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1
00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:10,120
Good morning.
You must be Steven Toast.
2
00:00:10,120 --> 00:00:12,200
How are you today?
I'm fine, thanks.
3
00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:14,160
And I trust you're well?
Amazing.
4
00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:17,880
Another Canadian.
You guys are taking over this town.
5
00:00:17,880 --> 00:00:20,160
I'm not Canadian.
6
00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:23,720
Hold your horses.
Is that Scramble Studios in London?
7
00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:29,080
Yeah, Scramble is one of our
sister studios.
8
00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:31,320
We've got studios
all over the world.
9
00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:32,520
Is that right?
10
00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:35,480
Sure. I'm due to fly out
to the London studio next month
11
00:00:35,480 --> 00:00:37,840
as part of our
staff exchange scheme.
12
00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:42,560
I can't wait. I'm super-excited,
it's going to be so super-cool.
13
00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:44,680
Sounds fascinating.
14
00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:47,000
Hey, do you know Donald Sutherland?
15
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:48,560
Isn't he Canadian?
16
00:00:48,560 --> 00:00:49,760
Is he single?
17
00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:51,560
I've no idea.
18
00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:53,360
He's a bit old for you, isn't he?
19
00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:55,760
Hey, if Daddy can raise the bridge,
20
00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:57,840
then Mama's river be flowing.
21
00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:01,600
Good grief.
22
00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:05,720
Erm, I'm due to record,
and I'm guessing it's through there.
23
00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:09,000
Sure. Studio one.
Go right in. They're ready for you.
24
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:10,440
Thanking you.
25
00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:17,000
Would you mind if I raised
this microphone?
26
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:19,000
Make yourself comfortable, Steven.
27
00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:24,560
Hello, Steven, this is
Clem Fandango. Welcome to LA.
28
00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:06,040
{\an8}Of all the recording studios
in the world,
29
00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:09,240
I end up in the same one
as you two clowns.
30
00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:10,720
Is it always this hot?
31
00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:13,080
I mean, I'm going to pass out
in here.
32
00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:15,440
Got to say,
I kind of like the heat, man.
33
00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:17,360
Always wanted to live out here
in LA.
34
00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:20,960
"Man"? You've only been here
ten minutes, you idiot.
35
00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:22,480
But this is too hot.
36
00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:24,800
Hi, Steven, this is Clem Fandango.
Can you hear me?
37
00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:25,840
Yes, unfortunately.
38
00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:28,600
I'm afraid the air-con in the
vocal booth broke down last night.
39
00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:31,720
Oh! Means it's 27 degrees hotter
in there than it is in here.
40
00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:32,960
Oh, God!
41
00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:35,560
Also bad timing, I'm afraid,
Steven, it's the hottest day
42
00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:38,080
there's ever been in LA.
Oh, for God's sake!
43
00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:39,880
Don't you just love it?
44
00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:42,120
No. All right, let's crack on.
45
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:45,520
The quicker we finish this, the
sooner I can get out of this oven.
46
00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:47,720
OK, Steven, pepper spray,
take one.
47
00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:52,720
Fed up with people
knocking at your door?
48
00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:57,000
Well, one sharp burst of Corden's
pepper spray will make anyone
49
00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:59,160
think twice about ringing your bell.
50
00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:03,440
Corden's criminal deterrents -
America's favourite pepper spray.
51
00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:10,240
Perfect. That was great, Steven,
real swell.
52
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:12,800
We'll shoot that over to the client,
see what gives.
53
00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:14,360
What is this snake oil?
54
00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:17,080
Corden's pepper spray.
55
00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:24,640
BOOM!
56
00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:27,320
Huh.
57
00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:29,840
Wonder what could have caused that.
Must be the heat.
58
00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:32,040
Mm.
59
00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:33,960
Get...me...out.
60
00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:39,760
THINKING: What am I doing here?
61
00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:42,600
Look at Russ Nightlife.
Who is he?
62
00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:46,400
He's a grown man doing a jigsaw
puzzle like some geriatric
63
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:49,880
in a care home.
Definitely an odd fish.
64
00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:51,400
And I should know.
65
00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:54,000
I've swum with a few in MY time.
66
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:59,480
What a loser. I hope I never end up
like that - sad, lonely,
67
00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:03,360
without hope, pathetically
assembling a ludicrous jigsaw
68
00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:06,120
just to pass the endless hours.
69
00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:08,760
You know,
I could read your thoughts.
70
00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:10,720
What?! You're thinking about sex.
71
00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:15,440
I'm not, actually.
I'm meeting a friend tonight.
72
00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:18,600
I was thinking
about booking a restaurant.
73
00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:20,400
A friend?
Yes.
74
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:23,000
What, like a lady friend?
75
00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:24,360
Yes.
76
00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:28,600
Well, I'm telling you now,
don't ever bring her back here,
77
00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:31,400
I can't have anyone just sniffing
around the joint, all right?
78
00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:32,800
All right.
79
00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:37,560
RUSS HUMS
80
00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:42,360
Are you planning
to have sex with her?
81
00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:48,240
What? The thought of you having sex
under my roof disgusts me.
82
00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:51,200
It's a stupid question anyway.
I mean, look at you.
83
00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:55,400
I beg your pardon?
If you do have sex with her,
84
00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:58,720
I want you to inject yourself
with a millilitre of this.
85
00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:00,080
Do what?!
86
00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:01,920
It doesn't hurt. Look.
87
00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:12,800
HE GASPS, GROANS
88
00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:15,200
Ugh! Aghhh!
89
00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:18,880
What the hell?
90
00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:20,760
Jesus Christ, man!
91
00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:22,360
HE GROANS
92
00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:24,200
HE LAUGHS
93
00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:26,320
Toast, I'm joking.
94
00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:34,760
Oh, you need to lighten up a little,
man.
95
00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:35,840
Oh!
96
00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:40,760
Jesus Christ.
97
00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:45,120
SHEPHERD: Easing it in...slowly.
98
00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:48,680
And now a persistent rhythmic
movement.
99
00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:50,160
Oh, yes.
100
00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:51,800
In an accelerating motion.
101
00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:53,120
Oh, God.
102
00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:56,480
Quickly followed
by a...rapid emission.
103
00:05:56,480 --> 00:05:57,840
Good God!
104
00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:00,520
Oh!
105
00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:05,200
The act was completed in
pretty much the same time period
106
00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:06,640
as the previous procedure
107
00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:10,280
last Tuesday,
3 minutes and 28 seconds.
108
00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:12,720
It's all a bit...
109
00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:15,760
A bit what?
A bit clinical, isn't it?
110
00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:17,920
But I am a clinical sexologist.
111
00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:21,400
Yeah, but do you need to make notes
while we're actually making love?
112
00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:25,000
Oh, yes. It's very important
to make notes during the procedure
113
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:26,920
rather than having to rely
on memory.
114
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:30,120
And even the word "procedure" -
it's not very romantic, is it?
115
00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:35,200
"Romantic" is not a word
easily defined in scientific terms.
116
00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:38,120
This IS a relationship, isn't it?
Just to be clear.
117
00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:39,560
Oh, yes.
118
00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:43,600
I draw a very clear distinction
between sex with you
119
00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:47,120
and sex with people I'm sleeping
with for research purposes.
120
00:06:49,920 --> 00:06:51,280
Glad to hear it.
121
00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:55,920
Except, in this case, when it kills
two birds with one stone,
122
00:06:55,920 --> 00:06:57,800
as you Brits like to say.
123
00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:05,440
Shepherd, there's another man
in bed with us.
124
00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:09,840
Yes, he's a fellow professor
accompanying me on field work.
125
00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:11,920
Does he have to be here?
126
00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:15,240
Professor Map? Yes. Yes, he does.
127
00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:16,720
Right.
128
00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:20,800
It's rather taken me by surprise
seeing him in bed here with us.
129
00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:23,800
Very well. Professor Map...
130
00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:28,000
Wurde es Ihnen etwas ausmachen,
uns bitte zu verlassen?
131
00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:38,320
It's only 11.30.
What say we go for a walk?
132
00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:39,840
We can stop at a cafe.
133
00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:43,120
You fancy a cappuccino bianco
in the shade?
134
00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:44,960
Or maybe a cocktail at high noon?
135
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:46,920
I can't.
136
00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:49,920
I have to go
and have sex with someone else.
137
00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:52,560
How many other men are you having
sex with on this project?
138
00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:54,080
Oh, I would say somewhere in the...
139
00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:57,160
Oh! Goddamn it!
140
00:07:57,160 --> 00:07:59,800
I really have to get these
organised.
141
00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:02,320
What are they?
Score cards.
142
00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:04,840
You give scores for performance?
143
00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:07,480
I'm guessing I'd be
in the higher points bracket.
144
00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:11,040
Oh, I haven't filled out
your score card yet, Toast.
145
00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:13,880
I only do that when I've completed
a full assessment
146
00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:15,400
of the participants' performance.
147
00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:18,120
Yeah, but I'm guessing I'd be
pretty up there, wouldn't you say?
148
00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:21,120
I'm sorry, Toast.
That's confidential information.
149
00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:22,480
Oh-ho-ha!
150
00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:26,320
I really need to get
this shit together.
151
00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:28,400
Maybe my daughter could do it.
152
00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:31,560
I must admit,
I'm very fond of you, Shepherd,
153
00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:34,240
so it's only natural
that I should be slightly jealous,
154
00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:37,800
seeing as you're sleeping with
literally dozens, if not hundreds,
155
00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:40,240
of other men, including me.
156
00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:43,080
But as long as I know
that I'm the special one,
157
00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:44,640
then I'm absolutely...
158
00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:47,120
..fine with it.
You sure you're fine with it?
159
00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:50,040
Sounds a little goddamn weird to me.
160
00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:52,520
You couldn't be more wrong,
Hooberman.
161
00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:54,680
She's a professional psychologist,
162
00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:58,920
perfectly capable of distinguishing
between business and pleasure.
163
00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:01,040
They're business, I'm pleasure.
164
00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:04,640
Who's that fella?
165
00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:09,360
Sonny-Sam Dysco, they say he's going
to be the next goddamn big thing.
166
00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:11,280
He's got a whole billboard
to himself.
167
00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:13,720
Wouldn't mind a slice
of that action myself.
168
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:15,840
Anything juicy coming up for me?
169
00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:18,880
How would you like to play
another butler?
170
00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:20,240
I'd hate that.
171
00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:22,440
Weech Beacon needs a butler.
172
00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:25,280
He's about to make a huge
goddamn movie,
173
00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:28,800
so the dollars will be a plenty,
Daddy-o.
174
00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:30,880
Weech Beacon?
175
00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:35,400
Weech Beacon, talented director,
also a major league asshole.
176
00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:38,520
I've never heard of that league.
Sounds prestigious.
177
00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:40,040
Well, if he likes the look of you,
178
00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:42,520
he'll probably offer you the job
on the spot.
179
00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:45,240
He's pretty impulsive that way.
You want to meet him?
180
00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:48,760
Well, if the dollars are plenty,
Mummy-o, why not?
181
00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:50,000
I'll text him.
182
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:53,280
He's probably at The Dive.
He hangs out there all the time.
183
00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:57,080
The Dive? They tell me
it's the hippest bar in town
184
00:09:57,080 --> 00:10:02,120
but, hell, my ass is as old as time,
so what would I goddamn know?
185
00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:07,760
Oh, we're pretty damn close.
I'll text him now.
186
00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:11,680
HORNS HONK
187
00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:14,240
TOAST YELLS
188
00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:15,960
Asshole!
189
00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:53,440
Like I said, Red's on board.
Are you sure?
190
00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:56,440
He might even bring Jen with him.
Who knows? Sure?
191
00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:58,280
Relax, baby.
192
00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:00,360
The chicken's in the basket, huh?
193
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:01,720
Chicken's in the basket.
194
00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:05,480
Are you Toast?
I'm Steven Toast. Good afternoon.
195
00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:07,960
You came in costume. I like that.
196
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:12,880
I'm Weech Beacon, and this is
my producer, Ben Egyptian.
197
00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:15,040
Hi, Steven.
198
00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:19,240
I got to go.
See you later, Ben.
199
00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:21,400
Hey, sit.
200
00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:24,200
All right.
Yeah, Ben couldn't stay.
201
00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:27,080
He's gotta go square things
with his daughter.
202
00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:29,720
It's the 16th time
he's missed her birthday.
203
00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:32,920
HE CHUCKLES
Yeah.
204
00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:34,320
Jesus.
205
00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:39,680
You know what?
You look exactly like a waiter,
206
00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:43,720
but also exactly like a butler.
207
00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:46,160
Yeah, you'll be perfect.
208
00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:48,320
I'm just going to tell Brad.
209
00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:50,080
That's all very good.
210
00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:52,240
Sorry,
I've drunk rather a lot of water,
211
00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:55,320
so I'll need to use the men's room.
Do you know where it's located?
212
00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:02,920
What, that?
Yeah.
213
00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:07,200
Really? What?
214
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:45,960
Must have drunk a gallon of water.
Is it always this hot?
215
00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:47,440
Actually...
216
00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:49,000
Oh, damn.
217
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:51,400
That chilli went
straight through me.
218
00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:56,720
Whoa!
219
00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:58,720
Goddamn chilli.
Good God.
220
00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:00,160
Jesus Christ!
221
00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:01,400
Oh!
222
00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:09,640
You say the line, "May I offer you
some wine, Herr Shimmerman?"
223
00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:14,080
"Shimmerman." And then hand
the glass to him from the tray.
224
00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:15,760
OK, doesn't sound too difficult.
225
00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:17,760
Hey, this is a crucial scene,
226
00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:20,640
and I'm planning to do it all
in one ten-minute take.
227
00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:22,760
There'll be a long tracking shot.
228
00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:26,680
I'm using 2,000 extras, dancing
girls, and well over 1,000 horses,
229
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:31,480
and then everything will focus
on you,
230
00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:34,800
and the shot will probably cost
about $3 million,
231
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:38,560
so, yeah,
you better not screw it up.
232
00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:40,600
Well, no pressure, then.
233
00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:44,480
Shit.
Oh, dear.
234
00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:48,040
No. LOTS of pressure.
235
00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:49,880
I know, I was just being sarcastic.
236
00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:52,120
You were being what? Sarcastic.
237
00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:54,440
Well, that's a British thing,
sarcasm.
238
00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:57,000
We don't do that here in LA, OK?
239
00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:58,760
Say the goddamn line!
240
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:02,080
May I offer you some wine,
241
00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:03,480
Mr Shimmershine?
242
00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:05,480
Shimmerman! Shimmerman.
243
00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:07,880
Jesus.
Sorry, I just got the name wrong.
244
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:09,760
Would you mind if I took that again?
245
00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:11,600
HE GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION
246
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:14,880
I could have offered this role
to any slack Jack Harris in town.
247
00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:18,040
Harris? But you got the part
because you look like a butler.
248
00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:23,720
And remember, this set-up
is going to cost $3 million.
249
00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:25,200
Right.
250
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:26,720
Don't fuck it up, buddy.
251
00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:28,000
Understood.
252
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:30,080
Yeah, it better be.
253
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:34,280
Jesus Christ.
254
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:41,920
Look at you, you dirty dog.
255
00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:46,000
Have you been a naughty mongrel?
256
00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:50,880
What's that?
257
00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:52,040
Good grief.
258
00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:54,320
I wondered where that went.
259
00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:56,640
You nasty, thieving mutt.
260
00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:58,720
Someone's getting punished now.
261
00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:00,440
Severely punished.
262
00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:05,840
Has anyone ever told you that
you actually do look like a dog?
263
00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:09,040
Yes. Some people have remarked on it
before.
264
00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:11,160
Shut up, Dogface!
265
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:15,920
Shepherd, I'm not sure
this S&M stuff is for me.
266
00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:17,720
Are you serious?
267
00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:20,680
We haven't even introduced
the man in the mask yet.
268
00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:21,840
Who?
269
00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:25,320
I auditioned a lot of people
to help me out with our little game.
270
00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:29,440
You want to see this guy.
He has no inhibitions whatsoever.
271
00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:32,920
Jesus.
Man in the mask, enter.
272
00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:37,200
I'm ready to be your slave,
O Mistress.
273
00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:39,040
Hang about.
Huh?
274
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:41,760
Ed?!
275
00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:44,040
Toast!
276
00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:45,520
How are you finding LA?
277
00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:48,040
What the hell are you doing here,
Ed?
278
00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:50,560
I was visiting friends and happened
to see an advertisement
279
00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:52,240
in a local cafe.
What the hell is going on?
280
00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:53,560
Do you two know each other?
281
00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:56,520
Yes, we used to be housemates
in London.
282
00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:58,200
I was going to look you up, Toast,
283
00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:00,240
but I wasn't expecting to meet you
like this.
284
00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:01,560
Can't say I'm surprised.
285
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:04,240
Could never resist a kinky knees-up,
could you, Ed?
286
00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:06,760
A kinky knees-up?
287
00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:09,280
Oh, I like the sound of that.
TOAST GROWLS, MUMBLES
288
00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:12,040
So, since we're all here,
let's get down to business.
289
00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:14,240
Starting on Toast,
is that right, mistress?
290
00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:16,240
Are you ready, man in the mask?
291
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:17,560
Oh, yes.
292
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:20,960
Then, if it's OK, me next.
293
00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:24,800
Shit.
294
00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:29,840
How was your day?
295
00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:32,560
Well, apart from my
sexually-liberated girlfriend
296
00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:34,920
who insisted on stringing me up
and whipping me
297
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:39,040
in front of my old roommate from
London who was dressed in rubber,
298
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:40,680
I'd say pretty ordinary.
299
00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:42,920
It is hard in LA
to find your footing,
300
00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:44,840
but at least you have
this other acting job.
301
00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:46,200
What's your line again?
302
00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:47,760
Oh.
303
00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:51,800
"May I offer you some wine,
Herr Shimmer...ton?"
304
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,560
Herr Shimmerson.
305
00:16:56,560 --> 00:16:58,360
Shimmergroove.
306
00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:01,920
Herr... Shimmerguff.
307
00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:06,160
Herr Shimmertree.
308
00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:09,160
Herr Shimmerblue.
309
00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:13,440
Herr Shimmerfoot.
310
00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:16,680
Herr Shimmersquare.
311
00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:19,320
Herr Shimmerhair.
312
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:28,920
Hello, my name is Liberty.
Are you Sandwich?
313
00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:30,520
What?
314
00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:32,360
No, not Sandwich, Toast.
315
00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:36,320
Toast! I'm so sorry.
Mr Toast, not Mr Sandwich.
316
00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:40,120
Mr Toast, I'm afraid I'm going
to need to take that chair, sir.
317
00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:41,480
What, this chair?
318
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:42,880
That chair, yes.
319
00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:44,880
The director has asked me to get him
a chair,
320
00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:47,000
but as soon as I find another one,
Mr Toast,
321
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:48,800
I'll bring it straight over here.
322
00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:54,480
Oh, he's also asked
you don't move from this spot,
323
00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:56,120
otherwise you could be in shot.
324
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:03,960
WASTE CLANGS
325
00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:08,000
Jesus Christ, if...
326
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,880
HE YELLS
327
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,840
Bloody hell, you could have
killed me, you dozy bastard.
328
00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:14,440
VARIOUS: What?
329
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:17,120
What the hell did he call us?
Fucking loser.
330
00:18:17,120 --> 00:18:19,720
So, there you go. One trumpet.
331
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:21,600
I didn't ask for a trumpet.
332
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:24,200
Oh, wait. You wanted a chair.
333
00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:26,800
A chair? Yes.
Unless you want me to sit on that.
334
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:28,760
I'm so sorry, Mr Toast.
335
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:31,000
This is my first day.
336
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:32,920
Who ordered the trumpet?
337
00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:34,560
This is ridiculous.
338
00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:38,120
You might want to get rid of this
before someone falls arse over tit.
339
00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:39,440
Absolutely.
340
00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:46,080
Toast! Get your ass over here!
341
00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:52,080
I can't tell you how important it is
that you don't mess up this shot.
342
00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:55,600
It's going to be a ten-minute
one-shot take.
343
00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:59,240
At the end of it, you walk in,
say your line.
344
00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:02,920
You know your line, right?
345
00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:07,160
Yeah. "May I offer you some wine,
Herr Shimmershoo?"
346
00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:08,720
Shimmerman! Jesus Christ!
347
00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:11,240
Sorry. Do I look like
the cream cheese fairy, huh?
348
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:12,920
I don't know.
I don't know who that is.
349
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:14,960
Am I a chicken in a basket?
350
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:16,480
Again, I'm not sure.
351
00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:19,600
This set-up costs $3 million.
352
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:20,800
How much did it cost?
353
00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:22,200
Three million.
354
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:23,600
Yeah, that's right.
355
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:26,160
So you'd better get it right, baby.
One chance.
356
00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:27,320
How many chances?
357
00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:28,960
One.
358
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:31,440
OK, everybody ready.
359
00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:33,160
Positions, please.
360
00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:36,480
Hey!
361
00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:43,120
Fucking...
362
00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:46,440
VARIOUS ELABORATE SOUND EFFECTS
363
00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:01,520
May I offer you some wine,
Herr Shimmelshine?
364
00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:03,280
Whoa!
365
00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:04,760
Damn it!
366
00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:07,920
What?!
367
00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:18,080
How do you think that scene went
just now?
368
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:19,760
Not great, to be honest.
369
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,240
I tripped on a skateboard
and buggered up my line.
370
00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:24,040
Yeah, yeah.
371
00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:26,720
Forgive me,
my memory's a little hazy,
372
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:31,200
but at any point did I tell you
it was absolutely crucial
373
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:34,480
that you got your shit together,
because if you didn't,
374
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:38,000
you could totally fuck up a shot
that cost $3 million?!
375
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:42,640
You... You remember that?
376
00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:44,040
Yeah, I remember.
377
00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:47,000
OK, Steven Toast...
378
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:51,600
..what do you think we should do
now?
379
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:53,600
I don't know, er,
380
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:56,480
reset and shoot the scene again?
381
00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:58,120
WEECH CHUCKLES
382
00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:04,000
OK, I see what we got here.
383
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:06,440
Take off your pants.
I beg your pardon?
384
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:08,520
Take them down
and bend over the table.
385
00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:10,040
What the...?
Now!
386
00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:14,040
Hey, Ben. Hey, Weech. Just in time.
387
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:15,720
You want a piece of the action?
388
00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:20,640
Is this absolutely necessary?
389
00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:24,120
Well, it won't bring me
my money back,
390
00:21:24,120 --> 00:21:27,000
but I'll feel
a whole shitload better about it.
391
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:29,640
Grip the desk.
392
00:21:29,640 --> 00:21:31,680
Hey, Mr Toast, I found you a chair,
393
00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:33,400
but I'm guessing you're good.
394
00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:36,120
TOAST YELLS
395
00:21:38,360 --> 00:21:42,080
Moving my right hand
across the lower back
396
00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:45,240
and down to the buttock area.
397
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:46,880
TOAST YELLS
398
00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:50,760
What the hell is going on, Toast?
399
00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:54,560
Your goddamn ass
feels like a giant cookie.
400
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:59,080
Yeah, it's a bit sore down there,
Shepherd. It's starting to burn.
401
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:01,040
Maybe I'll have a cold shower.
402
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:07,000
That ass has taken
one hell of a beating.
403
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:10,840
I thought you said
you weren't into S&M.
404
00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:14,200
I'm not. The director
I'm working with did it.
405
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:16,880
I ruined his shot,
so he thrashed me with his belt.
406
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:19,560
Did it in front of his producer
and a young runner.
407
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:22,840
Very humiliating, not to mention
highly unprofessional.
408
00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:24,440
Mm. Urgh.
409
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:31,400
You're top class, Shepherd.
410
00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:35,280
This is the best relationship
I've ever been in.
411
00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:38,240
I'm so incredibly happy,
I believe I could fly.
412
00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:40,880
What are you doing, darling?
413
00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:46,800
Oh, I'm just making
a few final notes on my scorecards.
414
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:49,960
Scorecard, you say?
415
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:52,720
I'm guessing I'll get a 10,
or maybe a 9.5.
416
00:22:54,120 --> 00:22:57,480
I have to go. More research.
417
00:22:57,480 --> 00:22:59,640
All right.
418
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:03,240
♪ My grandfather's hands
went wandering
419
00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:06,600
♪ Wandering from north
down to south... ♪
420
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:16,640
What's this?
421
00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:19,040
Weech Beacon?
422
00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:25,040
What's it say? "Poor performance,
predictable, dull, unexciting.
423
00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:28,680
"Total, zero out of ten." Brilliant.
424
00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:41,600
I say, Billy,
how do I post something online?
425
00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:44,560
You know that bloody director
who shredded my arse?
426
00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:47,240
Well, I found out something
pretty embarrassing about him
427
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:50,400
and I want to put it online
as an act of revenge.
428
00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:51,920
I can do that for you.
429
00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:53,320
You can? Mm.
430
00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:57,640
I must warn you, I'm pretty useless
when it comes to the social mediums.
431
00:23:57,640 --> 00:23:59,840
Nonos problemos. Let's do it.
432
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:01,800
Really? Yeah. Fantastic.
433
00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:05,240
I'll leave you to it and I'll enjoy
the rest of my pina colada
434
00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:08,280
on the terrace.
Okey dokey, Smokey.
435
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:10,640
Very much appreciate you helping me,
Billy.
436
00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:12,960
Happy to do this for you, Toast.
Yes.
437
00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:16,920
MUSIC PLAYS ON HEADPHONES
438
00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:20,880
Oh, before I forget, do make sure
my account is anonymous.
439
00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:27,200
This is the life.
440
00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:34,360
What's the internet saying about me?
441
00:24:34,360 --> 00:24:35,960
How cool I am? Yeah.
442
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:38,840
Loved my last movie.
443
00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:40,600
HE CHUCKLES
444
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:42,200
What the...?
445
00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:44,280
Shit. Shit!
446
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:47,080
SHE GASPS
447
00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:49,840
Jesus Christ, how the hell
did that get there?
448
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:51,520
Is that my scorecard, huh?
449
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:55,480
"Poor performance, predictable,
dull, unexciting"?!
450
00:24:55,480 --> 00:25:00,200
I mean, whoa, zero out of ten?
Zero out of goddamn ten?!
451
00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:03,480
No, that is not right.
That is not your scorecard.
452
00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:06,720
What? Well, that is the score card
of a hopeless loser
453
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:09,120
I was sleeping with
as research for my book.
454
00:25:09,120 --> 00:25:11,040
His name is Steven Toast.
455
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:13,960
That's the dumb-ass jerk
who just ruined my movie.
456
00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:17,520
What? I asked Liberty to type up
my scorecards from the notes
457
00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:20,320
I'd put together. She's obviously
got the names mixed up.
458
00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:25,080
What a loser.
Yes, he is a zero out of ten loser.
459
00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:30,840
But you, you, baby,
you are a ten out of ten winner.
460
00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:34,680
I'm going to find your real
scorecard and post it there.
461
00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:36,840
Whoa, I'm a ten out of ten?
462
00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:38,840
You betcha.
463
00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:41,360
Are you ready to play,
little doggie?
464
00:25:41,360 --> 00:25:42,680
Oh, yeah.
465
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:44,800
Woof!
466
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:49,840
And after we have some fun,
I'm going to go get my scorecards.
467
00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:52,040
Oh, yeah, baby.
468
00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:54,960
Woof!
SHE GROWLS
469
00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:56,600
HE HOWLS
470
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:03,160
Ah, Shepherd, what a lovely
surprise. Come in.
471
00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:06,360
I know you posted that stuff
about Weech, Toast.
472
00:26:06,360 --> 00:26:08,680
No, I didn't.
It was an anonymous account.
473
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:11,080
Then, maybe you shouldn't have
posted it
474
00:26:11,080 --> 00:26:15,920
under the name of "Steven Toast,
specialises in playing butlers".
475
00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:17,840
Right, OK.
476
00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:22,160
But we are still in a relationship,
aren't we, you and I?
477
00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:23,840
Scorecards.
478
00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:36,760
He's not a happy bunny, Toast.
You screwed up his whole movie,
479
00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:38,800
and then you went on
the social media
480
00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:41,400
saying he couldn't cut it
in the sack.
481
00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:44,240
Yeah, and also he gave my arse
a severe thrashing
482
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:46,280
and stole my ladyfriend.
483
00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:48,160
Hopefully that'll be the end of it.
484
00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:51,240
Oh, God.
485
00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:55,480
No!
486
00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:00,160
This Hollywood Reporter magazine,
487
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:03,360
now, I'm guessing it's a niche
publication that nobody reads.
488
00:27:03,360 --> 00:27:04,640
Would I be right?
489
00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:06,880
Wrong? It's read by everyone
in Hollywood.
490
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:08,480
Absolutely everyone.
491
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:11,240
Even people who never read anything
read it.
492
00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:12,320
God!
493
00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:17,160
Hey, you want to try to fit
a piece into my Tricky Dick
494
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:20,200
jigsaw puzzle?
Jigsaw?
495
00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:22,480
Yeah, might take your mind
off of things.
496
00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:30,120
Doesn't fit.
497
00:27:30,120 --> 00:27:32,000
Aw, doesn't fit?
498
00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:33,600
Bad luck, loser.
499
00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:40,440
I'm so sorry I used your name
on the account.
500
00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:43,320
I didn't know
you wanted to be anonymous.
501
00:27:43,320 --> 00:27:44,920
It's not your fault.
502
00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:47,440
I should have supervised
my own caper.
503
00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:49,920
Poor you. Are you OK?
504
00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:53,720
You might have to remove that hand.
505
00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:56,200
I'm not used to people
being nice to me.
506
00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:06,800
♪ Son of a small-town draper
507
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:09,440
♪ You wanted everything now
not later
508
00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:11,680
♪ Took a job as a hotel waiter
509
00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:14,240
♪ Drank your whisky straight
No chaser
510
00:28:14,240 --> 00:28:16,600
♪ Hang around with a pretty
ice-skater
511
00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:19,120
♪ Till you tired and began
to hate her
512
00:28:19,120 --> 00:28:21,520
♪ Oh, yes, you're boss
513
00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:23,960
♪ And it's just because
514
00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:29,160
♪ They know
that you're the great beatmaker. ♪
515
00:28:29,210 --> 00:28:33,760
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