All language subtitles for Queer.as.Folk.US.S04E01.Just.a.Little.Help.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.x264-NTb_track3_eng

- * ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR,
FIVE, SIX *

* SHAKE IT, DUDE

*

- * CUE THE PULSE TO BEGIN

* CUE THE PULSE TO BEGIN

* CUE THE PULSE TO BEGIN

* CUE THE PULSE TO BEGIN

- * KISS TODAY GOOD-BYE

* AND POINT ME
TOWARD TOMORROW *

* WE DID WHAT WE HAD TO DO

* WON'T FORGET,
CAN'T REGRET *

* WHAT I DID FOR

- SHIT!

IT'S THAT TIME
OF THE MONTH AGAIN.

- WHEN YOUR "LITTLE FRIEND"
COMES TO VISIT?

- WHEN EVERY GAY CHARITY
ON THE FUCKING PLANET

TRIES TO HIT ME UP
FOR A TABLE

AT THEIR BENEFIT,
OR AN AD IN THEIR BOOKLET,

OR A SPERM SAMPLE
FOR THEIR SILENT AUCTION.

AND UNFORTUNATELY, IT'S ALSO
THAT TIME OF THE MONTH

FOR MY CREDIT CARD BILLS.

- I'VE NEVER SEEN
SO MANY ZEROES.

- EXCEPT FOR A MIXER
AT THE GAY AND LESBIAN CENTER.

- HOW ARE YOU GOING
TO PAY FOR THEM ALL?

- HOW MANY BLOW JOBS
CAN YOU GIVE IN AN HOUR?

- NOT ENOUGH.

NOT NEARLY ENOUGH.

- I GUESS I'LL HAVE TO COME UP
WITH THE CASH SOME OTHER WAY.

- LOOK, WE SOLD ALMOST
3,000 COPIES OF RAGE

ON THE NET
LAST MONTH ALONE.

I COULD GIVE YOU SOME MONEY.

- NO.

- WHY NOT?

- I'M NOT TAKING YOUR MONEY.

- I THOUGHT WE WERE PARTNERS.

- WE ARE.

- THEN WHY WON'T YOU
LET ME GIVE YOU MONEY?

- BECAUSE I DON'T NEED
YOUR HELP.

I DON'T NEED ANYONE'S HELP.

[sighs]

WHAT I NEED IS...

CHIVAS REGAL.
- YEAH, SURE.

YOU MAY BE A PAUPER,
BUT YOU DRINK LIKE A PRINCE.

MAKE IT TWO.

ON ME.
- KEEP IT.

- YOU WON'T EVEN LET ME
BUY YOU A DRINK?

[glasses clink]

- [clears throat]

I CAN STILL AFFORD
TO TIE ONE ON

WITHOUT ANY ASSISTANCE
FROM YOU.

- BRIAN, I DON'T KNOW WHAT
THE FUCK YOUR PROBLEM IS.

YOU HELP EVERYONE.

LIBERTY AVENUE WOULD BE
A POLICE STATE

IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU.

AND NOW,
WHEN YOU NEED HELP--

HEY, TODD.
HOW'S IT GOING?

- FINE.

WHERE WAS I?

- "WHEN--WHEN I NEED HELP"?

- RIGHT.
YOU WON'T TAKE IT.

YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY THAT IS?

- POURQUOI?

- BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS HAVE
TO BE THE ONE IN CHARGE,

THE ONE WHO'S IN CONTROL,
THE ONE WHO'S ON TOP.

- MM-HMM.

[both chuckle]

YOU GOT IT.

- SO WHERE IS HE THIS TIME?
HUH?

MOVIES, LITTLE LEAGUE?
- LOOK, I TOLD YOU--

- YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW.
YOU DON'T HAVE A CLUE.

LIKE I BELIEVE THAT.
- I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU BELIEVE.

HE TOOK OFF.

NOT EXACTLY THE FIRST TIME
HE'S RUN AWAY, IS IT?

SO I'D SAY IT'S SAFE TO ASSUME
HE'S BACK ON THE STREETS.

- WHAT ABOUT
YOUR LITTLE BOYFRIEND?

HUH? HE DOESN'T SEEM
TO BE AROUND EITHER.

- HE'S GONE TO FIND HIM.
- [scoffs]

- NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I HAVE A CLASS.

- OH, AND I HAVE
A CUSTODY HEARING ON TUESDAY.

AND IF JIMMY'S NOT THERE,

I'M GOING TO HAVE THE COPS

ALL OVER YOUR
LITTLE BOYFRIEND'S ASS.

YOU HEAR ME?

'CAUSE KEEPING
A KID AWAY FROM HIS MOM,

THAT'S CALLED CONTRIBUTING

TO THE DELINQUENCY
OF A MINOR.

AND IF HE TOOK HIM,
THAT'S KIDNAPPING.

I COULD HAVE HIM ARRESTED.

- YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT.

- YOU'RE A SMART GUY,
PROFESSOR.

YOU FIGURE OUT HOW MANY YEARS

YOUR LITTLE SWEETIE
COULD BE LOCKED UP FOR.

- "ANGELS OVER PITTSBURGH,

"TEEN SUICIDE PREVENTION
HOTLINE,

"TRANSGENDER SHELTER,
THE MARRIAGE INITIATIVE."

JESUS. WE MUST GET INVITED TO
TEN OF THESE FUNDRAISERS A DAY.

- LOOK, TED GETS THEM TOO.
HUH.

- MUST BE ON
THE SAME VICTIMS' LIST.

- I'M HAPPY TO CONTRIBUTE
TO A WORTHY CAUSE

AS MUCH AS THE NEXT GUY
OR GAL,

BUT CAN'T THEY HIT UP ON
SOMEBODY ELSE FOR A CHANGE?

- IF WE GIVE ANY MORE,
SOMEONE'S GONNA HAVE

TO THROW US A BENEFIT.

- HEY, GIRLS.

I'D LOVE TO SHMOOZE,

BUT I'VE GOT TO SLIP
INTO A BUBBLE BATH,

GET DRESSED,
AND BE OUT THE DOOR IN FIVE.

- GOT A HOT DATE?

- FROM YOUR LIPS
TO THE GAY GOD'S EARS.

VIC AND I ARE DOING AN EVENT
TONIGHT FOR "THINK POSITIVE."

- ANOTHER BENEFIT?
DOES IT EVER END?

- WELL, IF WE DON'T TAKE CARE
OF EACH OTHER, WHO WILL?

FUNNY, TED HAD AN ORCHID
LOOKED JUST LIKE THAT.

POOR THING WAS HANGING ON
BY A TENDRIL.

HE USED TO CALL IT "DROOPY,"

SHORT FOR "DROOPUS ORCHIDUS."

- SAY HELLO TO DROOPY.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH IT?

LESBIANS ARE NOTORIOUS
FOR HAVING BLACK THUMBS.

- HE CALLED US, ASKED US
TO TAKE IN HIS MAIL AND--

- TAKE CARE OF HIS PLANTS.
- HMM.

HE OFF TO
THE BLACK AND BLUE PARTY

IN SARDINIA?

- HE'S IN REHAB.

- HE CHECKED HIMSELF IN.

AND WE THOUGHT
WE'D GO VISIT HIM.

- HOW ABOUT COMING WITH US?

- UH, CAN'T.

BENEFIT.

- DOESN'T HAVE TO BE TONIGHT.

- I'M REALLY BUSY.

- I'M SURE HE COULD USE
THE SUPPORT.

- WHAT AN INTERESTING THING
TO HEAR COMING FROM YOU, MEL.

YOU PRACTICALLY
THE FIRST TO CONDEMN HIM

AND NOW YOU'RE, WHAT,
HIS CHEERLEADER?

- HE'S TRYING TO HELP HIMSELF.

- ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU WANTED?

- NECTAR OF LIFE!
WHOO!

- YOU THINK YOU COULD LEAVE IT
ON SOMETHING

FOR LONGER THAN A SECOND?

- WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?

IT'S ALL SHIT.

- THE BARBECUED CHIPS?
- TOO LATE.

- AND THE CAP'N CRUNCH?

- THAT SHIP SAILED.

- I HAD A WHOLE BAG.
- GONE.

SO HOW MUCH LONGER
DO WE HAVE TO STAY HERE?

- HAVE YOU SEEN
WHAT IT'S DOING OUTSIDE?

IT'S PRACTICALLY A MONSOON.

- WHEN IT LETS UP,
I SAY WE HEAD OFF TO MEXICO,

GROW MOUSTACHES
AND BECOME DRUG LORDS.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

- WHY DO I BOTHER?

- I DON'T HEAR YOU COMING UP
WITH SOME BRILLIANT PLAN.

- I'D BETTER,
AND SOON.

WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF CASH,
FAST.

- YOU HAVE A CREDIT CARD.

- IF I USE IT,
THEY CAN TRACK US.

[cell phone chimes]

IT'S BEN.

- DUDE, WHAT'S UP?

- HEY, PAL.
HOW'S IT GOING?

- WE'RE STUCK
IN A SHIT HOLE MOTEL

IN THE POURING RAIN,
DOWN TO OUR LAST CHEETO,

BUT OTHER THAN THAT,
LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.

- GIVE ME THAT.

BEN?

- MICHAEL, MICHAEL.
ARE YOU OKAY?

- I'M FINE.
WE'RE BOTH FINE.

- LISTEN, HUNTER'S MOM
CAME BY AGAIN.

- WHAT DID YOU TELL HER?
- THAT HE RAN AWAY

AND YOU WENT LOOKING
FOR HIM AND--

LOOK, SHE DIDN'T BELIEVE ME.

NOW SHE'S THREATENING
TO HAVE YOU ARRESTED.

- FOR WHAT?
- KIDNAPPING.

CONTRIBUTING
TO THE DELINQUENCY OF A MINOR.

- CAN SHE DO THAT?

- ALL I KNOW IS,
SHE CAN MAKE

A LOT OF TROUBLE
FOR ALL OF US.

THAT IS WHY YOU HAVE
TO COME BACK.

- I TOLD YOU,
I'M NOT GOING

TO LET HER TAKE HIM.

- WELL, YOU CAN'T
JUST HIDE OUT FOREVER.

- WE'LL BE OKAY.

- PLEASE.

NOW, TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE.

- I DON'T WANT YOU
TO GET IN TROUBLE,

OR TO HAVE TO LIE.

[cell phone beeps]

- OH, DAMN IT, MICHAEL.

MI--MICHAEL?
- COME ON, MAN. LET'S GO.

- [whispers] FUCK IT.
- PICK IT UP.

- WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

- TO GET US SOMETHING TO EAT

BEFORE WE STARVE TO DEATH.

[rain pounding]

- IT'S THREE DAYS.

THREE FUCKING DAYS

AND NOT ONE FUCKING WORD.

- DEB, I GOT THE TUNA MELT.

- AND I GOT THE TURKEY WRAP?

- SORRY.
- OH.

- EXCEPT FOR THIS STRANGE,
CRYPTIC MESSAGE:

"DON'T WORRY, MA,
I'M ALL RIGHT."

- DOESN'T SOUND STRANGE
OR CRYPTIC TO ME.

- WELL, YOU'RE NOT A MOTHER.

- I JUST TALKED TO HIM, DEBBIE,

AND HE'S ALL RIGHT.
- HE IS NOT ALL RIGHT.

A MOTHER CAN ALWAYS READ
BETWEEN THE LINES.

IT'S THE FIRST TIME
SINCE MICHAEL'S LEARNED

HOW TO PICK UP A PHONE
THAT WE HAVEN'T TALKED

THREE TIMES A DAY.

- THREE?

- I KNOW.
IT EXPLAINS SO MUCH.

- BEN, HONEY, THE NEXT TIME
YOU TALK TO HIM,

WOULD YOU PLEASE TELL HIM

I LOVE HIM UP
TO THE SKY AND BACK?

- SURE, DEBBIE.

- AND IF HE'S NOT
BACK HERE PRONTO,

I'M GOING TO RIP HIS BALLS OFF.

- WHY DON'T YOU LET ME
MAKE A FEW CALLS,

FIND OUT ABOUT
THIS CUSTODY HEARING,

SEE IF THERE'S ANYTHING
I CAN DO.

- THANK YOU.

THAT WOULD BE GREAT
IF YOU COULD.

- HEY, DEB,
WHERE'S MINE?

- DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT IT,
HONEY.

YOU CAN SETTLE UP LATER,

AFTER YOU'RE BACK
ON YOUR FEET, BABY.

THERE.

LUNCH IS ON ME.

- BRIAN.
- WHAT?

I'M NOT ALLOWED
TO TREAT MY FRIENDS?

- BRIAN, IT'S OKAY.
- WE CAN HANDLE IT.

- YEAH, AS SOON AS
YOU GET ANOTHER JOB.

- BY 4:30 THIS AFTERNOON,

I INTEND TO BE REINSTATED
IN MY FORMER POSITION

AND WITH A SIZABLE RAISE.

- VANCE ASKED YOU BACK?

- BRIAN, THAT'S GREAT!
- WOW.

- I'M GOING TO TRY
AND BE AS GRACIOUS

AS LONG AS I POSSIBLY CAN,

THEN I'M GOING TO STICK IT
TO THE MOTHERFUCKER.

YOU CAN KEEP THE CHANGE, DEB.

- * THERE'S A CHANGE
IN THE WEATHER *

* A CHANGE IN THE SEA

* AND FROM NOW ON,
THERE'LL BE A CHANGE IN ME *

* MY WALK WILL BE DIFFERENT

* MY TALK AND MY NAME

* NOTHING ABOUT ME'S
GONNA BE THE SAME *

- I, UH...CRASHED.

I THINK I WAS OUT
FOR A DAY OR SO.

WHEN I FINALLY CAME TO,

THE PARTY WAS STILL GOING ON.

WELL, THE PARTY WAS
ALWAYS GOING ON.

THE GUYS WERE DOWNSTAIRS,
WATCHING PORN.

THE ONES THAT WEREN'T TOO
TWEAKED OUT OF THEIR MINDS,

THAT IS.

AND THEY WERE--
THEY WERE REALLY INTO IT.

IT LOOKED HOT.

SO I DREW A LITTLE OFF

OF DR. C'S PIPE.

AND...

THAT'S WHEN I SAW THE GUY
IN THE VIDEO,

THE ONE GETTING GANG-BANGED.

IT WAS ME.

THAT'S HOW OUT OF CONTROL
I WAS.

GOD ONLY KNOWS IF
THEY WERE USING CONDOMS.

I-I'LL HAVE TO TAKE
A TEST.

I-I DON'T--
[stammers]

I DON'T FEEL VERY OPTIMISTIC.

ANYWAY...

THAT'S WHEN I KNEW THAT
IF I--

IF I DIDN'T COME HERE...

I COULD BE DEAD.

- I KNOW HOW HARD
THAT WAS FOR YOU.

JUST REMEMBER,
NOBODY WAS JUDGING YOU

BECAUSE WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE
IN OUR OWN WAY.

- WELL, YOUR BEING THERE MADE IT
A WHOLE LOT EASIER.

- I'M GLAD.

- IN FACT,
I-I KEEP THINKING,

YOU KNOW, IF ALL
THIS HADN'T HAPPENED,

IF I HADN'T COME STUMBLING
THROUGH THAT DOOR,

I MEAN, WE MIGHT NOT EVER
HAVE SEEN EACH OTHER AGAIN.

SO, YOU WANT TO--

YOU WANT TO GRAB
SOME LUNCH OR--

- YEAH.

LET ME JUST CHECK
MY MESSAGES,

AND I'LL MEET YOU
IN THE LOUNGE.

- ALL RIGHT.

NOW, THIS IS A SURPRISE.

I THOUGHT
THEY OUTLAWED SHOCK THERAPY.

- HELLO, TEDDY.

- HOW'D YOU FIND ME?

DON'T TELL ME I ENDED UP
IN THE PAPERS AGAIN.

- MEL AND LINZ TOLD ME
YOU'D CHECKED YOURSELF IN.

- OH. HMM.

I THOUGHT
IT WAS ONLY US FAGGOTS

WHO COULDN'T KEEP
OUR MOUTHS SHUT.

- I'M HAPPY,
IF THAT'S THE WORD,

THAT--THAT YOU'RE HERE.

- WELL, YOU KNOW,

NOTHING LIKE A LITTLE R&R
IN A COZY LITTLE B AND B.

- SO, HOW LONG ARE YOU--

- NOT LONG AT ALL. NAH.

FEELING GOOD AS NEW ALREADY.

THEY TELL ME I'M--

I'M MAKING REMARKABLE PROGRESS,
SO--

- GLAD TO HEAR IT.

JUST BE CAREFUL.

YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T WANT
TO RUSH IT OR--

- OR WHAT?

- NOTHING.

- OR I'LL WIND UP USING AGAIN?
IS THAT--

IS THAT WHAT
YOU WERE GOING TO SAY?

- ALL I MEANT WAS,
Y-Y-YOU KNOW,

BE CAREFUL NOT TO TAKE
THE CUPCAKES

OUT OF THE OVEN
TILL THEY'RE DONE.

- WELL, ISN'T THAT PROFOUND.

AND IN CASE
YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED,

I'M NOT A CUPCAKE.
OKAY?

AND I HAVE NO INTENTION
OF WINDING UP BACK HERE

IN THE LOSERS' LOUNGE.

- LOOK, I DIDN'T COME HERE

TO UPSET YOU.
- THEN WHY DID YOU?

WHAT, TO JUST SEE FOR YOURSELF
HOW FAR I'VE SUNK?

- NO.
- I TOLD MEL AND LINDSAY

I DIDN'T WANT ANYONE
VISITING ME.

- SINCE WHEN AM I "ANYONE"?

- HEY, TED, YOU MIGHT WANT
TO GRAB SOME LUNCH

BEFORE IT'S ALL GONE.

- BLAKE, UH...

YOU REMEMBER--
- EMMETT.

OF COURSE.

- BACK AGAIN,
OR HAVEN'T YOU EVER LEFT?

- BLAKE ISN'T A PATIENT.

HE'S
A SUBSTANCE ABUSE COUNSELOR,

AND A DAMN GOOD ONE.

- WELL, IF ANYONE KNOWS
HIS STUFF, IT'S YOU.

- YEAH, HE'S BEEN AMAZING.

YEAH, I DON'T KNOW WHAT
I WOULD HAVE DONE IF--

IF HE HADN'T BEEN HERE.

- LOOK, I JUST CAME TO
MAKE SURE YOU'RE ALL RIGHT,

AND IT SEEMS LIKE YOU ARE,
SO...

- * NOW YOU SAY YOU'RE SORRY

* FOR BEING SO UNTRUE

* WELL, YOU CAN CRY ME
A RIVER *

* CRY ME A RIVER

* I CRIED A RIVER

* OVER...

- YOU LOOK GREAT.

WHISKEY?

- LITTLE EARLY FOR HAPPY HOUR.

- [sighs]
YOU'RE HERE,

I'M HAPPY.
[glasses clink]

SO DID YOU HEAR THE NEWS?

STOCKWELL WAS INDICTED

IN THE COVER-UP OF
THAT YOUNG MAN'S MURDER.

MAYOR DEEKINS HAS
DEMANDED HIS RESIGNATION.

- OH, MY.

HOW THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN.

- DAMN LUCKY FOR VANGUARD

HE DIDN'T BRING US
DOWN WITH HIM.

- MM-HMM.

- SO...

NAME YOUR PRICE.

- FOR WHAT?

- TO COME BACK, OF COURSE.

WE NEED YOU HERE.

I NEED YOU HERE.
- I DON'T KNOW, GARDNER.

IT'S NOT JUST
A MATTER OF THE MONEY.

THERE ARE OTHER ISSUES.

- HMM?
- [clears throat]

JACUZZI IN MY PRIVATE BATHROOM.

AN UNLIMITED EXPENSE ACCOUNT.

- MM-HMM.

- LOYALTY.
- HMM. AH.

I GIVE YOU MY WORD.

AND MY HANDSHAKE.

NOW I'LL JUST NEED YOU
TO SIGN THIS.

- [scoffs]

NON-COMPETITION CLAUSE?

- IT'S JUST A FORMALITY.

- SO THIS IS
WHY YOU WANTED ME BACK?

YOU'RE AFRAID I WAS GOING
TO RAID THE PANTRY?

AND HERE I THOUGHT IT WAS ME
THAT YOU DIDN'T WANT TO LOSE.

- YOU'RE NOT GIVING YOURSELF
ENOUGH CREDIT.

- I'M GIVING MYSELF
ALL THE CREDIT.

I BROUGHT IN ALL
OF OUR MAJOR ACCOUNTS,

I CREATED THEIR CAMPAIGNS,

I CONVINCED THE WORLD
IT COULDN'T LIVE

WITHOUT THEIR PRODUCTS.

AND THEY WOULD LEAVE WITH ME
FASTER THAN A TEN-SECOND SPOT.

BUT IF I SIGN THIS,
THEY'D ALL BE OFF-LIMITS.

I WOULDN'T COUNT MY CLIENTS
BEFORE THEY'RE SNATCHED.

- HE'S 16, HE'S TALL,

SKINNY, HE'S GOT
LONG, DIRTY BLOND HAIR,

HE'S GOT A BIT OF AN ATTITUDE.

- HAVEN'T SEEN HIM.
SORRY.

[radio playing
Everything I do]

- * EVERYTHING I DO,
I DO FOR YOU *

- HUNTER?

WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?

I'VE BEEN LOOKING
ALL OVER FOR YOU.

- COME ON, LET'S EAT.
DINNER'S ON ME.

- WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?

HOW MANY TRUCKERS
DID YOU HAVE TO FUCK TO GET IT?

- JUST ONE.
AND IT WAS ONLY A BLOW-JOB.

- THAT'S A RELIEF.

HOW COULD YOU?

- HOW COULD I WHAT?
WE'RE BROKE.

ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU SAID?

- OKAY, THAT'S IT.
LET'S GO.

- TO MEXICO?
- TO PITTSBURGH.

- NO WAY! YOU PROMISED.
- I'M BREAKING IT.

- NOW COME ON.
- GET THE FUCK OFF ME.

- LISTEN TO ME,
YOU LITTLE ASSHOLE.

I RISKED EVERYTHING FOR YOU!

NOW YOU'RE GOING TO DO
WHAT I TELL YOU.

WE'RE GOING TO GO BACK
AND FIGHT.

AND THEN WE'RE GOING
TO TRY AND TURN YOU

INTO A NORMAL HUMAN BEING,
WHICH, AT THE MOMENT,

FLAPPING MY ARMS
AND FLYING TO THE MOON

SEEMS LIKE A BETTER BET.

MOVE IT!

[indistinct chatter]

- HEY, CAN'T YOU SEE
I JUST CLEANED THERE?

- A LITTLE TESTY TONIGHT?

- WHAT DO THEY THINK
I'M DOING THIS FOR, MY HEALTH?

- ACTUALLY, YOU ARE.

- I WONDER IF THEY MADE
ELIZABETH TAYLOR DO THIS.

- ABSOLUTELY.
IN HER DIAMONDS.

- YEAH, WELL, MAYBE
I'D FEEL BETTER ABOUT IT

IF I WAS WEARING
A 600-CARAT CHOKER.

- I'LL PICK ONE UP FOR YOU
WHILE I'M OUT.

- SORRY.

I'M JUST FEELING A LITTLE--
- UPSET?

- [sighs]

CONSTIPATED, ACTUALLY.

I HAVEN'T HAD A BOWEL MOVEMENT
SINCE I GOT HERE.

SO FORGET THE CHOKER,
JUST BRING ME SOME METAMUCIL.

- LOOK.

I KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH.

IT WASN'T THAT LONG AGO
I WAS GOING THROUGH IT MYSELF.

- YEAH.

I KNOW, I REMEMBER
BRINGING YOU HERE.

THEN I CAME BACK
TO SEE YOU AND--

- AND I WAS GONE.

YEAH.

IT WASN'T VERY NICE OF ME.

- IT WAS FUCKING SHITTY.

I CARED ABOUT YOU.

I--

I MORE THAN CARED ABOUT YOU.

- I KNOW.

I-I KNOW. THAT'S--THAT'S
WHY I HAD TO LEAVE.

- TO SPARE ME THE PAIN?
- AND MYSELF.

FROM YOU SEEING ME THAT WAY.

- WELL,
NOW IT'S MY TURN.

I'M THE ONE DOWN ON MY HANDS
AND KNEES, SCRUBBING THE FLOOR.

THE ONE THEY ALL COME
TO GAWK AT,

SO THEY CAN FEEL SUPERIOR,
LIKE EMMETT.

- WELL, I'M SURE HE FELT JUST
AS UNCOMFORTABLE AS YOU DID.

- I GUESS IT TAKES SOMETHING
LIKE THIS

FOR A PERSON TO REVEAL
THEIR TRUE COLORS, HUH?

WELL, AT LEAST I HAVE YOU.

AND YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE
WHO KNOWS HOW IT FEELS

AND WHAT IT'S LIKE.

- I HAVE TO GO.

- A HOT DATE?

- ACTUALLY, YEAH.

WE'RE GOING TO SEE LUCIA.

- OH.

THAT'S NICE.
I-I DIDN'T KNOW.

I-I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
THAT YOU LIKE OPERA.

- THANKS TO YOU,
I'M HOOKED.

- WELL, AT LEAST
IT'S ONE ADDICTION

YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO
TO REHAB FOR, RIGHT?

- GOOD NIGHT.

- HAVE FUN.

[door closes]

- I MISSED YOU SO MUCH.
- YOU TOO.

- HEY! WHAT ABOUT ME?

- AH, COME HERE, PAL.

HEY, DID YOU BEHAVE YOURSELF?

- HE WAS A PERFECT ANGEL.

- I WAS A PERFECT ANGEL.
- ALL RIGHT. [groans]

THANK GOD YOU'RE BOTH
SAFE AND IN ONE PIECE.

- AT LEAST
IT'S STILL IN ONE PIECE.

- YOU'LL BE HAPPY TO KNOW
HUNTER AND I ARE BOTH OKAY TOO.

- UM...

WHAT'S THIS?

- A BURGER BOX.

- YOU ATE IN MY CAR?

- WE WERE IN A HURRY
TO GET HOME.

WE DIDN'T WANT TO STOP.

- SO YOU TURNED MY CAR INTO
A RECYCLING BIN. CHRIST.

YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE THAT TIME
IN SEVENTH GRADE

WHEN I LENT YOU
MY BRAND-NEW TEN-SPEED.

YOU BROUGHT IT BACK,
THE FRONT FENDER WAS CRUSHED,

MY SEAT WAS TORN.

- I WAS HIT BY A BUS.

- WELL, THIS IS THE LAST TIME
I EVER LOAN YOU--

WHAT WAS THAT FOR?

- FOR GIVING ME THE WHEELS
RIGHT OUT FROM UNDER YOU

FOR NO GOOD REASON,
OTHER THAN

YOU LOVE ME.

[car horn honks]

- YOU'RE PATHETIC.

AND SO IS THIS CAR.

NOW I HAVE JUST ENOUGH TIME
TO GET IT WASHED.

HOW DO I LOOK?
- LIKE A MILLION BUCKS.

- DON'T SELL ME SHORT.

- TEN.

- WISH ME LUCK.

- YOU DON'T NEED IT.

[engine turns]

[tires squeal]

- * ARE THE STARS OUT TONIGHT?

* I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S
CLOUDY OR BRIGHT

* 'CAUSE I ONLY HAVE EYES

* FOR YOU

[indistinct chatter]

- BECAUSE I CONSIDER YOU TO BE
MY MOST IMPORTANT CLIENT.

BECAUSE I REGARD YOU
AS MY MOST VALUABLE ACCOUNT.

BECAUSE NO ONE'S
CLOSE PERSONAL FRIENDSHIP

MEANS MORE TO ME THAN YOURS.

I WANTED YOU TO BE
THE FIRST TO KNOW...

I'M STARTING MY OWN AGENCY.

- THAT'S GREAT NEWS, BRIAN.

- WELL, CONGRATULATIONS, BRIAN.

- WAY TO GO, PARTNER!

- IT'S A BIG STEP, I KNOW.

BUT I'M CONFIDENT THAT
BY FOCUSING ON

A SMALL,
SELECT LIST OF CLIENTS,

I CAN STILL PROVIDE
THE SAME INNOVATIVE CAMPAIGNS

YOU'VE COME TO EXPECT,

BUT WITH THE PERSONAL ATTENTION

ONLY A BOUTIQUE OPERATION
CAN OFFER.

- SOUNDS LIKE A HELL OF A PLAN.

- WELL, IF ANYONE CAN PULL
THIS OFF, BRIAN,

YOU CAN.

- I LIKE WHAT I'M HEARING,
PARTNER.

- AND THAT'S WHY I'D LIKE
TO PUT EYE-CONIC OPTICS...

I WANT BROWN ATHLETICS...

FRAWLEY OPEN-FIRE STEAK
HOUSES...

AT THE VERY TOP OF MY LIST.

- * AND I ONLY HAVE EYES

* FOR YOU

- WANT TO PASS THE ZITI,
SWEETIE?

[kisses]
- SURE, MA.

- SEE HOW NICE SHE'S BEING?

THAT'S HOW I KNOW.

- WHAT?
- THAT SHE'S PISSED.

SHE'S JUST WAITING
FOR THE RIGHT MOMENT.

[knock on door]

- RIGHT THERE!

- WILL YOU SIT DOWN
AND FINISH EATING ALREADY?

WELL, LOOK WHO'S HERE.

- HI.

- HI.
- JESUS CHRIST!

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU
TWO SUPPOSED TO BE?

- I'M MOTHER SUPERIOR.

- AND I'M FRIEDRICH.

- I CAN ONLY DREAM OF WHAT
PERVERSIONS GO ON IN YOUR HOUSE.

- LET ME GUESS: THE
SING-A-LONG SOUND OF MUSIC.

- IT WAS A BENEFIT
FOR PEDIATRIC AIDS.

- I BET YOU WORKED UP
AN APPETITE

CLIMBING ALL THOSE MOUNTAINS.

SIT DOWN, EAT.
- NO, NO, NO.

WE DIDN'T COME TO EAT.

HUNTER, GIVE ME A DOLLAR.

- YOU SHORT OF CASH, HONEY?

VIC, GET THE TEA CANISTER.

- NO, IT HAS TO COME
FROM HUNTER.

- WHAT FOR?
- I PETITIONED THE COURT

TO APPOINT ME
YOUR GUARDIAN AD LITEM.

- MY WHAT?

- IT MEANS I CAN REPRESENT YOU
AT THE HEARING,

EXPLAIN TO THE JUDGE WHY YOUR
MOTHER SHOULDN'T GET CUSTODY,

AND WHY IT'S IN
YOUR BEST INTEREST

TO REMAIN WHERE YOU ARE,
WITH MICHAEL AND BEN.

SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY?

- FUCK, YEAH.

[laughter]

- YOU SEE? I TOLD YOU WE SHOULD
DO THIS THE RIGHT WAY.

- YEAH, INSTEAD OF RUNNING OFF
WITHOUT TELLING YOUR MOTHER.

[slaps]
- OH.

- OW.
- [laughs]

- I TOLD YOU.
- YES, YOU DID.

[indistinct chatter]

- BY THE TIME YOU'RE DONE
DECIMATING HIS CLIENT LIST,

VANCE WILL BE ASKING YOU
FOR A JOB.

- AH, WE'LL SEE.

- STOP BEING MODEST.

- I WAS AIMING FOR SMUG.

- HOW DO YOU LIKE THE NAME
I PICKED OUT

FOR YOUR NEW AGENCY?

- "KINNETIK."

- WITH TWO Ns.

- THAT'S CLEVER.
- IT'S GENIUS.

- EXCUSE ME,
BUT IF NO ONE'S SITTING HERE,

I WAS WONDERING--
- LOOK, I'M--

I'M VERY FLATTERED
YOU SHOULD ASK,

SO DON'T TAKE THIS
THE WRONG WAY,

BUT FUCK OFF.

- I WAS GOING TO ASK IF
I COULD BORROW THE STOOL.

ASSHOLE.

- BUY YOU A DRINK?

- I'M VERY FLATTERED
YOU SHOULD ASK,

SO DON'T TAKE--

HELLO, BOYS.

- SORRY, MISS DIETRICH,
I MISTOOK YOU FOR MY FRIEND,

EMMETT HONEYCUTT.

- WE'RE GOING TO BABYLON.
YOU WANT TO COME?

- OH, I'M NOT REALLY
IN THE MOOD FOR MEN,

OR MUSCLES, OR MUSIC.

I'D RATHER STAY HERE,
GET SHIT-FACED.

- WELL, YOU PASSED SHIT-FACED
ABOUT TEN MILES BACK.

- SO I'VE HAD A FEW COCKTAILS.

WHAT, DOES THAT--DOES
THAT QUALIFY ME FOR REHAB?

BESIDES,
I'VE ALREADY BEEN THERE.

- DID YOU SEE TED?

- AND YOU'LL NEVER GUESS
WHO'S THERE WITH HIM.

- LIZA?
- ROBERT DOWNEY, JR.?

- BEN AFFLECK.
- MATTHEW PERRY?

BLAKE,
THE TWEAKED-OUT TWINKIE!

[chuckles]
- AH.

- ISN'T THAT GREAT?

- YOU KNOW,
SOME ASSHOLES NEVER LEARN.

- OH, NO, NO, NO, NO.
HE'S LEARNED.

HE'S EVEN GOTTEN A DEGREE.

HE'S A DRUG ABUSE COUNSELOR.

YEAH.

A FEW DAYS
IN DR. BOYTOY'S CARE

AND MR. SCHMIDT'S
AS GOOD AS NEW.

LET'S--
[clears throat]

LET'S HAVE A DRINK
TO HIS REMARKABLE RECOVERY.

SHALL WE? HMM.

[both moaning]

- OH, GOD.

[moaning]

OH, GOD, OH.

- OH.
- FUCK.

AH. [laughs]

- MM.

[both moan]

- STOP IT.
YOU KNOW THAT DRIVES ME NUTS.

- [chuckles]
DOES IT?

THEN HOW ABOUT WE GO AGAIN?

- THAT'D MAKE THREE.

- GOD,
I MISSED KISSING YOU.

HOLDING YOU.

WHAT?

- I'M JUST LOOKING.

YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL.

- YOU'RE KIND OF CUTE YOURSELF.

- SOMETIMES I WONDER WHY--

I MEAN HOW YOU COULD
EVER LOVE ME.

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- I FEEL LIKE SUCH AN IDIOT.

RUNNING OFF WITH HUNTER
THE WAY I DID.

I SHOULD'VE JUST STAYED HERE,
LIKE YOU SAID,

INSTEAD OF PUTTING
EVERYBODY THROUGH

MIKEY AND HUNTER'S
EXCELLENT ADVENTURE.

IT WAS SO NOT COOL.

IT WAS SO IMMATURE.

AND WHAT KIND OF MESSAGE
IS THAT TO GIVE TO A KID?

- HOLD IT.

WHAT YOU DID WAS INCREDIBLE.

- IT WAS?

- NOT ONLY DO I ADMIRE YOU

FOR HAVING THE BALLS
TO DO IT,

I'M ACTUALLY KIND OF JEALOUS.

- JEALOUS?

- HOW YOU PUT HUNTER'S SAFETY
ABOVE YOUR OWN,

WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT.

I WOULDN'T CALL THAT IMMATURE.

I WOULD CALL THAT...

LOVE.

- IT'S A SPECIAL PLACE.

- SPECIAL AS IN UNIQUE,

FABULOUS, ONE-OF-A-KIND?
OR SPECIAL AS IN,

"THERE ARE SCHOOLS WHERE THEY
CAN TEACH HIM TO DRESS HIMSELF"?

- MOM?
- HI, HONEY.

- HI, HONEY.

- I MEAN SPECIAL AS IN,

IT'S FOR
A CERTAIN KIND OF PERSON.

A PERSON WHO'S,
UM, HAS NO CHILDREN,

WHO'S SINGLE,

A PERSON WHO--
LET'S FACE IT, BRIAN.

IT'S A FUCKPAD.

- MOM, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?

- SO HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK
I CAN GET FOR IT?

- GET FOR WHAT?

- I'M SELLING THE LOFT.

- WHAT?

- WELL, IT WAS EITHER CUT
MY EXPENSES OR CUT MY WRISTS.

SO I'VE JUST OPTED
FOR THE TIDIER OF THE TWO.

- LISTEN, I'LL CALL YOU LATER
WITH SOME COMPS.

WE CAN SET A PRICE.

HEY, DARLING.

AND I WON'T BE CHARGING
COMMISSION.

AFTER ALL YOU'VE DONE
FOR JUSTIN,

IT'S THE LEAST I CAN DO.

- YOU'RE NOT SELLING YOUR LOFT.

IT'S YOUR HOME.
- NOT FOR LONG.

- I THOUGHT YOU WERE STARTING
YOUR OWN AGENCY,

THAT YOUR CLIENTS
WERE GOING TO GO WITH YOU.

- YEAH, WELL,
THEY TURNED ME DOWN.

BEST LAID PLANS
OF MICE AND AD-MEN.

- THERE HAS TO BE A BETTER WAY.

A LOAN.

- $100,000
IN DEBT AND UNEMPLOYED?

I'M NOT EXACTLY
A VERY GOOD RISK.

- GET A JOB
AT ANOTHER AGENCY.

- YEAH. I DO HAVE AN OFFER.
IT'S IN SCRANTON.

IT'S AT HALF MY SALARY.

- OH, CHRIST.

YOU NEVER SHOULD'VE LISTENED
TO ME.

- I-I DIDN'T.
I LISTENED TO ME.

- BESIDES, IT'S JUST FOUR WALLS
AND A FLOOR.

AND TOP-OF-THE-LINE APPLIANCES

AND STAINLESS STEEL COUNTERTOPS.

AND IMPORTED ITALIAN FIXTURES.

- IT'S MORE THAN THAT.

IT'S WHERE WE MADE LOVE
FOR THE FIRST TIME.

- THAT WASN'T LOVE.

I JUST GAVE YOU A RIM-JOB
AND FUCKED YOUR BRAINS OUT.

- MM.

IT WAS LOVE TO ME.

- VIC.

VIC!

DO--DO YOU HAVE TO DO THAT?

- I GUESS WE COULD GIVE
EACH GUEST A CLAW AND A STRAW,

LET HIM SUCK THE MEAT OUT.

- WHAT I NEED IS AN ADVIL.

OR A GUN.

- SOMEONE HAD
A FEW TOO MANY LAST NIGHT.

- [groans]

- HOW ABOUT I WASH
THE GREENS, GENTLY?

WHERE'S THE FUCKING STRAINER?

I CAN'T FIND A THING
IN THIS GODDAMN KITCHEN.

- WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH MY GODDAMN KITCHEN?

- WE HAD EVERYTHING
WE NEEDED OVER AT TED'S.

- SO GO TO TED'S.
- WE CAN'T GO TO TED'S.

- WOULD YOU TWO, PLEASE?

MAKE A LIST
AND I'LL PICK EVERYTHING UP.

[both mouthing silently]

[pills rattling]

- WE WON THE SWEEPSTAKES.

OPENING OF A NEW Q-MART.

FUNDRAISER FOR THE CENTER.

CHRIST, ANOTHER ONE?

OH.

LOOK, VIC.
YOU GOT A POSTCARD.

FROM MICHELANGELO.

- THAT MUST'VE BEEN LOST
IN THE MAIL A LONG TIME.

- ACTUALLY, WE MET AT
A FAIRY GATHERING.

- THE TONY AWARDS?
- HUH!

- IT'S A GROUP OF GAY MEN
WHO GATHER IN THE WOODS

TO REDISCOVER
OUR SPIRIT OF JOY.

- AND GET LAID IN THE BUSHES.

- MICHELANGELO
ISN'T HIS REAL NAME.

IT'S HIS FAIRY NAME.
WE ALL HAD THEM.

MINE WAS--
- CHERUB.

- [snorts]

- I WENT RIGHT AFTER
I WAS DIAGNOSED.

I WAS DEVASTATED.

I DIDN'T KNOW
HOW I COULD GO ON,

SO I SWALLOWED MY SKEPTICISM.

TURNED OUT TO BE ONE OF THE MOST
HEALING EXPERIENCES OF MY LIFE.

- YOU KNOW, HONEY,
MAYBE THAT'S WHAT YOU NEED.

- RUNNING AROUND IN THE WOODS
WITH A BUNCH OF FAIRIES?

THANKS,
BUT I'LL STICK TO ADVIL.

- [laughs]
- "STOCKWELL INDICTED."

- SEEING A HEADLINE LIKE THAT
RESTORES MY FAITH IN HUMANITY.

- MAKES ME WANT TO BUY SHOES.
- [laughs]

- BIRKENSTOCKS?
- OH. MANOLOS.

BUT SINCE WE'RE SAVING UP
FOR THE NEW ARRIVAL,

I'LL HAVE TO FIND SOME OTHER
MEANS TO EXPRESS MY JOY.

- MM-HMM.
- WE ALL HAVE BRIAN TO THANK.

- HE IS THE WIZARD OF OZ.

- THERE WASN'T ANY WIZARD.

THERE ISN'T ANY "CONCERNED
CITIZENS FOR THE TRUTH."

BRIAN PAID FOR THAT COMMERCIAL
AGAINST STOCKWELL HIMSELF.

- WHAT?
- YOU'RE KIDDING.

- NOW HE'S $100,000 IN DEBT.

HE HAS TO SELL OFF EVERYTHING
HE OWNS,

EVEN THE LOFT.
- WOW.

NEVER DREAMED
I'D BE SAYING THIS,

BUT I WISH
THERE WAS SOMETHING WE COULD DO.

- I TRIED OFFERING HIM
THE MONEY I MADE FROM RAGE,

BUT HE WOULDN'T TAKE IT.

- HE'S TOO PROUD FOR THAT.

- SO WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED
TO DO?

STAND AROUND AND WATCH
WHILE HE LOSES EVERYTHING?

- IT'S HIS CHOICE.

- "IT'S HIS CHOICE"?
THAT'S IT?

I THOUGHT YOU CARED ABOUT HIM.
- I DO.

BUT I ALSO KNOW BRIAN WOULD
NEVER BE BEHOLDEN TO ANYONE.

- YOU HAVE IN FRONT OF YOU,
YOUR HONOR,

MRS. MONTGOMERY'S
SOCIAL WORKER'S REPORT,

INCLUDING
A PSYCHOLOGICAL EVALUATION,

TESTIMONY
FROM HER NEW EMPLOYER,

A SIGNED LEASE
FOR HER APARTMENT RENTAL,

AND AN APPROVED
CREDIT CARD APPLICATION.

- DID HE INCLUDE
HER GIRL SCOUT BADGE?

- HOPEFULLY, UPON REVIEWING
THESE DOCUMENTS,

YOUR HONOR WILL CONCUR
THAT MRS. MONTGOMERY

HAS TAKEN ADMIRABLE INITIATIVE

IN OVERCOMING SEVERE HARDSHIP,

SO THAT JAMES MAY BE RETURNED
TO HER CARE.

- MIND IF I HEAVE?

- DON'T SAY ANOTHER WORD.

- [whispers]
JUST SIT THERE AND SHUT UP.

- YOUR HONOR.

- MS. MARCUS.
- I DON'T MEAN TO DIMINISH

RITA MONTGOMERY'S
ADMIRABLE INITIATIVE,

BUT YOU'LL ALSO FIND
ANOTHER SET OF DOCUMENTS,

INCLUDING HER ARREST
FOR STABBING HER HUSBAND,

TESTIMONY FROM
NEIGHBORS RECOUNTING

HER REPEATED DRUG ABUSE,

AS WELL AS A STATEMENT
FROM HER OWN SON

DESCRIBING HOW SHE COERCED HIM
FROM THE AGE OF 12 ON

INTO ACTS OF PROSTITUTION.
- THAT'S NOT--

- THAT'S NOT TRUE!
- THE FUCK IT'S NOT!

- YOUNG MAN, PLEASE ALLOW
YOUR LAWYER TO SPEAK FOR YOU.

THAT'S WHAT
SHE'S BEING PAID FOR.

- YEAH. A BUCK.

- NOW SHE WANTS HIM BACK.

WELL, I CONTEND
RITA MONTGOMERY

IS UNFIT TO BE JAMES'S MOTHER,

AND IT WOULD BE DETRIMENTAL
TO HIS PHYSICAL

AND EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING
TO BE RETURNED

TO HER SO-CALLED CARE.

- YOUR HONOR, MAY I--
NO, MR. LANDREY, YOU MAY NOT.

I'D LIKE TO EXAMINE
ALL DOCUMENTS IN MY CHAMBERS.

I'M CALLING
A 15-MINUTE RECESS.

- ALL RISE.

- SALMON POACHER.

POPOVER PAN.

STRAINER.

STRAINER, STRAINER, STRAINER...

- UNDER THE SINK.

- JESUS-FUCKING-
MARY-AND-JOSEPH!

OH, YOU SCARED
THE SHIT OUT OF ME.

- SORRY.
- [exhales]

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE BACK.

VIC NEEDED SOME THINGS, SO--

- DON'T MIND ME. JUST TAKE
WHATEVER YOU WANT AND, UH...

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE IN--
- IN REHAB?

YEAH. I LEFT.

- KUDOS TO YOUR COUNSELOR.

MUST BE THE FASTEST CURE
ON RECORD.

- WHAT WITH THE COST OF HEALTH
CARE THESE DAYS,

THEY DON'T LIKE YOU
TO LINGER TOO LONG.

IN FACT, THEY'RE THINKING OF
PUTTING IN A DRIVE-THRU WINDOW.

DON'T YOU THINK THAT'S FUNNY?

A DRIVE-THRU WINDOW?

- YEAH, TEDDY.
YOU'RE A REAL SCREAM.

AFRAID I-I DON'T KNOW WHEN I'VE
HAD MORE LAUGHS THAN WITH YOU.

- WELL, YOU MUST FEEL REAL GOOD
THAT THE LAST ONE'S ON ME.

HOW I'VE MANAGED
TO TOTALLY FUCK UP MY LIFE.

- SORRY.
DON'T PLAN PITY PARTIES.

- I'M NOT ASKING FOR YOUR PITY.
I'M JUST STATING A FACT.

- WELL, THEN HERE'S
ANOTHER ONE.

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET BETTER
SITTING ON THE SOFA.

SO WHY DON'T YOU TAKE
YOUR SARDONIC WIT

AND YOUR SUPERIOR, "I'M NOT LIKE
THOSE OTHER LOSERS" ATTITUDE

AND GET YOUR ASS BACK THERE.

- WHAT? SO THEY CAN FIX ME?

IT'S TOO LATE.

I'M BEYOND REPAIR.

I HAVE NOTHING.

NO FUTURE, NO FRIENDS.

NO JOB, NO LOVER.

WHAT'S THE POINT?

I MIGHT AS WELL BE DEAD.

- THEN DO IT.

- WHAT?

- I SAID, "THEN DO IT."

GO ON.

KILL YOURSELF.

DOING US ALL A FAVOR.

ONLY, UH--

ONLY, DON'T BE A MAN
ABOUT IT.

BE A QUEEN.
[opera music playing]

A LITTLE MOOD MUSIC.

YEAH.

AND, OH.
HERE, IT'S, UH--

IT'S NOT QUITE A DAGGER,
BUT IT'LL DO IN A PINCH.

GO ON.

THE GOOD NEWS IS,

YOU CAN FINALLY BE
MARIA CALLAS. HMM?

PLUNGE IT INTO YOUR HEART,
LIKE TOSCA.

- TOSCA DIDN'T STAB HERSELF.
SHE JUMPED OFF A ROOF.

- EVEN BETTER.

FEEL FREE TO SCREAM
OR SING AS LOUD AS YOU WANT.

BECAUSE NOBODY'S LISTENING.

[slams door]

*

- HAVING REVIEWED
ALL THE DOCUMENTS,

THERE'S NO DOUBT,
MRS. MONTGOMERY,

THAT ALCOHOL AND DRUG ABUSE,

AS WELL AS A VIOLENT HOME LIFE,
MADE YOU UNFIT

TO GIVE YOUR SON
THE PROPER CARE HE DESERVED.

STILL, THERE'S EVERY INDICATION
THAT YOU'VE MADE GREAT STRIDES

TO BREAK FREE FROM YOUR PAST.

IT IS ALSO MY OVERWHELMING
PERSONAL FEELING

THAT A CHILD BELONGS
WITH ITS NATURAL PARENT,

AS LONG AS THAT PARENT
CAN PROVIDE

A SAFE AND NURTURING
ENVIRONMENT.

THIS COURT IS THEREFORE WILLING
TO GIVE YOU A SECOND CHANCE

BY GRANTING YOU
CUSTODY OF JAMES.

- [sighs]

THANK YOU.

- I HOPE YOU WILL ALSO GIVE
YOUR MOTHER A SECOND CHANCE.

- THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL
I'M GOING WITH HER!

- IF YOU DON'T, YOUNG MAN,
I'LL BE FORCED

TO HOLD YOU IN CONTEMPT.

THIS COURT IS ADJOURNED.

- ALL RISE.
- BEN!

- I TOLD YOU THIS WOULD HAPPEN.
MEL...

- I'M SO SORRY, HONEY.

WE DID THE BEST WE COULD.
- JIMMY?

UM, I PROMISE EVERYTHING'S
GOING TO BE BETTER

FROM NOW ON.

- SURE IT WILL, MOM.

- JAMES.

- I FORGOT TO TELL YOU.

I'M HIV-POSITIVE.

- THAT'S NOT VERY FUNNY, JIMMY.

- IT'S TRUE.

ASK THEM.

- IT'S TRUE.

- OH.

OH, YOU FUCKING
DIRTY LITTLE FAGGOT!

THE FUCK, YOU'RE TRYING
TO GIVE IT TO ME?

HUH?

- MS. MARCUS, MR. LANDREY,
MAY I SEE YOU?

- MY MOM TOLD ME
THERE'S SOMEONE

WHO'S INTERESTED
IN BUYING THE LOFT.

- HMPH. YEAH.

COUPLE OF DESIGNER FAIRIES

CAN'T WAIT TO TURN IT
INTO A MOROCCAN BORDELLO.

- HEY, LET'S GRAB A DRINK.

- UH...

BETTER READ THE FINE PRINT.
ANOTHER FUCKING BENEFIT.

WONDER WHAT THE WORTHY CAUSE
IS THIS TIME?

"SEND A TRANNY TO SUMMER CAMP"?

- AH, COME ON.

COME ON.

- * WHAT I DID FOR LOVE

* WHAT I DID FOR

* LOVE

[cheers and applause]

- SOME SUCKERS JUST CANNOT WAIT
TO GIVE THEIR MONEY AWAY.

- IT'S FOR A WORTHY CAUSE.

- WHAT THE FUCK'S GOING ON HERE?

- WE'RE HAVING
A LITTLE FUNDRAISER

FOR A VERY SPECIAL
ORGANIZATION.

PERHAPS YOU'VE HEARD OF THEM.

"CONCERNED CITIZENS
FOR THE TRUTH"?

YOU SEE, THEY'VE MADE
A VERY SIGNIFICANT CONTRIBUTION

TO OUR COMMUNITY.

THEY'VE HELPED US,

AND NOW WE HEAR
THEY'RE IN NEED OF,

WELL, A LITTLE HELP
THEMSELVES.

SO, WE, THE COMMUNITY,

WOULD LIKE TO GIVE
SOMETHING BACK.

IT MAY NOT BE
ALL THAT THEY NEED,

BUT IT'S A START.

WE'RE HOPING
YOU'LL ACCEPT THIS

ON THEIR BEHALF.

[applause]

GO ON, OPEN IT.

- UM...

UH, I-I-I'VE ONLY KNOWN THE...

"CONCERNED CITIZENS FOR
THE TRUTH" FOR A SHORT TIME.

BUT, UM...

I'VE KNOWN THEM LONG ENOUGH
TO KNOW

THAT THEY DON'T LIKE
TO ACCEPT HANDOUTS.

UH, CHARITABLE DONATIONS.

BUT I GUESS THIS TIME I'M JUST
GOING TO HAVE

TO TELL THEM THAT
ONCE IN A WHILE,

WE COULD ALL USE
A LITTLE HELP,

AND THEY'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE
TO SWALLOW

THEIR FUCKING PRIDE

AND SAY...

THANK YOU.

- GOOD FOR YOU, HON.

[cheers and applause]

- * LIFT YOUR HEAD
AND SHOUT *

* THERE'S GONNA BE
A GREAT DAY *

* ANGELS IN THE SKY
PROMISE THAT BY AND BY *

* THERE'S GONNA BE A GREAT DAY

[laughter]

- THE NIGHT'S STILL YOUNG.

WHAT DO YOU SAY WE HIT
SOME AFTER-HOURS CLUBS?

- EXCUSE ME, YOUNG MAN?
- YOU'VE GOT SCHOOL TOMORROW.

- CHRIST, DON'T TELL ME
YOU'RE GOING TO TURN

INTO MY GODDAMN PARENTS.

- HEY, YOU HEARD
WHAT THE JUDGE SAID.

YOU CAN LIVE
WITH MICHAEL AND BEN

PROVIDED YOU STAY
ON YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR.

- AND WE INTEND TO KEEP
AN EYE ON YOU,

JUST TO MAKE SURE YOU DO.

- WELL, I KNEW I'D LIVE LONG
ENOUGH TO SEE GAY MARRIAGES,

BUT I NEVER THOUGHT
I WOULD LIVE

TO SEE BRIAN KINNEY
ACCEPT HELP,

AND SAY "THANK YOU."

- I THOUGHT I EVEN SAW
A TEAR IN HIS EYE.

DIDN'T YOU? HMM?

- HONEY,
I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

THAT FAMOUS FLAME OF YOURS
IS JUST ABOUT OUT.

WHAT YOU COULD USE IS A GENEROUS
SPRINKLING OF FAIRY DUST.

- SEE YOU, GUYS.

- HEY, DARREN,
SHANDA LEER WAS GREAT TONIGHT.

- OH, WELL, IT'S WHAT
I DO FOR LOVE.

[indistinct chatter]
- [clears throat]

NOW YOU AND HALF
OF GAY PITTSBURGH

CAN SLEEP SOUNDLY
IN YOUR BED TONIGHT,

KNOWING THE LOFT
IS STILL YOURS.

- HMM.

HALF OF GAY PITTSBURGH CAN SLEEP
SOUNDLY IN THEIR OWN BED.

- HEY, HERE COMES ONE.

[bottle clatters]

HEY, FAGGOT!

YEAH, YOU.

NICE DRESS.
GOING DANCING?

- LET ME GO.
LEAVE ME ALONE!

- NOT BEFORE YOU SUCK ON THIS,
YOU FUCKING FAGGOT!

- [groans]
* IN THE EARLY MORN

* YOU WILL HEAR HIS HORN

* SCREAMIN'
IT'S NOT FAR AWAY *

* HOLD UP YOUR HANDS AND SAY

* THERE'S GONNA BE

* FOR ALL TO SEE

* THERE'S GONNA BE
A GREAT BIG *

* SWINGING CRAZY
WONDERFUL DAY *

- [grunts]
- [groans]

[cheers and applause]

[car door slams]

[tires squeal]

[car horn honks]

[siren wails]

[siren wails]