All language subtitles for Bobs Burgers s12e11 Touch of Evaluations.eng

♪ ♪

LOUISE: (groans) School again.

Punching in for another day
of unpaid child labor

before we go home
and do more unpaid child labor.

I know, right?
Multiply this, spell that,

build a pipe cleaner model
of that other thing.

Oh, darn,
I forgot to do that last night.

Where's Amnesty International
when you need 'em?

I mean, probably somewhere
important. They're great.

Teachers keep dishing it out
and we keep taking it.

Fresh baked brownie? Blondie?

Mmm. I was just handed a baked
good for some reason, but yeah.

Hi, Tina! (sniffs)
New shampoo?

No, we had
one squeeze of shampoo left,

and we've been adding water
to it for a while.

Hey, about my pipe cleaner
project, I kind of didn't do it.

- Don't worry about it.
- Okay.

Thanks for holding
the button, Mr. De Santo.

Do I tip you or...

Looking good, Rudy.

Good at what?

What is h-happening?

Are we at the right school?

Hi, Louise!

Whoa. That's a lot of "hi,"
Ms. LaBonz. You okay?

I'm fine.

How are you?

Confused. Thank you.

Decaf coffee, please, Linda.

Better make it a double.

Something the matter, Mort?

Eh, there was a big brouhaha
at the mortuary.

A guy died without a will
and at the funeral

a big fight broke out
over who gets

his autographed picture
of Patrick Swayze.

You might say they were
going crazy for Swayze.

Oh, no, that's terrible
to die without a will.

It's not even that great
to die with one.

Right. Yeah. Right.

Glad I've got my affairs
in order.

Bob, do you want to know
what I'm leaving you?

Um, can I just be surprised
on the day?

- It's not Christmas, Bob. Geez.
- Okay, fine, tell me.

- Please don't say the arrowheads.
- My collection of arrowheads.

Yeah. Um, even though
they're just kind of rocks?

Most of them
aren't even triangular.

They could be arrowheads.

- Anyway, it's ten boxes.
- Mm.

I've been planning my funeral
ever since I was a kid,

arranging grieving Playmobil
figures on the floor in rows.

Aw, fun li'l Mort.

So what about you guys--
got all your I's dotted?

- Uh, yeah, pretty dotted.
- Uh, s-sure, we've loosely...

Oh, we don't have a will
or any of that dying stuff.

- What?
- But we're gonna.

We've just been too busy.

Or tired.

All the time, tired.

But you haven't done anything?

Not even the basics,
like deciding what I get?

Mm, not a basic?

Ten boxes of arrowheads, Bob.

Could go to Mort.

- I like rocks.
- Never mind.

Forget it.

So, pop quiz.

But relax, everyone. The answer
to every question is five.

Just fill it out fast.
Five, five, five, five, five.

Uh, why is there no place
to put our names?

Because it's anonymous.

- Why would it be anonymous?
- Work with me, Rudy.

Five, five, five, five

- and you get an A.
- Hold on,

- this isn't a quiz. This is... - FROND: Good morning, students.

By now, you will have been given
your teacher evaluation forms.

- Eh, poop. - Which you will use to review your teachers.

It's a new process
I'm calling Eval-You-Great.

As I explained
to Principal Spoors,

everyone needs feedback
to improve.

Except principals.
And guidance counselors.

Ten questions and
a comment section. Sweet mama.

The evaluations
are due back to me

before the end of the day.

And to make things fun,
teachers with the best scores

will be assigned reserved
parking in the main lot,

right next to the school.

Mmm, the main lot.

And, remember, students,
these things are anonymous,

so go nuts.

Well done, Phillip.
Great announcement.

- Wait, how do I turn this off? It's this one, right?
- (click)

Time for Mr. Frond to hit
the john. It's pee-pee o'clock.

- Oh, press that button. Darn it!
- (click)

Wow. Ms. LaBonz, the kind
of evaluation I could write.

I mean, you and I
have some history.

I'm a delightful rascal
and you're a... bit punish-y?

Louise, stop.

- No!
- Bad.

- Awful!
- Principal's...

- ...office...
- ...now!

We have fun.
(chuckles)

There's also the recent
totally unfair grade you gave me

on my animal habitat diorama.

It was rock-solid B-minus work,

and you gave it a C.

Your diorama was a cotton ball
in a white shoebox.

It's a polar bear in the snow.

Simple but powerful.

And you called it
"slapped-together," I believe?

I can be blunt.

On my last report card, you
said, "Don't quit your day job."

This is my day job.

You call us
"this one" and "that one."

And sometimes you call us
"The Shining,"

- and I don't get the reference.
- (groans)

I prayed this day
would never come.

JOCELYN:
So, we get to grade you?

I don't know if I can do that,
because I'm not very judgy.

Oh, wait, I am.
(laughs)

I'm great at these.
I wrote an online review

that got a barista fired for
spelling my name with an I.

Uh, I don't think so.

"Does your teacher
explain new concepts

in a way you understand?"

Uh, Ms. Jacobson, could you
explain math again to me

and I'll see if I get it?

Yes. Okay.

You guys like me, right?

So let's get it
on the page, huh?

So I can park
in a reserved space

and get to the teachers' lounge
while the coffee's still hot.

Or at least warm-ish.

So you need an evaluation
that's catchy and blurb-worthy.

Got it. "Ms. Twitchell's so good

she makes learning
almost worth it."

Yes, that's great.
Write that.

So, let's go over this again.

The school is here, and I park

in the unpaved overflow lot
way over here.

And I have to hike in

like I'm freaking
Reese Witherspoon in that movie.

It's far.

So, please, be generous.

Ms. LaBonz,
can I get a bathroom pass?

Mr. De Santo gave me a hit of
his hazelnut blend this morning

and things are happening.

How uncomfortable for you, Rudy.

Of course you can.

- Really?
- Usually you tell him to bite on an eraser

and tough it out till recess.

That doesn't
sound like me at all.

Well, now you sound...

I think "friendly"
is what you're going for?

But why don't you zip
through the evaluation first

so it's off your plate
and then you can poop in peace.

- That seems fair.
- LOUISE: Wait.

Rudy, put your pencil down.

The second we turn these in,
the teachers stop being nice.

But Frond said they're not due
till the end of the day.

Right now, we hold the cards.

Today we do what we want.

Movies instead of math.

We confiscate the teachers' gum.

And Rudy poops as he pleases!

- I like that.
- Louise...

Today we say, "Jump" and
the teachers say, "How high?"

But they can't jump very high
'cause they're middle-aged

but they still
have to say "How high?"

Get down this minute, Louise!

I mean, good for you,

climbing up there,
using the desk that way.

(chuckles nervously)

Today we celebrate

- our independence day!
- Oh, boy.

Spread the word.
Hang on to these evaluations

till the end of the day.

We're maximizing power here.

I get it. Leverage.

Like how my stepmom
wouldn't marry my dad

until he learned
how to control his crazy son.

Now Cheryl and I are tighter
than a turtleneck.

I think every class today
is gonna be dance.

- Twirl it, baby!
- Hey, Coach Blevins,

what are we doing in P.E. today?

Uh, we were gonna
run laps today...

- Bup, bup, bup.
- But now I'm thinking some light stretching

and relaxing
on the wrestling mats.

Sounds good, Coach.
See you there.

If I feel like it.

This is ridiculous.

Respectable teachers shouldn't
be groveling for good scores

by letting students run riot.

This is all your fault,

and one day
there will be a reckoning.

Ms. LaBonz!

You won't see me coming.

I don't know, Louise.
It feels like

we're kind of taking advantage
of the system?

Yeah. Isn't it great?

I thought
the whole point is to give

constructive feedback
to help teachers improve.

Like, sometimes Ms. Jacobson
doesn't erase

the chalkboard that well
and I can see what was on there

the day before and it's like
being in two moments of time

at once and it hurts my head.

No, Tina, the point is, today,

we're eating
the teachers' lunch. Literally.

Unless their lunch is sad, like
a smushed sandwich or something.

Actually, I'd still eat it.

I don't know, Bob.

Maybe we should finally do

some of this end-of-life stuff
planning.

Or put it off
until death is cured?

Come on, let me help.
This is what I do.

We'll just write things down
on the back of a napkin.

You can get a cheap lawyer
to make it all pretty later.

Okay, it's slow right now.

Maybe it'll be fun.
I doubt it.

All right!
♪ Makin' plans for bein' dead! ♪

Let's dive in with
the distribution of assets--

who gets what. And we don't have
to get through it all today.

We can chip away at it.

We're just chipping away.

Well, that didn't take long.

God, we're poor.

At least we didn't use up
too many napkins.

What am I getting again, Mort?

"For Teddy,
any food left in fridge."

Aw, guys.
This means a lot.

Let's move on to the next part,

final disposition of remains.

- The what of what?
- You want to be buried or cremated?

- Oh, that's easy.
- Yeah.

- Cremated.
- Buried. - Wait, what?

- Burn, baby, burn.
- Burial? - Uh-oh.

But I-I thought we'd want to be,

you know,
together someplace forever.

But buried?
Underground?

Bob, I don't even like
two blankets on the bed.

But cremation?

So you can fit in a cup?

A big cup.
A nice cup.

- What's it called, Mort?
- Urn.

- No.
- Yes.

- Urn.
- It's "urn."

I'll think of it.

I'll get you some brochures
on both options.

You can discuss. And, remember,
this isn't life or death.

It's just death.

- Eh.
- Jar? Bucket?

Body bucket?

♪ ♪

Our top story, kids rule...

And teachers drool.

Oh, my gosh, that rhymes.

Yes,
it's Teacher Evaluation Day.

We're here with our TV
journalism teacher, Mr. Grant.

Gangbusters intro, girls.

What's an intro?

So, where do you park?

- The overflow lot.
- Sad.

- Would you like to park in the good lot?
- God, yes.

Mm. Then tell us what you think
of our ideas for news segments.

- "Why school is dumb."
- Love it.

- "What is ice, really?"
- Newsy.

"What's up with my parents?"

All amazing ideas.

Yeah, we know.

♪ ♪

♪ Kids rule ♪

♪ And teachers drool ♪

♪ Kids rule ♪

♪ And teachers drool. ♪

♪ ♪

LOUISE:
Still not

- satisfied.
- Yeah, I like our rebellious spirit,

but it's harder to eat lunch
sitting on the table.

It's like I need
another table up here.

No. I'm still annoyed
by the C Ms. LaBonz gave me

on my polar bear project.

Oh, you're still upset about
your shoebox diorama grade?

Didn't you spend, like,
literally one minute on that?

When I saw it,
it still had shoes in it.

It went over
some people's heads, okay?

But the real reason
LaBonz gave me a C

is because
she has it out for me.

Maybe she just hates
cotton balls?

I mean, I think they're nice.

Ugh, Tina,
don't defend teachers.

They're teachers.

Well, they're also people.

They have names and everything.

I mean, last names.

They might have first names,

but no one knows what they are.

Here, Lin, look.

A nice grassy double plot
on a hill.

Under an oak tree.
It's like a pretty picnic spot.

It's just us,
having a forever picnic.

Yeah, Bob,
here's my problem: worms.

They're the ones having
the picnic.

Also, I'm a deep sleeper.
What if I'm not even dead

and nobody poked me to make sure
before they stuck me down there?

They probably have a poker.

Also, cemeteries can be haunted.

Or, worse, we end up
with a bunch of goth punks

hanging out on Halloween,
sitting on our tombstones,

smoking cigarettes
and making out.

Okay, but our kids would have,
you know, someplace to visit.

Yeah,
but you got to bring flowers,

you got to keep your voice down,
you got to dress up.

- Does that sound like our kids?
- Well...

Plus, Gene, just standing there,
looking at our tombstone?

You know he hates to read.

I'd drop by.
Probably.

How steep is the hill?

But look at this.

Ash scattering at sea.

Ooh, or by airplane.

It's like skywriting,
only instead of smoke, it's you.

Ashes floating around the world,
being free,

landing on an expensive car.

Maybe a DeLorean.

We can finally travel.

Wow! Fancy.
And I knew you when.

So if the kids want to visit us,
they can just go... everywhere?

Fine. The kids can scatter us
someplace they like.

The couch. And we can put in the
will no farting on the couch.

Well, that's not gonna happen.
So, burial.

No. Cremation,
then landing on the DeLorean.

Bob, know when you've lost
an argument.

Finally the end of the day,
huh?

I hope you were generous.

Hey...

Andy and Ollie.

God, I hope I got that right.

Were you nice?

- We were nice.
- Twice.

Okay, bye-bye.
Go home.

All right, Louise.
(singsongy): It's time.

You played ball, Ms. LaBonz.

I guess I should go easy on you.

And it's appreciated, Louise.

I mean, I am a little hurt
over the diorama grade.

That just felt, wow,
like it got personal.

- Here we go.
- So why don't we pop open your grade book

and you just bump that baby up
a notch to a B-minus

and everybody wins.

I'm not changing that grade,
Louise.

If it had been another kid,

maybe it would have been
a B-minus.

- But it was you, so...
- You admit it.

You admit it!

Oh, now it's evaluating time.

Wait, let me finish.

You know
how you don't really try?

Not helping yourself.

And you
sort of phone everything in?

LaBonz, the more you talk,
the angrier my pencil gets.

- But I was just...
- Deh, deh, deh. Silence.

When you're in a hole,
stop digging.

Ratings: all ones.

And now the comments.

Looks like you're commenting
a lot.

Mm-hmm. Gonna need extra paper.

That's probably not good.

It's not.

Is "Antichrist" hyphenated?

(groans)
No, it's one word.

Mr. Frond, wait up.
I got my Ms. LaBonz evaluation.

I wanted to hand it
to you personally.

- Here's a preview. (blows raspberry)
- Great.

I'm putting them all
in this zipped messenger bag

which never leaves my side.

I got the idea from how
they guard the envelopes

at the Academy Awards.

- Pretty glamorous, huh?
- Perfect. Sounds secure.

I've even tied a piece of yarn
from my wrist to the handle

so I don't set it down
and leave it somewhere.

Smart. Enough.

For you.
Now what happens?

In a few minutes, I'll sit down
with each teacher one-on-one

to go over the evaluations
together.

And, of course, I'll provide
compassionate counseling

for the duds that get reamed.

(chuckles)
Someone's gonna need it.

Okay. Whoa. See? It works.

Well, in the end, I just gave
Ms. Jacobson all fives

and I realized that it's not
her fault the erasers are bad.

That's a budget issue.

I was pretty nice, too.

I wrote, "Twitchell--
you'll want to flunk sixth grade

on purpose
just to see her again."

And I'm almost there.

Well, LaBonz messed with
the bull, so she got the horns.

I even made a copy of it
to put on my wall.

Hope it doesn't catch on fire
and burn down the whole house,

'cause it's scorching.

Wow, sounds like you went,
I want to say, way too far?

What?
No, Tina, I punched up.

I'm a tiny schoolchild,

and Ms. LaBonz is a rich and
powerful fourth grade teacher.

Um, grade school teachers

probably aren't
that rich and powerful.

Well, Mr. De Santo
has a pleather jacket.

- Those aren't cheap.
- Also,

I wonder what it'll be like for
Ms. LaBonz when she reads it.

She'll probably just raise
her fist and say,

"You've bested me this time,
Louise!"

I don't know.
Why don't you pretend I'm her

and read it to me?

- What?
- Just read it.

Wait, hold on.
I got to get into character.

(same voice): Am I doing her
voice right? Yeah, that's it.

Okay, I'm just gonna give you
a few highlights.

"Ms. LaBonz is so burned-out
that when she burps,

- she sets off smoke alarms."
- Oh.

Um... (clears throat)
"She taught us about fossils.

By being one."

- Wow.
- Forg...

You know what,
forget that part. Um, um...

"Ms. LaBonz is so boring,
if she was a color,

"she'd be off-beige.

"She's huffy and stuffy.

- She's..."
- Oh...

(groans)
Why isn't this fun?!

I did the right thing.

Okay. Now you be Lady Gaga
and I'll be Mom.

It's a conversation
I've always been curious about.

Lin, I've been
in Mort's crematorium.

It's sad and scary

and kind of the opposite
of resting in peace.

Bob, maybe we just agree
to disagree

and each do our own thing.

You get your dirt and your trees
and your worms.

I get the sky and the sea.

Okay, fine, I guess
I'll just be alone for eternity.

Or, who knows,
maybe someone interesting

will get buried next to me
and, you know,

we'll hit it off and hang out.

Both dead.

Are you trying
to make me jealous?

He's kind of making me jealous.

I'm just gonna be open
to whatever happens.

Hello, Bob, Linda.

It's the first of the month
somewhere.

Ha!
Pay me rent.

Oh, hi, Mr. Fischoeder.

Is it the first already?

Yes, somewhere.
And here.

What's this, cemetery brochures?

You're not planning on dying,
are you,

to skip out on the rent?

The old die-and-dash?

No, nobody's dying,
Mr. Fischoeder.

- We all die, Bob.
- I'll tell you my death plan. I'm getting

a little consortium of fun
and flirty dead people together

and our mortal remains will be
tossed into and purified by

an active volcano.

Ooh, which volcano?

We're still looking around.

It'll be one of the better ones.

Love it.
I'm in.

- Oh, my God.
- Me, too.

- Where do I sign up?
- Ooh, no,

no and no.

Oh.
Ms. LaBonz,

I thought you'd be headed down
to Mr. Frond's office.

I've got to go to my car
to get something first,

and by "something,"
I don't mean nicotine gum

that I need more than anything
else in the world right now.

Well, I'm just getting
my diorama to take home.

It's our only cotton ball, so...

By the way, Louise, what
I was trying to say before--

the reason I gave you
the crummy grade on the diorama.

- I know.
- It's because you're very bright.

Wha-What?

But you don't work hard.

I need to motivate you.

I've noticed that
anger and vengeance

really get your motor running.

Doesn't sound like me.

And it worked, right?

Your next assignment--
the oral presentation--

that was a solid A-minus.
Remember?

And that concludes my report.

And now would anyone care for
Latvia's popular savory pastry,

piradzini?

I did not work harder on that.

I had a lot of soda
and I couldn't sleep.

And we happened to have all
the ingredients for piradzini!

I'm just saying,

I still have a few moves, huh?

So she made me get an A-minus?

- That rat.
- (groans)

Maybe LaBonz is...
(sighs)

actually kind of an okay teacher?

And person? If teachers are,
in fact, people.

I mean, Gene and I
both had her for fourth grade,

and she really got us
to step up our game.

Wait, you guys used to be...
worse students?

Oh, yeah.
I didn't do school so good.

Now I do school not so bad.

There she goes,

walking out to the overflow lot.

And walking.
And walking.

Crap. I don't want Ms. LaBonz
to see my evaluation now.

It's... not nice.

Getting smaller.
Crossing the train tracks.

Should she have just taken
the train there?

It's actually just mean.

Ooh, there's a big puddle
in her way.

She's thinking.

Maybe even nasty.

Is she turning around?
No, she's gonna jump it!

Running and...

Oh!
So close.

I got to get
that evaluation back.

Is that dog attacking her?

Never mind.
She fought it off.

Hey, Mr. Frond, I, uh, need
to take back my evaluation.

It has curse words in it,
and I know how delicate you are.

Louise, stop.

Once an evaluation
goes into the system--

which is my canvas
messenger bag-- that's it.

Plus, see all these
poor saps waiting?

Sor-Sorry, Mr. De Santo.
Maybe you'll be fine.

- But I have to get...
- No, get your paws out of there.

Well, uh, while we have you,

Gene had a weird dream
he needs analyzed.

Actually, I did. I dreamt
I had hair down to my butt

and I could swing it
like nobody's business

and heads were a-turnin'.

Wow. But I don't have time.

Tina, you needed some emergency
counseling, didn't you?

Uh, I'm afraid
books are going to miss me

when I finish reading them.

Should I be worried
I think that?

- Probably.
- (groans)

Let's do this, Coach Blevins.

Oh, my God,
I think I'm gonna be sick.

I've got a trash can.
You can puke in that.

Been there.

So, any progress?

Are you gonna be my customers
for a change?

Calm down, Mort.
They're still deadlocked.

Hey! "Deadlocked."
You can use that if you want.

I think we're just not gonna
figure it out today.

So we're back to plan B--
don't get hit by a bus.

No. You know what? Whatever
we do after we're gone, Lin,

I just want it to be together.

So, if you want your ashes
spread somewhere crazy

or you want to be thrown
into a volcano,

that's what I want, too.

I just want to be with you.

Even if we're dead.

Aw, Bobby. Hey,
maybe being buried isn't so bad.

It'd kind of be like laying
around in bed Sunday mornings

before the kids were born,
right?

Yeah, but what about the worms?

Well, maybe they'll eat you
first and be like,

"Eh, this place sucks.
Let's try another cemetery."

Thanks, Lin. I-I think.

No pressure,
but here are some prices

if you want to lock in now
and beat inflation.

- Oh, my God.
- That's for two?

We're not buying the whole row!

Forget it.
We'll never afford that.

You know,
I-I got a pretty big yard.

- What?
- Go on.

Is there a shade tree?

No, but there are
some huge dandelions.

So illegal.

We're just joking, Mort.

We're not gonna do it.

I see you winking.

Not terrible scores, Coach.

I really thought someone
would bring up your breath.

There's something the matter
with my breath?

No...

So, uh, who's next?

Ms. LaBonz, let's do you.

- Okay.
- Mr. Frond, can I just have one minute?

- Go away, Louise.
- (groans)

Leave school! Can't believe
I have to say that.

What do we do? I need
to get in there and explain.

Message in a bottle?

Carrier pigeon? Regular pigeon?

Start a rumor,
hope it spreads in there?

Wait. There is a way.

All right, let's just start
plowing through these.

Wow. Uh, this person had
a lot to say. Whew.

I'm just gonna move this box
of tissues closer to you.

No reason.

Let's get it over with.

"Ms. LaBonz is so burned-out..."

LOUISE:
Hi, I'm an anonymous student

with an updated evaluation.

- What?
- Huh?

And if I sound like someone
you know, I'm not.

Anyway,
please disregard the evaluation

with the amazing zings.

That one got out by mistake.

I may have been hacked.

Pesky Russians.

My real review is that,

sure, Ms. LaBonz
is grizzled and grumpy

and coughs on you
while you're taking tests.

But underneath that rough
exterior, there's a...

soft chewy center that does a
pretty good job teaching and...

(sighs) brings out the best
in her students.

So, on a one-to-five scale,
I'm giving her,

across the board, sixes.

It's a rave!

LaBonz, you sly fox.

Six? There's no six.

(sniffles)
What are you looking at?

And, Mr. Frond, you're a three.

- On a good day.
- Hey.

And I am, again, anonymous.

You don't know who I am.

Or who we are, in case we're
not supposed to be in here.

-(click)
- I think I turned it off. Good job, Louise.

GENE:
You did, Tina. You totally turned it off.

TINA:
Thanks, Gene.

So, back to just
a normal school day.

Reading, writing
and what's that third one?

Oh, yeah, the Eurythmics.

(groans) I don't want
to face LaBonz today.

I mean, who knows if my intercom
evaluation even counted?

- (honk)
- Move it, if you don't want to be three wet spots

wearing backpacks.

Ms. LaBonz,
you got the main lot!

Principal Spoors
heard your evaluation.

I mean, who didn't?

He bumped me up. So...

- thank you, Louise.
- You're welcome.

I mean, I don't even know
what you're talking about.

Uh, I'll see you inside.

And I won't be paying attention.

I won't even notice 'cause
I'll be gazing out the window

at my new parking space.

Oh, and my next project
is going to be extra terrible.

Don't go to any special trouble,
Louise.

- I never do.
- We'll see.

- LOUISE: We will see.
- They're gonna miss the bell.

- And all of school, maybe?
- Yeah, get a classroom.

♪ I'll be tossed in a volcano ♪

♪ When I'm dead,
how can I say no? ♪

♪ It's explosive,
it's expansive ♪

♪ It's exclusive and it's new ♪

♪ It'll be so nice to think ♪

♪ That I'll never be extinct ♪

♪ So much harder to forget
than you ♪

♪ Yes, I'll be around ♪

♪ I'll be the hot new thing
in town ♪

♪ Unlike you and you and you ♪

♪ I'll be around ♪

♪ Unlike you, Bob,
I'll be around. ♪

Captioning sponsored by
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and TOYOTA.

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org

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