All language subtitles for Chappelles Show s02e03 White People Cant Dance.eng

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,633 --> 00:00:04,203 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 2 00:00:04,266 --> 00:00:05,496 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 3 00:00:05,566 --> 00:00:06,696 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 4 00:00:06,766 --> 00:00:08,366 ♪ Oww ♪ 5 00:00:08,433 --> 00:00:11,073 ♪ Woo-hoo hoo ♪ 6 00:00:11,133 --> 00:00:12,503 ♪ Woo-hoo ♪ 7 00:00:12,566 --> 00:00:14,266 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 8 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:17,570 Let's start the show. 9 00:00:17,633 --> 00:00:19,703 [playing harmonica] 10 00:00:21,366 --> 00:00:22,866 [man] Ladies and gentlemen, 11 00:00:22,933 --> 00:00:25,673 Dave Chappelle! 12 00:00:25,733 --> 00:00:26,803 Oh! 13 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:29,500 Hey, everybody. 14 00:00:30,333 --> 00:00:31,373 Hey! 15 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:33,770 Alright! 16 00:00:34,633 --> 00:00:35,503 Alright! 17 00:00:36,433 --> 00:00:38,803 Welcome to Chappelle's Show. 18 00:00:39,533 --> 00:00:41,703 Man, welcome, guys. Thanks for coming out tonight. 19 00:00:41,766 --> 00:00:43,726 You at home, thanks for tuning in. 20 00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:45,670 You know, folks, it's been an interesting couple of weeks 21 00:00:45,733 --> 00:00:46,973 here at Chappelle's Show-- 22 00:00:47,033 --> 00:00:48,673 Lot of flak I've been getting 23 00:00:48,733 --> 00:00:50,673 for the racially-charged sketches. 24 00:00:50,733 --> 00:00:51,673 It happens. 25 00:00:51,733 --> 00:00:53,773 [laughing] 26 00:00:53,833 --> 00:00:55,073 But I think I'm being misunderstood, 27 00:00:55,133 --> 00:00:58,673 so I just want to take a moment to explain myself, okay? 28 00:00:58,733 --> 00:01:01,103 I'm not advocating 29 00:01:01,166 --> 00:01:03,126 in any way, shape or form 30 00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:05,670 any type of racial hatred. 31 00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:08,573 I'm just making fun of each other's cultures. 32 00:01:08,633 --> 00:01:09,573 It's fun. 33 00:01:11,533 --> 00:01:14,433 Problem is, when you do stereotypical kind of jokes, 34 00:01:14,500 --> 00:01:16,070 there's no room for subtleties. 35 00:01:16,133 --> 00:01:17,873 People always say things, for instance, 36 00:01:17,933 --> 00:01:19,933 that white people can't dance. 37 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,330 It's not that white people can't dance. 38 00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:23,530 Is that, is that really how it goes? 39 00:01:24,133 --> 00:01:25,603 [laughing] 40 00:01:26,566 --> 00:01:27,896 I don't think so. 41 00:01:27,966 --> 00:01:29,926 Let's explore this further, okay? 42 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:32,900 I'd like to introduce a piece now 43 00:01:32,966 --> 00:01:34,366 called "White people dancing." 44 00:01:34,433 --> 00:01:36,403 [laughing] 45 00:01:36,466 --> 00:01:37,826 Hey, gang. 46 00:01:37,900 --> 00:01:41,530 You know, all my life I've heard that white people can't dance. 47 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:43,000 I don't believe that. 48 00:01:43,066 --> 00:01:45,496 I don't think it's so much that white people can't dance, 49 00:01:45,566 --> 00:01:48,866 it's just that they like certain musical instruments. 50 00:01:49,533 --> 00:01:52,803 That instrument, my friends, is electric guitar. 51 00:01:52,866 --> 00:01:56,196 It speaks directly to the soul of the white person. 52 00:01:56,266 --> 00:01:57,966 They find it irresistible. 53 00:01:58,033 --> 00:02:00,333 Now with me, as you can see, is my good friend, John Mayer. 54 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:01,600 How are ya? 55 00:02:01,666 --> 00:02:03,626 And we are going to test this theory this afternoon. 56 00:02:03,700 --> 00:02:05,130 You ready? 57 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:06,500 -I'm ready. -Let's do it. 58 00:02:06,566 --> 00:02:07,366 Let's go. 59 00:02:08,866 --> 00:02:09,966 [Dave] It's my personal theory 60 00:02:10,033 --> 00:02:11,503 that when white people hear electric guitar, 61 00:02:11,566 --> 00:02:14,726 they cannot resist the urge to dance, 62 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:16,230 no matter where they are. 63 00:02:16,300 --> 00:02:17,470 Well, me and John went to different locations 64 00:02:17,533 --> 00:02:20,133 and put this theory to the test. 65 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:23,070 [quiet business chattering] 66 00:02:26,933 --> 00:02:30,203 Okay, folks, here we are in a corporate board room. 67 00:02:30,266 --> 00:02:32,626 You can see people behind us working in the bullpens. 68 00:02:32,700 --> 00:02:35,170 And right now, a meeting is in progress. 69 00:02:35,233 --> 00:02:38,073 We want to see what happens when you play electric guitar 70 00:02:38,133 --> 00:02:40,803 in the most professional of settings. 71 00:02:41,666 --> 00:02:43,166 -Ready, John? -[whispering] Yeah, I'm ready. 72 00:02:43,233 --> 00:02:44,803 Okay, cool, go, go. 73 00:02:44,866 --> 00:02:49,196 ♪ 74 00:02:49,266 --> 00:02:53,226 [audience laughing] 75 00:03:06,266 --> 00:03:07,596 [music ends] 76 00:03:07,666 --> 00:03:09,766 I knew it, I knew it. 77 00:03:09,833 --> 00:03:11,473 Come on, let's get out of here. 78 00:03:14,300 --> 00:03:16,100 [audience laughing] 79 00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:21,296 Okay, we've seen how white people 80 00:03:21,366 --> 00:03:24,226 respond to guitar music at work. 81 00:03:24,300 --> 00:03:26,970 Now we're in a chic Manhattan restaurant. 82 00:03:27,033 --> 00:03:29,073 It's lunchtime, the business crowd is here. 83 00:03:29,133 --> 00:03:30,633 A lot of bush votes in the room. 84 00:03:30,700 --> 00:03:33,030 Let's see how the conservative crowd acts 85 00:03:33,100 --> 00:03:36,700 when they hear guitar music while they're eating. 86 00:03:36,766 --> 00:03:39,196 John, play-- Play The Fight Riff , play i! 87 00:03:39,266 --> 00:03:44,926 ♪ 88 00:03:46,966 --> 00:03:48,096 These people-- look it here! 89 00:03:48,166 --> 00:03:49,726 Oh, my God, look at this! 90 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:50,900 Oh! 91 00:03:51,833 --> 00:03:53,903 Oh, my gosh. 92 00:03:54,633 --> 00:03:57,273 I've never seen anything like this, folks. 93 00:04:00,233 --> 00:04:01,503 [music stops] 94 00:04:03,633 --> 00:04:05,203 Enjoy your lunch, everybody. 95 00:04:06,166 --> 00:04:09,626 [classical music playing] 96 00:04:14,233 --> 00:04:15,473 Alright. 97 00:04:15,533 --> 00:04:17,673 Every experiment needs a control. 98 00:04:17,733 --> 00:04:18,603 Now, right now, me and John 99 00:04:18,666 --> 00:04:20,426 are in a barber shop in Harlem. 100 00:04:20,500 --> 00:04:23,930 Everyone here is either Black or Latino. 101 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:27,470 Let's see how electric guitar works on them. 102 00:04:27,533 --> 00:04:28,873 -Ready, John? -Yeah. 103 00:04:28,933 --> 00:04:30,433 Okay, okay, go, go. 104 00:04:30,500 --> 00:04:35,270 ♪ 105 00:04:50,500 --> 00:04:51,370 Hey, yo! 106 00:04:53,300 --> 00:04:54,430 Shut the fuck up! 107 00:04:55,066 --> 00:04:56,926 Okay, okay. 108 00:04:58,033 --> 00:04:59,973 That went pretty much how I expected. 109 00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:05,033 Now, let's see how the blacks respond to drums. 110 00:05:05,766 --> 00:05:09,026 [drum roll] 111 00:05:13,933 --> 00:05:15,933 Questlove, go. 112 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:19,000 [playing drums] 113 00:05:19,066 --> 00:05:20,896 Ahh... yeah! 114 00:05:20,966 --> 00:05:22,066 Yeah! 115 00:05:22,133 --> 00:05:23,203 Yeah! 116 00:05:23,266 --> 00:05:24,226 Uh! 117 00:05:25,166 --> 00:05:28,996 Play somethin', play somethin', play somethin'. 118 00:05:29,066 --> 00:05:30,166 ♪ Yo, yo ♪ 119 00:05:30,233 --> 00:05:32,573 ♪ I'm down with Any sex or any race ♪ 120 00:05:32,633 --> 00:05:33,903 ♪ If you were beatin' me ♪ 121 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,730 ♪ It's like Billy Crystal Playin' Scarface ♪ 122 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:38,000 ♪ And I can't See it, blind to the eyes ♪ 123 00:05:38,066 --> 00:05:40,626 ♪ I came up in your face, Oops, pow, surprise ♪ 124 00:05:40,700 --> 00:05:42,330 Oh! 125 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:43,530 Yeah! 126 00:05:46,500 --> 00:05:48,830 Whoo! 127 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:52,070 Whoo, that worked like gangbusters! 128 00:05:52,133 --> 00:05:53,703 But I still happened to notice, 129 00:05:53,766 --> 00:05:55,896 some of the Latin people were nodding their heads, 130 00:05:55,966 --> 00:05:56,896 but they weren't really feeling it 131 00:05:56,966 --> 00:05:58,926 As much as I thought they would. 132 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:00,700 But I think I got the remedy. 133 00:06:00,766 --> 00:06:03,996 What would happen if I incorporated within that 134 00:06:04,066 --> 00:06:06,666 an electric piano? 135 00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:08,233 Sanchez, go! 136 00:06:08,300 --> 00:06:10,200 [playing piano] 137 00:06:10,266 --> 00:06:14,696 [drums playing Latin beat] 138 00:06:15,733 --> 00:06:17,933 Alright, this is going great. 139 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:20,400 Now I'm gonna kick it up a notch, watch this. 140 00:06:21,533 --> 00:06:23,603 [gibberish] 141 00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:28,830 ♪ Yi, yi, yi Yi, yi, yi ♪ 142 00:06:31,100 --> 00:06:34,200 ♪ Yi, yi, yi Yi, yi, yi, yi ♪ 143 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:38,600 Ay, caramba! 144 00:06:38,666 --> 00:06:39,596 Ole! 145 00:06:39,666 --> 00:06:41,266 [music ends] 146 00:06:42,933 --> 00:06:44,103 Hey, guys, have a good day. 147 00:06:44,166 --> 00:06:45,296 Sorry for interrupting. 148 00:06:46,433 --> 00:06:48,133 So what did we learn, gang? 149 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,170 We learned that white people can dance 150 00:06:50,233 --> 00:06:53,073 If you play what they like, electric guitar. 151 00:06:53,133 --> 00:06:55,433 Of course, we, the blacks, can't resist drums. 152 00:06:55,500 --> 00:06:58,670 And Latino's love congas and electric piano 153 00:06:58,733 --> 00:07:01,673 with Spanish gibberish over it, I guess. 154 00:07:01,733 --> 00:07:02,873 So next time someone says 155 00:07:02,933 --> 00:07:04,433 that someone from another race can't dance-- 156 00:07:04,500 --> 00:07:05,600 Alright, alright. 157 00:07:05,666 --> 00:07:06,526 We're gonna need to see a permit. 158 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:07,730 Excuse me? 159 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:09,200 You have to have a permit to shoot out here. 160 00:07:09,266 --> 00:07:10,866 And we will fine you. 161 00:07:10,933 --> 00:07:12,373 John, do something quick. 162 00:07:12,433 --> 00:07:13,273 Eh... 163 00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:18,973 ♪ Every rose has its thorn ♪ 164 00:07:19,033 --> 00:07:22,173 ♪ Just like every night ♪ 165 00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:25,173 ♪ Has its dawn ♪ 166 00:07:25,233 --> 00:07:26,633 That's right, sing it! 167 00:07:26,700 --> 00:07:29,630 ♪ Just like every cowboy ♪ 168 00:07:29,700 --> 00:07:32,870 ♪ Sings a sad, sad song ♪ 169 00:07:32,933 --> 00:07:34,933 Hey, my man, how you know that song? 170 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:37,330 I'm from the suburbs, man, I can't help it. 171 00:07:38,266 --> 00:07:40,026 I can't help it! 172 00:07:40,100 --> 00:07:42,130 ♪ Though it's been a while now ♪ 173 00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:44,730 ♪ I can still feel So much pain ♪ 174 00:07:56,266 --> 00:08:01,696 ♪ Every rose has it's thorn ♪ 175 00:08:01,766 --> 00:08:04,696 ♪ Just like every night ♪ 176 00:08:04,766 --> 00:08:08,066 ♪ Has it's dawn ♪ 177 00:08:08,133 --> 00:08:11,773 ♪ Just like every cowboy ♪ 178 00:08:11,833 --> 00:08:15,703 ♪ Sings a sad, sad song ♪ 179 00:08:15,766 --> 00:08:20,666 ♪ Every rose has its thorn ♪ 180 00:08:20,733 --> 00:08:24,173 [applauding] 181 00:08:24,233 --> 00:08:25,803 We're gonna take a quick commercial break. 182 00:08:25,866 --> 00:08:27,666 Keep dancin', we'll be right back. 183 00:08:33,333 --> 00:08:34,673 ♪ We're going to Dave Chappelle's Show ♪ 184 00:08:34,733 --> 00:08:36,273 -How's this? -Go! 185 00:08:37,666 --> 00:08:40,726 Hey, everybody, welcome back to Chappelle's Show. 186 00:08:42,533 --> 00:08:44,233 Thanks for joining us. 187 00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:50,070 You know, folks, I hate to hit this point so hard, 188 00:08:50,133 --> 00:08:52,573 But remember, whenever we do these racial commentaries, 189 00:08:52,633 --> 00:08:54,903 it's always about the subtleties. 190 00:08:54,966 --> 00:08:57,396 We're all part of the same human family. 191 00:08:57,466 --> 00:09:00,296 Our differences are just cultural, that's it. 192 00:09:00,366 --> 00:09:01,866 For instance, when a white person is 193 00:09:01,933 --> 00:09:03,473 maybe having trouble sleeping, 194 00:09:03,533 --> 00:09:06,503 You might take some kind of, uh, warm milk-- 195 00:09:06,566 --> 00:09:07,766 I don't know what you drink. 196 00:09:07,833 --> 00:09:10,033 [laughing] 197 00:09:10,100 --> 00:09:11,170 For the black people, 198 00:09:11,233 --> 00:09:13,533 we have a sleeping aid, too. 199 00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:15,100 And it's just coming out on the market. 200 00:09:15,166 --> 00:09:17,326 It's available for everyone's consumption. 201 00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:19,130 And we're proud to be the first sponsor 202 00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:21,370 of the newest sleep aid for Black America. 203 00:09:21,433 --> 00:09:22,233 Here it is. 204 00:09:23,633 --> 00:09:26,403 [groaning] 205 00:09:28,433 --> 00:09:29,803 What is it, honey? 206 00:09:29,866 --> 00:09:31,226 I got a big meeting tomorrow, 207 00:09:31,300 --> 00:09:32,870 and I still can't sleep. 208 00:09:32,933 --> 00:09:35,003 I took sleeping pills and everything. 209 00:09:35,066 --> 00:09:36,126 Relax, honey. 210 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:37,670 I think I've got just the thing. 211 00:09:37,733 --> 00:09:39,933 [Woman] From the makers of Valtran and Simelox 212 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:42,430 comes America's number one sleeping aid. 213 00:09:42,500 --> 00:09:43,470 Ribs. 214 00:09:43,533 --> 00:09:46,173 [audience laughing] 215 00:09:46,233 --> 00:09:48,033 Hickory! 216 00:09:48,100 --> 00:09:49,930 Oh, wow. 217 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:53,530 [audience laughing] 218 00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:54,800 [Woman] Here's how it works. 219 00:09:54,866 --> 00:09:57,226 Once ingested, ribs go to work on your stomach, 220 00:09:57,300 --> 00:10:00,730 spreading barbecue sauce and greasy porkiness throughout, 221 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:04,070 creating an age-old condition called, the "ITIS." 222 00:10:04,133 --> 00:10:05,673 You'll feel sluggish, drowsy 223 00:10:05,733 --> 00:10:08,173 and should be asleep in a matter of minutes. 224 00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:09,733 Got that ITIS. 225 00:10:12,466 --> 00:10:14,296 [whispering] Thanks, ribs. 226 00:10:22,366 --> 00:10:23,796 Oh... [farting] 227 00:10:23,866 --> 00:10:25,066 Mud butt. 228 00:10:25,133 --> 00:10:28,703 [cheers and applause] 229 00:10:28,766 --> 00:10:30,766 What would be the inverse of that joke ? 230 00:10:30,833 --> 00:10:32,003 If I did that joke for white people, 231 00:10:32,066 --> 00:10:34,296 what would it be, like, turkey or something? 232 00:10:34,366 --> 00:10:36,396 I don't know-- turkey, right? 233 00:10:36,466 --> 00:10:37,666 What's the food that white people say, 234 00:10:37,733 --> 00:10:39,573 "Boy, that sure makes me sleepy"? 235 00:10:39,633 --> 00:10:41,073 -Huh? -Box of wine. 236 00:10:41,133 --> 00:10:43,373 -What is it? -Box of wine. 237 00:10:43,433 --> 00:10:44,933 Box of wine? 238 00:10:46,366 --> 00:10:49,666 Wine comes in a box, America, damn! 239 00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:53,900 He said that without hesitation, "Box of wine." 240 00:10:53,966 --> 00:10:55,226 [audience laughing] 241 00:10:55,300 --> 00:10:57,330 "Puts me right out." 242 00:10:58,500 --> 00:10:59,730 We're gonna take a quick commercial break. 243 00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:01,300 Don't go nowhere, we got more comedy for you 244 00:11:01,366 --> 00:11:02,996 on Chappelle's Show. 245 00:11:03,066 --> 00:11:04,226 That's right. 246 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:09,800 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 247 00:11:09,866 --> 00:11:12,666 Better not bring your kids! 248 00:11:12,733 --> 00:11:15,873 [cheers and applause] 249 00:11:15,933 --> 00:11:17,603 Welcome back. 250 00:11:17,666 --> 00:11:20,226 Welcome back to Chappelle's Show , everybod. 251 00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:25,373 A lot-- one thing I've been hearing a lot recently is, 252 00:11:25,433 --> 00:11:27,803 they say, you know, "Dave, you make fun of everybody 253 00:11:27,866 --> 00:11:31,026 and everything, but how come you never make fun of yourself?" 254 00:11:31,100 --> 00:11:33,870 'Cause it's not easy, I'm sensitive. 255 00:11:34,966 --> 00:11:37,196 But since you guys have been so good to me tonight, 256 00:11:37,266 --> 00:11:40,466 I feel like I owe you no less. 257 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:44,103 This next piece is about the real Dave Chappelle. 258 00:11:44,166 --> 00:11:45,896 It's personal, it's actually very personal, 259 00:11:45,966 --> 00:11:47,966 but here it is. 260 00:11:48,033 --> 00:11:51,233 Hey, I'm Dave Chappelle, host of Chappelle's Show . 261 00:11:51,300 --> 00:11:53,730 Many guys are familiar with my on-screen persona, 262 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:55,730 but the question keeps popping up, 263 00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:58,070 Who is Dave Chappelle, really? 264 00:11:58,133 --> 00:12:01,233 Well, guys, the answer isn't so simple. 265 00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:02,400 You see, in the last 12 years, 266 00:12:02,466 --> 00:12:05,026 I've been at least three different people. 267 00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:06,630 Here's me at 18. 268 00:12:06,700 --> 00:12:10,900 Sincere, earnest, relentlessly optimistic. 269 00:12:10,966 --> 00:12:13,026 Then there was me at 24. 270 00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:15,900 Budding movie star, reefer addict 271 00:12:15,966 --> 00:12:17,626 and a man with a sexual appetite 272 00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:21,330 that would make Michael Douglas seem gay. 273 00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:24,030 Then, of course, is the man who stands in front of you now. 274 00:12:24,100 --> 00:12:28,500 Proud father, loyal husband and prompt taxpayer. 275 00:12:28,566 --> 00:12:30,166 All three of these men had different psyches 276 00:12:30,233 --> 00:12:33,373 and handled things in very different ways. 277 00:12:33,433 --> 00:12:34,873 And with your permission, 278 00:12:34,933 --> 00:12:37,573 I'd like to explore these three men tonight 279 00:12:37,633 --> 00:12:40,273 in a piece that I like to call, 280 00:12:40,333 --> 00:12:42,273 "Three Dave's." 281 00:12:42,333 --> 00:12:44,003 ♪ 282 00:12:44,066 --> 00:12:46,126 Alright, first scenario. 283 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:48,770 Let's say I'm having problems in a relationship. 284 00:12:48,833 --> 00:12:52,073 Why don't we take a look at how I used to handle that at 18? 285 00:12:52,133 --> 00:12:53,003 [music playing] 286 00:12:53,066 --> 00:12:55,166 Sharon, Sharon, look. 287 00:12:55,233 --> 00:12:56,333 I want to work this out, 288 00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:57,370 but you gotta talk to me. 289 00:12:57,433 --> 00:12:58,533 You gotta open up. 290 00:12:59,333 --> 00:13:02,803 Last week, when we were at that Das EFX concert, 291 00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:05,173 I riggity realized... 292 00:13:05,233 --> 00:13:08,803 I liggity love you. 293 00:13:08,866 --> 00:13:10,526 Clickety clow! 294 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:12,500 Come on, girl, don't be like this. 295 00:13:12,566 --> 00:13:13,996 You act like all I want to do 296 00:13:14,066 --> 00:13:16,366 is zooma-zoom-zoom in your boom-boom. 297 00:13:17,333 --> 00:13:19,533 Why you gotta be like this ? 298 00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:21,430 Clickety clow! 299 00:13:21,966 --> 00:13:24,396 What a biggity bitch! 300 00:13:24,466 --> 00:13:26,166 I'm talking about myself, of course. 301 00:13:26,700 --> 00:13:28,000 Alright. 302 00:13:28,066 --> 00:13:29,496 Well, let's see how I handled relationship difficulties 303 00:13:29,566 --> 00:13:30,796 at 24. 304 00:13:31,466 --> 00:13:34,766 I love her but she don't trust me. 305 00:13:34,833 --> 00:13:37,873 I can't be with someone who don't trust me. 306 00:13:37,933 --> 00:13:39,433 Oh, that sounds terrible. 307 00:13:39,500 --> 00:13:41,230 Do you want another song, honey? 308 00:13:41,300 --> 00:13:42,270 Yes, I do. 309 00:13:42,333 --> 00:13:43,973 -$10. -I know. 310 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:47,130 And the other day, 311 00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:50,370 you know what she had the nerve to say to me? 312 00:13:50,433 --> 00:13:52,503 That I smell like I been at a titty bar. 313 00:13:52,566 --> 00:13:54,366 So the fuck what! 314 00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:57,130 Well, let's see how I handle relationship problems today, 315 00:13:57,200 --> 00:13:58,800 Now that I'm a father and a husband 316 00:13:58,866 --> 00:14:00,696 and all that good stuff. 317 00:14:01,300 --> 00:14:04,030 [sighing] 318 00:14:04,100 --> 00:14:05,970 [whispering] Baby... 319 00:14:06,033 --> 00:14:07,333 Baby, you up? 320 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:20,470 [audience laughing] 321 00:14:20,533 --> 00:14:23,103 Oh, ooh. 322 00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:28,370 Scenario two. 323 00:14:28,433 --> 00:14:30,373 Let's say I'm pulled over by the police, 324 00:14:30,433 --> 00:14:32,303 and I'm being treated less than fairly. 325 00:14:32,366 --> 00:14:33,926 These kinds of things happen. 326 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:36,300 Why don't we see how 18-year-old Dave used to handle that? 327 00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:39,330 Help! 328 00:14:39,933 --> 00:14:41,103 Okay. 329 00:14:41,166 --> 00:14:43,296 Now, let's take a look at 24-year-old Dave. 330 00:14:44,533 --> 00:14:46,403 -I ain't do nothin'! -Get on the ground! 331 00:14:46,466 --> 00:14:47,666 -Get on--on the ground! -Alright! 332 00:14:47,733 --> 00:14:48,603 Hey-yeah! 333 00:14:48,666 --> 00:14:49,626 What about you? 334 00:14:49,700 --> 00:14:50,770 Why don't you get on the ground? 335 00:14:50,833 --> 00:14:52,333 That's right-- give me my license back. 336 00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:55,300 Now, spread your cheeks and lift your sac. 337 00:14:55,366 --> 00:14:57,226 That's right, and you know what? 338 00:14:57,300 --> 00:14:58,900 I am high... I'm high! 339 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:04,770 And now, let's take a look at 30-year-old Dave. 340 00:15:06,033 --> 00:15:07,973 Hi, license, insurance and registration, please. 341 00:15:08,033 --> 00:15:08,833 Sure. 342 00:15:10,533 --> 00:15:12,103 Sorry about that, I was running late 343 00:15:12,166 --> 00:15:14,326 for a shoot for my show... 344 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:16,230 Chappelle's Show, I'm Dave Chappelle? 345 00:15:16,300 --> 00:15:17,200 Oh, yeah? 346 00:15:17,266 --> 00:15:18,466 I'm rich, bitch. 347 00:15:20,100 --> 00:15:22,130 You haven't seen it? 348 00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:23,570 Don't get it. 349 00:15:24,233 --> 00:15:25,203 Buckle up, baby! 350 00:15:25,266 --> 00:15:26,396 Yah! 351 00:15:29,566 --> 00:15:30,996 Over the last 12 years of my career, 352 00:15:31,066 --> 00:15:32,966 I went through a lot of ups and downs. 353 00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:35,733 A lot of people ask me, "Dave, how do you handle it 354 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:37,400 when you lose out on a movie part 355 00:15:37,466 --> 00:15:38,566 that you really want?" 356 00:15:38,633 --> 00:15:39,933 It's a good question. 357 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:43,270 I'll show you how I used to handle it at 18 right now. 358 00:15:43,333 --> 00:15:45,673 Well, who got the part? 359 00:15:45,733 --> 00:15:46,903 The Wayans Brothers? 360 00:15:46,966 --> 00:15:48,196 There's, there's more? 361 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:50,770 And here's how I handled 362 00:15:50,833 --> 00:15:53,333 the same type of situation at 24. 363 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:56,270 Chris Tucker... fuck! 364 00:15:56,333 --> 00:15:57,703 This is the second time this happened. 365 00:15:57,766 --> 00:15:59,666 Who got the other part? 366 00:15:59,733 --> 00:16:01,003 Tell me man, just-- 367 00:16:01,066 --> 00:16:02,896 Jackie Chan? 368 00:16:02,966 --> 00:16:05,826 That motherfucker can't even speak English. 369 00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:07,633 Shit! 370 00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:11,370 And now, here's how sensible Shoe Dave 371 00:16:11,433 --> 00:16:13,203 handles it at 30. 372 00:16:13,266 --> 00:16:14,126 Who? 373 00:16:14,866 --> 00:16:16,126 Who's Nick Cannon? 374 00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:19,370 Daddy, Nick Cannon is hilarious. 375 00:16:19,900 --> 00:16:21,400 Man, fuck you, son. 376 00:16:21,466 --> 00:16:23,396 You probably think he's so goddamned hilarious 377 00:16:23,466 --> 00:16:25,896 Because he just walked off with your school clothes money. 378 00:16:25,966 --> 00:16:27,066 It's funny, isn't it? 379 00:16:27,133 --> 00:16:29,133 I'm broke, nigga, I'm broke! 380 00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:30,930 Well, I guess that gives you guys a pretty good idea 381 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,700 of how I've changed over the years. 382 00:16:33,766 --> 00:16:36,666 But before I go, I just want to give each of me 383 00:16:36,733 --> 00:16:40,473 a chance to tell you their overall philosophy in life. 384 00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:42,273 18-year-old Dave, you're on. 385 00:16:42,833 --> 00:16:44,073 "When you lose... 386 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:47,000 don't lose the lesson." 387 00:16:48,433 --> 00:16:50,833 His Holiness, the Dalai Lama. 388 00:16:50,900 --> 00:16:52,430 That was touching. 389 00:16:52,500 --> 00:16:55,200 Alright, how about you, me at 24? 390 00:16:58,633 --> 00:17:00,733 "Hey, hey, hey, hey... 391 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:02,930 smoke weed every day." 392 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:03,870 Nate Dogg. 393 00:17:04,833 --> 00:17:07,133 Dave at 30, what you got for me? 394 00:17:07,866 --> 00:17:09,166 Fuck Nick Cannon. 395 00:17:09,233 --> 00:17:10,633 Dave Chappelle. 396 00:17:10,700 --> 00:17:12,030 He's hilarious. 397 00:17:12,100 --> 00:17:14,330 You know, you're acting like a little bitch, alright ? 398 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,400 Stop saying that, you trying to make your father feel bad? 399 00:17:16,466 --> 00:17:17,826 I gotta pay all the bills around here. 400 00:17:17,900 --> 00:17:19,000 You're gonna go tell your mother? 401 00:17:19,066 --> 00:17:20,596 You tell your mother I'm cussin' in the house! 402 00:17:20,666 --> 00:17:22,126 That's right, shit! 403 00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:25,500 [cheers and applause] 404 00:17:27,466 --> 00:17:29,626 We're gonna take a quick commercial break. 405 00:17:29,700 --> 00:17:32,570 But Dave at 30 will be right back after these messages. 406 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:37,570 ♪ Chappelle's Show ow ♪ 407 00:17:37,633 --> 00:17:39,873 [applause] 408 00:17:39,933 --> 00:17:41,273 Welcome back. 409 00:17:41,333 --> 00:17:42,803 Welcome back, everybody. 410 00:17:45,866 --> 00:17:47,696 It is time for another 411 00:17:47,766 --> 00:17:50,826 Chappelle's Show musical performance. 412 00:17:50,900 --> 00:17:53,130 As you can see tonight, we were lucky enough to have 413 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:56,370 John Mayer and Questlove from the roots appear in our sketch. 414 00:17:56,433 --> 00:17:58,073 And while we were shootin' the sketch, 415 00:17:58,133 --> 00:18:01,103 we actually shot a musical performance just for fun. 416 00:18:01,166 --> 00:18:03,026 This next one, folks, is just for you. 417 00:18:03,100 --> 00:18:07,130 Please welcome yours truly and The Dave Chappelle trio. 418 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:10,070 You know, folks, right now, the world is in trouble. 419 00:18:10,133 --> 00:18:12,273 And I know it seems like the sketches we do are racey, 420 00:18:12,333 --> 00:18:14,803 but this is all just comedy. 421 00:18:14,866 --> 00:18:17,366 Really, it's all about love. 422 00:18:17,433 --> 00:18:20,333 So this song right now is not only going out to you at home 423 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:25,300 and everyone across America, but everyone across the world. 424 00:18:25,366 --> 00:18:27,126 And it goes a little something like this, 425 00:18:29,633 --> 00:18:34,733 ♪ Now the world don't move ♪ 426 00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:38,400 ♪ To the beat of just One drum ♪ 427 00:18:39,733 --> 00:18:43,633 ♪ What might Be right for you ♪ 428 00:18:43,700 --> 00:18:47,770 ♪ May not be right For some ♪ 429 00:18:47,833 --> 00:18:51,173 ♪ A man is born ♪ 430 00:18:51,233 --> 00:18:54,333 ♪ He's a man of means ♪ 431 00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:57,430 ♪ Then along come two ♪ 432 00:18:57,500 --> 00:19:00,070 ♪ They got nothin' but The dream ♪ 433 00:19:00,133 --> 00:19:02,203 ♪ But it takes different strokes ♪ 434 00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:04,226 ♪ It takes different strokes ♪ 435 00:19:04,300 --> 00:19:09,430 ♪ It takes different strokes To rule the world ♪ 436 00:19:09,500 --> 00:19:13,300 ♪ Everybody's got their Special kind of story ♪ 437 00:19:13,366 --> 00:19:17,696 ♪ Everybody's got a way To shine ♪ 438 00:19:17,766 --> 00:19:21,296 ♪ It don't matter what You got not a lot so what ♪ 439 00:19:21,366 --> 00:19:23,196 ♪ They'll have theirs And you'll have yours ♪ 440 00:19:23,266 --> 00:19:25,566 ♪ And I'll have mine ♪ 441 00:19:25,633 --> 00:19:27,673 ♪ And together we'll Be fine ♪ 442 00:19:27,733 --> 00:19:29,633 ♪ 'Cause it Takes different strokes ♪ 443 00:19:29,700 --> 00:19:31,800 ♪ It takes different strokes ♪ 444 00:19:31,866 --> 00:19:37,196 ♪ It takes different Strokes to rule the world ♪ 445 00:19:37,266 --> 00:19:40,526 ♪ Different strokes To rule the-- ♪ 446 00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:42,730 ♪ Mmm ♪ 447 00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:44,500 ♪ That was the gooch ♪ 448 00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:47,630 [laughing] Alright. 449 00:19:48,366 --> 00:19:50,026 Alright, alright. 450 00:19:50,100 --> 00:19:53,700 ♪ When the world never seems ♪ 451 00:19:53,766 --> 00:19:57,326 ♪ To be livin' Up to your dream ♪ 452 00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,400 ♪ And suddenly You're finding out ♪ 453 00:19:59,466 --> 00:20:02,596 ♪ The facts of life Are all about you ♪ 454 00:20:03,300 --> 00:20:06,400 ♪ Doo... ♪ 455 00:20:06,466 --> 00:20:07,726 [man] Turn around! 456 00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:12,470 ♪ Uh, it takes a lot to get Them right ♪ 457 00:20:12,533 --> 00:20:14,403 ♪ When you're learning The facts of ♪ 458 00:20:14,466 --> 00:20:16,096 ♪ Learning the facts of ♪ 459 00:20:16,166 --> 00:20:19,526 ♪ Learning the facts of life ♪ 460 00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:24,730 ♪ They're all about you ♪ 461 00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:27,030 That's right. 462 00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:30,300 Turns out that life is all about you. 463 00:20:30,366 --> 00:20:32,466 Thanks for watching the show this week. 464 00:20:32,533 --> 00:20:35,403 I'd like to thank my guests John Mayer, 465 00:20:35,466 --> 00:20:37,226 Questlove. 466 00:20:37,300 --> 00:20:39,470 John on keyboards. 467 00:20:39,533 --> 00:20:41,733 I'm Dave Chappelle. 468 00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:43,030 I'll see you guys next week. 469 00:20:44,566 --> 00:20:46,696 I'll see you next week, everybody, God bless. 470 00:20:46,766 --> 00:20:47,926 I'm out. 471 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,400 [cheers and applause] 472 00:20:57,266 --> 00:20:58,366 [Dave] I'm rich, bitch! 473 00:20:58,433 --> 00:20:59,473 [horn honks] 474 00:20:59,533 --> 00:21:00,603 Hi, thank you. 475 00:21:02,066 --> 00:21:04,126 ♪ Fish don't fry In the kitchen ♪ 476 00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:06,730 ♪ Beans don't burn On the grill ♪ 477 00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:09,370 ♪ Took a whole lotta tryin' ♪ 478 00:21:09,433 --> 00:21:11,903 ♪ Just to get up that hill ♪ 479 00:21:11,966 --> 00:21:14,426 ♪ Now we're up In the big leagues ♪ 480 00:21:14,500 --> 00:21:17,070 ♪ Gettin' our turn at bat ♪ 481 00:21:17,133 --> 00:21:19,633 ♪ As long as we live, It's you and me baby ♪ 482 00:21:19,700 --> 00:21:21,300 ♪ There ain't Nothin' wrong with that ♪ 483 00:21:21,366 --> 00:21:22,726 ♪ Well we're movin' on up ♪ 484 00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:24,130 ♪ Movin' on up ♪ 485 00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:25,370 ♪ To the east side ♪ 486 00:21:25,433 --> 00:21:26,933 ♪ Movin' on up ♪ 487 00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:30,270 ♪ To a deluxe apartment In the sky ♪ 488 00:21:31,633 --> 00:21:34,573 ♪ 489 00:21:34,623 --> 00:21:39,173 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 34017

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.