All language subtitles for Childhood.2.0.2020.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]
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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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[soft music]
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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[singing]
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[woman 1 laughing]
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00:00:19,367 --> 00:00:22,587
What do I love
about my daughter? Um...
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What do I love about my kids?
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00:00:25,199 --> 00:00:27,462
-I'm going to cry.
-I'll start crying.
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My daughter is an old soul
who teaches me
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how to be a better person
every single day.
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I love his heart,
like he... he loves big.
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They are extremely smart
and kind and opinionated
which I love.
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00:00:42,085 --> 00:00:45,436
-He is so unique.
-[man 1] They see the
bright side of everything.
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00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:47,743
They have this altruistic love
of people in the world.
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00:00:47,786 --> 00:00:51,747
-She's stunning and she's witty.
-Very athletic, very charming.
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00:00:51,790 --> 00:00:54,315
Like he actually makes me laugh.
I'm not laughing
because he's so cute,
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00:00:54,358 --> 00:00:57,970
-he's like, legitimately funny.
-Having these children
to teach me
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00:00:58,014 --> 00:01:02,018
how to love has probably
been the best way for me
to learn how to love.
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I just appreciate that they're
good people, you know.
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00:01:06,370 --> 00:01:08,111
[phone ringing]
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00:01:10,722 --> 00:01:12,942
-Who's is that?
-Is that...
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How ironic is that.
Talking about...
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[man 2] It's around us,
it's everywhere.
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Uh...
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[suspenseful music]
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[typing]
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A long time ago families
were in extended communities.
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They were local.
They were small.
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Children and parents
largely worked together
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with neighbors on things
that just needed to be done
for daily living.
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I was born in the very depths
of the Great Depression.
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If you know anything
about the depression,
it actually began on the farms.
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00:01:57,769 --> 00:02:00,946
At that time
I wasn't much to help,
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00:02:00,990 --> 00:02:05,821
but I can tell you later on
I was put to work carrying wood,
carrying water,
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00:02:05,864 --> 00:02:08,693
I knew how to shell peas,
I knew how to break beans
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and I had a little wagon
so I was the water girl
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instead of the water boy
but that was the kind
of things that we did.
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00:02:15,961 --> 00:02:19,313
You had responsibilities
in the barn with the animals
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from a very early age.
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00:02:21,315 --> 00:02:24,970
It's getting harder and harder
to find 80, 90,
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00:02:25,014 --> 00:02:29,497
you know, plus-year olds
that have that perspective.
That we just have no concept
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00:02:29,540 --> 00:02:31,890
of what it was like to live
in that kind of scarcity.
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00:02:31,934 --> 00:02:36,460
My mother was raised just
like her great-grandmother was.
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00:02:36,504 --> 00:02:39,724
I was raised pretty much
like my mother and dad
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00:02:39,768 --> 00:02:42,988
were up to a point
and that's way with my kids.
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They were able to change,
but they had to change
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so much faster than I did.
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00:02:50,866 --> 00:02:52,911
[upbeat music]
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00:02:59,962 --> 00:03:04,923
When you guys think
of your parents and how they
grew up what do you imagine?
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00:03:06,490 --> 00:03:09,972
So they had no internet,
no smartphones, what do
you think they did for fun?
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00:03:12,757 --> 00:03:18,459
Um, I don't really know how
they would like communicate
with their friends.
52
00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:22,550
Faxing. That's one thing
in the 70s, faxing.
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00:03:22,593 --> 00:03:24,508
If you've seen Charlie
and the Chocolate Factory,
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00:03:24,552 --> 00:03:26,510
I imagine their life
was like Charlie's.
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00:03:26,554 --> 00:03:29,687
It was definitely far different
than what it is now.
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00:03:29,731 --> 00:03:31,472
Lots more kids outside.
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00:03:31,515 --> 00:03:34,562
A lot more like
being outside than inside.
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00:03:34,605 --> 00:03:38,305
I was outside 24/7.
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00:03:38,348 --> 00:03:41,264
We were told to get out
of the house, either in or out.
60
00:03:41,308 --> 00:03:44,049
So, if you wanted to go outside,
you were out all day.
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00:03:44,093 --> 00:03:46,095
I pretty much lived on my bike.
62
00:03:46,138 --> 00:03:47,792
I would ride my BMX bike.
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00:03:47,836 --> 00:03:50,404
I fall in love with baseball.
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00:03:50,447 --> 00:03:53,363
[woman 2]
But we would play kick the can
in the middle of the street.
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00:03:53,406 --> 00:03:56,366
Capture the flag,
to manhunt, to wiffle ball,
to basketball, to...
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00:03:56,410 --> 00:03:59,761
We built a zip line and it was
actually made out of clothesline
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00:03:59,804 --> 00:04:03,199
-which I would not recommend.
-I remember getting up at 5:30
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00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,722
and helped my friend
with his paper route.
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00:04:04,766 --> 00:04:06,637
He paid me
with a donut, you know.
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00:04:06,681 --> 00:04:08,987
Yeah, if I wasn't lighting
somebody's house on fire
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00:04:09,031 --> 00:04:11,207
or pouring sugar
in a gas tank or something.
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00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,514
Yeah, you went outside.
You went and rang the doorbell.
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00:04:13,557 --> 00:04:15,864
"You want to play?" And pick up
somebody, sort of one house
74
00:04:15,907 --> 00:04:18,475
-at a time
until you had a posse.
-Go to Scott's house.
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00:04:18,519 --> 00:04:21,478
Last time we saw
the two of them,
they were with Jennifer.
76
00:04:21,522 --> 00:04:23,872
-Then you went
and did whatever you want.
-And before you knew it,
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00:04:23,915 --> 00:04:25,874
you had
the whole neighborhood outside.
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00:04:25,917 --> 00:04:27,876
When the street lights
came on we had to come home.
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00:04:27,919 --> 00:04:30,922
I had to be home
when the street lights came on.
80
00:04:30,966 --> 00:04:33,316
-When the street lights came on.
-The street lights came on.
81
00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:36,232
-Came home by dinner time.
-Come in when it gets dark.
82
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,234
Came home when it got dark
and parents would look
at you quizzically,
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00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:40,671
"Why are you here already,
if you're sitting around."
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00:04:40,715 --> 00:04:43,108
I feel like life was more
authentic, like more genuine.
85
00:04:43,152 --> 00:04:45,807
-Yeah, they got creative.
-They got very creative.
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00:04:45,850 --> 00:04:48,288
I feel like that's our...
why our like parents like
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00:04:48,331 --> 00:04:51,203
-stories are
so much better than us.
-They're so much more fun.
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00:04:51,247 --> 00:04:53,467
How do you think they got
in touch with each other?
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00:04:54,946 --> 00:04:57,079
-They didn't.
-[laughter]
90
00:04:57,122 --> 00:04:59,560
-They never got in touch...
-Maybe like the house phone.
91
00:04:59,603 --> 00:05:01,736
They'd have to actually
like dial the phone number.
92
00:05:01,779 --> 00:05:04,869
Remember in the kitchen there
would be that ringing sound.
93
00:05:04,913 --> 00:05:07,829
We had the one phone
in the kitchen
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00:05:07,872 --> 00:05:10,135
that had the really long cord.
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00:05:10,179 --> 00:05:12,355
-And it still hung on the wall.
-Yeah, it still hung
on the wall.
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00:05:12,399 --> 00:05:14,270
I can remember setting
the dinner table and having
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00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,098
to take the phone cord
over my mom's head.
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00:05:16,141 --> 00:05:19,362
I was rarely
on the phone if my sister was on
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00:05:19,406 --> 00:05:22,017
and then I would spend hours
trying to record her.
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00:05:22,060 --> 00:05:24,846
We also always
had to have quarters
on us too for pay phones
101
00:05:24,889 --> 00:05:27,065
like when you're out and about.
It's critical.
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00:05:27,109 --> 00:05:29,981
I would call my dad if I needed
a ride home, if it got too dark.
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00:05:30,025 --> 00:05:32,419
I remember when call waiting
happened, like what?
104
00:05:32,462 --> 00:05:34,377
-What is this technology?
-I had a pager
105
00:05:34,421 --> 00:05:37,554
-in the tail end of college.
-We didn't have a phone
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00:05:37,598 --> 00:05:39,295
until I was in college.
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00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,515
Everyone from the highway
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00:05:41,558 --> 00:05:43,821
to here would be
on the same line,
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00:05:43,865 --> 00:05:46,520
so we I think we had
nine people on the line.
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00:05:46,563 --> 00:05:51,612
I don't think I had
an actual telephone until
I was in maybe fifth grade.
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00:05:51,655 --> 00:05:54,223
But I think if we want
to sort of be more real
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00:05:54,266 --> 00:05:57,835
and focus on what people
are experiencing now,
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00:05:57,879 --> 00:06:01,622
we probably
would want to be talking about
the information revolution.
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00:06:04,407 --> 00:06:08,933
When I was a junior
I was taking a class
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00:06:08,977 --> 00:06:12,850
and our professor was like,
"We are going to communicate
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00:06:12,894 --> 00:06:16,593
with another college class
in Sweden."
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00:06:16,637 --> 00:06:19,596
And we were like, "How...
how are we going to do that?"
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00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:22,120
So we all went
to the computer lab,
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00:06:22,164 --> 00:06:25,428
stared at this black screen
and we typed in like
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00:06:25,472 --> 00:06:28,823
c:é\é all these numbers.
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00:06:28,866 --> 00:06:32,566
I remember thinking this,
"Why would anybody do this?"
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00:06:32,609 --> 00:06:36,047
And she had this thing
called AOL and there was
this dial-up internet thing
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00:06:36,091 --> 00:06:40,269
-and it was like...
[imitates beep]
-[beep]
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00:06:40,312 --> 00:06:42,314
Then, all of a sudden,
she's in this chat room.
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00:06:42,358 --> 00:06:44,186
So, what's everyone up to today?
126
00:06:44,229 --> 00:06:45,883
Well, Linda Emerson
called and she asked
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00:06:45,927 --> 00:06:47,755
if Dash and Peter
can help Andrew and Lisa
128
00:06:47,798 --> 00:06:48,973
learn about the internet.
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00:06:49,017 --> 00:06:50,322
What's a web page?
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00:06:50,366 --> 00:06:51,672
Something ducks walk on?
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00:06:51,715 --> 00:06:53,674
Ha-ha very funny.
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00:06:53,717 --> 00:06:56,111
And, frankly, I remember
there being almost nothing to do
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00:06:56,154 --> 00:06:58,113
once you were online.
It seemed really cool
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00:06:58,156 --> 00:06:59,680
and then you had no idea
what to do.
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00:06:59,723 --> 00:07:01,682
It didn't feel life changing
136
00:07:01,725 --> 00:07:03,727
until I think
much later than that.
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00:07:03,771 --> 00:07:05,990
And particularly over the last
20 years we've just seen
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00:07:06,034 --> 00:07:09,994
this explosion of innovation
and new technology.
139
00:07:10,038 --> 00:07:12,910
I do remember the first time
somebody said,
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00:07:12,954 --> 00:07:15,478
"You've never
googled something?"
141
00:07:15,522 --> 00:07:17,524
And I was like, "What's Google?"
142
00:07:17,567 --> 00:07:20,918
Yahoo Meetups. I think
they came before Myspace.
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00:07:20,962 --> 00:07:25,619
Facebook was born like the week
our oldest son was born.
144
00:07:25,662 --> 00:07:30,101
So when we look at him
with his adolescent awkwardness
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00:07:30,145 --> 00:07:32,495
like that's...
that's how old Facebook is.
146
00:07:32,539 --> 00:07:34,409
My kids are way better
147
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:37,108
at using apps and mobile devices
now than I am.
148
00:07:37,152 --> 00:07:40,416
Kids are so intuitive
with like the mobile devices.
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00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,810
They can pick up
any mobile device and just...
150
00:07:42,853 --> 00:07:45,334
it's so intuitive they know
exactly what to do with it.
151
00:07:45,377 --> 00:07:48,424
Just pick it up and be like,
"There you go."
You're like, "What did you do?"
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00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,861
I've seen kids run circles
around parents.
153
00:07:50,905 --> 00:07:53,342
At least now I have in-house
tech help when I need it.
154
00:07:53,385 --> 00:07:55,997
-You know,
technology moves quickly.
-It's like the Wild West.
155
00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:58,826
-I try to keep
up with the latest.
-By the time I am aware
156
00:07:58,869 --> 00:08:00,741
of what it is,
they've gone on to the next one.
157
00:08:00,784 --> 00:08:02,438
How do you keep up
with something new every day.
158
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:03,874
It's exhausting.
You can't just like,
159
00:08:03,918 --> 00:08:05,659
"Okay, I got a [inaudible]."
160
00:08:05,702 --> 00:08:08,923
I am not currently
on any social media.
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00:08:08,966 --> 00:08:10,664
[woman 3] The use of phones
has just ramped up.
162
00:08:10,707 --> 00:08:12,187
[woman 4] I wouldn't even
know how to navigate.
163
00:08:12,230 --> 00:08:13,754
[girl] Everything's going crazy.
164
00:08:13,797 --> 00:08:15,190
[woman 5]
It's very difficult to opt out.
165
00:08:15,233 --> 00:08:16,321
It's already too late.
166
00:08:17,801 --> 00:08:19,934
The train has already left
the stance... the station
167
00:08:19,977 --> 00:08:22,893
way before I realized
and I'll never catch up.
168
00:08:25,853 --> 00:08:31,336
Do I feel like
I can protect my kids
from the dangers online? No.
169
00:08:31,380 --> 00:08:34,121
They're going
to have to navigate it
and make decisions
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00:08:34,164 --> 00:08:37,385
for themselves without me,
sooner than I want.
171
00:08:37,429 --> 00:08:41,650
Its pace has been
so fast that some of the...
172
00:08:41,695 --> 00:08:44,436
what... we'll call them
guardrails that are necessary
173
00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:47,527
to keep an industry accountable
174
00:08:47,570 --> 00:08:51,443
have been set aside
in the spirit of innovation.
175
00:08:51,487 --> 00:08:54,272
Right now we're effectively
living in an experiment.
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How is this going to affect us?
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00:08:57,406 --> 00:09:00,801
We'll find out
with the current generation.
178
00:09:00,844 --> 00:09:03,891
I... I will tell you that
I'm probably going to be dead
179
00:09:03,934 --> 00:09:06,110
and gone and I'll probably
be thankful for it
180
00:09:06,154 --> 00:09:09,723
when all this comes
to fruition because...
181
00:09:09,766 --> 00:09:13,509
because I think that
this scares me to death.
182
00:09:16,251 --> 00:09:18,383
[soft music]
183
00:09:21,822 --> 00:09:24,259
The internet is awesome.
It's a great place.
184
00:09:24,302 --> 00:09:27,088
People use it for work,
people use it for art,
185
00:09:27,131 --> 00:09:29,177
people use it for socializing.
186
00:09:29,220 --> 00:09:30,831
I don't know, it's just fun
to take cool pictures
187
00:09:30,874 --> 00:09:32,615
and show them off to the world.
188
00:09:32,659 --> 00:09:34,617
I like checking up on people
189
00:09:34,661 --> 00:09:36,706
that I haven't talked
to since like the fifth grade.
190
00:09:36,750 --> 00:09:38,490
Like you don't get to see them
for like a month,
191
00:09:38,534 --> 00:09:40,057
you can talk
to them over FaceTime.
192
00:09:40,101 --> 00:09:41,668
Staying connected,
sharing photos
193
00:09:41,711 --> 00:09:43,670
and being support
to one another.
194
00:09:43,713 --> 00:09:46,411
My partner calls it
SMS parenting
195
00:09:46,455 --> 00:09:48,370
because I just text them.
196
00:09:48,413 --> 00:09:50,154
[Titania]
The educational opportunities
197
00:09:50,198 --> 00:09:52,200
of having
the internet at my disposal,
198
00:09:52,243 --> 00:09:54,463
-I can search anything.
-What did I have?
199
00:09:54,506 --> 00:09:56,857
I had The World Book
Encyclopedia.
200
00:09:56,900 --> 00:09:59,294
Just feeling a sense of security
and safety with the ability
201
00:09:59,337 --> 00:10:01,339
for the location
tracking feature.
202
00:10:01,383 --> 00:10:02,993
It's like letting
everyone know where we are
203
00:10:03,037 --> 00:10:05,039
and stuff,
make sure everyone's safe.
204
00:10:05,082 --> 00:10:07,432
If he's at a friend's house
I could call,
205
00:10:07,476 --> 00:10:09,957
-"Are their parents home?"
-It's actually been a way
206
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,176
that we can keep track of them
out there in the real world
207
00:10:12,220 --> 00:10:14,439
where things really are scary.
208
00:10:19,793 --> 00:10:22,622
Do you think the dangers online
209
00:10:22,665 --> 00:10:28,932
are more prevalent or dangers
in real life are more prevalent?
210
00:10:28,976 --> 00:10:33,807
I think it's...
I think I'm still more afraid
of the real world.
211
00:10:33,850 --> 00:10:36,940
I think my primary concerns
did tend to be physical.
212
00:10:36,984 --> 00:10:39,726
Any situation
where they cannot physically
defend themselves...
213
00:10:39,769 --> 00:10:42,337
-Yeah.
-...then that's number one
for me.
214
00:10:42,380 --> 00:10:45,688
That's scary to me
and that's everything
that's outside of the house.
215
00:10:45,732 --> 00:10:47,385
I wasn't allowed
to walk around the street.
216
00:10:47,429 --> 00:10:49,431
I couldn't ride
my bike around my street.
217
00:10:49,474 --> 00:10:51,476
I'm a senior in high school,
I still can't sleep over.
218
00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:52,826
we couldn't do that now.
219
00:10:52,869 --> 00:10:54,262
We couldn't walk down the street
220
00:10:54,305 --> 00:10:56,394
and like go to a restaurant.
221
00:10:56,438 --> 00:10:58,048
I mean that's just
not really that safe.
222
00:10:58,092 --> 00:11:00,703
Without worrying
about being kidnapped or even...
223
00:11:00,747 --> 00:11:03,140
-I'm going to throw out, raped.
-Yeah.
224
00:11:03,184 --> 00:11:06,840
Many parents today worry
more about physical danger
225
00:11:06,883 --> 00:11:10,887
of their children than they do
online danger for their kids
226
00:11:10,931 --> 00:11:13,281
because it's something
that they can relate to.
227
00:11:13,324 --> 00:11:16,110
[man 3] I don't know whether
Jimmy's lost his kite or what,
228
00:11:16,153 --> 00:11:20,157
but he's really asking
for trouble climbing
a power or a telephone pole.
229
00:11:20,201 --> 00:11:24,379
Here's one, a rusty nail
and believe me it's dangerous.
230
00:11:24,422 --> 00:11:27,338
I remember my parents really,
you know, teaching me
231
00:11:27,382 --> 00:11:30,124
sort of very physical
danger prevention things
232
00:11:30,167 --> 00:11:32,735
like look both ways
when you cross the street
233
00:11:32,779 --> 00:11:35,172
and be careful who you talk to
and things like that.
234
00:11:35,216 --> 00:11:38,436
All of those things
parents heard
when they were growing up.
235
00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:40,830
And so that's something
that they can hold on to.
236
00:11:40,874 --> 00:11:43,790
It's a fear that they remember
whereas everything online,
237
00:11:43,833 --> 00:11:48,403
oftentimes it's so far out
of what they can imagine
238
00:11:48,446 --> 00:11:50,797
because they're not using
the technology the same way
239
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:54,322
that kids are that they can't
even wrap their brain around it
240
00:11:54,365 --> 00:11:57,412
enough to know what
to be afraid of.
241
00:11:57,455 --> 00:12:02,809
The greater danger
is definitely mental versus
physical in this world.
242
00:12:02,852 --> 00:12:05,246
Um... I see it. I see it.
243
00:12:05,289 --> 00:12:08,292
The biggest issues
that have come up
244
00:12:08,336 --> 00:12:12,601
with our kids
have all been mental.
245
00:12:12,644 --> 00:12:16,126
We've already been
introduced to sexuality,
246
00:12:16,170 --> 00:12:18,912
cyber bullying,
marketing and persuasion.
247
00:12:18,955 --> 00:12:21,566
The dangers for my kids
that are more present
248
00:12:21,610 --> 00:12:23,612
are way more mental
and emotional.
249
00:12:23,655 --> 00:12:25,309
I think parents are aware that
250
00:12:25,353 --> 00:12:26,920
there are mental dangers
out there,
251
00:12:26,963 --> 00:12:30,706
but I feel like we're constantly
as parents
252
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:33,665
you just tend to think that
probably won't happen to my kid.
253
00:12:33,709 --> 00:12:38,235
Statistically speaking
our world is much safer
outside in the neighborhood.
254
00:12:38,279 --> 00:12:43,371
Those physical dangers
are much less likely to happen
255
00:12:43,414 --> 00:12:46,461
than the dangers
that we're seeing online.
256
00:12:46,504 --> 00:12:48,289
[soft music]
257
00:12:49,856 --> 00:12:53,903
I remember in fifth grade
like I saw all my friends slowly
258
00:12:53,947 --> 00:12:57,037
like starting to get phones
and I was like,
259
00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:59,387
"Well, I want to be able
to text my friends.
260
00:12:59,430 --> 00:13:01,737
I want to be able to like...
261
00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:04,784
do like fun things
on your phone."
Like it's a fun thing.
262
00:13:04,827 --> 00:13:08,831
When Annabelle was five
I gave them their first iPod.
263
00:13:08,875 --> 00:13:11,747
I was... I was 11 when
I started feeling pressured.
264
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:14,881
Like even before that
people had cell phones.
265
00:13:14,924 --> 00:13:17,144
Kids are ostracized. By the time
they hit middle school,
266
00:13:17,187 --> 00:13:20,060
they go in at sixth grade
almost everyone has a phone
267
00:13:20,103 --> 00:13:21,931
and if you don't have
a phone then it's...
268
00:13:21,975 --> 00:13:23,933
it's almost
like a bullying thing.
269
00:13:23,977 --> 00:13:27,154
You can do better than
your peers if you have access
270
00:13:27,197 --> 00:13:29,939
to some social media
that allows you to engage
271
00:13:29,983 --> 00:13:32,637
and know when things
are happening
and that you don't miss out.
272
00:13:32,681 --> 00:13:36,076
Peers judge other peers by their
knowledge of what's happening.
273
00:13:36,119 --> 00:13:38,556
Certainly, in the last
five years we've... we've seen
274
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,994
kids' usage of devices
continue to increase.
275
00:13:41,037 --> 00:13:43,997
We've also seen kids
getting devices
younger and younger.
276
00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:46,303
The rates at which
they're experiencing
certain types
277
00:13:46,347 --> 00:13:48,349
of problems
continues to increase.
278
00:13:50,438 --> 00:13:54,572
I'm Kelly Anne.
I have worked in multiple
different areas
279
00:13:54,616 --> 00:13:58,838
with teens, children's hospital,
a non-profit.
280
00:13:58,881 --> 00:14:01,884
I met this group of girls
when they were freshmen
281
00:14:01,928 --> 00:14:05,583
and I have been with them
now for four years
so they're seniors.
282
00:14:05,627 --> 00:14:08,499
They have access to me 24/7.
283
00:14:08,543 --> 00:14:11,241
Like what's the max amount
you think in one day,
284
00:14:11,285 --> 00:14:13,678
in the past three years
like if you had picked
the one day you spent
285
00:14:13,722 --> 00:14:15,724
the most time on your phone,
how long do you think it was?
286
00:14:15,767 --> 00:14:17,421
Oh, I'd say 18.
287
00:14:17,465 --> 00:14:19,032
-[Kelly] Hours?
-Maybe.
288
00:14:19,075 --> 00:14:20,903
-It's like five.
-The last two months
289
00:14:20,947 --> 00:14:22,035
it's been eight, nine.
290
00:14:22,078 --> 00:14:24,080
Ten, 11 hours a day.
291
00:14:24,124 --> 00:14:25,299
Yeah, maybe like 12.
292
00:14:25,342 --> 00:14:27,562
In the past 10 years or so
293
00:14:27,605 --> 00:14:30,870
the time that they're spending
on them has skyrocketed.
294
00:14:30,913 --> 00:14:33,002
On average,
maybe seven hours a day.
295
00:14:33,046 --> 00:14:35,265
It's a lot of time
when you also have to do
296
00:14:35,309 --> 00:14:37,311
school and sleep and eat.
297
00:14:37,354 --> 00:14:39,269
Seven hours a day
is like a work shift.
298
00:14:39,313 --> 00:14:41,184
There's a lot
to do on your phone.
299
00:14:41,228 --> 00:14:42,969
Like you can text people,
you can play games,
300
00:14:43,012 --> 00:14:45,885
take videos, pictures.
There's a lot to do.
301
00:14:45,928 --> 00:14:50,063
We've always had these things
that captured our attention,
302
00:14:50,106 --> 00:14:53,327
but there is a certain level
of precision
303
00:14:53,370 --> 00:14:59,986
with which today's technology
hones in on our neurology
and the way that we are wired.
304
00:15:00,029 --> 00:15:03,206
Social media and other internet
platforms make their money
305
00:15:03,250 --> 00:15:07,167
by keeping users engaged.
And so, they've hired
the greatest engineering
306
00:15:07,210 --> 00:15:09,996
and tech minds to get users
to stay longer inside
307
00:15:10,039 --> 00:15:12,215
of their apps
and on their websites.
308
00:15:12,259 --> 00:15:16,393
-I use Instagram, Snapchat.
-Instagram, Snapchat and TikTok.
309
00:15:16,437 --> 00:15:19,962
-Two Instagram accounts.
-I can just scroll
for hours on end.
310
00:15:20,006 --> 00:15:22,617
-I use Instagram, Twitter.
-Instagram, definitely.
311
00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:24,880
-My favorite, Snapchat.
-If I was to delete Snapchat,
312
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,664
I don't think
I would like hang out.
313
00:15:26,708 --> 00:15:28,884
I don't know
what's going on with Snapchat.
314
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:30,886
There's this app called TikTok.
315
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,062
The social media games
like TikTok and Fortnite.
316
00:15:33,106 --> 00:15:35,673
Yeah, I look up from my phone
after being there for 15 minutes
317
00:15:35,717 --> 00:15:38,546
-and it's been like an hour.
-Scrolling through Instagram.
318
00:15:38,589 --> 00:15:40,591
Then I end up watching
other people's videos
319
00:15:40,635 --> 00:15:43,246
-for like five hours on end.
-Watch Netflix for a time,
320
00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:44,987
then go off Netflix
to check Snapchat,
321
00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:46,684
check Instagram,
and go back on Netflix.
322
00:15:46,728 --> 00:15:49,557
What I really do
when I'm not online
323
00:15:50,601 --> 00:15:53,604
is kind of just sit
on my ass and like eat.
324
00:15:53,648 --> 00:15:55,867
I call it the race
to the bottom of the brainstem.
325
00:15:55,911 --> 00:15:58,566
So it starts with techniques
like pull to refresh.
326
00:15:58,609 --> 00:16:01,264
So, you pull to refresh
your news feed that operates
like a slot machine.
327
00:16:01,308 --> 00:16:03,179
It has the same kind
of addictive qualities
328
00:16:03,223 --> 00:16:05,138
that keep people
in Las Vegas hooked.
329
00:16:05,181 --> 00:16:08,315
[man 4] One of the central
issues of Skinner's philosophy
330
00:16:08,358 --> 00:16:12,362
of behaviorism is that
just like the pigeon,
man is a predictable animal.
331
00:16:12,406 --> 00:16:15,061
Gambling systems
have a schedule we call
332
00:16:15,104 --> 00:16:18,325
variable ratio
that explains why people gamble.
333
00:16:18,368 --> 00:16:22,068
The psychoanalysts say people
gamble to hurt themselves,
destroy themselves.
334
00:16:22,111 --> 00:16:24,984
Other people say they do gamble
for the excitement and so on,
but, nonsense,
335
00:16:25,027 --> 00:16:27,899
you gamble because there was
a certain schedule built into
336
00:16:27,943 --> 00:16:30,772
the gambling device
or system as in a horse race.
337
00:16:30,815 --> 00:16:34,254
These same schedules
will make a pathological gambler
338
00:16:34,297 --> 00:16:36,604
out of a pigeon
as well as out of a person.
339
00:16:36,647 --> 00:16:40,129
It's interesting
raising kids five years apart.
340
00:16:40,173 --> 00:16:44,090
You know,
John could leave his phone
sitting somewhere away.
341
00:16:44,133 --> 00:16:47,397
We've noticed
that Jack's generation
is of kids that can't do that.
342
00:16:47,441 --> 00:16:49,312
They're so completely
tied to their phone
343
00:16:49,356 --> 00:16:52,185
and they don't even know
life without a telephone.
344
00:16:52,228 --> 00:16:54,578
Typically, when I get bored
I do pick up my phone.
345
00:16:54,622 --> 00:16:59,018
I tend to switch apps
every 30 seconds to a minute.
346
00:16:59,061 --> 00:17:01,542
They will, literally,
melt their brains
347
00:17:01,585 --> 00:17:03,892
-before they got off the device.
-Yeah.
348
00:17:03,935 --> 00:17:05,675
When we think
about traditional drug use,
349
00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:07,852
we know that the age
of first use,
350
00:17:07,896 --> 00:17:10,811
the earlier it happens, um...
351
00:17:10,855 --> 00:17:13,075
the greater likelihood
for addiction.
352
00:17:13,118 --> 00:17:15,469
And so, think about, you know,
with children their brain
353
00:17:15,512 --> 00:17:18,602
is developing and if they are
not having balance
354
00:17:18,646 --> 00:17:22,084
in how they're using this
and it's developing
at a younger age
355
00:17:22,127 --> 00:17:26,828
I just, you know, question
how that will continue to impact
them for years to come.
356
00:17:26,871 --> 00:17:30,266
Young folks tend to have
their reward sensitivity
357
00:17:30,310 --> 00:17:34,053
and their social sensitivity
develop much earlier
358
00:17:34,096 --> 00:17:38,187
than their ability to regulate
these areas in their brain.
359
00:17:38,231 --> 00:17:42,452
Throughout childhood the brain
experiences rapid maturation.
360
00:17:42,496 --> 00:17:45,803
It begins in areas
responsible for basic perception
361
00:17:45,847 --> 00:17:47,979
and memory way in the back
of the brain
362
00:17:48,023 --> 00:17:50,025
and it ends in the front
of the brain.
363
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:52,245
And in the front of the brain
that's the areas
364
00:17:52,288 --> 00:17:55,857
that are most important for
having us regulate our responses
365
00:17:55,900 --> 00:17:59,817
to rewards and our responses
to social feedback.
366
00:17:59,861 --> 00:18:03,343
And the highest order
part of that
367
00:18:03,386 --> 00:18:05,997
doesn't really develop
in... into the 20s.
368
00:18:06,041 --> 00:18:08,391
I... my biggest fear's
when they get older that
369
00:18:08,435 --> 00:18:11,916
they never
put those things down
and they're so disinterested
370
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:14,354
with connecting
with other people,
371
00:18:14,397 --> 00:18:18,140
like, in person, you know,
that it negatively affects them.
372
00:18:18,184 --> 00:18:21,578
Being a leader
14 years ago was easier.
373
00:18:21,622 --> 00:18:25,104
The way kids are
has definitely changed.
374
00:18:25,147 --> 00:18:29,804
They have less
or no coping skills.
375
00:18:29,847 --> 00:18:34,200
They are also harder
to kind of break
376
00:18:34,243 --> 00:18:37,290
that outer shell
and talk about hard things.
377
00:18:37,333 --> 00:18:41,511
They don't want to, and or,
they don't know how. It's wild.
378
00:18:41,555 --> 00:18:43,426
They really just don't know
how to get there.
379
00:18:43,470 --> 00:18:46,647
One of the greatest consequences
of screen time addiction
380
00:18:46,690 --> 00:18:51,521
is just the lack
of social development,
social skills development,
381
00:18:51,565 --> 00:18:53,219
being able to connect
with other people.
382
00:18:53,262 --> 00:18:54,959
And we're seeing
a lot more of that
383
00:18:55,003 --> 00:18:56,744
as we are becoming more aware
384
00:18:56,787 --> 00:18:58,615
of what social media
does to our ability
385
00:18:58,659 --> 00:19:01,618
to have empathy,
and to interact with others,
386
00:19:01,662 --> 00:19:04,578
and to see their social cues,
understand their social cues,
387
00:19:04,621 --> 00:19:08,756
and react accordingly.
We're seeing the difference that
it's making but the kids aren't.
388
00:19:08,799 --> 00:19:12,499
The disconnect of even
just he with his friends.
389
00:19:12,542 --> 00:19:14,979
I mean...
I mean it is how they connect,
390
00:19:15,023 --> 00:19:18,505
but how connected
are they if they're all
getting depressed and...
391
00:19:18,548 --> 00:19:21,203
-Yeah, well, if they don't have
anything to compare it with...
-Yeah.
392
00:19:21,247 --> 00:19:23,118
Like, you know,
like you said it, we...
393
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:25,207
we have a comparison
because we grew up differently,
394
00:19:25,251 --> 00:19:27,078
because we didn't have
the option.
395
00:19:27,122 --> 00:19:29,429
We're incredibly
social creatures.
396
00:19:29,472 --> 00:19:31,431
That's actually
what separates us,
397
00:19:31,474 --> 00:19:34,434
not our intelligence,
but our ability to work together
398
00:19:34,477 --> 00:19:39,134
in communities,
to thrive as humans.
399
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:41,963
A huge chunk
of your brain is devoted
400
00:19:42,006 --> 00:19:44,966
towards just understanding
people's moment-to-moment
401
00:19:45,009 --> 00:19:47,534
facial expressions
because social signals
402
00:19:47,577 --> 00:19:51,494
that come very rapidly
are incredibly important to us,
403
00:19:51,538 --> 00:19:54,367
even if in the moment
we're not totally realizing
404
00:19:54,410 --> 00:19:56,020
how important
those social signals are.
405
00:19:57,935 --> 00:20:00,590
Would any of you guys
say that you struggle or
406
00:20:00,634 --> 00:20:03,114
have struggled
with anxiety or depression?
407
00:20:03,158 --> 00:20:05,247
-Anxiety.
-[Kelly] In high school?
408
00:20:05,291 --> 00:20:07,206
-Oh, yeah.
-[girl] Oh, yeah.
409
00:20:08,990 --> 00:20:10,644
-Depression.
-Yeah, me, too.
410
00:20:10,687 --> 00:20:13,473
-Yeah, dumb.
-Yes, definitely I have
411
00:20:13,516 --> 00:20:17,781
an entire friend group
who has latched on to each other
412
00:20:17,825 --> 00:20:19,914
due to their connection
with depression.
413
00:20:19,957 --> 00:20:23,352
Because they both are prone
to anxiety and depression,
414
00:20:23,396 --> 00:20:28,488
I can't pinpoint
whether or not it has anything
to do with their device.
415
00:20:28,531 --> 00:20:32,013
He's addicted to some games.
I'm addicted to some games.
416
00:20:32,056 --> 00:20:35,538
Sometimes when we don't get it
we cry. We throw a fit.
417
00:20:35,582 --> 00:20:39,281
I noticed my anxiety ramps up
when I'm on my phone more,
418
00:20:39,325 --> 00:20:42,502
but not from like
any specific thing just kind
419
00:20:42,545 --> 00:20:46,288
of the more time I spend
in my head, the worse off I get.
420
00:20:46,332 --> 00:20:49,683
A statement that
I've been making at my talks
421
00:20:49,726 --> 00:20:52,947
with high schoolers is,
"Don't you all just sort
of feel like
422
00:20:52,990 --> 00:20:55,210
every moment
of every single day,
423
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:59,170
we're all living in a state
of low-grade anxiety?"
424
00:20:59,214 --> 00:21:01,564
And they all just kind
of look at me like, "Yeah."
425
00:21:01,608 --> 00:21:05,655
So we are seeing many more kids
426
00:21:05,699 --> 00:21:09,268
coming to school with diagnoses
of anxiety and depression.
427
00:21:09,311 --> 00:21:13,576
And we also know
that the teen suicide rate
428
00:21:13,620 --> 00:21:18,799
from 2010 to 2017 increased 56%.
429
00:21:18,842 --> 00:21:22,368
My day-to-day life in the ER
over the last 20 years
I think, there's been
430
00:21:22,411 --> 00:21:26,372
two very palpable changes.
One is childhood obesity
431
00:21:26,415 --> 00:21:32,247
and the other is mental
health issues in terms
of the volume and the frequency.
432
00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:35,859
I have personally seen
a difference in the number
of children
433
00:21:35,903 --> 00:21:38,775
who are coming to the ER
with mental health issues
434
00:21:38,819 --> 00:21:40,995
with non-suicidal self-harming
435
00:21:41,038 --> 00:21:44,433
and suicide attempts
and suicidal ideation.
436
00:21:44,477 --> 00:21:50,483
His demeanor
with me and his temperament,
everything is different
437
00:21:50,526 --> 00:21:54,138
after he has had hours of gaming
or something with a friend.
438
00:21:54,182 --> 00:21:57,141
Sometimes I feel
like I want to give it up,
439
00:21:57,185 --> 00:22:00,362
but it's such a big part
of teenage life,
440
00:22:00,406 --> 00:22:04,410
I guess you could say that I...
I... I just couldn't.
441
00:22:04,453 --> 00:22:07,151
A lot of like our lives
are on our phones.
442
00:22:07,195 --> 00:22:10,372
Like texting our friends,
like that's on our phone,
443
00:22:10,416 --> 00:22:13,723
like we have to be on it,
if we want to like
talk to our friends.
444
00:22:13,767 --> 00:22:17,684
Like our school
actually gives us information
through social media,
445
00:22:17,727 --> 00:22:19,816
so it's kind of just like
it goes hand in hand
446
00:22:19,860 --> 00:22:22,384
that you will be using
social media and have a phone.
447
00:22:22,428 --> 00:22:25,735
The lives of kids
were sort of changing slowly
448
00:22:25,779 --> 00:22:29,522
for a while and then,
all of a sudden, phones,
449
00:22:29,565 --> 00:22:33,308
smartphones were easy to get.
Social media was easy to get.
450
00:22:33,352 --> 00:22:36,398
Most people were able
to afford that. Most kids
were able to get on social media
451
00:22:36,442 --> 00:22:38,139
and that's when everything
kind of skyrocketed.
452
00:22:38,182 --> 00:22:40,924
-I'm addicted to my iPad.
-I'm addicted.
453
00:22:40,968 --> 00:22:44,319
But adults
not just teenagers are
also addicted to their phones.
454
00:22:44,363 --> 00:22:48,062
Parents are the primary
determinant
455
00:22:48,105 --> 00:22:50,804
as to how a kid uses technology.
456
00:22:50,847 --> 00:22:53,720
In other words,
if we want our kids to be
457
00:22:53,763 --> 00:22:55,635
consuming technology
differently then we first
458
00:22:55,678 --> 00:22:58,289
need to look in the mirror
and ask ourselves,
459
00:22:58,333 --> 00:23:02,642
would we want them using their
technology exactly how I do?
460
00:23:02,685 --> 00:23:05,079
The race for attention has
to get more and more aggressive.
461
00:23:05,122 --> 00:23:07,386
And so, it's not enough
just to get your behavior
462
00:23:07,429 --> 00:23:09,649
and predict what will take
your behavior.
463
00:23:09,692 --> 00:23:12,652
We have to predict how to keep
you hooked in a different way.
464
00:23:12,695 --> 00:23:16,569
And so, it crawled deeper
down the brainstem
into our social validation.
465
00:23:16,612 --> 00:23:19,267
So that was the introduction
of likes and followers.
466
00:23:19,310 --> 00:23:23,140
I post a lot. I used to...
467
00:23:23,184 --> 00:23:26,143
like I almost like have like
a mental schedule, like,
468
00:23:26,187 --> 00:23:28,711
okay, like each month I'll post.
469
00:23:28,755 --> 00:23:32,193
And like I'll edit
the picture and like
make it look really good.
470
00:23:32,236 --> 00:23:35,892
Now I just kind of like post
like when I want to
471
00:23:35,936 --> 00:23:39,853
and I like definitely delete
posts I don't get like
a lot of likes.
472
00:23:39,896 --> 00:23:42,638
I like to have
a lot of likes on my posts.
473
00:23:42,682 --> 00:23:45,162
Just to like...
it just makes you feel good.
474
00:23:45,206 --> 00:23:47,034
You feel better
when people are like,
475
00:23:47,077 --> 00:23:49,123
"Yeah, you're looking good."
But then
476
00:23:49,166 --> 00:23:51,125
at other times you feel horrible
477
00:23:51,168 --> 00:23:52,605
because people
aren't liking your post,
478
00:23:52,648 --> 00:23:54,041
but you can see
they looked at it.
479
00:23:54,084 --> 00:23:55,303
No, I don't care.
480
00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,263
I mean it sucks
when my art doesn't get
a whole lot of likes.
481
00:24:00,917 --> 00:24:05,226
They call each other and say,
"Do me a favor, like my picture.
I need more likes on my..."
482
00:24:05,269 --> 00:24:08,142
[girl] Like, it's really easy
for you to be like,
483
00:24:08,185 --> 00:24:11,667
"Oh! Look at this other girl.
Like she got
this many more likes.
484
00:24:11,711 --> 00:24:15,454
-Like her body's
this much nicer."
-[Patti] Are they chasing likes?
485
00:24:15,497 --> 00:24:17,891
Are they, as some
young people say, you know,
486
00:24:17,934 --> 00:24:20,850
I'll put a photo up and if
I don't get 50 likes right away
487
00:24:20,894 --> 00:24:23,766
-I'm taking it down.
-And that got every...
it was much cheaper to...
488
00:24:23,810 --> 00:24:26,552
instead of getting
your attention
to get you addicted
489
00:24:26,595 --> 00:24:28,510
to getting attention
from other people.
490
00:24:28,554 --> 00:24:30,512
And this has created
the kind of mass narcissism
491
00:24:30,556 --> 00:24:32,427
and mass cultural thing
that's happening
492
00:24:32,471 --> 00:24:34,081
with young people
especially today.
493
00:24:34,124 --> 00:24:36,387
I think people's
online status does...
494
00:24:36,431 --> 00:24:39,303
connect to their
popularity at school.
495
00:24:39,347 --> 00:24:41,349
I'd say they're
kind of symbiotic,
496
00:24:41,392 --> 00:24:43,830
like they both feed off
of each other.
497
00:24:43,873 --> 00:24:46,963
I have a 400 streak with this
person. I'm better than you
498
00:24:47,007 --> 00:24:50,445
or look at this,
I got 600 likes on Instagram.
I am better than you.
499
00:24:50,489 --> 00:24:53,796
They just want to be famous.
They just want people
to adore them.
500
00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:56,146
They're hoping to get famous.
They're hoping to get popular.
501
00:24:56,190 --> 00:24:58,975
They're hoping to get validated
by strangers on the internet.
502
00:24:59,019 --> 00:25:02,196
Clout addiction.
Know what clout is?
503
00:25:02,239 --> 00:25:06,417
It's not as if, all of a sudden,
a separate part
504
00:25:06,461 --> 00:25:08,985
of our brain evolved
in the past 10 years
505
00:25:09,029 --> 00:25:12,598
to separate out social signals
from social media
506
00:25:12,641 --> 00:25:15,122
from those social signals
that we get in real life.
507
00:25:15,165 --> 00:25:17,994
The... the social feedback is,
literally, rewarding
508
00:25:18,038 --> 00:25:22,651
when it's positive
and it's, literally,
punishing when it's negative.
509
00:25:22,695 --> 00:25:26,699
Ms. Stanfield, I... I...
I was a little confused
by one thing you said.
510
00:25:26,742 --> 00:25:30,180
Did you say Google doesn't use
persuasive technology?
511
00:25:30,224 --> 00:25:32,095
That is correct, Sir.
512
00:25:34,489 --> 00:25:36,752
What gets the most likes?
513
00:25:37,884 --> 00:25:40,364
-More skin, more likes.
-[girl] Yeah.
514
00:25:40,408 --> 00:25:42,453
Girls in bathing suits.
515
00:25:42,497 --> 00:25:44,586
[boy] You have to sexualize
yourself
516
00:25:44,630 --> 00:25:46,632
or you have to post a bikini
pic or something
517
00:25:46,675 --> 00:25:48,590
that's revealing in order
to get a lot of likes.
518
00:25:48,634 --> 00:25:50,592
The more attractive you are
the more likes you get.
519
00:25:50,636 --> 00:25:52,681
-Hot girls get a lot of likes.
-Parent's day and age,
520
00:25:52,725 --> 00:25:55,118
you couldn't get on your phone
and be like, "Oh, my gosh!
521
00:25:55,162 --> 00:25:57,381
Look at Kim Kardashian's life."
We have the ability to compare
522
00:25:57,425 --> 00:25:59,775
-ourselves with other people.
-We weren't really worried
523
00:25:59,819 --> 00:26:01,690
about what we were wearing
because everybody
524
00:26:01,734 --> 00:26:02,822
in the whole world
wasn't watching us.
525
00:26:02,865 --> 00:26:04,780
The pressure to maintain
526
00:26:04,824 --> 00:26:07,304
the perfect image online
is huge.
527
00:26:07,348 --> 00:26:09,829
On the flip side,
if they post something
528
00:26:09,872 --> 00:26:12,005
and either don't get likes
or get poor comments
529
00:26:12,048 --> 00:26:14,616
then it's hit with depression.
530
00:26:14,660 --> 00:26:17,750
[woman 6]
But you know what you look like.
You can see yourself.
531
00:26:17,793 --> 00:26:19,969
You don't need...
532
00:26:20,927 --> 00:26:23,146
Yeah, but it's not
how you look like...
533
00:26:23,190 --> 00:26:26,454
-Yeah.
-...this. It's like
how you look like on that.
534
00:26:26,497 --> 00:26:28,804
It's not checking to see
if the hair is okay,
535
00:26:28,848 --> 00:26:31,459
it's seeing
if they look like the girl
536
00:26:31,502 --> 00:26:33,548
that they saw on Instagram
that was perfect.
537
00:26:33,592 --> 00:26:36,377
Seeing people like that,
it's like, "Why can't I,
538
00:26:36,420 --> 00:26:38,466
you know, look like that?"
539
00:26:38,509 --> 00:26:41,687
And it's weird
because we know that
540
00:26:41,730 --> 00:26:45,691
they're made up and they're not
like a 100% authentic pictures.
541
00:26:45,734 --> 00:26:48,345
Girls like strongly edit
their pictures
542
00:26:48,389 --> 00:26:52,654
and like you can tell
like the wall is bent
at their waist or like...
543
00:26:52,698 --> 00:26:55,657
But it just still
makes you feel like...
544
00:26:55,701 --> 00:26:58,486
They're always ready
for a phone.
It's like they're constantly
545
00:26:58,529 --> 00:27:02,490
prepared to be captured
by something and be shown
to the world.
546
00:27:02,533 --> 00:27:05,580
[man 5] A man feels free,
if he believes he is free
547
00:27:05,624 --> 00:27:08,191
and he will believe
he is free if he is conditioned
548
00:27:08,235 --> 00:27:10,977
by positive reinforcement
to think so.
549
00:27:28,385 --> 00:27:33,695
You could be the meanest
most horrible person
in the world
550
00:27:33,739 --> 00:27:36,698
and if somebody sees
you have like 6000 followers
on Instagram
551
00:27:36,742 --> 00:27:38,787
at school
or like you get a ton of likes,
552
00:27:38,831 --> 00:27:40,789
they'll be your friends. They
don't care what you're like.
553
00:27:40,833 --> 00:27:43,183
Are you going to be
on my side if I let you up?
554
00:27:43,226 --> 00:27:45,881
Sure, chick, sure.
I'm on your side.
555
00:27:45,925 --> 00:27:48,275
Just let me up.
I'll do anything you say.
556
00:27:48,318 --> 00:27:51,278
When I was a student
bullying was always in person,
557
00:27:51,321 --> 00:27:54,194
in my neighborhood,
the bully who lived up the hill
558
00:27:54,237 --> 00:27:56,936
and we would be careful
to not to go that direction
559
00:27:56,979 --> 00:27:59,765
because if he was outside
he would grab your bike
and harass kids.
560
00:27:59,808 --> 00:28:01,201
Get off. I want to ride it.
561
00:28:01,244 --> 00:28:03,072
Oh, no Jake! Not my new bike.
562
00:28:03,116 --> 00:28:05,727
Oh, I was bullied
all through school.
563
00:28:05,771 --> 00:28:07,729
I can remember the kid,
who you all just kind of knew
564
00:28:07,773 --> 00:28:10,427
was mean to people
whether it was on the playground
565
00:28:10,471 --> 00:28:12,386
or other places.
I'm not going to say his name.
566
00:28:12,429 --> 00:28:13,735
I'm sure he's a great guy now.
567
00:28:13,779 --> 00:28:15,781
The bullying happened at school
568
00:28:15,824 --> 00:28:19,393
-or on the bus.
-The ways in which this person
569
00:28:19,436 --> 00:28:23,266
could have access to my life
were pretty limited.
570
00:28:23,310 --> 00:28:26,182
In this case,
it was the seven hours
that I was at school.
571
00:28:26,226 --> 00:28:28,750
Okay. Really? Come on, guys.
572
00:28:30,143 --> 00:28:32,362
Now, it's always available.
573
00:28:32,406 --> 00:28:34,713
It's going to follow
them everywhere.
574
00:28:34,756 --> 00:28:37,716
Have any of you
ever been harassed online?
575
00:28:37,759 --> 00:28:41,632
-Yes, 120%.
-People are still
just like mean.
576
00:28:41,676 --> 00:28:45,506
[girl] They're called trolls.
They just troll you and they
try and make you feel bad.
577
00:28:45,549 --> 00:28:50,467
Trolls are just kind
of a part of the society
we live in nowadays.
578
00:28:50,511 --> 00:28:54,776
Our bullying did not go
in front of the whole
world on social media.
579
00:28:54,820 --> 00:28:58,649
To them it feels like
it went out to the whole world.
580
00:28:58,693 --> 00:29:01,957
Personally, like I don't
really get those. Well...
581
00:29:05,526 --> 00:29:08,007
Where are the safe places
for a kid growing up?
582
00:29:08,050 --> 00:29:10,923
Because as soon as I get home
everyone goes to their room
583
00:29:10,966 --> 00:29:14,317
and the devices come out
and everything that
was horrible about what
584
00:29:14,361 --> 00:29:19,192
just happened is shared
over and over and over again.
585
00:29:19,235 --> 00:29:21,672
By sixth grade he was like
bullying me on Instagram
586
00:29:21,716 --> 00:29:24,719
and my friends
were telling me and
I had no means to defend myself.
587
00:29:24,763 --> 00:29:27,940
Well, honestly,
I do think it's worse
to be bullied online
588
00:29:27,983 --> 00:29:29,985
because you don't know
who you're talking to.
589
00:29:30,029 --> 00:29:32,814
Big picture, he was bullied
in a lot of different ways
590
00:29:32,858 --> 00:29:35,817
and part of the way that
591
00:29:35,861 --> 00:29:38,820
also showed up
was through text message.
592
00:29:38,864 --> 00:29:41,997
You know it was in person,
in school, in the classroom,
593
00:29:42,041 --> 00:29:43,825
divide and conquer
as well as cyber.
594
00:29:43,869 --> 00:29:46,219
And so, it was coming
at him from all angles.
595
00:29:46,262 --> 00:29:49,222
And it would never shut off,
but the cyber stuff...
596
00:29:49,265 --> 00:29:52,834
yeah, so I would block kid a,
and block kid b,
597
00:29:52,878 --> 00:29:57,360
and they would give
Ethan's number...
then they started texting Gavin.
598
00:29:57,404 --> 00:30:01,234
They had Gavin's ID and messages
were coming in through...
599
00:30:01,277 --> 00:30:03,105
Gavin was what, six at the time.
600
00:30:03,149 --> 00:30:05,455
-They were relentless.
-He was the target.
601
00:30:05,499 --> 00:30:07,327
It was relentless.
602
00:30:07,370 --> 00:30:10,678
When I finally did get
a phone in seventh grade, it...
603
00:30:10,721 --> 00:30:14,247
it got bad because I also got
Snapchat around the same time.
604
00:30:14,290 --> 00:30:17,032
And so, I could now see
what he was posting about me.
605
00:30:17,076 --> 00:30:20,993
-Every kid sees this happening.
-It's hitting a much
larger and broader audience
606
00:30:21,036 --> 00:30:24,910
than it ever used to, you know,
and sometimes people pile on.
607
00:30:24,953 --> 00:30:28,043
It's another thing
when the bully gets 25 people
608
00:30:28,087 --> 00:30:30,916
on a text thread
and it's all directed at you.
609
00:30:30,959 --> 00:30:33,744
It's just... it's a different
scale and it's a different time.
610
00:30:33,788 --> 00:30:36,617
It's an amplifier
for the worst parts of us.
611
00:30:36,660 --> 00:30:38,358
Let's take
an example like Twitter.
612
00:30:38,401 --> 00:30:40,055
It's calculating
what is the thing
613
00:30:40,099 --> 00:30:41,448
that I can show you
614
00:30:41,491 --> 00:30:43,363
that gets the most engagement.
615
00:30:43,406 --> 00:30:46,061
And it turns out that outrage...
moral outrage
616
00:30:46,105 --> 00:30:48,803
gets the most engagement.
So it was found in a study that
617
00:30:48,847 --> 00:30:52,328
for every word of moral outrage
that you add to a tweet
618
00:30:52,372 --> 00:30:55,027
it increases your re-tweet rate
by 17%.
619
00:30:55,070 --> 00:30:57,246
If they didn't have tech,
620
00:30:57,290 --> 00:31:00,162
I swear they would have
a black eye every day.
621
00:31:00,206 --> 00:31:02,208
There are just so many
more channels through which
622
00:31:02,251 --> 00:31:05,820
I can be a complete jerk
that don't involve me being
623
00:31:05,864 --> 00:31:08,518
in front of you
which is the great neutralizer
624
00:31:08,562 --> 00:31:12,522
of cruelty because if I see you
and I look you in the eye,
625
00:31:12,566 --> 00:31:15,743
we tend to treat
each other differently.
626
00:31:15,786 --> 00:31:17,919
He was having
a really difficult time.
627
00:31:17,963 --> 00:31:20,879
He was very agitated
and it was...
628
00:31:20,922 --> 00:31:23,316
It had to do with his phone
and I couldn't understand
629
00:31:23,359 --> 00:31:26,536
because we'd found
some text messages on it
that concerned me.
630
00:31:26,580 --> 00:31:29,409
And I asked him about it
and I took the phone from him
631
00:31:29,452 --> 00:31:34,675
and we talked, shared some tears
and I said, "Really son,
what's going on here?"
632
00:31:34,718 --> 00:31:38,331
Couple days after Christmas
the stomach pains got so bad we
had to go to the emergency room.
633
00:31:38,374 --> 00:31:41,769
I was convinced
he had appendicitis,
he was in so much pain.
634
00:31:41,812 --> 00:31:44,250
He threw up two or three times.
635
00:31:44,293 --> 00:31:47,079
His blood work's good.
This is weird, we don't know.
636
00:31:47,122 --> 00:31:49,733
And I knew in that moment
it was anxiety. I knew it.
637
00:31:49,777 --> 00:31:52,475
We got him
through the other side,
but there was a place there
638
00:31:52,519 --> 00:31:55,174
where it was so dark
I thought this is it.
639
00:31:55,217 --> 00:31:58,699
That's...
this is that tipping moment
where we lost our kid.
640
00:31:58,742 --> 00:32:03,878
Certainly the... yeah,
there's an element that
kids need to learn resilience
641
00:32:03,922 --> 00:32:07,403
and they need to understand
that people are not always
going to agree with them
642
00:32:07,447 --> 00:32:11,364
and they may even tease them.
And there's an element
643
00:32:11,407 --> 00:32:14,584
that that's okay
because that's... we can't
644
00:32:14,628 --> 00:32:17,457
train kids to expect that
they will always be shielded
645
00:32:17,500 --> 00:32:19,676
from any negative
thing in their life.
646
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:22,941
That said it's important
for a parent to know
647
00:32:22,984 --> 00:32:25,204
where in the spectrum
it is for your child
648
00:32:25,247 --> 00:32:27,467
relative to where they are
in their developmental cycle.
649
00:32:27,510 --> 00:32:31,036
So it's definitely there.
It's definitely there, but
650
00:32:31,079 --> 00:32:35,257
I'm certain it's probably more
behind people's backs nowadays.
651
00:32:35,301 --> 00:32:38,043
Cyber bullying is definitely
like Charlie said,
652
00:32:38,086 --> 00:32:41,176
a lot more subtle than people
like to make it out to be.
653
00:32:41,220 --> 00:32:43,918
So what happens when somebody
takes somebody off Instagram?
654
00:32:43,962 --> 00:32:46,268
-Oh, it's a big thing.
-It's a big deal. When you block
655
00:32:46,312 --> 00:32:48,053
somebody on Instagram
you can tell,
656
00:32:48,096 --> 00:32:50,620
we all know the signs
when somebody blocks you
657
00:32:50,664 --> 00:32:52,709
and it's like
a big thing because,
658
00:32:52,753 --> 00:32:55,625
you know, this person
doesn't like you anymore.
659
00:32:55,669 --> 00:32:59,064
[Chris] That group photo
where I don't tag that one girl.
660
00:32:59,107 --> 00:33:01,109
Their parents may not
pick up on that,
661
00:33:01,153 --> 00:33:03,764
but that is a subtle way of
saying, I'm not going to tag you
662
00:33:03,807 --> 00:33:07,333
or I'm not going to like that
photo or whatever it might be.
663
00:33:07,376 --> 00:33:11,206
We've attached worth to those
things and that's a little
subtle jab
664
00:33:12,468 --> 00:33:15,863
that kids are doing all
the time. I see it. I hear it.
665
00:33:15,906 --> 00:33:18,257
[Kelly] What about
the constant awareness that
666
00:33:18,300 --> 00:33:21,608
you're not invited to something
or you're being left out?
667
00:33:21,651 --> 00:33:26,917
I hate that. Nothing
makes me more upset than that.
668
00:33:26,961 --> 00:33:28,832
When people hang out
or do something cooler than you,
669
00:33:28,876 --> 00:33:30,617
they're going to post it
and then it just shows like,
670
00:33:30,660 --> 00:33:32,227
"Hey, you're not here.
671
00:33:32,271 --> 00:33:33,576
You know, you suck."
672
00:33:35,056 --> 00:33:37,841
I would actually like be
like, "What did I do wrong?
673
00:33:37,885 --> 00:33:40,888
I must have done something
wrong like I need to fix
something about my character,
674
00:33:40,931 --> 00:33:44,326
like I just need
to completely change myself.
675
00:33:44,370 --> 00:33:46,198
Who would be the person
that would be invited
676
00:33:46,241 --> 00:33:48,200
and then make myself into that?"
677
00:33:49,157 --> 00:33:51,768
It's not outright
and it's not something
678
00:33:51,812 --> 00:33:53,901
you can just see
when you go online.
679
00:33:53,944 --> 00:33:55,816
It's something
that's behind the scenes
680
00:33:55,859 --> 00:33:57,992
and it's something
that affects someone
681
00:33:58,036 --> 00:34:00,386
over years and years and...
682
00:34:00,429 --> 00:34:03,693
and slowly changes
the way they think.
683
00:34:12,572 --> 00:34:14,965
[man 6] How easy
was pornography to come across?
684
00:34:15,009 --> 00:34:17,838
-Oh, boy!
-[man 6] Yeah. Oh, boy!
685
00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:20,101
-Yeah, like Mom, Dad,
don't watch this.
-I know.
686
00:34:20,145 --> 00:34:21,929
I had a trunk
and I had ways to hide it.
687
00:34:21,972 --> 00:34:23,887
We had different methods
of finding it.
688
00:34:23,931 --> 00:34:27,413
We congregated at this one guy's
house because he had
689
00:34:27,456 --> 00:34:31,069
a VHS tape that had something
on it that had been
recorded from Cinemax.
690
00:34:31,112 --> 00:34:32,940
Go up to your uncle,
go to the bathroom up there,
691
00:34:32,983 --> 00:34:36,335
we'd take a Playboy in there...
run down
692
00:34:36,378 --> 00:34:38,859
-the alley and look at it.
-She brought out a few
magazines.
693
00:34:38,902 --> 00:34:41,034
"Quick, you can look real quick.
Somebody's coming."
694
00:34:41,079 --> 00:34:43,036
"Look at this!" And it was
a Playboy magazine
695
00:34:43,081 --> 00:34:45,039
and I was like, "Goodnight!
What are they doing?"
696
00:34:45,083 --> 00:34:46,475
And we thought,
"This is our moment."
697
00:34:46,518 --> 00:34:48,869
You had to be MacGyver to like
698
00:34:48,911 --> 00:34:51,045
to get it, hold it, keep it.
699
00:34:51,089 --> 00:34:53,395
But they had those sex hotlines
that you could call.
700
00:34:53,438 --> 00:34:56,224
-[man 7] Oh, yeah. The 1-900.
-[female voice] Call me now.
701
00:34:56,268 --> 00:35:00,185
Yeah, they were like advertising
on the late-night TV.
702
00:35:00,228 --> 00:35:02,361
But this was again a plan,
703
00:35:02,404 --> 00:35:05,146
like a detailed plan
that had to be enacted.
704
00:35:05,190 --> 00:35:08,410
There was no other way to get
access to this sort of thing.
705
00:35:08,454 --> 00:35:11,021
In the 50s we had pinup girls.
706
00:35:11,065 --> 00:35:14,199
Brigitte Bardot,
Marilyn Monroe and in the 60s
707
00:35:14,242 --> 00:35:17,245
we had Girly Magazines
and then in the 80s
708
00:35:17,289 --> 00:35:22,163
we had VHS and then there were
chatrooms with webcams
709
00:35:22,207 --> 00:35:26,472
and now we have cell phones
in kids' hands.
710
00:35:26,515 --> 00:35:27,690
[suspenseful music]
711
00:35:29,910 --> 00:35:35,220
All the physical barriers,
be it physical location, right?
712
00:35:35,263 --> 00:35:37,483
Be it proximity,
all those sorts of things,
713
00:35:37,526 --> 00:35:40,790
be it people, maybe they
had access to it, right?
714
00:35:40,834 --> 00:35:43,053
None of those barriers
exist anymore.
715
00:35:43,097 --> 00:35:44,925
I mean it's completely
different now. I mean,
716
00:35:44,968 --> 00:35:48,276
it is like it's all video
and it's all...
717
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:53,890
and watching XXX videos
are a lot different than
looking at a Playboy Magazine.
718
00:35:55,805 --> 00:35:59,069
The Australian study
that found that about half
719
00:35:59,113 --> 00:36:05,163
of children ages 8 to 16
had exposure to pornography
720
00:36:05,206 --> 00:36:07,904
and many of those were
actively seeking it out.
721
00:36:07,948 --> 00:36:10,864
27%, if you look
at the unfiltered internet,
722
00:36:10,907 --> 00:36:15,129
27% of all video contents
on the unfiltered internet
723
00:36:15,173 --> 00:36:17,436
is pornographic
or explicit in some way.
724
00:36:17,479 --> 00:36:19,742
If I imagine
every day growing up,
there was a coffee table
725
00:36:19,786 --> 00:36:21,831
in my living room
and there were four magazines
726
00:36:21,875 --> 00:36:24,269
on that coffee table,
one of them was pornographic
727
00:36:24,312 --> 00:36:27,141
and three of them weren't
and my parents just hoped
728
00:36:27,185 --> 00:36:29,752
every day that I didn't look
at the wrong one.
729
00:36:31,058 --> 00:36:35,105
That is what
the unfiltered internet
is for kids today.
730
00:36:35,149 --> 00:36:39,284
We have put little boxes of porn
in their pockets
731
00:36:39,327 --> 00:36:42,809
under the guise of safety, under
the guise of overprotection,
732
00:36:42,852 --> 00:36:44,941
under the guise of I have
to get in touch with my kid
733
00:36:44,985 --> 00:36:47,596
all the time, every day, 24/7,
734
00:36:47,640 --> 00:36:50,338
we have given them access
to pornography that far exceeds
735
00:36:50,382 --> 00:36:53,515
anything
that we ever were exposed to.
736
00:36:53,559 --> 00:36:57,563
What about porn? Does ever...
do guys all watch porn?
737
00:36:57,606 --> 00:37:00,653
Okay, I like didn't even realize
that, but pretty much every guy
738
00:37:00,696 --> 00:37:04,265
has like an addiction to it
but no one talks about it.
739
00:37:04,309 --> 00:37:06,876
So say I'm like talking to them
about it and they'll be like...
740
00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:09,879
I'll be like,
"Does that guy do it, too?"
And they're like, "Yeah."
741
00:37:09,923 --> 00:37:12,969
And I'm like, "That sweet
innocent boy watches it, too?"
742
00:37:13,013 --> 00:37:14,884
-Like everyone.
-Everyone.
743
00:37:14,928 --> 00:37:17,409
Everyone no, no,
like every everyone watches it.
744
00:37:17,452 --> 00:37:19,541
How many guys and girls do
you guys know that watch porn?
745
00:37:20,499 --> 00:37:22,805
I'd say all guys pretty much.
746
00:37:22,849 --> 00:37:25,025
I think I know
one guy in my school. I think
747
00:37:25,068 --> 00:37:26,548
I've talked to one
that I can confidently say
748
00:37:26,592 --> 00:37:28,376
hasn't and nobody else.
749
00:37:28,420 --> 00:37:30,639
You know, it's very prevalent
750
00:37:30,683 --> 00:37:31,945
and like everybody knows it.
751
00:37:31,988 --> 00:37:33,860
They watch porn for fun.
752
00:37:33,903 --> 00:37:35,862
They don't even watch it
for any sexual release.
753
00:37:35,905 --> 00:37:37,342
They just watch it to watch it.
754
00:37:37,385 --> 00:37:39,169
Do you think parents
755
00:37:39,213 --> 00:37:41,694
really have any clue
of how significant
756
00:37:41,737 --> 00:37:45,437
of an issue pornography
is in... in kids?
757
00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:47,569
No. They're...
they're pretty clueless.
758
00:37:47,613 --> 00:37:49,005
-[girl] Yeah.
-Okay.
759
00:38:02,584 --> 00:38:04,020
What percentage?
760
00:38:04,064 --> 00:38:05,892
It is on every platform,
761
00:38:05,935 --> 00:38:08,068
even the platforms
that parents think it's not on.
762
00:38:08,111 --> 00:38:11,724
Just, for example,
Twitter which is one
763
00:38:11,767 --> 00:38:14,640
that most adults probably use.
They probably know Twitter.
764
00:38:14,683 --> 00:38:17,295
Snapchat is where
explicit content on Pornhub
765
00:38:17,338 --> 00:38:19,297
lives just seconds away
from every user
766
00:38:19,340 --> 00:38:21,211
through backdoors
within the app.
767
00:38:21,255 --> 00:38:22,952
The app knowingly allows
768
00:38:22,996 --> 00:38:25,303
a well-documented list
of porn performers
769
00:38:25,346 --> 00:38:27,609
to make thousands of dollars
daily
770
00:38:27,653 --> 00:38:29,916
through their premium
Snap accounts.
771
00:38:29,959 --> 00:38:32,701
The people
behind pornography know
772
00:38:32,745 --> 00:38:35,400
how to optimize
their content for search terms.
773
00:38:35,443 --> 00:38:38,446
Pornographers,
any new technology
774
00:38:38,490 --> 00:38:41,928
that comes out they
immediately saturate it.
775
00:38:41,971 --> 00:38:44,626
They know about it before...
as it's getting ready
776
00:38:44,670 --> 00:38:48,108
to come out and they
are ready with every strategy
to saturate it.
777
00:38:48,151 --> 00:38:51,764
At what age did like
watching porn become common?
778
00:38:51,807 --> 00:38:54,288
-I'd say seventh grade.
-Yeah, middle school.
779
00:38:54,332 --> 00:38:57,030
Ninth and tenth grade,
I remember guys being like,
780
00:38:57,073 --> 00:39:01,121
"Yeah, like I had an issue
in seventh grade." And I'm like,
"I'm sorry. What?"
781
00:39:01,164 --> 00:39:03,950
What I say to parents is it's
time for every parent on Earth
782
00:39:03,993 --> 00:39:06,474
to leave the ignorance
of the land of "if"
783
00:39:06,518 --> 00:39:09,521
and embrace
the reality of "when".
784
00:39:09,564 --> 00:39:14,090
The film we'll see
this morning will give
the answers to these questions.
785
00:39:14,134 --> 00:39:17,180
It will also show
the earliest phases of growth
786
00:39:17,224 --> 00:39:21,271
as well as the changes
that take place during
childhood and adolescence.
787
00:39:21,315 --> 00:39:25,450
So when my parents
were addressing the birds
and the bees with me
788
00:39:25,493 --> 00:39:27,408
there was no conversation.
789
00:39:28,888 --> 00:39:33,283
I walked out more confused
after the conversation
than when it started.
790
00:39:33,327 --> 00:39:37,549
We don't talk
about those things at all.
791
00:39:37,592 --> 00:39:43,119
Now, sex. Sex, sex, sex.
Where were we?
792
00:39:43,163 --> 00:39:46,514
It's absolutely normal
to be curious about sexuality.
793
00:39:46,558 --> 00:39:49,212
It's normal to be interested.
794
00:39:49,256 --> 00:39:52,694
Don't have sex because you
will get pregnant and die.
795
00:39:52,738 --> 00:39:55,044
Just don't do it, promise?
796
00:39:56,176 --> 00:39:58,004
Okay, everybody
take some rubbers.
797
00:39:58,047 --> 00:40:00,310
My dad had conversations with me
798
00:40:00,354 --> 00:40:02,008
when I was a teenage girl.
799
00:40:02,051 --> 00:40:05,185
Like I asked him
and he was very blunt
800
00:40:05,228 --> 00:40:08,797
-and just told me.
-Do you think kids are using
801
00:40:08,841 --> 00:40:10,582
pornography as sex education?
802
00:40:10,625 --> 00:40:13,323
-Yeah.
-Okay.
803
00:40:13,367 --> 00:40:16,370
Because I feel like
they don't want to like
804
00:40:16,414 --> 00:40:19,329
talk to like a parent
or like a guidance counselor
805
00:40:19,373 --> 00:40:22,811
or anything like that
because it's awkward. It's
an awkward topic to talk about.
806
00:40:22,855 --> 00:40:26,032
Like I said I have
three classes right now
807
00:40:26,075 --> 00:40:30,515
and they all are going
like over...
808
00:40:30,558 --> 00:40:33,474
like sex ed-type things
and it's really boring.
809
00:40:33,518 --> 00:40:37,957
So a lot of the times
I don't like...
I just kind of like tune it out.
810
00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:41,047
This is a tool for sex
education for a lot of children.
811
00:40:41,090 --> 00:40:44,267
They are learning
so many wrong things
812
00:40:44,311 --> 00:40:47,445
not only about sex,
but about relationships.
813
00:40:47,488 --> 00:40:49,925
[girl] Guys, especially
our age like...
814
00:40:49,969 --> 00:40:53,189
they just like watch porn
to like be fulfilled
in their own ways.
815
00:40:53,233 --> 00:40:56,497
So then they're just like...
like, if my girl can't do
816
00:40:56,541 --> 00:40:59,631
the same thing
that these people are doing,
then something's off.
817
00:40:59,674 --> 00:41:02,024
I don't want to be compared
to like a porn star like...
818
00:41:13,906 --> 00:41:16,430
-Wow!
-There's like certain guys
that I've hooked up with
819
00:41:16,474 --> 00:41:18,563
and I'm like,
"This is really aggressive.
820
00:41:18,606 --> 00:41:20,347
Like this is too much for me."
821
00:41:20,390 --> 00:41:23,132
And then I'm like...
and it's just terrible.
822
00:41:23,176 --> 00:41:25,265
I'm like this is so bad.
Because I haven't had sex, yet,
823
00:41:25,308 --> 00:41:28,181
like people... or like
the guys will like ask
824
00:41:28,224 --> 00:41:30,183
and I'm like, "No, I don't want
to do that with you."
825
00:41:30,226 --> 00:41:31,967
And they're like,
"Are you kidding me?"
826
00:41:32,011 --> 00:41:34,535
-Like, they get so mad.
-Guys get this image
827
00:41:34,579 --> 00:41:37,407
in their head that that's
how intimacy goes
828
00:41:37,451 --> 00:41:39,148
and that's how sex goes and...
829
00:41:39,192 --> 00:41:41,542
There's definitely
a bigger population
830
00:41:41,586 --> 00:41:44,327
of guys that feel that way
now than they were...
831
00:41:44,371 --> 00:41:46,112
they were even
like five years ago.
832
00:41:56,122 --> 00:41:58,211
[Chris]
The science is still emerging
833
00:41:58,254 --> 00:42:00,518
but I just happen
to live in the camp
834
00:42:00,561 --> 00:42:03,564
that when young people
are exposed
835
00:42:03,608 --> 00:42:06,001
to large amounts of pornography,
836
00:42:06,045 --> 00:42:08,917
it shapes the way
that they see other people.
837
00:42:08,961 --> 00:42:12,051
I happen to be somebody
who at a very young age
838
00:42:12,094 --> 00:42:13,922
was exposed to pornography.
839
00:42:13,966 --> 00:42:18,623
I discovered a stack,
you know, of magazines
840
00:42:18,666 --> 00:42:23,541
when I was way too young
and that planted
a lot of curiosities in me
841
00:42:23,584 --> 00:42:25,760
that I wasn't ready for,
quite honestly.
842
00:42:25,804 --> 00:42:27,893
I didn't know
what to do with that.
843
00:42:27,936 --> 00:42:30,678
And we could talk a long time
about what that did to me
844
00:42:30,722 --> 00:42:35,074
later in life and what that did
to distort just my views
845
00:42:35,117 --> 00:42:37,903
of sex and intimacy even as a,
you know, a young adult
846
00:42:37,946 --> 00:42:41,254
and as a married man,
even leading to an addiction
847
00:42:41,297 --> 00:42:44,953
of my own to pornography
that was destructive
in a lot of ways.
848
00:42:44,997 --> 00:42:48,653
That was years ago
but I can link all
of those things together.
849
00:42:48,696 --> 00:42:50,785
And I'm a guy that did not
grow up in the digital age,
850
00:42:50,829 --> 00:42:54,963
yet, I was exposed to something
that I wasn't ready for.
851
00:42:55,007 --> 00:42:57,618
I didn't have anybody
who was giving me any sort
852
00:42:57,662 --> 00:43:00,403
of baseline to compare that to,
853
00:43:00,447 --> 00:43:04,190
so a combination of that
early exposure plus the internet
854
00:43:04,233 --> 00:43:06,801
became a very toxic thing
for my life.
855
00:43:06,845 --> 00:43:11,850
I feel like a lot of porn
does... I guess... show
856
00:43:11,893 --> 00:43:15,027
the women as more submissive
and it kind of
857
00:43:15,070 --> 00:43:18,508
puts that idea, I guess,
in boys' minds.
858
00:43:18,552 --> 00:43:21,686
It just leads to guys
objectifying women a lot,
859
00:43:21,729 --> 00:43:24,993
you know,
and then they forget about
the whole relationship part
860
00:43:25,037 --> 00:43:28,736
and that's all they think
of now is just sex
because that's all they've seen.
861
00:43:28,780 --> 00:43:31,565
I know we've been talking
about like a lot
of like guys are like
862
00:43:31,609 --> 00:43:34,220
-into pornography, but like
a lot of girls are, too.
-[Free] Absolutely.
863
00:43:34,263 --> 00:43:36,788
I don't even think
parents have like the
864
00:43:36,831 --> 00:43:39,486
birds and the bees talk anymore
because kids will know about it
865
00:43:39,529 --> 00:43:42,271
by the time they're like eight
if they have access
to social media.
866
00:43:43,838 --> 00:43:46,362
-[man 8] Yeah?
-It's just, honestly,
I've thought...
867
00:43:47,712 --> 00:43:50,802
But it's just faster
now and it's younger.
868
00:43:50,845 --> 00:43:55,371
[Patti] 20% of youth report that
they came across at children,
869
00:43:55,415 --> 00:43:57,286
you know, that it was unwanted.
870
00:43:57,330 --> 00:43:59,549
But we can now be
in different places
871
00:43:59,593 --> 00:44:03,771
and we're in a group chat
and somebody shares it,
872
00:44:03,815 --> 00:44:05,599
everybody's got it
if they open it.
873
00:44:05,643 --> 00:44:07,732
And in the elementary schools
that I'm in,
874
00:44:07,775 --> 00:44:10,735
I typically hear counselors
saying, "Yeah, we've got kids
875
00:44:10,778 --> 00:44:14,042
that are already
seeking that out
in the elementary school age."
876
00:44:14,086 --> 00:44:16,262
Sex is not something
that is easy to talk about
877
00:44:16,305 --> 00:44:18,743
with your kid at any age,
but it's something that you
878
00:44:18,786 --> 00:44:21,397
absolutely have to talk about,
and at a younger age
879
00:44:21,441 --> 00:44:24,400
than you might think
because even if he couldn't
880
00:44:24,444 --> 00:44:28,056
access pornography
on his personal device
881
00:44:28,100 --> 00:44:31,016
or through our home,
you know, cable,
882
00:44:31,059 --> 00:44:33,148
somebody on the bus
probably could.
883
00:44:36,195 --> 00:44:40,503
This mother
proceeded to tell me,
her son was 11 years old,
884
00:44:40,547 --> 00:44:42,941
but when he was nine years old
885
00:44:42,984 --> 00:44:44,856
he went to sleep over
at a friend's house,
886
00:44:44,899 --> 00:44:46,727
a family that
they knew quite well.
887
00:44:46,771 --> 00:44:51,863
And this son, his friend
showed him pornography,
888
00:44:51,906 --> 00:44:55,693
um, hardcore,
really horrible stuff
889
00:44:55,736 --> 00:44:58,739
on the iPad at the sleepover
890
00:44:58,783 --> 00:45:03,265
and then proceeded to practice
that pornography on her son.
891
00:45:04,223 --> 00:45:06,486
That was
when he was nine years old.
892
00:45:06,529 --> 00:45:09,924
Okay, fast forward two years,
he's now 11.
893
00:45:09,968 --> 00:45:12,405
He's never told
anybody about this,
894
00:45:12,448 --> 00:45:16,583
but mom has noticed that,
"My son just isn't
happy anymore",
895
00:45:16,626 --> 00:45:18,846
and she sat down and had
a conversation with him
896
00:45:18,890 --> 00:45:21,457
and found out
through this conversation
897
00:45:21,501 --> 00:45:25,287
that for two years
he had held on to this secret
898
00:45:25,331 --> 00:45:27,855
and he felt so much shame
and guilt that there was
something wrong
899
00:45:27,899 --> 00:45:29,770
with him,
that he did something wrong.
900
00:45:29,814 --> 00:45:32,120
And so, for two years he held on
901
00:45:32,164 --> 00:45:37,082
to this corrosive secret
that started on an iPad.
902
00:45:37,125 --> 00:45:40,476
The number one
common denominator
903
00:45:40,520 --> 00:45:42,870
of those who abuse other kids
904
00:45:42,914 --> 00:45:46,178
is an early exposure
to pornography
905
00:45:46,221 --> 00:45:47,919
because what they see,
906
00:45:47,962 --> 00:45:51,705
they feel neurologically
compelled to do.
907
00:45:51,749 --> 00:45:53,315
[soft music]
908
00:46:23,781 --> 00:46:27,349
I guess
my first boyfriend was...
909
00:46:27,393 --> 00:46:30,700
I was college age
when I had my first boyfriend.
910
00:46:31,876 --> 00:46:35,183
We would have hay rides
or winter roasts
911
00:46:35,227 --> 00:46:38,056
or it was more...
more like just groups of people.
912
00:46:39,057 --> 00:46:42,582
Now, after you finished 4-h
they had what they'd call
913
00:46:42,625 --> 00:46:44,932
rural youth and that's how
I met my husband.
914
00:46:44,976 --> 00:46:48,893
We would meet once a month
and... and maybe have a dance
915
00:46:48,936 --> 00:46:52,679
or a lot of those square dancing
and everybody was a...
916
00:46:52,722 --> 00:46:56,335
would bring food and... and
there were a lot of marriages.
917
00:46:56,378 --> 00:47:02,254
My friend, Mary Lou and I
both met our husbands
through rural youth.
918
00:47:02,297 --> 00:47:06,084
So that's how I met my...
that's how I met my Mr. Right.
919
00:47:07,172 --> 00:47:08,390
[soft music]
920
00:47:14,701 --> 00:47:19,401
Dating in 2020. How do dating
relationships begin?
921
00:47:19,445 --> 00:47:21,534
A guy says you're hot,
pretty much.
922
00:47:22,665 --> 00:47:24,972
The guy will like add
you on Snapchat
923
00:47:25,016 --> 00:47:27,322
and then you might like say you
like each other, but you know,
924
00:47:27,366 --> 00:47:29,803
of course, it's over text
it's not face to face.
925
00:47:29,847 --> 00:47:32,850
-Then you guys
might have a thing.
-Hooking up with each other.
926
00:47:32,893 --> 00:47:35,983
-Or when you like...
-So you hook up
before you are dating.
927
00:47:36,027 --> 00:47:38,681
-Yes.
-People don't really like...
928
00:47:38,725 --> 00:47:41,380
go on any dates.
It's kind of you
just like hang out
929
00:47:41,423 --> 00:47:44,774
or like guys just use you.
It's true.
930
00:47:44,818 --> 00:47:48,561
-[girl] Right.
-We couldn't communicate
in person
931
00:47:48,604 --> 00:47:50,780
because we'd like built
the relationship online.
932
00:47:50,824 --> 00:47:53,131
I had like the same experience.
933
00:47:53,174 --> 00:47:57,048
Only after about three months
he asked for nudes
934
00:47:57,091 --> 00:48:01,791
and when I said no,
I don't send them, he dumped me.
935
00:48:01,835 --> 00:48:05,665
[Patti]
For many young people, sexting
936
00:48:05,708 --> 00:48:07,972
could be considered
the new first base.
937
00:48:08,015 --> 00:48:09,843
Kids call it nudes.
We call it sexting.
938
00:48:09,887 --> 00:48:12,150
Yeah, no.
Everybody knows what it is.
939
00:48:12,193 --> 00:48:14,587
Everyone knows
sexting is a thing.
940
00:48:14,630 --> 00:48:18,983
My school...
sending nudes is very common.
941
00:48:19,026 --> 00:48:21,637
It's mainly between people
who aren't actually dating.
942
00:48:21,681 --> 00:48:24,553
[man 9] Do you know of anyone
who's been affected by that
943
00:48:24,597 --> 00:48:26,468
at all in your school?
944
00:48:26,512 --> 00:48:29,471
-Affected by a sexting?
-[man 9] Yeah, yeah.
945
00:48:29,515 --> 00:48:31,952
Like have had an incident
or a bad thing happen to them.
946
00:48:31,996 --> 00:48:37,001
Well, yeah.
Like nudes of girls go
around the school all the time.
947
00:48:37,044 --> 00:48:38,263
-[man 9] Really?
-Yeah.
948
00:48:39,873 --> 00:48:44,399
We are seeing more and more
young people that expect to jump
949
00:48:44,443 --> 00:48:49,143
right into sexual acts
without the relationship
portion before that,
950
00:48:49,187 --> 00:48:53,060
without getting to know
each other, without going
on that first date,
951
00:48:53,104 --> 00:48:56,977
without holding hands,
without having that first kiss.
952
00:48:57,021 --> 00:48:59,371
They're jumping
straight to send me nude photos,
953
00:48:59,414 --> 00:49:02,287
send me a video of you
masturbating
954
00:49:02,330 --> 00:49:04,637
and that's happening
younger and younger.
955
00:49:04,680 --> 00:49:07,031
But in eighth grade there was
like two different groups
956
00:49:07,074 --> 00:49:10,251
and it was like, the group
of people that like did
957
00:49:10,295 --> 00:49:13,124
like send nudes
or like did all these things
958
00:49:13,167 --> 00:49:15,213
and then the group of girls
that like didn't do it.
959
00:49:15,256 --> 00:49:17,998
And there was a very distinct...
and it was eighth grade.
960
00:49:18,042 --> 00:49:20,870
-And that's what divided
the groups?
-Honestly, yeah.
961
00:49:20,914 --> 00:49:23,656
And like, now like, my brother's
in middle school and like,
962
00:49:23,699 --> 00:49:25,919
I... I sometimes hear him
and then like
963
00:49:25,963 --> 00:49:27,703
a bunch of kids
I babysit middle school, like,
964
00:49:27,747 --> 00:49:29,967
it's happening younger
and younger. And...
965
00:49:31,794 --> 00:49:33,796
I mean like,
sixth and seventh grade.
966
00:49:33,840 --> 00:49:36,582
Like with sexting, while
the studies typically focus
967
00:49:36,625 --> 00:49:39,150
on the ages of...
of 12 and older,
968
00:49:39,193 --> 00:49:41,674
I've been in schools,
elementary schools where sexting
969
00:49:41,717 --> 00:49:44,807
has already occurred
with 10- and 11-year-olds.
970
00:49:46,505 --> 00:49:50,335
We have a lot of teachers
and counselors coming
971
00:49:50,378 --> 00:49:54,817
like trying to discourage us
from doing that type of thing,
972
00:49:54,861 --> 00:49:57,646
but, obviously,
people don't listen.
973
00:49:57,690 --> 00:50:01,259
Like, if you have a teacher
or just someone
974
00:50:01,302 --> 00:50:03,870
like telling you
constantly not to do it,
975
00:50:03,913 --> 00:50:07,221
it makes you more just want
to do it and like to try it out.
976
00:50:07,265 --> 00:50:09,658
Is that amount of communication
977
00:50:09,702 --> 00:50:12,052
needed before a boy feels
978
00:50:12,096 --> 00:50:14,272
comfortable asking somebody
by text for a nude?
979
00:50:14,315 --> 00:50:16,448
You're pretty much lucky
if you get about two weeks
980
00:50:16,491 --> 00:50:18,537
into talking
to them before they ask.
981
00:50:18,580 --> 00:50:20,974
Or even sometimes they won't
even like just like talk to you.
982
00:50:21,018 --> 00:50:22,845
-Like they just...
-[girl] Demand it.
983
00:50:22,889 --> 00:50:25,239
-Yeah.
-Or send their own
984
00:50:25,283 --> 00:50:27,720
-without us asking.
-Yeah.
985
00:50:27,763 --> 00:50:30,549
And what about guys?
Do they send nudes?
986
00:50:30,592 --> 00:50:33,117
Yeah, they're disgusting.
Who wants to see that?
987
00:50:33,160 --> 00:50:36,294
-I wish they wouldn't.
-No, one time
I was with a friend
988
00:50:36,337 --> 00:50:40,124
and we were...
we were having a sleepover,
woke up, good morn...
989
00:50:40,167 --> 00:50:42,387
it was 8 AM. I was like,
I don't need to see this.
990
00:50:42,430 --> 00:50:44,389
They're more unsolicited like
991
00:50:44,432 --> 00:50:46,434
most of my friends
have gotten them and...
992
00:50:46,478 --> 00:50:48,045
I feel like for girls
for the most part
993
00:50:48,088 --> 00:50:49,568
get disgusted by it.
994
00:50:49,611 --> 00:50:51,700
What do you think
percentage-wise
995
00:50:51,744 --> 00:50:53,528
of girls have received them?
996
00:50:53,572 --> 00:50:56,270
-High percentage.
-Probably more than half.
997
00:50:56,314 --> 00:50:57,445
-Yeah.
-More than half.
998
00:50:57,489 --> 00:50:58,664
[boy] Do a lot of people
999
00:50:58,707 --> 00:51:00,013
you guys know send nudes?
1000
00:51:03,669 --> 00:51:04,757
In middle school...
1001
00:51:06,933 --> 00:51:08,717
-That was a huge thing.
-Oh, yeah.
1002
00:51:08,761 --> 00:51:11,242
-You guys have huge problems.
-Scandals.
1003
00:51:11,285 --> 00:51:13,374
They're... there are
like these rings almost,
1004
00:51:13,418 --> 00:51:16,116
so they gotten caught and
the police would get involved.
1005
00:51:16,160 --> 00:51:19,337
In middle school
that's like the peak
1006
00:51:19,380 --> 00:51:21,730
of like which
is totally messed up.
1007
00:51:21,774 --> 00:51:24,342
It's just so casual,
but then when a girl does it
1008
00:51:24,385 --> 00:51:26,561
it's totally different
and looked down upon kind of.
1009
00:51:26,605 --> 00:51:29,956
Some girls I know, like,
they just like won't say no
1010
00:51:29,999 --> 00:51:32,480
because they're like scared
of like the repercussions
1011
00:51:32,524 --> 00:51:35,092
because they don't want
to be yelled at or called
a prude, or like...
1012
00:51:35,135 --> 00:51:36,832
And you're constantly judged.
1013
00:51:36,876 --> 00:51:38,747
That's so true
like they're either like,
1014
00:51:38,791 --> 00:51:40,445
"Oh, well she's a slut
and will do anything."
1015
00:51:40,488 --> 00:51:42,621
Or, "She won't do
anything with guys."
1016
00:51:42,664 --> 00:51:44,013
And there's really
like no in between.
1017
00:51:44,057 --> 00:51:46,015
It's a no-win situation.
1018
00:51:46,059 --> 00:51:48,583
If you give it to a boy
and then you're a slut,
1019
00:51:48,627 --> 00:51:50,324
then the girls
find out about it,
1020
00:51:50,368 --> 00:51:52,326
then you're cyber bullied
by the girls.
1021
00:51:52,370 --> 00:51:55,373
If you don't give it,
then some girls will even jump
1022
00:51:55,416 --> 00:51:58,506
on the bandwagon, "You know,
I gave it to so-and-so,
1023
00:51:58,550 --> 00:52:00,117
what's the problem?
Why won't you do it?"
1024
00:52:00,160 --> 00:52:02,206
What do you do
in that situation?
1025
00:52:02,249 --> 00:52:05,034
Because you,
you know, you can't win.
1026
00:52:05,078 --> 00:52:08,647
I don't think
people think it's a positive
1027
00:52:08,690 --> 00:52:10,692
for doing that type of thing,
1028
00:52:10,736 --> 00:52:12,781
but it definitely
gives you a lot of clout.
1029
00:52:12,825 --> 00:52:16,611
You have a lot of attention
on you, like good or bad.
1030
00:52:16,655 --> 00:52:19,962
And so, people definitely
like want clout.
1031
00:52:20,006 --> 00:52:22,226
They like do like
almost anything
1032
00:52:22,269 --> 00:52:24,402
just for people to, like,
pay attention to them.
1033
00:52:24,445 --> 00:52:28,101
If the good girl
sends Johnny something
1034
00:52:28,145 --> 00:52:31,148
that she normally wouldn't,
everyone's going to be like,
1035
00:52:31,191 --> 00:52:33,150
"Let's get more."
1036
00:52:33,193 --> 00:52:35,195
[girl] And then all the guys
will go after her, too.
1037
00:52:35,239 --> 00:52:40,069
[girl] She's got like 20 new
adds on Snapchat, three new DMs.
1038
00:52:40,113 --> 00:52:43,072
But behind closed doors people
are like, "She is a whore."
1039
00:52:43,116 --> 00:52:44,900
And people act cool
around her, but like
1040
00:52:44,944 --> 00:52:46,859
behind closed doors,
people hate her.
1041
00:52:46,902 --> 00:52:50,210
Let's say your daughter
was dating a football player.
1042
00:52:50,254 --> 00:52:52,778
She breaks up with him,
she hasn't had sex with him,
1043
00:52:52,821 --> 00:52:54,693
but he says you need to give me
a little something, something,
1044
00:52:54,736 --> 00:52:56,956
some pictures and then I'll stay
in the relationship.
1045
00:52:56,999 --> 00:52:59,176
So she does it. She gets
pressured and she does it
1046
00:52:59,219 --> 00:53:01,917
and they break up. Well,
I talk to kids all the time,
1047
00:53:01,961 --> 00:53:04,442
"What happens when you break up
with those pictures?"
1048
00:53:04,485 --> 00:53:05,791
Let me take it a step further.
1049
00:53:05,834 --> 00:53:07,575
"What happens
1050
00:53:07,619 --> 00:53:09,055
when you break up
with your boyfriend
1051
00:53:09,098 --> 00:53:10,665
and his new girlfriend goes
1052
00:53:10,709 --> 00:53:12,885
in his phone
and finds her pictures?"
1053
00:53:12,928 --> 00:53:15,714
-It gets distributed.
-Especially with Snapchat
1054
00:53:15,757 --> 00:53:19,674
which was kind of more or less
created for that exact purpose.
1055
00:53:19,718 --> 00:53:21,546
It gives people a sense of...
1056
00:53:21,589 --> 00:53:23,852
like,
"Oh, it's not that serious.
1057
00:53:23,896 --> 00:53:26,203
The pictures go away." But...
1058
00:53:26,246 --> 00:53:29,989
we all can realize now and
look back and say, "Well, no.
1059
00:53:30,032 --> 00:53:33,427
-That's definitely not true."
-Yeah, once something
is out on the internet,
1060
00:53:33,471 --> 00:53:35,995
social media will latch on
to it, people will download it.
1061
00:53:36,038 --> 00:53:38,302
So it's like a dropbox
and it was like, I guess,
1062
00:53:38,345 --> 00:53:42,349
some guy like went
to our school, made it
1063
00:53:42,393 --> 00:53:46,832
and it's like, just girls nudes,
just like just random people.
1064
00:53:46,875 --> 00:53:50,792
-It's what all the guys do.
-Anyone can access to see it.
1065
00:53:50,836 --> 00:53:53,969
And there was like a list
of like all the people
that had accessed it,
1066
00:53:54,013 --> 00:53:56,537
it was even like people that
you wouldn't think really, like,
1067
00:53:56,581 --> 00:54:00,019
good guys that you
wouldn't think would engage
in that kind of stuff,
1068
00:54:00,062 --> 00:54:03,370
but some girls had no idea
that their pictures were out
in the open for everyone.
1069
00:54:03,414 --> 00:54:05,807
All of these naked pictures
and videos
1070
00:54:05,851 --> 00:54:08,984
guys get from girls
they went to high school with,
1071
00:54:09,028 --> 00:54:11,596
they're in their college dorm,
they go on a9 IB.
1072
00:54:11,639 --> 00:54:13,511
and they trade
them like Yu-Gi-Oh! cards.
1073
00:54:13,554 --> 00:54:16,731
I mean this girl
that I grew up with she had
1074
00:54:16,775 --> 00:54:19,560
a sex tape
actually and it was leaked.
1075
00:54:19,604 --> 00:54:22,302
I remember even I who didn't
even go there had access to it,
1076
00:54:22,346 --> 00:54:24,913
but it was sent
around and we were freshmen.
1077
00:54:26,698 --> 00:54:29,309
One of my most hated terms
is "Not my kid".
1078
00:54:29,353 --> 00:54:32,791
Parents suffer from a disease
called the NMK syndrome.
1079
00:54:32,834 --> 00:54:34,880
It's described as "Not my kid."
1080
00:54:34,923 --> 00:54:36,969
"My kid won't do that.
My kid would never.
1081
00:54:37,012 --> 00:54:39,058
My kid's friends
aren't like that.
1082
00:54:39,101 --> 00:54:42,888
My kid's school
isn't like that." You're wrong.
1083
00:54:42,931 --> 00:54:46,631
Everybody's community
is like that.
Every school is like that.
1084
00:54:46,674 --> 00:54:49,895
Every kid has the potential
to do any one of the things
1085
00:54:49,938 --> 00:54:53,159
that we're talking about here,
no, even my own kid.
1086
00:55:14,136 --> 00:55:17,096
About 60% of the youth
who experience
1087
00:55:17,139 --> 00:55:20,621
sextortion when it's...
they're kind of blackmailed or,
1088
00:55:20,665 --> 00:55:23,537
you know, forced to send images,
1089
00:55:23,581 --> 00:55:27,019
threatened to send it,
actually know their perpetrator.
1090
00:55:27,933 --> 00:55:31,371
However, we also then...
about 40% met the person online
1091
00:55:31,415 --> 00:55:32,981
and sent the image.
1092
00:55:33,895 --> 00:55:36,376
[news program music]
1093
00:55:36,420 --> 00:55:38,465
[man 10] He chooses
his innocent victim.
1094
00:55:38,509 --> 00:55:41,294
This time he will not think.
1095
00:55:41,338 --> 00:55:43,209
This time he is sure.
1096
00:55:43,252 --> 00:55:45,690
So, I grew up in the era
of stranger danger.
1097
00:55:45,733 --> 00:55:49,302
So it was really the media that
taught me more about strangers.
1098
00:55:49,346 --> 00:55:51,391
Dangerous people,
you know, stranger danger.
1099
00:55:51,435 --> 00:55:53,915
If somebody tries to engage
with you, run away.
1100
00:55:53,959 --> 00:55:56,570
-It's always like a van.
-A white van with no windows.
1101
00:55:56,614 --> 00:55:59,617
You know,
don't ever get into a car.
1102
00:55:59,660 --> 00:56:02,402
He's going to promise you
a puppy and some candy.
Don't fall for it.
1103
00:56:02,446 --> 00:56:05,579
We were told not to hitchhike
because we would be kidnapped.
1104
00:56:05,623 --> 00:56:07,407
So in 1997,
1105
00:56:08,408 --> 00:56:11,063
we had a guy come
from Brentwood, Tennessee,
1106
00:56:11,106 --> 00:56:14,545
drive up here to Naperville,
met a 13-year-old
1107
00:56:14,588 --> 00:56:16,938
at the corner of her block,
took her to a hotel,
1108
00:56:16,982 --> 00:56:21,247
raped her, let her go back home
and she told her parents
1109
00:56:21,290 --> 00:56:23,380
that she met him on this thing
called America Online.
1110
00:56:23,423 --> 00:56:25,773
[man 11]
Call now for America Online.
1111
00:56:25,817 --> 00:56:27,558
A new way to use your computer
to communicate.
1112
00:56:27,601 --> 00:56:30,387
My Instagram's
kind of like a mix.
1113
00:56:30,430 --> 00:56:32,954
Like I would say half
the people I know
1114
00:56:32,998 --> 00:56:36,175
and half the people I don't know
are like friends of friends.
1115
00:56:36,218 --> 00:56:38,917
Three-fourths of it is probably
my friends from like school
1116
00:56:38,960 --> 00:56:42,355
or acquaintances I know
not just random people
off the internet,
1117
00:56:42,399 --> 00:56:46,620
but there is, of course,
that one-fourth
1118
00:56:46,664 --> 00:56:48,840
that is random people
I've never talked to
1119
00:56:48,883 --> 00:56:50,842
or don't know
looking at pictures of me.
1120
00:56:50,885 --> 00:56:53,627
When it comes to Tumblr,
a lot of people like follow me
1121
00:56:53,671 --> 00:56:56,500
for my stuff and that's cool.
I like to have them follow me,
1122
00:56:56,543 --> 00:57:00,068
but also there's sometimes
people that I don't know
but follow me.
1123
00:57:00,112 --> 00:57:02,723
-I friend a lot of people.
I would just...
-He just friends random people.
1124
00:57:02,767 --> 00:57:06,248
-I would just join games
for no reason and just go,
"add friend, add friend."
1125
00:57:06,292 --> 00:57:08,033
Braxton does end up,
you know, I'll be in there
1126
00:57:08,076 --> 00:57:10,383
and he's on the headphones
playing Xbox
1127
00:57:10,427 --> 00:57:12,124
and I'm like,
"Who are you playing with?"
1128
00:57:12,167 --> 00:57:13,821
He'll be like,
"I don't know, some kid."
1129
00:57:15,127 --> 00:57:18,130
-Have you ever gotten
creepy DMs from guys?
-Yeah, all the time.
1130
00:57:18,173 --> 00:57:22,482
-Have you been solicited
by any creeps online?
-Yes.
1131
00:57:22,526 --> 00:57:25,006
He was contacted
by a stranger on Instagram.
1132
00:57:25,050 --> 00:57:27,618
"Oh, like I saw your page
and like I'm really...
1133
00:57:27,661 --> 00:57:29,576
like, I'm interested
in like sending you money
1134
00:57:29,620 --> 00:57:31,360
for like in exchange
for a picture."
1135
00:57:31,404 --> 00:57:33,841
I had people like DM
me saying that
1136
00:57:33,885 --> 00:57:36,801
I'm like
I'm so beautiful and he'll
buy me whatever I want.
1137
00:57:36,844 --> 00:57:39,804
So we at Bark,
unfortunately, detect issues
1138
00:57:39,847 --> 00:57:42,807
around online child predation
very frequently.
1139
00:57:42,850 --> 00:57:45,940
Last year alone
we escalated 450 online
1140
00:57:45,984 --> 00:57:47,725
child predators
to law enforcement.
1141
00:57:47,768 --> 00:57:51,076
And so, we know that
it's a common problem.
1142
00:57:51,119 --> 00:57:54,645
Unfortunately,
we think most parents
underestimate the...
1143
00:57:54,688 --> 00:57:56,385
the commonality of that problem.
1144
00:57:56,429 --> 00:57:58,953
[Titania]
We decided to go undercover
1145
00:57:58,997 --> 00:58:02,522
as multiple children
on social media
1146
00:58:02,566 --> 00:58:06,526
and post innocuous content
to see what would happen.
1147
00:58:06,570 --> 00:58:10,008
We had to be very intentional
with everything we did.
1148
00:58:10,051 --> 00:58:12,663
We had to create personas.
1149
00:58:12,706 --> 00:58:15,622
They had to have
believable date of births
1150
00:58:15,666 --> 00:58:17,929
and they had to know
everything about the city
1151
00:58:17,972 --> 00:58:20,540
that they lived in and we had
to create story lines,
1152
00:58:20,584 --> 00:58:23,717
and we worked closely
with law enforcement.
1153
00:58:23,761 --> 00:58:26,328
[Brian] And, basically,
just pushed... pushed go.
1154
00:58:26,372 --> 00:58:29,462
We put the... put everything
live and we documented
what happened.
1155
00:58:33,597 --> 00:58:36,687
[woman 7] Within the first hour
of posting on Libby's accounts,
1156
00:58:36,730 --> 00:58:38,906
seven adult men contacted her.
1157
00:58:38,950 --> 00:58:42,127
By the end of nine days
that number was 92.
1158
00:58:43,302 --> 00:58:46,000
The conversations
ranged in severity
1159
00:58:46,044 --> 00:58:48,960
from making sexual comments
to sharing and requesting
1160
00:58:49,003 --> 00:58:53,007
explicit photos and videos
to manipulation and threats.
1161
00:58:55,880 --> 00:58:59,536
[Titania]
We had to deploy an entire team,
you know, around the clock
1162
00:58:59,579 --> 00:59:03,627
to responding because the...
the rate at which
1163
00:59:03,670 --> 00:59:06,673
these messages came in
was mind-boggling.
1164
00:59:06,717 --> 00:59:09,589
And, of course, when you're
dealing with social media
1165
00:59:09,633 --> 00:59:11,635
and the internet,
it's a global thing.
1166
00:59:11,678 --> 00:59:14,202
It's not just an East Coast
thing or a U.S.-based thing.
1167
00:59:14,246 --> 00:59:16,465
There were men
that wanted to talk to children
1168
00:59:16,509 --> 00:59:20,426
for nefarious purposes at all
hours of the day and night.
1169
00:59:20,469 --> 00:59:23,211
We tried it
with younger personas as well,
1170
00:59:23,255 --> 00:59:25,126
even... even an 11-year-old.
1171
00:59:30,567 --> 00:59:33,091
[woman 7] We launched our
11-year-old persona online.
1172
00:59:33,134 --> 00:59:35,484
It's 4:44 and go.
1173
00:59:37,922 --> 00:59:39,314
[suspenseful music]
1174
00:59:46,017 --> 00:59:50,108
One like from a guy
whose profile photo...
1175
00:59:51,675 --> 00:59:53,328
-[gasps]
-...is a penis.
1176
00:59:54,765 --> 00:59:57,463
One... That's one minute
and seven seconds,
1177
00:59:57,506 --> 01:00:00,248
we have a message request.
Although this...
1178
01:00:00,292 --> 01:00:02,076
I'm sorry, two more requests
just came in. How much time?
1179
01:00:02,120 --> 01:00:03,817
-A minute and 40 seconds?
-Yeah.
1180
01:00:03,861 --> 01:00:06,167
-How old are you?
-[Titania]You go
1181
01:00:06,211 --> 01:00:07,995
to the profile,
you know that that is a child.
1182
01:00:08,039 --> 01:00:09,736
It also says in the profile
1183
01:00:09,780 --> 01:00:11,477
that the child
is in sixth grade.
1184
01:00:11,520 --> 01:00:14,349
-Another one.
-[Titania] It's just lighting up
1185
01:00:14,393 --> 01:00:16,482
like the inbox is just boom,
boom, boom, boom.
1186
01:00:19,616 --> 01:00:22,009
[phone ringing]
1187
01:00:22,053 --> 01:00:25,578
[woman 7] An incoming video call
in less than five minutes.
1188
01:00:38,025 --> 01:00:39,723
[woman 8] They all say
don't be shy.
1189
01:00:41,115 --> 01:00:43,727
This happens
to all types of children.
1190
01:00:43,770 --> 01:00:46,512
This is not just kids
who might be at risk.
1191
01:00:46,555 --> 01:00:50,342
You know, oftentimes
it's a child who's simply bored
in their bedroom at night.
1192
01:00:50,385 --> 01:00:53,693
And I cannot tell you
how many children I see
1193
01:00:53,737 --> 01:00:57,784
in their bedrooms on livestream
with tons of people
1194
01:00:57,828 --> 01:01:00,091
just watching them, asking them
to do certain things.
1195
01:01:00,134 --> 01:01:03,572
[Richard]When parents allow
their kids to have that device
1196
01:01:03,616 --> 01:01:06,750
in their rooms at night, you
know, where are your parents?
1197
01:01:06,793 --> 01:01:09,796
Then come to grooming question,
"Where are your parents?"
1198
01:01:09,840 --> 01:01:11,755
Are you on an iPhone
or are you on an iPad?
1199
01:01:11,798 --> 01:01:14,627
What are you wearing?
Your makeup looks so beautiful."
1200
01:01:14,671 --> 01:01:16,803
It's not uncommon
for grooming behavior
1201
01:01:16,847 --> 01:01:20,720
to include showing
minors' images
1202
01:01:20,764 --> 01:01:23,984
of pornography to help them
to think that that is normal
1203
01:01:24,028 --> 01:01:26,900
and then that can be
a progression in toward...
1204
01:01:26,944 --> 01:01:29,903
towards engaging them
in sexual activity.
1205
01:01:29,947 --> 01:01:33,211
Do you want that?
Do you want that as a parent,
1206
01:01:33,254 --> 01:01:36,257
strangers in your child's room
while you're sleeping?
1207
01:01:36,301 --> 01:01:38,825
Would you leave
the door open with a sign
1208
01:01:38,869 --> 01:01:40,348
that says
my daughter's bedroom is
1209
01:01:40,392 --> 01:01:41,785
the second one on the left
1210
01:01:41,828 --> 01:01:43,482
and then go to bed?
1211
01:01:43,525 --> 01:01:46,746
We have traded
1212
01:01:46,790 --> 01:01:49,749
a false sense
of safety and security
1213
01:01:49,793 --> 01:01:53,100
for actually putting
our kids in riskier situations.
1214
01:01:54,798 --> 01:01:57,757
There are some that are
just there for a quick fix.
1215
01:01:57,801 --> 01:02:02,240
They want to see something,
a body part
1216
01:02:02,283 --> 01:02:05,852
or a live video and then you
might not hear from them again,
1217
01:02:05,896 --> 01:02:09,813
but there are others. They
use psychological strategies
1218
01:02:09,856 --> 01:02:14,513
to methodically groom children
by forming a friendship,
1219
01:02:14,556 --> 01:02:18,386
by showing care
and then it escalates
1220
01:02:18,430 --> 01:02:21,041
into more of a controlling
relationship.
1221
01:02:41,279 --> 01:02:45,762
What do predators do
with the pictures
and videos they get from kids?
1222
01:02:45,805 --> 01:02:48,634
They keep it or they trade it.
1223
01:02:48,677 --> 01:02:52,246
Last year alone we received
over 18 million reports
1224
01:02:52,290 --> 01:02:56,033
of international and domestic
online child sexual abuse.
1225
01:02:56,076 --> 01:02:59,688
Between 2017 and 2018
video files reported
1226
01:02:59,732 --> 01:03:03,214
to NCMEC increased 541%.
1227
01:03:03,257 --> 01:03:07,740
We're seeing reports
with graphic and violent
sexual images of young children,
1228
01:03:07,784 --> 01:03:11,918
including infants and reports
of on-demand sexual abuse
1229
01:03:11,962 --> 01:03:13,877
known as live streaming.
1230
01:03:13,920 --> 01:03:16,096
Unfortunately, some of those
were people who wanted
1231
01:03:16,140 --> 01:03:19,012
to actually meet
the child in person
1232
01:03:19,056 --> 01:03:22,450
which could have been
just because they wanted
to have sex with...
1233
01:03:22,494 --> 01:03:25,845
with a minor and sometimes
we believe that it was
1234
01:03:25,889 --> 01:03:27,804
because they might be part
of a sex trafficking ring
1235
01:03:27,847 --> 01:03:29,631
wanting to actually traffic
the child.
1236
01:03:29,675 --> 01:03:31,938
[woman 7] It was
a tough decision, but if Keith
1237
01:03:31,982 --> 01:03:35,072
wanted to meet Libby
in person, we would let him.
1238
01:03:41,469 --> 01:03:43,384
[girl] I've never
done anything like this before
1239
01:03:43,428 --> 01:03:46,126
so I'm a little nervous.
1240
01:03:48,172 --> 01:03:49,390
[girl] Yeah.
1241
01:03:52,567 --> 01:03:54,178
Are you okay with me being 15?
1242
01:04:00,445 --> 01:04:04,275
The project has also resulted
in numerous arrests
and that's... that's great.
1243
01:04:04,318 --> 01:04:06,973
Unfortunately,
it's a drop in the bucket.
1244
01:04:07,017 --> 01:04:12,544
The average internet predator
has 250 victims
in their lifetime.
1245
01:04:12,587 --> 01:04:15,242
One person has that many victims
in their lifetime,
1246
01:04:15,286 --> 01:04:18,985
if they're not caught.
So what happens
in the law enforcement arena
1247
01:04:19,029 --> 01:04:22,946
that cops are not getting
this technology training.
1248
01:04:22,989 --> 01:04:25,557
The problem is so big.
1249
01:04:25,600 --> 01:04:29,126
I mean we would need
to employ so many more officers
1250
01:04:29,169 --> 01:04:31,998
trained in dealing
with this issue.
1251
01:04:32,042 --> 01:04:35,349
[Brian] When you're a law
enforcement professional
1252
01:04:35,393 --> 01:04:38,048
and you're looking at more cases
than you can ever possibly
get to,
1253
01:04:38,091 --> 01:04:40,267
unfortunately,
a lot of those get triaged
1254
01:04:40,311 --> 01:04:44,706
so low that they never
actually get investigated.
1255
01:04:44,750 --> 01:04:47,187
And so, unfortunately, that
allows predators to keep doing
1256
01:04:47,231 --> 01:04:49,581
exactly what they're doing
without as much consequence.
1257
01:04:49,624 --> 01:04:51,539
[woman 7] I think about
how I would have felt
1258
01:04:51,583 --> 01:04:53,715
as a young impressionable
child.
1259
01:04:53,759 --> 01:04:55,935
I would have kept
the abuses to myself
1260
01:04:55,979 --> 01:04:58,590
for fear of being shamed
and blamed.
1261
01:04:58,633 --> 01:05:01,636
I would have suffered
with it secretly and quietly.
1262
01:05:01,680 --> 01:05:05,510
It's important really
to never start that process
1263
01:05:05,553 --> 01:05:07,555
because as a child,
once you're in it,
1264
01:05:07,599 --> 01:05:10,254
it's very hard to get out of it,
very hard to come forward
1265
01:05:10,297 --> 01:05:13,213
and tell your parent, "This
is what's happening to me."
1266
01:05:13,257 --> 01:05:15,999
Do you think your parents
know that this happens?
1267
01:05:16,042 --> 01:05:17,652
-Oh, no.
-No.
1268
01:05:17,696 --> 01:05:19,524
I wouldn't be allowed
to have a phone.
1269
01:05:19,567 --> 01:05:22,483
If they knew what was going on,
it would be stripped.
1270
01:05:22,527 --> 01:05:25,878
And so, if you
as a parent or a caregiver
1271
01:05:25,922 --> 01:05:28,794
can be an open, honest,
soft place for your child
1272
01:05:28,837 --> 01:05:32,667
to come and say,
"Hey, look everybody
makes bad choices.
1273
01:05:32,711 --> 01:05:34,843
I'm here for you and we'll get
through this together."
1274
01:05:34,887 --> 01:05:39,979
There's no bigger God's gift
than a mother's intuition.
1275
01:05:41,198 --> 01:05:43,852
When a mom knows something,
feels something,
1276
01:05:43,896 --> 01:05:45,985
there's something wrong
with their kids.
1277
01:05:46,029 --> 01:05:48,553
And God's given it this to...
to moms to protect their babies
1278
01:05:48,596 --> 01:05:52,992
whether the babies
are six months old or 40
that never goes away.
1279
01:05:53,036 --> 01:05:54,994
So, I always tell moms
to follow that
1280
01:05:55,038 --> 01:05:56,213
and never lead them astray.
1281
01:05:56,256 --> 01:05:58,650
The best line of defense by far
1282
01:05:58,693 --> 01:06:01,174
is to have active and engaged
parents who understand
1283
01:06:01,218 --> 01:06:03,307
what their child might be
encountering online.
1284
01:06:03,350 --> 01:06:05,831
Children are, unfortunately,
left to deal with this
1285
01:06:05,874 --> 01:06:08,138
all on their own
and they're not, you know,
1286
01:06:08,181 --> 01:06:10,618
we're talking about 10-, 11-,
12-, 13-year-old kids
1287
01:06:10,662 --> 01:06:13,970
who are not equipped
to deal with this in a vacuum.
1288
01:06:14,013 --> 01:06:16,450
And so, it really takes that...
that guardian
1289
01:06:16,494 --> 01:06:18,104
and parent support system.
1290
01:06:19,976 --> 01:06:21,499
[slow music]
1291
01:06:45,349 --> 01:06:47,612
[Doris] We always knew where
our next meal was coming from.
1292
01:06:47,655 --> 01:06:50,615
I don't want to say that,
but there wasn't much money
1293
01:06:50,658 --> 01:06:54,706
and in that middle...
that time we had had... um...
1294
01:06:57,317 --> 01:06:59,798
we'd had a tragedy, we lost...
1295
01:07:01,843 --> 01:07:07,371
my sister, older sister died
of pneumonia and that's the...
1296
01:07:07,414 --> 01:07:10,504
we talk about the good old days,
but we didn't have
1297
01:07:10,548 --> 01:07:13,899
the medical care back then
that we have now.
1298
01:07:13,942 --> 01:07:16,902
And then,
in the following February
1299
01:07:19,165 --> 01:07:21,950
my mother had a little...
1300
01:07:21,994 --> 01:07:25,345
a little sister, Carolina,
1301
01:07:25,389 --> 01:07:28,740
and she had a heart defect
and couldn't be saved.
1302
01:07:28,783 --> 01:07:34,180
So my parents lost two children
in less than a year.
1303
01:07:39,664 --> 01:07:42,319
[man 12] You know, the kind
of things you did and...
1304
01:07:42,362 --> 01:07:46,366
Sure, yeah. Jack is...
I have two boys,
1305
01:07:46,410 --> 01:07:48,977
John and Jack.
Jack's younger of the two.
1306
01:07:49,021 --> 01:07:51,589
John's 21, Jack was 15.
1307
01:07:54,157 --> 01:07:58,117
Jack was a very outgoing,
typical teenager at 14 and 15.
1308
01:07:58,161 --> 01:08:02,556
Rambunctious, outgoing,
very compassionate,
pretty much an empathetic kid.
1309
01:08:02,600 --> 01:08:05,168
He was a really sensitive person
and I think that was
1310
01:08:05,211 --> 01:08:08,301
one of his best attributes
because he could tell
when you were feeling...
1311
01:08:08,345 --> 01:08:12,392
feeling down and without
even asking you or having
a conversation with you,
1312
01:08:12,436 --> 01:08:14,307
he just could like
pick that up, total empath.
1313
01:08:14,351 --> 01:08:18,964
He was so kind to other
kids and I wonder if that sense
1314
01:08:19,006 --> 01:08:24,535
of kindness made him
more susceptible to feeling...
1315
01:08:28,930 --> 01:08:31,803
[man 13] Was there much talk
of... I mean do you remember
1316
01:08:31,845 --> 01:08:33,978
there being suicides
or anything like that?
1317
01:08:34,022 --> 01:08:37,504
Never. Never. I'd...
I'd never have heard that.
1318
01:08:38,765 --> 01:08:42,509
We were worried.
We were more worried
about physical illnesses,
1319
01:08:42,553 --> 01:08:45,337
but I don't remember...
1320
01:08:45,381 --> 01:08:49,299
I don't remember there being
a problem with suicide.
1321
01:08:49,342 --> 01:08:52,649
You know I have always
liked technology
1322
01:08:52,693 --> 01:08:55,130
and I will say that
it was hard to keep up with it,
1323
01:08:55,174 --> 01:08:57,523
but I would stay up sometimes
very late trying to figure out
1324
01:08:57,568 --> 01:08:59,700
what my son was doing
on his phone
1325
01:08:59,744 --> 01:09:02,268
and figuring out how to use
all the same apps that...
1326
01:09:02,312 --> 01:09:04,879
that he used, so that I...
1327
01:09:05,880 --> 01:09:09,666
never got behind
on that stuff but, you know,
1328
01:09:10,798 --> 01:09:13,410
that's a really difficult thing
to do.
1329
01:09:13,452 --> 01:09:17,327
I knew that it was working
because Jack told me one day,
1330
01:09:17,370 --> 01:09:20,372
"Mom, I give up.
I... you're too smart.
1331
01:09:20,416 --> 01:09:24,029
I cannot keep up with you
and I'm just going to tell you
everything now."
1332
01:09:24,072 --> 01:09:27,032
And he did, except one thing.
1333
01:09:34,431 --> 01:09:37,434
Definitely the worst day
of my life was getting
that phone call from my parents.
1334
01:09:43,527 --> 01:09:46,791
He didn't do it on purpose
and he didn't do it to hurt us,
1335
01:09:46,834 --> 01:09:50,011
you know,
he was just in a lot of pain.
1336
01:09:50,055 --> 01:09:51,535
[slow music]
1337
01:09:53,450 --> 01:09:57,236
Jack struggled for nine days
in the hospital
1338
01:09:57,280 --> 01:10:01,893
and then after about six weeks
we were able to crack his phone.
1339
01:10:01,936 --> 01:10:05,679
Someone said that there was,
you know, some stuff
1340
01:10:05,723 --> 01:10:08,900
on sale at Home Depot
that would help you,
1341
01:10:08,943 --> 01:10:11,990
basically, off yourself and...
1342
01:10:13,557 --> 01:10:16,951
and other kids would just come
right out and say... text,
1343
01:10:16,995 --> 01:10:19,171
you know,
"Just go kill yourself."
1344
01:10:20,607 --> 01:10:22,566
And then this is not uncommon.
1345
01:10:22,609 --> 01:10:25,177
He's not the first kid
that's had that happen to him.
1346
01:10:26,960 --> 01:10:30,704
Why did I not know anxiety was
and why do you know?
1347
01:10:31,749 --> 01:10:35,187
I guess they've made it...
they've been
a little bit better about...
1348
01:10:36,232 --> 01:10:38,407
But even then, they
only made it known to us
1349
01:10:38,451 --> 01:10:42,585
-after four kids
killed themselves.
-[girl] That's true.
1350
01:10:42,629 --> 01:10:46,285
In Littleton alone,
at the beginning of the year
1351
01:10:46,329 --> 01:10:48,635
there were multiple suicides
before school even started.
1352
01:10:48,679 --> 01:10:51,943
At children's hospital,
there is a new program
1353
01:10:51,986 --> 01:10:54,772
for 10-year-olds
and over and they say,
1354
01:10:54,815 --> 01:10:56,600
"Have you ever thought
about killing yourself?
1355
01:10:56,643 --> 01:10:58,297
Have you ever
tried to hurt yourself?
1356
01:10:58,341 --> 01:10:59,864
How do you feel about that?"
1357
01:10:59,907 --> 01:11:02,258
So I work in one of the busiest
1358
01:11:02,300 --> 01:11:04,477
pediatric emergency room
departments in the country.
1359
01:11:04,521 --> 01:11:08,264
At any given time
we can easily have four or five,
1360
01:11:08,307 --> 01:11:11,005
sometimes six patients
who are there waiting
1361
01:11:11,049 --> 01:11:15,749
for mental health evaluation
or waiting to be transferred
for inpatient treatment.
1362
01:11:15,793 --> 01:11:18,839
You hear from the CDC
that suicide is the second
leading cause of death
1363
01:11:18,883 --> 01:11:21,233
in children ages 10 to 24.
1364
01:11:21,277 --> 01:11:24,236
Colorado suicide is the number
one cause of death
1365
01:11:24,280 --> 01:11:26,282
for individuals 10 to 24.
1366
01:11:26,325 --> 01:11:29,110
Every day we send out,
you know, over...
1367
01:11:29,154 --> 01:11:33,245
over a dozen imminent suicide
alerts, every single day.
1368
01:11:33,289 --> 01:11:36,509
It was such a rare occurrence
to see that.
1369
01:11:36,553 --> 01:11:38,816
Now it is commonplace.
1370
01:11:38,859 --> 01:11:41,471
Has something changed
about us biologically?
1371
01:11:41,514 --> 01:11:47,085
[woman 9] From 2000 and 2007 the
suicide rate seemed virtually...
1372
01:11:47,128 --> 01:11:50,958
was... was pretty stable
and had if anything some years
1373
01:11:51,002 --> 01:11:54,309
fluctuated down, but then
we saw a beginning trend
1374
01:11:54,353 --> 01:11:57,008
and it became evident over time
1375
01:11:57,050 --> 01:12:00,751
that it was increasing
from 2010 to 2017.
1376
01:12:00,794 --> 01:12:04,929
Not only teen suicide
but child suicide
1377
01:12:04,972 --> 01:12:07,323
like 10 or 9 years old.
1378
01:12:07,366 --> 01:12:09,237
I said, "All right, sure.
What do you got?"
1379
01:12:09,281 --> 01:12:12,327
He goes, "Well, Friday night
I had two ten-year-olds,
1380
01:12:12,371 --> 01:12:15,940
on Snapchat. One thought
it'd be a funny idea to talk
1381
01:12:15,983 --> 01:12:19,857
the other one into committing
suicide and she did it.
1382
01:12:19,900 --> 01:12:20,987
She's dead."
1383
01:12:26,777 --> 01:12:32,348
So, 43% of 1.12 million children
1384
01:12:32,391 --> 01:12:36,395
that presented to the ERs
for suicidal ideation
1385
01:12:36,439 --> 01:12:38,702
or suicide attempt
were under 11 years old.
1386
01:12:41,966 --> 01:12:47,275
Whether these children,
these young adults think
that they're not worth anything,
1387
01:12:47,318 --> 01:12:52,672
I guess,
I don't know, but people
can't deal with things now.
1388
01:12:52,716 --> 01:12:54,805
But I feel like a lot
of people in our generation
1389
01:12:54,848 --> 01:12:56,981
are like way more sensitive
than they should be.
1390
01:12:57,023 --> 01:13:00,680
If one insignificance happens
it will just trigger
1391
01:13:00,724 --> 01:13:03,379
like every past thing
that's happened in their life.
1392
01:13:03,422 --> 01:13:06,382
There's always a competition
like with school
1393
01:13:06,425 --> 01:13:08,166
you're competing
for the best rank.
1394
01:13:08,209 --> 01:13:11,255
With social media,
there's this unspoken, I guess,
1395
01:13:11,299 --> 01:13:13,911
kind of competition for like
most followers in a sense.
1396
01:13:13,954 --> 01:13:17,349
If you're losing that
competition I... it hurts,
1397
01:13:17,393 --> 01:13:19,133
like it shows,
you feel it in your heart.
1398
01:13:19,177 --> 01:13:21,179
Constantly comparing
myself to others.
1399
01:13:21,222 --> 01:13:23,921
Constantly, you know,
wanting that thing
1400
01:13:23,964 --> 01:13:26,271
or needing to be checking or not
falling behind in notifications.
1401
01:13:26,314 --> 01:13:29,317
So whatever kinds of stresses
are attached to that,
1402
01:13:30,536 --> 01:13:32,103
but you couple that
with the fact that,
1403
01:13:32,146 --> 01:13:33,626
"I just don't know how to deal
1404
01:13:33,670 --> 01:13:35,280
with anything coming my way."
1405
01:13:35,323 --> 01:13:37,543
And I just think
at times for some kids
1406
01:13:37,587 --> 01:13:39,632
it's just a toxic combination.
1407
01:13:39,675 --> 01:13:45,550
Suicide is always the result
of many... many factors.
1408
01:13:45,594 --> 01:13:50,948
As we are not teaching kids
as many skills to self-regulate
1409
01:13:50,991 --> 01:13:52,950
and deal
with difficult emotions,
1410
01:13:52,993 --> 01:13:54,778
well one thing that a device
1411
01:13:54,821 --> 01:13:57,389
can be is a great way
to distract.
1412
01:13:57,433 --> 01:14:01,698
Not being able to have my phone
for a week would definitely...
1413
01:14:01,741 --> 01:14:05,657
like, I would get really bored
and I feel like I would be
stressed out.
1414
01:14:05,702 --> 01:14:08,313
Typically, when I get bored
I do pick up my phone.
1415
01:14:08,356 --> 01:14:11,228
Like I had people to talk to,
but they got bored.
1416
01:14:11,272 --> 01:14:13,971
I don't know it's just
like something that
I do when I'm bored.
1417
01:14:14,014 --> 01:14:16,103
Oftentimes it's a child
who's simply bored.
1418
01:14:16,147 --> 01:14:18,148
Yeah, I'm pretty much bored.
1419
01:14:18,192 --> 01:14:20,499
-And I get so bored.
-Sometimes when I'm bored.
1420
01:14:20,543 --> 01:14:22,501
-Because they were bored.
-When they're bored.
1421
01:14:22,545 --> 01:14:25,025
-Boredom.
-He is so bored.
1422
01:14:25,068 --> 01:14:27,985
My mindset just got worse
and worse just because I felt
1423
01:14:28,028 --> 01:14:29,769
so unproductive
and I wasn't doing anything.
1424
01:14:29,813 --> 01:14:31,945
And I felt like that's
pretty common, you know,
1425
01:14:31,989 --> 01:14:34,992
most kids are bored, cooped up,
and feel unproductive.
1426
01:14:35,035 --> 01:14:38,255
At 12, here again,
I was helping my dad.
1427
01:14:38,299 --> 01:14:40,432
We were still...
we were still milking cows,
1428
01:14:40,476 --> 01:14:42,782
we were still raising hogs,
carrying water,
1429
01:14:42,826 --> 01:14:44,697
we still
didn't have electricity.
1430
01:14:44,741 --> 01:14:47,047
I had to have
the tractor gassed up,
1431
01:14:47,091 --> 01:14:49,093
everything hooked up
and ready to go.
1432
01:14:49,136 --> 01:14:52,052
I mowed their lawns,
some housework for those folks.
1433
01:14:52,096 --> 01:14:54,054
I didn't even know
the word "bored."
1434
01:14:54,098 --> 01:14:57,275
And if we continually
interrupt that boredom
1435
01:14:57,318 --> 01:15:00,365
with distraction with screens,
I think that we are removing
1436
01:15:00,407 --> 01:15:03,368
kid's abilities to deal
with their own thoughts.
1437
01:15:03,411 --> 01:15:06,327
And then that carries the risk
then of being in a situation
1438
01:15:06,371 --> 01:15:08,504
where parents are fixing
everything and you combine that
1439
01:15:08,547 --> 01:15:10,897
with situations in high school
where parents
1440
01:15:10,941 --> 01:15:12,812
have fixed everything,
"I've not been taught
1441
01:15:12,856 --> 01:15:14,031
how to deal
with my own thoughts,
1442
01:15:14,074 --> 01:15:15,684
life is kind of hard.
1443
01:15:15,728 --> 01:15:17,643
I have no idea
what to do with this."
1444
01:15:20,428 --> 01:15:24,084
I think I'm still more afraid
of the real world.
1445
01:15:24,128 --> 01:15:27,348
-When the kids are outside,
I don't give them freedom.
-I really wasn't allowed
1446
01:15:27,392 --> 01:15:30,568
-to walk around the street.
-We couldn't do that now,
just walk down the street.
1447
01:15:30,612 --> 01:15:32,702
-Without worrying
about being kidnapped.
-There's not a lot of freedom
1448
01:15:32,745 --> 01:15:34,573
when they go out
in the front yard
or they can't ride
1449
01:15:34,617 --> 01:15:36,314
their bikes
by themselves to the park.
1450
01:15:36,357 --> 01:15:38,011
I couldn't ride my bike
around my street.
1451
01:15:38,055 --> 01:15:39,969
-I'm going to throw out, raped.
-Yeah.
1452
01:15:40,013 --> 01:15:41,754
I mean that's just
not really that safe.
1453
01:15:41,798 --> 01:15:43,582
But I get it
from the parents' point
1454
01:15:43,626 --> 01:15:45,323
because there's
a safety thing, too.
1455
01:15:45,366 --> 01:15:46,672
Out there in the real world
1456
01:15:46,716 --> 01:15:48,892
where things really are scary.
1457
01:15:48,934 --> 01:15:50,719
Interesting that you guys
think that because
1458
01:15:50,763 --> 01:15:52,939
what I'll tell you
is that, realistically,
1459
01:15:52,983 --> 01:15:55,942
the physical world
meaning kidnappings and
1460
01:15:55,986 --> 01:15:58,379
that kind of stuff,
it's actually much safer now.
1461
01:15:59,903 --> 01:16:01,339
[soft music]
1462
01:16:04,255 --> 01:16:07,475
[Sujit] It's easy to become
fearful of your child
stepping foot outside.
1463
01:16:07,519 --> 01:16:10,478
It seems like
there's so much imminent
risk with all these things.
1464
01:16:10,522 --> 01:16:12,916
So it's more of an issue
with one in the parent
1465
01:16:12,959 --> 01:16:15,962
and then for the kids, you know,
it is it's hard to engage
1466
01:16:16,005 --> 01:16:20,619
in a world where it seems
like every day or every week
1467
01:16:20,663 --> 01:16:23,317
or something there is something
horrible happening.
1468
01:16:23,361 --> 01:16:25,362
What makes you think that?
1469
01:16:25,406 --> 01:16:27,626
Yeah, I think it's
because like it's so...
1470
01:16:27,670 --> 01:16:30,368
like populated, like,
the news and stuff.
1471
01:16:30,411 --> 01:16:32,196
Like you hear all these,
like watching the news
1472
01:16:32,239 --> 01:16:34,633
and, like, really just seeing
all the dangers
1473
01:16:34,677 --> 01:16:36,112
that are out there in the world.
1474
01:16:39,333 --> 01:16:41,466
[woman 10] Most of the bodies
are still inside the school.
1475
01:16:41,509 --> 01:16:43,250
Well, they wore
black trench coats...
1476
01:16:43,294 --> 01:16:45,165
[man 14] Police say
the six-year-old died
1477
01:16:45,209 --> 01:16:46,427
after a blow to the head.
1478
01:16:46,471 --> 01:16:48,603
Some wore Nazi crosses...
1479
01:16:48,647 --> 01:16:51,171
[man 15] We are beginning
to learn more about...
1480
01:16:53,173 --> 01:16:54,827
...as mothers
and their children.
1481
01:16:54,871 --> 01:16:56,523
[man 16] NBC News, Los Angeles.
1482
01:16:58,396 --> 01:16:59,876
There is some tension at least.
1483
01:17:03,183 --> 01:17:05,403
[man 17] The Virginia Tech
shooting still haunts the...
1484
01:17:06,577 --> 01:17:07,666
[slow music]
1485
01:17:11,714 --> 01:17:15,805
We live in a town, a community
of 300 million people
1486
01:17:15,848 --> 01:17:18,721
with inflow of information
that happens all the time,
1487
01:17:18,764 --> 01:17:20,505
you actually kind of wonder,
"Can I have this?
1488
01:17:20,548 --> 01:17:22,507
Are my kids okay to play
outside in the yard
1489
01:17:22,550 --> 01:17:24,987
for an hour without me sitting
there watching them?"
1490
01:17:25,031 --> 01:17:27,468
And I'm thinking, "Man,
when I was in seventh grade
1491
01:17:27,512 --> 01:17:31,255
I was going around
my entire town on my bike."
1492
01:17:31,298 --> 01:17:34,084
-We were told
to get out of the house.
-"Hey, man. You want to play?"
1493
01:17:34,127 --> 01:17:36,085
-Ride my BMX bike.
-I lived on my bike.
1494
01:17:36,129 --> 01:17:37,914
-Play kick the can.
-Built a zip line.
1495
01:17:37,957 --> 01:17:39,829
-...the paper route.
-Rang the doorbell.
1496
01:17:39,871 --> 01:17:41,744
-You had the whole neighborhood.
-The lights came on.
1497
01:17:41,787 --> 01:17:44,616
-Put off into the woods.
-Home when lights came on.
1498
01:17:44,660 --> 01:17:46,749
That whole town was in a way
1499
01:17:46,791 --> 01:17:49,316
an extended family of yours.
1500
01:17:49,360 --> 01:17:52,102
This is- this
is... why am I nervous?
This is so dumb.
1501
01:17:52,145 --> 01:17:56,584
I've been conditioned
by everybody around me that
this is scary.
1502
01:17:56,628 --> 01:17:59,936
-This is not scary.
-That anxiety is something
we as parents have
1503
01:17:59,978 --> 01:18:02,808
to really kind of do
some self-examination
1504
01:18:02,852 --> 01:18:06,072
with and understanding,
wondering what part
are we involved
1505
01:18:06,116 --> 01:18:10,250
in terms of potentially
transferring some of that
anxiety towards our kids.
1506
01:18:10,294 --> 01:18:12,644
They have to be allowed to fail.
1507
01:18:12,688 --> 01:18:14,820
There's no way you
can ever prevent pain,
1508
01:18:14,864 --> 01:18:18,084
you know, or anguish
a 100% of the time and,
1509
01:18:18,128 --> 01:18:20,521
in fact,
it might not be healthy.
1510
01:18:20,565 --> 01:18:22,306
[slow music]
1511
01:18:32,620 --> 01:18:35,449
[Kelly] Do you guys feel like
teachers and adults
1512
01:18:35,493 --> 01:18:39,018
and parents in general
have kind of abandoned
1513
01:18:39,062 --> 01:18:42,587
helping you through
the social media thing in life?
1514
01:18:42,630 --> 01:18:45,503
It's also like we shield stuff
from our parents, too,
1515
01:18:45,546 --> 01:18:47,200
-so like they don't know.
-[girl] Really sneaky.
1516
01:18:47,244 --> 01:18:49,550
I don't blame
them for not being able to help
1517
01:18:49,594 --> 01:18:51,422
because we don't ask for help.
1518
01:18:51,465 --> 01:18:54,425
I definitely feel
like us as kids kind of
1519
01:18:54,468 --> 01:19:00,170
got put in a...
in a tough spot, you know,
in between two worlds.
1520
01:19:00,213 --> 01:19:02,085
This is all new
for us as parents.
1521
01:19:02,128 --> 01:19:04,478
We... we... this...
this technology and this...
1522
01:19:04,522 --> 01:19:06,611
in this world has kind
of crept up on us
1523
01:19:06,654 --> 01:19:10,397
and there is so many
of us who could do better.
1524
01:19:10,441 --> 01:19:14,532
Like my parents would be
like heartbroken that their
kids have to go through this.
1525
01:19:14,575 --> 01:19:19,450
Over half of tweens and close
to three-fourths of teens
1526
01:19:19,493 --> 01:19:22,670
experience issues
regarding mental health.
1527
01:19:22,714 --> 01:19:26,413
And then we
get into cyberbullying
and that's over three-fourths.
1528
01:19:26,457 --> 01:19:31,288
Then we get to sexual content
and for tweens it's around 70%
1529
01:19:31,331 --> 01:19:33,550
and then for teens
it gets even higher.
1530
01:19:33,594 --> 01:19:38,208
Our society is
just become too isolated,
1531
01:19:38,251 --> 01:19:42,125
just losing human touch
and there's no human touch
1532
01:19:42,168 --> 01:19:45,781
to kind of heal the...
the scar or the... the pain.
1533
01:19:45,824 --> 01:19:49,785
[girl] Why do you think all
these suicide and depression
rates are skyrocketing?
1534
01:19:49,827 --> 01:19:52,048
It's because
of social media and nobody's
doing anything about it.
1535
01:19:52,091 --> 01:19:53,832
[man 18]
We gave the stuff to ourselves
1536
01:19:53,876 --> 01:19:55,834
because we wanted it and now,
1537
01:19:55,878 --> 01:19:58,750
we get to watch it
happen to our children.
1538
01:19:58,794 --> 01:20:01,840
Kids right now are going
to experience the worst
1539
01:20:01,884 --> 01:20:04,843
-of what we're going through.
-For most of the things
that parents
1540
01:20:04,887 --> 01:20:08,585
can't stand about technology,
it's our fault.
1541
01:20:08,629 --> 01:20:13,852
I don't want to trade
my influence for their access
1542
01:20:13,896 --> 01:20:18,248
to a million
different sources of influence
that may not be credible.
1543
01:20:18,291 --> 01:20:20,380
Some parents say,
"I'm not going to do anything.
I give up.
1544
01:20:20,424 --> 01:20:23,688
It's too overwhelming.
I'm going to cross my fingers
1545
01:20:23,731 --> 01:20:26,691
-and hope that they do okay."
-As a family,
1546
01:20:26,734 --> 01:20:30,303
it is the one thing we fight
about more than anything.
1547
01:20:30,347 --> 01:20:33,350
If I had the option
to turn things back
1548
01:20:33,393 --> 01:20:36,919
and give our kids
of today a life without
1549
01:20:36,962 --> 01:20:39,530
social media and smartphones,
I would absolutely do it.
1550
01:20:39,573 --> 01:20:43,186
I would absolutely take away
the internet for my kids.
1551
01:20:43,228 --> 01:20:45,971
Yes, I would have rather
grown up without the internet.
1552
01:20:46,014 --> 01:20:48,669
I mean I would do it
immediately, take it all away.
1553
01:20:48,713 --> 01:20:51,629
If social media
was gone like completely,
1554
01:20:51,672 --> 01:20:53,892
and nobody had it,
it'd be a positive.
1555
01:20:56,460 --> 01:21:01,117
[Chris]
I do long some for my children
to know a bit more peace,
1556
01:21:01,160 --> 01:21:04,076
a bit more calm,
a bit more boredom.
1557
01:21:10,648 --> 01:21:12,955
You can't go back.
You can't go back.
1558
01:21:12,998 --> 01:21:16,088
I know we can't go back,
but I wish we could make
1559
01:21:16,132 --> 01:21:21,005
children realize that life
is precious and it's a gift.
1560
01:21:21,050 --> 01:21:22,660
And we need to really...
1561
01:21:25,619 --> 01:21:27,708
just really value it.
1562
01:21:27,752 --> 01:21:29,536
[Sarah] Do I wish
that we could just throw
1563
01:21:29,580 --> 01:21:31,103
all the technology away?
1564
01:21:31,147 --> 01:21:33,496
I kind of do, honestly.
1565
01:21:33,540 --> 01:21:37,675
But I know that
that is not the solution.
1566
01:21:37,718 --> 01:21:40,156
I think we're going
through a painful process
1567
01:21:40,199 --> 01:21:42,245
of adaptation to something
1568
01:21:42,288 --> 01:21:44,202
that's fundamentally
changed our culture.
1569
01:21:44,246 --> 01:21:47,511
But the opportunities
for these kids in this world
1570
01:21:47,554 --> 01:21:50,035
are so much more vast and,
yes, it's more complicated
1571
01:21:50,079 --> 01:21:53,909
and it comes with its own set
of worries and concerns,
1572
01:21:53,952 --> 01:21:56,085
but if you take
the control out of it
1573
01:21:56,128 --> 01:21:59,958
and you focus on just trying
to teach them how to be people
1574
01:22:00,002 --> 01:22:02,960
in this world with all
the things coming at them.
1575
01:22:03,005 --> 01:22:06,269
Technology is amazing.
1576
01:22:07,400 --> 01:22:10,534
I think it's a great thing
as for human culture
and stuff like that
1577
01:22:10,577 --> 01:22:12,579
if we can control
our consumption of it.
1578
01:22:15,495 --> 01:22:18,716
[Brian] So, new technology
almost always comes
with unintended consequences.
1579
01:22:18,759 --> 01:22:22,546
Um, you know,
we didn't have car crashes
before we had the car, right?
1580
01:22:22,589 --> 01:22:27,898
The car's a great invention,
but, unfortunately,
that resulted in car crashes.
1581
01:22:27,943 --> 01:22:30,946
And so, the answer
was not stop driving cars,
1582
01:22:30,989 --> 01:22:33,644
the answer was we invest
in driver's education
1583
01:22:33,687 --> 01:22:36,907
and we add seat belts
and airbags and lane assist
1584
01:22:36,952 --> 01:22:39,215
and we're constantly looking
for technological solutions
1585
01:22:39,258 --> 01:22:42,696
and educational solutions
to make that technology safer.
1586
01:22:42,740 --> 01:22:45,047
[woman 11] How do we keep
our kids safe?
1587
01:22:45,090 --> 01:22:48,005
Oh. There's so much to that.
I think what we need
1588
01:22:48,050 --> 01:22:51,270
is a mass public awareness
campaign so people
understand what's going on.
1589
01:22:51,314 --> 01:22:54,273
One thing I have learned is
that if you tell people
this is bad for you,
1590
01:22:54,317 --> 01:22:56,972
they won't listen.
If you tell people this is how
you're being manipulated,
1591
01:22:57,014 --> 01:22:58,843
no one wants
to feel manipulated.
1592
01:22:58,886 --> 01:23:01,411
As parents, though, we decided
1593
01:23:01,454 --> 01:23:04,022
we are going
to become the experts.
1594
01:23:04,066 --> 01:23:07,243
They need to start
to see us as the experts
1595
01:23:07,286 --> 01:23:09,419
rather than
just everybody out there.
1596
01:23:09,462 --> 01:23:12,639
What's awesome is all
these parents are, you know,
1597
01:23:12,683 --> 01:23:15,032
becoming innovators
and they're like, "Wow,
1598
01:23:15,077 --> 01:23:18,689
there isn't this safety
thing that we need.
1599
01:23:18,732 --> 01:23:21,866
And so, I'm going to invent it."
There's so much more help now
1600
01:23:21,909 --> 01:23:23,737
than there was five years ago.
1601
01:23:27,306 --> 01:23:30,179
[Free] And there are ways that
it can benefit them hugely,
1602
01:23:30,222 --> 01:23:33,530
but it's not going
to benefit them
and they're not going to use it
1603
01:23:33,573 --> 01:23:35,923
only for positive stuff
unless we educate.
1604
01:23:35,967 --> 01:23:38,621
The best filter that
your child will develop
1605
01:23:38,665 --> 01:23:40,406
is the one between their ears.
1606
01:23:40,450 --> 01:23:42,713
So having an adult
they can go to
1607
01:23:42,755 --> 01:23:45,585
that they trust is critical.
1608
01:23:45,629 --> 01:23:47,587
And having an adult
that's interested and able
1609
01:23:47,630 --> 01:23:50,895
to have the conversations
with them is critical.
1610
01:23:50,938 --> 01:23:54,898
And they'll say, you know,
"I want to talk to my parents,
1611
01:23:54,942 --> 01:23:58,642
but they just don't get it."
And maybe they don't,
1612
01:23:58,684 --> 01:24:01,862
but they should try
to get it because once
you crack the shell,
1613
01:24:01,906 --> 01:24:05,692
oftentimes these kids
are just dying to share.
1614
01:24:05,736 --> 01:24:09,130
The best thing that
you can do for your child
1615
01:24:09,174 --> 01:24:11,133
is make sure that they feel
comfortable talking to you
1616
01:24:11,175 --> 01:24:13,091
about these types of issues
and, unfortunately,
1617
01:24:13,135 --> 01:24:16,094
most parents are relatively
ignorant about
1618
01:24:16,138 --> 01:24:18,531
the types of things their
children are experiencing online
1619
01:24:18,575 --> 01:24:22,231
and aren't prepared to help them
even if the issues do come up.
1620
01:24:22,273 --> 01:24:25,234
So, you're my child, I love you.
1621
01:24:25,277 --> 01:24:28,585
So if something is...
goes sideways that we missed,
1622
01:24:28,628 --> 01:24:32,327
I want you to know
you have the open door
and we're not going to give you
1623
01:24:32,371 --> 01:24:36,419
any consequences
for coming to us because you're
going to make mistakes.
1624
01:24:36,462 --> 01:24:39,378
I want a kid to kind
of run, so I'll go, "Oh, Mom.
I already know that." "Good.
1625
01:24:39,422 --> 01:24:41,946
Just honey, wanted
to make sure, you know, why?
1626
01:24:41,989 --> 01:24:45,210
Because I love you so much
1627
01:24:47,299 --> 01:24:49,127
that I want you to know
this thing." Right?
1628
01:24:49,171 --> 01:24:51,303
If a kid isn't to the point
where they're just
1629
01:24:51,347 --> 01:24:55,742
a little bit annoyed
by you going there again,
1630
01:24:55,786 --> 01:24:58,267
then you're not doing it enough.
1631
01:25:02,401 --> 01:25:07,580
[Sarah] At some point
they will be taking flight
and will be leaving our home
1632
01:25:07,624 --> 01:25:10,235
in just a few short years
1633
01:25:10,279 --> 01:25:15,022
and I want to know that we gave
them everything that we had.
1634
01:25:16,111 --> 01:25:18,722
[Free]
I mean that's the truth. Even
my husband who is the most...
1635
01:25:18,764 --> 01:25:21,116
he's not a very emotional guy,
1636
01:25:21,159 --> 01:25:23,422
he will call me up in the middle
of the day and be like, "Gosh!
1637
01:25:23,466 --> 01:25:26,860
She's just amazing.
She's an amazing soul."
1638
01:25:26,904 --> 01:25:29,080
[Chris]
And I just so desperately
want those young people
1639
01:25:29,124 --> 01:25:31,430
to have other voices
in their life.
1640
01:25:31,474 --> 01:25:34,564
Adults who will
look at them and say,
"That's not who you are.
1641
01:25:34,607 --> 01:25:37,088
That's not who I see.
This will come and go.
1642
01:25:37,132 --> 01:25:39,656
I see you.
You're going to be okay.
1643
01:25:39,699 --> 01:25:42,528
I love you."
And they just need to hear that.
1644
01:25:42,572 --> 01:25:44,008
We all need to hear that.
1645
01:25:44,050 --> 01:25:47,054
[slow music]
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