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2
00:02:42,457 --> 00:02:43,936
Evening.
3
00:03:01,657 --> 00:03:05,256
Hello. Hello.
4
00:03:05,418 --> 00:03:06,816
- Hello.
- Hello.
5
00:03:06,977 --> 00:03:10,336
- Hello. Hello.
- Hello.
6
00:03:10,537 --> 00:03:12,537
- Hello.
- Hello...
7
00:03:14,017 --> 00:03:16,696
Hello. Hello.
8
00:03:20,257 --> 00:03:22,176
Give it to me!
9
00:03:24,697 --> 00:03:26,816
- Eight bucks?
- Business is slow.
10
00:03:27,417 --> 00:03:30,616
Get a new business
or move out of the neighborhood!
11
00:03:46,818 --> 00:03:52,376
- Come on.
- Hey, take that! Pig!
12
00:03:57,337 --> 00:04:00,137
Get your hands off me!
13
00:04:02,537 --> 00:04:05,057
So am I ever gonna get an answer
out of you guys?
14
00:04:05,217 --> 00:04:08,096
- Well, sir...
- Well.
15
00:04:08,257 --> 00:04:11,337
- Congratulations, captain.
- What is it now, chief?
16
00:04:11,498 --> 00:04:13,336
Oh. It's official.
17
00:04:13,497 --> 00:04:16,537
This is now the worst precinct
in the entire city.
18
00:04:16,698 --> 00:04:20,856
Would you look at this?
Burglary, up 36 percent.
19
00:04:21,057 --> 00:04:23,656
Armed robbery, up 20 percent.
20
00:04:23,858 --> 00:04:27,336
Vandalism, up 44 percent.
21
00:04:27,497 --> 00:04:30,496
Sir, I think if you'll check,
burglary is up 48 percent.
22
00:04:30,658 --> 00:04:31,937
There. You hear that?
23
00:04:32,097 --> 00:04:34,296
- Who are you?
- Mauser, sir. M as in "man"...
24
00:04:34,457 --> 00:04:37,216
- A-U-S as in "Sam"...
- Shut up and sit down, Mauser.
25
00:04:37,378 --> 00:04:40,697
- He didn't ask for your biography.
- E-R, sir.
26
00:04:40,858 --> 00:04:42,816
Look, Hurst, what do you expect?
27
00:04:42,977 --> 00:04:47,577
You cut my budget, you cut my staff.
I got nothing to work with.
28
00:04:47,737 --> 00:04:51,097
Look around! These guys are old.
They're tired.
29
00:04:51,337 --> 00:04:53,656
They just can't cut it anymore.
30
00:04:53,817 --> 00:04:56,536
Maybe they need
a new captain, Lassard.
31
00:04:57,018 --> 00:05:00,057
The mayor wants results.
You remember the mayor?
32
00:05:00,217 --> 00:05:03,096
She wants something done about this.
What do you propose?
33
00:05:03,458 --> 00:05:06,656
Take your nose out of my business,
go to the mayor's office...
34
00:05:06,817 --> 00:05:08,736
and put it where it usually is.
35
00:05:11,018 --> 00:05:15,456
You have exactly 30 days to turn
this precinct around, or you are out.
36
00:05:15,618 --> 00:05:18,777
Do you understand me?
Thirty days and that's it!
37
00:05:18,938 --> 00:05:21,336
I need at least a dozen new men.
38
00:05:21,658 --> 00:05:25,017
- You can have six.
- Well, thank you!
39
00:05:25,538 --> 00:05:27,257
You better get started.
40
00:05:29,338 --> 00:05:30,617
Excuse me, captain.
41
00:05:30,778 --> 00:05:33,536
Get me the police academy.
I wanna speak to my brother.
42
00:05:41,018 --> 00:05:43,416
Sir. Chief.
43
00:05:43,578 --> 00:05:48,137
Sir, if I may be so bold,
I would like to apologize...
44
00:05:48,338 --> 00:05:52,257
for Captain Lassard's remark about
your nose being up the mayor's...
45
00:05:53,378 --> 00:05:57,697
Chief, I've got some new ideas
on how to run this precinct.
46
00:05:57,858 --> 00:06:01,657
- Oh, I'll bet you do, Mauser.
- Long-range plans, sir...
47
00:06:01,818 --> 00:06:04,377
planning steps, deployment.
48
00:06:04,538 --> 00:06:09,817
See, sir, it's really a question
of leadership that works.
49
00:06:10,298 --> 00:06:13,097
Lassard's got 30 days.
50
00:06:13,418 --> 00:06:17,377
If he should blow it, the job is yours.
51
00:06:19,338 --> 00:06:21,817
I fully understand, sir.
52
00:06:22,778 --> 00:06:27,417
Mauser, you are the most incredible
ass-kisser I have ever seen.
53
00:06:27,578 --> 00:06:29,697
Thank you very much, sir.
I do my best.
54
00:06:38,298 --> 00:06:41,337
She must be out to lunch.
Police academy.
55
00:06:41,498 --> 00:06:43,617
Hello. Eric Lassard, please.
56
00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:46,977
This is Commandant Eric Lassard
speaking.
57
00:06:47,138 --> 00:06:49,498
- Eric, this is Pete.
- Pete?
58
00:06:49,658 --> 00:06:51,257
- Your brother.
- Pete!
59
00:06:52,099 --> 00:06:55,777
How very, very nice of you to call.
How's my baby brother?
60
00:06:55,939 --> 00:06:58,818
Just fine, Eric.
Actually, not too good.
61
00:06:59,099 --> 00:07:01,657
Oh, what's up?
62
00:07:03,258 --> 00:07:05,538
Eric, I've got a problem here.
63
00:07:06,099 --> 00:07:08,577
Yeah, we all have our little problems.
64
00:07:08,738 --> 00:07:10,777
Yeah, but this one is serious.
65
00:07:11,179 --> 00:07:13,338
I hope you haven't got a girl
into trouble.
66
00:07:13,499 --> 00:07:17,377
No. I need to get my hands
on some healthy young men.
67
00:07:17,538 --> 00:07:20,257
I guess there are places
you could go...
68
00:07:20,418 --> 00:07:24,217
- Certain bars and so on.
- Eric, what are you talking about?
69
00:07:24,378 --> 00:07:26,137
Does Margaret know about this?
70
00:07:26,298 --> 00:07:29,857
Eric, I'm in trouble here,
and I need some new recruits.
71
00:07:30,298 --> 00:07:33,857
Oh, well, that's easy.
72
00:07:34,018 --> 00:07:38,497
We have some very, very fine
young graduates here at the academy.
73
00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:41,817
Come on. Come on.
Double time. Double time.
74
00:07:41,979 --> 00:07:44,417
Pick it up. Move it. Move it.
75
00:07:44,578 --> 00:07:48,377
Come on! Move it!
Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
76
00:07:52,658 --> 00:07:55,897
Now, Brian, I want you
to go straight to class today.
77
00:07:56,058 --> 00:07:58,937
- Why should I?
- Because I said so.
78
00:07:59,098 --> 00:08:01,858
- Big deal.
- You mind your manners, mister.
79
00:08:02,019 --> 00:08:07,618
- I don't have to, bird face.
- That does it. You're in trouble.
80
00:08:07,779 --> 00:08:10,818
Oh, I'm just really scared.
81
00:08:16,539 --> 00:08:18,618
- Can I help you, ma'am?
- Yes, officer.
82
00:08:18,779 --> 00:08:22,178
My son Brian is always late for school.
Could you speak to him?
83
00:08:22,339 --> 00:08:26,617
- Perhaps give him a little scare?
- Certainly, ma'am.
84
00:08:30,659 --> 00:08:32,498
Hi, Brian.
85
00:08:32,658 --> 00:08:35,458
It's almost 0800 hours.
Time to deploy for school.
86
00:08:35,619 --> 00:08:38,058
I'll go when I'm ready.
87
00:08:38,259 --> 00:08:40,858
You're ready now, mister.
88
00:08:45,499 --> 00:08:48,058
Now move it! Move it! Move it!
89
00:08:49,099 --> 00:08:52,098
- Thank you, officer.
- No problem, ma'am.
90
00:08:56,019 --> 00:08:59,257
- It's really no better than television.
- I wouldn't know.
91
00:08:59,419 --> 00:09:01,058
I never watch television.
92
00:09:01,659 --> 00:09:04,098
Personally, I don't even own a television.
93
00:09:28,699 --> 00:09:30,178
Hungry, Diane?
94
00:09:45,740 --> 00:09:48,538
For God's sakes, Michael,
just take me home.
95
00:09:50,739 --> 00:09:52,818
Somebody's got to do it
96
00:09:52,979 --> 00:09:53,978
It's dirty work
97
00:09:56,619 --> 00:09:57,978
It's dirty work
98
00:09:58,739 --> 00:10:01,658
Somebody got
Somebody got to do it
99
00:10:01,819 --> 00:10:03,898
Somebody's got to do it
100
00:10:06,219 --> 00:10:08,418
Hi. How are you?
101
00:10:08,659 --> 00:10:11,898
I must be crazy
To do the things I do
102
00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:15,738
Workin' all this overtime
Takin' care of you
103
00:10:16,499 --> 00:10:19,898
One tough assignment
Keepin' you in line
104
00:10:20,140 --> 00:10:23,898
Every time I turn around
You're playin' with my mind
105
00:10:24,099 --> 00:10:26,459
All the things you put me through
106
00:10:28,539 --> 00:10:31,698
It's a full-time job loving you
Oh
107
00:10:31,859 --> 00:10:35,458
It's dirty work
Somebody's got to do it
108
00:10:35,660 --> 00:10:36,898
It's dirty work
109
00:10:37,059 --> 00:10:41,659
You know somebody
Somebody's got to do it
110
00:10:41,899 --> 00:10:44,419
- Hey, Tim.
- Mahoney, what's happening?
111
00:10:44,579 --> 00:10:46,059
- How you doing?
- All right!
112
00:10:46,220 --> 00:10:48,418
- Listen, Tim, I got a problem.
- What's that?
113
00:10:48,579 --> 00:10:51,139
- There's some guy ripping up my beach.
- No!
114
00:10:51,299 --> 00:10:52,538
- Yeah.
- Who was it?
115
00:10:52,699 --> 00:10:53,818
You!
116
00:10:54,339 --> 00:10:56,739
- Listen, Tim. Do me a favor.
- You got it!
117
00:10:56,900 --> 00:10:58,819
- Get off the beach.
- You don't got it!
118
00:10:58,979 --> 00:11:02,339
- Come on, Tim, be a good boy.
- No way! Out, guys!
119
00:11:03,419 --> 00:11:04,738
So long, fuzz ball!
120
00:11:04,939 --> 00:11:08,419
It's dirty work
But somebody's got to do it
121
00:11:08,579 --> 00:11:09,739
It's dirty work
122
00:11:09,900 --> 00:11:12,099
You know that
Somebody's got to care
123
00:11:12,380 --> 00:11:16,418
It's dirty work It ain't easy
124
00:11:16,579 --> 00:11:17,658
It's dirty work
125
00:11:17,860 --> 00:11:22,738
You know somebody
Somebody's got to do it
126
00:11:32,540 --> 00:11:34,219
Got to do it
127
00:11:39,500 --> 00:11:42,259
Never fool with a fuzz ball.
128
00:11:46,299 --> 00:11:52,218
It's a real pleasure to welcome you men,
and you, to the 16th Precinct.
129
00:11:52,380 --> 00:11:57,459
My brother tells me you're among
the finest ever to graduate the academy.
130
00:11:58,620 --> 00:12:03,899
The 16th serves and protects
what was once a great neighborhood.
131
00:12:04,060 --> 00:12:07,259
Unfortunately, a vicious gang
has taken over...
132
00:12:07,419 --> 00:12:09,739
and they're trying
to control the streets.
133
00:12:09,940 --> 00:12:12,579
We don't know who they are
or where they come from.
134
00:12:12,740 --> 00:12:15,778
We do know that they are scum.
135
00:12:15,980 --> 00:12:19,459
And it is our job to find them
and bust them.
136
00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:24,259
You've all received training in the latest
techniques in urban law enforcement.
137
00:12:24,419 --> 00:12:27,819
Any of you have any special skills
that I should know about?
138
00:12:27,980 --> 00:12:31,779
I just learned to perform an emergency
tracheotomy with a steak knife, sir.
139
00:12:37,020 --> 00:12:41,219
So these academy rats
are gonna save the precinct, right?
140
00:12:41,380 --> 00:12:45,179
Hey, personally, lieutenant,
I hope they fall flat on their asses.
141
00:12:45,820 --> 00:12:49,059
- That could be arranged, you know.
- What do you mean?
142
00:12:49,220 --> 00:12:52,899
If they fail, Lassard's out.
That makes me the captain.
143
00:12:53,060 --> 00:12:56,579
If I'm captain, I'll need
a new watch commander.
144
00:12:56,740 --> 00:12:57,979
So?
145
00:12:58,140 --> 00:13:02,739
- So we make sure they fail.
- Who?
146
00:13:03,220 --> 00:13:06,659
- The new recruits.
- Why?
147
00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:08,859
If they fail, Lassard is out. I'm in.
148
00:13:09,020 --> 00:13:11,379
I'm gonna need somebody
to be the new watch commander.
149
00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:14,979
- Oh.
- And you know who that's gonna be.
150
00:13:15,140 --> 00:13:17,219
- Who?
- You, dickhead. You.
151
00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:18,459
Oh!
152
00:13:18,780 --> 00:13:20,699
Oh, good idea.
153
00:13:21,580 --> 00:13:25,700
- Not playing with a full deck, are you?
- Oh, I don't play cards.
154
00:13:27,460 --> 00:13:31,259
I want this to be the best damn
Crime Suppression Unit in the city.
155
00:13:31,420 --> 00:13:35,459
I want us to stand proud and walk tall.
156
00:13:35,620 --> 00:13:37,699
More than anything...
157
00:13:38,181 --> 00:13:41,340
I want this to be, well...
158
00:13:41,500 --> 00:13:43,339
one big family...
159
00:13:43,541 --> 00:13:47,579
with a bunch of brothers
and little sister...
160
00:13:49,701 --> 00:13:51,939
and one big mother.
161
00:13:52,220 --> 00:13:55,899
Wake up!
I am your watch commander.
162
00:13:56,060 --> 00:14:00,100
When you foul up,
and you will foul up...
163
00:14:00,261 --> 00:14:03,420
I'm gonna be there
to write up a report.
164
00:14:03,580 --> 00:14:07,260
Three bad reports,
and you're suspended.
165
00:14:08,100 --> 00:14:10,779
- What is your name?
- Hooks, sir.
166
00:14:10,941 --> 00:14:12,099
- Say that again.
- Hooks.
167
00:14:12,260 --> 00:14:17,339
Hooks. Well, Officer Hooks,
can I please see your service revolver?
168
00:14:17,541 --> 00:14:19,779
Don't point that gun at me.
169
00:14:22,461 --> 00:14:25,860
- There's no round in the chamber.
- I was afraid it might go off.
170
00:14:26,021 --> 00:14:29,020
Oh, heavens to be! It might go off!
That's one for Hooks.
171
00:14:29,621 --> 00:14:33,980
You're on report.
See how it works? It's real simple.
172
00:14:34,460 --> 00:14:37,540
This squad deploys
each day at 1000 hours.
173
00:14:39,901 --> 00:14:43,140
Precisely 1000 hours.
174
00:14:43,301 --> 00:14:47,459
Since you boys and girls
are only rookies...
175
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:50,659
you will be assigned
a veteran officer...
176
00:14:50,821 --> 00:14:53,180
who will write up a report.
177
00:14:56,540 --> 00:14:58,540
Okay, read the assignments.
178
00:14:59,581 --> 00:15:01,500
- Fackler!
- Yes, sir.
179
00:15:01,661 --> 00:15:04,780
Officer Fackler. The gentleman
on your right is Officer Dooley.
180
00:15:04,941 --> 00:15:07,060
A fine man.
He's gonna teach you a lot.
181
00:15:07,461 --> 00:15:10,140
- Tackleberry?
- Yes, sir, sir!
182
00:15:11,900 --> 00:15:14,940
Officer Tackleberry.
You're trained for motorcycle duty?
183
00:15:15,421 --> 00:15:17,180
Yes, sir!
184
00:15:17,380 --> 00:15:20,980
You've got it.
Meet Officer Kirkland at the motor pool.
185
00:15:21,141 --> 00:15:26,620
- Thank you, sir!
- Well, get going. Yeah! Go, go, go, go.
186
00:15:27,261 --> 00:15:29,220
- Hightower.
- Yo!
187
00:15:30,141 --> 00:15:32,220
- Yo?
- Yo, sir.
188
00:15:32,381 --> 00:15:35,940
Yo, sir! Must be from the South.
It's, "Yes, sir."
189
00:15:36,341 --> 00:15:38,980
You got foot patrol.
Okay, that's it.
190
00:15:39,141 --> 00:15:42,340
- Thank you for your patience.
- What about me? Don't I get a car?
191
00:15:42,501 --> 00:15:44,740
"What about me, sir?
Don't I get a car?"
192
00:15:44,901 --> 00:15:47,860
You don't get a car.
You get yourself a nice little desk...
193
00:15:48,021 --> 00:15:53,140
with a nice little chair, in a nice
little office, for your nice little voice.
194
00:15:56,861 --> 00:16:00,220
- Asshole.
- That's two.
195
00:16:03,501 --> 00:16:06,660
Chest, 48.
196
00:16:08,061 --> 00:16:10,940
Waist, 44.
197
00:16:11,901 --> 00:16:14,820
- Outseam, 39.
- Hey, can I have that giraffe?
198
00:16:14,981 --> 00:16:16,300
- No.
- Oh.
199
00:16:19,301 --> 00:16:22,060
I got an idea.
200
00:16:22,222 --> 00:16:25,180
- How's about for a Snickers bar?
- You got it.
201
00:16:25,341 --> 00:16:27,940
Oh. Thanks.
202
00:16:31,941 --> 00:16:34,980
Overall, 48.
203
00:16:41,181 --> 00:16:42,620
Next.
204
00:16:46,461 --> 00:16:48,541
Please take off your gun belt.
205
00:16:52,741 --> 00:16:56,100
Chest, 37.
206
00:16:56,541 --> 00:17:00,741
Waist, 32. Okay, turn around.
207
00:17:05,061 --> 00:17:08,060
Please be gentle.
208
00:17:13,701 --> 00:17:16,101
Jones, got you figured for an asshole.
209
00:17:16,261 --> 00:17:19,060
I don't take shit from you people.
I'm not gonna start.
210
00:17:19,221 --> 00:17:22,661
Don't think, don't talk, don't breathe
unless I tell you. Understand?
211
00:17:22,822 --> 00:17:25,060
- Yes, sir.
- All right.
212
00:17:25,221 --> 00:17:27,461
We're gonna get along just fine.
213
00:17:33,262 --> 00:17:36,141
- Did you hear that?
- No, sir.
214
00:17:39,621 --> 00:17:43,420
Doggone it! We got ourselves a flat tire.
Get out and check your side.
215
00:17:45,501 --> 00:17:48,701
Mine's okay. How's yours?
216
00:17:48,862 --> 00:17:50,781
Fine, sir.
217
00:18:00,581 --> 00:18:01,820
There it goes again.
218
00:18:07,262 --> 00:18:10,821
Officer Eugene Tackleberry
reporting for duty, sir!
219
00:18:10,981 --> 00:18:13,060
Officer Kathleen Kirkland...
220
00:18:13,221 --> 00:18:16,220
and I appreciate
you not calling me sir.
221
00:18:21,581 --> 00:18:26,141
All right. Mount up, Tackleberry.
Let's go.
222
00:18:35,102 --> 00:18:37,661
Oh, this neighborhood ain't so bad.
223
00:18:37,822 --> 00:18:40,421
You know the secret
to being a good cop?
224
00:18:40,582 --> 00:18:43,741
You gotta get to know the people.
225
00:18:44,102 --> 00:18:48,061
- Yo, man, you got a match?
- Sure. Here. Keep the pack.
226
00:18:48,222 --> 00:18:51,580
- Thank you.
- Good. Very good!
227
00:18:51,742 --> 00:18:55,261
That's the idea, son. You gotta
build up trust with the people.
228
00:18:55,462 --> 00:18:57,661
Then they'll respect you.
Know what I mean?
229
00:18:57,862 --> 00:19:01,821
Give me two of them glazed doughnuts.
230
00:19:02,342 --> 00:19:03,581
I'll have a chocolate.
231
00:19:06,142 --> 00:19:09,861
Excuse me, sir. Officer Carey
Mahoney reporting for duty, sir.
232
00:19:10,022 --> 00:19:14,141
Oh, Officer Mahoney.
It's nice of you to drop by.
233
00:19:14,302 --> 00:19:16,741
- I missed you earlier.
- Had to get a new uniform.
234
00:19:16,902 --> 00:19:21,821
Oh, good. Good. We can't face
the public naked, can we?
235
00:19:21,982 --> 00:19:24,381
That's right. Where would
we hang our handcuffs?
236
00:19:24,542 --> 00:19:29,061
That's cute. I like an officer
with a sense of humor.
237
00:19:32,422 --> 00:19:33,981
I like you too, sir.
238
00:19:34,142 --> 00:19:36,221
I admire a guy who's
not ashamed to floss.
239
00:19:36,382 --> 00:19:40,381
You know, sir, oral hygiene is something
too many big-city cops overlook.
240
00:19:40,582 --> 00:19:41,661
Hm.
241
00:19:41,822 --> 00:19:45,981
Oh, good. Good.
So you like hygiene?
242
00:19:46,142 --> 00:19:48,342
Then you're gonna like
your new partner:
243
00:19:48,502 --> 00:19:50,861
Officer Vinnie Schtulman.
244
00:20:07,782 --> 00:20:11,502
Hello? Hello?
245
00:20:13,023 --> 00:20:15,101
- Hello.
- Who is it?
246
00:20:15,262 --> 00:20:16,862
Carey Mahoney, your new partner.
247
00:20:17,022 --> 00:20:18,941
- Come on in. Come on in.
- Thanks.
248
00:20:19,102 --> 00:20:22,342
- Make yourself at home.
- Alrighty. Alrighty.
249
00:20:23,742 --> 00:20:28,061
- Don't sit in the broken chair.
- Right. I got it. I saw it. I saw it.
250
00:20:28,223 --> 00:20:30,142
- Would you like breakfast? I got eggs.
- No.
251
00:20:30,303 --> 00:20:34,901
I'm fine. I'll get something later.
Tetanus shot, maybe.
252
00:20:35,462 --> 00:20:39,902
- This is an excellent place you got here.
- Thanks. I decorated it myself.
253
00:20:40,062 --> 00:20:43,141
- Hey! Vinnie Schtulman.
- I got peanut butter on my hand.
254
00:20:43,303 --> 00:20:45,821
- I like peanut butter.
- Mahoney. Nice to meet you.
255
00:20:45,982 --> 00:20:49,222
Hey, would it be okay
if I eat real quick?
256
00:20:49,382 --> 00:20:51,101
- Yeah, go ahead.
- Thanks.
257
00:20:51,263 --> 00:20:54,982
Next to lunch and dinner, breakfast
is the most important meal of the day.
258
00:20:55,263 --> 00:20:57,982
Oh, jeez. Bunky.
259
00:20:58,143 --> 00:21:03,421
Bunky, how many times I gotta tell you?
The litter box! The litter box!
260
00:21:09,182 --> 00:21:11,901
- You sure you don't want any?
- I'm on a diet.
261
00:21:12,702 --> 00:21:15,982
- Want me to lock the door?
- No, neighbors might borrow something.
262
00:21:16,182 --> 00:21:19,782
- It's gonna be great having a new partner.
- I was thinking about it...
263
00:21:19,943 --> 00:21:21,221
I hope Lou's not jealous.
264
00:21:30,863 --> 00:21:33,701
Hey. Your pastrami's ready.
265
00:21:35,103 --> 00:21:36,742
Did you put the mayo on that?
266
00:21:37,662 --> 00:21:40,742
You've been quiet. I take it you
don't like your assignment.
267
00:21:40,903 --> 00:21:44,702
- That's affirmative.
- Is it because I'm a woman?
268
00:21:44,863 --> 00:21:48,702
I decline to answer that question
out of respect for your gender.
269
00:21:49,543 --> 00:21:53,662
I'll take care of myself.
You just cover your own ass.
270
00:21:53,823 --> 00:21:55,662
That's a nice piece.
271
00:21:57,263 --> 00:21:59,422
I was referring to your side arm.
272
00:22:00,543 --> 00:22:02,982
- Oh.
- May I?
273
00:22:04,863 --> 00:22:06,342
Sure.
274
00:22:07,422 --> 00:22:09,341
It's a Colt Python.
275
00:22:10,302 --> 00:22:15,262
- What kind of load do you use?
- 158-grain semi-wadcutter manstoppers.
276
00:22:15,743 --> 00:22:17,822
Sensible weapon.
277
00:22:19,583 --> 00:22:22,702
I use a factory-accurized
Detonics .45 Scoremaster.
278
00:22:22,903 --> 00:22:25,661
It's got the extended barrel,
short hammer fall...
279
00:22:25,823 --> 00:22:28,942
and I load with 230-grain
full patch rounds.
280
00:22:29,143 --> 00:22:31,302
It's primarily for stopping power.
281
00:22:31,463 --> 00:22:33,862
On the other hand,
if you want penetration...
282
00:22:34,982 --> 00:22:38,462
the .357 will crack
the engine block of a truck.
283
00:22:40,223 --> 00:22:42,862
I can see where that would be useful.
284
00:22:43,623 --> 00:22:46,782
All right. Touchdown!
All right! Good job!
285
00:22:46,943 --> 00:22:50,342
- Give me another one.
- Look at the little football players.
286
00:22:51,143 --> 00:22:53,742
- Hey! We're playing ball.
- Come on, punk.
287
00:22:53,903 --> 00:22:55,582
- Give it back.
- You want the ball?
288
00:22:55,743 --> 00:22:58,622
- Give me the ball!
- Here. Go get it!
289
00:22:59,423 --> 00:23:01,303
Whoo!
290
00:23:04,464 --> 00:23:06,942
- You never seen a football?
- Hey! Hey, copper!
291
00:23:07,103 --> 00:23:08,862
Throw me the ball!
292
00:23:09,543 --> 00:23:13,862
Come on, will you throw it back here?
Come on! Give it to me!
293
00:23:21,703 --> 00:23:26,502
- This is not such a bad neighborhood.
- This is a great neighborhood.
294
00:23:26,664 --> 00:23:28,062
- Yeah?
- I grew up here.
295
00:23:28,223 --> 00:23:29,342
- No way.
- Yeah.
296
00:23:29,503 --> 00:23:30,582
- You?
- Little kid here.
297
00:23:30,743 --> 00:23:32,902
No way.
Little Schtulman running around here?
298
00:23:33,063 --> 00:23:35,023
- You were little?
- That was me.
299
00:23:35,743 --> 00:23:38,463
We should get Lou out of the truck.
He needs exercise.
300
00:23:38,623 --> 00:23:41,343
- We can get him later.
- Carey, look at this.
301
00:23:41,503 --> 00:23:44,903
A Nestlé Crunch bar,
hardly even been touched.
302
00:23:45,584 --> 00:23:48,222
No wonder. Got ants all over it.
303
00:23:48,383 --> 00:23:51,343
- You're not gonna eat that, are you?
- You wanna split it?
304
00:23:51,504 --> 00:23:52,782
No!
305
00:24:01,383 --> 00:24:07,302
No, no, no. What do you
want from me? Blood? Get out!
306
00:24:08,224 --> 00:24:10,222
Be cool, old man.
307
00:24:13,103 --> 00:24:16,382
Open the safe. Come on. Hurry up.
Open it.
308
00:24:21,063 --> 00:24:22,983
Come on. Open it up.
309
00:24:28,224 --> 00:24:29,542
- It always does that.
- Hurry.
310
00:24:29,704 --> 00:24:30,703
Yeah.
311
00:24:31,583 --> 00:24:33,263
There. I got it.
312
00:24:34,983 --> 00:24:36,743
Fizzies.
313
00:24:37,503 --> 00:24:39,422
They don't make them anymore.
Remember?
314
00:24:39,584 --> 00:24:40,902
Fizzies?
315
00:24:43,783 --> 00:24:45,183
Cops!
316
00:24:45,344 --> 00:24:47,423
Stay down, or you're dead.
317
00:24:47,584 --> 00:24:50,143
- Schtulman, you see a gun?
- I saw a gun.
318
00:24:50,304 --> 00:24:52,063
That's an armed robbery.
319
00:24:53,383 --> 00:24:57,502
- Unit M-15 to base.
- This is base.
320
00:24:57,664 --> 00:25:03,262
We've got a 211
at 302 Caroline Street. Please advise.
321
00:25:03,424 --> 00:25:08,582
- M-1, did you read that?
- 10-4. Tell them to move in.
322
00:25:08,743 --> 00:25:12,263
- Shouldn't they wait for backup?
- No, they don't need a backup.
323
00:25:12,423 --> 00:25:16,063
- Do you need a hearing aid?
- Move in, M-15.
324
00:25:16,744 --> 00:25:18,303
10-4.
325
00:25:18,623 --> 00:25:20,102
Come on. Let's go.
326
00:25:24,903 --> 00:25:27,503
Follow me and stay low.
327
00:25:53,864 --> 00:25:55,143
Are you in here?
328
00:25:57,504 --> 00:26:02,503
Vinnie, if they are in here,
they're not gonna tell us.
329
00:26:07,464 --> 00:26:09,383
Now, cover me.
330
00:26:38,824 --> 00:26:40,303
- Fackler!
- Mahoney!
331
00:26:40,465 --> 00:26:41,544
Fackler!
332
00:27:13,824 --> 00:27:15,264
Tackleberry! Hold your fire!
333
00:27:16,864 --> 00:27:18,223
Mahoney?
334
00:27:26,024 --> 00:27:28,304
Officer Hightower.
335
00:27:28,544 --> 00:27:34,624
- You met Mr. Sweetchuck, I presume?
- Mr. Sweetchuck, I'm so sorry.
336
00:27:34,784 --> 00:27:36,863
My store! My store!
337
00:27:38,824 --> 00:27:40,744
We all got here at the same time.
338
00:27:40,905 --> 00:27:42,463
We didn't know that we were...
339
00:27:45,224 --> 00:27:46,623
Gentlemen...
340
00:27:47,424 --> 00:27:49,783
you've really outdone yourselves,
haven't you?
341
00:27:50,665 --> 00:27:53,504
"Said officers did then
discharge their weapons..."
342
00:27:53,665 --> 00:27:55,943
with flagrant disregard
for public safety...
343
00:27:56,105 --> 00:28:01,184
causing to be expended
some 1200 rounds of ammunition.
344
00:28:01,505 --> 00:28:07,104
"$76,813."
345
00:28:07,265 --> 00:28:11,584
Well, I know that you must be furious.
346
00:28:11,745 --> 00:28:17,983
In all my years as a police officer,
I have never seen such gross negligence.
347
00:28:19,784 --> 00:28:24,423
- You men have anything to say?
- Sir, may I speak?
348
00:28:28,745 --> 00:28:33,824
Captain Lassard, your brother taught
us many fine things at the academy.
349
00:28:33,985 --> 00:28:38,304
He taught us that a cop can
never care too much or try too hard.
350
00:28:39,264 --> 00:28:43,264
I don't know, sir.
That's exactly what we did.
351
00:28:44,985 --> 00:28:48,384
- Perhaps we were a bit overzealous.
- Overzealous?
352
00:28:48,545 --> 00:28:53,544
That's 1200 rounds. $76,813.
353
00:28:54,145 --> 00:28:59,624
If caring is a crime
and trying is a felony...
354
00:29:00,265 --> 00:29:02,344
I guess we're all gonna plead guilty.
355
00:29:05,704 --> 00:29:09,264
Mauser, Mahoney is right.
356
00:29:10,665 --> 00:29:13,024
If your men tried as hard
as these officers...
357
00:29:13,185 --> 00:29:15,264
we'd have this gang licked in no time.
358
00:29:16,545 --> 00:29:19,664
Good work, men. Keep it up.
359
00:29:19,825 --> 00:29:21,864
See you at the gym.
360
00:29:36,105 --> 00:29:41,864
Attention! I need beer up here. Now!
361
00:29:43,425 --> 00:29:46,664
Okay, look for specials now!
Come on! Shop, everybody!
362
00:29:46,825 --> 00:29:50,624
- Shop! Shop!
- Safety first!
363
00:30:11,425 --> 00:30:14,464
Come on! Yeah! Go for it!
364
00:30:18,786 --> 00:30:22,664
What are you, a nut?
I'm a vegetarian!
365
00:30:23,625 --> 00:30:27,584
Fruit Loops. They're mine!
366
00:30:34,985 --> 00:30:39,465
Guys! Guys! Come on!
Stop, man! Act your age!
367
00:30:55,106 --> 00:30:56,704
Bye, now.
368
00:30:58,946 --> 00:31:04,064
Thank you very much. I found a lot
of really, really nice bargains here.
369
00:31:05,666 --> 00:31:08,064
Excuse me, sir,
you forgot your stamps!
370
00:31:09,066 --> 00:31:11,904
Gentlemen, I'd like
to propose a toast.
371
00:31:12,106 --> 00:31:15,945
To Lieutenant Mauser.
No, no, no...
372
00:31:16,106 --> 00:31:19,265
- Biggest putz of the precinct.
- All right.
373
00:31:24,346 --> 00:31:25,864
Mahoney!
374
00:31:26,786 --> 00:31:28,744
Get me another beer, will you?
375
00:31:29,705 --> 00:31:32,385
- Is he in trouble?
- Good question.
376
00:31:32,745 --> 00:31:35,305
- Tack, what's up?
- I need to speak to you, Mahoney.
377
00:31:35,465 --> 00:31:38,465
- Okay. What?
- It's of a personal nature.
378
00:31:38,625 --> 00:31:41,025
Oh, all right. All right. All right.
379
00:31:41,665 --> 00:31:43,945
Let me buy you a drink, all right?
380
00:31:46,506 --> 00:31:50,785
Art, can I have a beer
and milk with ice. Right?
381
00:31:50,946 --> 00:31:53,864
- Okay. How about a shot?
- Yeah, that'll be fine.
382
00:31:54,466 --> 00:31:55,745
So, what's up, Tack?
383
00:31:57,066 --> 00:31:59,425
It's Kirkland. My partner.
384
00:31:59,586 --> 00:32:03,345
Oh, yeah. Yeah. You're a lucky guy.
She's a fox.
385
00:32:03,506 --> 00:32:06,145
- That's affirmative.
- Oh, yeah.
386
00:32:06,306 --> 00:32:08,305
With regards to Kirkland...
387
00:32:09,345 --> 00:32:11,145
Something you need?
388
00:32:13,185 --> 00:32:15,104
With regards to Kirkland...
389
00:32:15,266 --> 00:32:17,425
- What?
- Well, I...
390
00:32:17,666 --> 00:32:19,585
- I think I'm...
- You think what?
391
00:32:19,746 --> 00:32:22,625
- Well, I might...
- Tack, what? Spell it out.
392
00:32:23,586 --> 00:32:26,305
Lincoln, Ocean, Victor, Edward.
393
00:32:27,026 --> 00:32:31,465
Love? Eugene, you're in love!
You little devil!
394
00:32:31,626 --> 00:32:33,825
You're in love. That's great!
395
00:32:33,986 --> 00:32:37,105
- Let's keep this 10-35, okay?
- Oh.
396
00:32:37,666 --> 00:32:39,945
Of course, of course.
Between you and me.
397
00:32:40,106 --> 00:32:43,065
You and Kirkland? So she have
the hots for you too?
398
00:32:43,226 --> 00:32:44,705
I don't know.
399
00:32:45,586 --> 00:32:49,185
I'm inexperienced in matters
of a romantic nature.
400
00:32:50,186 --> 00:32:52,545
Tack, you've been with women before.
401
00:32:52,706 --> 00:32:54,825
- Well, I...
- You've had one woman before.
402
00:32:54,986 --> 00:32:58,145
- Well, not really.
- I've seen you walking with girls.
403
00:32:58,306 --> 00:32:59,465
To be precise...
404
00:32:59,626 --> 00:33:02,185
You're 28 years old.
You're a man of the world...
405
00:33:02,346 --> 00:33:03,945
Mahoney, I'm a virgin!
406
00:33:10,346 --> 00:33:13,025
Go about your business,
or I'll crack some heads!
407
00:33:14,026 --> 00:33:17,265
- Proctor!
- Oh, lieutenant, I was looking for you.
408
00:33:17,426 --> 00:33:21,065
I have the pictures of the fruits
drunk at the bar, like you asked.
409
00:33:21,226 --> 00:33:25,825
The composition's a little off, but, sir,
you can clearly see those fruits are drunk.
410
00:33:25,987 --> 00:33:30,465
Who asked for fruits drunk at a bar?
I asked for new recruits drunk at the bar.
411
00:33:30,626 --> 00:33:32,385
Recruits?
412
00:33:32,626 --> 00:33:36,546
Lieutenant, I majored in art.
I could put a uniform on this guy.
413
00:33:36,706 --> 00:33:39,625
- It would look like Hightower.
- What are you, losing it?
414
00:33:39,786 --> 00:33:41,425
Just get me Mahoney.
415
00:33:41,627 --> 00:33:44,705
- Should I save these?
- Get me Mahoney!
416
00:33:44,866 --> 00:33:47,945
Look at this, look at this.
I got nothing here, I got nothing.
417
00:33:48,106 --> 00:33:50,625
- Tack, would you mind? I got a life.
- Mahoney!
418
00:33:50,787 --> 00:33:54,506
Lieutenant Mauser wants
to see you. Pronto!
419
00:33:55,467 --> 00:33:58,985
Bom-bom-bom-bom
420
00:34:00,107 --> 00:34:05,066
Any day now, Mahoney,
and your little ass is mine.
421
00:34:05,226 --> 00:34:07,266
You wanted to see me, sir?
422
00:34:07,586 --> 00:34:09,665
Didn't your mother teach you
how to knock?
423
00:34:09,826 --> 00:34:13,706
It depends. Sir, I hope this isn't
gonna be too personal.
424
00:34:13,866 --> 00:34:16,065
I heard what you said
about my little butt.
425
00:34:16,226 --> 00:34:18,985
I don't know how to break this to you,
but I'm straight.
426
00:34:20,707 --> 00:34:23,385
You know, you're very funny,
you know that, Mahoney?
427
00:34:23,547 --> 00:34:26,306
Every year, we get a rookie
who thinks he's a comedian.
428
00:34:27,267 --> 00:34:30,785
Well, Mr. Comedian...
429
00:34:31,146 --> 00:34:32,906
see if you think this is funny.
430
00:34:34,186 --> 00:34:35,786
It's your new assignment.
431
00:34:46,627 --> 00:34:48,546
What are we supposed to be doing here?
432
00:34:48,706 --> 00:34:50,546
In case somebody's car stops...
433
00:34:50,747 --> 00:34:53,066
we save them from
carbon monoxide poisoning.
434
00:34:53,226 --> 00:34:54,625
Who's gonna save us?
435
00:34:56,907 --> 00:34:59,626
I guess it can get kind of boring?
436
00:35:00,547 --> 00:35:03,265
Hey, Lou! Lou, wanna play catch? Here!
437
00:35:03,427 --> 00:35:05,506
Go get it. Go get it, Lou.
438
00:35:14,747 --> 00:35:16,586
Lou!
439
00:35:18,667 --> 00:35:20,426
Yeah. Good catch, Lou.
440
00:35:24,147 --> 00:35:26,306
Silk stockings
441
00:35:47,147 --> 00:35:48,706
Excuse me?
442
00:35:50,347 --> 00:35:54,226
- Could I use your restroom, please?
- You buying gas?
443
00:35:54,666 --> 00:35:56,066
No.
444
00:35:56,267 --> 00:35:58,506
Then pee somewheres else.
445
00:35:58,667 --> 00:36:04,466
- Look, this is a police emergency.
- Okay. Take the key.
446
00:36:10,027 --> 00:36:11,946
Hey, don't run away with that.
447
00:36:12,387 --> 00:36:13,826
The key to forming...
448
00:36:13,987 --> 00:36:17,186
a successful
citizen's watch group is communication.
449
00:36:17,347 --> 00:36:19,306
I want you to think of this precinct...
450
00:36:19,467 --> 00:36:22,346
as the hub of a miniature
communications network...
451
00:36:22,507 --> 00:36:28,546
stretching from each of your homes
to every officer, on duty and very dirty.
452
00:36:32,027 --> 00:36:34,946
- Lou, let's get something to eat.
- Anybody got any aspirin?
453
00:36:35,108 --> 00:36:36,946
I've got a headache that's not gonna quit.
454
00:36:40,267 --> 00:36:43,266
Oh, well, look at this, here.
It's the Jones Boys.
455
00:36:43,427 --> 00:36:45,866
Holy mackerel there, Mahoney.
456
00:36:46,307 --> 00:36:48,066
What did you do, suck up a bus?
457
00:36:49,508 --> 00:36:53,747
Lou, you don't like me,
and I'm not crazy about you.
458
00:36:55,107 --> 00:36:57,506
Schtulman, you keep him away from me.
459
00:36:57,667 --> 00:36:59,266
I'll be in the shower if you need me.
460
00:37:03,787 --> 00:37:06,347
Hey, Mahoney, do me a favor.
461
00:37:06,947 --> 00:37:09,227
Keep shaking this stuff
so I can fix my helmet.
462
00:37:09,388 --> 00:37:12,346
- What did you do, crack it?
- Yeah, I gotta put that on it.
463
00:37:12,507 --> 00:37:14,946
- Some sort of a glue?
- It's epoxy resin.
464
00:37:15,948 --> 00:37:18,827
- You mean, when it hardens, it...
- It turns into plastic.
465
00:37:18,988 --> 00:37:20,907
- How long does it take?
- A few seconds.
466
00:37:21,067 --> 00:37:22,986
- How long does it last?
- A few years.
467
00:37:27,827 --> 00:37:30,146
And someday
468
00:37:30,508 --> 00:37:32,466
I'm gonna be captain
469
00:37:32,708 --> 00:37:36,746
And every rookie will go down on his knee
470
00:37:36,907 --> 00:37:40,986
And they'll be nothing but slaves just for me
471
00:37:41,507 --> 00:37:46,147
Yeah, they will be slaves just for me
472
00:37:46,307 --> 00:37:49,387
Yeah, baby, slaves
Slaves, I said, yeah
473
00:37:49,548 --> 00:37:53,107
And they'll say "Captain Mauser"
474
00:37:53,268 --> 00:37:56,987
Yowza, yowza Oh, yeah
475
00:37:57,147 --> 00:37:59,626
Oh, yeah
476
00:38:03,828 --> 00:38:05,027
Hey.
477
00:38:05,667 --> 00:38:06,987
Hey!
478
00:38:08,427 --> 00:38:10,787
Hey! Wait a minute!
479
00:38:11,027 --> 00:38:14,306
My hand got stuck to my head!
Hey, who's fooling around?
480
00:38:14,468 --> 00:38:17,147
What the fuck? Okay.
481
00:38:17,307 --> 00:38:20,586
Okay. Let's not fool around, fellas.
482
00:38:20,747 --> 00:38:22,547
It's me, and I'm not kidding around.
483
00:38:22,708 --> 00:38:26,467
I want someone to take this out
of my hair! Is that you, Schtulman?
484
00:38:26,627 --> 00:38:28,747
I'm not kidding around!
Now, give me a hand.
485
00:38:30,668 --> 00:38:34,347
That ain't funny. That's very childish.
All right, cut it out!
486
00:38:34,508 --> 00:38:36,747
You're acting like children. Children!
487
00:38:36,907 --> 00:38:40,387
Now, somebody, just pull my hands
out off my head now!
488
00:38:40,548 --> 00:38:42,227
Who's in here?
489
00:38:43,348 --> 00:38:46,027
Who's that? Who's that?
I'll remember that voice.
490
00:38:46,188 --> 00:38:48,387
If I remember that voice,
you guys are dead.
491
00:38:48,548 --> 00:38:52,307
Dead! D-E-A-D! Dead!
Is somebody here? Okay, who is this?
492
00:38:53,668 --> 00:38:57,867
All right, Lou. Come on, Lou.
No, Lou, don't bite me there. Lou.
493
00:38:58,228 --> 00:39:02,667
Lou. Please, Lou. Lou, please. Lou.
494
00:39:02,827 --> 00:39:05,027
Oh, no. Oh, no, Lou. Lou.
Good dog, Lou.
495
00:39:06,788 --> 00:39:08,907
Oh, no! Oh, no, Lou! No, Lou!
496
00:39:11,908 --> 00:39:18,507
All right. Open that door now!
Hey, you. I'm not kidding here!
497
00:39:25,988 --> 00:39:26,987
Well...
498
00:39:30,388 --> 00:39:33,387
What's the matter, you never saw
a man wash his hair before?
499
00:39:33,748 --> 00:39:35,267
Oh.
500
00:39:35,428 --> 00:39:36,707
Captain Lassard.
501
00:39:37,188 --> 00:39:39,227
I'll be in my room if you need me.
502
00:39:40,748 --> 00:39:45,067
Proctor!
503
00:39:45,828 --> 00:39:48,147
- Oh, this is gonna be just fine.
- Yeah?
504
00:39:48,349 --> 00:39:50,987
Wait, one snip here.
Let me get by the thumb.
505
00:39:53,068 --> 00:39:55,427
- Yeah?
- Oh, that's... That looks very natural.
506
00:39:55,588 --> 00:39:57,268
- Looks okay?
- It's very, very good.
507
00:39:57,468 --> 00:40:00,227
I don't think you'll be able
to tell the difference.
508
00:40:00,388 --> 00:40:03,307
I'll bet you anything it was Mahoney
responsible for this.
509
00:40:03,468 --> 00:40:06,467
After I'm through,
just let me shape this a little bit...
510
00:40:06,628 --> 00:40:10,507
and I think you're gonna really be
happy with what we've got here.
511
00:40:10,668 --> 00:40:12,348
- Yeah? Let me see it.
- Sure.
512
00:40:12,508 --> 00:40:14,147
Okay.
513
00:40:16,268 --> 00:40:19,188
Just look at it in the back here.
Look at it over here.
514
00:40:19,349 --> 00:40:21,587
Could I have the mirror, please?
515
00:40:22,188 --> 00:40:23,507
Sure.
516
00:40:26,348 --> 00:40:27,907
Lieutenant?
517
00:40:29,508 --> 00:40:30,828
Sir?
518
00:40:34,348 --> 00:40:36,748
No, no, no. We'll get a wig.
519
00:40:36,908 --> 00:40:39,908
Have you seen the state-of-the-art
in wigs today, sir?
520
00:40:40,068 --> 00:40:42,027
What the hell are you talking about?
521
00:40:42,188 --> 00:40:44,107
What am I gonna do about this?
522
00:40:57,268 --> 00:41:01,347
- Hey, what you doing?
- Leave me alone, lady, please?
523
00:41:08,709 --> 00:41:10,188
Well...
524
00:41:12,909 --> 00:41:15,747
This is just what I've been looking for.
525
00:41:17,629 --> 00:41:20,788
- I'm not afraid of you punks.
- Come on, man. Come on!
526
00:41:21,228 --> 00:41:23,908
- Right here.
- Where are you going?
527
00:41:24,069 --> 00:41:26,788
- I ain't going nowhere.
- Come on, I'll take you all on.
528
00:41:27,108 --> 00:41:30,147
Come on, I want you.
I'm not afraid of a wallet thief.
529
00:41:30,309 --> 00:41:32,228
- Now it's just you and me.
- You and me.
530
00:41:32,389 --> 00:41:34,068
Okay, come on. Come on.
531
00:41:34,229 --> 00:41:36,388
Come on. I'm tired of talking
to you, punk.
532
00:41:36,549 --> 00:41:38,988
I wanna dance.
I wanna get my hands on you.
533
00:41:39,149 --> 00:41:42,028
Yeah. You ready to talk
to me now? Come on. Show me.
534
00:41:42,509 --> 00:41:44,107
Teach me.
535
00:41:45,508 --> 00:41:47,468
Okay, one at a time.
Put me down!
536
00:41:47,629 --> 00:41:51,267
- Come on, put me down.
- Oh, we'll put you down, all right.
537
00:41:52,429 --> 00:41:54,188
At this point in time...
538
00:41:54,349 --> 00:41:57,827
yours truly was the object
of a malicious prank.
539
00:41:59,429 --> 00:42:00,707
Now...
540
00:42:00,869 --> 00:42:04,708
can anybody in here
tell me how this happened?
541
00:42:05,069 --> 00:42:08,068
I can, sir. And if you don't stop that,
you could go blind.
542
00:42:11,149 --> 00:42:13,508
You think that's funny,
don't you, Mahoney?
543
00:42:13,709 --> 00:42:16,268
Well, you're on report.
Put him on report.
544
00:42:16,748 --> 00:42:22,188
We are not gonna leave this room
until we find out what happened.
545
00:42:22,349 --> 00:42:24,628
- What happened?
- What's going on here?
546
00:42:24,829 --> 00:42:26,948
Nothing. I was just reprimanding the men.
547
00:42:27,109 --> 00:42:29,748
- To hell with your reprimands.
- You don't understand.
548
00:42:29,909 --> 00:42:33,548
- Shut up, I have something to say.
- Would you take a look at my hands?
549
00:42:34,149 --> 00:42:36,228
I think that's a matter
of personal hygiene.
550
00:42:36,389 --> 00:42:38,468
- I am talking about public safety.
- Yes, sir.
551
00:42:38,949 --> 00:42:42,508
Now listen up, everybody.
This is serious.
552
00:42:44,629 --> 00:42:46,068
We've gotta do something.
553
00:42:46,229 --> 00:42:49,188
This is war! Now, we didn't start it...
554
00:42:49,349 --> 00:42:51,588
but we are going to finish it.
555
00:42:51,749 --> 00:42:53,988
I don't care if we work time and a half...
556
00:42:54,149 --> 00:42:56,548
I don't care if we have
to work double time...
557
00:42:56,709 --> 00:43:00,708
but mark my words, we are gonna
nail these punks, starting now!
558
00:43:00,869 --> 00:43:03,268
- We can get them!
- Yeah!
559
00:43:03,429 --> 00:43:04,748
Let's kick ass!
560
00:43:06,669 --> 00:43:08,428
- Freeze!
- Freeze!
561
00:43:09,029 --> 00:43:10,348
Cuff them.
562
00:43:11,589 --> 00:43:14,148
I can't. I forgot my cuffs.
They're on the bike.
563
00:43:14,789 --> 00:43:16,268
No problem.
564
00:43:25,710 --> 00:43:29,348
Hey, hey. Excuse me. I hate to interrupt,
but can I go to the wedding?
565
00:43:29,509 --> 00:43:33,028
I mean, I've got a gift.
Look. Remote.
566
00:43:40,269 --> 00:43:42,029
Excuse me.
567
00:43:43,149 --> 00:43:47,468
- I don't think you should be doing that.
- What you gonna do about it?
568
00:43:47,749 --> 00:43:51,588
- I have to arrest you or something.
- You don't wanna use that.
569
00:43:51,750 --> 00:43:53,508
Look, I'm serious. That's my...
570
00:43:53,670 --> 00:43:55,908
Oh, I'm sorry.
571
00:43:56,310 --> 00:43:57,348
Oh, I didn't know...
572
00:44:12,389 --> 00:44:14,188
Zed don't like when you miss payments.
573
00:44:14,349 --> 00:44:15,428
You're late.
574
00:44:17,069 --> 00:44:18,629
Hey!
575
00:44:19,350 --> 00:44:20,868
That's my greengrocer.
576
00:44:21,189 --> 00:44:22,629
Walk your beat, cop.
577
00:44:53,910 --> 00:44:56,749
- He thinks he's Bruce Lee.
- You wanna bet?
578
00:44:58,630 --> 00:44:59,948
Damn you.
579
00:45:00,109 --> 00:45:01,789
Wanna fight?
580
00:45:02,989 --> 00:45:04,228
Fight me!
581
00:45:15,510 --> 00:45:16,709
He's very good.
582
00:45:21,510 --> 00:45:23,109
I like this.
583
00:45:42,110 --> 00:45:44,269
Oh! Not on broccoli!
584
00:46:02,190 --> 00:46:03,789
Oh! Not on cauliflower!
585
00:46:07,750 --> 00:46:10,309
- Hey, hey.
- Sweetchuck!
586
00:46:11,750 --> 00:46:13,349
Where you going, man?
587
00:46:13,510 --> 00:46:15,309
Come on, mother.
588
00:46:16,870 --> 00:46:18,669
Come on! Come on back here, man!
589
00:46:30,110 --> 00:46:32,589
- Come, he ran in here!
- We got him surrounded!
590
00:46:35,950 --> 00:46:37,549
Hey.
591
00:46:42,150 --> 00:46:44,229
Right. Okay, okay.
We'll be right there.
592
00:46:44,390 --> 00:46:48,309
There's a huge fight at the Blue Oyster
Bar. Should we send the SWAT team?
593
00:46:48,470 --> 00:46:49,709
- No.
- No?
594
00:46:49,870 --> 00:46:51,349
You send Mahoney in.
595
00:46:51,831 --> 00:46:55,270
M-15, a 415 in progress
at the Blue Oyster Bar.
596
00:46:55,430 --> 00:46:57,990
- Blue Oyster?
- I'll get the address. Hold on.
597
00:46:58,151 --> 00:47:01,710
- The Blue Oyster Bar is...
- 621 Cowan Avenue.
598
00:47:27,790 --> 00:47:29,390
I'm going in.
599
00:47:32,711 --> 00:47:34,549
Coming out!
600
00:47:38,471 --> 00:47:40,189
Hey, Hightower.
601
00:47:42,311 --> 00:47:45,710
Looks pretty bad in there.
602
00:47:46,030 --> 00:47:47,269
I'm going in.
603
00:47:47,430 --> 00:47:49,909
Oh, no, no, no.
Hightower, don't go in there.
604
00:47:50,070 --> 00:47:53,029
He's gonna get himself killed. Hightower!
605
00:48:00,070 --> 00:48:02,509
Put these in the truck.
I'll be right back.
606
00:48:03,470 --> 00:48:04,750
He'll be right back.
607
00:48:07,791 --> 00:48:11,949
You have the right to remain silent.
The right to a court-appointed attorney.
608
00:48:12,110 --> 00:48:15,590
You have the right to sing the blues.
You have the right to cable TV.
609
00:48:15,751 --> 00:48:17,230
You have the right to sublet.
610
00:48:17,391 --> 00:48:20,069
You have the right to paint the walls.
No loud colors.
611
00:48:20,231 --> 00:48:22,470
Hightower. Thanks a lot, man.
612
00:48:22,991 --> 00:48:24,230
Anytime.
613
00:48:30,111 --> 00:48:32,070
Y'all be good, now.
614
00:48:43,311 --> 00:48:44,390
- Excuse me.
- Yeah.
615
00:48:44,551 --> 00:48:45,750
Could I have your signature?
616
00:48:45,951 --> 00:48:48,709
- Sure. What do you got?
- Authorization for a body cavity search.
617
00:48:48,871 --> 00:48:53,990
Listen, each and every one of you men,
and you too, of course...
618
00:48:54,151 --> 00:48:55,910
deserve real congratulations.
619
00:48:56,071 --> 00:48:58,470
That's a damn fine piece
of police work. Really.
620
00:48:59,791 --> 00:49:01,550
I think you'll feel the difference today.
621
00:49:01,711 --> 00:49:04,070
The whole neighborhood
is excited about this.
622
00:49:04,231 --> 00:49:05,709
Really. Proctor!
623
00:49:05,871 --> 00:49:07,790
- When this watch is over...
- Yeah.
624
00:49:07,951 --> 00:49:10,350
We'll go to the Club & Cuff.
Drinks on me.
625
00:49:10,510 --> 00:49:12,750
Captain, Chief Hurst is on the phone.
626
00:49:13,231 --> 00:49:17,390
- We'll leave you alone, sir.
- No, no, no. This is for you too?
627
00:49:19,671 --> 00:49:21,070
Lassard.
628
00:49:21,551 --> 00:49:23,150
Yes, sir.
629
00:49:23,591 --> 00:49:26,630
Forty-two arrests, sir. Yes.
630
00:49:27,431 --> 00:49:31,590
Well, I told you these young recruits
could take care of the job, sir.
631
00:49:31,831 --> 00:49:34,990
Here comes Mauser with more
good news. Can you hold on?
632
00:49:35,911 --> 00:49:38,390
I'm afraid we had to drop
most of the charges.
633
00:49:38,551 --> 00:49:41,230
It appears we had to drop
most of the charges?
634
00:49:41,391 --> 00:49:42,950
Improper arrest procedures.
635
00:49:43,111 --> 00:49:46,470
- Unnecessary use of force, sir.
- "Unnecessary use of force"?
636
00:49:46,631 --> 00:49:48,590
We had to release the prisoners.
637
00:49:48,751 --> 00:49:51,511
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.
Will there be anything else?
638
00:49:51,711 --> 00:49:54,990
I'm really sorry.
No, I just wanna be alone.
639
00:49:57,551 --> 00:49:59,790
Unnecessary use of force?!
640
00:49:59,951 --> 00:50:03,310
What are they talking about?
How are they supposed to do the job?
641
00:50:06,992 --> 00:50:08,511
Mahoney.
642
00:50:09,031 --> 00:50:10,350
Mauser...
643
00:50:10,511 --> 00:50:12,390
I know what you're doing.
644
00:50:13,351 --> 00:50:15,110
Then you better be nice to me?
645
00:50:15,271 --> 00:50:17,831
Because I'm gonna be in charge
here soon.
646
00:50:32,431 --> 00:50:34,551
Yeah, I'll get to that later.
647
00:50:38,631 --> 00:50:40,230
I'm all right.
648
00:50:41,392 --> 00:50:42,950
I'm trying.
649
00:50:48,952 --> 00:50:50,191
Tack!
650
00:50:50,351 --> 00:50:53,191
Tack, why all dressed up?
You look great.
651
00:50:53,352 --> 00:50:55,430
- I got a date with Kirkland.
- You little...
652
00:50:55,591 --> 00:50:58,551
Your first date?
Good going, good going.
653
00:50:58,712 --> 00:51:02,150
- What you got there, cologne?
- No. It's gun oil.
654
00:51:08,871 --> 00:51:11,951
- Where's Mahoney?
- Here.
655
00:51:12,552 --> 00:51:14,790
Hey, Mahoney?
Somebody here to see you.
656
00:51:14,951 --> 00:51:16,111
- You Mahoney?
- Yeah.
657
00:51:16,271 --> 00:51:17,991
- I'm here for the BCS.
- BCS?
658
00:51:18,511 --> 00:51:21,070
- Body cavity search.
- Oh, right, right, right.
659
00:51:21,231 --> 00:51:22,990
Where is he?
660
00:51:28,071 --> 00:51:29,831
Everybody out.
661
00:51:29,991 --> 00:51:31,551
Let's get out of here.
662
00:51:34,032 --> 00:51:37,231
Hey! What are you doing?
Wait a minute!
663
00:51:38,072 --> 00:51:40,751
- Shut him up.
- What are you doing?
664
00:51:41,552 --> 00:51:44,270
Now, just relax, and we'll get along fine.
665
00:51:45,752 --> 00:51:47,671
We'll talk later.
666
00:52:07,272 --> 00:52:08,591
Hello, Tackleberry.
667
00:52:09,232 --> 00:52:10,791
Kirkland.
668
00:52:13,592 --> 00:52:15,271
You look very nice.
669
00:52:16,751 --> 00:52:19,431
Permit me to respond in kind.
670
00:52:19,752 --> 00:52:22,351
I've never seen you
in civilian attire before.
671
00:52:22,511 --> 00:52:24,231
- Disappointed?
- Oh, negative.
672
00:52:25,552 --> 00:52:28,111
- And you?
- Oh, no.
673
00:52:33,992 --> 00:52:38,631
Well, almost 1900 hours.
Guess we better go.
674
00:52:38,792 --> 00:52:40,231
Right.
675
00:52:42,632 --> 00:52:43,951
Here.
676
00:52:44,712 --> 00:52:45,871
What's this?
677
00:52:46,512 --> 00:52:49,831
They're ear cuffs.
I had them made just for you.
678
00:52:52,592 --> 00:52:53,871
Gift.
679
00:53:31,272 --> 00:53:33,231
Good night, Tackleberry.
680
00:53:34,432 --> 00:53:36,231
Good night, Kirkland.
681
00:53:39,472 --> 00:53:41,511
- Tackleberry?
- Yes?
682
00:53:42,792 --> 00:53:44,072
I love you.
683
00:53:45,352 --> 00:53:47,112
Ditto.
684
00:53:53,833 --> 00:53:56,552
- Oh, Eugene.
- Oh, Kathleen.
685
00:54:14,273 --> 00:54:15,791
Eugene.
686
00:54:53,873 --> 00:54:56,152
Oh, Eugene!
687
00:55:02,992 --> 00:55:04,472
Good evening.
688
00:55:08,793 --> 00:55:11,112
Oh, excuse, please.
689
00:55:20,753 --> 00:55:23,152
Happy birthday, Pete.
690
00:55:23,633 --> 00:55:26,032
It's not my birthday, Eric.
691
00:55:30,313 --> 00:55:32,392
Is all that crap necessary?
692
00:55:36,393 --> 00:55:38,792
- You seem a little edgy, Pete.
- No, I'm fine.
693
00:55:38,953 --> 00:55:42,312
- You want chopstick or fork?
- How are things at work?
694
00:55:42,713 --> 00:55:44,312
Awful.
695
00:55:44,713 --> 00:55:47,472
If I don't do something quick,
I'm out of a job.
696
00:55:47,633 --> 00:55:49,552
They're saying I'm too old.
697
00:55:49,713 --> 00:55:51,912
They're saying I'm losing it.
698
00:55:52,073 --> 00:55:55,472
They're saying that I'm paranoid.
699
00:55:56,233 --> 00:55:57,992
They're all out to get me, Eric.
700
00:55:58,153 --> 00:56:00,112
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
701
00:56:00,393 --> 00:56:02,392
Try to relax.
702
00:56:03,513 --> 00:56:05,992
I'm sorry. It's just the strain, that's all.
703
00:56:06,833 --> 00:56:09,232
You stupid bastard!
704
00:56:09,393 --> 00:56:10,912
Excuse me.
705
00:56:12,433 --> 00:56:14,472
Why are you doing this to me?
706
00:56:14,953 --> 00:56:16,272
- Who?
- You!
707
00:56:16,553 --> 00:56:19,312
And those rookies you sent me.
708
00:56:19,473 --> 00:56:22,233
All they can do is screw up.
709
00:56:22,433 --> 00:56:27,632
The neighborhood is turning against us.
They're coming at me from all directions.
710
00:56:27,793 --> 00:56:29,072
That would be normal.
711
00:56:30,713 --> 00:56:32,233
Why don't you do something?
712
00:56:32,393 --> 00:56:35,152
- Like what?
- Well...
713
00:56:35,793 --> 00:56:38,192
something to reassure
the neighborhood.
714
00:56:38,993 --> 00:56:42,632
A special show of police involvement
for the neighborhood.
715
00:56:43,153 --> 00:56:48,872
A street fair.
716
00:56:49,873 --> 00:56:53,672
Eric, that's a brilliant idea.
717
00:56:54,513 --> 00:56:56,552
What's a big brother for?
718
00:57:02,954 --> 00:57:05,992
- This fish is boiling.
- Oh, you want stir-fry?
719
00:57:18,034 --> 00:57:21,753
Step right up! It's so simple
even a quarterback can do it.
720
00:57:21,953 --> 00:57:23,592
- You look like a quarterback.
- Me?
721
00:57:23,753 --> 00:57:25,112
- Yeah.
- Hold this?
722
00:57:25,314 --> 00:57:27,152
I'll hold your cotton candy.
723
00:57:27,313 --> 00:57:29,273
I know you can do it. Come on.
724
00:57:29,434 --> 00:57:31,593
Get it up on your shoulder.
725
00:57:47,593 --> 00:57:49,872
Thank you, Mrs. Mayor.
726
00:57:50,033 --> 00:57:53,872
Now, this broom is just a symbol
of the new spirit...
727
00:57:54,033 --> 00:57:57,832
that's sweeping across
our neighborhood.
728
00:58:02,474 --> 00:58:06,673
And so, Mrs. Mayor,
perhaps you'll join with me...
729
00:58:06,834 --> 00:58:10,793
in sweeping the crime
off our streets for good.
730
00:58:17,434 --> 00:58:23,472
- What's going on here?
- Cops are having a fair.
731
00:58:24,433 --> 00:58:26,632
- What for?
- They're trying to raise money...
732
00:58:26,793 --> 00:58:29,353
to clean up the neighborhood.
733
00:58:30,034 --> 00:58:32,593
That's awful nice of them.
734
00:58:32,754 --> 00:58:35,433
Are they gonna have games
and prizes and rides?
735
00:58:35,594 --> 00:58:37,993
Yeah!
736
00:58:38,153 --> 00:58:42,313
- Are they gonna have a Ferris wheel?
- They got a big one.
737
00:58:42,474 --> 00:58:46,193
I hate Ferris wheels!
738
00:58:47,594 --> 00:58:51,033
I got a bad stomach. Make me sick.
739
00:58:51,714 --> 00:58:54,353
- You don't have to ride on it.
- No!
740
00:58:54,514 --> 00:59:00,393
- Well, I'll go on it if you go on with me.
- Okay.
741
00:59:00,554 --> 00:59:05,153
- Let's go have some fun.
- Yeah!
742
00:59:24,954 --> 00:59:26,793
It's mayhem.
743
00:59:40,074 --> 00:59:42,793
- Hi, are you the mayor?
- Yes. Yes, I am.
744
00:59:42,954 --> 00:59:45,713
- I voted for you.
- Oh, that was very nice of you.
745
00:59:45,954 --> 00:59:50,353
- I know when I'm whipped.
- Sir, that's not like you.
746
00:59:50,514 --> 00:59:53,673
- Who's taking over? Don't tell me.
- Mahoney.
747
00:59:53,835 --> 00:59:57,394
Captain Mauser wants to see you
in the squad room. Now.
748
01:00:00,394 --> 01:00:05,993
From this moment on, I am the de facto
commander of this precinct.
749
01:00:08,394 --> 01:00:13,994
My name is Captain Mauser. Captain.
750
01:00:15,994 --> 01:00:17,834
On Thursday last...
751
01:00:17,994 --> 01:00:23,633
yours truly was the object
of a disgusting personal attack.
752
01:00:24,874 --> 01:00:30,513
And I would like to have some names.
753
01:00:30,674 --> 01:00:32,553
Just some names.
754
01:00:37,595 --> 01:00:39,313
Okay.
755
01:00:39,475 --> 01:00:45,354
Have it your way. But I will suspend
every single one of you!
756
01:00:48,234 --> 01:00:50,034
Sir.
757
01:00:51,514 --> 01:00:52,753
I did it.
758
01:00:57,954 --> 01:00:59,914
Mahoney.
759
01:01:00,715 --> 01:01:02,354
Mahoney?
760
01:01:02,515 --> 01:01:07,314
- What kind of clown do you think I am?
- A juggling clown?
761
01:01:07,755 --> 01:01:10,634
- You're suspended. Indefinitely! Sit down!
- You can't do that.
762
01:01:10,794 --> 01:01:12,634
- What?
- You suspend him, you suspend me.
763
01:01:12,835 --> 01:01:17,034
My pleasure. Sit down, smelly.
764
01:01:17,475 --> 01:01:20,433
We don't know where they come from,
where they hide out.
765
01:01:20,595 --> 01:01:23,594
We don't even know who their leader is.
766
01:01:24,075 --> 01:01:28,233
- God, would I like to nail that bunch.
- I would love to get my job back.
767
01:01:28,875 --> 01:01:32,714
I say we do what Baretta would do.
768
01:01:32,874 --> 01:01:34,194
Baretta?
769
01:01:34,635 --> 01:01:37,754
- What?
- Go undercover.
770
01:01:37,915 --> 01:01:40,553
Infiltrate the gang. Get their confidence.
771
01:01:40,714 --> 01:01:44,794
- Schtulman.
- You think you could do that?
772
01:01:47,274 --> 01:01:48,954
No.
773
01:01:50,955 --> 01:01:52,554
But he could.
774
01:01:55,595 --> 01:01:57,394
- He's right.
- No.
775
01:01:57,554 --> 01:01:59,834
You're young enough.
776
01:01:59,995 --> 01:02:02,633
Hell, you even look like
one of the little creeps.
777
01:02:02,795 --> 01:02:06,154
- He's talking about a television show.
- Mahoney, here's the deal.
778
01:02:06,315 --> 01:02:09,714
Now, I can't pay you a salary,
can't even give you expenses.
779
01:02:10,314 --> 01:02:14,634
If you get yourself in a jam,
I might not be able to bail you out.
780
01:02:14,795 --> 01:02:17,074
- Could be dangerous.
- You could get killed.
781
01:02:18,155 --> 01:02:19,434
He's right.
782
01:02:22,355 --> 01:02:25,234
Sounds awfully tempting.
783
01:03:06,995 --> 01:03:11,634
Get out of there!
He'll call you back!
784
01:03:14,835 --> 01:03:17,755
I said, he'll call you back!
785
01:03:18,876 --> 01:03:21,354
Hey, man! Hey, man, what you doing?
786
01:03:22,955 --> 01:03:24,954
- Nothing.
- Why'd you mess up the phone?
787
01:03:25,115 --> 01:03:27,794
I felt like it. Don't sit so close!
788
01:03:27,955 --> 01:03:31,154
- I'm Flacko. This is my man Mojo.
- What do they call you, man?
789
01:03:31,315 --> 01:03:34,874
- Jughead! Jughead!
- Me and Mojo, we're with the Scullions.
790
01:03:35,036 --> 01:03:37,515
- Who do you run with?
- The Archies. The Archies.
791
01:03:37,675 --> 01:03:41,434
- I ain't never heard of no Archies.
- Used to be the Fudpuckers.
792
01:03:41,636 --> 01:03:45,234
- Yeah, I think I know some Fudpuckers.
- Don't press your luck!
793
01:03:45,395 --> 01:03:47,754
- Hey, you should be with us.
- Oh, yeah? Why?
794
01:03:47,916 --> 01:03:50,314
- Because we the baddest.
- You the baddest.
795
01:03:50,475 --> 01:03:53,675
- How do I get to be a Scallion?
- Scullion, not Scallion.
796
01:03:53,836 --> 01:03:57,074
What's the difference?
You're lucky you're sitting with me.
797
01:03:57,236 --> 01:03:58,235
We get you in.
798
01:03:59,596 --> 01:04:02,475
Here comes the Man. Watch your feet,
he's gonna run them over.
799
01:04:07,475 --> 01:04:09,755
Well, my, my.
800
01:04:10,035 --> 01:04:11,755
Hello. What are you boys up to?
801
01:04:14,035 --> 01:04:16,234
Know anything about
destruction of property?
802
01:04:16,395 --> 01:04:19,755
- Man, we ain't done nothing.
- Oh, you ain't? Oh, my, look at that.
803
01:04:19,915 --> 01:04:21,755
Put them against the wall.
You too, chico.
804
01:04:21,956 --> 01:04:24,395
Come on, get over there!
Spread your legs!
805
01:04:24,556 --> 01:04:26,315
Come on!
806
01:04:26,955 --> 01:04:29,674
What do you think you're doing?
Come on! Spread them!
807
01:04:31,195 --> 01:04:34,034
Don't move! Don't move! Shut up!
Get out of the car.
808
01:04:35,595 --> 01:04:39,595
Come over here. Toss out your gun.
Now we're gonna have a little fun.
809
01:04:39,756 --> 01:04:43,634
Know what I mean? A little fun.
Now you spread them. You spread them.
810
01:04:44,556 --> 01:04:48,115
Now kick him. Yeah, kick him.
811
01:04:48,276 --> 01:04:50,955
You like that? Kick him again. And harder.
812
01:04:52,596 --> 01:04:56,435
- You're crazy.
- You like that? Hold it. Hey, Jones.
813
01:04:56,596 --> 01:05:00,595
That's it, that's it, that's it. All right.
Now get away from the car.
814
01:05:00,756 --> 01:05:02,314
Get away from the car.
815
01:05:02,476 --> 01:05:07,114
Who's this guy? This guy giving us lip?
Maybe we should give him a little lip.
816
01:05:08,276 --> 01:05:10,355
You like that? How about some more?
817
01:05:12,715 --> 01:05:14,354
Hey, get out of here. Get out of here.
818
01:05:15,796 --> 01:05:18,395
Hope you're all right, sir.
What do you think?
819
01:05:18,596 --> 01:05:20,915
Beautiful, baby.
820
01:05:22,636 --> 01:05:27,155
- There's the little girl. Come, June.
- This is my big brother, Bud.
821
01:05:27,316 --> 01:05:29,515
- Hi, Mom.
- Hi, Bud.
822
01:05:29,676 --> 01:05:31,155
- Hi, little girl.
- Daddy!
823
01:05:31,316 --> 01:05:35,515
- So you're gonna leave Daddy?
- This is Eugene.
824
01:05:35,676 --> 01:05:37,515
Hi, Tackleberry.
825
01:05:37,675 --> 01:05:40,795
- Good grip.
- I better check the roast.
826
01:05:40,956 --> 01:05:43,795
Yeah, check the roast, sweetheart!
827
01:05:44,716 --> 01:05:47,195
Hey, come on. Sit down.
828
01:05:50,276 --> 01:05:53,995
My little girl here tells me
that you're into self-defense.
829
01:05:54,156 --> 01:05:56,955
- That's quite correct, sir.
- Yeah, well...
830
01:05:57,116 --> 01:06:00,755
I was in the South Pacific back in '44,
in the Seabees.
831
01:06:01,316 --> 01:06:04,915
Daddy was middleweight champion
in the Seabees.
832
01:06:05,196 --> 01:06:08,715
I used to be pretty good at boxing,
but my boy is pretty good too.
833
01:06:08,876 --> 01:06:10,955
He was on the high school
championship team.
834
01:06:11,116 --> 01:06:12,075
Yeah.
835
01:06:12,236 --> 01:06:15,275
- But I can still take him, right?
- I don't know, Dad. Take it easy.
836
01:06:15,436 --> 01:06:17,195
- Come on!
- I don't think so, Dad.
837
01:06:17,356 --> 01:06:19,795
Come on. Come on.
838
01:06:21,116 --> 01:06:23,955
- Oh, you all right, Dad?
- Hey, pretty good?
839
01:06:26,476 --> 01:06:29,675
- I'm sorry, kid? It's all right?
- It's all right.
840
01:06:30,356 --> 01:06:31,595
Good!
841
01:06:39,156 --> 01:06:40,476
Oh! Oh. Oh.
842
01:06:42,636 --> 01:06:46,515
- Are you all right?
- Good? That was...
843
01:06:49,196 --> 01:06:54,635
You boys stop that foolishness
and come to the table. Dinner's ready!
844
01:06:54,796 --> 01:06:59,035
When these two start at it,
they're just a couple of kids.
845
01:06:59,196 --> 01:07:02,875
What do you say?
Go have some chow?
846
01:07:03,036 --> 01:07:04,115
Aren't they sweet?
847
01:07:04,556 --> 01:07:07,476
Captain, if you could tape this on him
as high as you can.
848
01:07:07,636 --> 01:07:10,155
- Where did you get this thing?
- I built it.
849
01:07:10,316 --> 01:07:14,395
- Why does it say "Mr. Microphone"?
- It's okay. I made a few modifications.
850
01:07:14,556 --> 01:07:18,316
All right, okay. Sir!
Sir, it's a little tight.
851
01:07:18,476 --> 01:07:21,996
Sorry. Okay, hold on.
852
01:07:22,157 --> 01:07:28,235
Look. Tonight, they're taking me to meet
the leader of the gang, the head guy.
853
01:07:28,756 --> 01:07:32,436
That's good. As long as this is on,
we'll hear every word, right?
854
01:07:32,596 --> 01:07:34,835
- Right.
- Do me a favor, and yourself.
855
01:07:34,996 --> 01:07:38,555
Just try to drop a hint now and then
as to where you are...
856
01:07:38,757 --> 01:07:41,515
so we can sort of keep track
of you, okay?
857
01:07:41,676 --> 01:07:43,195
- Sir?
- Yeah.
858
01:07:43,356 --> 01:07:47,275
- You sure this is gonna work?
- Will you stop worrying?
859
01:07:47,797 --> 01:07:50,956
Mumphrey swings. And it's a home run!
860
01:07:53,756 --> 01:07:56,556
Does that every once in a while.
Just give it a tap.
861
01:07:58,637 --> 01:08:00,595
- Hey!
- All right.
862
01:08:00,756 --> 01:08:02,635
All right. Hey, it's your shot.
863
01:08:04,077 --> 01:08:05,955
Sorry. Hey, hey, great car.
864
01:08:06,117 --> 01:08:07,756
- Where'd you buy it?
- Get in.
865
01:08:07,917 --> 01:08:09,196
- All right.
- In the back.
866
01:08:09,356 --> 01:08:12,156
- In the back.
- Come on, let's go.
867
01:08:19,157 --> 01:08:22,996
- Hey, man, it's hot. Take off your coat.
- No, no, no. I'm fine. I'm fine.
868
01:08:23,157 --> 01:08:26,996
- I like hot.
- Damn. Damn!
869
01:08:27,157 --> 01:08:28,155
Where we going?
870
01:08:28,317 --> 01:08:30,355
That's for me to know, you to find out.
871
01:08:30,517 --> 01:08:32,916
Right, right. I just like to drive. Right.
872
01:08:33,076 --> 01:08:35,036
- Wait until you meet Zed.
- Zed?
873
01:08:35,197 --> 01:08:36,956
- He's the man.
- He's bad.
874
01:08:37,117 --> 01:08:38,516
Hey, he's the best.
875
01:08:40,076 --> 01:08:42,636
- Mahoney, talk to me.
- Sir, he can't hear you.
876
01:08:42,797 --> 01:08:44,916
I know that, Schtulman.
877
01:08:45,237 --> 01:08:47,356
Hey, are we going south?
878
01:08:47,517 --> 01:08:50,355
Because I got a lot of enemies
down South.
879
01:08:53,037 --> 01:08:55,116
Yeah, man. Yeah, man.
880
01:08:55,277 --> 01:08:58,476
I like it, man. I like it.
I don't know where I am. I like it.
881
01:09:15,357 --> 01:09:18,476
Yo, we got a friend. A friend.
882
01:09:19,477 --> 01:09:21,836
All right, all right.
883
01:09:22,997 --> 01:09:26,476
I like it. I like it. You know what I mean?
I like it. All right.
884
01:09:26,637 --> 01:09:29,716
- What is this place?
- It's where they kept the bears.
885
01:09:29,877 --> 01:09:32,756
Oh, yeah? Well, where are the bears?
886
01:09:33,477 --> 01:09:37,436
Yeah, right. Bears. Maybe I should
go home, get something to eat.
887
01:09:37,597 --> 01:09:40,756
Oh, hi, fella. Hi, nice to see you.
Nice shades. Nice shades.
888
01:09:40,917 --> 01:09:42,516
Oh, nice bridge. Little shaky.
889
01:09:50,157 --> 01:09:52,597
Hey, I like this place. I really like it.
890
01:09:53,357 --> 01:09:57,036
- He's home.
- Yeah, home. I like it, I like it.
891
01:09:57,237 --> 01:10:01,036
Lot of big steps, lot of graffiti on
the wall. A cavelike atmosphere.
892
01:10:01,197 --> 01:10:03,916
Just like The Flintstones.
Where's Fred and Wilma?
893
01:10:04,077 --> 01:10:05,996
- He's cool.
- Where you been all my life?
894
01:10:06,157 --> 01:10:10,157
Don't get fresh. Maybe later.
895
01:10:10,317 --> 01:10:11,797
I'm in trouble.
896
01:10:11,957 --> 01:10:15,796
What a place! Looks like a flea market.
I went shopping yesterday.
897
01:10:15,957 --> 01:10:18,676
We got the same barber.
You get a headache from that?
898
01:10:21,197 --> 01:10:24,636
You'll be awfully lonely sleeping without
Mrs. Beasley.
899
01:10:24,838 --> 01:10:26,716
- I know.
- Zed?
900
01:10:26,878 --> 01:10:29,676
- I'm watching Family Affair.
- Zed.
901
01:10:29,837 --> 01:10:33,877
It's a rerun. What do you want?
902
01:10:34,037 --> 01:10:39,836
- I think he'd be a good Scullion.
- You don't think, Flacko. You ask!
903
01:10:39,997 --> 01:10:43,597
- You got a name? What do they call you?
- Jughead.
904
01:10:44,117 --> 01:10:48,237
Jughead. My mother's name
was Jughead.
905
01:10:48,597 --> 01:10:53,197
- Well, I've been thinking of changing it.
- Why? It's a good American name.
906
01:10:53,358 --> 01:10:55,277
As such!
907
01:10:55,637 --> 01:10:59,316
Right, right, right. Yeah, nice place.
Great place.
908
01:10:59,678 --> 01:11:00,877
Thank you very much.
909
01:11:01,038 --> 01:11:04,277
I had a woman who used to come
in here about once a week...
910
01:11:04,438 --> 01:11:06,956
but I had to fire her. It didn't pan out.
911
01:11:07,117 --> 01:11:09,397
- Oh, really? I might know someone.
- Shut up!
912
01:11:09,557 --> 01:11:13,396
- I don't know anyone. Not a person.
- What are you so nervous about?
913
01:11:13,557 --> 01:11:17,077
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
The place weirds me out.
914
01:11:17,237 --> 01:11:18,717
It smells like animals.
915
01:11:18,878 --> 01:11:21,076
They took him to my place?
916
01:11:21,237 --> 01:11:22,557
- Where are we?
- The old zoo.
917
01:11:22,718 --> 01:11:24,236
The old zoo!
918
01:11:25,718 --> 01:11:30,477
The old zoo. The old...
Not the new zoo, but the old zoo.
919
01:11:30,638 --> 01:11:32,876
You have a cigarette? Some smokes?
920
01:11:33,037 --> 01:11:34,717
- The old zoo.
- The old zoo?
921
01:11:34,918 --> 01:11:38,796
- I never even saw the new zoo.
- Well, now's your chance, Schtulman.
922
01:11:38,958 --> 01:11:43,596
Lou may love it. It'll be like a new home.
Turn the wheel!
923
01:11:46,838 --> 01:11:49,717
What about a light?
What about some little fire?
924
01:11:52,118 --> 01:11:54,477
You shouldn't smoke.
It's bad for your health.
925
01:11:55,598 --> 01:11:58,357
- Think I'll quit.
- At Raceway Park.
926
01:11:58,517 --> 01:12:02,677
- Dragsters...
- You're wired!
927
01:12:02,878 --> 01:12:06,877
- You're a cop.
- No, no, no. I'm a singer.
928
01:12:09,077 --> 01:12:11,197
You're a cop.
929
01:12:12,438 --> 01:12:14,637
And you're an ugly cop.
930
01:12:15,438 --> 01:12:19,277
Attention all units. Attention all units.
We've got a 997 at the old zoo.
931
01:12:19,438 --> 01:12:22,637
- 997?
- We got a 997 at the old zoo.
932
01:12:22,797 --> 01:12:25,677
A 997 at the old zoo.
Mahoney needs help.
933
01:12:26,158 --> 01:12:30,677
Step on it, please. Not you, Lou!
934
01:12:30,838 --> 01:12:33,837
All units. We have a 997
at the old abandoned zoo!
935
01:12:33,998 --> 01:12:36,717
- What are you doing?
- I was calling for assistance.
936
01:12:36,878 --> 01:12:39,957
- Mahoney's in trouble.
- Mahoney is suspended.
937
01:12:40,118 --> 01:12:42,837
You will do nothing of the kind.
938
01:12:44,118 --> 01:12:45,997
Hurry! Hurry! Mahoney's in trouble!
939
01:12:46,158 --> 01:12:49,077
- Mahoney!
- Let's go!
940
01:12:52,598 --> 01:12:54,717
- What's up?
- Mahoney's in trouble.
941
01:12:54,879 --> 01:12:56,757
- Let me drive.
- Will you get in!
942
01:12:56,918 --> 01:12:59,957
Hey! Wait a minute!
943
01:13:00,478 --> 01:13:02,517
Wait a minute!
944
01:13:02,678 --> 01:13:06,837
- Don't make me flare my nostrils!
- Excuse me, Zed. Look, relax.
945
01:13:06,998 --> 01:13:09,557
You gotta calm down.
You gotta breathe with me.
946
01:13:09,718 --> 01:13:12,797
- One, two, three.
- I'm getting too much caffeine.
947
01:13:12,958 --> 01:13:16,757
- Yeah, I know. I'm gonna go now.
- I ought to kill you!
948
01:13:17,038 --> 01:13:18,397
- Hightower.
- Yes, sir?
949
01:13:18,599 --> 01:13:21,077
I want you and Jones
to cross that bridge.
950
01:13:21,238 --> 01:13:24,597
Wait outside this entrance until
you hear my signal. Get going.
951
01:13:24,759 --> 01:13:26,678
No going.
952
01:13:26,838 --> 01:13:30,197
Well, well, well.
953
01:13:30,678 --> 01:13:34,037
If it isn't the former captain...
954
01:13:34,958 --> 01:13:37,437
Pete Lassard.
955
01:13:38,879 --> 01:13:44,078
- What the hell do you think you're doing?
- I'm making a plan of attack.
956
01:13:44,239 --> 01:13:48,318
Now, there's an air vent on top of
that cave. I'll be going in through there.
957
01:13:48,479 --> 01:13:51,758
- Schtulman...
- Like hell you are. I'm in charge here.
958
01:13:51,919 --> 01:13:53,678
- Fackler.
- Yes, sir.
959
01:13:53,839 --> 01:13:56,558
- You'll come with me.
- Where?
960
01:13:56,719 --> 01:13:58,797
To the air vent.
961
01:14:00,438 --> 01:14:01,877
Captain Mauser.
962
01:14:08,878 --> 01:14:12,557
- We're gonna do this my way.
- I'm not gonna move my elbow.
963
01:14:12,719 --> 01:14:17,077
- I don't need that. I need that.
- Get out of here!
964
01:14:17,238 --> 01:14:19,598
Wanna trade?
965
01:14:20,319 --> 01:14:22,038
Okay, up you go, sir.
966
01:14:24,239 --> 01:14:27,998
- Get your hand out of my ass!
- Sorry, sorry.
967
01:14:30,198 --> 01:14:34,357
- Oh! Mauser! Mauser!
- Captain Mauser. Come on.
968
01:14:34,519 --> 01:14:35,957
Sorry.
969
01:14:45,359 --> 01:14:47,598
- What is this place?
- Bear cave.
970
01:14:48,919 --> 01:14:51,477
- Come on.
- Oh, drawbridge.
971
01:14:58,318 --> 01:14:59,837
- What's that?
- Rats.
972
01:14:59,999 --> 01:15:02,398
- Rats?
- Rats.
973
01:15:03,519 --> 01:15:06,638
Good idea. You stay here,
cover the outside.
974
01:15:06,799 --> 01:15:10,158
Be right back. I hope.
975
01:15:25,999 --> 01:15:28,438
Wait, wait, wait!
Blow out the candle.
976
01:15:32,399 --> 01:15:34,158
Wait a minute!
977
01:15:34,319 --> 01:15:36,158
Get back!
978
01:15:36,359 --> 01:15:38,998
Sorry, I'm nervous. What?
979
01:15:39,159 --> 01:15:42,998
Wrap it around your waist.
Make a double slipknot like this.
980
01:15:46,519 --> 01:15:50,198
- I'm gonna lower you down real gently.
- Me?
981
01:15:50,359 --> 01:15:51,598
No, your mother.
982
01:15:55,319 --> 01:15:57,598
- Let me show you what to do. Fackler!
- Oh, no!
983
01:15:57,759 --> 01:16:00,118
Oh, shit!
984
01:16:04,599 --> 01:16:07,918
- Stop this thing!
- What it is! Everybody's under arrest!
985
01:16:10,239 --> 01:16:13,718
- They've arrived.
- Get me out of here! Fackler!
986
01:16:16,079 --> 01:16:18,478
Get me out of here! Oh, God!
987
01:16:23,119 --> 01:16:26,998
- Now, Zed, you're being reasonable.
- I hate reasonable!
988
01:16:28,599 --> 01:16:30,039
Schtulman, it's me!
989
01:16:38,560 --> 01:16:40,199
This is the police department.
990
01:16:45,039 --> 01:16:46,478
Throw down your weapons...
991
01:16:46,640 --> 01:16:48,918
put up your hands
and come out of this cave.
992
01:16:50,999 --> 01:16:53,359
Hi, boys.
993
01:16:53,519 --> 01:16:55,158
But, sir... No!
994
01:17:22,199 --> 01:17:25,039
- Zed, come on, let's talk.
- I'm not in the mood!
995
01:17:25,199 --> 01:17:28,479
- Drop the gun.
- I'm in the mood.
996
01:17:28,679 --> 01:17:32,598
- So where are you from?
- Drop the gun, punk!
997
01:17:33,400 --> 01:17:35,798
You won't shoot!
You don't have any guts!
998
01:17:35,959 --> 01:17:38,479
Three more seconds,
you don't have any brains.
999
01:17:39,160 --> 01:17:43,279
- I do so have brains.
- Sir, three seconds is up.
1000
01:17:43,439 --> 01:17:45,839
I'm on about two and a half!
1001
01:17:46,199 --> 01:17:47,919
Drop it.
1002
01:17:51,600 --> 01:17:55,918
- Good job, sir!
- Thanks, Mahoney. Pick up the gun.
1003
01:17:58,240 --> 01:17:59,798
That didn't hurt.
1004
01:18:00,439 --> 01:18:05,039
That didn't hurt.
1005
01:18:05,200 --> 01:18:08,439
- That hurt!
- Don't move, dirtbag!
1006
01:18:08,760 --> 01:18:10,519
Where you been, Hooks?
1007
01:18:22,040 --> 01:18:25,079
Sir, that was beautiful.
1008
01:18:30,320 --> 01:18:34,038
Haven't carried live ammo since '73.
1009
01:18:42,679 --> 01:18:45,199
Welcome back, captain.
1010
01:18:48,160 --> 01:18:50,959
Proctor!
1011
01:19:08,120 --> 01:19:11,479
One. Two.
1012
01:19:25,920 --> 01:19:29,399
Tack. Now, you be a good boy tonight.
1013
01:19:30,160 --> 01:19:31,360
You guys.
1014
01:19:35,760 --> 01:19:39,279
All right, boys. At ease.
1015
01:19:39,920 --> 01:19:42,679
Thanks. Okay, one more. Oh, excuse me.
1016
01:19:44,880 --> 01:19:47,800
- Hi, commandant.
- Mahoney, how are you?
1017
01:19:47,960 --> 01:19:50,039
- Pretty good.
- We've missed you.
1018
01:19:50,200 --> 01:19:51,640
- Thanks.
- Not that much.
78616