupid.
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Oh, shit!
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Oprah, what about our dreams, huh?
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Sorry, Dave.
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What am I gonna do now? I quit my job.
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Shit!
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Stedman...
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we gonna get this bitch.
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(laughing)
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(cackling)
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(echoing) Oprah!
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Uh...
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you know, me and my co-writer,
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producer/creator
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friend of mine, Neal Brennan,
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we always have this on-going discussion.
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Every time there's a black celebrity in trouble,
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Neal doesn't believe that I never think he's guilty,
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and the reason he thinks that
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is because I never think they're guilty.
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It's just how I roll, man.
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To me, it's all about reasonable doubt.
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What's reasonable doubt to a white person, you know,
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might not be a reasonable doubt to a black person.
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If they had me on jury selection
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at some of these celebrity trials,
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it'd be a long day, a long day.
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(man) Ah, Mr. Chappelle? Yes.
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Are you aware that Mr. Simpson is going to be
265
00:10:30,933 --> 00:10:32,673
on trial for a double homicide?
266
00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:34,373
Yeah, I heard about it.
267
00:10:34,433 --> 00:10:35,673
It's all bullshit, man.
268
00:10:35,733 --> 00:10:37,703
O.J. Ain't gonna kill nobody, he's rich.
269
00:10:37,766 --> 00:10:40,426
But Mr. Chappelle, what if I told you
270
00:10:40,500 --> 00:10:42,130
that we had DNA evidence
271
00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:45,530
linking Mr. Simpson to the scene of the crime?
272
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:48,570
Then I'd have to ask you where you found it.
273
00:10:48,633 --> 00:10:50,773
In his bedroom, at the crime scene,
274
00:10:50,833 --> 00:10:52,473
and in his car.
275
00:10:52,533 --> 00:10:55,103
In the car? Right in his car.
276
00:10:55,166 --> 00:10:56,196
Damn.
277
00:10:56,266 --> 00:10:58,126
And in the bedroom too?
278
00:10:58,200 --> 00:10:59,430
In the bedroom.
279
00:10:59,500 --> 00:11:01,600
Damn.
280
00:11:01,666 --> 00:11:04,596
I... damn.
281
00:11:04,666 --> 00:11:08,526
Then I'd probably just ask you, "how'd they find it?"
282
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:11,270
The police found a bloody glove
283
00:11:11,333 --> 00:11:12,503
on O.J.'s property.
284
00:11:12,566 --> 00:11:15,096
Sir, I'm not impressed, all right.
285
00:11:15,166 --> 00:11:17,696
Who... what black man don't have some bloody gloves
286
00:11:17,766 --> 00:11:18,796
on his property?
287
00:11:18,866 --> 00:11:20,296
Nigga, I got one right here.
288
00:11:20,366 --> 00:11:22,466
That don't mean I did anything.
289
00:11:22,533 --> 00:11:25,933
Sir, if somebody murdered your family,
290
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:27,630
and the police found a bloody glove
291
00:11:27,700 --> 00:11:28,970
on O.J.'s property,
292
00:11:29,033 --> 00:11:31,133
and a witness heard strange bangings
293
00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:34,100
minutes after the murders...
294
00:11:34,166 --> 00:11:35,866
I'd have to be real confused
295
00:11:35,933 --> 00:11:38,533
because nobody in my family beef with O.J. like that.
296
00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:40,370
And we would've killed O.J.
297
00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:41,903
after the first time he beat my sister up.
298
00:11:41,966 --> 00:11:43,396
We would've whupped his ass.
299
00:11:43,466 --> 00:11:45,066
We would've made real orange juice out of that nigga.
300
00:11:45,133 --> 00:11:47,673
So, you ain't gonna find no bloody gloves.
301
00:11:47,733 --> 00:11:50,733
If anything happened, you can quote me, sir,
302
00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:53,600
they would find some bloody gloves
303
00:11:53,666 --> 00:11:54,926
at our house.
304
00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:56,270
But this was before...
305
00:11:56,333 --> 00:11:59,773
O.J. would be dead, nigga, and that's real.
306
00:11:59,833 --> 00:12:02,133
Detective Mark Fuhrman was one of the lead detectives--
307
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:03,630
Fuhrman? --on the case and--
308
00:12:03,700 --> 00:12:06,670
Fuhrman? He's a racist, it's a racist name.
309
00:12:06,733 --> 00:12:09,073
Fuhrman. You're sayin', what is he a furor, German?
310
00:12:09,133 --> 00:12:10,403
Fuhrman, German.
311
00:12:10,466 --> 00:12:11,926
Sound a little familiar to you?
312
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,300
I'm sorry, sir, but he probably says "nigger" a lot,
313
00:12:14,366 --> 00:12:15,726
with a name like that.
314
00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:17,370
I can't comment.
315
00:12:17,433 --> 00:12:18,673
I bet you can't.
316
00:12:18,733 --> 00:12:20,433
But as a person that says "nigger" a lot,
317
00:12:20,500 --> 00:12:21,800
trust me.
318
00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:25,096
That nigga says "nigger" all the time.
319
00:12:25,166 --> 00:12:29,366
Mr. Chappelle, are you suggesting that,
320
00:12:29,433 --> 00:12:32,973
because one of the detectives is a possible racist,
321
00:12:33,033 --> 00:12:35,403
and because there may have been
322
00:12:35,466 --> 00:12:37,926
some minor oversights in the investigation,
323
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:40,270
that it completely lets O.J. off the hook?
324
00:12:40,333 --> 00:12:42,973
Exactamundo! The defense rests, sir.
325
00:12:43,033 --> 00:12:44,373
Mr. Chappelle--
326
00:12:44,433 --> 00:12:46,203
No further questions!
327
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:49,226
Will you at least admit that O.J. more than likely
328
00:12:49,300 --> 00:12:50,800
killed his wife?
329
00:12:53,733 --> 00:12:55,703
Sir, my blackness will not permit me
330
00:12:55,766 --> 00:12:58,096
to make a statement like that.
331
00:12:58,166 --> 00:12:59,466
You're dismissed.
332
00:13:03,533 --> 00:13:05,003
Are you aware of the charges
333
00:13:05,066 --> 00:13:07,166
that Michael Jackson is currently facing?
334
00:13:07,233 --> 00:13:08,533
Yes, sir.
335
00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:10,000
Ah, and for the record,
336
00:13:10,066 --> 00:13:11,966
these charges hurt me the most.
337
00:13:12,033 --> 00:13:13,333
So he's guilty.
338
00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:16,600
Look, man, look, Michael Jackson
339
00:13:16,666 --> 00:13:18,096
has many faces,
340
00:13:18,166 --> 00:13:19,996
none of 'em look guilty to me.
341
00:13:20,066 --> 00:13:23,126
You gotta look in the eyes, not the noses.
342
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,400
He's been accused of this more than once.
343
00:13:25,466 --> 00:13:28,796
So, some people say that cucumbers taste better pickled.
344
00:13:28,866 --> 00:13:30,366
What? Huh?
345
00:13:30,433 --> 00:13:31,873
What? Huh?
346
00:13:34,666 --> 00:13:38,626
What if I told you that the accusers
347
00:13:38,700 --> 00:13:40,600
correctly described Michael's penis
348
00:13:40,666 --> 00:13:42,066
to investigators?
349
00:13:42,133 --> 00:13:45,573
Sir, I have never seen Michael's alleged penis,
350
00:13:45,633 --> 00:13:47,773
but I bet you that I could describe it.
351
00:13:47,833 --> 00:13:49,003
All right, let me guess.
352
00:13:49,066 --> 00:13:52,926
There's a head, a shaft, some balls,
353
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,730
hair, maybe pressed, permed hair,
354
00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:57,230
with glitter sprinkled on it.
355
00:13:58,600 --> 00:13:59,530
That is correct.
356
00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:01,200
Whoa, how'd I know?
357
00:14:01,266 --> 00:14:03,326
Come on, dude, I couldn't pick my own penis
358
00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:05,070
out of a lineup, all right?
359
00:14:05,133 --> 00:14:08,073
And me and my penis is like this, son.
360
00:14:08,133 --> 00:14:10,003
What about Michael saying it's okay to have
361
00:14:10,066 --> 00:14:11,226
children sleep with him?
362
00:14:11,300 --> 00:14:12,900
That don't mean anything.
363
00:14:12,966 --> 00:14:15,066
I'm sure there's plenty of kids that sleep in the bed
364
00:14:15,133 --> 00:14:18,533
with their adults all the time, and nothing happens.
365
00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:20,030
So you do you think Michael Jackson
366
00:14:20,100 --> 00:14:21,570
is guilty of the charges against him?
367
00:14:21,633 --> 00:14:22,903
No, man.
368
00:14:22,966 --> 00:14:24,896
He made "Thriller."
369
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:27,626
"Thriller."
370
00:14:30,300 --> 00:14:31,970
So you'd let your children sleep with him.
371
00:14:32,033 --> 00:14:33,773
Fuck no!
372
00:14:33,833 --> 00:14:35,033
Eww.
373
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:38,970
Are you aware that Robert Blake
374
00:14:39,033 --> 00:14:40,773
is facing a charge of murder?
375
00:14:40,833 --> 00:14:42,573
Oh, yeah.
376
00:14:42,633 --> 00:14:44,273
Baretta did that shit.
377
00:14:47,900 --> 00:14:49,930
Mr. Chappelle, are you aware
378
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:51,570
that Robert Kelly is being charged
379
00:14:51,633 --> 00:14:53,703
with child pornography?
380
00:14:53,766 --> 00:14:56,426
Yes, I've heard of such things.
381
00:14:56,500 --> 00:14:58,000
You've seen the video tapes?
382
00:14:58,066 --> 00:15:00,426
Have I seen it! Like, 80 times.
383
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:01,870
You know the part where he's waiting for her
384
00:15:01,933 --> 00:15:03,703
to come over, and he's looking in the camera
385
00:15:03,766 --> 00:15:05,496
like... (soft grunts)
386
00:15:05,566 --> 00:15:08,596
So, you think that it was Robert Kelly on the tape?
387
00:15:08,666 --> 00:15:12,366
Well, I'd have to say it was.
388
00:15:12,433 --> 00:15:14,403
So, then, you believe
389
00:15:14,466 --> 00:15:16,366
he urinated on a 15-year-old girl.
390
00:15:16,433 --> 00:15:20,133
Whoa, hold on, lady! I didn't say all that.
391
00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:22,370
You know, with these tapes, they can do a lot of things.
392
00:15:22,433 --> 00:15:24,033
For all I know, that piss was digital.
393
00:15:24,100 --> 00:15:25,730
They-- They get crazy with special effects.
394
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:27,730
Look, look, check this out.
395
00:15:30,500 --> 00:15:32,300
I didn't even just do that.
396
00:15:32,366 --> 00:15:34,026
Did I do that?
397
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:35,400
That piss was digital.
398
00:15:35,466 --> 00:15:37,826
They'll do crazy stuff with special effects.
399
00:15:37,900 --> 00:15:40,230
What about the girl corroborating the story?
400
00:15:40,300 --> 00:15:41,730
So what?
401
00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:43,630
How much money does this girl stand to make
402
00:15:43,700 --> 00:15:45,730
by "corroborating" this story?
403
00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:47,870
I tell you what, you give me that kind of money,
404
00:15:47,933 --> 00:15:50,473
R. Kelly can fart in my dinner tonight.
405
00:15:50,533 --> 00:15:51,973
Spray-fart.
406
00:15:52,033 --> 00:15:54,073
So, besides the tape
407
00:15:54,133 --> 00:15:56,103
and the girl corroborating the allegations,
408
00:15:56,166 --> 00:15:58,326
what more would it take for you to believe he's guilty?
409
00:16:00,266 --> 00:16:02,966
All right, if I saw a tape of R. Kelly
410
00:16:03,033 --> 00:16:05,073
peeing on a girl while he was singing
411
00:16:05,133 --> 00:16:06,933
"Piss On You"...
412
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,670
♪ Lovers wanna love... ♪
413
00:16:08,733 --> 00:16:11,333
...and the girl was holding two forms of government ID...
414
00:16:12,766 --> 00:16:15,266
...while a police officer was there,
415
00:16:15,333 --> 00:16:16,973
like, four or five of my buddies
416
00:16:17,033 --> 00:16:18,573
and Neal taking notes...
417
00:16:20,466 --> 00:16:22,096
Well... I'm not finished.
418
00:16:22,166 --> 00:16:23,896
And his grandmother has to be there
419
00:16:23,966 --> 00:16:25,066
to confirm his identity.
420
00:16:25,133 --> 00:16:29,103
That's my Robert, always peeing on people.
421
00:16:29,166 --> 00:16:30,826
Don't forget her hair, Robert.
422
00:16:30,900 --> 00:16:32,430
Yes, grandmother.
423
00:16:32,500 --> 00:16:35,170
Mr. Chappelle, isn't that excessive?
424
00:16:35,233 --> 00:16:38,803
No, no, it's not excessive.
425
00:16:38,866 --> 00:16:41,266
Listen, lady, the burden of proof is on the state,
426
00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:42,773
on the state!
427
00:16:42,833 --> 00:16:44,873
You have got to prove to me,
428
00:16:44,933 --> 00:16:46,933
beyond a reasonable doubt,
429
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:50,000
whether or not this man is a pisser.
430
00:16:50,066 --> 00:16:52,526
Aren't your doubts unreasonable?
431
00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:54,600
No, it's not unreasonable.
432
00:16:54,666 --> 00:16:56,396
Look, we're talking about a justice system
433
00:16:56,466 --> 00:16:59,696
that had 500 people whose cases were overturned
434
00:16:59,766 --> 00:17:01,126
by DNA evidence.
435
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:03,670
I've seen a tape where five cops beat up a nigga,
436
00:17:03,733 --> 00:17:05,973
and they said that they had reasonable doubt.
437
00:17:06,033 --> 00:17:08,103
I got my doubts too, all right?
438
00:17:08,166 --> 00:17:10,226
How come they didn't find Big and Tupac's murderers
439
00:17:10,300 --> 00:17:12,030
but they arrest O.J. the next day?
440
00:17:12,100 --> 00:17:13,330
Nicole Simpson can't rap.
441
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:14,930
I want justice!
442
00:17:15,033 --> 00:17:16,433
You are all...
443
00:17:16,500 --> 00:17:21,630
this whole goddamn court is out of order, everybody.
444
00:17:21,700 --> 00:17:24,130
Mr. Chappelle, you're dismissed.
445
00:17:25,733 --> 00:17:27,233
And that's from the heart.
446
00:17:27,300 --> 00:17:30,230
(cheers and applause)
447
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:32,330
We're gonna take a quick commercial break.
448
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:34,230
We'll be right back.
449
00:17:37,233 --> 00:17:39,133
Welcome back, everybody.
450
00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:42,130
Tonight's musical guest is one of my favorite MCs, man,
451
00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:44,000
and part of one of my favorite groups.
452
00:17:44,066 --> 00:17:45,526
He's a great solo artist.
453
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,730
Give it up for Wyclef Jean.
454
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,730
(applause)
455
00:17:57,433 --> 00:17:59,273
♪ Election time is coming... ♪
456
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:05,600
♪ If I was president ♪
457
00:18:05,666 --> 00:18:08,596
♪ I'd get elected on Friday ♪
458
00:18:08,666 --> 00:18:12,596
♪ Assassinated on Saturday ♪
459
00:18:12,666 --> 00:18:15,496
♪ Buried on Sunday ♪
460
00:18:15,566 --> 00:18:18,526
♪ If I was president ♪
461
00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:21,600
♪ If I was president ♪
462
00:18:21,666 --> 00:18:23,826
♪ An old man told me ♪
463
00:18:23,900 --> 00:18:26,100
♪ Instead of spending ♪
464
00:18:26,166 --> 00:18:28,566
♪ Billions on the war ♪
465
00:18:28,633 --> 00:18:31,373
♪ We can use some of that money ♪
466
00:18:31,433 --> 00:18:33,003
♪ In the ghetto ♪
467
00:18:34,700 --> 00:18:37,870
♪ I know some so poor ♪
468
00:18:37,933 --> 00:18:40,333
♪ When it rains, that's when they shower shower ♪
469
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:44,100
♪ Screaming "fight the power" ♪
470
00:18:44,166 --> 00:18:46,326
♪ That's when the vulture devoured ♪
471
00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:49,200
♪ If I was president ♪
472
00:18:49,266 --> 00:18:52,196
♪ I'd get elected on Friday ♪
473
00:18:52,266 --> 00:18:56,066
♪ Assassinated on Saturday ♪
474
00:18:56,133 --> 00:18:58,473
♪ Buried on Sunday ♪
475
00:18:58,533 --> 00:19:01,503
♪ If I was president ♪
476
00:19:01,566 --> 00:19:04,526
♪ If I was president ♪
477
00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:07,570
♪ If I was president ♪
478
00:19:07,633 --> 00:19:10,603
♪ If I was president ♪
479
00:19:10,666 --> 00:19:13,666
♪ But the radio won't play this ♪
480
00:19:13,733 --> 00:19:16,703
♪ They call it rebel music ♪
481
00:19:16,766 --> 00:19:20,326
♪ How can you refuse it ♪
482
00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:23,170
♪ Children of Moses ♪
483
00:19:23,233 --> 00:19:25,403
♪ If I was president ♪
484
00:19:25,466 --> 00:19:28,466
♪ I'd get elected on Friday ♪
485
00:19:28,533 --> 00:19:31,933
♪ Assassinated on Saturday ♪
486
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,970
♪ Buried on Sunday ♪
487
00:19:35,033 --> 00:19:37,533
♪ If I was president ♪
488
00:19:40,566 --> 00:19:44,096
♪ Tell the children the truth, the truth ♪
489
00:19:44,166 --> 00:19:47,496
♪ Christopher Columbus didn't discover America ♪
490
00:19:47,566 --> 00:19:49,696
♪ Tell them the truth, the truth ♪
491
00:19:49,766 --> 00:19:50,996
♪ Yeah ♪
492
00:19:51,066 --> 00:19:52,996
♪ Tell them about Marcus Garvey ♪
493
00:19:53,066 --> 00:19:54,296
♪ Tell the children the truth ♪
494
00:19:54,366 --> 00:19:56,966
♪ Yeah, the truth ♪
495
00:19:57,033 --> 00:19:59,203
♪ Tell them about Martin Luther King ♪
496
00:19:59,266 --> 00:20:03,126
♪ Tell them the truth, the truth ♪
497
00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:04,930
♪ Tell them about JFK ♪
498
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:07,970
♪ If I was president ♪
499
00:20:08,033 --> 00:20:10,233
♪ If I was president ♪
500
00:20:10,300 --> 00:20:14,130
♪ I'd get elected on Friday ♪
501
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:17,300
♪ Assassinated on Saturday ♪
502
00:20:17,366 --> 00:20:20,096
♪ Buried on Sunday ♪
503
00:20:20,166 --> 00:20:23,526
♪ If I was president ♪
504
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:26,170
♪ If I was president ♪♪
505
00:20:26,233 --> 00:20:28,103
Yeah, that's the truth right there.
506
00:20:28,166 --> 00:20:29,826
(cheers and applause)
507
00:20:29,900 --> 00:20:32,630
I'd like to thank my guest Wyclef Jean,
508
00:20:32,700 --> 00:20:36,130
I'd like to thank everybody at home for watching.
509
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:38,400
You guys are the greatest. Now, I'll see you next week.
510
00:20:38,466 --> 00:20:40,326
(cheers and applause)
511
00:20:41,566 --> 00:20:44,366
I'm rich, biatch! (horn honking)
512
00:20:44,433 --> 00:20:46,003
(woman) Hi, thank you.
513
00:20:46,066 --> 00:20:47,866
Mmm.
514
00:20:49,833 --> 00:20:52,273
Some good-ass cheese, shit...
515
00:20:52,333 --> 00:20:54,233
Wait, I'm chokin' on cheese.
516
00:20:54,300 --> 00:20:56,300
(coughing)
517
00:20:58,033 --> 00:20:59,903
I ate too much of that good-ass cheese.
518
00:21:03,633 --> 00:21:05,333
Say "yes, grandmama" to the camera
519
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:06,630
Yes, grandmama.
520
00:21:08,966 --> 00:21:11,196
Turn a little bit more. That's good.
521
00:21:11,266 --> 00:21:13,696
Huh, you're lost?
522
00:21:13,766 --> 00:21:15,526
(laughter)
523
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:17,700
♪♪
524
00:21:17,750 --> 00:21:22,300
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