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1
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? Oh, Mandy
2
00:00:03,300 --> 00:00:07,615
? Well, you came
and you gave without taking
3
00:00:07,740 --> 00:00:09,775
? But I sent you away
4
00:00:09,900 --> 00:00:12,015
? Oh, Mandy
5
00:00:12,140 --> 00:00:16,895
? Well, you kissed me
and stopped me from shaking
6
00:00:17,020 --> 00:00:19,135
? And I need you today
7
00:00:19,260 --> 00:00:21,575
? Oh, Mandy! ?
8
00:00:21,700 --> 00:00:26,055
This programme contains some
strong language and adult humour
9
00:00:26,180 --> 00:00:28,775
Back again, Mandy?Yeah.
10
00:00:28,900 --> 00:00:31,215
Why did you leave the job
at the frozen-fish factory?
11
00:00:31,340 --> 00:00:34,735
One of the other women who worked
there looked like Rose West.
12
00:00:34,860 --> 00:00:37,335
Gave me the right shivers.
Was it Rose West?No.
13
00:00:37,460 --> 00:00:39,175
They said her name
was Margaret Dodd.
14
00:00:39,300 --> 00:00:41,135
But she really
looked like Rose West.
15
00:00:41,260 --> 00:00:42,615
She had the glasses and everything.
16
00:00:42,740 --> 00:00:45,055
Could have been a professional
Lookie-likie, you know,
17
00:00:45,180 --> 00:00:48,215
open supermarkets and that.
Open supermarkets? As Rose West?
18
00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:50,895
I'm not convinced
it weren't Rose West.
19
00:00:51,020 --> 00:00:53,895
Every time I saw her it gave me
a shock. It were doing me nerves in.
20
00:00:54,020 --> 00:00:56,255
First time I saw her,
I was rooted to the spot
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00:00:56,380 --> 00:00:58,815
and held on to a breaded cod
so long it froze to me hand.
22
00:00:58,940 --> 00:01:01,775
They joked that I had
fish fingers, but...
23
00:01:01,900 --> 00:01:04,815
..I didn't think
that were very funny.
24
00:01:04,940 --> 00:01:08,295
Not when you think what she's
meant to have done. Yeah.
25
00:01:08,420 --> 00:01:11,335
Well, look, it wouldn't be the
first time you've left a job
26
00:01:11,460 --> 00:01:13,695
for unusual reasons, would it?
I don't know what you mean.
27
00:01:13,820 --> 00:01:15,695
Last month you gave up
a job at the Co-op
28
00:01:15,820 --> 00:01:17,935
because you thought you saw
an alien in the meat aisle.
29
00:01:18,060 --> 00:01:21,215
It were an alien! According to
the manager, it was a lollipop man.
30
00:01:21,340 --> 00:01:24,375
That's what they want you to think.
They're moving amongst us.
31
00:01:24,500 --> 00:01:26,495
I loved that job at the Co-op.
At the end of the day
32
00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:28,815
you could take home
all the cheese they hadn't sold.
33
00:01:28,940 --> 00:01:32,055
As you're aware, Mandy, that wasn't
actually the policy of the store.
34
00:01:32,180 --> 00:01:34,375
So they're still waiting
for you to reimburse them
35
00:01:34,500 --> 00:01:36,815
for the �79 worth of Edam.
36
00:01:36,940 --> 00:01:39,095
Before that,
you left a job in telesales
37
00:01:39,220 --> 00:01:41,095
because of the "pressures
of the commute".
38
00:01:41,220 --> 00:01:43,975
It were gruelling, all that travel!
Mandy, you were working from home.
39
00:01:44,100 --> 00:01:46,095
I had to get downstairs, didn't I?
40
00:01:46,220 --> 00:01:48,535
There's only so many jobs
you can leave for weird reasons
41
00:01:48,660 --> 00:01:51,575
before I'm forced to conclude
that you just don't like working,
42
00:01:51,700 --> 00:01:53,135
and I'll have to stop your benefits.
43
00:01:53,260 --> 00:01:55,295
Look, you've got a chance
to prove me wrong.
44
00:01:55,420 --> 00:01:56,775
This has just come in.
45
00:01:56,900 --> 00:01:59,100
A job at Brampton Hall,
the stately home.
46
00:02:02,180 --> 00:02:06,575
Mandy.What? It's a job
at Brampton Hall, the stately home.
47
00:02:06,700 --> 00:02:09,180
Brampton Hall, that's miles away.
I'll never...
48
00:02:11,940 --> 00:02:15,935
Is it working in the gift shop?
I'd like to work in a gift shop.
49
00:02:16,060 --> 00:02:19,655
All those key rings and fridge
magnets. Small bags of fudge.
50
00:02:19,780 --> 00:02:22,775
Rubbers. They will explain it
to you when you get there!
51
00:02:22,900 --> 00:02:24,055
I know them a bit,
52
00:02:24,180 --> 00:02:26,255
so I let them know that
you're going to start tomorrow.
53
00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:28,615
But, look, Mandy, I really
don't want to see you back here
54
00:02:28,740 --> 00:02:30,735
in a couple of days' time
with another mad excuse
55
00:02:30,860 --> 00:02:32,615
as to why you had to
give up the job.
56
00:02:32,740 --> 00:02:35,855
Otherwise, I will have to take
official action. Is that understood?
57
00:02:35,980 --> 00:02:37,536
Comprende.
58
00:02:37,661 --> 00:02:39,340
SHE BLOWS RASPBERRY
59
00:02:46,260 --> 00:02:49,940
OMINOUS MUSIC
60
00:02:59,020 --> 00:03:01,415
Oh! Christ alive!
61
00:03:01,540 --> 00:03:03,615
You're late.
62
00:03:03,740 --> 00:03:07,855
You just have time to get into
your costume.Costume?
63
00:03:07,980 --> 00:03:13,975
It is 1887, and I'm the scullery
maid here at Brampton Hall.
64
00:03:14,100 --> 00:03:17,335
My jobs include lighting
the fires in the morning
65
00:03:17,460 --> 00:03:19,335
and polishing the horse brasses.
66
00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:22,655
Please come with me now as I guide
you through an ordinary day
67
00:03:22,780 --> 00:03:24,260
here at Brampton Hall.
68
00:03:27,180 --> 00:03:30,855
Excuse me.
Are these beams original?
69
00:03:30,980 --> 00:03:36,055
Beans? Beams. The beams.
70
00:03:36,180 --> 00:03:39,480
Oh, is that what they're called?
I just thought they were big logs.
71
00:03:40,140 --> 00:03:42,735
What was your question?
Don't worry about it.
72
00:03:42,860 --> 00:03:46,210
Right, if you'd like to follow me.
Through there's another old room.
73
00:03:47,180 --> 00:03:51,295
And this is the dining room.
I have to light the fire here
74
00:03:51,420 --> 00:03:55,255
at 5:30 every morning to make
sure it's warm for my master.
75
00:03:55,380 --> 00:03:59,175
Erm, hello. Who's the portrait of?
76
00:03:59,300 --> 00:04:02,220
Erm, that is the Duke of...
77
00:04:03,900 --> 00:04:05,135
..Dagenham.
78
00:04:05,260 --> 00:04:07,495
Who's the Duke of Dagen..?
If you'd like to follow me.
79
00:04:07,620 --> 00:04:10,295
Erm, excuse me.Oh, what now?!
80
00:04:10,420 --> 00:04:13,855
I was just wondering what period
the furniture in the house
81
00:04:13,980 --> 00:04:16,695
dates back from - is it Regency?
82
00:04:16,820 --> 00:04:19,535
Because, I mean, the fireplace
is clearly earlier...
83
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:21,295
Look, the fireplace is from 1398.
84
00:04:21,420 --> 00:04:25,215
The curtains are from 1864,
and the ornaments are from 1972.
85
00:04:25,340 --> 00:04:26,655
That can't be right...
86
00:04:26,780 --> 00:04:28,735
This is the room where
John the Baptist was killed.
87
00:04:28,860 --> 00:04:30,095
CROWD: Ooh.
88
00:04:30,220 --> 00:04:32,700
And the Krays hid
in this closet here.
89
00:04:34,020 --> 00:04:36,340
Can you tell us
anything more about the Krays?
90
00:04:39,300 --> 00:04:40,895
Yeah. Yeah.
91
00:04:41,020 --> 00:04:44,175
Erm, Ronnie and Reggie Kray
used to love coming here,
92
00:04:44,300 --> 00:04:47,135
until they were sadly killed
one night in the drawing room
93
00:04:47,260 --> 00:04:51,055
for stealing an ashtray that
belonged to Michael Heseltine.
94
00:04:51,180 --> 00:04:52,815
Is it haunted?Haunted?
95
00:04:52,940 --> 00:04:55,135
I shit myself most days
with the stuff I see.
96
00:04:55,260 --> 00:04:57,420
Like what?See him?
97
00:04:59,460 --> 00:05:02,295
He follows me around.
What does he want?Fuck knows.
98
00:05:02,420 --> 00:05:04,535
Probably wants to get me
out of his house.
99
00:05:04,660 --> 00:05:06,175
Can you tell us anything else?
100
00:05:06,300 --> 00:05:07,735
Er, might do.
101
00:05:07,860 --> 00:05:09,300
What's it worth?
102
00:05:11,020 --> 00:05:14,855
Yeah. Erm, some days
I see orbs floating about.
103
00:05:14,980 --> 00:05:17,735
And when I see these,
I know shit's about to go down.
104
00:05:17,860 --> 00:05:18,895
Really?Yeah.
105
00:05:19,020 --> 00:05:22,055
I get dragged out of the scullery
by my ankles, screaming.
106
00:05:22,180 --> 00:05:24,895
Then why do you carry on working
here?Just love it here, you know.
107
00:05:25,020 --> 00:05:26,735
Love history and stuff.
108
00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:29,780
SNAPPING
109
00:05:31,900 --> 00:05:34,060
Do you want to go through?
110
00:05:42,660 --> 00:05:45,095
Oh! Fuck me,
where'd you come from?
111
00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:47,495
Ms Carter, here at Brampton Hall,
112
00:05:47,620 --> 00:05:52,495
we expect a certain level
of professionalism from our guides.
113
00:05:52,620 --> 00:05:55,175
Oh yeah, I'm really sorry.
I'll be on time tomorrow.
114
00:05:55,300 --> 00:05:58,655
I'm afraid you won't
be back tomorrow.
115
00:05:58,780 --> 00:06:02,975
I understand you've been
soliciting tips by making up
116
00:06:03,100 --> 00:06:04,935
stories about the Krays.No.
117
00:06:05,060 --> 00:06:07,140
I don't know who told you that.
118
00:06:08,860 --> 00:06:11,055
Oh, please don't send me
back to the Jobcentre.
119
00:06:11,180 --> 00:06:15,695
This is the best job I've ever had!
I'll give you one last chance.
120
00:06:15,820 --> 00:06:19,215
But perhaps you would like
to show your commitment
121
00:06:19,340 --> 00:06:21,975
by doing some overtime this evening.
122
00:06:22,100 --> 00:06:23,695
Yeah. Yeah, what is it?
123
00:06:23,820 --> 00:06:25,615
What, like a late-night tour
or something?
124
00:06:25,740 --> 00:06:29,175
We host a variety of events
here at the hall.
125
00:06:29,300 --> 00:06:33,255
One of them
is a book launch this evening.
126
00:06:33,380 --> 00:06:36,135
We need someone
to hand around the nibbles.
127
00:06:36,260 --> 00:06:38,215
Nibbles? Yes, please!
128
00:06:38,340 --> 00:06:39,796
Prosecco o'clock!
129
00:06:39,921 --> 00:06:41,500
SHE LAUGHS
130
00:06:44,020 --> 00:06:45,255
Hiya, Lola.
131
00:06:45,380 --> 00:06:47,695
You couldn't pick me up tonight
from Brampton Hall at nine o'clock,
132
00:06:47,820 --> 00:06:49,615
could you? I've got to do overtime.
133
00:06:49,740 --> 00:06:52,775
But of course, Mandy! What are
friends for?Oh, thanks, Lola.
134
00:06:52,900 --> 00:06:54,335
I don't know what I'd do
without you.
135
00:06:54,460 --> 00:06:56,095
Because we are such good friends,
136
00:06:56,220 --> 00:06:58,615
Mandy, I will only charge you
the same as UberCool.
137
00:06:58,740 --> 00:06:59,975
Plus 50%.
138
00:07:00,100 --> 00:07:01,695
But you can sit in the front.
139
00:07:01,820 --> 00:07:03,620
Thanks, Lola. See you later.
140
00:07:17,500 --> 00:07:19,940
PIANO MUSIC PLAYS
141
00:07:21,420 --> 00:07:23,620
A woman comes.
142
00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:26,740
She travels slowly.
143
00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:31,375
She carries nibbles.
144
00:07:31,500 --> 00:07:33,940
And other snacks.
145
00:07:34,980 --> 00:07:36,900
She brings confusion.
146
00:07:38,060 --> 00:07:40,500
And death!
147
00:07:42,460 --> 00:07:45,020
MUFFLED VOICES CHANT
148
00:07:51,580 --> 00:07:53,380
Must be down here.
149
00:07:55,820 --> 00:07:58,860
CHANTING CONTINUES
150
00:08:10,820 --> 00:08:12,820
Do you want a vol-au-vent? No!
151
00:08:15,340 --> 00:08:18,615
CHANTING CONTINUES
152
00:08:18,740 --> 00:08:20,700
Vol-au-vent? No.
153
00:08:25,300 --> 00:08:26,820
Do you want one?
154
00:08:28,020 --> 00:08:32,095
Got vegetarian options. That one's
beef. That one's salmon... Shhh!
155
00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:34,140
All right, please yourself!
156
00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:38,255
Nibbles? Oh. What've you got?
157
00:08:38,380 --> 00:08:41,135
Er, that one's beef, that one's
salmon, and that one's mushroom.
158
00:08:41,260 --> 00:08:43,135
Nah. You haven't got
any crisps, have you?
159
00:08:43,260 --> 00:08:45,695
I've got some cheesy footballs in
my boot, if you want some of those.
160
00:08:45,820 --> 00:08:47,660
Oh yeah, lovely. Yeah.
161
00:08:50,340 --> 00:08:52,415
What is going on?!
162
00:08:52,540 --> 00:08:55,175
You! Who are you?
163
00:08:55,300 --> 00:08:56,895
Mandy Carter.
164
00:08:57,020 --> 00:08:59,095
Been hired to do the nibbles.
165
00:08:59,220 --> 00:09:00,375
Oh.
166
00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:03,535
Well, please do so and leave.
167
00:09:03,660 --> 00:09:06,620
Now, can we please concentrate?
168
00:09:08,940 --> 00:09:12,980
CHANTING CONTINUES
169
00:09:19,700 --> 00:09:21,140
RUSTLING
170
00:09:30,220 --> 00:09:32,295
Who's eating?
171
00:09:32,420 --> 00:09:34,380
Oh, my God. Someone is eating!
172
00:09:36,380 --> 00:09:37,980
Who is that?
173
00:09:41,020 --> 00:09:42,740
Stop it.
174
00:09:46,020 --> 00:09:48,980
CHANTING RESUMES
175
00:09:54,420 --> 00:09:55,735
WHIRRING
176
00:09:55,860 --> 00:09:58,335
Oh, Geez Louise! I thought
I told you to leave!
177
00:09:58,460 --> 00:10:01,295
I'm here till nine o'clock.
How did you get here?
178
00:10:01,420 --> 00:10:03,215
Not sure, actually.
179
00:10:03,340 --> 00:10:04,660
Wait...
180
00:10:06,060 --> 00:10:09,215
Book of Revelations,
Chapter 2, Verse 16.
181
00:10:09,340 --> 00:10:12,175
"And lo, the devil's messenger
will tread forth
182
00:10:12,300 --> 00:10:14,575
"bearing plates of temptation."
183
00:10:14,700 --> 00:10:17,295
YOU are the chosen one!
184
00:10:17,420 --> 00:10:19,895
We have waited many years
for your arrival.
185
00:10:20,020 --> 00:10:21,495
I was here bang on seven!
186
00:10:21,620 --> 00:10:24,615
Behold! The chosen one!
187
00:10:24,740 --> 00:10:28,540
ALL: Behold, the chosen one!
188
00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:34,775
Now...
189
00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:38,055
..prepare for sacrifice!
190
00:10:38,180 --> 00:10:39,556
HE LAUGHS
191
00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:41,055
Fuck me!
192
00:10:41,180 --> 00:10:45,855
For a thousand years, we have
waited for a suitable sacrifice.
193
00:10:45,980 --> 00:10:48,855
The victim must come
of their own free will.
194
00:10:48,980 --> 00:10:54,820
They must be empty of head
and they must be of virgin blood.
195
00:10:56,180 --> 00:10:57,975
We're actually going to overlook
that last one,
196
00:10:58,100 --> 00:11:00,015
because it's been a total
nightmare finding someone
197
00:11:00,140 --> 00:11:01,975
who ticks all the boxes.
198
00:11:02,100 --> 00:11:07,095
But, at last,
a victim has come to us.
199
00:11:07,220 --> 00:11:09,900
I think you might have mistaken me
for somebody else!
200
00:11:16,260 --> 00:11:17,495
METALLIC SWOOSH
201
00:11:17,620 --> 00:11:19,300
Oh, God!
202
00:11:28,100 --> 00:11:30,495
OMINOUS MUSIC
203
00:11:30,620 --> 00:11:32,100
Oh!
204
00:11:34,580 --> 00:11:36,815
Lola! Thank God!
205
00:11:36,940 --> 00:11:38,855
What the devil is going on in here?
206
00:11:38,980 --> 00:11:40,895
You should all be
ashamed of yourselves.
207
00:11:41,020 --> 00:11:42,255
Do you know what time it is?
208
00:11:42,380 --> 00:11:44,935
Playing silly games
when you should be at home!
209
00:11:45,060 --> 00:11:46,895
You! What are you playing at?
210
00:11:47,020 --> 00:11:49,495
My... My badminton got cancelled.
So I had a free evening...
211
00:11:49,620 --> 00:11:53,495
So you come here, terrorising women?
You make me sick!
212
00:11:53,620 --> 00:11:55,015
Get out of here!
213
00:11:55,140 --> 00:11:56,655
Hnnn!
214
00:11:56,780 --> 00:11:59,055
You! Where do you
think you're going?
215
00:11:59,180 --> 00:12:01,175
Er, I've got a stock-take
in t'morning.
216
00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:03,935
I should probably push off, too.
I've got an Ocado delivery.
217
00:12:04,060 --> 00:12:07,295
It's cheaper if you
get it delivered after nine.
218
00:12:07,420 --> 00:12:09,735
What in God's name...?
219
00:12:09,860 --> 00:12:12,140
Put on some clothes,
you dirty beasts!
220
00:12:13,420 --> 00:12:15,375
I suppose you're the ringleader?
221
00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:17,575
Johnny Big Bollocks.
222
00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:20,255
I have had only one
mission in this life.
223
00:12:20,380 --> 00:12:23,935
To worship Satan, and summon him
to our earthly plane!
224
00:12:24,060 --> 00:12:27,415
This was my last chance.
There's nothing for me here now.
225
00:12:27,540 --> 00:12:29,735
I seek to join my beloved Satan
226
00:12:29,860 --> 00:12:32,055
in the heat of the underworld!
227
00:12:32,180 --> 00:12:34,295
Arrrghhhh...
228
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:36,420
Oh, no, don't do...
229
00:12:37,700 --> 00:12:39,815
Fake! Where did you get this?
230
00:12:39,940 --> 00:12:41,655
Amazon? No, actually.
231
00:12:41,780 --> 00:12:45,575
I like to support independent
retailers. Hnn! Come on.
232
00:12:45,700 --> 00:12:47,140
Let's get out of here.
233
00:12:48,220 --> 00:12:51,620
Actually... No point these
going to waste, is there?
234
00:12:59,060 --> 00:12:59,916
HE SIGHS
235
00:13:00,041 --> 00:13:01,021
So close!
236
00:13:04,220 --> 00:13:07,975
So, Mandy, back again?
What happened this time?
237
00:13:08,100 --> 00:13:11,575
You are not going to believe this.
I had to get out of Brampton Hall.
238
00:13:11,700 --> 00:13:15,815
They were all devil worshippers!
Into human sacrifice.
239
00:13:15,940 --> 00:13:17,815
They had me tied to an altar!
240
00:13:17,940 --> 00:13:20,735
I'm thinking of going to the local
papers about it, actually. Mandy...
241
00:13:20,860 --> 00:13:22,375
Mandy, just let me stop you there.
242
00:13:22,500 --> 00:13:26,055
Erm...your stories get more and more
ridiculous. But this new one.
243
00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:27,735
Devil worshippers?
244
00:13:27,860 --> 00:13:30,375
Listen, if you tell anyone
about this, they'll assume
245
00:13:30,500 --> 00:13:32,975
that you're just making this up
to get out of the job, OK?
246
00:13:33,100 --> 00:13:35,375
So promise me you'll never,
ever mention this again.
247
00:13:35,500 --> 00:13:37,615
We'll just say that the hours
weren't right for you
248
00:13:37,740 --> 00:13:40,455
or something, OK?All right.
Right. Well, er, look.
249
00:13:40,580 --> 00:13:42,575
Why don't you just come back
next week and we'll try
250
00:13:42,700 --> 00:13:44,295
and find you something else?
251
00:13:44,420 --> 00:13:46,695
But, please, no more
of these crazy stories,
252
00:13:46,820 --> 00:13:49,420
or I'm going to have to stop
your benefits.All right!
253
00:14:04,540 --> 00:14:06,180
Hi, Dean.
254
00:14:06,230 --> 00:14:10,780
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