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The '80s marked the
rise of the cooking show.
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00:00:02,781 --> 00:00:05,096
There was Yan, The Galloping Gourmet,
3
00:00:05,257 --> 00:00:08,190
the Cajun cook, and of
course, a Swedish Muppet.
4
00:00:08,352 --> 00:00:11,511
But my mom's lifelong
hero was Julia Child.
5
00:00:11,546 --> 00:00:12,849
I'm Julia Child.
6
00:00:13,384 --> 00:00:13,500
Julia's show, The French Chef,
7
00:00:13,540 --> 00:00:15,560
was the inspiration for our family's
8
00:00:15,599 --> 00:00:18,387
deliciously cheesy "French phase."
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00:00:18,427 --> 00:00:21,048
BEVERLY: For Erica,
savory Quiche Lorraine.
10
00:00:21,087 --> 00:00:23,147
For Murray, melty cheese fondue.
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00:00:23,186 --> 00:00:26,280
It's like nachos without the hassle.
12
00:00:26,319 --> 00:00:30,271
And for my hungry bear,
potatoes au gratin, extra gratin.
13
00:00:30,310 --> 00:00:33,227
This is gonna wreck me. Thanks, Mom.
14
00:00:33,266 --> 00:00:34,774
Julia even inspired my mom to write
15
00:00:34,813 --> 00:00:36,311
The Beverly Goldberg Cookbook.
16
00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:38,370
She sent it to every publisher in town,
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00:00:38,419 --> 00:00:41,247
confident that she'd take
the cooking world by storm.
18
00:00:41,287 --> 00:00:42,400
Or... Not.
19
00:00:42,449 --> 00:00:44,243
Aw, honey, what's wrong?
20
00:00:44,292 --> 00:00:45,790
Nothing.
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00:00:45,829 --> 00:00:47,849
I'm just tearing up 'cause
Julia's chopping an onion.
22
00:00:47,888 --> 00:00:50,933
You do know that that
onion is on TV, right?
23
00:00:50,982 --> 00:00:53,120
Okay, fine!
24
00:00:53,170 --> 00:00:54,795
It's my cookbook.
25
00:00:54,835 --> 00:00:56,855
I sent it out to some publishers,
26
00:00:56,894 --> 00:01:00,028
and they said I was poop
and that my cooking was poop
27
00:01:00,067 --> 00:01:02,254
and that my one and only dream is poop!
28
00:01:02,304 --> 00:01:03,969
No one has just one dream, Bevy.
29
00:01:04,018 --> 00:01:05,989
I'm sure you got plenty of others.
30
00:01:06,028 --> 00:01:07,743
Well, like Barry becomes a doctor,
31
00:01:07,792 --> 00:01:10,364
Erica wins a Grammy,
Adam gets a rare disease
32
00:01:10,403 --> 00:01:11,694
that prevents his snuggly little body
33
00:01:11,733 --> 00:01:13,881
from developing into a full adult man.
34
00:01:13,921 --> 00:01:16,492
Bev, none of those dreams are about you,
35
00:01:16,542 --> 00:01:18,936
and one in particular is very troubling.
36
00:01:18,985 --> 00:01:21,340
Damn it, I know! Erica's
never gonna win a Grammy!
37
00:01:21,380 --> 00:01:23,744
Okay, I'm sure it's
not as bad as ya think.
38
00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:25,075
Lemme see that letter.
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00:01:25,114 --> 00:01:26,740
Take your pick.
40
00:01:26,789 --> 00:01:30,435
"Dear Ms. Goldberg, your
blending of fish and veal
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00:01:30,474 --> 00:01:33,558
"is both upsetting and
against God's plan."
42
00:01:36,347 --> 00:01:38,406
? I'm twisted up inside
43
00:01:38,455 --> 00:01:41,234
? But nonetheless
I feel the need to say
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00:01:41,235 --> 00:01:44,106
Synced and Corrected By YesCool
www.addic7ed.com
45
00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:45,865
? I don't know the future
46
00:01:45,914 --> 00:01:49,471
? But the past keeps
getting clearer every day ?
47
00:01:49,511 --> 00:01:51,826
It was March 13th, 1980-something,
48
00:01:51,876 --> 00:01:54,319
and my brother had a new
concern about his future.
49
00:01:54,359 --> 00:01:57,364
Listen up. I've got some
deeply upsetting news, JTP.
50
00:01:57,403 --> 00:01:59,807
- JTP!
- No! Not the time.
51
00:01:59,847 --> 00:02:01,305
Mr. Glascott just called
52
00:02:01,354 --> 00:02:03,148
an emergency college meeting with me
53
00:02:03,197 --> 00:02:04,695
by chasing me down the hall.
54
00:02:04,734 --> 00:02:06,025
Oh, no. What's wrong?
55
00:02:06,064 --> 00:02:08,212
Turns out, we all need
recommendation letters
56
00:02:08,252 --> 00:02:10,055
from teachers to get into college.
57
00:02:10,094 --> 00:02:11,474
And?
58
00:02:11,513 --> 00:02:14,213
Wait, you all knew about
this and didn't tell me?
59
00:02:14,262 --> 00:02:15,592
I tried to tell you, but you said...
60
00:02:15,632 --> 00:02:18,499
- Stop speaking, Matt Bradley!
- Yeah, that exactly.
61
00:02:18,548 --> 00:02:20,135
Seriously, you all have 'em?
62
00:02:20,174 --> 00:02:22,667
Definitely to rub it in your
face, but Geoff got 12 reccos.
63
00:02:22,707 --> 00:02:25,318
Twelve? That's almost a baker's dozen!
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00:02:25,367 --> 00:02:27,081
Gimme one.
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00:02:27,121 --> 00:02:29,013
I'll just open it and change
the name from Geoff to Big Tasty.
66
00:02:29,052 --> 00:02:30,983
- No!
- What's the big deal?
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00:02:31,023 --> 00:02:32,481
Bar, those letters
were written about me.
68
00:02:32,530 --> 00:02:33,732
And they need to be sent in sealed
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00:02:33,772 --> 00:02:35,447
so the admissions people
know they're legit.
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00:02:35,486 --> 00:02:36,945
So, you're saying I'm going to actually
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00:02:36,984 --> 00:02:39,428
have to ask a teacher to
write nice stuff about me?
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00:02:39,477 --> 00:02:41,103
Ha! You're not going to college.
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00:02:41,142 --> 00:02:42,650
College-what? Who said college?
74
00:02:42,689 --> 00:02:43,852
Whoa, where'd he come from?
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00:02:43,891 --> 00:02:45,734
For a big man, he moves like a phantom.
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00:02:45,773 --> 00:02:47,153
Because college is the only
thing that matters to me...
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00:02:47,192 --> 00:02:48,433
That and the thermostat.
78
00:02:48,483 --> 00:02:51,183
Okay, don't freak out
and call me a moron,
79
00:02:51,222 --> 00:02:54,907
but I've apparently thus
far failed to "obtain"
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00:02:54,956 --> 00:03:00,277
a "recommendation letter"
from a "teacher" at "school."
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00:03:00,317 --> 00:03:02,800
Stop with the quotes.
My God, I raised a moron.
82
00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:04,642
You have. "This is your fault."
83
00:03:04,691 --> 00:03:06,278
Luckily, our school had
84
00:03:06,317 --> 00:03:07,687
an insanely nice science teacher
85
00:03:07,736 --> 00:03:08,849
who couldn't say no to anyone.
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00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:10,980
- Dr. Katman?
- Down here!
87
00:03:11,748 --> 00:03:12,950
Oh, no!
88
00:03:12,990 --> 00:03:14,409
You're lying on a bed of nails!
89
00:03:14,448 --> 00:03:17,108
Physics is just so bitchin'! Am I right?
90
00:03:17,158 --> 00:03:18,784
Wanna try?
91
00:03:18,823 --> 00:03:21,611
Mmm. Well anyway, I
know this is last minute,
92
00:03:21,661 --> 00:03:23,030
but apparently you gotta have a teacher
93
00:03:23,070 --> 00:03:25,898
- write you a college rec...
- Aw, buddy!
94
00:03:25,947 --> 00:03:28,775
I am so honored you
asked me. Truly, man!
95
00:03:28,814 --> 00:03:30,529
- Really?
- Call me a proton!
96
00:03:30,578 --> 00:03:32,460
That's how positive I am!
97
00:03:32,509 --> 00:03:34,825
- Dude, I really owe you one!
- Stop.
98
00:03:34,864 --> 00:03:38,254
Just like a neutron, there's no charge.
99
00:03:38,293 --> 00:03:40,609
And also please don't put any
of those jokes in my letter.
100
00:03:40,658 --> 00:03:42,628
With that, Barry's problem was solved.
101
00:03:42,668 --> 00:03:45,673
And after all my mom's
rejection letters,
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00:03:45,713 --> 00:03:47,989
she turned to her hero,
Julia Child, for answers.
103
00:03:48,028 --> 00:03:49,447
Adam, I need your help.
104
00:03:49,486 --> 00:03:51,930
This is a legitimate, real emergency.
105
00:03:51,979 --> 00:03:53,694
Oh, my God, what?
106
00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:57,931
I've thought of a super-easy,
fool proof way to sell my book.
107
00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:00,722
I'm gonna do a cooking
show like Julia Child,
108
00:04:00,762 --> 00:04:03,895
and you are gonna be my director
and my on-camera sidekick.
109
00:04:03,935 --> 00:04:05,097
I didn't follow any of that,
110
00:04:05,137 --> 00:04:07,285
but I'm pretty sure
it's not an emergency.
111
00:04:07,324 --> 00:04:08,674
You know, at first, the rejection
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00:04:08,675 --> 00:04:10,024
letters were devastating,
113
00:04:10,073 --> 00:04:13,246
but then I remembered that
Julia didn't become famous
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00:04:13,285 --> 00:04:15,818
'til she was 50 and had
her own cooking show!
115
00:04:15,857 --> 00:04:17,788
Huh? That's where you come in.
116
00:04:17,838 --> 00:04:19,119
Or go out as fast as I can
117
00:04:19,158 --> 00:04:20,666
'cause what you just said is horrifying.
118
00:04:20,705 --> 00:04:23,060
But this is so up your alley, Adam.
119
00:04:23,109 --> 00:04:24,952
You're always running
around with a video camera.
120
00:04:24,991 --> 00:04:27,996
Me? Nah, that's like the
opposite of what I do.
121
00:04:28,036 --> 00:04:29,878
You got a camera in your hand right now.
122
00:04:29,928 --> 00:04:31,603
Good eye! Good eye.
123
00:04:31,642 --> 00:04:33,061
Thing is, I was just about to
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00:04:33,100 --> 00:04:35,633
put this in the garage
'cause making childish movies
125
00:04:35,672 --> 00:04:36,963
just doesn't appeal to me anymore.
126
00:04:37,002 --> 00:04:38,973
Let's start filming, kiddo.
127
00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:42,530
This karate tortoise outfit
is already making me schvitz.
128
00:04:42,579 --> 00:04:45,279
Okay, fine! I still make awesome movies!
129
00:04:45,318 --> 00:04:47,851
But I honestly don't know the first
thing about making a cooking show.
130
00:04:47,890 --> 00:04:51,969
It's The Chadam
Cooking Hour: episode 140!
131
00:04:52,009 --> 00:04:55,743
Okay, fine! I made six
years' worth of cooking shows!
132
00:04:55,783 --> 00:04:57,369
Doesn't mean I can help you!
133
00:04:57,418 --> 00:04:59,685
Adam, please. Be my cooking sidekick.
134
00:04:59,734 --> 00:05:01,143
It's my dream.
135
00:05:01,192 --> 00:05:03,715
Adam, I saw the rejection letters!
136
00:05:03,764 --> 00:05:05,133
It was too much!
137
00:05:05,173 --> 00:05:07,922
Just help the lady with her dream!
138
00:05:07,961 --> 00:05:10,277
Even if I wanted to help,
I don't run a TV station.
139
00:05:10,326 --> 00:05:11,863
I'm just a kid with a camera.
140
00:05:11,913 --> 00:05:13,666
What about public access?
141
00:05:13,706 --> 00:05:15,637
They'll let anyone on there.
142
00:05:15,686 --> 00:05:17,873
I watch this one program where a lady
143
00:05:17,874 --> 00:05:20,061
answers tax questions in a bikini.
144
00:05:20,101 --> 00:05:22,712
Her information is definitely wrong,
145
00:05:22,761 --> 00:05:24,140
- but I'm a loyal viewer.
- Perfect.
146
00:05:24,144 --> 00:05:26,331
I'm gonna call public
access and verbally harass
147
00:05:26,371 --> 00:05:27,750
the first person who picks up
148
00:05:27,790 --> 00:05:29,376
and tell them that we
are coming down there!
149
00:05:29,416 --> 00:05:31,091
We're gonna be TV stars!
150
00:05:31,140 --> 00:05:33,968
While I was facing a
world of embarrassment,
151
00:05:34,007 --> 00:05:36,835
Barry was ready to rub his
recco letter in Erica's face.
152
00:05:36,884 --> 00:05:39,111
- Hey, my Caboodle!
- Erica's Caboodle!
153
00:05:39,151 --> 00:05:40,609
Silence!
154
00:05:40,658 --> 00:05:44,471
In my hand, I hold a glowing
recco from Dr. Katman.
155
00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:46,442
- Oh, man, what a relief!
- Yeah.
156
00:05:46,491 --> 00:05:48,206
Feels good to know I'm not gonna be
157
00:05:48,245 --> 00:05:49,831
a full-time drain on society like your
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00:05:49,832 --> 00:05:51,418
miserable couch sloth of a girlfriend.
159
00:05:51,457 --> 00:05:54,551
- Excuse me?
- You've worn sweats for six straight days.
160
00:05:54,591 --> 00:05:56,354
- You get it.
- Well, I wouldn't be so cocky.
161
00:05:56,394 --> 00:05:58,493
You don't even know what
that teacher wrote about you.
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00:05:58,542 --> 00:06:01,153
I'm sure it's great. Dr.
Katman's super nice and also,
163
00:06:01,192 --> 00:06:02,779
he has, like, the most
hilarious science jokes.
164
00:06:02,828 --> 00:06:05,183
They guy's nice, all right.
If anything, too nice.
165
00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:07,154
The kind of nice you almost don't trust.
166
00:06:07,203 --> 00:06:08,188
It's like, "What are you hiding, man?"
167
00:06:08,228 --> 00:06:10,592
It is like he's hiding something.
168
00:06:10,632 --> 00:06:11,745
Erica, stop.
169
00:06:11,785 --> 00:06:13,371
Don't whip him into a frenzy
170
00:06:13,420 --> 00:06:16,288
just because he commented on
your current life situation.
171
00:06:16,337 --> 00:06:18,347
I'm not. I'm just
stating the simple fact
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00:06:18,396 --> 00:06:20,111
that one single letter
can ruin his life forever.
173
00:06:20,150 --> 00:06:21,161
I gotta see what's in this letter!
174
00:06:21,276 --> 00:06:22,784
Barry, stop. You can't look at that.
175
00:06:22,823 --> 00:06:24,370
Wait, I got something.
176
00:06:24,409 --> 00:06:25,828
What's "poosnicken" mean?
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00:06:25,868 --> 00:06:27,198
Is that good from an educator?
178
00:06:27,237 --> 00:06:28,400
Doesn't sound good.
179
00:06:28,439 --> 00:06:29,898
Ta.
180
00:06:29,947 --> 00:06:31,405
Couch sloth my ass.
181
00:06:31,445 --> 00:06:33,888
Dude, she's just messing with
you 'cause she's in a bad place.
182
00:06:33,928 --> 00:06:35,179
Yeah, I know. You're right.
183
00:06:35,218 --> 00:06:37,918
And yet, it's too late. I assumed.
184
00:06:37,958 --> 00:06:40,923
And so, Barry broke the
sacred code of the recco letter
185
00:06:40,963 --> 00:06:42,293
using a high-tech method he learned
186
00:06:42,294 --> 00:06:43,623
from watching Murder, She Wrote.
187
00:06:43,663 --> 00:06:45,683
Oh, crap! It worked!
188
00:06:45,722 --> 00:06:48,215
"It is a great honor
and privilege to give
189
00:06:48,254 --> 00:06:51,131
"Barry Goldberg my
highest recommendation."
190
00:06:51,171 --> 00:06:53,703
Uh, Bar? The steam
is making the ink run!
191
00:06:53,743 --> 00:06:55,290
Don't panic! We'll just
dry it off with the iron.
192
00:06:57,043 --> 00:06:59,487
Oh, no! The iron's intense
heat is burning the paper!
193
00:06:59,536 --> 00:07:02,492
Don't panic. I'll just spray
it with water from this bottle.
194
00:07:02,532 --> 00:07:04,808
Oh, no! The charred remnants are soaked,
195
00:07:04,847 --> 00:07:06,483
and now the ink's running even more!
196
00:07:06,522 --> 00:07:08,276
Don't panic! I'll just
hit it with the iron again!
197
00:07:09,823 --> 00:07:11,025
Let me try to piece it back together!
198
00:07:11,065 --> 00:07:12,907
- Time to panic!
- Aah! Aah!
199
00:07:12,957 --> 00:07:14,799
The charred remnants
are burning my hands!
200
00:07:14,838 --> 00:07:16,642
While Barry destroyed his letter,
201
00:07:16,681 --> 00:07:20,031
my mom was taking a page from
Julia Child for our first rehearsal.
202
00:07:20,071 --> 00:07:22,130
And action.
203
00:07:22,179 --> 00:07:23,894
Hi, I'm Adam.
204
00:07:23,933 --> 00:07:25,736
Hello! I'm Beverly Goldberg.
205
00:07:25,776 --> 00:07:27,323
Welcome to The Goldberg Gourmet.
206
00:07:27,362 --> 00:07:29,510
Bon appetit!
207
00:07:29,549 --> 00:07:30,752
And cut.
208
00:07:30,791 --> 00:07:33,924
Okay, I got some performance notes.
209
00:07:33,964 --> 00:07:36,969
- Hit me.
- So, you're a human person.
210
00:07:37,008 --> 00:07:38,723
So, you should talk like one.
211
00:07:38,772 --> 00:07:41,689
And action.
212
00:07:41,728 --> 00:07:43,275
- Well, hello!
- Cut.
213
00:07:43,315 --> 00:07:44,733
- Hello!
- Cut.
214
00:07:44,773 --> 00:07:46,264
- Hello, I'm Beverly Goldberg...
- Cut!
215
00:07:46,428 --> 00:07:50,073
Welcome to The Goldberg
Gourmet. Bon appetit.
216
00:07:50,123 --> 00:07:51,453
And... Cut.
217
00:07:51,492 --> 00:07:53,246
I think I know what's happening.
218
00:07:53,295 --> 00:07:55,306
Seems whenever I say "action,"
219
00:07:55,355 --> 00:07:58,055
your mom panics and becomes Julia Child.
220
00:07:58,094 --> 00:08:00,626
Oh, don't be ridiculous!
Here, I'll prove it.
221
00:08:00,666 --> 00:08:03,326
- Say "action" and watch me cook.
- Action.
222
00:08:03,375 --> 00:08:05,297
This lovely dish is made
223
00:08:05,346 --> 00:08:07,918
with saltwater prawns, Parmesan cheese,
224
00:08:07,957 --> 00:08:09,977
and butter because butter is better!
225
00:08:10,017 --> 00:08:12,115
- I'm Julia Child!
- Cut.
226
00:08:12,165 --> 00:08:13,968
Okay, maybe I am doing
a little something.
227
00:08:14,007 --> 00:08:15,426
And I'm doing a lot of quitting.
228
00:08:15,465 --> 00:08:16,924
- Good luck with your project.
- Wait, why?
229
00:08:16,963 --> 00:08:19,279
'Cause you're gonna embarrass
me on public television,
230
00:08:19,328 --> 00:08:20,520
seen by dozens.
231
00:08:20,569 --> 00:08:22,501
And it doesn't matter
to you that this might
232
00:08:22,540 --> 00:08:24,688
- actually help sell my cookbook?
- No!
233
00:08:25,027 --> 00:08:27,855
'Cause my mom making a
cookbook is also embarrassing,
234
00:08:27,905 --> 00:08:29,683
and so are your aprons and weird
235
00:08:29,684 --> 00:08:31,462
parm dishes and everything about you.
236
00:08:31,501 --> 00:08:33,344
It's pure embarrassment,
237
00:08:33,393 --> 00:08:35,580
and you have no idea what it feels like.
238
00:08:35,620 --> 00:08:37,935
Oh-ho, and you think I'm
never embarrassed by you?
239
00:08:37,975 --> 00:08:39,610
Um, no!
240
00:08:39,650 --> 00:08:41,620
I think you made it pretty clear
you love everything that I do.
241
00:08:41,670 --> 00:08:44,064
So, you don't think I'm embarrassed
when I have friends over,
242
00:08:44,113 --> 00:08:47,030
and you do one of your creepy
shows with a ventriloquist dummy?
243
00:08:47,069 --> 00:08:49,001
You bought us matching outfits!
244
00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:50,626
And you don't think I was embarrassed
245
00:08:50,676 --> 00:08:53,287
to watch a three-hour
one-man show
246
00:08:53,326 --> 00:08:56,203
where you played an eclectic
cast of international characters?
247
00:08:56,243 --> 00:08:59,120
You said my Jamaican
accent was spot-on, mon!
248
00:08:59,159 --> 00:09:00,361
And you don't think I was embarrassed
249
00:09:00,411 --> 00:09:03,189
to run down to your school
with an extra pair of pants
250
00:09:03,239 --> 00:09:06,411
because of the thing I
promised never to speak about?
251
00:09:07,613 --> 00:09:09,495
Promise broken!
252
00:09:09,545 --> 00:09:11,042
Baby, you are ten thousand times
253
00:09:11,043 --> 00:09:12,540
more embarrassing than I will ever be,
254
00:09:12,589 --> 00:09:16,167
but it doesn't matter because
I love you more than anything!
255
00:09:16,335 --> 00:09:18,800
Clearly, you don't feel the same way.
256
00:09:20,826 --> 00:09:23,277
And cut!
257
00:09:23,312 --> 00:09:25,249
Come on.
258
00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:28,680
Even though Barry ruined his college
reco, he knew doc
259
00:09:28,824 --> 00:09:30,564
will be more than
happy to write him a new one.
260
00:09:32,299 --> 00:09:33,462
- Hey, Doc! Got a sec?
- Of course, Goldie!
261
00:09:33,501 --> 00:09:35,295
A little time for my star student.
262
00:09:35,334 --> 00:09:39,254
But first, let me wet the
ole whistle with some wine.
263
00:09:39,303 --> 00:09:41,175
Oh, you say this is just water.
264
00:09:41,224 --> 00:09:42,498
I didn't say anything.
265
00:09:47,105 --> 00:09:48,349
A toast to you!
266
00:09:48,389 --> 00:09:49,712
Fun.
267
00:09:49,751 --> 00:09:51,053
So, what's the important
news? I'm excited.
268
00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:53,266
You should be. Remember
that letter you wrote me?
269
00:09:53,305 --> 00:09:55,226
Of course. Your college
recommendation letter.
270
00:09:55,265 --> 00:09:57,059
Yeah, that's the one.
271
00:09:57,098 --> 00:09:59,019
Turns out, I read it against your wishes
272
00:09:59,068 --> 00:10:00,597
and destroyed it with fire and water.
273
00:10:00,646 --> 00:10:02,224
But you're gonna write me a new one
274
00:10:02,263 --> 00:10:04,223
'cause you did say
I'm your star student.
275
00:10:04,272 --> 00:10:06,526
It doesn't feel like that anymore, pal.
276
00:10:06,575 --> 00:10:08,957
Wow, I'm like really mad right now.
277
00:10:09,006 --> 00:10:10,456
I understand why you would be,
278
00:10:10,496 --> 00:10:13,269
but I'm very confused by
your smile and cheery tone.
279
00:10:13,308 --> 00:10:14,543
Well, let me clear it up.
280
00:10:14,592 --> 00:10:17,023
I'm really pissed, and I'm not
gonna write [BLEEP] for you,
281
00:10:17,062 --> 00:10:18,817
because what you did
was really [BLEEP] up.
282
00:10:18,856 --> 00:10:21,071
But I still need a recco for college.
283
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:23,374
I'd ask another teacher,
pal. I wish you all the best.
284
00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:24,874
Uh-oh.
Yeah, uh-oh!
285
00:10:24,913 --> 00:10:26,873
You better go because I'm saying words
286
00:10:26,922 --> 00:10:28,539
that I never thought
I would say to a child!
287
00:10:28,578 --> 00:10:31,136
[BLEEP] [BLEEP]
288
00:10:31,185 --> 00:10:32,724
Hey, man, you okay?
289
00:10:32,763 --> 00:10:34,557
You've barely touched
your Fruit Roll-Up finger.
290
00:10:34,596 --> 00:10:36,605
Eh. Last night, I got
into it with my mom,
291
00:10:36,644 --> 00:10:37,585
and she kinda got in my head.
292
00:10:37,625 --> 00:10:39,889
How?
293
00:10:39,928 --> 00:10:41,251
Do you guys think I'm embarrassing?
294
00:10:45,426 --> 00:10:47,651
Oh, balls! You're all
avoiding eye contact!
295
00:10:47,690 --> 00:10:50,376
Bro, I think it's pretty
well-known that you're... Unique.
296
00:10:50,425 --> 00:10:52,081
- I'd say one of a kind.
- Your own man.
297
00:10:52,130 --> 00:10:54,855
Those are just nice ways of
saying I'm super embarrassing!
298
00:10:54,904 --> 00:10:55,682
What's up?
299
00:10:55,987 --> 00:10:57,163
Adam's mom caved and finally
300
00:10:57,164 --> 00:10:58,340
admitted the kid's an embarrassment.
301
00:10:58,379 --> 00:10:59,790
- Oh, sure.
- What?
302
00:10:59,829 --> 00:11:02,044
You're my girlfriend!
You're aware of this, too?
303
00:11:02,093 --> 00:11:04,436
- It's endearing.
- Aww...
304
00:11:04,485 --> 00:11:06,523
Also... Aw!
305
00:11:06,572 --> 00:11:07,978
How can my own mother protect and
306
00:11:07,979 --> 00:11:09,385
praise me with a lifetime of lies?
307
00:11:09,424 --> 00:11:11,345
So, you're saying she's a bad mom
308
00:11:11,394 --> 00:11:12,673
for accepting the humiliation you
309
00:11:12,674 --> 00:11:13,952
bring her with grace and kindness?
310
00:11:13,992 --> 00:11:17,059
Yes! God, I suck!
311
00:11:17,108 --> 00:11:19,627
For the first time ever, my
mom needed me to support her,
312
00:11:19,666 --> 00:11:21,284
and I flat-out said no.
313
00:11:21,333 --> 00:11:23,038
Well, there has to be some
way you can make it right.
314
00:11:23,891 --> 00:11:25,292
It's obvious!
315
00:11:25,341 --> 00:11:28,027
I'll just co-host a public
access cooking show with her!
316
00:11:28,066 --> 00:11:29,732
Not sure how obvious that was.
317
00:11:29,771 --> 00:11:31,477
My mom wants to be the
darling of the food world
318
00:11:31,526 --> 00:11:32,633
who sells millions of cookbooks,
319
00:11:32,672 --> 00:11:35,701
and I will not rest until it happens!
320
00:11:35,750 --> 00:11:37,877
As I was off to help my
mom with her TV dreams,
321
00:11:37,926 --> 00:11:40,180
Barry was on a mission for a new recco.
322
00:11:40,229 --> 00:11:41,719
All right, before I do,
323
00:11:41,758 --> 00:11:43,424
let's just take a look
at some of the work
324
00:11:43,463 --> 00:11:44,747
you did this year in my class.
325
00:11:44,786 --> 00:11:46,237
What is this?
326
00:11:46,286 --> 00:11:47,609
That's my napkin holder.
327
00:11:47,648 --> 00:11:49,393
And this?
328
00:11:49,442 --> 00:11:51,529
That's a shoe holder,
for the holding of shoes.
329
00:11:51,568 --> 00:11:52,676
What exactly is this?
330
00:11:52,725 --> 00:11:54,264
Bird house.
331
00:11:54,303 --> 00:11:56,606
And where exactly would a bird live?
332
00:11:56,645 --> 00:12:00,575
On top of it. Or it could lie
down here or walk around over here.
333
00:12:02,487 --> 00:12:03,771
Thank you for your time.
334
00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:05,055
You were stage crew for two days
335
00:12:05,094 --> 00:12:06,966
and dropped a chandelier on my head.
336
00:12:07,015 --> 00:12:08,210
Thank you for your time.
337
00:12:08,250 --> 00:12:10,896
In order to save you time and energy,
338
00:12:10,935 --> 00:12:13,366
I've written the
recommendation letter myself.
339
00:12:13,415 --> 00:12:14,777
If you could just sign it... "Barry
340
00:12:14,778 --> 00:12:16,139
Goldberg can squat a baby elephant
341
00:12:16,188 --> 00:12:19,168
"and bench 275 an
unlimited number of times."
342
00:12:19,217 --> 00:12:21,647
Uh-huh. Just right
at the bottom there...
343
00:12:21,687 --> 00:12:23,902
Tell you what, if you
can do one pull up,
344
00:12:23,951 --> 00:12:26,587
I'll sign this letter and
walk it to the college myself.
345
00:12:33,036 --> 00:12:34,359
Thank you for your time.
346
00:12:35,976 --> 00:12:37,260
Well, you can't just give up.
347
00:12:37,300 --> 00:12:40,073
- You need a good recco to get into...
- Shh!
348
00:12:40,112 --> 00:12:42,033
Don't say that word
'cause Dad will hear.
349
00:12:42,073 --> 00:12:45,023
Oh, man, I've sunk so low that
I've stopped my own brother
350
00:12:45,062 --> 00:12:46,209
- from getting into... _
351
00:12:46,258 --> 00:12:48,600
No! I destroyed the letter.
352
00:12:48,649 --> 00:12:50,991
This whole _ mess is my fault.
353
00:12:51,031 --> 00:12:52,697
I only convinced you that Doc wrote you
354
00:12:52,736 --> 00:12:54,842
a bad recco 'cause I was jealous.
355
00:12:55,031 --> 00:12:56,648
'Cause I'm going to _?
356
00:12:56,688 --> 00:12:57,756
Yes!
357
00:12:57,795 --> 00:13:00,784
You're about to go on a
wild _ adventure.
358
00:13:00,824 --> 00:13:03,127
I know I thought that
dropping out of _
359
00:13:03,176 --> 00:13:05,391
was the right move,
but I'm realizing that
360
00:13:05,430 --> 00:13:08,204
I really needed _
to grow up a bit.
361
00:13:08,253 --> 00:13:10,850
Look, I know you're freaking
out about your future,
362
00:13:10,899 --> 00:13:12,173
but if anyone's gonna be a rock star,
363
00:13:12,212 --> 00:13:13,241
it's my rock star sister.
364
00:13:13,878 --> 00:13:15,505
That means a lot.
365
00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:17,123
I'm sorry I've been such a jerk.
366
00:13:17,162 --> 00:13:18,446
It's cool.
367
00:13:18,485 --> 00:13:20,318
Everyone stresses out
when it comes to college.
368
00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:22,493
Who said college?
What happened? Tell me!
369
00:13:22,542 --> 00:13:24,885
Okay! Fine! I messed up.
370
00:13:24,924 --> 00:13:26,546
No, I did. I got in Barry's
371
00:13:26,547 --> 00:13:28,168
head and made him open his recco.
372
00:13:28,217 --> 00:13:30,050
- And then he ruined it.
- Wait, you know?
373
00:13:30,089 --> 00:13:31,667
Yes! I found that charred,
374
00:13:31,706 --> 00:13:33,716
damp letter right where you left it.
375
00:13:33,755 --> 00:13:36,274
Gah! Why didn't Mom clean that up?
376
00:13:36,313 --> 00:13:37,724
Because you're a dumbass,
377
00:13:37,763 --> 00:13:39,537
which is why I went to Katman
378
00:13:39,538 --> 00:13:41,311
and got you a brand-new recco.
379
00:13:41,350 --> 00:13:42,334
How is this happening?
380
00:13:42,595 --> 00:13:45,839
The man said no and cursed me
out in the nicest possible way!
381
00:13:45,888 --> 00:13:48,097
Because this man doesn't take no for
382
00:13:48,098 --> 00:13:49,846
an answer when it comes to college.
383
00:13:49,881 --> 00:13:50,573
But listen to me.
384
00:13:50,622 --> 00:13:53,523
Do not betray your weird,
happy teacher again.
385
00:13:53,562 --> 00:13:55,993
As a matter of fact, just
steer clear of him forever.
386
00:13:56,032 --> 00:13:57,610
My God, you're actually super effective
387
00:13:57,659 --> 00:13:58,855
and good at Dad stuff when you care.
388
00:13:58,894 --> 00:14:01,707
That's on you for not being interesting.
389
00:14:01,756 --> 00:14:04,314
You gotta promise me
you're gonna go against
390
00:14:04,353 --> 00:14:08,362
all your instincts and not be
a moron who opens this letter.
391
00:14:08,401 --> 00:14:11,135
Can you do that? Can you not be a moron?
392
00:14:11,175 --> 00:14:14,634
- Honestly, that's asking a lot.
- It really is, Dad.
393
00:14:14,673 --> 00:14:16,722
As Barry took on the
challenge of a lifetime,
394
00:14:16,771 --> 00:14:19,025
I was ready to give my
mom her lifelong dream.
395
00:14:19,074 --> 00:14:20,054
Oh, Lord.
396
00:14:21,034 --> 00:14:22,691
Oh, Lord in poop.
397
00:14:22,740 --> 00:14:24,063
You know what? You were right.
398
00:14:24,102 --> 00:14:25,896
This is not gonna help
me sell my cookbook.
399
00:14:25,935 --> 00:14:27,689
All I'm gonna do is
make a fool of myself.
400
00:14:27,728 --> 00:14:29,473
Mom! Look at me.
401
00:14:29,522 --> 00:14:32,678
You're in my world now, the AV world.
402
00:14:32,717 --> 00:14:34,040
This is where I shine.
403
00:14:34,089 --> 00:14:35,745
So you just have to follow my lead,
404
00:14:35,794 --> 00:14:37,245
and I'll make you look good.
405
00:14:37,284 --> 00:14:39,284
Okay, I am so confused. You said...
406
00:14:39,333 --> 00:14:41,293
I know what I said, and I was wrong.
407
00:14:41,332 --> 00:14:42,832
You've always been there to support me
408
00:14:42,871 --> 00:14:45,429
with your love and
kindness and new pants.
409
00:14:45,478 --> 00:14:47,644
And now it's my turn to support you.
410
00:14:47,693 --> 00:14:50,123
So take my hand and let's
go be on a TV station
411
00:14:50,163 --> 00:14:51,535
that legally has to let anyone on.
412
00:14:54,387 --> 00:14:56,347
Preheat that oven.
413
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:58,356
It's parmin' time.
414
00:14:58,395 --> 00:15:00,144
Oh, yeah. Years of making my own
415
00:15:00,145 --> 00:15:01,894
movies had led to this moment.
416
00:15:01,934 --> 00:15:04,374
And rolling.
417
00:15:04,413 --> 00:15:07,824
Hi, I'm Adam... Ooh, boy.
418
00:15:07,863 --> 00:15:09,706
In that moment, I discovered
419
00:15:09,745 --> 00:15:11,705
that when I go in front
of an actual TV camera,
420
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:14,479
I freeze up with crippling stage fright.
421
00:15:14,518 --> 00:15:17,252
It's true, my body literally shuts down.
422
00:15:17,292 --> 00:15:19,850
Okay...
423
00:15:19,899 --> 00:15:21,045
Guess that's my cue.
424
00:15:21,094 --> 00:15:22,878
Hi. Hello and welcome.
425
00:15:22,927 --> 00:15:24,186
I'm Beverly Goldberg, and this
426
00:15:24,187 --> 00:15:25,446
is my little sous-chef, Adam.
427
00:15:25,485 --> 00:15:27,700
Adam, say hello to the viewers.
428
00:15:27,749 --> 00:15:29,494
Adam.
429
00:15:29,533 --> 00:15:32,307
Me. Now, the secret
to shredding mozzarella
430
00:15:32,356 --> 00:15:34,865
is to put the block of
cheese in the freezer first.
431
00:15:34,914 --> 00:15:36,786
Sous-chef Adam, the grater, please.
432
00:15:38,285 --> 00:15:39,991
My hands are numb.
433
00:15:40,030 --> 00:15:42,333
Over the teeth and through the gums,
434
00:15:42,372 --> 00:15:44,597
look out, tummy, here it comes.
435
00:15:44,636 --> 00:15:46,685
Hoooo!
436
00:15:46,724 --> 00:15:49,625
Whoooo is excited about my shrimp parm?
437
00:15:49,674 --> 00:15:51,124
Well, I sure as heck am.
438
00:15:51,164 --> 00:15:53,555
Five stars, Mama. Oh...
439
00:15:53,594 --> 00:15:56,407
You can find this parm
and many more parms like it
440
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:58,240
in The Beverly Goldberg Cookbook.
441
00:15:58,289 --> 00:15:59,906
I'm passing out.
442
00:15:59,945 --> 00:16:03,238
That's right. Coming soon
to book retailers near you.
443
00:16:03,278 --> 00:16:04,473
- I'm passing out.
- What?
444
00:16:04,512 --> 00:16:05,708
I'm passing out.
445
00:16:05,747 --> 00:16:07,498
Do you want to sit down or something?
446
00:16:07,639 --> 00:16:09,710
I'm gone! I'm gone. I'm down.
447
00:16:10,662 --> 00:16:13,096
I'm Beverly Goldberg,
thank you, and good night.
448
00:16:13,253 --> 00:16:15,132
Mama's... Mama's here, schmoo!
449
00:16:16,567 --> 00:16:16,928
With my dad's help,
450
00:16:16,967 --> 00:16:19,185
Barry got a new college recco
from Doc, or so he thought.
451
00:16:19,234 --> 00:16:20,814
Hey, Goldie.
452
00:16:20,853 --> 00:16:22,993
Listen, I didn't sleep all
night after I unloaded on you.
453
00:16:23,032 --> 00:16:24,446
Not my best me.
454
00:16:24,485 --> 00:16:27,478
No, I deserved that surprising
barrage of potty language.
455
00:16:27,517 --> 00:16:30,040
Look, I know how important
that letter is to you,
456
00:16:30,079 --> 00:16:31,316
so I wrote you another one.
457
00:16:31,365 --> 00:16:33,455
- You wrote a third letter?
- Third?
458
00:16:33,495 --> 00:16:35,418
Buddy, this is the
second one right here.
459
00:16:35,467 --> 00:16:38,883
No, this is the second letter.
460
00:16:38,922 --> 00:16:40,502
You gave it to my dad yesterday.
461
00:16:40,551 --> 00:16:42,720
He may have given it to you,
but I didn't give it to him.
462
00:16:42,769 --> 00:16:46,018
Wait! That's why my dad
told me not to talk to you!
463
00:16:46,057 --> 00:16:47,421
He didn't want us to figure this out.
464
00:16:47,471 --> 00:16:49,384
Figure what out? What the
hell is in that envelope, pal?
465
00:16:49,433 --> 00:16:50,631
God only knows!
466
00:16:50,670 --> 00:16:52,123
We gotta open that letter.
467
00:16:52,162 --> 00:16:54,773
But what about trust and all
that stuff you got mad about?
468
00:16:54,812 --> 00:16:56,176
I've never been on
this side of it before!
469
00:16:56,225 --> 00:16:58,316
It is really eating away at me, buddy!
470
00:16:58,355 --> 00:17:01,309
Me too! But how do we open
this letter without ruining it?
471
00:17:01,348 --> 00:17:03,566
With the answer to everything.
472
00:17:03,615 --> 00:17:05,745
Science!
473
00:17:05,794 --> 00:17:08,140
That day, my brother set off to
solve the mystery of a lifetime,
474
00:17:08,179 --> 00:17:09,298
and that night,
475
00:17:09,337 --> 00:17:11,045
I was reliving the
embarrassment of a lifetime.
476
00:17:11,084 --> 00:17:13,263
I'm down.
477
00:17:13,312 --> 00:17:16,816
Hey, pickle, maybe you should
just watch The A Team instead?
478
00:17:16,855 --> 00:17:18,499
I just wanted to see if my on-camera
479
00:17:18,500 --> 00:17:20,143
debut was as bad as I thought.
480
00:17:20,182 --> 00:17:21,466
And it's worse.
481
00:17:22,216 --> 00:17:24,915
No. You were adorable.
482
00:17:24,955 --> 00:17:26,751
You don't have to do that, Mom.
483
00:17:26,790 --> 00:17:28,331
I just really wanted to help you.
484
00:17:29,999 --> 00:17:34,180
Listen, lovebug, you putting
yourself out there to support me,
485
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:36,997
it helped me more than
you could ever know.
486
00:17:37,046 --> 00:17:39,824
Come on, I just ended up
embarrassing you again.
487
00:17:39,863 --> 00:17:43,710
Adam, I love every
embarrassing thing about you.
488
00:17:43,750 --> 00:17:45,497
It's what makes you the most special,
489
00:17:45,546 --> 00:17:47,803
brilliant boy anyone could ever ask for.
490
00:17:50,581 --> 00:17:52,206
Well, if this cookbook
thing doesn't pan out,
491
00:17:52,548 --> 00:17:55,149
at least we learned you're
shockingly awesome on camera.
492
00:17:55,198 --> 00:17:56,817
Forget TV.
493
00:17:56,866 --> 00:18:01,646
That cookbook is my dream,
and knowing I have your support
494
00:18:01,685 --> 00:18:04,374
lets me know that one day,
495
00:18:04,423 --> 00:18:05,827
it'll happen.
496
00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:09,125
Until then, I'll leave the
cooking shows to you and Chad.
497
00:18:13,139 --> 00:18:14,591
And done.
498
00:18:17,103 --> 00:18:19,281
"To whom it may concern.
Barry is fearless
499
00:18:19,330 --> 00:18:22,697
"and has a boundless passion
and enormous appetite for life.
500
00:18:22,746 --> 00:18:25,092
"But what I admire most about my son
501
00:18:25,141 --> 00:18:26,804
"is that no one has bigger
502
00:18:26,805 --> 00:18:28,468
dreams and more potential."
503
00:18:28,507 --> 00:18:30,647
Wow, your dad wrote this.
504
00:18:33,552 --> 00:18:35,387
"I might be Barry's father, but he's
505
00:18:35,388 --> 00:18:37,222
the one who teaches me every day."
506
00:18:37,271 --> 00:18:40,068
"The only thing he can't do is
507
00:18:40,069 --> 00:18:42,866
know how much I believe in him."
508
00:18:47,008 --> 00:18:49,824
Wow, I can't believe Dad wrote
such beautiful stuff about you.
509
00:18:49,864 --> 00:18:52,307
Well, you know him.
Anything for college.
510
00:18:52,347 --> 00:18:54,270
College? What about college? What now?
511
00:18:54,310 --> 00:18:56,322
Actually, I was just about to send out
512
00:18:56,361 --> 00:18:58,883
the recco I got from Doc,
which he gave me today.
513
00:18:58,922 --> 00:19:01,062
So I won't be needing the one you wrote.
514
00:19:01,101 --> 00:19:02,338
You weren't supposed to see that.
515
00:19:03,152 --> 00:19:05,587
Well, I did.
516
00:19:10,455 --> 00:19:12,123
Fine, you can keep the stupid letter.
517
00:19:15,372 --> 00:19:16,441
Forever.
518
00:19:18,954 --> 00:19:21,437
Yep, sometimes even the
people you're closest to
519
00:19:21,476 --> 00:19:22,890
can be full of surprises.
520
00:19:22,929 --> 00:19:24,892
Welcome to The Chadam Cooking Hour!
521
00:19:24,941 --> 00:19:26,521
I'm master chef Chad Kremp!
522
00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:28,396
And I'm sous-chef Adam!
523
00:19:28,435 --> 00:19:30,383
Before we begin, it's important to
524
00:19:30,384 --> 00:19:32,331
always stick matzoh to your face!
525
00:19:32,370 --> 00:19:34,804
And make sure to butter up your
face so you can glue it right on.
526
00:19:34,844 --> 00:19:36,129
Mmm, yes.
527
00:19:36,169 --> 00:19:39,378
In the end, my mom kept
working on her cookbook,
528
00:19:39,417 --> 00:19:42,322
but she realized she didn't have
to be Julia Child to be happy
529
00:19:42,362 --> 00:19:44,923
'cause she already had
the recipe for success,
530
00:19:44,972 --> 00:19:46,337
a loving family.
531
00:19:46,376 --> 00:19:47,878
Cooking is fun!
532
00:19:47,917 --> 00:19:50,223
_
533
00:19:52,314 --> 00:19:54,286
- I love matzoh!
- I love matzoh!
534
00:19:54,326 --> 00:19:56,505
- And I can eat matzoh!
- And I can eat matzoh!
535
00:20:05,387 --> 00:20:07,781
- I got a knife.
- I got a knife.
536
00:20:07,821 --> 00:20:10,000
- Can I do this?
- Can I do this?
537
00:20:10,049 --> 00:20:11,923
- Can I do this?
- Can I do this?
538
00:20:11,962 --> 00:20:14,014
- Can I do this?
- Can I do this?
539
00:20:14,063 --> 00:20:16,242
- Can I do this?
- Can I do this?
540
00:20:16,281 --> 00:20:18,205
- Can I do this?
- Can I do this?
541
00:20:18,244 --> 00:20:19,225
- Now, our next
- Now, our next
542
00:20:19,226 --> 00:20:20,207
- ingredient is Cool Whip.
- ingredient is Cool Whip.
543
00:20:20,256 --> 00:20:21,581
- Make a beard.
- Make a beard.
544
00:20:21,620 --> 00:20:24,093
- Put it on your glasses.
- Put it on your glasses.
545
00:20:24,962 --> 00:20:27,359
Okay, just mailed in my
last recco and application.
546
00:20:27,561 --> 00:20:29,981
Only a few months left,
and I'm outta this dump.
547
00:20:30,455 --> 00:20:31,787
- School sucks.
- I'll cherish you all.
548
00:20:32,329 --> 00:20:33,838
Our lives are finally beginning, JTP.
549
00:20:34,571 --> 00:20:37,511
I can't wait to come back
for our 10-year reunion
550
00:20:37,835 --> 00:20:39,741
and show everyone how
awesome we all are.
551
00:20:40,054 --> 00:20:41,633
Oh, we'll show 'em when
I roll up with Erica,
552
00:20:41,956 --> 00:20:43,860
and I'll be like, "'Sup!
This wasn't a fluke."
553
00:20:44,309 --> 00:20:45,890
Well, I'll cruise in on my rocket boots
554
00:20:46,135 --> 00:20:48,808
and my two wives named
Heather... Locklear and Thomas.
555
00:20:49,089 --> 00:20:52,115
Oh, yeah? I'm gonna beam
here from planet Barry,
556
00:20:52,531 --> 00:20:55,776
where I ride space elephants and
rule Rap City with an iron fist.
557
00:20:56,371 --> 00:20:57,735
Wow, I can't wait for this reunion.
558
00:20:58,087 --> 00:20:59,853
Reunions! JTP: Reunions!
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