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'While Betty kept the fat man occupied'
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'I ducked down the hallway to his office.'
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'If I found his phone records'
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they would prove that he was the one
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'who called the police station on the night of the murder.'
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'All I knew was, the next person through that door'
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'would be the man who killed my partner.'
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'Hello, McKendrick, I heard from behind me.'
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'I spun around, but standing there was..'
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'A stupid housewife who wouldn't let her son'
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'buy nunchaks even though they're totally safe.'
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Reese!
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All right, Reese, you're busted.
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Of all the stupid.. Come on, front and center.
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Now, don't blame yourself.
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Dewey, you were smoking?
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Do you have any idea
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what a dangerous, disgusting addiction that is?
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It took me years to quit!
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Do you want to end up
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breathing through a hole in your neck?
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Do you think that's cool?
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You can breathe through a hole in your neck?
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What do you think your mother's gonna say about this?
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You can't tell Mom! She'll kill me!
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Well, you should've thought of that earlier.
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Where would you even get cigarettes anyway?
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There's, like, 20 cartons hidden in your Shop-Vac.
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Oh, my God. That is my stash from ten years ago.
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Lois would kill me if..
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All right, Dewey, under the circumstances
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I am giving you your one free pass.
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- Free pass?"
- That's right.
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I have given each of your brothers one free pass
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one time that I didn't tell your mother
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about something they did.
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'All right, Francis, this is your one free pass!'
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'Okay, Reese, but this is your one!'
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'Okay, Malcolm, this is your one!'
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Please make this my one free pass. - All right.
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We've got some paperwork to sign.
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Chair.
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Book.
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Window.
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Mama. Come on, Jamie, you can talk, just one word.
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Hal, has Jamie said anything in front of you yet?
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Whatever he said, he's a liar, Lois!
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- He hasn't seen anything.
- What are you talking about?
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- What are you talking about?
- I'm worried about Jamie.
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He's, however old he is, and he hasn't said a word yet.
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I thought that's what we liked about him.
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You know, it's probably his filthy ears.
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I bet he's all plugged up with wax, and he can't hear anything.
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I don't think so. Relax, honey. Kids go at their own pace.
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Heck, sixth grade, I had a full beard
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and I still couldn't tie my shoes properly.
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Oh, there you are.
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Stevie, you ran off without your backup inhaler.
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Thanks, Dad.
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- Did Stevie tell you his big news?
- No. What's going on?
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Stevie's been accepted as a research subject
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at the Norvet Biomedical Institute.
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Dr. Norvet himself picked him for the motor-neuropathy program.
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- It's nothing.
- "Nothing?" Come on, Stevie.
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This is the most exciting thing that's happened to us
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since they put your stomach on the inside.
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Who knows?
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This Christmas might just be our first ski vacation.
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Dad.. - Tomorrow, after school we'll go look at snowboards.
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- Dad..
- I said just look.
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My desk!
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- Reese! What's your problem?
- He's my problem.
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I get to come home to my own room
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and put my own stuff on my own desk.
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There's such a thing as manners, Stevie.
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When you're a guest in someone's house..
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Real classy, Reese. Go ahead, hit him.
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It's not fair! He's hit me plenty of times.
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He makes fun of me, he treats me like crap
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and just because he's in that chair, he gets away with it!
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I blame society.
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- Sorry, Stevie.
- Good.
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Malcolm, get your dirty socks off this table
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or I'll feed them to you for dinner!
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Like I'd taste the difference.
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I'm gonna do it anyway.
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- What?
- I'm gonna beat you up anyway.
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This Friday after school, we're gonna go somewhere private
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and I'm gonna beat you so bad
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your wheelchair's gonna need a wheelchair.
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I want you to think about that for a few days.
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Picture it.
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Dream about it, like I'm doing.
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Even if you tell on me, I will find some way
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to make this happen.
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So you might as well have some dignity
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and keep your mouth shut.
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Your ass might not know I'm kicking it, but I will.
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Here you go.
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All right, Jamie.
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Doctor said there's no physical reason you can't talk
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so that's exactly what you are gonna do.
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Talk.
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He said the best way to get you started
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is for me to talk to you constantly
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about everything happening around you
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so that you live in a more verbal world.
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That means Mommy's going to narrate everything she's doing
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like right now, when she's going over here
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to make you a snack.
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Then it'll be time to do the laundry, and after that
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she gets to make dinner for the whole family
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who will wolf it down in ten seconds
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and leave her to do the dishes by herself
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before she gets to make the boys' lunches
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for school the next day.
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Then she'll get ready for bed after everybody else
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and discover that the bathroom
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is a swampy, hairy mess and Mommy gets to spend
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her last waking minutes with a sponge and a can of cleanser.
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Then it'll be time to wake up in the morning
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and she'll do it all over again.
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Day after day, week after week, for the next 30 years
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until Mommy dies, and with Mommy's luck
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even that won't be the end of it..
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Dewey! Get out here right now.
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You're smoking again after we talked about this last week?
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- You know what that does to you.
- I'm cutting back.
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Cutting back?" How many cigarettes are you smoking?
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Under two packs a day.
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What? How is that even possible?
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I got rid of the cartons in the garage.
133
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Well, you didn't get rid of the ones
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hidden in the crawlspace.
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Or the rain gutters, or under the ivy.
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There's thousands of cigarettes hidden all over the place.
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How could you spend all that money and not even smoke them?
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I could've gone to private school.
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Keep it down.
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Look, Dewey, I'm sorry
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but I had such a hard time quitting.
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The only way I could do it without freaking out was
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knowing they were there.
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- I know it sounds crazy.
- I'll tell you what's crazy.
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Being hooked on these stupid things
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even though I hate the way they taste and smell.
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Well, those are really stale.
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You're not getting the fresh, rich flavor..
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Never mind! The point is, you can beat this.
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We'll do it together.
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Listen, you know how much I love coffee, right?
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Yeah, I've seen you drink it in the shower.
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Exactly. I must drink three pots a day, easy.
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Well, I'm willing to give it up for you, cold turkey
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- if you give up smoking. - Really? - Absolutely.
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That way we're both suffering.
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We both know what the other's going through
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and we can support each other.
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You and me, Dewey. We'll be a team, huh?
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That sounds great, Dad.
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Just let me have one more to get it out of my system.
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- We can start..
- Dewey.
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Yeah, all right.
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Come on, Stevie, pay attention.
You just had Hitler invade Malibu.
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- Sorry.
- What's up with you lately?
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Hi, guys. - Hey, Reese, how'd it go with the principal?
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Fantastic. I love when they get old
and they start just phoning it in.
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He's actually willing to believe
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this is from obsessive hand washing.
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Friday!
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Reese took out Scotty Riselli today.
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It was brutal. You should have seen it.
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He hit him so hard, a few times
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he actually lifted him up in the air.
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And the blood was, I mean, there's always blood
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but Scotty was like one of those big sprinklers, you know?
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And once he went down, Reese went to work on him.
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Did you know he had dental tools?
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Hey, I get Africa.
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- Can I ask you something?
- Sure.
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Do you find
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my personality abrasive?
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What?
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Do you think
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I'm needlessly antagonistic?
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I don't know. Probably. What do you care?
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I don't want anyone
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to hate me.
189
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- It's Lisa Filmore, isn't it?
- Who?
190
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I saw you checking her out.
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You like the big stuff, huh? Nice.
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Little jiggly-wiggly, little wabbal-abbal-abbal-abbal..
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You're a jerk.
194
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I'm just being supportive! I'm sorry!
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Come on, let's just finish the game.
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Can't.
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Today's our first meeting
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- at the Norvet Institute.
- Okay, wait.
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There's something good about your personality.
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You completely humor your dad
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with all his idiotic plans for you to walk
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no matter how pointless and stupid it is to try.
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You're never, like, "Dad, wake up.
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I'm never getting out of this wheelchair.
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I'm going to be a cripple till the day I die.
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I mean, you know it, but you don't throw it in his face.
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That's a really nice quality.
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There, better?
209
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And so I spend all this time every morning on my hair
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trying to get it just so, although I know no one else notices.
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It's such a stupid vanity thing.
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I don't know why I'm so neurotic about my hair.
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You know, it's just ridiculous, if you think about it.
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Wish I could let it go but it's like
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I just can't help myself.
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Slow down. You haven't had breakfast yet.
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Well, if you got me the nicotine gum like I asked, then..
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You okay? - Oh, that? That's nothing, Lois.
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That's just, puberty.
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You know, when a boy's lungs drop.
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This is how it hits all the men in my family.
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Hacking cough, dark circles under the eyes
223
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yellowing fingers..
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So there I am, 13 years old, flat-chested as I can be
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everyone around me is sprouting
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and I'm feeling just horrible about myself.
227
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And why?
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No reason at all.
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I'm getting straight 'A's,' I'm running the food drive
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I'm all-county on the gymnastics team
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and none of this means anything to me
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because I'm so fixated on my bust line.
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And so, like an idiot
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I started stuffing my bra with toilet paper.
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Even after all these years
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I remember every morning in the bathroom
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shoving these things down my shirt
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and feeling like such an awkward, ugly, little girl.
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Thank you.
240
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Of course, in second-period Spanish
241
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I had to sit next to the snooty Janice Montgomery
242
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with her tangerine nail polish, which I was dying to try
243
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but, of course, she wouldn't let
me because I had drugstore shoes.
244
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- Hey, Mom.
- Look at these stains.
245
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You boys are in so much trouble.
246
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No more pillowcases for a month.
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Okay..
248
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Fixing something?
249
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Dad.
250
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Hi.
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I'm so disappointed in you, Son.
252
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We had an agreement.
253
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What was that?
254
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What was what?
255
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All right, we both have a problem.
256
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This is so degrading.
257
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On the way home from school, I almost pulled a cigarette butt
258
00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:55,440
out of the gutter.
259
00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:57,080
I French-kissed your mother this morning
260
00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:59,000
just to lick the coffee off her teeth.
261
00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:02,400
But we can do this, we just need
to find a way to divert our minds
262
00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:04,360
when the pangs get too bad.
263
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:16,080
- Hal, what are you doing?
- What's it look like I'm doing?
264
00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:19,040
Can't a father have a friendly game of catch with his son?
265
00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:20,480
We're having fun!
266
00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:29,960
I had that dream again last night.
267
00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:32,160
Cheerleading tryouts.
268
00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:33,800
Like it wasn't bad enough it happened
269
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,920
I have to relive it for the rest of my life.
270
00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:39,880
I was so excited to think that I might be a Cougar
271
00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:42,000
and finally feel like I belonged.
272
00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:43,080
The routine was nothing
273
00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:44,720
I'd done that stuff in gymnastics for years.
274
00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:46,760
And still, I practiced that routine for weeks
275
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,400
making sure that it was perfect.
276
00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:52,560
On the day of the tryouts, I borrowed my sister's good sweater
277
00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:54,960
spent about an hour on my hair, stuffed my bra.
278
00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:57,200
I even shoved a little extra in there for luck.
279
00:12:57,560 --> 00:12:59,920
And when I got down to the gym, I found out I had to go first
280
00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:01,000
in front of the whole squad
281
00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:02,960
and everyone else who was trying out.
282
00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:06,080
So, I just pretended to be braver than I was.
283
00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:07,640
I smiled real big, and I went out there
284
00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:09,320
and I started my routine.
285
00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:12,480
I did a round-off, cartwheel, kip-up
286
00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:14,760
it was going great, I was so happy.
287
00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:18,160
I landed my back-flip dead solid perfect.
288
00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:21,840
I threw up my arms, and instead of everybody cheering
289
00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:24,760
everybody was laughing.
290
00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:28,640
And I looked down and there was a 30-foot-long
291
00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:31,600
trail of toilet paper along the tumbling mat.
292
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:34,840
Everything I worked for
293
00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:38,040
everything I wanted so desperately..
294
00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:41,600
Ruined because of my vanity.
295
00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:47,200
And you know what the worst part is?
296
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:49,200
I didn't even learn anything.
297
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:53,280
Deep down, I'm still just as shallow as I was then.
298
00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:56,200
All that fussing and, and primping
299
00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:57,880
and time I wasted
300
00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:00,040
to shut out laughter that stopped 30 years ago.
301
00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:01,200
It's disgusting.
302
00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:04,920
If I had any guts, I would just cut off my hair right now.
303
00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:07,400
You know, just face it down, and beat it!
304
00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:16,680
You gonna get that?
305
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:18,240
I can't.
306
00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:22,120
Hello? - Malcolm, it's Abe. Where's your brother?
307
00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:24,240
Reese? I don't know. Probably pounding the snot out of someone.
308
00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:27,240
- It's Stevie! You've got to stop it!
- What? What are you talking about?
309
00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:29,000
Stevie and I were in the middle of our session
310
00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:30,480
at the Norvet Institute
311
00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:34,000
and then he said he had to go fight Reese, and just took off!
312
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:35,880
- I'm terrified that..
- Oh, no.
313
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:44,080
Reese, what are you doing?
314
00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:46,320
Something I should've done years ago.
315
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:48,920
I've been numbing my legs in ice for an hour now.
316
00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:51,000
- What?
- I can't feel a thing down there.
317
00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:53,960
See? Nothing.
318
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:56,120
The first three times I did that, it hurt like hell.
319
00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:59,120
Nobody's gonna say this wasn't a fair fight.
320
00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:00,160
When Stevie gets here
321
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,040
I'm gonna flop over to him like a fish
322
00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:03,520
yank him out of his chair
323
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:06,560
and smash his face in, gimp-to-gimp.
324
00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:11,520
- Reese, you're insane!
- Am I?
325
00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:13,520
They thought Einstein was crazy
326
00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:16,120
until he started kickin' ass.
327
00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:20,960
Hey. Where's Mom?
328
00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:24,000
She's locked in her room with Jamie.
329
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:25,640
She's been in there for hours.
330
00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:27,440
Listen, I'm sorry I snapped at you.
331
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:29,800
I was just agitated, but I'm feeling better now.
332
00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:31,800
Hey, I really think we're over the hump.
333
00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:33,480
We're still a team, okay?
334
00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:34,600
Good boy.
335
00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:47,360
- What are you doing?
- What?
336
00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:50,080
Oh, this. It's nothing. It's keeping me calm.
337
00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:52,200
But we're quitting! No, I'm quitting coffee.
338
00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:54,720
- You're quitting cigarettes.
- That's cheating!
339
00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:56,080
You do not get to do this.
340
00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:57,600
Actually, Dewey, I get to do whatever I want
341
00:15:57,720 --> 00:15:59,440
because I am a grownup.
342
00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:02,280
All right, if that's how you want it.
343
00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:04,440
Dewey! What are you doing?
344
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:05,920
Dewey!
345
00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:10,480
Don't you dare!
346
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:17,640
The smooth, wonderful taste of betrayal! - Oh, yeah?
347
00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:21,320
Well, I'm in flavor country, baby!
348
00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:30,480
This is good. This is growth. Just do it.
349
00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:31,800
Don't be such a chicken.
350
00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:33,560
It's the only way to stop hearing it.
351
00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:35,320
All those kids laughing
352
00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:36,760
my mother coming in to the nurse's office
353
00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:39,000
telling me to stop blubbering, she wouldn't have to stuff my bra
354
00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:41,400
if I wasn't too lazy to grow them myself.
355
00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:45,640
Oh, my God.
356
00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:48,240
It was my mother.
357
00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:52,280
She was the one stuffing my bra. Oh, my God.
358
00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:56,760
She was the one making me feel so
horrible and inadequate. Not me.
359
00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:58,760
This wasn't about vanity, Jamie.
360
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:00,160
This is about an abusive
361
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:03,520
old bat trying to make her kid into something that she wasn't.
362
00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:08,280
Well, I am not gonna be that kind of mother.
363
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:11,920
If you don't feel like talking yet, then you don't have to talk.
364
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:14,680
I'm going to love you exactly the way you are.
365
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:21,680
Shut up.
366
00:17:23,360 --> 00:17:27,000
Rich, roasted goodness! Suddenly, I'm at a French cafe.
367
00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:29,240
Well, I'm with two girls in a speedboat
368
00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:32,560
sucking down a smooth blend of fine tobaccos.
369
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,040
Hal!
370
00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:36,560
Dewey's drinking coffee!
371
00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:45,840
I think crippling my legs made my arms stronger.
372
00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:47,600
Like how blind guys have bigger noses.
373
00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:48,800
This is gonna be great.
374
00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:51,000
Reese, you can't do this. Stevie's our friend.
375
00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:53,200
Hey, he's not my friend, he's your friend.
376
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:54,800
He treats me like crap.
377
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:58,760
He insults me and disrespects me and you let him.
378
00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:00,240
- What?
- You always take his side
379
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:01,800
and you always do everything his way
380
00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:03,560
even though we're brothers.
381
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:04,960
Wait.
382
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:08,240
- Are you jealous?
- No, I'm pissed.
383
00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:10,640
You and Stevie are going to be friends your whole life
384
00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:13,200
but once you go away to college and you're not stuck with us
385
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:14,600
we're never gonna see you again.
386
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,680
But even so, you're spending the rest of the time
387
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:18,800
left with Stevie instead of..
388
00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:26,280
Do I have to tell you I love you? - No.
389
00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:27,640
Good.
390
00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:33,720
Dude, like you said, we're brothers.
391
00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:35,320
I-It doesn't matter if I don't want to be here
392
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:36,600
I'm stuck here.
393
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,960
No matter where I go or what I do
394
00:18:39,120 --> 00:18:40,600
we're always going to be forced together.
395
00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:42,720
Christmas, birthdays..
396
00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:44,040
We're going to be forced to be around each other
397
00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:46,000
for the rest of our lives.
398
00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:47,080
Really?
399
00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:51,200
What was that?
400
00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:52,640
I don't know.
401
00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:13,480
You're mine!
402
00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:17,440
Good news, Stevie. I forgive you.
403
00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:22,120
Come on, Stevie! I can't walk. This isn't fair!
404
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:24,280
Don't reduce yourself to my level!
405
00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:25,920
You're better than this!
406
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:38,640
Oh, God, I'm too late!
407
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:41,280
Stevie, please stop! Think of the lawsuit!
408
00:19:41,360 --> 00:19:44,200
You know these people will do anything to get our money!
409
00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:49,120
The Norvet Institute kicked Stevie out of their program
410
00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:51,160
for unauthorized use of their equipment.
411
00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:53,160
And Reese will be okay, but he's not allowed outta bed
412
00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:55,120
until he stops seeing four of everything.
413
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,360
Mom's making Dad find every last one of his old cigarettes.
414
00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:12,280
She's going to make him eat any she finds tomorrow morning
415
00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:13,800
so he's pretty motivated.
416
00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:15,400
The amazing thing is
417
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:17,240
I'm the only one that got off scot-free.
418
00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:19,480
Malcolm, go change Reese's bedpan.
419
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,280
Hey. He's my brother.
31917
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