All language subtitles for The.Magicians.S03E01.The.Tale.of.the.Seven.Keys.720p

Previously on
The Magicians...

Quentin...

I killed a god.

Gods like Ember
have parents, you idiot.

When we're harmless,
they ignore us.

But when we become malignant,
they amputate.

Magic is gone.

What is it that you seek,
rude little Earth girl?

The woman
and child you stole.

Fen wouldn't come because
they have your daughter.

I had to warn you.

They're coming.

This contract initiates our services
in exchange for...

Unlimited manual
and magical labor?

You signed that
insane contract?

Yeah, it's okay.

- Did you do this for me?
- Just say it.

Cancer.

- Call it cancer plus.
- How long till I die?

Two or three weeks.

I need your help.

If Penny's in the Library,
he can be your mole.

But to do that,
he'd have to be alive.

Deal.

As a Niffin,
you made enemies.

I am here to warn you
that one of them seeks you.

The Lamprey.
It knows you're weak.

It knows you're here.

He raped me.

Your son.

He turned me
into a monster.

You're a survivor.

Why did you
bring me back?

I know what you're
trying to do.

There is no actual evidence
of magical surge.

The best we can do is accept that
and continue our theoretical studies.

We all get flashes, and we can do it again.

How?

I have no idea.

Nope. Nothing.

No freeze, no boil.

Shit.

It's okay.

You can still do
other stuff.

Q, I can't do
anything real.

It's like there's
no pattern to this,

nothing that we do
can make it stronger or better.

I'm starting to feel like
it's all random, you know?

Maybe it was a mistake.

Come on,
you don't mean that.

What if this is,
like, a smudge?

A fingerprint left by O.L.U.
when she gave me back my Shade,

and she didn't
even realize?

You know, it's like,
whoops, speck of magic.

She's a goddess.

Does she seem like
the accident type?

Have you met her son?

Look, I don't wanna
be insensitive...

But you still think I somehow
have this because of Reynard.

I don't know
why you have it.

I just... I don't think that
we should discount the possibility.

I mean, you've had...

More contact with gods
than most.

That's a nicer way
of putting it.

For the record, I'm still
leaning towards fluke.

So it's a fluke. There's still something that
could lead us to something.

We have got to keep
chipping away at it, Jules.

Big words coming from
a guy who's mostly

chain-smoking and binge-watching
Six Feet Under when I got here.

You fired me up.

You showed me that
there's a fight to fight.

Now I am the official sidekick to whatever
it turns out you are, okay?

So, get used to it.

Wake up, asshole.

Ah.

What, were you a boy scout?

These are great.

Not a good time
to go with smart-ass.

I'm not a killer, but times are strange
and you're the one who broke into my home.

Yeah, well,
I'm a Librarian.

You're ignoring
our requests.

That book was overdue.

Overdue book? Come on.

It's my job.

What's the Library's
real game?

Books?

Why do you care anymore?

'Cause what the hell else
is there to do anymore?

- Man, hey, that thing...
- Is not your business.

It's Mayakovsky's spell, right?
Little something to brew up current?

It's fake.

It does not make magic.

It does blow up
like a meth lab.

You met Mayakovsky?

I'd know his
spellwork anywhere.

Yeah, me too,
and I'm telling you...

All of this is his fault.

It... By his, you mean...

Made a bunch of
apocalypse-proof batteries,

then did something to turn
it all off all over the world.

Breaks his Incorporate Bond,
screws us, he's got magic, he's free.

Tell you what Mayakovsky
didn't think about...

Creatures. They're fine.

Whatever they are, it's DNA.

So I hear.

We're fish bait now.

Thank God I got this place,
'cause they're coming.

I promise you.

Well, karma is a righteous bitch.

Karma's gonna be...
We kill them all, son.

If you can.

I mean, some of them
look just like us.

You'd never know
they're not quite human.

I like the little apron.

Penny.

What the hell are you...

Oh, you shouldn't
be here.

You don't have
that kind of time to waste.

It's not wasted.

They treating you okay?

Everything's fine.
It's all fine.

Nothing is fine.

I'm looking at you.
There's that.

You look good.

Huh. White-knuckle sobriety
and forced celibacy's my look.

You need to go back.

I was kinda thinking we were
gonna grab a quickie in the car.

Yeah, that sounds great,
except I don't have a car, and...

And you're fucking dying.

Worth it.

Go.

I love you.

Go.

We don't have
the funds to...

We're just going to
have to borrow.

Begging Pardon,
but Tick is right.

Excuse me, Sire.

Your Majesty?

Look, there is
no unshitty answer

to any of this, people,
so suck it up.

Oh. Oh-oh.

Mmm. Yeah.

Ahem. We need
to discuss the borders.

Great.

After lunch.

Thank you. Dismissed.

We have things
to discuss, dear.

- Fabulous.
- Not you.

Your long-suffering
high queen.

You may go.

Margo, stay.

Lumbricus Campestris.

Oh, don't tell me.

Feather of
a left-handed crow?

Butterfly with PMS
this time?

Turtle semen with
a rosemary garnish?

It's a type of earthworm.

It lives abundantly in the grounds
around the castle.

Collect them all.

Okay.

Really enjoying
our ongoing whimsy-fest,

but I am a tad busy trying
to keep the country from starving,

- so...
- Better hurry, then.

You were gone too long.

Was I?

Thought I was...

You have to move quickly out there.

Every time you leave this
branch, you go where

time moves normally
and where time progresses...

So does my
super cancer, I know.

It's a pity the best y'all could do
was a place where time stopped.

You know, time going backward?

That'd be better.

I've been giving you assignments
that shouldn't take more than an hour.

- I don't want you...
- Me to die?

How sweet of you,
considering you poisoned me.

You know that wasn't me.

No one wants you to die.

I know.

You know, Travelers?
Hard to come by.

I wish you wouldn't be
so cynical.

Thank you.
You need to rest.

How is it?

Out there?

Depressing.

Henry.

Is that... Is that
Irene McAllistair?

Well, it is good
to see you.

Oh, and how is the...

The board of trustees?

Oh, well, out of their minds.

Well, I don't need to tell you
how many of their companies

went belly up
when magic died.

You do not. I have
stock in several.

- Join the club.
- Yeah.

And your family?

Well, you know them.

Stuffy, cautious...
Survive anything.

But the rest
of the board...

Look, Henry, I came here
alone because I respect you.

Well, you taught me
everything that I know.

- No need to exaggerate.
- I'm not.

And no one needs to convince me that
this school is important.

I gather that's not
the case for everyone.

They're panicked.

They want magic.

So too do we all.

They believe that there's gotta be
something out there somewhere.

Mayakovsky.

He was working on a battery.

We searched
Brakebills South...

Still, they feel that
the resources of this school

would be best spent
continuing to search for...

I cannot stop my students
from searching.

But we are a school.

We still teach here.

It is perhaps
more important than ever.

If they don't learn it,

I fear no one will
ever again, you understand?

I fear that too.

But if you don't
find them something...

The board is gonna
close down Brakebills.

You have to give them
something, Henry.

Quickly.

So, what do you think?

Okay, say you were
to do it.

Work your way through some
piddly little Earth gods,

find a way to talk to an actual old god,
and you say what?

Hi, please reconsider,
even though you are

a billion times smarter
than I, and... And... More powerful,

if you could please bring back magic,
that would be great.

I don't know, I just...
I figured it couldn't hurt

to get a little closer
and maybe meet someone

who knew more than we do.

I hear you, Q, I do.

- I just...
- What?

I wouldn't want what happened to me
to happen to anyone else.

Look, you don't have to come.

I just... I just wanted
you to know.

Okay, you're gonna do
a summoning alone?

Yeah.

I don't... I don't know.

Okay, say I was
willing to risk it.

I mean, it requires
serious, big magic.

Okay, well, cultures all over
the world have believed in these gods.

How did they call them?

Suffice to say,
not quite the party

I was expecting when
I came down here, but...

I think I could help you.

How can I help you?

Yeah.

I was gonna respond, and then
I remembered there's no point.

You can't help
Penny anymore.

Says who?

What is that?

Ah-haha.

I have a job for you.

Earthworms.

Get anyone not actively...

Our full team is required
to keep the castle safe.

Okay, okay, so get like five
or six and do this for me.

Quick and dirty.

There you are.

Come join.

The southern province is

whatever the Fillorian word
for bankrupt is.

I need a drink.

So quick, little Queen.

Where are the worms?

Don't tell me you sent
someone out to do your work.

I'm a delegator.

It's a leadership quality.

You've clearly mastered it.

I thought I was clear.

They are to be plucked
by female hands.

And I desire those hands
to be yours.

But only if you wish
to keep them.

Shit!

Now this is bad.

I waited till I was
sure none of those

creepy little no-eyebrow fuckers were
around before I delegated.

So, how'd she know?

And so fast?

All right, so how do you know
that he'll even be here tonight?

I mean, there's a million
parties happening all over.

Easy.

He's on social media?

How else are followers
supposed to find him?

Met him by total accident
at Art Basel.

He kept that party going
eight full days.

Best eight days
of my life.

Anyway, that's his thing.

Swing in, stoke the party,
soak in the worship, move on.

Inspiring, right?

You guys are gonna
love him.

Josh "The Animal" Hoberman.

Bacchus.

My deity
How you living?

So good.

Um, get your fine ass
in this bitch.

Lucy.

Bong hit.

Come back when you're fun.

My mistress wishes
that I tell you...

Uh, and you can
see here

cracks from the swordplay of
King Boris The Softspoken.

That is
indeed fascinating.

Hmm.

Abigail mentioned you have many
fairy guests these days.

Guests, hostile occupying force,
tomato, tomahto.

I presume you wish to extend
the most elegant level of hospitality.

Do I?

For this reason, I make you aware
of the corridor

built by High Queen ChenLi the Bookish,
of rare stone from the Shivering Sea.

Okay.

Why?

Unfortunately, certain species
are allergic to the substance.

How allergic?

Violently, Your Majesty.

Good to know.

We advise that your guests
cannot tolerate that area

so if you are
looking for them,

they will undoubtedly be
somewhere else.

A-plus, Rafe.

Huh. If Rafe says so, guess maybe
we're not the first royals

living a 24/7 fairy
reach-around.

So what the hell
are we gonna do?

About Queen Bitch and
all her spooky little bitches?

Poison sounds nice.

Shockingly, all books
on poison disappeared

from the royal library right around
the time they arrived.

They're armed, they're smart,
they're multitudinous,

they are invisible
to the guard...

When you put it that way.

What if they know
about this in Loria?

If I send Idri a message...

Worst case he comes here,

you look at him naked
and cheer up a little.

How dare you make me
sound that shallow, but, yes.

Hi.

Great to see you,
as always.

I'll go write that letter.

To who?

Not Idri of Loria?

Actually, yes.

Our crops are dying now
that we can't schedule the rain.

I hope he can help.

His library, like yours,
has of course been purged

of any material pertaining to
our species.

And any Lorian aware
of the existence of fairies

has been instructed
to keep their mouth shut

or lose their tongue.

Please don't
underestimate me again.

It hurts my feelings.

We're gonna go take a walk
and have a good think

about our behavior.

Come on,
we not fun yet?

Oh.

Yeah, do we not...
Do we not amuse!

Do we not amuse?

Hey.

I think I...
I think I got it, Q.

Okay.

Remember that time,
10th grade, right?

And we made up that dance
and it was terrible.

- Oh, God.
- Yes.

- So white and bad.
- Yeah, that might actually work.

It was very, like,
hip thrusty if I remember.

Oh, yeah. Oh, no.

- I remember it, my friend.
- Uh...

Ayo

I'm tired of
using technology

Uh! So why don't you
sit in front of me

Ayo

I'm tired of
using technology

Uh! I need you right
in front of me

Uh! She wants it
Uh-uh!

She wants it

She wants it, so I gotta
give it to her

Ow! She wants it
Uh-uh

She wants it

So you can fugging
give it to her

Hoberman!

Whoo!

So, welcome.

Magicians, right?

Yeah, how can you tell?

Your hands, and your
crazy level of drama.

Cheers to that.

Uh...

Going again.

Part deux.

I just, I w...
We would kind of really love to talk.

Kid, I'm Bacchus.

I am the god of not being
a wiggly, little anxious

wet dish rag that would
kind of really love to talk to you,

so I need you to unclench
your vagina and do that shot

or I'm moving on.

Just a little sexist.

Five, four, three, two...

Attaboy.

Okay, what do you
wanna do now?

Twister? You wanna
pierce something?

Oh, I've got Trivial Pursuit
Star Trek edition.

Just... Mr. Bacchus, we...

Magic, and how
it's completely gone.

Magic is gone
for you little guys?

You don't say.

What is...
All over the U.S.?

All over everywhere,
we think.

Oh, I've been
a little out of touch.

Well, that sucks for you.

Why?

Well...

I, um...

Sort of killed a god.

A minor... Like, a very,
you know...

- We had to.
- A minor god.

Not because we wanted to,
but just because we had to.

- You understand...
- Who?

Who the fuck did you kill?

Um, Ember in...

Fillory?

I don't know that guy.

Deserved it. I...

Oh!

- Tough choices make a man, man.
- Yeah.

Open your mouth.

Sorry?

Like, open your mouth.

Ahh.

Happy birthday.

Okay, so this is gonna be

a little bit more challenging than
we expected.

What did you put
in my mouth?

Alice? Where are you going?

I can't do this.
I can't study dead magic.

I can't...

Can we just go sit down
somewhere and talk, please?

Stop. Look, here's the deal.

I thought if we hung out,
maybe had sex,

I don't know, went to school,
it would feel like it did.

I thought I could
forgive you, but I can't.

I just...

Say good-bye
and let me go.

Good-bye, Alice.

Alice?

Nope.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, you okay?

Oh. Yeah, sorry.

Hey.

Sorry.

- I am so...
- No, it's...

- Very...
- Me too.

Very high.

I get it.

Does your high ever turn on you
and you go from happy to

remembering you live in
a barren world devoid of magic?

Mine more goes
from okay to,

"Oh, yeah, you have PTSD
from being sexually assaulted

"by a trickster god."

Long story.

I got time.

Let's talk about
something else.

Sure.

Sure, whatever you...

Hey, you ever, uh...

I'm sorry.

I just really
loved doing magic.

And I was good at it.

You should have tasted my tomatoes.

And just, the air
smelled different, right?

And I could turn into
a bird, or make a rose bloom.

And I saw actual Fillory.

And I banged
a werewolf, yes.

That is weird, but also rad, because
who gets to do that?

And I wasn't just some
extremely average nobody.

I was gifted.

I didn't just
belong somewhere.

I belonged anywhere
because I was a Magician.

I just...

I don't even know what
anything is even about anymore.

Maybe there's a way
to get it back.

Look, no offense,
I've been researching, and...

Stick a fork in it.

Please tell me you're not just really,
really good at smoke rings.

Mmm-mmm.

No, I can't even blow one.

How?

I don't know yet.

Julia.

Q!

Stop, Q, you're giving
me the spins...

Look, I know that you're
blasted, but...

You're blasted!

Yeah, but even I know that
you cannot show people that.

Why not?

Because if the wrong people
found out...

He is not
the wrong people.

I can't go through the rest of my life
just not trusting anyone.

I feel fucked up enough.

I get that.

Just put yourself in my shoes
just for one second, Q.

I have magic.

And what does it do?

More or less jack shit.

And I see someone whose entire life
would change if he could just see it.

I have to be able to do
something with it.

And if that's cheer up
Josh Hoberman, then I'll take it.

Because I can't... You know,

I can't be so precious with
something that is so small.

It's not small,
it's the...

It's the biggest magic, Jules.

'Cause as far as we know,

for us little guys,
it's the only magic out there.

Ow! What... Ow!

Dude, you're gonna leave
a mark and I don't like that

in a non-sexual context.

Okay, okay, okay,
okay... Um...

You watched
Battlestar, right?

Yeah, I love when they
do terrorism allegory

with mostly white people.

Hmm. You remember
Grace Park in season one?

Of course,
best storyline.

- Why?
- Duh... Because she was actually...

You're Grace Park.

Okay?

You're Grace Park, Margo.

- I'm Grace Park.
- Yeah.

And we have ourselves a bit of a...
Gene Hackman in The Conversation.

I didn't see that one.

Yeah, right... Um...

Someone is "xoxo,
Gossip Girl"- ing our shit.

Remember James Marsden
in X-Men? Hmm?

Your Marsden is xoxo-ing us
full on that great song by The Police.

That Fairuza Balk
in The Craft.

Yeah, more Cersei Lannister.

Hey, glad I made you
read those.

Well, I read the Wiki.

What? Those books are
like a million pages long.

- I have a life.
- Okay.

Anyway, whatever your Marsden
would xoxo, Cersei xoxo's.

So, we have to keep it very
best episode of Buffy.

Oh, musical?

- The other one.
- Okay.

How do we Lizzie Borden
the shit out of this thing?

'Cause I am about ready
to go full '07 Britney.

Maybe we could've back when
this place was Pottered up.

Still.

Even without a wand,
Harry would figure some shit out.

Honestly, I didn't quite
finish those books either...

Our Harry, I mean.

Oh! Him.

Well, he'd...

Mmm-hmm?

Consult the creepy pedophile.

We're close, I think.

I thought this excursion was
mostly about drinking heavily.

I needed to imply that

so we could get away
without extra eyes on us.

Fairies, Tick.

When magic died,
they pounced.

Full occupation.

This explains so much.

What will we do?

The White Lady was spotted
somewhere near here.

We're going to shoot her,

and then we're going to wish
those fairies to the fucking cornfield.

Oh, excellent.

Whatever a cornfield is.

Oh! Oh, there he is!

Man... Or, god, I just...

Look, I thank you.

I just... I feel...
You know, whatever you put in my mouth...

I just... I feel like...

You know, like a sugary cereal
in the good way.

You know?
It's like, whoa!

All right.

Hey, hey, shots, right?

Shots, shots,
shots, shots.

You and me.
Shots, shots.

I love you, I love you.

I'm falling on my knees

In worship of you

Yeah.

Look, so, anyway, I was
thinking, while we're here,

maybe I could ask you
a few questions.

Dude.

You're a vibe-killer.

- No.
- Yes, you are.

And historically,
I do smite vibe-killers.

No, look,
I'm a vibe-supporter.

I just also happen to be a concerned
Magician individual

who would like to get
a word in with your parents.

My parents?

Yeah, the old gods.

Are imperious and distant dickwads
who I haven't spoken to in a millennia.

Rambo!

Let's get that
foam gun loaded, baby.

Look, I know that this
really wasn't on your radar

until you met us, but we've lost our
most precious resource.

Dude, stop, okay?

If fixing magic is,
like, so important to you,

then you should just talk
to this crazy guy

that I met back
in Athens one time.

Rambo! Rambo!

What was the name of that guy
that I met in Athens,

that up-with-humans guy?

Fit bod.

You mean Prometheus?

Prom...

That guy loved Magicians,
and he would want to help you.

He's dead.

What?

Prometheus died, like,
1,500 years ago, man.

Sorry.

Damn it.

Well, he lived
a pretty tortured existence,

so, dying was
probably a relief for him.

Ahem.

But, still,
he would've helped you.

He told me this crazy story one time
about how there's like...

Like, a secret back door
to magic.

Wait, I'm sorry, what?

I don't remember the deets,
okay, my face was melting off.

Secret back door.

Just, something...

Mmm-hmm.

Wait!

Might've been a brothel.

Shots.

Tick?

Tick?

Shit.

Not the best idea, Eliot.

I was looking for
the White Lady.

Is this she?

Look, if you don't come out of there,
I'm going to have to shoot you.

Gods! Have you never
given a compliment?

For example, my, my,
High King Eliot.

Your long legs look
so well in those breeches.

Thank you.

Your turn.

You sound like a...

Very attractive Creature.

You think so?

I've met many non-humans,
and your voice is by far the...

Sexiest.

Really?

I mean, you sound noble.

I didn't mean...

You're wise, for I am, indeed,
the sexiest in the land.

It is I, the Great Cock
of The Darkling Woods.

The Great...

Cock.

Have you never
beheld one, child of Earth?

No, no.

No, I've beheld one or two.

But you are, by far,
the most majestic.

I'm diligent
about hydration.

All right, petitioner,
let's chat.

I like your style.

What is the point of hearing a petition
if the aesthetics are shit?

I need help with
a fairy thing.

Tribal matriarchies
are the absolute worst.

So, I was just hoping in your great,
benevolent handsomeness

that you would see fit
to grant me just one little wish.

That's the sort of thing my sister,
The Winter's Doe, specializes in.

Also, when was the last time
a petitioner didn't get

utterly assfucked by
a wish-granting?

Yeah.

And yet...

I'll do you better.

There's a problem
far greater than fairies.

Solve it, they're nothing.

I'll send you
on an epic quest.

That's...

Uh...

Wow, that's great.
Thank you.

It's just...

My people need help.

- They sure do.
- Today.

The Fairy Queen is sitting
on my throne as we speak.

Do you want your magic
back or not?

Will it not solve
all your problems?

I mean, yes, but,
it's just...

How long does a quest
like this take?

A good season.

Right.

My kingdom is
in trouble now.

You are a good king.

But it is time to become
a great one.

In order to do that,
you must travel to a land

where you are no king,
no Magician, just a vulnerable man.

Honestly, that sounds like
something I might really fuck up.

Yes, or it wouldn't
be a quest.

You have friends,
don't you?

I used to.

The one-eyed conqueror,
the traveler, the warrior,

the fool, the god-touched,
the lover of tomatoes,

and the torture artist...

Wait, which one is that?

- You lost me there.
- Nevermind.

You have a brother
of the heart with the foppy hair.

That would be Quentin.

You're parts of one whole.

No one can do this alone.

Okay.

FYI, I can't contact them
or reach them in any way.

You must find
the book with no author.

A tale for children,
but they're hardly that.

There is the key... Or, the keys...
In a place called...

Public Library.

In the shire of Chester
in the land of New Jersey.

Again, that sure
sounds like Earth.

Eliot, the quest I bestow on you is
the task you were born for.

Claim it.

Abigail,
talking-animal question.

So, bunnies.

Her Sluggishness
has noted that you are aware

of their
messenger abilities.

So, that is what
the Fairy Queen uses them for?

Bunnies move easily
between worlds.

And do they serve her?

And if so, how loyally?

Every bunny
for itself, Majesty.

Thank you.

Need help.

Love, Eliot.

Q.

I think this is it.

The Tale of the Seven Keys.

No author, I mean,
I can feel something coming off of it.

Interesting.

Interesting.

Yeah, if by interesting,
you mean, blank, sure.

Quests never
give away the farm.

You've gotta earn everything.

Jules, this is our quest.

And we're already on it.

- Epic quest.
- We have to.

- Map from the book.
- Work together.

- Also I think...
- Eliot.

- Epic Quest.
- The Great Cock.

- It's called After Island.
- A back door to...

- The Great Cock.
- Epic quest.

- Keys.
- Here's the deal.

- Epic quest.
- All seven keys.

- Here's the deal.
- Epic quest.

Just shush for
one second, please.

Uh, that one.

Put him first.

Your father and I
are so proud of you.

Okay...

We are go
for epic quest.

You are indeed a brave king.

I am indeed a guy with not much choice,
but thanks for rounding up.

We're looking for keys.

Q and Julia believe
whatever the keys unlock,

will help restore magic.

And they think
the first key is here in Fillory.

Excellent.

Some place
called After Island?

Oh.

It lies beyond
our border, Majesty.

You would be venturing
to strange lands not your own.

So, not the friendliest?

It is said that even the Outer Sea itself
wishes ill upon our king.

Some have sailed
before you...

And how'd that go?

They drowned.

Oh.

Well, how do we
prevent that?

I wish I knew, I only...

I know.

I know exactly
the boat you need.

Okay! That's enough.

Let's talk.

So transactional.

What do you want
with a Lamprey anyway?

It's more what
the Lamprey wants with me.

Oh, shit.

You poked the wrong bear,
sweetness.

Just tell me what you know.

Please?

Well, if you could
do magic...

Yeah, well, I can't.

So...

So, you're down
to an early warning device.

An alarm, if you will.

So, just maybe,
you still got time to run.

Okay, fine, I'll take it.

What, is that a joke?

I gave up jokes
80 years ago.

Tired of being misunderstood.

So get one, and keep it
on your person at all times.

Buena suerte.

Ah.

Just a side
of bacon, please.