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1
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2
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Josh.
3
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Fuck. No, no, no, no, no!
4
00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:12,680
Beluga caviar?
5
00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:13,680
Fuck!
6
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:15,960
All of a sudden
I'm housemates with Vladimir Putin.
7
00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:16,960
(LAUGHS)
8
00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:18,480
Arnold got that for me
for Valentine's Day.
9
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Oh, it expired on Sunday.
10
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Shit.
11
00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:22,720
How much is that?
12
00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:24,640
Like, 150.
13
00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:26,280
150?
14
00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:28,800
How did you forget to eat
150 worth of caviar?
15
00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:30,800
Well, Tom, we were waiting
for the perfect moment
16
00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:32,160
but then it never came.
17
00:00:32,160 --> 00:00:33,160
Well, that's poetic.
18
00:00:33,160 --> 00:00:34,400
Maybe it's still good?
19
00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:39,720
That was fucking creepy.
20
00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:40,960
That's how you taste caviar!
21
00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:44,920
Is it OK to eat?
22
00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:47,080
I don't know. I've never had it
before and it tastes sort of off
23
00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:48,080
but, like, in a good way.
24
00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:49,960
Yeah, I'm into it.
'Cause it tastes like pussy?
25
00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:50,960
Mm.
26
00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:55,800
If that's what you taste like then I
just...you need to change something.
27
00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:57,680
Hey, do you know what I think
you'd really love?
28
00:00:57,680 --> 00:01:01,640
Like, a really pretty guy
with, like, cute curly hair,
29
00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:03,520
and a very good BMI, like,
30
00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:05,760
does lots of nice compliments...
Oh, yeah?
31
00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:09,400
..very smart and does
surprisingly romantic things
32
00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:11,360
and maybe he's got a bit of money
but he's not arrogant.
33
00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:13,240
Yeah, Arnold is quite good. Yep.
Yeah.
34
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But you just can't make yourself
love him.
35
00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:16,280
Not anymore.
36
00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:19,160
For me, the question here is,
what's wrong with you?
37
00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:20,160
Face.
38
00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:24,400
Is that a speck of mould?
39
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I don't know.
40
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Just eat around it.
41
00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:27,960
I love you.
42
00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:31,600
I am feeling optimistic and
enthusiastic about my dating future.
43
00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:34,920
SONG: # One, two
One, two, three, four
44
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# Ooh
45
00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:39,880
# Yeah, I'll be fine, yeah, yeah
# Ooh
46
00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:42,880
# Ooh
# OK
47
00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:45,560
# Ooh
# Oh, the good Lord knows it
48
00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:48,240
# Ooh
# Oh, the good Lord knows it
49
00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:50,200
# Ooh
# I left better behind
50
00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:54,240
# I'll be fine, yeah, yeah, yeah
51
00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:56,880
# Make my mamma
turn another blind eye
52
00:01:56,880 --> 00:01:58,680
# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
53
00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:00,520
Don't look at me! Don't look at me!
54
00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:01,520
# I'll be fine. #
55
00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:08,160
A bus is here.
I mean, this just must be him.
56
00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:10,960
Why is Tom still talking to
the real estate agent?
57
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:14,040
Is it a girl with low self-esteem?
58
00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:16,640
This house is so ugly
and he's pretending it isn't.
59
00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:20,360
No-one got out.
60
00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:22,040
Why did no-one get out?
61
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:26,160
(GRINDR NOTIFICATION ALERT)
62
00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:28,520
He just messaged and said
that he's ten minutes away.
63
00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:29,760
He's said that quite a lot.
64
00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:31,400
Many times.
(GRINDR NOTIFICATION ALERT)
65
00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:35,000
Oh, no, Ella, he just said he's in
school uniform and hopes that's OK.
66
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:36,000
Is that OK?
67
00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:37,440
Josh, how old is this boy?
68
00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:39,200
I don't know,
it doesn't say on his profile.
69
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:41,800
I mean, he looks adult.
I promise he looks like an adult.
70
00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:43,400
Ask him.
Yeah.
71
00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:44,960
(GRINDR ALERT)
He's 18.
72
00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:46,680
That's quite young.
Who do you think you are?
73
00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:49,040
Tom?
(LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY)
74
00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:51,440
(GRINDR ALERT)
Oh, God.
75
00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:52,840
What?
76
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,800
He wants me to pee on him.
77
00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:56,000
Will you pee on him?
78
00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:57,520
I don't know,
it just seems I'm a bit young
79
00:02:57,520 --> 00:03:00,080
to start experimenting that hard
with my sex life.
80
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:01,200
He's 18.
81
00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:03,720
Kids these days! Am I right?
82
00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:06,640
So many people just love
being peed on.
83
00:03:06,640 --> 00:03:07,640
(GRINDR ALERT)
84
00:03:07,640 --> 00:03:09,000
He says he won't come
if I don't pee on him.
85
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:11,680
He hasn't left yet? What's going on?
86
00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:14,240
Should I just pee on him?
I mean, I've already come this far.
87
00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:17,240
Yeah, I vote yes.
88
00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:19,040
Alright, I'm saying yes.
89
00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:21,040
(SQUEALS)
You said I should!
90
00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:23,320
I'm not sure that
I thought it through!
91
00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:26,680
Oh, no, he just said he's in a
wheelchair and he hopes that's OK.
92
00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:28,760
Oh, no...
93
00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:29,760
Oh, no.
94
00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:31,560
You know what's happening here,
don't you?
95
00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:33,640
Yeah, this boy doesn't exist.
96
00:03:33,640 --> 00:03:34,640
You're talking to
97
00:03:34,640 --> 00:03:36,520
perhaps an anonymous group
of friends at a party
98
00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:41,000
and they are laughing at you
for agreeing to pee on a school kid.
99
00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:42,000
Yep.
100
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:43,840
How are you feeling?
101
00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:47,520
I'm feeling like I learnt a lot
about myself and the world.
102
00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:50,400
Maybe you guys want to hang out
with me, yeah?
103
00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:54,760
Oh, I wish. We've got
so many more houses to look at.
104
00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:11,520
What's all this, then?
105
00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:14,200
I've taken up boxing training.
106
00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:15,640
MUM: She's just showing off.
107
00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:18,280
You're gonna be
a million dollar baby.
108
00:04:18,280 --> 00:04:22,080
Million dollar baby
was thin and fit.
109
00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:23,960
And rich and dead.
110
00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:25,480
See, some women can have it all.
111
00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:27,720
Sounds fun. Maybe I'll join you.
Maybe I'll do some boxing.
112
00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:31,880
No son of mine is going to be
hitting people for fun, Josh.
113
00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:33,560
I'll only hit bad guys.
114
00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:34,960
Like robbers, etc.
115
00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:39,040
Why can't you EVER take my side?
116
00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:41,840
I mean, I take your side plenty,
don't I?
117
00:04:41,840 --> 00:04:44,640
You liked boxing yesterday.
You should have been here then.
118
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You would've been on her side.
Maybe come back tomorrow?
119
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Stop talking about me
as though I'm not even here!
120
00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:51,360
Hello! Am I here?
121
00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:53,000
Can anybody hear me?
122
00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:54,720
Mum, we're just playing, OK.
Calm down.
123
00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:56,440
Hannah, go to your room.
124
00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:58,840
I've been grounded again.
125
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,960
You can go too, Josh.
126
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:03,120
OK, see ya.
127
00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:05,160
See ya, little munchkin.
Oh, piss off!
128
00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:06,800
She's a little munchkin.
Piss off!
129
00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:10,640
MAN: OK.
130
00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:14,160
This is me
when I have my plastic surgery.
131
00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:16,040
Looks good, better.
(LAUGHS)
132
00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:18,840
When are you back
so we can do sex things?
133
00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:21,720
Two weeks,
but we can't do sex things.
134
00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:24,640
Why not? Why can't we do sex things?
135
00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:26,200
I have a girlfriend now.
136
00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:28,240
A girlfriend?
137
00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:30,520
Yeah. A girlfriend.
138
00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:32,320
And you do sex with her?
139
00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:34,640
Yes.
140
00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:38,600
Well, that's cool, isn't it?
141
00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:39,920
Very modern.
142
00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:44,240
(ELLA BURPS)
TOM: Did you just burp?
143
00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:45,560
Yeah.
144
00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:47,560
I'm sick of sexuality being fluid.
145
00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:49,840
I miss the days when your gays were
gay, your straights were straight
146
00:05:49,840 --> 00:05:51,080
and your bisexuals were lying.
147
00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:58,760
MAN: Last time I tried to fly
it was so embarrassing.
148
00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:00,880
I got so scared
when we hit a bit of turbulence
149
00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:03,160
and I accidentally grabbed the hand
of the man next to me.
150
00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:05,160
There isn't anywhere safer
than in a plane.
151
00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:06,960
I mean,
it's such a controlled environment.
152
00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:09,440
Like, there's such a bigger chance
that I murder you right now
153
00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:10,840
than you'll die in a plane crash.
154
00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:12,240
Don't you think?
155
00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:14,880
I have never seen anyone
more scared of flying than me.
156
00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:16,320
I'm such a baby about it.
157
00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:18,040
It's so embarrassing.
158
00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:20,440
Just, what I think,
I think the key is, right,
159
00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:22,440
is to just stop being afraid of death
altogether.
160
00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:25,240
Don't you think it's a little bit
arrogant to be scared of dying?
161
00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:27,720
Like, in the grand scheme of things,
like the billions people
162
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:30,800
and the millions of years
and the stardust and the mammoths,
163
00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:32,280
and...Taylor Swift,
164
00:06:32,280 --> 00:06:35,960
I dunno, it just seems like...like
you don't really matter that much.
165
00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:38,480
You know?
166
00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:39,960
Wow, I'm cured.
167
00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:42,800
(LAUGHS) Yeah, I fixed it.
168
00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:44,520
He cured me, Bastion.
Yeah.
169
00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:49,960
(MOBILE PHONE RINGS)
170
00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:54,080
Hey, Ma. I'm sorry,
I can't really talk.
171
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,720
Josh, Hannah has been ignoring me.
172
00:06:55,720 --> 00:07:00,040
She hasn't spoken to me for days
and I didn't do anything at all.
173
00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:01,880
She's just being so mean to me.
174
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:04,360
I'm sorry, Mum. I'm on a date
and I have to go.
175
00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:05,760
You aren't on a date.
176
00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:06,920
I am on a date.
177
00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:08,600
No, you're just trying
to get rid of me.
178
00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:10,680
Is it really so hard for you
to believe that I'm on a date?
179
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,280
You are lying, Joshua.
180
00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:13,760
I know when you're lying.
I'm your mother.
181
00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:15,080
You're just trying to get rid of me.
182
00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:16,880
Can you please tell my mother
you exist?
183
00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:18,080
I exist.
184
00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:19,080
Oh, hello.
185
00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:20,440
OK?
186
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:21,840
Oh, fine!
187
00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:29,800
Do you want to punch?
188
00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:32,720
The bag.
189
00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:35,600
Not me. Don't punch me.
190
00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:48,800
You have a lot of big books,
you must be pretty smart.
191
00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:50,160
I'm a podiatrist.
192
00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:52,320
I don't know why I said that
about the books. OK, I have books.
193
00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:54,200
I want you to know that.
Like, it's not weird to me.
194
00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:55,400
Like, I'm smart.
195
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:58,080
Yeah.
Yeah, OK, now we're both smart.
196
00:07:58,080 --> 00:07:59,400
Thank you.
197
00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:01,120
I probably have nicer feet, though.
198
00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:03,080
I mean, I used to have real bad
ingrown toenails
199
00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:04,720
but they're fine now.
200
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:08,640
Is...is that a good anecdote for you?
201
00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:10,240
Is that the kind of anecdote
you like to hear?
202
00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:12,520
It was until you said you're OK now.
203
00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:16,480
There's no money in
healthy toenails.
204
00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:24,200
You're a good kisser.
205
00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:28,200
Don't really know what that means.
206
00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:29,280
(SIGHS) Just give me a minute.
207
00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:31,160
I like to smoke a bit before sex.
208
00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:32,160
Do you want some?
209
00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:34,040
No, thank you.
210
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:39,640
Is that meth?
211
00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:42,800
Yeah. I just have a little bit.
212
00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:45,000
Sure, of course.
213
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:46,960
It's Tuesday night, after all.
214
00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:50,680
He smoked meth. Actual meth.
215
00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:53,640
Yep. He's a podiatrist
and he had a terrarium
216
00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:56,720
and it tricked me into thinking
that it's OK to smoke meth.
217
00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:58,000
What did you do?
218
00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:02,880
Uh, well, I waited for him to finish
smoking his meth and then we had sex,
219
00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:06,560
which...I would've thought that I
wouldn't have had sex with someone
220
00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:09,360
after they smoked meth,
but no, there I was doing it.
221
00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:12,080
Turns out I am surprisingly
easygoing.
222
00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:13,920
Could you get me a glass of water?
223
00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:14,920
Yeah.
224
00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:18,640
You're Aboriginal, yeah?
225
00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:20,320
I'm Wurundjeri on my mum's side.
226
00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:21,600
That's cool.
227
00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:22,920
Is it cool, is it?
228
00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:24,760
Very cool, very chic.
I'm stuck being white.
229
00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:27,520
White people are the worst.
Some of my best friends are white.
230
00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:28,520
Well, all of mine are.
231
00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:31,360
Alright, it's not a competition.
232
00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:35,000
I feel very awkward and weird
about how horrible we've been.
233
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:37,640
Really, I do. I feel quite anxious
talking about it.
234
00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:40,320
I'm sorry you feel anxious.
I shouldn't have brought it up.
235
00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:42,880
So we went quite hard on the murder
and the rape
236
00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:45,040
and the oppression thing, didn't we?
Yep.
237
00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:47,160
Not me. I didn't. I wouldn't.
238
00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:49,280
I would never, I promise.
Oh, thank you. I appreciate that.
239
00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:50,280
Yeah.
240
00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:55,080
My great-grandad though, whoa.
I mean, he probably would have.
241
00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:58,280
You know, he would be furious
to see me here on a date with you.
242
00:09:58,280 --> 00:10:00,160
It's presumptuous
to call this a date.
243
00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:01,160
It's sort of a date.
244
00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:02,160
Is it a date,
245
00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:04,400
or the world's worst application
for Young Australian of the Year?
246
00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:06,440
I mean, we didn't let
Aboriginal people go to school
247
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,120
until, like, 30 years ago.
248
00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:10,520
Yep. I know. I guarantee you
I know all about this.
249
00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:12,640
Fuck, that's recent,
you know what I mean?
250
00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:15,480
Like, that's very... Fuck, shit,
that's like your parents' generation,
251
00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:16,480
you know?
252
00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:18,800
And then you get all these
white people, who are not me,
253
00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:20,800
and they're furious
about these programs
254
00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:23,320
that are just aimed at helping
Aboriginal communities catch up,
255
00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:24,600
and it's just very, like...
256
00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:27,000
It's all very...
just a bit shit, you know?
257
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:30,320
Like, everyone's
just still so racist.
258
00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:32,360
Not me, obviously.
259
00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:33,880
Because I am here on a date with you.
260
00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:36,360
Thank heavens.
A lucky boy.
261
00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:37,800
(SIGHS)
262
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:41,600
I mean, you can't hail a taxi,
can you?
263
00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:44,560
Like, taxis aren't stopping
for Aboriginal people, are they?
264
00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:47,520
Oh, you're probably fine.
I mean, you're so tidy.
265
00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:49,920
If you go out in an unironed shirt,
then I just...
266
00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:53,000
I mean, have you ever successfully
hailed a taxi in an unironed shirt?
267
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,320
Oh, I don't go out
in unironed shirts.
268
00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:56,320
OK.
269
00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:57,880
I mean, taxis, they just stop for me.
270
00:10:57,880 --> 00:10:59,400
You know, sorry, but they do.
They just stop.
271
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:00,520
There's nothing I can do about it.
272
00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:01,960
Even if I don't iron,
they just stop for me.
273
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:04,280
You keep going on about this,
I'm not going to have sex with you.
274
00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:07,040
Are you...are you maybe
gonna have sex with me?
275
00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:08,280
I've come this far.
276
00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:10,880
No. I don't think you should,
to be honest.
277
00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:13,200
I mean, haven't my people already
put you through enough?
278
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,640
He gave me a hickey. Look at it.
279
00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:30,640
Urgh!
280
00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:32,320
Yeah. Look what he did to me.
281
00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:34,600
That is so creepy.
That is actually so creepy.
282
00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:36,040
He's trying to mark you.
283
00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:38,400
I mean, I can't go and see Arnold
with a hickey.
284
00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:39,400
Temporary tattoo.
285
00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:41,480
I've got one of a scorpion.
286
00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:43,720
How do I convince him
I wanted a tattoo of a scorpion?
287
00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:44,760
Say a kid did it.
288
00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:47,360
What? That is just the stupid...
289
00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:49,840
That is so unbelievable.
290
00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:52,600
You could just wear a scarf.
291
00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:55,120
Yeah, I thought about that,
but then what if we get naked?
292
00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:56,720
You're gonna get naked with Arnold?
293
00:11:56,720 --> 00:11:58,720
I really don't want to,
but also I'm a very shit guy,
294
00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:01,320
and if he's standing there looking
cute and he's forward enough,
295
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:02,600
then of course I will.
296
00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:04,680
Of course, of course.
297
00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:08,080
Scratch it with a stick so it
looks like you fell out of a tree?
298
00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:12,240
(SIGHS HEAVILY) Oh, um...
299
00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:14,960
I mean,
I don't like the idea of the pain,
300
00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:18,200
but I do like in him thinking that
I'm happy enough to climb trees.
301
00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:20,920
Yeah!
Google says to use toothpaste.
302
00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:22,560
No, that's not a true thing.
303
00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:23,960
Toothpaste isn't magic.
304
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:24,960
You could just try it.
305
00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:26,240
Then I won't be able
to try the stick.
306
00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:27,240
Why?
307
00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:28,480
'Cause if I have to wait
till tomorrow
308
00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:29,480
to see if the toothpaste works
309
00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:32,000
the scratch will be too fresh
to have believably bruised.
310
00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:39,240
I mean, I don't think I can convince
him that I wanted to climb a tree.
311
00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:41,240
Is it there?
Yep.
312
00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:42,480
Just quiet.
313
00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:44,960
(SQUEAKS)
Ahhhhh!
314
00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:48,640
How is it?
Oh, yeah.
315
00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:49,920
It's good.
Yeah, it's good.
316
00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:51,960
This has been such a productive day.
317
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:56,440
Who gave you a hickey? And why do
you have a scratch on your neck?
318
00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:57,520
I've been doing mischief.
319
00:12:57,520 --> 00:13:00,400
Oooh!
Are you dating already?
320
00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:01,400
Is he fun?
321
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:04,600
I feel optimistic and enthusiastic
about the future.
322
00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:06,280
What's the Arnold status?
323
00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:08,160
He was meant to come over today
but he didn't show up.
324
00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:10,560
Oh, did he say why?
He said something came up.
325
00:13:10,560 --> 00:13:12,280
Oh, that's vague.
326
00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:13,480
Yeah, and that's his whole shtick.
327
00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:14,840
Well, it's a shit shtick.
328
00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:17,800
Jeez, I'm getting sick of this
mysterious business he's doing.
329
00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:19,640
You're not Willy Wonka, Arnold!
330
00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:22,560
Grow up
and pull your bloody head in.
331
00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:25,080
I know you've got mental issues,
but Christ, boy,
332
00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:27,280
you can't play with people
willy-nilly.
333
00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:29,800
Because he's not Willy Wonka?
334
00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:33,040
Yeah, he can't play willy-nilly
because he's not Willy Wonka, yes.
335
00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:35,760
But he look like Willy Wonka, right?
336
00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:37,360
I've seen him in velvet pants.
337
00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:40,440
(GASPS) He is Willy Wonka! (LAUGHS)
Yeah.
338
00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:43,120
Don't try and Oompa-Loompa your way
out of this one, Wonka.
339
00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:45,680
This is Josh's heart!
Mm-hm!
340
00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:48,120
(MOBILE PHONE RINGS)
341
00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:52,840
Hannah Banana.
342
00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:55,360
Your mum just ran away from home,
Josh.
343
00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:56,360
When?
344
00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:59,120
About 12 seconds ago.
345
00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:00,880
Do you think she's
thinking of killing herself?
346
00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:03,560
No. I mean, she packed bags.
347
00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:05,600
Do you think she's expecting
to get into heaven?
348
00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:08,160
OK. What happened?
349
00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:09,160
Oh, you know.
350
00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:11,800
She was just getting really intense
and I told her to piss off,
351
00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:13,280
but I didn't mean out of the house.
352
00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:15,240
I just wanted her
out of my knee circle.
353
00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:16,680
OK. Cool. I'll call her and find her.
354
00:14:16,680 --> 00:14:18,840
Thanks for calling and letting me
know. Seriously, OK. Thanks.
355
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:21,480
Bye.
OK, bye. Can you please pull over?
356
00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:23,120
Sure. Is everything OK?
357
00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:25,400
I think it will be. Do you?
358
00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:26,440
Oh, I think so.
359
00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:28,840
Hi, Ma.
360
00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:41,240
Thank you!
361
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:44,720
You're running away from home?
362
00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:45,720
Yes.
363
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:47,840
Where to?
364
00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:49,880
I haven't decided yet.
365
00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:52,360
OK. Hannah said you had a fight.
366
00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:56,000
I don't know why she's being
so mean to me.
367
00:14:57,280 --> 00:14:58,520
Did you ask her?
368
00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:01,440
No, she didn't listen.
She never speaks.
369
00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:03,920
She could basically be
a Buddhist monk
370
00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:05,600
if she didn't drink so much
chocolate milk.
371
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:08,840
Alright. Well, then...
What's the plan now?
372
00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:13,280
I guess that I go home
and I confront Hannah.
373
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:14,880
No, please don't. Just not today.
374
00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:16,760
Just let things calm down a bit,
maybe, yeah?
375
00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:17,760
OK.
376
00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:19,360
I won't talk to her, then.
377
00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:22,160
No...obviously you should
talk to her, just maybe not today.
378
00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:23,560
Fine, fine!
379
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:27,000
Do you want to go
and do something fun?
380
00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:30,080
No. No...
381
00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:32,040
I've worn myself out.
382
00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:37,000
I feel quite silly.
Yep.
383
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,360
Yeah, you've been a little silly.
384
00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:49,640
Just...
385
00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:51,360
Just, yeah...
386
00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:54,200
(HEADBOARD BANGS)
387
00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:09,760
Boo.
388
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:10,840
What?
389
00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:11,840
The condom broke.
390
00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:13,520
Oh, fuck.
391
00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:16,880
I hope you're not expecting
child support.
392
00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:20,520
You look scared.
393
00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:24,520
Yeah. Yeah, I mean,
it's just a little scary, isn't it?
394
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:26,080
It's OK. I just got tested.
395
00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:29,720
Let's have a shower.
396
00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:32,560
Do I have anything to worry about?
397
00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:34,000
Mm-mm. No, I'm very responsible.
398
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:36,680
I'm like the Hermione
of using condoms.
399
00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:39,160
Isn't Hermione's only downfall
her hygiene?
400
00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:40,320
She's a hot mess.
401
00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:44,960
OK. Um, when was the last time
you got tested?
402
00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:48,720
Well, I don't really get tested,
because I'm always so safe.
403
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:51,880
Right.
404
00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:56,520
I lied because I wanted you
to stop looking scared.
405
00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:59,360
But I told the truth this time,
so I think it's OK.
406
00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:01,360
Yeah.
407
00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:05,400
Should we get PEP?
Do we have to get PEP?
408
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:06,440
What is PEP?
409
00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:08,240
Seriously?
You don't know what PEP is?
410
00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:09,240
I feel judged.
411
00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:11,880
PEP is like the morning after pill,
but for HIV.
412
00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:13,880
OK, cool. Let's get PEP.
413
00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:17,160
It's not that easy, though, is it?
414
00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:19,560
It can make you sort of quite ill
sometimes.
415
00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:20,560
Shit.
416
00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:22,120
It's fine.
417
00:17:22,120 --> 00:17:25,320
I had chronic fatigue for two years.
I can handle it.
418
00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:28,440
(LAUGHS UNCERTAINLY))
419
00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:30,920
I think we should go and get tested
for HIV together instead.
420
00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:32,480
I know it's not perfect,
but I think it's fine.
421
00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:33,880
I think it's acceptable risk.
422
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:36,240
OK.
OK.
423
00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:39,680
How many sexual partners have you
had in the last six months?
424
00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:41,600
Um...
Roughly?
425
00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:43,640
12.
426
00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:46,280
Is that a lot?
427
00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:49,960
How many of those partners
did you do receptive anal sex with?
428
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:52,120
Only, like, two. Yeah.
429
00:17:52,120 --> 00:17:55,000
I know I seem really bottomy,
but actually I really don't like it.
430
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:57,040
How many have you had
penetrative anal sex with?
431
00:17:57,040 --> 00:17:58,040
10.
432
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:00,480
And how many were just oral?
433
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:02,040
Oh, we're including just oral?
434
00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:04,320
I didn't know we were including
just oral, I'm sorry.
435
00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:07,920
Um... Then it's like 16, I think.
Is that a lot?
436
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,080
I mean, 16, that seems like a lot,
doesn't it?
437
00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:12,720
I'm just trying to, like,
get myself out there, you know?
438
00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:15,680
Just trying to meet people
and exist in the world.
439
00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:17,320
You know what I mean?
440
00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:20,000
Just trying to live.
Mm-hm.
441
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:21,520
You don't care.
442
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:32,640
That should take about 20 minutes.
443
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:40,960
Hey, do you want to hear
something interesting?
444
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:42,960
Gosh, you've hyped it up,
haven't you?
445
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:45,720
Last time I was at the hospital
my gran died.
446
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:47,000
(LAUGHS)
447
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,280
Sorry.
448
00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:50,760
Awkward for you.
449
00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:52,360
It's fine.
450
00:18:52,360 --> 00:18:54,800
So it was all very sad,
and we left the room.
451
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,800
Then as I was heading down the hall
I see from her doorway
452
00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:00,360
that we've left the light on,
and she hates wasting electricity.
453
00:19:00,360 --> 00:19:01,360
So I went to turn it off,
454
00:19:01,360 --> 00:19:03,880
but when I get there,
the light isn't on.
455
00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:08,080
It's her body. Her body was actually
emanating the glow.
456
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:12,320
She was such a kind woman that
her spirit was glowing with light.
457
00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:15,280
No.
458
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:17,800
What do you mean, no?
459
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:18,800
No.
460
00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:20,880
No, you're doing tricking.
461
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:22,680
What are you talking about?
462
00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:24,800
I'm telling you a story
about my dead grandma.
463
00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:26,600
No, no, no. You're doing, like...
464
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:27,920
I know it's a gamble here,
465
00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:31,640
but you're doing, like...
you're trying to embarrass me.
466
00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:32,640
Right?
467
00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:34,920
What the fuck is wrong with you?
468
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:35,920
No.
469
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:39,280
No, you're tricking, aren't you?
470
00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:40,280
No.
471
00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:52,720
MUM: Hannah, could you come in here?
472
00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:56,520
We have to talk.
473
00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:01,280
You need to start paying rent.
474
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:04,320
Obviously you don't think of me
as a friend. You're just using me.
475
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:08,200
So either you contribute properly
or you be a proper friend.
476
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:09,560
The choice is yours.
477
00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:10,960
I don't want to be dramatic about it
478
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,600
but I just feel I've got to start
standing up for myself.
479
00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:16,280
Enough is enough, OK?
I won't be walked over.
480
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:21,000
What have you got to say about that?
481
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:24,360
My first fight
went better than expected.
482
00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:25,480
Oh, did you win?
483
00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:27,040
No, I did not.
484
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:28,640
No, of course you didn't.
485
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:30,200
Yeah, of course not.
486
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:31,200
What?
487
00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:34,320
Rose, I think
I should just move out.
488
00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:37,480
Why would you do that?
489
00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:39,600
I just don't think
we're very good for each other.
490
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:43,000
I didn't really want you
to pay rent.
491
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,160
I know.
492
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:45,800
Where would you go?
493
00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:47,200
I'll think of something.
494
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:50,600
OK. It's good.
495
00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:52,520
If you want to go,
you just go, then.
496
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:56,480
I'm sure you'll easily find someone
much better than me.
497
00:21:05,360 --> 00:21:06,360
How was it?
498
00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:08,960
Yeah, well,
so I've got good news and bad news.
499
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:11,640
The good news is,
neither of us have HIV.
500
00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:12,640
I want a second opinion.
501
00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:16,080
Ha-ha! The bad news is that he thinks
his grandma glows in the dark.
502
00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:17,760
(LAUGHS) That's a shame.
503
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:18,760
So that's that done.
504
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:21,600
But do you remember the boy who's
Aboriginal, which doesn't define him,
505
00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:23,560
but I just need, like, a
very quick way of letting you know
506
00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:24,920
which boy I'm talking about?
507
00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:27,040
We've been chatting,
I invited him out again,
508
00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:28,480
it's going very well, I think,
509
00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:31,640
and I feel very optimistic
and enthusiastic about the future.
510
00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:32,840
Good.
Great.
511
00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:35,160
(GRINDR NOTIFICATION)
That's him.
512
00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:38,440
He just wants to be friends. So...
513
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:41,640
Oh, no! Why did I do that, Tom?
514
00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:43,800
No, I need my phone
to be capable of feeling joy!
515
00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:45,240
I'll get some rice!
516
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:48,960
(LAUGHS)
517
00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:57,360
Hi, I'm Josh. I'm not here.
I'm sorry. Leave a message. Goodbye.
518
00:21:57,360 --> 00:21:58,560
(BEEP!)
519
00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:00,840
I don't want to do this
via voicemail.
520
00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:03,800
It just seems so harsh
saying this like this.
521
00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:07,680
But...OK, Josh...
522
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:10,040
I've started seeing someone else.
523
00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:13,320
It's new but I like it.
524
00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:15,760
I just...I thought
you deserve to know.
525
00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:22,400
Guys! I'm sick of this game.
526
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:25,920
I know it was my idea
but sometimes I have bad ideas.
527
00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:27,520
I don't like seeking.
528
00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:30,200
I'm lonely!
529
00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:31,360
Guys!
530
00:22:31,360 --> 00:22:34,640
(CUCKOO CLOCK CHIMES)
Guys!
531
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:38,720
(TAPPING ON DOOR, DOG BARKS)
Oh, my God.
532
00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:41,840
There's someone at the door.
I don't want to answer it!
533
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:45,960
(TAPPING CONTINUES, DOG BARKS)
534
00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:51,360
Hi, Rose.
Oh, where's Josh?
535
00:22:51,360 --> 00:22:53,040
Why isn't he answering his phone?
536
00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:55,200
I don't know where he is.
I don't know where anyone is.
537
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:57,680
Oh, Josh!
Josh!
538
00:22:57,680 --> 00:22:59,560
You'd better come out now.
539
00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:01,840
Your mum's here
and she is very upset
540
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:03,600
that you've been ignoring her calls.
541
00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:05,960
I already looked in there.
542
00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:07,680
Where is he? What's he doing?
543
00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:11,720
Well, we're playing hide-and-seek,
but they take it too seriously!
544
00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:14,680
Now I don't even know
if it's fun anymore.
545
00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:16,240
That's ridiculous.
546
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:21,600
I tried to talk to Hannah like you
said, and she left, Joshua!
547
00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:23,440
Yeah, Joshua!
548
00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:27,360
I'm going to give you a count
of one to five and then...
549
00:23:27,360 --> 00:23:28,360
One!
550
00:23:28,360 --> 00:23:29,360
This is exciting.
551
00:23:29,360 --> 00:23:31,120
What happens if you get to five?
Two!
552
00:23:31,120 --> 00:23:35,360
I tell everybody how much
he loved holding my hand
553
00:23:35,360 --> 00:23:37,320
when he was a teenager.
554
00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:39,400
Three!
555
00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:40,960
Four!
556
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:43,880
Five!
557
00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:54,080
My phone broke.
558
00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:57,200
That is such a good hiding spot.
559
00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:59,880
I didn't want her to leave, Josh.
560
00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:01,360
I wanted her to change.
561
00:24:01,360 --> 00:24:03,240
Now, what the hell
am I supposed to do now?
562
00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:04,240
I don't know.
563
00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:06,040
Why did you tell me to talk to her?
564
00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:08,480
I don't know. It's just what people
say to do, isn't it?
565
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:09,680
Get out of there.
566
00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:10,680
OK.
567
00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:14,760
What?
568
00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:15,840
Well, I'm stuck, aren't I?
569
00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:18,840
You are not.
I am! (LAUGHS) I'm very stuck.
570
00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:21,280
No, you're just saying that
so you can divert attention from me.
571
00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:22,280
Now get out!
572
00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:23,280
Mum, sometimes I wonder
573
00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:26,120
if I'll ever do anything
that'll make you proud of me.
574
00:24:26,120 --> 00:24:27,680
TOM: I win!
575
00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:29,000
Tom!
576
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:31,480
Captions by Ericsson Access Services
577
00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:33,480
Copyright
Australian Broadcasting Corporation
578
00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:34,480
42109
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