All language subtitles for Boston Legal [3x22]

Shirley.

I'm very sorry, but you
won't be making partner.

Jerry Espenson has been suffering
needlessly his entire life.

Now he has chance
to find a measure of peace.

That's justice, Shirley.

To friendship, my colleague.

Right on my balcony?

I don't want you on my balcony�
on�on any balcony�

alone with that man.

Okay.

Good morning.

Hello!

Family good?

How about those Sox?

Knock knock.

Jerry.

Always a surprise.

Shirley.

First, I bear no ill will towards you
for totally screwing me out of partner.

Thank you.

And, uh, no hard feelings here
for you trying to slit my throat.

I'm very embarrassed over that.

Don't beat yourself up.

What, what's on your mind, Jerry?

I want my job back.

I've built myself a nice little practice.
Here's a list of clients.

Many are blue-chip.
�Uh�

having succeeded
in building your own firm,

why would you want to come back?

I miss the camaraderie.

Jerry, you never spoke to anyone.

I've improved in that department.

What, what is it really, Jerry?

Well�

last week, I had a case
against Clarence Bell actually,

a lovely man who works here.

I was rather ugly
in the trial, cutthroat.

I've become more and more aware

that's what you must be sometimes
in order to win cases,

which I can accept.

But you have to be that way far too often
in order to compete in the marketplace,

whether it's poaching clients
or beating up vendors.

It's a very cruel world out there.

I hadn't noticed.

I don't want to be that way.
It's not who I am.

I'll tell you what,
I will think about this.

Any request this outrageous
deserves attention.

But I do have a rule of thumb
when I hire people.

I need to be convinced
they could be happy here.

Oh, I could be.
Shirley, I assure you,

just the thought of getting to come back
here again puts a song in my heart.

I actually walk about
singing it in my head.

You, you sing a song in your head?

Yes.

Could you hum a few bars?

Very good.

No, really. I would like
to hear the song.

Well�

okay.

On what grounds were
you arrested, Mr Kallah?

I was suspected of having ties
to Al Qaeda, which is ridiculous.

I'm assuming you're not
an American citizen.

�I'm British.
�Commie.

My sister is an American citizen
through marriage.

I'm applying for citizenship.
�Are you on a no-fly list?

I have been.
Went to rehab.

They love me now.

Why were you in Afghanistan
in the first place?

I was there on a humanitarian effort,

bringing food, medical supplies
to some impoverished villagers.

I was arrested by
US intelligence officers.

And sent to Guantanamo.

For two years.

Who won the Super bowl?

It'll be on the test.
I'm just trying to help, son.

Mr Kallah, you're
a Harvard-educated man,

presumably well-informed.

If you've so much as bothered
to read the newspapers

�which not everybody does,
I grant you,

it can interfere with leadership skills�

you know suing for abuse at
Guantanamo is next to impossible.

Which is why I've come to you.

Commie.

I was tortured by agents
of the United States.

I should get to sue the United States.

I don't know what tribe
you're from, sport,

but this is America.

Human rights are so yesterday here.
Get with the program.

What?
�Mr. Kallah, you can thank Denny Crane.

He's just persuaded me
to take your case.

Have you lost your mind?

More times than I care
to mention, judge.

And it seems like each time
with a different woman.

Are you free for lunch?

Mr Shore, it would not be wise
to make sexual advances;

I tend to accept them.

Can we turn to the case?

I've completely forgotten
what it's about.

Your honor, perhaps you could
refresh me over lunch.

It's about you suing the government
for Guantanamo abuses,

bringing it in state court, no less,
instead of federal where it belongs.

And the courts have ruled
it doesn't even belong there.

It's barred on jurisdictional grounds.

My father used to say to me,
�never accept no for an answer.�

Of course he'd spank me
if I didn't accept it from him.

Do you spank, your honor?
�I jail.

30 seconds as to why I should
entertain this lawsuit.

Okay.

I realize the jurisdictional barriers
are prohibitive, but, your honor,

we don't let little things like the law
stand in our way in this great country.

The law, for example, recognizes
the Geneva convention,

but we say the hell with it.

The law has very strict regulations
on domestic wiretapping,

we say the hell with it.

The law says if you shoot somebody
with a shotgun mistaking him for a quail,

you really should call the police.
�Mr Shore�

We're cowboys, judge.

We do what we want,
whether it's starting wars,

changing daylight savings time.

We like to play it fast
and loose in this country,

making it up as we go along.

You're not helping yourself.

Your honor, there's a rumor
about you. Several actually.

But the rumor I speak of
is that you give a damn.

That's why I'm here.

If I'm wrong, no hard feelings.
I'm still free for lunch.

I will listen to your client
just to determine

if I'll even accept this case on
jurisdictional grounds.

�You're not serious.
�2 o'clock. Adjourned.

Don't you be taking
your pants off for her.

�You read my mind.
�I'm serious, Alan.

She's famous for telling lawyers
to drop �trou� in her chambers.

And more times than not,
they do it.

I'll only be dropping trou for you.

You are so sweet.

Are you becoming a romantic, Alan?

Well, now that you mention it�

My God.

Did you know yellow roses
were my favorite?

I asked around.

Six.

You know, I just lost six yellow roses.
This is perfect.

I had a dozen in my office.

And six mysteriously disappeared.

And wow.

This is fate, I guess.

You're the best.

She's not good for you, Alan.

�Why not?
�She just isn't.

A woman knows these things.
Trust me.

�Denny, you're not a woman.
�Whatever!

I don't like her.

�You're jealous.
�Not jealous.

�Denny�
�It isn't that.

But it's where you'll be going now
for all of your sleepovers.

Not all. I promise.

Don't like you representing
a commie terrorist.

He's not a terrorist.

Can't you just once be
for this country?

I am for this country.
I love this country.

And can't you just once
love George Bush?

Well, that presents a slightly�
bigger challenge.

But I'll tell you what,
invite him to go fishing with us.

�The president?
�Why not?

I doubt he knows how to fish.

Denny, he's leader
of the free world.

Surely he must be capable
of outsmarting a salmon.

No?

I don't want you sleeping
with that woman.

And I don't want you
attacking my country.

Stop looking at me.
�Denny�

I know you're looking at me.
I asked you to stop.

�Fine.
�Fine.

Okay, I've thought about it
and I still have a few questions.

First�

really, Jerry?

Really.

The best times of my life
were here.

Which part exactly,

being ostracized,
turned down for partner,

the arrest for attempted murder?
I realize it was all good.

Most office places,

everybody's mired in their computers
or blackberries,

on their cell phones
even in the bathrooms.

Most exchanges take place
by e-mail, text message or I.M.

It's become such an impersonal universe.

Here�

everyone is so in each other's faces.

I realize now,
it's quite magical.

Personally, I could do
with a little less magic.

How joyous that you people
actually know one another.

Could it be any more human?

No matter where you look,
one's got mad cow,

you've got the funny one
who salutes and does push-ups,

there's the transvestite
and the girl who loves him,

a dwarf who comes and goes,
and how to begin to explain Alan�

Certainly you can make room
for one lawyer

who keeps his hands on
his thighs and purrs.

And then there's you,

who's actually considering
rehiring a man who�

held a serrated cake knife
to your throat.

Such compassion for forgiveness.

That makes you the most
human of them all.

Okay.

First, that was very good.

Second, it was actually moving.

Let me see if I can
run this up the flagpole�

It is not a yes yet, Jerry.

But maybe I can cause some of
the others here to also lose their mind.

Thank you, Shirl!

�It's Shirley. You can go now.
�Yeah.

My hopes are so high,

I have to do a higher hop
just to see them.

I know the feeling.

I'm sorry, I have no comment.

Denny, do you have any comment?

I have nothing against
Guantanamo by the bay.

I happen to like resorts.

And as for suing the country,
well, I think it's wrong,

but the client paid the money.

But let me say this,

in no other country can you challenge
a government like you can in the US of A.

And that's what freedom's all about,
the right to express unpopular opinions.

Except if you have Arab blood,
then it's straight to Cuba you go.

We're in a war here, guys. Come on.

Denny Crane.

Did anybody tell you
why you were being arrested?

No.

I was grabbed, taken to a cell.

A day later, I was interrogated.

I was able to deduce
from the questions

that I was believed to have connections
to either Al Qaeda or the Taliban.

What evidence did they present
to support this suspicion?

I have never, ever been presented
with any evidence.

Two years later, after being
abused and tortured,

I was released.

There again,
no reason was ever given.

Did you have a lawyer?

We were not allowed to have lawyers.

You told them that you had been living
in the United States on a visa

while attending Harvard university?

They were not impressed.

Mr Kallah, you've stated
that you were tortured.

Can you give us an example?

I was beaten�

repeatedly deprived of sleep�

I was forced to wear a hood
over my head, sometimes for days�

I was sexually humiliated�

How so?

I'd rather not go into it.

And what else?

I was forced to lie
in a fetal position

with my eyes and
my mouth duct taped.

The worst part�

was that we felt it was forever.

We were never gonna be released.
We were never gonna get a trial.

One man, Ali.

A friend.

He was arrested with me.

What happened to your friend, sir?

Finally, he couldn't take it.

He hung himself.

He committed suicide?

The Pentagon called it,
�manipulative, self-injurious behavior,

�an act of asymmetric warfare
engaged against the United States.�

Was your friend a terrorist?

No. He was a doctor.

He tried to kill you.

Not really.

And let's face it,
we did sort of screw him.

No, we denied him partnership,
which is our right.

He pulled a knife.
Not his right.

Look, I know it's nuts,

but there were mitigating circumstances,
his Asperger's being one.

He's become a pretty good litigator,

and we're about to lose Denise
to maternity any day now.

We could use the help.

Let's just do it on a trial basis.

If for no other reason than
to assuage my conscience.

The charitable organization that you
worked for was based out of Pakistan?

�Yes. �You're aware that the organization
has been linked to Al Qaeda?

When you're trying to do aid work
in a Taliban-controlled area,

deals have to be made.
�I said Al Qaeda.

The Taliban and Al Qaeda saw humanitarian
efforts as part of the US offensive.

We saw hungry kids.

We did what was necessary
to feed them.

So would you describe yourself as being
cooperative with the officials that detained you,

or hostile?

I protested my innocence.
If you call that uncooperative�

Thank you.

And, sir, you were initially detained
by Afghani tribesmen, were you not?

They turned you over to US authorities,
alleging that you were Al Qaeda.

Afghani tribesmen were offered
cash rewards to turn people in.

The CIA had posters
promising millions of dollars.

Afghani tribesmen were
surrendering their own mothers.

Well, can you present any evidence

that would prove that you
were not connected to Al Qaeda?

Can I prove a negative?

Are we being asked
to do that now?

You're making a big mistake.

Tell me.

Nobody cares.

Guan-tanamo, Schwan-tanamo.
This is America.

We don't care.

Why is that, Denny?

The United States is torturing people,

denying them any semblance
of due process.

How did we suddenly become a people
who don't care?

9/11.

9/11 just gives us carte blanche
to abolish human rights?

How can that be so?

First, it's so because God said so.

He told Bush.

And second, we don't care 'cause it's
happening in some third world country.

We can't relate.

It's happening in Cuba,

a few hundred miles
off the coast of Florida.

You remember Florida, Denny?

God told them to punch the wrong chad.

Alan, today it's �help the Cubans.�

Tomorrow it's �let's go to Darfur
and help the Darfurians.�

We can't be there for everybody.

That can't make sense,
even to you.

You want to make sense of it all?

Here it is.

We don't care about human rights.
That's the old America.

Now we just don't want
to get blown up.

Simple as that.

Eh, torture a few Cubans
along the way, big deal.

They're not Americans.
It's not happening here. So�

we don't care.

And the judge won't either.

Oh, she's sexy.
I'll give you that.

And nasty, too, I'll bet.

Think she's nasty?

She's nasty.

You asked to see me.

Yes.

Take your pants off.

�I beg your pardon?
�You heard me.

Counselor, do you want me to consider
jurisdiction here or not?

Do you mean to say you'll dismiss my case
if I don't drop my trousers?

No.

But most of the lawyers
are happy to do it, by the way.

I called you in to tell you I'm allowing
the government to put on a witness,

an army colonel.
�To say what?

The other side.

He'll be taking the stand.

You officially have notice.
That's all.

Do most lawyers really
take their pants off for you?

Why not? It's exciting.

For them?

Yes, actually.

The thought of me looking at them,

perhaps getting aroused,
it titillates them.

Imagine for a moment
me looking at you, Mr Shore,

privately getting aroused.

Perhaps I even give myself
away with a look.

Does it not excite you?

Are you not getting a little thrill
just thinking about it right now?

Not so little.

4 p.m. Be on time.

She asked you to drop your pants?

She likes to play mind games.

I think it's a way for her
to gain dominion over lawyers.

�She wants me.
�Really?

Oh, yeah. She's going
through you to get to me.

Alan, oh, she's a chess player.

It so obvious,
I'm three moves ahead of her.

I want her, I'll say that.

She's so nasty.
�I want her.

You're already in a relationship.

It's not fair.
I'm very attracted to older women.

And this woman is particularly�

uh, she's there for me.

All I have to do is go to her
and I can have her, and I can't.

That's why monogamy,
if it's not against mankind,

is certainly against man.

You've already got a judge.
Let me take this one.

No, I don't want you
compromising my case.

Me?

Velvet glove, man.
�Stay away from her, Denny.

And you're in a relationship, too,
by the way, with Bethany.

Well, it's on again, off again.

Today I'll make it off again,
no problem.

Stay away from judge Folger.

Good news is,
Paul Lewiston signed off.

Potentially bad news�

Denny.

Denny?
Denny likes me.

He sometimes pats me on the head
like I'm a labra-doodle.

Denny has some issues, Jerry.

It seems you've become close
with his special friend.

Alan?

Denny doesn't like
to share what's his.

He doesn't even like
to share what's not his.

He sees you as a threat.

�That's ridiculous.
�Bottom line is,

I can't push this through
without Denny's okay.

You and he need to have a sit-down.

You need to convince him that�

you're not out to steal his man.

The public may not like Guantanamo,

they probably don't understand it,
but it's necessary.

Why?

Because it's the only way we can
successfully screen for terrorist threats.

Do innocent people get caught
in the net sometimes?

Sure. It happens.

If so, we release them.

You didn't release Mr Kallah.

Mr Kallah wouldn't cooperate.

Because of that, we couldn't
successfully screen him.

He says you tortured him.

Discomfiture tactics are employed.
They happen to work.

In this day, there's a paramount need
to get information quickly,

before we have another attack like 9/11.

And I might point out that since Gitmo
and the application of the Patriot act,

we have not had another
such attack on American soil.

The American public
should be grateful for that,

instead of waving their arms about,
screaming human rights.

You just don't see
any gray area here, do you?

You know the gray I see, counselor?

Fragments of human brains that
used to belong to our soldiers.

What we do at Guantanamo is designed
to save their lives, too.

Oh, I've been waiting for that.

It's good for the troops.
You win.

Tell me, have you ever seen any brain matter
from a prisoner at Guantanamo?

That is an offensive question.
I will not answer it.

So rounding up suspects
from various nations,

interrogating them at facilities
in other countries or on ships,

then sending them off to a remote
US naval bases

that's been repurposed
as a dumping ground

for people whose civil rights
we'd really rather not consider,

it's necessary and it works.
Excellent.

I suppose the Boston police department
is necessary and effective as well,

as are most other police departments
in this country. Would you agree?

I would.

And if they were to arrest
an innocent man, torture him,

hold him for two years,
they would be sued,

and they'd pay.

Why shouldn't the American government
compensate Mr Kallah?

Because this is different.

We have to be overzealous
to have a chance against the terrorists.

It's a war we already can't afford,

and if we have to start paying out judgments
every time we get it wrong,

that means that more kids don't get
the armor and equipment they need,

more kids die,
more civilians die.

(Snide-ass.)
�Move to strike.

He's never seen my ass.

Her honor would like to, so it's a sensitive�
�Mr Shore.

Under the Geneva convention,
prisoners of war can't be tortured.

Isn't that right, colonel?

They're not considered prisoners.

They're enemy combatants.
The Geneva convention doesn't apply.

They're not prisoners?

�They're more like criminals than soldiers.
�Criminals.

Well, the Constitution gives very
specific rights to criminals.

Am I correct?
Uh, such as, a lawyer, a trial�

He is not a United States citizen.

The Constitution doesn't apply.

Ah, so no Geneva convention,
no constitution. It all works out.

Do they have any rights
we need to bother with?

We are trying to defend
a country against terror.

Oh, yes. For the good of the troops.

�Mr Shore.
�Yes, your honor.

Chambers? Discipline?

You think you're funny?

It's just all this talk
of corporal punishment excites me.

Does it not you?

What you reading?

Do you know what Cheney said
about the Guantanamo prisoners?

He said, �they're living in the tropics,
so they're all well fed.

�They've got everything
they could possibly want.�

Has she asked you to
drop your pants yet?

What?

Judge Folger.

Has she asked you yet?

Are you attracted to her?

No.

If I were attracted to her
or any other woman,

would that be a problem?

Of course you're gonna be
attracted to other women.

And you can lust after
whomever you want,

as long as you channel it toward me.

Actually, I do find judge Folger
somewhat attractive�

for, you know, an older woman.

Fine. Glad to hear it.

You just said you wouldn't care.

I don't.

Fine.

�I would never act on it, of course.
�Good for you.

Gloria.

Don't touch me.

You get punished for being honest.

Of course you do.

The key to any good relationship is lying.

You tell her she's the only one
you find attractive,

the only girl you want to sleep with,

the only one you really
want to spend time with,

all kinds of garbage
they can't possibly believe.

Women count on us to lie to them.

How else can they convince themselves
that they still look young

if we don't help?

Hello, Alan, Mr Crane.

Jerry, what brings you?

I've reapplied for my old job.
I want to come back.

What? Why?

I miss it here.

Mr Crane, I was wondering
if we could speak.

Call me Denny. No.

It would just take a minute.

Shirley Schmidt has conditioned
my re-entry on your opinion.

I'll give it to you now. No.

Denny.

He's too weird.

You see?

We're off to court right now, Jerry.

Denny will see you at 11:30.

Thank you!

�You disrespected me.
�You can see the man for five minutes.

That isn't the point.

You overruled me in his presence.

It's as if your friendship
with him means more than�

Here we go.
Denny, for God's sake.

Nobody knows how to fight this war.

It's like no other
we've ever encountered.

The one thing that we do know,

is that we have to be extremely
proactive with our intelligence.

It's the only way that we can prevent
another attack such as 9/11.

That's why Guantanamo exists.

And it works.

We've learned how Bin Laden
has evaded capture.

Now we didn't get this stuff
by saying �pretty please.�

Torture sometimes has to be used when you're
talking about saving the lives of the masses,

both civilians at home
and soldiers abroad.

Now do innocent people
sometimes get captured? Yes.

Mr Kallah was evidently one.

It was difficult to determine that initially
because he refused to cooperate,

but once it was so determined,
he was let go.

The question here is
whether the government

should be forced to stand trial
every time it makes a mistake.

As colonel Hagarty stated,

that would burden the war effort
beyond measure,

not just financially,
but militarily.

The discovery process alone would unearth
information that would aid the enemy.

Come on, a little common sense here.

We're in a war, for God sake.

Your honor, I believe a lawyer
should put his country before his client,

and for that reason, I'm gonna take
the unusual step of asking you to
dismiss my client's lawsuit.

�Objection. It's a trick.
�It's not a trick.

Even though you argue,
and I would agree,

that nobody knows
how to fight this war,

we should nevertheless
defer to the executive branch,

who have indeed demonstrated
a particular expertise.

I, for one, just can't wait to see
what they do next.

Mr Shore, I told you I would not allow
this case to become a political football.

And I give you my word, your honor,
not a single toss of the pigskin.

And by the way,

if one were to condemn Guantanamo,
which I would never,

it certainly wouldn't be an indictment
of just the administration,

but of the entire congress,
Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama included.

Congress' silence can only be attributed
to consent, acquiescence or disinterest,

take your pick.

But it's at least safe to say
they don't much care.

I should mention Joe Biden,

because he wants people
to know he's running, too.

Tell me why you care.

I don't.

I say dismiss.

My client cares,
but come on, he's a whiner.

So he got beat up a little,
duct taped, sexually violated.

He never should've been over there
offering humanitarian aid in the first place.

And then what? He expects to
be heard, get a trial, a lawyer?

He wants the government
to show evidence.

We're in a war!

We need to make sacrifices!

We should start with the little things,
like human rights.

I agree that the executive branch
has a particular expertise.

In fact, I think they've been brilliant.

Calling the prisoners enemy combatants
instead of prisoners,

so we can end-run the Geneva convention
and torture them. Brilliant!

Basing the camp in Cuba

so the Constitution won't really
get in our way. Brilliant.

And under the Pentagon's new draft
guidelines �this is my favorite,

I'm sure it'll be yours�

we'll have little tribunals in Guantanamo

that'll allow suspects to be
jailed for life or even executed

on evidence that would never
be admissible in civilian or military court.

Imagine being able to execute somebody

on triple hearsay or on a totally
coerced confession.

Brilliant.

I object. If counsel doesn't want
to take this seriously�

Why should I?

Who does, the American public?
The media?,

who might give it mention

if only there weren't so many starving
actresses with drug problems to focus on.

Congress? Why should any of us
take it seriously?

We're torturing people.
We're holding them indefinitely.

Many with no evidence,
giving them no trials, no lawyers,

it's laughable.

And then when they finally
kill themselves,

we call it, �manipulative,
self-injurious behavior,

�an act of asymmetric warfare
waged against us.�

It's all very funny, very funny.

Maybe the only reason we aren't
having a really good laugh

is 'cause the little Gitmo tricks
have started popping up close to home.

The recent revelations of
FBI abuses of the Patriot act,

all those bogus subpoenas and manufactured
evidence against American citizens,

maybe it's just ruined
some of the fun of Gitmo.

Oh, well. We're in a war.

We all need to lighten up a little.

What are your intentions towards Alan?

Denny, my friendship with Alan

could not now or ever
be a threat to yours.

Not to mention, I'm not going to do
anything to alienate you.

You're senior patient. Partner!

Look, Shirley won't hire me
unless you okay it.

You still got the doll?

Patty?

I want to spend some time with her.

Forget it!

I won't do anything untoward.

Dinner, maybe a movie.

I give you my word,
I will not touch her.

No offense, but your word�

I'll give you something of mine
that I hold dear.

Please.

Jerry, my new friend.

One night.

Welcome back to the team, son.

Are you serious?

The truth is, I've missed you.

Thank you!

Give me one of them
little hops on your way out.

Thank you! Thank you!

They say when people get scared,

the first thing they'll give up
is their civil liberties.

That's why, after 9/11,

we were only too happy
to get frisked at airports.

Some of us enjoyed it more than others.

But when it gets to a point

where people are captured,
then tortured,

not because there is evidence,
but rather just to see if there's evidence,

when they are jailed in perpetuity,
afforded no trial,

my God, the court
has a duty to step in.

The government's motion
to dismiss is denied.

Oh, my.

Thank you, Mr Shore.

Thank you, Benyam.

I wouldn't expect a jury
to give you much.

I'd recommend settling.

Not to mention, this will
probably be appealed.

Yes. Thank you so much.

Uh, where's Mr Crane?

Oh, dear.

Why are you here?

I just wanted to salute your ruling.

Very ballsy.

Thank you.

You can go.

�Anything else?
�No.

�Nothing else at all?
�Nope.

�'Cause if there is�
�Mr Crane�

please leave my chambers.

Yes.

Thank you.

I forgot my briefcase.

I just�

wanted to congratulate you again
on the ruling.

Ballsy.

Thank you.

So Hands Espenson is officially back?

I did a little checking.

He's become an excellent litigator
and a solid citizen.

We hope.

Shirley, Paul, have a nice evening.

Glor�

Alan.

I'm new at this, uh,
relationship game.

Not so much new, I guess, as, uh�

Rusty.

Just so I'm clear,
if I'm ever even�

slightly attracted to another woman,
I should just lie about that?

Through your teeth.

Really? Why would you tolerate
dishonesty from your partner?

I wouldn't.

If I ever catch you
lying to me, it's over.

�But you just�
�No.

It's very simple, Alan.

When you tell me that you're not
attracted to anybody else but me,

it needs to be the truth.

I forgot how much
they can befuddle you.

Alan, would you listen to me
when it comes to women?

Can you do that, please?
�Why should I trust you?

You're jealous of her.
You'd be glad if it ended.

I'm not jealous of her anymore.

�You're jealous of Jerry.
�Well�

women I can compete against.
Other men�

Let's face it.

You go for the soft, sensitive type.

It's why I fell for you.

Why are relationships with women
so much more complicated?

Oh, women. Come on, Alan.

Women have this hormone thing.

Much as I love them,
they're unstable,

which is why they can
never be president.

You don't think a woman
should ever be president?

Oh, come on. Do you?

In a time of war?

How would a woman handle a 9/11?
She'd cry.

You think Hillary Clinton
would have cried?

Well, uh, maybe not Hillary.

But she has a few chromosome issues.
Let's face it.

What are you talking about?

Alan, don't you ever look at her at times
and think, that's a guy?

No. I find her sexy in a praying-mantis-
in-a-knee-length-skirt kind of way.

You ever mentally undress her?

I was talking about
my relationship issues.

How did we get to mentally
undressing Hillary Clinton?

And so quickly, I might add.

Because it's all related!

I'm gonna tell you something right here and
now about women and a relationship.

We would never be in Guantanamo

if it weren't for Hillary Clinton.

I know the reason's obvious,
but give it to me just the same.

Bill Clinton would never
have lied in the deposition.

He wouldn't have risked impeachment.

So what if a sexual indiscretion
came to light?

The public would have forgiven him,
but Hillary�

The reason he lied is because he was
afraid Hillary would find out.

That's why he was impeached,
that's why Al Gore didn't win.

And after all that
impeachment scandal crap,

the public would've elected any fool,

other than a Democrat.

Cut to�
�George W.

All because of a woman scorned.

And they're unstable.
�All women?

�Every single one of them.
�All shapes and sizes?

Oh, the fat, the thin,
the big and the s�

Oh, for God's sakes.

All right, don't tell me.

�Denny, I never want to see you again.�

The little ones are the most unstable.
Women.

Can't live with them.

Can't take them quail hunting.
Alan, you're best off with me.

I'm rock steady.
�Yes, you are.

�Uncomplicated.
�Couldn't be simpler.

Denny Crane.

Denny Crane.

Subtitles by Brit01 & Dreamimage
http://club.nate.com/tsm