All language subtitles for Grand Crew s01e04 Wine & Therapy.eng

- What's good,
what's good, what's good?

[all cheer and hoot]

- Okay.
- Okay.

- Whoo!
- [laughs]

- Hey, I am digging
the all-white, bro.

- Thank you, kindly.
You know,

I woke up this morning
feeling fresh-to-death,

so I thought I'd dress
like an angel.

And in the spirit of angelic
behavior, drinks on me today.

- Hey!
- Let's do it!

- Hey.
- All right.

- Fay, why don't
we start with some

of that natural merlot
y'all got on tap?

- Good choice.
- And keep 'em coming,

because we goin'
all night long.

[handle clangs]
[laugh-cries]

Hey, well, I'ma get
on out of here, y'all.

That's it for me, baby.
[laughs]

Y'all stay blessed, huh?
- Mm-hmm.

[mellow hip-hop
in background]

[yelling]
I just bought this outfit!

It was so expensive!

Aah!

[R&B beat]

- ♪ Grand crew

♪ Grand crew, grand crew

- ♪ Bow chicka wow-wow

- What is that sound?

- Oop, that is my reminder
to text Sex Henry

to set up a time to have sex.

"Sex tonight, question mark.

Peach emoji, water emoji,
eggplant emoji,

dynamite emoji, ghost emoji."

Ooh, 'cause he sucks the soul--

- Okay!
You don't have to narrate

all your messages out loud.

It's why texting was invented.

- Oh, so now
you're Bill Gates

trying to explain to me
why you invented texting?

- Bill Gates
didn't invent texting.

- Well, he invented something.

You're just jealous 'cause
you got nothing going on.

- Actually, I do.

After a solid period
of reflection,

self-care,
and spending time alone,

I actually went
on a date last night.

- Oh, okay.
- Yeah.

- How'd it go?
- Bad.

It was real bad.
It was a first date,

and I kind of choked.

[chokes]

[hacking loudly]

- So you choked?
Like choked-choked?

- Yeah, damn restaurants
and all that thick water.

- Or maybe
it's not the water's fault.

You could be
experiencing some anxiety

about getting back out
on the scene.

Maybe you should talk
to a therapist.

- Therapy?
Uh, no, I'm good.

Black people don't do therapy.

- Mm-hmm.
- Nah!

- Uh, I'm Black,
and I go to therapy.

- Yeah, and some Black people
play hockey too,

but that doesn't
make it normal.

Look, I don't need
to talk to a therapist

because I had a bad date--
that's what my friends are for.

- Wait, am I the only one
who's a part of BBWGTTYY?

Black Boys Who Go
To Therapy Yei-Yei!

- What the hell was that?

But yes, you on your own.

I get all the therapy I need

from YouTube compilations
of Will Smith interviews.

- Yeah.
I don't trust therapists.

My psychic told me not to.
- Work is my therapy.

Whenever I'm stressed out,
I just dive deeper into it.

- What about when it's work
that's stressing you out?

- Then I do more work.
Fight fire with fire.

- I did therapy.
- Finally, thank you.

- Couples therapy is what led
to my divorce.

- God--
okay, I get it.

Therapy's not for everyone.

I'm just saying
that it's helped me.

For example, I have discovered

that I have issues
with conflict avoidance.

- You don't need therapy
because you're too nice.

Look,
I just need to do more reps

so I can shake off
some of the cobwebs.

Which is exactly why
I have another date lined up

for tomorrow night.

- Bro, don't you know
there's a drought?

Save some dates
for the rest of us.

I'm bone dry over here.

- I can set you up.
- Oh, Fay, no.

I wouldn't do that, no.
- Don't do that.

- Okay.
That is harsh.

Am I not good enough for
your friends and acquaintances?

- Quite the opposite.
Our friends and acquaintances

aren't good enough for you,
Sherm.

- The nerve of you
to hook me up with her.

Wyatt, you really have some
nerve hooking me up with her.

Nicky!
Nerve!

You got some.

Y'all should be taking
my criticism as a compliment.

I know y'all can do better.

Reach higher.
Reach hotter.

- See, Fay?
You really think

you can find someone
for all that?

- Easily.
In my sleep.

- I wouldn't be so confident.

- It is what it is.
I was born a matchmaker.

I have been thanked
at 132 weddings.

I got you, Sherm.
- Thank you, Fay.

And you did get my note
about reaching hotter?

- Mm-hmm.

[hip-hop beat]

[phone vibrates]

- Hey, Noah.
How's it going, my friend?

Why you calling so late?
- Just got back from my date.

- Oh, yeah?
How'd it go?

- Dinner roll.

[coughs]

- Oh.
Oh, my God.

- [hacks loudly]

She said, "I want a man
with a bigger throat."

And then she left.
- Oh, no, I'm sorry.

Well, you know,
I could set you up with someone

who wouldn't judge you
for choking on a dinner roll.

- Really?
That's a very specific thing

to know about a person,
but I would love to meet--

- It's a therapist.
- Damn it!

I should have known.
Look,

will you stop
with the therapy thing?

What happened to my hype man?

- Hype man?
- Yeah, you.

The guy I call after dates
to hype me up.

- Don't sweat it, bro.

You've got this, brother.

Brother!

[air horn blares]

I'm just trying to help.

What response
do you want from me?

- I want you to say I'm good
and to call me brother,

and we could just keep laughing
and talking like we always do.

- Okay.
You're good, brother.

- Well, it doesn't work
if I force you to say it.

I want you to want to say it.

- The reason why
there are therapists

is because they are trained
and they provide a safe space

and can say things
that friends can't.

- What is it
that you can't say?

- Nothing.
I'm just saying

maybe I can't say,
or I don't know

what I can't say is all I'm
saying that I can't say.

- Are you struggling
to avoid conflict again?

- Of course I am.
- Look, if I try

this therapy thing,
will you please

just go back to normal?

I want my hype man back.

- Yes, that's all I want.

- Then I'll do it.

- Yes, my brother!

- Now see, that's the brother
I was looking for.

- ♪ Bow chicka wow-wow

- Ooh, time to text Sex Henry.

- Hold up, you're hooking up
on back-to-back nights?

Are you looking
for a relationship?

- No.
But if the right guy came along

who was successful,
compassionate, juicy butt.

I mean, Sex Henry,
he's not the full package,

but he is a package,
and a woman has needs.

- This isn't about needs.

This is about
keeping things casual.

And you are in gross violation
of the TACS Code.

- Tax code?
What does my income

have to do with any of this?

- No, T-A-C-S.

Timeless Advice
for Casual Sex.

Accountants don't have time

for relationships
during tax season,

so to keep things casual,

this accountant came up
with a list of codes to follow.

TACS Code 5-9 clearly states

one must not engage
with the same hookup

on back-to-back nights.

- Back-to-back nights
just means

we're on the same
page sexually, okay?

- TACS Code 8-2, never assume
you're on the same sex page.

- Fay, quit stalling.
When you gonna set me up?

- Already did.
- Wait, what?

- This cab would be
better with food.

- Oh, yeah.

both:
Especially a slice of pizza.

- The pizza girl?
Oh, she was cool

and fine too.

- You said reach hotter.
- I finally feel seen.

- Now here is her phone number
and the restaurant

you're gonna meet her at
tomorrow night.

- This is amazing.

How did you know we would vibe?

How did you orchestrate
all of this?

- How is water wet?

- I hope you two
are taking notes,

because Fay here
is putting y'all to shame.

- Okay.
For now.

I think it's too early
for you to claim victory.

And if I were
you, Fay, I'd be worried.

- Hm, is water worried
about being wet?

- I've seen this before.

You're getting too cocky.

[hip-hop beat]

[phone chimes]

- Noah Coleman?

[smooth R&B beat]

- Damn!

I mean, damn.
I mean, hi.

I mean, yes, I'm Noah.

.

- Wyatt, I have to give you
major props, man.

That therapist you set me
up with was great.

- I'm not surprised.
My therapist did say

that she was highly qualified.

- Yeah, to be on the cover
of a magazine.

- My therapist did say that
she was in "Psychology Weekly."

- Not that kind of magazine.
Like, for hot people.

She's hot.
- What?

- Yeah, she's a baddie.
It's silly.

Check this out.
- Unreal.

- Good golly.

- She take insurance?
- She sure does.

- So you're telling me
I can chop it up

with this woman right here,
compliments of A-etna?

Maybe therapy
ain't so bad after all.

- All right, calm down, y'all.
Noah,

you shouldn't be attracted
to your therapist.

Don't you think that
that can maybe get in the way

of you being real with her?

- Oh, I got real.

- So how are you feeling today?

- 100% perfect.
No issues whatsoever.

That was real.

Look, I did feel perfect
just by her presence.

- My point is
therapy can't help you

with your choking issue
if you don't take it seriously.

You need a therapist
where you can focus on yourself

and not their looks,
like with my therapist.

- Bro, he looks just like you.
- He does?

Huh.
I don't see it.

All I see
is a normal, pleasant man

who I have zero
romantic tension with.

- So therapy is just you
talking to yourself

in the mirror?
Got it.

- Ooh.
That was some good sex.

- [chuckles]
- What was that move

at the end?
It was crazy.

- I call that
the [bleep] windmill.

I just took my [bleep]
slightly past your [bleep]

and then I [bleep]
while you [sustained bleep].

You know...

like a windmill.

- That makes perfect sense
now that you explain it.

Very nice.
- Yeah.

- Oh, no.
Dang.

Where's my phone?
- Hold up, I'll call it.

- Okay.

- ♪ Bow chicka wow-wow

- Oh.
- ♪ Bow chicka--

- "Sex Henry"?

That's all I am to you?
- Yes.

Oh, you want me to change it
to "Great Sex Henry."

- Nah, I just thought
that we were something more.

I mean, we did just hang out
on back-to-back nights.

- Oh, no, the Code.

- I tried to tell you.
So what happened?

Are things done with you
and Sex Henry?

- No, it's worse.

We're exclusive now.

- So Sex Henry is just Henry?

- I think this is great.
- Noah thinks it's great.

This is a disaster.

Also,
Henry wants to go get dinner.

- Oh, no, no, no.

TACS Code 12-Q--
never share a meal.

That's one of the most
critical codes along with 12-Y.

Never let them
meet your friends.

- What then? I need to get him
back to casual status.

You must have a code
for that.

- Oh, now you want the Code?

Everybody clowns on the Code
until they need it.

But now--
- Just shut up!

Just shut up and help me!

- I'm sorry.
No man or woman has ever

made it back to casual.

- I can go back.
I will go back.

- Back into his arms.

- Ow!
- Hey, Fay!

- Hey, Sherm.
- Nerve, nerve, nerve.

Nerve is the word
for what you have.

- It's happening.

It's all unfolding
like we said it would.

- Not so fast.
Tell me what happened.

- Okay,
Tiff and I went out last night.

Things were going well

until we went back
to her place.

[Tiff giggling]

[thud]
[both scream]

- I don't understand.
You had sex so good

that you broke the bed?
How is that a problem?

- The dope sex
wasn't the problem.

But afterwards,
this woman had the gall

to send me a Venmo request
for half the bedframe.

Can you believe that?
- Wow.

Are you really that cheap?
- I'm not cheap.

I'm principled.
- Kristen and I break the bed

at least twice a year.

We take that as a sign of
how strong our relationship is.

You should split the cost.

- I agree.
If Henry asked me to pay,

I would pay.
- 'Cause that's your man now.

- Okay, quiet.
- All of y'all are children.

And I'm a grown up, and I know

I'm not the only person
that's had sex in that bed.

Would you blame
one drop of rain

on turning the whole
Statue of Liberty green?

No!
- Fay, we tried to warn you.

No matter
how genuine your efforts are,

that man is impossible.

- That's funny, because all
I see are two strong-headed,

like-minded people
proving their compatibility.

- You've gone mad.

- Every genius has
to be a little crazy.

That's how Bill Gates
invented texting.

- So that's it?
We're just rewriting history

on the whole Bill Gates thing--
cool.

- Sherm,
you agree that everything was

going great until this moment,
yes?

- Yes.
We broke the bed with our sex.

It was both scary
and delightful.

- So then just
fix the bedframe.

She gets her bed back,
you can still see each other,

and you don't have
to pay any money.

- No money.

That's what I like to hear.

- You cheap.
- Principled.

- Oh, speaking of romantic
entanglements, Wyatt, question.

What would it mean if
my beautiful therapist and I

were ever to be
in the same social environment?

- This again? Why even let
your mind go there?

- Because my beautiful
therapist just walked

into the bar, and now we're
in the same social environment.

[smooth R&B beat]

all: Damn!

- Right?

.

- Whoo!
I cannot believe

my therapist came to the bar.
That was nuts.

- I think you're
making this a bigger deal

than what it actually is.

- Are you serious?
Did you even see what happened?

- Noah, hi!
- Hey there!

- So?
- Aren't they supposed to

ignore you
when they see you in public?

Isn't there some
law of silence?

- What are you talking about?

There is no law of silence.

- Nah, I think Noah's right.

Remember that scene
from "The Sopranos"

when Tony sees Dr. Melfi
at that restaurant?

- Yep.
She totally ignores him.

- Yeah, but not by law.

What if Dr. Ten-Out-of-Ten
Medicine Woman

is actually into you?

- I mean,
she was asking me a lot

of personal questions
in the last session.

- That's what therapists do.

[mellow beat]

[phone rings]

- Nicky, what's good?
- Oh, I'm just calling

to tell you that you need
to write an amendment

to the Timeless Advice
for Casual Sex Code.

- Oh, no.
What are you doing?

- Doubling down.
The only way to get Henry back

to cas is if I push
the commitment as far as I can

to make him realize
how much better he had it.

- Nicky, what you are talking
about is very high risk.

If anything goes wrong,
you might end up

in a fully
committed relationship.

You might end up having
to introduce him to us.

Us, Nicky, your friends.

- That's a risk
I'm willing to take.

- Oh.
Hey, baby, what's all this?

- Baby?
- Hi, honey.

- Honey?
- I made dinner.

- Dinner?
Oh, no, Nicky!

Nicky, now--Nicky, no!

[drill whirring]

- All right.
See?

Neither of us has to pay
for a new bedframe.

It's good as new.
- Okay, cool.

- Cool?
Can I get like a thank you?

- I don't feel as though
I should have to say thank you

when what I really wanted
was partial compensation

for a new bedframe,
not shoddy handiwork.

- Shoddy handiwork?
This bed is sturdy as hell.

- We broke the bed together.

That's a 50/50 act.

Every pleasure has its price.
That's Socrates.

- You think I don't know
Socrates when I hear him?

Do not do to others what angers
you if done to you by others.

Also Socrates.

I would not make you pay
for a new bedframe,

because I think you would
have a right to be upset.

- Whatever.
You can pay for school,

but you can't buy class.

- That's a Jay-Z quote.

Nothing you're saying
is going over my head.

And for the record,
I didn't go to college.

- Neither did I.

- Oh, damn!
It's back on again.

- Hey.
What's up, y'all?

So things have escalated
with my hot therapist.

She sent me a text.
- Ooh.

- Damn.
What'd she say?

- "Funny running
into you the other day.

This made me think of you.
Smiley emoji."

She's thinking of me.
- And she also sent you

an article titled
"How to Open Up in Therapy."

- Yeah,
but that smiley emoji though?

- True.
- It's wild.

- Yeah
- Noah, you want to go

over by that window
really quick?

I think I just saw
a really cool bird out there.

- For real?
Yeah, I love birds.

Where's the bird?
Did it fly away?

Ugh,
the coolest ones always do.

- There is no bird.
I'm confronting you.

- What?

Why would you lie about a bird?

- I think all this stuff
about your hot therapist

is you avoiding
your actual issue.

- Are you kidding me?
How would you even know?

- Did you talk to her
about your dating problems?

- I'm not allowed to talk to
you about my therapy sessions.

Patient-doctor confidentiality.

- That's not how it works.
It's the other way around.

- Who cares?
I'm in therapy.

That's what you wanted.
Why are you being so uptight?

- Because every time I try
to tell you something

that you don't want to hear,
you immediately dismiss it.

- That's not true.
- See, this is exactly

how my therapist said
you might respond.

- Oh, so you're talking
to your little evil twin

and kee-keeing about me?

- No!

Maybe.
You're not allowed to know.

Patient-doctor confidentiality.

- I thought you said
that's not how it works.

Dude, why are you coming at me?
- I'm not coming at you.

I'm--I'm finally doing
what my therapist

encouraged me to do
and not avoiding conflict.

- You know what,
maybe you're just jealous

because you need therapy
and I don't.

- I may be
jealous of your height,

and I may be jealous of your
gorgeous thick head of hair,

but no part of me is jealous
of your delusional-ass self.

[downtempo hip-hop beat]

♪

There is no bird!
- I know!

.

- Are you okay, Noah?

You seem upset.

- [sighs]

I got into a fight
with my best friend, Wyatt.

But you know what,
this isn't the place for that.

[laughs]
I'm fine.

How are you?

- I'm fine.

What was the fight about?

- It's so dumb.

He thinks me being attracted
to you

means I'm not working
through my real issues in here.

- You're attracted to me?
- Oh, did I say that?

You are pretty.

And I...

acknowledge that.

Wow.
You really gonna be quiet

and make me do all the talking?

- What do you want me to say?

- I don't know.

Why'd you send me that text
over the weekend?

- I sent that to you
because I thought the article

might resonate and get you
to start sharing more.

- But that, uh--
that smiley emoji?

- I find emojis help
make things less intense

with patients,
especially when the article

is about something
they're grappling with.

- But you said hi at the bar.

- There's no law
about saying hi.

- Oh, my God, there isn't?
- No.

[distorted electronic music]

- Is it getting hot in here?

[panting]

♪

[chokes]

Oh, no.
It's happening again.

- Again?
This is something

that happens to you a lot?

- Maybe.
[coughs]

Yes.

[hacks]

On some dates, yes.

And trust me,
I know this isn't a date,

by the way, so you can
chill out with all the stares.

I don't know why I'm here.

You know,
I don't need to pay someone

so they can help me
analyze my feelings.

That's what my friends are for,

and my sister,
and my mom--wait, actually,

she's dead,
she's not here anymore.

But don't read--
- Take a breath, Noah.

- Why?
- Because you're not breathing.

It seems like you're
experiencing some anxiety.

- From the fear of being alone?

- I wouldn't know.

You've hardly
shared anything with me.

- Right.
Right, right.

[hip-hop beat]

- Guys, this is Henry.

Henry, Anthony, Sherm.

- Hi, Henry.
It's so nice to meet you.

- Yeah,
it's nice to meet you as well.

I'm so excited to get
to know you guys.

Listen, I'ma go ahead
and grab us a round of drinks.

Yeah?
- Sounds good.

[laughs]

I told you
there's no going back.

- I'm only in this situation

'cause your damn Code
got in my head

and ruined everything.

- Hey,
you can hate the codemaker,

but do not hate the Code.

- I do hate the codemaker.

- Well, Sherm,
how did it go with Tiff?

- You were right.
We are very alike.

We got in a major
philosophical fight,

which led to crazy sex again,

and that sex created
yet another problem.

- [breathing heavily]

[quirky music]

- Tiff, what the hell?

- She tried to get me
to pay for the hole.

But her roommate had my back
in the argument,

and actually is pretty cool.

So we're
getting drinks tomorrow.

- For real?

- Told you,
the man can't be set up.

- Or can he?

- What's going on?
Explain your devious tone.

- Tiff's roommate,
the girl through the hole,

that's my cousin, Kisha.

- What?
- It was simple.

You wanted a new girl,
and my cousin wanted Tiff

to move out because she sucks,

and now she definitely will,

because her roommate
is dating you.

It was the perfect setup.
- Damn.

We never should have
doubted you.

- Respect, sister queen.

[phone buzzing]

- Noah, what's up?
- Wyatt, we should talk.

- Yeah, you're right.
I was thinking about it, and...

I shouldn't have pressured you
to go to therapy.

- Wyatt.
- No, no, no.

Let me finish.

I was putting my insecurities

about avoiding conflict
onto you.

Therapy is a personal choice.

And you know what, maybe
hot therapist does like you.

- Wyatt.
- No, I'm serious.

Everyone was on board,
and it's true.

She is a baddie.

- Wyatt, I choked.
- What?

- Ugh.
It went bad.

I guess I always assumed
I understood my emotions

because I'm an emotional guy,
and I--

I just never really looked
at therapy as a normal thing,

but you--
you helped me see that it is.

Thank you for keeping it real

and for not just
being my hype man.

- Of course.

And I hope that you know,

I'm still gonna be your number
one hype man no matter what.

- Oh, yeah?
- Hell yeah, brother.

- Nice.
But before you get too hype,

I do need you to recommend
a new therapist for me.

- I got you, brother.
- Awesome.

But seriously,
it was embarrassing.

I choked on my own tears.
- That's right!

You did, brother!
- No.

This isn't
a hype-worthy moment.

- I disagree...

brother.

- What's up, y'all?
Uh, is this Henry?

- Yup.
Just Henry.

- Pretty with the big hair.

You must be Noah, right,
the brother?

And ooh, you look married.

[laughs]
What's good, Wyatt?

We are all finally here.

The crew!

- Stop it, Sex Henry!

- Sex Henry?
- Yes.

Sex Henry,
because that's your name.

I don't want
to be your girlfriend.

I want to be your sex friend.

We had a really
good thing going,

and I just want
to get back to that.

This is my truth.
Will you join me in it?

- Yeah.
That's cool.

Let's get out of here.
- [laughs]

Well, if you'll excuse me,

I need to go sex Sex Henry.

He gonna blow my back out.
- All the way out!

- She did it.

She just did the impossible
and she did it with...

honesty.

♪

[phone chimes]

- Mr. Coleman?

- Oh, my God, you look perfect.

- Excuse me?

- Nothing.
Let's get to work.

- Not a doctor.
- Shh!

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