Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,700 --> 00:00:02,500
ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s,
my mom was famous
2
00:00:02,544 --> 00:00:03,980
for always getting her way.
3
00:00:04,154 --> 00:00:06,025
She bulldozed everyone,
4
00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:09,551
teachers, store employees,
even her own friends.
5
00:00:09,725 --> 00:00:11,988
But my mom's arm-twisting
was about to get tested
6
00:00:12,162 --> 00:00:13,772
when those friends
became family.
7
00:00:13,946 --> 00:00:15,818
Erica!
8
00:00:15,992 --> 00:00:17,950
I need to get a head count
for Thanksgiving dinner.
9
00:00:18,124 --> 00:00:19,082
Is your mother around?
10
00:00:19,256 --> 00:00:20,910
[GRUNTS] 26 1/2 pounds
11
00:00:21,084 --> 00:00:23,129
is a lot heavier
than you think.
12
00:00:23,304 --> 00:00:24,609
Oof.Where do you buy
a bird that big?
13
00:00:24,783 --> 00:00:27,308
Oh, I've had this gobbler
since he was a chick.
14
00:00:27,482 --> 00:00:29,266
I'd hand-feed him
peanut butter, corn,
15
00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:31,616
and pasta carbonara
every day
16
00:00:31,790 --> 00:00:34,445
until my relentless
forced-gorging did what it do. [CHUCKLES]
17
00:00:34,619 --> 00:00:36,317
"My name was Popcorn."
18
00:00:36,491 --> 00:00:37,492
That's so dark.
19
00:00:37,666 --> 00:00:39,755
The dark meat
is the juiciest.
20
00:00:39,929 --> 00:00:41,713
Sorry to interrupt
your pet's murder,
21
00:00:41,887 --> 00:00:43,889
but I thought I was hosting
Thanksgiving this year.
22
00:00:44,063 --> 00:00:45,978
Well, that doesn't
sound right, so it isn't.
23
00:00:46,152 --> 00:00:47,502
And I'm already
three hours into
24
00:00:47,676 --> 00:00:49,852
a 15-hour
seasoning process.
25
00:00:50,026 --> 00:00:52,550
So? I made little menus
with a calligraphy pen.
26
00:00:52,724 --> 00:00:54,117
She calls yams "yums."
27
00:00:54,291 --> 00:00:55,771
That was actually
my contribution.
28
00:00:55,945 --> 00:00:57,381
That's not the brag
you think it is.
29
00:00:57,555 --> 00:00:58,774
And, Mom,
Linda clearly thought
30
00:00:58,948 --> 00:01:00,341
she was doing
Thanksgiving this year.
31
00:01:00,515 --> 00:01:02,299
She can still be a part
of the festivities.
32
00:01:02,473 --> 00:01:03,518
I need help with the bird.
33
00:01:03,692 --> 00:01:06,869
You will be scooping out
Popcorn's giblets.
34
00:01:07,043 --> 00:01:08,610
Giblets are not as cute
as the name implies.
35
00:01:08,784 --> 00:01:10,264
Just a butt
full of guts.
36
00:01:10,438 --> 00:01:11,961
I suggest putting down
a beach towel,
37
00:01:12,135 --> 00:01:13,397
'cause this juicy Johnny's
38
00:01:13,571 --> 00:01:14,572
gonna leak
something fierce.
39
00:01:14,746 --> 00:01:16,400
Okay. Thank you.
40
00:01:16,574 --> 00:01:17,662
Mom, you can't just
steal Thanksgiving.
41
00:01:17,836 --> 00:01:18,489
It's Linda's turn.
42
00:01:18,663 --> 00:01:20,012
Oh, Linda.
43
00:01:20,186 --> 00:01:22,537
You know, I just hate
seeing your pruney little face
44
00:01:22,711 --> 00:01:23,973
more wrinkled and sad
than usual,
45
00:01:24,147 --> 00:01:25,322
so what about this?
46
00:01:25,496 --> 00:01:27,063
You can have
your own holiday.
47
00:01:27,237 --> 00:01:28,325
The hell does that mean?
48
00:01:28,499 --> 00:01:29,587
It means we'll all
get together
49
00:01:29,761 --> 00:01:30,849
and have a thing
at Linda's house.
50
00:01:31,023 --> 00:01:32,242
A "thing"?BEVERLY: Yeah.
51
00:01:32,416 --> 00:01:34,113
We'll call it Linda Day.
52
00:01:34,288 --> 00:01:35,637
Ooh, Linda Day.
That sounds fun.
53
00:01:35,811 --> 00:01:37,900
Maybe it'll be
a completely random gathering,
54
00:01:38,074 --> 00:01:39,293
at your house,
at your expense,
55
00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:41,295
anytime within the next
six to nine months.
56
00:01:41,469 --> 00:01:42,774
What are we celebrating?
57
00:01:42,948 --> 00:01:44,646
I don't know, Linda.
It's your day.
58
00:01:44,820 --> 00:01:47,083
The least you can do is figure
out why we should care.
59
00:01:47,257 --> 00:01:49,390
[CHUCKLES]
Also, heads up, I can't make it.
60
00:01:49,564 --> 00:01:50,782
We didn't even
settle on a date.
61
00:01:50,956 --> 00:01:53,698
I'm worried about
feeding 20 people right now.
62
00:01:53,872 --> 00:01:55,396
Perhaps you'd know
what that's like
63
00:01:55,570 --> 00:01:57,180
if you'd ever planned
a Thanksgiving.
64
00:01:57,354 --> 00:02:00,314
So, come on.
[GRUNTS] Go.
65
00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:02,011
Ahh! I-It's heavy!I'll help you, Mama.
66
00:02:02,185 --> 00:02:03,491
Giblet juice!
67
00:02:03,665 --> 00:02:05,014
Oh, it's dripping
in my moccasins.
68
00:02:05,188 --> 00:02:06,581
Tilt that hole up!
69
00:02:06,755 --> 00:02:08,452
♪♪ I'm twisted up inside
70
00:02:08,626 --> 00:02:11,542
♪♪ But nonetheless
I feel the need to say
71
00:02:14,458 --> 00:02:16,199
♪♪ I don't know the future
72
00:02:16,373 --> 00:02:19,985
♪♪ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪♪
73
00:02:20,159 --> 00:02:21,683
[DOORBELL RINGS]ADULT ADAM:
It was Thanksgiving week,
74
00:02:21,857 --> 00:02:24,076
1980-something,
and Pop-Pop dropped by our house early
75
00:02:24,250 --> 00:02:25,774
with a surprising plus-one.
76
00:02:25,948 --> 00:02:27,341
I'm sorry, ma'am.
77
00:02:27,515 --> 00:02:28,690
You must have found him
78
00:02:28,864 --> 00:02:29,908
wandering aimlessly
in the street.
79
00:02:30,082 --> 00:02:31,301
We'll take it from here.
80
00:02:31,475 --> 00:02:33,085
Your blood sugar
must be tanking, Pop-Pop.
81
00:02:33,259 --> 00:02:34,826
You're at your son's house!
82
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:36,567
The war is long over!
83
00:02:36,741 --> 00:02:38,482
This is not
some random lady.
84
00:02:38,656 --> 00:02:40,092
This is my special friend,
Joyce.
85
00:02:40,266 --> 00:02:41,267
It's so nice
to meet you both.
86
00:02:41,442 --> 00:02:42,834
Hold on.
87
00:02:43,008 --> 00:02:44,706
There's something wrong
with your face, Pop-Pop.
88
00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:46,490
Why is your frown
curling upward?
89
00:02:46,664 --> 00:02:48,884
Your eyes don't have
their characteristic hollowness,
90
00:02:49,058 --> 00:02:50,364
and they're blue?
You have blue eyes?
91
00:02:50,538 --> 00:02:51,887
What color
did you think they were?
92
00:02:52,061 --> 00:02:53,889
I know this isn't a color,
but "angry"?
93
00:02:54,063 --> 00:02:56,587
These boys
are hilarious.
94
00:02:56,761 --> 00:02:58,720
You're blessed with
a fun-loving family.
95
00:02:58,894 --> 00:03:00,374
Yes, it's true.
I have a wonderful brood,
96
00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:02,071
in whom I have
absolutely no gripes.
97
00:03:02,245 --> 00:03:03,159
What's happening right now?
98
00:03:03,333 --> 00:03:04,856
Is today Opposite Day?
99
00:03:05,030 --> 00:03:06,902
Is that why the mailman
was a lady in shorts?
100
00:03:07,076 --> 00:03:09,295
I think he's dating her.
101
00:03:09,470 --> 00:03:11,123
So, Joyce,
why don't you come in
102
00:03:11,297 --> 00:03:12,429
and tell us how Pop-Pop
tricked you,
103
00:03:12,603 --> 00:03:14,300
trapped you, met you?
104
00:03:14,475 --> 00:03:16,259
I had just moved in
a few doors down,
105
00:03:16,433 --> 00:03:19,218
and they delivered Ben's
TV Guideto me by mistake,
106
00:03:19,393 --> 00:03:21,438
and so I just
knocked on his door.
107
00:03:21,612 --> 00:03:23,222
And you took
one look at him
108
00:03:23,397 --> 00:03:24,920
and said, "More, please"?
109
00:03:25,094 --> 00:03:26,487
[CHUCKLES] Walk us through
your flawed thinking.
110
00:03:26,661 --> 00:03:29,359
Okay, you scamps.
Cool it.
111
00:03:29,533 --> 00:03:31,143
I just popped over to pick up
my tennis racket I left here.
112
00:03:31,317 --> 00:03:32,406
I have to retrieve it.
113
00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:33,972
What, to shake at
the neighborhood kids
114
00:03:34,146 --> 00:03:35,887
as they joyfully
ride their bikes by?
115
00:03:36,061 --> 00:03:37,628
No, to play tennis.
Joyce and I are gonna knock a few around.
116
00:03:37,802 --> 00:03:38,673
[BOTH LAUGH]
117
00:03:38,847 --> 00:03:39,848
What's so funny?
118
00:03:40,022 --> 00:03:41,284
This guy?
119
00:03:41,458 --> 00:03:43,373
Tennis? This guy?
120
00:03:43,547 --> 00:03:45,244
I'll just get my ball-whacker
so we can go.
121
00:03:45,854 --> 00:03:46,855
Oh.
122
00:03:47,029 --> 00:03:48,117
My, uh, firstborn son,
123
00:03:48,291 --> 00:03:50,162
in whom
I have great pride.
124
00:03:50,336 --> 00:03:51,468
Come,
meet my new lady friend.
125
00:03:51,642 --> 00:03:53,252
New lady friend?
126
00:03:53,427 --> 00:03:54,515
You don't have any friends
127
00:03:54,689 --> 00:03:56,212
or ladies or anything new,
128
00:03:56,386 --> 00:03:57,735
but what the heck.
Hi!
129
00:03:57,909 --> 00:03:59,302
It's such a joy
130
00:03:59,476 --> 00:04:00,912
to meet Ben's
beautiful family.
131
00:04:01,086 --> 00:04:02,697
I'll go
pull the car around.Right.
132
00:04:02,871 --> 00:04:05,134
Pop-Pop, what is
a gentle and kind lady
133
00:04:05,308 --> 00:04:07,223
doing with, you know,
this?
134
00:04:07,397 --> 00:04:08,964
She enjoys
my sparkling personality
135
00:04:09,138 --> 00:04:10,182
and thinks
I'm a family man.
136
00:04:10,356 --> 00:04:11,270
So you lied to her?
137
00:04:11,445 --> 00:04:12,968
Big time. [CHUCKLES]
138
00:04:13,142 --> 00:04:15,318
I got a good reason.
I love her shape.
139
00:04:15,492 --> 00:04:17,189
She's gonna see right
through you when you try and play tennis today.
140
00:04:17,363 --> 00:04:18,321
I'm way ahead of you
on that one.
141
00:04:18,495 --> 00:04:20,018
I'm gonna
twist my ankle before
142
00:04:20,192 --> 00:04:21,019
and then we're gonna go
make out in her Buick.
143
00:04:21,193 --> 00:04:22,586
Why?
144
00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:24,109
Old people
don't deserve happiness.
145
00:04:24,283 --> 00:04:25,981
All right, I haven't been
exactly forthright with her,
146
00:04:26,155 --> 00:04:27,548
but we're happy.
Now, come on. I need this.
147
00:04:27,722 --> 00:04:29,288
Well, it doesn't concern me,
148
00:04:29,463 --> 00:04:30,986
so... [GROANS]
149
00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:32,509
Great, because I'm gonna
bring her to Thanksgiving,
150
00:04:32,683 --> 00:04:33,554
and I need you guys
to keep up the ruse.
151
00:04:36,208 --> 00:04:38,254
ADULT ADAM: While Pop-Pop
was trying to get us not to spill the beans,
152
00:04:38,428 --> 00:04:41,213
my sister was trying
to mop up my mom's mess.
153
00:04:41,387 --> 00:04:43,477
Well, I got rid of
the Thanksgiving cornucopia
154
00:04:43,651 --> 00:04:45,827
that I grew in my garden.
[CHUCKLES]
155
00:04:46,001 --> 00:04:47,872
Just like the trampoline
that you kids never use.
156
00:04:48,046 --> 00:04:50,614
Think your mom's upset?Yeah, such a waste.
157
00:04:50,788 --> 00:04:52,790
But one scary bounce
on that bad boy and I was like, "Not for moi."
158
00:04:52,964 --> 00:04:54,923
Not the trampoline.
159
00:04:55,097 --> 00:04:57,229
The fact that my mom
stole Thanksgiving from your mom
160
00:04:57,403 --> 00:04:58,317
and she just
let it happen.
161
00:04:58,492 --> 00:05:00,015
Just letting it happen
162
00:05:00,189 --> 00:05:01,799
is my family's way
of dealing with your mother
163
00:05:01,973 --> 00:05:02,800
and your whole family,
to be honest.
164
00:05:02,974 --> 00:05:05,150
That ends now.
165
00:05:05,324 --> 00:05:06,891
Linda, we're taking
back Thanksgiving.
166
00:05:07,065 --> 00:05:08,545
Oh, no, thank you.
167
00:05:08,719 --> 00:05:10,591
I like that it was
stolen from me last-minute.
168
00:05:10,765 --> 00:05:12,244
Keeps me on my toes,
169
00:05:12,418 --> 00:05:14,377
and my doctor says
I need to stand more.
170
00:05:14,551 --> 00:05:15,770
Doesn't it bother you
that my mom
171
00:05:15,944 --> 00:05:17,206
bulldozes her way
to whatever she wants?
172
00:05:17,380 --> 00:05:18,642
Well, there is one worry.
173
00:05:18,816 --> 00:05:20,426
She will keep us
from spending time with you
174
00:05:20,601 --> 00:05:22,341
and, eventually,
our grandkids.
175
00:05:22,516 --> 00:05:23,821
ERICA: She totally will.
176
00:05:23,995 --> 00:05:25,954
And not just holidays,
every day.
177
00:05:26,128 --> 00:05:27,782
You may never see them.
178
00:05:27,956 --> 00:05:29,610
Do you remember when
she borrowed your hand mixer?
179
00:05:29,784 --> 00:05:31,829
Oh, no. I can't have pancakes
or grandchildren?
180
00:05:32,003 --> 00:05:33,831
Yeah, you're overreacting,
but there is a way.
181
00:05:34,005 --> 00:05:35,398
See, Beverly Goldberg
182
00:05:35,572 --> 00:05:37,487
only respects power
and confidence.
183
00:05:37,661 --> 00:05:39,533
I only have one of those.
I mean none.
184
00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:41,186
Nothing's ever
gonna change
185
00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:43,145
until you face her
and don't back down.
186
00:05:43,319 --> 00:05:44,842
I don't know.I do.
187
00:05:45,016 --> 00:05:47,889
You are strong,
you are powerful,
188
00:05:48,063 --> 00:05:49,543
and you deserve
what's yours.
189
00:05:49,717 --> 00:05:50,805
Now, go take back
your damn holiday.
190
00:05:50,979 --> 00:05:52,850
I can, and I will.
191
00:05:53,024 --> 00:05:54,591
[CLATTERING]I'm sorry!
192
00:05:54,765 --> 00:05:56,680
Apology not accepted!
193
00:05:56,854 --> 00:05:59,422
You want to take Thanksgiving
from Linda, fine.
194
00:05:59,596 --> 00:06:01,076
But just know that
if you go through with this,
195
00:06:01,250 --> 00:06:02,294
you won't be
celebrating it with me.
196
00:06:02,468 --> 00:06:03,818
Excuse me?
197
00:06:03,992 --> 00:06:05,210
You heard me.
198
00:06:05,384 --> 00:06:07,082
I will be celebrating
at the Schwartzes',
199
00:06:07,256 --> 00:06:09,432
and you will enjoy
a lonely Thanksgiving
200
00:06:09,606 --> 00:06:11,129
without your original
schmoopy-poo.
201
00:06:11,303 --> 00:06:13,305
You wouldn't.Try me.
202
00:06:13,479 --> 00:06:15,481
ADULT ADAM: It was a standoff,
but my sister knew
203
00:06:15,656 --> 00:06:17,832
my mom would never risk
a Schmoo-less Thanksgiving.
204
00:06:18,006 --> 00:06:19,573
Fine!Yes!
205
00:06:19,747 --> 00:06:21,096
And since you won't
be needing it, Beverly,
206
00:06:21,270 --> 00:06:22,314
I'll be taking
that turkey.
207
00:06:22,488 --> 00:06:23,228
So be it.
208
00:06:25,709 --> 00:06:27,145
Here you go.
209
00:06:28,756 --> 00:06:29,713
You have to
let it go.
210
00:06:29,887 --> 00:06:32,020
You're right.
Here you go.
211
00:06:32,194 --> 00:06:35,023
ADULT ADAM: As Erica tried
to wrestle Thanksgiving back from my mom,
212
00:06:35,197 --> 00:06:37,242
Barry and I were pinning down
a plan of our own.
213
00:06:37,416 --> 00:06:39,114
Dad,
we got a question.MURRAY: Not now.
214
00:06:39,288 --> 00:06:40,594
There's a guy who
kind of looks like Pat Sajak
215
00:06:40,768 --> 00:06:41,899
on America's Most Wanted.
216
00:06:42,073 --> 00:06:44,336
We were thinking,
if Pop-Pop insists on us
217
00:06:44,510 --> 00:06:47,252
helping him mislead Joyce
into thinking he's a nice guy,
218
00:06:47,426 --> 00:06:48,645
we should get something
out of it.
219
00:06:48,819 --> 00:06:50,081
Like a lifetime
of love and respect?
220
00:06:50,255 --> 00:06:51,692
More like 20 bucks.
221
00:06:51,866 --> 00:06:54,390
So you're gonna extort
your grandfather?
222
00:06:54,564 --> 00:06:56,348
Fine.
Just leave me out of it.[KNOCK ON DOOR]
223
00:06:56,522 --> 00:06:58,742
We've come to visit
and whatnot.
224
00:06:58,916 --> 00:07:00,135
There's where we get
all our wisdom!
225
00:07:00,309 --> 00:07:02,354
[LAUGHS] Hey!
226
00:07:02,528 --> 00:07:03,878
We missed you,
cherished grandpappy.
227
00:07:04,052 --> 00:07:05,227
Look how much
they love you.
228
00:07:05,401 --> 00:07:06,968
Yeah, that was nice.
229
00:07:07,142 --> 00:07:08,752
And embracing me,
that was... welcome.
230
00:07:08,926 --> 00:07:11,189
Physical affection
comes naturally to him.
231
00:07:11,363 --> 00:07:12,669
Speaking of
his generosity,
232
00:07:12,843 --> 00:07:14,540
Pop-Pop, are we gonna
play the gobble-gobble game?
233
00:07:14,715 --> 00:07:15,933
The gobble-gobble game?
234
00:07:16,107 --> 00:07:17,631
You know,
our Thanksgiving tradition
235
00:07:17,805 --> 00:07:19,110
of handing us
your wallet
236
00:07:19,284 --> 00:07:20,590
and letting us gobble up
any money we find inside.
237
00:07:20,764 --> 00:07:22,157
That is so sweet.
238
00:07:22,331 --> 00:07:23,941
Is it? Is it?
239
00:07:24,115 --> 00:07:25,029
Now, gobble-gobble,
old man.
240
00:07:25,203 --> 00:07:26,465
Sure. Sure.
Here, gobble-gobble.
241
00:07:28,337 --> 00:07:29,773
Four bucks?
Aren't you an adult?
242
00:07:29,947 --> 00:07:31,383
I don't like
carrying cash.
243
00:07:31,557 --> 00:07:33,211
There's greasers
and doo-woppers in my neighborhood.
244
00:07:34,604 --> 00:07:35,692
We're gonna
inherit nothing.
245
00:07:35,866 --> 00:07:37,563
Murray,
what about you?
246
00:07:37,738 --> 00:07:39,870
Do you have any Thanksgiving
traditions with your dad?
247
00:07:40,044 --> 00:07:40,958
Well, let me think.
248
00:07:41,132 --> 00:07:42,656
Uh... no.
249
00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:44,309
I'm sorry.
Did I say something wrong?
250
00:07:44,483 --> 00:07:45,876
No, no, no.
Everything is peachy.
251
00:07:46,050 --> 00:07:47,312
That's Murray's
dry sense of humor.
252
00:07:47,486 --> 00:07:48,792
He's--
He's my funny boy.
253
00:07:48,966 --> 00:07:50,402
Whatever this is,
I hate it.
254
00:07:50,576 --> 00:07:52,883
We have a lot of
Thanksgiving traditions.Oh, yeah?
255
00:07:53,057 --> 00:07:54,493
We watch
the football game together.
256
00:07:54,668 --> 00:07:55,973
You mean you made me
go in my room
257
00:07:56,147 --> 00:07:57,540
and listen to it
on the radio.
258
00:07:57,714 --> 00:07:59,281
So we could
compare experiences after.
259
00:07:59,455 --> 00:08:00,935
And after the game,
you'd go for your cigar walk.
260
00:08:01,109 --> 00:08:02,588
Well, sure.
261
00:08:02,763 --> 00:08:04,242
I couldn't smoke around
Prince Murray and his asthma.
262
00:08:04,416 --> 00:08:06,680
Another possibility?
You're a liar.
263
00:08:06,854 --> 00:08:07,506
And you were
an annoying kid.
264
00:08:07,681 --> 00:08:09,421
And there it is,
265
00:08:09,595 --> 00:08:11,162
anger, yelling,
and pettiness,
266
00:08:11,336 --> 00:08:13,338
your real
Thanksgiving tradition.
267
00:08:13,512 --> 00:08:16,037
You know what?
I-I think I should go.
268
00:08:16,211 --> 00:08:17,212
No, wait, Joyce.
[CHUCKLES] No, no.
269
00:08:17,386 --> 00:08:18,387
We're just
having fun here.
270
00:08:18,561 --> 00:08:19,736
Yeah, but I'm not.
271
00:08:21,956 --> 00:08:23,218
How could you
mess this up for me?
272
00:08:23,392 --> 00:08:25,350
You had years
to play the loving dad.
273
00:08:25,524 --> 00:08:26,787
You messed that up
all on your own.
274
00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:31,661
It's probably
for the best.
275
00:08:31,835 --> 00:08:33,576
Joyce's eyes were,
like, all over me.
276
00:08:33,750 --> 00:08:35,186
ADULT ADAM:
While Pop-Pop's lie was exposed,
277
00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:37,101
my mom was hoping
a covered dish
278
00:08:37,275 --> 00:08:39,060
would keep her in
the Thanksgiving spotlight.
279
00:08:39,234 --> 00:08:40,409
Hello, Bev.Linda.
280
00:08:40,583 --> 00:08:42,019
I thought
I would drop off
281
00:08:42,193 --> 00:08:44,021
my triple-cheese
shrimp au gratin
282
00:08:44,195 --> 00:08:46,197
so there's
something decent to eat.
283
00:08:46,371 --> 00:08:47,198
ERICA: Just bring it
in the kitchen!
284
00:08:47,372 --> 00:08:48,069
Erica?
285
00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:50,680
The hell's this?
286
00:08:50,854 --> 00:08:53,248
I'm helping Linda
with Thanksgiving prep.
287
00:08:53,422 --> 00:08:55,859
Creamy sweet peas,
Lou's favorite.
288
00:08:56,033 --> 00:08:57,556
Oh, are those
matching aprons?
289
00:08:57,731 --> 00:08:59,036
BOTH: Two peas in a pod.
290
00:08:59,210 --> 00:09:02,344
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
291
00:09:02,518 --> 00:09:04,781
ADULT ADAM: While she
may not have been cooking Thanksgiving dinner,
292
00:09:04,955 --> 00:09:06,304
watching Erica and Linda
bond in the kitchen...
293
00:09:06,478 --> 00:09:07,741
I have to go.
294
00:09:07,915 --> 00:09:10,526
...made my mom boil over.
295
00:09:10,700 --> 00:09:12,441
But thankfully,
there was someone to dish to.
296
00:09:12,615 --> 00:09:14,269
I come bearing
a seasonal candle, neighbor.
297
00:09:14,443 --> 00:09:15,270
I've been cheated on!
298
00:09:15,444 --> 00:09:17,881
Exodus 20:14, no!
299
00:09:18,055 --> 00:09:19,840
I'd never think that Murray
would have the energy,
300
00:09:20,014 --> 00:09:21,842
let alone the desire.
301
00:09:22,016 --> 00:09:23,321
And what woman would
debase hers--
302
00:09:23,495 --> 00:09:25,497
It's Linda [BLEEP] Schwartz!
303
00:09:25,671 --> 00:09:27,412
I always got a skank vibe
off of her.
304
00:09:27,586 --> 00:09:28,979
Murray didn't cheat on me
with Linda.
305
00:09:29,153 --> 00:09:30,067
Erica did.
306
00:09:30,241 --> 00:09:32,243
Torrents of confusion.
307
00:09:32,417 --> 00:09:33,767
Please explain.
308
00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:36,595
The very fruit
of my lush giving tree
309
00:09:36,770 --> 00:09:38,510
is out gallivanting
with another mother.
310
00:09:38,684 --> 00:09:39,990
Wait, your daughter
is hanging out
311
00:09:40,164 --> 00:09:41,513
with her
soon-to-be mother-in-law,
312
00:09:41,687 --> 00:09:43,559
and that's bad
because...
313
00:09:43,733 --> 00:09:47,389
Because it is a disgusting
display of child infidelity.
314
00:09:47,563 --> 00:09:49,957
I don't think child infidelity
is a real thing.
315
00:09:50,131 --> 00:09:51,697
It's real.
316
00:09:51,872 --> 00:09:54,352
Maybe my Thanksgivings just
aren't what they used to be.
317
00:09:54,526 --> 00:09:57,094
Cheesy shrimp au gratin.
Bleh!
318
00:09:57,268 --> 00:09:58,530
That's not gonna keep her
coming home to Mama.
319
00:09:58,704 --> 00:09:59,836
Fudge and crackers!
320
00:10:00,010 --> 00:10:02,143
Thanksgiving's at
the Schwartzes'?
321
00:10:02,317 --> 00:10:03,797
My candle was an attempt
to snag an invite
322
00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:05,276
to your Turkey Day.
323
00:10:05,450 --> 00:10:07,322
Why can't there be
two Thanksgivings?
324
00:10:07,496 --> 00:10:09,367
[GASPS]
Wait a minute.
325
00:10:09,541 --> 00:10:10,891
Clear out
your Wednesday.
326
00:10:11,065 --> 00:10:12,762
You're invited to a nosh.
327
00:10:12,936 --> 00:10:14,503
Hot damn!
The candle worked.
328
00:10:14,677 --> 00:10:15,939
[SNIFFS]
It's perfect.
329
00:10:19,116 --> 00:10:21,379
ADULT ADAM:
After my dad had blown Pop-Pop's cover with Joyce,
330
00:10:21,553 --> 00:10:23,904
he was back to
his sad bachelor ways.
331
00:10:24,078 --> 00:10:26,036
[KNOCK ON DOOR]I told you girls already,
332
00:10:26,210 --> 00:10:28,125
I don't want anything
from Samoa,
333
00:10:28,299 --> 00:10:29,344
especially a cookie.
334
00:10:29,518 --> 00:10:31,085
ADAM: Pop-Pop, open up!
335
00:10:31,259 --> 00:10:31,912
It's us.[KNOCK ON DOOR]
336
00:10:35,132 --> 00:10:36,873
We feel really bad
about any part we had
337
00:10:37,047 --> 00:10:38,353
in your break-up
with Joyce.
338
00:10:38,527 --> 00:10:40,094
I was alone for decades
before Joyce.
339
00:10:40,268 --> 00:10:41,704
I'll be alone
for decades after.
340
00:10:41,878 --> 00:10:43,227
Don't say that.
341
00:10:43,401 --> 00:10:44,576
There are other women
out there.
342
00:10:44,750 --> 00:10:46,578
Not like Joyce.
She was perfect.
343
00:10:46,752 --> 00:10:48,580
Nice figure, she didn't think
she was better than me,
344
00:10:48,754 --> 00:10:50,582
and she lived within
a 50-foot radius.
345
00:10:50,756 --> 00:10:51,932
Why don't you try
and win her back?
346
00:10:52,106 --> 00:10:53,716
Win her back?
She's not an object.
347
00:10:53,890 --> 00:10:55,457
She's
a smoking-hot broad
348
00:10:55,631 --> 00:10:56,806
with a caboose that
never stops chugging.
349
00:10:56,980 --> 00:10:58,721
Caboose?Oh, ignoring that.
350
00:10:58,895 --> 00:10:59,896
We'll help you.
351
00:11:00,070 --> 00:11:01,680
Barry and I
have a rich history
352
00:11:01,855 --> 00:11:03,334
of grand,
romantic gestures.
353
00:11:03,508 --> 00:11:04,422
Guess it couldn't
make it any worse.
354
00:11:04,596 --> 00:11:06,163
That's almost
the spirit.
355
00:11:06,337 --> 00:11:07,730
You know what?
356
00:11:07,904 --> 00:11:09,471
Let's start with
a clothing makeover.
357
00:11:09,645 --> 00:11:11,386
What's the matter
with these?They're hideous!
358
00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:13,692
Time to raid
your closet.
359
00:11:13,867 --> 00:11:16,347
ADULT ADAM: Unfortunately,
Pop-Pop's closet wasn't a treasure trove.
360
00:11:16,521 --> 00:11:18,784
I didn't even know they made
so many browns.
361
00:11:18,959 --> 00:11:21,091
Technically, uh,
the one on the end is russet,
362
00:11:21,265 --> 00:11:22,876
and, uh, that guy
is Yukon gold,
363
00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:24,529
and the fancy one
is yam.
364
00:11:24,703 --> 00:11:25,617
They're all named
after potatoes,
365
00:11:25,791 --> 00:11:27,141
the least sexy vegetable?
366
00:11:27,315 --> 00:11:28,751
Everyone likes a potato.
367
00:11:28,925 --> 00:11:29,665
It's a versatile tuber.
368
00:11:29,839 --> 00:11:30,927
You're a tuber, huh?
369
00:11:31,101 --> 00:11:32,276
Barry, no.
370
00:11:32,450 --> 00:11:33,974
Let's just focus on
the gesture part
371
00:11:34,148 --> 00:11:36,454
of the grand,
romantic gesture.[GRUNTS]
372
00:11:36,628 --> 00:11:38,108
Do you have any skills
that might dazzle a lady?
373
00:11:38,282 --> 00:11:40,110
I have Medicare.
Is that a skill?No.
374
00:11:40,284 --> 00:11:41,503
Let's just do
what we always do,
375
00:11:41,677 --> 00:11:42,896
you stand
outside her window
376
00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:44,680
holding a boombox
over your head.
377
00:11:44,854 --> 00:11:46,334
Box?
No, that sounds expensive.
378
00:11:46,508 --> 00:11:47,857
What about this thing?
379
00:11:48,031 --> 00:11:49,598
Maybe you can sell it,
give her the money?
380
00:11:49,772 --> 00:11:51,426
Oh, my accordion!
381
00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:52,862
The ladies do go crazy
over a guy
382
00:11:53,036 --> 00:11:54,516
who's got one of those
strapped to his chest.
383
00:11:54,690 --> 00:11:56,257
[ACCORDION WHEEZES]
384
00:11:56,431 --> 00:11:58,041
Logic and judgment suggest
there's no way that's true,
385
00:11:58,215 --> 00:12:00,000
but here we go.
386
00:12:00,174 --> 00:12:00,609
I guess I can give
the old girl some squeezes,
387
00:12:00,783 --> 00:12:02,524
a few tickles.
388
00:12:02,698 --> 00:12:05,048
Please tell me you're talking
about this thing, not Joyce.
389
00:12:05,222 --> 00:12:07,224
ADULT ADAM:
As Pop-Pop was planning to use his accordion,
390
00:12:07,398 --> 00:12:10,532
my mom was set to put the
Thanksgiving squeeze on Linda.
391
00:12:10,706 --> 00:12:12,229
Well, thank you all
for coming.
392
00:12:12,403 --> 00:12:14,536
I know we have a big day
tomorrow at Linda's.
393
00:12:14,710 --> 00:12:17,104
Well, tonight's get-together
is just a light Wednesday nosh
394
00:12:17,278 --> 00:12:20,324
to prep our tummies for
Linda's smorgasbord tomorrow.
395
00:12:20,498 --> 00:12:21,717
Back in a jiff.
396
00:12:21,891 --> 00:12:23,197
ADULT ADAM:
But the nosh wasn't so light.
397
00:12:23,371 --> 00:12:25,634
It was heavy. Very heavy.
398
00:12:25,808 --> 00:12:26,896
This is just
Thanksgiving dinner.
399
00:12:27,070 --> 00:12:28,158
Cool.
400
00:12:28,332 --> 00:12:29,377
What did you do?
401
00:12:29,551 --> 00:12:30,508
Oh, this?
402
00:12:30,682 --> 00:12:32,249
Well, it's just
a light offering
403
00:12:32,423 --> 00:12:34,817
of some coincidentally
seasonal dishes.
404
00:12:34,991 --> 00:12:36,688
I'm looking at
five gravy boats.
405
00:12:36,862 --> 00:12:38,734
The stuffing, mashed potatoes,
cornbread, and turkey
406
00:12:38,908 --> 00:12:40,431
have to drown
in something, Erica.
407
00:12:40,605 --> 00:12:41,867
I brought a candle.
408
00:12:42,042 --> 00:12:43,782
I see that it's unlit
in the corner
409
00:12:43,957 --> 00:12:46,481
and someone's placed some mail
on top of it, but that's fine.
410
00:12:46,655 --> 00:12:48,265
How is this bird
somehow bigger than the first?
411
00:12:48,439 --> 00:12:50,267
I always have a backup.
412
00:12:50,441 --> 00:12:54,054
Um, this was Wishbone.
Spirited fella.
413
00:12:54,228 --> 00:12:56,578
The last 60 seconds
of his life were chaotic.
414
00:12:56,752 --> 00:12:58,449
Are those
creamy sweet peas?
415
00:12:58,623 --> 00:13:00,277
They're triple-creamy
sweet peas.
416
00:13:00,451 --> 00:13:01,931
The secret? More cream.
417
00:13:02,105 --> 00:13:04,455
This is too far, woman.
Too far.
418
00:13:04,629 --> 00:13:06,370
Speaking of too far,
419
00:13:06,544 --> 00:13:08,068
uh, could you put some
sweet potatoes on my plate?
420
00:13:08,242 --> 00:13:10,331
It still has
some white space.
421
00:13:10,505 --> 00:13:12,594
Linda, you still have
real Thanksgiving tomorrow,
422
00:13:12,768 --> 00:13:14,509
so why don't we all
just relax
423
00:13:14,683 --> 00:13:17,642
and fill our bellies
to their physical limits?
424
00:13:17,816 --> 00:13:20,384
Lou!They've got triple
the cream, Linda!
425
00:13:20,558 --> 00:13:22,647
I'm just a man!
426
00:13:22,821 --> 00:13:25,172
ADULT ADAM: As my mom's
big night stole the spotlight from Linda,
427
00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:27,652
Pop-Pop was about to
put on a show of his own.
428
00:13:27,826 --> 00:13:29,698
Joyce is gonna love
your new look.
429
00:13:29,872 --> 00:13:31,743
What have you done
to my hair?
430
00:13:31,917 --> 00:13:33,745
I look like that Italian fella
on that show
431
00:13:33,919 --> 00:13:35,225
with the leather jacket
and the thumbs.
432
00:13:35,399 --> 00:13:36,966
Exactly.
An elderly Fonzie.
433
00:13:37,140 --> 00:13:38,750
And what's with
this sweater?
434
00:13:38,924 --> 00:13:40,578
Sophia Loren couldn't
fill this out.
435
00:13:40,752 --> 00:13:42,319
It was my mom's,
but don't worry.
436
00:13:42,493 --> 00:13:43,494
The tag says "unisex."
437
00:13:43,668 --> 00:13:44,582
[ACCORDION WHEEZING]
438
00:13:46,236 --> 00:13:48,847
You look good.
Fine. Different.
439
00:13:49,022 --> 00:13:51,372
You're gonna be great.
440
00:13:51,546 --> 00:13:54,157
ADULT ADAM: So in my mom's
most normal sweater,
441
00:13:54,331 --> 00:13:56,812
Pop-Pop playedIn Your Eyes
by Peter Gabriel,
442
00:13:56,986 --> 00:13:57,813
and he was good.
443
00:13:57,987 --> 00:13:59,249
He was really good.
444
00:13:59,423 --> 00:14:01,425
Ben, what are you doing here?
445
00:14:01,599 --> 00:14:03,558
I'm winning you back
with the squeeze-box.
446
00:14:03,732 --> 00:14:05,299
[SOUR NOTE PLAYS]Oh, crap.
447
00:14:05,473 --> 00:14:06,865
ADULT ADAM: Until he wasn't.
448
00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:10,086
I, uh, I can't be talking
while I...
449
00:14:10,260 --> 00:14:12,523
[CAT YOWLS]Ooh. My cat,
he doesn't like...
450
00:14:12,697 --> 00:14:14,351
[SOUR NOTES PLAYING]Pop-Pop, stop.
451
00:14:14,525 --> 00:14:15,744
It's like the moans
of a ghost trapped in our world!
452
00:14:15,918 --> 00:14:17,441
I can get back into it.
453
00:14:17,615 --> 00:14:18,921
I'm... I'm just off
by one finger.
454
00:14:19,095 --> 00:14:20,836
[CAT YOWLING]Oh, no. Your cat got out.
455
00:14:21,010 --> 00:14:22,881
I'll get it.
I'm good with cats.
456
00:14:23,056 --> 00:14:24,666
We both have
adventurous natures.
457
00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:26,972
I'm sorry.
I clearly can't play this thing.
458
00:14:27,147 --> 00:14:28,626
I mean, my hair
is all slicked back
459
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:30,672
and they got me in this
bosomy lady's garment.
460
00:14:30,846 --> 00:14:33,022
Still, I-I appreciate
the effort. It's nice.
461
00:14:33,196 --> 00:14:34,197
Mm.
462
00:14:34,806 --> 00:14:35,807
You're nice.
463
00:14:35,981 --> 00:14:37,679
No, I'm not.
464
00:14:37,853 --> 00:14:39,376
I just made up some things
to impress you,
465
00:14:39,550 --> 00:14:42,162
and the truth is,
as a father, I'm kind of a putz.
466
00:14:42,336 --> 00:14:44,077
I just thought
if I got lucky,
467
00:14:44,251 --> 00:14:45,295
you'd never find out.
468
00:14:45,469 --> 00:14:46,644
Ben, I don't want you
to be perfect.
469
00:14:48,211 --> 00:14:49,560
I just want you
to be yourself.
470
00:14:49,734 --> 00:14:50,735
Really?
471
00:14:50,909 --> 00:14:52,215
Really.
472
00:14:52,389 --> 00:14:53,434
This might be
a little late,
473
00:14:53,608 --> 00:14:54,478
but, uh,
you wouldn't want to go
474
00:14:54,652 --> 00:14:55,914
to a Thanksgiving dinner now,
would you?
475
00:14:56,089 --> 00:14:57,655
You know what?
I would.
476
00:14:57,829 --> 00:14:59,614
Not every day somebody
stands outside my door
477
00:14:59,788 --> 00:15:00,484
and serenades me.
478
00:15:01,355 --> 00:15:02,095
I'll get my purse.
479
00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:03,531
[SIGHS]
480
00:15:05,489 --> 00:15:07,665
And that, my boy,
is why the accordion
481
00:15:07,839 --> 00:15:10,842
is the most romantic of all
the instruments you wear.
482
00:15:11,016 --> 00:15:12,192
ADULT ADAM:
While Pop-Pop's heart was full,
483
00:15:12,366 --> 00:15:13,671
everyone's bellies were, too.
484
00:15:13,845 --> 00:15:15,108
Turkey's almost done,
everyone.
485
00:15:15,282 --> 00:15:17,327
No more!Are you trying
to kill us?
486
00:15:17,501 --> 00:15:19,851
Throw it in the trash,
Linda!
487
00:15:20,025 --> 00:15:21,331
I'm kind of
full myself.[KNOCK ON DOOR]
488
00:15:21,505 --> 00:15:22,550
We're here.
489
00:15:23,594 --> 00:15:24,769
Linda, I have to say,
490
00:15:24,943 --> 00:15:27,424
I am so glad
you are hosting this year.
491
00:15:27,598 --> 00:15:29,513
Also, Murray will not
be able to attend.
492
00:15:29,687 --> 00:15:31,515
Something about
Thanksgiving being yesterday.
493
00:15:31,689 --> 00:15:33,517
Yep. Bev's bird
did me in, too.
494
00:15:33,691 --> 00:15:35,824
I slept
for 12 hours last night,
495
00:15:35,998 --> 00:15:37,608
instead of my usual 11.
496
00:15:37,782 --> 00:15:40,089
Maybe that can be
our new tradition, huh?
497
00:15:40,263 --> 00:15:42,483
Pre-Thanksgiving
at the Goldbergs'?
498
00:15:42,657 --> 00:15:43,962
ADULT ADAM: Erica realized
she had to do something
499
00:15:44,137 --> 00:15:45,877
to take down my mom,
500
00:15:46,051 --> 00:15:48,010
so she pulled out
her biggest weapon.
501
00:15:48,184 --> 00:15:50,055
Can you help me
set the table, Mom?
502
00:15:50,230 --> 00:15:53,711
Or, fun thought, we skip
the meal and just call it.
503
00:15:53,885 --> 00:15:56,497
Hey, yay!
Four-day weekend, everybody.
504
00:15:56,671 --> 00:15:59,413
Oh, I wasn't talking to you.
I was talking to Linda.
505
00:15:59,587 --> 00:16:00,718
Can you help me
set the table, Mom?
506
00:16:00,892 --> 00:16:02,111
[SHATTERING]
507
00:16:02,285 --> 00:16:03,634
I must be
in my manic phase
508
00:16:03,808 --> 00:16:05,549
because I am giddy
with anticipation.
509
00:16:05,723 --> 00:16:07,682
That's right.
Since we're becoming family,
510
00:16:07,856 --> 00:16:09,814
I wanted to honor her
with the title of "Mom."
511
00:16:10,902 --> 00:16:12,382
Mm. This feels right.
512
00:16:12,556 --> 00:16:14,602
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
513
00:16:14,776 --> 00:16:16,299
Linda, is this true?
514
00:16:16,473 --> 00:16:18,823
Have you decided
that it is appropriate
515
00:16:18,997 --> 00:16:20,912
for you to be
addressed as such by the fruit of my womb?
516
00:16:21,086 --> 00:16:23,088
Oh, Beverly.
You misheard.
517
00:16:23,263 --> 00:16:24,960
I'm pretty sure
she said "ma'am."
518
00:16:25,134 --> 00:16:26,788
You said "ma'am,"
didn't you, Erica?
519
00:16:26,962 --> 00:16:28,050
Tell her
you said "ma'am."
520
00:16:28,224 --> 00:16:29,704
Nope, I called you
"Mom," Mom.
521
00:16:29,878 --> 00:16:31,358
And that, Mom,
522
00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:32,750
is what I will call you
from now on, Mom.
523
00:16:35,623 --> 00:16:37,668
Geoffrey, when your mother
gets back, call me "Mom."
524
00:16:37,842 --> 00:16:39,540
Finally.
Mom. Or Mommy?
525
00:16:39,714 --> 00:16:41,977
Mama? Ma?
Mammy? Momo?
526
00:16:42,151 --> 00:16:44,197
Forget it.
You make everything weird.
527
00:16:44,371 --> 00:16:46,590
Joanne, you give it a try.
528
00:16:46,764 --> 00:16:48,157
I actually call her
Linda. What if I call you Linda? Would that work?
529
00:16:48,331 --> 00:16:49,506
Worthless.
530
00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:51,421
Hey, Mom?Yes?
531
00:16:51,595 --> 00:16:53,293
Oh, I meant Linda.
532
00:16:53,467 --> 00:16:55,295
You should probably go ahead
and get used to that.
533
00:16:55,469 --> 00:16:56,644
Okay, everyone.
It's time.
534
00:16:56,818 --> 00:16:58,776
Time for what?
More drama?
535
00:16:58,950 --> 00:17:01,083
For touch football
in the yard. It's our family tradition.
536
00:17:01,257 --> 00:17:02,258
I'd like to play.
537
00:17:02,432 --> 00:17:04,347
Just so you're clear,
it's "touch."
538
00:17:04,521 --> 00:17:07,176
Just so you're clear,
I don't give a [BLEEP]
539
00:17:09,657 --> 00:17:11,093
ADULT ADAM:
That Thanksgiving,
540
00:17:11,267 --> 00:17:13,400
my mom and sister prepared
for the most important
541
00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:16,316
and maybe only touch football
game of their lives.
542
00:17:16,490 --> 00:17:18,970
Mom supremacy was on the line.
543
00:17:19,144 --> 00:17:21,103
All right, enough stretching.
Let's do this.
544
00:17:21,277 --> 00:17:22,931
But I gotta
keep these hammies warm
545
00:17:23,105 --> 00:17:24,976
if I'm gonna
shake and bake.
546
00:17:25,150 --> 00:17:26,282
You know,
my height and weight
547
00:17:26,456 --> 00:17:28,458
are exactly the same
548
00:17:28,632 --> 00:17:31,156
as Texas Oiler
Earl Campbell.
549
00:17:31,331 --> 00:17:33,071
Dad, please. No one knows
how to respond to that.
550
00:17:33,246 --> 00:17:34,769
Okay,
let's pick teams.
551
00:17:34,943 --> 00:17:36,379
I, of course,
pick my mom.
552
00:17:36,553 --> 00:17:38,860
Yes. Thank you, sweetheart.
I knew you--
553
00:17:39,034 --> 00:17:40,818
Damn it!
You mean Linda, don't you?
554
00:17:40,992 --> 00:17:42,255
Yep. And I'm gonna
scoop up Joanne, too.
555
00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:44,518
So now I'm stuck with
the Schwartz men?
556
00:17:44,692 --> 00:17:45,780
How is that fair?
557
00:17:45,954 --> 00:17:47,390
And I'll be the referee
558
00:17:47,564 --> 00:17:50,959
because the tension
is palpable in the fall air.
559
00:17:51,133 --> 00:17:53,178
ADULT ADAM: And so, there on
the chilly ryegrass
560
00:17:53,353 --> 00:17:56,443
of the Schwartz backyard,
warriors faced off.
561
00:17:58,009 --> 00:17:59,881
On one side, my mom,
562
00:18:00,055 --> 00:18:02,536
determined to reclaim
her status as top mom.
563
00:18:02,710 --> 00:18:04,625
And on the other, my sister,
564
00:18:04,799 --> 00:18:07,584
ready to defend her
mother-in-law at all costs.
565
00:18:07,758 --> 00:18:10,326
It was a game for the ages. [WHISTLE BLOWS]
566
00:18:10,500 --> 00:18:12,546
Soon, it came down to
the final drive.
567
00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:14,939
Whichever team
scored next won,
568
00:18:15,113 --> 00:18:17,072
and fate
set two combatants...[DISTORTED] Run!
569
00:18:17,246 --> 00:18:18,813
...on a collision course
with history.[DISTORTED] No!
570
00:18:18,987 --> 00:18:20,162
Mom!
571
00:18:23,078 --> 00:18:23,861
[THUD]
572
00:18:27,735 --> 00:18:29,650
Linda, are you okay?I think so.
573
00:18:29,824 --> 00:18:31,347
My shin might be
a little bruised.
574
00:18:31,521 --> 00:18:33,784
[GASPS]
That isn't my leg, is it?
575
00:18:33,958 --> 00:18:35,177
What the hell, Mom?
576
00:18:35,351 --> 00:18:37,266
I was caught up in the game.
I didn't mean to--
577
00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:38,528
Wreck your best friend?
578
00:18:38,702 --> 00:18:40,313
All because you lost
a stupid holiday.
579
00:18:41,966 --> 00:18:43,228
[GROANS]
580
00:18:43,403 --> 00:18:44,534
This might be
the wrong time to ask,
581
00:18:44,708 --> 00:18:46,928
is it "Linda" or "Lisa"?
582
00:18:47,102 --> 00:18:49,409
ADULT ADAM:
While my mom may have seriously injured Linda,
583
00:18:49,583 --> 00:18:52,281
Pop-Pop was trying to heal
some old wounds.
584
00:18:52,455 --> 00:18:54,718
There he is,
Father of the Year.
585
00:18:54,892 --> 00:18:56,154
Just listen for a second,
clever guy.
586
00:18:57,373 --> 00:18:58,461
I shouldn't have lied.
587
00:18:58,635 --> 00:19:00,420
And yes,
I wasn't the best dad.
588
00:19:00,594 --> 00:19:02,639
Best? You're
in the bottom three.
589
00:19:02,813 --> 00:19:03,858
All right,
get your licks in.
590
00:19:04,032 --> 00:19:05,555
I know I was
a miserable schmuck,
591
00:19:05,729 --> 00:19:07,731
and that's why I thought
I'd never have a lady in my life again.
592
00:19:07,905 --> 00:19:09,820
All right,
I was lonely, okay?
593
00:19:09,994 --> 00:19:11,561
I didn't know that.
You could have told me.
594
00:19:11,735 --> 00:19:13,737
How?With words!
595
00:19:13,911 --> 00:19:14,390
That's not my thing!
596
00:19:16,261 --> 00:19:17,480
Look, the point is,
597
00:19:17,654 --> 00:19:18,916
I would have done anything
to keep her around.
598
00:19:20,483 --> 00:19:22,180
Then why'd you drag her
over here?
599
00:19:22,355 --> 00:19:24,966
You... You should have known
we'd ruin your lies.
600
00:19:25,140 --> 00:19:26,924
I don't know. Maybe
I wanted to show you all off or something.
601
00:19:31,538 --> 00:19:33,148
You want
to watch the game?
602
00:19:33,322 --> 00:19:34,932
Uh, together?Yeah.
603
00:19:36,325 --> 00:19:39,502
Oh, yeah.
604
00:19:39,676 --> 00:19:42,113
ADULT ADAM: While my dad
and Pop-Pop looked to change their future,
605
00:19:42,287 --> 00:19:45,203
my mom felt it was time
to apologize for the past.
606
00:19:46,770 --> 00:19:48,381
Is it okay if I sit?
607
00:19:48,555 --> 00:19:50,687
Why, so you can steal
Arbor Day or Cinco de Mayo
608
00:19:50,861 --> 00:19:52,254
or Lou and Linda's
anniversary?
609
00:19:52,428 --> 00:19:56,519
Linda, I am so sorry.
610
00:19:56,693 --> 00:19:58,173
You're one of
my dearest friends.
611
00:19:58,347 --> 00:20:00,262
And you are
one of mine.
612
00:20:00,436 --> 00:20:01,872
That's why I thought
it would be so sweet
613
00:20:02,046 --> 00:20:03,352
when our families merge.
614
00:20:03,526 --> 00:20:05,963
It can be.
It will be.
615
00:20:07,878 --> 00:20:10,881
I'm just so scared
I'm gonna lose my baby to you.
616
00:20:11,055 --> 00:20:13,014
I'm scared I'm gonna lose
my baby to you.
617
00:20:13,188 --> 00:20:13,884
[PETER GABRIEL'S
"IN YOUR EYES" PLAYS]
618
00:20:14,058 --> 00:20:15,364
How about that?
619
00:20:15,538 --> 00:20:17,758
Sounds like you have
everything in common.
620
00:20:17,932 --> 00:20:19,716
I guess that makes us
pretty lucky.
621
00:20:19,890 --> 00:20:22,980
I'm the lucky one.
I get two great moms.
622
00:20:23,154 --> 00:20:25,026
♪♪ Sometimes...
623
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:26,375
Are you going to be okay
with me saying that?
624
00:20:26,549 --> 00:20:27,376
Never.
625
00:20:28,682 --> 00:20:29,639
But if
it's gotta be someone,
626
00:20:29,813 --> 00:20:32,816
I'm glad it's Linda.
627
00:20:32,990 --> 00:20:34,992
ADULT ADAM:
As you get older, your family dynamics will inherently
628
00:20:35,166 --> 00:20:36,777
change, shift, and evolve.
629
00:20:38,387 --> 00:20:39,693
♪♪ I reach out
from the inside...
630
00:20:39,867 --> 00:20:41,303
ADULT ADAM: Sometimes
it's to welcome new,
631
00:20:41,477 --> 00:20:42,783
completely unexpected
family members.
632
00:20:43,827 --> 00:20:45,960
♪♪ In your eyes...
633
00:20:46,134 --> 00:20:48,005
ADULT ADAM: And sometimes,
it's to welcome friends
634
00:20:48,179 --> 00:20:49,442
who've been there all along.
635
00:20:49,616 --> 00:20:50,355
♪♪ I am complete
636
00:20:50,530 --> 00:20:51,792
♪♪ In your eyes
637
00:20:51,966 --> 00:20:53,794
♪♪ I see the doorway...
638
00:20:53,968 --> 00:20:55,535
When you make room
for everyone at your table...
639
00:20:55,709 --> 00:20:57,058
you'll find every day
640
00:20:57,232 --> 00:20:59,277
to be a joyous celebration.
641
00:21:02,890 --> 00:21:03,978
What's up, Mom?
642
00:21:04,152 --> 00:21:06,676
Ooh, yeah, that
still doesn't feel right.
643
00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:09,549
It's wildly uncomfortable
for everyone involved.
644
00:21:09,723 --> 00:21:11,855
There's got to be something
that speaks to our closeness.
645
00:21:12,029 --> 00:21:14,728
Mee-maw? Mamacita?
Mommers? Mommaroony?
646
00:21:14,902 --> 00:21:16,164
Mumsy? Mama-lou?
647
00:21:16,338 --> 00:21:18,514
Queen Mother?
Mamasaurus Rex?
648
00:21:18,688 --> 00:21:21,343
Mother Superior? Bahama Mama?
The Bev Train? Choo-choo.
649
00:21:21,517 --> 00:21:23,214
Big Mama?
She's a fine Mama-Jama?
650
00:21:23,388 --> 00:21:24,346
Ooh, how about
just "Beverly"?
651
00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:26,000
Sorry. None of these
are working.
652
00:21:26,174 --> 00:21:27,175
But, Mrs. Goldberg--
653
00:21:27,349 --> 00:21:28,045
Bup-bup! That's the one.
654
00:21:28,095 --> 00:21:32,645
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
48077
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.