All language subtitles for Chappelles Show s01e12 O Dweeds & Trading Spouses.eng

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,833 --> 00:00:03,003 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 2 00:00:03,083 --> 00:00:04,503 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 3 00:00:04,583 --> 00:00:06,173 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 4 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:07,170 ♪ Ow! 5 00:00:08,708 --> 00:00:10,498 ♪ Whoo-hoo-hoo 6 00:00:10,583 --> 00:00:11,713 ♪ Whoo-hoo 7 00:00:11,792 --> 00:00:12,792 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 8 00:00:15,583 --> 00:00:16,883 Let's start the show. 9 00:00:20,875 --> 00:00:22,075 When the baby was born, 10 00:00:22,167 --> 00:00:24,287 I promised Karen I'd quit smoking, 11 00:00:24,375 --> 00:00:26,205 but I didn't know how. 12 00:00:26,042 --> 00:00:27,332 Well, that's when a friend of mine 13 00:00:27,417 --> 00:00:29,787 recommended "O'Dweeds". 14 00:00:29,875 --> 00:00:32,075 It's the first brand of marijuana 15 00:00:32,167 --> 00:00:33,667 with no THC, 16 00:00:33,750 --> 00:00:36,000 so it's like O'Doul's, but for weed. 17 00:00:37,333 --> 00:00:39,753 Now I can get that full reefer aroma, 18 00:00:39,833 --> 00:00:41,043 without any of the guilt. 19 00:00:45,875 --> 00:00:46,995 [gurgling] 20 00:00:48,417 --> 00:00:49,827 Shotgun, little buddy! 21 00:00:52,583 --> 00:00:55,133 Aw, honey, I think he likes it. 22 00:00:56,958 --> 00:00:59,708 This reminds me of when I was a girl 23 00:00:59,792 --> 00:01:01,252 and I used to smoke grass 24 00:01:01,333 --> 00:01:03,753 with all the Negro jazz musicians. 25 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:06,000 Come on, Martha, 26 00:01:06,083 --> 00:01:07,963 now, puff, puff, give. 27 00:01:08,958 --> 00:01:10,668 Come on, you old bitch. 28 00:01:10,750 --> 00:01:12,420 [man] O'Dweeds. All the reefer, 29 00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:13,380 none of the guilt. 30 00:01:13,458 --> 00:01:14,918 [tapping] 31 00:01:17,042 --> 00:01:18,752 [Jamaican accent] I know what you're thinking, 32 00:01:18,833 --> 00:01:20,833 But it's O'Dweeds, man. 33 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:24,170 Can I hit that? 34 00:01:25,042 --> 00:01:26,082 Go on, take it. 35 00:01:30,083 --> 00:01:31,213 Tastes like the chronic, 36 00:01:32,417 --> 00:01:33,577 and yet it's not. 37 00:01:36,417 --> 00:01:38,377 Wrong bag, man. 38 00:01:38,458 --> 00:01:40,078 [tires screeching] 39 00:01:41,208 --> 00:01:42,958 [man] Forget about your reefer needs, 40 00:01:43,042 --> 00:01:44,712 go ahead and try "O'Dweeds". 41 00:01:44,792 --> 00:01:46,252 From the makers of the Crack Patch. 42 00:01:48,625 --> 00:01:53,035 [announcer] Dave Chappelle! 43 00:01:53,125 --> 00:01:54,125 Hey! 44 00:01:54,875 --> 00:01:56,165 What's up? 45 00:01:57,292 --> 00:01:58,212 Hey, guys. 46 00:02:00,458 --> 00:02:03,128 You know, uh, my wife's little cousin, Andrew, 47 00:02:03,208 --> 00:02:04,208 put me onto these 48 00:02:04,042 --> 00:02:07,332 And1 Mixtapes, you ever seen those? 49 00:02:07,417 --> 00:02:09,707 It is like the hottest thing you ever seen. 50 00:02:09,792 --> 00:02:11,672 These basketball tapes is the bomb. 51 00:02:11,750 --> 00:02:13,460 They got some of the nastiest street players 52 00:02:13,542 --> 00:02:14,962 I've ever seen in my life. 53 00:02:15,042 --> 00:02:17,042 Go ahead, show 'em some of that And1. 54 00:02:24,500 --> 00:02:26,130 [audience exclaiming] 55 00:02:29,500 --> 00:02:31,000 Oh, that was just nasty! 56 00:02:33,625 --> 00:02:34,375 Now... 57 00:02:37,583 --> 00:02:40,003 as dope as that was, 58 00:02:40,083 --> 00:02:41,503 the new And1 Mixtape kills it 59 00:02:41,583 --> 00:02:44,173 'cause it does all sports, not just basketball, 60 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:45,130 and it's off the hook. 61 00:02:45,208 --> 00:02:46,788 Check it out, I'm serious. 62 00:02:52,708 --> 00:02:55,828 ♪ It only seems like I get everything that I want ♪ 63 00:02:55,917 --> 00:02:56,787 ♪ I spit a lot of verbs... 64 00:02:56,875 --> 00:02:57,875 Oh! Oh! 65 00:02:57,958 --> 00:02:59,328 No, he didn't, no, he didn't! 66 00:03:11,167 --> 00:03:13,377 [hollering] 67 00:03:13,458 --> 00:03:14,748 Yo, yo, you ain't seen nothing. 68 00:03:14,833 --> 00:03:15,753 Wait 'til you see him hit, wait 'til you see him hit! 69 00:03:15,833 --> 00:03:18,213 Wait 'til you see him hit! 70 00:03:18,042 --> 00:03:21,962 ♪ I think it's a distorted mind But in a way fortified ♪ 71 00:03:22,042 --> 00:03:23,922 ♪ On the borderline With so much more to find ♪ 72 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:26,460 ♪ A distorted mind But in a way fortified ♪ 73 00:03:26,542 --> 00:03:29,082 ♪ On the borderline With so much more to find ♪ 74 00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:30,287 ♪ The force is mine 75 00:03:30,375 --> 00:03:31,955 ♪ This source is sure to shine... ♪ 76 00:03:32,042 --> 00:03:34,382 [laughing] 77 00:03:34,458 --> 00:03:36,828 ♪ Not your average human being the flow is streaming... ♪ 78 00:03:38,125 --> 00:03:39,825 [cheering and hollering] 79 00:03:39,917 --> 00:03:41,707 ♪ Flow with the feeling, It's so appealing... ♪ 80 00:03:44,583 --> 00:03:46,003 -Watch this! - Watch him, watch him! 81 00:03:46,083 --> 00:03:48,333 ♪ Strictly game, I never miss the pain ♪ 82 00:03:48,417 --> 00:03:49,877 ♪ And though people say I'm insane ♪ 83 00:03:49,958 --> 00:03:52,288 ♪ Mangle the game, Angle is to strangle the game ♪ 84 00:03:52,375 --> 00:03:55,075 ♪ And handle the change And stay sane and maintain... ♪ 85 00:03:57,417 --> 00:03:59,787 That's the baddest motherfucker I ever seen in my life! 86 00:03:59,875 --> 00:04:01,325 ♪ And not to be stopwatched 87 00:04:06,667 --> 00:04:09,077 ♪ Yo, with every ounce of friendship ♪ 88 00:04:09,167 --> 00:04:10,497 ♪ I support and back the rhythm ♪ 89 00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:13,293 ♪ And every track I give 'em, I'm just supporting fact-ivism ♪ 90 00:04:13,375 --> 00:04:14,075 ♪ In your face... 91 00:04:14,167 --> 00:04:15,917 [cheering and hollering] 92 00:04:17,292 --> 00:04:19,712 ♪ He jogs at beginner pace While I win the race ♪ 93 00:04:19,792 --> 00:04:21,832 ♪ Tip, lap a flow-flow... 94 00:04:21,917 --> 00:04:24,417 [crowd hollering] 95 00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:26,540 ♪ I'm fun and being simple, So I had a test of decency... ♪ 96 00:04:26,625 --> 00:04:28,165 Oh, shit! 97 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,170 ♪ Hit the studio and fuckin' manifest the frequency ♪ 98 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:31,290 ♪ Get to truly know us 99 00:04:31,375 --> 00:04:32,915 ♪ And you'll get to see What we can see... ♪ 100 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:34,080 [cheering and hollering] 101 00:04:36,792 --> 00:04:37,712 In your face! 102 00:04:39,125 --> 00:04:41,455 ♪ Give me a pocket full of cheese for these club rats ♪ 103 00:04:41,542 --> 00:04:44,132 ♪ And a big bag of treats For these club rats ♪ 104 00:04:44,208 --> 00:04:46,248 ♪ Yo, fresh dressed Like a million bucks ♪ 105 00:04:46,333 --> 00:04:49,133 ♪ Put on my white glow And my all-white tux ♪ 106 00:04:49,208 --> 00:04:50,078 ♪ Smellin' like some angel 107 00:04:50,167 --> 00:04:51,417 ♪ In case my dick get sucked 108 00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:53,630 ♪ You know that usually happens In the back of the truck ♪ 109 00:04:53,708 --> 00:04:55,128 ♪ If I'm packin' you duck... 110 00:04:56,958 --> 00:04:59,668 [crowd cheering and hollering] 111 00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:10,248 ♪ My dogs all ready to bark 112 00:05:10,333 --> 00:05:12,003 ♪ One of my nigga said he drunk so much ♪ 113 00:05:12,083 --> 00:05:12,883 ♪ He already about to fall... 114 00:05:12,958 --> 00:05:14,378 Yeah! 115 00:05:17,833 --> 00:05:19,003 [cheering] 116 00:05:19,083 --> 00:05:20,423 [man] Man, you the sickest motherfucker 117 00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:22,500 I ever seen in the alley, son! 118 00:05:22,583 --> 00:05:24,043 Wait 'til you see him play defense, 119 00:05:24,125 --> 00:05:24,825 you ain't seen nothin', yo! 120 00:05:28,708 --> 00:05:30,538 [exclaiming] 121 00:05:30,625 --> 00:05:33,125 ♪ Yo, stay on your knees For these club rats ♪ 122 00:05:33,208 --> 00:05:35,378 ♪ Don't forget the cheese 'Cause they love that ♪ 123 00:05:35,458 --> 00:05:38,078 ♪ Give me a pocket full of cheese for these club rats ♪ 124 00:05:38,167 --> 00:05:39,957 ♪ And a big bag of treats For these club rats... ♪ 125 00:05:40,042 --> 00:05:43,002 [chanting] Gutterballs, Gutterballs... 126 00:05:44,875 --> 00:05:46,495 [cheering and hollering] 127 00:05:52,250 --> 00:05:54,290 We're gonna take a quick commercial break, y'all, 128 00:05:54,375 --> 00:05:55,665 But don't despair, 129 00:05:55,750 --> 00:05:58,880 we have jokes, and jokes, and jokes, and jokes. 130 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:03,580 I drooled on myself. 131 00:06:03,667 --> 00:06:06,247 Yo, this Talib Kweli, BK, MC. 132 00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:08,293 And this is Mos Def, Pretty Flaco, 133 00:06:08,375 --> 00:06:09,995 Black Dante, the Boogieman. 134 00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:16,380 I don't know about y'all, but I used to play 135 00:06:16,458 --> 00:06:19,078 a lot of basketball on the playground, growing up. 136 00:06:19,167 --> 00:06:21,917 And every time I would do something sweet or cool, 137 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:24,250 I would shout out my favorite basketball player 138 00:06:24,333 --> 00:06:25,423 'cause I felt like him, 139 00:06:25,500 --> 00:06:27,250 you ever do that? [grunting] 140 00:06:27,333 --> 00:06:28,833 Jordan... 141 00:06:28,917 --> 00:06:29,877 [laughing] 142 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,420 Well, nowadays, we know so much about NBA players, 143 00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:35,630 not only can we do that on the basketball court, 144 00:06:35,708 --> 00:06:38,078 we can do that in our everyday lives. 145 00:06:38,167 --> 00:06:39,127 And I'll show you how. 146 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:43,710 Kobe... 147 00:06:45,458 --> 00:06:46,958 You're under arrest. 148 00:06:49,125 --> 00:06:50,875 Rasheed Wallace. 149 00:06:54,083 --> 00:06:55,253 Damon Stoudamire. 150 00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:57,923 [snickering] 151 00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,040 My point is, Stevenson, 152 00:06:59,125 --> 00:07:00,035 you're gonna have to show 153 00:07:00,125 --> 00:07:01,205 a little more effort around here. 154 00:07:01,292 --> 00:07:02,752 More effort, huh? 155 00:07:02,833 --> 00:07:03,963 Sprewell! 156 00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:06,245 [grunting] 157 00:07:09,833 --> 00:07:12,753 Paul Pierce. Oh, ah. 158 00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:14,713 When are you gonna come and claim these kids? 159 00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:16,880 Every pro athlete ever. 160 00:07:21,542 --> 00:07:22,752 Wilt Chamberlain. 161 00:07:26,292 --> 00:07:27,502 Dennis Rodman. 162 00:07:29,125 --> 00:07:30,165 Oh, hell, no. 163 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:35,170 O.J. 164 00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:39,415 Hey, guys. 165 00:07:40,667 --> 00:07:43,077 Now, recently... 166 00:07:43,958 --> 00:07:45,918 Recently, People magazine 167 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,580 actually said that my show 168 00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:51,417 was, uh, "Sub-sophomoric and immature." 169 00:07:51,500 --> 00:07:52,960 Something like that. 170 00:07:53,042 --> 00:07:55,172 I don't know why they would say that I'm immature. 171 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:57,130 but if you think that my show is immature, 172 00:07:57,208 --> 00:07:59,128 then I would like to dedicate this next piece 173 00:07:59,208 --> 00:08:01,288 to whoever wrote that article at People. 174 00:08:05,125 --> 00:08:05,875 [tapping] 175 00:08:09,042 --> 00:08:10,582 [singing] 176 00:08:17,292 --> 00:08:18,042 [farts] 177 00:08:24,125 --> 00:08:24,995 [farts] 178 00:08:25,083 --> 00:08:28,253 ♪ Oh, lord 179 00:08:28,333 --> 00:08:29,793 [singing] 180 00:08:37,875 --> 00:08:38,785 [farts] 181 00:08:52,125 --> 00:08:53,205 [farts] 182 00:09:09,917 --> 00:09:14,877 ♪ di-a-rrhea 183 00:09:16,375 --> 00:09:19,575 [vocalizing] 184 00:09:27,417 --> 00:09:28,747 Diarrhea! 185 00:09:30,083 --> 00:09:31,003 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 186 00:09:31,083 --> 00:09:35,793 ♪ Ow! 187 00:09:35,875 --> 00:09:39,325 Hi, and welcome to Trading Spouses, 188 00:09:39,417 --> 00:09:41,627 The show where we take two married couples, 189 00:09:41,708 --> 00:09:42,748 and you guessed it, 190 00:09:42,833 --> 00:09:45,543 make them trade spouses for a whole month. 191 00:09:45,625 --> 00:09:47,035 Watch the sparks fly today, 192 00:09:47,125 --> 00:09:49,205 because for the first time on our show, 193 00:09:49,292 --> 00:09:52,212 we're going interracial. 194 00:09:52,042 --> 00:09:54,082 [man] Daddy's going away for a little while, alright? 195 00:09:54,167 --> 00:09:56,167 I'm gonna live with a white family. 196 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:57,080 Y'all be good. 197 00:09:57,167 --> 00:09:58,707 What you goin' be doin' with a white family? 198 00:09:58,792 --> 00:10:00,712 It's a TV. show, say hi to America. 199 00:10:02,083 --> 00:10:03,003 Anybody try and touch your mother, 200 00:10:03,083 --> 00:10:04,003 punch him in his dick. 201 00:10:05,125 --> 00:10:06,705 Look, son, 202 00:10:06,792 --> 00:10:08,582 dad's going away for a few weeks. 203 00:10:08,667 --> 00:10:10,327 So, I want you to be good, okay, squirt? 204 00:10:10,417 --> 00:10:12,127 Whatever. 205 00:10:12,208 --> 00:10:13,538 I love you. 206 00:10:13,625 --> 00:10:15,455 Oh, Eskimo kisses. 207 00:10:19,542 --> 00:10:21,792 You must be little T-Mart. 208 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,040 Would you like to call me daddy, hmm? 209 00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:27,415 Is it okay if I call you Mr. Deez? 210 00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:29,210 Mr. Deez? 211 00:10:29,792 --> 00:10:31,002 Deez nuts! 212 00:10:33,167 --> 00:10:34,787 I... I don't understand. 213 00:10:36,458 --> 00:10:37,998 -What's happenin'? -You must be Leonard. 214 00:10:38,083 --> 00:10:39,173 That's right. 215 00:10:39,250 --> 00:10:40,460 Can I call you daddy? 216 00:10:40,542 --> 00:10:41,712 Hell no. 217 00:10:41,792 --> 00:10:43,422 Only your mama calls me daddy. 218 00:10:43,500 --> 00:10:46,130 Here, mop top, take my bag up to my room. 219 00:10:46,208 --> 00:10:47,828 And if I find out you been going through my shit, 220 00:10:47,917 --> 00:10:49,877 I'm gonna beat you in your ass, you understand? 221 00:10:51,208 --> 00:10:51,998 Hmm. 222 00:10:54,125 --> 00:10:56,415 Well, welcome, it's good to have you here. 223 00:10:56,500 --> 00:10:58,710 It's good to be here, come on, girl. 224 00:10:58,792 --> 00:11:00,042 Oh... Oh... 225 00:11:00,125 --> 00:11:01,035 -Oh. -Yes. 226 00:11:01,125 --> 00:11:02,495 I don't smell no dinner cooking. 227 00:11:03,875 --> 00:11:05,075 Run on, make some grits. 228 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:08,290 Run on. 229 00:11:10,292 --> 00:11:12,172 What you cookin' for dinner, mister? 230 00:11:12,250 --> 00:11:15,130 Oh, yeah, well, I'm glad you asked, little buddy. 231 00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:17,078 Um, this here is cauliflower. 232 00:11:17,167 --> 00:11:19,077 This is corned beef hash. 233 00:11:19,167 --> 00:11:21,127 And these are parsnips. 234 00:11:23,583 --> 00:11:25,043 What the fuck is a parsnip? 235 00:11:25,125 --> 00:11:26,625 Leonard, just so you know, 236 00:11:26,708 --> 00:11:28,878 Todd would usually do the dishes after dinner. 237 00:11:30,083 --> 00:11:32,133 Well, just so you know, 238 00:11:32,208 --> 00:11:34,708 his ass will be back April 13th. 239 00:11:34,792 --> 00:11:36,042 Go on, do your thing, girl. 240 00:11:36,875 --> 00:11:38,075 Mop top... 241 00:11:38,167 --> 00:11:39,077 you do your homework? 242 00:11:39,167 --> 00:11:40,457 Yeah. 243 00:11:40,542 --> 00:11:41,962 Well, go on upstairs and wash your ass 244 00:11:42,042 --> 00:11:43,082 and then we'll watch Martin Lawrence. 245 00:11:44,875 --> 00:11:46,825 Want me to light your cigarette for you too? 246 00:11:46,917 --> 00:11:48,127 You better check your tone, girl, 247 00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:49,288 Get your inside voice on 248 00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:50,825 before I put your ass outside. 249 00:11:57,667 --> 00:11:59,077 [audience member] Mahogany. 250 00:12:02,042 --> 00:12:04,212 Racial profiling? 251 00:12:05,917 --> 00:12:08,667 Who the fuck is Renee "Zellwedger"? 252 00:12:11,833 --> 00:12:13,213 What's wrong, sweetie? 253 00:12:13,042 --> 00:12:14,422 T-Mart's been back-talking me, 254 00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:16,130 and I need you to take care of it for me. 255 00:12:17,958 --> 00:12:19,128 T-Mart! 256 00:12:19,208 --> 00:12:21,998 Excuse me, I'll be right back. 257 00:12:22,083 --> 00:12:23,173 Alright. 258 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:25,460 You're in big trouble, mister. 259 00:12:25,542 --> 00:12:27,082 What, you gonna hit me or something? 260 00:12:28,417 --> 00:12:29,787 You're going on time-out. 261 00:12:31,333 --> 00:12:34,423 For 15 minutes, okay? 262 00:12:34,500 --> 00:12:36,670 -Yeah-- -Starting now, T-Mart. 263 00:12:36,750 --> 00:12:37,790 Time-out! 264 00:12:40,042 --> 00:12:41,382 Time-out is sweet! 265 00:12:44,583 --> 00:12:46,083 Halle Berry, here I come. 266 00:12:47,042 --> 00:12:49,212 [rap music playing] 267 00:12:49,042 --> 00:12:50,212 [Leonard] Hey, mop top! 268 00:12:52,125 --> 00:12:53,745 What the hell you listening to? 269 00:12:53,833 --> 00:12:55,173 It's the new 50 cent. 270 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:57,000 I'm from the streets, man. 271 00:12:57,083 --> 00:12:59,043 G-g-g-g-g-g...g-unit. 272 00:13:01,583 --> 00:13:03,173 Come on, get in the car. 273 00:13:04,458 --> 00:13:06,418 G-g-g-g-g-g... get yo' ass in the car, go on! 274 00:13:10,667 --> 00:13:12,917 Well, here you are, mop top, 275 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:14,670 home sweet home, the 'hood. 276 00:13:15,417 --> 00:13:16,827 Alright, little fella, 277 00:13:16,917 --> 00:13:18,167 say hello to your people for me. 278 00:13:18,250 --> 00:13:19,540 And tell 'em when you see 'em, 279 00:13:19,625 --> 00:13:21,665 that Leonard Washington is glad he made it out, go on. 280 00:13:21,750 --> 00:13:23,210 Go on. 281 00:13:23,042 --> 00:13:24,752 G-g-g-g-g-g... good-bye. 282 00:13:25,958 --> 00:13:27,418 And if you need money, sell rocks, 283 00:13:27,500 --> 00:13:28,830 I heard that's what they do around here. 284 00:13:30,167 --> 00:13:31,077 [tires screech] 285 00:13:36,833 --> 00:13:38,383 What the hell is this? 286 00:13:40,667 --> 00:13:42,287 Damn, bitch, what's this, a lightsaber or something? 287 00:13:45,042 --> 00:13:46,042 -Night-night. -Hmm. 288 00:13:49,125 --> 00:13:51,285 Do you wanna have sex with me, Todd? 289 00:13:51,375 --> 00:13:53,075 Yes, I would like that very much. 290 00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:55,955 Okay. 291 00:13:56,042 --> 00:13:57,962 -[soft music playing] -[Sharron] Oh! [chuckles] 292 00:13:58,875 --> 00:13:59,995 [Todd] Uh, excuse me. 293 00:14:02,500 --> 00:14:05,670 Do you mind if I turn off this R&B music? 294 00:14:06,708 --> 00:14:09,458 I kinda wanna hear you breathing. 295 00:14:09,542 --> 00:14:11,082 -Okay. -Alright. 296 00:14:12,292 --> 00:14:13,292 -[music player clicks] -[music stops] 297 00:14:14,333 --> 00:14:16,793 -[Todd] Oh. -[Sharron] Uh... 298 00:14:16,875 --> 00:14:18,455 [Sharron] Do you wanna take off your pajama bottoms? 299 00:14:20,042 --> 00:14:22,042 [Todd] Actually, I'd feel more comfortable 300 00:14:22,125 --> 00:14:24,325 if I just pulled my penis through this hole. 301 00:14:26,500 --> 00:14:28,080 I'm sorry, baby, 302 00:14:28,167 --> 00:14:29,377 I don't go south of the border. 303 00:14:29,458 --> 00:14:30,418 That's just one thing 304 00:14:30,500 --> 00:14:32,210 that Leonard Washington don't do. 305 00:14:32,042 --> 00:14:34,542 But... But, Leonard, it's okay, I'm waxed. 306 00:14:34,625 --> 00:14:35,995 Damn! 307 00:14:36,083 --> 00:14:38,173 Now, I done heard of trimming the hedges, 308 00:14:38,250 --> 00:14:39,750 but you done scorched the earth. 309 00:14:41,042 --> 00:14:42,922 [sniffing] 310 00:14:44,625 --> 00:14:45,825 I smell your lightsaber. 311 00:14:47,333 --> 00:14:48,333 Lightsaber? 312 00:14:49,042 --> 00:14:50,502 [object buzzing] 313 00:14:58,292 --> 00:15:01,252 Leonard and I hardly even talk anymore. 314 00:15:01,333 --> 00:15:03,253 The other night he came home at three in the morning. 315 00:15:03,333 --> 00:15:05,133 I had no idea where he was. 316 00:15:05,208 --> 00:15:07,578 He uses profanity around Jeffrey. 317 00:15:07,667 --> 00:15:09,747 I just don't feel like we're sharing. 318 00:15:09,833 --> 00:15:13,003 I don't feel like there's any reciprocity there. 319 00:15:13,083 --> 00:15:15,213 [Judy] How do you feel about all this, Leonard? 320 00:15:17,042 --> 00:15:19,172 Bitch, I'll never forgive you for this. 321 00:15:19,250 --> 00:15:21,080 Go on, get in the car, warm it up. 322 00:15:23,125 --> 00:15:24,285 This is good, you can let out 323 00:15:24,375 --> 00:15:25,745 whatever you feel in here, Leonard. 324 00:15:25,833 --> 00:15:28,923 Alright, I'mma tell you right now, I ain't crazy, 325 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,580 I don't need no psychiatrist. 326 00:15:30,667 --> 00:15:32,997 And if you ever tell anybody I've been in here, 327 00:15:33,083 --> 00:15:34,963 I'll fuckin' kill ya. 328 00:15:35,042 --> 00:15:36,212 [Judy] It's confidential here, Leonard. 329 00:15:36,292 --> 00:15:39,082 I won't tell anyone, it's just between us. 330 00:15:39,167 --> 00:15:40,537 Well then, confidentially, 331 00:15:40,625 --> 00:15:41,955 I am crazy, 332 00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:44,042 and I'll fuckin' kill ya. 333 00:15:44,125 --> 00:15:47,245 Well, it's been a wild and crazy month. 334 00:15:47,333 --> 00:15:50,833 Let's see what our interracial families have learned. 335 00:15:50,917 --> 00:15:52,877 I learned a lot from Sharron 336 00:15:52,958 --> 00:15:54,498 and I learned a lot from little T-Mart. 337 00:15:54,583 --> 00:15:55,883 And quite frankly, 338 00:15:55,958 --> 00:15:57,748 I'll miss them both very much. 339 00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:00,165 And for the first time in my life... 340 00:16:01,583 --> 00:16:04,003 I tasted brown sugar, 341 00:16:04,083 --> 00:16:05,423 and not in my oatmeal. 342 00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:06,750 [chuckles] 343 00:16:07,875 --> 00:16:10,125 Yeah, being on this show taught me that, 344 00:16:10,208 --> 00:16:12,458 no matter where you come from, you know what I'm saying, 345 00:16:12,542 --> 00:16:13,882 or what color your skin is, 346 00:16:13,958 --> 00:16:17,208 we all pretty much do the same things in life. 347 00:16:17,042 --> 00:16:20,132 Raise our kids, make love from time-to-time, 348 00:16:20,208 --> 00:16:21,668 and wash. 349 00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:24,830 Speaking of which, 350 00:16:24,917 --> 00:16:27,077 I learned that white people don't use washcloths. 351 00:16:27,167 --> 00:16:28,627 Did you know that? 352 00:16:28,708 --> 00:16:30,748 I'm serious, they have one bar of soap in the house. 353 00:16:30,833 --> 00:16:32,083 Every time I used it, 354 00:16:32,167 --> 00:16:33,577 somebody else's pubic hair was in it. 355 00:16:33,667 --> 00:16:35,167 So I use the cloth. 356 00:16:35,250 --> 00:16:37,250 Why your ass got to put the raw bar of soap 357 00:16:37,333 --> 00:16:38,793 in your butt and all this? 358 00:16:38,875 --> 00:16:41,285 Maybe I need to wash my face or my feet. 359 00:16:43,625 --> 00:16:46,455 Todd and Leonard are very different. 360 00:16:46,542 --> 00:16:48,672 Although, Len is the love of my life, 361 00:16:48,750 --> 00:16:51,130 in a different world, I could see myself with Todd. 362 00:16:52,792 --> 00:16:54,292 Although, the penis-through-the-hole thing 363 00:16:54,375 --> 00:16:55,415 was kind of weird. 364 00:16:57,583 --> 00:16:59,503 And I am missing some of my drawers. 365 00:17:02,042 --> 00:17:03,962 Oh! [sniffs] 366 00:17:04,042 --> 00:17:05,832 Oh, my gosh! 367 00:17:05,917 --> 00:17:07,037 Ho-ho! [kisses] 368 00:17:08,750 --> 00:17:10,630 [licks] Titty residue. 369 00:17:10,708 --> 00:17:12,788 Hello? Hello? 370 00:17:16,375 --> 00:17:18,165 We're gonna take a quick commercial break, 371 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,290 but don't go anywhere 372 00:17:19,375 --> 00:17:20,415 'cause we're coming right back 373 00:17:20,500 --> 00:17:22,500 with more Chappelle's Show, I promise. 374 00:17:24,542 --> 00:17:26,042 [laughing] 375 00:17:26,125 --> 00:17:27,625 So I got a little riddle for you. 376 00:17:27,708 --> 00:17:28,998 What happens when you take 377 00:17:29,083 --> 00:17:30,713 two of Brooklyn's finest MCs 378 00:17:30,792 --> 00:17:32,502 and put them together in a group? 379 00:17:32,583 --> 00:17:34,083 Well, then you have my next guests. 380 00:17:34,167 --> 00:17:36,997 Make some noise, Mos Def, Talib Kweli, 381 00:17:37,083 --> 00:17:38,333 Black Star. 382 00:17:40,083 --> 00:17:41,963 This is a real nigga PSA 383 00:17:42,042 --> 00:17:44,332 from the Black Star embassy in Brooklyn 384 00:17:44,417 --> 00:17:46,077 entitled "What is Beef?" 385 00:17:46,167 --> 00:17:48,667 ♪ Yo, I was sold to a sick European ♪ 386 00:17:48,750 --> 00:17:50,170 ♪ By a rich African ♪ 387 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:53,000 ♪ Battlin' middle passages I can't go back again ♪ 388 00:17:53,083 --> 00:17:54,883 ♪ Battlin' years of denied history ♪ 389 00:17:54,958 --> 00:17:56,998 ♪ Lives were mysteries Wise and misty eyes ♪ 390 00:17:57,083 --> 00:17:59,173 ♪ Watchin' they niggas Be beaten viciously ♪ 391 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:01,290 ♪ Battled in the wilderness Of North America ♪ 392 00:18:01,375 --> 00:18:03,165 ♪ Ran by the river Only stoppin' to pray ♪ 393 00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:05,750 ♪ Chased by predators, Terrorists with etiquette ♪ 394 00:18:05,833 --> 00:18:07,083 ♪ Who vote and kill their president ♪ 395 00:18:07,167 --> 00:18:09,827 ♪ Their capacity for evil So evident and prevalent ♪ 396 00:18:09,917 --> 00:18:12,327 ♪ Ain't no hesitation involved A nation dissolved ♪ 397 00:18:12,417 --> 00:18:14,247 ♪ While we sit back Waitin' to evolve ♪ 398 00:18:14,333 --> 00:18:15,673 ♪ Those who would trade in their freedom ♪ 399 00:18:15,750 --> 00:18:17,290 ♪ For their protection Deserve neither ♪ 400 00:18:17,375 --> 00:18:20,035 ♪ Fuck a name, fuck tradition, religion, we learn Jesus ♪ 401 00:18:20,125 --> 00:18:21,745 ♪ Turn the other cheek, Inherit the earth ♪ 402 00:18:21,833 --> 00:18:23,543 ♪ Just stay meek, Fuck the way you speak ♪ 403 00:18:23,625 --> 00:18:25,075 ♪ Try to walk, we chop off your feet ♪ 404 00:18:25,167 --> 00:18:27,037 ♪ Fast forward to 2003 405 00:18:27,125 --> 00:18:28,665 ♪ Niggas beef, the psychology 406 00:18:28,750 --> 00:18:30,460 ♪ A trojan, a slave That run deep, yo ♪ 407 00:18:30,542 --> 00:18:33,172 ♪ Hell yeah, hell, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yo ♪ 408 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,290 ♪ What's beef? 409 00:18:34,375 --> 00:18:35,875 ♪ Hell, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yo ♪ 410 00:18:35,958 --> 00:18:37,128 ♪ That's beef 411 00:18:37,208 --> 00:18:38,378 ♪ Hell, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 412 00:18:38,458 --> 00:18:39,998 ♪ It's always your own people 413 00:18:40,083 --> 00:18:41,633 ♪ Sometime it's your own people yeah, yeah ♪ 414 00:18:41,708 --> 00:18:43,748 ♪ Hell, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yo ♪ 415 00:18:43,833 --> 00:18:45,133 ♪ What's beef? 416 00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:46,378 ♪ Hell, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yo ♪ 417 00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:47,628 ♪ That's beef 418 00:18:47,708 --> 00:18:49,078 ♪ Hell, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 419 00:18:49,167 --> 00:18:51,787 ♪ It's always your own people, Sometime it's your own people ♪ 420 00:18:51,875 --> 00:18:54,535 ♪ Yo, beef is not What Jay said to Nas ♪ 421 00:18:54,625 --> 00:18:57,535 ♪ Beef is when workin' niggas Can't find jobs ♪ 422 00:18:57,625 --> 00:18:59,825 ♪ City tryin' to find niggas to rob ♪ 423 00:18:59,917 --> 00:19:02,497 ♪ Tryin' to find bigger guns So they can finish the job ♪ 424 00:19:02,583 --> 00:19:05,173 ♪ Beef is when the crack kids Can't find moms ♪ 425 00:19:05,250 --> 00:19:08,170 ♪ 'Cause they in a pine box Or locked behind bars ♪ 426 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:10,630 ♪ Beef ain't The summer jam for HOT 97 ♪ 427 00:19:10,708 --> 00:19:13,498 ♪ Beef is the cocaine And aids epidemic ♪ 428 00:19:13,583 --> 00:19:16,213 ♪ Beef don't come With a radio edit ♪ 429 00:19:16,042 --> 00:19:18,792 ♪ Beef is when the Judge is calling you defendant ♪ 430 00:19:18,875 --> 00:19:21,535 ♪ Beef, it come with A long jail sentence ♪ 431 00:19:21,625 --> 00:19:23,995 ♪ Handed down to you In a few short minutes ♪ 432 00:19:24,083 --> 00:19:26,963 ♪ Beef is when your girl come through for a visit ♪ 433 00:19:27,042 --> 00:19:29,672 ♪ Talkin' about, "I'm pregnant by some other nigga" ♪ 434 00:19:29,750 --> 00:19:32,210 ♪ Beef is high blood pressure And bad credit ♪ 435 00:19:32,042 --> 00:19:34,882 ♪ Need a loan for your home and you're too broke to get it ♪ 436 00:19:34,958 --> 00:19:37,248 ♪ And all your little kids Is doin' is gettin' bigger ♪ 437 00:19:37,333 --> 00:19:40,003 ♪ You try not to raise 'em Around these wild niggas ♪ 438 00:19:40,083 --> 00:19:42,833 ♪ Beef is when a gold digger Got your seed in her ♪ 439 00:19:42,917 --> 00:19:45,327 ♪ A manicured hand out Like "Pay me, nigga ♪ 440 00:19:46,667 --> 00:19:48,167 ♪ Or I'm tellin' your wife 441 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,880 ♪ Or startin' up some foul rumor That'll ruin your life" ♪ 442 00:19:50,958 --> 00:19:52,998 ♪ Beef is when a gangsta Ain't doin' it right ♪ 443 00:19:53,083 --> 00:19:54,543 ♪ And other gangstas then decided ♪ 444 00:19:54,625 --> 00:19:56,075 ♪ What to do with his life 445 00:19:56,167 --> 00:19:58,417 ♪ Beef is not what these famous niggas do on the mic ♪ 446 00:19:58,500 --> 00:20:01,460 ♪ Beef is what George Bush Would do in a fight ♪ 447 00:20:01,542 --> 00:20:04,212 ♪ Beef is not what Ja said to 50 ♪ 448 00:20:04,042 --> 00:20:06,672 ♪ Beef is Walt and Irv Not bein' here with me ♪ 449 00:20:06,750 --> 00:20:09,380 ♪ When a soldier ends his life With his own gun ♪ 450 00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:11,998 ♪ Beef is tryin' to figure out What to tell his son ♪ 451 00:20:12,083 --> 00:20:14,713 ♪ Beef is oil prices and geopolitics ♪ 452 00:20:14,792 --> 00:20:17,292 ♪ Beef is Iraq, the West Bank and Gaza Strip ♪ 453 00:20:17,375 --> 00:20:19,995 ♪ Some beef is big And some beef is small ♪ 454 00:20:20,083 --> 00:20:22,293 ♪ But what y'all call beef Is no beef at all ♪ 455 00:20:22,375 --> 00:20:25,125 ♪ Beef is real life, Happenin' every day ♪ 456 00:20:25,208 --> 00:20:26,498 ♪ And it's realer than them songs ♪ 457 00:20:26,583 --> 00:20:27,753 ♪ That you dated Kay Slay ♪ 458 00:20:27,833 --> 00:20:30,213 ♪ This has been a Black Star PSA ♪ 459 00:20:30,292 --> 00:20:33,212 ♪ From Mos Def, Pretty Flaco, Black Dante ♪ 460 00:20:33,042 --> 00:20:36,042 ♪ And the Black Star embassy, B-to-the-K ♪ ♪ 461 00:20:36,125 --> 00:20:37,745 [cheering and applauding] 462 00:20:37,833 --> 00:20:39,293 I'd like to thank my guests, 463 00:20:39,375 --> 00:20:41,875 Black Star, Mos Def and Talib Kweli. 464 00:20:42,667 --> 00:20:43,707 God bless y'all, 465 00:20:43,792 --> 00:20:45,132 God bless America, 466 00:20:45,208 --> 00:20:47,788 God bless the world, 'cause we're in trouble. 467 00:20:47,875 --> 00:20:50,125 I'm out, I'll see you next year, God willin'! 468 00:20:50,208 --> 00:20:52,128 [cheering and applauding] 469 00:20:52,208 --> 00:20:54,418 -[Dave] I'm rich, biatch! -[horn honking] 470 00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:56,080 [woman] Hi, thank you. 471 00:21:01,250 --> 00:21:02,330 Hold still, I'm gonna get you! 472 00:21:02,417 --> 00:21:04,207 I got it, I got it! 473 00:21:04,292 --> 00:21:06,752 [both straining] 474 00:21:06,833 --> 00:21:07,883 I'll rip the... 475 00:21:07,958 --> 00:21:09,038 Oh, you ripped my wig off. 476 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:10,830 That's a good bit, 477 00:21:11,667 --> 00:21:14,877 we planned that. 478 00:21:14,958 --> 00:21:16,708 [man] Greatest show I've ever seen in my life. 479 00:21:19,292 --> 00:21:21,922 I don't think that this is gonna work. 480 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:23,500 You're so much older than I am. 481 00:21:24,333 --> 00:21:25,173 How old are you? 482 00:21:26,042 --> 00:21:26,962 I'm 35. 483 00:21:27,833 --> 00:21:29,043 I'm 27. 484 00:21:29,093 --> 00:21:33,643 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 36714

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.